Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E48 - WE WANT CANDY!

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My One with Gavin McGuinness.

00:00:29.000 It's too late.

00:00:43.000 You are devil.

00:00:56.000 Oh, my God in heaven!

00:01:06.000 Help us!

00:01:10.000 Oh Lord!

00:01:12.000 I can't wear this mask.

00:01:14.000 I just spray painted it to make it look creepy.

00:01:16.000 And I'm inhaling the paint, and it's making me gonna faint.

00:01:24.000 That's something somebody who's about to faint says.

00:01:27.000 Yeah, that was bad.

00:01:29.000 Faint from the paint.

00:01:31.000 I don't want to.

00:01:32.000 I think we should throw it out.

00:01:33.000 Yeah, it's...

00:01:34.000 Can you smell it?

00:01:36.000 No, but I'm wrapped in ghoulish decor.

00:01:41.000 Guys, I can't recommend enough that you try out...

00:01:44.000 Oh, great.

00:01:45.000 I got paint on my face.

00:01:46.000 Frick.

00:01:47.000 Frick.

00:01:48.000 Well, you're like a killer who covered a room in blood and you painted it over and there's a little fluck of paint.

00:01:55.000 That's your backstory.

00:01:56.000 Okay, good.

00:01:57.000 Like the Japanese... 1.00

00:01:58.000 Remember those Japanese costumes where it's like something inconspicuous?

00:02:02.000 You don't know what they are.

00:02:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:03.000 It's like a guy who forgot that his cell phone light is on.

00:02:06.000 It's all a backstory.

00:02:08.000 What's your backstory?

00:02:10.000 I'm a ninja.

00:02:12.000 A mummy ninja in a sweatshirt?

00:02:14.000 Yes.

00:02:16.000 I'm guessing that you thought of this costume an hour ago.

00:02:20.000 Well, I did have another costume idea.

00:02:31.000 Okay.

00:02:32.000 That's really funny and amusing.

00:02:34.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:02:35.000 We'll be doing this episode sober for you.

00:02:42.000 My immigration lawyer gave me this.

00:02:44.000 That opening song was Do They Know It's Halloween?

00:02:49.000 And it was by the dude Nick from the Unicorns.

00:02:52.000 I think he's just known as Nick Unicorn.

00:02:54.000 And he thought that that song, Don't They Know It's Christmas, is one of the most offensive and ridiculous songs ever made.

00:03:02.000 Boy, my brain is 100% back now.

00:03:05.000 It's amazing how fucked up paint can make you.

00:03:10.000 I was going to pass out.

00:03:12.000 It's probably cheap paint, too.

00:03:16.000 It's a wildly offensive song.

00:03:18.000 Do they know it's Christmas?

00:03:20.000 What are you talking about?

00:03:22.000 Are you talking about an Africa?

00:03:23.000 Did you just assume that everyone is Christian?

00:03:25.000 You know that non-Christians don't celebrate Christmas, right? 1.00

00:03:28.000 Not even Jews. 1.00

00:03:30.000 What the fuck are they talking about?

00:03:34.000 So he did a parody of it called Do They Know It's Halloween?

00:03:37.000 And it had a bunch of local indie celebs.

00:03:40.000 I play it every Halloween.

00:03:41.000 And the original is one too.

00:03:44.000 That was a Disco D remix.

00:03:49.000 Look how cool this animation is.

00:03:54.000 Ooh, you made our monitor spooky.

00:03:56.000 Yes.

00:04:08.000 It's the coolest animation I've ever seen.

00:04:11.000 This is why I can't watch South Park.

00:04:13.000 Because I'm an aesthetics snob.

00:04:16.000 And when stuff is animated badly, I can't look at it no matter how funny it is.

00:04:21.000 This is too low res.

00:04:24.000 Which is why I love Halloween.

00:04:26.000 Because I like aesthetics.

00:04:27.000 Now, as a dad, you don't get to watch much Halloween.

00:04:30.000 I mean, you don't get to do much Halloween stuff because you're handing out candies.

00:04:35.000 And so what I do is I scare kids with my sidekick, Ryan.

00:04:39.000 He's such a weird-looking dude that when you paint his face white or black, it looks fucking creepy.

00:04:45.000 And we'll be showing you examples of that.

00:04:48.000 So today, as a dad, my job is to hand out candy and scare kids.

00:04:52.000 But before that, when I was single, I loved Halloween because you're at a party, you're partying, and everything is aesthetically stimulating.

00:05:01.000 That's why I like strip clubs. 1.00

00:05:03.000 I can't go now that I'm a dad.

00:05:04.000 But you just, you're talking to your buddy, and there's naked ladies everywhere. 1.00

00:05:09.000 It's nice adornment.

00:05:11.000 So the beauty of Halloween is you get to go to a party, hang out, and everyone is creative and it's interesting and there's beauty back in your life.

00:05:20.000 Even if it's spooky.

00:05:22.000 It's not remotely spooky.

00:05:23.000 One time.

00:05:24.000 Just gonna send it.

00:05:25.000 My friend Judy, she's Judy, holy fuck, Rosen. 1.00

00:05:30.000 She's a fashion designer. 1.00

00:05:32.000 And she did, one year she was glitler, which was Hitler, but in glitter. 0.83

00:05:40.000 So she had pink and purple and glitter all over her, but she was Hitler. 1.00

00:05:44.000 Another year, my wife and I were Juggalos, and she came as our baby, a dead juggalo. 1.00

00:05:52.000 Yes, folks, it was a little too soon.

00:05:54.000 But a month before, a juggalo baby had died, so they had a juggalo funeral for her juggalo baby. 0.96

00:06:02.000 So she was the dead juggalo baby. 1.00

00:06:07.000 So we're going to talk about that.

00:06:09.000 One of my pet peeves is when people take off their costume immediately, like I just did, because I didn't test out my mask.

00:06:15.000 That smell is still pretty strong.

00:06:16.000 Are you smelling it?

00:06:18.000 No.

00:06:19.000 But I'm a Korean zombie, so. 0.66

00:06:21.000 Korean mummy. 0.88

00:06:23.000 Okay.

00:06:25.000 So when women are slutty and they have their high-heel shoes on and then they take them Off at the party, and they're sitting there with their stocking feet on. 1.00

00:06:33.000 It's such a bummer.

00:06:34.000 Same with weddings.

00:06:35.000 So, wear a costume that you can wear all night.

00:06:39.000 For example, one year, I don't have photos of this, unfortunately.

00:06:41.000 I've got plenty of photos to get to that.

00:06:42.000 One night I was a woman dressed up as a man for Halloween.

00:06:47.000 It's the best costume I ever did.

00:06:48.000 I'm sorry I don't have photos, but I had a long wig that I put up into a fedora.

00:06:53.000 I wore a woman's blazer that formed my figure.

00:06:56.000 I had slacks on, and I had flats.

00:06:59.000 Like, you know, women wear flats. 0.93

00:07:01.000 It's the most manly shoe they have.

00:07:02.000 And then I had a cigar, and I had, I shaved my beard, and then I put stubble on it, and then I was tapping a cigar everywhere going, hey, guys, I love tits. 1.00

00:07:10.000 Oh, tits are the best, man. 1.00

00:07:12.000 That's how women act when they do us. 1.00

00:07:17.000 Should we just dive into it, Ryan?

00:07:19.000 True.

00:07:19.000 Let's look at some Halloween picks.

00:07:21.000 Do you see these?

00:07:22.000 These are the worst masks, Halloween masks.

00:07:25.000 This is supposed to be Brad Pitt.

00:07:27.000 Wait, I can almost see Brad Pitt in that.

00:07:30.000 Can't you?

00:07:31.000 I see the guy who plays Bond now.

00:07:34.000 What's the name again?

00:07:35.000 Daniel Craig.

00:07:36.000 Daniel Craig.

00:07:38.000 There's a bit of that.

00:07:39.000 The eyes.

00:07:41.000 That's Barack Obama.

00:07:43.000 Jewish lawyer.

00:07:44.000 They're just so bad they're good.

00:07:45.000 Yeah.

00:07:46.000 James Dean.

00:07:47.000 Well, you can't tell if the people who made this are just really cool and smart.

00:07:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:07:55.000 Marilyn Monroe.

00:07:57.000 Beautiful.

00:07:59.000 Who the fuck?

00:07:59.000 Elvis.

00:08:01.000 Okay, I could see a bit of that.

00:08:03.000 Elvis had jet black hair.

00:08:05.000 Another Elvis?

00:08:07.000 That's the Raw.

00:08:08.000 I knew it.

00:08:08.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 See, the problem with those masks is they're too hot.

00:08:12.000 You can't wear those kind of masks.

00:08:13.000 You'd be better off with face paint.

00:08:15.000 Maybe you could...

00:08:16.000 This will be a quiz.

00:08:17.000 You also have to start.

00:08:19.000 That's the Mona Lisa.

00:08:20.000 Yep.

00:08:21.000 You have to start with what you have.

00:08:23.000 So, for example, I can't be Elvis because of my beard and mustache.

00:08:26.000 I'm not shaving that off.

00:08:28.000 So I have to, I'm restricted to bearded peoples if I don't wear a mask. 0.98

00:08:33.000 And has a mask ever worked out for anyone?

00:08:36.000 How about this one?

00:08:37.000 Do you know what this is?

00:08:38.000 Roseanne Barr.

00:08:40.000 Wayne's World.

00:08:41.000 Oh, my God.

00:08:43.000 You're not going to get this.

00:08:46.000 Yes, I am.

00:08:49.000 The first one is Jerry Sadler.

00:08:53.000 You know that weird-looking politician who waddles?

00:08:56.000 Oh, Jerry Nadler.

00:08:57.000 Jerry Nadler.

00:08:59.000 Oh, no, it's Ronald Reagan.

00:09:00.000 Yes.

00:09:01.000 And then the second one is a crying baby.

00:09:05.000 George.

00:09:06.000 What?

00:09:07.000 How?

00:09:08.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:09:11.000 What's with his mouth?

00:09:13.000 You know how he always be doing that, though?

00:09:15.000 Nope.

00:09:16.000 Yeah.

00:09:16.000 He's never done that once.

00:09:18.000 Oh.

00:09:18.000 Sid Vishnu?

00:09:19.000 Oh, Mr. Bean.

00:09:22.000 Let's say a fun game.

00:09:24.000 This is a heart throb.

00:09:26.000 Hollywood heart throb? 0.83

00:09:27.000 Nicholas Cage?

00:09:29.000 I wouldn't deem him a heart throb.

00:09:32.000 Wow.

00:09:34.000 Oh, you might know this person.

00:09:39.000 Oh, Jennifer Anniston.

00:09:40.000 Correct.

00:09:42.000 Is that a clue you gave me?

00:09:43.000 Mm-hmm.

00:09:44.000 And who's this?

00:09:45.000 Everybody's favorite?

00:09:47.000 The guy from the Adams family.

00:09:49.000 Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:09:50.000 What?

00:09:50.000 Why are his eyes black?

00:09:53.000 I don't know.

00:09:55.000 Oh, this is current.

00:10:00.000 Oh, who does that look like?

00:10:02.000 That looks kind of like that gay dude from the South that I like on Instagram.

00:10:07.000 But I feel like I have it.

00:10:09.000 Mr. Bean again?

00:10:13.000 Oh, Sheldon.

00:10:14.000 I see it now.

00:10:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:16.000 Mr. Bean again.

00:10:18.000 And again, I'm bothering you as much as it's bothering me.

00:10:26.000 All right, let's dive into...

00:10:29.000 I went through a bunch of family photos and I want to show them to you.

00:10:35.000 But first, I want to show you, we showed this last Halloween and the Halloween before where we scare the shit out of kids.

00:10:41.000 I had Ryan put together a montage of our best scares.

00:10:44.000 And we'd like to share that with you now.

00:10:47.000 Spooky.

00:10:49.000 Actually, we don't use the word spooky on this show.

00:10:51.000 Okay.

00:10:51.000 It's racist.

00:10:52.000 Actually, I saw an article saying that Scotland's Spooktacular is back.

00:10:57.000 Oh.

00:10:58.000 And they have unbanned it.

00:10:59.000 They've unbanned it?

00:11:00.000 Yes.

00:11:01.000 Oh, great.

00:11:01.000 That's in the mailbag, I think.

00:11:03.000 From now on, if something's scary, just say it's niggery. 1.00

00:11:07.000 Color-y.

00:11:08.000 Yeah.

00:11:11.000 Dude, the playback's garbage.

00:11:14.000 That's in the mesh can.

00:11:25.000 This playback is grim.

00:11:27.000 The daytime is less smooth.

00:11:30.000 The nighttime playback is good, but it's mostly nighttime.

00:11:35.000 I had to be careful because I didn't want to scare like a two-year-old.

00:11:41.000 But then I don't like 13-year-olds trick-or-treating.

00:11:43.000 Look at that guy.

00:11:44.000 You see that guy?

00:11:48.000 That's our code, you see.

00:11:51.000 Boy, they really shuffle out of there, don't they?

00:11:54.000 And because it's an all-white neighborhood, they're already freaked out by your strange features. 1.00

00:12:01.000 Okay, let's look at some Halloween pics.

00:12:05.000 Going through the family photo album.

00:12:07.000 Ooh, that's creepy.

00:12:10.000 Spooky.

00:12:13.000 Oh, so this was the year, it's me in the middle, and we tried to have three fake werewolves, and then I jump up and scare them.

00:12:22.000 That worked okay.

00:12:24.000 Wasn't fantastic.

00:12:26.000 Plus, it was a pain in the ass making those things out of newspaper.

00:12:29.000 That's just stuffed clothes with pillows and blankets.

00:12:31.000 And what are you doing, Ryan?

00:12:33.000 We can see you.

00:12:35.000 Next, this was, remember that time we both wore werewolf masks and you go, this isn't working, dude.

00:12:41.000 Everyone knows that we're not werewolves.

00:12:43.000 Right.

00:12:44.000 So then Ryan, I got to hand it to him, discovered that the solution is we just have to focus on the jump scare.

00:12:51.000 We're not trying to convince anyone of anything.

00:12:55.000 And he was right.

00:12:56.000 I would say the code, thanks for coming.

00:12:59.000 And then people would run and scream.

00:13:00.000 That actually was inspired by your tip of when you're trying to scare somebody, don't go boo.

00:13:05.000 You just start talking loudly or saying something irrelevant.

00:13:07.000 I'm glad you brought that up.

00:13:08.000 Another important tip with scaring people: don't say boo, but walk at them and get good at it, if you will.

00:13:16.000 So, like, I scare my dad on a regular basis.

00:13:19.000 Every time he's visiting, I hide in the closet.

00:13:21.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:13:22.000 And then when he opens the closet, I go, are there going to be people over there?

00:13:25.000 And you just start talking fast and walking at him.

00:13:28.000 And then he starts rolling backwards, screaming.

00:13:30.000 Because if you just go boo, they have a file in their brain for that.

00:13:33.000 They go, oh, person scaring me.

00:13:35.000 Okay, ah.

00:13:37.000 But if someone's walking out in the sense of urgency, there's no file in the brain.

00:13:42.000 So they don't know where to put the documents.

00:13:44.000 So they're constantly trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

00:13:49.000 That's my kids.

00:13:51.000 My eldest boy was Mike Myers.

00:13:53.000 And then my little boy was, what do you call it?

00:13:58.000 One of us.

00:13:59.000 Oh, Among Us.

00:14:01.000 Among Us.

00:14:02.000 And then my daughter was a Keiju, whatever you call that. 0.92

00:14:06.000 Japanese thing.

00:14:08.000 Next.

00:14:10.000 That's me.

00:14:11.000 I was wearing a...

00:14:12.000 This is a robe from a Know Nothings, the original men's club from like the 1920s.

00:14:18.000 I had it in my old office.

00:14:19.000 It had a black hood it came with.

00:14:21.000 And my retard co-worker at Rooster Worldwide, our ad agency, he threw it out because he thought it was racist.

00:14:29.000 He thought it was a Klan robe.

00:14:31.000 So I don't know where the hood has gone.

00:14:33.000 Thank you very much for destroying my property because you're so fucking scared of racism.

00:14:38.000 That was me going on my way to Fox News.

00:14:40.000 You destroyed a black hood and you're the racist?

00:14:46.000 I was a tranny geisha Indian.

00:14:53.000 Shoes were very uncomfortable.

00:14:54.000 That was a painful night.

00:14:56.000 And Anthony was on the show.

00:14:58.000 Isn't that weird?

00:14:59.000 As the mayor or something.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, so that would have been probably 2015, 2014.

00:15:06.000 It seems like it was a different world there.

00:15:07.000 That's pre-Trump, where you could have fun.

00:15:11.000 And then Trump was elected and the world lost its damn mind.

00:15:15.000 And now it's Clown World Central.

00:15:18.000 That's me and my daughter and my doggy.

00:15:20.000 I don't know what we're doing there, just black and white.

00:15:22.000 This is a fun costume idea, you guys.

00:15:25.000 Be car guys.

00:15:26.000 You don't have to be literally Gavin and Ryan as car guys, but that look of the West Coast customs with their gigantic shorts that look like a kilt and their gigantic t-shirts, that's a fun, easy look.

00:15:41.000 Oh, that said, I texted you this so I wouldn't forget.

00:15:44.000 The Blaze in Croton on Hudson.

00:15:47.000 It's a really cool sort of maze.

00:15:50.000 You walk around their property and you look at all the different pumpkin carvings and they're awesome.

00:15:54.000 Until you realize most of them are fake.

00:15:57.000 Oh, that sucks.

00:15:59.000 Yeah, those are plastic.

00:16:01.000 Yay.

00:16:02.000 So now it's just a plastic light.

00:16:05.000 This isn't my family, but it's my extended family and it's got some great ideas.

00:16:09.000 I think if you're East Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Sikh, any kind of brown person, you should be a luck.

00:16:19.000 Don't you think?

00:16:20.000 Yeah, that's a great luck.

00:16:21.000 A luck.

00:16:22.000 It's tough to think of ideas.

00:16:24.000 I like the guy in the wheelchair.

00:16:25.000 It's way too expensive to get a wheelchair or borrow one on.

00:16:28.000 I can get our buddy Donovan.

00:16:30.000 Wherever the fuck he is.

00:16:33.000 That's another cool thing.

00:16:34.000 If you had a real expansive group of friends with a lot of variety, like at the boxing gym, I meet thugs.

00:16:41.000 I could be like a thug.

00:16:42.000 Oh, I can't because of the beard.

00:16:43.000 But you could just borrow, like, say you knew a juggalo.

00:16:45.000 Hey, man, can I borrow your clothes?

00:16:47.000 Yeah, you can borrow my suits.

00:16:48.000 You can be a non-juggalo for Halloween.

00:16:52.000 So yeah, if you knew a gimp, you could borrow his chair. 1.00

00:16:54.000 That would be fun.

00:16:55.000 That's my youngest boy.

00:16:57.000 Not him, but the other boy was so fucking obsessed with Spider-Man.

00:17:03.000 He was a different child before baseball.

00:17:05.000 Baseball is his heroin, and I've never seen him since.

00:17:08.000 He became a baseball junkie, and that's all he talks about.

00:17:10.000 I look over his shoulder at his phone, and it's just stats.

00:17:15.000 Just data.

00:17:17.000 But before that, he'd build stuff, and he was really creative and goofy.

00:17:22.000 And then I hate baseball.

00:17:23.000 Baseball took my son away.

00:17:26.000 But yeah, that's not the right son I'm talking about.

00:17:28.000 But he wore Spider-Man every day, all day.

00:17:31.000 And some of them would stink because he'd have pee on them, like if you wear the same pants every day.

00:17:38.000 And he wear through several Spider-Man costumes.

00:17:41.000 So I guess that's a leftover.

00:17:42.000 And then my youngest boy sort of picked on it, but not really.

00:17:47.000 That's when Ryan was Nate Ober, right?

00:17:49.000 Yep.

00:17:49.000 And he writes into the show.

00:17:50.000 He's a friend of the show now.

00:17:51.000 We don't get to his stuff, but he sent in some medical things, pictures of the inside of his asshole, because he's got an asshole disease.

00:17:59.000 A colonoscopy?

00:18:01.000 Something like that, but it looks like maybe there's a tumor in there, something unfortunate.

00:18:04.000 So pray for our buddy Nate, and that's him.

00:18:07.000 Let's pray that Nate passes this tumor out of his ass.

00:18:10.000 I noticed with a lot of your costumes, they're incredibly half-assed.

00:18:14.000 Like, look at that shitty bald cap.

00:18:16.000 Yeah, I think we needed some spirit gum.

00:18:20.000 And even the face paint is just so cheap and shitty.

00:18:25.000 Like everything you do.

00:18:26.000 The quality of the face paint?

00:18:28.000 Yeah, like your mummy.

00:18:29.000 Look at your shitty mummy. 1.00

00:18:31.000 Did you even cover your head?

00:18:34.000 Yeah.

00:18:35.000 It's just construction tape and toilet paper.

00:18:40.000 All right, next pick.

00:18:45.000 Oh, that's when my wife and I were Krusty Punks. 1.00

00:18:48.000 And to make our clothes dirty, I rubbed them all over the garage floor.

00:18:53.000 And she got a staph infection.

00:18:56.000 Did you know your garage floor is dirty?

00:18:58.000 Like, I didn't think of dirt as a contagion.

00:19:02.000 But I guess dirt is dirty.

00:19:04.000 Guess who this is?

00:19:06.000 Pay you a million bucks.

00:19:09.000 Jamie Kilstein.

00:19:10.000 Nope.

00:19:11.000 That's I like your new sunglasses.

00:19:13.000 No way.

00:19:14.000 There he is.

00:19:15.000 Wait, that's not too far from what I imagined.

00:19:17.000 That's him barfing.

00:19:19.000 Wow.

00:19:20.000 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 Imagine that guy with a Hello Kitty coffee maker going, I like your new sunglasses.

00:19:25.000 Is that a heroin-related barf?

00:19:28.000 I'm not going to say.

00:19:29.000 Okay.

00:19:31.000 That's just a guy.

00:19:33.000 See, we haven't unpacked our shit.

00:19:36.000 He's around somewhere.

00:19:37.000 We have a Halloween box, don't we?

00:19:39.000 He would have been great on today's set.

00:19:42.000 You should show that to Larry Barnes.

00:19:43.000 Be like, that's you, and I'm done with you.

00:19:46.000 Okay.

00:19:46.000 He might laugh and say, I'm going to tell my grandkids about you.

00:19:50.000 I just said to him this morning, I was like, I'm about to fucking snap.

00:19:55.000 Because he was doing, what you gonna do, bitch? 1.00

00:19:57.000 And I go, I go, you hear that?

00:20:01.000 I just snapped.

00:20:04.000 That's some pumpkins we made.

00:20:06.000 My wife did the skull, and I found that warped pumpkin, pumpkin, and then I just took another, oh, I took plasticine and I made the nose.

00:20:17.000 And then I stuck a little mouth in there with a tooth and a wig. 1.00

00:20:19.000 Put some leaves in the hair.

00:20:22.000 And that painting is in our dining room.

00:20:25.000 George Washington was in that fight.

00:20:28.000 Ignore the white lights.

00:20:29.000 That's just a reflection of our lights.

00:20:31.000 George Washington was in that fight with the British.

00:20:35.000 He fought with the Brits.

00:20:37.000 And then the French and the Indians ambushed them and they killed, this was the storming of Fort DeQuesne.

00:20:43.000 And they killed that captain, I forget his fucking name, whatever he was, General, fancy British guy.

00:20:48.000 And I believe that George was in that mob and he saw the Indians in the trees and he went.

00:21:10.000 What if I quit my job as a British soldier, stop working for these fucking guys?

00:21:19.000 We get in the trees and kick all the British out. 1.00

00:21:25.000 Everyone out.

00:21:26.000 Start our own fucking country from scratch.

00:21:30.000 That's insane.

00:21:32.000 But these assholes with their HADAN! 0.87

00:21:36.000 HAN! 0.96

00:21:39.000 And then knocking everyone.

00:21:41.000 That's a dumb way to fight.

00:21:42.000 I like the tree shit better.

00:21:43.000 I like guerrilla warfare.

00:21:44.000 I'm joining them and I'm going to get an American army together.

00:21:51.000 Start America.

00:21:52.000 It's called America.

00:21:54.000 Next.

00:21:56.000 That's my daughter at the Halloween store. 0.99

00:21:59.000 Good mask.

00:22:00.000 That's my youngest boy in a Spider-Man.

00:22:02.000 That's not a costume.

00:22:03.000 That's a sweatshirt where the hood zips into a mask.

00:22:08.000 There's Ryan.

00:22:09.000 And that's how I did his makeup.

00:22:11.000 He came over with like a normal skull face paint.

00:22:16.000 And I said, dude, that's not scary.

00:22:18.000 There's a file for that.

00:22:19.000 You have to confuse people.

00:22:21.000 So I got him a shirt and a hat and then smeared his face.

00:22:25.000 Isn't that way scarier?

00:22:27.000 Oh, I didn't mean to include that.

00:22:29.000 That's my eldest boy when he was a kid.

00:22:32.000 When he was a kid, when he was about five.

00:22:35.000 And my mom knitted him that.

00:22:37.000 That's awesome.

00:22:39.000 I don't think that's Halloween.

00:22:41.000 That was just a day.

00:22:43.000 Oh, and then he was a ninja.

00:22:44.000 My daughter was death.

00:22:46.000 You don't get any say in your kids' costumes.

00:22:49.000 I thought I would be heavily involved.

00:22:50.000 They're like, nope, I'm not doing that.

00:22:51.000 Nope, nope.

00:22:52.000 They're very, very strict about it, too.

00:22:54.000 Not even remotely into the possibility of what you have to say.

00:22:58.000 So you just have to sit there and wait.

00:23:00.000 And then when you get told, I want to be Jason Voorhees, then you can go make a machete out of cardboard.

00:23:06.000 That's a pumpkin my wife made of an alien zapping you up from the forest. 1.00

00:23:13.000 Oh, that's at Anthony Kumi's place where I was Schneider from one day at a time.

00:23:20.000 And then that's Anthony's brother-in-law as Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP.

00:23:28.000 He's got the fucking mug.

00:23:31.000 I mean, that's perfect, isn't it?

00:23:32.000 Look up Johnny Fever for all you millennials and Zoomers who don't know what I'm talking about. 1.00

00:23:38.000 That was, Anthony's had a, he always has themes at his Halloween parties, and that one was 80s sitcoms.

00:23:44.000 Wait a minute.

00:23:46.000 I guess he's not having one this year.

00:23:48.000 No?

00:23:48.000 I was going to get pissed off that I wasn't invited.

00:23:53.000 I mean, it's perfect.

00:23:54.000 He even grew a mustache for the party.

00:23:58.000 Like, he was planning that months and months in advance.

00:24:04.000 Obviously, we're not appealing to people who are planners on today's episode.

00:24:08.000 What else do you got?

00:24:11.000 Hit me.

00:24:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:13.000 Remember that?

00:24:13.000 John Sereno.

00:24:14.000 He's Mr. Roper.

00:24:16.000 And then what's her name?

00:24:17.000 What was her name again?

00:24:18.000 Allie.

00:24:19.000 Allie.

00:24:20.000 She was Mrs. Roper.

00:24:22.000 I once passed out so drunk that I couldn't fucking function, and she drove my family home.

00:24:30.000 Next.

00:24:32.000 What else you got?

00:24:32.000 Do you want to show the Ropers?

00:24:34.000 Okay.

00:24:40.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 One time, my friend of ours was getting married, and business back when we had a place upstate, and I have cameras all over my properties.

00:24:51.000 And so, me and this other dad got it in our heads that they're going to be lezing out.

00:24:56.000 It's never happened.

00:24:58.000 This was this moron between my legs talking again.

00:25:01.000 And he goes, yeah, they're going to be getting Lesy.

00:25:04.000 And then my friend's dick also told him that.

00:25:06.000 So they both thought Lesing was going down.

00:25:09.000 And then I tune in the cameras and they're by the pool.

00:25:11.000 And I'm like, oh, oh, here we go.

00:25:14.000 And the theme for them was Mrs. Roper. 0.99

00:25:16.000 So they're all wearing Moo-Mus. 1.00

00:25:19.000 There was no Lezing going on. 1.00

00:25:22.000 Dr. Johnny Fever and the blonde from WKRP.

00:25:26.000 What was her name again?

00:25:27.000 Lonnie Anderson.

00:25:30.000 Those are some pumpkins I made.

00:25:32.000 We're really digging through the crates here.

00:25:35.000 It's Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

00:25:36.000 Oh, that's my youngest boy dressed up as my eldest boy for Halloween by sitting on his shoulders.

00:25:43.000 Doesn't that look weird?

00:25:44.000 It looks like that basketball player who was wearing that long lime trench coat.

00:25:48.000 What a fucking loser.

00:25:50.000 This was just some dude who would hang out at the old studio.

00:25:55.000 He made a Proud Boys shirt.

00:25:57.000 This would be like the day the Proud Boys started, Basically, back in 2014, 15.

00:26:04.000 He was Johnny something, and he was a Coney Island freak show guy.

00:26:09.000 Oh, yeah, he would put nails in his dick, yeah, and his nose.

00:26:15.000 Oh, yeah, he put a nail, he'd hammer nails up his nose.

00:26:18.000 Boy, he was weird.

00:26:19.000 I think he was homeless, too.

00:26:21.000 Maybe.

00:26:23.000 Here's a costume idea. 0.55

00:26:25.000 Otoya Yamaguchi.

00:26:27.000 Now, I ordered that Japanese school uniform.

00:26:30.000 By the way, when you're ordering anything from Japan, make sure it's a triple XL.

00:26:34.000 And then he had his army coat.

00:26:37.000 I'm mad that I'm removed from Otoya Yamaguchi's Wikipedia.

00:26:40.000 That hurts.

00:26:42.000 My little boy is a skull guy, skeleton.

00:26:46.000 There's a pancake I made of a pumpkin.

00:26:48.000 It's very cute.

00:26:49.000 There's Ryan.

00:26:50.000 You see with his weird race, how he makes a good bad guy? 1.00

00:26:55.000 Nice and scary.

00:26:56.000 Scary.

00:26:57.000 So we're doing it this Sunday, right?

00:27:00.000 Yeah, if my wife doesn't give birth by then, yeah. 0.68

00:27:04.000 That's back when my son was creative and he made himself a Robocop uniform.

00:27:10.000 Why does it say...

00:27:11.000 Wait, wait, go back.

00:27:12.000 Left, left, right, right.

00:27:14.000 Oh, yeah, when he puts his pants away, he doesn't know which goes on which leg.

00:27:19.000 So he wrote right, right, left, left.

00:27:24.000 We hadn't spray-painted it silver yet.

00:27:27.000 Oh, this was weird.

00:27:28.000 I think there's another picture from the same party.

00:27:30.000 Back when we lived in Williamsburg, our neighbors invited us to a party.

00:27:34.000 My daughter came as the Grim Reaper and just sat there. 1.00

00:27:38.000 That's the first day I realized my daughter's weird.

00:27:42.000 Yeah, look.

00:27:43.000 No one knew what to do with her.

00:27:45.000 She just sat there holding her scythe for like two hours, not talking to anyone or doing anything.

00:27:53.000 Okay.

00:27:54.000 There's another beautiful pumpkin I made.

00:27:58.000 Oh, that's when we were Ghostbusters.

00:28:00.000 My eldest boy would made slimers on a monthly basis.

00:28:04.000 He made a slimer a month.

00:28:05.000 We had 12 different slimers.

00:28:07.000 Those are Tic Tacs I made, put in the mouth.

00:28:10.000 I made it with them.

00:28:11.000 And that's my youngest boy is the Stafe Puff marshmallow guy.

00:28:15.000 Very easy costume to do.

00:28:16.000 You just print out the stuff because it doesn't have to last, right?

00:28:20.000 So you just print out Venkman and the logo and just glue it on your shirt.

00:28:23.000 Sure, that's not marshmallows?

00:28:26.000 What?

00:28:27.000 Tic-tacs are very small.

00:28:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:30.000 Gotta be marshmallows.

00:28:31.000 No, I think it's tic-tacs.

00:28:33.000 Not tic-tacs.

00:28:34.000 Not tic-tac, man.

00:28:36.000 What am I talking about?

00:28:36.000 Not tic-tacs?

00:28:38.000 Minto?

00:28:39.000 No.

00:28:40.000 Oh, yeah, I think that's just mint gum.

00:28:42.000 Mint gum.

00:28:43.000 Yeah.

00:28:44.000 Not tic-tac, man.

00:28:45.000 Not tic-tac, man.

00:28:46.000 Come on.

00:28:47.000 Come on, man.

00:28:48.000 And then that's all of them, but then we have a meme.

00:28:52.000 Oh, I threw a meme in there because I was going through my old October.

00:28:55.000 You just go to your photos, look up October, and you'll have like five years of Halloween pictures.

00:29:01.000 Which is what we just saw.

00:29:03.000 You got the meme?

00:29:05.000 Yes.

00:29:06.000 What's taking you so long, mummy?

00:29:09.000 Yeah, that just cracked me up.

00:29:14.000 Those of you just listening to the audio, it's a fat man who ate some candy bars.

00:29:17.000 I can't convey it without you seeing the meme.

00:29:21.000 All right, I guess it's time to start the show.

00:29:22.000 Are you ready to start a real show?

00:29:25.000 Ryan, are you ready?

00:29:29.000 Actually, I have something to confess.

00:29:33.000 After making fun of Joe Biden, I need to see.

00:29:38.000 I need to see him.

00:29:40.000 I need to see Kyle Donegan doing him.

00:29:44.000 Come on, man.

00:29:45.000 Not your pet Biden, but the guy.

00:29:49.000 The Donegan.

00:29:50.000 The Donegan version.

00:29:51.000 So go to Kyle Dunne's YouTube and see if there's any new updates.

00:29:55.000 Any new fucking...

00:29:59.000 I love watching Biden struggle with the English language, but the only thing better is watching Joe Biden.

00:30:05.000 Maybe they'll be in the new one there.

00:30:07.000 Wait, go to Sly's favorite superheroes.

00:30:11.000 We haven't done that.

00:30:12.000 That's like an hour, 47 minutes, right?

00:30:14.000 You want to do my favorites?

00:30:15.000 Or he's got a minute, 47.

00:30:17.000 That's not going to be in there.

00:30:20.000 He's got the Starboat episode two and three.

00:30:24.000 Yeah, he's in that.

00:30:25.000 Let's watch a second of that.

00:30:27.000 Okay, let's do the third one.

00:30:28.000 The most recent.

00:30:30.000 He would do anything to cheer up young, neglected boys with games.

00:30:35.000 As a space blob of color, Michael McJacko's the one under threat from structural spacism.

00:30:39.000 And a whim.

00:30:41.000 We can just make out whatever.

00:30:43.000 Uh, no.

00:30:44.000 Quick, put on a misk. 1.00

00:30:46.000 Captain, life signs are disappearing all over the ship.

00:30:50.000 Oh, fuck.

00:30:52.000 And spooning.

00:30:54.000 Where's Joe?

00:30:56.000 Scroll forward.

00:30:59.000 This fecal process will take.

00:31:01.000 Hey, it's here long.

00:31:02.000 I haven't exploded.

00:31:03.000 In case everyone's worried.

00:31:05.000 Is Pete okay?

00:31:07.000 No, Elon.

00:31:08.000 Pete's dead.

00:31:10.000 Never been in this room.

00:31:11.000 Oh, man.

00:31:12.000 You tried to chip.

00:31:15.000 There we go.

00:31:18.000 What you see of guts.

00:31:20.000 Hey, come on. 0.77

00:31:21.000 Come on.

00:31:23.000 Don't be so shy.

00:31:24.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 What you through for?

00:31:26.000 Only Joy declares a tick of war.

00:31:28.000 There you go.

00:31:29.000 Please.

00:31:29.000 You smell like diaper.

00:31:31.000 Can't sniff you if you ain't close.

00:31:34.000 I like this game.

00:31:35.000 Let me see your butt. 1.00

00:31:36.000 Yeah, let me see your butt hole. 1.00

00:31:37.000 Hey, wait.

00:31:38.000 I learned something.

00:31:40.000 When people don't want to play, you shouldn't use your power to make them do it.

00:31:46.000 Making someone play with you is like an emotional sniff or a gravy old.

00:31:52.000 What a genius Kyle Dunne is.

00:31:54.000 He plays all those roles.

00:31:56.000 The dialogue seems totally believable.

00:31:58.000 The back and forth there.

00:32:00.000 There's obviously pre-recorded lines.

00:32:03.000 Okay, we're finally starting the show.

00:32:06.000 What, 40 minutes in?

00:32:08.000 Facebook has changed its name to Meta.

00:32:10.000 And I'm deeply disturbed by this concept.

00:32:13.000 What Zuckerberg wants us to do is spend more time indoors and hang out virtually.

00:32:19.000 You don't need to meet people.

00:32:21.000 I know it would be cool if you knew a Juggalo and you could borrow his clothes for Halloween, but don't meet a variety of people.

00:32:27.000 Stay on your computer.

00:32:31.000 Stay here inside.

00:32:33.000 Remember Superman 3 where they all end up in those little jail things?

00:32:37.000 Was that Superman 3?

00:32:38.000 Bauda Zorg?

00:32:40.000 Are you too young to know what I'm talking about?

00:32:42.000 Neil Dazad.

00:32:43.000 Neil Dazad.

00:32:45.000 That sounds like a packy.

00:32:47.000 Neil Dazad, Neil Dazad, Zad.

00:32:48.000 You come from Neil Dazad.

00:32:49.000 I'm going to be with you for the rest of your flight.

00:32:53.000 No, the only way to control these horrible magic guys, I think they're from Superman's Planet, is because they can beat up Superman, is to put them in these little discs and float them into space.

00:33:08.000 And the reason they get liberated is because Superman throws a nuclear weapon into space and it explodes so hard it smashes the things and they can escape.

00:33:16.000 We're now literally there.

00:33:19.000 We're in those things.

00:33:21.000 Yeah, that's what Zuckerberg is doing.

00:33:26.000 This was considered hell and it's our lives.

00:33:30.000 That's meta.

00:33:31.000 We're launching ourselves into space, the cloud, in these little computer things.

00:33:37.000 Isn't that fucked up?

00:33:40.000 What was considered the worst punishment for the most evil people in history is now our lives.

00:33:46.000 Hey, and welcome to Connect.

00:33:48.000 Today, we're going to talk about the metaverse.

00:33:51.000 I want to share what we imagine is possible.

00:33:54.000 If you have blood coming, economy walls.

00:33:58.000 And the technology that we're going to be doing is green ooze.

00:34:00.000 As well as how we're going to all do this.

00:34:02.000 If you stab Mark Zuckerberg and green ooze comes out, he goes, we still feel pain, you know?

00:34:06.000 Is how it's given us the power to express ourselves.

00:34:09.000 No, this isn't what's going on.

00:34:10.000 Is that the link I sent you?

00:34:11.000 12B.

00:34:13.000 So they've renamed it Meta.

00:34:18.000 And they want you to hang out virtually.

00:34:22.000 There, that's where we're all hanging out.

00:34:24.000 Thanks for showing everything, Ryan.

00:34:26.000 Way to break this forward as well.

00:34:30.000 What?

00:34:31.000 You click on the video.

00:34:32.000 Don't show everyone all the villains.

00:34:34.000 Oh, it was?

00:34:35.000 That's 12B?

00:34:36.000 Okay, then scroll forward to his weird, stupid room.

00:34:39.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.000 So we all live in Aspen, I guess.

00:34:43.000 On a lake.

00:34:48.000 Whoa, we're floating in space?

00:34:50.000 Huh?

00:34:50.000 Who made this place?

00:34:51.000 It's awesome.

00:34:52.000 Right?

00:34:53.000 It's from a crater.

00:34:54.000 I met in LA.

00:34:55.000 This place is amazing.

00:34:58.000 Boz, is that you?

00:34:59.000 Of course it's me.

00:35:00.000 Don't do this.

00:35:02.000 Play cards in person.

00:35:06.000 Don't float around with a robot guy.

00:35:10.000 Hey, wait.

00:35:12.000 You can tell he's the fat ugly one, right?

00:35:16.000 You gave me a retarded robot. 1.00

00:35:17.000 Hey, should we deal you in?

00:35:19.000 Sorry, I'm running late, but you've got to see what we're checking out.

00:35:22.000 There's an artistophobe hiding AR pieces for people to find.

00:35:27.000 Oh, some people are outside.

00:35:31.000 But even if you're outside, don't go outside.

00:35:34.000 If you're outside, get on your phone.

00:35:37.000 And fucking things will come to life.

00:35:41.000 Hold on.

00:35:42.000 I'll tip the artist.

00:35:43.000 This is terrible.

00:35:44.000 Wow.

00:35:45.000 Brilliant.

00:35:45.000 If you guys like it here, I'm going to have a room that you're going to love.

00:35:48.000 Check out this forest room.

00:35:51.000 Isn't this apocalyptic?

00:35:54.000 That's new.

00:35:55.000 No, it's stop playing video games.

00:35:57.000 Get off social media.

00:36:00.000 After this show's over, stop watching the show.

00:36:05.000 We've got to show that to the kids.

00:36:07.000 Can you also send that to my dad?

00:36:09.000 I'll message him.

00:36:10.000 All right, see you at home.

00:36:12.000 This place is great, Boz, but there's something I got to get back to.

00:36:15.000 All right, so that's a glimpse of a few ways that we're going to be able to get together and socialize in the metaverse.

00:36:21.000 It's a ways off, but you can start to see fundamental building blocks take shape.

00:36:26.000 First, build your own pizza oven.

00:36:28.000 This is the virtual fucking oven heater behind you in your facial expressions, you'll see their body language, maybe figure out if they're actually holding a winning hand.

00:36:40.000 All the subtle ways that we communicate that today's technology can't quite deliver.

00:36:45.000 Next.

00:36:46.000 Exactly.

00:36:46.000 Virtual reality.

00:36:47.000 Yeah.

00:36:48.000 And that's how we're doing.

00:36:49.000 I wish we could figure out a way where we could see if someone playing poker has tells.

00:36:53.000 You can.

00:36:54.000 It's called your fucking eyeballs.

00:36:56.000 Instead of a static image, they're going to be living 3D representations.

00:36:59.000 Oh, no.

00:37:00.000 Anyway.

00:37:00.000 Your expressions, your gestures.

00:37:02.000 Expressions and gestures, though.

00:37:04.000 Sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

00:37:09.000 I like talking about this story for the same reason everyone else does, because we like looking at pretty girls.

00:37:14.000 So 1-3, everyone is outraged at this girl insted her dad's funeral.

00:37:20.000 And the more we talk about it, the more we get to look at her.

00:37:24.000 I think she might be a 10. 1.00

00:37:26.000 I looked her up online.

00:37:29.000 The other pictures of her aren't this amazing.

00:37:32.000 But as far as funerals, as far as father's funerals go, this is the hottest picture I've ever seen.

00:37:41.000 And I love that outfit.

00:37:44.000 See, we're back to the Halloween talk.

00:37:46.000 I just like looking at good design, whether it's God who made the thing or some homo fashion designer. 1.00

00:37:55.000 Isn't she attractive, Ryan?

00:37:56.000 Or are you not allowed to say that because you're married?

00:37:58.000 Also, she might be a relative.

00:38:00.000 That's Jane Rivera. 0.92

00:38:02.000 Oh.

00:38:03.000 Oh, she only put two A's because there's another Jane Rivera. 1.00

00:38:07.000 I see.

00:38:08.000 So my wife.

00:38:09.000 What would you say your cousin is out of 10?

00:38:12.000 She's loved and supported.

00:38:16.000 What is she out of 10, you faggot? 1.00

00:38:18.000 I don't do incest.

00:38:20.000 From now on, you have to rate girls. 0.88

00:38:22.000 I don't care what your wife says. 1.00

00:38:23.000 You're allowed to eat Taco Bell on the show, and you're allowed to rate girls. 0.68

00:38:28.000 I can rate guys.

00:38:29.000 I'm going to rate her six point something because that's too much muscles for me. 1.00

00:38:33.000 Wait, that's her?

00:38:34.000 Yep.

00:38:35.000 Oh, lady, what have you done?

00:38:37.000 Sorry, cousin.

00:38:39.000 That's a body I want to have.

00:38:42.000 I'm working out so I can get Jane Rivera ripped. 1.00

00:38:46.000 Yeah.

00:38:47.000 That's a funny...

00:38:48.000 Riffing at my boxing gym outside of like threatening to kill Larry Barnes doesn't really, they're not big on riffing.

00:38:54.000 Like I go up to some young kid, some phenom who's going to become a Walterweight champion, and I'm like, hey man, when you're in there, what you want to do is you want to go a lot lower.

00:39:03.000 And because I'm so shitty, it's a funny joke.

00:39:05.000 I'm talking to a professional boxer and giving him bad advice.

00:39:09.000 But then I found out later that his coach was pissed off because it's like a pimp.

00:39:13.000 You're talking to one of his hoes. 1.00

00:39:15.000 And he was angry because he thought I was trying to poach the guy.

00:39:19.000 And I, so then he, to sort of bitch me back, he gave my daughter tips. 0.86

00:39:24.000 He's like, hey, when you, when you're on the slip rope, you need to step more.

00:39:27.000 You want to step.

00:39:29.000 And she's like, okay, who are you?

00:39:31.000 And I'm like, okay, buddy, thanks.

00:39:32.000 Aren't angry.

00:39:34.000 Weird.

00:39:36.000 But yeah, one joke I liked to do at the gym, and you can only do it to the top funny guys, is you go, yeah, I've been trying to fucking, I want to get my biceps going.

00:39:45.000 Like, I want to get like China ripped. 0.98

00:39:47.000 You know, like China, the wrestler.

00:39:49.000 I want to get to that level.

00:39:51.000 What do you think?

00:39:52.000 Funny?

00:39:53.000 Yes.

00:39:54.000 China is an unfortunate word.

00:39:56.000 What you think of China?

00:39:57.000 I laughed the first time, but the thing about jokes, it has to catch you by surprise.

00:40:00.000 But I know that will work on somebody who has not heard it before, for sure.

00:40:03.000 Oh, so you're saying I repeat shit a lot?

00:40:05.000 No, I'm just saying I've heard it.

00:40:07.000 You've confided in me.

00:40:09.000 Here's this chick. 1.00

00:40:11.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:12.000 While I was going digging through the crates, looking at old photographs, I discovered this person Boots girl I used to be obsessed with in a non-wholesome, simpy, ruin-your-marriage way.

00:40:22.000 And I looked up, she's still going strong.

00:40:25.000 And the reason that I included this in the notes.

00:40:27.000 Wait a minute.

00:40:28.000 You never rated that chick.

00:40:29.000 Oh yeah, you gave her a low. 1.00

00:40:30.000 What would you give this chick? 1.00

00:40:32.000 You don't see her face very often.

00:40:34.000 There we go.

00:40:37.000 High sevens, low eights.

00:40:39.000 Yep.

00:40:40.000 But she's so stylish that you'd want to marry her just because you'll always have eye candy. 1.00

00:40:45.000 Like, not one of these pictures is there a problem with any of her outfits.

00:40:50.000 Like, sometimes they'll have open-toed boots or something, and you go, oh, well, you're dead to me.

00:40:54.000 But she's, I think, the best dresser in the world.

00:40:59.000 Look at that.

00:41:02.000 What a fun look.

00:41:04.000 I'm a homo, but I want to fuck her. 1.00

00:41:07.000 So I guess I'm not.

00:41:10.000 Figured that out pretty quick.

00:41:12.000 Yeah, that didn't last.

00:41:14.000 You know what was funny?

00:41:14.000 When I was trying to look, when I was looking for this, I thought, did I leave this at home?

00:41:20.000 And it's so funny the things you hear yourself say to yourself when you're genuinely concerned.

00:41:24.000 So I'm looking through all my suits and stuff at the office, and I'm like, oh my God, it's at home.

00:41:31.000 And then I say aloud, I go, fuck me in my ass.

00:41:37.000 And then I see it's at the back, and I go, oh, don't, nobody's fucking me in my ass.

00:41:45.000 Then I stopped and went, what are you talking about, me?

00:41:48.000 That was just for you.

00:41:50.000 This is kind of an old story, but BJ Novak, a picture of his face was accidentally filed in a copyright-free bin.

00:42:02.000 And ever since then, his face is used for everything worldwide.

00:42:10.000 Look at that.

00:42:13.000 Yep.

00:42:16.000 Shaving kits.

00:42:17.000 That is hilarious.

00:42:22.000 And oh my God, I think I've seen that.

00:42:24.000 Not that one?

00:42:28.000 Maybe not.

00:42:30.000 And it reminded me of this guy who writes into the show.

00:42:33.000 Look up Clothing Line in Mailbag.

00:42:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:36.000 Remember him?

00:42:37.000 I think he's Irish.

00:42:38.000 And he just had some stupid t-shirts like this that he put out that said like globally sustainable.

00:42:46.000 I don't even think it's true.

00:42:48.000 He thought these are nice.

00:42:49.000 And it just blew up all over Korea, Africa. 0.93

00:42:54.000 Everyone loves his shit.

00:42:55.000 And he doesn't get a penny for it.

00:42:56.000 They just stole it.

00:42:58.000 And it's called sustainable something.

00:42:59.000 Anyway, he wanted me to mention on the show.

00:43:01.000 Peter Bouthard, yeah.

00:43:02.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:43:03.000 Pull up some.

00:43:03.000 He sent me a million examples.

00:43:06.000 This is an article he wrote, and he kind of trolled the Daily News, The Guardian, excuse me.

00:43:11.000 Yeah.

00:43:14.000 By just like making shit up.

00:43:17.000 Yeah, he just pretended that he's super into being green and how he wants to save the world.

00:43:23.000 And they all fell for it.

00:43:24.000 Boothroy.

00:43:25.000 But show some of his pictures.

00:43:27.000 Do you have the email of all the people all around the world?

00:43:29.000 You better because this point is lost without it.

00:43:33.000 Here we go.

00:43:34.000 Let me see.

00:43:35.000 China.

00:43:36.000 Okay, China.

00:43:37.000 Here we go.

00:43:39.000 To hide his email.

00:43:42.000 Here we go.

00:43:44.000 Uh-oh, please keep private.

00:43:46.000 That's not a good sign.

00:43:50.000 Oops.

00:43:53.000 Wait, why did he keep emailing me this, telling me to talk about it on the show?

00:43:57.000 And now it's private?

00:43:58.000 I guess the Guardian thing was private?

00:43:59.000 Don't trust us, folks.

00:44:01.000 I don't know what part of that was private.

00:44:03.000 We've been corresponding via DM.

00:44:06.000 I thought we were to bring this up.

00:44:08.000 So it's his last name.

00:44:09.000 I messed up then.

00:44:11.000 Yeah, no, he told me to talk about it anyway.

00:44:14.000 Look at that.

00:44:15.000 That's pretty cool shit, though.

00:44:16.000 I hate secrets.

00:44:18.000 It's like, you know what?

00:44:19.000 When someone tells you a secret, they're giving you a homework assignment.

00:44:21.000 Now I got to put a little tab on that and remember that I can't say that.

00:44:25.000 Don't burden me with your fucking secrets.

00:44:28.000 Stop sending me stuff and telling me to keep it private.

00:44:30.000 Don't send it to me.

00:44:32.000 Don't read my name.

00:44:33.000 I don't want to get fired for watching a show.

00:44:36.000 Speaking of fired, and speaking of homos, Cannibal Corpse, I didn't know this. 1.00

00:44:41.000 Remember Cannibal Corpse?

00:44:42.000 We used to joke about them in the 80s because there was this one song where it stops and the singer goes, I love to eat pussy.

00:44:50.000 Funny guy.

00:44:51.000 So it turns out that he was, he travels when he's on tour.

00:44:55.000 He goes to every claw game he can find, which I hate these things.

00:44:59.000 They are money suckers.

00:45:00.000 They're taking over arcades and Dave and Busters.

00:45:03.000 And every time I take my kids there, I say, I'll give you money, but don't go near those fucking claw machines.

00:45:08.000 And then I see them later on just blowing dollar after dollar on the thing that it doesn't even lift.

00:45:15.000 Let's get these in the shot. 0.98

00:45:18.000 We're going to be spooky.

00:45:19.000 We better do it right.

00:45:24.000 So pull it up, Ryan.

00:45:25.000 What the fuck's taking you so long?

00:45:27.000 So he goes to every claw Machine he can find, empties them.

00:45:32.000 I have played those long enough that I won, but I ended up with like some fucking elephants that cost me 30 bucks, and it's a $1 thing.

00:45:40.000 This man travels all over the country for his job.

00:45:42.000 As a hobby, he plays every claw machine while he can on the road.

00:45:46.000 He donates everything he wins to charity toy drives.

00:45:49.000 His name is Corpse Grinder, and he is Cannibal Corpse's lead vocalist.

00:45:54.000 Fuck, they've been around since the 80s.

00:45:58.000 And then we discover George the Corpse Grinder was named after Cannibal Corpse frontman George Corpsegrinder Fisher.

00:46:05.000 What?

00:46:06.000 So he is the guy?

00:46:08.000 Oh, oh, I see.

00:46:10.000 In the video game, Corpse Grinder was named after Cannibal Corpse, but he was changed from the game.

00:46:17.000 If you zoom in on that, they named some character in the game after him, and then they changed the name.

00:46:22.000 Wow character renamed, World of Warcraft renamed after Cocksucker video resurfaces. 0.98

00:46:27.000 So they got mad at Cocksucker, but not Homo. 1.00

00:46:30.000 And the full quote is, I don't play no fucking Homo Alliance either.

00:46:33.000 Fuck the Alliance.

00:46:34.000 Fucking die, you emo cocksuckers. 0.84

00:46:37.000 I don't know why they're focusing on the cocksucker. 1.00

00:46:39.000 Yeah, because Lil Wayne says no homo all the time.

00:46:42.000 So a lot of rappers would fall with that.

00:46:46.000 And they don't want that.

00:46:47.000 Because Big Daddy Kane is anti-faggot. 1.00

00:46:50.000 And that means no homosexuality. 0.96

00:46:52.000 Everyone loves Big Daddy Kane.

00:46:54.000 It's because of black privilege. 0.81

00:46:57.000 Which brings us to, well, we'll bring us to racism in a second.

00:47:01.000 But I got thinking about free speech and I saw this tweet, 1.7, where they, what's her name, the woman who's almost Amy Klochubar, one of these Amy Siskin types.

00:47:12.000 No, that's not it, is it?

00:47:14.000 That's under 1.7.

00:47:16.000 Oh, fuck.

00:47:17.000 I forgot the thing that started this.

00:47:21.000 Oh, I'm really screwing up the show.

00:47:23.000 Is it a Klobuchar tweet?

00:47:25.000 Yeah.

00:47:25.000 Well, you don't have to find it.

00:47:27.000 I can remember it.

00:47:28.000 She said, it's time to rein in big tech because what the left is going for is January 6th happened on Facebook and it was planned on all these media sites.

00:47:39.000 The fuck's over in my ear.

00:47:41.000 And Facebook, it's so crazy that they think Facebook is right-wing, but go nuts.

00:47:46.000 Meta, sorry it's now called, has to rein in these kind of discussions because people are having meetings and they're planning insurrections and that's evil.

00:47:53.000 What they're really saying is, I want to control the American conversation and I want to make sure it's pro-Biden and doesn't say, let's go Brandon everywhere.

00:48:00.000 That's why that dude Bryson Gray was banned from YouTube because they love controlling our discussions and our thoughts, right?

00:48:08.000 And then when someone said that, other people go, oh, so you want to control the conversation like the way Justin Trudeau does in Canada by donating money and making sure all the media follows him.

00:48:22.000 And then someone goes, no, no, it's just like, you know, it's illegal to say fire in a crowded theater, and that's all we want to do with social media.

00:48:29.000 Okay, A, you're lying.

00:48:31.000 B, stop saying that.

00:48:34.000 Stop saying the fire in a crowded theater thing.

00:48:37.000 It's fucking tedious and false.

00:48:40.000 It's false.

00:48:41.000 First of all, it's not a law.

00:48:43.000 Go ahead, yell fire in a crowded theater. 0.98

00:48:46.000 It doesn't do anything.

00:48:48.000 It freaks people out.

00:48:49.000 It's scary.

00:48:50.000 Someone might trip and fall.

00:48:52.000 You're not responsible for them falling.

00:48:55.000 But just to get to the nitty-gritty of this stupid quote, yeah, this is a good article in the Atlantic from back in 2012.

00:49:02.000 The Atlantic used to be good.

00:49:04.000 Now there's articles in the Atlantic like, we're only having a shortage because there's too many rich people buying stuff.

00:49:11.000 So the rich need to stop their overconsumption. 0.96

00:49:16.000 Anyway, it's, what, 1919?

00:49:19.000 So it's a year after World War I. During World War I, there were people who didn't want to go.

00:49:24.000 And there was pamphlets that said, this is not safe.

00:49:29.000 Don't go.

00:49:30.000 You know, we're anti-war.

00:49:32.000 And so this guy was arrested.

00:49:34.000 And they were arguing for his free speech.

00:49:37.000 And the prosecution said, no, him handing out these anti-war pamphlets will lead to deaths because we won't be fighting the good war and America will be ruined and other people, lots of people will die.

00:49:50.000 So his pamphlets are violent.

00:49:52.000 I know they don't seem it, but the yelling fire in a crowded theater doesn't seem violent until people get trampled to death, right?

00:49:59.000 No.

00:50:00.000 By the way, he lost that case and the guy went to jail.

00:50:04.000 And then a few years later, they said, you know what?

00:50:06.000 Let's overturn that judgment.

00:50:08.000 And that guy shouldn't have gone to jail for just for handing out pamphlets.

00:50:12.000 So the fire in a crowded theater thing is a misunderstanding of an analogy from a hundred-year-old court case.

00:50:20.000 Stop it.

00:50:22.000 And stop lie detectors.

00:50:23.000 They have been debunked.

00:50:25.000 Our buddy, what's his name?

00:50:26.000 Doug went to jail for two years.

00:50:29.000 What does he call them?

00:50:30.000 Insidious Orwellian machines.

00:50:32.000 He went to jail for two years disproving them.

00:50:36.000 And we still hear about it.

00:50:38.000 I'll take a lie detector test.

00:50:39.000 I hear it all the time, Barstool Sports, Howard Stern.

00:50:43.000 She's agreed to take a lie detector test.

00:50:45.000 They are the easiest things to fool.

00:50:47.000 These little, those meters, they don't mean anything.

00:50:49.000 Doug Williams.

00:50:50.000 I wonder how he's doing.

00:50:56.000 Oh, there's some Halloween stuff I didn't cover.

00:51:01.000 Let's title that.

00:51:04.000 Let's jump to LGBT. 0.75

00:51:06.000 Shall we?

00:51:06.000 We'll do Halloween at the end if we have room.

00:51:12.000 Ready?

00:51:12.000 Yes.

00:51:14.000 Do it.

00:51:15.000 Why are you late?

00:51:17.000 I felt ugly.

00:51:18.000 I felt gay.

00:51:19.000 And then we fell in love.

00:51:20.000 I never eat to the poo-poo, but we have a very good relationship.

00:51:26.000 You don't want to see a close-up picture of my anus because you ain't gay me. 0.80

00:51:29.000 You ugly.

00:51:30.000 If you don't want to see a close-up picture of my anus, then you ain't gay. 1.00

00:51:37.000 Don't name your kids stupid names like Moxie Crime Fighter.

00:51:40.000 They feel obligated to be weird.

00:51:43.000 And now Pendalette, Mr. Science, Mr. Logic.

00:51:47.000 I hadn't checked in on my old haunt tackies in a while.

00:51:50.000 David Cole's a really good writer.

00:51:52.000 Pendillette is now jumping on board the Mumbo Jumbo Tranny train and is all in.

00:51:59.000 So just to be Clear, science is everything, no bullshit.

00:52:03.000 God doesn't exist.

00:52:04.000 I'm Mr. Logic.

00:52:05.000 I hate fake shit.

00:52:07.000 I'm a magician.

00:52:09.000 And I do sleight of hand for a living.

00:52:10.000 And I do that as entertainment.

00:52:13.000 But when you use sleight of hand and you fool people, I get pissed off.

00:52:17.000 I'm a crusader for truth.

00:52:19.000 I never liked this guy, by the way, because when he came out as an atheist, fine, I don't give a shit what you believe.

00:52:24.000 But he wouldn't go near Islam.

00:52:26.000 So all he did was shit on Christians the whole time.

00:52:28.000 And they were happy to debate him.

00:52:30.000 They were like, yeah, sit down.

00:52:31.000 Let's discuss it.

00:52:32.000 Yeah, the dinosaur is very interesting.

00:52:33.000 Let's discuss.

00:52:35.000 And he purposely avoided Islam because he didn't want to hurt his family.

00:52:39.000 He was scared of them attacking him because he's a pussy. 1.00

00:52:43.000 So speaking of pussies, that's his son with tits. 0.97

00:52:48.000 What does he have, a padded bra?

00:52:51.000 That's his son, Moxie Crime Fighter, who has come out as trans.

00:52:55.000 And now I feel bad making fun of a kid, but sorry, you put it out there.

00:52:59.000 And now Pendillette is a crusader for trans.

00:53:03.000 And he talks about how he's removed all mentions of all gender pronouns from his show and his own speech.

00:53:11.000 I will make all pronouns disappear in my next act.

00:53:14.000 And he actually had the gall.

00:53:16.000 Check out, go back to that article.

00:53:18.000 He says, it's hard for me to do this because I'm educated.

00:53:23.000 Wait.

00:53:24.000 Zoom in.

00:53:26.000 No, no, no.

00:53:27.000 Go down.

00:53:31.000 There it is.

00:53:32.000 I have tried to eliminate all gender pronouns from our show. 0.99

00:53:34.000 That's very difficult for me because I'm uneducated.

00:53:37.000 I have an autodidactic, irritating quality of reading old grammar books.

00:53:43.000 So he's uneducated because he reads books.

00:53:47.000 So it's very difficult for me to use third person plural as third person singular, but I've done it.

00:53:52.000 I used to say he or she a lot, but I learned the binary gender thing was impolite and inaccurate.

00:53:58.000 And inconsiderate.

00:54:02.000 Sleight of gender. 0.86

00:54:03.000 Sleight of gender. 0.86

00:54:06.000 Maybe that's the name of our show.

00:54:08.000 Did you know it's...

00:54:09.000 How do you spell sleight of hand?

00:54:10.000 Don't look it up.

00:54:12.000 Sleight?

00:54:13.000 Is it, it's not S-L-I-G-H-T, huh?

00:54:18.000 I think it's S- I think you're close, or maybe even right.

00:54:21.000 I thought it's S-L-E-I-G-H-T.

00:54:23.000 Yeah, that sounds familiar, too.

00:54:24.000 Let's see.

00:54:25.000 I'm surprised you know something.

00:54:27.000 Are you getting less dumb?

00:54:29.000 Maybe you have Lyme disease, and sometimes you come in here, you're operating on a third of your normal IQ.

00:54:34.000 Maybe.

00:54:36.000 Sleight of hand, you were correct.

00:54:38.000 S-L-E-I-G-H-T. 1.00

00:54:43.000 Okay, here's one.

00:54:44.000 Oh, here's something that I never heard of.

00:54:47.000 And I like to be open-minded and say clown world has plenty of room to get clownier.

00:54:54.000 And then it does.

00:54:55.000 And I go, wow.

00:54:57.000 I never would have guessed.

00:54:58.000 I never would have guessed that women who were born female would be calling themselves trans.

00:55:07.000 This is stupider and crazier than the female drag queens. 1.00

00:55:13.000 Drag queens are men dressing up as women. 1.00

00:55:16.000 It's essentially blackface. 0.98

00:55:17.000 I don't really like it.

00:55:18.000 I think it's dumb, but I don't care.

00:55:21.000 But if you want to get technical, you should be as offended by drag queens as you are by blackface. 1.00

00:55:25.000 They're both ridiculing someone.

00:55:29.000 But I think with drag queens, they're kind of ridiculing themselves and homosexuality in general and the fact that they feel weird in their bodies. 1.00

00:55:35.000 Anyway, you can't be a female drag queen. 1.00

00:55:38.000 You can't dress up as a woman if you're a woman. 1.00

00:55:40.000 You're just being a woman. 1.00

00:55:42.000 It's like, I think it was the Canadian military.

00:55:45.000 They wanted to walk a mile in her shoes. 0.65

00:55:48.000 So these Army, Rangers, Marines, they all put on high-heeled shoes and walked for a mile because women have it so hard. 1.00

00:55:55.000 No, I would say taking a bullet in the head for your country is harder than having uncomfortable shoes.

00:56:00.000 So it's the woman who should be walking in the soldiers' shoes. 1.00

00:56:04.000 How about women carry a pack on their back and they go through mud to see what soldiers go through? 1.00

00:56:11.000 Everything is backwards.

00:56:12.000 And so they did this march in the high-heel shoes.

00:56:14.000 And then women wanted to show solidarity with the soldiers. 0.85

00:56:16.000 So you know what they did?

00:56:18.000 They put on high-heel shoes.

00:56:21.000 And now you're like, wait a minute, now you're just women going for a walk. 1.00

00:56:25.000 This was one of the dumbest things.

00:56:28.000 Inviting women into the political forum has, oh, the cops are doing it too. 1.00

00:56:33.000 Hey, those are just espadrilles.

00:56:35.000 Those aren't uncomfortable.

00:56:36.000 And Calgary police and the fire chief.

00:56:39.000 It's just wonderful to have them because they know what we're experiencing.

00:56:42.000 As a community, we're in this.

00:56:43.000 You don't have to fucking wear heels, bitch. 1.00

00:56:46.000 You can wear a different pair of shoes.

00:56:48.000 You don't get lashes.

00:56:50.000 This guy's pouring heels.

00:56:51.000 Imagine?

00:56:52.000 You don't get 50 lashes if you're not wearing your high heels.

00:56:56.000 What a ridiculous, look, he's not doing it.

00:57:00.000 I love the cause and I love the way that they have to be.

00:57:03.000 Imagine you get home, you didn't do your chores, and your dad in heels tells you to put the trash out.

00:57:08.000 Yeah.

00:57:08.000 This is exactly like the fucking umps.

00:57:13.000 Sorry, the catchers in baseball when the sports guys have to wear pink for breast cancer awareness. 0.56

00:57:18.000 Exactly the same.

00:57:18.000 It's all about emasculating.

00:57:20.000 It has nothing to do with the cause.

00:57:22.000 It's like, look, I can make this man do tricks when I shoot at his feet.

00:57:25.000 Look, he dances.

00:57:27.000 Anyway, so check this out.

00:57:29.000 2-3.

00:57:30.000 Straight cis females are identifying as trans.

00:57:34.000 I am a woman.

00:57:35.000 I am cis.

00:57:36.000 So we know what cis means, right? 0.80

00:57:38.000 You're born there.

00:57:39.000 I am no different than my, I'm no different to my trans sisters.

00:57:44.000 Cis with the T. Trans women are women. 0.99

00:57:48.000 What?

00:57:49.000 So is she saying that she's trans or she just stands by them? 0.90

00:57:52.000 Is she trying to say I'm no different than my trans sisters?

00:57:55.000 Saying that like I'm a real woman and so are they?

00:57:58.000 Wait, scroll down.

00:58:00.000 That shouldn't be on the show if that's what it is.

00:58:02.000 Because that's pretty normal, not normal, but mainstream belief.

00:58:06.000 Here's her two looks, teeth and no teeth. 1.00

00:58:09.000 Thank you.

00:58:10.000 What the fuck?

00:58:11.000 Thanks for that.

00:58:12.000 Thanks for showing me the variety of your face.

00:58:14.000 But what are people saying?

00:58:20.000 Okay, there's that.

00:58:21.000 But I want to find out what she identifies as.

00:58:24.000 Big difference.

00:58:26.000 Actually, you're nearly entirely different, down to a cellular level.

00:58:29.000 Yeah, I was thinking about that this morning when I was having a shower in my wife's bathroom.

00:58:35.000 I know I sound like a cuck, but it's important you don't shit together.

00:58:40.000 and I was looking at my genitals and I was like, Isn't it amazing how different we are?

00:58:44.000 I mean, there's blacks and whites, and there's tall people and stuff, they do look kind of different. 1.00

00:58:49.000 A very, very black person and like a very an albino, sure, but you don't get much more different than a hole or a dink like that is, and it's not just that, like the genitals are shockingly different. 0.99

00:59:05.000 There's boobies involved, and then also just like what you cry at, like we're forgetting our differences, and we've trivialized them down to nothing, which is bizarre.

00:59:17.000 Oh, speaking of trivializing, let's jump over to the war on kids, because I have some important stuff I need to talk about on that subject.

00:59:28.000 Do we have a background?

00:59:29.000 Hello, Flam! 0.63

00:59:30.000 I had a sex change upgrade!

00:59:32.000 Who wants to pound my back? 0.99

00:59:33.000 We're living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.

00:59:39.000 Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.

00:59:50.000 I love our baby monsters.

00:59:52.000 Although I'm worried about that name losing its oomph when that Korean pop band emerges.

00:59:58.000 You know what I want to do?

01:00:04.000 I want to jump to the end, in a sense.

01:00:08.000 4-0.

01:00:10.000 This is the end game.

01:00:10.000 Let's start at the end with what they really want.

01:00:13.000 They want not just kids.

01:00:15.000 Kids are the most vulnerable.

01:00:16.000 The reason blacks are attacking Asians is because they're easy prey. 1.00

01:00:19.000 And kids are getting attacked and mocked and sexualized because they don't fight back.

01:00:25.000 They're unarmed.

01:00:28.000 And so the war on kids is really a war on civilization.

01:00:30.000 It's a war on humanity.

01:00:32.000 It's suicidal.

01:00:33.000 They want to end everything.

01:00:36.000 And you and me and themselves.

01:00:39.000 It's a sort of manic depression that is sweeping the nation.

01:00:44.000 Go to 4-0?

01:00:46.000 I love Ian Miles Chong.

01:00:47.000 He always has the perfect take.

01:00:48.000 This is the end game.

01:00:49.000 The complete destruction of all history and reason.

01:00:52.000 The abolition of civilization.

01:00:54.000 And it's some dumb bitch, but I know it's Twitter and this could be a 13-year-old, but this is not an uncommon belief.

01:01:02.000 Abolishing species isn't a terrible idea.

01:01:04.000 The difference between species is used to essentialize man, thus justifying his control over the planet because of quote-unquote superior traits.

01:01:12.000 This is why I say animals are losers.

01:01:16.000 Because we are superior.

01:01:18.000 People are scared of saying that because it's an anti, we're living in an anti-religious time.

01:01:22.000 And to say that man is special and closer to God is Christian.

01:01:26.000 It's religious.

01:01:27.000 So people don't like that.

01:01:29.000 It's true.

01:01:30.000 We are better.

01:01:31.000 We are superior.

01:01:32.000 It's okay to eat beef.

01:01:34.000 Cows are losers. 1.00

01:01:35.000 Go ahead, eat a chicken.

01:01:37.000 Go nuts.

01:01:39.000 How are you going to refer to different animals?

01:01:41.000 We won't.

01:01:41.000 Language is a system of social control.

01:01:43.000 Its abolition is a necessity. 0.96

01:01:47.000 Language exists to reinforce the power of white supremacists, bourgeoisie, settler, colonialists.

01:01:52.000 God, they're so extraneous with their words, aren't they?

01:01:54.000 This is like, what do they call black and indigenous?

01:01:57.000 Like black. 1.00

01:01:58.000 I think they don't like black because it's not enough syllables. 0.57

01:02:02.000 So they pushed African American, but blacks didn't like it. 0.97

01:02:05.000 So now they're just saying black and indigenous because it's enough syllables.

01:02:08.000 And we're not just white supremacists.

01:02:10.000 We're also settlers.

01:02:11.000 We're also colonists.

01:02:12.000 We're also part of some massive empire.

01:02:15.000 We're also the bourgeoisie.

01:02:16.000 And it's an attempt to establish the conceptual terrains of what is permissible and what is not.

01:02:20.000 Pro-language is pro-racism. 1.00

01:02:23.000 Pro-language is pro-state.

01:02:25.000 Okay, you just normalized racism, dumbass, and made it pretty appealing.

01:02:30.000 And she's speaking language.

01:02:32.000 What?

01:02:32.000 She's speaking language.

01:02:33.000 Hard to get around that.

01:02:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:02:37.000 What are you saying?

01:02:46.000 Next thing you know, she's just a mime. 1.00

01:02:49.000 Okay, so we start at the end there.

01:02:50.000 And here's a step back from the end is these young women getting sterilized. 1.00

01:02:54.000 So to love man, to want a family, that's racist.

01:02:59.000 It's also bad for the planet.

01:03:01.000 And the reason they say both of those things is because they want to see which one you're more sensitive about.

01:03:06.000 So if you're obsessed with racism, then having a family is racist.

01:03:10.000 If you're obsessed with the planet, you're a greenie, okay, well, you're killing the planet. 1.00

01:03:14.000 Humans are a mistake why more young women are getting sterilized. 1.00

01:03:19.000 So somehow became the poster child for reproductive sterilization. 1.00

01:03:28.000 She's so young.

01:03:30.000 Can you really call yourself child-free if you're under 40?

01:03:34.000 Like, she's still fertile. 0.64

01:03:36.000 I've been child-free for 32 years.

01:03:38.000 Yeah, that's pretty good, right?

01:03:47.000 Why?

01:03:48.000 To focus on their dumb careers?

01:03:50.000 Let's look at some child-free memes.

01:03:53.000 Family, why would you get tattoos?

01:03:54.000 They're expensive and painful to get, and they are permanent.

01:03:57.000 Also, family.

01:03:58.000 Have a baby.

01:04:00.000 Some families.

01:04:03.000 So a tattoo and a baby are the same.

01:04:06.000 Permanent.

01:04:08.000 I think I could count on one hand the similarities between babies and tattoos.

01:04:12.000 They're permanent.

01:04:13.000 They're expensive.

01:04:14.000 And you could look at them.

01:04:17.000 Yeah.

01:04:18.000 And then they can get wet.

01:04:21.000 And they're not permanent.

01:04:22.000 They die.

01:04:23.000 They touch air?

01:04:24.000 They die after 80 years.

01:04:35.000 Great.

01:04:36.000 See, you can't talk about these stats without mentioning race.

01:04:40.000 I know I avoid race quite a bit.

01:04:41.000 Oh, good.

01:04:42.000 I'm glad she's not having a kid.

01:04:44.000 There's no one to abandon.

01:04:46.000 You know, I did have a kid before, but I did the right thing.

01:04:50.000 I just walked away.

01:04:51.000 Yeah.

01:04:52.000 George Floyd had a child-free life despite having about a dozen kids.

01:04:58.000 I'm a father of three and I'm living a child-free life.

01:05:04.000 Oh man, when you tell people you don't want kids, this is also a weird thing where it's like, why are you so obsessed with making this a public thing?

01:05:12.000 Right.

01:05:12.000 Like, I'm polyamorous.

01:05:13.000 Just go be a horror over there. 0.94

01:05:15.000 We don't need to hear about it.

01:05:17.000 Hi, I'm bi.

01:05:18.000 Even I'm gay.

01:05:20.000 Okay, so you're in a relationship with a dude.

01:05:22.000 In other words, you have sex different than me. 0.64

01:05:24.000 I put it in a vagina, but you take a dink in your butt. 1.00

01:05:26.000 So you're telling me how you fuck.

01:05:29.000 I love blowjobs. 0.88

01:05:30.000 Like, why are you telling me about your fucking sex life?

01:05:33.000 It's gross.

01:05:35.000 Okay, so now we're backtracking here.

01:05:42.000 Go to 3.6 here.

01:05:44.000 Now that I've told you the agenda and what the end game is, we can look at evidence of this.

01:05:51.000 These are images from Genderqueer, a book available in Virginia school libraries.

01:05:57.000 Meanwhile, Terry McAuliffe doesn't want parents to have a say in their children's education.

01:06:02.000 Demonic.

01:06:03.000 I know who this.

01:06:04.000 This is Allison Bechdell.

01:06:06.000 She's a very good cartoonist, and she's a pervert, a lesbian. 1.00

01:06:10.000 I then dreamed about having a massive painful boner that lasted all day.

01:06:13.000 That's nice.

01:06:14.000 Well, she did the Bechdell test.

01:06:18.000 Yeah.

01:06:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:20.000 She coined that, right?

01:06:21.000 It's like a thing where you have to watch a movie and see how many female characters are empowered and if you pass. 0.91

01:06:27.000 Or if you can make it a complete movie without referencing men or anything that men have to do with or something like that.

01:06:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:34.000 But you got to, as a cartoonist, I have to say I give her a pass because of her book, Funeral Home.

01:06:41.000 I think it's one of the greatest graphic novels of all time.

01:06:43.000 Anyway, but her pornographic comics should obviously not be in fucking schools for kiddies to see painful boners. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Hi, kids.

01:06:51.000 Today we're going to learn about Painful Boners.

01:06:53.000 Are you ready?

01:06:57.000 Yeah, that's a great book.

01:06:59.000 But just because she did one good cartoon doesn't mean you have to look at all of her shit.

01:07:06.000 For years, my standard method of masturbation was stuffing a socket in the front of my pants and manipulating the bulge.

01:07:11.000 This would evolve into hip thrusting while thinking of my latest gay ship. 0.78

01:07:15.000 What?

01:07:16.000 Memorably, I got off once while driving just by rubbing the front of my jeans and imagining getting a blowjob.

01:07:23.000 This is a chick, I think. 1.00

01:07:26.000 Okay.

01:07:30.000 This is the visual I'd been picturing, but I can't feel anything.

01:07:34.000 So this is a lesbian with a strap-on cock. 1.00

01:07:38.000 I've seen this actual picture.

01:07:39.000 I thought it was in this.

01:07:40.000 And wait, go back.

01:07:43.000 So her girlfriend is blowing her strap-on cock, and she's disappointed because it doesn't feel very good. 0.93

01:07:49.000 What did you think was going to happen, dumbass?

01:07:54.000 Vagina slime. 1.00

01:07:56.000 Oh my God.

01:07:58.000 Anyway, so we're showing pornography to children.

01:08:03.000 And if you have a problem with that, we're going to attack you in your home.

01:08:08.000 So if you want to come to this school board meeting, I want you to know that you're my bitch. 1.00

01:08:13.000 Okay.

01:08:14.000 And if you have a problem with what I do, I'm going to disseminate your home address so you can be attacked.

01:08:20.000 So either let me show your kids porn or I will hurt you. 1.00

01:08:24.000 You got it?

01:08:26.000 You want this up your ass?

01:08:28.000 No?

01:08:28.000 Okay.

01:08:29.000 Then let me fuck your kids. 1.00

01:08:31.000 It's basically where we're at here.

01:08:33.000 Somebody says, wasn't this already debunked?

01:08:35.000 Pretty sure somebody brought this home, but there's no record of evidence.

01:08:37.000 No, it was available in all FFX high schools and one middle school, but they did take them out to review.

01:08:43.000 Yeah.

01:08:45.000 The left always lies.

01:08:47.000 That's been debunked, they say.

01:08:49.000 And I used to give them the benefit of the doubt, and then I would go home and look it up, and then I'd have to text the guy and be like, that was from 2008 to 2010.

01:08:58.000 You said it was only four months.

01:09:00.000 And then they don't respond because they were just in it to win it, not to get smarter, which is what debates should be.

01:09:06.000 But yeah, so go to 3-7.

01:09:10.000 If you thought that thing I just said was ridiculous, how about some proof?

01:09:15.000 I have the receipts.

01:09:17.000 This is a business meeting of the school board.

01:09:21.000 It is not a meeting that belongs to the public.

01:09:24.000 Each speaker is asked to state his or her name and address for the record.

01:09:28.000 Failure to do so will result in an individual not being allowed to speak.

01:09:32.000 John, can you give us your name and address, please?

01:09:34.000 My name is John Wiggland.

01:09:35.000 I live in Mankato.

01:09:36.000 Can I get your address, please, John?

01:09:38.000 I'd rather not, since you guys have a question.

01:09:41.000 You can't speak.

01:09:44.000 And I get so much property damage and eggs and everything else from fun people and their friends.

01:09:52.000 John.

01:09:53.000 Give me your address.

01:09:54.000 I live on Fifth Street.

01:09:55.000 Excuse me?

01:09:56.000 I live on Fifth Street.

01:09:58.000 House number?

01:10:01.000 House number.

01:10:07.000 Thank you.

01:10:07.000 All right.

01:10:09.000 So are our kids safe?

01:10:14.000 Effective tonight.

01:10:15.000 The school board is fucking insane.

01:10:17.000 Hey, Jody Sapp, what's your home address?

01:10:20.000 Where do you live?

01:10:22.000 You big, fat, fucking, disgusting Marxist cunt constantly stuffing your face. 0.93

01:10:29.000 You got your water and your fucking raspberry tea and you're going to go to Popeye's and get a chicken sandwich after this, even though you already had lunch.

01:10:37.000 You packed to lunch.

01:10:39.000 You have two lunches every day.

01:10:40.000 You hideous cow. 1.00

01:10:42.000 And you work eight months a year, six hours a day.

01:10:47.000 You fucking lump of shit.

01:10:49.000 And you're not just an abscess on society.

01:10:52.000 You're not just a tumor.

01:10:53.000 You're an invasive parasite who is hurting our children. 0.65

01:10:57.000 Look at that fucking mouth. 1.00

01:10:59.000 The only time it's not stuffed with fucking fries is when she's posing for a picture. 1.00

01:11:05.000 You disgusting.

01:11:06.000 You were disgusting when you were a child.

01:11:08.000 Everyone hated you.

01:11:09.000 And now you run the school and your agenda is revenge on the children that didn't like you when you were a gross little fat pig.

01:11:17.000 You fucking loser.

01:11:19.000 So I don't like people on welfare, but at least they're not actively trying to hurt my children.

01:11:27.000 You're worse than a fucking abscess Because, look at her herpetic sores. 1.00

01:11:33.000 Because you are out to destroy my children, our children.

01:11:38.000 We talk about the war on kids.

01:11:39.000 This is one of the stormtroopers.

01:11:41.000 This is an assassin.

01:11:45.000 And here's another piece of evidence on the war on kids that it might take you a second, right?

01:11:52.000 So they're talking about rewarding illegal aliens half a million dollars for the inconvenience of, I don't know, not getting a passport the day you arrived.

01:12:04.000 U.S. intox to pay hundreds of millions to families separated at border.

01:12:08.000 Sorry about that.

01:12:08.000 Sorry when you were committing a crime.

01:12:10.000 I inconvenienced you.

01:12:11.000 Government is considering payments of up to 450 grand per person.

01:12:15.000 What?

01:12:15.000 Like, that's a really good life savings.

01:12:19.000 I would say it's middle class to have 450 grand in the bank.

01:12:24.000 Like a professional.

01:12:26.000 I mean, if someone's dad died and they left their kids 450 grand, you'd think he was like, maybe not a lawyer, but a professional dude.

01:12:36.000 High up.

01:12:37.000 Upper, not upper middle class, but middle class.

01:12:41.000 You go, wow, you were a normal guy.

01:12:43.000 So you don't deserve $450,000 for anything outside of working hard your whole life.

01:12:50.000 So you go, I know what you're saying.

01:12:51.000 You're saying, Gavin, can you get that paint off your face?

01:12:54.000 No, I can't.

01:12:55.000 Secondly, you're saying, Gav, you're doing a segment on the war on kids.

01:12:59.000 What the fuck's that got to do with $450,000?

01:13:02.000 Catering to illegals is killing kids. 0.95

01:13:06.000 It's turning kids into sex slaves. 1.00

01:13:08.000 MS-13 adopts these kids and they sell them into sex slavery. 0.82

01:13:15.000 This is not Alex Jones' crazy conspiracy shit.

01:13:17.000 Alex Jones isn't crazy, by the way.

01:13:18.000 I shouldn't even have said that.

01:13:19.000 This isn't some conspiracy nut shit.

01:13:22.000 This is well documented.

01:13:24.000 MS-13 makes no bones about it.

01:13:26.000 They explain that they adopt these kids.

01:13:29.000 The rigor that the government goes through to make sure the kids are going to a good home is zero.

01:13:35.000 They just launch the kids into whatever home says, come on in.

01:13:38.000 That's my cousin.

01:13:40.000 And he's poor little fucking Jose is like, yeah, please don't hit me anymore.

01:13:44.000 They use kids as lookouts.

01:13:46.000 They use kids to stalk their enemies.

01:13:49.000 They use kids as their word on the street.

01:13:50.000 They also use kids as prostitutes.

01:13:54.000 They use kids.

01:13:56.000 So that's where that money goes.

01:13:58.000 It goes straight to MS-13.

01:14:00.000 And MS-13 doesn't just torture Mexican kids. 1.00

01:14:04.000 Their culture in the drug world is just to see kids as garbage, like gypsies. 1.00

01:14:10.000 You know, like the gypsies you see in Europe. 1.00

01:14:12.000 You'll see some four-year-old in the median on the highway begging for lira.

01:14:16.000 That's because the gypsies don't give a fuck about kids. 1.00

01:14:19.000 And the Mexican cartels are exactly the same.

01:14:22.000 But they also hurt our kids.

01:14:26.000 Because when you give $450,000 to MS-13 and make no bones about it, that's where the money's going.

01:14:32.000 If you donate $8 million to Liberia, it goes to African dictators. 0.59

01:14:36.000 If you donate that kind of money to Mexicans, you know it's not going to some sweet old lady's hands. 1.00

01:14:41.000 It's going right from her pocket into MS-13's or you better not or you're going to get this up your ass.

01:14:47.000 So you give a Mexican illegal half a million dollars and he's not holding it for very long. 0.98

01:14:52.000 So what do they do?

01:14:54.000 MS-13's source of income is heroin.

01:14:58.000 Fentanyl.

01:14:59.000 Opioids.

01:15:00.000 And how many Americans are dying every day?

01:15:04.000 We always forget this number.

01:15:06.000 I think it's 120.

01:15:07.000 And a lot of them are our kids.

01:15:10.000 Our kids are ODing on Oxy, on actual heroin after they get off the Oxy, and on fentanyl.

01:15:17.000 And that is MS-13.

01:15:18.000 So when you give illegals money, you're giving money to MS-13.

01:15:21.000 MS-13 tortures their own kids and our kids, lets our kids OD and sells their kids into sexual slavery. 0.67

01:15:29.000 Don't do it.

01:15:30.000 Not going to do it.

01:15:33.000 Okay, my final note on this, on the war on kids, is this trivializing molestation.

01:15:39.000 It's cool to be a victim now.

01:15:41.000 So what was the number?

01:15:44.000 19,000?

01:15:46.000 28,000 in 2017.

01:15:49.000 So what's 28,000 divided by 365?

01:15:52.000 I have gloves on.

01:15:53.000 I can't use my calculator.

01:15:56.000 Do it.

01:15:57.000 See.

01:15:58.000 Do 28,000 divided by 365, tarred boy. 1.00

01:16:02.000 I thought it was in here somewhere.

01:16:06.000 We could have done this 15 times over by now.

01:16:08.000 Why wouldn't you just do what I ask you to?

01:16:12.000 Holy fuck, you're a snail.

01:16:17.000 What is taking you so long?

01:16:20.000 105 a day.

01:16:21.000 Let's just say 100 a day.

01:16:26.000 So I was reading this story the other day.

01:16:29.000 Yesterday, I think, 4-1.

01:16:31.000 Some dude from the Blackhawks, Chicago Blackhawks.

01:16:34.000 Oh, my God.

01:16:35.000 I was molested.

01:16:37.000 I was raped.

01:16:38.000 It's been an open secret.

01:16:40.000 And he's on TV yesterday.

01:16:41.000 Every bar you went into, he was on TV bawling his eyes out.

01:16:44.000 And you go, oh, fuck.

01:16:46.000 What happened when you were a little kid, you were molested?

01:16:49.000 No, when I was in 2009, when I was a grown man.

01:16:54.000 Oh, what happened?

01:16:55.000 The coach, he's a homo, and he would bring players home over to watch TV and stuff, and then he'd try to blow them. 1.00

01:17:05.000 That's called a fag. 0.97

01:17:06.000 They are disproportionately involved in molestation, as this case made clear.

01:17:14.000 But what?

01:17:16.000 You're just trivializing molestation.

01:17:18.000 A homo hit on you. 1.00

01:17:20.000 Dude, I was in advertising in New York City.

01:17:22.000 You know me homos hit on me? 1.00

01:17:24.000 We used to go to pick up chicks at gay bars.

01:17:26.000 We'd get our asses grabbed all the time.

01:17:29.000 So what?

01:17:30.000 Big fucking deal.

01:17:32.000 And here's the crazy part.

01:17:33.000 So it's not illegal for a gay man to hit on a dude, but you should, if it was creepy or if the age gap was big, you should blow it up, make it big. 1.00

01:17:42.000 He didn't.

01:17:43.000 And he quietly told the guy's boss.

01:17:46.000 They sent him to a youth camp, which is where you send all overly horny gays. 1.00

01:17:51.000 And he did molest a kid.

01:17:53.000 So your fucking cowardice got a kid molested, you fucking loser?

01:17:57.000 Until very recently, I did not talk about it.

01:18:03.000 I did not discuss it.

01:18:06.000 I didn't think about it.

01:18:08.000 This morning, Beach, speaking out for the first time after a report commissioned by the Blackhawks and law firm General Block, concluded that Blackhawks coaching and management ignored Beach's complaint.

01:18:19.000 The team ordered to pay a $2 million fine by the NHL.

01:18:23.000 I cried.

01:18:24.000 I smiled.

01:18:26.000 I laughed.

01:18:27.000 I cried some more.

01:18:28.000 Just a great feeling.

01:18:30.000 Sure, you're not gay? 0.75

01:18:31.000 Vindication?

01:18:31.000 Yeah.

01:18:32.000 Maybe you invited this.

01:18:34.000 He also says that teammates made fun of him after that because he told them and they called him a homo and stuff and said you loved it, which sounds funny. 1.00

01:18:43.000 Like, if someone hit on Ryan, a homo, tried to blow him, and he didn't hurt Ryan or rape him, I would never let him live it down. 1.00

01:18:51.000 I would laugh my head off.

01:18:53.000 And if you were really sensitive about it, then I would really twist the knife.

01:18:59.000 Right?

01:19:00.000 I'd want you to do the same.

01:19:02.000 Of course.

01:19:03.000 Like, what a fucking faggot. 1.00

01:19:05.000 Can you be molested after the age of consent?

01:19:10.000 What's the age of consent?

01:19:11.000 17?

01:19:12.000 You can't be molested after 17.

01:19:15.000 You could be raped, and that's terrible, but we have laws. 1.00

01:19:18.000 If a homo tries to hit on you, I don't know, make fun of him. 1.00

01:19:21.000 Don't cry.

01:19:24.000 You're gayer than a gay. 1.00

01:19:25.000 My career threatened.

01:19:28.000 I felt alone and dark.

01:19:31.000 Yeah, you are alone.

01:19:32.000 You're a pussy. 1.00

01:19:33.000 No one wants to hang out with you.

01:19:34.000 If you could have kept you company, you would have been so alone then.

01:19:38.000 So his cowardice in not going, hey, our coach is a fag. 1.00

01:19:42.000 He tried to fuck me.

01:19:43.000 What's your deal, dude?

01:19:45.000 Ended up getting a kid molested.

01:19:46.000 So when you trivialize molestation, you normalize it.

01:19:50.000 And now, now, if he can be molested at 21, whatever he was, now when we hear someone go, I was molested.

01:19:56.000 Now we have to go, oh, wait, what age?

01:19:59.000 I keep saying this.

01:20:00.000 10 years ago, when we heard some girl was raped, we would all jump in a Chevy Nova with ski masks on and baseball bats to go beat the living shit out of the guy.

01:20:09.000 Now, when I hear someone was raped, I go, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:20:12.000 What happened?

01:20:13.000 Because it might be one of those stories where she went on a date and didn't enjoy herself.

01:20:17.000 Boom, these explosions of bullshit.

01:20:21.000 And then we have Uma Abadin, who she says that she was raped. 0.86

01:20:31.000 This isn't quite on the war on kids, but I have to include it because it's the same thing as the Chicago Blackhawks guy.

01:20:36.000 So while she was, I don't know, working with Hillary, she makes sure you know that Hillary wasn't there.

01:20:40.000 It's not her fault.

01:20:41.000 Some senator tried to kiss her. 0.95

01:20:44.000 He brought her home.

01:20:45.000 And ladies, when you go to some guy's house, you're kind of saying that you want to fuck. 1.00

01:20:52.000 If it's not a party and he says, come on over for drinks.

01:20:55.000 And you go over alone, you're kind of saying, let's fuck.

01:20:59.000 Sorry.

01:21:00.000 Anyway, he takes her home.

01:21:03.000 She's sitting in the couch.

01:21:04.000 He goes over for a kiss.

01:21:05.000 She goes, oh, what are you doing?

01:21:07.000 And he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

01:21:09.000 I totally misread the signals.

01:21:11.000 That's it.

01:21:12.000 That's her rape. 1.00

01:21:15.000 The fuck?

01:21:16.000 Fucking.

01:21:18.000 Like, if I had been raped and she was going around saying she was raped, I go, can you shut the fuck up, please? 0.50

01:21:23.000 I had a guy jump out of the bushes and hold a knife to my throat and put his dink in my butt. 0.99

01:21:26.000 That's a rape. 1.00

01:21:30.000 All right, I have to end on a happy note.

01:21:34.000 This has nothing to do with the war on kids, but I don't want you to get depressed.

01:21:37.000 I want you to have fun.

01:21:38.000 It's Halloween.

01:21:39.000 So I'm just throwing in this super cool, funny, happy story.

01:21:44.000 So the hospital fucks up, which, Jesus, can we, we've been having babies for over 20 years now.

01:21:52.000 I think we should have mastered it.

01:21:54.000 But anyway, they fucked up.

01:21:55.000 They separated the kids at birth.

01:21:59.000 They discover the youngest girl, oh no, they're the exact same age.

01:22:03.000 They're born the same day.

01:22:05.000 One of the girls, she's at this nursery school when she's like four, pre-K, and she's sort of drawn to these other siblings.

01:22:13.000 She just walks towards them and she wants to hang out with them all the time, which that's saying a lot, by the way, about nature over nurture, when you have the same DNA and you're just sort of drawn to that person.

01:22:24.000 I notice it with my cousins.

01:22:25.000 Like we're sitting having a steak and it, I don't get to see my cousins very much because they're in Scotland, but we were at Keene's Steakhouse the other day because he was visiting New York and he just goes, this is uncanny.

01:22:35.000 Like we were just the same dude.

01:22:38.000 I felt so comfortable around him.

01:22:40.000 It was like I was eating with my brother.

01:22:43.000 Any Ezel, she's drawn to these other siblings and so they do a DNA test and they discover that she is their sibling. 0.52

01:22:51.000 So then they start freaking out and they do DNA tests of the other girl.

01:22:54.000 I think everyone who was born that day.

01:22:56.000 And they discover that we switched up the families.

01:22:58.000 So here's the gut-wrenching part, the bad part of the story.

01:23:01.000 They try to return the kids to the families.

01:23:04.000 And they say, let's just FaceTime for an hour a day and see if it's traumatic.

01:23:10.000 And it was gut-wrenching.

01:23:11.000 I'm almost crying talking about it.

01:23:13.000 Gut-wrenching, blubbering.

01:23:14.000 The kid was fucked out of his mind.

01:23:16.000 The parents were delirious.

01:23:18.000 And then they have this other stranger in their house that they have to start loving from scratch.

01:23:23.000 Okay, I guess I love you.

01:23:25.000 So guess what they did?

01:23:26.000 What?

01:23:27.000 They got a bigger house and moved in together.

01:23:29.000 Wow.

01:23:30.000 They merged families.

01:23:33.000 Men cannot cry like that black hawks guy, but you're allowed to get a little humid in the eyeballs. 1.00

01:23:40.000 The two families merged and they raised all the kids together.

01:23:45.000 The kids obviously celebrate their birthday together on the same day.

01:23:49.000 Isn't that beautiful?

01:23:50.000 That is amazing.

01:23:51.000 And the family stayed together and now they're all old.

01:23:54.000 Like the kids are, what, 22 years old?

01:23:57.000 Are there more pictures in that article or do you have to sign up?

01:23:59.000 You have to sign up.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, you fucking.

01:24:02.000 Just put in a fake email.

01:24:05.000 Epoch.

01:24:06.000 You know a scam that they do now on Twitter?

01:24:13.000 They pay for their best story to trend and then when you go to read it, you have to subscribe.

01:24:23.000 And they end up making their money back.

01:24:26.000 So you pay like whatever it is, $1,000 or $5,000 to make your thing trend, and you end up with $5,500 of subs.

01:24:33.000 It's worth it.

01:24:35.000 I don't play these games.

01:24:36.000 Look at him.

01:24:37.000 he's all old now.

01:24:38.000 Those are his two daughters.

01:24:41.000 Isn't that cool?

01:24:47.000 That'd be funny if when they found out the babies were switched, the parents went, oh, good, because this one's not hot. 0.95

01:24:53.000 Okay.

01:24:55.000 I guess we got to get to the mailbag, right?

01:24:57.000 How long have we been going here?

01:24:59.000 Quite a bit.

01:25:00.000 Quite a bit.

01:25:01.000 Well, I had to make up for yesterday's show.

01:25:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:05.000 Let's just squeeze in that extra Halloween shit.

01:25:13.000 I just want to show you.

01:25:14.000 I actually only have this one thing to say.

01:25:16.000 It was the coolest costume I've ever seen.

01:25:18.000 Yeah, that was it.

01:25:19.000 Just one last thing.

01:25:20.000 Oh, there was cinema.

01:25:22.000 She's nuts.

01:25:23.000 Look at her fucking jean vest. 1.00

01:25:25.000 Like, they have to wear blazers.

01:25:27.000 I guess this counts as a blazer.

01:25:31.000 She's a mental patient, isn't she? 0.99

01:25:34.000 But anyway, the best, that wouldn't be a good Halloween costume.

01:25:37.000 The best Halloween costume I've ever seen, and you'll never outdo this, so don't even try, was my friends Blake and Josh.

01:25:45.000 This is like fucking 10 years ago now.

01:25:49.000 Is there a date on that article?

01:25:53.000 2005.

01:25:54.000 Holy shit.

01:25:56.000 15 years ago?

01:25:57.000 16 years ago?

01:26:00.000 2005 plus 10.

01:26:03.000 Wait, that's 2005?

01:26:04.000 Oh yeah, because it was in Vice.

01:26:06.000 I must have still been at Vice.

01:26:08.000 That's Josh and Blake as the Chappelle sisters who are dressed up as Cheech and Chong.

01:26:16.000 Oh my God.

01:26:18.000 Now I looked up the Chappelle sisters, not Dave Chappelle.

01:26:21.000 They're still fucking alive.

01:26:22.000 Look at 2-0.

01:26:27.000 They're 60 years old.

01:26:31.000 How does the little one not atrify her muscles? 1.00

01:26:35.000 She can't walk.

01:26:40.000 Good thing the other one likes her music. 0.98

01:26:50.000 What happens if one of them gets drunk and the other one doesn't?

01:27:01.000 Terrible.

01:27:06.000 Which one would you fuck? 1.00

01:27:12.000 I mean, one of them-the one in the chair is prettier, but her legs are just like sandbags. 1.00

01:27:17.000 And then the one with basically a body ready to go is hideous.

01:27:20.000 You know what?

01:27:21.000 The one that's carrying around the other one, because she deserves some... 1.00

01:27:25.000 I mean, look at her.

01:27:26.000 She's probably in good shape.

01:27:27.000 The other one's like a little brat, just sitting all day.

01:27:31.000 That would suck if you really got along well with the one with legs and you'd hated the other one.

01:27:36.000 And you couldn't gossip about her.

01:27:39.000 You could whisper in one ear.

01:27:40.000 You didn't have to wait till she's asleep.

01:27:42.000 And then you'd be worried that she's pretending to be asleep.

01:27:44.000 And she'd be like, I can hear you.

01:27:49.000 That happened to my grandmother once.

01:27:51.000 She was lying there next to her sister.

01:27:54.000 She was like 50 years old at the time.

01:27:57.000 And her sister was like, look at you.

01:28:00.000 You think you're special.

01:28:02.000 You think you're a mess.

01:28:04.000 Because you modeled a fucking hat 30 years ago.

01:28:06.000 You think you're some sort of beautiful model.

01:28:09.000 You're nothing.

01:28:10.000 Your marriage was a failure.

01:28:12.000 You're not special.

01:28:13.000 And my gran was lying there like, Jesus H. Christ, this bitch hates me. 1.00

01:28:21.000 And so she just woke up.

01:28:23.000 Didn't wake up, but she jumped up and she goes, if that's how you feel, I will not waste another minute of your time.

01:28:28.000 And she goes, Janet, I thought you were asleep.

01:28:30.000 I know you thought I was asleep.

01:28:31.000 You silly cow. 1.00

01:28:34.000 She walked out and never spoke to her again.

01:28:36.000 It's a joke.

01:28:38.000 But yeah, let's go back at that.

01:28:40.000 Look at that costume again. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Now that you know who the Chappelle sisters are.

01:28:45.000 Go up more?

01:28:48.000 What a weird picture.

01:28:52.000 Was that back when you had to have a teaser at the top?

01:28:55.000 And then that would be included in the actual post?

01:28:57.000 Yeah.

01:28:58.000 Keep going up though?

01:29:01.000 So that's just the one picture of it, right?

01:29:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:04.000 Let's click on those.

01:29:09.000 Oh, you see the chair?

01:29:10.000 So he cut a hole in a chair and added hockey sticks.

01:29:13.000 And then he stands inside the chair.

01:29:15.000 And those are his fake legs.

01:29:17.000 And then they made the merge.

01:29:24.000 Jesus Christ.

01:29:25.000 Sorry to take the Lord's name in vain so much.

01:29:27.000 I'm overwhelmed easily.

01:29:32.000 I'm sorry?

01:29:44.000 This is a good bit.

01:29:45.000 It's not stunted and awkward at all.

01:29:46.000 It's just slowing.

01:30:04.000 This requires your feedback.

01:30:06.000 It inspired me to explore the Korean language.

01:30:08.000 In fact, upon doing it, search it was scariest in Korean culture. 1.00

01:30:10.000 Someone's very okay.

01:30:12.000 What did you discover?

01:30:39.000 They're not all going to be winners.

01:30:41.000 There's going to be some duds. 0.98

01:30:44.000 Let's go to the mailbag, shall we?

01:30:51.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:30:56.000 Let me touch it.

01:30:59.000 This is from a dude whose name is female.

01:31:04.000 I don't know.

01:31:05.000 He made up a fake email thing.

01:31:07.000 Oh, my mouse tracking pad doesn't work.

01:31:10.000 The live show was a fucking shit show and boring as fuck.

01:31:15.000 Way to sell getting married and having kids by letting everyone know it makes you want to get hammered before work on a Thursday afternoon, faggot. 1.00

01:31:23.000 Don't even call yourself an alcoholic.

01:31:25.000 You're just gay. 1.00

01:31:27.000 Oh, shit.

01:31:29.000 My fucking watch broke.

01:31:32.000 No.

01:31:33.000 Well, the pin fell out.

01:31:34.000 Problem is these pins are like...

01:31:37.000 $200.

01:31:38.000 Oh, I got it.

01:31:41.000 Um...

01:31:42.000 Okay, thank you for that.

01:31:44.000 You have hurt me today.

01:31:46.000 What?

01:31:46.000 How does my wife and kids get dragged into it?

01:31:50.000 Way to sell getting married and having kids by letting them it makes you want to get hammered before work? 0.79

01:31:55.000 No, a day of golf makes me want to get hammered before work when I'm with the owner of a bar where we meet at his bar and we do shots at 9 a.m.

01:32:06.000 I don't know.

01:32:06.000 I would kind of, if you're a regular watcher of the show, wouldn't it be interesting to see me in a different capacity?

01:32:12.000 Once?

01:32:15.000 What's happening?

01:32:17.000 I just couldn't.

01:32:18.000 I couldn't do it anymore.

01:32:19.000 But I realized that I've left the sunglasses out, which was part of the look.

01:32:23.000 But that's actually the invisible man who did the sunglasses, so I was good.

01:32:29.000 Without the sunglasses.

01:32:30.000 Wow, we just got to see how shh your shitty brain operates live. 1.00

01:32:39.000 Attached, found the guy who punched the girl on the subway.

01:32:42.000 Attached as a TikTok in which some guy tracked him down.

01:32:46.000 Okay, did you punch him?

01:32:50.000 Opening.

01:32:51.000 Here we go.

01:32:53.000 Calling for violence.

01:32:55.000 More face punching, please.

01:33:06.000 I posted that because that is horrifying, unacceptable behavior.

01:33:09.000 And I wanted to know what kind of a monster did that.

01:33:13.000 And found him.

01:33:15.000 We found him.

01:33:15.000 And this is why, whenever I'm in doubt about finding somebody, I just go to the most reliable source, which is crowdsourcing, putting it out there and letting somebody in their life.

01:33:25.000 Not all about you, dude.

01:33:26.000 It was his brother who identified him as Griffin Kennard of Brooklyn, New York.

01:33:31.000 Poet, loner, fighter.

01:33:34.000 I don't think sucker punching random white women because you didn't like that she wasn't respecting you counts as a fighter, but.

01:33:41.000 And we don't want to just go on the brother, so there you go.

01:33:44.000 That's definitely him.

01:33:46.000 And I don't know if you're still with the mother of your children or not.

01:33:49.000 But I might like to ask her if punching white women is something that's new to you, or is this a pattern that's been going on for a while?

01:33:58.000 Yeah.

01:33:59.000 Well, if anyone knows the woman in that video, the one who took the punch, feel free to pass this along to her.

01:34:04.000 I'm sure that she and law enforcement would love to have a conversation.

01:34:09.000 We're a pussy. 1.00

01:34:10.000 If you sit there at home doxing people and bitching and whining and moaning about the way they behave, you're sitting on your ass.

01:34:18.000 This goes back to Meta and the Zuckerberg world, where you don't actually do anything.

01:34:24.000 You just talk about yourself and fucking tweet and TikTok and have virtual meetings.

01:34:31.000 This guy needs to get his ass kicked in real life.

01:34:34.000 And if you don't want to do that and you want to press charges, then call the cops.

01:34:39.000 Isn't it funny how he should be charged, right?

01:34:43.000 And we have a victim.

01:34:45.000 Max and John got charged with no victim.

01:34:48.000 So Max and John do four years for fighting Antifa after Antifa said, let's fight.

01:34:52.000 And this guy's going to get nothing.

01:34:55.000 Even with all this evidence.

01:34:57.000 Because of black privilege. 0.83

01:34:59.000 Well, maybe he's gay. 0.79

01:35:00.000 You ever thought of that?

01:35:04.000 Weird end to the show yesterday.

01:35:06.000 I was liking you throwing stuff at Ryan, then boom, it was over.

01:35:09.000 Did you have to go to spew or something?

01:35:11.000 Anyway, hope you're all right, man.

01:35:12.000 Been trying to find a gold dust poster, but no luck.

01:35:18.000 Okay.

01:35:24.000 I done goofed up Gav.

01:35:27.000 Gavin Ryan and Maddie.

01:35:28.000 Apologies for the long email.

01:35:30.000 We're not going to get to it.

01:35:31.000 I'm the guy who wrote that super mean treatise about how you suck at music that you read out on the show.

01:35:36.000 While it was no doubt impeccably reasoned, I felt immense regret.

01:35:39.000 Like I woke up after a night of drinking offended and I was yelling at my girlfriend.

01:35:44.000 Now all sorts of punks and idiots have been given free reign to wane on how Gavin sucks at music, blah, blah, blah.

01:35:48.000 Now I like to absolutely clear things up.

01:35:50.000 And all of you people suck at music.

01:35:53.000 Basically, everyone in the world sucks at music except for maybe five people.

01:35:57.000 Shut up, dumbass.

01:35:59.000 Look at this.

01:36:01.000 Happy Halloween.

01:36:02.000 He's the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:36:05.000 Oh, wow.

01:36:07.000 Oh, I get it.

01:36:08.000 The legs are like eagle's legs.

01:36:11.000 That's an interesting costume.

01:36:13.000 It is.

01:36:13.000 Because it's kind of being a bald eagle and then kind of not.

01:36:17.000 And then also somebody sent in.

01:36:19.000 Very creative.

01:36:21.000 That somebody.

01:36:22.000 Yeah, I thought about it.

01:36:23.000 I got that.

01:36:24.000 And he said she sells prints.

01:36:26.000 I don't want gay sex in my bathroom. 1.00

01:36:30.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:36:31.000 And why would you want that on your wall?

01:36:36.000 Like, it's funny.

01:36:37.000 I like to look at it for two minutes, but like, constantly seeing gays in the throes of passion. 1.00

01:36:42.000 No, they're not gay.

01:36:43.000 I know they're fucking wrestlers. 0.68

01:36:45.000 But in that depiction, they're homosexuals.

01:36:48.000 Homosexuals. 0.98

01:36:51.000 Ryan and gentlemen, I've noticed Vincent Gallo in the intro to the show.

01:36:54.000 What's up with him nowadays?

01:36:55.000 Do you know?

01:36:56.000 Do you guys know each other from back in the day?

01:36:59.000 I've hung out with him a couple times.

01:37:01.000 Very, very funny dude.

01:37:03.000 Very low-key jokes.

01:37:07.000 Like I remember the cover of Vice was a sloth.

01:37:10.000 And he saw the picture because it was Terry Richardson's picture.

01:37:14.000 So I was going, this will make a good cover.

01:37:16.000 And I was holding up the picture.

01:37:17.000 And Vincent Gellow said, something like, look at that little dude.

01:37:20.000 He looks like a little hairy Harmony Corinne.

01:37:24.000 And I looked and he did look exactly like that.

01:37:27.000 I thought it was fucking hilarious.

01:37:29.000 And I think he Kind of red-pilled me, to be honest.

01:37:32.000 Him, Terry, and Seth Goldfarb, Terry's manager, they were like the king hipsters back in the early aughts, and they were not left-wing.

01:37:42.000 Very patriotic, very pro-America.

01:37:45.000 Old school New Yorkers are pretty right-wing because they have welfare losers in their face. 1.00

01:37:52.000 Like Agnostic Front and the Cro-Mags. 1.00

01:37:54.000 Everyone on the West Coast thought they were Nazi skinheads, but they just said, I don't like welfare, and I love this country.

01:38:01.000 Because a lot of American poor people back then were Cubans.

01:38:06.000 And if anyone knows that socialism sucks, it's someone who escaped Cuba.

01:38:13.000 Dear Mr. McInnes and Crew, thank you for all your content.

01:38:16.000 I look forward to every show along with AIU, who convinced me to subscribe.

01:38:18.000 A while back, you did a bit about getting a haircut with a haircutting helmet.

01:38:21.000 This was the funniest bit I've seen anywhere in a while.

01:38:25.000 However, after this bit, by the way, my neighbors, one of them is in finance, very intelligent human being, thought it was real.

01:38:34.000 However, after this bit, you talked about drinking soap by accident that your son left in the bathroom.

01:38:37.000 It was so funny I laughed for days.

01:38:39.000 Oh, God.

01:38:40.000 This is a nice letter, isn't it?

01:38:43.000 Ryan, you're clearly a masterful guitar player, but that doesn't necessarily translate into being a good songwriter.

01:38:48.000 Frankly, you suck at writing songs.

01:38:50.000 Stick to your strengths.

01:38:51.000 Play guitar.

01:38:53.000 So that's, I support that.

01:38:55.000 I tell Ryan almost every day, don't follow your dreams.

01:38:58.000 I support half of what he said, but you're going to want to put a mask on.

01:39:06.000 So around your head and when you walk outside.

01:39:10.000 And you could hide from the virus.

01:39:12.000 How are you so Jewish sounding when you're Italian? 0.98

01:39:16.000 Did you grow up in the most Jewish part of Brooklyn?

01:39:19.000 Did you grow up at the Sinem in Williamsburg?

01:39:22.000 Most Italian men, they morph into Jews later on in life. 1.00

01:39:27.000 Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, he's a Jew now. 1.00

01:39:32.000 Most old Italians turned into Jews. 1.00

01:39:35.000 Anthony Cumio.

01:39:39.000 Turning into a Jew? 0.99

01:39:40.000 A little bit.

01:39:41.000 Hair's curly.

01:39:42.000 He covets.

01:39:43.000 And he's good with money now.

01:39:45.000 Wants to move south.

01:39:47.000 I mean, that's a Jewish.

01:39:48.000 Oh, yeah, he is saving money on tax.

01:39:50.000 And he did live in Roslyn, which is 100% Jewish.

01:39:53.000 You watch.

01:39:53.000 He's going to move to the Carolinas, and then after that, he's going to go down to Florida, where people retire.

01:40:00.000 And they hide, and they fight, and they vaccine.

01:40:04.000 Do they take their dogs for a walk in the park?

01:40:06.000 For pork.

01:40:08.000 Yep.

01:40:10.000 Anyway, this guy is all over the place.

01:40:13.000 Here's a song from my youth I think is relevant to these times.

01:40:15.000 Remember that it was number one in the charts for weeks.

01:40:17.000 It couldn't be made today.

01:40:18.000 Joan Baez, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.

01:40:21.000 Did you leave a link, my friend?

01:40:22.000 Fuck.

01:40:24.000 Originally done by the band.

01:40:26.000 JB's version is the best.

01:40:28.000 How old are you, dude?

01:40:31.000 That must be like the early 70s.

01:40:36.000 So he's like 70 years old, this guy.

01:40:42.000 What year is that?

01:40:45.000 Does it say?

01:40:45.000 71.

01:40:46.000 71.

01:40:47.000 This cover.

01:40:48.000 So he was like, what?

01:40:49.000 Let's give him the youngest we can.

01:40:51.000 15 and 71?

01:40:53.000 So 51?

01:40:56.000 71?

01:40:57.000 He's 15, right?

01:40:59.000 So he's 16 years older than me?

01:41:02.000 51?

01:41:04.000 61?

01:41:05.000 He's like 72 years old.

01:41:06.000 71 or 72.

01:41:08.000 Well, one of my favorite songs is Knights in White Satin.

01:41:10.000 That's 76.

01:41:11.000 And I'm not of that age.

01:41:14.000 Great point, Ryan.

01:41:15.000 Except for the part where he said, here's a song from my youth, you absolute retarded boob. 0.99

01:41:21.000 But here's another thing.

01:41:22.000 Knights in White Satin's a song from my youth because I heard it when I was a young boy.

01:41:26.000 No, it's not from your youth.

01:41:31.000 Just because you hear something, it's in your youth.

01:41:34.000 Sais vu, sa-va. 0.86

01:41:35.000 Okay, the Vietnam War was in my youth.

01:41:38.000 Actually, it was.

01:41:42.000 Gavin has eclectic taste in music.

01:41:44.000 I figured I'd ask you if you like Skinny Puppy.

01:41:46.000 I now regret their wokeness. 0.95

01:41:48.000 That's Canadian industrial band from the early 80s.

01:41:51.000 I remember them as a kid.

01:41:52.000 That's another album I bought because I thought it was punk.

01:41:55.000 And then I take it home and it's fucking industrial.

01:41:57.000 Annihilate!

01:41:59.000 I don't like industrial music.

01:42:01.000 It's like people trying to be spooky.

01:42:04.000 Spooky.

01:42:07.000 So I was never really into them.

01:42:09.000 But they're a very talented and successful band.

01:42:12.000 They kind of invented industrial in many ways.

01:42:23.000 Hey, that's the song.

01:42:26.000 I had this album.

01:42:37.000 Okay.

01:42:38.000 I guess we're done here.

01:42:39.000 A last one.

01:42:41.000 Vaccine.

01:42:41.000 Hey, Gavin and Rye guy.

01:42:42.000 Check out this crazy fucking article about Sleepy Joe.

01:42:45.000 You know what's nuts?

01:42:45.000 Oh, you bastards.

01:42:46.000 Don't click on it, Ryan.

01:42:47.000 It's a bunch of gay men.

01:42:49.000 That's Lemon Party. 1.00

01:42:51.000 I've been sent that so many times.

01:42:53.000 What's it called?

01:42:54.000 Wait, that might not be Lemon Party.

01:42:56.000 I heard there's Lemon Party where it's old dudes, but I think there's piss involved. 0.98

01:43:00.000 I didn't see piss.

01:43:01.000 Check it.

01:43:02.000 So the URL says Biden declares mandatory vaccination for all Americans by October 30th.

01:43:06.000 Cops always send me these.

01:43:08.000 It's always the San Fran Chronicle.

01:43:11.000 And you click on it and it's a tranny or a fucking guy covered in diarrhea. 0.96

01:43:17.000 All right, let's get to the final vid.

01:43:35.000 Love that first Beastie Boys album.

01:43:38.000 Not Polywog Stew, but licensed ale.

01:43:41.000 And I'm pissed off that they said, no, we were just, we were making fun of jocks.

01:43:45.000 No, you weren't.

01:43:47.000 It's a joke.

01:43:48.000 It's a joke.

01:43:50.000 Your entire existence was a joke for several years?

01:43:53.000 24 hours a day?

01:43:54.000 Well, you're really Daniel Day-Lewis that deduced that.

01:43:58.000 What was that?

01:43:59.000 The video.

01:44:01.000 Of them partying?

01:44:02.000 Yes.

01:44:03.000 Yes.

01:44:04.000 Yes.

01:44:05.000 Uh, okay, let's uh let's just check it out.

01:44:21.000 Talking that shit right now.

01:44:27.000 Stop.

01:44:30.000 We obviously are on the side of the woman on the train in the New York City subway thing.

01:44:36.000 However, the sass ladies with giant black men. 1.00

01:44:42.000 I mean, you're both guilty in a way.

01:44:45.000 He's a perp.

01:44:46.000 He's a thug.

01:44:47.000 He's a moron.

01:44:48.000 He's a violent asshole.

01:44:50.000 But why did you go up to a violent asshole?

01:44:53.000 Why did you go kick a pit bull? 0.98

01:44:56.000 Like, what'd you think?

01:44:56.000 Why'd you go to a pit bull like this?

01:45:00.000 I mean, I think it's feminism. 1.00

01:45:03.000 They think they can beat up the world.

01:45:07.000 And then this asshole is the worst fighter I've ever seen, the black guy. 1.00

01:45:12.000 And that little dude, you could tell that he's been in a lot of fights.

01:45:15.000 Watch out for the little guys. 0.62

01:45:17.000 They are not scared of you.

01:45:19.000 And they've learned that the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

01:45:22.000 Look at these punches, though.

01:45:32.000 Look at that.

01:45:33.000 Look at that.

01:45:34.000 He's bonking her.

01:45:40.000 Man, this guy shows up.

01:45:41.000 What was that move?

01:45:43.000 He's grabbing his...

01:45:44.000 He's grabbing at the guy's face.

01:45:48.000 Another one.

01:45:49.000 Oh.

01:45:50.000 What is he doing?

01:45:51.000 I need to see that 100 times.

01:45:55.000 There's one punch.

01:45:56.000 This entire...

01:45:56.000 This is a bunch of fights.

01:45:58.000 That one gut punch is the only good punch in this entire video.

01:46:01.000 What is this move?

01:46:02.000 Another one.

01:46:03.000 Oh! 0.60

01:46:04.000 It's like he's trying to steal his hat?

01:46:07.000 We gouge his eyes out.

01:46:08.000 Good shot.

01:46:09.000 Missed.

01:46:11.000 Now we're down.

01:46:12.000 Oh, shit, they're on him.

01:46:17.000 See, what I wanted to show you guys, look at this.

01:46:20.000 This is meta.

01:46:21.000 Stop, stop, stop.

01:46:23.000 This is where we are.

01:46:25.000 Even when we're out in real life, we're fucking filming everything so we can put it on social media.

01:46:33.000 It's like we want to steal from reality and put it on the internet.

01:46:39.000 Stop it.

01:46:40.000 If you want to fight that guy, go fight that guy.

01:46:42.000 You want to break it up?

01:46:43.000 Go break it up. 0.99

01:46:44.000 You don't need to be constantly accruing experiences and getting them on your social media.

01:46:51.000 It's like you're taking away from reality.

01:46:54.000 I'm turning into one of these Papua New Guinean tribesmen who think you take your soul when you take a picture. 1.00

01:46:59.000 Stop taking our souls.

01:47:01.000 I fucking hate it.

01:47:02.000 It's the selfie culture all over again.

01:47:04.000 Everywhere I go, especially proud boys.

01:47:07.000 Hey, man, I know you hate selfies.

01:47:08.000 Can I get a selfie?

01:47:10.000 Hey, man, I know you hate eating rotten donuts.

01:47:13.000 Can you eat a rotten donut?

01:47:16.000 Like, what is this obsession?

01:47:18.000 Get out there.

01:47:19.000 This weekend, I want you to do something for me, mostly for you.

01:47:24.000 I want you to experience life.

01:47:27.000 I want you to savor the moment.

01:47:29.000 If this helps, pretend that you lament not spending more time with your kids, or you wish you had been kinder to your wife and more involved in her stories, or you wish you had played golf more.

01:47:42.000 You wish you had gone camping with the kids.

01:47:44.000 Pretend that you're old, your kids have moved out and you don't see them anymore, and you wish you could go back in time to when they were there.

01:47:54.000 And you did it.

01:47:55.000 So this weekend, you're time traveling.

01:47:58.000 You're from 30 years, 20 years, 10 years from now, and you've gone back.

01:48:02.000 And you're, oh, I remember we used to live here.

01:48:05.000 Oh, my God.

01:48:06.000 My wife looks so much fucking hotter than she does at 80. 1.00

01:48:10.000 And my kids are home and they're little.

01:48:14.000 My cousin was talking about this the other day.

01:48:16.000 He goes, I've been really learning to live in the moment and it's an art.

01:48:20.000 And I couldn't stop thinking about that.

01:48:23.000 Like every sip of beer, maybe not as many as I have, but like this cool thing.

01:48:29.000 Oh, a magnifying glass.

01:48:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:32.000 The Texas way bigger.

01:48:34.000 I love these pens.

01:48:36.000 I should order more of these.

01:48:37.000 This one's kind of running out of ink.

01:48:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:48:40.000 Experience it.

01:48:41.000 Like, you're only going to be childless for another fucking few days, my friend.

01:48:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:48:46.000 So, like, I know she's not exactly portable.

01:48:49.000 We went to Tarrytown, met up with my buddy Hodge, who filmed the Copper Cab Doc, and we just had a nice time.

01:48:55.000 We went to a farm and pet some of the animals, fed cows, and went on a little walk, smoked cigars, and then ate some of the local fare.

01:49:04.000 There we go.

01:49:05.000 Perfect example.

01:49:05.000 It was a beautiful time.

01:49:06.000 Living in the morning.

01:49:07.000 I want to go back.

01:49:08.000 Get off your computer.

01:49:09.000 Get off your phone.

01:49:10.000 Like this screen time, screen-free Mondays I do with the kids.

01:49:15.000 I get to see them.

01:49:16.000 They're not in their room.

01:49:17.000 They get bored.

01:49:18.000 They come out.

01:49:18.000 It's sort of like a tapeworm.

01:49:20.000 If you want to get a tapeworm out, you've got to put, you starve yourself, and then you put a thing of warm milk outside your mouth, and it comes out.

01:49:27.000 Then you pin it to a pencil, slowly rotate it, and you get the tapeworm out.

01:49:30.000 Exact same with kids.

01:49:31.000 Take away the screens.

01:49:33.000 Call it an experiment.

01:49:34.000 It's not a punishment.

01:49:35.000 It's a game.

01:49:36.000 Put all your phones in a little sand bucket.

01:49:39.000 You know the kind you have at the beach?

01:49:41.000 I don't know why I'd pictured that.

01:49:42.000 Put all the phones in there.

01:49:45.000 You can even do something where you debilitate your phone for like 10 hours and it's only a phone phone and it can't do any internet stuff, any apps.

01:49:55.000 Try that.

01:49:57.000 Don't pursue the Zuckerberg route and stay and live on your computer and experience life through computers.

01:50:03.000 You know, we have been developing these skills.

01:50:07.000 Here's something I found on the web.

01:50:09.000 According to Cambridge.org, I know a bargain when I see one.

01:50:14.000 What the fuck?

01:50:16.000 What the fuck was that?

01:50:19.000 That was actually scoopy.

01:50:20.000 I know a bargain.

01:50:21.000 God is sending us a message.

01:50:23.000 That's Zuckerberg.

01:50:24.000 I know a bargain when I see one.

01:50:27.000 Speak to me.

01:50:28.000 Oh, I know what God is telling us.

01:50:30.000 He's saying that what Gavin's talking about is cheap.

01:50:32.000 It's free.

01:50:34.000 Experiencing life is free.

01:50:35.000 You don't need to go.

01:50:36.000 Did you just fart?

01:50:37.000 No.

01:50:38.000 What was that sound?

01:50:39.000 I dropped this.

01:50:40.000 Oh.

01:50:41.000 You don't need money to experience life.

01:50:43.000 You know how many fucking people in the world would kill to have your weekend?

01:50:47.000 Everyone in Venezuela, two-thirds of the world would kill to have what you consider just a normal weekend.

01:50:54.000 Enjoy it.

01:50:55.000 It's not a joke.

01:50:56.000 Love it.

01:50:58.000 But the thing I was going to say before Ryan started farting fanatically is we've developed these skills over the years.

01:51:05.000 Like, I'll give you a guy I know at Fox News.

01:51:08.000 He goes, I think Ted Cruz is gay. 0.62

01:51:10.000 And I go, where'd you get that from?

01:51:12.000 And he goes, I saw him on a plane once, and the way his wife sort of grimaced when he kissed her, and the way his kids seemed uncomfortable when he was kissing his wife, and he's gay. 0.88

01:51:24.000 I go, that's the stupidest piece of evidence I've ever heard.

01:51:27.000 And he goes, no, it's not.

01:51:29.000 He goes, for a quarter of a million years, we've been developing abilities to read people.

01:51:34.000 That's how we avoid getting stabbed.

01:51:36.000 The people who didn't develop this skill, they got a giant rock on the head.

01:51:41.000 So we've learned in person to suss people out.

01:51:44.000 Or a cock on the TED.

01:51:46.000 Instead of a rock on the head.

01:51:49.000 Come on.

01:51:51.000 We've developed these abilities to suss people out.

01:51:54.000 And do they want to fuck us?

01:51:56.000 Do they want to fight us?

01:51:57.000 Is this person a good friend of mine?

01:51:58.000 Like I was saying earlier about my cousin, just getting along with them at dinner?

01:52:03.000 The internet and computers take away that skill.

01:52:06.000 And now you're talking to some dumb fucking robot asshole.

01:52:10.000 Embrace your instincts.

01:52:12.000 Get to know actual people in real life.

01:52:15.000 Go talk to them.

01:52:16.000 Talk to your Uber driver.

01:52:18.000 Get to know the country we live in.

01:52:20.000 Because it might not be around forever.

01:52:23.000 And if that gets you in a sticky situation, good.

01:52:27.000 Get in a sticky situation.

01:52:29.000 Get fired.

01:52:30.000 Get in trouble.

01:52:31.000 Be brave.

01:52:32.000 And never stop fighting.

01:53:13.000 Mikey.

01:53:20.000 They couldn't carry a two.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 29, 2021

S04E48 - WE WANT CANDY!

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