This week on Off My Lawn with Gavin and Ryan, the boys discuss a variety of topics, including the new music video for the song "Loner" by Baby Monsters, a new kind of jam jam, and the weirdest meme you'll ever see.
Transcript
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00:02:25.000Although I couldn't enjoy it if it was Antifa, to be honest.
00:02:28.000You know what I was thinking about the other day?
00:02:30.000People are like, it's hypocritical for you to get mad when the left does this, but you don't get mad when the right does it, and you're always making excuses.
00:02:36.000And I used to not make excuses and be like, okay, our side fucked up.
00:04:22.000Like you go into one of those little houses and there's a little electric fireplace in the lobby and everything has a door to conserve energy and the fucking washers and dryers look like little fat bubbles.
00:09:38.000And she's like, just pretend like I'm on a period.
00:09:40.000This is what people keep forgetting about her.
00:09:41.000But then I wake up in the morning and she has like a little bit of stubble coming in, like five o'clock shadow, because she's Latino, right?
00:09:48.000So she's got to be with the razor all day.
00:14:47.000I made the muscles big, how I like them, and then I made the chest really nice and thick, kind of chiseled so you can kind of do that thing.
00:14:54.000And then the beard, you know, I'm in love with beards.
00:14:56.000Remember when our neighbor moved in and I saw his beard and I was like, Dad, look at this beard.
00:21:26.000Like, when I heard that those college admissions were being faked and people were selling them, I'm like, I don't know why anyone went to jail for that.
00:21:33.000It's just the college destroying their brand.
00:21:36.000If we said you could be a proud boy just by blinking three times, well, then it wouldn't mean anything to be a proud boy.
00:21:43.000And it means it's very hard to become punk.
00:21:46.000You need boy of London bondage pants, a leather motorcycle jacket with zippers.
00:23:02.000My roommate from med school, who's a urologist, called me yesterday because he couldn't wait to tell me this ridiculous story.
00:23:08.000So a colleague of his, this female urologist who's badass surgeon, was giving a lecture to the medical school, which is common, right?
00:23:14.000You'll always have the surgeon will come in or the doctor will come in.
00:23:17.000And before she got up to give her lecture, the dean said to her, I'm not making this up.
00:23:22.000This is a urologist giving a lecture to a group of medical students, said, I would appreciate it if you would not use the word penis during this lecture.
00:24:55.000This was interesting, too, because you go down this slippery slope of bullshit, and the idiocy includes a trans woman going to the gynecologist and demanding that the gynecologist,
00:25:13.000who knows nothing about dicks, by the way, look at your labia.
00:25:19.000Notice that your labia are very long and they seem to have two, I think they're cysts.
00:25:26.000You have two perfectly symmetrical matching ball-shaped cysts in your labia.
00:25:59.000Oh my God, they look exactly like male testicles.
00:26:01.000Anyway, then we try to, I don't know, put ice on your clit to make it normal sized.
00:26:08.000Some of y'all aren't ready to hear this, but it's transphobic for a gynecologist not to treat pre-op transfem patients under HRT.
00:26:16.000My girl dick is as much a feminine organ.
00:26:20.000So you can't say penis, but you can say girl dick.
00:26:23.000My girl dick is as much a feminine organ that my body treats just like a vagina as the next girl and deserves specific women-oriented health care.
00:31:36.000If you see a kid like me or would you be extra nice to them?
00:31:43.000If I catch any of you fuckers alone, I'm going to fucking kill you.
00:31:49.000Yeah, like anybody, we can feel lonely.
00:31:51.000And so if you're kind to us, it would be really, really important.
00:31:58.000Once again, based on the premise, all of this bullshit, getting kids involved in homosexuality, is based on the premise that there's tons of homo kids running around and they're getting bullied for it.
00:32:30.000Worry about how adults behave and mind your own fucking business, you self-indulgent queer.
00:32:42.000Speaking of the war on kids, this I don't want kids, we shouldn't have kids, the world's overpopulated, has now reached the point where people wish they weren't born.
00:32:55.000Remember last week we had the woman who wished she was an abortion because of the trauma of being adopted, and her boyfriend felt the same way.
00:33:43.000As she's typing away, the fake picture on the mantelpiece is slowly fading.
00:33:49.000I love that premise too in Back to the Future, where you're like, why is there only one person in this photograph and then all this background?
00:33:56.000Oh, it was taken at a different time when those people existed.
00:34:37.000Here is CRT in schools, and it's a black man and a white woman bitching about what it's like to walk down the street and be a second-class citizen and here, you don't belong here, boy.
00:38:53.000Where you say my gripes, like the things that suck about my life, and I'll say the things that suck about yours.
00:38:58.000Imagine going to your car To see chicken noodle soup drenched all over the back of your hood because a camera next door thinks you're a Nazi.
00:39:06.000Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing that.
00:39:18.000Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a five-foot-tall Mexican guy who's actually a Puerto Rican Japanese guy who's who makes shitty music and is retarded.
00:39:27.000Five foot six and the music is actually pretty good.
00:40:35.000All I really have, I'm not that confident with that chorus where it's like, the talking.
00:40:41.000But I am very confident about the end of the chorus, which is, your friends got to turn around and see all the things that they're doing to me.
00:45:16.000Motherfuckers never pay a nigga back, never.
00:45:23.000Did you ever see a nigga pay a motherfucker back once in your life?
00:45:26.000Bitch, you up there with a motherfucking megaphone and a bunch Of bullshit, don't go telling me you got shit to say with your Black Lives Matter.
00:45:34.000Bitch, get my money and get the fuck out of here.
00:48:31.000When you listen to a lot of like the shit that the right says on like forums, message boards, behind closed doors, it is very clear that they have like murder fantasies and that they have.
00:48:43.000You're talking about 13-year-olds, by the way, sir.
00:48:46.000If you get your worldview from comments on the internet, you realize that you're talking to 12-year-olds, right?
00:48:54.000If they say, I want to kill a nigga, it's a 13-year-old white kid like we just saw.
00:48:59.000It's not a guy going, I want to kill a Negro.
00:49:03.000We need to get the militia together so we can go hunt them.
00:49:06.000How can you not tell the difference between those two things?
00:49:10.000In which a left-wing person will give them the means or the excuse to kill them.
00:49:17.000I could have seen the video that circled around of the guy asking Charlie Kirk, when do we get to kill people when we get to use the guns?
00:49:22.000Like, Kyle Rittenhouse is going to inspire a shit ton of conservatives and just general white supremacists to open fire on peaceful protesters and just kill people of color because of white genocide.
00:51:29.000He was also behind the stop the violence movement of the late 90s, where he had all the top rappers.
00:51:36.000This is back in Queen Latifah days where people were into Africa and they had African stuff around their neck and stuff.
00:51:41.000They don't seem that impressed with Africa these days.
00:51:43.000Maybe the news showed them that they fuck babies to cure AIDS and chop up albinos because their blood's magic and smash in the heads of bald people because they think they have gold in their heads.
00:51:53.000So I think that lost, the information age lost of Africa a lot of allure.
00:51:58.000But anyway, he was still like, even Chuck D, who blew up my head as a watermelon, melon, the singer from Public Enemy, he won't shut up about how oppressed he is, and it was the white man.
00:52:10.000He even said Flava Flav's ridiculous sitcom career was actually the white man making Flava Flav into a Sambo character on sitcoms so Public Enemy would look bad and no one would listen to their lyrics anymore.
00:52:24.000He believed it was all this big white Machiavellian scheme.
00:52:27.000So even a pussy like Chuck D back in these days was like, we got to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.
00:52:35.000And you're like, wow, that sounds so unusual in this day and age to hear culpability from the black community.
00:52:41.000But, you know, where there's smoke, there's fire.
00:52:43.000Karas1 is a free market philosopher and he went, I know who's killing blacks.
00:54:08.000Anyway, you get the concept, though, right?
00:54:10.000He's going through history, being different stalwarts, different messiahs, and he's saying man hasn't learned as much as he could from these great people.
00:55:00.000That's like I helped Ryan float down the Rivera.
00:55:05.000You didn't bring the truth to Sojourna.
00:55:07.000So now you're just cramming words together with no actual point.
00:55:11.000If Sojourna Truth was her adversary and she won a court case against her, well, now your line makes sense, but that's not what it is at all.
00:57:57.000Look, you can look at Chris when he says this Nat Turner and it's like, hey, man, at times I was coming, you know, in peace and I was being, you know, this for, you know, as far as nailed to the cross.
00:58:12.000But then there's on this part where he say he come back as Nat Turner.
00:58:15.000But the look he give is like, if you know the story of the history of Nat Turner, you know when Nat Turner came, he was kicking up dust.
00:58:22.000And then I like the way he looked like, yeah, you know what the fuck I mean by coming back as Nat Turner.
00:58:28.000So Nat Turner led a slave rebellion That was, I guess, more successful than Harry Tubman's.
01:00:18.000Nothing they said was of any consequence.
01:00:21.000The words they put together were a big pile of alphabet soup.
01:00:25.000They took actually what was a good little rap and just eviscerated to shit until I never want to ever hear anything from any of those people ever again.
01:01:26.000Sure, you've seen clips of the Tim cast with all those stars.
01:01:31.000I was just thinking this kind of neutral playing ground would be a good way to circumvent Joe's Spotify restrictions concerning Gavin's appearances.
01:01:37.000Do you think you could work your way into something like that through your relationship with Alex?
01:02:19.000Where do you get the gall to come up with this?
01:02:21.000I think you should get together with a lot of other conservatives, new right types, and do a song like Sun City, you know, with Bruce Brinks and maybe get some musicians in it like Ariel Pink and do like a song for charity called Don't They Know It's America.
01:03:53.000I heard, I saw one very brief clip where Joe Rogan was talking about how the COVID thing has become a cult and no one can disparage anyone in the cult or anything that the cult supports or they're canceled.
01:04:06.000And then the long-haired dude, who I don't know, the kind of curly-haired guy, he goes.
01:09:51.000Anyway, in Tiger King, they actually give credit to show clips of Jim and Sam because that's the way that Donald Trump learned about my presidential pardon.
01:11:38.000I used to be an aesthetician right now.
01:11:40.000What pays the bills is I am a grief supporter for the frontline harm reduction workers.
01:11:46.000What the patrol work is funded mostly out of pocket and very grassroots-based, but after I graduate, I'm hoping to make that more my full-time gig again.
01:13:29.000Rivera is currently working as a producer while also chiming in sometimes with funny remarks that most of the times bomb, but sometimes is sort of funny-ish.
01:13:36.000His trademark brand, Nope Yup, combined with his fresh out-of-bed look, is a distinct feature of Ryan.
01:23:29.000He's just waiting for the events to be over.
01:23:31.000It's like those two rednecks I met who were in Mogadishu and they were so, I don't like this word, but dumb, that they had zero PTSD from being in Somalia.
01:23:42.000And they're like, dude, it was fucking crazy, man.
01:26:27.000Because if he got anything, then the message that the justice system was sending to all Americans is there's no such thing as self-defense.
01:26:34.000We can randomly choose anyone we want to suffer.
01:29:48.000The forgotten six over here, who had a very difficult job of keeping from discussing the case during the time that they were sequestered as well, all of you, I couldn't have asked for a better jury to work with.
01:30:08.000I think without commenting on the verdicts themselves, just in terms of your attempt at the cooperation that you gave to us justifies the confidence that the founders of our country place.
01:30:27.000So you're never under any obligation to discuss any aspect of this case with anyone.
01:30:37.000You're welcome to do so as little or as much as you want.
01:30:43.000A number of media sources have requested the ability to talk to you and allowed presentations to you that you'll get in writing.
01:30:58.000And it's entirely up to you whether you want to contact you.
01:31:06.000If anyone does contact you and just tell them you're not interested in discussing it, if that's the case.
01:31:14.000And if anyone persists in doing so, report that to us and it will be addressed, I assure you.
01:31:22.000At the beginning of the trial, there was some concern about information and your safety.
01:31:31.000And I assure you that we will take every measure to ensure that that is...