Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E20 - THE GOSSIP EPISODE

00:00:10.000 There's nothing stars.

00:00:13.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:00:16.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.

00:00:24.000 Your face, all I see.

00:00:28.000 I'm caught up in fever and shivering.

00:00:40.000 Are you guys ready to gossip?

00:00:41.000 Welcome to the Get Off My Lawn gossip special, you guys, you baby monsters.

00:00:47.000 That song is sent in by a baby monster, Ster Joe Simpson. 0.92

00:00:53.000 I keep getting people complaining about the name baby monster.

00:00:56.000 You're not supposed to like it.

00:00:59.000 You know how many complaints I got from Proud Boys when I started Proud Boys about the name?

00:01:03.000 Like, not everything is cool, you know?

00:01:05.000 What do you want to be called, the fucking white lions?

00:01:08.000 You know what complaining makes you sound like?

00:01:10.000 A baby.

00:01:10.000 Or a monster.

00:01:12.000 Yeah.

00:01:13.000 You're a baby monster.

00:01:14.000 Hey, we got this from a fellow Skull Giver.

00:01:17.000 That's the name of the fans of this show, the Skullgivers.

00:01:22.000 It's called Cringe on Purpose.

00:01:25.000 Get it through your thick baby monster skull.

00:01:30.000 Yes, Jurgil Simpson, I never heard of him.

00:01:32.000 Good outlaw, modern country.

00:01:34.000 He sounds a lot like Willie Nelson on that album, but that's a very unique album.

00:01:38.000 It just came out yesterday.

00:01:39.000 It's called Juanita and what's the other guy?

00:01:45.000 Bellet of Juanita.

00:01:46.000 Dude and Juanita.

00:01:48.000 Dude and Juanita is the name of the album.

00:01:51.000 And it's got kind of a Mexican flavor.

00:01:54.000 I guess he got bored of doing Outlaw Country.

00:01:57.000 But really good shit.

00:01:58.000 Thanks, baby monster.

00:02:01.000 So yeah, this is an all-celebrity gossip episode.

00:02:05.000 We've got some fun stuff planned.

00:02:09.000 We've got a guest, a surprise guest I'll tell you about, because it smoothly blends in the celebrity gossip.

00:02:14.000 But as I was researching this, I realized I don't know any of these fucking people.

00:02:19.000 I haven't tuned in to this kind of pop culture besides the obvious shit that gets shoved down your throat like the Kardashians.

00:02:26.000 I don't read celebrity magazines and I've been reading them all day.

00:02:30.000 I don't know who any of these people are.

00:02:31.000 And then you look them up and you still don't know who they are.

00:02:37.000 Like it'll go, like this first chick, Zoe Deutsch. 0.96

00:02:43.000 Zoe Deutsch flashes cleavage in low-cut mini dress while rocking knee-high boots. 1.00

00:02:48.000 Oh, okay, who's that?

00:02:50.000 And then you realize she's doing the Hulu film Not Okay.

00:02:54.000 Do people watch Hulu?

00:02:56.000 Hulu Not Daily.

00:02:58.000 Who watches Hulu and what's not okay?

00:03:00.000 Every time I would look them up, they go, she was a child star on Nickelodeon, and now she's on like fucking some weird network like Scooter that you never heard of. 1.00

00:03:11.000 And she does the film, or she does the series, like, Get That Girl.

00:03:15.000 What?

00:03:17.000 Who the fuck is this?

00:03:19.000 Is this your type, by the way?

00:03:21.000 Who me?

00:03:22.000 Yeah.

00:03:23.000 It's pretty close.

00:03:24.000 I mean, the fashion sense is absolutely on point.

00:03:27.000 You got a little country with the boots, and you got like an Asian little... 1.00

00:03:29.000 Oh, hello.

00:03:30.000 I don't love Asian girls, but I respect the culture. 1.00

00:03:33.000 So yeah, she's.

00:03:34.000 So you love that outfit.

00:03:36.000 I think she looks retarded. 1.00

00:03:38.000 She's a bad dresser. 1.00

00:03:39.000 She's way too skinny for those boots. 1.00

00:03:41.000 She looks like a mosquito wearing rubber boots. 1.00

00:03:44.000 Obviously, that shirt is just to stay warm.

00:03:46.000 Chinese dress is retarded in that context. 0.98

00:03:49.000 She should have like little heels on or something if she's going to wear that dress. 1.00

00:03:52.000 So I'm disappointed in your knowledge of fashion.

00:03:55.000 But like, she's so sexless and unappealing, it's shocking. 0.82

00:03:59.000 She looks like a 12-year-old boy. 0.52

00:04:01.000 You're a pedophile faggot for liking her. 1.00

00:04:04.000 And I'm a real man because I feel nothing.

00:04:08.000 Nothing.

00:04:09.000 I thought her style was cool.

00:04:10.000 Yeah, you're wrong.

00:04:12.000 This is good style.

00:04:14.000 Yeah.

00:04:15.000 It's pretty cool.

00:04:18.000 Yuck.

00:04:21.000 She actually looks like she's in the same decade as you right now. 0.69

00:04:24.000 She has no ass. 1.00

00:04:25.000 The bell bottoms.

00:04:27.000 Every time.

00:04:28.000 I know we were supposed to be jealous of Tom Brady because he's dating Giselle Bunchin. 0.86

00:04:32.000 Have you ever seen her ass? 1.00

00:04:34.000 She has the ass of a baby boy. 1.00

00:04:39.000 She doesn't put the bun in Bunchen.

00:04:43.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

00:04:45.000 Wow, where'd your ass go? 1.00

00:04:49.000 Looks like she's not a wide receiver. 0.93

00:04:53.000 I've fucked 10-year-old boys who had better asses than that.

00:04:56.000 Relax.

00:04:57.000 I was 10 at the time.

00:04:59.000 Yes.

00:04:59.000 God.

00:05:00.000 Yeah.

00:05:00.000 That makes it completely fun.

00:05:03.000 Thanks for explaining my jokes.

00:05:04.000 Ryan will be here to back up all my jokes and explain them to everyone.

00:05:08.000 Who the fuck is...

00:05:10.000 Who the fuck is Haley Steinfeldt? 1.00

00:05:14.000 Does anyone know?

00:05:16.000 I got to the point where I was starting to think they just pay Daily Mail.

00:05:21.000 Like they'll do a sultry, topless photo shoot, leak pictures to Daily Mail, and a PR firm will like pay Daily Mail, I don't know, $2,000.

00:05:31.000 There was recently a story that unfolded that all the Maxim cover ladies were actually paid for.

00:05:38.000 So it was an ad.

00:05:40.000 Now, I looked her up. 0.80

00:05:42.000 Of course, sheer stockings with stilettos, I mean, you could put them on a fucking kitchen table and I'd beat off. 0.92

00:05:50.000 But you could just throw them in the garbage and I'd go jerk off into the garbage.

00:05:55.000 She's got very pronounced nostrils. 0.97

00:05:57.000 And I'd looked at her family tree and her grandfather was part black and part Filipino.

00:06:02.000 Do you know why Jews and blacks have big nostrils? 1.00

00:06:08.000 No.

00:06:08.000 Sand.

00:06:10.000 Something about sand.

00:06:11.000 Sand?

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 There's a lot of sand in the air, so they have big nostrils.

00:06:16.000 Actually, that does not make sense.

00:06:17.000 And never mind.

00:06:18.000 Correct.

00:06:19.000 Here's everything that you, you speak a special language.

00:06:22.000 It's called does not make sense.

00:06:24.000 Everything that comes out of your mouth does not make sense.

00:06:25.000 Oh, I got another one.

00:06:26.000 Okay.

00:06:27.000 Their food sucks really bad, like, but in a lot of flavors is in the scent.

00:06:31.000 So when they're eating, like, you know, hyena.

00:06:33.000 Wait, how could food suck really bad but smell delicious?

00:06:37.000 Well, it has no flavor.

00:06:38.000 Jew food has no flavor. 1.00

00:06:39.000 African food is a food.

00:06:40.000 You know what?

00:06:41.000 What's Jew food?

00:06:42.000 What's Israel?

00:06:43.000 It's pizza and like fucking toast.

00:06:45.000 You're thinking of like Eastern European Jews immigrating to South Brooklyn.

00:06:50.000 Jewish food is Israeli food.

00:06:52.000 It's hummus and all that stupid dips.

00:06:55.000 I don't like it.

00:06:56.000 It's like leftovers, but it's very flavorful.

00:06:58.000 Didn't know that.

00:07:00.000 And African food, I mean, that's...

00:07:02.000 Just zebra.

00:07:03.000 That's a million different things.

00:07:04.000 No, it's not zebra.

00:07:04.000 It's the same sort of setup.

00:07:06.000 Anyway, terrible theories aside.

00:07:09.000 Sub-Saharan Africa, Middle East, deserts.

00:07:14.000 Same with Arabs. 1.00

00:07:15.000 So there's not moisture in the air.

00:07:17.000 So you need bigger nostrils to get more moisture into your face.

00:07:20.000 Now, for some reason, Africans go wide and Jews and Arabs go long, but it's the same big nostrils. 1.00

00:07:28.000 That's why Scots have little pinholes for nostrils because we're like, I'm doing okay for moisture.

00:07:34.000 I actually want to take it down a notch.

00:07:37.000 Anyway, that's Haley Steinfeld. 0.98

00:07:39.000 And what, go back to the top of that?

00:07:41.000 She's in some show you never heard of.

00:07:43.000 Like, I've never seen a celebrity where I looked her up and I knew less than before I looked her up.

00:07:48.000 She's a 24-year-old singer and actress.

00:07:50.000 No, she's not.

00:07:53.000 Put her name in YouTube.

00:07:56.000 Does she have a hit song?

00:07:57.000 Sometimes you'll look up these singers that you've never heard of and they have like 37 million views.

00:08:04.000 Like I just looked up this rapper who did a song about Purple Drank that starts with Lil Wayne.

00:08:11.000 Okay, most girls. 0.98

00:08:13.000 How many views does that have?

00:08:15.000 Fucking a lot.

00:08:16.000 247 million.

00:08:18.000 What?

00:08:19.000 Yeah.

00:08:21.000 I think we might be the only people.

00:08:23.000 4.1 million subscribers.

00:08:26.000 She's very famous.

00:08:27.000 I think they're...

00:08:28.000 It's probably because she's Jerry Seinfeld's daughter.

00:08:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:32.000 She just added a T. They'll never know.

00:08:36.000 I wrote down in my notes, is she related to Jerry Seinfeld?

00:08:39.000 And then I looked at that joke for a while and thought, is that so stupid it's funny or is it just not funny at all?

00:08:44.000 And I couldn't figure it out.

00:08:45.000 Let's hear her.

00:08:52.000 Princess.

00:08:54.000 Looking like a princess.

00:08:59.000 I just celebrate.

00:09:00.000 And she's a big fan of the show she's watching right now.

00:09:04.000 And she's just bawling her eyes out because I was being mean about her nostrils. 1.00

00:09:09.000 So does that or she know she loved the show so much she's like, oh, that's just Gavin being Gavin.

00:09:14.000 She actually diddles her bean to this, to me. 1.00

00:09:17.000 And she was diddling her bean and then she came on and she was like, what the fuck?

00:09:20.000 That's her diddling her bean. 1.00

00:09:20.000 Oh, that's good speed bagging. 1.00

00:09:22.000 Go back.

00:09:23.000 She got it from you.

00:09:24.000 She got inspired.

00:09:25.000 And she's doing the returns where she doesn't let it bounce. 0.95

00:09:32.000 I'm impressed.

00:09:32.000 That's really hard.

00:09:36.000 And so's my dick right now.

00:09:38.000 Most girls. 0.98

00:09:39.000 Very raunchy gossip episode.

00:09:42.000 Boring music.

00:09:43.000 Sorry, Haley.

00:09:44.000 We're glad you're a baby monster, but not a fan of your tunes.

00:09:48.000 And then I just, you know, these things where they have pictures of celebrities like taking a shit, picking their nose, going to get coffee.

00:09:55.000 And I find them fascinating because when I look at them, I think, who is looking at this and going, oh, huh?

00:10:02.000 You don't say someone walked their dog in Toronto who's famous.

00:10:08.000 This is a very dog-based episode, by the way.

00:10:10.000 We're going to get to a lot of doggy stuff.

00:10:12.000 Dog's in the studio today.

00:10:13.000 He's very shy, though.

00:10:15.000 You know why I think he's sitting in your little room there?

00:10:19.000 Why?

00:10:19.000 He's so stupid that he didn't know that there's a place in the studio that's carpeted.

00:10:26.000 Oh, okay.

00:10:27.000 He was sleeping on my jacket yesterday because he thought that's the best we can do.

00:10:32.000 And then you dragged him in here because he was barking at the locksmith.

00:10:36.000 And he's like, holy shit, there's carpeting?

00:10:39.000 Why didn't you...

00:10:40.000 Hey, Leroy.

00:10:42.000 Leroy, why didn't you walk around?

00:10:44.000 You were here all day yesterday.

00:10:46.000 That is dumb.

00:10:47.000 And I love you, dude.

00:10:49.000 What goes on in your peanut head?

00:10:51.000 Peanut thoughts.

00:10:51.000 By the way, folks at home, if you talk to your dogs, you are Tom Hanks and Castaway, and your dog is Wilson.

00:10:59.000 The tech guys get mad at me when I disparage canines because we lose about six subscribers every time I say it.

00:11:04.000 I'm not really disparaging them, but they don't understand you.

00:11:09.000 So when you say, should I make salad tonight?

00:11:15.000 Can I cheat on my diet?

00:11:16.000 What do you think there, Wallace?

00:11:18.000 He's just like, food, food, sex, territory, territory, food, food, food, sex, food, food, food, food.

00:11:22.000 Affection, territory, territory, food, food, food, sex.

00:11:26.000 What if you could talk?

00:11:27.000 What would you say?

00:11:28.000 Food, food, food, sex, food, food, food, territory, territory, food, food, food.

00:11:31.000 I notice he hates Mondays.

00:11:34.000 That's so Leroy.

00:11:35.000 Why are you sitting in my chair?

00:11:38.000 He barks even after I talk to the guy.

00:11:41.000 Like the electrician today came by.

00:11:44.000 And he's barking, barking.

00:11:45.000 The electrician loves dogs.

00:11:47.000 And he's like, oh, hey, buddy, how's you?

00:11:49.000 You know I'm not a robber.

00:11:50.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:11:51.000 And then keeps barking.

00:11:54.000 Like, does he have a gun in his pocket that's pointed at me that you can see and I can't?

00:11:59.000 Oh, good point.

00:11:59.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:12:01.000 Let's indulge in some celeb photos here and today's gossip.

00:12:08.000 Oh, you jumped in the middle of it.

00:12:10.000 There's Diana Ross's daughter, Tracy Ellis Ross, who is hideous, but because she's famous and Hollywood's all about nepotism, she can't even wear fucking high heels. 0.99

00:12:23.000 There's a woman who refused to divorce a multi-millionaire even after he became a human dildo. 0.98

00:12:30.000 What's it like fucking someone like that?

00:12:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:34.000 That would be pretty dope. 0.67

00:12:38.000 That part's not so dope.

00:12:40.000 That looks like I'm making fun of them.

00:12:42.000 I'm not.

00:12:42.000 I'm just saying.

00:12:44.000 I'm trying to imagine what it's like to have sex with someone who has Parkinson's.

00:12:47.000 That was supposed to be flattering.

00:12:50.000 It's not that bad.

00:12:51.000 It's not like this.

00:12:52.000 He's just normal, but he's just shh moving.

00:12:56.000 He's shimmies.

00:12:56.000 I would assume it's an acquired taste.

00:12:59.000 I would assume it took a while to get into the zone.

00:13:02.000 And now she loves it.

00:13:05.000 So that's fucking his wiggly ass.

00:13:08.000 Next.

00:13:11.000 That looks like the ugliest pop star in the world.

00:13:13.000 That's Lorde.

00:13:14.000 Oh, that's Lorde.

00:13:16.000 She does that. 0.98

00:13:17.000 And we were like Royals.

00:13:20.000 She did the Hot Wing Challenge and didn't flinch. 0.86

00:13:24.000 Meanwhile, Shaquille O'Neal almost had to be hospitalized.

00:13:30.000 Her new album covers like her butt. 0.96

00:13:32.000 Some complaints will be lies.

00:13:34.000 Many black men are actually pussies. 1.00

00:13:39.000 Some giant black men are not tough. 1.00

00:13:42.000 Some ugly white women are. 1.00

00:13:44.000 What the fuck is that?

00:13:46.000 I was listening to like top 20 hits.

00:13:47.000 That's her bum and puss. 1.00

00:13:49.000 Is that leggings?

00:13:51.000 No, that's, I think that is a G-string or something.

00:13:54.000 And I was like, who the fuck is this?

00:13:55.000 That's a really weird picture.

00:13:57.000 Yeah.

00:13:58.000 And it's not an attractive part of a woman. 1.00

00:14:00.000 I mean, I love pussy, don't get me wrong, but like showing your taint. 1.00

00:14:05.000 The taint is...

00:14:05.000 There's a reason that lingerie commercials don't show that angle.

00:14:10.000 No one's taint is attractive.

00:14:12.000 God didn't think anyone was going to be looking down there.

00:14:17.000 I think she's trying to be artsy, but also get away with showing her cheeks. 1.00

00:14:20.000 That's like the only...

00:14:21.000 Maybe that's the only flattering butt cheek she can muster. 1.00

00:14:25.000 Hmm.

00:14:26.000 That's certainly not flattering.

00:14:27.000 No.

00:14:28.000 That looks like that ugly chick who's in that movie where she goes, I think you're special. 1.00

00:14:35.000 And he says, that means retarded.

00:14:38.000 You'll never find that.

00:14:40.000 You know the girl with the huge teeth? 0.95

00:14:43.000 It's like a Ann Waters movie or something.

00:14:45.000 She's actually ugly? 1.00

00:14:47.000 Yes.

00:14:47.000 Okay.

00:14:49.000 Let's go to the next one.

00:14:50.000 Oh, boy.

00:14:51.000 Never mind.

00:14:52.000 Whoa.

00:14:55.000 Talentless black woman. 1.00

00:14:57.000 Nothing.

00:14:57.000 Keep going.

00:14:58.000 Sometimes some of the complaints will be lies.

00:15:01.000 There's Bella Hadid.

00:15:03.000 Can you zoom out, Shit's Head?

00:15:05.000 Shit's Head?

00:15:08.000 Yeah, look how badly she dresses. 1.00

00:15:10.000 What are those parachute pants?

00:15:12.000 With like lame sneakers on?

00:15:15.000 You know that you're going to be paparazzied.

00:15:18.000 So she wears a Chloe shirt.

00:15:20.000 That's nice.

00:15:21.000 But with that, you need like short shorts or a little skirt. 1.00

00:15:24.000 You don't wear like a soccer coach bottoms.

00:15:28.000 It looks like she's two different people.

00:15:30.000 Pepper Pots, Jarvis, somebody borrowed my pants. 0.88

00:15:33.000 Yeah, she dresses like Tony Starks. 0.97

00:15:36.000 Tony Starks.

00:15:39.000 Worst guy in America.

00:15:42.000 I fucking hate this retard. 1.00

00:15:45.000 I've hated him since he did a Coca-Cola commercial called Really, Really Real about keeping it real in a Coke commercial.

00:15:53.000 And I hate how he's the intellectual.

00:15:56.000 I bet he reads less books than you.

00:15:59.000 And he's like Mr. Deep Thoughts.

00:16:01.000 He did some IBM commercial where he's like, we need to re-assess our lives and think outside the box.

00:16:09.000 What's six times seven?

00:16:11.000 Oh, we got to show you this Fleckus video where they ask people questions on the street.

00:16:15.000 You've already seen it, but.

00:16:17.000 So anyway, common worst dude ever.

00:16:20.000 Look at his fucking face.

00:16:22.000 Every time I see him, I'm like, how did he make it into this now?

00:16:25.000 How?

00:16:25.000 He's always been the heavy shit, deep, intellectual, scientific, rapping philosopher.

00:16:32.000 And he's retarded. 1.00

00:16:34.000 Like, at least Coolio is like, I'm a goof.

00:16:39.000 Or old dirty bastard. 0.79

00:16:40.000 They're their selves.

00:16:42.000 But he's like, he thinks he's fucking Jean-Paul Sartre.

00:16:46.000 Ugh.

00:16:47.000 You couldn't even imagine.

00:16:48.000 Fucking mustache that takes an hour to make.

00:16:52.000 His poor barber has to sit there making his stupid, sharpie mustache.

00:16:57.000 Fuck you.

00:16:59.000 Common.

00:17:00.000 Even his stupid name.

00:17:02.000 We don't have a caste system in America, so calling yourself one of the common people doesn't make any sense.

00:17:10.000 We're all nouveau riche.

00:17:13.000 All right, next pick.

00:17:16.000 What was that at, by the way?

00:17:18.000 Go back.

00:17:23.000 Common performs with black thought.

00:17:25.000 See?

00:17:26.000 And Sean Kouti on the tonight show with Jimmy Fallon.

00:17:30.000 So I guess because Sean Kouti must be the son of Fila Kouti, who was an African activist, and I guess that means anytime he shows up, everyone is a deep-thinking political activist.

00:17:41.000 Black thought.

00:17:43.000 Next.

00:17:44.000 I can't.

00:17:45.000 I'm going to start getting racist if I keep.

00:17:47.000 He's probably cool.

00:17:48.000 I like Fila Kouti.

00:17:51.000 I felt a Kouti once. 0.93

00:17:54.000 Grab him by the Kooti. 0.87

00:17:57.000 Time to bust a rhyme.

00:17:58.000 I guess the person who wrote the headlines was in a rush to get home that day.

00:18:02.000 Bust the rhymes, performing.

00:18:05.000 Okay.

00:18:05.000 Some of the complaints will be lies.

00:18:07.000 Keep going.

00:18:10.000 Jennifer Hudson, boring.

00:18:12.000 Stunning, really?

00:18:13.000 Is she?

00:18:15.000 This is Vince Jones not looking very cool.

00:18:18.000 There's something about British people when you stick him in L.A., they lose their British charm. 1.00

00:18:23.000 In fact, he's wearing the same tight black t-shirt that Ricky Gervais started wearing when he moved to L.A. True.

00:18:29.000 And he's lost his imposing soccer hooligan look.

00:18:33.000 He looks like a twat at a club who's too old to be at the club. 0.97

00:18:37.000 But he has Coke, so girls tolerate him. 0.92

00:18:39.000 And then the girls come over and he does a little bit of Coke and then he starts freaking out and they're like, are you okay?

00:18:44.000 He's like, I gotta go.

00:18:46.000 No.

00:18:46.000 Ryan, you've never done Coke at a club.

00:18:49.000 Don't make jokes about it.

00:18:50.000 I've done so much Coke at so many clubs.

00:18:51.000 At a club.

00:18:52.000 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 A dance club, a nightclub.

00:18:56.000 Have you even never been to a nightclub?

00:18:58.000 No.

00:19:00.000 Let's see you.

00:19:01.000 I don't want to be looked at right now.

00:19:05.000 You've never been to a nightclub.

00:19:07.000 No.

00:19:08.000 Let's see you.

00:19:08.000 I'm doing my hair.

00:19:11.000 This is what happened with it.

00:19:13.000 You've never been to a nightclub.

00:19:15.000 No.

00:19:16.000 I'm not saying you've got to go clubbing for months and months.

00:19:18.000 Right.

00:19:18.000 But you've never been inside a club, like a dance club.

00:19:22.000 You never dance at a dance club.

00:19:23.000 Been to a stri. 0.72

00:19:26.000 You've been to a strip.

00:19:27.000 Strip club?

00:19:29.000 And we had bottle service.

00:19:31.000 Not even remotely what I'm talking about.

00:19:33.000 There was dance club.

00:19:34.000 You might as well have said I've been to a restaurant.

00:19:37.000 You've never been to a nightclub.

00:19:38.000 You fucking loser.

00:19:40.000 Isn't it just for gay people and Italians?

00:19:44.000 And also blacks. 0.79

00:19:46.000 It's a major part of Western culture.

00:19:50.000 For many people, it's their entire nightlife.

00:19:54.000 Now, it's not my cup of tea.

00:19:55.000 I haven't been in decades.

00:19:57.000 I'm an old man who's married, but like, that's a thing that you should have at least tried.

00:20:01.000 It's like not trying mountain biking or hiking or something.

00:20:05.000 I haven't tried mountain biking.

00:20:07.000 Have you?

00:20:08.000 I was a bike messenger for five years.

00:20:11.000 Yes, I've tried mountain biking through trails.

00:20:15.000 It's really fun and exciting.

00:20:16.000 You've never done that?

00:20:17.000 No.

00:20:18.000 Fucking Puerto Ricans have not tried anything. 1.00

00:20:20.000 I told you about that guy at my gym who went to a place called Manhattan for the first time recently.

00:20:25.000 He's 22.

00:20:27.000 The Bronx is in New York City.

00:20:29.000 He'd never been to Manhattan before.

00:20:31.000 He gets out of the train like, whoa.

00:20:34.000 Wow.

00:20:35.000 Wow.

00:20:36.000 This is bigger than Co-op City.

00:20:39.000 But not as nice.

00:20:41.000 You got to try stuff, you tard. 1.00

00:20:44.000 Nightclub.

00:20:45.000 I don't know.

00:20:46.000 Anyway, Zoe Kazan, our second Zoe of the gossip episode.

00:20:51.000 No fucking clue who that is.

00:20:53.000 I like her little look, though.

00:20:56.000 She's on the set of She Said.

00:20:58.000 Don't know what that is.

00:21:00.000 Look up She Said.

00:21:01.000 What is that on the TW?

00:21:07.000 Like that show that's based on Archie Comics, Riverdale.

00:21:12.000 Right.

00:21:13.000 Super corny.

00:21:14.000 I assume only 12-year-olds watch it, 12-year-old girls.

00:21:17.000 Should I know about Riverdale?

00:21:18.000 Should I know about She Said?

00:21:20.000 When I think that this is People Magazine we're reading now, right?

00:21:23.000 So People Magazine is like at the grocery store, Housewives buy it. 0.68

00:21:28.000 That implies that a woman who's 32 watches Riverdale.

00:21:33.000 That's disturbing.

00:21:40.000 I don't care.

00:21:41.000 2022.

00:21:41.000 Okay, it hasn't come out yet.

00:21:43.000 Oh, it's a movie.

00:21:45.000 Yeah.

00:21:46.000 Oh, is it about the Me Too movement and fucking What's His Face?

00:21:49.000 Who's playing...

00:21:51.000 Yeah, who's playing that hideous seal?

00:21:53.000 Harvey.

00:21:54.000 Dean Baquette.

00:21:55.000 He's playing Harvey?

00:21:56.000 So it's a heroic story about...

00:21:59.000 Oh my God.

00:21:59.000 It's a heroic story about the New York Times breaking the Me Too movement, which basically ruined America.

00:22:07.000 I bet they're just going to glaze over that fucking pillowcase of a woman who looks like she should be on Animal Planet. 1.00

00:22:16.000 What's her Tirana Burke? 0.99

00:22:19.000 She started Me Too, and her rape involved having her shirt ripped when she was seven, wrestling with big kids. 1.00

00:22:26.000 Andre Brauher is probably playing her.

00:22:30.000 Do you know who Dean Baquette is, Ryan?

00:22:32.000 Of course.

00:22:33.000 Who is he?

00:22:35.000 It looks like we don't have any photos or quotes yet.

00:22:38.000 No, no.

00:22:38.000 I didn't ask the computer.

00:22:39.000 I asked you.

00:22:40.000 Who's Dean Baquette?

00:22:42.000 Don't look it up.

00:22:42.000 He's a journalist.

00:22:44.000 No, he's the head guy at a journalism thing.

00:22:48.000 He's the editor of the New York Times.

00:22:50.000 Right.

00:22:51.000 Go back to these pictures, please.

00:22:54.000 He's an affirmative action hire from New Orleans who has helped ruin what was already a dying paper. 0.95

00:23:00.000 Ramy Malik can't see his shoes.

00:23:03.000 Stupid shoes.

00:23:05.000 So this guy is a celebrity, and he went and got some supplies, some groceries.

00:23:11.000 You wouldn't have known that if we didn't have this picture.

00:23:14.000 We would have thought maybe someone else got his groceries.

00:23:16.000 But in this case, he got his own groceries.

00:23:20.000 Okay.

00:23:23.000 Sean Mendez, who I believe is a famous pop star, he walked his dog in Toronto.

00:23:28.000 Took it for a walk.

00:23:30.000 What do you think of that?

00:23:33.000 Pretty exciting.

00:23:35.000 Hey, honey.

00:23:35.000 Hi.

00:23:36.000 Anything happened today?

00:23:37.000 Yeah, Sean Mendez walked his dog in Toronto.

00:23:40.000 Off a cliff?

00:23:41.000 No, no, no.

00:23:42.000 Just walked it.

00:23:43.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:23:44.000 He's got the same little poop bag thing.

00:23:47.000 And he's got a bag of shit.

00:23:49.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 He's carrying home his groceries, too.

00:23:53.000 Grosseries.

00:23:57.000 Go back down to those shoes.

00:23:58.000 Are those bathroom slippers?

00:24:00.000 Those are like those, they're puma fuzzy slippers.

00:24:04.000 Rihanna made them popular.

00:24:05.000 Who did?

00:24:06.000 Rihanna.

00:24:06.000 Rihanna?

00:24:07.000 That just shows you how fucking lazy we are.

00:24:10.000 Bathroom slippers are popular.

00:24:12.000 She is a smoke show. 1.00

00:24:13.000 And when I was complaining about that mosquito body earlier, this is what we want. 1.00

00:24:17.000 We want some meat on our bones.

00:24:20.000 That's a perfect body, I'd say.

00:24:22.000 Why are you cutting away back to me?

00:24:24.000 Trying to Google her.

00:24:26.000 Well, don't.

00:24:26.000 I want to see her.

00:24:28.000 I miss her already.

00:24:29.000 There she is.

00:24:33.000 Hispanics usually have bigger tits. 1.00

00:24:35.000 No, wouldn't it be a good thing?

00:24:36.000 Wouldn't it be fun if we wrote these?

00:24:38.000 Elia Gonzalez, with basically a perfect body, although Mexicans tend to have bigger tits. 1.00

00:24:43.000 It's seen here in those stupid fucking bathroom slippers that are the kids today are wearing.

00:24:48.000 I guess that's what do's and don'ts was advice.

00:24:50.000 I believe we can do that ourselves.

00:24:54.000 It'll take me a second, but yeah, you could.

00:24:57.000 You just go in here and then change shit.

00:25:00.000 They could say that.

00:25:01.000 Wait, we should really steal that and put that on the site.

00:25:04.000 That would be...

00:25:05.000 Why don't hackers do that?

00:25:06.000 They always do dumb shit, like try to break into a bank.

00:25:09.000 They should just add like a swear word, one tiny swear word in the middle of a People magazine article.

00:25:14.000 Yeah, don't they know that like and after she picked up her fucking dogs coming back from vacation, she moved back to Honolulu. 1.00

00:25:22.000 What are you doing right now?

00:25:23.000 Looking up Ilya Gonzalez?

00:25:25.000 No.

00:25:26.000 I was trying to change that to say has small tits for Latina. 1.00

00:25:32.000 Okay.

00:25:33.000 Keep going.

00:25:35.000 The Backstreet Boys are back.

00:25:37.000 That's the only interesting thing that has happened this entire.

00:25:44.000 There's a hundred of these?

00:25:45.000 We're not going through 100 of these.

00:25:46.000 The Backstreet Boys are back and they're fat.

00:25:50.000 Who's the black guy? 0.91

00:25:54.000 Rehearse with Boys to Men's Wayna Morris for their upcoming after-party show at the Venetian Resort.

00:26:00.000 See, there's life after death in world of pop music.

00:26:03.000 Keep going.

00:26:05.000 She's hot. 1.00

00:26:06.000 You know what?

00:26:06.000 Let's see the fucking shoes, moron.

00:26:08.000 See here.

00:26:13.000 Every time I see her with her, I think of her stubby finger, and then my first thought is putting it up my ass. 1.00

00:26:18.000 Is that normal?

00:26:18.000 Does everyone.

00:26:19.000 No.

00:26:21.000 That's not what I think.

00:26:24.000 I actually didn't mean to say that.

00:26:25.000 I meant to chastise everyone else for thinking that and pretend I don't think that.

00:26:30.000 That's the guy from Oz on HBO who was gay, and I can't get that out of my head, even though he's done a million roles since then. 0.98

00:26:36.000 I just see him as the dude who's getting butt-fucked in jail.

00:26:42.000 Rita Brady?

00:26:44.000 Keep going.

00:26:46.000 I looked up this chick, KK Palmer. 1.00

00:26:48.000 Tons of awards and Black Beautiful Woman Award and this award, acting. 0.83

00:26:54.000 No actual movies to speak of, just a bunch of Nickelodeon shit.

00:26:57.000 And she was like an extra in Barbershop 2. 1.00

00:27:01.000 But lots of awards.

00:27:03.000 Oh, she's not looking so hot without makeup. 0.99

00:27:06.000 More gas.

00:27:07.000 Ooh-oh.

00:27:09.000 She was in Hustlers. 0.88

00:27:10.000 Like, she's not.

00:27:13.000 She kind of looks like Elysia Banks. 1.00

00:27:16.000 Azealia, yeah.

00:27:17.000 All right, let's do a couple more pictures.

00:27:18.000 I thought there was only 10.

00:27:23.000 That's a talented soccer player.

00:27:24.000 Okay.

00:27:26.000 Let's get to important news here up in the gossip show in our dog section.

00:27:33.000 Why is he so lazy?

00:27:36.000 The dog?

00:27:37.000 Yeah.

00:27:38.000 I don't know.

00:27:40.000 He's fed, right?

00:27:42.000 Yeah.

00:27:42.000 Another thing is if you give him the option to run around, he will.

00:27:45.000 So I think he's got energy dormant, but there's not much options for him.

00:27:49.000 He knows we're doing a show.

00:27:50.000 Now, you took care of my dog for a while.

00:27:52.000 Right.

00:27:52.000 This is how it should go.

00:27:54.000 You wake up, you have a little bowl of food, a little thing of water.

00:27:57.000 He eats it.

00:27:58.000 Within 20 minutes, you walk him at least around a city block.

00:28:02.000 And then you could leave him alone.

00:28:04.000 Six hours is pretty bad, but you could leave him alone for a while.

00:28:08.000 Then around six, seven o'clock, you do the same with the water and the food.

00:28:13.000 And you walk him again around a city block.

00:28:15.000 That's the minimum.

00:28:16.000 Did you do that every day?

00:28:18.000 Yep.

00:28:18.000 Me and my wife took turns.

00:28:20.000 She would do a majority of the walking because she would have to park the car.

00:28:26.000 And then I would park your car.

00:28:30.000 So on the way back.

00:28:33.000 Isn't she like bowling ball, I mean, basketball pregnant? 1.00

00:28:37.000 Yes.

00:28:37.000 Shouldn't you be doing all this walking and driving and parking?

00:28:41.000 Well, you know.

00:28:43.000 I mean, I was doing a lot of lifting.

00:28:46.000 I was lifting stuff.

00:28:48.000 When you moved?

00:28:49.000 Yeah, there was moving stuff.

00:28:50.000 That was weeks and weeks ago.

00:28:51.000 Helping somebody move some stuff.

00:28:54.000 And then other things, I forget.

00:28:58.000 Let me tell you.

00:29:00.000 You were playing video games, and she's doing the lions share the work. 0.72

00:29:04.000 I don't know how long.

00:29:05.000 But we played video games together last time we played.

00:29:07.000 I've been going to the gym.

00:29:09.000 But yeah, we walked him, and he pooped a lot.

00:29:12.000 And today I walked him.

00:29:14.000 Okay, wait a minute.

00:29:17.000 Yesterday he was at the studio, and I felt bad because I was doing the Kumia show.

00:29:21.000 And I said, could you take him for a walk or something?

00:29:24.000 That wasn't far, yeah, so I could absolutely stop by.

00:29:27.000 I wanted to take him.

00:29:28.000 So you did that, but then when I got home at like 10, 30, 11.

00:29:32.000 Oh, sorry, this is Wednesday.

00:29:33.000 I walked him and he had a giant shit.

00:29:36.000 He shit today after.

00:29:37.000 No, no, no, Scott, go back.

00:29:38.000 Go back to Wednesday.

00:29:40.000 So you came in.

00:29:41.000 I think the shit he took today was bigger than the shit that you saw.

00:29:44.000 On Wednesday.

00:29:46.000 Right.

00:29:46.000 You came into the studio to give him some love.

00:29:49.000 Right.

00:29:50.000 Did you walk him?

00:29:52.000 No.

00:29:54.000 I asked you to.

00:29:57.000 I said, I feel bad.

00:29:58.000 He's been stuck in the studio all day.

00:30:00.000 Can you walk him?

00:30:01.000 And you said, yes, I'm at the gym.

00:30:03.000 I will.

00:30:03.000 I think you said just give him some love.

00:30:09.000 I remember asking, do you want me to take him?

00:30:12.000 And you were like, no.

00:30:13.000 No, I don't want you to take him.

00:30:14.000 I want you to walk him.

00:30:16.000 He's fed and watered.

00:30:18.000 Would I walk around the block?

00:30:20.000 Oh, maybe I did walk him around the block then.

00:30:22.000 Yeah, I did.

00:30:24.000 It was at nighttime.

00:30:25.000 Yeah, I forgot.

00:30:27.000 That was like a quick little stop.

00:30:28.000 But he pooped today.

00:30:29.000 I walked him today.

00:30:29.000 I don't care about today.

00:30:31.000 You stopped bringing up today.

00:30:32.000 Why are you bringing up today?

00:30:34.000 You complained about a human-sized shit as if it's a sign of that he's been neglected.

00:30:39.000 I made you walk him today.

00:30:42.000 Anyway, this is boring to people.

00:30:44.000 Brittany's dogs are gone.

00:30:47.000 They have been stolen.

00:30:48.000 No, they've been taken by a vet.

00:30:51.000 Now, here's what I don't get about this story, number one, five.

00:30:54.000 She's rich, obviously, right?

00:30:57.000 And she took her parents to court, and the judge said, you're good.

00:31:01.000 Everything's fine.

00:31:02.000 Meaning, the dad showed probably crazy texts, crazy videos.

00:31:07.000 She's a nut. 1.00

00:31:09.000 And I think that the court probably also saw that she was getting tons of money. 0.99

00:31:16.000 I mean, I bet she gets $3 million a year. 1.00

00:31:21.000 And I bet the judge went, yeah, that's pretty good.

00:31:23.000 And all her bills are paid.

00:31:24.000 And she has a maid, and she has a cook. 0.99

00:31:27.000 Most rich people have their own cook.

00:31:28.000 The cook will come in, for example, Jennifer Anniston. 0.99

00:31:32.000 She had three cooks there all day, who I think are basically her closest friends.

00:31:38.000 And they would come in around noon and leave around seven.

00:31:44.000 Right?

00:31:44.000 Make your own breakfast.

00:31:46.000 That's probably what Brittany has. 0.75

00:31:48.000 That's the norm.

00:31:48.000 And then security outside and all that.

00:31:50.000 Anyway, she has little stupid dogs. 1.00

00:31:54.000 The maid will come in or the cook will come in and feed them. 1.00

00:31:58.000 And she probably has a dog walker, right?

00:32:03.000 So, how the fuck, how the fuck, what was she doing to them? 0.99

00:32:08.000 Cutting them?

00:32:09.000 Feeding them chocolate?

00:32:11.000 I don't understand what the neglect was.

00:32:17.000 Her dad had something to do with their disappearance?

00:32:19.000 She suspects.

00:32:21.000 You're terrible at figuring stuff out.

00:32:23.000 What do you think happened?

00:32:25.000 I can't say I care enough to ponder, but let's see.

00:32:30.000 They're pissed at her, so they took the dog, or they don't think she's capable of taking the dog, so they for the dog.

00:32:35.000 Here's what happened: they were taking the vet for whatever reason, and the vet said, I'm not giving these back.

00:32:40.000 These dogs have been neglected.

00:32:42.000 Maybe.

00:32:42.000 But I don't get how a rich person's dogs could be neglected because they have servants.

00:32:48.000 Maybe she's like, I don't want them at my house.

00:32:50.000 Maybe she doesn't have those things. 0.97

00:32:54.000 She's trying to live a service. 1.00

00:32:55.000 What's your theory that she doesn't have a mate? 0.97

00:32:57.000 Why did I ask you?

00:32:58.000 Go back to the article.

00:33:00.000 Fleckis is good at solving mysteries.

00:33:02.000 We're going to have him on solving a mystery because his dog was stolen.

00:33:06.000 Go up.

00:33:09.000 Down?

00:33:10.000 Britney Spears' dogs were taken from her early this month.

00:33:14.000 This after her dog sitter and housekeeper believed the pets were being neglected. 0.83

00:33:18.000 Couldn't the housekeeper just feed them? 1.00

00:33:20.000 It's just twice a day.

00:33:22.000 And that's what triggered the confrontation between Britney and her housekeeper that led to a criminal investigation. 0.99

00:33:26.000 Sources directly connected to Brittany tell TMZ around two weeks ago one of her dogs became sick.

00:33:31.000 And the dog sitter, who's also a nurse, took that dog to Britney's other dog and Brittany's other dog to the vet. 0.92

00:33:36.000 The dogs never came home.

00:33:38.000 And our sources say the dog sitter kept and took care of the dogs because she believed they weren't safe at Britney's home.

00:33:46.000 See, this is the mystery.

00:33:47.000 What does she mean not safe?

00:33:48.000 Does Brittany kick them? 1.00

00:33:52.000 Looks like she throws them around, which is nice.

00:33:56.000 That's not them.

00:33:57.000 They're not tigers.

00:34:02.000 I don't know.

00:34:03.000 She's been going a little loony on Instagram, posting her boobies. 0.97

00:34:07.000 She's been what?

00:34:08.000 Posting her boobies. 0.64

00:34:09.000 Huh.

00:34:14.000 It's got to be not feeding them.

00:34:15.000 That's the only thing it could be.

00:34:17.000 But if you are regularly at Britney's house and you think her dogs aren't being fed, feed her fucking dogs. 1.00

00:34:24.000 Ooh.

00:34:27.000 She's nuts, which means awesome in bed. 1.00

00:34:30.000 She's got cankles, which I don't have a problem with, but I just thought you should know.

00:34:34.000 Yeah, it's the gossip episode.

00:34:36.000 Yeah.

00:34:36.000 Oh, shit.

00:34:37.000 She's still got it.

00:34:44.000 See, that's a nut.

00:34:44.000 Yeah, that's crazy girl movements.

00:34:46.000 That's Adderall, too.

00:34:49.000 That's Adderall and a glass of wine.

00:34:51.000 The wide eyes at 1 p.m.

00:34:53.000 I don't blame famous people for being nuts in L.A. They're prisoners.

00:34:57.000 You know, when Pablo Escobar was arrested, he said, okay, fine, but I'm building the prison.

00:35:01.000 So he built himself this awesome paradise with giraffes and rhinos running around, who are now a problem.

00:35:07.000 Hippopotamuses are a major problem in Colombia now because they got loose after he was killed.

00:35:13.000 That's what all celebrities are in.

00:35:14.000 They're in a Pablo Escobar prison.

00:35:16.000 And I'm sure it fucking rules for five days.

00:35:19.000 But I remember with Justin Thoreau, I was like, can we go get a beer?

00:35:23.000 Like, we've been sitting in your house all day.

00:35:24.000 He goes, are you crazy?

00:35:26.000 I can't go outside.

00:35:28.000 They could go to the Chateau Marmont.

00:35:30.000 So they would drive there.

00:35:33.000 You know, the valet takes the car away.

00:35:35.000 They go.

00:35:36.000 They sit in a special area.

00:35:38.000 It's kind of the life of a pedophile.

00:35:41.000 You're in the shoe.

00:35:44.000 See that picture of him trying to eat?

00:35:46.000 And she's just surrounded by a gaggle of broads? 1.00

00:35:50.000 That's how he has to eat.

00:35:52.000 Where is he?

00:35:53.000 That's Justin Bieber.

00:35:54.000 I said Justin Thoreau.

00:35:55.000 No, I said Justin Bieber, though.

00:35:56.000 Oh.

00:35:58.000 And then there's one of him getting choked out at a club, too.

00:36:00.000 But imagine having a shooting.

00:36:01.000 Doesn't that look like hell?

00:36:02.000 Yeah, it does.

00:36:03.000 You're a burned victim.

00:36:04.000 What if you're not in the mood to chat?

00:36:06.000 You live the life of a burned victim.

00:36:08.000 Like, if a burned victim walks into a restaurant and he has no nose and just like weird eye hole, weird eye hole, anus mouth.

00:36:14.000 Everyone goes, oh my fucking God.

00:36:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:36:16.000 And then they sort of go, don't look now, but there is a severely burned person just walked in right behind me.

00:36:22.000 Exact same with Justin Bieber.

00:36:24.000 So you're a freak.

00:36:26.000 Like, one of my greatest joys is walking into a dive bar anywhere in the world and then just shooting the shit with the barmaid or some guy there.

00:36:36.000 Who's doing that?

00:36:37.000 Some guy.

00:36:38.000 Somebody said this looks like a Renaissance painting.

00:36:40.000 It does.

00:36:42.000 I don't think that's malicious, though.

00:36:45.000 I think he's like, he grabbed him like this and threw him out.

00:36:49.000 Yeah, maybe it's a guy he knows.

00:36:50.000 But he looks weird.

00:36:51.000 Like the back of his head doesn't look like a famous hot guy.

00:36:54.000 He looks like a gross guy.

00:36:55.000 I know.

00:36:55.000 It's a security guard explaining who he had to choke out and showing Justin how he did it.

00:37:00.000 Oh, okay.

00:37:01.000 And then Justin's like, okay, you didn't have to physically show me.

00:37:05.000 That's a great theory.

00:37:07.000 Yeah.

00:37:09.000 Speaking of important gossip, Lady Gaga's Dog Walker feels neglected.

00:37:14.000 Now, on the one hand, I go, it must be traumatizing to be stabbed.

00:37:17.000 But what are you doing, Ryan?

00:37:21.000 What happened with Katie Hopkins' episodes, by the way?

00:37:24.000 Speaking of your negligence.

00:37:26.000 During your vacation thing, I had my workflow down to a point where I completely just forgot to do that.

00:37:34.000 That's the weirdest excuse I've ever heard.

00:37:37.000 I had my workflow down to a point where I forgot.

00:37:42.000 Yeah, it was just three archive clips a day, and then I was like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:37:47.000 Nothing else exists.

00:37:48.000 But wasn't she emailing you the clips?

00:37:51.000 Yes.

00:37:51.000 Do you not check your email?

00:37:54.000 I do.

00:37:56.000 But all humans wake up and check their email.

00:38:00.000 Yeah, I have like three emails, so it's tough sometimes.

00:38:03.000 What?

00:38:03.000 I have three emails, so it's tough sometimes.

00:38:06.000 They should all be in the same inbox.

00:38:10.000 Yeah, they do, but they still compile.

00:38:12.000 It's still a lot of emails.

00:38:14.000 It's still like, you know, 50 a day.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, but when you check them every morning, you see what the new ones are, and then.

00:38:22.000 She's in Britain time, so I don't know what time she sends them, but I could check.

00:38:28.000 I missed the email because it's in Britain time.

00:38:30.000 Well, if you wake up at the moment.

00:38:31.000 You know what?

00:38:32.000 In the future, just don't do excuses.

00:38:34.000 You suck even more at excuses than you do at your job.

00:38:36.000 Well, you're asking me why.

00:38:38.000 I didn't want to provide an excuses.

00:38:39.000 The answer is you don't check your emails.

00:38:42.000 Right.

00:38:42.000 Because you're a boob.

00:38:45.000 Not British time.

00:38:47.000 The fuck.

00:38:48.000 So let's go to Lady Gaga's Dog Walker.

00:38:50.000 If you recall, he was shot, right?

00:38:53.000 Yes, he was shot while walking the poop star's three French Bulldogs in Hollywood in February.

00:38:58.000 He spent weeks in hospital and almost died.

00:39:00.000 In a GoFundMe, he said he wants to travel for two months to heal.

00:39:05.000 Can't Lady Gaga just buy him a fucking vacation at four seasons?

00:39:09.000 He said he needs support to continue his sabbatical across the U.S., seeking out retreat centers, trauma programs, queer healers.

00:39:17.000 Wow.

00:39:19.000 Is he trying to become straight like Milo?

00:39:22.000 Hi, we're a center here.

00:39:24.000 It's $30,000 a month.

00:39:27.000 We'd love to have you here.

00:39:28.000 We have kayaking and hiking.

00:39:30.000 Is the staff gay?

00:39:35.000 I think Artie's gay and Ken is gay.

00:39:37.000 Why?

00:39:38.000 So they're not all queer healers. 0.57

00:39:41.000 No, many are straight healers.

00:39:44.000 Sorry, not interested.

00:39:46.000 I'm looking exclusively for queer healers. 0.98

00:39:49.000 Sometimes the healers will be straight.

00:39:52.000 What a moron.

00:39:54.000 Did they shoot him in the brain?

00:39:57.000 He needs financial support.

00:39:58.000 Look at him.

00:40:01.000 I wonder if Lady Gaga's pissed at him.

00:40:03.000 Dude, you make me look like a cheapskate.

00:40:04.000 Why don't you just ask me?

00:40:09.000 Oh, yeah, he was shot.

00:40:10.000 This is...

00:40:11.000 What do you mean?

00:40:11.000 Oh, yeah, he was shot.

00:40:12.000 I just said that a minute ago.

00:40:14.000 Are you watching the show?

00:40:15.000 Dude, I was wondering why he was laying there.

00:40:18.000 Well, was it a clue when I said he was shot?

00:40:21.000 That should have tipped you off that he was shot.

00:40:25.000 Look at his fucking, whatever that is.

00:40:27.000 Dress shirt?

00:40:28.000 It's a shirt dress.

00:40:32.000 Oh, those are some poems he writes.

00:40:33.000 You'll be getting one of those if you donate.

00:40:35.000 Turn it up.

00:40:35.000 I can't hear anything.

00:40:39.000 Donate to me.

00:40:40.000 I'm awesome.

00:40:42.000 Look, I'll run through the trees and I'll sunbathe.

00:40:46.000 Give me money.

00:40:52.000 Holy shit.

00:40:54.000 Is there something about being a homosexual that rots your brain? 1.00

00:40:58.000 Remember I told you I don't like black guys with green eyes? 1.00

00:41:01.000 Because they've had so many blowjobs that their brain is fried and they're all stupid.

00:41:06.000 I think it might be true of a lot of gays.

00:41:08.000 They get too laid.

00:41:10.000 I went to this trip club.

00:41:12.000 What was it called?

00:41:13.000 Thirst?

00:41:15.000 Lust?

00:41:15.000 It was next to the cock on 2nd and 2nd.

00:41:18.000 And there was a Puerto Rican there dancing on the bar. 1.00

00:41:21.000 He had on a white Yankees hat, white Timberlands, and a white jockstrap.

00:41:26.000 And he was dancing like this, like he had no brain.

00:41:31.000 He was an empty shell.

00:41:33.000 And maybe he had his, like they say, they fucked your brains out.

00:41:37.000 Maybe gays, what keeps us straight sharp is we don't get laid as much as we want to. 1.00

00:41:42.000 So we're always like looking for some pussy. 0.99

00:41:44.000 We're trying to get our wives to give us some pussy. 1.00

00:41:47.000 That's why I don't fart around my wife. 1.00

00:41:48.000 I'm always like, there might be a blowjob on the horizon.

00:41:50.000 I got to keep things cool.

00:41:53.000 But if you're getting a blowjob every eight minutes, you're just like, I don't need to do anything.

00:41:58.000 Like, why are attractive women so boring? 1.00

00:42:00.000 Because they can be.

00:42:02.000 Fat people are funny because they have to be. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Doesn't having full balls like help you be motivated?

00:42:10.000 Wait a minute.

00:42:10.000 This is feeling like a big epiphany.

00:42:12.000 Who's a gay intellectual? 1.00

00:42:14.000 Milo.

00:42:16.000 He's not gay. 0.63

00:42:18.000 That's true.

00:42:20.000 Give me another gay. 1.00

00:42:21.000 There's Gore Vidal.

00:42:23.000 There's that British guy, Stephen Fry.

00:42:28.000 There's a lot of gay dancers.

00:42:30.000 There's a lot of gay artists who aren't very good at art, like Keith Herring.

00:42:34.000 There's a lot of gay fashion designers who like to draw dresses.

00:42:39.000 There's a lot of gay chefs.

00:42:40.000 That eat grubs.

00:42:44.000 Golf is an intellectual sport.

00:42:46.000 It takes a lot of math.

00:42:47.000 And there's zero male gay golfers for some bizarre reason that nobody knows.

00:42:53.000 Steve Saylor has analyzed this at length.

00:42:55.000 There's lesbian golfers. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:42:58.000 Don't Google gay golf. 1.00

00:43:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:43:04.000 What did I Google the other day?

00:43:07.000 And I just got nothing but gay porn.

00:43:11.000 It was like something.

00:43:14.000 And then the word gay was in there.

00:43:17.000 Maybe it was gay golf. 0.98

00:43:19.000 Is that Steve Saylor writing about it?

00:43:23.000 Pimmy Watson.

00:43:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:25.000 Pimmy Wiltson.

00:43:26.000 Pimmy.

00:43:27.000 There's three.

00:43:28.000 Jimmy?

00:43:28.000 No, Pimmy.

00:43:29.000 With a P. Your name's Pimmy?

00:43:33.000 What kind of parent names their kid Pimmy?

00:43:35.000 Pim, for short.

00:43:36.000 You can just call me Pim.

00:43:38.000 Or Pim's.

00:43:40.000 Pimmy, what do you do?

00:43:41.000 I write about gay golfers.

00:43:42.000 My article of a list of three gay golfers.

00:43:46.000 Oh, you see?

00:43:46.000 That's the way a woman's brain works.

00:43:48.000 Oh, really?

00:43:49.000 There's no gay golfers?

00:43:50.000 Well, there's three, so you're wrong.

00:43:52.000 And then this guy's like suing them because he's like, I fucked a guy in college once.

00:43:56.000 And it was for...

00:43:57.000 No, he's just gay as in lame. 1.00

00:43:59.000 The first two are homosexuals. 0.91

00:44:01.000 The last guy is just super boring.

00:44:03.000 He doesn't like cheeseburgers.

00:44:05.000 He wears socks with sandals.

00:44:06.000 He goes home early.

00:44:07.000 Yeah, he likes doing his taxes.

00:44:12.000 Anyway, go to 17.

00:44:14.000 Fleckis, who is not gay, just had his dog stolen last night.

00:44:20.000 You scroll down.

00:44:21.000 Scroll down to the very bottom, actually.

00:44:25.000 That's his dog, Jerry.

00:44:29.000 And then that's him hanging out with the orange man.

00:44:33.000 I talked to an old friend I hadn't talked to in five years the other day.

00:44:36.000 We were big Trump guys.

00:44:37.000 Talk about all the time.

00:44:38.000 He loves his guns, loves his country.

00:44:40.000 And he hates Trump now.

00:44:42.000 I sent him a picture because we know the Nelk Boys. 1.00

00:44:46.000 And I sent him a picture of Donald Trump Jr. on Nelk Boys, which I thought was brave of them.

00:44:51.000 And he goes, look at that fucking idiot.

00:44:52.000 He's Donald Trump Jr. 2.

00:44:54.000 And I went, what?

00:44:57.000 Yes, he is Donald Trump Jr. 2.

00:44:59.000 I mean, Donald Trump 2.

00:45:00.000 He's awesome.

00:45:02.000 He goes, fuck, I fucking hate Trump now.

00:45:03.000 I have a Biden sign on my lawn.

00:45:06.000 What?

00:45:07.000 I go, how can you like Biden?

00:45:09.000 He goes, I don't like Biden.

00:45:10.000 I don't like any politician.

00:45:12.000 I love my guns and my country.

00:45:15.000 Okay.

00:45:17.000 I go, I don't give a shit who you like.

00:45:19.000 It sounds like some scorned ex-girlfriend shit, though. 0.97

00:45:22.000 Great theory.

00:45:23.000 Great theory, Ryan.

00:45:24.000 Yeah.

00:45:25.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

00:45:26.000 Oh, wait.

00:45:27.000 He's been married and has two kids and has been married for about 15 years.

00:45:33.000 Great theory.

00:45:34.000 He feels like Trump let him down or he was like cued.

00:45:37.000 Oh.

00:45:37.000 And he was like, he's going to save, he's going to watch.

00:45:39.000 Trump's going to save everything.

00:45:40.000 He promised me.

00:45:41.000 No, I think he was pro-Trump because he's me.

00:45:45.000 He was a male model. 0.84

00:45:46.000 So he's very agreeable.

00:45:47.000 And because he was around me all the time, he was that.

00:45:49.000 Now that it's bad for business, he's like, all right, I'm that.

00:45:52.000 Ew.

00:45:54.000 Yeah, so I love that picture of him next to Trump sitting there eating those blue potatoes.

00:45:59.000 What a fucking, of all the people to be sitting next to Trump, he chose Fleckis, which I'm saying is awesome.

00:46:05.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:46:06.000 I'm just mean, like, what an honored, what an honorable mention.

00:46:10.000 Holy shit.

00:46:12.000 And he was right next to him, too.

00:46:13.000 Yep.

00:46:14.000 Sit over here.

00:46:15.000 You know what that was?

00:46:16.000 That was, I bet that was Donald Trump Jr.

00:46:19.000 Trump's like, who's big with the kids?

00:46:20.000 Oh, have him sit next to you, Dad.

00:46:23.000 Number one guy of the kids, well, there's Tim Poole, but he's an annoying nerd who doesn't think people know he's bald.

00:46:29.000 What about Ben Shapiro, Dad?

00:46:30.000 No, I don't like that little Jew. 1.00

00:46:32.000 His voice gives me nightmares.

00:46:34.000 Do you have someone who's got like balls?

00:46:38.000 There's Elijah Schaefer.

00:46:40.000 I think he's gay. 1.00

00:46:42.000 No, he's not gay, Dad.

00:46:44.000 I'm pretty sure he's gay. 0.87

00:46:45.000 Who else you got?

00:46:46.000 He golfs.

00:46:47.000 There's no way he's gay. 0.99

00:46:48.000 Oh, I know.

00:46:49.000 Fleckis.

00:46:51.000 Is he a real man, Donnie?

00:46:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:54.000 He was a football player.

00:46:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:56.000 That's who I want.

00:46:57.000 Get him over.

00:46:58.000 Okay, Dad.

00:47:00.000 But does he know how to have fun?

00:47:01.000 Does he, like, interview people with a spoon or something?

00:47:04.000 Oh, my gosh.

00:47:05.000 Okay, we're going to go off the dog topic for a second.

00:47:07.000 You need to see this video that's on that post.

00:47:09.000 I'm assuming...

00:47:10.000 I can't assume everyone's seen it because it's so good that if I don't show it and you miss it, I'll kill myself.

00:47:19.000 So I apologize if this viral video has already graced your computer, but it needs to be done.

00:47:28.000 So go back to the email where you showed the Trump and him, and if you scroll up, you'll see the video.

00:47:36.000 It's in there.

00:47:37.000 It is in there.

00:47:38.000 Okay.

00:47:39.000 We just scrolled by it.

00:47:42.000 You could also do this, same video.

00:47:45.000 Okay, this is shocking.

00:47:48.000 $21?

00:47:49.000 If you can name any continent.

00:47:55.000 I don't know.

00:47:58.000 I don't know.

00:48:00.000 I don't know what continent.

00:48:01.000 If I did, I would say it.

00:48:02.000 What century are we in?

00:48:04.000 Stop.

00:48:06.000 How many continents are there, and what are they?

00:48:10.000 I don't know how many, but I know it's Africa, America, North America, South America.

00:48:18.000 Well, hold on.

00:48:19.000 Yep.

00:48:20.000 There's Europe, Asia, and is Antarctica a fucking continent?

00:48:28.000 And is...

00:48:29.000 No, Australia's a country that's part of...

00:48:33.000 Australia might be a continent.

00:48:34.000 I don't know.

00:48:36.000 Australia is a country that's in the continent Australia.

00:48:40.000 Like New York, New York.

00:48:41.000 Is that a joke?

00:48:42.000 No.

00:48:42.000 Oh, fuck.

00:48:43.000 Okay, well.

00:48:44.000 Australia, the continent, has New Zealand and Australia in it.

00:48:47.000 Gotcha.

00:48:47.000 Yeah, I felt like it was both.

00:48:49.000 So that feeling was right.

00:48:51.000 I think there's some controversy on Eurasia versus Europe and Asia.

00:48:55.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:57.000 Anyway, these are the kind of discussions you should have when someone says name all the continents or name one.

00:49:01.000 So how many was that?

00:49:02.000 Africa.

00:49:02.000 You said seven.

00:49:04.000 I think.

00:49:04.000 Europe, Asia.

00:49:07.000 So six?

00:49:07.000 I thought there were seven.

00:49:08.000 Antarctica.

00:49:09.000 I think it's Eurasia is one, and then the Arctic.

00:49:14.000 Arctica.

00:49:14.000 No.

00:49:15.000 Antarctica.

00:49:16.000 Antarctica, and then the Arctic.

00:49:18.000 I was going to say the North Pole.

00:49:20.000 Obviously, there's the North Pole where Santa lives.

00:49:22.000 Land masses.

00:49:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:25.000 Go down.

00:49:27.000 Go up.

00:49:28.000 Fuck, I'm going to murder you.

00:49:29.000 Antarctica, Asia, Africa, Australia, Europe, North America, South America.

00:49:33.000 Good though.

00:49:34.000 Antarctica, Asia, Africa, Australia.

00:49:36.000 Yeah, you got it right.

00:49:37.000 First time round.

00:49:38.000 So we.

00:49:39.000 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

00:49:42.000 That feels good.

00:49:45.000 20.

00:49:47.000 Yes.

00:49:48.000 If you're driving 60 miles away.

00:49:50.000 He said, what century are we in?

00:49:51.000 And he said, 20.

00:49:52.000 Oh, right, alright.

00:49:52.000 20.

00:49:53.000 Maybe the 20th century.

00:49:54.000 So he doesn't know that the 1900s was the 20th century.

00:50:01.000 Yeah, it's off because it starts at zero.

00:50:03.000 Right.

00:50:04.000 That was Milo's problem.

00:50:05.000 He goes, I've always been paid 30 days late.

00:50:08.000 And we're like, no, dude, you've always been paid every 30 days.

00:50:12.000 You just thought you should have got paid for a month on day zero.

00:50:14.000 That's not how it works.

00:50:17.000 Yes.

00:50:18.000 If you're driving 60 miles an hour and you drive for one hour, how far do you end up traveling?

00:50:24.000 I don't know.

00:50:25.000 I'm looking at math.

00:50:27.000 Two hours?

00:50:28.000 Justin here.

00:50:29.000 Stop.

00:50:30.000 It's in Antifa.

00:50:32.000 It's in the name, Anti-Fascist.

00:50:35.000 It didn't even say 60 miles per hour.

00:50:37.000 She doesn't have to know per.

00:50:39.000 60 miles an hour.

00:50:43.000 Like, it's in the measurement.

00:50:46.000 How far is this car going?

00:50:47.000 Well, if you were to drive an hour, you'd have covered 60 miles.

00:50:51.000 60 miles every hour.

00:50:55.000 60 miles an hour.

00:50:56.000 Her answer, the question was, how far?

00:50:59.000 And she goes, how two hours far?

00:51:03.000 That's not a distance, my sweet.

00:51:06.000 Maybe she thinks he means, okay, say you, I know you don't like driving much.

00:51:11.000 Say you're going 60 miles an hour.

00:51:12.000 How long do you want to drive?

00:51:14.000 She'd be like, ah, I'd probably get bored after like two hours. 0.99

00:51:18.000 Probably like Jersey.

00:51:19.000 After I was in Newark, I'd probably say, fuck this, traffic sucks.

00:51:24.000 I don't know.

00:51:24.000 I'm looking at math.

00:51:26.000 Two hours?

00:51:27.000 Justin here, and today we're in the beautiful Times Square in New York City doing a collab with Fleckis Talks.

00:51:32.000 We're just going to be able to do this.

00:51:33.000 This is a good plan for Fleckis because he's getting too recognized.

00:51:37.000 And the genius of Fleckis, the reason he makes money is not this.

00:51:42.000 It's the editing.

00:51:44.000 He'll take two hours and make five minutes that really pops.

00:51:48.000 Editing is a very underappreciated skill.

00:51:52.000 It makes movies.

00:51:53.000 It's like Bob Odenkirk said about that terrible movie, Run, Ronnie, Run.

00:51:57.000 He goes, give me all the raw footage from Casablanca, and I'll make you a piece of shit.

00:52:03.000 Jaws was garbage.

00:52:05.000 They gave it to the editor, a woman, and she goes, Where the fuck's the shark? 0.99

00:52:10.000 And they go, It kept breaking.

00:52:11.000 We don't really have any.

00:52:12.000 We have like three scenes.

00:52:14.000 The fuck?

00:52:15.000 So she goes, I know, I'll get a tuba and I'll make it about the anticipation of the shark. 0.99

00:52:21.000 And people looking out over the water, knowing it's there.

00:52:25.000 She made possibly the greatest film ever made, definitely up in the top 10 of all time.

00:52:30.000 If editing's done right, you don't even notice it's happening.

00:52:33.000 Yep.

00:52:34.000 And ask people to see if they know anything at all.

00:52:36.000 Can you name the continents?

00:52:39.000 What the f ⁇ ?

00:52:40.000 No?

00:52:41.000 Bitch, like, isn't it like Alaska? 1.00

00:52:44.000 Yep.

00:52:44.000 Ah, I got it right.

00:52:45.000 You see Alaska?

00:52:46.000 Yay, you did it.

00:52:48.000 They're all happy.

00:52:52.000 Oh, New Jersey?

00:52:53.000 Alaska.

00:52:55.000 So you got Alaska, New Jersey.

00:52:56.000 Hawaii?

00:52:57.000 Yes.

00:52:57.000 What's Obama's last country?

00:52:58.000 What countries are in New Jersey?

00:53:02.000 How many countries are in New Jersey?

00:53:04.000 Now, I'm actually pretty impressed because you have never read a book in your life.

00:53:08.000 You went to a school in the Bronx where fat black women sat on you. 1.00

00:53:12.000 What?

00:53:13.000 If I misbehaved.

00:53:16.000 So, where did you learn such a basic fact?

00:53:20.000 I don't know.

00:53:23.000 I know the flat Earth map, I mean, from my flat Earth studies.

00:53:28.000 Mostly that.

00:53:29.000 That's how you learned the continents.

00:53:30.000 You were trying to debunk them.

00:53:32.000 Debunked every fact.

00:53:34.000 I know the mythical seven continents.

00:53:37.000 Well, yeah.

00:53:41.000 Wait.

00:53:41.000 The president, Obama, what's his last name?

00:53:43.000 Quick, quick, quick.

00:53:44.000 Just say it.

00:53:45.000 I don't...

00:53:46.000 Say it.

00:53:47.000 Say it.

00:53:47.000 Obama.

00:53:48.000 What is his last name?

00:53:49.000 I'm asking you, just say it.

00:53:50.000 First thing.

00:53:51.000 His last name?

00:53:52.000 Say it.

00:53:54.000 What, his first name?

00:53:55.000 I don't know.

00:53:56.000 What is his last name?

00:53:58.000 What's 6 times 7?

00:53:59.000 6 times 7?

00:54:01.000 Yeah.

00:54:01.000 48.

00:54:02.000 What does why?

00:54:03.000 48.

00:54:04.000 It's not true.

00:54:05.000 Is he thinking of 7 times 7 plus 1?

00:54:08.000 Yeah, the way he said 6 times 7, it's kind of sounding like 7 times 7.

00:54:12.000 Did you say 7 times 7 plus 1?

00:54:14.000 Well, he said 48.

00:54:15.000 49 is 7 times 7.

00:54:17.000 So, yeah.

00:54:19.000 7.

00:54:20.000 6 times 7?

00:54:21.000 Yeah.

00:54:22.000 48.

00:54:23.000 What does Y eat?

00:54:24.000 Stupid kid trick, by the way.

00:54:25.000 I remember my dad used to grill me with my times tables as a kid, and he'd go, what's 8 times 7?

00:54:30.000 And I go, 8?

00:54:32.000 Oh, me?

00:54:33.000 Oh, 8 times 7.

00:54:34.000 Oh, 8 times 7.

00:54:35.000 Oh, that's 56.

00:54:37.000 You grab like 10 seconds to think about it.

00:54:40.000 Hold on, I'm talking about.

00:54:40.000 You little old me?

00:54:42.000 Oh, I didn't know you were asking me.

00:54:43.000 I thought you were asking my brother.

00:54:45.000 I'll tell you that it's 56, right like that.

00:54:49.000 Then he does another one.

00:54:50.000 11 times 11.

00:54:52.000 Oh, we're still doing this?

00:54:54.000 Okay, 121.

00:54:59.000 Six times seven?

00:55:00.000 Yeah, 48.

00:55:02.000 What does YES spell?

00:55:04.000 Insane.

00:55:05.000 YES?

00:55:06.000 Yeah.

00:55:06.000 Y-E-S.

00:55:08.000 I don't know.

00:55:09.000 What the f?

00:55:10.000 What you say?

00:55:14.000 What does Y-E-S spell?

00:55:16.000 Wes, right?

00:55:17.000 Wes?

00:55:19.000 Tell me Tom 6.

00:55:21.000 Stop the presses.

00:55:22.000 I don't know what to do with that.

00:55:30.000 First of all, how do you not know what a Y is? 0.90

00:55:33.000 Secondly, I think she's saying, she's hearing the in what does.

00:55:40.000 And that is somehow sticking in her brain.

00:55:44.000 So she hears ES, and then she knows the question started with a w.

00:55:49.000 What?

00:55:50.000 So she goes, E-S, Wes.

00:55:55.000 I mean, that's a good theory.

00:55:59.000 If my teachers called me and said, all three of my kids are doing really bad in school, I'd go, who cares?

00:56:05.000 That's like saying they're doing really bad at Scientology or they're going to be terrible at astrology.

00:56:11.000 I don't care.

00:56:13.000 School doesn't exist anymore.

00:56:15.000 There's no such thing as school.

00:56:17.000 Wes, right?

00:56:18.000 Wes?

00:56:20.000 Tell me times six.

00:56:22.000 Six times seven.

00:56:26.000 Yes.

00:56:26.000 I'll give you $1 if you can name a single continent.

00:56:32.000 Who did we gain our independence from?

00:56:35.000 I don't know.

00:56:36.000 Didn't they go to war?

00:56:38.000 Yeah, who did we fight against?

00:56:40.000 Airbody.

00:56:42.000 No, that's not World War II.

00:56:45.000 Independence.

00:56:46.000 World War II was not to get American independence.

00:56:49.000 And we didn't fight America.

00:56:50.000 We've been independent for a while.

00:56:51.000 We had allies.

00:56:53.000 Yeah.

00:56:55.000 Take a guess.

00:56:55.000 What country?

00:56:57.000 Korea.

00:56:58.000 200 years off.

00:57:01.000 Like, what is the logo on your shirt?

00:57:03.000 What is that from?

00:57:04.000 It's a play on something.

00:57:06.000 What is this shirt from?

00:57:07.000 It says trippy red, but what is it borrowed from?

00:57:11.000 Zed Leppin?

00:57:12.000 Yes.

00:57:13.000 The 69th president of the United States of America.

00:57:15.000 It's Def Leppard, by the way.

00:57:17.000 69th.

00:57:23.000 Richard Nixon?

00:57:24.000 They call Trump 45 all the time.

00:57:26.000 Zork Blort.

00:57:27.000 Remember there was that anti-Trump sticker.

00:57:28.000 It was the number 45 crossed out.

00:57:30.000 It was a synonym.

00:57:31.000 Everyone would call him 45.

00:57:33.000 And he was unique.

00:57:33.000 Like, people didn't call Obama 44.

00:57:39.000 Damn.

00:57:40.000 Yes.

00:57:41.000 How many make up one dozen?

00:57:43.000 How many make up one dozen?

00:57:46.000 Baker?

00:57:47.000 100?

00:57:48.000 Yes.

00:57:49.000 Yes.

00:57:50.000 Can you go get me a dozen donuts, please?

00:57:52.000 You'll need a pickup truck.

00:57:55.000 That's like Joe at the bar.

00:57:58.000 The owner goes, Joe, go to this sub-place.

00:58:02.000 I'm doing a Scottish accent, but he's not. 0.95

00:58:04.000 Hold on.

00:58:04.000 It's like, top of my mind, how would you do?

00:58:06.000 And go to the sub-place and get me just fucking 10 subs because we're going to be showing the Super Bowl and I want subs around. 0.76

00:58:14.000 And he goes, hey, boss, it's going to be $1,000.

00:58:19.000 He goes, what?

00:58:21.000 A thousand bucks for fucking 10 subs? 0.94

00:58:24.000 It should be 100 max.

00:58:27.000 And Joe thought he meant six foot long subs.

00:58:33.000 Can you fucking believe that?

00:58:38.000 I need a sub. 0.84

00:58:39.000 I assume you mean a six foot long one, right?

00:58:41.000 Like most people.

00:58:43.000 Get me a dozen donuts.

00:58:44.000 Here's your hundred donuts.

00:58:47.000 Obama's last name?

00:58:49.000 Obama.

00:58:50.000 Care.

00:58:51.000 Care.

00:58:52.000 Care.

00:58:53.000 Care?

00:58:55.000 Is that she's stealing one of my jokes?

00:59:00.000 Obama.

00:59:01.000 Care.

00:59:02.000 Care.

00:59:03.000 Barack Obama care.

00:59:04.000 Maybe she's thinking of hope, like the hope posters, and she's like, oh, wait, I think it was care.

00:59:09.000 Oh, that's a good theory for once.

00:59:10.000 Yeah.

00:59:11.000 That's like when we were playing Trivial Pursuit and my son was like seven, six.

00:59:15.000 He obviously doesn't know any of the answers and he's bored.

00:59:18.000 So I forget what the question was, like, who came up with the light bulb?

00:59:21.000 And Johnny just sort of struts forward and goes, Michael Frog Jackson.

00:59:27.000 Barack Obamacare.

00:59:28.000 Why can't I picture Michael Frog Jackson?

00:59:30.000 I'm going to get a tattoo of Pepe the Frog as Michael Jackson and call it Michael Frog Jackson.

00:59:35.000 It's my favorite name that has ever been uttered.

00:59:39.000 Michael Frog.

00:59:40.000 Where the fuck?

00:59:43.000 For a while there, he said his name was Johnny Eats Fries McInnes.

00:59:47.000 That's great.

00:59:50.000 I'm voting for that Hope guy.

00:59:52.000 Yeah, Care.

00:59:54.000 Wouldn't that be funny if that was his campaign?

00:59:56.000 Care.

00:59:57.000 Care.

00:59:58.000 Care.

01:00:00.000 Like C-A-R-E. 1.00

01:00:01.000 Obama's last name, the president.

01:00:03.000 Care.

01:00:03.000 If you're driving 60 miles an hour and you drive for one hour, how far do you travel?

01:00:08.000 A mile.

01:00:10.000 Wow.

01:00:10.000 Yes.

01:00:11.000 I'll give you this dollar if you can.

01:00:12.000 If you do it in a circle and you time it just right, he's correct.

01:00:16.000 One continent.

01:00:17.000 No, you're not.

01:00:18.000 No, I know.

01:00:19.000 That's what?

01:00:21.000 Wait, hold on.

01:00:22.000 Word to the wise.

01:00:23.000 Ryan, don't make fun of stupid people.

01:00:24.000 Hold on.

01:00:25.000 If you drive 60 miles an hour.

01:00:28.000 In a circle.

01:00:29.000 Hold on.

01:00:31.000 But you park a mile away from your first destination by crow as the crow flies.

01:00:36.000 You have got.

01:00:38.000 If you drive 60 miles an hour in a circle.

01:00:41.000 Not a circle.

01:00:41.000 In Oblast.

01:00:42.000 How big is the circle, by the way?

01:00:44.000 Hold on.

01:00:44.000 It's a horseshoe.

01:00:45.000 Excuse me.

01:00:46.000 Okay.

01:00:47.000 It's a horseshoe.

01:00:48.000 If you start here and you drive an hour, 60 miles an hour, you drive one mile from horseback.

01:00:54.000 It is possible to be a mile away from your original destination, depending on your zigzagging route.

01:01:00.000 That's what he meant.

01:01:01.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:02.000 USA.

01:01:04.000 USI.

01:01:06.000 Continent.

01:01:07.000 I don't know.

01:01:07.000 Congratulations.

01:01:09.000 60 miles an hour, and you drive for one hour.

01:01:12.000 How far do you travel?

01:01:13.000 One mile.

01:01:14.000 Who fought in this.

01:01:15.000 You know, Fleck has showed this to some boomers who said that, I don't like this at all.

01:01:20.000 It's not funny.

01:01:20.000 You know why?

01:01:22.000 White guilt.

01:01:22.000 They don't like seeing black people depicted in a negative way, even though it's multiracial morons here.

01:01:29.000 What the fuck?

01:01:29.000 Who wears a t-shirt on top of a winter jacket?

01:01:32.000 I don't know, but that's a great fucking band name.

01:01:34.000 Multiracial Morons. 1.00

01:01:36.000 That fucking rules.

01:01:38.000 Okay, I got to put that on my list of band names.

01:01:41.000 Do you want to hear it?

01:01:42.000 It's pretty good.

01:01:42.000 Oh, you have a whole, yeah, yeah.

01:01:44.000 Yeah.

01:01:46.000 Pernicious Sit, Freddy Krueger's Asshole, Puerto Rican Eggnog, Full Scabies, Missile Whooshing in Square Brackets. 1.00

01:01:56.000 I need to know that.

01:01:56.000 I saw that on the closed captions of Under Siege.

01:02:00.000 Droopy Icicles.

01:02:02.000 Then my son, Mr. Michael Frog Jackson, added this one.

01:02:06.000 Droopy balls with like 10 O's.

01:02:10.000 American pig nose. 0.62

01:02:12.000 Hideous dress.

01:02:14.000 Young men in masks.

01:02:16.000 Because I find it particularly uncomfortable to see like 20-year-olds wearing masks and being really careful about it.

01:02:21.000 They're supposed to be the bad boys.

01:02:24.000 And grape-flavored suppositories.

01:02:27.000 See, I want to know the context of these.

01:02:28.000 Like, what grape-flavored suppositories...

01:02:32.000 Oh, I just thought it was a funny concept.

01:02:34.000 Because it implies someone's going to be eating your ass later.

01:02:38.000 Even though you clearly have diarrhea, you're taking suppositories. 0.52

01:02:42.000 Somebody who likes grape.

01:02:44.000 And then my wife said, maybe that would help with your fucking farts. 1.00

01:02:49.000 You just smell grapes all day.

01:02:51.000 You're like, this isn't better.

01:02:55.000 Soldiers.

01:02:57.000 She's not wrong. 0.92

01:03:00.000 Who against who?

01:03:02.000 Good.

01:03:03.000 America and France.

01:03:05.000 Puffon, the Civil War.

01:03:06.000 Plumbers.

01:03:08.000 I don't know that one.

01:03:09.000 I don't know.

01:03:10.000 Take it again.

01:03:11.000 You shouldn't know that one.

01:03:13.000 It's of no consequence to you.

01:03:15.000 That's who against who?

01:03:16.000 Civil War.

01:03:19.000 You know this.

01:03:21.000 I don't.

01:03:22.000 Dig deep.

01:03:24.000 Civil War.

01:03:25.000 Silver War.

01:03:27.000 Who fought in the Silver War?

01:03:29.000 The war we had bronze.

01:03:32.000 The three worst wars in America were the Gold Wars, the Civil War, and the Bronze Wars. 0.67

01:03:36.000 Give you a hint which one's worse?

01:03:38.000 Medium and not so bad.

01:03:40.000 And the Gold War was clearly the most expensive war.

01:03:47.000 Hey, y'all, who fought in the Civil War?

01:03:52.000 Who fought in the Civil War?

01:03:54.000 Fighting the Civil War?

01:03:55.000 Yeah.

01:03:56.000 You have the Statue of Liberty right behind you, sir.

01:04:03.000 I forgot, honestly.

01:04:04.000 Take a guess.

01:04:05.000 Who against who?

01:04:07.000 It was the U.S. and the Japanese. 1.00

01:04:10.000 No way you got that right.

01:04:11.000 You just guessed?

01:04:12.000 Is it it?

01:04:13.000 Yeah.

01:04:14.000 Yeah.

01:04:14.000 Do you know who the 69th president of the United States is?

01:04:18.000 The what?

01:04:19.000 The 69th president.

01:04:20.000 One's a number, the other's a president, and the TH means the order.

01:04:24.000 He's just using your tactic.

01:04:26.000 Wait, who?

01:04:26.000 Me?

01:04:27.000 Yeah.

01:04:27.000 Oh, the president.

01:04:28.000 Oh, the 69th.

01:04:29.000 Let me undo my hair.

01:04:30.000 Oh, me?

01:04:31.000 Oh, that was Grover Cleveland.

01:04:33.000 I don't.

01:04:36.000 If you had to guess, it's the 69th.

01:04:38.000 Who was he?

01:04:38.000 Obama.

01:04:41.000 Yes.

01:04:42.000 Spell Mississippi. 0.89

01:04:45.000 Anyway, it goes on like that.

01:04:46.000 We don't have to watch the whole thing.

01:04:47.000 It's pretty amazing.

01:04:48.000 But do you have...

01:04:49.000 If you got Fleckis on the line, we have to ask him about his doggy.

01:04:52.000 We do.

01:04:53.000 And to get to him, we're going to hit a bow.

01:05:00.000 Fleckis, are you there, sir?

01:05:01.000 Hello, Gavin.

01:05:03.000 How you doing?

01:05:04.000 I'm doing good.

01:05:04.000 What's going on?

01:05:05.000 I love the suit.

01:05:05.000 Is that Yves St. Laurent?

01:05:07.000 Wow, you were really good.

01:05:10.000 Let me make sure.

01:05:11.000 No, it's Pierre Carday.

01:05:13.000 Ah, mind the sound.

01:05:14.000 Yeah, I don't know where you got Yves St. Laurent from.

01:05:18.000 How are you?

01:05:19.000 Well, I had a little bit of a journey last night.

01:05:21.000 I've been up all night.

01:05:22.000 My dog, my Jerry, my purebred people's champ Rottweiler, CEO of Little Big Boy Industries, went missing.

01:05:30.000 Yesterday I was at my house doing normal stuff.

01:05:33.000 Had a normal day, drinking coffee, editing some videos, watching Pee Wee Herman, ordered chicken wings.

01:05:38.000 Sorry, I have to interrupt you.

01:05:40.000 What, Peewee Herman?

01:05:41.000 The show, the movie, the new movie?

01:05:43.000 The new 2016 Netflix version.

01:05:45.000 With the CGI face?

01:05:47.000 Yeah, the CGI face.

01:05:48.000 And then a lot of the tricks he was doing and the little bits he does aren't real life anymore.

01:05:54.000 Right, but he de-aged his face.

01:05:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:57.000 He had like a filter on the whole movie.

01:05:59.000 That's distracting.

01:06:00.000 But like the old one, he used to kind of do stuff and be more realistic.

01:06:03.000 Like he flips over in the chair and it cracks the egg.

01:06:06.000 Now he's got like weather balloons in his house and it takes him out and he's got like these skis.

01:06:11.000 He's going off the roof.

01:06:12.000 It doesn't really make sense.

01:06:13.000 There's a lot of moving parts.

01:06:15.000 So his little bits didn't really add up, which is kind of disappointing.

01:06:18.000 Like it was originally a play, like a live theater night.

01:06:22.000 So when he made the show, he kept that realism because he had done it for real on stage.

01:06:27.000 But you add 20, 30 years, and now it's fucking CGI bullshit that the studio makes him do, I guess.

01:06:32.000 Unrealistic.

01:06:33.000 And it's like this guy's got to be spending like 95% of his free time getting people on board to help him with these gadgets and these tricks and the pulleys and the levers.

01:06:42.000 A lot going on.

01:06:43.000 So normal day for me.

01:06:45.000 Order chicken wings.

01:06:46.000 I was with Richard Rapboy, my producer, and my younger brother is here visiting.

01:06:50.000 And we decided to go out to 7-Eleven, get some Diet Cokes and candy.

01:06:55.000 And we came back 20 minutes later.

01:06:57.000 Jerry's gone.

01:06:59.000 Now, is he called Jerry because of you and Jerry Nadler?

01:07:03.000 No, he's named after Jerry Seinfeld, Little Jerry Seinfeld.

01:07:08.000 Who's Little Jerry Seinfeld?

01:07:10.000 The chicken in the Seinfeld episode where they get into the cock fighting, and then he goes into the store, and the bird brushes away a dog, and then Kramer's carrying the bird, and the guy who owns the store is like, I like the way he handled himself.

01:07:25.000 Oh, that's where we got it from.

01:07:29.000 It's a purebred rot.

01:07:30.000 Those are pretty expensive.

01:07:32.000 It's not a cheap dog.

01:07:33.000 There's no rescuing going on here.

01:07:35.000 That dog was big bucks. 0.99

01:07:36.000 That dog's a purebred champ.

01:07:38.000 He has the thing removed on his thing.

01:07:39.000 He has his tail docked.

01:07:41.000 He walks like this.

01:07:43.000 He's a champ.

01:07:44.000 But he's a puppy.

01:07:46.000 He's a puppy, right?

01:07:48.000 Yeah, he's five months.

01:07:50.000 59 pounds, 60 pounds.

01:07:53.000 And my theory is I ordered Uber Eats.

01:07:57.000 It came at like 8.45.

01:07:59.000 I think the person walked to the door, saw the champion, because no one would go from the street and be like, the odds of someone being in my block looking to steal a dog, willing to go to someone's door and open their door at 9 o'clock on a Thursday, and then like steal a dog that like,

01:08:16.000 you know, is a good dog, like either you're staking me out or you saw it right before.

01:08:19.000 So I think the Uber Eats lady went to the door, saw it, has like a person in the car with her. 0.97

01:08:25.000 They kind of like look for Amazon packages and like free puppies.

01:08:29.000 And I think they yanked him when we were gone, which is weird though, because she delivered like six people's worth of food to my house. 0.61

01:08:35.000 So you'd think she'd be like, oh, this house is full of people.

01:08:37.000 There's cars here.

01:08:38.000 There's dogs here.

01:08:39.000 The lights are on.

01:08:40.000 Who's like opening a door?

01:08:42.000 You know?

01:08:43.000 So we went to this.

01:08:44.000 And there's tons of cars in your driveway.

01:08:46.000 May I ask this woman's ethnicity?

01:08:49.000 I think she was Asian. 0.91

01:08:50.000 Her name was Thu, T-H-U. 0.62

01:08:52.000 Okay.

01:08:54.000 And they would have to like be hiding around the block to see all you guys leave.

01:08:58.000 Exactly.

01:08:59.000 That seems like a bit of a hole in the plot.

01:09:01.000 And we were, and say, you know, for 24 hours, the last 24 hours, we left the house 20 minutes total, and it was in that window.

01:09:09.000 So it's like, if it's a street rat who's like getting lucky and a petty thief, it's like no one's that lucky where they're like, oh, no one's here.

01:09:16.000 And I opened the door and the dog came with me.

01:09:18.000 So I don't know.

01:09:19.000 Maybe I'm being staked out.

01:09:21.000 Maybe it's Antifa and they're LARPing and they're watching out for Fleckus and they've nothing better to do.

01:09:27.000 But he was gone.

01:09:28.000 We looked everywhere for him.

01:09:29.000 We called him.

01:09:30.000 Want to hear the crazy part?

01:09:32.000 Yes.

01:09:34.000 He has a chain with his thing.

01:09:35.000 It says, Jerry, good boy, my phone number.

01:09:37.000 I also, yesterday, for the first time ever, was training him with like a vibrating collar and a beeper.

01:09:43.000 And also as a shock, but I didn't shock him.

01:09:45.000 I only do the vibrations.

01:09:47.000 So I took the collar off.

01:09:49.000 And for the first time in like two months, he didn't have his collar with my phone number on it.

01:09:54.000 It was the one, it was the couple hours that he was just like, we just did some training and I didn't switch the collars back yet.

01:10:01.000 Can I get more headroom?

01:10:02.000 It looks like you have a Yamaka on.

01:10:04.000 That would be fine.

01:10:06.000 Not that there's anything wrong with that.

01:10:08.000 Not that there's anything wrong with that.

01:10:09.000 It just changes the context.

01:10:10.000 I need more.

01:10:12.000 It's touching the tip of your head.

01:10:14.000 There, that's a million times better.

01:10:17.000 I can finally breathe.

01:10:18.000 That's great.

01:10:19.000 Does he have a microchip in him?

01:10:21.000 He has a microchip, but that doesn't count as GPS.

01:10:25.000 See, this is what I don't know.

01:10:26.000 I'm guessing they could have bought him to the vet and the vet would be like stolen dog and then be like, where'd you get this dog?

01:10:31.000 And then I come and I have my Draco or whatever and then get the dog back.

01:10:37.000 Here's what I don't get.

01:10:38.000 Your theory is that there are a bunch of amateurs and one crackhead said, hey, I got this really cool dog.

01:10:43.000 And the other crackhead said, they can track that shit, man.

01:10:45.000 Get it out of here.

01:10:46.000 And he went, oh, okay.

01:10:47.000 Okay, I get that.

01:10:48.000 That's like Ratzo Rizzo from Midnight Cowboy, just loser derelict hustlers.

01:10:52.000 But to stake out a home and watch the six guys leave and go one, two, three, four, five.

01:10:58.000 We got all six guys.

01:11:00.000 And to know that those cars are not representing anyone in there anymore, that's pretty sophisticated.

01:11:06.000 Very sophisticated.

01:11:07.000 So it's like sophisticated people stole it, but retards gave it back? 1.00

01:11:11.000 That's what I don't get.

01:11:12.000 That's what I don't get too.

01:11:14.000 I'm trying to piece it together and create a story and understand.

01:11:17.000 I think maybe the girl delivers the food. 1.00

01:11:20.000 It was only three people in the house.

01:11:21.000 It was six people's worth of food, though.

01:11:23.000 So to her, she thinks there's six people because us three ate a whole pig pie yesterday of all these, all the wings.

01:11:31.000 When we described what we wanted wings-wise, we said we want a trash can lid full of wings.

01:11:35.000 So that's kind of what we ordered.

01:11:37.000 And you call that a pig pie?

01:11:38.000 That's pig pie. 0.99

01:11:39.000 It's like when you have a spread of everything and you can just have the best bites.

01:11:42.000 We do it with pies too.

01:11:43.000 You order like 10 different slices of pie and you have a bite from each across the window.

01:11:47.000 King Henry VIII?

01:11:49.000 It's like charcuterie for just whatever you want.

01:11:52.000 That's how I like to do it.

01:11:55.000 It's probably not the best.

01:11:56.000 I'm like probably over 300 pounds.

01:11:58.000 But I've been working out.

01:12:00.000 So my theory is she came, she saw the dog.

01:12:04.000 She's a petty crook who maybe steals Amazon packages. 1.00

01:12:07.000 She did the delivery.

01:12:08.000 She got in her car.

01:12:10.000 She waited for her next delivery.

01:12:12.000 And in that time, maybe saw the Jeep from the driveway pull out with three guys in it.

01:12:16.000 Was like, ooh, that's the house with the dogs.

01:12:18.000 Maybe I go knock on the door.

01:12:20.000 And if they answer, I'll be like, oh, some Uber Eats question.

01:12:23.000 Did I forget anything?

01:12:24.000 Or whatever.

01:12:24.000 She's a girl.

01:12:25.000 She could play it off.

01:12:26.000 If not, boom, dog.

01:12:29.000 I love all that.

01:12:30.000 Okay, I'm with you 100%.

01:12:31.000 That's the best theory so far.

01:12:33.000 Now, why does the dog or feds or deep state? 0.99

01:12:37.000 Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

01:12:38.000 They would do something.

01:12:38.000 They'd kill your dog.

01:12:40.000 But I don't get the wandering back.

01:12:43.000 How did that happen?

01:12:44.000 So we went looking for him until like 2 a.m.

01:12:47.000 I'm laying in bed writing the newsletter.

01:12:49.000 I have a weekly newsletter, kind of explaining myself.

01:12:52.000 And then I said a prayer and I was like, God, please bring Jerry back.

01:12:57.000 I'm sorry if I didn't appreciate him.

01:12:59.000 I know he's scared.

01:13:00.000 And then I was just laying in bed, not able to sleep.

01:13:03.000 And at 4 a.m., I just got up, went to the front door, looked out, didn't see anything, opened the door, didn't see anything, closed the door, flashed the front lights a couple times, and that left him dark.

01:13:14.000 And then 30 seconds later, he just kind of like hustled over.

01:13:17.000 So what's your theory on that?

01:13:20.000 I think the thieves stole him.

01:13:22.000 They realized how purebred and how good looking he was, how much of a champion that dog is.

01:13:26.000 They assumed he was GPS microchipped.

01:13:29.000 And he had a beeping collar, too, because I was hitting the button trying to see if I could hear it, knowing like he was in the neighborhood.

01:13:34.000 But you said he didn't have the collar on.

01:13:36.000 Well, he had a training collar that didn't have his info on it.

01:13:39.000 It was like the BuzzShot collar with a beeper.

01:13:41.000 So I was putting on high volume and hitting the beeper, trying to hear it even in someone's house.

01:13:45.000 So I think they heard it beeping and were like, dude, they're coming back.

01:13:48.000 Let's just bring this dog back and dump him off and Penny's lost. 0.99

01:13:51.000 Solved it.

01:13:52.000 Solved it.

01:13:53.000 They heard the beeping and they freaked out and assumed there was GPS.

01:13:57.000 I think you should go.

01:13:59.000 I think on her review, you should go, my dog got stolen right after she was here.

01:14:03.000 She could have nothing to do with it.

01:14:04.000 She could have something to do with it.

01:14:05.000 I'm just throwing it out there.

01:14:07.000 Three stars because I don't really know what happened.

01:14:10.000 Food delivery was great.

01:14:11.000 That's four stars.

01:14:12.000 If, however, she's responsible for my dog, that's going down to 0 stars.

01:14:16.000 Yeah.

01:14:16.000 So that's my best theory because the odds of a street rat, it's a nice neighborhood.

01:14:21.000 It's a cul-de-sac.

01:14:22.000 It's a dead end.

01:14:23.000 There's probably like two cars that go through anytime after 10 o'clock at night.

01:14:26.000 The odds of like a guy just like going like this and going, oh, like a puppy.

01:14:31.000 Let me walk up to the front door.

01:14:32.000 Oh, it's a good looking Ratweiler.

01:14:34.000 Hopefully no one's home taking no shot.

01:14:36.000 Dude, you got to get a Nest camera or a ring or ADT camera.

01:14:41.000 I've had all those.

01:14:41.000 My favorite is the Nest, and you can talk through it.

01:14:45.000 You can buy like 10 days of playback.

01:14:47.000 It's the best.

01:14:48.000 That's pretty good.

01:14:49.000 And every time you hear a creek, you just look at your phone and you can see like I have seven, but you hear a creak, you look at your phone, you can see 100% of your property.

01:14:58.000 Just boom.

01:14:59.000 Oh, that's good.

01:15:00.000 That's real good.

01:15:01.000 This is Florida, too, though.

01:15:03.000 You open the door, someone could just go.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:06.000 Well, she's a desperate Chinese immigrant. 1.00

01:15:10.000 I think that's it.

01:15:12.000 Or maybe Thai.

01:15:13.000 But speaking of failures, before we let you go, we have to discuss this fucking video that is, it should be, Biden should have to do an address to the nation.

01:15:27.000 It's bad.

01:15:28.000 What word, what is Y E S?

01:15:31.000 What does that spell?

01:15:33.000 One of them doesn't know and the other says Wes.

01:15:38.000 The first girl didn't know and just deferred it away. 1.00

01:15:42.000 She's like, you do it.

01:15:44.000 And then she's like, oh, this isn't so hard.

01:15:46.000 Like, Wes?

01:15:48.000 You don't know what Y and W?

01:15:50.000 Like, that's where we're at.

01:15:51.000 These people don't know where on the planet they are.

01:15:54.000 They don't know what time they're in.

01:15:55.000 They don't know what century it is, what continent they're on.

01:15:58.000 One guy got stumped on what's Obama's last name.

01:16:01.000 Several got stumped on that.

01:16:03.000 Which is kind of like, that's like those things where the hypnotists can hypnotize you into forgetting whatever.

01:16:08.000 Yeah, and there's pressure there.

01:16:10.000 And there's, is it a trick question?

01:16:12.000 Like, is YES an acronym?

01:16:14.000 I don't know about.

01:16:14.000 Like, sometimes the question is so easy, you think it's a trick.

01:16:17.000 Like, YES, oh, is it the Youth Enrollment Society?

01:16:21.000 But like, name any continent.

01:16:24.000 There's no way that can be a trick.

01:16:29.000 One was, who do we get our independence from?

01:16:31.000 The guy said, Korea.

01:16:33.000 And then, who did we fight in the Civil War?

01:16:35.000 This is a black guy.

01:16:36.000 Who did we fight in the Civil War?

01:16:38.000 And he said, I don't know.

01:16:39.000 He brought in his friend to help.

01:16:40.000 And this friend said, the Japanese?

01:16:43.000 And it was like, and the guy goes, my reporter goes, yeah, how'd you know that?

01:16:46.000 That was a good guess.

01:16:47.000 Well, I think the reason he knew it was Korea is because if you ever meet someone who's like in their 80s or 90s, they still speak Korean because they go back to the Civil War we had with Korea, especially if they're like 240 years old. 0.63

01:17:01.000 You see like the statues and like the lingering culture, obviously.

01:17:04.000 Yeah.

01:17:06.000 The old signs that have that stupid language.

01:17:10.000 And like the gold orbs and like the, you know, the style is basically kind of like.

01:17:14.000 You see it in our cuisine, too.

01:17:16.000 That's why we still eat long dak chong on Thanksgiving. 1.00

01:17:19.000 It's like not even getting close to like, it's like you picked like the whole different race of people.

01:17:25.000 Like all, like, you just pick somewhere else.

01:17:28.000 God.

01:17:29.000 You know, I was watching that movie Mean Girls that Tina Fey wrote, you know, with Lindsay Lohan.

01:17:34.000 And she's ostracized in school because, I don't know, she was gossiping. 0.99

01:17:40.000 This is the gossip episode.

01:17:41.000 And the dad says, just focus on your studies for now and just accept that your social life is going to suck for a bit.

01:17:47.000 And that was whatever it was, the 80s, maybe early 90s, I don't know.

01:17:52.000 And I think that made sense back then.

01:17:54.000 Like, I think education, even in the early 90s, still had a semblance of something.

01:17:59.000 And if you went to School and studied, you'd know the Civil War, what century we're in, how to spell yes, basics like that.

01:18:06.000 I don't think that's true anymore.

01:18:08.000 So, like with my kids, I want them to read.

01:18:11.000 I want them to have a vocabulary.

01:18:12.000 I want to tell them the truth about the Tulsa, Oklahoma massacre, which was just a race riot that blacks started. 0.99

01:18:18.000 But I don't give a fuck about school because it doesn't teach shit anymore, obviously.

01:18:25.000 Yeah, I think all these kids, like, I guess they're just like on their phones and then like a test happens.

01:18:30.000 And then, like, all right, I copy off of him, who copies off of him, who copies off of him, and then like no one knows.

01:18:35.000 They're just moving the information around.

01:18:36.000 I know a teacher in the South Bronx, he can't fail people.

01:18:40.000 So he says, fine, I'll give them all a 60.

01:18:42.000 He types in 60.

01:18:43.000 The computer won't allow it.

01:18:45.000 He had to type in 74.

01:18:48.000 73 didn't work.

01:18:49.000 74, and then bloop, it goes through.

01:18:51.000 So kids who hadn't even been there that year were getting gangbangers who only come in for the free lunch, who he wouldn't recognize if he saw them.

01:18:59.000 They got a 74.

01:19:01.000 That used to happen to me in college.

01:19:03.000 I would not go to class so much that I knew if I eventually went, the teacher would be like, who's that guy?

01:19:08.000 So I had to stay till the end.

01:19:09.000 And then at the final, just take the final and turn it in and be like, yeah, like, you know, something happened to me this year.

01:19:16.000 Like, you know, it's been kind of wild.

01:19:18.000 My family died.

01:19:20.000 Yeah, something bad.

01:19:21.000 Oh, man.

01:19:21.000 I used to also in my senior year, I, week one, would tell every teacher, hey, just so you know, week six, I'm going to New York.

01:19:28.000 I have interviews.

01:19:29.000 I'm trying to get a job.

01:19:30.000 And they're like, oh, no worries.

01:19:31.000 Ain't you telling me now?

01:19:32.000 And then week six of the term, I would just take a staycation, miss all the midterms, find out what was on them.

01:19:38.000 And then like, just be hanging out on campus, not going to class, and just like have a perfect excuse.

01:19:42.000 I used to walk the dog, the frat dog, like it was the best.

01:19:45.000 And I'd come back and I'd have all the help I needed for the test.

01:19:48.000 You know what?

01:19:49.000 You got an A or whatever good grade you got, and you deserve it because you did the thing.

01:19:55.000 Like if this was business and you said, well, we wouldn't open for December and then when everyone was closed in January, we'd open.

01:20:02.000 You'd make money, right?

01:20:04.000 And that's kind of cheating.

01:20:06.000 So you still deserve, you got what you deserve.

01:20:09.000 And you learned something.

01:20:11.000 The crazy thing is one of those classes was math and I saved my math requirement until my senior year.

01:20:18.000 So I had the answers to the test and I still got like a 74 and I failed the first test.

01:20:22.000 So on the final, I had to write a long note to the professor.

01:20:24.000 Like, I already have a job.

01:20:25.000 Please don't fail me.

01:20:27.000 I can't, like, I can't mess this up.

01:20:29.000 Let me guess.

01:20:30.000 You got a 74.

01:20:31.000 Yeah, I got literally a perfect score.

01:20:34.000 I just played the victim.

01:20:35.000 One time, I don't even keep telling stories, but one time in class, I went to the teacher and I was just like, hey, can I take this test tomorrow?

01:20:41.000 And she's like, yeah, come back whenever.

01:20:43.000 I went to her office.

01:20:44.000 She gave me the test.

01:20:44.000 Let me go to the lunchroom.

01:20:47.000 And I took it there and did fine, you know?

01:20:50.000 You know what?

01:20:50.000 That's the thing about male models is everyone likes looking at them.

01:20:54.000 So you guys get this pampered life because you're so beautiful.

01:21:00.000 Yeah.

01:21:00.000 I used to tell the teachers, I'm like, hey, I'm a football player.

01:21:03.000 All these kids are so smart.

01:21:04.000 And I feel like I'm so dumb.

01:21:06.000 And they're like, oh, no, like try your best.

01:21:09.000 So, so easy.

01:21:10.000 And then you're just like, oh, that's a football player that tried his best.

01:21:13.000 He's doing his best.

01:21:14.000 I probably was like, I could have done, I could have got A's.

01:21:17.000 We got to get back to gossip.

01:21:18.000 This is not, we're just chatting now.

01:21:20.000 Goodbye.

01:21:20.000 Thank you for coming on the show.

01:21:22.000 Goodbye.

01:21:23.000 Sun came up, soft blue eyes, and the morning all so warm.

01:21:32.000 He's got a very healthy ego, Fleckus, there.

01:21:34.000 Did you notice that?

01:21:36.000 When I said, it's because you're a supermodel.

01:21:38.000 He's like, yeah.

01:21:39.000 Didn't even get...

01:21:40.000 Yeah, that's not a joke.

01:21:42.000 Sarcasm, dude.

01:21:43.000 You're a fucking ugly fat piece of shit.

01:21:47.000 You meet the president and you'd think you're hot.

01:21:50.000 Yeah, he is attractive.

01:21:51.000 In fact, if I was a homo or a chick, that's the kind of guy I'd want plowing into me. 1.00

01:21:56.000 That's a total bear.

01:21:57.000 I've said this before.

01:21:58.000 I would like to, I assume women want to be taken. 1.00

01:22:02.000 Right.

01:22:03.000 That's why Tony Soprano had that appeal.

01:22:05.000 You wouldn't believe how many girls asked me if I could hook them up with Artie Lang. 0.97

01:22:10.000 Wow.

01:22:10.000 They don't want Beckham.

01:22:12.000 They don't want a six-pack.

01:22:14.000 They want strength.

01:22:15.000 They want to be mauled by a bear.

01:22:17.000 Bears.

01:22:18.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:22:19.000 You like feminine women as a man. 0.98

01:22:22.000 And when you're a woman, you'd like...

01:22:24.000 Yeah, well, that's what attraction is based on.

01:22:26.000 Differences.

01:22:27.000 Opposites.

01:22:27.000 That's why we like long hair on women, because women can grow hair longer than us.

01:22:30.000 True.

01:22:31.000 That's why we like high heels because it makes them look fragile and they're weaker than us. 1.00

01:22:36.000 We exaggerate that.

01:22:37.000 It also puts their ass on a pedestal, pushes it out.

01:22:39.000 They have bigger, fatter asses than ours, and we like that too. 1.00

01:22:42.000 Dream come true picture right here.

01:22:45.000 Don't you wish, Gavin?

01:22:46.000 What?

01:22:50.000 I've been a bad doggie.

01:22:52.000 I ran away with the Chinese lady. 1.00

01:22:55.000 I need a spanking. 1.00

01:22:57.000 Can you put peanut butter on your balls?

01:22:59.000 You know what?

01:23:00.000 I'm not even hungry.

01:23:01.000 Skip the peanut butter.

01:23:06.000 Also in the news, 1-8, we're done our dog segment now.

01:23:11.000 The guy who hired himself to take over Jeopardy.

01:23:16.000 Now, his excuse is, I couldn't find anyone.

01:23:19.000 COVID.

01:23:19.000 So I have to be the host.

01:23:21.000 The show must go on.

01:23:23.000 I have a feeling lots of people wouldn't mind, aren't worried, so worried about COVID that they won't take on the most popular game show in the world, which apparently is the sweetest plum in Showbiz.

01:23:33.000 Because you shoot like a year in a week and sit on your ass.

01:23:40.000 So anyway, he makes himself the host, and then it comes out that he said he used to do a show called Niggers Are Lazy, NAL.

01:23:49.000 And he said, most women, if they're honest with themselves, want to get raped, especially in the ass. 0.98

01:23:55.000 And he also said, Jews are ruining the world because they control it like puppeteers.

01:24:02.000 And he said that on the NAL show.

01:24:05.000 So he's been asked to step down.

01:24:07.000 With good reason, too.

01:24:08.000 Those are hateful, horrible things to say.

01:24:11.000 They're false, clearly.

01:24:13.000 And, oh, wait, no.

01:24:15.000 He didn't say that.

01:24:18.000 You want to know his horrible, hateful remarks?

01:24:21.000 Yes.

01:24:24.000 During this segment, he's saying to his female co-star, she used to work at like conventions at the booth, Whether it was a fashion convention, this clothing booth, or like a car convention, she'd stand by the car and go, This is the Toyota Trousseau, right?

01:24:38.000 She was discussing working as a model at the annual CES Tech Show event in Las Vegas when Richards dubbed her a quote-unquote booth hoe and then a booth slut and even a boothstitute. 0.93

01:24:54.000 That's called a nerd trying to be funny and riffing with his friend.

01:24:58.000 That's sexism. 1.00

01:25:00.000 What?

01:25:01.000 World?

01:25:02.000 And by the way, I knew when I saw this headline, I knew that the thing he said was going to be fucking ridiculous.

01:25:11.000 In 2014, okay, seven years ago, he responded to a remark about big noses saying, Ixne on the Ozne.

01:25:23.000 She's not an UJ.

01:25:26.000 So he made a big note, and Jews do tend to have bigger noses. 0.99

01:25:30.000 And he's making that observation in a funny way.

01:25:33.000 But the Anti-Defamation League said it's a pathway to anti-Semitism.

01:25:39.000 Any kind of Jew nose thing is a pathway. 1.00

01:25:42.000 Hey, dummies at the ADL, you know what you're doing?

01:25:45.000 You're making people hate Jews.

01:25:47.000 You're creating hate where there is none.

01:25:49.000 This is going to create anti-Semitism.

01:25:52.000 You made them look like a bunch of humorless shitheads who get people canceled for no reason.

01:25:57.000 That's not a good look.

01:25:59.000 That's a pathway to anti-Semitism.

01:26:01.000 Yeah.

01:26:02.000 The ADL is a pathway to anti-Semitism.

01:26:04.000 People, Jeopardy fans who were enjoying him, who have never thought of Jews, they live in the Midwest, they don't know any.

01:26:10.000 They go, oh, Jews, yeah, those ones that bitch and complain and get everyone fired. 1.00

01:26:14.000 Like, if I was Jewish, I'd be going, can you fucking stop, please?

01:26:18.000 Pop quiz?

01:26:19.000 Like Jason Riley has that book, Please Stop Helping Us.

01:26:23.000 Who just got these matching coffee cup tattoos?

01:26:27.000 You only have to name one.

01:26:30.000 See that boyish arm?

01:26:36.000 I give up.

01:26:39.000 Elliot Page.

01:26:41.000 Oh.

01:26:43.000 And they said...

01:26:44.000 Look at those guys.

01:26:45.000 Somebody stop us from getting more because we're about to be covered.

01:26:50.000 That's such a chick tattoo. 1.00

01:26:53.000 It absolutely is.

01:26:53.000 Isn't it?

01:26:54.000 The thin little, like, they love just like...

01:26:56.000 I want a tattoo, but I kind of don't.

01:26:58.000 Yeah, they love that little...

01:26:59.000 Because they love children genetically.

01:27:01.000 So they like things that are like little kiddie drawings.

01:27:04.000 Utsy Wootsy.

01:27:05.000 Little doodles.

01:27:06.000 They love little tiny, unthreatening doodles.

01:27:08.000 You know what guys get?

01:27:10.000 They get Mickey Mouse smoking a joint, and the smoke from the joint says Slayer in it.

01:27:16.000 That is fucking badass.

01:27:19.000 Or they get like El Duce riding a dolphin on a rainbow.

01:27:24.000 They don't get coffee cups.

01:27:26.000 You're a chick, Elliot. 0.95

01:27:30.000 You're a crybaby girl who cut her tits off to stay in the limelight because you got drunk with attention when you did staycation and saw true homophobia around the world.

01:27:42.000 You came back.

01:27:42.000 There was no homophobia.

01:27:44.000 No one was paying any attention to you.

01:27:45.000 So you cut your fucking tits off. 1.00

01:27:51.000 Talk about an attention whore. 1.00

01:27:55.000 By the way, the clip of the day is reacting to that E-Y-E-S. 0.99

01:28:01.000 And then attach it to Fleckis and I talking about it.

01:28:06.000 So that's going to take some heavy editing.

01:28:09.000 While you talk about it, I'll just do that whole flat, like, boop, and then you show the clip and then come back to you guys.

01:28:14.000 Angelina Jolie, I don't mind jump cuts in the clip of the day.

01:28:18.000 Angelina Jolie has one post on Instagram.

01:28:20.000 She just joined.

01:28:25.000 And it says, I want to fuck Gavin McInnes.

01:28:27.000 Is he available?

01:28:28.000 No, I am not.

01:28:28.000 So she took down that post.

01:28:30.000 Oh.

01:28:31.000 And she put up a letter from an Afghan girl.

01:28:33.000 Now, this summarizes Hollywood beautifully.

01:28:38.000 She put in a picture of the letter and that's artsy fartsy that she had a graphic designer do so that she's got staff, right? 0.98

01:28:49.000 Then in the caption where she could have transcribed the letter, she wrote about herself and said that I was there before 9-11 and these women are getting abused. 0.78

01:29:02.000 And believe it or not, the Middle East is sexist.

01:29:05.000 Who knew?

01:29:06.000 I thought it was where feminists go to party. 1.00

01:29:09.000 I saw sex in a city.

01:29:10.000 They went to Morocco.

01:29:12.000 So to read the actual girl's letter, you've got to click on that second thing and then like zoom in and fucking, I'm a young girl, I live in Afghanistan before the Taliban came in.

01:29:25.000 We could go to work, do.

01:29:27.000 We were able to have rights freely.

01:29:29.000 But when they came, we are all afraid of them and we think all of our whats customs are gone.

01:29:36.000 We think our rights, we cannot go out.

01:29:39.000 Yeah, I know.

01:29:40.000 Every time I read about like that, even that woman who had her eyeballs cut out with a knife, I was like, yeah, duh.

01:29:46.000 It's the cave days.

01:29:50.000 Wait, go back up again.

01:29:52.000 We think our rights studying.

01:29:54.000 Some people say, I can't read this because it's behind the camera and my eyes are shitty.

01:30:00.000 Let's see.

01:30:01.000 Say it.

01:30:01.000 But start with, but some people.

01:30:04.000 But some people say the Talibans changed, but I don't think so because they have a very bad past. 1.00

01:30:12.000 One day they came to our house and we were all scared.

01:30:14.000 After that day, I thought a lot about what kind of time I should go to school in the morning.

01:30:20.000 This is a boring letter.

01:30:22.000 Like, you know what would be a better first post, Angeline and Jolie?

01:30:24.000 That woman with no eyes. 0.98

01:30:29.000 Retarded. 0.99

01:30:30.000 Too bad we can't talk about real shit on the celebrity episode.

01:30:34.000 I like the fact that Biden is so desperate to distract from his incompetence in Afghanistan that he's having the feds or someone up top, but Biden's too dumb for this, is having the feds plant domestic terrorists everywhere.

01:30:47.000 I'm sorry, but that guy is a fed. 1.00

01:30:51.000 2-1?

01:30:52.000 Ron Coleman pointed this out.

01:30:54.000 He said, so first he shows a picture of a bunch of feds on a truck who were, What are they doing?

01:31:03.000 Oh, wow.

01:31:04.000 FBI agents dressed in full combat gear drive through after a car chase that reportedly began when a woman tried to drive through a barrier at the White House and it was a car crash and shots.

01:31:12.000 The guy in the truck looks a hell of a lot like the guy who was in another truck.

01:31:18.000 Yeah.

01:31:18.000 He was in a black truck that had no license plate.

01:31:21.000 He claimed he had a big thing of explosives and he was going to kill people.

01:31:25.000 I don't think that's the same guy, but I like this train of thought.

01:31:29.000 And I think something is fucking going on.

01:31:33.000 Because the story's already dead.

01:31:36.000 It did work as a distraction.

01:31:38.000 He was such a stereotype.

01:31:40.000 And I'm not great with southern accents, but I'm told that his accent sucked.

01:31:45.000 And it sounded like a shitty actor doing a southern accent.

01:31:48.000 Maybe some of our southern baby monsters can help us out with that. 1.00

01:31:53.000 See if you can find him actually talking.

01:31:57.000 It was a cover of the Daily Mail yesterday.

01:32:00.000 And he said he had a, what's it called?

01:32:04.000 Mennonite, runnite, runnite. 0.99

01:32:05.000 Mennonite.

01:32:06.000 What?

01:32:07.000 Tannerite.

01:32:08.000 He used to shoot that in the backyard with Carol Besket's face.

01:32:12.000 So he said the whole back toolbox is full of it, which sounds pretty dangerous to be driving with, going over bumps.

01:32:17.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:32:18.000 But he said, you shoot me, that's going to blow up, take out two city blocks.

01:32:22.000 I'm from the South.

01:32:23.000 I want to talk to Joe Biden.

01:32:26.000 And he throws a bunch of money out onto the street.

01:32:29.000 And then he just calmly gives himself up for arrest.

01:32:34.000 And here's what really pushed me over the edge on this theory, this conspiracy theory.

01:32:38.000 There was bomb scares in pretty much every major city at the exact same time yesterday.

01:32:47.000 What?

01:32:50.000 Yeah, let's hear him.

01:32:54.000 Tune in, Southern Baby Monsters. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Fucking people think it's a joke, but they cleared the block.

01:33:02.000 I didn't call 911 three times.

01:33:04.000 They need to get Joe Biden on here because this baby...

01:33:07.000 Turn it up.

01:33:09.000 It's awful.

01:33:11.000 I'm not hurting nobody, Joe.

01:33:15.000 I'm not pulling the trigger on this thing.

01:33:18.000 I can't.

01:33:19.000 There's no way for me to blow this up.

01:33:22.000 Only you can by shooting a bullet through my window.

01:33:29.000 Can we speak to his mother?

01:33:30.000 Can we speak to his neighbors?

01:33:32.000 Can we speak to people in his community who remember him?

01:33:35.000 The guys who went to Fed school with?

01:33:38.000 Yeah, but go to 2-2.

01:33:40.000 This should really get you on the Alex Jones bandwagon with me.

01:33:49.000 Breaking.

01:33:50.000 Bomb reported in Miami.

01:33:51.000 Miami Beach Police Department responding to the scene.

01:33:54.000 423-819-21.

01:33:57.000 Next.

01:34:00.000 Oh, shock.

01:34:01.000 We don't have the date on this one.

01:34:02.000 Times Square in New York City evacuated due to suspicious package.

01:34:05.000 Bomb squad on the scene.

01:34:06.000 I remember when that happened.

01:34:08.000 It was yesterday at approximately 6 or 7 o'clock.

01:34:16.000 Man in pickup, U.S. Capitol.

01:34:17.000 That's the guy we just saw.

01:34:19.000 Cletus Cater.

01:34:20.000 Cater? 0.92

01:34:21.000 What's up, guys?

01:34:22.000 I got a bunch of tater out in my car.

01:34:24.000 I'm about to blow it up.

01:34:32.000 Computer, stop.

01:34:34.000 That was weird.

01:34:36.000 Yeah.

01:34:36.000 Right when we're discussing conspiracy theories?

01:34:38.000 I don't even remember you saying Cletus.

01:34:40.000 I mean, computer.

01:34:41.000 You know, it would be funny if the feds who were bugging us are in the van outside and they just went, fucking shit.

01:34:47.000 And they hit the fucking Alexa button.

01:34:49.000 Some younger fed just got swatted in the back of the head.

01:34:52.000 The fuck are you doing?

01:34:54.000 The Alexa just went off.

01:34:57.000 Amazon Cletus.

01:34:58.000 Hey, Cletus, please set my schedule.

01:35:00.000 FBI recording, part six.

01:35:04.000 Honeypot engaged.

01:35:07.000 Boogaloo commencing.

01:35:10.000 The Bay Bridge is blocked.

01:35:11.000 This was yesterday at the same time.

01:35:13.000 Take BART as an alternative.

01:35:14.000 Our tube can carry, blah, blah, blah.

01:35:15.000 We'll have trains over 15 minutes.

01:35:17.000 Plenty of parking.

01:35:18.000 A car burst into flames.

01:35:22.000 On the BART app.

01:35:23.000 So where you go on there and it's like, hey, cool it, dude.

01:35:29.000 Here's a weird one.

01:35:30.000 So OnlyFans, this is the last piece of news we'll do before we get to the mailbag.

01:35:35.000 OnlyFans stop doing porn. 1.00

01:35:39.000 And they go, it's Bella Thorne's fault, fucking bitch. 1.00

01:35:45.000 By the way, Bella Thorne, these women are just, they sell their sexuality to the point where it's just, you're just so fucking turned off that it's educational because you get to see how gays see women. 1.00

01:35:57.000 Like Bella Thorne has this video where she's like, I'm Bella Thorne, bitch. 1.00

01:36:00.000 I'm fucking Bella Thorne.

01:36:02.000 And she's wearing those stupid slippers and sweatpants. 1.00

01:36:06.000 See if you can dig this up.

01:36:07.000 And she's going to Bodega to buy some shit and she's rapping.

01:36:10.000 I don't know why you weren't looking it up when I started talking about it.

01:36:13.000 I am, but she's got a couple of things.

01:36:15.000 I'm Bella Thorne.

01:36:16.000 And you're just looking at it going, what have we done to our woman?

01:36:20.000 This is painfully sad.

01:36:22.000 Umbella Thorne, bitch. 1.00

01:36:24.000 Umbella Bella Thorne.

01:36:26.000 Slobby, slutty, hoary.

01:36:29.000 Like, you know, women's chastity has currency. 1.00

01:36:34.000 It's a bag of gold.

01:36:36.000 And if you're a virgin, you have a full bag of gold and you're very attractive to us.

01:36:40.000 But when you just throw it all around, you're just an empty purse.

01:36:43.000 You look like a scroll sack.

01:36:46.000 Yeah, there it is.

01:36:47.000 Look at that.

01:36:53.000 Kesha did that too. 0.98

01:36:54.000 They like showing their feet to show that they're trash or something.

01:37:07.000 See me on TV a million times before.

01:37:10.000 And it's not a cussing sound, can't afford.

01:37:17.000 I've got a list, but I got afford.

01:37:21.000 I got some dramas to open my door.

01:37:24.000 It's funny, like, poor rappers brag about their money because they made a bunch of money dealing Drugs, and they're saying to their other people in the neighborhood, I'm one of the rich guys in the neighborhood because I sold all these drugs.

01:37:37.000 So you get that concept.

01:37:38.000 But this is a child actress who made a bunch of money because her parents are shitty and she's bragging about how rich she is. 1.00

01:37:44.000 That's different.

01:37:44.000 That's like someone in finance bragging about how rich they are.

01:37:48.000 Sam, most embarrassing.

01:37:49.000 It's like Jeff Bezos doing a video flexing.

01:37:52.000 I'm going out of space.

01:37:54.000 I'm a billionaire, bitch. 1.00

01:37:56.000 This sounds exactly like Sam Roberts when he was a kid.

01:38:00.000 He made like a rap song.

01:38:03.000 Listen to the beat.

01:38:04.000 You still leave.

01:38:05.000 I don't hear anything.

01:38:06.000 You're moving too fast.

01:38:08.000 Honestly, this June is in concert.

01:38:13.000 What were you singing about there?

01:38:14.000 I don't know.

01:38:14.000 This is a great thing.

01:38:17.000 It's a long clip.

01:38:27.000 You can tell he grew his fro out like that because he's hoping some people would think he was black.

01:38:31.000 If America's racist, why did every kid I know in the 90s wish he was black?

01:38:39.000 Anyway, so get this logic.

01:38:42.000 Bella Thorne ruined OnlyFans. 0.99

01:38:44.000 You know why?

01:38:45.000 Because she made like a million dollars. 1.00

01:38:48.000 Go back to that article.

01:38:48.000 She made a million dollars or whatever she did in a day, but she didn't show her pussy or anything.

01:38:52.000 She just showed like a thong. 1.00

01:38:55.000 So the logic, if you can handle this, the logic is she showed OnlyFans you can still make tons of money without being explicit.

01:39:04.000 So now they're not explicit anymore.

01:39:06.000 That's retarded on 72 levels. 1.00

01:39:08.000 The reason they're not showing porn anymore is one, because they realized they were a brothel that was corrupting an entire generation of women. 1.00

01:39:15.000 And the payment processors were saying, we don't want to be part of destroying 50% of the American population, basically, destroying the whole concept of a woman. 1.00

01:39:26.000 That's such a huge win.

01:39:29.000 Such a big turn to Christ, possibly.

01:39:33.000 It just, and they called them sex workers, like they were working.

01:39:37.000 It was so profoundly sad and disgusting that they were just emptying all these women's gold change purses and turning them into drain sacks.

01:39:45.000 Yeah, and it's just, it's she's Christian, by the way.

01:39:47.000 Oh, really?

01:39:48.000 Yeah, go to the top ones?

01:39:51.000 No, no, no, no, not the literal top.

01:39:53.000 Back to that list.

01:39:54.000 Oh, okay.

01:39:56.000 It's the most successful people on OnlyFans.

01:39:58.000 Women. 0.81

01:39:59.000 Isn't Jacob Wall on OnlyFans?

01:40:01.000 Yes, he's going to be very upset.

01:40:05.000 Blow that up a bit.

01:40:07.000 Black China? 0.99

01:40:09.000 China? 0.73

01:40:10.000 Black China, that's Rob Kardashian's bitch. 1.00

01:40:13.000 She's a five. 0.93

01:40:16.000 Bella Thorne, who we just saw, looks like she's a thought. 0.95

01:40:20.000 She's your friend's girlfriend when your friend is going through a severe pot addiction and he's just dating a chick because she was his neighbor.

01:40:29.000 You know what I mean?

01:40:30.000 Dude, you two are gross. 1.00

01:40:31.000 Holy place is a shithole.

01:40:33.000 Wait, this might be...

01:40:35.000 Okay, so you got all these famous ass bitches on here doing shit, right? 1.00

01:40:38.000 Yeah.

01:40:39.000 They don't want to get naked because that's their whole...

01:40:42.000 Now they're naked, right?

01:40:44.000 It means too much to be naked.

01:40:45.000 But all these little bitches who are nobodies are taking all their money. 1.00

01:40:48.000 And if you combine all these naked bitches who would not get attention if they weren't naked and you dissolve them, now that money actually goes to people who are famous. 1.00

01:40:58.000 That's a theory.

01:40:59.000 Okay, it's not great.

01:41:00.000 But I just told you why.

01:41:02.000 Because the payment processors said we don't want to be funding this anymore.

01:41:05.000 So there's no need to come to attack it, Detective Shitty.

01:41:09.000 It's been solved.

01:41:10.000 So you're wrong, and the Bella Thorne thing is wrong.

01:41:15.000 It's been solved.

01:41:17.000 Fucking payment processors don't want to go near censor.tv, let alone 13-year-old girls showing their tits to fucking pedophiles. 1.00

01:41:24.000 Look at Latmia Khalifa.

01:41:26.000 She was that porn star, that Indian or Pakistani, whatever porn star, who is really pissed off because I only did porn for a year and I'm known as a porn star. 0.61

01:41:36.000 Well, you're selling titpics right now, my dear.

01:41:42.000 About six million.

01:41:43.000 But look at Black China. 1.00

01:41:49.000 Why are you showing me this?

01:41:50.000 I'm looking up on the other computer, but this is great gossip.

01:41:53.000 No, it's not.

01:41:55.000 Black China. 0.93

01:41:57.000 I bet if you'll find a picture without makeup and not all done up, you'll puke.

01:42:02.000 No, don't go to her own Instagram where she's okaying every picture.

01:42:07.000 Black China is number one? 1.00

01:42:11.000 Look at her.

01:42:13.000 She's a hideous toad. 1.00

01:42:15.000 She looks like Pepe.

01:42:17.000 She looks like the female gremlin. 0.90

01:42:22.000 She really does.

01:42:24.000 She is a four.

01:42:26.000 Why are they all trying to look like Nicki Minaj, basically?

01:42:29.000 Just like weird cheekbones.

01:42:32.000 That's not good.

01:42:33.000 Unless they say it's good.

01:42:35.000 I don't like looking at pictures.

01:42:36.000 I couldn't imagine paying for this torture.

01:42:39.000 It's painful.

01:42:40.000 Who else is on the list?

01:42:41.000 Go back to the list.

01:42:43.000 I thought there was a real housewife who was on it. 1.00

01:42:46.000 Cardi B. Cardi B's a perfect example, too.

01:42:50.000 I actually put that in there.

01:42:50.000 Go to 2-4.

01:42:52.000 She's a perfect example of how gays see women. 1.00

01:42:54.000 When I look at her, I am homosexual.

01:42:57.000 Like, she is so powerfully unattractive, and it's because she's such a shameless whore. 1.00

01:43:03.000 Not safe for work?

01:43:04.000 Oh, yeah, not safe for work coming up.

01:43:07.000 No, that's very not safe for work.

01:43:09.000 Sorry.

01:43:09.000 Sorry about that.

01:43:10.000 Look at that.

01:43:11.000 What the fuck?

01:43:12.000 Look at those nipples. 1.00

01:43:13.000 It looked like God barfed them onto her tits. 1.00

01:43:15.000 Looks like a serial killer, like, killed a woman and, like, tried to prop her up to make her look alive.

01:43:20.000 I'm alive.

01:43:22.000 Ugh.

01:43:24.000 Like, look at her laughing about her being nude. 1.00

01:43:28.000 It's just like, I have zero worth.

01:43:31.000 I'm garbage.

01:43:35.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:36.000 Yeah, and for some reason, like, her tits with her body, it feels like dude parts that I don't feel like. 0.86

01:43:42.000 Well, the first one with the terrible nipples, that was real.

01:43:45.000 And then now that's all her fake tits. 1.00

01:43:47.000 But like, it just, she looks like a kidnapping victim that's been locked up in a basement for so long.

01:43:55.000 She has the Stockholm syndrome.

01:43:57.000 I guess that's kind of what happened.

01:44:00.000 Like, just, it's almost like she's trans, like a dude became a woman, and now she's treating sex the way a dude would. 0.94

01:44:09.000 Yeah, because this body up here is like, it's like a pretty cut dude who happened to have gotten tits. 1.00

01:44:13.000 She's so masculine and shameless.

01:44:17.000 All right, let's get to the mailbag and try to cleanse our palate from that disgusting filth. 1.00

01:44:28.000 Barking at the bag.

01:44:29.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:44:34.000 Let me touch it.

01:44:36.000 What are you barking at, Wilson?

01:44:38.000 I'm going to call him Wilson from now on.

01:44:42.000 He's not going to like that.

01:44:43.000 By the way, really good news on the January 6th meandering.

01:44:48.000 Big article came out.

01:44:49.000 My stupid computer's crashing.

01:44:51.000 That said the FBI has discovered this scant evidence that this thing was planned.

01:44:57.000 And it was just a bunch of pissed-off...

01:45:02.000 I'm not going to call them assholes.

01:45:04.000 A bunch of pissed-off blue-collar guys who did something stupid spontaneously.

01:45:11.000 FBI finds scant evidence U.S. Capitol attack was coordinated.

01:45:16.000 So it's looking like a bunch of trespassing and vandalism charges and time served.

01:45:23.000 They should sue.

01:45:25.000 You've been in the shoe for six months because you trespassed and you had an illegal selfie?

01:45:35.000 That's fucking insane.

01:45:36.000 An unpermitted tour.

01:45:38.000 You know, I was talking about how racism doesn't exist and all that the other day.

01:45:41.000 I want to be clear.

01:45:42.000 There is fascism and racism and all that in this country.

01:45:45.000 It's just not the one they talk about on TV.

01:45:48.000 You know, Asians can't get into good schools. 1.00

01:45:51.000 You see the way white males are treated and depicted in commercials.

01:45:55.000 So there's plenty of that.

01:45:56.000 But obviously, when I talk about racism, I'm talking about the Black Lives Matter bullshit. 1.00

01:46:01.000 Yeah, it was Oregon County.

01:46:05.000 Black people don't have to wear masks for the mandatory mask.

01:46:08.000 Yeah, we talked about that, didn't we?

01:46:09.000 Yeah, but I forgot which city it was.

01:46:14.000 New York City has taken a customer service approach to dealing with deviancy.

01:46:17.000 When will New York City stop coddling violent deviants who menace Gothamites?

01:46:22.000 Yeah, they're just getting let out.

01:46:30.000 This is from Sammy.

01:46:32.000 Hey guys, it looks like they might even be censoring dating apps now.

01:46:35.000 I tried putting not a COVID Nazi in my profile and got a warning saying there's no one in my area.

01:46:43.000 I took that out and there's hundreds of people in my area again.

01:46:46.000 This is Canada.

01:46:47.000 You should check with your bar friends to see if they're doing it in the U.S. too.

01:46:50.000 That's a fun experiment.

01:46:51.000 Folks at home, say you're not a COVID.

01:46:54.000 Oh, dude, it might be the word Nazi though.

01:46:57.000 Yeah, that's a pretty harsh one.

01:46:59.000 I bet if you have the word Nazi, white power, anything, even if you say, I don't like white power.

01:47:05.000 What about Punch a Nazi? 0.68

01:47:06.000 Yeah.

01:47:07.000 Try that.

01:47:08.000 I bet Punch a Nazi would get you deleted. 0.96

01:47:10.000 Not because they don't want to punch Nazis, but because that word is just like an instant blip.

01:47:19.000 But see in your dating app if you could put in like not a COVID denier.

01:47:27.000 Yeah.

01:47:29.000 What would be a good one?

01:47:33.000 Not wearing a mask or not a big mask guy.

01:47:36.000 Yeah.

01:47:36.000 Put in not a big mask guy and see if that fucks up your dating.

01:47:41.000 Fuck Antifa.

01:47:42.000 Did you ever use dating apps?

01:47:44.000 No.

01:47:45.000 I find that so weird.

01:47:47.000 We did a prank thing on Pod Awful where we pretended we were women.

01:47:51.000 Let's see you when you're talking, please.

01:47:53.000 But that's the only time.

01:47:55.000 I pretended I was a woman.

01:47:57.000 That caller who called in a few weeks ago and said it's gay, it is gay.

01:48:05.000 Like hooking up with women at 11 p.m. to Netflix and chill, which just means come over and blow me, that's gay. 1.00

01:48:14.000 It's what homosexuals do. 1.00

01:48:17.000 And it makes them dumb, as we've seen.

01:48:19.000 There's a level of trying you shouldn't have to do.

01:48:22.000 And that, you know, dating apps make you try too hard, I think.

01:48:27.000 Hey, Gavin, some of my fellow...

01:48:28.000 Wait, what?

01:48:30.000 They make you try too hard?

01:48:31.000 They don't make you try enough.

01:48:33.000 Well, the messaging thing is that I consider that trying, like, you know.

01:48:37.000 No, trying is going to a bar, buying a drink, trying to be funny, talking to her, stopping your connection.

01:48:42.000 Then you got to get her into the taxi to your house.

01:48:46.000 Then you've got to get her pants off. 1.00

01:48:48.000 There's like several levels.

01:48:49.000 That's good trying, but it's not like trying to organize an event.

01:48:52.000 Like, all right, we'll meet here or whatever.

01:48:54.000 I don't like texting at all.

01:48:55.000 And so that for me is work.

01:48:56.000 But if work to you is going to a bar, then Tinder is the right thing for you.

01:48:59.000 But you shouldn't have to.

01:49:01.000 Once again, total garbage comes out of your mouth.

01:49:05.000 Internet dating is not trying.

01:49:08.000 For the record, folks.

01:49:09.000 Don't listen to anything Ryan says.

01:49:11.000 Hey, Gavin, some of my fellow listeners have gotten together and agreed that Baby Monsters is a nickname is highly cringe-inducing.

01:49:16.000 Correct.

01:49:18.000 I have a feeling if you commissioned a poll of your listeners, you would get near unanimous agreement.

01:49:22.000 I don't care.

01:49:25.000 Geesh.

01:49:28.000 Another Sammy.

01:49:30.000 Afghan butt play has been topical lately, so I wanted to send this your way. 1.00

01:49:34.000 In 2012, a journalist that was embedded with my team produced a documentary on the comedy that is Afghan forces and our effort to bring democracy to the Stone Age.

01:49:43.000 Vice picked it up, interestingly enough.

01:49:45.000 This is the trailer for that documentary.

01:49:47.000 Fast forward to about one minute in, and you'll see the police chief give a brief summation of the average Afghan mentality.

01:49:56.000 This is weird watching Vice.

01:50:09.000 I can't hear him.

01:50:12.000 Spectacular corruption.

01:50:14.000 Child abduction, rape, and murder.

01:50:16.000 A PB commander who we know is kidnapping boys and sexually molesting them.

01:50:28.000 Is that the ultimate?

01:50:34.000 Yeah, we do all the weapons.

01:50:37.000 One of the only times the New York Times did good journalism is when they talked about the boy rape that goes on on American bases.

01:50:44.000 We've already showed that, haven't we?

01:50:45.000 That's a much better one.

01:50:46.000 This one?

01:50:46.000 No.

01:50:47.000 We didn't show this one.

01:50:48.000 Print it up.

01:50:50.000 McJeep doesn't have a rifle.

01:50:51.000 No.

01:50:51.000 You're not ready.

01:50:52.000 You don't have a helmet on.

01:50:53.000 McJeef doesn't have a rifle right now.

01:50:55.000 How is he ready?

01:50:56.000 This is like having 26 kids that I have to watch after.

01:50:59.000 It really is.

01:51:00.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:51:01.000 Ready would be on the road, staged, ready to move at 8:30.

01:51:06.000 I think if they introduced drug testing to the Afghan army, we would lose probably three-quarters to maybe 80 to 85% of the army.

01:51:15.000 Don't you dare it requires telling them almost 30 times.

01:51:18.000 Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this.

01:51:21.000 Come on, let's go. 0.98

01:51:24.000 Building up Afghanistan's army is one of the mainstays of the U.S. exit strategy from this war.

01:51:29.000 It now stands at around 80,000 soldiers.

01:51:32.000 But President Obama recently announced he wants to triple that number.

01:51:36.000 Which can't be helping the Roman colours. 0.99

01:51:40.000 Hey, Gav and Moron.

01:51:43.000 This one's called 10 question mark.

01:51:45.000 Listening to the show with Maddie, and I challenge you to rate this chick under a 10. 1.00

01:51:49.000 I will accept your challenge, and I'm out.

01:51:53.000 She's a 10.

01:51:57.000 That first pick, I would only give her a 9.8. 0.98

01:52:01.000 Just to nag her?

01:52:02.000 What would she give me?

01:52:04.000 I do not see what you're talking about.

01:52:07.000 I would go up to her.

01:52:08.000 I want you to know you're not even a 10.

01:52:10.000 You're a 9.8 in some photos.

01:52:12.000 Okay, you are a 2.

01:52:15.000 What are you talking about?

01:52:16.000 I have those cone type of balloon.

01:52:19.000 You look like a homeless Santa.

01:52:21.000 I fuck billionaire male model soccer players.

01:52:26.000 Remember the tits that you thought were extinct from the 80s?

01:52:29.000 Those really 2-B tits? 1.00

01:52:30.000 And I have them in the middle of the day.

01:52:31.000 I have the tits that women who have fake tits are trying to emulate. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Hey, gays, I'm convinced that Jesse Lee Peterson is the hardest human on the planet to imitate. 1.00

01:52:41.000 I've tried doing it and seen others try on the internet.

01:52:43.000 It never works out.

01:52:45.000 If Ryan can do a good JLP impression, I'll send him $50.

01:52:49.000 Doesn't have to be today.

01:52:50.000 He can have time to practice.

01:52:53.000 Well, due to the, so there was a special thing in California.

01:53:00.000 Can I hear him first?

01:53:02.000 Yeah, you sound like Mike Tyson.

01:53:04.000 Yeah.

01:53:05.000 I'll forward you this so you remember, because it could be an easy 50 bucks.

01:53:12.000 He talks like he has chewing tobacco in his mouth.

01:53:16.000 I'm chewing tobacco over and over and over again.

01:53:20.000 And over and over.

01:53:22.000 He talks a little bit like he's deaf.

01:53:23.000 Like his nose doesn't work.

01:53:25.000 He had that death talk, like Blair.

01:53:27.000 He had Blair talking.

01:53:28.000 Remember that the life where the cousin was handicapped and she said Blair?

01:53:31.000 Yeah.

01:53:31.000 That's it.

01:53:33.000 I'm not disparaging him, by the way.

01:53:34.000 I love this guy.

01:53:34.000 Great guy.

01:53:35.000 I love being on his show.

01:53:36.000 One of the best.

01:53:37.000 So much in counseling.

01:53:38.000 So much.

01:53:39.000 And I counsel with men around the world.

01:53:40.000 And comes with men around the world.

01:53:42.000 You know, when you go to Wendy's and they have Wendy a little more.

01:53:46.000 It kind of talks like you're trying to get someone to talk after they've been crying and you go, calm down, calm down.

01:53:51.000 What happened?

01:53:56.000 Stop it.

01:53:57.000 My house.

01:53:59.000 Stop.

01:53:59.000 Shut up.

01:54:02.000 Anyway.

01:54:05.000 You have to control your dog.

01:54:06.000 You can't let your dog control you.

01:54:10.000 Otherwise, you look like a bitch, buddy. 1.00

01:54:14.000 I don't think I earned $50.

01:54:16.000 I don't think you're getting $50 for that.

01:54:18.000 It's pretty insulting, actually.

01:54:19.000 I like the guy a lot.

01:54:21.000 Fuck.

01:54:21.000 Hey, Gavin Rye.

01:54:23.000 Tell your dog to shut up.

01:54:25.000 He's barking at the neighbors and not people at the front door like he should be.

01:54:29.000 Obviously, you're going to have neighbors, and you're probably getting on their nerves by having your dog at the studio, and they're going to make you not have him there anymore if you don't shut that stupid dog up.

01:54:39.000 Interesting letter, and I agree.

01:54:41.000 Hey, Gavin Rye, I try to keep out the show as much as possible, but sometimes they fall behind.

01:54:45.000 So if you cover this, I'll graciously accept the title of Retarded Faggot. 1.00

01:54:48.000 Have you ever watched Rough and Rowdy from Barstool Dudes?

01:54:51.000 It's fucking great.

01:54:52.000 It is great.

01:54:53.000 I mean, as a boxing fan, it's pretty hard to watch.

01:54:57.000 It's probably like a classical penis watching 70s punk bands. 0.62

01:55:03.000 But not that I'm a great boxer, but I love watching great boxing.

01:55:08.000 But it does look pretty awesome.

01:55:11.000 Dave Portnoy's fucking God.

01:55:14.000 I'm sad he's divorced.

01:55:16.000 Wish he had kids.

01:55:18.000 But it's rednecks. 1.00

01:55:20.000 Now, I always said that this should be narrated by Bob Mennery.

01:55:27.000 Oh, yes.

01:55:28.000 Remember?

01:55:29.000 That's a perfect idea.

01:55:30.000 Is he on bar?

01:55:31.000 Without exception, every amateur fight has the same problem.

01:55:34.000 Flailing clotheslines.

01:55:37.000 None of them keep their arms in.

01:55:39.000 The women on these things are insane. 1.00

01:55:44.000 Southern Bells.

01:55:45.000 Unbeatable.

01:55:48.000 They do have good commentary, though.

01:55:49.000 Like, the guys right now will be talking about her ass. 1.00

01:55:55.000 She's only a six? 1.00

01:55:57.000 That's crazy.

01:55:57.000 That's how hot girls are in the south.

01:56:00.000 I'm a southern six.

01:56:03.000 That means she just makes biscuits all shitty. 1.00

01:56:06.000 Oh, I love when the asses wobble like that. 1.00

01:56:09.000 That happens after 30.

01:56:14.000 That's a good style.

01:56:15.000 She's probably nearly 20, so.

01:56:16.000 Okay, let's see.

01:56:17.000 Wait, let's see more.

01:56:17.000 Get back on that.

01:56:18.000 So their next big fight, I believe, is August 27th.

01:56:20.000 And yes, I have not mentioned Rough and Rowdy.

01:56:22.000 You know what we should do?

01:56:24.000 What?

01:56:24.000 Let's do a live broadcast.

01:56:27.000 What do you mean?

01:56:28.000 Live stream.

01:56:29.000 Oh, it's covering that fight?

01:56:30.000 Yeah.

01:56:31.000 Dope.

01:56:32.000 That's a week today.

01:56:33.000 A week from today.

01:56:35.000 I'm putting that into the calendar.

01:56:37.000 RNR.

01:56:39.000 Yeah, let's do a live broadcast with Maddie. 0.88

01:56:42.000 Maybe we'll get Uncle Eddie back and watch the rough and rowdy.

01:56:47.000 I wonder if we'll get shit for that.

01:56:51.000 Oh, no, her opponent is part of the wolfback. 0.99

01:56:53.000 I just realized I got turned on by bad twerking.

01:57:00.000 Oh, maybe we'll have to show it later.

01:57:04.000 Look at these punches.

01:57:06.000 He just punched his punch.

01:57:08.000 It's just, you know, that game where you hit the ball and it goes around the pole. 0.93

01:57:11.000 That's what their arms are.

01:57:13.000 It's like they're on, they're using them as maces, like the knights would.

01:57:18.000 They both fall down at the same time.

01:57:22.000 They're making good punches.

01:57:23.000 He's not even looking with their forearms.

01:57:26.000 Watch out for his bicep punch. 1.00

01:57:31.000 Everything is an overhand right and an overhand left, if there is such a thing as an overhand left.

01:57:38.000 What are the rounds three seconds long?

01:57:40.000 Well, they take a break every fucking five seconds.

01:57:43.000 They keep gassing out because they're out of shape.

01:57:45.000 Look at that.

01:57:48.000 No punches.

01:57:50.000 Wait, are they drunk?

01:57:52.000 No.

01:57:52.000 I don't know, maybe.

01:57:54.000 It's like they're both blindfolded.

01:57:57.000 Have you been repeating anything or is this different moments?

01:58:00.000 I'm just cutting around.

01:58:01.000 Okay, so you've never shown the same clip twice?

01:58:03.000 I don't believe I have.

01:58:04.000 Does it look exactly the same?

01:58:09.000 These guys have never been in the ring before.

01:58:11.000 I promise you, they've had zero training.

01:58:15.000 How do you judge?

01:58:15.000 How do you judge that?

01:58:16.000 Who fell down the least?

01:58:17.000 Oh, I know.

01:58:18.000 They do the eeny-meeny-miney-mo method. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Who fell down last?

01:58:26.000 They asked them, who do you think won?

01:58:28.000 I guess he did.

01:58:30.000 Me?

01:58:30.000 Okay.

01:58:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:58:34.000 This guy wants us to use the word Finnean, F-E-N-I-A-N, a member of the Irish Republican Brotherhood, a 19th century revolutionary nationalist organization among the Irish in the U.S. and Ireland.

01:58:45.000 The Finneans staged an unsuccessful revolt in Ireland in 1867.

01:58:50.000 Remember, the 19th century is in the 1800s.

01:58:54.000 We are in the 21st century.

01:58:57.000 Correct.

01:59:00.000 I'm responsible for isolated revolutionary acts against the British until the early 20th century when they were gradually eclipt by the IRA.

01:59:06.000 It's also a derogatory term for anyone Catholic or of Irish descent or a Celtic supporter here in Scotland.

01:59:12.000 Meant to write this earlier.

01:59:14.000 I really want to say cheers to Ryan.

01:59:17.000 Cool.

01:59:17.000 A letter from Scotland.

01:59:19.000 Thanks.

01:59:19.000 And let's end with...

01:59:22.000 Cheers.

01:59:23.000 Makeup is a cheat cheat code.

01:59:27.000 We're watching your computer there, Smart Man.

01:59:31.000 We've all seen these videos before where a woman starts out or she starts out ugly and then puts on makeup and you realize the difference. 0.95

01:59:39.000 This one's in reverse.

01:59:40.000 Ryan's going to be pulling it up at some point.

01:59:42.000 Okay, stop, stop, stop.

01:59:45.000 This video I watched, I screened the letters today.

01:59:48.000 This is the biggest change I've seen from makeup to no makeup.

01:59:51.000 What would you say that is?

01:59:53.000 Like high sevens, low eights.

01:59:56.000 I was going to say high eights.

01:59:59.000 I think she's an...

02:00:00.000 Well, I'll take yours into consideration.

02:00:03.000 You're influencing me now.

02:00:04.000 I'm going to go down to 8.7.

02:00:08.000 Maybe mine was tainted knowing that she's going to be.

02:00:10.000 What's that ring thing in the corner there?

02:00:12.000 Spread the word?

02:00:13.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:13.000 No hymen, no ring.

02:00:15.000 No hyman, no ring.

02:00:18.000 Pretty based.

02:00:20.000 Pretty based.

02:00:21.000 Okay.

02:00:22.000 So let's see it.

02:00:25.000 So I guess that's makeup remover.

02:00:28.000 She looks like she's 22?

02:00:33.000 A 22-year-old 8.8.

02:00:38.000 Oh, so now...

02:00:39.000 Wait, she's gray underneath?

02:00:43.000 Still looking pretty good.

02:00:48.000 Scrubbing.

02:00:50.000 This might be a trick.

02:00:52.000 Because she's so ugly at the end, it feels like it's a scam.

02:00:58.000 What?

02:00:58.000 No, yeah.

02:00:59.000 It's a joke, right?

02:01:00.000 Is that a trick?

02:01:02.000 Is that a filter?

02:01:04.000 That's gotta be a trick, yeah.

02:01:05.000 The mummy from the movie The Mummy has damn come out to play.

02:01:11.000 That can't be real.

02:01:13.000 Because that is of attractive and healthy 80-year-old.

02:01:19.000 No, you can see there's gotta be a cut somewhere there.

02:01:22.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

02:01:27.000 Wait, go back to the end?

02:01:30.000 This is very final video-esque.

02:01:31.000 Yeah, the hairline's different.

02:01:33.000 But go like a frame before that.

02:01:40.000 It could have been an earlier frame that the switcheroo happened.

02:01:44.000 Wait, what was that?

02:01:48.000 Well, that's the problem with sped-up photography.

02:01:50.000 It's easy to hide a jump cut.

02:01:51.000 She looks great there.

02:01:54.000 She looks good there.

02:01:59.000 Looks pretty bad there.

02:02:05.000 Yeah, it's tough.

02:02:06.000 I think it happens right in the beginning.

02:02:08.000 It's fake.

02:02:08.000 Sorry to waste your time with a fake video, guys.

02:02:11.000 Let's get to the final vid.

02:02:13.000 Which is real and not fake.

02:02:15.000 Which will be real.

02:02:34.000 That was weird.

02:02:35.000 Yeah.

02:02:39.000 I'm going to make sure that door's locked.

02:02:42.000 I think he's barking at the bumpers, too.

02:02:45.000 Because maybe he doesn't like them.

02:02:47.000 Oh, shoot.

02:02:48.000 What the fuck happened?

02:02:50.000 Just stood on some headphones.

02:02:52.000 Oh, shit.

02:02:54.000 Here is the...

02:02:56.000 We talked about the narrative, the one-drop bullshit a couple days ago, and how this myth that cops are terrorizing black people is for low IQ people.

02:03:06.000 Women are especially susceptible to it because they're so agreeable. 1.00

02:03:09.000 And they're just like, not only are cops attacking innocent black men, but I'm going to stop it because I can beat up cops and I'm going to use my phone.

02:03:19.000 So this dude is getting pulled over guaranteed.

02:03:22.000 It's for a legit thing.

02:03:24.000 He went through a stop sign.

02:03:25.000 He's missing.

02:03:26.000 Like in War on Cops, Heather McDonald talks about blacks And traffic stops, and how, yes, they do get pulled over more than other groups because they violate driving laws more than other groups. 0.93

02:03:40.000 And inevitably, when you study these things, you discover that when you look at how much they commit that crime, it ends up that they are stopped less proportionately than they do the crime.

02:03:53.000 Like when Bloomberg, I'm so glad we're not doing celebrity shit anymore.

02:03:56.000 I can actually talk about stuff that matters.

02:03:59.000 We're never doing that again, by the way.

02:04:01.000 Oh, man.

02:04:01.000 Why?

02:04:02.000 Did you like it?

02:04:03.000 Yeah, fun little gossip here and there.

02:04:05.000 I had some gossip, but I was like, I'll wait till next Friday.

02:04:07.000 Oh.

02:04:08.000 What's your favorite thing that Haley Steinfeld ever did?

02:04:11.000 Oh, gosh.

02:04:12.000 Where do I say that?

02:04:12.000 Or Zoe Duth.

02:04:15.000 Yeah, I don't know who these nobodies are.

02:04:18.000 But Bloomberg, and this was back when he was brave, before he did that moms against guns shit. 0.92

02:04:23.000 And he said, sorry, cops actually stop blacks with stop and frisk less than they're represented in the crime stats.

02:04:31.000 So if you look at the raw gross numbers, then yeah, more blacks get stopped than whites.

02:04:36.000 But when you look at who does the crimes, more whites are stopped than blacks. 0.98

02:04:42.000 Blacks and Hispanics, this was a shocking stat that's in that book.

02:04:45.000 Cannot recommend it enough, by the way, the Warren Cops.

02:04:50.000 99% of the murders in New York are committed by black and Hispanics. 1.00

02:04:58.000 You don't often hear that number 99.

02:05:00.000 It's usually on a condom or something so they don't get sued.

02:05:04.000 This works 99% of the time.

02:05:06.000 Then they can't.

02:05:07.000 It's really 100 if it's used correctly, but they don't want to get in shit.

02:05:14.000 I want cops to drive around with that book and force people to read it at a gunpoint.

02:05:21.000 See Mob and Shiz, 13 gang members arrested, the Chico gang? 0.56

02:05:26.000 No?

02:05:27.000 Is that a New York gang?

02:05:29.000 Yeah.

02:05:29.000 Yeah, it was in Harlem.

02:05:32.000 They made a big bust, and yeah, they got...

02:05:36.000 Dude, from 15 to 21, that was the age range.

02:05:39.000 And they had killed, you know, fucking tons of people.

02:05:41.000 I think 20 deaths they were responsible for, something like that.

02:05:44.000 They are believed to be responsible for at least 20 shootings, and some of their victims are innocent bystanders.

02:06:02.000 She's here in the studio with more on that.

02:06:04.000 Allie?

02:06:05.000 Christine and Ziggler.

02:06:06.000 We were there this morning when police arrested five alleged gang members, all of them between 15 and 21 years old.

02:06:12.000 This is a 13-man indictment charging a years-long conspiracy.

02:06:16.000 And as a result of this takedown, police were able to take 17 guns off the street.

02:06:21.000 Legal guns, huh? 0.99

02:06:23.000 They got to tighten up those laws.

02:06:25.000 It's 5 a.m. in Harvard.

02:06:26.000 She didn't say legal.

02:06:27.000 No.

02:06:30.000 Oh, what a cool shirt.

02:06:31.000 Yeah, gang squad.

02:06:32.000 Dear cops. 0.99

02:06:34.000 Can you sneak me one of those shirts?

02:06:35.000 I'm a large.

02:06:38.000 I need that.

02:06:39.000 Why don't I ask my cop friends?

02:06:41.000 Oh, my God.

02:06:42.000 I'm going to text them right now.

02:06:44.000 Can I have a gang squad shirt?

02:06:46.000 Hi, I know you're busy, but I really like your.

02:06:48.000 I got a shirt from the...

02:06:50.000 They call it the worst precinct just down the street here.

02:06:55.000 Yeah, I don't think it'll be more popular walking down the street.

02:06:58.000 No, they call it the Alamo.

02:07:00.000 Yeah, they call it the Alamo.

02:07:02.000 And he got me the shirt after I begged him for it, and he got it for me on my birthday.

02:07:05.000 And I was like, thanks.

02:07:06.000 I put it on.

02:07:07.000 It's a night dress.

02:07:08.000 I look like Ebenezer Scrooge.

02:07:10.000 I just need a little hat and a candle.

02:07:12.000 It goes down to like my knees.

02:07:14.000 Here's the Alamo nightcap.

02:07:15.000 I'm like, actually, I'm not a triple XL, but thanks.

02:07:20.000 I gave it to my daughter as a dress to sleep in.

02:07:23.000 Wow.

02:07:25.000 Anyway, so that's a long way to say, look at this stupid bitch ruining the country with her gayness. 1.00

02:07:33.000 All those gang members will be back on the streets tonight.

02:07:36.000 I saw three cops surrounding this young black man.

02:07:39.000 Hold on, hold on.

02:07:39.000 Just like, look at that idiotic sentence.

02:07:44.000 It's just a given that if you see cops around a black man, you're witnessing a racist event surrounding this young black man.

02:07:56.000 Just stop.

02:07:57.000 Stop again.

02:07:58.000 Look at this young black man.

02:07:59.000 Doesn't she sound like she's describing a majestic beast in the jungle?

02:08:04.000 I love a young black man.

02:08:06.000 I want to collect them.

02:08:07.000 Maybe she could have a little zoo in her backyard where the young black men would work out and hunt their prey and she could watch their muscles glisten in the dusk lighting. 1.00

02:08:18.000 And this is like an evil villain poacher guy.

02:08:21.000 That's a racist.

02:08:22.000 He has like their heads on his walls.

02:08:24.000 Meanwhile, these poor cops are like, this bitch, whether I'm right or wrong, is going to get me fired or in trouble because he knows his bosses won't hesitate to throw him under the bus. 1.00

02:08:35.000 So if the bosses are slightly embarrassed by this video, he's fucked and he knows it.

02:08:41.000 So this dumb bitch is just ruining America. 1.00

02:08:44.000 This mentality is ruining America.

02:08:47.000 You're driving a motor vehicle.

02:08:49.000 I know what I'm doing.

02:08:55.000 I got it too.

02:08:59.000 Meanwhile, they're like, okay, we just need to see your papers.

02:09:02.000 You went through a stop sign.

02:09:04.000 I stopped and asked if he needed help, and he said yes.

02:09:06.000 Yeah, might as well.

02:09:08.000 Okay, I can write you a citation now.

02:09:09.000 Sure, I didn't want you to make cops feel uncomfortable.

02:09:11.000 Want to give me a ticket?

02:09:12.000 I need your ID to write that.

02:09:20.000 Dude, you're 50 years old.

02:09:21.000 Why are you still a cop?

02:09:23.000 Dude, retired 10 years ago.

02:09:26.000 What's that citation for?

02:09:28.000 Working in Wiggily.

02:09:29.000 Do you see how it was just moved?

02:09:31.000 Do you see how it was just moved and have the little lights on?

02:09:34.000 Flashers.

02:09:35.000 Yeah, but you were the one who was.

02:09:35.000 I'm a mother.

02:09:37.000 I want to make sure this young man goes home tonight.

02:09:40.000 What the fuck is with that sentence?

02:09:43.000 I'm a mother.

02:09:45.000 So I'm somehow more caring than you.

02:09:49.000 I want justice more than you because I make these things, these humans that you see.

02:09:54.000 And us humans want these kids to go home at night.

02:09:59.000 I have it on my channel.

02:10:00.000 Let's go for you.

02:10:06.000 And look how nice they're being to him, too.

02:10:08.000 Hey, man.

02:10:09.000 Okay.

02:10:10.000 Well, just don't go through any stop signs again.

02:10:12.000 They're smiling with each other?

02:10:13.000 Yeah.

02:10:13.000 Is she smiling?

02:10:14.000 It's some old lady, too. 1.00

02:10:15.000 What is this?

02:10:15.000 The seniors police force?

02:10:18.000 Maybe.

02:10:19.000 Is that?

02:10:20.000 I don't know.

02:10:21.000 I guess I only know New York cops.

02:10:23.000 In New York, 20 years, you're good.

02:10:24.000 Leave. 0.99

02:10:26.000 Some nuts go to 30.

02:10:27.000 This woman looks like she's been there for fucking 40 years. 1.00

02:10:30.000 I'm pulling you over for not washing behind your ears.

02:10:34.000 Yeah, we took you over because you were going 15 miles an hour.

02:10:38.000 That's two hours fast.

02:10:46.000 Look, he looks like he's in big trouble.

02:10:49.000 What a fucking bitch, huh? 1.00

02:10:51.000 Put your nooses away.

02:10:52.000 We got a Karen on the scene. 0.94

02:10:54.000 Like, that's a boomer-angry woman liberal, and I fucking hate their guts. 1.00

02:10:59.000 She's just like, oh my God.

02:11:01.000 She slowed down, driving the other way, right?

02:11:03.000 Do you need help?

02:11:04.000 He's like, yeah.

02:11:07.000 If you can get me out of this ticket, maybe you thought she was a cop and she was going to get him out of his ticket.

02:11:12.000 Parks gets over there.

02:11:14.000 Not on my watch, folks.

02:11:16.000 She was doing vertical, right?

02:11:17.000 Not on my watch.

02:11:19.000 All right, let's cleanse our pallets with a fun fight I saw on the highway.

02:11:22.000 It was actually, this is a much better fight than Backyard Brawlers.

02:11:26.000 Much better fight than we'll be seeing on August 27th.

02:11:34.000 Look at this.

02:11:34.000 He's changing his levels.

02:11:38.000 He's got his, the bald guy's got his hands on the inside.

02:11:40.000 Look, look.

02:11:42.000 Slipping.

02:11:45.000 This is on Hawaiian the freeway.

02:11:48.000 Moving, changing his levels.

02:11:50.000 The other guy's got his hands up.

02:11:53.000 He's looking for a right pome to strike.

02:11:55.000 And look, this is weird.

02:11:56.000 He gets his hat, and then I think he spits on his head.

02:11:59.000 Because he cleaned something off his head.

02:12:01.000 Then he goes, I got to put my hat away and take my shoes off.

02:12:05.000 Are you so broke that your hat is the most important thing to you?

02:12:10.000 Aren't they like 30 bucks, those hats?

02:12:12.000 So look, I think he might be a little concussed because he keeps banging into that car.

02:12:17.000 But that was a pretty good fight, don't you think?

02:12:22.000 Anyway, folks, even studying celebrities, we can see the trouble with society.

02:12:27.000 And the trouble with society is, among other things, this false narrative has changed what women are and how they present themselves.

02:12:37.000 And I'm not a fan.

02:12:39.000 I'm not a fan of what we've done to our women.

02:12:43.000 They've got to stop slutting around, the younger ones. 1.00

02:12:45.000 And the older ones, they need to stop thinking that they run the world.

02:12:49.000 Be cute old ladies, please. 1.00

02:12:51.000 We like to better that way.

02:12:54.000 And until I see you again on Monday, get fired.

02:12:59.000 Get in trouble.

02:13:04.000 Be brave.

02:13:08.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 20, 2021

S04E20 - THE GOSSIP EPISODE

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript