Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S03E100 - 100th EPISODE!

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's fun.

00:00:40.000 The boys, the boys, the boys.

00:00:51.000 That is Negro Terror, I believe they're called. 1.00

00:00:56.000 Band out of Memphis doing a racist screwdriver cover.

00:01:00.000 Screwdriver were originally a punk band, then they became the seminal Nazi skinhead band.

00:01:07.000 And they had a song called The Voice of Britain.

00:01:12.000 You know, you better believe it.

00:01:14.000 And they covered the song, but they changed the lyrics to The Voice of Memphis and did a great job.

00:01:21.000 A beautiful homage to their enemies.

00:01:24.000 Lots of people covered Screwdriver. 0.92

00:01:26.000 There was a band called Jew Driver who did a song called Boots and Bagels, an album of songs that was all Screwdriver covers.

00:01:35.000 But that guy, the singer, is an Iraq war veteran, Afghanistan.

00:01:38.000 I forget, some Middle Eastern war vet.

00:01:41.000 He did two tours, but he also did too many donuts.

00:01:45.000 And he's deed, which is sad.

00:02:17.000 So that's fun.

00:02:19.000 We've got a special show for you today.

00:02:21.000 This is our hundredth episode.

00:02:36.000 So we're going to go through all our video drops and show you where they come from.

00:02:43.000 Okay?

00:02:45.000 If that's okay with you.

00:02:47.000 But before we have to cover a couple things that won't be newsworthy tomorrow, and that is the fucking Jake Paul fight.

00:02:58.000 I have never seen lower quality entertainment in my life.

00:03:03.000 I thought I was living in Poland.

00:03:06.000 It is the cheapest garbage shit I've ever seen.

00:03:11.000 It's clearly run by a bunch of fucking cokehead rich dork losers hiring their friends. 1.00

00:03:20.000 If you have a stupid idea, like Jake Paul wants to fight Connor McGregor, but he'll fight this guy because Connor won't fight him.

00:03:26.000 And you're going to have Justin Bieber there and Snoop Dogg and Oscar De La Jolla and charge 50 bucks.

00:03:32.000 I think he got 1.9 million, no, 1.3 million subs, people paying for it.

00:03:38.000 I paid for it.

00:03:40.000 And that's what, over 50 million bucks, right?

00:03:45.000 Probably like $70 million.

00:03:48.000 There's no way anyone is watching any of these ever again.

00:03:52.000 Here's just, like, I could show you the whole thing.

00:03:54.000 It went on and on and on for four hours.

00:03:57.000 If you're going to do something like that, right?

00:03:59.000 Like I was just saying, you hire some grizzled old, bald, white-haired, fuggin producer who did Ellen DeGeneres and the Jerry Lewis telephon, and he's in charge.

00:04:08.000 And he gets the lighting right, the audio right.

00:04:10.000 Sometimes people didn't have mics.

00:04:13.000 And you'd just be hearing, well, then they're going to be there on Friday.

00:04:16.000 All right, well, thanks for coming by, man.

00:04:19.000 Lighting was brutal.

00:04:21.000 And the lip-syncing was terrible.

00:04:22.000 So Justin Bieber comes on.

00:04:24.000 Some chick named Saweeti comes on.

00:04:26.000 Dojo Cat was there.

00:04:28.000 They did a montage of all their hits lip-synced with cameras that were blurry.

00:04:35.000 You couldn't see them on stage.

00:04:38.000 And the lighting was terrible too.

00:04:39.000 And so we were scrolling up to the MMA fight, which I also paid for.

00:04:44.000 And it was just like, forget fighting.

00:04:47.000 The quality of Dana White's fucking network, whatever you want to call it, his industry, his fucking division.

00:05:00.000 Look how shitty this looks.

00:05:02.000 It looks like a 1980s YouTube video.

00:05:06.000 And look at the lighting.

00:05:09.000 You can't see the dancers.

00:05:10.000 You can't see what they look like.

00:05:11.000 It's all blown out.

00:05:12.000 This is what it looked like at home.

00:05:15.000 It looked pixelated.

00:05:18.000 Wait, that looks like Saweeti and Dojo Cat are on stage at the same time.

00:05:26.000 And people who watch fights want to see this?

00:05:28.000 They want to see Justin Bieber.

00:05:38.000 Imagine you were there to watch a fight.

00:05:41.000 But believe it or not, the fighting was way worse than this.

00:05:45.000 It went fighting, musical entertainment, and then interviews.

00:05:50.000 Oscar De La Jolla was so drunk, he was blackout, and he kept saying, USSA!

00:05:55.000 USSA! 0.98

00:05:56.000 I don't know what that means.

00:05:58.000 And then Snoop Dogg was wasted too.

00:06:00.000 And he's like, one of the guys says he's leaving him open with the left hook.

00:06:05.000 He goes, yeah, he's open like 7-Eleven, man.

00:06:07.000 Open like 7-Eleven.

00:06:09.000 Look at him.

00:06:13.000 And I will go down till the end.

00:06:15.000 All right, let's look at our tail of...

00:06:17.000 What's it just out?

00:06:18.000 I will go down till the end.

00:06:20.000 So you'll get knocked out.

00:06:21.000 And guess what?

00:06:21.000 Now it's my turn.

00:06:23.000 Tiny Reed.

00:06:23.000 USSR, baby.

00:06:24.000 USSR.

00:06:26.000 USSR.

00:06:27.000 Oh, Snoop Dogg, I love you.

00:06:30.000 So he said USSR, I guess, but he also was saying USSA.

00:06:33.000 But neither of those guys are Russian.

00:06:35.000 I love that.

00:06:36.000 That's like a retired boxer.

00:06:38.000 This is one of the only actual boxers there.

00:06:40.000 There was some fitness instructor fighting some Colombian DJ.

00:06:45.000 And it was funny.

00:06:47.000 I laughed, but it was funny like Steve-Owen Butterbean.

00:06:50.000 Like it was jackass.

00:06:52.000 This is the lowest point boxing has ever been.

00:06:54.000 I don't think it can recover from this.

00:07:06.000 Imagine.

00:07:07.000 Imagine.

00:07:07.000 That sucks.

00:07:09.000 That's the thing.

00:07:10.000 You couldn't understand what anyone was talking about.

00:07:12.000 Because they were so high.

00:07:13.000 I think they were smoking that crazy Snoop dog weed.

00:07:19.000 Okay, what were you going to show there?

00:07:20.000 So Pete Davidson, some guy I'm supposed to recognize, they go backstage to talk to Jake Paul, and it's physically painful.

00:07:29.000 I want to just talk to him.

00:07:30.000 Conor McGregor's coach, his striking coach, has really bad COVID right now.

00:07:35.000 And he's in pain, and he goes, this is way more painful.

00:07:39.000 I'd rather just have COVID again.

00:07:45.000 Look at their jackets.

00:07:46.000 There's pads in them.

00:07:48.000 What is that about?

00:07:51.000 Kevlar?

00:07:51.000 I don't recognize.

00:07:53.000 Look at these ants.

00:07:54.000 Why do we have to say hello to everyone?

00:07:57.000 Thank you, man.

00:07:58.000 Turn it up.

00:07:58.000 It's painful.

00:08:02.000 I'm good.

00:08:03.000 I'm just like, calm.

00:08:05.000 Calm.

00:08:05.000 Ready to explode.

00:08:07.000 Get a nuclear atom.

00:08:09.000 It's a nuclear atom.

00:08:11.000 You remind me of like when Charlie Sheen, when he went on his winning tirade.

00:08:15.000 Everybody was just like, go off, dude.

00:08:17.000 Go off.

00:08:18.000 Yeah.

00:08:21.000 What I was going to ask you about.

00:08:22.000 I was like, so how are you feeling?

00:08:24.000 So they bleeped it out.

00:08:25.000 He's asking what the sexual assault allegations?

00:08:28.000 Which you can check on sexual.tv.

00:08:30.000 Atheism is unstoppable.

00:08:32.000 Did a big thing on it about her allegations that Jake Paul face fucked her?

00:08:38.000 Bop, baker, face, pop, pop, pop, her face. 1.00

00:08:41.000 Okay.

00:08:43.000 You good?

00:08:43.000 Like, good, I'm good, bro.

00:08:44.000 I'm good.

00:08:45.000 What's popping with that?

00:08:46.000 Nothing.

00:08:47.000 Unmitigated lagging.

00:08:48.000 Worst we've ever had.

00:08:50.000 All right.

00:08:50.000 I feel like if I was a boxer, the last thing I'd want is this right before I fought.

00:08:54.000 Yeah.

00:08:55.000 What's with this cool stance?

00:08:57.000 Are you cool?

00:08:58.000 Well, that's a weird stance.

00:09:00.000 Are you a cool guy?

00:09:03.000 Ugh.

00:09:07.000 So the actual, what do you call it, basket, purse?

00:09:11.000 Wasn't that big.

00:09:12.000 Like, Jake Paul was something like $875K.

00:09:15.000 Ben Askrim was half a million, but they must have bet illegally on this because the knockout was terrible.

00:09:23.000 And then you see Ben.

00:09:24.000 I've been knocked out before.

00:09:25.000 You're fucked up for 45 minutes. 0.90

00:09:27.000 You don't smile and get hugs from your wife.

00:09:29.000 And there was weird tells in there.

00:09:31.000 Like Ben Askram, when he was walking back from the knockout, he's like this and his wife's hugging him.

00:09:37.000 I thought you just got killed.

00:09:44.000 Look at this knockout. 1.00

00:09:46.000 Oh, boom.

00:09:47.000 I'm done.

00:09:49.000 Whoa, I got knocked out.

00:09:52.000 And then they stopped the fight after that.

00:09:55.000 Because he was wobbly.

00:09:56.000 In the first round, Jesus.

00:10:00.000 No one recognizes that ref.

00:10:02.000 Jake Paul obviously said, I need to knock him out in the first round.

00:10:05.000 He probably had someone bet $10 million on it or something.

00:10:09.000 That's where the real money is.

00:10:11.000 But obviously no one wants to watch this.

00:10:13.000 You ruined the sport.

00:10:15.000 You stupid amateurs.

00:10:17.000 You wrecked everything.

00:10:19.000 I feel like Charlton Hesson at the end of Plan of the Apes, you did it, didn't you?

00:10:23.000 You ruined everything.

00:10:27.000 Damn you.

00:10:30.000 What is this?

00:10:32.000 He's just been saying, get me hard enough where I can pretend I got knocked out.

00:10:36.000 And then I rewatched the knockout Jake Paul had with that stupid basketball player.

00:10:42.000 If you get knocked out, you go like this.

00:10:46.000 Your arms don't go down.

00:10:51.000 Trying to give Ryan COVID by filling the room with particles.

00:10:55.000 Come on.

00:10:57.000 I survived it.

00:10:59.000 Because the black guy, the basketball guy, put his arms down when he fell.

00:11:04.000 And then he proceeded to lay down there for like a minute.

00:11:09.000 So fucking fake.

00:11:11.000 Every fight was fixed.

00:11:14.000 This was criminal.

00:11:15.000 You know, I knew a music manager who, I said, why don't you ever do any rap artists?

00:11:20.000 You're always Mr. Indie Rock.

00:11:21.000 And he goes, oh no, I don't get involved in rap.

00:11:23.000 That's the Wild West over there.

00:11:24.000 There's no contracts.

00:11:26.000 So let's see if they show it again.

00:11:37.000 Show his hands.

00:11:38.000 Show the knockout.

00:11:42.000 See, how fake was that even?

00:11:47.000 You don't lie down like that on your gloves when you're knocked out.

00:11:50.000 Or even almost knocked out.

00:11:53.000 Wow, nothing funny about what's happening with Nate Robinson, but Snoop Dogg is singing the hymns.

00:11:58.000 He's trying to get Night Ree.

00:12:02.000 See, that looks like his hands weren't up.

00:12:06.000 But if you see the very first impact, his hands are down.

00:12:12.000 Actually, that looks pretty flattened.

00:12:13.000 Maybe I was thinking of another knockdown.

00:12:16.000 Anyway, clearly set up, clearly fake.

00:12:19.000 The Iron Chic wrestler dude said, what the fuck am I watching?

00:12:26.000 This is a man who does fake fights for a living.

00:12:29.000 And then this other dude goes, go down a bit?

00:12:32.000 That belt was like something ordered from a Chinese catalog that's only sold in gross units.

00:12:41.000 The belt looked like you could just tear it up.

00:12:42.000 It looked like cardboard.

00:12:46.000 Pete Davidson was saying, I got to call my agent.

00:12:48.000 He was embarrassed.

00:12:49.000 They had a slapping competition that Pete Davidson narrated from a forklift.

00:12:56.000 And the slaps were like this. 0.91

00:12:58.000 Everyone's seen slap fights where the guys hold onto that thing and they knock them so hard they go flying?

00:13:03.000 This was like you and I having a slap fight.

00:13:06.000 You couldn't get real slappers? 1.00

00:13:08.000 How hard is that?

00:13:10.000 Fly him in.

00:13:13.000 Yeah, Pete Davidson said, well, both these guys suck, and The good news is they're going to get hurt.

00:13:17.000 I don't like Pete Davidson.

00:13:18.000 He's shat on Kumia and Coulter.

00:13:21.000 But at least he conceded that this is a shit show and he's embarrassed to be part of it.

00:13:27.000 Oh, there it is.

00:13:28.000 He's saying he's going to call his agent.

00:13:30.000 He's in a forklift right now.

00:13:33.000 What are they doing?

00:13:35.000 Ric Flair narrated it.

00:13:37.000 This is actually an HD rip, too.

00:13:38.000 This is no.

00:13:39.000 It looks like somebody's filming their screen, but this is the feed.

00:13:46.000 Hey, watch how weak this slap is. 0.99

00:13:51.000 Poor Rick Flair.

00:14:03.000 I would be terrified if I were in Sir.

00:14:05.000 He didn't even move.

00:14:09.000 So, did you show 1-3 yet?

00:14:11.000 What about 13C?

00:14:18.000 We already showed that.

00:14:19.000 Anything you show from that night will be embarrassing.

00:14:22.000 What's 1-4?

00:14:24.000 That's the knockout again.

00:14:25.000 Probably Bob Mineri.

00:14:26.000 Yeah.

00:14:28.000 I mean, Plan Simply's out of shape.

00:14:30.000 There it is.

00:14:31.000 Stanigo's knocked the fuck out.

00:14:33.000 Jake Paul has knocked out Ben Asprin.

00:14:36.000 Although he looks like he's getting to his feet here.

00:14:39.000 Wobbling a little bit, but he's ready to go again.

00:14:42.000 And unfortunately, though, the referee has something to say about that, which is pretty fucking fishy.

00:14:47.000 There's a lot of money on this fight, and I don't know something suspect.

00:14:51.000 God Almighty, it's fucking.

00:14:53.000 I don't know.

00:14:55.000 This is all for show.

00:14:57.000 It was depressing.

00:14:58.000 This is all just to say you did a thing.

00:14:59.000 Thank God there was real MMA fights one channel away because those fights were awesome.

00:15:04.000 They were beautiful.

00:15:06.000 It was the audio.

00:15:07.000 There was video.

00:15:08.000 There was lighting.

00:15:09.000 You could see everything.

00:15:10.000 And this was just a pathetic shambles.

00:15:14.000 And it's called the Triller Fight Club.

00:15:16.000 Yeah, he must have a share stakes in it.

00:15:19.000 But I honestly can't see one person signing up for this ever again.

00:15:23.000 And it's not just me.

00:15:24.000 I went through Twitter.

00:15:25.000 Everyone was disgusted.

00:15:26.000 Everyone was outraged.

00:15:28.000 My boxing chat on my phone was like people were saying, I hated every molecule of that.

00:15:33.000 Every moment of that was hell on earth.

00:15:36.000 What is this?

00:15:37.000 So Triller's its own...

00:15:39.000 I haven't heard of it until yesterday.

00:15:40.000 Sorry, to get back to the manager.

00:15:41.000 He said rap is the wild west.

00:15:43.000 He goes, contracts don't matter.

00:15:45.000 They'll kick the shit out of you for publishing.

00:15:47.000 They'll dangle you over a balcony.

00:15:49.000 It's criminals, gangsters laundering money.

00:15:50.000 I don't get involved.

00:15:51.000 There's no rhyme or reason to it.

00:15:53.000 And I think that's what Triller is.

00:15:54.000 It seems like someone just bullied or threatened Jake Paul and said, look, we're going to make a lot of money.

00:16:01.000 You better not fuck up or you're dead.

00:16:03.000 The promo looks awesome.

00:16:06.000 The promo right there just looked real cool.

00:16:08.000 Okay, well, but that has no reflection on the actual thing.

00:16:13.000 You couldn't see, like, I don't like that chick, but I was just annoyed at how unprofessional it was. 1.00

00:16:18.000 Oscar DeLa Joya made a fucking fool of himself.

00:16:22.000 And then I noticed Jake Paul and his brother, I don't know what his name is, Paul Paul.

00:16:27.000 Paul Paul.

00:16:29.000 When they weren't congratulating everyone, I saw those two brothers and they didn't look each other in the eye.

00:16:35.000 I don't have a clip of that, but I was like.

00:16:39.000 Oh, it's Ron Paul.

00:16:40.000 That's his brother.

00:16:41.000 If my brother and I did something that illegal, I could see us being sketched out and not looking at each other.

00:16:48.000 Like, holy fuck, let's just get this day over with and hope we don't get arrested.

00:16:51.000 That's a man who was just knocked out.

00:16:53.000 Poor guy, huh?

00:16:55.000 Geez.

00:16:56.000 It's a wonder he can walk.

00:16:59.000 And look at his wife hugging him.

00:17:01.000 We just made a lot of money.

00:17:03.000 She's not worried about him.

00:17:05.000 Is that a tweet where someone says, I hope he's okay?

00:17:07.000 Yeah.

00:17:08.000 I mean, look at the injuries on Ben.

00:17:09.000 I hope he recovers.

00:17:11.000 True.

00:17:12.000 No one was taking it seriously.

00:17:14.000 What's the next one?

00:17:22.000 Come on, come on, come on. 0.97

00:17:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:26.000 People love circuses.

00:17:27.000 I hope you enjoy the fight.

00:17:28.000 And he goes, oh, can't say I didn't warn you.

00:17:30.000 I wasn't upfront about it.

00:17:32.000 So he's admitting it was all fake.

00:17:34.000 Right there.

00:17:42.000 This is just a cheap at a thing.

00:17:47.000 It was so what's one six?

00:17:50.000 That's him admitting it, right?

00:17:51.000 Yep.

00:17:52.000 And then Snoop bet tons of money on the game, which I'm not sure is legal if you're a commentator on the game.

00:17:57.000 But after Jake Paul won, he had his dumb fucking gin and juice, and he was like, $2 million, motherfucker.

00:18:05.000 $2 million, motherfucker.

00:18:08.000 I mean, I'm not a snob, but can we have a modicum of decency, please?

00:18:15.000 Every molecule of this thing was fucking garbage.

00:18:21.000 Completely fake.

00:18:26.000 What are you doing?

00:18:27.000 Snoop Dogg pulls up on Dana White with Jake Paul to get money after he lost his bet on Ben Askron.

00:18:32.000 Look at the belt.

00:18:44.000 It was a catastrophe.

00:18:47.000 Look at some of the undercards.

00:18:50.000 You gotta see this fight with this guy, Joe Fournier, F-O-U-R-N-I-E-R, and some Colombian DJ named like Rayco or something.

00:19:00.000 And you're just watching a guy, the guy with the pink shorts, Fournier, he's not a boxer, but he boxes and he's a fitness professional, so he has gas in the tank.

00:19:09.000 There he is.

00:19:10.000 And then Raycon, this poor bastard, I don't know why he agreed to get in there.

00:19:14.000 He just kept getting hammered.

00:19:15.000 He was running away.

00:19:17.000 Look, he just took a knee there from a fucking shot to the body.

00:19:26.000 Look, that's a Brievo getting knocked out by Butterbean.

00:19:28.000 Whoa, dude.

00:19:32.000 And you can tell that's real, right?

00:19:34.000 The guy doesn't crumple to the ground and pass out for now.

00:19:37.000 He's like, oh shit, that was bad.

00:19:38.000 Where'd my legs go?

00:19:42.000 It was just embarrassing.

00:19:44.000 I'm embarrassed to have watched it.

00:19:46.000 Wow.

00:19:47.000 That makes you want to watch it so bad.

00:19:48.000 MMA is getting better and better.

00:19:51.000 Sorry, more and more appealing to us boxing fans.

00:19:59.000 Snoop Dogg getting beat up.

00:20:06.000 Oh, that's really good, Snoop Dogg.

00:20:09.000 It said he got beat up.

00:20:10.000 That's clickbait.

00:20:13.000 Yeah, I mean, if you look at, just look at that on Twitter.

00:20:16.000 Triller fight, whatever it's called with a hashtag.

00:20:20.000 And no matter where you dip your toe in, it'll be covered in shit.

00:20:25.000 No matter what, I mean, what do you, everything you've seen so far is just shockingly bad.

00:20:31.000 First thing is Beetlejuice.

00:20:33.000 Beetlejuice would be totally at home that night.

00:20:36.000 Then there was some guy with a cardboard sign.

00:20:39.000 No caption needed.

00:20:45.000 Oh yeah.

00:20:46.000 That girl Charlie who does the TikTok videos.

00:20:49.000 Oh yeah.

00:20:49.000 She showed up and was presenting belts.

00:20:52.000 Like it was just a pile of shit.

00:20:56.000 Dude, my friends who pulled together a music festival did a better job.

00:20:59.000 Actually, this weekend we went to a secret comedy show and it was better than this.

00:21:03.000 Very well organized.

00:21:04.000 Kevin Brennan was there, Pat Dixon.

00:21:08.000 Played some music afterwards.

00:21:12.000 Yeah, and the songs went on forever.

00:21:17.000 We would go to the MMA thing and watch an entire fight and come back and it was still like, yo, what you gonna do with this booty girl? 0.99

00:21:23.000 I got the hottest fucking.

00:21:26.000 It's a great song.

00:21:27.000 Oh, yeah, he got carried out on a stretcher.

00:21:30.000 That was also ridiculous.

00:21:32.000 Pete Davidson just bored.

00:21:35.000 What a complete train wreck.

00:21:39.000 It just, anyway, you get the idea.

00:21:41.000 This is a unifying.

00:21:42.000 Oh, no one liked it.

00:21:44.000 This is unity right here.

00:21:45.000 Yeah, not one person said that was a really cool fight.

00:21:49.000 That iCarly thing is obviously a joke, but it's not an obvious joke.

00:21:58.000 Wow.

00:22:00.000 That was some Ukrainian dude getting beat up with the blue hair.

00:22:03.000 He's the one who got taken out in a stretcher, I believe.

00:22:05.000 And he was so obviously taking a fall.

00:22:10.000 Every boxer, I'm sure, was told for this thing what round they have to go down in and who has to go down.

00:22:17.000 Wow.

00:22:20.000 Today's New York Post, my hands are tied.

00:22:23.000 Judge can't prosecute someone for a crime because there's no fucking bail in New York.

00:22:30.000 So he's saying, I can't do my job.

00:22:32.000 Chauvin trials happening right now.

00:22:35.000 We'll find out if Minneapolis burns to the ground soon.

00:22:37.000 Either an innocent man goes to jail or Minneapolis burns.

00:22:41.000 Maxine Waters was telling people to riot, saying we need to stay on the streets.

00:22:46.000 All the inciting violence that the right gets blamed for, she's responsible. 0.98

00:22:49.000 She does it all.

00:22:51.000 She says, when you need to make them uncomfortable at the gas station, she's ramped that up now to saying we need to riot.

00:22:58.000 We need to burn the motherfucker down. 0.79

00:23:00.000 Stay in the street.

00:23:03.000 She talks like a Black Panther. 1.00

00:23:05.000 By any means necessary.

00:23:09.000 Yeah, play.

00:23:26.000 And I'm going to stand not only with you, but continue to fight in every way that I can for justice.

00:23:33.000 For justice.

00:23:34.000 What's your opinion of the police reform efforts that are being discussed right here?

00:23:38.000 And do you think that any of them have any hope of being enacted through maybe this Congress?

00:23:46.000 Talk about police reform for so long.

00:23:49.000 All right, shut up. 0.97

00:23:50.000 I'm bored of politics.

00:23:51.000 They should stay in the streets.

00:23:52.000 Yada yada yada.

00:23:53.000 Okay, let's have some fun.

00:23:54.000 100th episode.

00:23:55.000 We're going to go through our video drops and see what makes us tick.

00:24:08.000 This has been a common request from the viewers, from the subscribers.

00:24:13.000 They want to see where our video drops come from.

00:24:16.000 We're happy to do it.

00:24:18.000 I have a deep-seated love for every clip we have.

00:24:22.000 It's never just a random clip where it's from a movie we didn't like or something.

00:24:26.000 These are all blips from paradise.

00:24:29.000 That will be the name of this segment, blips from paradise.

00:24:33.000 My allergies are pretty bad, so you'll have to bear with the sniffs.

00:24:36.000 Let's see what we got here.

00:24:37.000 Now, you gave me a list, Ryan.

00:24:38.000 I don't care about the list.

00:24:40.000 I'll just, won't we just go from top to...

00:24:42.000 What is this list?

00:24:44.000 It's just all of them in order here.

00:24:47.000 40 or 45, I guess.

00:24:49.000 Okay, so we'll just...

00:24:50.000 You don't have to, I don't need to follow the list.

00:24:52.000 You just play them for me and I'll explain.

00:24:53.000 Gotcha.

00:24:54.000 So this is an amazing show when my top five shows, Sketch Show.

00:25:02.000 And Harry and Paul, Paul Whitehouse and Harry Enfeld.

00:25:07.000 They're both great impressionists and humorous guys.

00:25:11.000 A lot of their shows, they'll be doing a parody of old-timey stuff, like black and white, 1940s stuff.

00:25:17.000 I don't find that amusing.

00:25:20.000 I don't like old-timey stuff.

00:25:21.000 I'm a Western chauvinist, and I like the West the best, but I also like modern time the best.

00:25:28.000 I don't care about the 40s and the 50s.

00:25:31.000 So when you see their old-timey stuff, just skip it.

00:25:33.000 But this is a beautiful parody of old people, old wealthy aristocrats in Britain. 0.69

00:25:41.000 I guess it's racist to make fun of old white people.

00:25:44.000 John Cleese recently apologized on behalf of Monty Python for making fun of old white people after Hank Khazaria apologized for all the years of a poo. 0.98

00:25:55.000 Isn't that fucking insane?

00:25:57.000 I am so sorry.

00:25:58.000 That would be funny if he did it in an Indian accent.

00:26:00.000 I got to say, buddy, me doing that voice all that time was really stupid and dumb and a terrible thing I did.

00:26:07.000 Oh, fucking shit.

00:26:10.000 Anyway, white people can take a joke.

00:26:12.000 So this is.

00:26:14.000 And this is the thing I love about this.

00:26:16.000 This is actually how I was introduced to Harry and Paul.

00:26:18.000 Because a cameraman at my ad agency, Rooster, would go, and he wasn't a particularly funny dude, Rob.

00:26:24.000 He would go, yeah, 40, 40, 45, 45 years, 40.

00:26:28.000 It's not really funny per se.

00:26:31.000 And I don't know any old British aristocrats, so I don't know if they do this.

00:26:38.000 But for some reason, it's just the most pleasant thing in the world.

00:26:44.000 Am I intruding, Charles?

00:26:46.000 Not at all, Sheridan.

00:26:48.000 Shirley told me you'd be popping by.

00:26:50.000 Is it time for a brandy?

00:26:52.000 29 minutes past six, Charles.

00:26:55.000 I have a stopwatch.

00:26:57.000 Yes, of course.

00:26:58.000 Goodness me, no.

00:26:59.000 Please.

00:26:59.000 Thank you.

00:27:01.000 You have to wind them every day.

00:27:09.000 Bunny Armstrong Miller's dead.

00:27:10.000 He popped his clogs.

00:27:14.000 I could do with a brandy.

00:27:16.000 Is it that time?

00:27:17.000 6:30.

00:27:21.000 It was very quick, but poor Joyce is in a terrible street.

00:27:25.000 I looked up bloopers for these guys because they must have cracked each other up, especially with all the prosthetics.

00:27:32.000 But nope.

00:27:33.000 Professionals.

00:27:34.000 Consummate professional funny men.

00:27:36.000 Oldest bunny.

00:27:38.000 He was only 85.

00:27:39.000 Still young.

00:27:41.000 Oh, poor Joyce. 1.00

00:27:42.000 You'll be at a total loss.

00:27:43.000 I mean, after all, they've been married for what?

00:27:45.000 40 or 45 years?

00:27:46.000 40 or 45 years.

00:27:48.000 40 years, 45 years.

00:27:50.000 40, 45 years.

00:27:53.000 40, 45 years, 40, 45 years.

00:27:55.000 How long have you in Caroline been married?

00:27:57.000 40 years, 45 years?

00:27:58.000 Oh, 48, 45, 40.

00:28:04.000 I have no idea why this is so funny.

00:28:07.000 It's ridiculous.

00:28:09.000 It's not indicative of a pattern.

00:28:11.000 It's not something I've noticed yet.

00:28:14.000 I always say it, too.

00:28:16.000 When I'm at home or anything as remotely 40 or 45.

00:28:20.000 Did he have a condition?

00:28:21.000 Oh, no, no, no.

00:28:21.000 He was fit as a butcher's dog.

00:28:23.000 I mean, he whopped me at tennis last week, 6-2-6-Love.

00:28:26.000 He wasn't still playing club tennis at his age, surely.

00:28:29.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:28:32.000 No, he only played three times a week, and he only raced Austin Healy's for the last three or four years, and he never went out with cows for more than a fortnight at a stretch.

00:28:41.000 For more than a fortnight at a stretch.

00:28:43.000 Okay, so that's that one.

00:28:45.000 Highly recommend you go on a YouTube Harry and Paul Bender.

00:28:47.000 Just avoid the old-timey stuff.

00:28:51.000 Also, Harry and Paul have other shows.

00:28:54.000 Paul Whitehouse had a great show called The Fast Show, which I highly recommend, which was all quick sketches.

00:29:00.000 And they had another show before Harry and Paul.

00:29:03.000 All right, this is a classic.

00:29:05.000 This is a meeting.

00:29:06.000 You come across as a bitch. 1.00

00:29:08.000 Oh, wait.

00:29:09.000 What are you showing here?

00:29:10.000 You come across as a bitch. 1.00

00:29:12.000 So this one we didn't have context for.

00:29:15.000 So we skip along now to.

00:29:17.000 Oh, so we don't know the origins of You Come Across as a Bitch. 1.00

00:29:20.000 We thought it was 60 Days In, but I didn't see anything.

00:29:23.000 I don't know where you got that from.

00:29:24.000 That's not from me.

00:29:25.000 No, I think that's from a viewer.

00:29:26.000 Oh, someone sent that in.

00:29:28.000 So we don't know the origins of that.

00:29:29.000 Now, this next one is the Seattle.

00:29:33.000 Is it Seattle or Portland?

00:29:35.000 I think it's Seattle.

00:29:36.000 And it's a meeting.

00:29:37.000 Olympia, Washington.

00:29:38.000 Olympia, Washington.

00:29:39.000 Same shit.

00:29:41.000 Where these people are complaining about how horrible it is to be in Olympia.

00:29:47.000 And the gimp in the chair is furious that there's another city in America that has slightly better wheelchair access than Olympia. 0.65

00:29:58.000 He is beyond angry because he found, I don't know, someplace that has an upstairs that he can't get to.

00:30:04.000 Sorry.

00:30:06.000 By the way, you're paralyzed.

00:30:08.000 It's going to be inconvenient.

00:30:10.000 You should sort of brace yourself for that.

00:30:13.000 Like those hotels, motels, they all have this weird chair that lowers down to go in the pool.

00:30:19.000 I bet it was mandatory coast to coast.

00:30:21.000 I bet it's $10,000 to install.

00:30:24.000 I bet the lobby for the chair pushed for this stupid law, but I don't understand it.

00:30:30.000 Like if you're a total gimp who can't get in a pool, aren't you with a minder? 0.97

00:30:36.000 Right?

00:30:36.000 You're not just scooting along, getting in your car, getting out of your car.

00:30:39.000 So you're with someone who's carrying you to the toilet and stuff.

00:30:42.000 And if you are that guy, can't they put you in the pool?

00:30:45.000 You can't be left alone in the pool.

00:30:46.000 You're paralyzed.

00:30:48.000 So why is there that chair?

00:30:51.000 I think I'm beyond angry.

00:30:53.000 I think these people have it too good.

00:30:56.000 If you're in a wheelchair, you should be inconvenienced. 1.00

00:30:59.000 That's why people don't want to be paralyzed.

00:31:02.000 Place that you block off half of, therefore making it impossible for me to get around in the sea.

00:31:12.000 In the sea?

00:31:13.000 In the sea?

00:31:16.000 Get a boat.

00:31:17.000 Get a sea.

00:31:18.000 I don't scare you.

00:31:20.000 I'm furious.

00:31:22.000 You know what?

00:31:22.000 He talks exactly like you guys are stoned and he's trying to finish a story, but everyone's dying laughing and he can't get out.

00:31:29.000 He's like, Progressivism.

00:31:38.000 The symbols.

00:31:39.000 Even though we all know progressivism is proto-fascist anyway.

00:31:46.000 Proto-fascist.

00:31:47.000 Progressivism.

00:31:48.000 See, it's nothing's ever good enough for these fucking loony lefties.

00:31:52.000 I would say do better.

00:31:55.000 But I know y'all are just...

00:31:58.000 You're doing your job.

00:32:01.000 And your job is to oppress my family.

00:32:09.000 I hope when you go home at night.

00:32:12.000 It's a very self-obsessed way to see the world.

00:32:15.000 To your middle-past lives where you have to.

00:32:19.000 Where you have to worry about nothing.

00:32:25.000 That you think of me.

00:32:27.000 And that it hurts you terribly.

00:32:32.000 Me, me, me.

00:32:34.000 Because that is all I can hope for.

00:32:36.000 Since I have hope.

00:32:38.000 Don't have hope for much else.

00:32:42.000 Okay, you done?

00:32:44.000 I give up the rest of my talk.

00:32:46.000 He's done you?

00:32:47.000 He's done you.

00:32:48.000 In other words, you don't have anything else to say.

00:32:50.000 You never did have anything to say.

00:32:52.000 Hi, I'm paralyzed, and I talk weird.

00:32:54.000 I'm going to sound like we're both stoned, and you're laughing your head off.

00:32:59.000 I would appreciate a lot more wheelchair access.

00:33:00.000 Here's a list of theaters and doctor's offices and supermarkets that I can't get my chair into.

00:33:06.000 And I did some research, and there's another town not far from here, Portland, and they have at least 60% more wheelchair access ramps.

00:33:13.000 So if you could look into that, I'd really appreciate it.

00:33:16.000 Okay, thanks, little guy.

00:33:18.000 Bye.

00:33:18.000 Bye-bye.

00:33:19.000 That's all you have to do.

00:33:21.000 I hope that you suffer when you go home to your middle-class houses and you think of me.

00:33:30.000 That was one of the best impressions you've ever done.

00:33:33.000 That was like jarringly good.

00:33:35.000 Holy shit.

00:33:36.000 Well, I can sympathize.

00:33:38.000 I can empathize with him.

00:33:39.000 Of course.

00:33:40.000 Because I've noticed that it's hard to find underwear when you have an abnormally large cock.

00:33:46.000 And I have had to buy triple XL underwear and then have the waistband taken in by a tailor in order to hold this girth.

00:33:54.000 Thank you for your support.

00:33:55.000 My dad was at the pub yesterday, and I don't know.

00:33:57.000 He's got a big dick, obviously.

00:33:59.000 He's my dad.

00:34:00.000 But his pants kind of ride up on him.

00:34:03.000 So he has this bulging package.

00:34:06.000 And my coach was there from the gym.

00:34:08.000 He's like, man, your dad's really packing a cod piece there. 0.95

00:34:11.000 Jesus, it looks like a cod piece.

00:34:14.000 Take it easy, dad.

00:34:16.000 Fuck.

00:34:18.000 So then we got a classic here.

00:34:20.000 Oh, this is...

00:34:21.000 Just stop.

00:34:23.000 I cannot tell you how much joy this brings me.

00:34:25.000 In fact, I had the terrors last night because I've been drinking a lot.

00:34:28.000 You wake up at 12.44 and 3.55 and you suffer for about half an hour.

00:34:33.000 Then you go back to sleep, but you're still suffering.

00:34:35.000 So you have nightmares about your children being maimed.

00:34:38.000 So it was a very unpleasant night last night.

00:34:41.000 And I was trying to think of good, happy thoughts to stop the screaming horror demons in my head.

00:34:46.000 So you think of your kids, because that always makes you feel good.

00:34:48.000 But then you end up having nightmares about your kids.

00:34:50.000 Anyway, I should think of this.

00:34:53.000 This is a very successful and popular trans performer who's in Australia or New Zealand.

00:35:00.000 Apparently there's a difference.

00:35:02.000 And I think this song is about himself.

00:35:06.000 You'll notice some big me, me, me theme with the far left.

00:35:11.000 And I think this song is about you and my sister.

00:35:14.000 I think he means his feminine side.

00:35:16.000 It's his twin.

00:35:17.000 He was born.

00:35:18.000 So it's a ridiculous, stupid song.

00:35:20.000 It's not melodic at all.

00:35:22.000 It will not stick in your head.

00:35:24.000 Not in any real way.

00:35:26.000 You will probably repeat that.

00:35:27.000 You are my sister.

00:35:29.000 You were born.

00:35:31.000 But in order to further their political correctness, they get to, you're not supposed to say this word, but abos, aboriginals, to join them. 0.98

00:35:41.000 Now, aboriginals are probably the most primitive culture in the entire world. 1.00

00:35:48.000 When they, the way they cook their food is they start a brush fire.

00:35:53.000 Iguanas come out of the ground.

00:35:55.000 They pick up the iguana.

00:35:56.000 They come out of the ground because they get smoked out.

00:35:58.000 They throw it on the fire.

00:35:59.000 No stick, no spit roast, nothing.

00:36:01.000 They just throw it on the fire.

00:36:02.000 The outer skin burns, obviously, and the inner stuff sort of cooks because it was on the fire.

00:36:08.000 And then they eat that with their hands.

00:36:10.000 You know, like we did 200,000 years ago.

00:36:15.000 So their idea of music is hitting two pieces of garbage sticks together, not even good sticks.

00:36:21.000 Not even like a like something with lines in it.

00:36:26.000 Oh, great.

00:36:27.000 I'm making fun of them, and then you show them in chains.

00:36:29.000 That's not a great juxtaposition here.

00:36:31.000 I'm sure it was very rough for them back in the old time days, but it was rough for everyone.

00:36:36.000 Australia was a place where criminals were just thrown from the boat and told to fend for themselves.

00:36:42.000 Which apparently they did.

00:36:44.000 Anyway, this instrument is the least impressive instrument.

00:36:48.000 And we've talked about this before.

00:36:50.000 At one point, she sort of sneezes and he thinks she's laughing.

00:36:54.000 So he goes, it's pathetic.

00:36:59.000 And all these rich white people sitting there smiling, pretending that it's good makes me laugh my fucking head off.

00:37:07.000 But let's see a little bit more of the tranny before we get to them. 1.00

00:37:16.000 You are my sister, and I love you with your views.

00:37:31.000 How is this a song?

00:37:33.000 Dreams come true.

00:37:37.000 He's hideous.

00:37:39.000 Take it away, Abbos. 1.00

00:37:49.000 Actional song.

00:37:59.000 She's coughing, and he laughs.

00:38:11.000 This is officially the worst music in the history of the world.

00:38:21.000 Are you having a stroke?

00:38:28.000 Like the sticks, how do the sticks help?

00:38:30.000 If they had ridges in them or something.

00:38:38.000 Like no one's laughing.

00:38:40.000 I love that.

00:38:41.000 This should be a prank.

00:38:45.000 They should see how shitty they can make something if Aboriginals are involved before people go, um, this is terrible. 1.00

00:38:54.000 Like, what if they just stood up and just took a shit on the floor right now?

00:38:57.000 People applaud?

00:38:58.000 I love it.

00:39:00.000 This is possibly a prank on everybody involved here.

00:39:02.000 Maybe that's why he was laughing.

00:39:04.000 They're trolling him.

00:39:05.000 Yeah.

00:39:06.000 He thinks he's trolling them by exploiting them.

00:39:08.000 Be like, look how retarded. 1.00

00:39:09.000 This guy's kidding, too.

00:39:10.000 Right.

00:39:11.000 Everyone's kidding.

00:39:14.000 They're actually super cool.

00:39:15.000 Those three guys.

00:39:16.000 The black, no, those, whatever race and gender these things are. 1.00

00:39:21.000 But these three units of humanity are just fucking with the audience.

00:39:25.000 They're actually super funny, and they go back and drink Budweiser and joke around.

00:39:29.000 But the audience finds it funny, but they can't laugh.

00:39:32.000 So if they were to talk, they would sound like the guy who says, I be all degree.

00:39:37.000 This is a prank.

00:39:38.000 Okay, next.

00:39:41.000 I mean, we could be here all night.

00:39:45.000 Oh, so this is Crimes and Misdemeanors, one of Woody Allen's best films.

00:39:49.000 He's my favorite pedophile.

00:39:51.000 Definitely the funniest pedophile out there.

00:39:54.000 And he talks in this movie.

00:39:57.000 There's a little subplot that doesn't really go anywhere about his sister who's having trouble dating.

00:40:01.000 And she meets a guy at a party, and he ties her up, and he shits on her chest.

00:40:06.000 And Woody Allen hears this story from his sister.

00:40:09.000 And the way he takes off his glasses and goes, oh, oh.

00:40:14.000 Oh, you're not showing it.

00:40:16.000 It's so disgusting.

00:40:18.000 What are you doing?

00:40:19.000 What's the matter?

00:40:20.000 You're trying to do a video drop.

00:40:21.000 I'm a wreck.

00:40:22.000 But it wasn't cropped properly.

00:40:24.000 Okay, well, do it right.

00:40:25.000 I'm a wreck.

00:40:26.000 Oh, you're going to show it.

00:40:26.000 Here it is.

00:40:27.000 Okay.

00:40:29.000 Barbara, what's the matter?

00:40:34.000 What is this?

00:40:35.000 I've been shaking like this for days.

00:40:38.000 What is wrong?

00:40:42.000 I've been going out with this man that I met through the personal columns.

00:40:47.000 He's very attractive.

00:40:50.000 It's very nice.

00:40:53.000 I went out with him three times.

00:40:54.000 He's a master filmmaker.

00:41:12.000 So, we both came back here.

00:41:15.000 And, um, Jenning was away.

00:41:17.000 You know, she's sleeping over to Princess. 1.00

00:41:20.000 And it was like one o'clock in the morning or something.

00:41:23.000 And we both had had a little to drink.

00:41:27.000 I want to tie you to bed.

00:41:29.000 Really?

00:41:30.000 And rip your dress off. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Rip your dress off. 0.96

00:41:33.000 Have you ever been bound up, tied up, and made love to?

00:41:38.000 Um, I'm.

00:41:39.000 I'm a.

00:41:41.000 I'm a sensible gal.

00:41:44.000 No more, you're not.

00:41:47.000 God.

00:41:49.000 God.

00:41:51.000 Barbara, I'm shocked at what I'm hearing.

00:41:54.000 Gets worse, Woody.

00:41:55.000 You're in this nice middle.

00:41:56.000 You're my sister.

00:41:58.000 What are you telling me?

00:42:00.000 I couldn't move.

00:42:01.000 I was tied tightly to the bedposts.

00:42:04.000 Oh, Jesus, by a strat.

00:42:06.000 A guy that you didn't know?

00:42:08.000 And now you're going to tell me that he robbed you, right?

00:42:11.000 No.

00:42:12.000 Dignity?

00:42:14.000 He got on top of me.

00:42:17.000 And why?

00:42:18.000 I can't say it.

00:42:19.000 I just...

00:42:19.000 I can't say it.

00:42:21.000 Why?

00:42:21.000 Tell me.

00:42:22.000 What's so terrible?

00:42:24.000 He sat over me and went to the bathroom.

00:42:28.000 Oh! 0.60

00:42:29.000 Oh! 0.60

00:42:30.000 Oh! 0.60

00:42:31.000 That's so disgusting!

00:42:33.000 Oh my god, that's the worst thing I ever heard in my life.

00:42:36.000 Then he took me too close and left.

00:42:38.000 Oh, Bobby, you idiot.

00:42:41.000 This guy could have cut your throat.

00:42:43.000 He could have murdered you.

00:42:44.000 I would have preferred it.

00:42:45.000 Oh, you're such a dope. 0.99

00:42:47.000 I wish I could have sympathy for this.

00:42:50.000 Oh, that's so easy for you to say, but I'm so lonely.

00:42:54.000 You don't know what it's like to be by yourself all the time.

00:42:58.000 I'm sure you're lonely.

00:42:59.000 I know it's painful, but promise me that you're never going to place another ad again because that's just, you know, it's ridiculous.

00:43:06.000 My whole life is passing me by, and I don't have anyone to love.

00:43:10.000 How did she get out?

00:43:11.000 That's so hard.

00:43:12.000 Yeah, good question.

00:43:13.000 Just wriggled and wriggled.

00:43:15.000 I assume the, what do you think he tied her up with?

00:43:19.000 Manhattanites don't have rope.

00:43:21.000 I would assume ties, but then she probably doesn't have a lot of ties. 0.98

00:43:24.000 Ties sheets.

00:43:25.000 I've used like pants before.

00:43:27.000 Pants could work, sure. 0.93

00:43:29.000 Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?

00:43:34.000 Yeah, that was so that you don't have that full clip?

00:43:36.000 Because he tells his wife about it.

00:43:39.000 And she goes, why?

00:43:48.000 A strange man defecated on my sister.

00:43:54.000 Why?

00:43:55.000 Why?

00:43:58.000 I don't know.

00:44:00.000 Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that satisfactorily?

00:44:08.000 I don't know why he reminds me of Ezra Levant in that moment there.

00:44:12.000 I guess because Ezra has this great way of summarizing things from a big picture perspective.

00:44:18.000 Like when he said that visiting Britain is like going into a dystopian time machine and you can see where America and Canada are going to be in the next five years.

00:44:26.000 Is there anything I could say to possibly answer that?

00:44:31.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

00:44:33.000 That one we don't have to explain, right?

00:44:34.000 Sebastian Manascalco in a nutshell, that's his perfect one.

00:44:37.000 Correct.

00:44:38.000 Now this one is sad because this one I couldn't track down also.

00:44:44.000 I don't think you need that background.

00:44:45.000 It's not like there's a...

00:44:46.000 Well, what happened there was he owed her $180 and they had been doing crack for three days and he'd had enough.

00:44:55.000 Okay, this is famous.

00:44:57.000 He ain't good at it, if you will.

00:44:58.000 Seth, what's his name, did a recreation of this with that other funny guy?

00:45:04.000 And it is Gary Coleman, poor bastard, on the Arsenio Hall show.

00:45:10.000 He's trying to be dope.

00:45:11.000 He's trying to be cool.

00:45:12.000 He's probably never been around black people, really.

00:45:16.000 And he's grew up a child star with money.

00:45:18.000 So his friends are probably like old fags and stuff. 1.00

00:45:22.000 White fags. 0.99

00:45:23.000 And he's trying to be dope.

00:45:25.000 And Arsenio was the black show at the time.

00:45:27.000 And he's just a fish out of water.

00:45:29.000 It's so embarrassing.

00:45:30.000 Absolutely, probably one of the best things I've ever done.

00:45:33.000 I really enjoyed it.

00:45:34.000 Yeah, you're doing all right?

00:45:35.000 Oh, I'm doing just fine.

00:45:37.000 Oh, man, I got a whole list of things I could tell you what I've done since the last time you embarrassed me on this show.

00:45:44.000 So that's not so bad.

00:45:45.000 He has fun, though.

00:45:46.000 Like, he starts out okay.

00:45:48.000 He's sitting weird.

00:45:49.000 He's dressed funny like a silly little man, which I guess he is.

00:45:53.000 But then it just gets worse and worse when Arsenio asks him about sex.

00:45:56.000 I got the look now.

00:45:57.000 See, this is what the ladies want. 1.00

00:45:58.000 They want this tough dude look, so I figured I'd try it and see what happens.

00:46:02.000 Remember, I had to double-breasted blazer.

00:46:04.000 I was doing the sophisticated man thing then.

00:46:07.000 So I figured I'd go this way.

00:46:08.000 Well, so you're macking up.

00:46:09.000 Oh, well, it's a macing skill.

00:46:12.000 I'm still working on.

00:46:13.000 Oh, okay, okay.

00:46:14.000 I'm getting it.

00:46:15.000 Doc Martin's on and on your leather coat.

00:46:17.000 Now, my urban combat boots are not Doc Martin's.

00:46:20.000 I've got to keep up with them.

00:46:21.000 Okay, I'm sorry.

00:46:22.000 Urban combat boots.

00:46:24.000 That's right.

00:46:25.000 Okay.

00:46:26.000 He does, you know, he does his best to not be emasculated right there.

00:46:30.000 He puts both his feet up and he leans back.

00:46:32.000 He's like, yeah, yeah, you're touching my foot like I'm a G.I. Joe.

00:46:35.000 Yeah.

00:46:35.000 And now it's like, all right, now you're shining my shoes almost.

00:46:37.000 It's like he takes it from a...

00:46:40.000 I've got to keep up with it.

00:46:42.000 Oh, yeah, touch my shoes.

00:46:44.000 Now, the Bloods and the Crypts were in the audience to have a truce.

00:46:48.000 So it wasn't a good time to talk about urban combat.

00:46:52.000 That's cool.

00:46:55.000 We're trying to end urban combat, but it's cool.

00:46:58.000 It's cool.

00:46:59.000 What's your girl's name, man?

00:47:01.000 Well, now, I'm not sure.

00:47:02.000 You know what this is like?

00:47:03.000 This is like, I used to work as an enumerator as a very young man, like 16, 17.

00:47:08.000 And you'd go to these old folks' homes and you'd ask them, like, where do you live?

00:47:12.000 What's your job?

00:47:13.000 They're all retired.

00:47:14.000 I was stupid at the time.

00:47:15.000 I should have written down fake names and all retired.

00:47:18.000 But anyway, they'd always ask you about girls.

00:47:20.000 So you got a girlfriend?

00:47:22.000 Because I hadn't seen a tit in like 30 years.

00:47:25.000 This is what that's like.

00:47:26.000 An old guy asking a young kid about girls.

00:47:31.000 I'm with that.

00:47:32.000 Okay, now you got, because you don't want people borrowing money.

00:47:34.000 Is that what that?

00:47:36.000 Well, you know, I don't mind paying, buying roses, taking care of a woman, but I want reciprocation. 1.00

00:47:42.000 Right.

00:47:43.000 You want her to buy you some roses? 0.99

00:47:44.000 Yeah, take care of me when I need something.

00:47:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:48.000 Now, are you looking to get a bunch of money?

00:47:49.000 You want a blowjob if I buy you dinner? 1.00

00:47:51.000 Miss Wright, so you can get married? 0.97

00:47:53.000 Is that the goal here?

00:47:54.000 By the way, this poor fucking bastard was murdered by Mrs. Wright. 0.83

00:48:01.000 She whipped him down the stairs and then didn't tend to him because she said, blood grosses me out. 1.00

00:48:08.000 It took a few tries, but she murdered him.

00:48:11.000 Where was Black Lives Matter back then?

00:48:13.000 There should have been riots.

00:48:15.000 Gary Coleman was murdered by an evil cunt.

00:48:18.000 I think her name was Linda.

00:48:24.000 I don't know if he's okay.

00:48:25.000 At the time, 12.50 in the afternoon, a week ago, Wednesday.

00:48:28.000 His head is bloody.

00:48:29.000 There's blood all over the floor.

00:48:30.000 I don't know what happened.

00:48:31.000 I really don't know what happened.

00:48:32.000 I just heard this bang and I went down there.

00:48:34.000 It probably resulted from you shoving him.

00:48:39.000 Then something odd happens.

00:48:45.000 Can you tell me where he is and help him?

00:48:47.000 Doesn't surgery.

00:48:48.000 I can't really help him.

00:48:49.000 I just can't be here with the blood.

00:48:50.000 I'm sorry.

00:48:51.000 I can't do it.

00:48:51.000 I just can't.

00:48:52.000 There's leaves blood all over me.

00:48:54.000 I can't do anything.

00:48:55.000 Where is he at now?

00:48:56.000 On the floor in the kitchen.

00:48:57.000 I've just been kind of sick, and you know, I just.

00:49:00.000 He's been sick.

00:49:01.000 I don't want to be traumatized.

00:49:04.000 No, he was like bubbling in the mouth.

00:49:07.000 Gross.

00:49:08.000 Blue, my husband's dying.

00:49:11.000 I got blood on myself.

00:49:12.000 I can't deal.

00:49:14.000 I'm gagging.

00:49:17.000 What a fucking horrible cunt. 1.00

00:49:19.000 Anyway, that didn't go anywhere.

00:49:21.000 Much like Elliot Smith, who I believe was murdered.

00:49:25.000 But it's just a theory.

00:49:26.000 I think Jennifer Chiba murdered him.

00:49:29.000 Hey, I had those years of 18, yeah.

00:49:31.000 But when you was like in the 16 area, you knew when you had to say cut, excuse me for a minute, you know.

00:49:37.000 Now, RC, now, wait a minute.

00:49:39.000 Now, I didn't get a chance to Mac because AIDS came out in 82.

00:49:43.000 So all the women kind of ran and hid while they kind of sorted this thing out. 1.00

00:49:48.000 So I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period of time.

00:49:50.000 I didn't really start dating good and being good at it, if you will, until about three years ago, three or four years ago.

00:49:58.000 Yeah, it's okay.

00:50:00.000 So, I mean, you know what I mean?

00:50:01.000 Yeah.

00:50:02.000 Okay, let me say this.

00:50:03.000 This is where it's now completely off the rails and fucking embarrassing.

00:50:06.000 And Arsenio.

00:50:09.000 I mean, you know what Arsenio should have done?

00:50:11.000 He knows Scary Coleman's weird.

00:50:12.000 He's a freak.

00:50:13.000 He's a little man.

00:50:14.000 He should have had a beer with him backstage first and just caught up with him and got his vibe.

00:50:18.000 He clearly doesn't like talking about pussy because he clearly doesn't get any. 0.99

00:50:25.000 Because as Ryan will attest, no one wants to fuck midgets, right? 1.00

00:50:30.000 I wouldn't personally know, but I would assume not.

00:50:35.000 Gary Coleman probably towered over you.

00:50:37.000 You guys can play basketball together and use one of those play school nets.

00:50:40.000 That's not true.

00:50:42.000 All right, next.

00:50:42.000 That's not true.

00:50:44.000 We're not going to do all of them.

00:50:45.000 We'll be here all day.

00:50:49.000 Okay, this is a love letter to garbage culture.

00:50:53.000 So this is classic here.

00:50:56.000 And women are in fact demented. 1.00

00:51:01.000 And so this actually is one of the newer ones.

00:51:05.000 But yeah, it comes from this.

00:51:08.000 By number one, not defunding the police.

00:51:11.000 We have to put more money in for police.

00:51:14.000 What are you showing?

00:51:14.000 That's kind of a snooze.

00:51:15.000 Okay, that's boring.

00:51:16.000 You just ruined the whole show forever.

00:51:18.000 Everyone hates you.

00:51:23.000 That's easy.

00:51:23.000 That's dolomite.

00:51:25.000 I love the Eddie Murphy movie with Dolomite.

00:51:27.000 It's such a great look at entrepreneurs.

00:51:31.000 He realized that black people like total garbage culture. 0.95

00:51:35.000 So he made a shit movie that's ridiculous, over-the-top action movie, and everyone loved it.

00:51:42.000 He created the first junk food movies.

00:51:48.000 I'm on the film out to star.

00:51:49.000 Hey, lady Reed, why don't you go on and watch the movie? 1.00

00:51:52.000 I sent it all nigga. 1.00

00:51:53.000 These people are going to be out here till 2 o'clock in the morning.

00:51:55.000 You know what?

00:51:55.000 They came to see Dolomite.

00:51:58.000 I'm going to give them Dolomite.

00:52:02.000 She's corny, too. 0.99

00:52:03.000 Okay.

00:52:07.000 Okay, that's all.

00:52:08.000 Our little flip happens here at the end.

00:52:10.000 Picture you for real.

00:52:16.000 Dolomite is my name, and fucking up motherfuckers is my game. 1.00

00:52:20.000 Picture you for real.

00:52:25.000 What else do we got?

00:52:26.000 Bullshit?

00:52:27.000 Oh, this is the greatest sweare in the history of swearing, Donald Trump.

00:52:33.000 Bullshit.

00:52:35.000 And that's from Russia, right?

00:52:38.000 Russia Gate, and how it's been a never-ending tidal wave of bullshit from the Thames.

00:52:45.000 About a minute 26 in.

00:52:48.000 Went through Russia, Russia, Russia.

00:52:52.000 It was all bullshit.

00:52:56.000 We then went through the Mueller report.

00:52:58.000 Yeah, great.

00:53:00.000 Ryan brought this up.

00:53:01.000 Every time he swears, it's just like when he was saying there was a rumor that he was dating a penthouse model, or she was going to have a penthouse model in his thing.

00:53:10.000 What was it, Miss America or something?

00:53:12.000 He's like, no, Playboy model.

00:53:14.000 I wouldn't do penthouse.

00:53:17.000 And the way he says fucking with two G's about the allegation that he would stoop so low as to associate himself with penthouse.

00:53:28.000 We must have listened to it 800 times.

00:53:32.000 You're not going to find it.

00:53:33.000 It's hard to find, but I do recommend people look into it.

00:53:37.000 This is how they find it.

00:53:38.000 That time, Trump called Chauncey Hayden at 3 a.m. with audio.

00:53:43.000 And it's fantastic.

00:53:44.000 We will get lucky.

00:53:46.000 Who the fuck it does?

00:53:47.000 We really did.

00:53:48.000 That was great.

00:53:49.000 Wait, that's a different one, though, isn't it?

00:53:50.000 Who the fuck is...

00:53:51.000 Who the fuck?

00:53:53.000 There's the same call he's called two fuckings in that that are both.

00:54:09.000 I don't use Playboy people for that.

00:54:11.000 We use models.

00:54:13.000 You know, I think.

00:54:14.000 Total bullshit, George.

00:54:15.000 I sent her a couple of emails trying to get her to respond to me, and I haven't heard back for her.

00:54:20.000 It's total bullshit.

00:54:22.000 I have no idea.

00:54:22.000 Except I know one thing.

00:54:25.000 She called up the office like 10 different times years ago.

00:54:28.000 This was like five years ago.

00:54:29.000 That's the only reason because it was an unusual spelling.

00:54:32.000 I never took her up.

00:54:33.000 She wanted to go up.

00:54:34.000 Didn't Norma tell you she used to call her a penny? 0.86

00:54:35.000 She looks like a fucking basic.

00:54:40.000 She's not even a customer.

00:54:44.000 By the way, she's not a good-looking girl. 0.99

00:54:53.000 Penthouse.

00:54:54.000 Who the hell wants a penthouse pet? 1.00

00:54:56.000 Penthouse is gone.

00:54:57.000 It's bankrupt.

00:54:58.000 It's over.

00:54:59.000 I mean, penthouse, you just.

00:55:01.000 We lost it?

00:55:02.000 No.

00:55:03.000 It's in there somewhere.

00:55:04.000 Who the fuck.

00:55:05.000 Sometimes you just got to listen to that whole thing.

00:55:06.000 Great swear.

00:55:08.000 Anyway, what this...

00:55:08.000 Oh, this is not hard to figure out, right?

00:55:11.000 No one's wondering where this came from.

00:55:13.000 He's trending today, by the way.

00:55:15.000 Hello, you've got a bass.

00:55:17.000 For why?

00:55:18.000 I don't know.

00:55:18.000 Some school of rock quote that everyone loves.

00:55:21.000 It's hot today.

00:55:22.000 You're perfect.

00:55:23.000 Stay right there.

00:55:24.000 Hey.

00:55:26.000 That movie made me cry.

00:55:28.000 What was your name?

00:55:29.000 Katie.

00:55:30.000 Katie, what was happening?

00:55:30.000 She's got a drug problem.

00:55:32.000 In real life.

00:55:33.000 Yeah, she got too...

00:55:35.000 She got too much attention from this.

00:55:37.000 Kids should not be in movies.

00:55:38.000 I'm sorry.

00:55:38.000 Let's just get short adults from now on.

00:55:40.000 And she got sexual.

00:55:43.000 I can't wait till you're 18.

00:55:44.000 I want to fuck you. 0.98

00:55:44.000 Blah, blah, blah. 0.98

00:55:45.000 All over her social media.

00:55:46.000 She became a drug addict.

00:55:47.000 She's clean now, but she barely survived this fucking movie. 1.00

00:55:51.000 All right, next.

00:55:52.000 Katie.

00:55:53.000 Katie, what was that thing you were playing today?

00:55:54.000 The big thing?

00:55:57.000 Chaloo.

00:55:58.000 It's a bass.

00:55:59.000 Okay, so this one is the...

00:56:03.000 Oh, there we go.

00:56:05.000 Remember that Key Master?

00:56:09.000 No?

00:56:09.000 Sometimes we use it, and it's this.

00:56:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:14.000 This is one of the greatest things in the world.

00:56:18.000 This is...

00:56:19.000 If I die, I want to go here to this beach.

00:56:22.000 This is heaven.

00:56:24.000 This guy has convinced himself and a bunch of boomers that you can develop a force field around yourself and no one can hurt you. 0.75

00:56:33.000 I don't even think bullets can get through.

00:56:35.000 And then he goes to prove it by running into her and totally fucks her up.

00:56:41.000 And then pretends he's hurt.

00:56:46.000 Yeah, look.

00:56:47.000 It's still about me.

00:56:49.000 I had a seizure.

00:56:51.000 Her force field, she was knocked over, but I got a look. 0.79

00:56:56.000 The wind's completely knocked out of her.

00:57:00.000 Wonder where that guy's at these days.

00:57:04.000 This is why he's trending.

00:57:08.000 Of course, it's got to be racial. 0.83

00:57:09.000 Fuck off.

00:57:10.000 Tamika.

00:57:13.000 Hey, you've got something everybody wants.

00:57:16.000 You've got talent, girl.

00:57:17.000 You have an incredible singing voice.

00:57:19.000 And I'm not just saying that.

00:57:21.000 You heard of Aretha Franklin, right?

00:57:23.000 Okay, she's a big lady, but when she starts singing, she blows people's minds. 1.00

00:57:28.000 Everybody's like, she's a big lady. 0.99

00:57:29.000 And when she starts singing, she's the slimmest woman in the world. 1.00

00:57:34.000 The second she hits that stage and people hear the music, it has an hourglass figure with a size 28 waist. 1.00

00:57:41.000 It turns everybody into shallow hell.

00:57:43.000 Shallow, I'm slim.

00:57:45.000 Why aren't you on a diet?

00:57:47.000 Because I like to eat.

00:57:49.000 Is that such a crime?

00:57:51.000 Yes.

00:57:52.000 I guess that's why 500,000 people have died of COVID.

00:57:55.000 Besides the olds, it's the fats.

00:57:59.000 China is asshole. 0.99

00:58:00.000 The number one messaging on COVID should have been lose weight, you fat pigs.

00:58:05.000 All right, next.

00:58:06.000 We need independence.

00:58:07.000 Yep.

00:58:08.000 And what's your message to...

00:58:11.000 Have you seen Donald Trump?

00:58:12.000 Do you think he should step in?

00:58:14.000 Donald Trump don't trust China.

00:58:15.000 China is asshole. 0.99

00:58:17.000 Donald Trump don't trust China.

00:58:18.000 China is asshole. 0.99

00:58:20.000 Don't want the Chinese government to rule us anymore. 0.99

00:58:23.000 That was another great thing about Trump.

00:58:24.000 He was the first to say, fuck you, China, which Biden immediately recanted.

00:58:30.000 That was Avi Yamini, Australian guy, Jewish guy, served in the Israeli Defense Force.

00:58:35.000 Awesome duties with Rebel News now.

00:58:39.000 Little guy, but he'll kick the shit out of you. 0.99

00:58:41.000 And he's been on the front lines of the free speech war, I don't know, for 10 years now?

00:58:46.000 It seems like a long-ass motherfucking time.

00:58:48.000 I've got him on the show.

00:58:50.000 40, 45, 40, 45 months, 40.

00:58:54.000 There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.

00:58:57.000 That's not going to happen.

00:59:00.000 It's not going to happen because we're not going to be used.

00:59:03.000 Fear is not going to be something that we're going to, that's going to be what drives our country.

00:59:09.000 We're not scared of Muslims or immigrants or women.

00:59:15.000 We're not actually afraid of anything.

00:59:17.000 Trump's scared of women's fear, so that's not going to be an issue.

00:59:20.000 I think it is, if you're asking if it's a harbinger, I think that, and I think you would agree, and I think we all sort of see it, I think that's sort of landed in a way.

00:59:30.000 Trump is actually a result in many ways of the fact that much of the news programs didn't follow up and ask tough questions.

00:59:38.000 That's the truth.

00:59:39.000 It was, you know, it's really easy because your numbers go up.

00:59:43.000 All they did was eviscerate him from day one.

00:59:46.000 It doesn't mean you get more news.

00:59:47.000 It just means you get the same news more.

00:59:49.000 That's the crazy thing with the left.

00:59:51.000 They think the news is biased to the right.

00:59:54.000 They think Fox News is like 80% of the news out there.

00:59:58.000 It's more like 5% to 10%.

01:00:01.000 90% is fucking lefty.

01:00:06.000 And Fox News is relatively new.

01:00:10.000 Hey, you're cool.

01:00:13.000 That's a tapir, which is a rare animal up here, but fairly common in Costa Rica there.

01:00:20.000 You can see one there having a nap, just saying, hey, you're cool.

01:00:25.000 So wait, that's her, who's that?

01:00:27.000 That's a different animal entirely.

01:00:29.000 Is that her?

01:00:30.000 That's a chupacabra. 0.50

01:00:31.000 What's it called?

01:00:31.000 A capacabra?

01:00:32.000 A cabybara.

01:00:33.000 Capybara?

01:00:34.000 Chupacabra.

01:00:36.000 Yeah, that was from a...

01:00:37.000 The clip that you're cool is from a Jesse Lee Peterson interview with her.

01:00:40.000 Couldn't find it either.

01:00:41.000 I'm sure it's out there, though.

01:00:43.000 I guess that's cute.

01:00:44.000 Yeah.

01:00:45.000 I just see a fucking loser.

01:00:48.000 Everyone says baby animals are cute.

01:00:50.000 No, they're just small.

01:00:52.000 I am disabled.

01:00:55.000 Next.

01:00:56.000 I am gay.

01:00:58.000 Yeah, those are just Cuomo from his things.

01:01:01.000 What's he saying, though?

01:01:02.000 What's the context?

01:01:04.000 I think he's saying, like, you know, everybody's represented.

01:01:07.000 I am a woman.

01:01:08.000 I am black.

01:01:09.000 I am gay.

01:01:11.000 I am disabled.

01:01:12.000 You know, whoever you are, we hear your voice.

01:01:18.000 That's from Friday.

01:01:19.000 That's Fridays.

01:01:20.000 That's easy.

01:01:20.000 That doesn't really count.

01:01:22.000 Oh, this was great.

01:01:24.000 That is a low point.

01:01:26.000 He must want, if I was him, I would sue us and say, get that off the air.

01:01:31.000 It's ruining my life.

01:01:33.000 Tortu interference.

01:01:35.000 This is a woman who tracked down her birth dad, which I don't recommend you do. 1.00

01:01:39.000 I mean, you want to find out if he has lung cancer or, you know, diabetes or there's some sort of medical condition that you might.

01:01:49.000 Cringe jumpitis.

01:01:50.000 Yeah, cringe jumpitis.

01:01:53.000 So you want to know for medical purposes, but it's never cool.

01:01:57.000 He's never a good guy.

01:01:59.000 That's why he walked out on you.

01:02:01.000 He's a douche.

01:02:02.000 Katsu is a douche.

01:02:05.000 There's something wrong with Katsu.

01:02:08.000 So there's nothing wrong with me?

01:02:10.000 Well, let's not get it.

01:02:11.000 So she's about to meet her dad.

01:02:13.000 What are we waiting for?

01:02:14.000 What are we waiting for?

01:02:25.000 You shithead loser.

01:02:28.000 Didn't we theorize that that was the way to stay out of her life more?

01:02:33.000 We'd be like, what do I do to make her want to be a little bit more? 0.96

01:02:38.000 Because if my biological dad did that, I would just like, turn around and you go the other way.

01:02:45.000 He looks Jewish.

01:02:46.000 I remember there's a terrible movie I don't recommend about baseball cards.

01:02:51.000 And it's this little Jewish kid who tracks down his dad who abandoned him at 13, just walked out the door.

01:02:57.000 Same with David Cross's Jewish dad.

01:02:59.000 And the guy goes, us children of the Holocaust are very heartless.

01:03:04.000 That's how he explained walking out on his son.

01:03:08.000 Weird.

01:03:10.000 All right.

01:03:10.000 Cursing out de Blasio.

01:03:12.000 This is an easy one, right?

01:03:14.000 I think Kumia had him on his show.

01:03:16.000 The guy who did it?

01:03:17.000 Oh, that's great.

01:03:19.000 How you doing?

01:03:20.000 Not fucking good, you fucking rat, scumbag, fucking fag. 1.00

01:03:23.000 You're in the wrong fucking city, you fucking scumbag.

01:03:27.000 Oh, you fucking fucking scumbag.

01:03:32.000 Oh, you motherfuckers. 1.00

01:03:34.000 Cablasio, you're a fucking fucking cunt rag. 1.00

01:03:38.000 Cunt rag. 0.99

01:03:38.000 Fucking rat. 0.99

01:03:41.000 It's very rare you hear the word fig.

01:03:43.000 Yeah.

01:03:44.000 And it's a great word.

01:03:45.000 In fact, I've noticed I've been using it, calling everyone I know faggots. 1.00

01:03:49.000 In fact, at my local, I wrote faggot on the bottle of fireball. 1.00

01:03:54.000 Just FGT, though.

01:03:55.000 So the owner doesn't get mad.

01:03:57.000 And then when I go in, I go, I'll take a button and then give me a shot of Fireball Faggot. 1.00

01:04:03.000 And then the bartender will go, what?

01:04:04.000 What the fuck did you just say to me?

01:04:06.000 Oh, no, it's called Fireball Faggot. 1.00

01:04:07.000 Let me show you.

01:04:08.000 And then the bottle says FGT on it.

01:04:10.000 And my dad, I've been drinking with him all week.

01:04:13.000 And he goes, that's getting annoying.

01:04:16.000 And I said, many jokes are funny three times.

01:04:21.000 Then they get unfunny 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 times.

01:04:26.000 Then the 18th time, it becomes funny again.

01:04:30.000 So have patience.

01:04:31.000 All good things come to those who hate.

01:04:35.000 Right.

01:04:36.000 All right, next.

01:04:38.000 Okay, so this is classic.

01:04:41.000 Yeah, I don't think this is.

01:04:42.000 I'm going to say, I want to be a toad.

01:04:44.000 Okay, so there's that one.

01:04:45.000 Then there's...

01:04:46.000 I want to be a woman.

01:04:49.000 Those don't occur on our very site, but these toads do.

01:04:56.000 I feel like I'm a toad.

01:04:58.000 Crazy Dinesh thinks he's a toad.

01:05:00.000 Doad.

01:05:01.000 And of course, that comes from free speech.

01:05:05.000 And that was with, what's his name?

01:05:07.000 Michael Shermer.

01:05:08.000 Michael Shermer, Dinash D'Souza.

01:05:09.000 Michael Shermer, by the way, who was shitting on Proud Boys recently as white supremacists.

01:05:14.000 He's all about how the rational mind, and then he says dumb shit like that.

01:05:19.000 But we fell in love with that, not because of it's an astute analogy, which it is, but something about his accent seems like D and T are the same letter.

01:05:32.000 Toad.

01:05:33.000 It makes me feel like I'm a toad.

01:05:35.000 It's like D T T No, T D T O A D. Troad. 1.00

01:05:40.000 Troad.

01:05:42.000 It's amazing.

01:05:43.000 I want to be a toad.

01:05:46.000 A toad.

01:05:49.000 He needs three pop filters to say it, not blow the PA.

01:05:52.000 He's so funny because he's a badass who went to jail and will fight for his right to party.

01:05:58.000 And he's a warrior on the front lines and has been my entire adult life.

01:06:04.000 But he also looks like a cute little boy with an impish smile, a precocious child.

01:06:12.000 He's like a monster baby.

01:06:14.000 But in a very pleasant, nice way.

01:06:17.000 Okay.

01:06:17.000 So this is.

01:06:21.000 This is from the song Flourishes.

01:06:24.000 And in episode season two, 136, we go through all the different flourishes.

01:06:30.000 They're called garnishes.

01:06:31.000 Garnishes.

01:06:32.000 God, you're dumb.

01:06:33.000 Flourishes.

01:06:35.000 Well, I don't know if garnishers is.

01:06:42.000 Hey, they don't even show his face.

01:06:44.000 What's there work when he goes, but there's come sail away with me, lads.

01:06:50.000 There's a walk, and then there's a, baby, you got to slow.

01:06:56.000 Got to slow down, yeah.

01:06:57.000 Yeah.

01:06:58.000 Little bit of COVID.

01:07:00.000 I wonder if Prince, when that guy, because you never saw him again.

01:07:04.000 I wonder if Prince was looking over like, all right, easy with the garnishes, dude.

01:07:07.000 That's seven.

01:07:12.000 All right, what else do we got here?

01:07:13.000 These explosions of bullshit.

01:07:16.000 Oh, that should have been with the other bullshit.

01:07:18.000 That election, our election, was over at 10 o'clock in the evening.

01:07:22.000 We're leading Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, by hundreds of thousands of votes.

01:07:28.000 And then late in the evening or early in the morning, boom, these explosions of bullshit.

01:07:37.000 Classic.

01:07:37.000 The guy's a master.

01:07:38.000 Yes.

01:07:39.000 We're just the master swearing, and Woody Allen is the master of cringe.

01:07:42.000 Should we go through just all the Trumps?

01:07:44.000 Sure.

01:07:45.000 Okay.

01:07:46.000 But I mean, people don't need context for these.

01:07:49.000 I guess they sort of do.

01:07:54.000 Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.

01:07:57.000 Where are they coming from?

01:07:58.000 They're coming all over the place.

01:08:00.000 They're coming, and they are coming at levels that you haven't even seen yet.

01:08:04.000 I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.

01:08:08.000 Boom, these exposure.

01:08:09.000 I'm going to come.

01:08:11.000 I'll even kiss the men.

01:08:15.000 You know, you don't have one of my favorites.

01:08:17.000 What's that?

01:08:17.000 Which is someone yells out, we love you.

01:08:19.000 And he goes, I love you too.

01:08:21.000 Yeah, I've been training you for that.

01:08:22.000 Wait, that's a guy.

01:08:23.000 That's a guy.

01:08:24.000 Yeah.

01:08:24.000 Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?

01:08:26.000 I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.

01:08:30.000 Oh, so lucky.

01:08:31.000 That is a lucky bird.

01:08:32.000 You gotta be proud of you, boys.

01:08:34.000 Sex is like not a big deal.

01:08:36.000 I won't love it, but I'll kiss him.

01:08:38.000 He's another Trump bird.

01:08:41.000 That was Brandon Zaka getting a Stracha getting attacked on the streets, and they were filming it, and the girls knew they were going to go viral as homophobes.

01:08:49.000 So they pointed out that the person they're attacking, yes, he is gay, but he's also a Trump supporter.

01:08:57.000 Fag capital world. 1.00

01:08:59.000 The fag capitals of the world. 1.00

01:09:04.000 Now, we've had a lot of people send in stuff where they've researched the most gay-friendly cities, and it's like Melbourne, Australia, San Francisco, whatever, Tel Aviv.

01:09:14.000 I think he's talking about Kansas City.

01:09:15.000 He's not being entirely accurate when he says the fag capital of the world.

01:09:19.000 He's just saying, I hate this fucking town.

01:09:22.000 And of course, he had to apologize.

01:09:23.000 My dad and I were getting into an argument about that golfer who called his ball faggot.

01:09:28.000 He's like, no, he's calling himself faggot because he didn't hit the ball hard enough. 0.99

01:09:32.000 I think he's calling the ball the faggot.

01:09:35.000 Right.

01:09:37.000 That's the thing about quietly swearing to yourself.

01:09:39.000 It's not entirely rational.

01:09:42.000 All right.

01:09:43.000 What's next?

01:09:45.000 Isa Fart? 0.97

01:09:47.000 Yes.

01:09:48.000 Okay.

01:09:48.000 This is when my youngest boy was his youngest.

01:09:51.000 This is the youngest he's ever been, a baby.

01:09:54.000 And he didn't like that he was cute.

01:09:58.000 It's sort of like supermodels.

01:09:59.000 They're always, someone's fawning over them.

01:10:01.000 They want you to take their poetry seriously or like they're photography.

01:10:05.000 I'm actually a photographer.

01:10:06.000 No, you're not.

01:10:07.000 You're just a hot chick. 1.00

01:10:08.000 You have nothing else to offer.

01:10:09.000 And Johnny, when I would film him or something, and like one time he was eating a really minty candy.

01:10:15.000 And he goes, oh, Pisces.

01:10:17.000 Hey, Pisce.

01:10:19.000 And then I brought out my camera.

01:10:21.000 And then he thought, oh, I'm probably saying spicy wrong, aren't I?

01:10:24.000 Okay, you want to film me getting the word wrong?

01:10:27.000 Fuck you.

01:10:28.000 Then he walked away and ran to my wife going, it's Pisce, Pisce.

01:10:32.000 So this moment, he discovered our whoopee cushion.

01:10:37.000 And this is a really good one.

01:10:38.000 It has foam in it, so it self-fills.

01:10:40.000 You don't have to blow in it.

01:10:41.000 So the kids can play with it for hours.

01:10:42.000 So he's sitting on it, and I'm pretending I don't know what that is.

01:10:46.000 And he goes, holy shit, finally, I know about something that someone else doesn't know about.

01:10:52.000 I'm going to tell him.

01:10:53.000 So this is him explaining to me what a fart is.

01:11:00.000 With this little raspy voice.

01:11:03.000 Oh, it's the fart.

01:11:05.000 Do it again.

01:11:09.000 Now this has...

01:11:09.000 We went 800 more times, please.

01:11:19.000 He looks concerned too.

01:11:20.000 He's like, just make it.

01:11:21.000 It's a fart.

01:11:21.000 Yeah, well, he's at work.

01:11:22.000 This is business.

01:11:25.000 I had to clear up a misunderstanding.

01:11:27.000 My father has never heard of a fart.

01:11:29.000 You know what he did the other day to me?

01:11:31.000 I go, okay, we got baseball soon, so let's wrap it up on the screens.

01:11:34.000 And he's washing his hands, and then he looks at me and my wife, and he goes, and then he walks out of the bathroom and walks past us, and then when he's like two feet away from us, he just lets out a It was perfection.

01:11:55.000 Holy shit, did we laugh at him?

01:11:56.000 That was amazing.

01:11:57.000 And you could tell, I couldn't see his face, and I could tell he was smiling, but the character was the fuck you guy.

01:12:03.000 So we had to just keep walking.

01:12:04.000 Yeah.

01:12:05.000 And then maybe he allowed himself to smile when he turned the corner.

01:12:09.000 And you know, that's sacrifice there because you don't get to see the reaction.

01:12:12.000 I'm sure you want to turn around and see the reaction, but you got to commit.

01:12:14.000 Screaming laugh.

01:12:16.000 You know, that's one of those things like the jellyfish, where when you first told a story, it was like, Isa Fat.

01:12:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:12:23.000 Oh, he's a fat.

01:12:24.000 Yeah.

01:12:25.000 Like a little merchant Chinese man. 0.98

01:12:27.000 Yeah.

01:12:27.000 What's that?

01:12:28.000 Well, when I did that how to make pancakes video, my daughter is looking at Elmo's eyes and she goes, oh, they look like little Chinese tables or something.

01:12:37.000 And then Johnny goes, oh, is Elmo?

01:12:44.000 He's Chinese.

01:12:45.000 Oh, that's actually in that episode too, 186, the one that we showed before with the flourishes.

01:12:50.000 I believe that's in that episode.

01:12:52.000 I felt ugly.

01:12:52.000 I felt gay.

01:12:53.000 Okay, so this one we all know.

01:12:55.000 It's some famous ZooTuber.

01:12:57.000 What's his YouTuber?

01:12:58.000 What's his name?

01:12:58.000 Zubi or something?

01:12:59.000 Let me know.

01:13:01.000 FauzyTube.

01:13:02.000 FauzyTube.

01:13:03.000 So he's like, I read the comments, which you'd have to be retarded to do. 0.99

01:13:07.000 And he takes them seriously.

01:13:10.000 And he's sitting here telling people, don't take the comments seriously.

01:13:14.000 They call you a loser.

01:13:15.000 They call you gay.

01:13:16.000 And I started to feel that way.

01:13:17.000 First off, I want to dedicate this award to the DOF Brubra's, the best family on YouTube.

01:13:22.000 Second off, this year I became one of the most hated YouTubers on the platform.

01:13:27.000 I felt worthless.

01:13:28.000 That's maybe because I let RiceGum punch me in the face, or maybe because I came out and said 99% of the pranks on YouTube are fake.

01:13:34.000 I felt ugly.

01:13:35.000 But I want to say this.

01:13:36.000 For a long time, I looked at myself in the mirror and I based myself based on what I read on the comments.

01:13:40.000 I felt worthless.

01:13:42.000 I felt ugly.

01:13:43.000 I felt gay.

01:13:44.000 I felt that no, like that, just based on what they told me.

01:13:48.000 I reminded myself the two most important things.

01:13:49.000 What did Kelly Husband say?

01:13:51.000 I had to use for myself whenever I was fighting my mental illness.

01:13:55.000 Those two words are I am.

01:13:56.000 Yeah, in the sense that we don't have to explain that one, right?

01:14:00.000 We've done that to death.

01:14:01.000 Yeah.

01:14:02.000 I just were talking about illegal aliens.

01:14:04.000 Everyone was zinging it.

01:14:05.000 And Rosie Perez was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, and boom.

01:14:09.000 And everyone was like, yeah, you nailed it, girl.

01:14:10.000 They were doing the Hitler thing. 0.93

01:14:11.000 Unt van Heiven, van Stoven, und van Jomen.

01:14:15.000 Ah!

01:14:16.000 Saying things in threes.

01:14:18.000 I just saw the news on the homepage.

01:14:20.000 Is anyone reading that?

01:14:21.000 Let's get rid of that.

01:14:22.000 It's costing me a fortune.

01:14:23.000 I'm done with it.

01:14:24.000 Oh, the news?

01:14:24.000 Gotcha.

01:14:25.000 The news.

01:14:25.000 Have you ever checked it out?

01:14:26.000 No.

01:14:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:27.000 Well, yeah.

01:14:28.000 I think if there's only six headlines, it's like, wow, we picked some good ones.

01:14:32.000 But, I mean.

01:14:35.000 This one is hot shit.

01:14:37.000 My opinion is.

01:14:38.000 Hot shit.

01:14:41.000 Wait, I forgot what I was talking about.

01:14:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:44.000 The view.

01:14:44.000 So she's saying, so she wants to talk in threes.

01:14:47.000 And so she says a couple things.

01:14:49.000 And then she goes, and also, who is going to clean your toilets? 0.99

01:14:52.000 Donald Trump?

01:14:53.000 And then they all went, oh, and then she went, in the sense that, and then Rosie Perez was mad at her. 0.92

01:15:00.000 She apologized.

01:15:01.000 And then Kelly Osborne complained to the producers saying that Rosie Perez had been mean to her and she was traumatized by the incident. 0.70

01:15:08.000 So then Rosie Perez had to apologize to Kelly Osborne. 1.00

01:15:12.000 And then Rosie Perez quit. 1.00

01:15:14.000 Women. 0.81

01:15:15.000 Broads.

01:15:17.000 All right, so you got Gary with hot shit.

01:15:19.000 Yep, Gary hot shit.

01:15:21.000 Dude, there's like 10 pages of these.

01:15:22.000 We're not doing all these.

01:15:25.000 All right.

01:15:26.000 What's next?

01:15:27.000 This one's a classic.

01:15:29.000 Or we'll try to speed it up a lot.

01:15:32.000 Homeboy's gonna like edit.

01:16:37.000 Kavanaugh saying I like beer that's simple and then there's the song by what's his name I like beer Tom T. Hall Taneshi Coates this is just like the Abbos where white people are fawning over this guy just because they're supposed to and he's talking about how white people act like they own the place which we've noticed black women do far more often that means you're gay what's this name and

01:17:38.000 I don't get it I don't get how anyone with an IQ over 80 could watch those and not say this is fucking garbage but who knows uh joker you get what you deserve that doesn't need explanation indian joker face trend in india where guys make this stupid face and you're supposed to be blown away.

01:18:05.000 Look how shitty India is in the background. 1.00

01:18:15.000 How did this catch on?

01:18:21.000 Oh, he timed it.

01:18:22.000 He fucked it up.

01:18:24.000 You had one job, dude.

01:18:26.000 And his adrenaline's rushing, so he's like going way too fast.

01:18:34.000 All right, we're getting sucked in here.

01:18:35.000 Yes.

01:18:37.000 We're watching 20 of them.

01:18:40.000 I Will Eat Your Ass, Alex Jones.

01:18:42.000 Of course.

01:18:43.000 We thought this is funny because it sounds like anilingus, but it is actually him talking about the end of the world.

01:18:50.000 And if the power grid goes down and there's no more fuel, he's definitely armed to the teeth.

01:18:56.000 He's ready for that.

01:18:57.000 But eventually, if all his supplies run out, he's going to eat his neighbors.

01:19:01.000 He's going to kill his neighbors and feed them to his kids.

01:19:04.000 Because if it came down to his kids dying of starvation and his neighbors living, he would choose his kids eating his neighbors.

01:19:12.000 He doesn't want them to die.

01:19:13.000 But I'm literally looking at my neighbors now and going, I'm ready to hang them up and gut them and scan them and chop them up.

01:19:19.000 You know what?

01:19:19.000 I'm ready.

01:19:19.000 My daughters aren't starving to death.

01:19:21.000 I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat. 1.00

01:19:24.000 Superpower is being honest.

01:19:25.000 I'll eat your ass. 1.00

01:19:27.000 I will.

01:19:28.000 Alex Jones.

01:19:30.000 He's the most muscular fat guy I've ever punched in my life.

01:19:34.000 And it hurts your wrists to punch him.

01:19:37.000 It's like punching a tree.

01:19:39.000 And when he hits you, it's a battering ram.

01:19:41.000 It fucking kills.

01:19:44.000 All right, this is going too long, dude.

01:19:46.000 Is there any more important ones?

01:19:48.000 Mikey, that's just some chick trying to buy crack, I think. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Don't fuck it.

01:19:53.000 I don't want to make a scene.

01:19:54.000 There's a cop over there, and there's a cop over there.

01:20:01.000 We just did Kelly Osborne.

01:20:03.000 I'm not oppressed, I'm an asshole.

01:20:05.000 That's a key and peel sketch where this guy's being an annoying fag, and the guy thinks that he's a homophobe, but then he realizes the guy he thinks his homophobe is actually gay, and his boyfriend's name is Gavin. 0.98

01:20:17.000 And he goes, oh, I'm not oppressed.

01:20:20.000 I'm just an asshole.

01:20:22.000 You know who sent me this sketch?

01:20:25.000 Patton Oswalt.

01:20:26.000 Before he had Trump Derrangement Syndrome, he was pretty cool, open-minded.

01:20:30.000 Trump really made a lot of people go nuts and get dumber.

01:20:34.000 Jim Gaffigan used to be super patriotic, pro-West, pro-Catholic.

01:20:39.000 So all his ideals fit with Trump, and then he got Trump Derrangement Syndrome and became a nut and talked about white supremacy all over the fucking place.

01:20:48.000 What's this?

01:20:49.000 Oh, Candace talking to Hawk.

01:20:51.000 This guy renamed himself.

01:20:53.000 We never use this one, Ryan.

01:20:54.000 We should be using...

01:20:57.000 I try to throw that in.

01:21:01.000 Nothing wrong with that is your dad.

01:21:03.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:21:05.000 Being interviewed, he's talking about at college he was the only straight guy out of a whole bunch of chicks.

01:21:15.000 And last longer.

01:21:16.000 Last double.

01:21:17.000 Last double.

01:21:19.000 Why?

01:21:21.000 I like to create something.

01:21:23.000 I was pretty good at it, to create when I was in school.

01:21:28.000 Then actually, real story is I was riding a motorcycle.

01:21:33.000 I want to be a motorcycle racer, but it's very, you know, I need lots of money to do it.

01:21:38.000 And my family doesn't support for that.

01:21:41.000 How did he get to America?

01:21:43.000 What I want to do.

01:21:45.000 You need a talent.

01:21:46.000 You can't replace an American job. 0.99

01:21:48.000 You have to bring jobs and say that I have a unique thing.

01:21:51.000 Then you get a visa, then you go to a green card.

01:21:53.000 You can't just show up and say, I want to cut some hairs or something.

01:21:57.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:21:58.000 That's the problem with our immigration system. 0.99

01:22:00.000 Something wrong with that.

01:22:02.000 Yeah, something's wrong with that.

01:22:03.000 Okay, sopranos, veto clip. 0.99

01:22:05.000 Got tons of sopranos, but yeah, the veto clip I think is probably the best one.

01:22:10.000 So that's when they discovered Vito was gay and he said, I'm just kidding.

01:22:13.000 We had him on the show, if you recall.

01:22:14.000 Right.

01:22:16.000 And he says this was his idea.

01:22:19.000 To make him gay, right. 1.00

01:22:21.000 Oh, oh, oh.

01:22:28.000 Vito, what the fuck?

01:22:29.000 Oh! 0.60

01:22:30.000 How did you say that?

01:22:35.000 Sopranos is two shows. 0.79

01:22:37.000 You watch it one time and you love Tony, then you watch it the second time and you go, this guy's a dick.

01:22:42.000 I hate this fucking shit.

01:22:48.000 Fucking skeevish shit.

01:23:01.000 He's a fag. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Warren Baraka.

01:23:06.000 He had a good outfit, didn't he?

01:23:11.000 You just did it.

01:23:13.000 Never happened in the States.

01:23:18.000 Vito?

01:23:19.000 What the fuck?

01:23:20.000 Sal.

01:23:21.000 This sounds very gay.

01:23:22.000 What are you doing?

01:23:22.000 Nothing.

01:23:24.000 I was here.

01:23:25.000 It's a joke.

01:23:26.000 You're a fucking fag? 1.00

01:23:28.000 Watch it, buddy.

01:23:31.000 Guys, come on.

01:23:32.000 It's okay.

01:23:32.000 You think so?

01:23:33.000 Sal, please.

01:23:34.000 It's a fucking joke.

01:23:36.000 Right.

01:23:36.000 A fucking joke.

01:23:38.000 Say hi to your wife.

01:23:40.000 I'm serious.

01:23:41.000 I'm Sal, please.

01:23:44.000 Don't say nothing, Sal.

01:23:45.000 You're cooked, my friend.

01:23:47.000 Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?

01:23:50.000 So we're not doing any of the Sopranos ones.

01:23:52.000 Those are all easy.

01:23:53.000 We just blasted through them.

01:23:55.000 On your feet, soldier, is...

01:23:57.000 Well, why don't you tell the story, Ryan?

01:23:59.000 My cringy story that my grandfather was, when he was drinking, he's now sober, feeling a little depressed.

01:24:06.000 He was thinking about ending it.

01:24:08.000 You know, he was traumatized from NOM and stuff like that.

01:24:10.000 And my grandmother said, your grandfather wants to talk to you.

01:24:13.000 So I went up there.

01:24:14.000 He's like, Poppy, I can't do it anymore, man.

01:24:16.000 This is tough.

01:24:17.000 And then.

01:24:18.000 And you were how old?

01:24:19.000 I don't know, like early teens, maybe.

01:24:21.000 So you're not great at dealing with an old war vet's thoughts of suicide.

01:24:26.000 Anywhere from like...

01:24:27.000 What's really your area of expertise at the age of fucking 14.

01:24:31.000 Anywhere from 12 to like 16.

01:24:34.000 That's a wide range.

01:24:35.000 That's quite a range.

01:24:35.000 I said, on your feet, soldier.

01:24:37.000 I actually said corporal too.

01:24:40.000 Corporal.

01:24:41.000 So wait a minute.

01:24:41.000 You just ruined the story.

01:24:42.000 So you stood by.

01:24:43.000 Was he on a mattress on the floor?

01:24:44.000 No, he's on his bed, like sitting there, just like on the edge of the bed.

01:24:48.000 You said, on your feet, corporal.

01:24:50.000 Yep.

01:24:52.000 And what did he do?

01:24:54.000 He didn't react to that.

01:24:56.000 He just closed his eyes.

01:24:57.000 He might not have stood up.

01:24:58.000 He might have stood up.

01:25:00.000 He just stood up, put the revolver in his mouth, and then shot me instead.

01:25:09.000 Thanks, Ryan.

01:25:10.000 You really showed me what my problem is.

01:25:13.000 It's not me.

01:25:14.000 He said, at least I'm not that guy.

01:25:16.000 Yeah.

01:25:16.000 I already feel better.

01:25:18.000 He's letting your head explode.

01:25:19.000 There's nothing more appropriate in a flashback of Nom to then shoot a slanty-eyed person in the head. 1.00

01:25:26.000 Yeah.

01:25:27.000 There's some gook in his bedroom going, on your feet, corporal. 1.00

01:25:30.000 You're lucky you didn't get blown away.

01:25:32.000 You didn't have a flashback.

01:25:34.000 That's like Derek Beckles when his parents were getting divorced.

01:25:37.000 He was around the same age.

01:25:38.000 And his dad was really sad.

01:25:41.000 I think his dad got dumped by his crazy Latina mom. 0.92

01:25:44.000 His dad's black.

01:25:46.000 And Derek came up with an idea.

01:25:49.000 He wrote up the lyrics to Boys Don't Cry by The Cure.

01:25:53.000 And then he pinned it on the corkboard in the kitchen.

01:25:56.000 And when his dad came in, he went, hey, dad.

01:25:59.000 Oh, no.

01:26:00.000 Pointed to it and then walked out of the room.

01:26:03.000 And he still, when he remembers that, he goes, ah.

01:26:06.000 Yeah, like a physical pain.

01:26:10.000 Oof, that ain't good.

01:26:11.000 All right, what else?

01:26:13.000 Okay.

01:26:14.000 Orson Welles.

01:26:16.000 Yes, this is a class.

01:26:17.000 We all know this, right?

01:26:18.000 Wasted doing Paul Masson wines.

01:26:23.000 Does it do anything?

01:26:25.000 No, it's not really.

01:26:27.000 We've been through this a million times.

01:26:28.000 We think he's saying, does this do anything?

01:26:32.000 We used to think it was just say anything.

01:26:35.000 What else?

01:26:35.000 Oh, this is, what's his name?

01:26:37.000 Marcellus Sean?

01:26:40.000 Sean Marcellus.

01:26:41.000 What's his name again?

01:26:42.000 Marshawn Lynch.

01:26:43.000 Marshawn Lynch.

01:26:44.000 Cool guy.

01:26:45.000 Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

01:26:55.000 He would always fuck with people doing interviews.

01:26:57.000 He hated doing interviews.

01:26:58.000 He thought they were gay and he was always messing with people.

01:27:02.000 And when he was explaining, they go, what's your technique for capping?

01:27:04.000 He goes, you just have to run through a motherfucker's face.

01:27:07.000 And when you do that over and over and over again, they're scared of you.

01:27:10.000 And then the interview is trying to derive some sort of bigger meaning.

01:27:16.000 And he goes, I assume there's some sort of metaphor there.

01:27:19.000 And he goes, you just run through a motherfucker's face. 0.97

01:27:22.000 Check out Marshall Lynch, whatever his name is.

01:27:27.000 Any press interviews after the game, they're fucking great.

01:27:31.000 Although he did something that pissed me off.

01:27:33.000 I can't remember what it was.

01:27:34.000 Maybe he shot on Trump or something.

01:27:36.000 Maybe, is it possible that he...

01:27:41.000 Now, this is easy.

01:27:42.000 This is in Uganda, I believe, where it is a capital offense to be a homosexual.

01:27:49.000 You will die if you're gay. 1.00

01:27:52.000 And this gentleman was claiming that he'd been doing some research on gayness, and Barack Obama was telling them they need to lay off these anti-sodomy.

01:28:00.000 Oh, she's pretty. 1.00

01:28:01.000 These anti-sodomy laws.

01:28:03.000 And he goes, I looked it up to see what they're doing.

01:28:05.000 I looked at gay porn, and they were eating shit. 1.00

01:28:09.000 And this one is eating the poop all over the place. 0.99

01:28:12.000 A parental guidance moment.

01:28:14.000 Hey, that child can do no doubt.

01:28:16.000 So I've done research.

01:28:19.000 This is what they do.

01:28:20.000 Number one, you can see a man here coming.

01:28:24.000 So he shows them gay porn.

01:28:25.000 And the weirdest thing about that conference is nobody's laughing.

01:28:30.000 That should be a capital offense. 0.96

01:28:31.000 It's quiet for them.

01:28:32.000 It's quiet.

01:28:33.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for them.

01:28:35.000 We have no idea what this retarded genius thing is. 1.00

01:28:39.000 They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses. 0.93

01:28:43.000 That's great.

01:28:43.000 No idea where that was sent in by a viewer, right?

01:28:46.000 Yes.

01:28:46.000 And then Rogan saying he cries at happy things.

01:28:48.000 I cheer up for happy things.

01:28:49.000 That's self-explanatory.

01:28:50.000 I cheer up for sad things.

01:28:52.000 Aneurysm on the toilet came from Scared Straight, where this guy's got a lot of, as Ryan would say, flourishing.

01:28:59.000 Yes.

01:29:00.000 He's really got a lot of style to his scaring.

01:29:04.000 He's all garnished.

01:29:08.000 I think you look at him crazy.

01:29:09.000 Are you threatening him?

01:29:10.000 I think you did too.

01:29:10.000 I'm threatening him.

01:29:12.000 Dude, I can feel your heartbeating through your shirt.

01:29:13.000 Are you scared?

01:29:15.000 Why would you be scared at that?

01:29:17.000 It's like a roller coaster.

01:29:18.000 You know, they can't hurt you.

01:29:20.000 Anybody can kill you.

01:29:21.000 You can slip and fall in a banana field.

01:29:23.000 You can get in a car wreck.

01:29:24.000 You can fall off a bridge.

01:29:25.000 You can have an aneurysm on a tour.

01:29:27.000 You never know.

01:29:29.000 That makes it so much better.

01:29:30.000 You never know.

01:29:31.000 There's like a sane tone happening.

01:29:33.000 You can have an aneurysm on my tarmac.

01:29:35.000 Just going to send it.

01:29:36.000 Comes from this hoser in.

01:29:40.000 I don't know where.

01:29:41.000 I know in Canada, but is it...

01:29:45.000 It's this much snow, you think it's Winnipeg.

01:29:48.000 I also, for some reason, think it's East Coast.

01:29:51.000 Gonna enter about three-quarter to full throttle.

01:29:53.000 Come down that hill pretty fast.

01:29:55.000 Hit that water.

01:29:56.000 Just gonna hold her wide.

01:29:57.000 Gonna be a good day.

01:30:00.000 Hold her wide.

01:30:02.000 It's gonna be a good day.

01:30:04.000 No fucking way.

01:30:08.000 I think he did it, yeah.

01:30:09.000 Wow.

01:30:09.000 Well, that was close, though.

01:30:10.000 He sent it.

01:30:12.000 He also seemed to be going at an angle there, which can't be good.

01:30:18.000 Jesus Christ.

01:30:21.000 Shut up, Janet. 1.00

01:30:23.000 We know that one, Louis C.K. talking about if guns were legal, we'd all kill.

01:30:27.000 Situation is self-explanatory.

01:30:29.000 It's a Trump roast where he was the least funny person in the history of comedy.

01:30:35.000 What are you going to do?

01:30:37.000 Oh, I'm glad we didn't stop doing this because it hurt me today as important context.

01:30:42.000 This was a really good, as Louis C.K. said, SNL should only do these shorts.

01:30:47.000 They should kill the whole stupid reading the cue cards thing. 0.91

01:30:50.000 It's fucking embarrassing.

01:30:51.000 And no one looks like this when they're talking to someone.

01:30:54.000 And you can see the other guys in the sketch also looking at the cue cards Because they want to see when their line is coming up.

01:31:02.000 They want to make sure they don't miss it.

01:31:03.000 So it's awkward and tense.

01:31:05.000 But anyway, this is not awkward and tense.

01:31:08.000 And it's about Valentine's Day.

01:31:10.000 And it's making fun of CVS for having anything at it and how little you'd have to love your girlfriend to buy something there.

01:31:17.000 You know she'll love.

01:31:18.000 Pick up some G-rated CVS brand sex dice.

01:31:22.000 Kisses hoe. 1.00

01:31:28.000 Of course it's not.

01:31:29.000 It's her the night of her dreams.

01:31:31.000 Fucking bad.

01:31:33.000 Still frozen.

01:31:34.000 Well, now it's just a series of pictures.

01:31:44.000 Well, no, see, you gotta show more of it here.

01:31:46.000 Why is it lagging so bad?

01:31:49.000 You have hurt me today.

01:31:52.000 We just thought that was funny because he says you can put your makeup in it and it's a Christmas stocking for Valentine's Day.

01:32:01.000 Okay, that was ruined.

01:32:02.000 Sometimes the complaints will be false.

01:32:04.000 That's a fucking amazing thing about how they're doing an office training thing.

01:32:09.000 My kids love the office.

01:32:10.000 They hate the UK office.

01:32:14.000 What are you doing?

01:32:20.000 We'll kick off with your leader.

01:32:22.000 Can't hear anything.

01:32:22.000 David.

01:32:23.000 You'd like to come up here?

01:32:24.000 Maybe round of applause to David.

01:32:26.000 No, no, no.

01:32:27.000 I'm cheating, really.

01:32:29.000 I've done this before.

01:32:30.000 Oh, God.

01:32:30.000 Well, that should make it a lot easier for you.

01:32:33.000 Okay, well, nice and simple to start with.

01:32:35.000 Hard as you like.

01:32:36.000 Well, let's just kick off with something nice and easy.

01:32:38.000 Okay.

01:32:38.000 I want us to play out a scenario that highlights customer care.

01:32:43.000 Okay.

01:32:43.000 That all of you have to deal with people.

01:32:45.000 And it's always possible to improve your people's skills.

01:32:48.000 Right, in this scenario, we'll start with some of the things that we're doing.

01:32:51.000 He ends up getting a job instructions.

01:32:54.000 I'm going to play a very bad hotel manager who just doesn't care.

01:32:58.000 If it's a Basil Faulty type character, then we'll that maybe I should do it just for the comedy.

01:33:03.000 Yeah, well let me just play just you know just to kick things off, okay?

01:33:06.000 I'll probably bring so much to this role anyway.

01:33:08.000 Right.

01:33:09.000 Okay, well you've got to complain.

01:33:10.000 You come and complain and I'll show you the wrong way to handle it.

01:33:13.000 This will be the wrong way.

01:33:14.000 Okay.

01:33:15.000 Right, so I'm going to go.

01:33:19.000 Sorry, what's the complaint?

01:33:21.000 Just make it up.

01:33:22.000 Anything, because there's no right or wrong thing in this scenario.

01:33:26.000 Then we tell you the right thing afterwards, so we might as well.

01:33:29.000 You've got a complaint.

01:33:30.000 Right.

01:33:30.000 Okay.

01:33:31.000 Okay.

01:33:32.000 I'd like to make a complaint, please.

01:33:34.000 Don't care.

01:33:36.000 Well, I am staying in the hotel.

01:33:38.000 I don't care.

01:33:38.000 It's not my shift.

01:33:39.000 Well, you're an ambassador for the hotel.

01:33:41.000 I don't care.

01:33:41.000 I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is.

01:33:44.000 I think there's been a rape up there. 0.98

01:33:52.000 Rape.

01:33:53.000 Right there.

01:33:54.000 Workers' attention.

01:33:55.000 Get their attention.

01:33:57.000 Okay?

01:33:59.000 Right, so well, some interesting points.

01:34:02.000 So you like this point.

01:34:02.000 I'm just going to point up there.

01:34:03.000 It's not quite the point I was trying to make.

01:34:05.000 Different points to be made.

01:34:07.000 I'm more interested in customer characters.

01:34:09.000 Why were you always playing with your tie?

01:34:10.000 And he said, because I'd never worn a tie before, so it felt unusual around my neck.

01:34:14.000 I phased you.

01:34:15.000 But you have a go, see if you can phase me, okay?

01:34:18.000 Yeah, right.

01:34:19.000 Okay.

01:34:22.000 Hello, I wish to make a complaint.

01:34:24.000 Not interested.

01:34:25.000 My room is an absolute disgrace.

01:34:26.000 Don't care.

01:34:27.000 The bathroom doesn't appear to have been clean.

01:34:28.000 What room are you in?

01:34:30.000 362.

01:34:31.000 There is no 362 in this hotel.

01:34:34.000 Sometimes the complaints will be false.

01:34:37.000 That's great.

01:34:41.000 You son of a bitch is obviously the predator where what happens?

01:34:46.000 Arnold Schwarzenegger meets up with Carl Weathers or someone?

01:34:52.000 Good morning, Saxon.

01:34:57.000 I mean, if you don't know that meme, you can go fuck yourself.

01:35:00.000 Spooky was again Harry and Paul after the guy talks about how everything is English.

01:35:08.000 Scottish.

01:35:11.000 Some guy says everything is Scottish.

01:35:13.000 He's an annoying Scottophile who's Scottish. 1.00

01:35:15.000 And then he leaves and then Paul Whitefield goes, don't you worry about him, pal.

01:35:20.000 I come at life from a sideways look.

01:35:23.000 Imagine if there was all no walls in the world.

01:35:26.000 We'd all be in one big room.

01:35:28.000 There he is.

01:35:29.000 We're not all like that.

01:35:31.000 I take it sideways.

01:35:32.000 Look at that.

01:35:33.000 I take it sideways.

01:35:34.000 Aunt Coates fantastic with two great tubes for your arms and your wee handies free at the end to do things like drink beer or wank. 1.00

01:35:46.000 Now you know this is one of the oldest.

01:35:50.000 Eau de Symbols, of course, is.

01:35:52.000 Oh, that is the get-out guy.

01:35:53.000 Yep.

01:35:54.000 Oh.

01:35:54.000 That's Terrence Howard at Oxford doing a lecture.

01:35:59.000 Did they not screen these people first?

01:36:04.000 This I don't get.

01:36:05.000 Like, did the guys who put this together know that he's a fucking lunatic?

01:36:09.000 It takes, honestly, eight seconds of listening to him to know that he's out of his mind.

01:36:15.000 From the pranksters that brought you to bring you some of these things.

01:36:25.000 Lord help me.

01:36:26.000 A box of toys?

01:36:27.000 What is it, Mr. Rogers?

01:36:28.000 What I've done is I've figured out about 70 different seven different elementary particles.

01:36:34.000 Seven or 70.

01:36:35.000 And then there were secondary generational particles that seemed to occur.

01:36:39.000 And when these things began to build up more and more.

01:36:41.000 He's too dumb to be nervous.

01:36:43.000 They began to create their own systems.

01:36:46.000 And these systems is what I brought to Oxford because I would like for you guys to.

01:36:52.000 This is like two hours long, and I highly recommend you carve some time out of your day.

01:36:56.000 Or maybe you're cleaning the kitchen.

01:36:58.000 You're giving your wife a break. 0.86

01:36:59.000 You're going to do all the dishes and put them away, everything.

01:37:02.000 Put this on.

01:37:04.000 It's incredible.

01:37:05.000 I think what's happening to him is he's used to talking to women that want to blow him.

01:37:10.000 So just like that model that wants you to care about her photography or that baby that thinks you've never heard of a fart, he's not used to real criticism.

01:37:18.000 So when he's actually there at Oxford and he has to present his case, he realizes he has no idea what he's talking about.

01:37:25.000 Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.

01:37:28.000 Any other number that you above two that you put in and you cube and you square, cube and square by the six operations.

01:37:40.000 It's meth stuff.

01:37:41.000 You know, you talk to meth heads about math, and they've got all these theories, and then they sober up and go to Oxford and try to recreate them and realize, oh, that shit I thought I came up with makes no sense. 0.50

01:37:54.000 Oh, that's true.

01:37:55.000 This is a good one.

01:37:56.000 These are these two women from Florida. 1.00

01:37:58.000 It's a mother-daughter team. 0.87

01:37:59.000 And they deal with stress by removing negative coils that go down your spine, and you pull them out of your head like a big long piece of yarn.

01:38:09.000 And they do all kinds of tantric massage.

01:38:10.000 There's a whole website there of their stuff.

01:38:13.000 What are they called?

01:38:15.000 The Angelic Initiative.

01:38:16.000 The Angelic Initiative.

01:38:18.000 You can look that up on your own.

01:38:19.000 Almost as good as almost as good as Terrence Howard.

01:38:27.000 Not quite as good.

01:38:28.000 But at one point, she gets mad at one of her trees who is refusing to listen to her.

01:38:34.000 This is amazing, where this black man, he calls himself, he's an ex-football player, decides to have uncomfortable conversations about race.

01:38:42.000 And he just makes up shit.

01:38:43.000 No data, no stats.

01:38:45.000 These are the Geraldo of racism.

01:38:47.000 And it's just like, black people, when they commit a crime, yes, they do kill a lot of black people, but they get arrested for that. 1.00

01:38:53.000 Cops, they kill people they don't go to jail for that.

01:38:57.000 That's not true, sir.

01:38:58.000 They go to fucking jail if they shoot an unarmed black man for no reason.

01:39:04.000 And black criminals don't go to jail because no one can get to there. 1.00

01:39:08.000 How do you go to the hood and investigate a murder if you're a white detective or a fucking black detective? 0.85

01:39:14.000 No one's talking.

01:39:15.000 75% of black on black crime goes unsolved.

01:39:18.000 But he doesn't look this up.

01:39:19.000 He doesn't know this.

01:39:20.000 And so Matthew McConaughey, who also has Down syndrome, decides he wants to talk to this guy and he wants to start having like intellectual discussions.

01:39:29.000 He reckons himself the new Gore Vidal.

01:39:33.000 And what a shit show.

01:39:36.000 What a retard. 1.00

01:39:37.000 Amazing.

01:39:38.000 What did he just say?

01:39:39.000 Is equality not?

01:39:41.000 Wait, the body.

01:39:42.000 Heard.

01:39:43.000 Heard.

01:39:44.000 Equality.

01:39:45.000 The definition of equality.

01:39:47.000 What equality is and what is equality not?

01:39:52.000 It's been an American issue forever, and we continue to work and grow and evolve.

01:40:00.000 What the definition of equality should be.

01:40:04.000 How about everyone has the same opportunities to better themselves with public education and eventually cheap city colleges and then get a job?

01:40:15.000 And they should not be discriminated against for their gender or their race.

01:40:19.000 In fact, I got an idea.

01:40:20.000 Let's make it illegal to discriminate against someone for their...

01:40:24.000 So if someone has a job and then the guy sees they're black and says, I'm firing you because you're black, you could sue him.

01:40:29.000 That's illegal.

01:40:29.000 Why don't we institute that?

01:40:31.000 We did.

01:40:31.000 Boom.

01:40:32.000 Done.

01:40:33.000 Yes, there were some shitty times.

01:40:35.000 We do have a rocky past.

01:40:37.000 But let's leave that in the past and accept that in 2021.

01:40:41.000 There's people born poor.

01:40:42.000 There's people grown rich.

01:40:43.000 Two-thirds of the world's billionaires were bootstrapped billionaires, picked themselves up by their bootstraps, made themselves rich.

01:40:49.000 Go to school, get C's, and you'll be good.

01:40:55.000 All right.

01:40:56.000 Tiger King, we don't have to explain.

01:40:58.000 Throwing themselves into the road is obviously the greatest, one of my top three movies.

01:41:04.000 Husbands and Wives With The On Eye, Animal House, I think, are my top three.

01:41:08.000 Throwing themselves into the road, gladly.

01:41:10.000 Fantastic film.

01:41:12.000 Tiger King, We Don't Have to Explain.

01:41:14.000 Nobody got time for that was a news show where a woman was being interviewed about a believe a fire or something.

01:41:21.000 And she was doing that usual colorful ghetto commentary. 0.95

01:41:25.000 Yeah, there was an era of news where they just used to get interviews of people being interesting.

01:41:35.000 Then I ran out.

01:41:36.000 I didn't grab no shoes or nothing, Jesus.

01:41:39.000 I ran for my life.

01:41:41.000 And then the smoke got her.

01:41:43.000 I got bronchitis.

01:41:45.000 Ain't nobody got time for that.

01:41:48.000 Beautiful.

01:41:50.000 And then, of course, there's Breitbart.

01:41:52.000 We've all seen that, right?

01:41:53.000 Where he says, you want to call me a Timothy McVay?

01:41:58.000 Let's just play it anyway.

01:42:01.000 Oh, did he have hair lip as a young man?

01:42:04.000 Looks like it.

01:42:04.000 It looks like he had a cleft lip.

01:42:08.000 Right?

01:42:09.000 All the people that have gone there against the mainstream media and said, you're going to call us racist.

01:42:15.000 You're going to call us potential Timothy McVays.

01:42:18.000 Fuck you.

01:42:29.000 What?

01:42:30.000 What?

01:42:31.000 This you have to watch.

01:42:32.000 This is...

01:42:34.000 I'm putting this up there with Terrence Howard, but it's not ironic.

01:42:36.000 It's just good quality.

01:42:37.000 It's called, I think you should leave.

01:42:39.000 I think you should leave now, yeah.

01:42:41.000 Netflix.

01:42:41.000 And it's a guy, I'm convinced, he's friends with Kristen Wigg and all the top comedians in the country.

01:42:46.000 I'm convinced he had no career because his nose is too big.

01:42:49.000 And it looks weird.

01:42:51.000 I don't mind it.

01:42:52.000 I don't need you to be gorgeous, to be funny, but his career's gone nowhere.

01:42:58.000 He got this Netflix special with all these huge, not Netflix special, Netflix show, with all these huge celebrity comedians on it that he knows.

01:43:05.000 But he's never done anything before or since.

01:43:08.000 I blame his nose.

01:43:10.000 Anyway, in this sketch, his girlfriend was eating too much of the nachos. 0.98

01:43:13.000 And so he went to the waiter and he said, can you tell her that it's illegal here at this restaurant? 0.94

01:43:18.000 It's forbidden for people to eat too many of the chips and not share enough.

01:43:22.000 And she goes, did you tell him to say that?

01:43:23.000 And he goes, what?

01:43:24.000 Did you ask him to come over here and say that?

01:43:34.000 What?

01:43:35.000 Did you ask him to say that?

01:43:43.000 What the hell are you talking about?

01:43:47.000 You got up, you talked to him for a long time, and then the minute you sit down, he comes over and says that the restaurant has this room.

01:43:55.000 Sketch makes me hungry.

01:43:56.000 Younger me would have thought she was ugly. 1.00

01:43:59.000 And younger me is wrong.

01:44:02.000 What do you think?

01:44:04.000 What?

01:44:05.000 What?

01:44:08.000 I went up there to ask if we could search a table.

01:44:13.000 There's an air conditioner above this table, and I was worried you were gonna get cold.

01:44:19.000 There's no vent above us.

01:44:22.000 What?

01:44:23.000 Did he ask you to come over and say that about the nachos?

01:44:25.000 He did.

01:44:26.000 What?

01:44:27.000 I went up there to complain about the rule.

01:44:31.000 You just learned the rule.

01:44:34.000 He just came over here.

01:44:36.000 Him!

01:44:37.000 What is going on?

01:44:39.000 Take the check.

01:44:41.000 What's that?

01:44:41.000 Say that again.

01:44:43.000 We're gonna be so early for that movie.

01:44:46.000 I'm not going to the movie.

01:44:56.000 You know that she's hot now because you fucked girls and you can tell she's a good lay. 1.00

01:45:01.000 Oh.

01:45:01.000 Smart girls are fun to fuck, if I recall.

01:45:04.000 Good point.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, they're open-minded.

01:45:06.000 They want to try stuff.

01:45:07.000 They're interesting.

01:45:08.000 Open-legged.

01:45:09.000 In bed.

01:45:10.000 Hot chicks, not so much. 1.00

01:45:12.000 They're fucking hack.

01:45:13.000 Hot chicks are hack. 1.00

01:45:15.000 I'm not attracted to hot chicks anymore. 1.00

01:45:17.000 What?

01:45:18.000 You heard them.

01:45:20.000 Okay, last ones.

01:45:22.000 Yeah, Chris Angel.

01:45:25.000 Oh, that one is a famous interview.

01:45:26.000 I think it's in Ghana where he says, why are you gay?

01:45:28.000 He's talking to a gay person.

01:45:29.000 She says, I'm not gay.

01:45:31.000 Takes all but two seconds for him to come out the gate.

01:45:33.000 Hello and welcome back.

01:45:34.000 This is the topical discussion on NBS television.

01:45:38.000 My name is Simon Kagwanjara.

01:45:40.000 And well, we're also weighing in on the raging debate on homosexuality in Uganda, which is taking another twist today.

01:45:48.000 With questions, it is indeed becoming a safe haven for homosexuality. 1.00

01:45:54.000 President Museveni on Sunday, while attending the inauguration of the new Archbishop of the Church of Uganda at Namirimbe Cathedral, insisted.

01:46:03.000 Nice informative lead-in.

01:46:04.000 My buddy has a hack box that you can watch anything in.

01:46:07.000 And I just watch, every time I go to his house, I watch Public Access in the Caribbean.

01:46:11.000 It's fascinating.

01:46:13.000 And the quality of the audio is always brutally bad.

01:46:16.000 This is good.

01:46:17.000 But this is in the Caribbean.

01:46:26.000 Good morning.

01:46:27.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

01:46:29.000 Who says I'm gay?

01:46:32.000 You are gay. 1.00

01:46:33.000 You are a transgender. 0.99

01:46:34.000 What shows that I'm gay?

01:46:36.000 You are a transgender. 0.99

01:46:37.000 And you are a gay rights activist and an outspoken lesbian.

01:46:43.000 You are gay. 1.00

01:46:43.000 Homosexual. 1.00

01:46:47.000 Awesome.

01:46:49.000 And then this was, I think, the end of Chris Angel's career.

01:46:52.000 It was sort of like the Jake Paul fight, where he says he's going to take a dune buggy off a ramp.

01:46:59.000 This must be cocaine.

01:47:01.000 He must have just destroyed his mind with cocaine.

01:47:03.000 Vegas cocaine.

01:47:04.000 His brain's garbage.

01:47:06.000 And he's going to shoot this dune buggy off the ramp, then in midair, jump out of the dune buggy, and then in a millisecond, open the cage, go in it, and close the door.

01:47:17.000 And coincidentally, they don't show anything.

01:47:26.000 It was subpar.

01:47:30.000 And then finally, our favorite guy, Cartnark, where this dude wastes hours and hours of his own time pursuing people who don't put their carts back and making them go insane with rage.

01:47:42.000 Risking his life, by the way, to do this, to amuse us.

01:47:46.000 And I don't like prank calls because it's wasting someone's time, but this is the right target.

01:47:52.000 It's a silly thing to put a cart away.

01:47:55.000 And when they overreact and get mad, I don't feel bad that I'm wasting their time.

01:47:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:48:00.000 Like when you call dominoes and you order a blood, a period of pizza or something, I'm like, the guy's at work, leave him alone.

01:48:06.000 But this guy, I don't feel that way.

01:48:08.000 I love that he's being antagonized.

01:48:11.000 Sir, I don't want to go.

01:48:12.000 I don't want to go there.

01:48:13.000 I want to have a polite conversation.

01:48:15.000 You don't want a polite conversation.

01:48:17.000 You don't have to.

01:48:18.000 You don't have to.

01:48:19.000 Leave me alone.

01:48:20.000 He didn't take his cart back.

01:48:21.000 He's being very antsy about it.

01:48:22.000 I don't know why.

01:48:22.000 He's trying to kick me.

01:48:23.000 He's abusing me.

01:48:25.000 What human abuse is, sir?

01:48:26.000 I'm having a polite conversation.

01:48:28.000 You're not.

01:48:28.000 When somebody says they don't want to talk to you, you turn around and walk away.

01:48:32.000 But, sir, you...

01:48:34.000 Yeah, your drop for that's too short.

01:48:36.000 It should be you turn around and walk away.

01:48:39.000 That is the new one.

01:48:39.000 Oh, good.

01:48:40.000 Okay.

01:48:40.000 We got an update.

01:48:41.000 Here it is.

01:48:43.000 Let's see.

01:48:43.000 You turn around and walk away.

01:48:45.000 Bam! 0.98

01:48:47.000 There it is, folks.

01:48:48.000 Those are all our most...

01:48:49.000 Those aren't all our drops, right?

01:48:50.000 No.

01:48:51.000 Those are all our most popular drops, and you've now seen the origin of them.

01:48:55.000 I hope that wasn't too long.

01:48:56.000 It felt a little boring towards the end there, but we got to be thorough.

01:49:00.000 We have to be thorough.

01:49:02.000 I am done.

01:49:03.000 You're gone.

01:49:12.000 Um.

01:49:16.000 My mother told me she was date raped last night. 0.68

01:49:18.000 Oh my god, I'm sorry.

01:49:21.000 It's terrible now.

01:49:23.000 Pretty big deal.

01:49:25.000 She said she wants to go to the pub.

01:49:27.000 Okay.

01:49:29.000 So I take her there.

01:49:30.000 And I have to drop her off because I got to do good shit with the kids.

01:49:33.000 And then one drink later, she goes, I want to go home.

01:49:36.000 The bartender says, you know, you've been drinking, you're 80, and it's like three miles away.

01:49:42.000 And she goes, I'm going to walk.

01:49:44.000 And he goes, no, I'll get you a cab or something.

01:49:48.000 I don't want this on my watch.

01:49:49.000 And now I'm mad that my mom's messing up my local and inconveniencing my bartender. 1.00

01:49:54.000 That's my safe space.

01:49:58.000 And they took a lot of shit, by the way, for having me there.

01:50:01.000 Like, they harassed the landlord, all kinds of shit.

01:50:03.000 But anyway, so I'm driving her back.

01:50:07.000 She's changed her mind, by the way, by the time I get there.

01:50:10.000 I'm like, okay, going home.

01:50:12.000 Going home.

01:50:14.000 So she goes, you know, your father's a horrible person, blah, blah, blah.

01:50:18.000 And then she goes, and I've never forgiven him for that time in Germany when I was date raped.

01:50:24.000 What?

01:50:25.000 I have to kill my dad now?

01:50:27.000 Say that again?

01:50:30.000 Yeah, we were at a wine tasting, and he was really rude to me that night because he had to carry me home.

01:50:35.000 Okay.

01:50:37.000 What happened?

01:50:37.000 I think they rappinauled me at the wine tasting.

01:50:41.000 She means we're hypno, roofies.

01:50:43.000 I go, and they do that.

01:50:45.000 They do that to take your passport and your wallet and they rob you.

01:50:49.000 And that's why I was passed out.

01:50:51.000 That's why I had to be carried home.

01:50:53.000 Because I was Rapinauled.

01:50:55.000 And I go, okay, so you were carried home that night.

01:50:57.000 You didn't stay at some party and sleep somewhere.

01:51:01.000 When were you sexually violated?

01:51:02.000 And she goes, oh, I wasn't sexually violated.

01:51:06.000 And I go, you said you were date raped. 1.00

01:51:08.000 She goes, that's what they call the drug. 1.00

01:51:11.000 No.

01:51:15.000 Rape.

01:51:17.000 Okay.

01:51:18.000 So the worst case scenario is you were Ropenault.

01:51:24.000 Best case scenario is you just drank too much and dad was mad.

01:51:27.000 Can you not throw the word rape in there, please? 0.94

01:51:30.000 I was ready to murder my father.

01:51:33.000 Slit his throat.

01:51:35.000 Sex is like not a big deal.

01:51:38.000 Tabernac to call this.

01:51:39.000 All right.

01:51:41.000 That 100th episode dip into the video drops swallowed up a lot of the show.

01:51:47.000 So we're already ready for the mailbag, folks.

01:51:50.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dead.

01:51:55.000 Let's turn the fruits together's mailbag. 0.76

01:52:00.000 Let me touch your bridge.

01:52:03.000 See, I come to work when I'm sick and spread it to my co-workers.

01:52:10.000 Oh, I got a cool letter from the cop who was fired.

01:52:15.000 Remember the Tower Church in Fresno?

01:52:19.000 So he was fired for being a proud boy.

01:52:22.000 And we talked to Haley White about it and said, why did you get that cop fired? 0.95

01:52:26.000 She denied it.

01:52:28.000 And he said, dear Gavin, just saw the piece you did on me and the Tower Church in Fresno.

01:52:34.000 For as much as Haley White wants to say she knows what I was doing down there, she's completely full of shit.

01:52:39.000 I went down there to watch, not protest or even counter-protest.

01:52:43.000 I actually don't want the theater to be sold.

01:52:45.000 So I side with the LGBT community on these, on this, but these idiots don't care about facts. 1.00

01:52:51.000 I was in Proud Boys.

01:52:52.000 I haven't been in Proud Boys for six months, but I got doxxed anyways.

01:52:56.000 And when Mayor Dyer and Chief Paco found out, I was terminated without even being able to give a statement.

01:53:03.000 18 years, no claims of racial issues, no excessive force, and no sustained IA investigations.

01:53:09.000 And just because I wore a Fred Perry back in November, I was fired, no questions asked.

01:53:14.000 They have no evidence that I broke any laws or even violated policy.

01:53:18.000 That's how charged the political BS is out here.

01:53:21.000 Anyway, I'm fighting it.

01:53:22.000 Take care.

01:53:24.000 Pretty nuts, huh?

01:53:26.000 That is infuriating.

01:53:32.000 Hi, fags. 1.00

01:53:32.000 It's a really risky thing to build an entire network around a flagship show. 1.00

01:53:36.000 When the brand is so heavily centered around one well-known personality, it puts everyone else at risk if something should happen to that person.

01:53:43.000 Gavin, what is your plan if Gary dies and can't do the mailbag anymore?

01:53:47.000 That guy has an Indian name.

01:53:51.000 We would just shut it down.

01:53:52.000 Of course.

01:53:53.000 Obviously.

01:53:54.000 We would taffer it.

01:53:54.000 We go our separate ways.

01:53:56.000 I guess what we do is we just try to get back on YouTube.

01:53:59.000 Maybe write a letter to Jack?

01:54:02.000 It still wouldn't feel right.

01:54:05.000 Hi, Fags. 1.00

01:54:05.000 It's really risky thing to... 1.00

01:54:06.000 Oh, sorry.

01:54:12.000 Okay, I was one of those people who thought it was crazy when people said if you allow gay marriage, the next people want to legalize incest.

01:54:17.000 But here we are.

01:54:18.000 The New York Times writes about the advocates.

01:54:21.000 Wait, they need links to the New York Post.

01:54:26.000 So welcome to a world where sick men raise their doors. 0.99

01:54:28.000 Consensual incest should be decriminalized, advocates say.

01:54:33.000 Australian Richard Morris is pushing to change incest laws in about 60 countries.

01:54:39.000 How low are we going here?

01:54:42.000 16, 15, 14, 8?

01:54:44.000 Necrophilia next?

01:54:45.000 What's...

01:54:46.000 Yeah.

01:54:47.000 You understand that we have these laws because children can't consent.

01:54:51.000 They're too young.

01:54:52.000 They can easily be brainwashed by adults.

01:54:54.000 You got that, right?

01:54:55.000 I mean, we're already brainwashing these kids to be trans because we think it makes us cool. 0.99

01:55:02.000 These fucking Munchausen moms who want to be able to say, my kid is trans. 1.00

01:55:08.000 Because of white guilt, by the way.

01:55:10.000 Like, my neighbors hate me and Jews call me an anti-Semite because they feel terrible guilt for being white and living in an all-white neighborhood.

01:55:20.000 So they want to vilify alleged Nazis.

01:55:23.000 So it puts them, it alleviates their guilt.

01:55:26.000 I did the good thing.

01:55:27.000 I fought.

01:55:28.000 I had a Black Lives Matter sign in front of my $2 million mansion.

01:55:33.000 Here's a funny Scottish girl arguing with her uncle.

01:55:37.000 Okay.

01:55:38.000 My thing just froze up.

01:55:40.000 Here we go.

01:55:46.000 She's acting up.

01:55:47.000 She's acting smart.

01:55:48.000 She's acting for an audience.

01:55:50.000 I'm going to be rude to you.

01:55:57.000 I'm going to be rude to you.

01:56:00.000 Punishment.

01:56:01.000 What you say by yourself?

01:56:08.000 She's like a little grown-up.

01:56:12.000 Hello, Senora Gaband, Senor Maricón.

01:56:16.000 You love the premise of the show Them.

01:56:17.000 It's a mind-blowing level of hate they are pumping out.

01:56:20.000 Stumbled upon this garbage.

01:56:21.000 The director also has a film about Karl Marx and Engels that only made $100,000 in the U.S. box office.

01:56:26.000 Young Karl Marx.

01:56:30.000 International box office, $4 million.

01:56:32.000 That's pretty good, isn't it?

01:56:34.000 But I don't know the show them, do you?

01:56:38.000 Oh, here we go.

01:56:41.000 So this is like a reverse thing, right?

01:56:43.000 Where whites are black and blacks are white? 0.90

01:56:46.000 Pretty nice, huh?

01:56:47.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:56:47.000 They move into a white neighborhood, but people aren't just racist.

01:56:51.000 They're like aliens and murderers and stuff.

01:56:57.000 You couldn't imagine a nicer place to live.

01:56:59.000 I wish I was home.

01:57:01.000 I wish I was home.

01:57:02.000 They probably want to eat them or something.

01:57:05.000 This is what it's like in my neighborhood, by the way.

01:57:09.000 Without the wave.

01:57:12.000 The other day, this woman was staring at me. 1.00

01:57:14.000 I was playing baseball with my kids.

01:57:17.000 This is how she was.

01:57:17.000 And she stares.

01:57:18.000 This is a new thing with the liberals where they just stare at me like this.

01:57:22.000 Which, if it's someone in MS-13 and they have a facial tattoo, that's fucking scary.

01:57:28.000 When it's a 60-year-old woman, you go... 1.00

01:57:31.000 So she stares and stares and she's walking but staring and then her head is having to crane, right?

01:57:35.000 Because she's walking past me.

01:57:37.000 And then she goes like this, ready for this?

01:57:39.000 You're going to shit your pants.

01:57:40.000 She goes...

01:57:42.000 No.

01:57:44.000 Yes.

01:57:44.000 She does not.

01:57:45.000 Yes.

01:57:46.000 Fucking.

01:57:47.000 She's a werewolf. 1.00

01:57:50.000 Wow.

01:57:51.000 Does that mean you're going to eat me?

01:57:52.000 Gavin derangement syndrome.

01:57:54.000 Yeah.

01:57:54.000 I know vampires suck your blood.

01:57:56.000 Do werewolves eat people?

01:57:57.000 I think they do, right?

01:57:58.000 Yeah.

01:57:58.000 They'll eat like they'd rather have like a deer.

01:58:01.000 They are a wolf.

01:58:02.000 But I think they'll eat a person.

01:58:03.000 So she's going to eat my face, I guess? 1.00

01:58:05.000 When the full moon comes.

01:58:06.000 She's going to like eat my thigh. 1.00

01:58:07.000 Just go on vacation during the full moon.

01:58:10.000 Yeah, I got to get the fuck out of Dodge when there's a full moon.

01:58:12.000 There's were Karens everywhere. 1.00

01:58:16.000 Were Karens. 0.96

01:58:18.000 I just laughed, of course.

01:58:21.000 There's a disturbing view into what happens when leftist groups like feminists are free to do what they want without question. 1.00

01:58:26.000 Pure exploitation on those around them to supplement their lack of talent.

01:58:30.000 God almost hit the reset button when this channel was formed.

01:58:34.000 And it is Fart Inhaler.

01:58:36.000 Oh no.

01:58:38.000 And what is this?

01:58:39.000 Oh, this is all...

01:58:41.000 People making fun of Handicappy?

01:58:43.000 I believe so.

01:58:45.000 Or trying to be inclusive?

01:58:47.000 There's a...

01:58:48.000 Which one are we picking here?

01:58:50.000 There's...

01:58:51.000 They all look...

01:58:52.000 Oh, I've seen this one.

01:58:53.000 This covered on Opie and Anthony.

01:58:55.000 I like werewolf movies.

01:58:58.000 I am the werewolf.

01:59:00.000 We were just talking about werewolves.

01:59:03.000 Werewolf iswolf is fun.

01:59:08.000 He's cute.

01:59:10.000 Werewolf is gothic.

01:59:15.000 I turned myself into werewolf by two demons.

01:59:21.000 I'm off two minds about that kind of shit.

01:59:24.000 Like, I understand there's a risk of exploitation, but at least they're out of the house.

01:59:30.000 That day that they did that was funner than not doing it.

01:59:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:59:34.000 But on the other hand, I always think, like, with Howard Stern, with Wendy the Slow Adult, would I want my sister to be on Howard Stern if she was handicapped?

01:59:42.000 Good point.

01:59:43.000 And the answer is, fuck no.

01:59:45.000 Right.

01:59:45.000 No, no, Wendy, you're not going on that show.

01:59:47.000 But I might let her go on that show.

01:59:50.000 Anyway, dear Gavin and Sir Faggot of York. 1.00

01:59:54.000 I have a theory that unfortunately challenges your views surrounding having children.

01:59:57.000 It is a widely popular belief that having children shows that one is unselfish.

02:00:01.000 However, does the first inkling of desire for children not come from a purely selfish place?

02:00:06.000 God, you're a retard. 1.00

02:00:08.000 For example, when someone wants a dog, it's not because they're craving responsibility.

02:00:12.000 It's because they simply want to have one in their possession.

02:00:15.000 There's no responsibility with the dog.

02:00:18.000 You feed it and hope it doesn't shit in your house.

02:00:21.000 Maybe if it gets sick, you take it to the vet.

02:00:23.000 Maybe not.

02:00:25.000 All you have to do is not hurt it publicly and you're fine.

02:00:30.000 You could kick your dog's head in at home.

02:00:33.000 A child, on the other hand, needs fulfillment, education, love, safety, guidance, encouragement.

02:00:42.000 The list goes on and on and on.

02:00:45.000 And you don't ever think about yourself when you have kids.

02:00:51.000 Like, oh, my daughter has to be picked up at four in the morning.

02:00:54.000 You just get up and you drive there.

02:00:56.000 You wouldn't go like, no way.

02:00:58.000 Fuck, it's so late.

02:01:00.000 Can't she do it another time?

02:01:02.000 You don't think.

02:01:05.000 The same goes for children.

02:01:07.000 Pets are bred, or I should say inbred, into loving you unconditionally.

02:01:12.000 They're just zombies.

02:01:14.000 Kids are not like that.

02:01:17.000 Kids have nuance.

02:01:19.000 But you know when your dog asks you like, oh, you know, I got this problem.

02:01:22.000 Like, I have a crush on so-and-so, but I don't want to scare them off, but I want to be honest with them.

02:01:27.000 It's almost not worth talking to this guy because it's all going to, the penny will drop when he has kids.

02:01:32.000 But people want the job for themselves, either to fulfill themselves or to bring happiness to themselves.

02:01:41.000 You can't be concerned about the well-being of someone that doesn't yet exist.

02:01:44.000 Of course you can.

02:01:46.000 That's why I'm political.

02:01:47.000 Because I want my kids to live in an America that's not fucking totally subsumed with politically correct culture where people get canceled because of something their dad said.

02:01:56.000 Because my kid's dad is bad news.

02:02:00.000 Therefore, wanting children is a purely selfish desire.

02:02:02.000 Nothing wrong with that.

02:02:03.000 But for the sake of brevity, we should call it as such.

02:02:05.000 Now I await your thoughts.

02:02:06.000 I'm sure you strongly disagree, good sir.

02:02:08.000 It doesn't say that.

02:02:08.000 You're a liar.

02:02:10.000 Yeah, that's just, I mean, I'm not talking to a fucking kid.

02:02:13.000 I thought he was going for like, when you ejaculate in a woman, it's selfish. 0.92

02:02:18.000 But then...

02:02:19.000 Well, if you don't intend to marry her, it sure is.

02:02:21.000 Right.

02:02:22.000 If you don't follow true, then this sounds like a mistake.

02:02:24.000 I hate to go to this clip, and I was just wondering why you have two completely different takes on this issue.

02:02:28.000 I know this topic is touchy and annoying, but I'm genuinely curious.

02:02:31.000 Is this going to be a Jew thing? 1.00

02:02:32.000 I'm going to guess so.

02:02:33.000 Okay, there's only one clip.

02:02:35.000 Here we go.

02:02:37.000 No offense, Nazis. 0.93

02:02:38.000 I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't like you.

02:02:41.000 I like Jews.

02:02:42.000 If you are going to dwell, can you just talk about what the Nazis say and refute their points?

02:02:46.000 Their points are, the Treaty of Versailles was done by Jews. 0.95

02:02:49.000 It wasn't.

02:02:51.000 Holodomor was made by Jews. 1.00

02:02:53.000 It wasn't.

02:02:54.000 That was Stalin, the ex-Christian atheist. 0.95

02:02:56.000 Holodomor was Ukrainians. 0.91

02:03:00.000 I think it was 10 million Ukrainians that were killed.

02:03:02.000 That was by Jews. 0.97

02:03:03.000 That was by Marxist, Stalinist, left-wing, commie, socialist Jews. 0.97

02:03:13.000 Yeah, well, Holodomor was done by atheists, ex-Jews. 1.00

02:03:17.000 There is some nuance within Judaism.

02:03:19.000 There's a million Orthodox Jews in New York and New Jersey who love us, love Trump and everything.

02:03:27.000 There's secular Jews or ginos Who hate us and often hate America. 1.00

02:03:35.000 So I guess the hypocrisy there is I was talking about two different types of Jews.

02:03:41.000 I was saying atheists, ex-Jew socialists committed, or disproportionately were involved in Holodomor and not bona fide real Jews, practicing Jews. 0.71

02:03:57.000 See what I'm saying?

02:04:04.000 It still breaks my heart I couldn't find that.

02:04:07.000 I asked this guy, Rick, to come on the show.

02:04:09.000 He says, yeah, maybe.

02:04:10.000 He goes, this is the cop I just read a letter from.

02:04:13.000 These fucking suspicions are driving me nuts.

02:04:16.000 I should not have come into work today.

02:04:18.000 My take on the church is simple.

02:04:20.000 I've been told that if the theater is sold to the church, then several bars and restaurants will be uploaded because of zoning restrictions.

02:04:25.000 If this is the case, then no, I don't want the tower theater sold.

02:04:29.000 There aren't a lot of places to go hang out in Fresno, and I don't think getting rid of one of them in the main areas is a good idea.

02:04:35.000 But I've also been told that zoning won't impact the businesses, so who the hell knows?

02:04:39.000 At the end of the day, I think the legal process should play out, and we respect whatever side wins.

02:04:43.000 Huh, what a reasonable person.

02:04:46.000 That is ultra reasonable.

02:04:48.000 That's the evil Nazis that get fired and are told they can no longer protect us.

02:04:54.000 That's a look inside the mind of hate.

02:04:58.000 That's the crazy thing, too.

02:04:59.000 Like, in the name of protecting people, they get cops fired.

02:05:03.000 Who is going to protect you when you're raped? 1.00

02:05:05.000 Donald Trump?

02:05:08.000 In the sense that...

02:05:14.000 Not for the mailbag, but just thanks for another good show.

02:05:17.000 Just watch Jim Goad's new show Hardballs, and it's really good.

02:05:20.000 Another great show for Gavin.

02:05:22.000 I was pissed off when I heard Beef Squad had ended.

02:05:24.000 Blah, blah, blah.

02:05:25.000 Really enjoyed the first episode.

02:05:26.000 Jim's a very interesting guy.

02:05:28.000 Cool.

02:05:31.000 Dear Gavin, Fagbag, with all these officer-involved shootings.

02:05:36.000 Oh, no.

02:05:38.000 With all these officer-involved shootings and talk of racism lately, I figured you'd be interested in this essay I wrote after the death of George Floyd stupid.

02:05:43.000 No, thank you.

02:05:45.000 And it's just an essay he wrote in Google Docs.

02:05:50.000 What if we edit it and we just change things to like changing my mind here?

02:05:54.000 We should just change things to like different words.

02:06:02.000 Oh my God.

02:06:07.000 Gavin, Ryan commented about the new Bronco looking terrible in person.

02:06:10.000 He doesn't know that there are two different Broncos.

02:06:13.000 There's the Sport, which looks like a typical SUV and is released now, and the retro badass Bronco that's yet to be released.

02:06:22.000 Ryan, Rita Car Magazine.

02:06:24.000 Okay, okay.

02:06:26.000 Well, show us.

02:06:27.000 Let's see.

02:06:29.000 Bronco Retro2021.

02:06:35.000 That sneeze was so intense that I brought up some of my lunch.

02:06:38.000 I have like a piece of cheese spinach on my tongue now.

02:06:45.000 Oh my God.

02:06:46.000 It's a work of art, dude.

02:06:47.000 Did you see the rainbow one?

02:06:49.000 So this is the one that fucking rules.

02:06:51.000 That sucks.

02:06:52.000 Dude, I like it.

02:06:52.000 It looks like a Halo vehicle from a video games.

02:06:56.000 No, look at 2021 Ford Bronco vintage renderings.

02:07:00.000 It's got nice square edges.

02:07:02.000 Motor1.com.

02:07:08.000 Holy Shittolla. 0.95

02:07:12.000 I might get that.

02:07:14.000 Yeah, you heard, right?

02:07:16.000 I wonder how many seats there.

02:07:17.000 No, that's not what I asked you to look up, my dear.

02:07:19.000 Vintage Rendering MotorOne.com.

02:07:21.000 2021 Ford Bronco Vintage Renderings Motor One.

02:07:24.000 Yeah, there we go.

02:07:25.000 Look at that.

02:07:26.000 That's pretty cool.

02:07:27.000 What a beauty.

02:07:29.000 Let's see the other paint jobs.

02:07:30.000 I prefer just black. 0.51

02:07:31.000 Thank you.

02:07:35.000 That's pretty great.

02:07:36.000 That's badass.

02:07:37.000 I like that.

02:07:38.000 I wonder how many seats it has.

02:07:39.000 I need three rows.

02:07:41.000 Hmm.

02:07:43.000 All right, that's fun.

02:07:46.000 Wait, that's just a rendering, though.

02:07:54.000 So you don't like this at all?

02:07:55.000 I hate it.

02:07:56.000 I was all excited about the Range Rover Defender, but it's just because the commercial looks cool.

02:08:00.000 Then I saw one in real life, and it's that same buggy kids' toy shit.

02:08:08.000 Hey, Gav, I was watching Obama's 2004 address, yo, the DNC, and I got to say Obama in 2004 would not look like Obama in 2021.

02:08:16.000 Maybe you'd like to give it a watch and do some commentary.

02:08:18.000 You can skip that hand job he gives John Kerry.

02:08:20.000 Anyway, big fan.

02:08:22.000 Like you're more than a friend.

02:08:24.000 Okay, then we'll look that up.

02:08:27.000 What's up, Gavin and Prime Minister of the Fag Zone? 1.00

02:08:29.000 I found some important life hacks that you need to know.

02:08:33.000 Please watch at least one whole video.

02:08:34.000 They're pretty short.

02:08:35.000 Instagram reels from the same guy.

02:08:38.000 I bet I will fucking hate this.

02:08:41.000 No, I could be red, or I could be yellow, I could be blue, or I could be purple, I could be green or pink or black or white.

02:08:49.000 What?

02:08:50.000 What?

02:09:05.000 So that's guy's making fun of life?

02:09:08.000 Good.

02:09:10.000 I fucking hate them all.

02:09:13.000 Is that real?

02:09:14.000 That first one that he's parodying?

02:09:16.000 Parodying?

02:09:17.000 I hope the hell not.

02:09:18.000 What is this now?

02:09:24.000 Just wiped out the face.

02:09:26.000 What are you doing?

02:09:30.000 Look all the garbage you just made.

02:09:34.000 What?

02:09:36.000 What was that?

02:09:39.000 Besides unnecessary, I don't know.

02:09:42.000 Oh, that's a fresh banana.

02:09:44.000 You can hear it.

02:09:49.000 I'm not making the joke you want me to make there.

02:09:50.000 Fuck you.

02:09:52.000 Sorry, Satan.

02:09:54.000 Not today, Satan.

02:10:06.000 That's a joke, right?

02:10:07.000 That's a joke.

02:10:09.000 Yeah, dude, careful.

02:10:11.000 You don't want to do a parody of something that's a joke.

02:10:13.000 Right.

02:10:13.000 Yeah, I think you fell for it.

02:10:14.000 Yeah, I think you fucked up on that one.

02:10:16.000 Whoops.

02:10:18.000 Sleepy Joe raps.

02:10:20.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:21.000 Oh, yeah, we've seen this.

02:10:23.000 Our boy Dunny.

02:10:25.000 Thanks for something we've already played on the show.

02:10:31.000 Yeah, I don't think we actually show this on the show.

02:10:34.000 I think we just watched it.

02:10:40.000 But it's, you know.

02:10:53.000 I shuffled around and sucked fingertips.

02:10:56.000 Made a big speech, kissed the boy on the legs.

02:10:59.000 What are you looking at?

02:11:00.000 I wrote the damn bill.

02:11:03.000 I hold the ladies tight and sniff all their hairs. 1.00

02:11:05.000 First person American to fall up the stairs.

02:11:08.000 Ran for president.

02:11:09.000 I was a winner who was me.

02:11:11.000 Now I sit at my desk as a prazoprendi.

02:11:16.000 You know the thing.

02:11:17.000 Come on.

02:11:18.000 That was great.

02:11:19.000 Check out this letter.

02:11:21.000 Dear Gavin, your faggot friend David cut this video's chuck full of bullshits of piss poor attempt to compete with Prager. 1.00

02:11:26.000 You already poked holes in this narrative over 10 years ago.

02:11:28.000 Boy is this cocksucker slow. 1.00

02:11:30.000 Check out the vid.

02:11:31.000 Yeah, dude, you're slow.

02:11:33.000 Not only did we cover this on the show, I think that episode was named after it.

02:11:38.000 Yeah.

02:11:40.000 100 episodes.

02:11:42.000 That's a good way to bookend the mailbag.

02:11:44.000 All right.

02:11:45.000 Final video.

02:11:48.000 Let's see if Ryan can figure this out.

02:11:50.000 No cheating.

02:11:51.000 Kick it. 0.95

02:11:53.000 Ryan is sick because he doesn't have a tap.

02:11:56.000 He's getting right away when he found that he was trained.

02:12:07.000 You're not allowed to look at any of the writing.

02:12:09.000 Alright.

02:12:09.000 So I'm going to restart it.

02:12:12.000 And move that over. 0.75

02:12:17.000 Moves that up and over.

02:12:20.000 And then he puts the big one down there and the little one up top.

02:12:29.000 Physics has been defied.

02:12:31.000 I've seen things like this.

02:12:34.000 Well, how do you generate an extra square?

02:12:38.000 Wait a minute.

02:12:38.000 Are you so dumb that this doesn't even bother you?

02:12:41.000 You're like, yeah, you just made a magic square.

02:12:44.000 Well, I can't.

02:12:46.000 I don't think I could figure that out.

02:12:47.000 If this was possible, then you could just keep doing it and creating new things.

02:12:53.000 Like, this would be magic.

02:12:55.000 This is defying physics.

02:12:56.000 You're creating a square where there wasn't one.

02:12:59.000 Isn't that magic?

02:13:05.000 How can you magically get a square just by moving stuff around in the same surface area?

02:13:13.000 Imagine what's going on in that little bit.

02:13:15.000 I don't know.

02:13:16.000 Visually.

02:13:17.000 I bet if you could look into Ryan's brain right now, it'd be like Jerry Blank.

02:13:20.000 You'd just see monkeys screeching.

02:13:22.000 I've seen stuff like this before, but.

02:13:26.000 I don't...

02:13:27.000 I don't know.

02:13:29.000 Hold on a second here.

02:13:32.000 Hold on, hold on a second here.

02:13:34.000 Not the triangle, the...

02:13:37.000 Hypotenuse.

02:13:38.000 Moving that.

02:13:39.000 That moved.

02:13:40.000 Okay.

02:13:40.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:13:43.000 What am I supposed to do here?

02:13:45.000 Well, they're obviously cheating.

02:13:46.000 You can't generate an extra square in the same surface area.

02:13:50.000 So is it an optical illusion?

02:13:53.000 Because I was looking to see maybe the piece that they moved was...

02:13:56.000 Was that a different piece?

02:13:57.000 Was that a different size?

02:13:58.000 They're cheating.

02:14:00.000 They're cheating you.

02:14:01.000 How are they cheating you?

02:14:04.000 I don't feel cheated.

02:14:06.000 I just feel dumb.

02:14:08.000 Okay, I'm going to explain it to you.

02:14:11.000 The triangles are leaning over the longest line, hypotenuse, right?

02:14:17.000 Right.

02:14:19.000 More in the second scenario, but it's just a cunt hair. 1.00

02:14:24.000 They were slightly in the blue line before, and now they're just slightly over the blue line.

02:14:30.000 But it's just a pube per square, but all of those pubes add up to one square. 0.56

02:14:35.000 Oh.

02:14:36.000 So that's where the cheat is.

02:14:38.000 The triangles are safe and snug inside the blue before.

02:14:42.000 And then in this scenario, they're just slightly over the blue.

02:14:45.000 But it's when you do that to one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, fifteen squares, whatever it is, then you manage to accrue enough to make an extra square.

02:14:56.000 You can see that they're off, actually, right?

02:14:59.000 They're poking out.

02:15:01.000 They're poking out.

02:15:03.000 But it's very, very slight.

02:15:04.000 But because it's spread out on so many squares, you manage to.

02:15:08.000 See, look at that.

02:15:09.000 Just a cube over the line.

02:15:15.000 All right.

02:15:16.000 That's it.

02:15:18.000 Could have been a better show.

02:15:20.000 I'm just a little under the weather.

02:15:21.000 But at least you got to discover the origin of those 100 things.

02:15:25.000 And we've got a lot of shit to talk about tomorrow, where we will see you at the usual time and place.

02:15:31.000 And check out the Jake Paul kangaroo video about the chick getting fucked in the face. 1.00

02:15:36.000 It's very interesting.

02:15:37.000 I like you more than a friend.

02:15:38.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fucking.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 19, 2021

S03E100 - 100th EPISODE!

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Summary

Transcript