Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E59

00:01:14.000 That was Kid Rock and his new Smash hit, Don't Tell Me How to Live.

00:01:19.000 That's what it's called, right?

00:01:22.000 It's called Monster Truck.

00:01:24.000 No, it is not.

00:01:26.000 Oh, featuring Monster Truck.

00:01:28.000 You're an idiot.

00:01:32.000 What's it called, Ryan?

00:01:33.000 Don't Tell Me How to Live.

00:01:35.000 We'd like to, before we get too into that, though, let's take a quick moment to showcase Pinhead's new hairdo.

00:01:42.000 Oh, don't, don't, take off your headphones, please.

00:01:44.000 It's part of my job.

00:01:45.000 I need to keep the headphones on.

00:01:46.000 No, you need to take them off.

00:01:48.000 I guess for a second I could.

00:01:50.000 Take them off, please.

00:01:53.000 Where do I put them?

00:01:54.000 I don't know where to put them.

00:01:55.000 Just give us a profile there, Pinhead.

00:01:58.000 Okay, Google Image Pinhead Freak, because that's what you are.

00:02:05.000 He got this little Vulcan hairdo that peeks up like this and turns his head into a pinhead, which is a horrible disease to have.

00:02:15.000 I believe it's a form of cranial dysphasia.

00:02:18.000 It's what Beetlejuice from the WACPA has.

00:02:22.000 And it's what Ryan looks like.

00:02:25.000 Yes.

00:02:28.000 I tried to contact his barber to give him a tip.

00:02:31.000 I'm very happy with what this barber has done to our show by adding a lot of humor to it, a lot of laughs.

00:02:38.000 I was laughing all day.

00:02:41.000 All day.

00:02:41.000 I have a tip for him.

00:02:42.000 Every time I looked at Ryan, I would laugh my head off.

00:02:46.000 I got a tip for him.

00:02:47.000 Be better at cutting hair.

00:02:48.000 No, please don't.

00:02:49.000 Not Ryan's hair.

00:02:50.000 No, siree.

00:02:52.000 I got to say, this is pretty much.

00:02:54.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:02:55.000 You're the fourth.

00:02:59.000 Oh, that poor guy.

00:03:01.000 He lived a long life.

00:03:02.000 He played a female pinhead for some reason in the circus and in that movie Freaks.

00:03:08.000 But he was a man who grew his hair on the back, like me, to hide his pinhead.

00:03:17.000 It's something I...

00:03:19.000 Maybe, Ryan, you could get a job at a freak show.

00:03:22.000 I don't want that.

00:03:24.000 I'll tell you, I saved this for the show.

00:03:26.000 Now, I got a haircut from the guy day before Thanksgiving, and I wasn't happy with it.

00:03:31.000 Is it supposed to be an Edgar?

00:03:33.000 Did you go to a Puerto Rican place?

00:03:35.000 I don't know what that means.

00:03:36.000 Edgar.

00:03:37.000 What's Edgar?

00:03:39.000 It's the new...

00:03:40.000 God, you don't know anything.

00:03:42.000 Edgar is like what Mexicans are.

00:03:45.000 It's like this same, like a Ned in Glasgow or a Yabo in London.

00:03:50.000 A Chad.

00:03:51.000 A Chav.

00:03:52.000 A Chad.

00:03:54.000 It's Karen.

00:03:55.000 It's an archetype.

00:03:58.000 God.

00:03:59.000 But it's cool.

00:04:00.000 Like guys, young Mexicans want to be Edgars.

00:04:04.000 And if someone gets that Aztec hairdo.

00:04:07.000 Oh, I've seen that.

00:04:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:08.000 And then they're not authentically Mexican, they go, you're trying to be Edgar, and it's not working.

00:04:13.000 It's similar to this.

00:04:14.000 It's got a bowl front.

00:04:15.000 Well, yeah, and there's a big space there.

00:04:22.000 So where'd you get your hair cut at?

00:04:25.000 The National Institute for the Blind?

00:04:27.000 Barnum and Baileys.

00:04:29.000 P.T. Barnum fucking cooked it up.

00:04:31.000 Edgar Haircut.

00:04:31.000 Oh, there we go.

00:04:33.000 There you go.

00:04:34.000 That's you.

00:04:35.000 But way funnier.

00:04:36.000 That guy looks way cooler than you.

00:04:38.000 No, he doesn't.

00:04:39.000 Yes, he does, dude.

00:04:40.000 You look hilarious.

00:04:42.000 How hard was I laughing today?

00:04:43.000 Those are Puerto Ricans, Mrs. Guffy.

00:04:47.000 Very hard.

00:04:48.000 Too hard for me to like.

00:04:50.000 So here's the story.

00:04:51.000 I get the haircut.

00:04:52.000 I love the little nub at the top.

00:04:54.000 It's even poking out over your headphones.

00:04:56.000 It was a $90 haircut.

00:04:58.000 90?

00:04:59.000 90.

00:05:00.000 With the tip, and I bought two things of shampoo and conditioner.

00:05:04.000 Like a tea tree oil.

00:05:07.000 Makes your head feel nice.

00:05:09.000 Because otherwise, there's only lady conditioner in the house and shampoo.

00:05:13.000 So every now and then...

00:05:15.000 Ryan, there's no such thing as male conditioner.

00:05:18.000 Men don't use conditioner.

00:05:20.000 That's what I thought for a long time.

00:05:21.000 Men shouldn't even use shampoo.

00:05:23.000 The fact that you are buying shampoo and conditioner is embarrassing.

00:05:26.000 The fact that you buy it at a hair salon is doubly embarrassing.

00:05:29.000 There's a sample size.

00:05:30.000 The fact that you leave a barber shop spending anything under $30 is outrageous.

00:05:37.000 So I have a barber back at home, but this guy I trusted, and he delivered my haircut from the mullet to regular haircut, did a great job.

00:05:46.000 I go back.

00:05:47.000 He's kind of in a rush, and I can tell.

00:05:49.000 That's clear.

00:05:49.000 Yeah.

00:05:50.000 Oh, we can all tell.

00:05:51.000 Well, this isn't the haircut that you see before you.

00:05:53.000 I'll get to that.

00:05:54.000 So he does the face on the towel with the lavender crap and shampoos and all this stuff.

00:05:59.000 Lavender?

00:06:00.000 Do you go to a woman's hair salon?

00:06:02.000 Perriere?

00:06:03.000 No, it's one of those like Williamsburg hipster, like come in and have a whiskey.

00:06:08.000 I didn't have a whiskey, but it's like one of those like treat you like a gentleman type of places.

00:06:13.000 Treat you like a woman, I think is what you feel like.

00:06:14.000 Treat you like a gentleman.

00:06:15.000 A gentlewoman.

00:06:16.000 And it's Perrier.

00:06:18.000 Perrier.

00:06:20.000 So I get one of those.

00:06:21.000 You get a Perrier, yeah.

00:06:22.000 And it's included.

00:06:24.000 So I'm like, I feel like a king.

00:06:26.000 Yeah, kings get to drink water.

00:06:28.000 Sparkling.

00:06:29.000 And I feel like a real Edgar.

00:06:31.000 And then anyway, so now I started to already forget what Edgar means.

00:06:36.000 It means it's like a blue collar thing.

00:06:38.000 It means like homeboy, redneck, but Mexican.

00:06:41.000 Yeah, but I felt like in Canada, you'd be a hoser.

00:06:45.000 I felt like that.

00:06:46.000 So the way you'd feel like an Edgar is if you were drinking in a street corner, in an alleyway with a 40 in your hand.

00:06:52.000 That's what an Edgar would do.

00:06:53.000 They wouldn't have Perrier, you fucking.

00:06:55.000 I still felt that way.

00:06:58.000 So anyway, I feel like Edgar, and I'm starting to live with the haircut a little more.

00:07:02.000 And every day I wake up and I notice he's getting shittier and shittier.

00:07:06.000 It's too much on the top and too short on the sides.

00:07:08.000 It looks like Kramer.

00:07:09.000 It was worse than this, believe it or not.

00:07:13.000 He rushed through it.

00:07:14.000 He had a three o'clock appointment, and I got there.

00:07:16.000 He's like, just come right in.

00:07:17.000 And so it was shitty.

00:07:19.000 So I cut it.

00:07:20.000 And now this is what this looks like.

00:07:21.000 This morning, I went there and I just started chopping stuff off.

00:07:24.000 I'm like, I'm the son of two hairdressers.

00:07:26.000 I should be able to improve this.

00:07:29.000 And I think it's actually better than what it was before, but it's still very bad.

00:07:32.000 Yeah, you look like a foot soldier for Attila the Hun.

00:07:36.000 If he was a pinhead.

00:07:38.000 That was a very unfortunate situation.

00:07:42.000 I don't like that at all.

00:07:43.000 Oh, my God.

00:07:44.000 That's fantastic.

00:07:45.000 Boy, and then I look at myself and I look like a model for at a barbershop.

00:07:50.000 Like I look like one of the faces that's there that, and you go, I want that one.

00:07:55.000 You look like someone paid six bucks to see you at the San Jannaro feast in Little Italy.

00:08:03.000 I've told you that story a hundred times.

00:08:05.000 Remember that story?

00:08:07.000 Hey, it's a man with the body of a snake.

00:08:09.000 Come, you pay three bucks.

00:08:11.000 And it's a guy stuck his head through a snake costume and he's behind a wall.

00:08:15.000 And you're like, all right, you didn't try very hard, but that's okay.

00:08:18.000 Hi, snake guy.

00:08:20.000 And then the next one, pay three bucks.

00:08:22.000 See the smallest woman in the world.

00:08:23.000 Okay, let's go.

00:08:24.000 So what's it going to be?

00:08:25.000 Like a mirror and then she'll have a little body and it won't be her body.

00:08:28.000 And turn around the corner.

00:08:31.000 It's the smallest woman in the world.

00:08:35.000 She's fucking this big.

00:08:37.000 She's wearing dolly clothes.

00:08:40.000 Because she's cold.

00:08:42.000 Because she's small.

00:08:44.000 Not literally the smallest woman in the world.

00:08:46.000 Oh, yeah, that might be it.

00:08:48.000 But yeah, I went there.

00:08:49.000 That's your new job, Ryan.

00:08:52.000 The Mongolian pinhead is next.

00:08:55.000 I look normal compared to them.

00:08:57.000 So it's all fake, except this woman was real.

00:09:00.000 And she goes, huh, in her tiny, tiny, tiny voice.

00:09:03.000 And my wife and I are like, well, hello, hi, okay, alrighty.

00:09:08.000 Like we'd been ripped off with freaks the whole day, so we just assumed we could keep joking with the freaks.

00:09:13.000 Nope, it wasn't a fucking joke.

00:09:15.000 I saw a small woman as a freak.

00:09:17.000 And also, we're in New York City.

00:09:19.000 This is probably like 15 years ago, right?

00:09:21.000 It's like 2005.

00:09:23.000 And there's freak shows?

00:09:25.000 What the fuck?

00:09:26.000 That's what I like about New York.

00:09:28.000 Then there was a thing in Coney Island called Shoot the Freak.

00:09:32.000 And it was a black guy in a bodysuit, like a boiler suit that was all padded and he had a shield.

00:09:37.000 And he'd walk out and you'd shoot him with a paintball gun.

00:09:40.000 And the guy was like, come on, step right up, shoot the freak, shoot the freak.

00:09:44.000 To the old timers, this is something they probably did before.

00:09:47.000 To the guys my age, this is something they always wanted to try, but never could.

00:09:53.000 And then for the young people, this is something they could try.

00:09:56.000 What, shoot a black person?

00:09:58.000 Is that what you're getting at?

00:10:00.000 You just showed it there.

00:10:01.000 That was it.

00:10:02.000 I did it.

00:10:03.000 I shot the freak.

00:10:05.000 It was pretty disappointing.

00:10:06.000 I remember when this hit the boardwalks.

00:10:08.000 Yeah, they're too riot-shielded up.

00:10:10.000 You don't feel like you're hurting the man, which is the goal.

00:10:13.000 You want to hurt somebody when you go up to these things.

00:10:15.000 Why is your internet so slow again?

00:10:18.000 I don't know.

00:10:19.000 This is a video.

00:10:19.000 Oh, maybe my Wi-Fi still on from the airdrops.

00:10:32.000 You know, Owen Benjamin used to be the throw tomatoes at me guy at the Renaissance Fair?

00:10:37.000 I'm not...

00:10:38.000 Believe it or not, Ryan, I'm not familiar with the Renaissance Fair and I don't know all the attractions.

00:10:41.000 I don't have the attractions memorized.

00:10:43.000 Well, they have this tomato thing where you throw tomatoes at a guy.

00:10:46.000 We might have worked together if he worked at the one in...

00:10:48.000 I think he said he worked at one in New York.

00:10:50.000 Well, we might have cared together.

00:10:52.000 What is that supposed to mean?

00:10:54.000 So now let's go back to the beginning of the show before we were so brutally sidetracked by your hilarious homemade.

00:11:01.000 Nobody asked for that to happen.

00:11:03.000 The reason I played that song is because the Prowl Boys are in it.

00:11:06.000 Kid Rock has been hanging with the PBs and he can't make it public, but he threw out a little clue in his video.

00:11:15.000 If you go to 1-2, you'll notice one of the guys playing cards has a Prowl Boys tattoo on his face.

00:11:22.000 Now, it's not easy to see, but it's not easy.

00:11:24.000 No, I can't see it at all on this monitor.

00:11:27.000 But in the video, it's very easy to see.

00:11:29.000 Maybe your screen is different than mine, folks at home.

00:11:32.000 But that guy right there has a Proud Boy PB logo with the laurels on his face.

00:11:42.000 He's playing cards as Kid Rock plays his own lovable brand of country rock.

00:11:49.000 There it is again.

00:11:50.000 So a total of one second, it shows up, but it's there.

00:11:54.000 It's inarguably the logo.

00:11:57.000 Speaking of, I'm sorry?

00:11:59.000 I can't believe that email from the guy.

00:12:00.000 He says, I can't believe he didn't cover this on the show.

00:12:02.000 As if Kid Rock makes news.

00:12:03.000 I looked up Proud Boy Kid Rock video.

00:12:05.000 Didn't make the news.

00:12:06.000 We would have to have watched this video every second.

00:12:09.000 So this guy watched every second of this video and noticed that, which is not easy to do.

00:12:15.000 So that's a keen eye, but to expect that we would catch that.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, can you shut up?

00:12:20.000 It's absurd.

00:12:21.000 Not derail the show, please.

00:12:26.000 So the Prowboys were marching all over Long Island playing that song, among other songs, rap songs.

00:12:32.000 It's that dude.

00:12:34.000 I think he's Mexican.

00:12:35.000 He's got a big truck with massive speakers on it.

00:12:38.000 And they just went up and down Long Island.

00:12:40.000 I don't know what they were doing, actually.

00:12:43.000 Alarming local politicians, though.

00:12:46.000 So if you read this whole article, they talk about how, at least the New York Post is smart enough to go with far right and not white nationalists.

00:12:54.000 But they're blaring rap.

00:12:57.000 So we had Chuck Schumer saying Hate has no place in this state, blah, blah, blah.

00:13:04.000 Whatever politician you are, you say hate has no place here.

00:13:07.000 So if you're my neighbor, you say hate has no home here, and that's your house.

00:13:11.000 If you are the governor, you say hate has no home in this state.

00:13:16.000 And if you're de Blasio, you say hate has no home in this city.

00:13:18.000 So it's a fun way to find out what district you command.

00:13:23.000 But at the very end, you hear that they're blaring rap.

00:13:28.000 I just thought that's such a funny concept.

00:13:30.000 This is getting into these politicians' ridiculous minds.

00:13:34.000 White nationalists who love rap as they blared rap music from a truck.

00:13:39.000 Don't nick a fucking horse.

00:13:41.000 They play that music so loud.

00:13:45.000 It's not conceivable that a white nationalist could like rap, dummies.

00:13:50.000 He likes the pimping.

00:13:52.000 Yo, wanna fuck these hoes?

00:13:54.000 And he has to go, oh.

00:13:55.000 I don't like that line.

00:13:56.000 Gotta admit, when he talks about fucking white girls, that pisses me off.

00:14:00.000 But I love the other stuff.

00:14:03.000 I just blank it out when he talks about white cops and shits and says, all cops are bastards and the only pig that I eat is police.

00:14:13.000 I don't listen to that particular line.

00:14:15.000 Did you have any audio for that?

00:14:17.000 Or was it just the...

00:14:19.000 Yeah, we played it.

00:14:21.000 I didn't hear anything.

00:14:24.000 I want to hear what the rap was.

00:14:26.000 I'd like to zoom it.

00:14:27.000 Or what do you call that?

00:14:28.000 Shazam it.

00:14:29.000 I'd like to unicorn it.

00:14:30.000 I'm going to guess Bryce and Gray.

00:14:46.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

00:14:47.000 I think the song is Biden is a bitch.

00:14:50.000 A song was banned and it's funny.

00:14:58.000 They cut the video right when they have the Pledge Allegiance part.

00:15:02.000 Show Chuck Schumer's take.

00:15:05.000 He's not happy.

00:15:08.000 White nationalists that love rap.

00:15:12.000 I mean...

00:15:14.000 Have any of these people ever met one?

00:15:16.000 Oh, so Chuck Schumer, I guess he's in charge of Nassau County and New York.

00:15:22.000 Hate has no place in Nassau County, in New York, or across this country.

00:15:26.000 Wait, Chuck, what do you control?

00:15:28.000 I just set this up by saying you can tell the district they're in charge of by their, where hate has no place, but Chuck just blew that out of the water.

00:15:36.000 I will keep working to fight racism and hatred.

00:15:40.000 So the neo-fascist proud boys close to my office, I think the latest elections emboldened them.

00:15:45.000 I don't remember this happening here before.

00:15:47.000 I will not be silent.

00:15:48.000 Their hatred has no place here.

00:15:49.000 This is not the NASA I know.

00:15:51.000 Who else will speak up?

00:15:53.000 Do they really think that there's like a band of white nationalists that would march in Long Island in New York?

00:16:02.000 Like, god damn it.

00:16:04.000 Don't you think that's kind of weird that there's no other white nationalists in the in this county?

00:16:11.000 Long line of oath keepers.

00:16:13.000 Host Lee Zeldin.

00:16:17.000 Yeah, anti-racism is number six there on the list.

00:16:20.000 But no, they're white nationalists.

00:16:23.000 You should get that list down to ten.

00:16:25.000 Twelve's an ugly number.

00:16:29.000 What could you do there?

00:16:34.000 Venerate the house for life.

00:16:36.000 Glorify the entrepreneur could be one?

00:16:38.000 No.

00:16:40.000 Twelve is kind of redundant.

00:16:42.000 Minimal government, maximum freedom.

00:16:45.000 Anti-PC, anti-drug war, close the borders, anti-racism.

00:16:48.000 Anti-racial guilts should just go.

00:16:51.000 You're anti-racism.

00:16:52.000 We're gone.

00:16:53.000 So we can kill seven and twelve.

00:16:56.000 That doesn't.

00:16:57.000 Yeah, that's ten.

00:16:58.000 All right.

00:17:01.000 That's that Lee Zeldon dude's doom, though.

00:17:03.000 Proud boys are political and justice kryptonite.

00:17:08.000 That's why Max and John are doing four years.

00:17:12.000 After my talk, where there was that fight, I mean, politicians used Proud Boys as an allegation to destroy each other.

00:17:21.000 Are you a Proud Boy, senator, blah, blah, blah?

00:17:24.000 And then that was the end of them.

00:17:26.000 I mean, it was used in the presidential debates twice.

00:17:29.000 Mr. Trump, will you disavow the Proud Boys?

00:17:32.000 And then he later does.

00:17:34.000 And now Rittenhouse is throwing the club under the bus.

00:17:37.000 Saying, I didn't know those guys were Proud Boys.

00:17:40.000 It was that evil lawyer, John Pierce, who we're going to get in here.

00:17:43.000 I'm going to fly John Pierce down and have a long talk with him.

00:17:47.000 He got eaten alive by that Tucker interview.

00:17:50.000 I mean, his reputation was destroyed.

00:17:53.000 I can tell you my two cents without ruining Rittenhouse's chances.

00:17:58.000 This has become political, and many people have told me also a question that involved the Proudhouse comes from Brian in Hampton, Virginia.

00:18:13.000 And Brian says, Mr. Rittenhouse, you have stated that you are not a racist, but yet there's video footage of you using hand signs that are used by groups that are considered by many to be white supremacists.

00:18:25.000 Why have you associated with members of groups like the Proud Boys?

00:18:29.000 Why have you used hand signs that are commonly associated with white supremacy?

00:18:35.000 That's a good question.

00:18:36.000 I didn't know that the OK hand sign was a symbol for white supremacy, just as I didn't know that those people in the bar were Proud Boys.

00:18:44.000 They were set up by my former attorney who was fired because of that, for putting me in situations like that with people I don't agree with by having them set up for security without telling us their background.

00:18:56.000 And if I would have known that they were Proud Boys, I would have said absolutely not.

00:19:00.000 So to be clear, which attorney put you in that bar?

00:19:05.000 John Pierce.

00:19:06.000 He took you to that bar.

00:19:07.000 He arranged it.

00:19:08.000 He wasn't there, but he set it up and arranged it.

00:19:12.000 Your attorney arranged for a then-17-year-old to go to a bar to meet those people.

00:19:18.000 For them to do security.

00:19:19.000 And then they asked to buy me a drink, and I said, sure.

00:19:23.000 And they knew that you were 17?

00:19:25.000 In Wisconsin, it's legal.

00:19:27.000 To drink at 17 in a bar?

00:19:29.000 You should know that?

00:19:30.000 Great journalism, lady.

00:19:32.000 How can you not know that?

00:19:33.000 Teaching the journalist on the line of the world.

00:19:36.000 even if you don't know that intrinsically, the laws of Wisconsin, if you're interviewing Kyle Rittenhouse, would you not have looked into that?

00:19:43.000 In Wisconsin, it's perfectly legal to drink in a bar if you're with your parents.

00:19:48.000 Yas.

00:19:50.000 That's true.

00:19:52.000 This lady was a dumb bitch and didn't know that.

00:20:00.000 It's weird how it works.

00:20:02.000 Yas.

00:20:04.000 Kyle, here's what I...

00:20:05.000 You don't have to say yes or no.

00:20:07.000 Okay.

00:20:08.000 But I think what you're doing is distancing yourself from the Prowboys to maximize your litigation.

00:20:14.000 Yeah.

00:20:15.000 I'm not going to answer that verbally, but I will do this.

00:20:21.000 Okay.

00:20:22.000 Well, I'm not mad at that.

00:20:23.000 If it's going to lead to $90 million, then go ahead, throw us under the bus.

00:20:29.000 Actually, let's just jump to Rittenhouse then for a second.

00:20:32.000 Did you finish that interstitial?

00:20:34.000 No, I'm still working on it, but it's coming out pretty cool.

00:20:36.000 So the lawsuit I'm talking about, the first one of many, 2-5, he's suing two joyless cunts who have nothing exciting in their lives named Joy and Whoopi.

00:20:50.000 Remember when Whoopee meant fucking?

00:20:53.000 When you and your newlywed are making Whoopee, does she queeve and do you break for queeves?

00:21:01.000 $60 million defamation lawsuit against the views Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg.

00:21:05.000 Let the games begin.

00:21:08.000 By the way, Whoopi Goldberg looks even uglier than that these days.

00:21:13.000 If you could go downhill from there, she has.

00:21:17.000 But something just popped into my head.

00:21:22.000 Remember the dude from Star Trek, the really pretentious guy, Jean-Luc Picard?

00:21:27.000 Yeah.

00:21:28.000 When he announced on The View that he wants Whoopi to be in the show and everyone clapped?

00:21:32.000 Like, if she was white, it would just be a phone call or an email, but they have to make it a huge deal because she's black.

00:21:38.000 And that's going to be the subject of today's show because I got back from Chicago where the pandering is exhausting.

00:21:47.000 I didn't realize how racially cool New York City is.

00:21:54.000 Like, black people don't talk to you like you're a piece of shit here.

00:21:57.000 No one takes any shit from anyone.

00:22:00.000 But in Chicago, and I'm sorry to our Chicagoan baby monsters, y'all take a lot of shit.

00:22:07.000 It reminds me of, I don't know, an imminent Rhodesia or South Africa, Zimbabwe or something.

00:22:14.000 Whites are second-class citizens in that town.

00:22:16.000 The general vibe of Chicago is white people have ruined the world.

00:22:22.000 They've destroyed black lives and blacks are pissed.

00:22:28.000 I'm not going to accept your apology, but I'm not going to fuck with you anymore.

00:22:31.000 But watch your mouth.

00:22:33.000 Because if you so much step out of line, I swear to fucking God.

00:22:46.000 But yeah.

00:22:48.000 Alex Kurtzman, who is the senior executive producer of Star Trek Pakal and all of his colleagues, of which I am one, want to invite you into the second season.

00:23:05.000 Like it's a make-a-wish.

00:23:07.000 Like, you know, the show that I was already on.

00:23:09.000 Standing ovation.

00:23:10.000 Look at that fat fuck in the back.

00:23:11.000 That's Chicago in a nutshell.

00:23:14.000 Stop.

00:23:15.000 That is Chicago.

00:23:16.000 That guy standing up.

00:23:17.000 First of all, what are you doing at the view?

00:23:20.000 How did you get there?

00:23:22.000 Did you buy tickets?

00:23:23.000 Did you wait in line to watch the view?

00:23:26.000 Look at that dumb fuck next to him.

00:23:29.000 Yuck.

00:23:30.000 Where are you guys going?

00:23:31.000 Oh, we're going to go check out the view.

00:23:34.000 No, seriously.

00:23:35.000 What are you guys doing?

00:23:38.000 What do you mean, what are we doing?

00:23:39.000 We get to see Whoopi.

00:23:42.000 And there's going to be a big announcement about her career where she's going to do an acting gig for a week.

00:23:47.000 You mean the show I was on when it was good and culturally relevant?

00:23:51.000 Oh, cool.

00:23:51.000 I get to be on that show.

00:23:54.000 But now it's mine.

00:23:55.000 Once again, you interrupt the show.

00:23:56.000 Motherfucker, that show was good once, and now it ain't.

00:23:59.000 No, it was never good.

00:24:00.000 It's for losers.

00:24:02.000 Well, Star Trek is for losers.

00:24:03.000 Tell that to Milo Yiannopoulos.

00:24:05.000 Okay.

00:24:06.000 I love to.

00:24:08.000 Look at the hugs.

00:24:09.000 Everyone's getting up to hug her.

00:24:12.000 They're still fucking clapping.

00:24:18.000 Still going.

00:24:20.000 The pandering.

00:24:22.000 I just, like, I reached a pandering limit here.

00:24:25.000 But before we abandon Rittenhouse and get into the pandering, his school's trying to get him kicked out.

00:24:30.000 They don't want racists in their school.

00:24:33.000 I mean, my wife is constantly upset that we're associated with white nationalism, and it is a curse in many ways.

00:24:40.000 But I try to tell her, I go, honey, everyone is.

00:24:44.000 Trump, they throw the word around it.

00:24:46.000 It doesn't mean anything anymore.

00:24:48.000 Half the country is considered a white supremacist.

00:24:52.000 They're rallying to boot Kyle Right now.

00:24:54.000 Okay, so let's get to my trip to Chicago, shall we?

00:24:58.000 I have a few other announcements, but we're all over the place here.

00:25:04.000 So I'm watching TV in Chicago, which I've never done before.

00:25:10.000 And I said to one of my cousins, my family, part of my Scottish family went and married a Mexican.

00:25:16.000 So I have all these Mexican relatives in Chicago.

00:25:19.000 And they're all MAGA, because they're like fourth generation, or whatever 1916 is.

00:25:24.000 I said to the patriarch, he's this 90-year-old, I was like, so you're here legally or illegally?

00:25:31.000 He goes, no, he came here in 1916.

00:25:34.000 And that was kind of a general pattern too with my riffing.

00:25:36.000 I was riffing with the coloreds.

00:25:39.000 And every time I would, the colored person would laugh.

00:25:42.000 And the whites around would go, oh, Jesus.

00:25:45.000 Including my own family.

00:25:46.000 At one point, I get in the car and the guy has a Quran there.

00:25:50.000 And I can tell he's African.

00:25:51.000 He's pitch black.

00:25:53.000 And he has like a cheap brown suit on with a dirty dress shirt.

00:25:56.000 He's obviously not an American.

00:25:58.000 And I'm like, I'm sorry, I almost sat on your Quran.

00:26:02.000 Are you from Africa?

00:26:04.000 And my wife is like, oh, for fuck's sakes.

00:26:06.000 And he's laughing.

00:26:07.000 Yes.

00:26:08.000 I'm from the Sudan.

00:26:10.000 Ah, the Sudan.

00:26:11.000 Split in two, like Pakistan and India.

00:26:14.000 You are from the north half, because you have a Quran, so you are a Muslim.

00:26:19.000 He's laughing his head off.

00:26:20.000 We're having a gay old time.

00:26:24.000 And then I said to him, so you just come here, it's so hot, you come here, it's so cold.

00:26:31.000 And he's like, in Sudan, it is 105.

00:26:35.000 I had never seen snow.

00:26:38.000 And I go, okay, I have a tip for you.

00:26:40.000 Don't eat the yellow snow, only the white.

00:26:44.000 And then again, he's laughing his head off.

00:26:46.000 He goes, that's a good tip.

00:26:48.000 I won't go near the yellow snow.

00:26:52.000 Anyway, the side, the subtext to that story I just told you is stop pandering.

00:27:00.000 Like, stop being overly sweet and apologetic.

00:27:04.000 There's this sort of capitulation in that town.

00:27:08.000 So let's start at the beginning.

00:27:10.000 We're at the airport.

00:27:12.000 I have photos to back all this up.

00:27:15.000 And I just, like, New York City, for all its faults, it doesn't really pander.

00:27:21.000 I mean, I'm sure it does.

00:27:21.000 We've got Thrive, $800 million.

00:27:24.000 But as far as the general vibe walking down the street, maybe it's because of the Scotch-Irish background and they're more Midwestern, which is more Germanic.

00:27:32.000 There isn't this like, oh, so sally, so Sally.

00:27:35.000 It's like, what?

00:27:36.000 What'd you say?

00:27:36.000 What was that?

00:27:40.000 I've noticed that with the homeless people.

00:27:41.000 Like when a homeless man comes up to me and he's like, yo, I got to go, no, and keep walking.

00:27:46.000 And then I tried that in DC when I used to do CR-TV there.

00:27:50.000 And I would do my usual, no.

00:27:52.000 And then this guy's like, what the fuck you said to me, bitch?

00:27:56.000 My name's Paul.

00:27:56.000 What's your name?

00:27:57.000 And I'm like, nothing.

00:27:59.000 He goes, I'm Paul.

00:28:00.000 You better remember that name when I'm fucking you in your ass.

00:28:03.000 Oh.

00:28:05.000 As Bill Hicks says, I guess it wasn't your attitude that got you on the streets, is it?

00:28:13.000 Yeah.

00:28:14.000 Black Lives Matter fucking everywhere.

00:28:18.000 Here in Chicago, on churches, God says all, it was like in this church, Black Lives Matter and God agrees or some shit.

00:28:29.000 Like, what?

00:28:31.000 I should have taken a picture of the sign because the sign sort of canceled out Black Lives Matter.

00:28:35.000 It said, God believes that all lives matter.

00:28:37.000 And it doesn't say, it didn't say all lives matter because that's crypto.

00:28:39.000 You're not allowed to say that.

00:28:40.000 But it was like Black Lives Matter to God too or something.

00:28:44.000 And you're like, okay, so in other words, all lives matter because it's God, right?

00:28:48.000 So can we drop this shit now?

00:28:51.000 Okay, let me show you what I'm talking about.

00:28:53.000 So go to the beginning.

00:28:54.000 There's the airport.

00:28:55.000 I hope these pop up in chronological order.

00:28:58.000 So I'm at the airport.

00:28:59.000 They don't.

00:29:01.000 Okay, well, there's a book of, this is still in New York, so this doesn't help my case, but maybe this is what started to get pandering in my head.

00:29:08.000 I see a book of Bruce Springsteen and Barack Obama.

00:29:11.000 They're renegades, born in the USA.

00:29:13.000 Well, one of them is.

00:29:17.000 Thanks to Donald Trump for dispelling that story permanently by saying, I'll give $100,000 to anyone who can prove he wasn't born here.

00:29:25.000 I mean, everyone said that was racist, but that kind of is ending the debate, isn't it?

00:29:29.000 I don't think he was born in Hawaii.

00:29:31.000 Chuck Johnson showed me his birth certificate.

00:29:33.000 It doesn't look anything like the other birth certificates of the era, but I don't really care, to be honest.

00:29:40.000 But the thing that every time I see these two now, even as individuals, I cannot get over the bullshit that Barack Obama said, where he said Clarence Clemens was, everyone loved him on stage, but that's the kind of guy you'd see him in the bar and they'd be calling him the N-word.

00:29:57.000 Clarence Clemens, the most adored man in America.

00:30:03.000 I mean, God.

00:30:06.000 The only person I would worry about with Clarence Clemens would be his dick because it would look like Freddy's face from so much getting blown.

00:30:15.000 I really butchered that joke.

00:30:17.000 Getting blown at it.

00:30:21.000 That bugged me, by the way, for weeks, that statement.

00:30:25.000 And it bugged me that Bruce Brinkstein went, yeah, so true.

00:30:29.000 Because he's probably been, I'm sure he's been to 100 bars with Clarence Clemens and sees everyone going, yeah, I bet they love him more than the boss.

00:30:36.000 Clarence.

00:30:39.000 Look at this psychobabble shit.

00:30:40.000 The limits of optimism.

00:30:43.000 Even when we fall short of living in the glory days.

00:30:51.000 And we don't stop believing.

00:30:53.000 That's not my song.

00:30:54.000 Okay.

00:30:55.000 And if we don't, when this chick pops in, I need to jump in because there is a younger generation that may look at this inability to deliver.

00:31:05.000 And they say, look, we're not getting anywhere.

00:31:07.000 We're not getting anywhere compromising.

00:31:09.000 We're not getting anywhere having this conversation the way people have had it before.

00:31:14.000 Because I'm not offering a choice saying cynicism, everything's bad, nothing works, and North Star and Hope, right?

00:31:21.000 But I'm trying to say, hey, look, what are the limits of optimism?

00:31:27.000 Is this Sarah Silverman and Blackface?

00:31:29.000 Do you know what she's saying?

00:31:29.000 Do you know what the point is here?

00:31:31.000 Yeah, don't be optimistic because we're fucked.

00:31:34.000 No detective shit.

00:31:35.000 Well, maybe, sort of.

00:31:36.000 What they're saying is, look, America's always going to be racist and they're always going to see you as less than.

00:31:43.000 So rather than strive for full equality, which by the way, you achieved 50 years ago at the very least, probably more than that, instead of hoping for total equality, just accept that you won't be lynched if you go to the grocery store.

00:32:00.000 That's what they're all fucking saying.

00:32:02.000 I'm trying to say, hey, look, what are the limits of optimism?

00:32:07.000 That's why I use the term fighting optimism, you know, because I don't see any other choice.

00:32:14.000 You know, I think you've got to adhere to the truth.

00:32:17.000 You've got to adhere to the basic values in our institutions, that those things are important.

00:32:23.000 They're there for all to see.

00:32:24.000 Can you believe this guy built his career on working class America and he's such an elitist cunt?

00:32:31.000 They're both frauds in a way.

00:32:32.000 Barack built his whole career on I'm a black dude, which he is not.

00:32:36.000 He's a Hawaiian woman who's overweight and communist.

00:32:40.000 And then Bruce built his whole career on like, I'm a hard scrabble guy and I'm looking for a job.

00:32:46.000 And they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night.

00:32:49.000 And lots of my friends get blowed up too.

00:32:52.000 I'm the kind of guy who's getting blowed up on a regular basis.

00:32:57.000 And all my friends are dying under trucks.

00:33:00.000 So fucking, I'm a hard worker and I wear welder's pants.

00:33:04.000 Okay, I wear them too.

00:33:06.000 But at least I'm not fucking banking my whole existence on being blue collar.

00:33:11.000 Don't you just love how this woman just comes in and scolds the president, like the ex-president?

00:33:16.000 I need to shut up.

00:33:21.000 Look, she's scripted everything she's saying.

00:33:23.000 And you're right, she looks like Sarah Solomon.

00:33:25.000 Okay, so let's get back to the pandering of Chicago and America in general.

00:33:30.000 So there's that.

00:33:32.000 And then I'm on the plane, and I've had a few.

00:33:37.000 And I'm looking at the pilot's, the cabin, the cockpit, the door to the cockpit.

00:33:42.000 It looks like Wells Fargo.

00:33:44.000 It looks like a safe for a bank.

00:33:46.000 It's got a thing you turn.

00:33:47.000 And whenever the pilot goes piss, they pull out the drink cart and put it there to hold back the terrorists.

00:33:52.000 And when I was a little kid, I've been traveling since I was born.

00:33:56.000 And I would have a little pilot's book when I was like four, five, six, all the way up to like, I think I've stopped caring about when I was maybe 13.

00:34:02.000 And I wore my little pilot wings.

00:34:04.000 And I would go into the cockpit.

00:34:06.000 I'd sit in the fucking chair.

00:34:08.000 And they'd write their name, pilot Ryan Rivera.

00:34:12.000 Then they'd sign it.

00:34:14.000 And we'd have the flight and the flight number.

00:34:16.000 And I had a whole little thin, it was like a skinny wide book of pilots' names.

00:34:21.000 I don't know why the fuck, whatever.

00:34:23.000 Kids like that kind of shit.

00:34:25.000 Now it's a safe.

00:34:28.000 And that's because of fucking Muslims.

00:34:31.000 Not just terrorists.

00:34:32.000 We've had terrorists before.

00:34:34.000 In the early 70s, hijacking a plane wasn't that unusual.

00:34:38.000 In fact, look at the Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, his brother, was killed attacking a terrorist who hijacked a plane and brought it, I think, to Egypt.

00:34:49.000 It was a thing back in the Weather Underground days.

00:34:53.000 Ooh, I want to get to that too.

00:34:55.000 The DA of San Francisco is literally a terrorism baby who was raised by the Weather Underground.

00:35:01.000 Anyway, that's a whole other deep dive we'll do.

00:35:04.000 But so that's pissing me off.

00:35:09.000 So I saw Bruce and Obama at the airport store, and that pissed me off.

00:35:16.000 And then I'm pissed off on the plane.

00:35:18.000 And then I look over at my daughter.

00:35:20.000 There's the door I was just talking about.

00:35:22.000 I look over at my daughter.

00:35:23.000 She's got her mask on.

00:35:24.000 I think that's fucking China.

00:35:26.000 China playing with bioweapons and fucking up and infecting the entire world because they're a malicious, power-hungry, soulless Eastern force that wants to dominate and control the West and replace all of our joy and freedom with tyranny.

00:35:42.000 Fuck them.

00:35:44.000 Oh, wait.

00:35:44.000 There's two other things.

00:35:46.000 I'm at the airport and I decide, it's obviously a massive lineup.

00:35:49.000 So I go, you know what?

00:35:50.000 I'll get that clear thing.

00:35:52.000 I should have that by now, where the eye, the retina thing, I'll get it for the whole family and we'll skip the line.

00:35:57.000 So we do.

00:35:58.000 It's free for the first month and it's like $250 a year or something.

00:36:02.000 And so I'm getting in the lineup and they go up to the machine and it reads, they do it there at the airport.

00:36:06.000 It reads your eyes, then you pay them and blah, blah, blah.

00:36:09.000 Fingerprint and everything.

00:36:10.000 And so there's a black dude there and he, everyone in Chicago wears Air Jordans, by the way.

00:36:15.000 Everyone.

00:36:15.000 So he's gone on $700 pair of Jordans.

00:36:18.000 My son kept looking them up and showing me, like, there'd be some teenager in front of us with off-white Air Jordans, $6,000 shoes.

00:36:28.000 I mean, first of all, if you go near the South Side, you're going to get rolled for your $6,000 shoes.

00:36:34.000 But anyway, the guy with, according to my son, $900 shoes on, so I guess he's poor.

00:36:42.000 What does that say?

00:36:43.000 Prevent the flu?

00:36:46.000 Now it says give thanks to that building.

00:36:52.000 Anyway, so he goes to one kiosk.

00:36:56.000 Okay, so you're handled.

00:36:57.000 So I move over here.

00:36:58.000 And then the guy's like, okay, sir.

00:36:59.000 So it's here.

00:37:00.000 This was the guy that was leading me, by the way.

00:37:02.000 And he goes, hey, I was next.

00:37:06.000 That's how black Chicago people talk to white people.

00:37:10.000 And I go, all right, I saw you at the kiosk.

00:37:13.000 So I passed.

00:37:14.000 You had your kiosk.

00:37:16.000 And he's probably not used to white people talking like that.

00:37:19.000 So he goes, he goes, I wasn't talking to you.

00:37:25.000 Now, I have to admit, I didn't take it further.

00:37:28.000 And that bugged me this entire trip.

00:37:30.000 It's still bugging me today that I just went and moved on.

00:37:34.000 I should have said more stuff.

00:37:36.000 I should have said, go fuck yourself.

00:37:38.000 Or like, what are you doing?

00:37:39.000 What's your problem here?

00:37:40.000 You're starting to fight at the airport?

00:37:41.000 That's my favorite one.

00:37:43.000 Because I have had people start fights with me, black people, at like one police plaza.

00:37:49.000 We were going there to sign up for a ride along.

00:37:52.000 And this guy, he was actually Puerto Rican.

00:37:54.000 But he's like, yo, he tried to bud in line.

00:37:57.000 And you know how we are with budding.

00:37:58.000 And I'm like, sir, we all left, but we'll go back to our original spots in the line.

00:38:02.000 He goes, who the fuck are you?

00:38:03.000 You think you're smarter than me?

00:38:05.000 Hey?

00:38:05.000 And I had a scarf on.

00:38:06.000 He goes, you think you're British?

00:38:07.000 You think you're more British than me?

00:38:09.000 Yeah.

00:38:11.000 I was born in England.

00:38:13.000 You're 0% British in every way, shape, and form.

00:38:16.000 And I was like, so that's what we're going to do?

00:38:18.000 We're getting a fight at one police plaza.

00:38:20.000 That's what you want to do?

00:38:20.000 He goes, I'll throw down anywhere, motherfucker.

00:38:22.000 Takes his jacket off.

00:38:23.000 The police are everywhere, obviously.

00:38:25.000 We're at number one police plaza.

00:38:29.000 Anyway, I should have said more.

00:38:33.000 But we're at the airport.

00:38:34.000 I got five kids, luggage everywhere.

00:38:37.000 And so that's the airport done, I guess.

00:38:40.000 Oh, and don't get clear.

00:38:41.000 On the way back, I go, can we just go to the clear line?

00:38:43.000 We got the I thing.

00:38:44.000 And they go, that's only in Terminal 1.

00:38:46.000 Jesus Christ.

00:38:48.000 So now I got, they only have TSA pre-check.

00:38:51.000 So now I either quit the clear thing or sign up to all of them.

00:38:56.000 I think I'm just going to sign up to all of them.

00:38:57.000 I feel like I've been traveling since 1970.

00:39:00.000 I think it's time I got on like air miles and that lounge that they go to.

00:39:04.000 Kumi is into all that shit.

00:39:06.000 He has his air miles.

00:39:07.000 He only does that one airline.

00:39:08.000 He knows all the planes.

00:39:09.000 He's like, this is the only plane where first class is like above the pilot and shit.

00:39:14.000 I got to start taking this seriously.

00:39:16.000 I just hate traveling so much that I always think this is my last flight.

00:39:20.000 I'm going to Chicago and back and then we'll be done.

00:39:22.000 But it's not true.

00:39:23.000 I'll be in Florida in a month probably visiting my folks.

00:39:29.000 Okay, so what's the next pick?

00:39:32.000 They're out of order, but we got...

00:39:36.000 Maybe I should just go to the newspapers.

00:39:39.000 Because I get the Chicago Tribune.

00:39:41.000 I'm sitting, everyone's making turkey, and I'm flipping through the newspaper.

00:39:44.000 And the TV, okay, I said to my cousin, let's do a shot every time they mentioned a straight white male.

00:39:51.000 We did two shots in two hours.

00:39:54.000 That includes commercials, by the way.

00:39:57.000 So this one, here's the cover, the Chicago Tribune.

00:40:02.000 Jury Convicts three in killing Arbury.

00:40:04.000 Now, you're sane like me.

00:40:07.000 Those guys are vigilantes.

00:40:10.000 They're similar to Rittenhouse, though.

00:40:12.000 There had been a lot of robberies in the neighborhood.

00:40:14.000 The police were not doing their job, so they decided to drive out and question this dude.

00:40:25.000 Maybe they shouldn't have gotten out of their cars with their guns.

00:40:27.000 They should have stayed in the car.

00:40:28.000 He could bang on the windows, whatever.

00:40:31.000 Maybe they approached him too quickly.

00:40:33.000 Maddie says they should have just pointed a gun at him and waited until the police get there.

00:40:37.000 I'll tell you what, they shouldn't have fucking videotaped it.

00:40:41.000 But if I was feeling grumpy as a judge, I'd give them a year.

00:40:45.000 Maybe the guy who had the gun that went off, I'd give him a year.

00:40:49.000 Maybe probation.

00:40:52.000 They all have life because of the pandering.

00:40:54.000 And if it was the other way around, it wouldn't even be in the newspaper.

00:40:57.000 This would not be here.

00:40:58.000 If three black guys shot a white dude, look at the fucking parade.

00:41:03.000 That story is dying on the vine.

00:41:05.000 And Washington Post and CNN are calling it when an accident.

00:41:10.000 That's one of the cases I've seen.

00:41:12.000 And also when they say, when a car attacked people, when an SUV attacked people.

00:41:17.000 They won't even recognize.

00:41:19.000 I'll get into that in a sec.

00:41:20.000 I got a bunch of stuff on that.

00:41:21.000 But like, the guy was clearly a racist.

00:41:23.000 He hated white people.

00:41:24.000 He purposely went in there and killed them, both purposely and purposefully.

00:41:29.000 He weaved, he sped up.

00:41:31.000 He was very meticulous about his killing.

00:41:34.000 He particularly hated old white people, and that's who he got.

00:41:37.000 He got the dancing grannies.

00:41:39.000 He got a little boy, a little girl, dead.

00:41:43.000 Six times as many people as Charlottesville.

00:41:45.000 They're still talking about Charlottesville.

00:41:47.000 Lawsuits just issued the other day for Charlottesville.

00:41:52.000 The fucking guy who killed Heather Heyer got a year plus 400, no, sorry, life plus 450 years.

00:42:00.000 Have you ever heard of that before?

00:42:03.000 Like, Jeffrey Dahmer just got life.

00:42:08.000 Anyway, so that, yeah, that's the best meme I've ever seen.

00:42:12.000 There's nothing more frightening in America today than an angry white man.

00:42:16.000 Boom.

00:42:17.000 Knocked off the tracks.

00:42:19.000 Same day.

00:42:20.000 Same fucking day.

00:42:22.000 Darren Brooks cleans up.

00:42:24.000 The guy in the arbory tribe, by the way, that didn't do anything, got life also.

00:42:28.000 The third guy who was just filming it?

00:42:31.000 That was fucked up.

00:42:33.000 They tried them all together.

00:42:34.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:42:35.000 Can you go on the full studio cam?

00:42:37.000 I want to make sure that Leroy didn't just piss on the carpet.

00:42:59.000 Do you mean Jim Entertainment?

00:43:00.000 Okay, so let's go back to that newspaper.

00:43:04.000 So that's, so what happened?

00:43:06.000 And I'm so sick of their heroes.

00:43:09.000 Like George Floyd and fucking Breonna Taylor and this mentally ill career criminal loser who was casing the joint.

00:43:19.000 Let's not pretend he was a fucking jogger.

00:43:21.000 Not for one second.

00:43:23.000 So then page two.

00:43:26.000 These people are being kicked out of their homes right before Thanksgiving.

00:43:31.000 Oh, that's mean, isn't it?

00:43:33.000 The owner's like, the government condemned the building.

00:43:38.000 You keep flooding it.

00:43:39.000 You burnt the entire top portion.

00:43:42.000 Some lunatic burnt the top floor and held his daughter and his wife ransom after he had stabbed them.

00:43:50.000 They managed to escape.

00:43:51.000 He jumped out.

00:43:52.000 So now that has no roof.

00:43:55.000 That killed the heating system.

00:43:58.000 So they start heating their apartments by turning the oven on and leaving it open.

00:44:03.000 That led to another fire.

00:44:06.000 Sorry, you abused my building to death.

00:44:08.000 It's now garbage.

00:44:10.000 You got to go.

00:44:10.000 It's illegal for you to stay here.

00:44:12.000 And they're like, what the fuck?

00:44:13.000 So then in that article, the owner of the building is getting them hotel rooms.

00:44:18.000 I mean, and I was reading it just going, can you imagine being on welfare in subsidized housing?

00:44:25.000 I would be so fucking guilt-ridden and stressed out.

00:44:30.000 Every minute would feel dirty.

00:44:33.000 I would be like, I'd be at McDonald's.

00:44:34.000 It's a dumb thing to imagine because you'd fix it in an hour.

00:44:40.000 That was one problem with the new Ghostbusters.

00:44:42.000 She's so broke, she has to go to her ex-Ghostbuster dad's house because that's all he left her.

00:44:48.000 And she's milling around, going out for dinner and stuff.

00:44:52.000 And you're like, what's your job, lady?

00:44:53.000 You have two kids, nothing going on.

00:44:55.000 You've just been evicted.

00:44:57.000 Get a job.

00:45:00.000 So that pissed me off, right?

00:45:02.000 Keep going in the newspaper.

00:45:05.000 How the fuck did your three-year-old get out the window, you stupid bitch?

00:45:09.000 In your free house with your welfare and your food stamps.

00:45:13.000 He's black, of course.

00:45:15.000 And they think the brother may have pushed him out?

00:45:17.000 The fuck?

00:45:19.000 So that's pathetic.

00:45:20.000 Next.

00:45:22.000 And then just relentless charity, a good Samaritan that works at Good Samaritan.

00:45:27.000 Every other story was about free shit for Black people and white people doing their best to do what's right.

00:45:35.000 Like, when does it end?

00:45:36.000 What's next?

00:45:39.000 That's more popies for a good cause.

00:45:44.000 It was every single page.

00:45:46.000 There wasn't one normal page.

00:45:48.000 And the TV's on in the background.

00:45:49.000 That's everyone hugging each other after those three guys got a life sentence.

00:45:54.000 I involuntarily went, oh, fuck off when I saw this picture.

00:45:59.000 My little cousins are running around.

00:46:02.000 Is that it?

00:46:02.000 And that's on TV.

00:46:04.000 Look at what she's holding.

00:46:06.000 It's a little book that a six-year-old wrote called, Just As I Am, Kindness.

00:46:15.000 And it's all about how you should be kind.

00:46:17.000 Why don't you tell that to the boy that just shoved his brother out the window?

00:46:22.000 All right, so we're going through that and we're with some other in-laws, my wife's side of the family, Indian side, came up from Wisconsin and we go to the museum.

00:46:33.000 Now, museums have a woke epidemic going on.

00:46:37.000 Even the Met here in New York, all of the old displays, the dioramas have, we showed you this in a different show, have like transparencies laid on the glass that say, this is depicting something that has become sort of dated now.

00:46:52.000 You'll notice it's only white males in the diorama and the Indians aren't in positions of power and blah, blah, blah.

00:46:59.000 I call it vandalism.

00:47:00.000 You've just vandalized the diorama.

00:47:03.000 That's more of the shows.

00:47:07.000 Still, I'm waiting to do a shot.

00:47:08.000 I'm not doing a shot here.

00:47:10.000 This was all about some Bronx store here in the Bronx that's selling Bronx garbage like hats.

00:47:17.000 All right.

00:47:18.000 Great.

00:47:19.000 How revolutionary.

00:47:23.000 My favorite thing about the South Bronx, having a studio in the South Bronx, is it's fucking anarchy.

00:47:27.000 It's like Detroit.

00:47:29.000 Like you walk anywhere with your dog into any store or restaurant.

00:47:33.000 You walk into any gym without a membership.

00:47:35.000 You go to the bouncy place with the kids and where you're not allowed to have drinks or shoes on.

00:47:40.000 You walk in with a hamburger and your boots on.

00:47:42.000 Like no one enforces anything.

00:47:44.000 There are no laws.

00:47:45.000 Smoke anywhere you want, like anything.

00:47:49.000 Okay, so we go to the museum.

00:47:53.000 The soldier above all other people prays for peace.

00:47:55.000 He must suffer and bear the deepest wounds.

00:47:58.000 So this is the science and industry museum.

00:48:00.000 And I'm sorry, but in the Midwest, science and industry is primarily white.

00:48:05.000 I apologize.

00:48:06.000 I'm so sorry.

00:48:07.000 But they've got Boeing 747s and German U-boats and submarines.

00:48:12.000 And they still managed to crowbar racism into it.

00:48:15.000 Look at this one.

00:48:16.000 It was funny.

00:48:17.000 They show a black guy and a white kid, and they go, the human race, the genomes of any two people in the world are about 99.9% alike.

00:48:25.000 So don't be racist.

00:48:27.000 But then they accidentally put this one below it.

00:48:29.000 Just one extra chromosome causes the health problems associated with most cases of Down syndrome.

00:48:35.000 In other words, there's a lot going on in that 0.1%.

00:48:40.000 In fact, I believe monkeys in us are about 98% alike.

00:48:45.000 So a lot can happen in just one chromosome.

00:48:50.000 Oops.

00:48:52.000 That kid doesn't look very safe.

00:48:56.000 He looks a little freaked out.

00:48:58.000 So here's where I lost it.

00:49:03.000 I'll look at this in the gift shop.

00:49:05.000 Black creativity.

00:49:07.000 Everything I saw was about the genome, about space travel, about airplanes, submarines.

00:49:16.000 Is black creativity really?

00:49:18.000 The whole museum is about white creativity.

00:49:21.000 I'm sorry.

00:49:22.000 Now, I don't want to make things racial, so I wouldn't want a white creativity shirt there.

00:49:26.000 I'd rather we just saw it as American creativity or something like that.

00:49:29.000 But like to crowbar blacks into everything?

00:49:33.000 So my youngest boy, I think, might still believe in Santa.

00:49:38.000 He's eight.

00:49:39.000 Obviously, the 13-year-old, the teenagers don't.

00:49:42.000 And I said to my, I was bitching about it to my 13-year-old boy because I waited too long to get him red-pilled and I'm worried he's blue-pilled or whatever the other bad pills are.

00:49:51.000 And I, so I told him what I'm about to tell you.

00:49:54.000 And he goes, I didn't believe in Santa at his age.

00:49:56.000 I don't think he does either.

00:49:57.000 And I go, who blew it?

00:49:58.000 And he goes, YouTube.

00:50:00.000 We watch so much YouTube that they blow it up on YouTube.

00:50:02.000 They explain that there's no Santa.

00:50:04.000 Fuck.

00:50:05.000 Yet another shitty thing about these fucking screens.

00:50:09.000 It's a spoiler alert of life.

00:50:11.000 Yeah.

00:50:12.000 But I've always said as a parent, your goals are to delay, I think it's four things.

00:50:17.000 You don't want them to know what 9-11 was for as long as possible.

00:50:21.000 You don't want them to know what sex is for as long as possible.

00:50:24.000 You don't want them to know what race is for as long as possible.

00:50:27.000 And you don't want them to know that Santa's fake for as long as possible.

00:50:30.000 Those are the four.

00:50:31.000 And I did it.

00:50:33.000 I told you this, the boy I'm talking about, the 13-year-old, he had a lot of black friends because we lived in Brooklyn.

00:50:38.000 And he goes, why do my friends all have black skin?

00:50:40.000 He didn't even know the term blacks.

00:50:44.000 That means you're successful, by the way.

00:50:48.000 So YouTube has allegedly ruined it for them.

00:50:51.000 But 25% of my goals with my kid is to prolong Santa as much as possible.

00:50:57.000 We all know the origins of Santa, right?

00:51:00.000 He's from Norse and German mythology.

00:51:03.000 He's like the thunder god, and he's clearly snow-based.

00:51:06.000 He's a northern European folklore dude, right?

00:51:10.000 He's mythical, yes.

00:51:11.000 So is Black Panther.

00:51:14.000 So we get in there.

00:51:16.000 No warning.

00:51:17.000 Around a corner.

00:51:20.000 We turn the corner for the pictures, and this is really annoying too.

00:51:23.000 No one goes, oh shit.

00:51:24.000 Everyone's like, yay, hi, hi, Santa.

00:51:28.000 Guess what Ray Santa is?

00:51:31.000 He's fucking black.

00:51:35.000 Santa's not black.

00:51:36.000 I know Megan Kelly got fired for saying as much, but Black Panther's black.

00:51:42.000 Santa's white.

00:51:43.000 Superman's white.

00:51:48.000 So, I get it if you're in the hood and you don't like white people and you've been telling your kid Santa's black all along and you want to continue that bizarre iteration of the lore.

00:52:01.000 Fine, you do that.

00:52:03.000 I'm not going to argue.

00:52:04.000 But we're not in the hood.

00:52:05.000 We're at a museum and it's all white kids.

00:52:08.000 And their parents have been showing them Santa as a white dude their whole lives.

00:52:12.000 So you should at least announce that you're putting a spin on it.

00:52:17.000 So now my son is like, okay, and I have to explain to him that's, I just, I said, just said to him, I go, that's not Santa.

00:52:22.000 That's a guy dressed up.

00:52:23.000 Just so you know.

00:52:26.000 I thought it was going to be actually Santa, but it's not.

00:52:28.000 They hit the cold.

00:52:30.000 And he didn't really react.

00:52:33.000 I think kids get to an age where they're like, I don't want to say I don't believe in Santa because it might fuck with the presents.

00:52:39.000 So there's a thing going with the whitebeard guy.

00:52:41.000 It leads to presents.

00:52:42.000 I'm not rocking the boat.

00:52:44.000 Maybe they think we believe.

00:52:46.000 They don't want to wreck it for us.

00:52:47.000 That's hilarious.

00:52:48.000 You know, Santa advertises Coca-Cola.

00:52:50.000 Black Santa advertises Sprite.

00:52:53.000 They should make those ads.

00:52:55.000 You're not going to say grape juice or something funny?

00:52:58.000 No, they love Sprite.

00:52:59.000 Are you kidding?

00:52:59.000 I didn't know that.

00:53:00.000 Hell yeah.

00:53:02.000 Anyway, so my wife's like, oh, come on.

00:53:06.000 Are we doing this?

00:53:07.000 And I'm like, I'm just so fucking mad.

00:53:10.000 I don't mad if you get woke on me, like with the Clarence Clemens thing.

00:53:13.000 You're fucking with my music in a way.

00:53:16.000 You're fucking with my memories of Bruce Brinkstein.

00:53:18.000 But that's, you're attacking me.

00:53:19.000 I'm an adult.

00:53:20.000 Now your wokeism is leaking into my child's life and my child's innocence.

00:53:25.000 And you're fucking with kids, the war on kids.

00:53:28.000 So now I'm fucking mad, right?

00:53:31.000 So I go, I wait until my wife and her parents leave, because I know this is what upset her, and the kids are gone.

00:53:40.000 I say, hold on, I got to go do something.

00:53:42.000 So I go back and I go to the information booth, and there's a black woman there.

00:53:47.000 And she's just, you know, every black person in Chicago is used to whites going, so sorry, so sorry.

00:53:52.000 Hello.

00:53:53.000 So I go, hey, I have a Larry David moment.

00:53:56.000 I'm like, yeah, couldn't help but notice that Santa is black.

00:54:03.000 And she goes, Santa's black.

00:54:06.000 And I go, no, Santa's white.

00:54:08.000 And she goes, Santa's black.

00:54:10.000 I go, look, if you want to play a game where you pretend Santa's black, that's on you.

00:54:15.000 But in there, in that room, the tickets we paid for, unbeknownst to us, you changed the lower.

00:54:21.000 You changed the story and you made him black.

00:54:23.000 So you shouldn't have done that.

00:54:24.000 You should have told us at least.

00:54:26.000 And she goes, Santa's black.

00:54:27.000 That's all she can say.

00:54:28.000 Because she's never been confronted or questioned in her life.

00:54:33.000 It's always like, hmm, hmm, hmm, you fucked us over and you're lucky I don't slap your ass.

00:54:40.000 So I go, Santa's white.

00:54:42.000 She goes, Santa's black.

00:54:42.000 That's all she can say.

00:54:44.000 And I go, is Jesus black?

00:54:46.000 And she goes, Jesus is black.

00:54:48.000 I go, oh, really?

00:54:49.000 Is God black?

00:54:50.000 And she goes, uh-huh.

00:54:52.000 And now she's getting up from the desk, the little information booth.

00:54:56.000 And she calls the guy and she goes, I need someone to come down here right now, right now.

00:55:00.000 And then there's some black dude wandering around who works there.

00:55:03.000 She's like, you need to come over here.

00:55:04.000 You need to come over here.

00:55:05.000 What?

00:55:06.000 I'm not going to beat you up.

00:55:08.000 He now is security and she's standing behind him and she's calling the manager.

00:55:13.000 And I'm like, okay, if this blows up and makes it to the press, this is going to be bad.

00:55:19.000 But I'm not going anywhere.

00:55:21.000 What I'm saying is perfectly reasonable.

00:55:24.000 I'm saying Santa's white.

00:55:27.000 So this Asian dude shows up and I go, yeah, you didn't tell us that you changed the race of Santa.

00:55:34.000 And he goes, well, typical liberal argument.

00:55:38.000 Well, he's a fictional character.

00:55:40.000 So like the ellipses there mean you're crazy.

00:55:45.000 Yeah, it doesn't really matter because he's made up.

00:55:49.000 Yeah, he's fictional to you and I because we're adults, but I didn't want him to be fictional to my kids.

00:55:55.000 And he goes, well, I mean, if that's the conversation you want to have with your kid, I go, it's not a conversation I want to have with my kid.

00:56:01.000 That's the whole point of Santa.

00:56:02.000 And Christmas and the presents.

00:56:04.000 You don't want to have that conversation for as long as possible.

00:56:08.000 Really never.

00:56:08.000 I've never had, I never had a moment with my elder kids where I went, okay, can we cut the shit?

00:56:13.000 It just sort of fizzled out.

00:56:15.000 Sort of like sex.

00:56:16.000 I mean, you know, they start having desires.

00:56:19.000 You tell them how the machines work, but you don't be like, so you're more of a titman or an ass man now that the cat's out of the bag.

00:56:29.000 So then I go, you can't change the lower.

00:56:33.000 Just like I would do that, we're living in a society.

00:56:36.000 I was focused on the lower.

00:56:38.000 It's the lower.

00:56:39.000 And I said, what if you had made it a woman?

00:56:43.000 What if my kids came in here and it was a woman who was dressed as Santa?

00:56:51.000 And you know what he said to that?

00:56:53.000 He goes, well, I would have to see that.

00:56:56.000 And I go, no, you don't need to see it.

00:56:58.000 You can use your imagination.

00:56:59.000 You have a vivid imagination.

00:57:01.000 Just pretend, pretend in your head that a large-breasted female with lipstick on and a big white beard is Santa.

00:57:09.000 Does that make sense?

00:57:11.000 And he goes, well, I would have to see that.

00:57:13.000 What the fuck?

00:57:14.000 Will you shut up?

00:57:16.000 And then he goes, and then I go, what am I doing here anyway?

00:57:19.000 What are you going to do?

00:57:20.000 Apologize?

00:57:21.000 Give me my money back?

00:57:23.000 Are you going to change it?

00:57:24.000 You're going to go talk to the boss and you guys are going to have a long talk.

00:57:27.000 You'll do fucking nothing.

00:57:29.000 I didn't say fucking, but I said, you'll do nothing.

00:57:32.000 And then I just walked away.

00:57:37.000 But he was flummox.

00:57:39.000 And she was gone for the day.

00:57:41.000 Because that's what, so there's two things going on with her.

00:57:44.000 One is no one's ever confronted me and I have no idea what to say other than just repeating the same thing again and again.

00:57:49.000 And two, any kind of racial, anything, I can use it to take the day off.

00:57:53.000 And if you have a problem with that, I'll sue.

00:57:56.000 So she was like, good.

00:57:57.000 I'm glad that white motherfucker got up in my grill.

00:57:59.000 Now I can go home early and say, I need some time to recover from that man who had a problem with you fucking with my kids' childhood.

00:58:09.000 And then later on, I thought of what I should have said.

00:58:13.000 And maybe you could say this if you find yourself in a bullshit Chicago museum.

00:58:18.000 By the way, if you want to get involved, this was the Science and Industry Museum in Chicago.

00:58:23.000 But you'll be vilified for questioning it.

00:58:26.000 If there was a black character that you made white, oh my God, you'd be a hero.

00:58:30.000 You'd get the fucking courage medal, whatever that stupid medal is that they get that Rush Limbaugh got recently.

00:58:39.000 But I should have said this: What race is Black Panther?

00:58:42.000 Black.

00:58:43.000 What race is Superman?

00:58:45.000 White?

00:58:45.000 Okay.

00:58:46.000 What if I brought my kids to meet Black Panther and Superman, but you would switch the races?

00:58:52.000 And Superman was black and Black Panther was white.

00:58:55.000 I would have to then say to my kids, either, anyone can be Black Panther, or, no, these guys are just dressed up as the superheroes.

00:59:03.000 They're not the actual superheroes.

00:59:05.000 So in the latter case, well, then why'd you bring me here?

00:59:09.000 And in the former case, now I have to rewrite that whole character.

00:59:13.000 Now, Superman isn't just the guy who flew here in a fucking egg from Krypton and then developed his powers and then got a cape and all that shit.

00:59:23.000 Now I have to rewrite the backstory.

00:59:25.000 That's what, and I said, and I didn't say this, this is what I should have said.

00:59:29.000 Now take that one of those superheroes, doesn't matter which one, and make their existence an integral part of a child's childhood.

00:59:38.000 What do we have now?

00:59:40.000 We have a mess on our hands.

00:59:41.000 So you've just given me a homework assignment.

00:59:43.000 In that example, that metaphor, you've destroyed Superman.

00:59:47.000 You wrecked Superman for my kid.

00:59:48.000 That would piss me off.

00:59:49.000 And Superman's not that important to me.

00:59:55.000 What the fuck?

00:59:57.000 And that kind of shit with like white people fawning over a Black Santa was all over Chicago.

01:00:05.000 Oh, fuck, I was mad.

01:00:07.000 And I'm mad at white people for just being like, yes, yes, yes, sir.

01:00:11.000 Yes, Massa.

01:00:14.000 Is that it for my pics?

01:00:16.000 No, there's more pics.

01:00:17.000 Let's see the other pics.

01:00:19.000 Oh, this was funny.

01:00:20.000 So we went to this thing called Wonder, spelled W-N-D-R for some stupid reason.

01:00:25.000 And there's Yayoi Kusami.

01:00:27.000 She's a mentally ill Japanese aristocrat who made polka dots famous.

01:00:33.000 She's just sold a painting, I think, for $7 million.

01:00:37.000 She's remarkably successful, but she's racist.

01:00:42.000 She marvels at black genitalia.

01:00:45.000 She thinks they're wonderful, mythical creatures, like lions.

01:00:49.000 She thinks of them as wonderful, exciting beasts.

01:00:52.000 She doesn't want to be around them or anything, but she says they're very horny.

01:00:58.000 She talks about them like they're silverback gorillas, right?

01:01:03.000 And that's got her into trouble.

01:01:05.000 No mention of that.

01:01:06.000 Everyone they're working is black, so they don't know that, and they clearly don't know who they're working at.

01:01:12.000 And then it says that Andy Warhol and Lucas Samaris and Clace, Oldenburg ripped her off.

01:01:20.000 A young single Japanese woman was seeing her white male peers rip her off, rip her work, rip off her work only to exhibit it in more established galleries.

01:01:31.000 That was her life in the 60s.

01:01:32.000 And then the implication, by the way, is that these evil white males gave her mental illness and then she's never recovered.

01:01:42.000 Like, I was saying on Getter, there's got to be a market for politically incorrect museums that can tell us about things like the Native American slave trade.

01:01:52.000 Not trade, but natives had slaves.

01:01:59.000 What else do we got?

01:02:00.000 I think that's it.

01:02:02.000 We'll just breeze through them quickly.

01:02:03.000 This has been, took a lot longer than I thought to shit on Chicago.

01:02:07.000 That's her cool art that I guess white males want to...

01:02:10.000 This is a white male enjoying her art.

01:02:12.000 Seems simple.

01:02:14.000 Oh, that was just these cards you put up when you leave.

01:02:18.000 And I thought it'd be a fun little look at the average psyche.

01:02:23.000 These are all tourists, right?

01:02:24.000 Follow your dream.

01:02:26.000 Life's too short to care what others think.

01:02:28.000 I love my family.

01:02:29.000 Beauty can be found anywhere.

01:02:32.000 Time heals everything.

01:02:36.000 It gets better.

01:02:38.000 Be yourself.

01:02:39.000 I love your mom.

01:02:42.000 What goes around comes around.

01:02:45.000 Just be like that sometimes.

01:02:47.000 I will be Prime Minister of India.

01:02:50.000 Everything will be all right.

01:02:52.000 Live life to the fullest.

01:02:54.000 You are only as blessed as you know how to.

01:02:56.000 This is all fucking idiotic platitudes.

01:02:58.000 Go to 1.8, though.

01:03:00.000 I thought this was a really interesting, not idiotic platitude from Conor McGregor, of all people.

01:03:06.000 Someone had asked him about mental acuity and being stronger as a person, not as a fighter.

01:03:14.000 And he goes, what's your opinion on mental health in men struggling?

01:03:19.000 He goes, what works for me is I tell my mind how I feel, not the other way around.

01:03:24.000 Dominate the space.

01:03:25.000 Who runs the show?

01:03:27.000 You or your mind?

01:03:28.000 You, that's who.

01:03:29.000 Let it be known.

01:03:30.000 Head up, chest out, arms back.

01:03:33.000 Now we billy walking.

01:03:35.000 I hope this helps.

01:03:35.000 God bless.

01:03:36.000 And I thought that really stuck with me.

01:03:38.000 That's really profound.

01:03:39.000 It's so smart, too.

01:03:40.000 You're not your brain's bitch.

01:03:42.000 Your brain is your bitch.

01:03:45.000 It tells you you're depressed.

01:03:46.000 No, I'm not.

01:03:46.000 Go fuck yourself.

01:03:48.000 It tells you you're scared.

01:03:49.000 No, brain.

01:03:51.000 We're going to do this.

01:03:53.000 You can sit back and relax or you can join me, but I'm going.

01:03:57.000 Fucking pussy.

01:03:59.000 Get happy.

01:03:59.000 Get brave.

01:04:00.000 Get fired.

01:04:01.000 Don't worry.

01:04:02.000 I'm not ending the show.

01:04:07.000 So let's finish the picks.

01:04:09.000 So that pick's down, whatever.

01:04:11.000 People are boring.

01:04:13.000 That was just a mannequin at the Nike store, which had no shoes in it, by the way.

01:04:16.000 Five floors of Nike and, or is it Nike?

01:04:20.000 Nike.

01:04:21.000 Five floors of Nike and just like 10 shoes on the top floor for kids, 10 shoes in the bottom floor for men, and then nothing but fucking sweatpants.

01:04:31.000 Saw that?

01:04:33.000 Can you not go through your shit live on the show?

01:04:37.000 Ryan, we've seen all these.

01:04:38.000 Don't show me your notes.

01:04:41.000 Oh, here's one.

01:04:44.000 Oh, that was our hotel at the Four Seasons.

01:04:46.000 I didn't know there was a beach in Chicago.

01:04:48.000 Do people swim there in the summer?

01:04:50.000 That was an argument with my cousin who's MAGA.

01:04:53.000 Everything's going great.

01:04:54.000 And then he starts talking about Al Gore?

01:04:57.000 What?

01:04:59.000 And says that he works with hedge funds and their priorities now are: E, S, G. E, is it good for the environment?

01:05:08.000 Is it environmentally sound?

01:05:10.000 S, is there some sort of social equality backing behind it?

01:05:14.000 Is it socially just?

01:05:16.000 And then G, is there governance?

01:05:17.000 Just meaning is there some kind of boss handling everything?

01:05:21.000 Now, I'm all for wanting to invest in something with governance, but S and G, E and S can go fuck themselves.

01:05:27.000 And then he said, oh, come on.

01:05:28.000 You don't think the old boys club could do with the shaking up?

01:05:34.000 Et too, brute?

01:05:37.000 And then he was worried that I had ruined our friendship or that this argument had ruined our friendship.

01:05:41.000 I was like, dude, outside of pedophilia, I don't care.

01:05:44.000 Like, you could be for astrology.

01:05:47.000 I'd still hang out with you whenever we meet up.

01:05:49.000 And I'd just go, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:05:50.000 This astrology bullshit.

01:05:52.000 It has nothing to do with our relationship whatsoever.

01:05:55.000 But that's modern America.

01:05:57.000 You think you have a political argument with someone and you're done.

01:06:01.000 He was worried I was mad at him.

01:06:03.000 Oh, that's me looking to get into some mischief with a little Hitler mustache, which is actually a scab from falling.

01:06:12.000 But I got back up.

01:06:14.000 What a cute little guy I am.

01:06:17.000 One of my cousins said that he goes, when I started hanging out with you, I met your dad for a beer when he was in Chicago.

01:06:23.000 And he asked how we're getting along.

01:06:24.000 And you know what he said about you?

01:06:26.000 He said, yes, so you've been, you and Gavin have been getting together.

01:06:30.000 Yeah.

01:06:31.000 He's quite aggressive.

01:06:36.000 That's what your dad says about you behind your back.

01:06:39.000 Anything else before we fucking move on?

01:06:42.000 And we got a, we're running out of time here.

01:06:44.000 No, wait, this.

01:06:47.000 That's a nice bike I saw at a Maker's Mark display.

01:06:49.000 I don't know if you guys like Maker's Mark as much as I do, but can you buy me that bike, please?

01:06:54.000 Hint, hint, Christmas.

01:06:56.000 Hey, Santa, if you're watching, I want the Maker's Mark bicycle.

01:07:00.000 You have to speak of Bonics for Santa to listen to you.

01:07:03.000 They do love their booze in Chicago.

01:07:05.000 Man, that store was the biggest liquor store I've ever seen.

01:07:09.000 It was the size of a Walmart, but all liquor.

01:07:12.000 Oh, that's at the Wonder thing.

01:07:14.000 It was all like, it was really just for selfies.

01:07:17.000 Vanity is the new thing at modern museums.

01:07:21.000 It was just people taking pictures with weird backgrounds.

01:07:29.000 And then there's this.

01:07:36.000 Oh yeah, that was just a cool display thing.

01:07:45.000 So speaking of Wokosha, let's just briefly go over that.

01:07:49.000 So we had that hilarious meme that sums it all up with the school bus and the train.

01:07:55.000 But I mean, if I was talking to a European who didn't know anything about America, I would just show them the...

01:08:03.000 How do I pronounce this place?

01:08:04.000 Wokisha, Wokosha, Wakisha?

01:08:09.000 Look that up.

01:08:09.000 Let's get the pronunciation right live on air.

01:08:14.000 I would just show them this case.

01:08:16.000 And it shows you the double standard, the pandering, relentless pandering, like in the newspaper, on TV, in movies, in the day-to-day way people walk on the streets.

01:08:34.000 How does it go?

01:08:37.000 It's buoyant.

01:08:38.000 I'm ready.

01:08:41.000 Waukesha, you know, the reason for the Great Lakes diversion is because we're drawing too much where she works as a certified pure specialist.

01:08:50.000 Lexi is also a certified rapper.

01:08:53.000 Was very concerned, and Waukesha ended up dropping out.

01:08:57.000 Okay, got it.

01:08:58.000 Those saddles.

01:08:59.000 Waukesha.

01:08:59.000 Wisconsin wants to.

01:09:01.000 And they reduce.

01:09:02.000 Just walking down the street, I sort of felt like this was my face in Chicago for a lot of it.

01:09:08.000 I go, you had a fucking problem with me?

01:09:10.000 And then my wife takes us to some diner called Ed Something.

01:09:18.000 No, not yet, Ryan.

01:09:19.000 And it's a diner, a theme diner that's 50s-ish, 50s, 60s, where the staff abuses you.

01:09:26.000 Oh, yeah, I heard of that.

01:09:27.000 Now, that would not fly in New York City.

01:09:29.000 No fucking way.

01:09:32.000 I had my Irish up.

01:09:33.000 I was like, do you got a fucking problem?

01:09:35.000 And my wife's like, calm down.

01:09:37.000 That's the thing here.

01:09:38.000 On their badge, it says, I'm sassy.

01:09:40.000 And the waitress had to say to me, no, it's a thing.

01:09:42.000 It's a theme.

01:09:43.000 We're rude here.

01:09:44.000 And I was like, well, I don't like it.

01:09:46.000 Like, we walk in and it's pretty empty.

01:09:49.000 And my wife goes, can we have a table for five?

01:09:51.000 And she goes, I think I could find you a table for five.

01:09:56.000 And then she's like, are you guys ready to order yet?

01:09:59.000 Or I'll just sit here and fall asleep.

01:10:00.000 And then my little baby boy is like, can I have chicken tenders?

01:10:04.000 And she's like, boring.

01:10:06.000 That's a child, you fucking bitch.

01:10:11.000 And the music is blaring.

01:10:16.000 I said to my wife, I'm glad you took me here because I've never had a worse experience in my life.

01:10:20.000 And it's interesting.

01:10:22.000 Like, you ever have a hangover that's so bad, you're like, wow, I didn't know a human body could experience this much suffering.

01:10:28.000 This is cool.

01:10:30.000 Are you looking up that place yet?

01:10:32.000 I'm like.

01:10:34.000 I'd love to get you one.

01:10:36.000 What do you want?

01:10:39.000 You're like 35.

01:10:40.000 The kids' menu is 8 and on.

01:10:46.000 That's funny.

01:10:46.000 You don't want fun.

01:10:48.000 You want a cheap?

01:10:49.000 That's cool.

01:10:50.000 What are you drinking?

01:10:51.000 What are you drinking?

01:10:52.000 What are you drinking?

01:10:53.000 What are you drinking?

01:10:55.000 Your lemonade is going to be this big because you're working with the kids' menu.

01:10:58.000 I'm not refilling it for you.

01:11:00.000 What do you want?

01:11:03.000 What?

01:11:04.000 Did anyone throw her through the window?

01:11:06.000 Weird.

01:11:06.000 Off the regular menu or the baby menu.

01:11:11.000 Is this pleasant to anyone?

01:11:14.000 Who likes this?

01:11:16.000 Whatever.

01:11:18.000 You.

01:11:19.000 And of course, at all themed restaurants, it's theater geeks, theater school kids, drama club kids who are the worst.

01:11:29.000 You want to find Bigotry?

01:11:30.000 You're looking for bigotry on this show?

01:11:32.000 Theater people, actors, actresses are horrible cunts, pieces of human garbage.

01:11:38.000 They should be in concentration camps.

01:11:40.000 But below them are high school students in the drama club who do improv.

01:11:49.000 I don't like pedophiles.

01:11:50.000 What do you want?

01:11:51.000 Let's go.

01:11:52.000 So they're at the bottom, but just above them is kids into theater.

01:11:59.000 Oh, oh, okay.

01:12:00.000 No, I want to, I don't want to squit.

01:12:01.000 I won't.

01:12:02.000 Oh, this is funny because look, I think the basis is like the 50s gum chewing woman with the beehive glasses or the cat, what do you call them?

01:12:11.000 The glasses, beehive hairdo, and those Ray-bands, like the kinds I'm wearing now.

01:12:18.000 And her like chewing gum, like, all right, what do you want?

01:12:20.000 We don't ain't got all day.

01:12:22.000 But then if it's not an old white lady and we're not in the 50s, it's just like this black girl using modern sense.

01:12:27.000 Just a bitch.

01:12:28.000 Yeah.

01:12:29.000 Going, I ain't talking to you, motherfucking white piece of shit.

01:12:39.000 Nice comeback.

01:13:03.000 She ducks at it.

01:13:04.000 She's terrible.

01:13:05.000 See?

01:13:06.000 So you're like, could you, and then I thought, is this like a Chicago thing?

01:13:10.000 They're so used to being subservient.

01:13:12.000 And everyone's wearing a mask, too.

01:13:15.000 I said to one of the guys there, I was like, what the fuck's going on with this compliance?

01:13:18.000 And he goes, it's the Midwest, man.

01:13:20.000 We're like the dude from the Big Lebowski.

01:13:22.000 We get along to get along.

01:13:23.000 Is that the saying?

01:13:25.000 There's some dude saying.

01:13:27.000 I'm not into the Big Lebowski like you guys.

01:13:32.000 Okay, that's right.

01:13:35.000 This is a different one.

01:13:36.000 Wiener Circle?

01:13:37.000 What are you doing, Ryan?

01:13:38.000 Can you not start a new show, please?

01:13:41.000 Same thing, but they're all black.

01:13:42.000 I'm just saying.

01:13:47.000 Oh, no, I've seen that place.

01:13:48.000 I like that place, actually.

01:13:56.000 That's different.

01:13:57.000 That's authentic, bitches.

01:13:59.000 I could get with that.

01:14:02.000 But I thought, are Chicagoans so used to getting along to get along or whatever the saying is and being subservient that they actually enjoy it now?

01:14:10.000 And they go to a restaurant where they get abused?

01:14:12.000 Is this like an SNM city now?

01:14:14.000 And it's weird because you think of the archetypal Chicagoan, like in that SNL sketch where they're always going, the bears, the bears.

01:14:24.000 It's like, it looks like a dude who doesn't take shit.

01:14:26.000 He's got a Mike Ditka mustache, big bears jerseys, fat.

01:14:30.000 I saw that archetype everywhere.

01:14:32.000 They look like you went to the dictionary under man.

01:14:36.000 They're all like dudes, guys, the kinds of guys I'm gay for, actually.

01:14:41.000 But then in the behavior, everyone is just kowtowing.

01:14:45.000 Now, I'm not saying this is true of the Midwest.

01:14:48.000 I think if you get out of the cities, out of Madison and Chicago and Kenosha, you end up with good old rednecks, the American version of an Edgar.

01:15:00.000 That's fun.

01:15:02.000 But yeah, the city, it's sort of the vibe I got in Philly, too.

01:15:05.000 Philly's different, though.

01:15:06.000 They both suck.

01:15:08.000 They both have wimps in them.

01:15:09.000 But Philly is like there was a Camp David negotiation with the homeless and the citizens and the homeless won.

01:15:16.000 And the citizens said, okay, sign here and initial here.

01:15:19.000 Okay.

01:15:20.000 Philly is officially yours.

01:15:22.000 Take it away, bums.

01:15:25.000 Because not only are they everywhere, but they like run the joint.

01:15:30.000 In both cases, the city's dead and handed over.

01:15:34.000 Although, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:15:36.000 Chicago is beautiful.

01:15:38.000 Spotless.

01:15:40.000 Crime-ridden, of course, but no construction.

01:15:45.000 New York is just scaffolding everywhere.

01:15:47.000 And it's disgusting, and there's bums everywhere.

01:15:50.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:15:51.000 New York has its faults.

01:15:53.000 Chicago is a much prettier city.

01:15:56.000 It's the attitude that bothered me.

01:15:59.000 What are you doing now?

01:16:02.000 Hello?

01:16:02.000 A little something.

01:16:04.000 A little something?

01:16:06.000 Didn't I send you one an assignment recently?

01:16:08.000 No.

01:16:08.000 Waukesha, right?

01:16:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:10.000 So let's get to Waukesha before we get to the mailbag or something.

01:16:14.000 I was just going to say, I'm from Chicago, too.

01:16:17.000 Oh, Tim Poole is on the show.

01:16:19.000 It's crazy over there, man.

01:16:20.000 You got to see it.

01:16:21.000 I mean, lots of homeless.

01:16:22.000 But the thing, like you said, you know, no construction.

01:16:25.000 So it's like, I've never been in a city before that's like incomplete.

01:16:29.000 And so when you go to New York City, you're like, wow, look at that scaffolding, man.

01:16:32.000 It's crazy.

01:16:33.000 Yeah.

01:16:34.000 Yeah.

01:16:34.000 I feel I should elaborate.

01:16:36.000 New York is a disgusting shithole that has been handed over not just to the homeless, but to criminals and junkies.

01:16:43.000 So it's actually much worse than Chicago.

01:16:46.000 Okay.

01:16:47.000 It has a slightly tougher attitude and it doesn't take shit.

01:16:50.000 That's a better thing than Chicago.

01:16:53.000 But if I was going to live in a city with my family, I would prefer to live in Chicago.

01:16:57.000 I can guarantee you, though, I would be Larry Daviding on a daily fucking basis and probably be kicked out for daring to question black Santa.

01:17:09.000 Fuck you.

01:17:11.000 I got this stupid picture of my son with the black Santa.

01:17:16.000 And then I go to the other place and the Wonder place and they go, we have a Santa picture session in there.

01:17:24.000 And I had to go, is he white?

01:17:26.000 And they go, yeah, he's white.

01:17:28.000 Like it was a normal thing to say.

01:17:29.000 Like, is he left-handed?

01:17:30.000 They might have heard it before.

01:17:31.000 Yeah.

01:17:32.000 Or to them, it's like 50-50.

01:17:36.000 Anyway, so fantastic Wokesha meme.

01:17:41.000 But go to 1-9.

01:17:43.000 They keep saying, no, no, no, he's just a crazy person.

01:17:45.000 It's not political.

01:17:47.000 Which they did.

01:17:48.000 Remember when those black kids tortured that mega kid who was mentally deficient?

01:17:54.000 They pulled politics out of that.

01:17:56.000 The old white people, knock them the fuck out.

01:18:00.000 Waukesha suspect shared social media posts promoting violence towards white people and claiming black people were the true Hebrews, which is the black Hebrew Israelites belief.

01:18:09.000 And if you're a black Hebrew Israelite, not only do you think you're the true Hebrew, yeah, those are the guys, but you have zero respect for Jews.

01:18:16.000 You don't even see them as a viable religion.

01:18:20.000 They're LARPing.

01:18:21.000 And they laugh at the Holocaust, too.

01:18:24.000 So it's not like they see themselves as the true Hebrews and they respect the other Hebrews.

01:18:29.000 No.

01:18:30.000 They're like, we're the true Hebrews and you suck shit.

01:18:35.000 Math Boy Flya, that was his name.

01:18:39.000 Learned ND taught behavior.

01:18:42.000 So when we start back knocking white people the fuck out, Ion want to hear it.

01:18:47.000 I own.

01:18:48.000 That means I don't?

01:18:49.000 I don't want to hear it.

01:18:50.000 Holy crap.

01:18:51.000 Very fanatic.

01:18:52.000 I don't want to hear it.

01:18:53.000 The old white people too, knock them the fuck out.

01:18:55.000 Period.

01:18:59.000 Lots of stuff in there.

01:19:03.000 Yeah.

01:19:03.000 There he is promoting Hitler.

01:19:08.000 I mean, can you imagine if the races were reversed?

01:19:13.000 They would be rioting in the streets.

01:19:17.000 Two little kids are dead.

01:19:23.000 And the riots would be justified.

01:19:25.000 That's the other crazy part.

01:19:28.000 We get riots for losers like Brianna and George and Ahmed.

01:19:32.000 Everyone's hugging and crying with joy because those guys are spending their lives in prison or Derek Chauvin gets 20 fucking years.

01:19:40.000 He can't get a lawyer, by the way.

01:19:41.000 He's trying to appeal.

01:19:42.000 No one will represent him.

01:19:44.000 We represent mass murderers in this country, cannibals, pedophiles.

01:19:47.000 Everyone gets, but not corrupt cops.

01:19:50.000 No way.

01:19:53.000 And then go to 20.

01:19:55.000 I mentioned earlier how they keep saying it's the car.

01:19:59.000 Fucking retarded.

01:20:00.000 Click on those two pics.

01:20:03.000 Here's what we know so far on the sequence of events that led to the Waukesha tragedy caused by a SUV.

01:20:13.000 And then the New York Times adds that we lost five adults after an SUV barreled through a Christmas parade on Sunday.

01:20:21.000 What was that SUV thinking?

01:20:30.000 And then, yeah, I'm just tired of it.

01:20:35.000 And you know what I don't like about the pandering is it's racist.

01:20:38.000 You're saying that I have to have special rules for these people because they're not the same as me.

01:20:44.000 It's funny because us Larry Davids over here are the egalitarians.

01:20:48.000 We want everyone treated the same, punished the same for the same crimes, treated the same under the law.

01:20:56.000 You should.

01:20:56.000 Oh, this was fucking nuts.

01:20:58.000 I forgot I sent you this.

01:21:00.000 Red van in Detroit today, photographed with white babies holding blocks that spelled dead.

01:21:06.000 So they're mocking the white people that were killed in the parade.

01:21:10.000 Can you fucking believe that one?

01:21:18.000 I mean, that's not just racist.

01:21:20.000 That's open, raging contempt.

01:21:24.000 ORC.

01:21:27.000 All right.

01:21:28.000 Running out of time here.

01:21:30.000 I think it's time that we get to the mailbag.

01:21:35.000 Hit it.

01:21:36.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a damn.

01:21:41.000 Let's turn the priest together.

01:21:51.000 I'm going to read these today because I've left my computer at home.

01:21:56.000 The Dirt Ski, original content.

01:21:59.000 Dear Gavman and Rai Gay.

01:22:01.000 So you'll notice there, Gavman, this like Superman man.

01:22:05.000 It's a cool name.

01:22:06.000 Rai Gay.

01:22:09.000 I mean, Tom Ford is cool.

01:22:10.000 There's a lot of cool gays.

01:22:11.000 But in this context, he's sort of talking like a grade schooler.

01:22:16.000 And in those days, Gabe just meant shitty.

01:22:18.000 So it's someone saying you're shitty.

01:22:21.000 Now, your only hope is that this guy sucks, and it's good that he thinks you're shitty.

01:22:25.000 And that would be bad for me.

01:22:26.000 But if this guy's awesome, you're fucked.

01:22:31.000 And that would mean that your hair is indicative of who you are as a person.

01:22:35.000 Can we get another look at that hairdo?

01:22:38.000 No.

01:22:39.000 Come on.

01:22:39.000 I command you.

01:22:41.000 It's for work.

01:22:43.000 Our job is to entertain people.

01:22:44.000 You have entertaining hair.

01:22:46.000 It would be bad for the brand if you didn't amuse us.

01:22:53.000 Oh, no.

01:22:54.000 Are we losing our dot?

01:22:55.000 Let me see the profile.

01:23:02.000 Why is it above your eyebrows so much?

01:23:05.000 Like, what's with that line of skin above your eyebrows?

01:23:09.000 I cut it that way.

01:23:11.000 He did or you did?

01:23:13.000 I did that.

01:23:13.000 You did that part.

01:23:15.000 That was your idea.

01:23:16.000 What were you thinking?

01:23:20.000 Wait, it goes into one eyebrow, but not the other.

01:23:26.000 It's because I formed it that way.

01:23:30.000 Wow.

01:23:31.000 Wow.

01:23:32.000 You look like a pencil.

01:23:35.000 Oh, my God.

01:23:37.000 You look like...

01:23:38.000 Coolest pencil you've ever seen.

01:23:39.000 You look like a Mongol in some sort of Chinese war where the emperor doesn't really care that you died.

01:23:46.000 You were just one of the many millions he used to invade Mongolia.

01:23:51.000 No, I had like some skill that he needed.

01:23:53.000 And when I left, it was just fodder.

01:23:55.000 When I left, they went.

01:23:57.000 Send.

01:23:58.000 Wait, that's Japanese.

01:23:59.000 Yes.

01:24:00.000 China.

01:24:00.000 Oh, China, long time.

01:24:03.000 Send in one million of the shittiest guys just to sort of lay a foundation and get them out of the way.

01:24:10.000 Like, send all their pinheads.

01:24:11.000 That's not me, though.

01:24:13.000 I had a skill.

01:24:14.000 I talked to Falcons, and I made the Falcons food.

01:24:19.000 You're buzzard food.

01:24:20.000 I'm not.

01:24:21.000 I had a skill.

01:24:23.000 Anyway.

01:24:24.000 We do this type of shit a lot recently, but I decided to film it.

01:24:26.000 I hope it makes you chuckle.

01:24:28.000 Hey, what is this?

01:24:30.000 I made clear the subject heading.

01:24:32.000 Yeah, that's so.

01:24:32.000 The Dirtsky, original content.

01:24:34.000 I searched that.

01:24:37.000 Okay, but you weren't successful searching that?

01:24:40.000 This one here, right?

01:24:41.000 No, Ryan, we're in the mailbag.

01:24:43.000 Yes.

01:24:44.000 Oh, you want me to go search that in the thing?

01:24:46.000 Okay.

01:24:46.000 Yeah.

01:24:46.000 Because links are possible in this.

01:24:49.000 What?

01:24:50.000 You could link things.

01:24:52.000 But I got it.

01:24:54.000 Yeah.

01:24:55.000 The email I sent you, I don't know why I sent that to you, just to show you roughly where we're going.

01:24:59.000 But the way you're going to find these letters is by the subject heading.

01:25:02.000 Because I've just got paper here today.

01:25:04.000 So you go to the mailbag and you find...

01:25:08.000 Okay, so these are the guys who think I'm awesome and you suck.

01:25:16.000 Not looking good for old Rye Guy.

01:25:18.000 Rye gay.

01:25:20.000 Ooh, good balancing there, dude.

01:25:28.000 I wonder if you have any power with the steering.

01:25:31.000 I don't think so, right?

01:25:36.000 So after shitting on Chicago, I just want to make it clear that outside of the cities, the Midwest is fucking awesome, filled with great dudes that drink lots of awesome beer legally at 17 in a bar, you stupid journalists.

01:25:56.000 Uh-oh.

01:25:58.000 You got it?

01:26:01.000 All right, that's awesome.

01:26:04.000 This one is entitled, Get Out of My Country, You Monkey.

01:26:08.000 Oh.

01:26:12.000 That's pretty harsh.

01:26:13.000 Let's hope Ryan can find that.

01:26:15.000 Hey, Gav, you may have read that subject line and thought, oh shit, the race war is about to start up again.

01:26:19.000 However, that is from an exchange from a black man towards an Asian woman.

01:26:23.000 Please stop capitalizing blacks.

01:26:24.000 That's a stupid rule.

01:26:26.000 Why do you think blacks have such a hatred for Asians?

01:26:30.000 I think predators in general choose easy prey.

01:26:34.000 And if you're mad at someone and you want to do something mean, you choose someone who's not going to punch you in the face.

01:26:40.000 So that's why.

01:26:46.000 Chinese guy you killed.

01:26:48.000 Hey, in everybody's country, though.

01:26:49.000 Hey, fucking monkey.

01:26:52.000 Monkey ass piece of shit.

01:26:53.000 Fucking monkeys.

01:26:54.000 You fucking monkey.

01:26:56.000 Piece of shit.

01:26:57.000 Fucking piece of shit.

01:26:57.000 Isn't the black calling the kettle?

01:27:11.000 I'm black American.

01:27:12.000 I'm hungry than you, you ugly monkey.

01:27:14.000 Michael Jordan.

01:27:15.000 Kim Kardashian, fucking my race.

01:27:16.000 Kanye West, you fucking monkey.

01:27:18.000 You a monkey.

01:27:19.000 Kim Kardashian's fucking gross.

01:27:20.000 I don't get why people think Kim Kardashian's awesome.

01:27:23.000 It's a great thing to brag about.

01:27:24.000 Kim Kardashian, fucking my race.

01:27:26.000 Oh, wait, he's calling somebody a monkey.

01:27:30.000 Zoom.

01:27:33.000 That's unfortunate.

01:27:35.000 Wow.

01:27:36.000 Does he have his front-facing camera on?

01:27:38.000 I will say this.

01:27:40.000 Yeah.

01:27:41.000 He doesn't even know she's there.

01:27:44.000 He's not talking to you, man.

01:27:45.000 He's going through a rough phase of low confidence.

01:27:47.000 He's like the Chicago black you ran into.

01:27:49.000 I'm not talking to you.

01:27:50.000 Talking to me.

01:27:55.000 I bet you like beef and broccoli, though.

01:27:56.000 I mean, that shit's pretty dope.

01:27:58.000 I've noticed that people take pictures of me now.

01:28:00.000 They try to trick me by going like this.

01:28:03.000 But the camera's pointed up at me.

01:28:04.000 I thought that was my trick.

01:28:06.000 Yeah.

01:28:07.000 It's happened a couple of times.

01:28:08.000 I did well, though, with recognition there.

01:28:10.000 Maybe it's because I was at like a baseball place, Sluggers, which is a shitty fucking bar.

01:28:18.000 Are you taking a picture of me?

01:28:20.000 No, I'm taking a picture of me.

01:28:21.000 That's what I'm fixing my head.

01:28:24.000 I think you're taking a picture of me.

01:28:26.000 It's crazy.

01:28:33.000 One guy said, hey, I watch the show.

01:28:36.000 And I just get his phone and do a selfie.

01:28:39.000 Let's just pull the fucking thorn out of the paw as fast as possible.

01:28:44.000 And then another guy, I'm walking down the street, and he goes, Gavin, holy shit, I can't believe I'm bumping into you.

01:28:49.000 He goes, I got eight kids.

01:28:50.000 He got that out of the way.

01:28:51.000 I guess he knows that it makes me jealous, so he wanted to flex.

01:28:56.000 And he said an interesting question.

01:28:57.000 He goes, where are we going?

01:28:59.000 Like, what's going to happen?

01:29:01.000 And I said, in 2024, I don't think Joe Biden will even run.

01:29:09.000 I think they'll have a new P and VP.

01:29:12.000 And I think it'll be Ron DeSantis with a VP you've never heard of.

01:29:15.000 Just like Kamal Harris, just like Mike Pence, some senator from somewhere.

01:29:20.000 Probably a chick, maybe even a chick of color.

01:29:22.000 A cock.

01:29:25.000 And he said, well, I hope so.

01:29:27.000 And then my whole family had gone back to the hotel, and I didn't feel like going to bed.

01:29:30.000 We just had a huge meal.

01:29:32.000 Fucking amazing steak.

01:29:34.000 I can't remember the name of the restaurant.

01:29:35.000 Carmine's was where we went the next night and that was amazing spaghetti.

01:29:40.000 But anyway, I thought, I feel like going out.

01:29:43.000 So I went to some dive bar with an Irish name.

01:29:46.000 And I meet that guy in the street, and we're talking for like five minutes.

01:29:51.000 So I go, I've just been going in there sitting by myself.

01:29:53.000 So I say something.

01:29:53.000 I go, do you want to go in and get a beer?

01:29:55.000 And he goes, oh, I can't.

01:29:56.000 I got to get some.

01:29:57.000 And I was like, I don't know.

01:29:59.000 I don't even want to.

01:30:01.000 I was being trying to do you a favor.

01:30:06.000 So anyway, I'm going to go.

01:30:08.000 I'm going to go.

01:30:10.000 Please keep up the gains, Ryan.

01:30:12.000 You no longer look like an 11-year-old boy.

01:30:14.000 That's the guy who sent the monkey email.

01:30:17.000 Okay.

01:30:17.000 Now that's what I'm talking about.

01:30:19.000 More Amy Siskin antics.

01:30:22.000 Yeah, that's why I'm so happy about the hair because he was looking kind of hunky with these new muscles.

01:30:26.000 And now we're back to being able to laugh our heads off.

01:30:28.000 I feel plenty hunky.

01:30:29.000 I mean, if you look at the numbers, you know, we're getting hunky in ways that, frankly, nobody's ever seen.

01:30:34.000 We're going to get tired of hunky.

01:30:38.000 More Amy Siskin antics.

01:30:39.000 Hunky and Hunky, the name of our new show.

01:30:43.000 Gavin and Ryan, I love when you shit on miserable hags like Amy and wanted to help keep that going.

01:30:48.000 Here she is trying to get a Twitter account banned that only posts tweets of liberals falling on their face.

01:30:53.000 It's a great account.

01:30:55.000 Defiant L's?

01:30:56.000 Yes, I'm familiar with it.

01:30:57.000 It's awesome.

01:30:58.000 I reported this account and I encourage everyone who watches this show, all 25,000 of you, to report Amy Siskind.

01:31:05.000 Find any reason you possibly can and report her to extinction.

01:31:10.000 Because all her entire life, she's unemployed.

01:31:13.000 She lives off the ex-husband whose life she destroyed, emptied his bank account.

01:31:18.000 She got the house, leveled the house to the ground, and rebuilt a giant $3 million mansion on the same property.

01:31:26.000 And now she just lives off his money and uses it for political activism, destroying Trump and anyone who likes him.

01:31:34.000 So their tweets are abusive, maybe?

01:31:40.000 Is that the best one?

01:31:42.000 Being disrespectful or offensive.

01:31:44.000 That's a good one.

01:31:45.000 Wait, directing hate towards a protected category?

01:31:48.000 Yeah.

01:31:48.000 That sounds more intense.

01:31:50.000 Why do you have to be a protected category?

01:31:51.000 That's a strange.

01:31:52.000 Yeah.

01:31:54.000 Like, what if you're directing hate to billionaires?

01:31:57.000 Is that okay?

01:31:59.000 You're allowed to hate successful people?

01:32:01.000 I guess that's what they're saying.

01:32:03.000 They have a list of endangered species.

01:32:06.000 And you have to check ones that apply.

01:32:12.000 That's a good one.

01:32:12.000 We don't care if anti-vaxxers get sick and die.

01:32:17.000 Yeah, that's a good one.

01:32:19.000 So all of you report that tweet.

01:32:26.000 Okay, that's fun.

01:32:29.000 Slavery in America, college course.

01:32:31.000 Hello, Gavin and Ryan.

01:32:32.000 I attend the University of Toledo in Ohio.

01:32:34.000 Last year, I took Slavery in America as one of the courses for my history degree.

01:32:37.000 The professor is a black American and former local police officer and a female.

01:32:41.000 The 1619 project is taught in this class.

01:32:44.000 All of the blame is placed on USA and white people.

01:32:47.000 If you mention slavery in other cultures, it's always, quote, but it wasn't chattel slavery.

01:32:52.000 I hate that word chattel slavery.

01:32:55.000 It's slavery.

01:32:56.000 Chattel just means the person is owned by you and you can buy and sell them.

01:33:01.000 Yeah, slave.

01:33:02.000 I think the reason they keep saying chattel slavery is they discovered that most white slaves were indentured servants.

01:33:10.000 But they were also chattel slaves.

01:33:13.000 It's just that when they put them outside to pick cotton, they would sunburn to death.

01:33:17.000 They wouldn't last out there.

01:33:19.000 So white people were chattel slaves.

01:33:22.000 They just ended up in the house more than the black ones because they died outside in the sun.

01:33:29.000 This is cheetah slavery.

01:33:31.000 Unlike most African Americans who were freed by the end of the Civil War, your ancestors weren't.

01:33:38.000 Take a look at this.

01:33:41.000 Chickasaw Nation Freedmen Roll.

01:33:44.000 This document is an official enrollment card for the Chickasaw Freedmen, the former slaves owned by the Chickasaw Nation.

01:33:52.000 Owned by the Chickasaw Nation.

01:33:54.000 Owned by the Chickasaw Nation.

01:33:57.000 Your ancestors.

01:33:59.000 That's inconvenient.

01:34:04.000 Everyone is always disappointed with their background, right?

01:34:07.000 We had Taneshi Coates find out that his slave ancestors got tons of money and land.

01:34:12.000 Then you had, I think it was Chelsea Handler, find out that her relatives were Nazis.

01:34:17.000 Oh, right.

01:34:18.000 And then, wasn't it someone else like Anderson Cooper or someone found out that their relatives are plantation owners?

01:34:24.000 It was some real activist type.

01:34:27.000 And then we had Cheadle find out that his enemies are Indians.

01:34:34.000 I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of it.

01:34:40.000 Never ever gets old.

01:34:42.000 So yeah, the chattel slavery argument is about indentured servitude.

01:34:46.000 That's only Americans.

01:34:47.000 It doesn't apply to all of the white slaves throughout history.

01:34:50.000 The word slave comes from Slavs, the Irish slaves.

01:34:53.000 The massive amount of abuse that children got during the Industrial Revolution, the child labor, the miners owning their soul to the company store.

01:35:04.000 I mean, it was shitty times.

01:35:06.000 We should be happy that we're here and we all survived it together.

01:35:10.000 And through all of these crazy roots of suffering and the plague and everything, we all made it here where everyone has a giant TV in a fridge.

01:35:19.000 Everyone.

01:35:24.000 This is especially mentioned regarding the American Indians who held slaves.

01:35:27.000 The professor also shared the story of one of her ancestors who was a slave in the 1600s, 1700s.

01:35:32.000 This great-grandfather was freed and owned a home and property on the East Coast.

01:35:37.000 Oh, that kind of hurts her own argument.

01:35:39.000 It's still in the family to this day, but you can't point things like that out.

01:35:43.000 Another huge complaint about the USA is about slaves that were held in the Fort Detroit area under the French.

01:35:50.000 Yeah.

01:35:50.000 Yeah, that was another thing, too.

01:35:52.000 Like, when you do find all this horrific history, and conservatives are happy to acknowledge that.

01:35:57.000 Pat Buchanan says, we did all this and we acknowledge it.

01:36:04.000 But wasn't it Britain back then?

01:36:06.000 Like, aren't we absolved of everything before 1776?

01:36:14.000 This one, the subject is modern feminism in a nutshell.

01:36:18.000 Hey, peep pants and no dad.

01:36:21.000 So in this, we both are insulted.

01:36:24.000 Nobody got off.

01:36:25.000 My incontinence gets fried.

01:36:27.000 Right.

01:36:28.000 This pathetic bumper sticker encapsulates modern feminism perfectly.

01:36:31.000 Lonely cat, dog ladies with dried up ovaries.

01:36:34.000 Also.

01:36:34.000 And then that's a vibrator, right?

01:36:36.000 Yes.

01:36:38.000 Nice life, you fucking loser.

01:36:41.000 Your family sucks, basically.

01:36:43.000 You know what your doggy and cat are thinking?

01:36:46.000 Your cat's thinking food, territory, territory, kill, food, predator, food, food, predator, hunt, hunt, food.

01:36:52.000 And your doggy's thinking loyalty, territory, loyalty, food, food, food, loyalty, loyalty, food, food, food.

01:36:59.000 I mean, they have no souls.

01:37:01.000 They're not going to heaven.

01:37:02.000 I'm sorry.

01:37:04.000 Are you a fan of Discharge or Rudimentary Peni?

01:37:08.000 Like you're more than a friend, fucking Mahalson.

01:37:10.000 I love Discharge.

01:37:11.000 I haven't really listened to them in a long time.

01:37:12.000 At 51, you can't really, you don't listen to it.

01:37:15.000 I don't listen to either band anymore, but there was a time when I was obsessed with Discharge.

01:37:19.000 I mean, they kind of invented a new type of music.

01:37:22.000 They took punk past hardcore and into this sort of, I think they're really the progenitors of Crust Core.

01:37:30.000 And those are the guys you see Antifa dressing like.

01:37:34.000 And then Rudament Tripini, of course, was the guy the singer was dying of colon cancer, I believe.

01:37:41.000 And he would draw these really painstakingly detailed drawings that were on the cover of the albums.

01:37:45.000 They did a whole album dedicated to H.P. Lovecraft.

01:37:48.000 Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

01:37:50.000 Oh.

01:37:53.000 Die fucking die fucking.

01:37:55.000 Three quarters of the world are starving.

01:37:58.000 The rest are dead.

01:38:01.000 That's us, by the way.

01:38:02.000 We're dead.

01:38:03.000 Because we eat meat, I believe.

01:38:06.000 Relationship advice needed.

01:38:07.000 Last.

01:38:08.000 Should it be the last?

01:38:09.000 No?

01:38:09.000 Yeah.

01:38:12.000 Hello to all the birds, which are the bald eagles, and the babies, which are the monsters.

01:38:15.000 I'm in need of some relationship advice.

01:38:17.000 I'm a young man about to enter my career, and everything is going well.

01:38:23.000 Other than my relationships, blue-haired bisexuals, bitches with door knockers on their noses, alcoholics, women with daddy issues, and insufferable libtards are major stumbling blocks for any young man on the 21st century dating scene.

01:38:35.000 There's one girl I met at work who checks off almost every box.

01:38:39.000 Politics, religion, common interests, etc.

01:38:41.000 However, she is a five.

01:38:42.000 Maybe without your glasses, a 5.8.

01:38:44.000 Without going into too much detail, there are some nice physical features, some not so nice.

01:38:49.000 My question is this.

01:38:50.000 Should I just get over the physical element and get in the relationship based almost exclusively on non-physical attraction?

01:38:55.000 I will hang up and listen to your response.

01:38:57.000 Hang up?

01:39:00.000 There's a lot of factors you didn't include here, sir.

01:39:04.000 And I don't want to hear five without me seeing her.

01:39:08.000 I know you can't show me.

01:39:09.000 Maybe you could show me privately and we wouldn't put it on the show.

01:39:11.000 But if you've been single for like five years and you can't get anything going, then I would take a five because you probably are a five, right?

01:39:21.000 But if you've only been single for like six months and you're a seven, I think you should go for an eight.

01:39:29.000 You should always go for one higher than you because they're going to get uglier over time.

01:39:33.000 So even if she starts out above you, after like 30 years of marriage, she's going to be uglier than you.

01:39:40.000 So I can't answer that question.

01:39:43.000 My gut says no.

01:39:45.000 I'm guessing if you watch the show, you're relatively young.

01:39:48.000 If you live in Toronto, it's almost impossible to find a MAGA chick.

01:39:52.000 But if you live anywhere else, they're out there.

01:39:54.000 You know one thing I was thinking on your dating app, most people avoid saying MAGA because no one will call them back, especially gays.

01:40:01.000 I would say put it there.

01:40:03.000 You want to be who you are because you don't want to pander.

01:40:06.000 That's the problem with pandering.

01:40:08.000 You're being insincere.

01:40:09.000 You're being someone you're not.

01:40:10.000 You want to be yourself.

01:40:12.000 And if that has ramifications like these boring liberal bitches won't fuck you, then so be it.

01:40:19.000 You know, get fired.

01:40:20.000 Get in trouble.

01:40:21.000 Be brave.

01:40:22.000 And never stop fighting.

01:40:36.000 What am I doing?

01:40:36.000 I forgot the final video.

01:40:38.000 That's right.

01:40:43.000 I gotta find it on the floor here.

01:40:46.000 Oh, what a mess.

01:40:49.000 Sorry, folks.

01:40:50.000 That's really.

01:40:50.000 What the hell is that?

01:40:52.000 Jesus Hook.

01:40:54.000 What the hell is that?

01:41:10.000 Let's do 3-8, drunk driving through the airport.

01:41:15.000 I just got back from the airport.

01:41:16.000 I'm sure many of you did too.

01:41:18.000 And I was pretty impressed that this guy pulled it off.

01:41:23.000 I mean, I could understand maybe battering through one wall, but this guy, if you're late for a flight, folks, I would recommend using this technique.

01:41:34.000 It really.

01:41:36.000 So that's him outside the airport.

01:41:38.000 Snowy day.

01:41:40.000 If he's this level of drunk, we're going to assume it's Russia, right?

01:41:46.000 Car looks like shit, too.

01:41:48.000 So it's pretty hard to get through the first wall.

01:41:50.000 One, two.

01:41:52.000 There's a police showing up.

01:41:53.000 You know, we've shown this before.

01:41:55.000 We have?

01:41:56.000 On the show, yeah.

01:41:58.000 Yeah.

01:41:58.000 Okay.

01:41:59.000 Absolutely.

01:42:00.000 So that's out.

01:42:02.000 All of this was ringing a bell.

01:42:03.000 It sounded like fucking Notre Dame.

01:42:05.000 Ding-dong.

01:42:07.000 Wow.

01:42:07.000 What a terrible ending to a show.

01:42:10.000 Boom.

01:42:13.000 Okay, let's do this one.

01:42:15.000 So let's start with 4-2.

01:42:19.000 Back in 4-2.

01:42:25.000 This I thought was really cool.

01:42:27.000 I think it might be Russia also.

01:42:28.000 But this is kids.

01:42:30.000 I guess a shirt was thrown into the crowd, and all three of them grabbed it at once.

01:42:34.000 They go, look, we all have rights to this shirt, but we need some sort of way to resolve this outside of fisticuffs.

01:42:40.000 And they decide some version of rock, paper, scissors.

01:42:44.000 Okay.

01:42:49.000 Okay, you're out.

01:42:50.000 It's just you and me.

01:42:51.000 Scissors?

01:42:56.000 And he's like, I gotta get out of here with my loot before anyone changes their mind.

01:42:59.000 And then he kisses it.

01:43:02.000 And then he wears it.

01:43:04.000 And then he hugs it because he loves it.

01:43:09.000 Isn't that awesome?

01:43:11.000 The only thing I love more than men is boys being men.

01:43:15.000 Which reminds me, by the way, the Mets are back.

01:43:17.000 We've got two of the best starters in the league.

01:43:20.000 Spent a fuckload of money, but I'm feeling optimistic for the first time since the beginning of last season.

01:43:27.000 That's how it goes, goes.

01:43:28.000 Jets fans will know what we're talking about.

01:43:30.000 You guys say just end the season.

01:43:32.000 We say must end the season.

01:43:34.000 But speaking of football, 4-1, this just warms your heart.

01:43:39.000 We'll end on a happy note after I screwed up the ending there.

01:43:46.000 Hit me.

01:43:49.000 Everyone understood the assignment.

01:43:51.000 That's perfect.

01:43:52.000 Boom, you catch the ball.

01:43:54.000 Okay, give me the ball back.

01:43:55.000 Here you go.

01:43:56.000 Right, now I got to get the fuck out of here.

01:43:58.000 Clear a path.

01:43:59.000 Go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:44:04.000 Isn't that awesome?

01:44:08.000 Wait, there's another kid there, too.

01:44:10.000 Maybe he was a decoy?

01:44:14.000 This is great.

01:44:15.000 That's elaborate.

01:44:16.000 See, now the stadium can't let them get away with that, or it'll become the thing.

01:44:19.000 Right.

01:44:20.000 But they don't want to be a party pooper.

01:44:22.000 I mean, sports is nothing without kids' interest, right?

01:44:24.000 That's literally the future of the game.

01:44:27.000 I wonder what ever happened to him.

01:44:28.000 We're going to dig that up for you, folks.

01:44:30.000 Let me put that in my notes.

01:44:32.000 I'll find out what happened to him.

01:44:33.000 I'll tell you tomorrow on Tuesday's show.

01:44:35.000 Another normal show.

01:44:36.000 No more bank shows, folks.

01:44:37.000 We're back in the mix.

01:44:38.000 And I'd like to say once again, to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:44:46.000 I've got the love of a liar.

01:45:00.000 We're living in a society.

01:45:07.000 We're waiting.

01:45:11.000 Jesus Christ.

01:45:17.000 You know, the Puerto Ricans, but well, that is a very unfortunate situation.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 29, 2021

S04E59 - THE PANDERING

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