Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E46

00:00:53.000 Rock and roll soldiers, what a fucking stupid name.

00:00:58.000 That song I played because it's called Baby Monster.

00:01:01.000 And I think the name Baby Monsters, finally taking.

00:01:05.000 Finally taking, I should say.

00:01:07.000 You're seeing the irony.

00:01:12.000 Did you know Matthew Perry of Friends invented sarcasm?

00:01:16.000 No.

00:01:16.000 Oh, I'm getting a weird echo.

00:01:17.000 I bet it's coming from that TV in the bar.

00:01:22.000 Yeah, he was.

00:01:24.000 Norm McDonald was on SNL, Matthew Perry from Friends said, or his assistant said, so Matt wants to do this thing where he has this special language he does.

00:01:35.000 He calls it Matt Speak.

00:01:37.000 And he says things like, oh, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence.

00:01:42.000 And Norm goes, you mean sarcasm?

00:01:47.000 You think you invented sarcasm?

00:01:50.000 Holy shit, there's another thing.

00:01:51.000 Norm McDonald teaches James Corden a word.

00:01:57.000 Humility.

00:01:59.000 Oh, good.

00:01:59.000 We have the good pencil.

00:02:00.000 Here it goes.

00:02:02.000 Disneyland and Mickey Mouse, who's a big celebrity at Disneyland.

00:02:06.000 Yeah, he's a big deal.

00:02:07.000 And the farther he gets away from Disneyland, the worse he looks.

00:02:10.000 You're right.

00:02:11.000 But when he's in Disneyland, he's the guy.

00:02:14.000 So he took a picture with a child.

00:02:17.000 Yeah.

00:02:18.000 And the child slipped from his hands, from Mickey Mouse's hands.

00:02:22.000 Fortunately, Mickey Mouse has huge shoes.

00:02:24.000 So the shoes broke the child's fall.

00:02:28.000 And thank goodness for that.

00:02:30.000 And he was fine, but he was crying.

00:02:31.000 And everyone was concerned.

00:02:32.000 Oh, except Mickey Mouse had a big smile like you can't.

00:02:37.000 He was completely non-plussed.

00:02:39.000 He was not non-plussed.

00:02:41.000 He was unaffected.

00:02:42.000 He was unaffected.

00:02:43.000 Non-plussed means bewildered.

00:02:45.000 I do find it weird when the parents.

00:02:51.000 I remember a whole VH1 campaign called We're Plussed.

00:02:55.000 You're non-plussed?

00:02:57.000 We're plussed over here at VH1.

00:03:00.000 And as Norm pointed out, non-plus means surprised.

00:03:03.000 So there is no plus.

00:03:05.000 I guess plused in that context would mean bored and uninterested.

00:03:10.000 I was going to play DJ Khaled, who, and by the way, both these things are baby monster submissions.

00:03:18.000 I'm going to be talking a little weird.

00:03:19.000 I took an Oedible last night, and I woke up at 7.30 a.m. baked out of my mind.

00:03:26.000 This cocksucker had a fucking blue star of death.

00:03:32.000 Hey, Coco.

00:03:33.000 I never show my teeth.

00:03:35.000 So is a blue star a death at all?

00:03:38.000 No.

00:03:38.000 No, blue stars a death.

00:03:40.000 That'll knock you up to the fucking galaxy, bro.

00:03:43.000 Yeah, and last night was not the smoothest sleep in town.

00:03:48.000 Whoa.

00:03:49.000 I'd think of something nice and happy when I woke up with the terrors.

00:03:53.000 And then my brain would come up with, yeah, what if the kid had cancer, though?

00:03:58.000 They'd make it negative.

00:03:59.000 It was Brocky Rhode.

00:04:01.000 I think I'm just getting back now after a coffee and some hugs and kisses with Ryan.

00:04:07.000 That always inspires me.

00:04:09.000 That wakes me right up.

00:04:11.000 What happens with Ryan is I get him to tickle my belly until the monster comes out, and then he stops.

00:04:17.000 And I reward him with Taco Bell.

00:04:20.000 Very gross monster.

00:04:22.000 He's a Taco Bell prostitute.

00:04:24.000 Yes, I am.

00:04:25.000 That happened to me once when I was a kid.

00:04:27.000 We were having a sleepover, and this guy, Dylan, said, tickle my belly until the birdie comes out.

00:04:33.000 Meaning I get a boner.

00:04:35.000 I must have been like eight or nine.

00:04:37.000 And I remember just going, oh, okay, fine.

00:04:41.000 And then there was no more horsing around.

00:04:44.000 And then, like 10 years later, I'm buying hash, and there he is.

00:04:48.000 He's the hash dealer.

00:04:51.000 And he has his little eight-year-old face on a 19-year-old's body.

00:04:56.000 It was weird.

00:04:57.000 Did you tickle his belly for hash?

00:04:59.000 I don't have cash, but I've got...

00:05:01.000 Tickle my belly for hash.

00:05:03.000 Somebody, speaking of Taco Bell and that embarrassment, Pauline Walnuts from Big Q, well, I'm Pauline Walnuts.

00:05:09.000 Big Q sent me a $10 gift card to Taco Bell.

00:05:13.000 Oh, that's make that.

00:05:15.000 You understand that we're all making fun of you, right?

00:05:17.000 Yes.

00:05:17.000 This is between you and me.

00:05:18.000 Oh, oops.

00:05:20.000 Ruin fuck you have it.

00:05:21.000 Being married is giving up things you like for someone you love.

00:05:24.000 Don't let other men convince you otherwise.

00:05:26.000 Weakness is doing what other men say you should do, not creating a plan with your lady and following through.

00:05:30.000 Being a good husband and a father is a cornerstone of a happy family.

00:05:34.000 Good luck, brother, and God bless.

00:05:35.000 Unfortunately.

00:05:36.000 That guy sounds a little special, doesn't he?

00:05:38.000 He sounds aka Italian.

00:05:40.000 Yeah, Italian-ish.

00:05:41.000 But unfortunately, I wasn't giving up something I love for somebody that I love.

00:05:47.000 I was trying to go behind her back and do it under the table.

00:05:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:50.000 That's not the point.

00:05:51.000 I want to be crystal clear at what amuses us.

00:05:54.000 Not the behind the back.

00:05:55.000 It amuses us that you're not allowed to eat Taco Bell because you're trying to save money.

00:05:59.000 She was mad because she was, now she was mad at me because I said that.

00:06:03.000 She was like, you called me and asked me if I wanted anything.

00:06:05.000 I was like, yeah, but that's after I got the balls.

00:06:07.000 Whatever, whatever.

00:06:08.000 We've already made fun of you enough for this.

00:06:10.000 Play DJ Khaled.

00:06:14.000 This was almost...

00:06:15.000 This was in the running for the opening song.

00:06:18.000 But I didn't do it.

00:06:20.000 I don't think DJ Khaled can read.

00:06:23.000 That's a theory.

00:06:24.000 This is my new theory.

00:06:26.000 Or I bet if he reads, it's like rock and roll soldiers, soldiers, baby monster So Marley just sent him a guitar and like imagine being that rich and you're still doing social media promos for a guitar company I just need that extra thousand bucks get a close up get a close up get a close up of the case the guitar shitty

00:11:04.000 audience and you're like no one's falling for this and then you they show the audience and they're all going to go network this is incredible there there look and when you're oh my it's like the dnc isn't it that's joe biden up there no idea what he's doing making up and then you have these fawning lefties just going thank god there's no more mean tweets this is worth it what is the bill 3.5 trillion dollars it was written by who bernie

00:12:34.000 they're big football guys and he never even tried out for football he knew it wasn't there so to have his own identity he fags out on this kind of stuff what's this now she's sitting on my face anyway sorry wow that's a weird what are the comments good work thank you wooby for showing us how and why there is a high likelihood of human civilization coming to an end By 2030,

00:13:03.000 you have to be down bad to get off to a dude with a wand and the last name Epstein when you finally stick the cherry tomato in your salad with your fork.

00:13:22.000 Exactly.

00:13:24.000 Wow.

00:13:25.000 That's exactly what it feels like.

00:13:31.000 Put your legs down.

00:13:32.000 You're not doing it right.

00:13:34.000 Now this, if you thought that was cool.

00:13:35.000 Yeah.

00:13:36.000 If you thought you were acting out.

00:13:37.000 Sorry, can you just realign your legs there before I zap you with energy from outer space?

00:13:47.000 My son won the championships again.

00:13:51.000 Medals out the wazoo, trophies, galore.

00:13:54.000 He hasn't been struck out.

00:13:56.000 I don't know when.

00:13:57.000 If it was a boxing record, it would be like 34-0.

00:14:00.000 And it was fun to watch, of course.

00:14:03.000 It's funny, too, because I was so vilified in the burbs and I started going to baseball games.

00:14:07.000 And all these people see me cheering for their kid.

00:14:09.000 And they go, maybe he's not David Duke.

00:14:11.000 I don't think David Duke cares about other kids.

00:14:14.000 At one point, though, we were down 5-7.

00:14:17.000 And when you're at the championships with 13-year-olds, it's an MLB game.

00:14:24.000 Like, if it goes way to the outfield, you're lucky to get a double.

00:14:27.000 You're probably just getting a single.

00:14:30.000 And 5-3, and I just looked over at one of the dads and I go, we're going to lose.

00:14:34.000 Because it's not a high-scoring game.

00:14:36.000 It's very normal for an inning to have nothing.

00:14:39.000 So 5-3, we're never going to make it back.

00:14:41.000 And then I realized his son was at bat.

00:14:44.000 And I looked at his son at bat and I went, we're going to lose.

00:14:48.000 And then he goes, fucking guy.

00:14:50.000 Oh, no.

00:14:51.000 And then someone in front of me goes, why?

00:14:53.000 Because his son's on the mountain.

00:14:54.000 I go, I didn't even see that.

00:14:55.000 I didn't even see that.

00:14:56.000 I didn't even know that.

00:14:59.000 But I'll tell you what pissed me off about it.

00:15:02.000 I saw the next team that was going to use that field.

00:15:05.000 They were 14-year-olds.

00:15:06.000 Pink Galore.

00:15:09.000 This is my new pet peeve because we know what it's about.

00:15:12.000 It's about emasculating men.

00:15:15.000 They do this in the NFL.

00:15:17.000 All sports is like 85% male.

00:15:20.000 Why are you advertising breast cancer to men?

00:15:24.000 It should be on The View.

00:15:25.000 It should be on the home shopping network.

00:15:28.000 Football games?

00:15:29.000 There's no other reason outside of emasculating men.

00:15:34.000 And now they're doing it to boys.

00:15:35.000 And boys don't want to be party poopers.

00:15:37.000 So they've got these pink belts and they've got the pink arm things.

00:15:40.000 Pink belts.

00:15:41.000 The whole team had pink belts.

00:15:44.000 To raise a, I don't believe you.

00:15:45.000 I think you're lying.

00:15:46.000 And here's the other thing.

00:15:48.000 The breast cancer industry's doing great.

00:15:51.000 It's a multi-billion dollar industry.

00:15:54.000 So when you go on a walk for breast cancer and you raise like all of you together $3,000, you might as well be giving it to Daddy Warbucks or Scrooge McDuck or the dragon in Lord of the Rings.

00:16:07.000 They just throw the money on the pile.

00:16:08.000 The money's already way more than they can spend because there's a huge incentive.

00:16:13.000 Prostate cancer on the other hand.

00:16:14.000 Why is it at prostate cancer awareness at these things?

00:16:17.000 Yeah, just ball-colored.

00:16:19.000 Just dark flesh.

00:16:20.000 Just beige with black lines.

00:16:24.000 Everyone has a taint-themed uniform.

00:16:26.000 There's little yarns coming out of the uniform.

00:16:29.000 Sparse pube.

00:16:30.000 Black threads.

00:16:31.000 It's made with shoelaces.

00:16:34.000 Yeah, it just pissed me off.

00:16:36.000 And point number five, I believe, the secret to breast cancer and most diseases, but especially cancer, is early detection.

00:16:44.000 And they're talking about things like showers, smart showers, where it showers down, checks your DNA in the drain and says, you have bowel cancer, by the way.

00:16:54.000 That's what's important, early detection.

00:16:56.000 So get it.

00:16:57.000 I don't know when you're supposed to start testing your tits.

00:16:59.000 30s?

00:17:00.000 Have it on Sex in the City.

00:17:02.000 Go get your tits done.

00:17:03.000 Go get your tits checked.

00:17:06.000 But seeing a catcher with his pink thing and all kinds of pink details with his pink knee pads and his pink glove, this is all about emasculating men.

00:17:15.000 And those uniforms, I hate, that's one of my least favorite uniforms, by the way.

00:17:19.000 But the uniforms in general, they work on that for years, getting the right vibe and I'm intimidating and I'm a warrior and I wear the Panthers.

00:17:26.000 And then they stick a bunch of pink on them.

00:17:28.000 It's just to fuck you.

00:17:31.000 What's up with the background?

00:17:33.000 Oh, I got your joke.

00:17:34.000 I didn't acknowledge it, though.

00:17:36.000 Do I have to acknowledge every quip?

00:17:38.000 No.

00:17:38.000 Sometimes people will text me a joke and I'll just laugh and not say LOL.

00:17:44.000 Then they get mad.

00:17:44.000 They go, you didn't respond.

00:17:45.000 I go, no.

00:17:45.000 Yes, I did.

00:17:46.000 I get that vibe.

00:17:47.000 You sent me something funny?

00:17:48.000 I went, I got on with my life.

00:17:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:52.000 Acknowledge it with a ha.

00:17:54.000 I don't know.

00:17:54.000 I'm getting sick of doing that.

00:17:55.000 Then it's like never-ending.

00:17:56.000 Then they like your haha.

00:17:58.000 They love it.

00:17:59.000 They click a tap back.

00:18:00.000 Or my Indian doctor friend sent me a clip of me like this with a huge bald area.

00:18:07.000 And I didn't respond.

00:18:09.000 And then he thought, were you pissed off that I showed your bald spot?

00:18:11.000 I'm like, no, I went, ha.

00:18:16.000 Also, we went to Nita Fashions.

00:18:18.000 Yeah, we did.

00:18:19.000 This is a 1970s vintage Pierre Cardin.

00:18:22.000 I shouldn't be talking about modern fashion.

00:18:24.000 I can't even close it.

00:18:25.000 It's so 70s.

00:18:28.000 But yeah, wonderful guys.

00:18:31.000 They've been busy thanks to Censor.tv.

00:18:34.000 Dude, talking to people from Hong Kong is bizarre.

00:18:39.000 And it made me so pissed off when I was talking to him about, this is the elder guy who owns the company.

00:18:45.000 I already found the fabric, I like it.

00:18:46.000 60 Minutes.

00:18:48.000 Like 60 Minutes.

00:18:50.000 We'll write about Cop.

00:18:51.000 We talked about this last week, right?

00:18:52.000 They talk about Coptic Christians.

00:18:54.000 They don't mention that about a dozen are being killed every single day, beheaded on the beaches in Libya.

00:19:00.000 Or they talk about British pubs and they don't mention Muslims and how alcohol haters are overpopulating their country, especially Luton and Birmingham and towns like that.

00:19:12.000 And I just, I'm listening to this dude talk about Hong Kong and I'm like, why isn't this a story?

00:19:18.000 Now, here's the deal.

00:19:20.000 From over here, we went, oh, I see what happened.

00:19:22.000 China took over Hong Kong.

00:19:24.000 They were really strict with COVID.

00:19:26.000 They wouldn't let people leave their homes.

00:19:28.000 That pissed off Hong Kongers because they're used To freedom.

00:19:31.000 And so they fought back against the Chinese, and they won, basically.

00:19:36.000 And that sounds good, right?

00:19:38.000 But that's not even close to what happened.

00:19:41.000 The riots in Hong Kong started out before COVID.

00:19:48.000 Right.

00:19:49.000 And so what were they about?

00:19:51.000 Well, they were about excessive police control.

00:19:53.000 So you go, oh, because China moved in?

00:19:54.000 China moved in in 1997.

00:19:58.000 And it's been smooth sailing ever since then because Hong Kong maintained their independence culturally.

00:20:03.000 But they still get British passports.

00:20:04.000 They have to 100% totally give it up to China in 2042 or something.

00:20:10.000 2047, they got a 50-year lease.

00:20:14.000 So whatever 97 plus 50 is.

00:20:18.000 47, 2047.

00:20:22.000 I love those shirts.

00:20:24.000 I got a beige corduroy suit like James Bond wears.

00:20:28.000 And I got a tuxedo like James Bond.

00:20:30.000 We'll wear that for the marathon.

00:20:34.000 But yeah, so he goes, they started rebelling against cops.

00:20:39.000 Okay.

00:20:40.000 I understand a normal amount of that.

00:20:42.000 And then the cops retaliated.

00:20:44.000 And then I think the Chinese sent in bigger guys.

00:20:46.000 And instead of Hong Kong going, okay, okay, okay, calm down.

00:20:49.000 They got really violent, like stabbing cops in the neck and covering them in gasoline and lighting them on fire.

00:20:59.000 Now, all I can think is riots are contagious.

00:21:04.000 And they were watching TV and they were seeing Ferguson and BLM and Antifa riots and the statues.

00:21:10.000 And they just culturally went, I want to do this too.

00:21:15.000 And it started a fashion trend.

00:21:18.000 Burning down your city.

00:21:19.000 He said it was an absolute war zone.

00:21:21.000 It looked like Syria.

00:21:24.000 So all we have now is my stupid guess about them just watching us riot and mimicking it.

00:21:32.000 The reason that's all we have is because journalism is at an all-time shit low.

00:21:37.000 It's at the bottom of the toilet.

00:21:40.000 And we can't hear anything.

00:21:44.000 Any of the truth?

00:21:46.000 Like the fucking Vegas shooter.

00:21:48.000 What happened there?

00:21:50.000 Like the two bombs on January 6th?

00:21:54.000 The pipe bombs.

00:21:55.000 No footage?

00:21:56.000 No video stuff?

00:21:58.000 What happened?

00:22:02.000 Speaking of the meandering, maybe we should have a meandering segment here.

00:22:07.000 You just have a backdrop for that, right?

00:22:12.000 This is a weird story that's out today.

00:22:15.000 Of course, you can always trust Rolling Stone for having cutting-edge journalism because they hire babysitters from Antifa.

00:22:21.000 This, I think, is actually a dude, though.

00:22:23.000 This is 19.

00:22:26.000 Yep, Hunter Walker.

00:22:27.000 I remember him.

00:22:28.000 I think he's like a little kid.

00:22:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:31.000 He's like a Brooklyn Wigger dude, Wu-Tang type of kid.

00:22:35.000 Grew up in Brooklyn, locked in the early aughts, late 90s.

00:22:40.000 January 6th, protester organizers say they participated in dozens of planning meetings with members of Congress and White House staff.

00:22:48.000 Now, no matter how little fact there is in here, this is going to be accepted as the narrative now.

00:22:53.000 The DNC will be repeating this.

00:22:55.000 This is just, with half the country here in the national divorce, which I've noticed Bill Maher has stolen from me, they're just going to take this as a fact.

00:23:04.000 So Proud Boys were getting calls from Trump's people saying, all right, are you ready?

00:23:08.000 Here we go.

00:23:09.000 Get in there.

00:23:10.000 Make sure you climb the walls.

00:23:11.000 Make sure you smash a bunch of buildings.

00:23:12.000 Tell Ashley Babbitt to be careful, though.

00:23:14.000 She's kind of hot-headed.

00:23:16.000 But when you get in there, make sure you smash a bunch of stuff.

00:23:19.000 Stay within the ropes, though.

00:23:21.000 Steal a podium and a sit-in Nancy Play.

00:23:25.000 What were they planning?

00:23:27.000 I guess the narrative here.

00:23:29.000 Oh, that doesn't look like who I was talking about.

00:23:31.000 That's Hunter Walker Rolling Stone?

00:23:33.000 Jesus, he's a grown man.

00:23:36.000 Isn't that embarrassing?

00:23:38.000 Imagine being a grown man and following around patriotic grandmas because you think they're Timothy McVeigh.

00:23:45.000 What a waste of a life.

00:23:47.000 Two sources are communicating with house investigators and detailed a stunning series of allegations to Rolling Stone, including a promise of a blanket pardon from the Oval Office.

00:23:57.000 That's the juiciest part.

00:24:00.000 And go to 2-0.

00:24:03.000 The pair also, so it's two people who says we worked with the GOP and they're going to get away scot-free because of this.

00:24:10.000 Sounds like they're feds to me.

00:24:12.000 Sounds like the feds are controlling the narrative here and trying to make it look like Trump and his army carefully, meticulously planned an attack and then carried it out at the behest of their Lord, Jesus Trump.

00:24:28.000 The pair also detailed damning allegations that one lawmaker, Paul Goser of Arizona, dangled the possibility of a pardon in front of their faces for an unrelated probe in a bid to force them into planning rallies.

00:24:42.000 So first was Rolling Stone.

00:24:44.000 They don't waver from their directive, which is it was what I just said.

00:24:48.000 But in the Daily Mail one, we hear it's conceivable that they were forced, coerced by politicians into doing this.

00:24:56.000 That makes Trump look bad, too, if it was people in the White House coercing the riot.

00:25:02.000 I don't know.

00:25:03.000 I'm sure there was some bad behavior, some malfeasance.

00:25:07.000 I just hear about it and I go, we never defended it.

00:25:10.000 We never said it was awesome, but we understood it.

00:25:14.000 I'm not saying he should have killed it, but I understand.

00:25:18.000 Mad about the election, you did something stupid.

00:25:20.000 If you keep getting picked on at a bar and eventually they go, you're 86.

00:25:24.000 I totally get it if you smash your pint on the floor on the way out.

00:25:27.000 I don't think you should do that.

00:25:28.000 It's dangerous.

00:25:29.000 There's glass shards.

00:25:30.000 But I understand.

00:25:36.000 Here we have 2-1, the FBI ginning up everyone, trying to get them angry.

00:25:42.000 Darren J. Beattie, who's kind of, I say journalism's dead, he's one of the few still doing it correctly.

00:25:48.000 We're getting scoops, and that's why he's attacked, because he's consistently over the target.

00:25:53.000 Darren J. Beattie to Attorney General, Merrick Garland, how many informants did you have present in the Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and Three percenters in the three to four months leading up to January 6th.

00:26:04.000 I've just stepped out of a strategy session with my colleagues.

00:26:07.000 There are many who want to discuss FISA and the recent report showing just extensive abuses that continue to persist.

00:26:14.000 Folks want to talk about the border.

00:26:16.000 Folks want to talk about the use of the FBI to target meetings and wag their fingers in the face of their duly elected members of the school board.

00:26:28.000 But undoubtedly, you would be asking questions about the FBI's assets that were there on January 6th.

00:26:35.000 Now, here, I'm bringing folks into the room a little bit here, but what occurred, what has to occur, I should say, is that we've got to get around the standard answers to these types of questions.

00:26:45.000 So, Darren Beattie, if you're sitting there on the dais, you've got five minutes.

00:26:50.000 What's the first question you're asking Merrick Garland?

00:26:54.000 First question I'm asking Merrick Garland is, how many informants do you have present or did you have present in the Oath Keepers, the Proud Boys, and the Three Percenters in the three, four months leading up to 1.6?

00:27:11.000 And if his answer is, well, you know, that is the subject of ongoing investigations, and we never talk about ongoing investigations, and we don't reveal FBI assets.

00:27:21.000 What's the follow-up?

00:27:24.000 The follow-up is the founder and head of the Oath Keepers, Stuart Rhodes.

00:27:32.000 What do you know about him?

00:27:33.000 What's in your file on him?

00:27:34.000 Why has it taken eight, nine months after the event and nobody's touched him versus others, the smaller fish that they've touched?

00:27:44.000 How do you explain this seeming reverse Rico structure of the 1-6 prosecution cases in which the little fish are indicted and in many cases wallow in prison, whereas many of the big fish and in some cases the biggest fish swim three,

00:28:02.000 swim free?

00:28:03.000 How do you explain this?

00:28:04.000 It is concerning that we haven't gotten responses.

00:28:08.000 Yeah, that's a great term.

00:28:09.000 Reverse Rico.

00:28:12.000 Because the big fish swam with the feds.

00:28:15.000 They are feds.

00:28:16.000 If you swim with feds, you're a fed.

00:28:19.000 If you work for the FBI, you're a fed.

00:28:22.000 I thought this was funny.

00:28:23.000 PJW goes, rearranging furniture is war.

00:28:27.000 Boomers rearranging furniture at the behest of federal agents equals war.

00:28:30.000 And then click on the picture.

00:28:33.000 The Atlantic is ridiculous.

00:28:35.000 January 6th wasn't a riot.

00:28:37.000 It was war.

00:28:41.000 War.

00:28:44.000 Four hours of the Capitol.

00:28:45.000 New HBO documentary.

00:28:46.000 Yes, I'm sure they'll show all the footage of fucking buffalo horns walking in there going, hey, guys.

00:28:57.000 The Atlantic has just sunk below the bottom of the shithole, as I mentioned earlier with journalism in general.

00:29:04.000 The Atlantic is spearheading the dive down.

00:29:07.000 They're the ones who said on the weekend, they go, yeah, the supply chains are a problem, but it's because of the rich.

00:29:13.000 They keep buying shit.

00:29:16.000 Okay, you might have an argument if it was like excessive paper towel buying, but I'm in the South Bronx trying to get a toothbrush, and there's only three on a wall toothbrush section that used to have hundreds.

00:29:28.000 Was that, did someone rich drive into the South Bronx and buy up all the toothbrushes?

00:29:36.000 Or toothbry, as we say in Latin?

00:29:42.000 Now, you'll notice Matt Goetz's question to Darren Beattie took about a day.

00:29:48.000 That's because he's a great guy and one of the best politicians.

00:29:52.000 But as far as interviewing goes, he's a blabbermouth.

00:29:56.000 And I was watching this Glenn Beck thing where he brought in some Afghani women to say, hey, it wasn't for nothing, all the work you did there.

00:30:04.000 We appreciated you when you were here.

00:30:06.000 Just so you know, your friend's legs didn't get blown off for no reason.

00:30:10.000 You brought us democracy.

00:30:11.000 We got to taste freedom.

00:30:12.000 It's gone now, but thanks.

00:30:14.000 And what Glenn Beck understands is shutting his mouth.

00:30:19.000 So compare this to Matt Goetz.

00:30:22.000 It's my understanding that you said one of the conditions of this interview was you wanted to tell the American soldiers something.

00:30:33.000 Yes.

00:30:34.000 What is that?

00:30:36.000 It was not in a waste.

00:30:39.000 It was not in a win.

00:30:42.000 Those 20 years bring us freedom, bring us democracy, give us multiple chances, opportunities.

00:30:53.000 Women like us was able to go and get education, was able to travel by themselves, was able to work, had their driving license, had the right to the property.

00:31:10.000 For the people of Afghanistan, we will remember the soldiers.

00:31:15.000 I am grateful for all of them who served in my country.

00:31:20.000 Because of you, I'm here.

00:31:23.000 Because of you, I made it to be educated.

00:31:27.000 Are you in America?

00:31:28.000 Permanently?

00:31:30.000 And education.

00:31:34.000 And have a life that has meant something.

00:31:37.000 And the purpose of the world.

00:31:39.000 Flying planes?

00:31:40.000 Holy shit.

00:31:40.000 Maybe we're being able to do that.

00:31:46.000 We all know a U.S. veteran, but I wonder if those men and women wouldn't be suffering so much now if we told them this a little more often.

00:31:56.000 Can I just thank you?

00:31:58.000 Because of you guys, we are here.

00:32:00.000 Thank you very much.

00:32:02.000 Thank you.

00:32:06.000 Did you cry like a little fag?

00:32:08.000 No, but I could tell that if I was in a weaker state, I would have.

00:32:12.000 Yeah, we're in business mode.

00:32:13.000 If I was lying in bed looking at that, I may shed a salty duct or two.

00:32:19.000 All right, let's sort of go back a little bit.

00:32:22.000 For the record, I know it's ancient news now.

00:32:24.000 I fucking called it, what did I say when Alec Baldwin shot that woman on set?

00:32:28.000 I said, the armorer is an affirmative action hire.

00:32:31.000 She's a hipster.

00:32:32.000 She was part of his fan base.

00:32:34.000 That's what you get when you fire the union.

00:32:36.000 Who's going to come in and be a scab?

00:32:38.000 It's going to be your friends, your fans.

00:32:41.000 And he saw her and he saw her purple hair and he thought, you know what?

00:32:44.000 This is cool, SJW.

00:32:48.000 And no.

00:32:51.000 This music started playing.

00:32:55.000 So this is what I resent.

00:32:57.000 And I was talking about this on Getter.

00:32:58.000 He's a socialist.

00:33:00.000 He's pro-SJW.

00:33:02.000 He hates American history.

00:33:04.000 But yet he gets to, and hates capitalism.

00:33:06.000 He gets to come down to the South, sambo around as a tough guy in the Wild West with a gun.

00:33:15.000 So essentially make all this money off of all the shit he hates.

00:33:19.000 That bothers me.

00:33:20.000 No one's talking about the audacity of him doing a Western.

00:33:24.000 Clint Eastwood can do Westerns.

00:33:26.000 He may not.

00:33:27.000 And then the irony is, I hate capitalism.

00:33:29.000 Okay, good.

00:33:30.000 Well, we have unions here.

00:33:31.000 Okay, I'm going to work them 13 hours a day with no gun safety.

00:33:34.000 And they go, we're leaving.

00:33:35.000 So they leave and he gets all scabs.

00:33:37.000 He's also a feminist.

00:33:38.000 And what happens in his world with his incompetent affirmative action hire to promote feminism?

00:33:43.000 A woman dies.

00:33:46.000 It's God talking to us, folks.

00:33:48.000 When you become a socialist, when you try to correct society and hire for things other than meritocracy, when you tell meritocracy to fuck off, you're telling God to fuck off because he invented merit.

00:34:01.000 He's behind the whole merit system.

00:34:03.000 He's the boss of merit.

00:34:05.000 So when you tell him to fuck off, things go badly for you.

00:34:09.000 Rust Armour, Hannah Gutierrez-Reed, once gave an unchecked gun to an 11-year-old actor.

00:34:14.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:34:16.000 Yeah, but she looks cool.

00:34:17.000 She looks like Heather Heyer.

00:34:19.000 Let's hire her.

00:34:21.000 Wait, is her name Heather?

00:34:24.000 Hannah.

00:34:25.000 Ah, shit.

00:34:26.000 Could have had a good Heather H-I-R-E pun going.

00:34:30.000 And you know what's also weird about it is, and this also makes me sick, the husband is friends with him now.

00:34:36.000 They're hanging out.

00:34:39.000 Alec has been very supportive.

00:34:42.000 Yeah, that's the husband of the dead woman and the child, and they're hanging out with her buddy Alec.

00:34:48.000 And also, put on some decent clothes if you're in mourning, dude.

00:34:52.000 Fucking pink t-shirt.

00:34:56.000 Dirty hat.

00:34:57.000 But yeah, could you imagine being friends with someone who killed your wife?

00:35:01.000 Under any circumstances?

00:35:06.000 Hey, Ryan, can you?

00:35:07.000 No.

00:35:08.000 No, no, no.

00:35:10.000 That would be a non-friend to me.

00:35:18.000 Speaking of, I was talking earlier about the South Bronx and how dangerous it is.

00:35:21.000 Guy just got shot about three blocks from us here in the most dangerous place in the world.

00:35:26.000 We got to get the fuck out of here.

00:35:29.000 But here's what I don't get about this story.

00:35:31.000 You're a gangbanger in the South Bronx.

00:35:35.000 Don't go to a barber.

00:35:37.000 I feel vulnerable at the barber.

00:35:39.000 In fact, I don't let him do the straight razor thing anymore on my neck.

00:35:42.000 Just use clippers, thanks.

00:35:44.000 But these guys come in, shoot the guy, and then he hands the gun to the other dude, says you might want to finish this up.

00:35:50.000 Clearly an initiation, right?

00:35:54.000 Maybe into DDP.

00:35:58.000 Or...

00:36:00.000 They always have boys in their name.

00:36:02.000 Looks like he survived, though, right?

00:36:04.000 Yeah, he's in critical condition.

00:36:06.000 The second guy did not want to shoot him.

00:36:09.000 Really?

00:36:10.000 Were he panicking?

00:36:11.000 I want to be in a gang.

00:36:13.000 I just don't want to have to snitch or go to jail for 25 years, and I don't want to be involved in any violence.

00:36:18.000 I like the other parts, like poly walnuts having a sub and having meetings.

00:36:23.000 Yeah.

00:36:24.000 But I don't want to actually like put something around some guy's neck and have to go while you knock over furniture and stuff.

00:36:32.000 Messy.

00:36:33.000 Yuck.

00:36:37.000 All right, let's do a little brief lesbians and gay stuff.

00:36:40.000 The LG community, as we call it here on Get Off My Lawn.

00:36:44.000 They're up to their old tricks again.

00:36:47.000 Let's check in.

00:36:48.000 Why are you lucky?

00:36:49.000 I felt ugly.

00:36:50.000 I felt gay.

00:36:51.000 And then we fell in love.

00:36:52.000 I never eat their poop, and we have a very good relationship.

00:36:58.000 Stop there.

00:37:01.000 That's a little long, and I don't like that that rat guy is in it.

00:37:06.000 He's not gay.

00:37:08.000 Why are you not gay?

00:37:11.000 1-8, let's do 1-8 first.

00:37:13.000 Jessica Tov.

00:37:16.000 Is that his name?

00:37:17.000 Yaniv.

00:37:18.000 Jessica Yanev?

00:37:19.000 Jessica Yaneev.

00:37:22.000 Took a place to court in Vancouver because he's a woman and he went there to have his pussy waxed.

00:37:30.000 And the woman at the waxing place goes, I couldn't help but notice that your pussy's a cock.

00:37:35.000 And he goes, it's a woman's penis.

00:37:37.000 You're a woman's salon.

00:37:39.000 Wax my cock and balls.

00:37:41.000 And she goes, no, my husband would kill me.

00:37:44.000 I'm not supposed to even see any other dicks till I die.

00:37:48.000 Well, too bad.

00:37:49.000 So they took her to court and he lost.

00:37:52.000 Trans woman who sued salon workers for refusing to wax her balls.

00:37:56.000 This is 2021.

00:37:58.000 How are her balls doing?

00:38:00.000 How's your daughter's balls?

00:38:02.000 I'm really worried about my daughter's balls.

00:38:03.000 Ma'am, you have a penis?

00:38:05.000 Yes.

00:38:06.000 No, that's my vagina.

00:38:07.000 Well, what are those things?

00:38:08.000 Those are balls.

00:38:09.000 I heard your daughter got a UTI?

00:38:10.000 Yeah, she got something in her foreskin and didn't clean it out.

00:38:15.000 Oh, shit.

00:38:16.000 Your daughter's poor penis.

00:38:19.000 Another great band name.

00:38:21.000 Your daughter's poor penis.

00:38:22.000 My daughter's penis.

00:38:24.000 Look at this Adams family.

00:38:26.000 And I love, this is what I wrote in that article a million years ago that got everyone pissied, pissed off.

00:38:32.000 It got the White House kicked off of Wikipedia.

00:38:35.000 Did you know that?

00:38:36.000 No.

00:38:36.000 My article was cited by someone in a Wikipedia article, so the IP of the White House was banned from Wikipedia because they cited my article as proof that they're just mentally ill gays.

00:38:49.000 But just look at this couple.

00:38:51.000 Thrupple.

00:38:52.000 Quadruple?

00:38:53.000 Thrupple.

00:38:55.000 We're raising our kids with no gender.

00:38:57.000 That's my extraordinary family.

00:38:59.000 Like, look at the Guy with the flowery dress.

00:39:01.000 He doesn't just look like one of my friends.

00:39:04.000 He looks like one of my more masculine friends.

00:39:06.000 This is a kids in the hall sketch.

00:39:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:10.000 He looks like he was track and field champion of the high school.

00:39:15.000 And then the other one just looks like Brian Pozane.

00:39:18.000 The other one looks like Rachel Maddow, obviously.

00:39:20.000 Rachel Maddow, that's a given.

00:39:21.000 I don't even pay attention to her.

00:39:22.000 She doesn't exist to me.

00:39:24.000 But the other one, yeah, she looks like a bass tech for the band Obituary.

00:39:32.000 Hey, man, it's looking pretty old, dude.

00:39:34.000 Like, this neck is on its last legs.

00:39:36.000 It'll definitely last tonight, but I think you should get a strat.

00:39:42.000 Did any of that make sense?

00:39:43.000 A little bit.

00:39:44.000 Can you get a strat bass?

00:39:46.000 Stratocaster?

00:39:47.000 No, they have a jazz bass which is strat-shaped.

00:39:49.000 But I'm sure they actually have...

00:39:51.000 They probably did make one.

00:39:52.000 See?

00:39:53.000 You can make my jokes work.

00:39:54.000 You just have to try.

00:39:56.000 Push.

00:39:58.000 All right, I think we should just hop over and do a quick green screen because something's been bothering me about a viral video, and it needs to be discussed.

00:40:25.000 So, this started out as a pretty normal video.

00:40:28.000 LeBron James appreciates his fans.

00:40:30.000 There's someone in the audience who'd love to get a shirt, and he throws them a shirt.

00:40:35.000 It's what happens next that confuses me.

00:40:38.000 Welcome back to What Happens Next on Censored.tv.

00:40:42.000 Okay, make it bigger.

00:40:43.000 Oh, actually, maybe don't.

00:40:44.000 Just move it over.

00:40:47.000 Move it this way.

00:40:48.000 Why?

00:40:50.000 Get it out of the way.

00:40:54.000 So this is a common thing.

00:40:56.000 And in baseball, they do it with baseballs, but you know, you can't throw basketballs into the crowd.

00:41:01.000 So let's see LeBron.

00:41:02.000 I'm sorry, Kobe, be nice to some fans.

00:41:08.000 There you go.

00:41:09.000 Boom.

00:41:10.000 Done.

00:41:10.000 Everything's done.

00:41:11.000 Stop.

00:41:12.000 Stop.

00:41:13.000 Stop.

00:41:14.000 Ryan, stop.

00:41:16.000 What is this?

00:41:19.000 Now, in baseball tradition, say I catch a ball and I don't have little kids with me.

00:41:25.000 In the real world, it would be my sons.

00:41:27.000 So I'd give them, even if I caught two, I'd give one to each boy.

00:41:31.000 That's considered normal.

00:41:32.000 If I was alone, my kids are all in college, and I'm sitting next to anyone under the age of 13, maybe even 13, I should give them the ball.

00:41:42.000 And if I didn't, you'd hear booze from the audience.

00:41:45.000 I have no problem with that.

00:41:46.000 That all makes perfect sense.

00:41:47.000 A man shouldn't be keeping a ball unless it's like, you know, some home run ball.

00:41:51.000 So this bitch, this self-entitled cunt, this brainwashed feminist, this is, you know how I always say, what have we done to girls?

00:42:01.000 What have we done to this bitch?

00:42:03.000 She just grabs it.

00:42:05.000 And then these two are treating it like it's a game.

00:42:08.000 I don't know.

00:42:08.000 Maybe they're Mexican tourists or they're some sort of Hispanic guests because they keep smiling at this.

00:42:14.000 It's not a funny situation.

00:42:16.000 Fuck off.

00:42:17.000 This is my shirt.

00:42:18.000 You're not a little kid.

00:42:19.000 But they're going, oh, it's the old shirt grab, that old tradition.

00:42:24.000 Not a thing.

00:42:28.000 Look at this.

00:42:29.000 He's not giving it to them.

00:42:31.000 And then the girls stop.

00:42:33.000 This is also, I say, what have we done to girls?

00:42:35.000 What have we done to boys?

00:42:36.000 Like, they're holding on to his arm.

00:42:38.000 They're trying to give him some sort of testosterone, some sort of agency.

00:42:43.000 And he's like, oh, it's getting pulled.

00:42:45.000 I'm shy.

00:42:46.000 Everyone's looking at me.

00:42:48.000 And they start tearing it from his hands.

00:42:50.000 Grow a fucking ball, dude.

00:42:52.000 Why don't you take balls from that chick?

00:42:55.000 Take them out of her waxed pussy and put them in your scrottle sack because she stole them.

00:43:02.000 This is modern American feminism stealing our balls.

00:43:04.000 And then who gets it?

00:43:05.000 The beta cuck who lives off her scraps.

00:43:09.000 He catches it.

00:43:10.000 And then, this is the other weird part.

00:43:12.000 So that was audacious and shitty.

00:43:14.000 Give it to me.

00:43:15.000 Give it to me.

00:43:16.000 The girls, I don't know why anyone's smiling here.

00:43:18.000 I'd be furious.

00:43:19.000 I would fight them.

00:43:21.000 Then the Asian dude grabs it.

00:43:24.000 He goes, yay.

00:43:24.000 And then they're all proud of you.

00:43:26.000 High fives.

00:43:28.000 Great work.

00:43:29.000 What are you high fiving?

00:43:32.000 What are you doing?

00:43:50.000 They really had thin thighs in the 70s.

00:43:52.000 These are skin tight on the thighs.

00:43:56.000 I bet they were all...

00:43:58.000 Oh, that's why they were freaking out.

00:43:59.000 I mean, Kobe's dead.

00:44:01.000 So if you get a jersey from a dead guy...

00:44:04.000 Give it to me.

00:44:05.000 My family's dead.

00:44:07.000 And they talk to him.

00:44:08.000 They're ghost friends.

00:44:13.000 Let's jump to some war on kids.

00:44:17.000 Moron kids.

00:44:20.000 When we were young, there was the moron kids.

00:44:22.000 Now, it's the war on kids.

00:44:24.000 Moron kids and ghost friends are awesome band names as well.

00:44:31.000 Hello, fam.

00:44:32.000 I had a sex page upgrade.

00:44:34.000 Who wants to pamp my bag?

00:44:36.000 We are living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.

00:44:41.000 Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.

00:44:50.000 Everything woke turns to shit.

00:44:53.000 If you see Hannah the Armorer, say that to her.

00:44:59.000 Here was the UN, which is Hell Central.

00:45:02.000 I go back and forth, by the way.

00:45:04.000 I talk to people who go, this is a war of good versus evil.

00:45:07.000 And Jim Goad got in my head with evil.

00:45:11.000 And he's like, that's such a cop or such a stupid word, implying that someone's just a bad man.

00:45:17.000 You know, Islam is vicious and violent, but it's also got a severe inbreeding problem.

00:45:22.000 And it's got a severe religious brainwashing problem, religious extremism problem.

00:45:27.000 Those are still human beings that got caught up in all this genetic problems and nurture problems, nurture and nature problems.

00:45:37.000 And I side on that more.

00:45:39.000 But when you indulge in the we're at war with Satan, the UN is definitely Satan central.

00:45:46.000 I mean, we can call it something else.

00:45:48.000 We can call it globalism.

00:45:49.000 We can call it the new world order.

00:45:51.000 But the UN gives me the heebie-jeebies.

00:45:54.000 It's a dark den.

00:45:56.000 I don't know how many children I raped while working for the UN.

00:46:02.000 There have been thousands of allegations against the UN's military peacekeepers, but only 53 have been jailed.

00:46:06.000 Only 53?

00:46:08.000 Didier Bourger shifts in his seat in a justice red tie.

00:46:11.000 He's finding it hard to recall how many children he raped when he was working for the United Nations in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

00:46:18.000 I'd say about 20.

00:46:21.000 That is one of the most prolific rapists I've ever heard of.

00:46:24.000 I bet if you went to a Rikers or any prison right now and talked to a rapist, I don't think one of them has 20 under his belt.

00:46:33.000 This is a very successful rapist.

00:46:35.000 He was earning $7,000 a month as head of logistics in the peacekeeping mission in Gorma while getting locals to procure children for him.

00:46:42.000 He had two assets that ensured children trusted him.

00:46:45.000 He was white and he worked for the UN.

00:46:47.000 He said the sex was consensual, but it is unsure whether the children were afraid to say no.

00:46:52.000 I'm not sure.

00:46:53.000 I don't think so, but I'm not sure.

00:46:55.000 Could be.

00:46:56.000 What the fuck?

00:46:57.000 How about the flippant way he describes his serial child rape?

00:47:00.000 I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.

00:47:04.000 By the way, just for the record, folks, there's no such thing as consensual sex with children.

00:47:10.000 No such thing as consensual sex with prisoners.

00:47:16.000 And it's the same reason, really, that they're not able to give consent.

00:47:21.000 Children, because they're too easily manipulated.

00:47:23.000 And the whole construct with children is trust us.

00:47:28.000 Here, hold my hand.

00:47:29.000 I'll take you across the street.

00:47:30.000 You're violating that trust.

00:47:32.000 And then in the case of prisoners, of course, they can't say no either.

00:47:39.000 I'm sure that's crossed your desk before.

00:47:41.000 Sorry, folks.

00:47:42.000 Look at this Father of the Year 25.

00:47:45.000 Abortion care is a calling for this Texas doctor.

00:47:49.000 Now he faces a dilemma.

00:47:51.000 Risk lawsuits or quit.

00:47:52.000 Joe Nelson is weighing his option as courts weigh in on the nation's strictest abortion ban.

00:47:56.000 And I want to read you this poll quote from Father of the Year.

00:48:00.000 His name's Joe Nelson, right?

00:48:02.000 In Nelson's absence, Leah has raised three kids almost entirely on her own.

00:48:07.000 Even when they live down the road from Nelson, that's Nelson right there in the kookie socks.

00:48:13.000 She said her sons rarely saw their father.

00:48:15.000 He was so involved in his career, then residency, then he found his love of abortion.

00:48:22.000 Not fucking good, you fucking rat, scumbag, fucking fag.

00:48:26.000 How is that for a doozy?

00:48:31.000 His love of abortion.

00:48:34.000 Wow.

00:48:34.000 I mean, horror movies are green with envy.

00:48:39.000 By the way, there was one thing.

00:48:42.000 Did you see these dads going to the school?

00:48:47.000 Shit.

00:48:48.000 I don't think I included it.

00:48:51.000 More on jokes.

00:48:52.000 This was a bloodbath.

00:48:54.000 It's not this.

00:48:56.000 No, no.

00:48:58.000 There was a thing on dad power.

00:49:01.000 And it had these black dads.

00:49:02.000 I can send it to you.

00:49:04.000 These black dads who go to this school.

00:49:07.000 And it seems pretty awesome, right?

00:49:09.000 They go to this school, and there'd been like a fight a week there.

00:49:13.000 Here, I know where it is.

00:49:14.000 And then the dads show up, and guess what?

00:49:16.000 Everything stops.

00:49:17.000 Black Father tells board CRT keeps racism on life support?

00:49:20.000 No, no, no.

00:49:22.000 No, this is specifically to prevent fighting because it was getting out of control.

00:49:31.000 And we all know why it gets out of control because they don't have dads.

00:49:34.000 And they don't have dads because of welfare.

00:49:38.000 So if you want to save black kids in schools, you introduce charter schools because charter schools follow supply and demand.

00:49:44.000 And the demand with black kids is discipline.

00:49:47.000 So it's like boot camp.

00:49:48.000 They have them running up and down the hallway doing push-ups, doing pull-ups.

00:49:52.000 It's like military school.

00:49:54.000 In areas where kids don't need discipline, it's not.

00:49:57.000 Sounds good to me.

00:49:59.000 Yeah, so Tommy loved it.

00:50:04.000 You're going to have to start the whole video again.

00:50:07.000 Plagued.

00:50:09.000 Not many good news stories begin in such a bad news way.

00:50:14.000 It happened last month here at Southwood High School in Shreveport, Louisiana.

00:50:18.000 Plagued with violence.

00:50:20.000 Over the course of three days.

00:50:21.000 Plagued with violence.

00:50:22.000 23 seconds.

00:50:23.000 Like it was the locust that flies into your school.

00:50:27.000 Massive police response to the school.

00:50:28.000 But strangely, there hasn't been another incident since.

00:50:32.000 Perhaps in part because of this most unusual crisis intervention team.

00:50:37.000 I can't see.

00:50:38.000 Nobody here has a degree in school counseling.

00:50:41.000 No majors in criminal justice.

00:50:44.000 Your qualifications are dads.

00:50:47.000 We decided the best people who can take care of our kids are hula.

00:50:50.000 For us.

00:50:51.000 What we do.

00:50:52.000 So Michael Lafeed started Dads on Duty.

00:50:54.000 We're out doing what we do for our babies.

00:50:56.000 A group of about 40 Southwood dads who now hang out at the school in shifts.

00:51:00.000 Let's go.

00:51:01.000 Today, any negative energy that enters the building.

00:51:03.000 Stop.

00:51:05.000 What's going through your mind when you watch this segment?

00:51:09.000 That it's cool, but they need to lose weight?

00:51:11.000 No.

00:51:12.000 That's the incorrect emotion to have.

00:51:15.000 Your response should be, 40 of you.

00:51:18.000 Wait, there's seven there?

00:51:19.000 One, two, three, four, five, six.

00:51:21.000 How small is the school?

00:51:22.000 Also, are you employed?

00:51:25.000 Oh.

00:51:26.000 Don't you have a fucking job?

00:51:30.000 Like, I cannot think of six other dads I could get to take.

00:51:35.000 I could just record the show at a different time.

00:51:37.000 Most people don't have that freedom.

00:51:39.000 And there's no way in hell out of all the dads I know, which is dozens, that I could assemble seven at any given time.

00:51:46.000 And I think I know why.

00:51:47.000 I mean, between nine to five.

00:51:49.000 What?

00:51:50.000 Have you noticed this too?

00:51:51.000 This is a hood thing with blacks and Hispanics where they get the merch done real early.

00:51:56.000 Oh, yeah, they got a merch guy, yeah.

00:51:57.000 Like stickers, patches.

00:51:59.000 They're always giving You the cards, and then we got t-shirts.

00:52:01.000 I'm like, why don't you work on the thing a little more?

00:52:04.000 We basically just got t-shirts going like now.

00:52:08.000 The store is up to par.

00:52:10.000 But yeah, they always got the t-shirts out first.

00:52:17.000 Finally, we have a yes from about 37 mayors on critical race theory.

00:52:22.000 We've got to get it into schools.

00:52:24.000 It's really good to tell kids that America's history is steeped in racism.

00:52:34.000 68 in support of critical race theory and public K-12 education.

00:52:38.000 This resolution outlines the U.S. Conference of Mayors' support for the implementation of critical race theory in public education.

00:52:44.000 Are there any questions or comments on number 68?

00:52:50.000 If not, I'm 66.

00:52:54.000 But I have a feeling if I knew a lot of mayors, they'd all be dicks.

00:52:58.000 Wait, go back.

00:52:58.000 How many are raising their hand for this?

00:53:02.000 I move for adoption.

00:53:06.000 If not, I move for adoption.

00:53:07.000 All in favor, please raise your hand.

00:53:10.000 One, two, three.

00:53:12.000 Look, it's all the women.

00:53:15.000 Wait, that's not many?

00:53:17.000 Click on it again.

00:53:21.000 No, you don't have to go back.

00:53:23.000 If not, I move for adoption.

00:53:25.000 All in favor, please raise your hand.

00:53:30.000 Two, including the speaker, the mayor.

00:53:34.000 You can't tell what this is.

00:53:35.000 Wait, I thought this was a group of mayors.

00:53:37.000 Go to the top.

00:53:40.000 United States Conference of Mayors adopts Resolution 68 in support of critical race theory.

00:53:45.000 But it's only two, dude.

00:53:47.000 Right.

00:53:48.000 You can't tell what the bottom middle woman is doing.

00:53:51.000 She's fucking...

00:53:52.000 She's showing off her office space.

00:53:55.000 I can't hear you.

00:53:56.000 I'm in this big office.

00:53:58.000 We get it.

00:54:00.000 Carolyn Goodwin.

00:54:02.000 Holy shit.

00:54:03.000 Any opposed, please verbally signal nay.

00:54:08.000 The eyes have it.

00:54:10.000 How does that work?

00:54:11.000 Next is...

00:54:11.000 Nobody said nay, but only a couple raised their hand.

00:54:14.000 I don't get politics.

00:54:16.000 Why, this isn't politics.

00:54:17.000 This is the yay or nay voting system.

00:54:19.000 Yeah, no one said nay, but only two said yay, so that means it goes through.

00:54:23.000 Nice system.

00:54:25.000 Weird.

00:54:26.000 All right.

00:54:28.000 We've still got some time.

00:54:29.000 Things are going well.

00:54:30.000 Let's just do a little bit of racism before we get to the mailbag, shall we?

00:55:00.000 What was that?

00:55:01.000 That's just the way it is.

00:55:03.000 You probably like that.

00:55:04.000 Bruce Hornsby's version is pretty good.

00:55:06.000 Tupac is better.

00:55:07.000 Changes.

00:55:09.000 That opening band that were terrible, I bet you liked them.

00:55:13.000 I don't remember what it said.

00:55:14.000 Rock and Roll Soldiers, Baby Monster.

00:55:25.000 It's okay.

00:55:26.000 I like a little...

00:55:27.000 I don't know.

00:55:28.000 It's a little too happy for me, but here's bad news in the band realm.

00:55:32.000 Ghost Friends is already a band.

00:55:34.000 Oh, farts.

00:55:35.000 But moron kids is not.

00:55:40.000 We'll just buy it off them.

00:55:41.000 I'm rich.

00:55:42.000 True.

00:55:43.000 Here's a million dollars.

00:55:44.000 Get lost.

00:55:46.000 Just kick in.

00:55:52.000 They're from Syenne, France.

00:55:54.000 From where?

00:55:55.000 France.

00:55:56.000 From Syenne, Normandy?

00:55:59.000 Cyan, Normandy, France.

00:56:01.000 That's where the beaches were stormed, right?

00:56:03.000 That's correct.

00:56:05.000 That's exactly what you'd expect the band Ghost Friends to sound like.

00:56:08.000 Okay, you guys can have it.

00:56:09.000 Fine.

00:56:10.000 Hamilton, I thought this was funny.

00:56:13.000 I saw a debate, by the way.

00:56:15.000 Go to 2.8.

00:56:16.000 I highly recommend this.

00:56:17.000 Jared Taylor, let's just explain the politics of the racial realist, okay?

00:56:22.000 You know, my angle is I don't care.

00:56:24.000 There may be differences.

00:56:25.000 There may be genetic differences within races, but I go by the individual.

00:56:28.000 I'm also in denial of white on POC prejudice.

00:56:34.000 I don't think it's intersectional.

00:56:37.000 I don't think it's prevalent.

00:56:38.000 I don't think it's a thing.

00:56:40.000 Most of these people, Peruvians with money, some rich white mulatto who goes to PTA meetings, they're all just treated like Americans.

00:56:50.000 There is anti-white racism.

00:56:51.000 There is anti-Asian racism.

00:56:53.000 There is anti-Semitism from blacks and Arabs.

00:56:57.000 But the racism you talk about, which is everyone being an archie bunker who hates everyone, is total fucking horseshit.

00:57:03.000 And it's the linchpin of the less view of America, which is crazy when your linchpin's rusted out.

00:57:09.000 Anyway, Jared Taylor believes that you should be allowed to have an all-white area, an all-black area.

00:57:14.000 He's fine with segregation in all cases.

00:57:16.000 He doesn't want anyone to go back to Africa.

00:57:18.000 That's too hard.

00:57:19.000 He also just says, look, if diversity is so great, why are we spending billions upon billions of dollars promoting it?

00:57:27.000 I believe he's for closed borders, too.

00:57:30.000 And this is an hour long.

00:57:32.000 But in it, she goes, you know, the founding fathers, when they came up with this idea for America, and he stops, she goes, they would be mortified.

00:57:40.000 You know, they planned for a white America.

00:57:44.000 And it was just a given.

00:57:46.000 They didn't feel the need to include the name white because that's what they want.

00:57:51.000 But then, so we'll hold on off on that and then go back up to 2.7.

00:57:54.000 So someone pointed out that Hamilton was not really very big on diversity.

00:57:59.000 Unfortunately, Lynn-Manuel Miranda.

00:58:03.000 And Broadway version, yo, my name is Alexander Hamilton.

00:58:07.000 I'm here to stay.

00:58:08.000 Immigrants are cool in a major way.

00:58:10.000 And then real life, what do we have here?

00:58:15.000 Excessive population, a detriment, foreign influence, a Grecian horse to a republic.

00:58:21.000 Homogen City, necessary for permanency of the Union.

00:58:28.000 Cites Jefferson, Safer to wait for a natural increase of population.

00:58:32.000 Yeah.

00:58:33.000 And then go to the next one.

00:58:35.000 Aliens, if admitted, will replace us as we, the Indians.

00:58:39.000 Oops.

00:58:41.000 Rome and Syracuse fell through admitting aliens to citizenship, blah, blah, blah.

00:58:44.000 Immigration tends to produce heterogeneity, which is not good.

00:58:49.000 The evil of incorporating foreigners in the nation, deferred naturalization desirable.

00:58:53.000 Wow.

00:58:56.000 So, yeah, you should check out that interview.

00:58:58.000 It's called Uncomfortable, and he proceeds to make her incredibly uncomfortable.

00:59:03.000 And I don't understand how you could have a problem with Jared Taylor.

00:59:06.000 Like, he thinks negative thoughts about your group.

00:59:09.000 Who cares?

00:59:10.000 He's not instituting any laws.

00:59:12.000 And he's got a point.

00:59:13.000 If diversity was so important, then you wouldn't need to spend billions promoting it.

00:59:18.000 Marijuana and sex don't need a marketing campaign.

00:59:21.000 Somebody time coded this.

00:59:22.000 They said, I can't believe he had to explain percentages to her.

00:59:26.000 In the interest of objective truths, as you pointed out, Central Americans are three to four times more likely to be on public assistance programs than white Americans.

00:59:37.000 There are still more white Americans on public assistance programs.

00:59:41.000 They are the majority.

00:59:42.000 They absolutely are the majority.

00:59:43.000 What matters is per capita participation in these things.

00:59:47.000 If you have a percentage of population, though.

00:59:50.000 Percentage of population.

00:59:51.000 Yeah, the left does not understand the word disproportionate.

00:59:55.000 They really don't.

00:59:57.000 They're like, you say short, fat, Jewish Chinese men tend to be bad at basketball.

01:00:03.000 Oh, yeah?

01:00:04.000 What about Yao Chi Schminglstein?

01:00:07.000 Okay.

01:00:09.000 He's not coming.

01:00:10.000 Yao Chi Schwinglesteen.

01:00:11.000 Yao Xi Schminglesteen.

01:00:13.000 Yao Chi Schminglest.

01:00:14.000 Excuse me.

01:00:14.000 Yeah.

01:00:15.000 Here's another one that says the largest roast ever uttered.

01:00:19.000 What you're saying is somehow whites were about to choke to death on their own homogeneity when people like yourself kindly arrived with diversity and saved us from ourselves.

01:00:29.000 No, we built a wonderful country that your ancestors could not have been.

01:00:34.000 That is why people like you come here.

01:00:37.000 And the more you come in larger numbers, you will change the country my ancestors built into something else.

01:00:43.000 And it is completely normal for me to wish to oppose that.

01:00:47.000 Mr. Taylor, I've taken enough of your time.

01:00:51.000 Oh, wow.

01:00:52.000 Look at that.

01:00:53.000 Yeah, you have taken enough of my time.

01:00:55.000 In space, in fucking potential.

01:00:58.000 I have to go back to the drawing board.

01:01:00.000 I have to go back to the board.

01:01:00.000 I had to R.A. the rugged man debate him.

01:01:02.000 And when we drove back from Long Island, R.A. was just like twitching and yeah.

01:01:08.000 Well, that was him vibrating with the car, I mean.

01:01:10.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:11.000 But just silently sitting there looking out the window.

01:01:13.000 Don't debate him.

01:01:14.000 You will lose.

01:01:15.000 He's Japanese.

01:01:16.000 They're superior.

01:01:18.000 English is his second language.

01:01:20.000 He had no white friends his entire fucking childhood.

01:01:26.000 And then RA just spent the most time calling him a racist piece of shit.

01:01:30.000 You fucking racist.

01:01:33.000 The great debate.

01:01:34.000 Anyway, let's jump ahead.

01:01:35.000 The war on jokes.

01:01:36.000 I thought this was unbelievably funny.

01:01:41.000 He went like this at one point, my pet Biden.

01:01:44.000 He went like this to say, zero cents, no new taxes.

01:01:48.000 You won't have to pay a dime.

01:01:50.000 He's going to create a $3.5 trillion plan that doesn't involve any money.

01:01:57.000 Okay?

01:01:58.000 So I think you have to go down.

01:02:07.000 No, maybe not.

01:02:09.000 I want to see them saying it originally.

01:02:12.000 So they said that that was a white power symbol, and then Reuters facts checks, fact checks their joke and goes, no, do the fact check.

01:02:21.000 No, click on the fact check article there.

01:02:23.000 Yeah.

01:02:24.000 And then maybe click on the link.

01:02:30.000 They're so humorless.

01:02:31.000 They're fact-checking jokes.

01:02:33.000 Oh, there we go.

01:02:34.000 So there it is.

01:02:34.000 Biden flashed the white power sign while a black man was asking him a question.

01:02:42.000 And they go, no, he was saying zero cents.

01:02:45.000 We need to correct the record.

01:02:47.000 That's Reuters, the most powerful news agency in the world.

01:02:50.000 Fact-checking jokes.

01:02:56.000 And then speaking of pets, let's jump to 3-2 where the liberal pets are misbehaving.

01:03:04.000 Bad blacks.

01:03:06.000 You know, the left wanted them to vote for gay marriage in California, but they're a bunch of Christians and they let them down.

01:03:13.000 They were spanked on their bums for that.

01:03:16.000 And they were told that we're moving on to trans as our new pets.

01:03:19.000 And then they said, we want the government to vax everyone.

01:03:22.000 It's only mega people who aren't getting vaxed.

01:03:24.000 And blacks go, no, it's us too.

01:03:27.000 And now liberals are mad at their bassethounds.

01:03:31.000 Look, black people with swastika signs.

01:03:35.000 And the swastikas are the government, the woke DNC.

01:03:38.000 This is not how it's supposed to work.

01:03:41.000 Turn it up.

01:03:45.000 Bad pets.

01:03:56.000 If the poor guy who works there, he's going to take on this mob defending vaccine requirements in the NBA.

01:04:05.000 It's like stormtroopers.

01:04:06.000 I always feel sorry for those guys.

01:04:08.000 Every time there's a movie where they go to the main bad guy's house and he has to kill all the guards, they're just fucking guards, man.

01:04:15.000 They have to die now?

01:04:18.000 In my New York City, Kylie Irving would be back playing in Brooklyn starting five.

01:04:24.000 So that's anti-Kyrie Irving, right?

01:04:26.000 This is how other protesters are dealing with it.

01:04:29.000 These are the climate protesters, Extinction Rebellion.

01:04:32.000 They're blocking traffic and everybody hates them.

01:04:34.000 There's fucking worker dudes like kicking their cones because they're retards.

01:04:38.000 And this is how...

01:04:43.000 Anti-vax protest.

01:04:44.000 Oh, these are the same guys.

01:04:46.000 That's an ancient one from Britain, dude.

01:04:47.000 So that's a leftist protest, and this is how this is, this happened today.

01:04:52.000 This is happening right now, actually.

01:04:55.000 A firefighter-led vaccine mandate protest.

01:05:00.000 Peaceful, not blocking traffic hanging out.

01:05:04.000 Remember what that looks like the Williamsburg Bridge.

01:05:06.000 Remember, it's the Brooklyn Bridge.

01:05:07.000 Remember one time during Occupy Wall Street, the Antifa blocked the Williamsburg Bridge to stop all the finance guys getting to Wall Street.

01:05:16.000 They were there at 11 a.m.

01:05:19.000 And they blocked the bridge.

01:05:21.000 People in finance often have to get up early for the Chinese markets.

01:05:25.000 Many of them are there at 5 a.m.

01:05:28.000 No one is there after 9.01 a.m.

01:05:31.000 And if you're in finance and you're going in there at 11, it's because it's your day off and you forgot your track suit.

01:05:38.000 Wait, are they blocking?

01:05:39.000 Is this where the cars would go?

01:05:42.000 No.

01:05:43.000 That's the bike path.

01:05:44.000 Okay.

01:05:45.000 I think.

01:05:47.000 Yeah, that looks like a bike path.

01:05:48.000 There's no way two cars could fit there, and there's a dotted line.

01:05:52.000 And the anti-mandate thing with these guys here with the Kyrie Irving thing, they unified on this whole thing.

01:05:58.000 BLM and the anti-vax right.

01:06:03.000 This is not working out well for the globalists.

01:06:06.000 This was not our plan.

01:06:07.000 No.

01:06:08.000 All right, let's talk to some viewers, shall we?

01:06:11.000 In the bag of mail?

01:06:13.000 In the bag of mail.

01:06:28.000 Remix.

01:06:30.000 Oh, that was cool.

01:06:31.000 Did you do that remix?

01:06:33.000 Yes.

01:06:34.000 It's a really dope remix.

01:06:35.000 Thank you.

01:06:37.000 Um LGBTQ Someone was very mean about my hair and I God Yes You have hurt me today.

01:06:58.000 Oh shit, we were supposed to have Crypt Daddy on again?

01:07:01.000 Oh cool.

01:07:02.000 Yeah, I've just forgotten you want me to describe him?

01:07:05.000 Yeah, yeah see if you can give it a little shot shoot I can't find him That's the guy telling us about Joy Division,

01:07:24.000 right?

01:07:27.000 I'm not making very good TV.

01:07:29.000 Are you trying to contact him?

01:07:32.000 Yeah someone's sent me here's a really weird one.

01:07:40.000 Hi Gavin, I'm a big fan and an avid viewer of Censored.

01:07:43.000 I literally dreamed up a TV commercial that I think could be a Super Bowl favorite.

01:07:49.000 Probably for Charles Schwab or a business consulting firm.

01:07:53.000 So someone with a multi-million dollar ad budget?

01:07:55.000 Okay.

01:07:56.000 I'd like to pitch it, but I assume that I'd have better luck if I worked through an agent.

01:08:01.000 Can you give me a reference or any advice?

01:08:03.000 I'll develop the storyboards and have them ready.

01:08:06.000 I'll copyright them.

01:08:07.000 Thank you.

01:08:07.000 I know you're totally busy.

01:08:10.000 What?

01:08:11.000 Do you also have a great idea for a blockbuster?

01:08:17.000 Like, dude, you can't just pitch Charles Schwab out of nowhere.

01:08:23.000 I'm sorry.

01:08:28.000 Okay, I've almost found it here.

01:08:30.000 Are you excited?

01:08:31.000 Yes.

01:08:34.000 Here we go.

01:08:36.000 Thank God I found it.

01:08:38.000 It's called Gav's Haircut, and it has hurt me today.

01:08:44.000 Also found a picture of me...

01:08:46.000 Someone filmed me having fun with a buddy of mine, Curtis.

01:08:53.000 And taken out of context, it looks really bad.

01:08:57.000 It's just a guy goofing around.

01:09:03.000 Looks like I have to restart my...

01:09:06.000 What?

01:09:09.000 Your mail's broked?

01:09:10.000 I think it's broken.

01:09:11.000 I'm going to restart.

01:09:14.000 Okay, while you do that, let's look up your new ultimate driving machine.

01:09:18.000 What up, G-Dog?

01:09:19.000 Oh, by the way, important message.

01:09:22.000 I just redid my bathroom.

01:09:24.000 My bathroom is in the basement.

01:09:25.000 Apparently my shit stinks.

01:09:27.000 And so the family has sequestered me to the basement.

01:09:30.000 I am fighting back, however, by making my bathroom kick ass.

01:09:34.000 I have a VIP toilet seat.

01:09:36.000 I have a gold biffy bidet.

01:09:38.000 There's a gold theme.

01:09:39.000 There's gold accents everywhere.

01:09:43.000 Gold mirror, gold lights.

01:09:46.000 And I want to get a poster of Goldfinger.

01:09:49.000 Nice.

01:09:50.000 No.

01:09:52.000 Gold dust.

01:09:54.000 Oh.

01:09:55.000 The 90s wrestler.

01:09:56.000 Not the new one where he's black with stripes.

01:09:59.000 No.

01:10:00.000 But if you could find me a poster size, like this square, a poster of goldfinger when he has long blonde gold hair.

01:10:08.000 Gold dust.

01:10:09.000 Gold dust.

01:10:10.000 Sorry.

01:10:10.000 Fuck.

01:10:10.000 I keep seeing gold finger.

01:10:14.000 That looks like the era, judging by the quality and the font.

01:10:24.000 Film.

01:10:29.000 Yes.

01:10:30.000 That's the one I want.

01:10:33.000 I looked all over eBay, Amazon.

01:10:35.000 I couldn't find anything.

01:10:37.000 Anyway, baby months, just see if you can help me out with that, please.

01:10:40.000 Your new ultimate driving machine, what up, G-Dog?

01:10:42.000 And your faggot LARPing producer.

01:10:45.000 Excuse me.

01:10:47.000 By the way, the hide your meal.

01:10:54.000 Are you taking a note to hide that so you don't see people's names?

01:11:00.000 The White House today is a bunch of Veep fans LARPing as the show, just so you know.

01:11:05.000 We have this big globalist mentality about these evil geniuses running the show.

01:11:09.000 That's possible.

01:11:11.000 It's also possible it's run by a bunch of toxic babysitters like AOC, who are just dumb cokehead bitches who get to play house.

01:11:19.000 But it's the White House.

01:11:22.000 Anyway, can you do this?

01:11:24.000 Are you ready?

01:11:25.000 Yes.

01:11:26.000 You should stick with BMW.

01:11:27.000 This generation of M5 are still attainable and are destined to start skyrocketing.

01:11:32.000 Unlike all the performance cars today, the E34s retain an understated aesthetic.

01:11:39.000 Outside of the badge, only car guys like Boner would know what it is.

01:11:43.000 Check out the two-tone interior.

01:11:45.000 Looks absolutely gorgeous, my boy.

01:11:48.000 It does look beautiful.

01:11:50.000 Pull it up.

01:11:54.000 What are you doing?

01:11:55.000 I said, are you ready?

01:11:56.000 You got everything?

01:11:57.000 You good?

01:11:57.000 I have the haircut one.

01:11:59.000 Oh, this got sent to my personal email.

01:12:02.000 Oh, flips.

01:12:03.000 Please stop doing that, guys.

01:12:06.000 You get me all muddled up.

01:12:08.000 I could search the car, though, unless he's got pictures.

01:12:11.000 No, I just sent it to you.

01:12:14.000 I had left the mailbag, and I was in all mailboxes, which I apologize for.

01:12:19.000 That's really bad.

01:12:20.000 Sportsmanship.

01:12:24.000 Okay.

01:12:25.000 No, this came.

01:12:26.000 This is in the mail.

01:12:27.000 Oh, no, that's not the mailbag.

01:12:28.000 Sorry, folks.

01:12:29.000 Jesus, Gavin.

01:12:30.000 Get it together.

01:12:32.000 Okay, got him.

01:12:33.000 There we go.

01:12:34.000 1988 BMW, W5.

01:12:39.000 Gorgeous.

01:12:41.000 How much is it?

01:12:41.000 42?

01:12:43.000 Uh, no.

01:12:45.000 Not that gorgeous.

01:12:46.000 A car from 1988, 42.

01:12:49.000 The mileage should be like 20 grand.

01:12:54.000 Go down.

01:12:55.000 What's the mileage?

01:12:56.000 Go down.

01:12:58.000 Go down.

01:13:00.000 Mileage.

01:13:01.000 Oh, 20,000 miles.

01:13:03.000 That's pretty fucking low.

01:13:04.000 Very low.

01:13:05.000 I'm not spending 40 grand on an old car.

01:13:07.000 No fucking way.

01:13:08.000 What's the interior look like again?

01:13:10.000 There we go.

01:13:10.000 Wow.

01:13:11.000 Well, that is nice, though.

01:13:13.000 Wow.

01:13:14.000 Wow.

01:13:15.000 I mean, that's nice.

01:13:21.000 Okay, so we're in the right area?

01:13:24.000 Yes.

01:13:25.000 That is nice.

01:13:28.000 Hey, Gavin, Rye Gay.

01:13:30.000 Look at this video of a Democrat trying to use the same vibe as a Crenshaw or any other conservative political ad.

01:13:35.000 The depiction of the January 6th meandering is hilarious.

01:13:40.000 Okay.

01:13:42.000 You want to show that?

01:13:46.000 Democrat.

01:13:47.000 What are you doing?

01:13:48.000 LOL.

01:13:49.000 It was sent at 10.19 a.m.

01:13:50.000 Oh, God.

01:13:51.000 LOL, just when I thought the left couldn't be any worse.

01:13:56.000 Here?

01:13:59.000 I gotta click play.

01:14:00.000 Oh, you're fucking slow, dude.

01:14:01.000 I'm Marcus Flowers, and I've spent my life serving this country in combat zones across the world.

01:14:06.000 Yes.

01:14:07.000 But I never thought I'd see one here in the United States.

01:14:09.000 Oh, you mean in Deepa?

01:14:10.000 Yeah, it's pretty patriot.

01:14:12.000 We know that for sure.

01:14:14.000 That's Marjorie Taylor Greene's America.

01:14:17.000 Marjorie Taylor Greene.

01:14:18.000 Marjorie Taylor Green's America is a riot.

01:14:22.000 People getting hanged.

01:14:31.000 This one's farther down.

01:14:33.000 Live show text line idea.

01:14:37.000 And then he adds another thing, which you're not allowed.

01:14:40.000 Two things.

01:14:40.000 I think Matt Walsh watches your show.

01:14:42.000 Just a random idea.

01:14:43.000 A lot of radio shows have live text in numbers.

01:14:46.000 Listeners can text in.

01:14:47.000 You and Ryan could respond or get correct info sent in live when Ryan can't use Google for shit.

01:14:52.000 Yeah, like the I was wrong about Brett Weinstein.

01:14:57.000 That was his brother Eric, everyone was quick to point out.

01:15:01.000 And then he has this Matt Walsh tweet.

01:15:03.000 I finally watched some of the Chappelle special and it isn't very good.

01:15:06.000 It makes a few decent points, but the whole thing feels overly defensive.

01:15:11.000 Yes.

01:15:11.000 And almost like an apology.

01:15:13.000 Also, there aren't many jokes.

01:15:15.000 And this is what everyone's mad about.

01:15:16.000 By the way, hate to say it, but Chappelle will probably cave and backtrack from his mild LGBT criticisms.

01:15:22.000 He's not getting much support from other comedians, and most of the support he is getting is from people he doesn't like, white conservatives.

01:15:28.000 Just be prepared for that.

01:15:30.000 Finally, Chappelle's best jokes have already been told on Twitter, I know, because I wrote some of them.

01:15:34.000 Whoa.

01:15:38.000 What do you think that means?

01:15:39.000 I guess he says that Chappelle stole some of his jokes.

01:15:42.000 Oof.

01:15:45.000 Did you see the video I sent you of my barber put out?

01:15:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:15:51.000 Let me see.

01:15:51.000 I'm really not happy about this.

01:15:53.000 I think it's an invasion of privacy.

01:15:54.000 There's patient doctor confidentiality, and I think that should apply to a barber.

01:16:00.000 I mean, you're not a heart surgeon, but you are grooming someone.

01:16:04.000 It is health-related, and it should be very private.

01:16:08.000 So the fact that they filmed me getting my hair did, I'm not going to say it's embarrassing, but it's a violation.

01:16:24.000 Okay, so that's when I first get there.

01:16:26.000 I got to straighten it out a bit.

01:16:28.000 It's kind of curly.

01:16:31.000 And then she gives it some lift.

01:16:35.000 Right?

01:16:41.000 Almost done.

01:16:42.000 We call this the cage.

01:16:45.000 This is like the chicken wire for the paper mache.

01:16:49.000 I also have my tattoos covered up when I go there.

01:16:53.000 And this, everyone's bitching at me about this thing.

01:16:56.000 It's just giving it a little more body.

01:16:58.000 I think it looks great.

01:16:59.000 Thank you.

01:17:01.000 All that spray thing does is just fill in some gaps.

01:17:04.000 You know, it's not cheating.

01:17:05.000 It's just making the hair have more darkness to it.

01:17:11.000 Everyone does this.

01:17:12.000 If you brush your teeth, you're basically doing this.

01:17:14.000 And then I get the back covered up.

01:17:16.000 Why am I the bad guy in this story?

01:17:19.000 What did I do wrong?

01:17:21.000 They're the bad people.

01:17:22.000 They're the bad people for making my private things look...

01:17:25.000 That's exactly what the back of my head looks like, by the way.

01:17:29.000 And then show the other video, Ryan, where I was joking around with my friend Curtis and someone filled it out of context and made me look...

01:17:36.000 Plus, my beard was longer than I look like shit.

01:17:39.000 So I'm disappointed this got out.

01:17:42.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

01:17:44.000 So there's two of them.

01:17:46.000 What?

01:17:47.000 Didn't I send you two videos?

01:17:52.000 Hello?

01:17:54.000 No, what is this one called?

01:17:56.000 Uh...

01:17:58.000 Well, I thought I sent you a letter.

01:18:00.000 God, we're not being very organized here.

01:18:05.000 Okay, okay.

01:18:05.000 You're new?

01:18:07.000 Driving machine boofing?

01:18:09.000 Yes, that's it.

01:18:11.000 Do your job.

01:18:13.000 Not that hard.

01:18:14.000 I told you I sent it separately.

01:18:16.000 We're hurting the show.

01:18:20.000 Notice you can't hear what we're saying.

01:18:27.000 We were having a discussion about farts, and we were saying those fart videos.

01:18:33.000 They fart at will.

01:18:34.000 And I said, no, they're adding air in.

01:18:36.000 And I go, I could put air up your ass, and you would make a fart.

01:18:40.000 And he goes, bullshit.

01:18:41.000 And then we were smoking a bit of crack.

01:18:43.000 I said, I bet if I blow crack up your ass, which is really hard to get to, you can get a buzz.

01:18:51.000 God, I'm fucking kidding me.

01:18:54.000 All right, you get the idea.

01:18:55.000 It doesn't look like a lot of blowing.

01:18:57.000 It looks like there's licking happening.

01:18:58.000 I see the joints.

01:18:59.000 He's trying to get stationed properly.

01:19:01.000 Stationed?

01:19:02.000 Yeah.

01:19:03.000 Hmm.

01:19:06.000 I have a submission for the mailbag if you're interested.

01:19:09.000 It's a bald eagle celebrity.

01:19:12.000 Did this with my own money.

01:19:13.000 You did?

01:19:14.000 Ryan Katsu Rivera says, did you hear what the news is saying about the bird, which is the bald eagle?

01:19:24.000 I don't know what that means.

01:19:27.000 We'll see if a quick Google will inform me of your reference.

01:19:31.000 If you're Googling it now, you're not going to find it.

01:19:33.000 No, I can't.

01:19:38.000 I mean, a bunch of stories about Adele comes up when I put in Bald Eagle.

01:19:42.000 He has to type in a bird.

01:19:46.000 Yeah.

01:19:46.000 He failed to do that.

01:19:48.000 He just looked up Bald Eagle and hit the bird.

01:19:50.000 But when you do the bird, which is the Bald Eagle, nothing comes up.

01:19:53.000 Sad.

01:19:54.000 It auto-fills, but it's got nothing to tell you.

01:20:00.000 It's a thing, but it's not a thing.

01:20:03.000 That's funny.

01:20:03.000 That was cool.

01:20:04.000 When we were playing the baseball championships, my son's coach was like, be that guy.

01:20:09.000 Be that guy.

01:20:11.000 The guy who wins a championship.

01:20:15.000 Hey, Poopy, Shmoopy, and Retard.

01:20:17.000 I think I'm Poopy.

01:20:19.000 Maddie gets away with a schmoopy, which is nothing.

01:20:21.000 He could be schmoopy.

01:20:22.000 He gets a little schmoopy sometimes.

01:20:24.000 God, he's on this diabetes medication that makes you full.

01:20:27.000 I think it's in order to not get fat.

01:20:30.000 But we're drinking anyway.

01:20:31.000 And so he reaches like his peak.

01:20:34.000 And if he has another sip, he's dry heaving because his body goes, that's too much.

01:20:38.000 And that made me laugh my fucking head off.

01:20:41.000 I don't know why, but your friend dry heaving is the funniest thing in the world.

01:20:47.000 Advice for a bald 30-year-old.

01:20:49.000 No woman right now.

01:20:50.000 At this point, I have to get more muscle mass, including sexy calves, which I have, by the way.

01:20:55.000 I am currently slimming down because fat, bald guys are a bummer.

01:20:58.000 That's correct.

01:20:59.000 I wear lots of hats, to be honest, because shaving your head is a pain in the ass.

01:21:02.000 And as you said on Friday's show, the sides grow in so quickly it's not worth it.

01:21:06.000 You can buy a head of hair for roughly 15 grand near me.

01:21:09.000 Should I do that?

01:21:10.000 And if so, when?

01:21:12.000 I mean, on the one hand, I go, just be you, dude.

01:21:15.000 Fuck them.

01:21:15.000 Yeah, you got bald.

01:21:17.000 I mean, it's not sexy and it sucks to go bald at 30.

01:21:22.000 But say you're a seven and you go bald.

01:21:25.000 Now you're a six.

01:21:27.000 You just went down one.

01:21:28.000 You could work out like crazy and maybe get up to a 6.5 and only lose 0.5.

01:21:33.000 But then on the other hand, I think, say you had a future in TV, like Anthony got hair plugs.

01:21:39.000 Jim Goh did.

01:21:40.000 I don't think he liked his.

01:21:43.000 It's also duplicitous.

01:21:45.000 Anthony got hair replacement surgery.

01:21:47.000 Okay.

01:21:48.000 It's also duplicitous if you're breeding because you're saying, hi.

01:21:51.000 One of the reasons women are attracted to healthy men with a good head of hair is they're subconsciously going, my kids won't go bald.

01:21:59.000 But if you're bald, it turns women off.

01:22:03.000 It's a big turnoff.

01:22:05.000 So what's the solution, Ryan?

01:22:08.000 What if you were horseshoe bald, Gavin McLeod, worst bald ever, and you had a funny-shaped head at the age of 32?

01:22:16.000 Your age now.

01:22:17.000 What are you, 32?

01:22:18.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:19.000 So what if you went bald and you didn't have a wife and kid?

01:22:21.000 I don't know.

01:22:23.000 It's scary.

01:22:24.000 I don't think anything bald is happening yet.

01:22:26.000 No, no, we're not talking about you.

01:22:28.000 This is hypothetical dickweed.

01:22:30.000 But no, even with no balding there at all, I get scared.

01:22:36.000 So I've thought about it.

01:22:39.000 Can we jump ahead to the answer, please?

01:22:41.000 I might cave in and do a chavaroo.

01:22:45.000 That's not what we're talking about.

01:22:46.000 He's saying, should I spend 15 grand on?

01:22:48.000 No.

01:22:50.000 Unless you have 15 grand.

01:22:51.000 But you would get a higher quality piece of ass.

01:22:56.000 If I'm married, I could just get married quick before you lose it all.

01:23:00.000 No, it's done, dude.

01:23:02.000 Oh.

01:23:03.000 But there's other ways to get a great piece of ass.

01:23:06.000 You can play bass in a band, any band, no matter how shitty.

01:23:09.000 You could be a Coke dealer.

01:23:13.000 I don't know, dude.

01:23:14.000 I think, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think there are instances where it would be worth it.

01:23:20.000 You're fucking over a lady.

01:23:22.000 You're giving her a bald son.

01:23:24.000 But you're getting a hot chick for $15,000.

01:23:28.000 Like Peter Lloyd.

01:23:30.000 You know the British dude, gay guy?

01:23:32.000 I have examined his head like a lice inspector, and I said I could not tell that it was fake.

01:23:40.000 Or plugs.

01:23:41.000 Restoration.

01:23:42.000 No, not him.

01:23:43.000 Yeah, that guy at the top with the brown.

01:23:45.000 No.

01:23:46.000 Him.

01:23:47.000 Top left.

01:23:48.000 Now he's a gay, and that's him in the brown jacket.

01:23:51.000 So, I mean, it's crucial for them to look young.

01:23:54.000 Wow.

01:23:56.000 He said his barber couldn't tell.

01:23:58.000 There's some linage there.

01:24:00.000 Some very.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, but you're hunting for it.

01:24:03.000 Yeah, I am.

01:24:07.000 Would love to see you discuss on GML this unbelievably retarded video featuring a comedian and the welfare queen with a recent arrest record, high school dropout socialist who's probably going to be Buffalo's next mayor.

01:24:19.000 I remember this chick.

01:24:20.000 She's like, I lived on the streets.

01:24:22.000 I lived in my car.

01:24:23.000 And now I'm a successful politician.

01:24:26.000 I don't want you leading us if you can't get your own life together.

01:24:30.000 I think she has multiple kids with multiple different baby daddies.

01:24:34.000 Not a good look.

01:24:36.000 Not a good look.

01:24:36.000 And now this comedian's, I never heard of him before, but he's fairly popular.

01:24:40.000 And his thing is like, I'm slow and weird and nerdy and awkward.

01:24:46.000 But he's popular, so she goes, fine, I'll do a commercial with you, anything to get my name out.

01:24:50.000 And what follows is one of the least funny things ever to appear on camera.

01:25:03.000 Oh, man.

01:25:05.000 Hey, India.

01:25:07.000 Hey!

01:25:08.000 I know you're b I don't know.

01:25:11.000 I was just calling to see if you saw Stefan De This is an anomaly.

01:25:16.000 This is weird.

01:25:18.000 Quit Twitter and go back.

01:25:19.000 I think I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say that seems like it's a Twitter thing.

01:25:28.000 Yeah, because it's doing it.

01:25:29.000 And this thing is loading just fine.

01:25:31.000 Let's see.

01:25:32.000 Hey, gays, during the live show, in the call-in section, why don't you use the bar studio and have both the boss and Gavin in there so they can use their white indoor voice to talk to each other rather than their black indoor voice.

01:25:44.000 P.S. is a fellow Scott, shouty drunk.

01:25:47.000 Gav makes me homesick.

01:25:48.000 Likes you more than crabs.

01:25:52.000 Um.

01:25:53.000 Okay, get that guy.

01:25:57.000 Get that dude.

01:25:58.000 All right, dude.

01:25:59.000 You're coming with me.

01:26:01.000 Hey.

01:26:02.000 I know you're busy, but I was just calling to see if you saw Stefan Diggs' catch on Sunday.

01:26:08.000 Oh, yeah, Joe.

01:26:09.000 It was so nice.

01:26:10.000 It was also nice to meet you a few weeks back, but you're a little different than I thought.

01:26:15.000 How so?

01:26:17.000 Well, I just couldn't believe how small your head is.

01:26:20.000 Yeah.

01:26:22.000 People say that when they meet me.

01:26:24.000 Yeah, like for someone your height, it was just so tiny.

01:26:29.000 Yeah.

01:26:29.000 I bet you avoid getting into arguments with your girlfriend because you're afraid she's going to go get a ketchup cup from a fast food restaurant and put it on your head like it's a hack.

01:26:39.000 That's actually true.

01:26:41.000 I'd love to see that.

01:26:42.000 You should be running to be a roast comedian instead of mayor of Buffalo.

01:26:47.000 I'll consider it once everyone in Buffalo has a safe and healthy place to live.

01:26:52.000 Have you been able to take a break since we spoke?

01:26:55.000 It kind of bummed me out when you said how after winning the primary, you just wanted to take your son to ride the rides at Darien Lake, but couldn't because the incumbent you beat immediately began a write-in campaign with backing in the city's biggest developer.

01:27:09.000 Make sure that's being patient.

01:27:10.000 Oh, stop, stop.

01:27:11.000 I can't take it anymore.

01:27:12.000 Jesus Christ, what a load of shit.

01:27:14.000 All right, last letter.

01:27:16.000 Check out the preview for the Netflix film Passing.

01:27:18.000 It's about a black chick who puts on white face and lives as a white person in the early 1900s.

01:27:23.000 Problem is she still looks like a black chick.

01:27:25.000 In the preview, one of the main characters comments about how well this white woman presents herself, but all she did was dye her hair blonde and not speak Ebonics.

01:27:33.000 There's no way a normal person of average intelligence would think she was white.

01:27:38.000 They may not assume she was a Negro, but it's obvious she's of some race besides white.

01:27:44.000 Clam.

01:27:47.000 Wait, that woman was black too.

01:27:49.000 I'm trying to find out the history of the blonde you've brought along.

01:27:53.000 She's a girl from Chicago I used to know.

01:27:55.000 Princess from Chicago.

01:27:58.000 Things aren't always what they seem.

01:28:07.000 It's easy for a Negro to pass for white.

01:28:09.000 I'm not sure.

01:28:10.000 It'd be so simple for a white person to pass for color.

01:28:13.000 So you haven't ever thought of that.

01:28:14.000 This is probably brutal.

01:28:16.000 No, why should I?

01:28:17.000 Now I have everything I've ever wanted.

01:28:21.000 This is my husband, Justin.

01:28:22.000 He's right.

01:28:23.000 They do not look white.

01:28:26.000 You dislike Negroes, Mr. Bellew.

01:28:27.000 No, no, not at all.

01:28:29.000 I hate them.

01:28:36.000 This looks like that movie where the guy rapes his dad.

01:28:39.000 I suppose.

01:28:41.000 Your life.

01:28:43.000 But now she's a lesbian?

01:28:44.000 Have you ever thought of what you'd do if John found out?

01:28:46.000 I'd do what I want more than anything right now.

01:28:49.000 I'd come up here to live with you.

01:28:52.000 Now there's a les twist?

01:28:55.000 Les Twist.

01:28:58.000 You think they'd be satisfied being partnering?

01:29:01.000 Too satisfied being innocent.

01:29:05.000 Ruth Rickneck.

01:29:06.000 That's unfortunate.

01:29:08.000 We're all of us passing for something or other.

01:29:10.000 Which one's gonna be there?

01:29:11.000 I said Ruth, nigga.

01:29:13.000 Yeah, but what's her last name?

01:29:18.000 Okay, that was disturbing.

01:29:19.000 Let's get to the final vid.

01:29:40.000 Crazy bitches.

01:29:42.000 You know, I remember Maddie saying he was fucking this girl in Florida, and he goes, you're kind of nuts.

01:29:46.000 And she goes, yeah, the crazy comes free with the pussy.

01:29:50.000 I've always liked crazy girls.

01:29:52.000 Like that one getting the massage.

01:29:55.000 If my wife dies, that's the first one we're going to track down to fuck.

01:29:58.000 Show up with a wand.

01:29:59.000 Yeah, hey, you should probably do it, nude.

01:30:05.000 This is my wand.

01:30:08.000 So this crazy bitch has doused his entire car with gas, and now she's just trying to get a match on it.

01:30:14.000 I assume because he cheated on her.

01:30:17.000 Don't you think?

01:30:22.000 So now this ninja has to block each match.

01:30:29.000 Because it's ready to go.

01:30:32.000 People don't really realize how explosive gas is.

01:30:36.000 It doesn't just slowly start something.

01:30:39.000 It pops.

01:30:42.000 Like when they pour gasol over leaves and they throw a match in, they don't realize you just set off a bomb.

01:30:50.000 I mean, shouldn't he punch her in the face?

01:31:01.000 Poppy!

01:31:02.000 I don't give a fuck about you today.

01:31:03.000 Do you want to keep doing it?

01:31:05.000 She gets nice and close.

01:31:09.000 And then he wants to tap it out.

01:31:18.000 Well, that's our Monday show, folks.

01:31:20.000 We had some fun here with some ghost friends, and we learned about shutting our mouths and the meandering.

01:31:26.000 I wonder what's going to happen with the meandering.

01:31:28.000 Because aren't we all getting two distinct stories here in Divorced America?

01:31:33.000 One is that these guys, it was worse than 9-11.

01:31:37.000 It was war.

01:31:38.000 And they should be punished for treason.

01:31:41.000 Treason's a capital offense.

01:31:42.000 We should just kill them all.

01:31:43.000 Kill Ethan Nordine and Joe Biggs.

01:31:46.000 Everyone else involved.

01:31:47.000 Just murder them.

01:31:48.000 That's one angle.

01:31:50.000 And then the other one is we have no evidence.

01:31:53.000 We're dismantling the commission.

01:31:55.000 Remember that?

01:31:57.000 We have evidence the FBI was involved.

01:31:59.000 This whole thing is a nothing burger.

01:32:01.000 We have to let everyone go.

01:32:03.000 Those are two distinct narratives that we are getting at the same time.

01:32:08.000 What the fuck's going on?

01:32:09.000 Can anyone do their job, please?

01:32:11.000 Correctly?

01:32:12.000 Nope, not in an American divorce.

01:32:15.000 Anyway, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:32:26.000 You're breathing kind of hard.

01:32:28.000 Your heart is not beating.

01:32:30.000 Your heart is not beating.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 25, 2021

S04E46 - GHOST FRIENDS

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