Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 26, 2021


S04E60 - THANKSGIVING MAILBAG 2


Episode Stats


Length

57 minutes

Words per minute

150.6628

Word count

8,638

Sentence count

1,037

Harmful content

Misogyny

41

sentences flagged

Toxicity

290

sentences flagged

Hate speech

38

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Ryan and Bryce are back with a new episode of This is the Friday Show. This week, they talk about the first time they met a man with a time machine, and how they ended up in the 4th realm. Also, Bryce talks about how he almost got kicked out of his own house.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:52.000 Stand strong, stand proud, state your feelings loud.
00:00:57.000 That's Becky Bondage screaming at us from the late 70s and her band Vice Squad. 1.00
00:01:03.000 This is back when blue hair didn't mean annoying person.
00:01:08.000 It meant punk.
00:01:10.000 Punk.
00:01:11.000 Punk rock.
00:01:14.000 Welcome back to another banked episode.
00:01:16.000 I'm wearing a scarf that my bartender gave me.
00:01:20.000 It says Jim Beam.
00:01:23.000 I don't like Jim Beam, but it's cool for a scarf.
00:01:26.000 Ryan, what are you wearing today?
00:01:29.000 That's dope. 0.93
00:01:30.000 It's got your face on it. 0.90
00:01:32.000 The Joker face.
00:01:34.000 Alright, Bryce.
00:01:34.000 Bryce did this.
00:01:36.000 Thank you.
00:01:36.000 So what are you doing right now?
00:01:38.000 It's Thursday.
00:01:39.000 This is usually the live show.
00:01:41.000 Oh, shoot.
00:01:42.000 We should be reading.
00:01:45.000 Oh.
00:01:46.000 Yeah.
00:01:51.000 Let's make this the Friday show.
00:01:53.000 Okay.
00:01:55.000 You okay?
00:01:56.000 Yes.
00:01:57.000 Yes, yes.
00:01:59.000 Yeah, then we'll do we can do something kooky for Thursday, like watch a movie, maybe?
00:02:03.000 Mabes?
00:02:03.000 Mabes?
00:02:05.000 Moms, maybe.
00:02:06.000 Maybe we could watch that thing where they're cats.
00:02:12.000 No, we already watched that. 0.92
00:02:14.000 There's something else that's super gay that someone suggested for a movie. 0.98
00:02:20.000 New gay? 1.00
00:02:20.000 What the fuck was it? 1.00
00:02:23.000 Like everyone's oh uh The Nutcracker? 1.00
00:02:29.000 Yeah they did a live-action Nutcracker and apparently it's the worst movie ever made.
00:02:34.000 Cool.
00:02:35.000 That's what we should do for the Thursday show.
00:02:37.000 Which you're if you're watching Friday now, that's what we did yesterday.
00:02:42.000 We're time traveling.
00:02:43.000 You didn't think time traveling was possible?
00:02:45.000 It is.
00:02:46.000 Is it this?
00:02:47.000 In the four realms.
00:02:49.000 You know what I'm the first place I'm going when I get a time machine? 1.00
00:02:52.000 That night I took two Asians home, one with gigantic tits, and I fell asleep as they blew me. 1.00
00:02:58.000 Damn. 1.00
00:02:59.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:00.000 Then I want to see the Sex Pistols first show at the 100 Club.
00:03:04.000 Same with The Clash.
00:03:06.000 Then I'm just going to tool around.
00:03:08.000 I'm not killing Hitler.
00:03:09.000 Sorry.
00:03:10.000 Where am I?
00:03:12.000 You're in the Four Realms, Princess Clora.
00:03:15.000 Princess.
00:03:16.000 At your service, Your Majesty.
00:03:17.000 Maybe I have been spending too much time with the acting.
00:03:22.000 Welcome to our world.
00:03:24.000 The land of Sweets.
00:03:25.000 It's not so bad.
00:03:26.000 And it's a kids' movie.
00:03:31.000 And the fourth realm.
00:03:33.000 This is where our troubles began.
00:03:35.000 Where's the nutcracker proper?
00:03:38.000 Don't you know it's dangerous here?
00:03:42.000 I hope you'll be the one to finish it.
00:03:45.000 It's time to save the kingdom.
00:03:46.000 It's just laws of physics.
00:03:49.000 It's Alice in Crackerland?
00:03:52.000 With Tyler the Creator?
00:03:53.000 Who cares?
00:03:55.000 Yeah, that's not...
00:03:56.000 It should be...
00:03:57.000 That's a low-hanging fruit.
00:04:00.000 Shouldn't watch that.
00:04:04.000 We'll figure it out.
00:04:07.000 Yeah, welcome back to This Is The Friday Show.
00:04:09.000 So what are you doing right now, Ryan?
00:04:12.000 It's Friday, the November somethingeth.
00:04:14.000 Hanging with the fam, maybe going on a stroll if weather permit is permitted.
00:04:18.000 Have you ever had a fight with your fam?
00:04:21.000 No, we've had arguments on because her emotion.
00:04:24.000 I mean, these are the things that she takes back because she's like, I'm sorry, who's she?
00:04:28.000 Oh, my wife.
00:04:29.000 Oh, I'm with my family?
00:04:30.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:30.000 I can't really imagine those Recons because you're like a Japanese.
00:04:34.000 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:04:36.000 I play guitar.
00:04:37.000 And Puerto Ricans are like, hey, man, whatever. 1.00
00:04:40.000 They're chang. 0.99
00:04:40.000 They're cheech. 0.99
00:04:41.000 Yeah, you want to abandon your kid and just will raise him?
00:04:44.000 Okay.
00:04:45.000 I think there had to have been some, like, me wanting to go out or something. 1.00
00:04:50.000 And what about a fuck you? 1.00
00:04:53.000 Did you ever say fuck you? 1.00
00:04:54.000 I said fuck you to my uncle. 1.00
00:04:56.000 And he was like, as I was slamming the door, he was like, what the fuck did you say to me? 1.00
00:05:00.000 And he's like, walk into it, and I just shut the door and locked it. 0.98
00:05:02.000 And I was like, woo, don't do that again.
00:05:05.000 What, the front door?
00:05:06.000 No, my door.
00:05:07.000 My room.
00:05:08.000 Did you lock on your door?
00:05:09.000 My bedroom?
00:05:10.000 Yeah.
00:05:11.000 I couldn't lock it when girls were over. 0.97
00:05:13.000 If I was going to discipline a kid, I would just kick the door in. 0.96
00:05:16.000 Usually doors have.
00:05:18.000 It's not his house.
00:05:19.000 He would be kicking down my grandfather's house.
00:05:21.000 He's the Vietnam vet?
00:05:22.000 No, my grandfather's a Vietnam vet.
00:05:24.000 My uncle's like pretty young.
00:05:26.000 Who was the one when you said on your feet, soldier?
00:05:29.000 My grandfather.
00:05:30.000 Okay.
00:05:31.000 Say it again, the way you said it.
00:05:33.000 Come on.
00:05:38.000 No.
00:05:38.000 Come on.
00:05:40.000 Did you kick the mattress?
00:05:41.000 On your feet, soldier!
00:05:43.000 Did you kick the mattress he was on?
00:05:45.000 No.
00:05:45.000 On your feet, soldier.
00:05:48.000 Come on, buddy.
00:05:49.000 I love you.
00:05:50.000 Guess what, Gramps? 0.99
00:05:51.000 I fucking love you. 0.99
00:05:53.000 I called him Corporal, too. 0.99
00:05:58.000 Come on, Corporal.
00:05:59.000 On your feet.
00:06:03.000 It's like when my buddy Derek wrote out the lyrics to Boys Don't Cry from the Cure, and he put it on the bulletin board in the kitchen when his parents were getting divorced.
00:06:12.000 And he's like, hey, Dad.
00:06:14.000 And he tapped the lyrics and walked away.
00:06:17.000 Oh, my fault.
00:06:18.000 Oh, my stars.
00:06:21.000 I thought about something the other day that really cringed me out.
00:06:24.000 I would call the popular girls at school and talk to them for a little bit.
00:06:28.000 Like, I had no fear with that.
00:06:29.000 I was just like, hey.
00:06:31.000 And I was on the phone with Megan Weinberger.
00:06:34.000 And we're talking about Kate Rowley.
00:06:36.000 These were the hottest girls in the school by far. 1.00
00:06:38.000 We're in fifth grade.
00:06:40.000 That's my favorite age.
00:06:43.000 Currently?
00:06:44.000 Yeah, I like 10-year-old girls to talk to. 1.00
00:06:47.000 I don't act on it, though.
00:06:48.000 I'm a map.
00:06:49.000 I'm a minor attracted person.
00:06:50.000 You're a virtuous.
00:06:52.000 And I'm so sick of people calling us child molesters. 0.96
00:06:54.000 Don't you think you'd have to molest a child to be a child molester?
00:06:57.000 True. 0.54
00:06:57.000 We just want to. 0.54
00:06:59.000 Yeah, what is this fucking child molesters? 1.00
00:07:02.000 We're pedophiles, and we're sick of being associated with those fucking creeps. 1.00
00:07:05.000 That's right. 1.00
00:07:05.000 A fantasy is a fantasy. 1.00
00:07:07.000 We just draw little naked 10-year-old girls with watercolor and jerk off on them. 0.99
00:07:11.000 I haven't done that. 0.99
00:07:13.000 I'm doing it right now with my feet.
00:07:14.000 That's gross.
00:07:16.000 And impressive.
00:07:17.000 Thank you.
00:07:18.000 So I was on the phone with Megan Weinberger, and she was like, I could three-way call her and see what she thinks of you.
00:07:25.000 I was like, okay.
00:07:26.000 She's like, don't say anything, though.
00:07:27.000 I was like, all right.
00:07:27.000 And so we call up Kate Rowley.
00:07:29.000 I just remember this for the first time, like two days ago, and my whole body cringed up.
00:07:34.000 And she's like, hey, Kate.
00:07:35.000 She's like, hey, what's up?
00:07:36.000 I just had a quick question.
00:07:37.000 She's like, okay.
00:07:39.000 She's like, what do you think of Ryan Rivera?
00:07:42.000 She's like, I don't know.
00:07:43.000 He's kind of cute.
00:07:45.000 And then I'm still on the phone.
00:07:46.000 I'm like, kind of cute, huh?
00:07:51.000 That's not that embarrassing.
00:07:53.000 But she got in trouble.
00:07:54.000 It's just I couldn't help myself.
00:07:55.000 Like, I was supposed to be quiet.
00:07:58.000 That story put me in.
00:07:58.000 You had to be there.
00:08:00.000 I remember there was this girl, Sue Walker, I liked.
00:08:04.000 And I kind of broke the mold with dating younger girls in high school.
00:08:07.000 I was 18, she was 15, but that was crazy back then.
00:08:11.000 Possibly illegal.
00:08:12.000 I took her to prom.
00:08:14.000 She was super hot. 1.00
00:08:14.000 Then I got bored of her. 1.00
00:08:15.000 And like I always did as a young man, as a teenager, I'd dump a girl, and then I'd immediately regret it and try to get her back. 0.67
00:08:21.000 And that's not how women work. 1.00
00:08:23.000 Once burnt, twice shy.
00:08:25.000 So I was trying to get her back.
00:08:28.000 She wasn't interested, obviously.
00:08:31.000 And I called her.
00:08:32.000 I said, hey, man, we should go out.
00:08:33.000 Maybe just go get a soda or something.
00:08:35.000 And then I found out she went bowling with Andy Miller, my friend Andy Miller.
00:08:42.000 And so I called her, and she picked up and I went, so I heard you went bowling.
00:08:48.000 And she goes, yeah, why?
00:08:50.000 And I go, well, I had asked you out that night.
00:08:54.000 And I go, that really stings.
00:08:56.000 And guess what I hear after?
00:08:59.000 Gunshot, hopefully?
00:09:01.000 A cacophony of laughter from all of her friends.
00:09:06.000 She had me on speakerphone.
00:09:08.000 Yes.
00:09:09.000 And so there was like five friends there.
00:09:10.000 She goes, and I'm like, wow, that really stings.
00:09:15.000 Oh.
00:09:15.000 And then I hear, oh my God, that's so great.
00:09:20.000 I deserve every second of it.
00:09:21.000 Then one time I asked a girl out like this, so I says, hey, Jojo, do you want to blank out with me? 0.87
00:09:29.000 And she had to fill in the blank.
00:09:30.000 She was like, what?
00:09:32.000 I was like, go out with me?
00:09:37.000 I've noticed now, you know, that's like 40 years ago in a man's life. 0.72
00:09:43.000 Now with sex with my wife, I'm like, show kids are away. 0.63
00:09:49.000 Maybe see if we could look into maybe horsing around? 0.99
00:09:57.000 Horsing around is what you call it. 1.00
00:09:59.000 I say horsing around. 0.76
00:10:00.000 She says snuggle.
00:10:03.000 That's kind of fun.
00:10:04.000 You keep it fun.
00:10:07.000 One of my favorite.
00:10:07.000 You're youngsters.
00:10:08.000 I guess you just go to your wife and go, hey, let me see your tits and blow me. 1.00
00:10:11.000 Now. 1.00
00:10:13.000 I guess.
00:10:14.000 I'm trying to look for it.
00:10:15.000 I think I screenshot it, but it's you on Anthony's show.
00:10:18.000 No, it's not Anthony's show.
00:10:20.000 It's U2's show, Compound Censored.
00:10:23.000 And you're talking about how you'll just kind of like hint.
00:10:26.000 You'll be like, you were leaving to get in your car and you're in the driveway and you're like, hey, bye.
00:10:31.000 She's like, bye.
00:10:32.000 You're like, bye.
00:10:34.000 And you just keep saying bye.
00:10:35.000 I'm in a rush.
00:10:36.000 I'm actually early for work today.
00:10:38.000 Oh, my God.
00:10:39.000 I do have time to get up.
00:10:40.000 That killed me.
00:10:41.000 I saved it, but I'll put it up later.
00:10:43.000 Okay, yeah, you put it up later.
00:10:46.000 I regret, though, in my single days, not just having my wife or my girlfriend who at the time just like be nude at all times.
00:10:53.000 No one could see into my apartment in the East Village. 1.00
00:10:56.000 So get your fucking clothes off. 1.00
00:10:58.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:10:59.000 You can keep your shoes on.
00:11:00.000 Even like sneakers looks kind of cool.
00:11:03.000 But no clothes.
00:11:04.000 Because now you can't be nude at all.
00:11:07.000 So yeah, that's what you do.
00:11:08.000 You're just like, hey, let's do this now.
00:11:11.000 Yeah, I talk like Bill Burr.
00:11:13.000 I'm like, hey, you, close, off.
00:11:15.000 Yeah.
00:11:15.000 Brutal.
00:11:16.000 Blow it. 1.00
00:11:18.000 Blow me, bitch. 1.00
00:11:20.000 Basically. 1.00
00:11:20.000 All right. 1.00
00:11:21.000 This is a pre-taped app.
00:11:23.000 They're not very exciting.
00:11:24.000 They're just there so you don't fall out of love with us.
00:11:26.000 We are currently enjoying our families, and I guess people watching now don't have any families who love them.
00:11:32.000 And that's sad.
00:11:33.000 Sorry to hear it.
00:11:34.000 We're your family now.
00:11:36.000 Yep. 1.00
00:11:36.000 We're your family now, bitch. 1.00
00:11:38.000 Take the trash out. 1.00
00:11:39.000 That's what I would do if I adopted a kid. 1.00
00:11:41.000 I'm your dad now, motherfucker. 1.00
00:11:43.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:44.000 This is a badass family.
00:11:46.000 You're about to get badass loved. 1.00
00:11:49.000 Here's your room, bitch. 1.00
00:11:52.000 Here's your fucking dinner. 1.00
00:11:54.000 You just throw it on the table. 1.00
00:11:55.000 It bounces.
00:11:57.000 It bounces.
00:11:58.000 All right, let's go to the mailbag.
00:12:01.000 Of course, which is, of course.
00:12:02.000 The old crutch, the mailbag.
00:12:05.000 Mail.
00:12:05.000 The crutch bag.
00:12:10.000 Let's turn our eyes together.
00:12:16.000 Let me touch it.
00:12:24.000 Content warning.
00:12:26.000 Girl learns she doesn't have super strength. 0.93
00:12:30.000 Girl definitely gets traumatic brain injury. 0.99
00:12:32.000 So this is don't try this at home. 0.99
00:12:34.000 And if you're eating, you're about to see something super fucking horrible. 0.99
00:12:40.000 Don't be a little girl. 0.99
00:12:46.000 Wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:12:49.000 Ryan, watch that off-camera and make sure that it's not the little girl that gets hurt.
00:12:52.000 Okay.
00:12:54.000 I cannot see children in duress.
00:12:58.000 Gavin, you've passively mentioned you're working a new book.
00:13:00.000 Could we get the details on that?
00:13:02.000 Love the Death of the Cool.
00:13:03.000 It's a surprise.
00:13:06.000 But I'm 90% done the first draft.
00:13:10.000 And then this is how you write a book, folks.
00:13:11.000 No, it is not the little girl.
00:13:13.000 You write it all out.
00:13:15.000 And you go back over it with a whiskey. 0.92
00:13:19.000 And you add balls to everything. 0.66
00:13:21.000 You take out all the apologies. 0.97
00:13:23.000 Then you get a bit of a buzz.
00:13:27.000 And you go back over it and you inject in some humor.
00:13:32.000 Adderall can help.
00:13:34.000 Actually, Adderall just gets it out in the first place.
00:13:36.000 So Adderall gets it out.
00:13:38.000 Whiskey gives it balls.
00:13:39.000 Pop makes it funny.
00:13:40.000 And then there's a couple days where it's just coffee and a good meal, a good breakfast. 0.71
00:13:46.000 And that's when you kill your darlings and trim the fat. 1.00
00:13:51.000 Ryan, I sent this from the future. 1.00
00:13:54.000 This show is sucking. 1.00
00:13:55.000 It's really boring. 0.99
00:13:56.000 I know you're away and you banked the show, but just reading letters for the entire episode, didn't you already do that?
00:14:03.000 Look at this.
00:14:05.000 Remember that picture of us where we're by the well?
00:14:08.000 I'm standing and you're sitting on the well?
00:14:10.000 Does that look familiar?
00:14:12.000 We're gone.
00:14:13.000 If this show doesn't, uh-oh, the sun's setting, literally.
00:14:17.000 If this show doesn't start improving like now, we're going to cease to be, I don't know, read better letters, screen them or something?
00:14:26.000 It's really lackluster and it's sucking bad.
00:14:32.000 That's how to win.
00:14:41.000 I just want to do, oh, this is ancient Chinese secret, dude.
00:14:47.000 That's so old.
00:14:48.000 There's no real content warning for it.
00:14:50.000 Have you not seen that before?
00:14:51.000 I've seen it.
00:14:51.000 Yeah, I've seen it a million times.
00:14:53.000 There ain't no blood in it, no nothing. 1.00
00:14:54.000 What a dork. 0.99
00:14:55.000 Oh, that's cool. 1.00
00:14:56.000 Gents, like Gavin says, we can separate who they are from the parts they play or something like that.
00:15:02.000 My guilty pleasure is Nick Lutzko.
00:15:05.000 He's a huge leftist shill, but he makes some catchy tunes.
00:15:08.000 May I recommend this song?
00:15:10.000 Yes, you have.
00:15:12.000 This guy, by the way, Nick, would like a shout-out for his 42nd birthday.
00:15:18.000 Okay.
00:15:18.000 Happy birthday.
00:15:19.000 Shit lips. 1.00
00:15:24.000 I'm bored already. 0.99
00:15:26.000 Jump in the middle.
00:15:41.000 Boring.
00:15:45.000 Hello, my two dads.
00:15:46.000 On an episode earlier this week, you showed the video of the woman under the dumpster.
00:15:48.000 Well, there was a guy who used to do porn with Liz Vicious.
00:15:52.000 He was zooted and fell asleep in a dumpster, then was picked up by a garbage truck, dumped in the back, and taken to a sorting factory where he later died. 0.56
00:16:01.000 Kind of crazy. 1.00
00:16:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:16:05.000 Wow. 1.00
00:16:07.000 He used to do porn with Liz Vicious. 0.65
00:16:09.000 What does that mean?
00:16:11.000 Hey, Gavin Rai.
00:16:12.000 I was watching the JCS channel on YouTube where they analyze police interrogations and explain what was going through the suspect's mind.
00:16:17.000 This woman killed the wife of her ex-boyfriend and caught 25 years. 1.00
00:16:22.000 Oh, no, she got caught 25 years later.
00:16:25.000 From the moment they start questioning about the victim, she pulls the best fight face you've ever seen.
00:16:30.000 Go anywhere in the video after the 10-minute mark.
00:16:33.000 Yeah, this is a great one.
00:16:34.000 This is probably their...
00:16:35.000 Oh, this is another ancient Chinese secret.
00:16:38.000 That's what the chronos seem to indicate.
00:16:39.000 The detective now subtly avoids the camera.
00:16:41.000 Yeah, she works for the police. 0.89
00:16:42.000 The only way they can get her in the interrogation room is to trick her to think they're having a private conversation.
00:16:47.000 And coincidentally, that's the only place where you can't be armed in there.
00:16:51.000 So she has to take her firearms, put them away. 0.97
00:16:55.000 Oh, wow.
00:16:56.000 And they submit this not as an interrogation, but as security footage since they're recording her.
00:17:01.000 So this was like kind of a loophole to...
00:17:03.000 Come up to you at your desk and ask those kinds of questions or do anything.
00:17:07.000 You know how up there people can see what's going on if you go into an interview room or people are in there doing some plots.
00:17:12.000 So we wanted to afford you some privacy, some confidentiality to talk about this because we thought it might be, you know, something, you know, you're married to someone else, obviously, and so forth, and that you may not want to talk about these things in that setting where someone, you know, we don't want the rumor mill or gossip or any of that kind of stuff to start.
00:17:26.000 It's fine, I mean.
00:17:27.000 So we did this just as a means to try and get it.
00:17:30.000 Can you just posit? 0.99
00:17:31.000 I don't have sympathy for murderers, but can you imagine how much you'd be shitting in your pants right now? 0.98
00:17:36.000 The whole, every time I watch one of these, I'm the killer for some reason. 0.97
00:17:39.000 And I'm like, I would just be like, they would have to wear gas masks.
00:17:43.000 I would be farting such hot, steamy fire farts. 0.97
00:17:48.000 My anal lips would be bleeding. 0.99
00:17:54.000 Oh, yeah, those hot. 0.99
00:17:56.000 Those ones where you go, is there going to be a burn mark on this chair?
00:18:00.000 I think I just shot hot fire.
00:18:03.000 You are guilty of murder and also destruction of property.
00:18:07.000 You were guilty of one murder.
00:18:08.000 You're now guilty of two.
00:18:11.000 Place where you, you know, where your business isn't out there for other people in your division to have a.
00:18:17.000 Whether it be shock or the total reluctance to accept the situation at hand, Stephanie warily accepts the reassuring response.
00:18:24.000 Never appreciate it.
00:18:25.000 Never talk at all.
00:18:26.000 Don't say anything.
00:18:27.000 It doesn't make you look better.
00:18:35.000 What'd you do?
00:18:36.000 Oh, we're giving up.
00:18:40.000 You know, we dated.
00:18:42.000 I dated other guys.
00:18:43.000 I'm sure he dated other girls.
00:18:47.000 Let me ask you.
00:18:48.000 Roughly, how long would you say you guys dated?
00:18:51.000 Oh, geez.
00:18:57.000 Notice how she now goes on to overexplain things that don't require an explanation and weren't even inquired about. 1.00
00:19:03.000 It's a clear-cut indication of hyper-arousal and a derivative of TMT, also known as terror management theory.
00:19:09.000 The suspect loss of unrelated tangents as means for getting momentary relief.
00:19:14.000 Going into detail about trivial things affords her a brief escape from the terrifying reality eventuating before her.
00:19:21.000 This is a very common experience in Europe.
00:19:23.000 I killed my husband.
00:19:29.000 I started School there in 78.
00:19:32.000 I started UCLA in 1978.
00:19:34.000 I graduated in 82.
00:19:37.000 I don't even remember what year he graduated, if it was a year or two before me.
00:19:43.000 I think he was a little bit older than I was.
00:19:45.000 I mean, I can't remember for his son.
00:19:47.000 Let's see, I was born in 60, 1960.
00:19:50.000 I don't know if he was born in 58 or 59. 0.99
00:19:52.000 I mean, I don't fucking care. 0.97
00:19:54.000 I mean, I knew his parents. 0.99
00:19:54.000 I knew his family. 0.99
00:19:55.000 We're past the 10-minute mark, right?
00:19:57.000 Yeah, any of these faces are adrenaline fight face, basically. 0.97
00:20:01.000 You know what reminds me of, have you ever seen this is really fucking good?
00:20:04.000 Highly recommend the staircase. 0.86
00:20:06.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:20:07.000 About this guy.
00:20:08.000 It's six-hour doc, but you'll end up watching it in one sitting.
00:20:11.000 It'd be a good Thanksgiving movie, actually.
00:20:14.000 Brings your family together.
00:20:15.000 It's not political at all.
00:20:16.000 But this guy's wife falls down the stairs and she dies.
00:20:19.000 Oh, well, that's sad.
00:20:21.000 And then we find out, wait a minute, you were previously married in Germany?
00:20:26.000 Yeah, yeah, I don't like talking about it.
00:20:28.000 Didn't she fall down the stairs too and die?
00:20:30.000 Yeah.
00:20:33.000 I'm not very lucky with the old staroonies. 1.00
00:20:36.000 And then we find out that he was sucking some dicks. 1.00
00:20:38.000 He was a fag. 1.00
00:20:40.000 And so they go, there's a guy here who says he's your boyfriend and you used to have sex with him. 1.00
00:20:45.000 And he does this face where he goes, what? 0.74
00:20:48.000 What the?
00:20:49.000 Holy geez.
00:20:50.000 Okay, now I've heard everything.
00:20:53.000 Like, what will they think of next? 1.00
00:20:55.000 No, he has pictures of you guys naked fucking. 1.00
00:20:58.000 Okay. 1.00
00:21:01.000 Very talented Photoshoppers, I'd imagine.
00:21:04.000 Wow, this is woo.
00:21:06.000 I don't know what you guys are talking about.
00:21:09.000 What will they think of next?
00:21:10.000 Anyway, I got to the airport bye.
00:21:12.000 Jim and Sam have a clip of him where he's like, Jesus Christ.
00:21:18.000 He's like, clearly being told.
00:21:20.000 Is this the spot?
00:21:20.000 Have you found it?
00:21:21.000 I hope so.
00:21:24.000 Why do you think Clayton?
00:21:26.000 Because I think we need to establish...
00:21:29.000 Let's put it this way.
00:21:32.000 Suppose Clayton had found that three months ago, during jury selection.
00:21:38.000 Would there be any doubt in your mind as we sat there and listened to Hardin talk about the blow poke and how they got rid of the blow poke and the blowpoke's the murder weapon and Deborah Radish says, oh yeah, this is it because it's hard enough, but it's not too hard.
00:21:54.000 Would there be any doubt in your mind that we'd want to put that blow poke into evidence?
00:22:00.000 That's him.
00:22:02.000 The only thing, the only fly in the ointment is that we found it last night, not three months ago, right?
00:22:10.000 I mean, that...
00:22:12.000 No, this isn't.
00:22:12.000 I mean, let's all get clear on that.
00:22:14.000 Isn't that really the issue?
00:22:15.000 If we had found this, you know, if you had found this six months ago.
00:22:18.000 Scarves.
00:22:19.000 I don't.
00:22:20.000 I never wear them.
00:22:21.000 Oh, my neck's cold.
00:22:23.000 What?
00:22:24.000 You guys have a jacket on and you're warm, or you don't and you're cold.
00:22:27.000 What is this?
00:22:28.000 Ooh.
00:22:29.000 Ooh, I got to get my scarf. 1.00
00:22:32.000 Fuck off. 1.00
00:22:33.000 Scarf. 1.00
00:22:35.000 Now I really want to find that clip, but I'll keep reading while you look.
00:22:38.000 Hey, Gav Maddie, who's no longer with us, he's probably...
00:22:43.000 I assume he will be dead by the time we show this episode.
00:22:45.000 So let's just say, let's assume he's dead and we miss him dearly. 1.00
00:22:49.000 Today I had one of those stupid thoughts that makes you wonder if you're actually retarded. 1.00
00:22:53.000 Yep, I've had those. 1.00
00:22:56.000 Have you ever looked for your glasses for 20 minutes with your glasses on? 0.99
00:23:00.000 I was taking a shit at the office. 0.99
00:23:02.000 Yes. 0.99
00:23:03.000 And as I stood up, I caught a whiff of the massive log I dropped. 1.00
00:23:07.000 Without thinking, I muttered to myself, wow, my ass smells like ass. 1.00
00:23:13.000 Just figured y'all would get a kick out of me being a retard. 1.00
00:23:15.000 Sincerely, Gen Z baby monster. 1.00
00:23:17.000 P.S. They always got to do two.
00:23:20.000 How about bringing back car guys?
00:23:22.000 Blah, blah, blah.
00:23:23.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:23:25.000 Here's a fun one from Tatted and Datted.
00:23:28.000 Anything but white. 1.00
00:23:30.000 It really is, this clip really summarizes the fucking clown world we're living in. 1.00
00:23:38.000 So stupid. 1.00
00:23:40.000 That's a good question. 1.00
00:23:41.000 Did you guys run out of the white ones already, sold out of them or something?
00:23:46.000 I see phenomenally black, Asian, Latina.
00:23:48.000 I figured there was like a phenomenally white one thing.
00:23:51.000 I haven't seen any of that.
00:23:52.000 That's weird, huh?
00:23:53.000 Phenomenally Latina. 0.85
00:23:54.000 Phenomenally black.
00:23:56.000 Phenomenally Asian. 0.98
00:23:59.000 Phenomenally white. 0.84
00:24:02.000 Not allowed.
00:24:03.000 Isn't that so weird?
00:24:05.000 Why can you say black power, but you can't say white power? 0.98
00:24:08.000 Because whites are in control. 1.00
00:24:10.000 Yeah, well, it's mostly white country. 0.98
00:24:12.000 Whites are also not in control.
00:24:14.000 Like the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, if anyone's honest with themselves, it's about class.
00:24:18.000 If he was rich, we wouldn't have seen him on the stand. 0.99
00:24:22.000 He's white trash, and that's the least popular person in America. 1.00
00:24:28.000 Australian MP Bob Catter segues from gay marriage to croc attacks. 1.00
00:24:33.000 Okay. 0.93
00:24:37.000 Do you got that? 0.97
00:24:40.000 So crocs are attacking us because we're gay? 0.90
00:24:43.000 And a final observation on the same-sex marriage debate from Bob Catter. 0.96
00:24:48.000 I mean, you know, people are entitled to their sexual proclivities.
00:24:54.000 You know, I mean, let there be a thousand blossoms, blooms, far as I've concerned.
00:25:00.000 You know, but I ain't spending any time.
00:25:01.000 Isn't that a male quote?
00:25:03.000 A thousand blossoms, blooms, far as I've concerned.
00:25:07.000 But I ain't spending any time, Warren, because in the meantime, every three months, a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in North Queensland.
00:25:18.000 So we should put the whole country on hold until we sort out that particular war. 0.55
00:25:22.000 It's a very compelling point.
00:25:25.000 That was fun.
00:25:28.000 Gavin Ryan stumbled across this account whilst keeping up with the Rittenhouse trial on Twitter.
00:25:34.000 Find it hard to imagine a more perfect summation of the state of the liberal mind than these two back-to-back tweets.
00:25:40.000 The real RG, Rachel Gordon, XO.
00:25:44.000 I've been sick all week thinking about this Rittenhouse trial.
00:25:46.000 We need a verdict now, and it better be harsh.
00:25:49.000 I can't even breathe right now.
00:25:50.000 I'm so happy that Julius Jones was granted clemency.
00:25:55.000 That's perfect.
00:25:56.000 I didn't know he was granted clemency. 0.99
00:25:59.000 That Sucks.
00:26:01.000 This is Friday. 0.98
00:26:03.000 We recorded this.
00:26:05.000 Julius Jones.
00:26:06.000 I thought he was granted clementines.
00:26:08.000 They gave him small oranges.
00:26:09.000 Yeah, it was his final meal.
00:26:12.000 That'd be funny if you get your final meal and you're just like, I'll just have an orange.
00:26:17.000 You can have steak.
00:26:18.000 You can have anything.
00:26:19.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:26:20.000 Okay, two oranges, please.
00:26:22.000 A clementine, tangerine.
00:26:24.000 I don't care.
00:26:24.000 It'll go to my hips if I eat anything large.
00:26:28.000 I'm allergic to citrus.
00:26:29.000 Your hips are about to go to heaven, so. 1.00
00:26:31.000 Or hell. 0.97
00:26:33.000 Death sentence for Julius Jones, reduced to life in prison.
00:26:37.000 I mean, I don't understand why they wanted to hurt him.
00:26:39.000 All he did was go up to some dude and assassinate him in front of his daughters, the guy's daughters, the victim's daughters.
00:26:47.000 And then the only evidence they had was his gun and the DNA and a description from the daughters who watched him kill him.
00:26:55.000 That's it.
00:26:57.000 Now, then what's really important is that Julius Jones claims the cop who arrested him is racist.
00:27:04.000 As far as I'm concerned, that's a get-out-of-jail free card.
00:27:17.000 Great Scottish song for you, opening song.
00:27:21.000 And then he sends us Maul of Kintire, which is a very popular wing song.
00:27:30.000 Now what are you going to send me next?
00:27:32.000 Hotel California?
00:27:34.000 Should I check out the Eagles?
00:27:42.000 Um.
00:27:43.000 Where?
00:27:45.000 What'd he say?
00:27:47.000 Okay, you ready?
00:27:49.000 Well, you got his statement.
00:27:50.000 What'd he say? 0.55
00:27:51.000 Said you had sex with him. 1.00
00:27:52.000 Oh, you're shitting me. 1.00
00:27:55.000 There it is. 0.99
00:27:56.000 Four or five times.
00:27:58.000 Where? 0.99
00:27:59.000 In the butthole. 0.98
00:28:00.000 I don't know all the details. 1.00
00:28:01.000 It doesn't matter where, you fucking gay idiot. 1.00
00:28:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:28:05.000 I'm your lawyer, dude.
00:28:06.000 You just made this really difficult for me.
00:28:09.000 With your.
00:28:10.000 It's because I was skimming through all the stuff, and when I came to his.
00:28:14.000 You're kidding me!
00:28:16.000 That's what he's claiming?
00:28:17.000 Yeah.
00:28:20.000 That's just blew him once.
00:28:25.000 Oh, my.
00:28:26.000 Everybody wants a piece of you.
00:28:27.000 Jesus Christ.
00:28:29.000 Or everybody claims to have it. 1.00
00:28:32.000 Just because I fucked him, he's running around telling people that I fucked him. 1.00
00:28:35.000 Where'd he get that idea? 1.00
00:28:36.000 Was it my dick in his butt? 1.00
00:28:37.000 Where did he get the perfect balls? 1.00
00:28:41.000 Delicious balls. 1.00
00:28:42.000 I tasted his balls. 0.99
00:28:43.000 I don't remember them being this big. 1.00
00:28:44.000 A piece of you.
00:28:45.000 Jesus Christ.
00:28:48.000 Or everybody claims to have a piece of you.
00:28:50.000 One of the two.
00:28:52.000 And you have a statement.
00:28:53.000 Yeah.
00:28:54.000 But no footage?
00:28:56.000 Send me a copy of that statement.
00:28:58.000 I'm dying to see that.
00:28:59.000 I'll get it tomorrow.
00:29:01.000 Was it a short statement, a long statement?
00:29:03.000 About a page and four.
00:29:04.000 Well, it's about eight and a half inches, a statement.
00:29:06.000 But when you get to the end, it explodes all over your face.
00:29:12.000 Right now, you can see the lawyer, just like our black guy with the bald eagle. 1.00
00:29:15.000 You can see the lawyer just going, I fucking hate my job. 1.00
00:29:19.000 Why did I trust this imbecile? 1.00
00:29:21.000 Half. 1.00
00:29:22.000 Okay.
00:29:22.000 Handwritten.
00:29:24.000 Handwritten?
00:29:25.000 Handwritten?
00:29:26.000 Are there hearts on the eyes?
00:29:27.000 He has hands.
00:29:30.000 He didn't indicate where this great love affair took place.
00:29:33.000 Yeah, but Mike, I cannot remember it.
00:29:37.000 Rather know now than later.
00:29:38.000 I'll say.
00:29:40.000 God, I'll say for sure.
00:29:41.000 So I talked to Dave about Dennis, and we're going to rethink.
00:29:44.000 You can't look at him in the eyes.
00:29:45.000 Yeah, it's like...
00:29:47.000 You know what's going on there?
00:29:48.000 The lawyer's mad at himself. 0.99
00:29:50.000 He's like, I thought I had a better bullshit meter than this, but I did not see this coming. 1.00
00:29:54.000 The guy's a fag. 1.00
00:29:56.000 I happen to think he's contemplating. 1.00
00:29:57.000 He's like, so gay. 1.00
00:29:59.000 So he's a gay. 1.00
00:30:01.000 Listen, then rethink as to how to approach it. 0.99
00:30:03.000 He's answering gay. 0.91
00:30:09.000 He's literally doing the thing. 1.00
00:30:10.000 You're like, all right, holy shit. 0.99
00:30:12.000 So let me get this straight. 1.00
00:30:13.000 I quote unquote fucked him in his butt. 1.00
00:30:16.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:30:17.000 Yeah, it actually didn't say that at all.
00:30:22.000 Check out Kiltoni has a lot of good stand-ups getting big off his show.
00:30:26.000 Anyway, I feel like this guy has the sprinkles.
00:30:28.000 Skip to 46 minutes.
00:30:32.000 Let us do that.
00:30:35.000 Okay.
00:30:36.000 Let us get started.
00:30:37.000 46 minutes is the time.
00:30:41.000 There we go.
00:30:44.000 Let's see what happens next.
00:30:46.000 Like Nat Rogachevsky.
00:30:49.000 Here we go.
00:30:50.000 Here he comes.
00:30:51.000 See what he's got.
00:30:52.000 Come on, everybody.
00:30:53.000 Come on, Rogachevy. 0.69
00:30:57.000 Come on, Nat.
00:30:59.000 Yo, what's up?
00:31:00.000 If he's Nat Romachevsky, then who is?
00:31:03.000 You ever see like a really fat guy like fixing his hair in the bathroom?
00:31:09.000 Like...
00:31:11.000 What are we doing?
00:31:15.000 The guy's like...
00:31:19.000 All right, problem solved.
00:31:24.000 That's good. 1.00
00:31:29.000 Now they won't know I'm fat as fuck. 0.99
00:31:39.000 I don't know if you guys heard DC Comics just announced their very first transgender superhero. 0.99
00:31:45.000 First ever DC Comics transgender superhero.
00:31:49.000 Her name is, what's it?
00:31:51.000 Her name is Wonder If It's a Woman. 1.00
00:31:53.000 Wonder if it's a Woman. 0.99
00:31:56.000 Disney on me.
00:32:01.000 Yes, keep clapping.
00:32:03.000 Let's keep clapping until the meow.
00:32:05.000 Keep clapping until the meow.
00:32:08.000 I don't have time for my last joke.
00:32:09.000 Keep clapping until the meow.
00:32:11.000 You want to do one more joke?
00:32:13.000 Is that a good thing?
00:32:14.000 Thank you.
00:32:14.000 Thank you.
00:32:14.000 Great.
00:32:16.000 Yeah, so I was at HEB the other day.
00:32:18.000 I was getting helped out by a person that was over there.
00:32:21.000 It was a transgender person.
00:32:22.000 Their name was Alex, but they spelled their name A-L-Y-K-S.
00:32:29.000 And I was Like, look, man, you already changed your name.
00:32:32.000 You don't have to change the name.
00:32:37.000 Matt Rogachevsky.
00:32:40.000 Wow.
00:32:40.000 Awesome.
00:32:41.000 You know, that's really challenging, too.
00:32:44.000 Like, a good comedy club has the vibe where someone is a friend of yours and they're wandering out and just telling a story.
00:32:50.000 You can just happen to see them very well and they're speaking very clearly.
00:32:54.000 That's kind of the subtext of a comedy club, right?
00:32:59.000 You're with your friends, and there's a funny guy over there who's very easy to hear.
00:33:03.000 It's a trick, but it works.
00:33:05.000 But that is like there's a board of directors that are here to analyze your joke.
00:33:10.000 Are you listening to me?
00:33:11.000 Yep.
00:33:12.000 And then you have this time zone.
00:33:14.000 So it's extra impressive that he was able to make us all laugh in that environment because it's very easy to flop.
00:33:21.000 Yeah.
00:33:21.000 What are you doing there?
00:33:22.000 He almost did flop until he like inserted confidence back into the joke.
00:33:27.000 And he also only had two quick bits.
00:33:30.000 And he dragged them out for a short thing.
00:33:33.000 What's the noise going on over there?
00:33:35.000 I'm making a new drop.
00:33:37.000 Whoop, whoop.
00:33:38.000 It's a sound of the police.
00:33:40.000 That?
00:33:41.000 Yes.
00:33:42.000 Gentlemen, this is Ancient Chinese Secret, but I never miss a JML episode.
00:33:45.000 I've seen this a million times.
00:33:46.000 I didn't put on the show because it was whatever, but why not?
00:33:53.000 Whoop, whoop.
00:33:58.000 What's up, Don? 1.00
00:33:59.000 Get that shit, bro? 1.00
00:34:04.000 Oh, I gotta go back to my three boxes. 1.00
00:34:05.000 Oh, you wanna believe what happened?
00:34:07.000 Chick, right? 0.99
00:34:08.000 There's this dude.
00:34:09.000 This nervous chick.
00:34:10.000 This nervous pipe.
00:34:12.000 And it broke.
00:34:12.000 And we ran.
00:34:13.000 And there was like CPS.
00:34:14.000 There was security everywhere.
00:34:15.000 And I hit these guys and they hit me. 0.94
00:34:17.000 And I hit him. 0.74
00:34:17.000 And they called cops. 0.74
00:34:18.000 And they came.
00:34:19.000 They let me go. 1.00
00:34:20.000 Just shit. 1.00
00:34:21.000 Disease. 1.00
00:34:22.000 Just disappoints. 1.00
00:34:25.000 Jesus shit. 1.00
00:34:27.000 $3? 1.00
00:34:30.000 $3.
00:34:34.000 $3?
00:34:36.000 What did you get, you guys?
00:34:37.000 $3?
00:34:39.000 $3.
00:34:40.000 Push him.
00:34:41.000 You got the crack here, right?
00:34:43.000 Oh, no crack. 1.00
00:34:44.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:34:44.000 You guys got the crack? 1.00
00:34:46.000 Fuck you guys. 1.00
00:34:47.000 Fuck the crack. 1.00
00:34:49.000 Who fuck you then? 1.00
00:34:51.000 Just leave, you got me seen. 1.00
00:34:55.000 Boy, they get grumpy when they don't get their drugs, huh?
00:34:57.000 Yo.
00:34:59.000 Come on! 0.61
00:35:03.000 I guess you read a funny letter or something.
00:35:06.000 Things are improving.
00:35:09.000 Look, you can sort of make us out, but it still reeks generally as an episode. 0.99
00:35:16.000 I mean, the fuck are you guys talking about? 0.98
00:35:19.000 Couldn't you have got a guest on or something? 1.00
00:35:22.000 Elaine, do you even care?
00:35:24.000 Do you even like your jobs?
00:35:27.000 Just a bored guy who seems kind of, I don't know, tired? 1.00
00:35:32.000 Reading these shitty letters. 0.98
00:35:37.000 I don't blame people for quitting. 0.99
00:35:40.000 I don't blame them for...
00:35:42.000 I don't blame this photograph for fading. 0.98
00:35:44.000 Actually, even this is sucking. 0.93
00:35:48.000 Maybe we deserve to lose subs. 0.99
00:35:50.000 Maybe we shouldn't come back after Thanksgiving.
00:35:53.000 Should this be the end of Get Off My Lawn? 1.00
00:35:57.000 I love fucking with drug addicts. 1.00
00:35:59.000 Like even when they're your buddies. 1.00
00:36:02.000 I remember back in the Coke days, I'd always have an extra bag and they'd go, oh, we're out. 1.00
00:36:06.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99
00:36:07.000 Oh, well. 1.00
00:36:07.000 And then I'd let it die for a bit. 1.00
00:36:08.000 And I'd be like, what's this, folks?
00:36:11.000 That's amazing.
00:36:12.000 And then we'd go, yeah.
00:36:15.000 But my buddy Sharky was brutally addicted.
00:36:17.000 Like, I went to South by Southwest with him.
00:36:22.000 We party.
00:36:23.000 We get there like at whatever, 4 p.m.
00:36:26.000 And we partied all night.
00:36:28.000 Oh yeah, that's it.
00:36:29.000 We would get the earliest flight we could like 6 a.m.
00:36:32.000 So we'd party all night.
00:36:33.000 Bars close at 4.
00:36:34.000 We'd get to the airport at 5 and party in the plane or sleep in the plane, whatever.
00:36:39.000 Then you get there.
00:36:40.000 We get some blow.
00:36:42.000 We're partying South by Southwest, Austin, Texas, back before it was woke.
00:36:45.000 I'm talking about the early aughts now.
00:36:49.000 I go back to our hotel room where we have two beds, right?
00:36:54.000 I sleep in my bed eight hours, probably got home around two or three in the morning.
00:36:58.000 Wake up at 11, phone's ringing.
00:37:00.000 Come on, guys.
00:37:00.000 What's going on, guys?
00:37:02.000 Let's go get some brunch.
00:37:04.000 I need eggs.
00:37:06.000 I love the way people in Texas talk.
00:37:09.000 And I go there.
00:37:10.000 There's Sharky.
00:37:12.000 Hey, buddy.
00:37:13.000 Remember, we were up all night the night before.
00:37:15.000 Now he's up all night.
00:37:16.000 It's two nights he's up, right?
00:37:17.000 Just nose cane.
00:37:18.000 I go, hey, dude, you okay? 0.99
00:37:20.000 And he's like, I'm fucking ready to rack. 0.99
00:37:23.000 So we party. 0.98
00:37:24.000 Obviously, if you have mimosas and bloody Marys at breakfast, you're partying all day.
00:37:27.000 Party all day.
00:37:29.000 All night. 0.99
00:37:31.000 If I start at 11 by fucking 11, I'm done. 0.99
00:37:37.000 Remember the rules for partying, folks at home? 0.98
00:37:40.000 It's the acronym Downer.
00:37:44.000 Don't clockblock.
00:37:46.000 Only 13 hours.
00:37:49.000 So if you start at 11 a.m., you got to go home at midnight.
00:37:54.000 Water a plenty.
00:37:57.000 What was N?
00:37:59.000 Maybe N was never cockblocked?
00:38:02.000 E was eat your dinner, and R is regulate your bumps.
00:38:08.000 He was doing none of those.
00:38:09.000 He was not following any of our laws.
00:38:12.000 So that night, I go to bed at midnight.
00:38:17.000 Sleep for probably like eight hours.
00:38:20.000 I wake up, the bed's unmade again. 0.99
00:38:23.000 This happened a third fucking time. 0.99
00:38:28.000 We had that hotel for three nights. 1.00
00:38:30.000 He never slept there once.
00:38:31.000 Oh, sorry.
00:38:32.000 The very last night, he did show up.
00:38:35.000 And I said, remember our rule, never, oh, that was N, never after four.
00:38:42.000 That's the N, right? 0.99
00:38:45.000 And guess what he did at 3.58 a.m.
00:38:50.000 Went to bed and drank, wait, drank water, went to bed.
00:38:53.000 Wrong.
00:38:54.000 At 3.58 a.m.
00:38:56.000 These are our rules.
00:38:58.000 We made them up.
00:38:59.000 You're only hurting yourself, dude.
00:39:01.000 So he wants to follow our rules that we created, our own parameters, and he violates them.
00:39:06.000 So at 3.58, he lays out like three pinkies, giant white caterpillars.
00:39:16.000 Three lines where if you did them right now, you go, oh boy, of melatonin.
00:39:26.000 Yes.
00:39:27.000 And so that's 358.
00:39:29.000 359 grabs a pint glass of vodka.
00:39:34.000 Jesus Christ.
00:39:40.000 So, like, he just snorted enough to keep him up for another two hours, 5-6.
00:39:48.000 And he can't sleep, obviously.
00:39:50.000 So he goes, hey, man, this is early aughts.
00:39:51.000 He goes, can I borrow your iPod?
00:39:55.000 And I go, yeah, sure.
00:39:57.000 And I wake up, like, maybe 40 minutes later to this. 1.00
00:40:02.000 He was fucking me. 0.99
00:40:05.000 He was sitting on the edge of the bed listening. 1.00
00:40:07.000 I heard...
00:40:13.000 There we go.
00:40:16.000 Do I list what the downer is?
00:40:18.000 I believe you're doing this, right?
00:40:19.000 Follow the downer rules.
00:40:20.000 I believe you go into it.
00:40:22.000 He's listening to Susudio on my iPod.
00:40:28.000 Like at the edge of my bed, going...
00:40:33.000 So he's sober now. 1.00
00:40:36.000 All the guys I used to party with, like, fucking, are NAA or dead. 0.99
00:40:40.000 It's not a good sign. 0.99
00:40:44.000 I don't know why it was on my iPod.
00:40:45.000 I apologize.
00:40:50.000 Did you show that kid?
00:40:54.000 Ryan, did we show the traumatic brain injury video?
00:40:58.000 Let's see.
00:40:59.000 I don't think so.
00:41:00.000 No, no.
00:41:06.000 What are you doing?
00:41:07.000 Just look up traumatic. 1.00
00:41:10.000 I gotta tell you how to do your goddamn job. 1.00
00:41:16.000 The girl's been on my mind. 1.00
00:41:21.000 Okay, hurry up, dude.
00:41:22.000 You're on TV.
00:41:27.000 What? 1.00
00:41:27.000 No, in the fucking email. 1.00
00:41:31.000 Holy shit, you're stupid. 1.00
00:41:38.000 Look up traumatic. 1.00
00:41:39.000 You think it's going to be the first thing that comes up on the entire internet?
00:41:45.000 What are you doing now?
00:41:47.000 I got one that says COVID, and then I says one that we already watched.
00:41:52.000 The one that I was worried about, the little girl getting hurt.
00:41:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:41:55.000 Did we show that whole thing?
00:41:56.000 Oh, yeah.
00:41:57.000 Oh, weird.
00:41:58.000 And it was ancient Chinese.
00:42:00.000 Hey, Gavin, Ryan, guys, saw this and thought of Ryan's amazing Eastern European music.
00:42:04.000 She is the hottest Dutch rapper right now and 100% my type. 0.99
00:42:08.000 Thank you, guys.
00:42:09.000 Congrats on the new baby. 1.00
00:42:10.000 I want to fuck you with my new sunglasses. 1.00
00:42:12.000 Okay? 1.00
00:42:14.000 We open the show with this.
00:42:17.000 Oh, this is ancient. 1.00
00:42:20.000 Fuck off. 1.00
00:42:21.000 Somebody don't watch the show. 1.00
00:42:22.000 Stop sending us the same shit again and again. 1.00
00:42:27.000 Stop it. 1.00
00:42:28.000 By the way, I've received that video a hundred times. 1.00
00:42:35.000 Actually, I'm going to tell that guy to fuck off. 1.00
00:42:39.000 I'll do that later, though. 1.00
00:42:40.000 Because when you respond to an email, it goes back to the top of the list now, and you have to burrow and forage to try to find where you were.
00:42:51.000 Dear G-Dog, Fag Dynasty, and Maddie the Man, how's it going, A? 1.00
00:42:56.000 Your favorite Canuck rapper Tom McDonald here writing into the show to thank you for your constant support and your willingness to read all my letters.
00:43:01.000 This one is a suggestion for you to check out Tony Heller on YouTube, a virulent takedown artist of the left's constant climate alarmism using historical analysis and explaining most of their science is faulty or has improper context. 0.87
00:43:16.000 Even makes it simple enough that someone as retarded as Ryan can understand it. 0.97
00:43:26.000 That's such a weird graphic. 0.96
00:43:29.000 Nation's climate policy.
00:43:31.000 Apparently the Democrats felt they needed people who are better educated than AOC or Greta.
00:43:36.000 Now let's review the problem which my software will help Climate Alarmist solve.
00:43:41.000 This is the main page from the part of the National Climate Assessment which went out to journalists and policymakers.
00:43:47.000 This page contains a lot of graphics.
00:43:50.000 Here's one which shows heat waves increasing since 1960.
00:43:54.000 Here's another one which shows Arctic sea ice declining since 1979.
00:43:59.000 And another one which shows wildfires increasing since 1983.
00:44:04.000 And one more which shows sea level rising since 1920.
00:44:08.000 So we have one graph which starts in 1960, another which starts in 1979, another which starts in 1920, and one more which starts in 1983.
00:44:19.000 When you want to mislead people with statistics, picking your start date is very important.
00:44:25.000 First, let's look at the heat wave graph which starts in 1960.
00:44:29.000 They carefully picked a period during the global cooling scare to start their graph so that they could show heat waves increasing over time.
00:44:36.000 And here is the underlying data from the part of the National Climate Assessment which didn't go out to journalists and politicians.
00:44:43.000 This graph is warm spells days, this one is heat wave magnitude, and this one is warmest temperature of the year.
00:44:51.000 As you can see, summers were much hotter in the United States prior to 1960.
00:44:56.000 So by hiding all the data before 1960, they were able to show a little bit of an upwards trend.
00:45:02.000 Yeah, that's a great point.
00:45:03.000 When you're looking at charts and they all have different days, they all start at different days, someone is trying to manipulate.
00:45:19.000 Look at this.
00:45:20.000 Remember this picture from when this happened?
00:45:22.000 Not just recently.
00:45:24.000 That's my boy John Pierce.
00:45:26.000 That's his first lawyer.
00:45:27.000 That's the guy who raised $2 million for him.
00:45:31.000 Wait, isn't that John Pierce in the front seat?
00:45:34.000 No, that was the current guy.
00:45:36.000 Are you sure?
00:45:37.000 Yeah.
00:45:37.000 The current guy looks like Tommy Lee Jones.
00:45:39.000 Yeah, he's.
00:45:40.000 That's him.
00:45:42.000 Okay.
00:45:42.000 We're going to get to the next one.
00:45:43.000 this is a Friday show.
00:45:44.000 You're a week off.
00:45:45.000 Yeah, this is a long time ago, but remember that?
00:45:47.000 That was cool.
00:45:48.000 What's up, man? 0.99
00:45:49.000 I'm glad to be emailing you as you are a fucking legend. 0.98
00:45:51.000 I think it's awesome how much you push the family union and are a pretty authentic guy. 0.97
00:45:55.000 I'm emailing you because I want to show you my YouTube channel.
00:45:58.000 I'm not looking for promotion.
00:45:59.000 I would prefer advice.
00:46:02.000 Been running my YouTube channel for about five months, and the channel is about University of Iowa Sports.
00:46:06.000 I'm a very conservative guy.
00:46:07.000 I go from California.
00:46:10.000 What would I so he wants us to check out his page?
00:46:17.000 Okay.
00:46:21.000 We are live, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
00:46:25.000 It's your boy, Nolan HotGuy Anthony here.
00:46:30.000 And I hope you guys are having a fantastic morning, wherever you may be, and however you may be listening to this.
00:46:39.000 Terrible.
00:46:39.000 We got a Jam Tag show for y'all today.
00:46:42.000 I'm excited.
00:46:42.000 It's been approximately two weeks.
00:46:46.000 Does he pull in any other pictures and stuff?
00:46:48.000 You know what we are in the Tracy would have to do is block.
00:46:56.000 Okay.
00:46:56.000 That's obviously too niche for us to care.
00:46:59.000 I shouldn't have even pulled it up. 0.99
00:47:03.000 Since updating my phone, your app doesn't work for shit. 0.95
00:47:06.000 Okay, well, we're putting anyone who signed up for the beta, unfortunate word, for the beta version of the app. 0.96
00:47:13.000 You get the new app, and we'll see if it works.
00:47:17.000 Ben Crump.
00:47:19.000 And then if it does work, then we'll launch the update.
00:47:22.000 So we're still, we're just we've just released it to the beta people.
00:47:27.000 Have you seen or heard about the new BET movie Karen? 0.97
00:47:30.000 Yes, we discussed it extensively on the show, and it's a fucking ancient Chinese secret. 0.95
00:47:36.000 I think this would be a good drop. 0.88
00:47:37.000 It was the Spiders and Snakes episode at 835.
00:47:40.000 That's awesome.
00:47:42.000 If you enjoyed that heart.
00:47:44.000 Let's see it again.
00:47:48.000 That's awesome.
00:47:49.000 If you enjoyed that heart.
00:47:51.000 That's awesome.
00:47:52.000 No, the collaughter ruins it.
00:47:58.000 January 6th, False Flag TikTok.
00:48:01.000 Pretty funny and obvious.
00:48:05.000 Hollywood tear gas in me.
00:48:16.000 All on display for a play for hundreds of professional photographers conveniently on stage.
00:48:41.000 You had no idea you would even do this.
00:48:50.000 This is everything wrong with the capital shooting.
00:48:53.000 Okay, fun.
00:48:55.000 Pretty raucous panel here.
00:48:56.000 This is called Who Made Punk.
00:48:58.000 Some of the originators hashing it out.
00:49:00.000 Yes, this is from 2019, their news buff.
00:49:04.000 And I thought this was interesting because it had Johnny Rotten, who was there at the beginning, and then it's got all these random people like Marky Ramon, arguable, and the guy from Guns N' Roses.
00:49:14.000 And then you got Henry Rollins, which is hardcore, which is way after punk.
00:49:18.000 And they were there to promote a documentary that Iggy Pop produced.
00:49:22.000 So believe it or not, in the documentary, Iggy Pop plays a very central role in the creation of punk.
00:49:30.000 The guy who signs the checks. 0.96
00:49:35.000 Was to break away from that and be good fucking fellas with each other. 0.90
00:49:40.000 It never happened like that, boys and girls. 0.98
00:49:44.000 It really didn't. 1.00
00:49:45.000 It became so competitive and lost in its own fucking bullshit. 1.00
00:49:52.000 Hello, punk. 1.00
00:49:54.000 All right.
00:49:54.000 Where's that term come from?
00:49:57.000 I'll tell you, it wasn't when Eggie was running around.
00:50:02.000 It was Caroline Kuhn put this expression together.
00:50:08.000 And it was a complete insult, right?
00:50:11.000 In Melody Maker, a British magazine.
00:50:15.000 She had the audacity to call me King of the Punks.
00:50:20.000 And I bothered to find out what that meant.
00:50:22.000 Well, hello.
00:50:24.000 I'm John. 0.99
00:50:25.000 I ain't no fucker's toy boy. 0.99
00:50:29.000 Alright? 0.99
00:50:30.000 And that was punk.
00:50:31.000 And at the same time, you've got Reggae running around there.
00:50:36.000 Rust to far right and naughty dread.
00:50:40.000 And Bob Marley's having to deal with naughty dread.
00:50:43.000 That was a complete insult to him.
00:50:46.000 But he turned it upside down.
00:50:50.000 Sorry, Gold, it has to be one of the more hilarious reads I've read in a while.
00:50:54.000 I think you and the Little Gay Asian would quite enjoy giving it a scrupulous read. 0.99
00:50:59.000 Make sure to Google the experts AFER mentioned.
00:51:02.000 You're sincerely, a man on the verge of losing his livelihood, spelled wrong, for not being vaccinated in Australia.
00:51:09.000 Okay, this better be good.
00:51:11.000 So we get an article here.
00:51:14.000 Welcome to Apple News.
00:51:16.000 I'm told.
00:51:17.000 Continue.
00:51:22.000 The fight for Sarah Bartman.
00:51:24.000 Not even her early death could put an end to the abuse she endured in life.
00:51:27.000 It took a president's lobbying and the fight of her people to finally lay her to rest. 0.97
00:51:34.000 This looks boring and long.
00:51:35.000 Why'd you send us this?
00:51:37.000 It's some old story about some old chick who died.
00:51:41.000 Isn't that weird?
00:51:42.000 You can't just send us articles that you read about some historical story with cool graphics. 1.00
00:51:48.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:51:49.000 All right. 1.00
00:51:50.000 We're going to have to make this a short show because I got to go.
00:51:55.000 Fluorescent yellow pus.
00:51:56.000 Hello.
00:51:57.000 Can we keep that conversation going, please?
00:51:58.000 STD horrors just Never get enough airtime. 0.99
00:52:01.000 I think I remember the gonorrhea and squirting the yellow pus out of my dick on one or two occasions. 0.99
00:52:05.000 Thank God for antibiotics. 0.99
00:52:07.000 But how about peeing blood?
00:52:08.000 I've never done that.
00:52:10.000 That's like a boxer thing.
00:52:12.000 I still don't know what exactly that was.
00:52:14.000 Did you know Larry Barnes is being indicted, inducted, sorry, into the New York State Hall of Fame, Boxing Hall of Fame?
00:52:21.000 Yeah, we're going to have tuxedos on and be there.
00:52:25.000 Did I talk about this already?
00:52:27.000 I was saying to the guys, let's bare knuckle box the day before so we all have like, we all have suits on and like black eyes.
00:52:34.000 Wouldn't that look cool?
00:52:35.000 Yeah.
00:52:38.000 I still don't know what exactly that was.
00:52:39.000 American Healthcare does not recognize some diseases known in some other countries.
00:52:43.000 So I never tested positive for anything known here at the time.
00:52:46.000 20 years ago in New York.
00:52:48.000 And it looks like now USA finally recognized a thing called urea plasma.
00:52:53.000 Look it up.
00:52:54.000 It's fun.
00:52:54.000 So it starts with discomfort.
00:52:56.000 Then you look in anticipation for the first drop of gonorrhea discharge, but it never shows up.
00:53:01.000 The discomfort turns to pain, but nothing visual. 0.88
00:53:04.000 So you think you got dick flu or something, and it's nothing serious. 0.59
00:53:06.000 You just sweat it out. 0.96
00:53:07.000 So I remember the pain was reaching a level where I would avoid bathrooms.
00:53:10.000 Like, no, I don't really need to pee just yet.
00:53:12.000 I'll probably wait another hour.
00:53:13.000 So the apex of this thing, I finally go to some public bathroom, unzip over the pisser, and I'm scared to look down because it really hurts. 0.99
00:53:19.000 So I butt on the collar of my jacket, looking up and trying to hum some tune to just not think about the pain, but oh my fucking God, it hurts. 0.53
00:53:26.000 I hear the dribble in the pisser, but like remotely through the concrete wall of a paranoia around my head. 0.95
00:53:31.000 And I convince myself that I should probably garner some virility here and actually take a look at what's happening. 0.99
00:53:37.000 I'm slowly squinting down and I just see blood pouring out of my dick. 0.99
00:53:41.000 And when you see this, this psychosomatic thing multiplies your pain by 10. 0.99
00:53:45.000 So I'm bellowing now and I'm thinking I'm probably going to pass out.
00:53:48.000 And I probably should.
00:53:51.000 Blah, blah, blah, century old tile.
00:53:52.000 He's really getting descriptive here.
00:53:56.000 So I grab to the dividers on both sides so I don't pass out. 0.99
00:53:59.000 Now my dick is on a tennis, just flapping left and right, squirting blood everywhere. 0.99
00:54:02.000 And it's even more fun this way. 0.99
00:54:04.000 I'm yelling something.
00:54:05.000 And then it's over.
00:54:05.000 And I'm still hanging onto the walls.
00:54:07.000 My pants are at my ankles.
00:54:08.000 And I'm looking up, gasping for air, covered in sweat, and there's just blood everywhere.
00:54:12.000 And this is it.
00:54:13.000 The worst part is over.
00:54:14.000 I walk out a year older and miraculously score antibiotics within an hour.
00:54:17.000 Somehow, antibiotics kick in like two hours later, and the hell is over. 1.00
00:54:21.000 Fuck, I just lived through this again. 0.99
00:54:23.000 I hope you enjoyed it. 1.00
00:54:24.000 Bye, Sergei.
00:54:28.000 Boxers will piss blood for weeks.
00:54:34.000 Okay, last one. 1.00
00:54:36.000 Hello, pussies. 1.00
00:54:36.000 Diversity hire rambles on about racism. 1.00
00:54:38.000 Almost interrupts her so she will get to the fucking point. 1.00
00:54:41.000 She knows that she knows absolutely nothing about guns. 0.99
00:54:43.000 Not surprising.
00:54:44.000 But her face at the end is exactly how I looked at the TV after hearing this.
00:54:48.000 Check it out.
00:54:52.000 I assume this would be British.
00:54:56.000 I think they're having an existential crisis in that jury room because they have to address the issues of racism.
00:55:03.000 They have to address why Kyle was there.
00:55:06.000 Again, we're all attorneys.
00:55:09.000 These people have never been in the, most of them have never been in a courtroom before.
00:55:14.000 So they don't know what to expect.
00:55:16.000 Again, they had to look every day at the judge looking like...
00:55:20.000 Madeline, we only have like 20 seconds, but how is this about racism?
00:55:24.000 Rittenhouse is white.
00:55:26.000 All the shooting victims are white.
00:55:28.000 What are you talking about?
00:55:30.000 They were there because it was Black Lives Matter was the reason why they were there in the first place. 0.82
00:55:35.000 That's why Kyle felt the need to come and protect whatever he's protecting with an AK.
00:55:43.000 The issue of guns raised.
00:55:45.000 AR.
00:55:46.000 I apologize.
00:55:47.000 I'm sorry, the assault rifles.
00:55:50.000 No, I said hard arm.
00:55:53.000 Equally mercy, Nima Romani, Kirk Nurmi.
00:55:56.000 Thank you. 1.00
00:55:57.000 That was a fucking stupid ending. 1.00
00:55:58.000 I feel bad for her. 1.00
00:56:00.000 So have fun, guys, with your family this weekend.
00:56:03.000 It's going to be a fun weekend.
00:56:05.000 I like you more than a friend.
00:56:06.000 And we'll see you Monday with a brand new real show.
00:56:09.000 We'll be back there.
00:56:10.000 We won't be dressed like this.
00:56:11.000 We'll be dressed in suits.
00:56:13.000 And in the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:56:27.000 Hey, dude.
00:56:32.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
00:56:33.000 Thank fucking God. 0.98
00:56:36.000 When I saw us reappear in this picture, you don't know how happy I was. 0.99
00:56:41.000 The show is back.
00:56:42.000 We're back.
00:56:43.000 We exist.
00:56:44.000 And guess what did it?
00:56:46.000 They liked the time travel bit.
00:56:49.000 They thought it was fun.
00:56:50.000 And they said that it shows that we care. 0.86
00:56:53.000 And even when we do a shitty show, we want to make up for it. 0.99
00:56:56.000 And that's really what they appreciate about the show is that we give a shit about the baby monsters and we try. 0.97
00:57:02.000 So the irony is, you didn't save the show. 0.98
00:57:06.000 Nor did I. I did.
00:57:08.000 Future me did. 0.85
00:57:10.000 Me going back in time is what made this shitty episode good. 0.85
00:57:14.000 And it saved us. 1.00
00:57:16.000 So fuck you. 1.00
00:57:17.000 Thanks for nothing. 1.00
00:57:19.000 I did all the work again.