Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S03E43 - PENIS CK [2020-11-24 - S03E43 - PENIS CK]

00:00:12.000 Oh, can you see this with Kevin McKinnon's leading uninto my course?

00:00:33.000 We love it so old.

00:00:41.000 That was Etienne Cuisino from Franco, Canada, just indulging himself, doing a song that is so old.

00:00:49.000 2003.

00:00:52.000 You can do like Sinatra, but doing songs from 2003.

00:01:01.000 Look at her.

00:01:03.000 Wake up!

00:01:06.000 Imagine you ate so many fries, you became a lesbian. 1.00

00:01:08.000 That's a dude.

00:01:11.000 You should hang out at lesbian bars and just... 1.00

00:01:15.000 You know what you should do?

00:01:16.000 You hang out at lesbian bars, you say, hold on, I'm gonna put on my strap-on. 1.00

00:01:20.000 And it's just a strap-on that disappears into your pupes.

00:01:24.000 And you're like, this was really, really expensive.

00:01:26.000 Touch it.

00:01:27.000 Oh my god, it's just like a penis, which I don't have.

00:01:31.000 No, I'm a chick like you.

00:01:33.000 Look at my tits. 1.00

00:01:35.000 Listen to me sing.

00:01:37.000 You really think I'm a dude?

00:01:39.000 I don't have any facial hair.

00:01:43.000 I can hear the other guy's French accent.

00:01:48.000 Wake me up, Vesti.

00:01:53.000 He looks like an orc.

00:01:58.000 Can't wake up.

00:02:04.000 Now, Ryan, when you were a young man, you would be like, what, five when this came out?

00:02:09.000 Ten?

00:02:10.000 No, older than that.

00:02:11.000 Maybe like 14, 15.

00:02:12.000 And you loved it.

00:02:13.000 I thought it was pretty rotten.

00:02:15.000 Evanescence or whatever?

00:02:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:17.000 Big time.

00:02:18.000 This was the breakout hit.

00:02:19.000 You know what I liked when I was 14?

00:02:22.000 What?

00:02:22.000 Cool bands that were good and not gay.

00:02:25.000 Well, this was on the radio, so it was like...

00:02:27.000 Yeah, I didn't listen to the radio at 14.

00:02:28.000 I listened to imports because I was cool.

00:02:31.000 You were a loser.

00:02:32.000 That is very cool.

00:02:33.000 You are a loser.

00:02:34.000 Get out of my way.

00:02:38.000 You're a French Canadian, basically.

00:02:41.000 This is you.

00:02:42.000 You're in this audience.

00:02:44.000 And of course, the band can be that big because the government is paying.

00:02:48.000 This is socialism.

00:02:49.000 You're watching socialism.

00:02:50.000 You'll notice it looks a lot like Russia.

00:02:52.000 I can tell you that this was Moscow, and you'd believe me.

00:03:11.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:03:12.000 That's the thing French people do. 0.99

00:03:13.000 They get confused with words that start with vowels.

00:03:17.000 So they'll say hup instead of up.

00:03:19.000 And then for air, they'll say, like for your hair, they'll call it your air.

00:03:24.000 A funny joke we used to make about, we call them Pepsis because they drink Pepsi because it's cheaper and they're poor.

00:03:29.000 But we would go, hey, I love the way that your air moves around into hair. 0.88

00:03:36.000 They can't just switch it?

00:03:38.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:39.000 It looks like your dad with AGN.

00:03:42.000 How did you explain it to him?

00:03:43.000 L's are R's and R's are L's. 0.89

00:03:46.000 I said, you know about the LR thing?

00:03:48.000 And he was driving.

00:03:49.000 He was like, no.

00:03:50.000 And I said, I was like, well, say my name.

00:03:52.000 What's my name?

00:03:52.000 He's like, Hedayan.

00:03:53.000 I said, say lion.

00:03:54.000 Like, he's like, hidayan. 1.00

00:03:57.000 Oh, okay.

00:04:00.000 How could you not know that as a chink? 1.00

00:04:02.000 I don't know.

00:04:03.000 Like, that never came up?

00:04:05.000 I know.

00:04:05.000 Well, speaking of chinks, did you know they're white now?

00:04:08.000 Yes.

00:04:09.000 You did?

00:04:10.000 Yeah.

00:04:10.000 Hitler said that they were honorary Aryans.

00:04:13.000 Oh, I didn't even know that.

00:04:14.000 But now black people have noticed that they're doing well, so they've kicked them out of people of color. 1.00

00:04:20.000 Wow, really?

00:04:21.000 Yeah.

00:04:21.000 So now it's like whites and Asians need not apply.

00:04:25.000 First it was white supremacy, now it's Asian supremacy, says Nikoko, who looks, just from that tiny dot, looks like she might be supreme. 0.83

00:04:37.000 She looks superior.

00:04:38.000 Yep, that's an alien.

00:04:39.000 That's a pretty alien with nice tits. 1.00

00:04:41.000 By the way, I got a lot of feed pushback from yesterday talking about Dojo Cat's tits.

00:04:47.000 I've been accused of being a titstop. 0.87

00:04:49.000 I don't appreciate that.

00:04:51.000 I would not have any problem with those tits. 1.00

00:04:53.000 I like those tits. 1.00

00:04:54.000 If I was single and I brought a girl home and she had those tits, a-okay, we're rocking. 0.72

00:04:58.000 I'm just like, you're on the AMAs and you're showing the world your tits. 1.00

00:05:02.000 Like you should have the best tits around. 1.00

00:05:06.000 Like she's got droopers and I'm a drooper guy.

00:05:08.000 But like, are those worth showing off?

00:05:10.000 Am I a snob?

00:05:13.000 Again, if my wife was in a car accident and those ended up being her tits, we'd still be married. 1.00

00:05:20.000 I'd work around it.

00:05:21.000 But come on.

00:05:23.000 They're a bit of a bummer.

00:05:25.000 And like, can you, why are you flaunting that?

00:05:27.000 And look, she's got her arms up. 1.00

00:05:29.000 That's supposed to give them some lift.

00:05:31.000 There's no lift.

00:05:32.000 I think you're wrong and I'm right again.

00:05:36.000 Niggas crying over these auntie titties. 1.00

00:05:39.000 See?

00:05:39.000 Thanks, young black Jesus.

00:05:41.000 Today's book, The New Church Lady, is a collection of all of Jim Goad's articles about trans and lunatics and how their religion.

00:05:49.000 It's their faith.

00:05:50.000 That's why they don't care about facts.

00:05:52.000 They like blacks in theory, not in practice. 0.99

00:05:55.000 They say they have Black Lives Matter signs on their lawn, but they would have a heart attack if you rezoned the schools and let that dirty neighborhood next door come in. 1.00

00:06:04.000 I always say, like, when I see these signs in the suburbs, I go, oh, oh, great news.

00:06:09.000 The black part of town one mile away desperately needs tutors helping kids with their math homework.

00:06:16.000 Sounds dangerous.

00:06:17.000 My son's on a cover of a magazine.

00:06:20.000 I just like the t-shirts and stuff.

00:06:22.000 I just like it.

00:06:22.000 It's my religion.

00:06:23.000 Don't go making me do stuff.

00:06:25.000 Don't make it real.

00:06:29.000 So, prison letters.

00:06:34.000 I've got a call from Mercedes.

00:06:35.000 Do we show her address at the end of the show?

00:06:37.000 I'm learning so much about prison letters.

00:06:39.000 Lots of rules.

00:06:40.000 Lots of rules.

00:06:42.000 Make sure it's at the end of this show.

00:06:45.000 Put your return address on the actual letter.

00:06:48.000 So don't say Proud Boys.

00:06:50.000 Don't say Antifa.

00:06:51.000 And put your return address.

00:06:53.000 Everyone I've talked to mails back 100% of the time.

00:06:57.000 If you have a problem with them having your address, well, you shouldn't be writing them in the first place.

00:07:01.000 Because what the jails do is they open the letter and they throw away the envelope.

00:07:05.000 They look for contraband and they throw it to you.

00:07:07.000 They don't like you.

00:07:09.000 They're not like cops.

00:07:10.000 Cops seem interested in what's going on, even when you're a dick.

00:07:14.000 But I find that corrections officers, the ones I met, and I'm not criticizing them per se, but the tone was much more farmer and animal.

00:07:24.000 It was just like pouring out the schlop, sweeping up the thing, grabbing the thing and putting it in the bucket.

00:07:31.000 You know, there wasn't a lot of talking to the cows.

00:07:35.000 So that's in my notes here.

00:07:36.000 I'm selling the notes for $25 each.

00:07:39.000 All the money will go to the kinsmen's, Max and John, but I'll be very surprised if any of them sell.

00:07:44.000 I'll sell them for $25.

00:07:48.000 Also, on yesterday's show, we promised you that we would get to the bottom of the Hells Angels Hunter Thompson thing.

00:07:53.000 We did.

00:07:54.000 Here's the story.

00:07:56.000 While Hunter Thompson was hanging out with the Hells Angels, he saw a guy kick his dog and then slap his bitch.

00:08:04.000 That is the culture, the biker culture. 0.97

00:08:07.000 If you want to learn to accept it, just pretend it's Islam and then it'll seem cool. 1.00

00:08:12.000 So Hunter Thompson said, only a bitch kicks an animal and hits a woman. 1.00

00:08:17.000 That wasn't very smart.

00:08:19.000 So this gentleman said, you're next.

00:08:21.000 And after he had slapped his lady around, he went and tuned up Hunter Thompson pretty good, but not crazy.

00:08:27.000 And then Hunter Thompson used that as like to make his book seem more dangerous and pretended a casual ass whooping was much more serious than it was.

00:08:36.000 And that helped sell the books.

00:08:38.000 And then they did that CBC thing in Canada that was totally staged where the guy came in and said, we just wanted a six-pack, a case of beer, and for everyone involved to get a copy.

00:08:50.000 So, God, speaking of French Canadians, the Hells Angels in Quebec are no joke, man. 0.69

00:08:56.000 They murder people.

00:08:59.000 It's socialism.

00:09:00.000 Quebec is Russia. 0.85

00:09:01.000 And people say to me, oh, you built vice with a grant, that you built it on welfare.

00:09:06.000 No, there was no way, no other way out than through the government.

00:09:11.000 That's the way it works there.

00:09:12.000 Shane and I had to pretend we had Down syndrome.

00:09:15.000 We went in there and filled out our forms cross-eyed to get the paperwork to go on like special retard welfare. 0.96

00:09:22.000 And then that got us the jobs and then we could take the company and run with it.

00:09:27.000 But that's the way it is then.

00:09:28.000 You can't live if you're not following the government program.

00:09:32.000 You get fined if you have an English sign.

00:09:35.000 Do you understand?

00:09:37.000 It was, like, you'd get beat up.

00:09:39.000 If you speak English in certain parts of town, you better be ready to brawl. 1.00

00:09:43.000 It was, what's it called?

00:09:44.000 The Cold Revolution.

00:09:47.000 Yeah.

00:09:48.000 So what happens in that kind of thing?

00:09:51.000 Government corruption thrives, and you have an orchestra of 50 people playing some stupid song that Ryan used to like when he was a baby.

00:09:58.000 And then you have rampant crime, because everyone's getting paid off, and the Hells Angels run the docks.

00:10:05.000 And then the Hells Angels started killing so many other bikers that a new gang was formed to fight back against Hell's Angels.

00:10:12.000 And they were called Rachmashin.

00:10:17.000 Rock machine?

00:10:19.000 I hope I don't get killed by them for making fun of their name.

00:10:21.000 It might sound cool if you don't speak English to say Rachmashin.

00:10:26.000 But here in the English-speaking world, it sounds fucking weird.

00:10:31.000 Rock machine?

00:10:32.000 You mean a guitar?

00:10:34.000 What's a rock machine?

00:10:36.000 I've decided to wear one of my wife's brooches here.

00:10:39.000 I think I might start wearing little pins with my suits.

00:10:41.000 What do you think of that idea?

00:10:42.000 That's fun.

00:10:43.000 Definitely without the tie, yeah.

00:10:44.000 I have a lot of pins.

00:10:47.000 It's a very 80s thing to do.

00:10:49.000 Rachmachin.

00:10:50.000 Rachmachin.

00:10:52.000 I got my first tattoo at a rock machine-owned tattoo parlor.

00:10:57.000 It's hard to portray to people because people think of Canadians as pussies, but Montreal was fucking dangerous.

00:11:05.000 Wrap me up inside.

00:11:07.000 Check out this motorcycle accident 1-0.

00:11:11.000 This is my fear.

00:11:12.000 Every time I'm on my motorcycle, I'm petrified of this happening.

00:11:15.000 1-0.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, it's the first link in the notes, you fucking tard. 1.00

00:11:24.000 Oh, is it not included there?

00:11:26.000 No.

00:11:26.000 You don't see the word motorcycle accident?

00:11:29.000 I don't know, 1-0, the first link.

00:11:31.000 Oh, shit.

00:11:32.000 Maybe I was adding to my notes after I emailed you.

00:11:35.000 Poopin' stupid.

00:11:38.000 Just go to Instagram and look up my favorite account, which is Right Wing Gringa?

00:11:46.000 Shizmobin. 0.93

00:11:47.000 Ah.

00:11:50.000 You'll see a guy in a motorbikes very soon.

00:11:53.000 It looks like it's from Easy Rider, but it's from last week.

00:11:59.000 Shizmobbin. 0.90

00:12:01.000 Come on.

00:12:02.000 Well, I have to frame everything correctly.

00:12:04.000 Yep.

00:12:06.000 I wasn't talking about framing.

00:12:08.000 Nope.

00:12:08.000 Okay.

00:12:11.000 Nope.

00:12:14.000 The last one here?

00:12:15.000 Nope.

00:12:18.000 Yep.

00:12:19.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:22.000 Yeah, I wonder where the Hell's Angels are at now in Montreal.

00:12:25.000 Who's winning?

00:12:26.000 Because it was a major civil war when I lived there, Rock Machine and Hell's Angels.

00:12:30.000 And it wasn't like, I'm going to throw a brick through your window.

00:12:32.000 It was just murder, murder, murder, murder.

00:12:34.000 And then I think Hell's Angels had to go up there and say, murder a bunch of them for giving the club a bad name.

00:12:40.000 That's the best way to deal with murders is to murder them.

00:12:43.000 Okay, so you're driving along, you're on your motorcycle, right?

00:12:46.000 And you go, I'm doing everything by the book, but what about some idiot on meth?

00:12:50.000 What about a moron who comes tearing around the corner in my lane?

00:13:11.000 Now, see if you can.

00:13:12.000 I know you can't pause these videos, but see how close you can go to frame by frame.

00:13:16.000 Because he could have just stayed landed on the top of the car.

00:13:19.000 I've seen that before.

00:13:20.000 Wonder what happened to him.

00:13:22.000 Do you think he broke his legs?

00:13:23.000 Okay, stop.

00:13:24.000 So first he tries to put his foot down, which I don't understand.

00:13:27.000 Probably should have just driven into the bushes.

00:13:31.000 So there you go over the handlebars, right?

00:13:35.000 Your head, thank God you got your helmet.

00:13:37.000 Your head breaks the windshield.

00:13:38.000 You land cool in a karate stance, ready to rock.

00:13:42.000 Oh, that happened quickly.

00:13:43.000 And then you fall back.

00:13:45.000 I think he smashes his knees on the pavement here.

00:13:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:13:50.000 Videos cut out too soon.

00:13:53.000 I want to see the next hour.

00:13:55.000 Yeah.

00:14:03.000 It actually kind of looks like the safety of a motorcycle is kind of well designed.

00:14:08.000 Where you just fly right off?

00:14:09.000 Yeah.

00:14:15.000 Should I help my friend or kill the guy?

00:14:17.000 That's why the camera turned off.

00:14:18.000 Yeah, that's why.

00:14:20.000 They want to record a fucking murder.

00:14:22.000 He just had on little vans, little skate shoes.

00:14:26.000 In the news today, a monolith discovered in the desert.

00:14:31.000 Just a giant steel box that someone cool put there to be funny.

00:14:35.000 Who embedded a large metal monolith in the remote Utah desert?

00:14:38.000 A cool person who is amusing.

00:14:40.000 That's what happened.

00:14:42.000 Of course, people who do mushrooms like Joe Rogan go, maybe it was a cool person who was funny.

00:14:48.000 Maybe it was an alien.

00:14:49.000 Maybe it's like a really funny alien, man.

00:14:51.000 Pull that shit up, Jamie.

00:14:54.000 And they have no idea how it got there.

00:14:57.000 They think it's definitely aliens.

00:14:59.000 Although when you look closer, you can see the screws.

00:15:01.000 You can see the rivets that put it together.

00:15:04.000 So it was just a cool artist, really.

00:15:06.000 Maybe it was done for a photo shoot.

00:15:09.000 But Joe Rogan's pooping his pants about it.

00:15:14.000 Although he did admit that.

00:15:17.000 Go to 1-2.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:20.000 Whoever put this here, please stop playing with my emotions.

00:15:23.000 I don't know why I look so wrinkly on this show.

00:15:26.000 I'm not that old looking.

00:15:27.000 Like this big bag you see here, it's something to do with my glasses and the lighting.

00:15:32.000 I promise you.

00:15:33.000 I don't look that ugly.

00:15:36.000 Please, believe me.

00:15:38.000 And then Twitter, Paul Joseph Watson was talking about it.

00:15:44.000 Or no, someone else was talking about it.

00:15:45.000 Go to 113.

00:15:47.000 Yeah, here they are today.

00:15:48.000 Alien life form.

00:15:54.000 Oh, so they were flying over and they saw it in that little pit.

00:16:00.000 What a cool area to walk around in, huh?

00:16:03.000 Or to party in.

00:16:05.000 Wouldn't it be cool to just have a party there?

00:16:07.000 Yeah, it would.

00:16:08.000 Lots of chicks with your tits hanging out. 1.00

00:16:11.000 All types of tits, all different sizes. 1.00

00:16:14.000 That's triangular, huh?

00:16:18.000 Oh, yeah, it's more diamond-y than cuby.

00:16:20.000 They've cut it in?

00:16:26.000 Okay.

00:16:28.000 Who does this kind of stuff?

00:16:32.000 Yeah.

00:16:32.000 I can tell he's a nerd.

00:16:34.000 You have to be a nerd to know how to fly things.

00:16:37.000 Yeah.

00:16:40.000 Yeah.

00:16:43.000 That is just wild.

00:16:45.000 That.

00:16:46.000 I just saw the screws really clearly.

00:16:49.000 We got to see if there's some writing on.

00:16:51.000 What the heck is that?

00:16:53.000 They didn't probably didn't have to dig much because with all the rain through the rainy season and stuff, I get the sand would pile up and bury it.

00:17:01.000 4chan found it where it is.

00:17:03.000 1-4.

00:17:04.000 I like this 4chan chick.

00:17:07.000 Whoever 4chan is, he's smart.

00:17:10.000 4chan has discovered the location of the Utah monolith.

00:17:12.000 It sat there for over four years unnoticed.

00:17:15.000 How do you know?

00:17:16.000 Oh, because they look at the dates.

00:17:20.000 I didn't know you could do that on Google Maps.

00:17:23.000 You can go back in time?

00:17:26.000 How far back?

00:17:31.000 Wake me up inside.

00:17:33.000 Got work up.

00:17:34.000 All right, so we're ready to start jumping into our segments here.

00:17:37.000 The first segment is feminism, and someone explained to me recently that we already have a video for Feminism is Cancer.

00:17:47.000 You did do the second one, right?

00:17:48.000 You cut out the first one?

00:17:50.000 Yes.

00:17:51.000 Okay.

00:17:52.000 Let's hear it.

00:17:54.000 New segment.

00:17:55.000 Feminism is Cancer! 1.00

00:17:56.000 Feminism is Cancer! 1.00

00:17:58.000 I'm a lady! 0.87

00:18:00.000 Whoa, go back, go back?

00:18:03.000 That one in the black one piece with the X on the front?

00:18:08.000 What an insane looker.

00:18:10.000 I mean, the other ones are nice, whatever, but holy crap, that's one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen.

00:18:16.000 That looks very pornographic.

00:18:18.000 Whew.

00:18:19.000 That's like a head shaker.

00:18:21.000 Go back.

00:18:22.000 Can you just show the whole segment again so we can watch her dance around? 0.90

00:18:25.000 Okay.

00:18:26.000 Wait for the play button to go, and here we go.

00:18:29.000 Her feminism is cancer. 1.00

00:18:31.000 Feminism is cancer. 1.00

00:18:33.000 I'm a lady.

00:18:34.000 Whoa, that's a wife. 1.00

00:18:36.000 Wow.

00:18:38.000 All right.

00:18:39.000 I was surfing the web, and I discovered this chick who mocks Louis C.K. And she does a character and has been doing it, I assume, since his controversy three years ago, where she calls herself Penis C.K. Now,

00:18:57.000 women often complain that they're not invited to the men's club that is stand-up comedy or comedy in general. 0.91

00:19:04.000 And now, thanks to woke Obama and Political Correctness and Me Too and BLM and Antifa, they have crowbarred their way into the comedy world.

00:19:14.000 All right, you broke in.

00:19:16.000 You didn't come through the front door.

00:19:17.000 You busted in the window.

00:19:19.000 But Louis C.K. is one of the funniest guys ever.

00:19:21.000 Let's see what you got when you call him a piece of shit.

00:19:25.000 Let's see how funny you are.

00:19:34.000 Okay, this is super funny.

00:19:36.000 Louis C.K. No, it's not Louis C.K. It's Penis C.K. There's so much going on in this video, but I have to take about 50 steps back and start with the special with Brett Davis.

00:19:46.000 Now, that used to be a show.

00:19:47.000 It's Manhattan Cable Access.

00:19:49.000 And it used to be run by Chris Getthard, who must have had a pretty rough time of it in grade school with the last name like Get Hard.

00:19:57.000 But he went on to Greener Pastures, so now this clown is running it.

00:20:01.000 And you'll be shocked when you watch this video at how uncool people in New York City can be.

00:20:07.000 When I first moved here, I assumed everyone was in the Velvet Dolls or something, you know?

00:20:11.000 Velvet Underground, the New York dolls.

00:20:14.000 And I was like, wait, you're a nerd and you're boring and you're embarrassing.

00:20:18.000 You remind me of the losers from my hometown in Ottawa, in Canada, Ontario.

00:20:23.000 How do I get to the mecca of cool and you're here?

00:20:26.000 And then you realize that, yeah, a lot of New York is full of a lot of fucking dorks.

00:20:31.000 Anyway, it's also full of a lot of sad spinsters who came here against my will. 0.96

00:20:36.000 I told you ladies that New York City is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries. 1.00

00:20:41.000 You came here because you think you're funny and you're not.

00:20:44.000 And you're making fun of possibly the funniest comedian in the history of comedy who beat off in front of someone.

00:20:50.000 Yeah, let's fucking castigate him.

00:20:53.000 Let's crucify him for consensually beating off in front of women.

00:20:58.000 But she clearly, I think she came here from some small town.

00:21:04.000 I'm not going to end up in the kitchen.

00:21:05.000 I'm not going to be a loser housewife.

00:21:07.000 I'm not going to make babies.

00:21:08.000 I'm going to make comedy.

00:21:10.000 That's kind of a bummer thing to do if you're talented.

00:21:13.000 Kristen Wigg did that. 1.00

00:21:14.000 She had a new husband.

00:21:15.000 She said, I'm too big for our little town.

00:21:17.000 She moved to New York with him.

00:21:19.000 He tried stand-up.

00:21:20.000 She tried stand-up.

00:21:22.000 Her career went off.

00:21:24.000 And their marriage went down the tubes.

00:21:27.000 They got divorced.

00:21:28.000 Now she's a lonely old spinster with dried-up ovaries who's done really funny sketches on SNL and made some great movies. 1.00

00:21:35.000 I mean, is anyone going to remember them?

00:21:37.000 You didn't make kids. 1.00

00:21:39.000 We gave you a magic power and now you're a dog mommy. 0.93

00:21:42.000 Go adopt a black kid at least so people don't call you racist.

00:21:45.000 Anyway, Kelsey Kane, on the other hand, is she's not relevant. 0.77

00:21:50.000 You're never going to hear of her again.

00:21:51.000 But the reason I bring her up, because this type of person is relevant.

00:21:54.000 They throw their babies in the garbage.

00:21:57.000 They give up on all of that motherhood to pursue something they suck at. 0.99

00:22:02.000 1%.

00:22:03.000 5% of the population is funny.

00:22:05.000 1% of that 5% is female.

00:22:07.000 Four out of the 5 are male.

00:22:09.000 So the odds are stacked against you.

00:22:11.000 You better be fucking hilarious.

00:22:13.000 Tina Fay, she is one of the most talented comedy writers of all time. 0.91

00:22:17.000 She was right to focus on that.

00:22:20.000 She made millions of dollars. 0.87

00:22:21.000 She's talented.

00:22:22.000 Kennedy from Fox Business, she's talented too.

00:22:24.000 Anyway, sorry, I'm off of the tangent here.

00:22:26.000 But I just hate seeing these women stuff their magic gift in the garbage for this. 1.00

00:22:31.000 Joke of the week tonight, making their return to television.

00:22:36.000 Keep your eye on this fucking dude.

00:22:39.000 New York City, that's where people wear leather jackets and have sunglasses, right?

00:22:43.000 Basquiat, Lou Reed, New York.

00:22:47.000 No, it's New Dork.

00:22:49.000 For penis CK!

00:22:53.000 What is he doing?

00:22:56.000 She's got a wig on. 1.00

00:22:57.000 I don't understand why.

00:23:00.000 So he's got his dick out.

00:23:02.000 Now, when did this all go down, this Louis C.K. thing?

00:23:06.000 I think it was 2017, three years ago.

00:23:09.000 She's still doing this.

00:23:11.000 And I'm pretty...

00:23:12.000 She's mocking the intro to his show.

00:23:14.000 I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees that he was fucked over.

00:23:19.000 Well, the woman... 1.00

00:23:20.000 Pause.

00:23:21.000 The woman didn't have a choice. 0.99

00:23:23.000 What?

00:23:24.000 He said, do you mind if I jerk off in front of you?

00:23:25.000 Sarah Silverman said she thought it was funny.

00:23:28.000 Janine Garofilo said she thought it was cool.

00:23:31.000 Like weird.

00:23:33.000 And the ones who don't can leave.

00:23:34.000 And then these two cunts said we were in whatever it was, Aspen or something or some Utah town at a comedy festival. 0.95

00:23:43.000 And when he asked us, he had so much power over us that it's like Mick Jagger asking you.

00:23:49.000 You just go, oh, yes, I want to be involved in rock and roll.

00:23:52.000 And you're the king of rock.

00:23:54.000 Sure, beat off.

00:23:56.000 Like they couldn't just walk out the door.

00:23:58.000 Harvey Weinstein cornered, what's her name there?

00:24:03.000 Friend of mine, actually.

00:24:04.000 She's on a friend of Bill's, Schultz's.

00:24:08.000 Anyway, Lawrence Savon.

00:24:10.000 He cornered Laurence Savon.

00:24:12.000 She couldn't get past him.

00:24:13.000 He was jerking off.

00:24:14.000 She was like, ah, and then he jerked off into a plant and she ran away and went, oh, God.

00:24:19.000 She should have pressed charges, by the way, immediately and not waited until it led to a vanity fair cover. 1.00

00:24:26.000 So the problem with that Mick Jagger thing that they were saying that they had no choice because he was so powerful, this is way the fuck back.

00:24:34.000 Not 2017, more like 2000, where he had no name.

00:24:39.000 He was like a Legion of Skanks guy. 0.91

00:24:41.000 No disrespect to them, but like it might as well have been the Puerto Rican rattlesnake or Dave Smith up on the marquee.

00:24:48.000 It brought in a normal amount of comedy fans.

00:24:50.000 So he had no power at that time.

00:24:53.000 And you watched him beat off.

00:24:54.000 He asked you first.

00:24:55.000 End of story.

00:24:57.000 But it devastated his career.

00:24:58.000 And Louis C.K., like, I'm not advocating for beating off in front of women, but that's none of my beeswax.

00:25:04.000 As long as it's consensual, it's none of my beeswax.

00:25:07.000 And the fact that this guy was so vilified, so destroyed over consensual sex is fucking disgusting.

00:25:15.000 It would have never happened if it was the other way around.

00:25:18.000 Some woman was like, can I diddle my bean? 1.00

00:25:20.000 It was because he's a white looking guy, and it's because these women who come here, they resent his success.

00:25:27.000 They think that it's all because it's a man's world.

00:25:30.000 No, Louis C.K. has a gift.

00:25:33.000 He's part of that 4%. 0.99

00:25:35.000 He has an incredible talent, and he made a lot of money with it.

00:25:38.000 He's so fucking hilarious that I feel cool when I watch his specials because he's part of my generation.

00:25:45.000 This clown is too much.

00:25:46.000 All right, so this dumb bitch is still ragging on him for his sin like it's a given that what he did was wrong. 1.00

00:25:53.000 She has notes on her hand, by the way.

00:25:55.000 She does? 0.98

00:25:57.000 Oh my God.

00:25:58.000 She's got notes on her hand.

00:26:00.000 Now, Bill Cosby was a serial rapist.

00:26:03.000 Yes.

00:26:03.000 Those women should have prosecuted him before it became fashionable.

00:26:07.000 They should have done it the next day.

00:26:08.000 But that's a bad man.

00:26:10.000 Lucy K, not a bad man.

00:26:12.000 And your glib, smug lampoon of him just comes across as bitter, talentless jealousies.

00:26:19.000 And if you're going to make fun of him, you better be fucking good.

00:26:22.000 This better be hilarious.

00:26:24.000 Keep your eye on this guy.

00:26:26.000 Everyone, it's me, famous stand-up comedian slash sex offender.

00:26:31.000 What is this?

00:26:35.000 What is he doing?

00:26:37.000 Penis DK.

00:26:41.000 She's so fat. 1.00

00:26:42.000 Look at him.

00:26:43.000 He's still going with his little sway.

00:26:48.000 Yeah, he's so bright.

00:26:49.000 That's right.

00:26:50.000 Leo on Adderall.

00:26:51.000 Is that the problem with these Zoomers? 1.00

00:26:54.000 Welcome back.

00:26:55.000 Thank you.

00:26:58.000 Oh, first things first.

00:27:00.000 I did it.

00:27:03.000 Yeah, he confessed.

00:27:04.000 Three years ago.

00:27:07.000 Did I do?

00:27:09.000 I loved masturbating.

00:27:11.000 Oh, man.

00:27:13.000 These guys jerk off three times a day.

00:27:15.000 Why are they all moving around like this?

00:27:16.000 Is this Coke or Adderall?

00:27:18.000 This guy's got a kind of neck shit happening.

00:27:21.000 Hard to tell.

00:27:24.000 But I know you guys are going to love this next one.

00:27:28.000 I know you're going to love this fun comedy bit.

00:27:30.000 What's the one?

00:27:31.000 Who wants to watch me jerk off?

00:27:44.000 Remember when Louis C.K. jerked off three years ago?

00:27:47.000 It's wrong.

00:27:50.000 And, you know, these New York women who come here, they end up just being a costume bag for strangers come on dating apps. 1.00

00:27:56.000 And there's guys that probably like sit on her face and just abuse her. 1.00

00:28:00.000 And she's like, ah, Louis sinned.

00:28:02.000 Like, men just fuck her face and then walk home. 0.99

00:28:04.000 Look at this fucking loser.

00:28:06.000 New York City?

00:28:08.000 Yes.

00:28:10.000 Pretty small dildo.

00:28:11.000 Don't women want a reasonable size cock for their sex toys? 1.00

00:28:17.000 Wait, did we miss a joke there?

00:28:21.000 Did you know that you're not fair, that Louis C.K. would come around to comedy clubs recently after he was in hiding for, I don't know, two years.

00:28:30.000 He wasn't allowed to show his face.

00:28:31.000 And he would do sets and people would complain.

00:28:34.000 They felt unsafe.

00:28:36.000 So they had to put a sign on the door saying, it's possible comedians that offend you might show up spontaneously.

00:28:42.000 We're not going to tell them not to come by, but if that happens, it happens.

00:28:47.000 And we'll give you your money back.

00:28:49.000 Because people are so traumatized by a guy who masturbated.

00:28:53.000 Ooh.

00:28:55.000 She's not laughing.

00:28:57.000 Did not even take that long.

00:28:58.000 I don't know what anyone's complaining about.

00:29:04.000 Thanks, boys.

00:29:05.000 But it hasn't all been fun and games this past year.

00:29:08.000 What gloves does he have on?

00:29:09.000 And why is he wearing sunglasses?

00:29:11.000 And why would a sweatshirt with a hood have no sleeves?

00:29:13.000 And why are the pins distributed so unevenly across him?

00:29:16.000 And what's this say?

00:29:21.000 Some sad things have happened.

00:29:25.000 Did you know that this year I lost $35 million?

00:29:33.000 I don't know.

00:29:34.000 It's unfathomable for her to ever do anything that's valuable and worth maybe even $5,000.

00:29:42.000 So $35 million doesn't register with her.

00:29:45.000 She doesn't understand.

00:29:46.000 She thinks he just didn't win the lottery.

00:29:48.000 He was going to make $35 million from movies, TV shows, because he works his fucking ass off and he's incredibly talented.

00:29:54.000 And he's been doing this since he used to be with David Cross and Sarah Silverman way back in the Boston scene, which was like the early 90s.

00:30:01.000 He's been doing this forever.

00:30:04.000 And eventually he became not a businessman, but a businessman.

00:30:08.000 And all of those other people who would work for him, all those PAs, all those boom operators, boom operators are out of money, you dumb cow.

00:30:17.000 And he didn't whine and complain about it.

00:30:19.000 He said, you know, that was a shitty year.

00:30:22.000 I lost 35 million bucks.

00:30:23.000 I bet you've had a shit year.

00:30:25.000 I had a really shit year.

00:30:26.000 Was he ever going, well, what was me?

00:30:29.000 No, he made it super funny.

00:30:30.000 He goes, everyone knows my thing.

00:30:34.000 You're so lucky.

00:30:34.000 I don't know your thing.

00:30:35.000 He goes, Obama knows my thing.

00:30:38.000 And it's true. 0.56

00:30:39.000 Obama knows that Louis C.K. beats, likes to beat off in front of women.

00:30:44.000 If any of you could understand what that feels like, because you all look very poor.

00:30:49.000 Yeah, he always brags about money, doesn't he, Louis C.K. But I can't imagine anything more traumatic ever happening to anyone.

00:31:00.000 Oh no.

00:31:01.000 Can you?

00:31:02.000 No.

00:31:02.000 Right.

00:31:03.000 Hold on.

00:31:04.000 How far are we in this?

00:31:05.000 We're in this two minutes and 44 seconds, and this is the first joke.

00:31:09.000 The joke is, what's he bitching about?

00:31:11.000 It's 35 million bucks.

00:31:13.000 No one can relate to that.

00:31:14.000 Okay.

00:31:15.000 Use your imagination.

00:31:17.000 But two and a half, almost three minutes waiting for a fucking joke?

00:31:23.000 Oh my goodness.

00:31:24.000 Okay, what else do I have to say?

00:31:25.000 Oh.

00:31:26.000 Oh, notes on the hand.

00:31:27.000 So there we go.

00:31:28.000 Wait a minute.

00:31:29.000 He did this three years ago.

00:31:30.000 She's been doing this character ever since, and she can't memorize her lines.

00:31:34.000 Kelsey, you shouldn't have moved to New York.

00:31:36.000 You should have said yes to the first boyfriend who liked you more than a friend.

00:31:42.000 My comedy, you know it.

00:31:45.000 We liked it.

00:31:46.000 Yeah, we do know it.

00:31:47.000 I don't know yours.

00:31:48.000 I'm guessing it sucks.

00:31:50.000 Actually, spoiler alert, I looked it up and it is shockingly bad.

00:31:54.000 I'm very famous.

00:31:56.000 My comedy, every single year I put out a new special every year.

00:32:01.000 You know.

00:32:02.000 And this year, for no reason, I had to not do stand-up for nine months.

00:32:08.000 And so that only...

00:32:09.000 Nine months.

00:32:09.000 It was years.

00:32:11.000 Left me three months to put out a special.

00:32:17.000 And I will say this.

00:32:19.000 Some of my stand-ups.

00:32:20.000 And his special Slade.

00:32:22.000 And you're sitting on stage, mocking him, being powerfully unfunny.

00:32:27.000 This is like making fun of Keith Richards to Stick to my Rolling Stones analogies and getting up there and playing a shitty solo, mocking what a shitty guitarist he is.

00:32:36.000 If you're going to make fun of a great, then you better be good.

00:32:46.000 And so I'm sorry, my material was a little rough.

00:32:50.000 But you know what?

00:32:51.000 It's been really hard to get stage time in this town.

00:32:56.000 She's talking about that special he did that someone recorded.

00:33:00.000 I think he did that on purpose, though.

00:33:01.000 I think he had that leaked, right?

00:33:05.000 Do your Louis C.K. imitation.

00:33:09.000 I don't really know if I have a Louis C.K. impression.

00:33:13.000 She's a kind of and she's a faggot. 1.00

00:33:16.000 Remember he was doing, he was on OP and Anthony, and they were talking about the origin of the word kaik.

00:33:22.000 And Patrice O'Neill said, yeah, well, it's because you had to do an X if you were illiterate when you're coming to Ellis Island.

00:33:28.000 And in Hebrew, the word for circle is kaikal.

00:33:33.000 And for some reason, the Jews chose to do a circle instead of an X. So they were known as Keikals, and that eventually was abbreviated to kaik. 0.86

00:33:40.000 And then Louis C.K. goes, do you know the origin of the word nigger?

00:33:43.000 And they go, no.

00:33:43.000 And he goes, oh, some guy a long time ago has been a total fucking nigger.

00:33:46.000 So they just called him a nigger.

00:33:50.000 Patrice was gufforing before he even got it out.

00:33:52.000 He just, he knew.

00:33:53.000 The scream laughing that went on after it was right on the edge of acceptable, which is that's the game.

00:33:58.000 You want to stand right on the edge of the cliff and just dangle your feet over.

00:34:02.000 And in any other context, it would have been terrible, but he's saying it to a black guy, and it was just screaming laughing from Patrice, who is black. 0.70

00:34:11.000 Except for at the comedy cellar.

00:34:14.000 That's hard.

00:34:15.000 God bless that loyal club.

00:34:17.000 They will always help good guys like me.

00:34:22.000 What is that now?

00:34:24.000 They will always help.

00:34:25.000 Good guy.

00:34:26.000 What does that mean?

00:34:27.000 Now she's a dancer. 1.00

00:34:29.000 I thought you were being Louis C.K., but with a penis hanging out. 0.67

00:34:33.000 Yes.

00:34:35.000 It hasn't all been perfect, though.

00:34:37.000 The women in comedy.

00:34:41.000 They've been treating me.

00:34:42.000 Women in comedy. 0.99

00:34:44.000 You're not...

00:34:45.000 This isn't comedy.

00:34:47.000 So weird.

00:34:48.000 You'd never believe it.

00:34:50.000 He doesn't say that.

00:34:52.000 The women in comedy mostly had his back, if I recall.

00:34:54.000 It's these amateurs.

00:34:55.000 You see, there's a thing that happened sort of around 2015 where losers, like the people in the audience you see, like everyone you see in this video except me, wanted to get into comedy.

00:35:05.000 And it's hard.

00:35:07.000 It's like wanting to get into skateboarding.

00:35:09.000 You got to practice and you got to be talented.

00:35:11.000 But they were just like, make the ramps lower and make it easy, make the wheels bigger.

00:35:16.000 And so they had all these rules about trans and who can play a woman and what kind of jokes you can do and gays have to be involved and every special.

00:35:23.000 And they ruined it.

00:35:24.000 They ruined comedy.

00:35:25.000 Affirmative action destroyed stand-up comedy.

00:35:28.000 The only guys that weren't kowtowing were the Legionist Ganks. 0.90

00:35:31.000 But the rest of them were like, okay, let's follow these stupid fucking rules and make our whole set Trump is Hitler, Trump is the devil.

00:35:37.000 2016 sucked.

00:35:38.000 On a loop.

00:35:39.000 And that's what she's doing.

00:35:42.000 The women in comedy have been treating me so weird. 1.00

00:35:45.000 How weird.

00:35:47.000 How weird.

00:35:50.000 I'm not even asking them if I can jerk off in front of them anymore.

00:35:56.000 It's like.

00:35:59.000 I don't want to be famous.

00:36:03.000 It is Sam.

00:36:05.000 Is this guy bumming out?

00:36:08.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:09.000 Oh, to the men in comedy who have overwhelmingly supported me.

00:36:15.000 Overwhelmingly.

00:36:17.000 To the good guys.

00:36:18.000 I hear you.

00:36:20.000 I see you.

00:36:21.000 I read your tweets.

00:36:22.000 And each and every one of you will open for me.

00:36:29.000 To the unbelievably small amount of women in comedy who are supporting me.

00:36:35.000 I hear you.

00:36:36.000 I see you.

00:36:37.000 And I can't even wait for five years from now for us to be sitting around and for me to do my famously hilarious bit where I jerk off in front of you.

00:36:51.000 I know you're going to love it.

00:36:55.000 I'm not registering this as a thing.

00:36:58.000 It's weird.

00:36:59.000 It's foreign. 1.00

00:37:00.000 I feel like I'm watching some silly dance they do in Sri Lanka. 0.97

00:37:04.000 That's what you're saying.

00:37:07.000 Oh, no.

00:37:08.000 What else I got?

00:37:10.000 Man, I've just been loving this comeback.

00:37:14.000 Definitely see you, M. Oh, no.

00:37:17.000 These guys got it.

00:37:19.000 And you know, I don't really know what this is, but I'll take whatever stage time I can get.

00:37:25.000 Wait, does that mean P and CK, do you want to join our cast of Eligible Bachelors?

00:37:34.000 It's a dating show parody where they step in.

00:37:37.000 Oh, my God, she's saying she's a comedian parody in the middle of the story.

00:37:41.000 This is good.

00:37:42.000 Because I think people should be judged on their merit and specifically artistic merit.

00:37:48.000 You're a hero and icon.

00:37:49.000 Get down and suck out of you. 1.00

00:37:51.000 Yeah, I'll suck your dick. 1.00

00:37:52.000 I'll suck your dick. 1.00

00:37:53.000 I'll suck your dick. 1.00

00:37:54.000 I know you are.

00:37:55.000 That's why he does well.

00:38:00.000 That was intense, wasn't it?

00:38:02.000 Now, that's not the only time she's done that.

00:38:06.000 If this was a normal planet, she'd go, oh, fuck.

00:38:09.000 I thought it was a funny idea and I got that little fake dick, but oh, well, it didn't take.

00:38:13.000 And no one's going to crucify you for trying out a joke and failing, especially if you're not funny.

00:38:17.000 But no, no, this is her most successful character.

00:38:20.000 Her most successful stint.

00:38:22.000 Her most successful bit.

00:38:24.000 She's never done better than this.

00:38:25.000 And so she keeps doing it.

00:38:27.000 This is what I was talking about about affirmative action.

00:38:29.000 This guy's clearly there because he's a raging homosexual and clearly not funny. 0.99

00:38:34.000 And also, he's also jumping on the bandwagon.

00:38:38.000 Louise, like, right, back up, Brewand. 0.88

00:38:41.000 It's such bullshit.

00:38:44.000 Thanks for being here, just to remind you, thanks for being here.

00:38:46.000 We didn't ask for this.

00:38:47.000 We didn't book this person.

00:38:49.000 He just shows up.

00:38:51.000 Just shows up with consent.

00:38:52.000 Isn't that funny?

00:38:54.000 Okay.

00:38:54.000 As previously warned, you might not like this.

00:38:59.000 So, you know, it's fine.

00:39:01.000 Look at him.

00:39:01.000 We already lost one bitch.

00:39:02.000 Don't worry.

00:39:03.000 I'll see you.

00:39:04.000 I'm coming in.

00:39:04.000 You money.

00:39:05.000 I'll see you in the bench.

00:39:08.000 Yeah, girl. 0.99

00:39:09.000 Yes, Miss Thang. 0.75

00:39:12.000 Anyway, speaking of offensive material, just a reminder: if you don't like this, close your eyes.

00:39:18.000 Plug yours.

00:39:19.000 Lee, eat your fucking fries, you know, but whatever. 0.97

00:39:22.000 Put your hands together.

00:39:23.000 He is a sexual predator.

00:39:26.000 Guilty.

00:39:27.000 All right, here he is.

00:39:28.000 It's penis CK.

00:39:32.000 I just interrupt this whole thing.

00:39:34.000 Isn't it weird how gays, I guess they're trying to be women, but they're doing this sort of insulting take on women, and it's almost like they're mocking them. 1.00

00:39:42.000 It's kind of a Sambo thing.

00:39:44.000 They're like wiggers.

00:39:46.000 But for chicks, chiggers. 1.00

00:39:49.000 No.

00:39:52.000 Dicks.

00:39:52.000 Dude being chicks.

00:39:54.000 Dicks.

00:39:59.000 Look at her frumpy body. 1.00

00:40:01.000 She's already passed it.

00:40:02.000 No one wants her. 0.98

00:40:05.000 Famous stand-up comedian slash sex offender.

00:40:09.000 It's not a sex offender.

00:40:10.000 Miss DK.

00:40:14.000 I'm kind of racking my brain right now trying to think of a way you could make this funny.

00:40:19.000 What?

00:40:20.000 First things first, she'd probably be able to sound a little bit like him.

00:40:24.000 Do the mumbling and yeah, she's a cot. 1.00

00:40:27.000 We've been playing standing ovations.

00:40:31.000 I'm very famous.

00:40:34.000 All right.

00:40:35.000 He's obsessed with how famous and rich he is.

00:40:37.000 I did it.

00:40:40.000 This is why I'm playing this video because it's such a great example of women saying, you stole all this from us. 1.00

00:40:45.000 And minorities, people of color, whatever, they say, you're only famous because you stole from me. 0.65

00:40:50.000 And now they get their way and we go, okay, get up on stage.

00:40:54.000 Let's see what you got.

00:40:55.000 I'm just going to make fun of you and make up lies about you and mock you for things you never did, like brag about being rich.

00:41:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:41:04.000 So you're in my shadow.

00:41:05.000 I got you.

00:41:08.000 You can read about it in my confession in the New York Times.

00:41:12.000 I would call it an apology, but I do not seem sorry.

00:41:18.000 I do not.

00:41:19.000 He apologized a million times, but he doesn't seem sorry.

00:41:22.000 I don't think he should have apologized once.

00:41:26.000 Next thing's next.

00:41:28.000 What did I do?

00:41:31.000 Next thing's next.

00:41:32.000 And then this theatrics.

00:41:35.000 So I don't know who that is.

00:41:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:40.000 I think it's because she's fucking nervous on stage.

00:41:43.000 And that nervousness is a sign from God.

00:41:46.000 That's nature telling you you don't belong there.

00:41:49.000 You're having fight or flight instincts because not because of sexism, but because you're not talented.

00:41:56.000 Get off the fucking stage.

00:41:58.000 Trust your gut.

00:41:59.000 Move back home.

00:42:00.000 Marry Eddie.

00:42:03.000 I loved master wife. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Is that a crime?

00:42:08.000 No.

00:42:10.000 That's right.

00:42:11.000 It's hard to tell.

00:42:14.000 Crime if it's not consensual.

00:42:15.000 Pretty easy.

00:42:16.000 The law is very explicit on this.

00:42:19.000 But I know you're going to all love this next only joke.

00:42:24.000 Definitely what I consider a joke, and I'm a grown man.

00:42:29.000 This is what I think a joke is.

00:42:31.000 Who wants to watch me masturbate? 1.00

00:42:37.000 I am asking.

00:42:38.000 Who wants to watch me masturbate? 1.00

00:42:42.000 I am asking.

00:42:43.000 I am asking.

00:42:46.000 He would ask first and pull his dick out and jerk off.

00:42:49.000 And unfortunately, that detail was told to the entire world.

00:42:53.000 Now everyone knows his thing.

00:42:55.000 But in order to mock him and make him sound worse, she changes the story and says he thinks it's a joke.

00:43:00.000 And then he pulls out his dick and asks as he's beating off. 0.92

00:43:03.000 Like, that's just a dumb lie.

00:43:05.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:07.000 Oh, my male fragility is showing.

00:43:10.000 Who wants to watch me masturbate? 1.00

00:43:12.000 Who are you?

00:43:13.000 Again, 2.30 in and no jokes.

00:43:22.000 And isn't that what consent is when you just ask and then start doing it?

00:43:27.000 Yes.

00:43:29.000 That's exactly what consent is.

00:43:32.000 You weren't into this and you were being consensual.

00:43:35.000 Look at the kind of people that are at comedy clubs now.

00:43:38.000 They're just gross.

00:43:40.000 Consensual, then you would leave.

00:43:44.000 You would leave if you didn't like this.

00:43:46.000 That's on you.

00:43:50.000 I'm asking, you guys.

00:43:52.000 I'm asking.

00:43:59.000 See, the problem is most New Yorkers think that Louis C.K. got fucked over.

00:44:03.000 Oh, he's in, they're in Seattle now.

00:44:05.000 Most people, don't most people think that he got fucked over?

00:44:10.000 Except really frumpy feminists who moved to New York, which is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries. 1.00

00:44:16.000 Now their ovaries are dead. 1.00

00:44:17.000 They're realizing that they fucked up.

00:44:19.000 And they're sort of just wandering around like ghosts.

00:44:25.000 Well, that didn't even take long.

00:44:29.000 I don't know what anyone is complaining about.

00:44:32.000 That's the joke.

00:44:32.000 There's a joke.

00:44:33.000 But it hasn't all been.

00:44:34.000 She used that the other time. 0.59

00:44:36.000 So she considers that one of her hits.

00:44:39.000 Fun and games this past.

00:44:41.000 It's like she got a bigger dick. 1.00

00:44:43.000 It's been one of the hardest years of my life.

00:44:45.000 Isn't it ironic that at night she's going to go home, inverse that, and put it inside of herself while she cries about how lonely she is?

00:44:53.000 Did you all know that I wrote and directed a movie?

00:44:59.000 Yeah, it's really good.

00:45:02.000 It's crazy because I hear you saying yes.

00:45:06.000 That's insane.

00:45:08.000 It's crazy.

00:45:09.000 All of you even, I was like, they're saying yes real loud.

00:45:13.000 Maybe, you know how you could take this?

00:45:15.000 This is the beauty of art.

00:45:16.000 Maybe you could see this as she personifies how ridiculous the portrayal of Louis C.K. was.

00:45:23.000 And she's actually an ally of his.

00:45:26.000 And when she acts like the way he was portrayed, it looks ridiculous and not funny.

00:45:34.000 Famous in my movie, the PC Police Williams.

00:45:37.000 Don't worry, we're not going to watch this whole thing.

00:45:39.000 Come out.

00:45:40.000 That is C-U-M. 1.00

00:45:44.000 Come joke.

00:45:45.000 He gets it.

00:45:46.000 High-five.

00:45:50.000 You're very brave.

00:45:52.000 Did she fly there for this? 0.76

00:45:56.000 That's a very brave man.

00:45:58.000 I like that.

00:46:00.000 I get it.

00:46:02.000 Yeah, she's probably from Seattle. 0.83

00:46:03.000 She was home visiting her folks and thought she'd do some comedy while she's there. 0.82

00:46:07.000 Her dad paid for the ticket because the mom misses her.

00:46:12.000 And they miss her too because they can tell that she's throwing her life away with this ridiculous pursuit.

00:46:19.000 I did it, and I know you all would have loved to see it.

00:46:23.000 I self-titled it, I want to fuck my daughter. 1.00

00:46:28.000 And I never take from my real life.

00:46:30.000 I'm so sorry.

00:46:31.000 Okay, that's enough.

00:46:32.000 So who's doing this?

00:46:34.000 Who is responsible for this?

00:46:35.000 Well, her name, as we've said many times, is Kelsey Kane.

00:46:38.000 Well, let's see how talented she is. 1.00

00:46:41.000 Let's, no, I didn't want to do the bathtub.

00:46:43.000 Let's show her.

00:46:45.000 I think she found a dress in the garbage and she thought, I know, hold on a sec.

00:46:49.000 Follow me around with the camera, and I'm going to put on the dress.

00:46:52.000 I'll get some white gloves, and I'll pretend that I think I'm going to be Miss New York.

00:46:56.000 Okay, I can get with that.

00:46:58.000 If you're not standard beauty, as we said before, she's pretty frumpy. 1.00

00:47:02.000 She's a very solid six, maybe a 5.9. 0.99

00:47:06.000 So you want to work with that.

00:47:08.000 Now that's kind of hack as a woman to be like the I'm so pretty thing, but I'll take it. 1.00

00:47:13.000 So let's see some jokes.

00:47:14.000 It's 0.00 o'clock.

00:47:17.000 Let's see how long it takes to hear any kind of a thing.

00:47:22.000 Hi, I'm Kelsey King, and I'm competing in the 2017 Miss New York City.

00:47:29.000 I was honored to be selected.

00:47:32.000 I was also supposed to...

00:47:33.000 Hey, get your kid. 0.96

00:47:34.000 Jesus Christ.

00:47:36.000 Fucking Muslims. 1.00

00:47:37.000 I have no pageant experience, but I have watched Miss Congeniality, and I plan to watch Miss Congeniality 2.

00:47:45.000 Pause.

00:47:47.000 That's a world record for her. 0.92

00:47:48.000 24 seconds in, she has a joke. 0.98

00:47:50.000 She's going to watch Miss Congeniality. 1.00

00:47:53.000 Okay.

00:47:55.000 Many who know me have asked, really?

00:48:00.000 And it is here, I'd like to officially say, really.

00:48:04.000 Like, her...

00:48:06.000 Look at this.

00:48:07.000 She's mad that a turd is on her. 1.00

00:48:09.000 That must be her state, maybe. 0.50

00:48:10.000 Texas.

00:48:12.000 No, I don't think it's Texas.

00:48:13.000 We're on.

00:48:14.000 That's Texas.

00:48:15.000 No, it's not.

00:48:16.000 It is.

00:48:18.000 We'll see about that.

00:48:22.000 The competition is broken down into three portions.

00:48:25.000 An interview, done behind closed doors, a swimsuit portion, done for a crowd, and an evening gown portion, also done for a crowd.

00:48:35.000 And don't worry, there is no down portion.

00:48:39.000 The first round.

00:48:41.000 Like, the way she talks, I understand your joke is very facile.

00:48:44.000 It could easily be on Nickelodeon.

00:48:46.000 It's a Nick Jr. joke for eight-year-olds.

00:48:48.000 But even just the pacing, as she reads, it was just like before when the stand-up where she's like, and that's the thing.

00:48:56.000 Yay, come.

00:48:59.000 High five.

00:48:59.000 He gets it.

00:49:00.000 Like, your heart's not in it, my dear.

00:49:03.000 So I think nature knows what you should be doing, but you don't seem to be in touch with it.

00:49:10.000 Takes place on January 14th.

00:49:12.000 The finals take place on January 15th with my, sorry, the crowning ceremony taking place later.

00:49:21.000 Jeez was so half-assed.

00:49:23.000 This is like a school project in my channel.

00:49:26.000 But she's either on methadone or she hates this life.

00:49:33.000 I hope to make new friends, new experiences, and become a real generation.

00:49:38.000 Well, you already did the store.

00:49:39.000 Oh, this is a different store.

00:49:41.000 Wine.

00:49:42.000 I hope.

00:49:43.000 That's it.

00:49:44.000 That's it.

00:49:45.000 It's done.

00:49:45.000 That's the whole thing.

00:49:47.000 Can you fucking believe that?

00:49:50.000 Like, you couldn't have some slapstick or fall in a puddle or something?

00:49:54.000 You just wandered around for two seconds.

00:49:57.000 All right, so this final one.

00:49:58.000 I don't know why she decided to do this, but she's explaining the nuances of American politics in the bathtub.

00:50:07.000 So she's explaining the impeachment inquiry.

00:50:10.000 This is from like last year.

00:50:12.000 Why is this in the bathtub?

00:50:14.000 Why does this exist?

00:50:15.000 I don't know what the big short is.

00:50:16.000 Oh, the big short.

00:50:18.000 That was about, I guess there's a scene in the big short where they explain everything from a bathtub.

00:50:23.000 Right?

00:50:26.000 That movie was a real fucking pain in the ass.

00:50:28.000 It's somebody that annoying lib who started Funny or Die with Will, what's his name?

00:50:35.000 And yes, there was a lot of greedy Wall Street dudes. 0.99

00:50:39.000 The government got together with big business and said, all Hispanics and poor people should have a home. 0.62

00:50:47.000 Oh, stop, stop, stop.

00:50:49.000 Stop.

00:50:50.000 They should have a home.

00:50:53.000 And then that fucks with the market.

00:50:55.000 You have to earn a home.

00:50:55.000 You need credit and all that.

00:50:56.000 But they said, no, no, be much more generous.

00:50:58.000 So we got in a huge housing bubble and we couldn't sustain it.

00:51:01.000 The movie starts right there after government and big business got together, which is socialism, basically.

00:51:08.000 So Adam McKay starts the movie after the socialist shit show where they threw money on the ground and just shows the guys picking up the money.

00:51:16.000 What were they supposed to do?

00:51:18.000 You leave money on the ground?

00:51:19.000 It gets picked up.

00:51:20.000 I'm not mad at people who pick up money.

00:51:21.000 I'm mad at people who throw it on the ground.

00:51:23.000 Okay, so this must be what she's mocking.

00:51:26.000 I'm the fuck alone.

00:51:27.000 So here's Margot Robbie in a bubble bath to explain. 1.00

00:51:31.000 Basically, Louis Rainieri's mortgage bonds were amazingly profitable for the big banks.

00:51:36.000 They made billions and billions on their 2% fee they got for selling each of these bonds.

00:51:42.000 But then they started running out of mortgages to put in them.

00:51:46.000 After all, there are only so many homes and so many people with enough jobs to buy them, right?

00:51:52.000 So the banks started filling these bonds with riskier and riskier mortgages.

00:51:57.000 Thank you.

00:51:58.000 And the government allows them.

00:51:59.000 That way they can keep that profit machine shurning, right?

00:52:03.000 By the way, that they do a movie that shows about, they do a movie referring to a giant socialist catastrophe and make it all about the banks and big business.

00:52:16.000 Okay, so that was Margot Roby.

00:52:19.000 She memorized her lines, great lighting and stuff.

00:52:21.000 If you're going to do a parody of it, you got to have an angle, like make it dirty in there or something, and you're a slob. 0.91

00:52:29.000 I don't know.

00:52:29.000 This is just what we just saw, but way uglier and shittier.

00:52:33.000 How is that a joke?

00:52:35.000 So basically, the House of Representatives has announced a formal impeachment inquiry against Trump.

00:52:42.000 But impeaching the president doesn't mean they're removed from office.

00:52:47.000 When you think impeachment, they charge with crimes.

00:52:52.000 A whistleblower or someone who exposes illegal activity said that Trump used his presidential power to pressure the president of the Ukraine into investigating Joe Biden and his son.

00:53:06.000 That's basically interfering with the 2020 election.

00:53:10.000 So the House.

00:53:11.000 Thumbskull, you tiny-minded fool.

00:53:14.000 What a waste of time.

00:53:16.000 I hope, I pray that someone said, we need someone to explain the impeachment inquiry.

00:53:21.000 Can you do a parody of Big Short or something?

00:53:23.000 And she had all of those parameters and she had to do that.

00:53:26.000 Because if she just did this on her own for fun, we've got a problem here.

00:53:30.000 Representatives is investigating that.

00:53:33.000 Then they'll vote to see whether or not Trump committed a crime.

00:53:38.000 If a majority of the House votes yes, which they most likely will because the House is majority Democrat, then Trump will be impeached.

00:53:48.000 Once impeached, then the Senate will have a trial.

00:53:52.000 And if two-thirds of the Senate...

00:54:00.000 Okay, that's enough.

00:54:01.000 So, ladies, we respect you, we love you, we think you're sentient, we adore you, we want to spoon you every night. 1.00

00:54:08.000 But you throw that all away to go pursue comedy.

00:54:10.000 In the case of very talented women, I get it. 1.00

00:54:14.000 In the case of talentless women, you're just watching someone slowly die. 1.00

00:54:19.000 Why did you flush your life down the toilet so you could sit in the bath?

00:54:23.000 It's just sad.

00:54:34.000 Talent.

00:54:36.000 Sad, really.

00:54:36.000 She would have been a great mom, I bet.

00:54:38.000 You can be a funny mom, too.

00:54:40.000 That's the other thing, where they just sort of poo-poo these professions like housewife or tradesman. 0.66

00:54:49.000 I'm not going to be a plumber.

00:54:50.000 Are you kidding?

00:54:51.000 I'm creative.

00:54:52.000 Go design the plumbing system for a skyscraper.

00:54:55.000 It's very, very creative and you'll make lots and lots of money in a trade.

00:55:01.000 Get out of school.

00:55:02.000 Drop out now.

00:55:05.000 School is evil.

00:55:07.000 Right, Ryan?

00:55:08.000 Yes.

00:55:08.000 I am never going to financially recover from this.

00:55:12.000 So you think that she had a Texas necklace on in the last one?

00:55:15.000 A tech neck, yep.

00:55:17.000 But Texas has a straight part at the top.

00:55:20.000 That one seemed to have a loopy dedupe.

00:55:23.000 Let's see.

00:55:24.000 Chelsea?

00:55:25.000 No, no, no.

00:55:26.000 What are you doing?

00:55:27.000 Go back to the link.

00:55:29.000 All right.

00:55:31.000 Well, because I know her.

00:55:32.000 I've met her.

00:55:33.000 I don't.

00:55:35.000 You've met her.

00:55:36.000 I've met her, yeah.

00:55:36.000 That doesn't mean you know.

00:55:37.000 We follow each other.

00:55:38.000 Well, we spoke.

00:55:38.000 We know each other.

00:55:39.000 It's talent.

00:55:40.000 That one.

00:55:41.000 Oh, no, that's the bath, is it?

00:55:43.000 No, I think that's the Miss USA.

00:55:45.000 Yeah.

00:55:46.000 Hi, I'm Kelsey King.

00:55:47.000 Let's get a better look at it.

00:55:48.000 Hey, I'm Kelsey King.

00:55:51.000 I know Kelsey. 0.98

00:55:52.000 Kelsey.

00:55:53.000 That is kind of a Texas name.

00:55:56.000 Kelsey.

00:55:59.000 Notice the shit stand in front of the...

00:56:00.000 Stop.

00:56:05.000 And it is backwards, by the way, but that still doesn't obscure me.

00:56:08.000 The tall part is on the...

00:56:10.000 If you're facing...

00:56:11.000 Oh, I see.

00:56:12.000 I was seeing the little loop, and I thought it was part of the thing.

00:56:15.000 Yeah, that's Texas.

00:56:17.000 All right, all right.

00:56:19.000 That's not backwards.

00:56:20.000 Now that we're doing all of our segments, let's dive into racism.

00:56:25.000 Okay, racism is the one that we will go to.

00:56:39.000 So yeah, Asians have been booted out of the visible minority status.

00:56:44.000 Aren't they visible minorities?

00:56:46.000 And if you're kicking out people for being successful, that should include Lebanese, East Indian, like Pakistani and people from Lahore, India, Lahore, Pakistan, and Delhi, India.

00:57:02.000 Sri Lankans, they're all doing better than most whites. 1.00

00:57:06.000 And Africans from Africa do better than whites. 1.00

00:57:09.000 So are they all out?

00:57:11.000 They've got to be next.

00:57:13.000 You're going to run out of dudes.

00:57:15.000 Soon, racism is just going to be about American blacks who were born here. 0.51

00:57:19.000 I'm not joking.

00:57:21.000 That will be the future.

00:57:24.000 But we showed this clip already, but we didn't get into it.

00:57:27.000 We got sidetracked because the chick was hot. 1.00

00:57:30.000 Oh, yeah, we were talking about aliens.

00:57:33.000 Let's talk.

00:57:34.000 Progressives declare war on Asians, meritocracy, and STEM. 0.78

00:57:37.000 So let me see the first one.

00:57:40.000 Too many Asians are succeeding. 1.00

00:57:42.000 That's not fair.

00:57:44.000 When Asian American parents opposed the school district's plans to enact its new lottery system in late October, you don't have to put lottery in bold and quotes.

00:57:51.000 Who wrote this?

00:57:53.000 The school district blasted the parents by stating they were racist and responsible for the toxic culture at the school.

00:57:59.000 Does this person talk like this, too?

00:58:01.000 Parents were accused of furthering the Asian supremacy agenda by making their children work so hard their children's achievements were demoralizing African American and Latino students.

00:58:12.000 Wait, they were making their kids work too hard.

00:58:16.000 How is that a thing?

00:58:19.000 You're not allowed to let your kids work too hard?

00:58:23.000 If you're white and you eat with chopsticks, congratulations, you're a colonizer. 1.00

00:58:27.000 Somebody quoted this and said, This is from someone using a phone on the internet.

00:58:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:35.000 You know, blah, blah, blah.

00:58:36.000 And other things white people invented.

00:58:38.000 Right.

00:58:38.000 White men.

00:58:40.000 So that's that.

00:58:41.000 I'm glad that's finally out of the bag.

00:58:42.000 And that was, that was a problem because schools were penalizing Asians. 0.90

00:58:50.000 They were giving blacks scores a boost, colleges, and they were penalizing Asians.

00:58:55.000 I guess whites got their own scores.

00:58:56.000 I don't know where whites are and all that. 0.68

00:58:58.000 But if you can say that Asians aren't a minority, then that's no longer racist.

00:59:02.000 Remember, was it like two episodes ago, we had a thing about there was a category and it was whites and Asians, and then it was minorities.

00:59:11.000 Whoa.

00:59:12.000 Do you remember that?

00:59:12.000 Weird.

00:59:13.000 Yeah, vaguely.

00:59:14.000 Yeah, we talked about that the other day.

00:59:15.000 It's a new category.

00:59:16.000 Oh, yeah, and then Indians are Asian too.

00:59:18.000 And so we're in Britain, people say that.

00:59:21.000 We don't really see that here.

00:59:23.000 Can we just go back to all the old names?

00:59:25.000 Pakistan.

00:59:26.000 Packy was derogatory, but at least you knew what people were talking about.

00:59:30.000 Oriental, at least I can picture it. 0.98

00:59:33.000 When you say Asia, it's kind of a large place.

00:59:38.000 That's all we have for racism.

00:59:40.000 Let's get into our next segment, Election Gate.

00:59:44.000 We're really powering through them today.

00:59:53.000 What a yo-yo ride this fucking Election Gate shit is.

00:59:57.000 Now, I don't have this in the notes, but Trump, the left was gobbling this up.

01:00:02.000 Trump said, yeah, yeah, you can start working on a transition.

01:00:05.000 And that was seen as conceding.

01:00:07.000 But I think he was just, I think the woman in charge of it was getting death threats.

01:00:10.000 And he said, fine.

01:00:11.000 If you guys end up winning, you can start putting your ducks in a row now.

01:00:16.000 I don't think you're going to win.

01:00:17.000 I'm not giving up by any means.

01:00:20.000 But my friend Robbie sent me this.

01:00:22.000 What was it?

01:00:24.000 MSNBC.

01:00:25.000 Or MSN?

01:00:26.000 Trump went along with Biden's transition only after AIDS told him he didn't have to admit he lost.

01:00:32.000 That's a funny way of putting it.

01:00:35.000 But I thought this was interesting.

01:00:36.000 My friend Robbie sent me this.

01:00:37.000 It's on One American News with Greg Kelly.

01:00:40.000 I was on that show once.

01:00:41.000 He just kept asking me if Prowboys were racist, which is like, why did I fucking...

01:00:45.000 I don't have time for that shit.

01:00:46.000 That's below me.

01:00:49.000 But this dude is a Democrat who worked with Bill Clinton.

01:00:52.000 And he said some interesting stuff here.

01:00:55.000 If you look at around 2138, it's on their player.

01:01:02.000 2138.

01:01:08.000 Dick Morris joins us, presidential political strategist.

01:01:11.000 He helped make Bill Clinton governor Clinton and helped make him a two-term president.

01:01:18.000 Dick Morris, the legend, welcome back.

01:01:20.000 And check out dickmorris.com.

01:01:22.000 A lot of great content up there.

01:01:23.000 Dick, how are you?

01:01:25.000 Great.

01:01:25.000 Good to be here with you, Greg.

01:01:26.000 Thank you.

01:01:29.000 You do a radio show on air.

01:01:31.000 But now that you brought it up, the Greg Kelly podcast is available wherever podcasts are.

01:01:39.000 You smoke cigars and scream all morning.

01:01:41.000 You're cursed.

01:01:41.000 It's terrific.

01:01:42.000 I loved it.

01:01:43.000 Sorry, I know I told you 25 minutes.

01:01:44.000 And yeah, thank you very much for being so generous with your time.

01:01:48.000 Fascinating stuff, by the way.

01:01:49.000 And so is this.

01:01:51.000 We've got some data.

01:01:52.000 I think you've come up with this.

01:01:54.000 Let's put Phoenix up on the screen.

01:01:56.000 Well, tell us a little bit before we actually look at Phoenix what you noticed in terms of voter turnout and population increase.

01:02:04.000 There was a huge increase in turnout in the key Democratic cities in these swing states that are now being litigated.

01:02:13.000 For example, in Phoenix, there were 48% more votes cast in 2020 than in 2012.

01:02:20.000 Now, the population of Phoenix did rise by 14% in that period, but there were 48% more votes.

01:02:28.000 We're seeing a lot of that.

01:02:29.000 It grew by 9%, and there were 30% more votes.

01:02:33.000 In Detroit, where there was no population gain whatsoever, in fact, there was a little loss, somehow 50,000 more people voted, a 10% increase.

01:02:43.000 And the only way that that increase can be found is by ballot stuffing.

01:02:50.000 The non-democratic cities didn't realize that kind of a gain.

01:02:54.000 And even cities like New York and Chicago that were not in swing states didn't realize that kind of a gain.

01:03:01.000 It was pure ballot stuffing with absentee and mail-in ballot.

01:03:06.000 It's pretty wild.

01:03:07.000 And again, the passion for Obama, I mean, look, people, he was a charismatic guy.

01:03:12.000 A lot of people liked him, even people who disagreed with him.

01:03:16.000 They just, there's not that passion for Joe Biden.

01:03:20.000 Let's face it.

01:03:21.000 Is it possible, you know, surprising to me, but there are people who don't like Donald Trump that somehow that spiked the turnout, or is that ridiculous?

01:03:31.000 No, no, sure it did.

01:03:32.000 But that's why there were 150 million people voting this year and only 135 million voted last time.

01:03:44.000 But in these particular cities, in these particular states, where Biden won by 80,000 in one state or 20 in another state, these kind of spikes in turnout are indicative of ballot stuffing.

01:03:59.000 They're indicative of the secretary.

01:04:01.000 It's good, though.

01:04:03.000 But I have a feeling that we'll have all of this circumstantial evidence and no smoking gun, but we don't know.

01:04:08.000 But go to 26 in that interview.

01:04:10.000 He says the judges might be too scared.

01:04:13.000 Now, what's her name? 0.69

01:04:14.000 The new chick said, no, I'm not scared of shit.

01:04:16.000 I don't care how people react to how I enforce the law.

01:04:18.000 I enforce the law.

01:04:20.000 But he was saying, I think the judges might avoid overturning the election because they don't want the courts to be responsible for riots.

01:04:28.000 26.

01:04:30.000 Harrisburg.

01:04:31.000 And that's an equal protection argument.

01:04:33.000 I'm convinced they'll prevail on that.

01:04:35.000 But the problem, Greg, is what do you do about it?

01:04:38.000 Do you throw out the whole election because of it?

01:04:40.000 It's going to be hard to do.

01:04:41.000 Do you throw out the ballots that were conceivably illegal because they were after a deadline or there weren't Republicans?

01:04:48.000 Well, you can, but then you're throwing the election into the House of Representatives.

01:04:52.000 And I think the Supreme Court may be institutionally incapable of doing that.

01:04:58.000 It's one of the points I made in the podcast With you, that the judges care about the court more than they do about the election.

01:05:05.000 And they don't want the court to be the object of everybody rioting and demonstrating and going crazy, and the Democrats trying to pack it.

01:05:14.000 And they may well want to keep the court out of harm's way.

01:05:18.000 Well, Amy Coney Barrett made a big point about how that's not supposed to be her concern.

01:05:24.000 They're not supposed to worry about stuff like that.

01:05:26.000 Okay.

01:05:27.000 And then you say, can I just see, can we see the Kraken on crack, please?

01:05:31.000 And 18, we get evidence of fraud.

01:05:33.000 Yay! 0.99

01:05:34.000 Giuliani's got evidence.

01:05:37.000 Let's see what he's got.

01:05:40.000 You want evidence of fraud?

01:05:42.000 In 70% of Wayne County, Detroit, there were phantom voters.

01:05:46.000 There were more votes than registered voters.

01:05:49.000 120%, 150%, 200%, even 300%.

01:05:55.000 And you go, okay, that's huge.

01:05:57.000 But then you have the lamestream media spinning everything and saying, no, no, no, he didn't mean that.

01:06:03.000 Giuliani said he exaggerated a little bit when he said there were more votes than citizens in Detroit after Trump made the claim part of his failed bid to overturn election defeat.

01:06:10.000 This might be Trump misinterpreting the data.

01:06:12.000 Go down.

01:06:14.000 So he said what he just said.

01:06:16.000 And then Trump, look at the picture they used of Giuliani.

01:06:20.000 In Detroit, there are far more votes than people.

01:06:23.000 Nothing can be done to cure that giant scam.

01:06:25.000 So in several counties in Detroit, there were more votes than registered voters.

01:06:33.000 No one has said there was more votes than there are people in Detroit.

01:06:37.000 When it gets interpreted that way, Giuliani goes, no, that's not what I meant.

01:06:41.000 And then Daily Mail, Murdoch, the Lambstream Media uses that to nullify the entire statement and all of the evidence.

01:06:48.000 No, no, Giuliani never said there was more votes than voters.

01:06:52.000 That was an exaggeration.

01:06:53.000 He took it back.

01:06:54.000 No, he explained your misinterpretation of what he said.

01:06:57.000 He said in several counties in Detroit.

01:07:02.000 And there's no doubt in my mind that there was massive fraud going on in Detroit.

01:07:06.000 The only question that remains is, will there be enough evidence?

01:07:09.000 Will the justice have enough balls? 0.98

01:07:11.000 And will it be enough to overturn an election or go in Trump's favor?

01:07:17.000 Put up that pick of that Salem tweet.

01:07:20.000 59 counties in Georgia rejected zero mail-ins.

01:07:24.000 Again, this is all circumstantial, folks.

01:07:27.000 Rejected zero mail-in ballots.

01:07:29.000 Not 0% rounded to the nearest decimal.

01:07:31.000 Zero total.

01:07:34.000 How many counties?

01:07:35.000 Nine?

01:07:36.000 59.

01:07:37.000 59 counties in Georgia rejected zero mail-in ballots.

01:07:43.000 All right, now for another segment as we power through these segments.

01:07:47.000 Yesterday was the heavy shit show.

01:07:49.000 Tuesdays are the fun party show, you guys.

01:07:53.000 Let's go to the mailbag.

01:07:55.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:08:00.000 Let's turn our eyes together to mailbag.

01:08:05.000 Let me touch it.

01:08:13.000 I'm just checking this for rampant.

01:08:15.000 See, people say I should read the letters first, but that kind of kills the surprise.

01:08:19.000 I want us to go through the mail together.

01:08:22.000 True.

01:08:24.000 What's happening, King and Queen of the Fag Zone? 1.00

01:08:26.000 I was chatting to my old man the last day, the last day, from Wales, and we discussed the inner circle about Hitler and all that.

01:08:33.000 Won't drag you in too much, but I asked him why the hate on Jews and all this anti-Semite shit.

01:08:39.000 Maybe we're from a bum fuck town that never hears the reasons, but we have no fucking clue.

01:08:43.000 We saw it as a joke a few times, and Borat, when he dressed up as a Jew, was too funny. 1.00

01:08:47.000 Is it that they own the media?

01:08:49.000 They're stingy?

01:08:50.000 This guy's spelling and grammar, by the way, is shocking.

01:08:54.000 That's fucking hilarious, by the way.

01:08:55.000 Don't gas him.

01:08:57.000 We're just not sure.

01:08:58.000 My old man got a beak on him.

01:09:00.000 We've never heard a Jew reference.

01:09:02.000 Well, there is a disproportionate number of people who identify as Jewish in the media.

01:09:09.000 They do tend to have higher IQs, and media and writing tend to attract people.

01:09:14.000 There are also a disproportionate number of Jews in medicine.

01:09:18.000 However, there does seem to be, in the lamestream media I'm talking about, there does seem to be a disproportionate number of people who put their names in brackets.

01:09:26.000 You've got to tread lightly with this subject in America for obvious reasons.

01:09:30.000 But I always say to people, anti-Semites, those are ginos. 1.00

01:09:34.000 They don't really read the Torah.

01:11:38.000 the last couple days across social media.

01:11:40.000 There's been a lot of misinformation and speculation thrown out there.

01:11:47.000 What's a shit fight?

01:11:49.000 Gross fight.

01:11:50.000 We've had quite the little shit fight.

01:11:52.000 Your continued support for Black Rifle Coffee.

01:11:55.000 We've been in quite a little shit fight the last couple days across.

01:11:59.000 Quite a little shit fight?

01:12:01.000 Been in quite a little shit fight the last couple days across social media.

01:12:05.000 Yep.

01:12:05.000 I never heard that before.

01:12:07.000 There's been a lot of misinformation.

01:12:10.000 Knuckles covers speculation thrown out there.

01:12:13.000 So I wanted to get the facts straight with you guys.

01:12:17.000 Ready.

01:12:18.000 Number one, did we sponsor Kyle Rittenhouse?

01:12:21.000 The answer is no.

01:12:23.000 The reason for that, and the reason why I think it's important, is that we're not in the business of profiting from tragedy.

01:12:29.000 We're not in the business of profiting from this event.

01:12:32.000 We have zero interest in collecting $1 from any of this.

01:12:36.000 It is ethically inappropriate for us to do so or even give the perception.

01:12:42.000 So why did we come out and say that?

01:12:43.000 I wanted to make sure everybody knew we would not profit from this.

01:12:47.000 That's fair.

01:12:47.000 Okay.

01:12:48.000 So number two, did we separate our Blaze Media marketing contract because of that?

01:12:53.000 No, we had a series of discussions with Blaze because there was a promotional code attached to an image of this.

01:13:01.000 We said, we do not want to be associated with profiting from this.

01:13:05.000 Same thing I just said.

01:13:06.000 We don't want to be associated with profiting from this.

01:13:08.000 Can you please remove it?

01:13:10.000 But our marketing relationship with the Blaze, we've had that for two years.

01:13:14.000 Nothing changed with it.

01:13:16.000 We believe in what they put out.

01:13:17.000 We believe in that relationship.

01:13:19.000 Number three, we believe in the Constitution, the Second Amendment, the right to bear arms.

01:13:25.000 We also believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty.

01:13:30.000 Black Rifle Coffee has been around for five years.

01:13:33.000 We have over 400 people.

01:13:35.000 55% of those people are veterans.

01:13:39.000 We've been able to do a lot in a limited amount of time.

01:13:42.000 So we've raised over and given back over a million dollars.

01:13:46.000 Is that a base?

01:13:47.000 Our loyalty to the veteran community and the people that love America has never wavered.

01:13:54.000 We will not waver.

01:13:56.000 We will not deter from our mission to hire and support the veteran community and uphold the Constitution.

01:14:03.000 You're forgiven.

01:14:04.000 Ryan, please don't fade me out tomorrow night.

01:14:06.000 I have an idea.

01:14:07.000 Oh my God, it's Lighthouse Tom.

01:14:09.000 I have an idea that we'll garner lots of donations for the charities and we'll pitch it on the call on Epi, okay?

01:14:14.000 Just don't even answer the phone.

01:14:16.000 Dear Gavin, Ryan was having a deep, profound discussion with a friend the other night and wanted to get your take.

01:14:21.000 Is it still gay if you fuck or get a beach from another dude but don't come? 1.00

01:14:26.000 Yep.

01:14:27.000 Thanks.

01:14:28.000 I'd like to say I like you more than a friend, but I think it'd be awkward right now, so I like your new sunglasses.

01:14:33.000 They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses. 0.93

01:14:42.000 All you need to know about them is this fucking person in this position in a coffee company.

01:14:49.000 What?

01:14:51.000 And what's her job? 0.89

01:14:54.000 Sandy Garner.

01:14:55.000 Vice President of People and Culture at Black Rifle Corporation.

01:14:58.000 Vice President of People and Culture.

01:15:00.000 The fuck does that mean?

01:15:02.000 She's credentialed in several fields of human resources and have over 20 years of experience advising teams and executing HR projects and initiatives.

01:15:11.000 That sounds like such a waste of money.

01:15:13.000 The problem is you get sued if you don't have these people, these HR people.

01:15:17.000 So I talked to a guy in HR and I go, I fucking hate you.

01:15:20.000 Every business is better off with no HR.

01:15:22.000 And he goes, true. 0.67

01:15:23.000 I'm totally open to that.

01:15:25.000 But when you get sued, when these people say that you grab their ass, if you don't have an HR department, you're toast.

01:15:32.000 So we're in this.

01:15:33.000 It's like lawyers.

01:15:33.000 Everyone hates lawyers.

01:15:35.000 But what do you do when you get sued?

01:15:36.000 You call a lawyer.

01:15:40.000 New soundboard clip.

01:15:41.000 Courtesy of the Donald.win.

01:15:45.000 Don't forget to go to...

01:15:47.000 I'm a cock or whatever, a bald cock.

01:15:51.000 Nah.

01:15:54.000 Thanks for trying, though, Cassie.

01:15:56.000 Lots of checks writing in today.

01:15:59.000 Hey, Gary.

01:16:00.000 Oh, that's Gary, so I don't touch that.

01:16:02.000 You go through all these for Gary's, right?

01:16:04.000 Yes.

01:16:06.000 Sup, G-Dog.

01:16:07.000 Does your legendary da keep up with what's going on in Scotland or the UK?

01:16:12.000 If you can get him on the show to talk about it, get him to say how much he doesn't even like Ryan.

01:16:15.000 He's a legend.

01:16:16.000 I want to hear how to stay in the Union.

01:16:19.000 I could try calling him now.

01:16:22.000 Should we do that?

01:16:23.000 Sure, sure.

01:16:24.000 Let's call Jummy.

01:16:26.000 See you, Jum.

01:16:28.000 See you.

01:16:29.000 Hanging's too good for you.

01:16:31.000 Yeah, we bastard.

01:16:33.000 You fucking bastard.

01:16:35.000 Somebody's pitching a feminism graphic. 1.00

01:16:38.000 Are we interested?

01:16:39.000 Or are we interested?

01:16:41.000 Alright, let's load this puppy up.

01:16:43.000 How long is it?

01:16:45.000 Eight seconds.

01:16:48.000 Yo, wake up America.

01:16:49.000 It's time to talk about feminism today. 1.00

01:16:53.000 Yeah.

01:16:55.000 Does that spell on feminism? 1.00

01:16:58.000 Wake up America.

01:16:58.000 I guess influenza.

01:17:02.000 Because it's your head.

01:17:03.000 Oh, on feminism. 1.00

01:17:04.000 Because your head is more of a circle than a eye.

01:17:08.000 So it's an on-feminism. 1.00

01:17:17.000 Hey, Dad.

01:17:18.000 Oh, hi, buddy.

01:17:20.000 How you doing?

01:17:21.000 I'm nice.

01:17:21.000 Everything is wonderful.

01:17:23.000 I'm just recording my show here, and someone's asked as a question for you.

01:17:29.000 Okay.

01:17:30.000 Does your legendary da keep up with what's going on in Scotland or the UK?

01:17:35.000 I'd love to hear how he feels about the state of the shit hole.

01:17:41.000 Well, I feel that Scotland is...

01:17:45.000 Scotland is no longer what it was.

01:17:49.000 The problem now is that Scotland has become, it's anything, a very socialist country.

01:17:55.000 Did you walk away from the phone?

01:17:58.000 I'm sorry?

01:17:59.000 Did you walk away From the phone, walk away from the phone.

01:18:04.000 The phone?

01:18:04.000 Did you walk away from the phone?

01:18:06.000 No, no, I've got your own speaker.

01:18:08.000 Okay, well, I can't hear you as well.

01:18:10.000 Okay, so the problem with Scotland now is a very socialist country.

01:18:22.000 And I read somewhere that more than 50% of Scots people are employed by some level of government or other.

01:18:34.000 Well, when manufacturing died, it just became welfare central, right?

01:18:38.000 Well, yes.

01:18:39.000 And, you know, at one time, Hillman made, opened a car factory in Scotland because the labor was cheaper, and the labor's cheaper because housing costs are cheaper than in England.

01:18:55.000 But then the unions demanded parity with the English workers.

01:19:01.000 So I always said, what's the point of his going there then?

01:19:04.000 And withdrew.

01:19:06.000 Wasn't Grandpa McInnes a fervent communist?

01:19:11.000 I would say he was certainly a socialist.

01:19:15.000 A very, very strong socialist.

01:19:18.000 But he had a curious, he had a curious dichotomy, you see, because he was a union leader.

01:19:28.000 But he had no respect for the men.

01:19:31.000 He thought they were stupid and lazy.

01:19:33.000 And he had no respect for management because he felt they were abusing the workers.

01:19:40.000 It reminds me of that saying, it is not hard to distinguish between a beautiful sunset and a Scotsman in a bad mood.

01:19:49.000 Sounds like he hated everyone.

01:19:50.000 And then didn't he, with his union, make it so expensive for the newspapers to print there that they just shut down?

01:19:57.000 He killed his own industry.

01:19:59.000 Exactly.

01:20:00.000 Well, he was part of it.

01:20:01.000 He was part of it, you know.

01:20:03.000 What happened was it was really Fleet Street that died.

01:20:07.000 They kept demanding, unions kept demanding all kinds of things.

01:20:11.000 One of the demands was if a newspaper closes, then the remaining newspapers are obliged to hire the workers from the paper that closed.

01:20:24.000 What if there's no positions available?

01:20:27.000 Well, did you sit there then?

01:20:31.000 Did you see in the news recently the Scottish, whatever it is, their fake government, police there are talking about a law where if your relative is saying something racist at the dinner table, you call the police and the Scottish police will come by and arrest the offending parent.

01:20:48.000 Oh, you know, the guy who heads up the justice ministry, okay, is a Muslim. 0.93

01:20:59.000 And he was complaining that there's too many white people in the government.

01:21:11.000 Scotland is predominantly white, so no wonder there's a lot of white people in the government. 0.99

01:21:16.000 Well, thank God you guys moved, because if the things you say at dinner, if I called the cops in Scotland, you'd probably be doing life.

01:21:23.000 You'd probably get the electric chair.

01:21:28.000 Okay, I'll call you when we're done the show.

01:21:30.000 Take care.

01:21:33.000 My dad.

01:21:35.000 We should get him regularly doing Skypes.

01:21:39.000 You know?

01:21:39.000 Do we need a bumper?

01:21:41.000 Yeah.

01:21:42.000 Jimmy's 10 cents.

01:21:44.000 Jimmy's 10 pence.

01:21:48.000 2020 has been shite, but I always knew it would end in tears.

01:21:51.000 A joke for the dads.

01:21:52.000 T-I-E-R-S. 1.00

01:21:54.000 Thank you, my dear.

01:21:56.000 Hi, homos. 1.00

01:21:57.000 The first ever.

01:21:58.000 Three subsequent video drops in one fucking clip. 0.72

01:22:01.000 All of these would be perfect for the show.

01:22:03.000 They start at 345.

01:22:25.000 You really made the world a better place, didn't you, Fag? 1.00

01:22:30.000 Now that the world is going to be run peacefully.

01:22:32.000 That was really good.

01:22:35.000 I remember George Clooney has a speech just like that, where he says, we're naive?

01:22:42.000 Yeah, I guess we are naive.

01:22:44.000 I guess we're the ones who...

01:22:46.000 And then he talks about the chick who was in, the black chick who has been gone with the wind, and they gave her the first award, and no one had done anything nice to black people before Hollywood came along.

01:22:58.000 And it's just a long speech about how good he is.

01:23:02.000 They are.

01:23:03.000 I think it's the third one there.

01:23:05.000 What does that say?

01:23:06.000 Ladies and gentlemen, please walk.

01:23:11.000 2006, I think it was before all of the man who George Clooney speech.

01:23:17.000 Naive.

01:23:20.000 It's a funny thing about winning an Academy Award, this will always be sort of synonymous with your name from here on in.

01:23:25.000 It'll be black actress. 1.00

01:23:27.000 Oscar winner George Clooney.

01:23:30.000 Go.

01:23:31.000 Sexiest Man Alive, 1997.

01:23:33.000 What's her name again?

01:23:34.000 Hattie McDaniel.

01:23:36.000 Yeah, let's see what he says there.

01:23:38.000 Hattie McDaniel.

01:23:39.000 Where the fuck did I put it?

01:23:42.000 Shit, sorry.

01:23:43.000 George Clooney, naive.

01:23:44.000 Hattie McDid.

01:23:47.000 He was really angry.

01:23:52.000 Ah, fuck.

01:23:53.000 I can't find it.

01:23:54.000 Maybe we'll have to leave that to our guys.

01:23:56.000 George Clooney's speech.

01:23:59.000 Hollywood.

01:24:01.000 He was defending Hollywood and actors and stuff.

01:24:04.000 That was sort of the beginning of when they were becoming the laughingstock.

01:24:07.000 They're all the laughingstock now, right?

01:24:10.000 We all agree with that.

01:24:11.000 George Clooney's amazing speech at the 70s.

01:24:16.000 Don't win.

01:24:17.000 And then you are a loser.

01:24:20.000 I just remember her saying, you know how to whistle, Steve?

01:24:24.000 Just put your lips together.

01:24:25.000 Very good year.

01:24:28.000 I couldn't be more proud of that.

01:24:29.000 Today was an extraordinary day.

01:24:30.000 Okay, we'll find it later on.

01:24:32.000 He's one of my.

01:24:33.000 I'm going to do an all the celebrities I hate list because there's quite a list, and it's not rational.

01:24:39.000 It's sort of like the church ladies.

01:24:41.000 Like, I despise Common, the rapper.

01:24:45.000 I despise Alan Cumming.

01:24:48.000 Jeremy Piven makes my blood boil.

01:24:51.000 I just can't even look at them.

01:24:53.000 George Clooney, yeah.

01:24:56.000 I don't hate him.

01:24:57.000 It doesn't exist in my mind.

01:25:00.000 Mark Ruffalo, he's obviously just an animal.

01:25:04.000 Like, he's like a little dog, but they put a dog's brain in a human body.

01:25:10.000 And I hate him, but it's not passionate.

01:25:13.000 I love laughing at him.

01:25:14.000 He cracks me up.

01:25:15.000 So I should put that together because I'm surprised myself at the list.

01:25:18.000 There's no rhyme or reason to it.

01:25:21.000 Alan Cumming?

01:25:22.000 Why do I give a shit about him?

01:25:23.000 But I want to strangle him.

01:25:25.000 I fucking hate his face.

01:25:27.000 And he's Scottish too.

01:25:28.000 He's one of us.

01:25:29.000 All right, let's do one more letter.

01:25:34.000 This guy's got an unfortunate name.

01:25:36.000 Last name is Gross Man.

01:25:38.000 Oh, no, it's Goss.

01:25:39.000 Sorry.

01:25:44.000 He's resending a letter because it didn't go through.

01:25:54.000 Hello, dear Gavin.

01:25:57.000 I guess he wants to talk about my wife.

01:26:00.000 Why should Trump voters confederate with Indians?

01:26:03.000 Indians voted almost unanimously for Biden.

01:26:06.000 It was a massive turnout for indigenous peoples against Trump.

01:26:10.000 Germans love Indians.

01:26:12.000 In fact, with my wife's tribe, one of the few groups that was working hard to preserve their language was Germans.

01:26:20.000 Why should Trump voters confederate with Indians?

01:26:23.000 Because Indians are more decent neighbors than masses of immigrants.

01:26:26.000 They care for the land.

01:26:28.000 Where are you getting all this from?

01:26:29.000 And can be a good part of an international confederation of landowners.

01:26:33.000 They don't give a shit about the land anymore.

01:26:36.000 They can help to overcome big money by taking over Wall Street and using it for the land and the people.

01:26:41.000 Is this guy eight years old?

01:26:43.000 They're good for terraforming and are willing to learn and basically respect entrepreneurs.

01:26:49.000 Boy, you sure know you're Indians.

01:26:51.000 A truthful attitude of Trump voters would contain list of terror details and will to stop it.

01:26:56.000 More land, which is not so big problem because of new land terraforming with desulted. 0.93

01:27:02.000 What the fuck is this guy?

01:27:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:27:08.000 So weird.

01:27:10.000 And then he's writing about my wife telling her, how about asking all First Nations if they like a democratic coup where they change?

01:27:16.000 He wants my wife to lead a walkaway thing in the Indian movement.

01:27:20.000 No, thank you.

01:27:24.000 Okay, here's something.

01:27:26.000 Please do not use my name due to the sensitivity of the email.

01:27:30.000 I could be sued by Black Rifle Coffee Company.

01:27:34.000 I am not trying to give you a homework assignment here, but your buddy may want this information.

01:27:38.000 He can research this himself.

01:27:39.000 BRCC is a bunch of sellouts.

01:27:42.000 Their VC is a group out of Chicago named Sterling Partners.

01:27:46.000 The group is extremely left-wing.

01:27:49.000 Ryan, you should be pulling up this, not looking for George Clooney.

01:27:54.000 Example, they lend their jets to the Clintons, Kerry, Bernie, etc.

01:27:58.000 BRCC wants to go public.

01:28:00.000 They hired the CFO from Overstock.com, Gregory J. Iverson.

01:28:07.000 Give him a Google as well.

01:28:09.000 Case 219 CV00709-DAC, D-A-K.

01:28:14.000 I'm in the process of taking a company public.

01:28:17.000 No chance they can get past the SEC or the NASDAQ with this guy as the CFO.

01:28:22.000 I could go on for a short novel.

01:28:25.000 So I'm supposed to look up...

01:28:26.000 Who's this guy?

01:28:28.000 Gregory J. Iverson.

01:28:31.000 All right.

01:28:33.000 So that's something to look up on your own, folks, if you really give a shit about a coffee company.

01:28:40.000 Oh, look, someone did a feminism one. 1.00

01:28:43.000 Oh, is that the hand-drawn guy?

01:28:45.000 Nope.

01:28:47.000 Oh, this looks pretty good, Ryan.

01:28:49.000 All right.

01:28:49.000 Opening attachment.

01:28:50.000 We may have a winner here.

01:28:52.000 We may.

01:28:55.000 There is no female sword because there is no female. 1.00

01:29:03.000 Jack the Ripper.

01:29:05.000 Give me a girl with a slender wisdom.

01:29:10.000 But till then, we got some stuff of feminism. 1.00

01:29:18.000 Great.

01:29:20.000 The final graphic is a little jarring.

01:29:24.000 And no, it's a little badly cut out.

01:29:26.000 But that animation was awesome.

01:29:31.000 Huh.

01:29:32.000 That's a great point.

01:29:33.000 There's no female Mozart because there's no Jack the Ripper.

01:29:37.000 See, there is a Jack the Ripper.

01:29:38.000 We have more geniuses and more morons.

01:29:41.000 We have a wider...

01:29:43.000 What?

01:29:44.000 What did you just ask?

01:29:45.000 There is a Jack the Ripper, not a female Jack the Ripper. 1.00

01:29:47.000 Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

01:29:50.000 Okay, folks.

01:29:52.000 That's the show.

01:29:53.000 We're ready to wrap it up.

01:29:56.000 Only two show notes today because we did such a long green screen.

01:29:59.000 So that's only $50.

01:30:01.000 Let me just sign them right now.

01:30:07.000 I'll be stunned.

01:30:08.000 I mean, what do you do?

01:30:09.000 Do you frame it?

01:30:10.000 Is it framed?

01:30:12.000 Like, what about this one?

01:30:14.000 Is this framed?

01:30:18.000 I probably wouldn't sell that one.

01:30:21.000 Okay, let's do it.

01:30:36.000 Doesn't he kind of sound foreign?

01:30:38.000 There's like a foreign tinge in there.

01:30:40.000 Really?

01:30:41.000 That's a good trick.

01:30:43.000 Did you see what Mike D was doing at the end there?

01:30:44.000 You put your arm around your buddy, you have an open beer, and when it's near his face, you just go chimp. 0.99

01:30:48.000 Yeah, those are those.

01:30:49.000 I don't know if...

01:30:50.000 Would that work for modern beer cans?

01:30:52.000 Yeah, why not?

01:30:54.000 Yeah, I guess so.

01:30:56.000 The beer cans in the 80s are still pretty modern.

01:30:58.000 You're thinking of like the 70s.

01:31:01.000 Yeah, where they were just like a, there was like a strong enough to crunch them.

01:31:08.000 So this is a guy.

01:31:08.000 I think he's from Boston.

01:31:10.000 But he's living for some reason in China.

01:31:12.000 I don't get how.

01:31:14.000 I lived in China.

01:31:15.000 It sucks.

01:31:15.000 I don't get how anyone could do it.

01:31:17.000 Like for any length of time.

01:31:19.000 The Shanghai Shaqs, my favorite Chinese basketball team, stop serving booze at the arena this season.

01:31:25.000 Boyah! 0.98

01:31:26.000 Sangha Pijo, Iga Panta?

01:31:29.000 No!

01:31:30.000 Sangha Pijo?

01:31:32.000 Mayo Shman?

01:31:37.000 I don't want a mixing of water.

01:31:38.000 I want a mixing three beers in a fantasy.

01:31:43.000 I was devastated, but I wasn't about to start watching the game sober.

01:31:47.000 So at the next one, I taped a bunch of beers to my stomach to determine just how serious they were about the alcohol ban.

01:32:00.000 No?

01:32:02.000 How do you get this off?

01:32:04.000 I wrapped this like five times.

01:32:07.000 I don't know how to get this off.

01:32:09.000 Hold up.

01:32:10.000 Do you guys have like scissors?

01:32:11.000 Wouldn't be scared to do that.

01:32:13.000 Turns out pretty soon.

01:32:14.000 Yes.

01:32:14.000 Which meant if I was...

01:32:15.000 Shanghai is still mainland China.

01:32:17.000 I'd have to be a little more creative.

01:32:19.000 So I ordered veterinarian syringes, bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables, and injected them full of vodka.

01:32:26.000 Nice.

01:32:26.000 This piece of fruit is not going to shut off the mel detector that the shark does.

01:32:30.000 Alright, so it turns out they have a no outside food policy, which means most of my fruit was just confiscated at security.

01:32:38.000 Shiguel.

01:32:40.000 No, I need my vegetables.

01:32:44.000 I have a medical condition, but I was able to shove a green pepper down my pants, and all I got to do is bite a little hole in the top, bring up the Panta.

01:32:57.000 And this probably has like at least like six nips worth of vodka.

01:33:02.000 Drinking vodka out of a vegetable.

01:33:04.000 Quite honestly, it's pathetic, but it works.

01:33:06.000 Isn't quite as enjoyable as drinking beers.

01:33:09.000 I can only think of one way to smuggle them in.

01:33:12.000 Drinking water.

01:33:15.000 Actually, that's Boston, right?

01:33:16.000 Really one beer.

01:33:17.000 Yeah, that sounds like Boston, yeah.

01:33:19.000 A beer in each breast.

01:33:21.000 That's right.

01:33:22.000 I went to the game in full drag because it just so happens two boobs and the baby are the perfect cover for smuggling three beers into a basketball game. 1.00

01:33:31.000 I can't tell if I'm sweating my tits off or if just one of the beers is leaking.

01:33:35.000 And that's why my tits are sweating.

01:33:36.000 Watch the rest of my Doc Shot video on BarstoolSports.com and the Wanton Dawn YouTube page.

01:33:43.000 So that looks cool.

01:33:44.000 What an awesome guy.

01:33:46.000 He's being brave.

01:33:47.000 And that's what we always say on this show.

01:33:49.000 You need to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:34:15.000 So let me die.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 24, 2020

S03E43 - PENIS CK [2020-11-24 - S03E43 - PENIS CK]

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