Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E64

00:00:33.000 Hey dudes, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:00:36.000 That was Antidote, an old New York, not old actually, old to you because it's 20 years ago, but not old to me, but a New York hardcore band called Antidote.

00:00:48.000 That's an anti-immigration song called Foreign Job Lot about foreigners coming in and doing the jobs for cheaper.

00:00:58.000 What's happening back there?

00:01:00.000 Oh, nothing.

00:01:01.000 Some technical glitches?

00:01:03.000 We got you a Friday show.

00:01:05.000 It didn't record.

00:01:06.000 We've been having some problems with the TriCaster.

00:01:08.000 We got a big marathon on Friday.

00:01:11.000 We're going to start at 6 p.m. and just go for as long as humanly possible.

00:01:16.000 I like to be smug and think it'll be a 48-hour marathon.

00:01:19.000 I don't see how I could do more than a 12-hour show.

00:01:24.000 So this may crap out in the wee hours of the morning.

00:01:27.000 But yeah, we'll have everyone from the network here.

00:01:31.000 I'm raising money for me.

00:01:33.000 That's the point of the marathon.

00:01:36.000 We've been stuck at 25,000 subs forever.

00:01:38.000 And it was like, and then it just stopped.

00:01:42.000 Are there only 25,000 weirdos in the world?

00:01:45.000 Possibly, but I want to be double sure.

00:01:47.000 So we're going to have all kinds of bonuses for, you know, if you get your friend or your family member signed up, you get a discount, those kind of incentives.

00:01:56.000 We'll see if we can't get to 30,000.

00:01:58.000 That will be our goal.

00:02:00.000 Not that raising money for censored is as important as raising money for Zenoa Kinsman and her kids, but after the success of that Christmas drive, I'm pretty optimistic.

00:02:11.000 Although an abandoned black baby is a little more appealing than a old white millionaire, as far as charity goes.

00:02:21.000 But let's get right into it.

00:02:23.000 Antidote were a band from the late 90s, early 2000s, and they, people don't get this about New York hardcore.

00:02:32.000 A lot of them were Cubans, so they've experienced socialism.

00:02:36.000 A lot of them were Puerto Ricans.

00:02:38.000 And if you lived in the city, grew up in the 80s, you're aware of how shitty socialism can wreck your city, and you're aware of how bad welfare is for everybody.

00:02:49.000 These kids that grew up in the projects, they see third generation welfare and they go, these guys are fucking mooches.

00:02:54.000 And if you have your shit together enough to practice and have a band and write songs and do shows, you probably have somewhat of a work ethic, right?

00:03:03.000 You learned a guitar.

00:03:06.000 So those guys hated their brethren, their neighbors.

00:03:10.000 And it was not racial.

00:03:12.000 But you had the West Coasters like Maxim Rock and Roll and Tim Yeo and all these, this scene in the West Coast heard Agnostic Front and Cro-Mags and went, oh, they're racist.

00:03:22.000 They have an American flag in the background.

00:03:23.000 That's racist.

00:03:25.000 So it's kind of funny to hear this band antidote come back and do sort of a reunion tour and sing songs from back then that were totally reasonable in New York terms.

00:03:38.000 They're now offensive.

00:03:40.000 But the beauty is, thanks to de Blasio socialism, we're getting back to this sort of awareness where the woke people are waking up.

00:03:51.000 And I think this song might become less offensive again.

00:03:55.000 I mean, as I said on Eric Bowling's show on Friday, de Blasio just gave citizenship to 800,000 people.

00:04:02.000 Sorry, not citizenship, but he gave them the right to vote, which is a major part of citizenship.

00:04:07.000 I mean, what else is there?

00:04:08.000 There's the right to vote and jury duty.

00:04:11.000 And of course, all the sort of ethereal subjective things that come with citizenship.

00:04:16.000 But fuck jury duty.

00:04:19.000 You don't have to go to jury duty, right?

00:04:23.000 But you can vote.

00:04:25.000 Almost a million people in New York City can vote without citizenship.

00:04:31.000 Now, as my buddy Mike pointed out, it's not going to last forever, my friend.

00:04:37.000 Because eventually, and it's starting to happen with blacks, eventually Hispanics are going to go, wait a minute, these people I keep voting for are they're abortionists?

00:04:47.000 Hispanics are Catholic.

00:04:48.000 They're pro-life.

00:04:49.000 They're anti-gay marriage.

00:04:51.000 What?

00:04:52.000 You can only be an idiot for so long, right?

00:04:56.000 Look at my cool suit.

00:05:02.000 I know you think these are white socks.

00:05:03.000 They're gray socks.

00:05:06.000 I had it taken out a bit, and they overdid it.

00:05:08.000 Anyway.

00:05:10.000 Walk to walk.

00:05:11.000 So go to 11A.

00:05:17.000 And you can see that these guys have gotten big shit for this song.

00:05:20.000 Aliens from another world that come to the U.S. for jobs.

00:05:22.000 So now they're backtracking and pussying out.

00:05:31.000 I think we're too far ahead.

00:05:34.000 Dierst.

00:05:35.000 The worst.

00:05:36.000 That's too far back.

00:05:38.000 To find an adequate paying job because companies were starting to pay illegal immigrants an awful low wage.

00:05:45.000 Bast?

00:05:47.000 The song doesn't express hatred towards immigrants.

00:05:50.000 Cuck.

00:05:51.000 The song expresses anger toward being cut out of a fair paying job.

00:05:55.000 Antidote is a band of mixed races and is the furthest thing from anti-immigrant.

00:05:59.000 Did the song age well?

00:06:00.000 Probably not.

00:06:00.000 Okay, stop.

00:06:02.000 Stop doing this.

00:06:03.000 Stop backtracking.

00:06:04.000 Stop kowtowing.

00:06:05.000 I've made this mistake where I would talk to people and go, no, no, no, Proud Boys Aren't Racist.

00:06:10.000 Or 10 Things About the Jews I Hate About the Jews.

00:06:13.000 That's a comedy video.

00:06:14.000 Have you seen it?

00:06:15.000 Don't apologize.

00:06:17.000 Don't backtrack.

00:06:18.000 You know why?

00:06:19.000 Because the people that are canceling you don't give a fuck about the truth.

00:06:22.000 They're nerds who are bullying you.

00:06:26.000 They got bullied in grade school and they want revenge.

00:06:29.000 So when you go, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, everyone in the band is, it's a multiracial band.

00:06:34.000 They just go, oh, good.

00:06:35.000 My bullying is working.

00:06:37.000 I finally have some power from these weak, skinny, greasy hands.

00:06:42.000 I'm finally hurting someone.

00:06:45.000 You just tell them to fuck off and laugh and do your show.

00:06:48.000 And if they say you can't play that song, you play that song.

00:06:53.000 Classic EP with no hatred behind it whatsoever.

00:06:56.000 It's something the band has played normally to all audiences and has never been an issue.

00:07:00.000 So that's where they fucked up right there.

00:07:02.000 They relented.

00:07:03.000 We're mixed races.

00:07:04.000 The song didn't age well.

00:07:06.000 We'll take a look at the song in a second, of course.

00:07:09.000 See what the soy punks are kvetching about.

00:07:11.000 But you see in the second paragraph, they relent and sort of get a popular dirt with the stream.

00:07:20.000 They're backpedaling already.

00:07:22.000 But here's where the meat of the story is.

00:07:25.000 In between sets, Lou, members of the opening band and their friends had a verbal altercation outside.

00:07:30.000 It ended quickly and Lou walked away.

00:07:32.000 An African-American friend of the opening band went to open the door for Lou as he went back inside, but then let it slam in Lou's face.

00:07:40.000 At which point, Lou said, why you gotta be a bitch-ass nucha to him?

00:07:46.000 Why you gotta be a bitch-ass nucha to him?

00:07:51.000 Lou is a dark-skinned Puerto Rican man that uses this terminology all the time in regular day-to-day life to a 63-year-old old school Lower East Side NYC Puerto Rican with just regular everyday talk.

00:08:03.000 That reminds me of I was on the plane once leaving.

00:08:06.000 We were getting out and everyone was in order because I was handling it and I'm a butt boy.

00:08:13.000 I don't let people butt in line.

00:08:17.000 And it was a white dude and he was in front of us and he was on the phone and his wife had given birth and he was like a wigger.

00:08:23.000 Yo, grew up in East New York and Brooklyn.

00:08:27.000 Yo, fucking niggas got to get their heads straight.

00:08:30.000 And on the phone, he said to his wife, he goes, oh, fuck, that's so cool.

00:08:35.000 That little nigga look like me.

00:08:37.000 That little nigga look like me was the question.

00:08:40.000 And then there was a black kid.

00:08:42.000 You could tell he was middle class.

00:08:43.000 We were coming from L.A., so he's probably an LA kid.

00:08:46.000 And he's in front of his middle class black dad.

00:08:50.000 And he looks up.

00:08:51.000 He's maybe 12.

00:08:52.000 And he looks up at his dad.

00:08:54.000 Like, dad, I just heard the N-word from a white person.

00:08:58.000 I thought that was a big deal with us.

00:09:00.000 And the dad, you could see the dad go, it's, the dad was saying, I forgot to explain one thing.

00:09:08.000 There are exceptions.

00:09:10.000 And for some reason, New Yorkers, not only can they say the word, but a lot of them don't know it's a bad word.

00:09:17.000 I told you that story too.

00:09:18.000 My buddy was teaching in East New York for troubled youths, all black kids.

00:09:23.000 He goes, I don't like the N-word.

00:09:25.000 You can't say it in this class.

00:09:26.000 And it was like he said, I don't like the.

00:09:29.000 So they change it to neighbor and ninja.

00:09:32.000 I've got a lot of these stories I repeat.

00:09:34.000 Because it's like greatest hits.

00:09:36.000 Black American, African-American, Jamaican American, but black for the most part.

00:09:40.000 Dominican American, and I identify as an Afro-Latina.

00:09:44.000 I identify as Afro-Latina.

00:09:46.000 I identify as Mexican.

00:09:49.000 I refer to myself as a Black Tina.

00:09:51.000 I am ham hogs and black eyed peas black.

00:09:54.000 I am Ashley Elbows black.

00:09:57.000 I was white for most of my life until I came to the United States and I found out I'm diverse.

00:10:05.000 Chinese and Puerto Rican.

00:10:06.000 I identify, I guess you're not.

00:10:08.000 That's one of you.

00:10:09.000 That guy got a shitty end of the stick.

00:10:12.000 He doesn't look cool.

00:10:13.000 Can Latinos use the N-word?

00:10:15.000 Hell, no.

00:10:17.000 But they do.

00:10:18.000 Latinos are black people, too.

00:10:20.000 And then that right.

00:10:21.000 Latinos should be able to use these.

00:10:23.000 Dumb rules.

00:10:24.000 No, thank you.

00:10:26.000 I've never used the word.

00:10:29.000 Great news, Mexicans.

00:10:31.000 You get to be black.

00:10:33.000 No.

00:10:34.000 They're not doing that.

00:10:35.000 No, no, no.

00:10:37.000 No, no.

00:10:38.000 Oppressed by that word.

00:10:41.000 If you are a person who've never been called the N-word in a negative way, or you've never been in a situation.

00:10:47.000 Put that little man in there.

00:10:50.000 That little accountant.

00:10:52.000 Don't think that you can really recommend that you've never been oppressed by.

00:10:56.000 Ryan's got a bit he's been pitching for years where he does an PSA on how the N-word is actually a bad word and you shouldn't use it.

00:11:04.000 It's like a now this segment with like a colorful background.

00:11:07.000 And I'm like, guys, what's up, my bloop?

00:11:11.000 And it bleeps and you're like, what just happened?

00:11:13.000 And you're like, did you know that the N-word isn't just a fun thing you call your friends, but it actually has ties to slavery?

00:11:21.000 We'll check it out after this break.

00:11:22.000 And then you get the graphic.

00:11:24.000 Everything is racist.

00:11:25.000 Like catch up, the like, did you know ketchup was slavery?

00:11:28.000 So you just make the n-word video for one of those, as if people didn't know.

00:11:34.000 I was watching a great book review on black in Britain by this guy I'm obsessed with now, this old British Jew who says, does that thing where the THs are Fs.

00:11:48.000 I'll talk now that thing.

00:11:51.000 And he's just like going through this book written by this black British dude that's just all lies.

00:11:56.000 They find some woman who didn't grow up in Liverpool.

00:11:59.000 Her bones look like she came from somewhere else.

00:12:01.000 Yeah, she came from Manchester.

00:12:03.000 She's not from Africa.

00:12:05.000 And he keeps conflating Northern Africans with Africans, which is an old scam that everyone falls for, like the We Was Kings and fucking the Moors and all that shit.

00:12:19.000 You know the guy I'm talking about?

00:12:20.000 It's called History Debunked.

00:12:24.000 You could not be farther away from what I'm talking about.

00:12:26.000 You're in another universe.

00:12:30.000 I'm talking about a book that is being debunked by this guy.

00:12:34.000 I highly recommend.

00:12:35.000 You know what's fun to do with him?

00:12:37.000 He does a lot of reading from shit, which I told you is annoying.

00:12:41.000 But you just sort of put him on when you're getting dressed or cleaning your room.

00:12:45.000 It's great background.

00:12:47.000 And it's such quality information that you pause it when you go poo.

00:12:51.000 Like, you don't want to miss out on any of this.

00:12:54.000 Have you got it yet, Ryan?

00:12:58.000 Okay, so There he is.

00:13:00.000 See Black History?

00:13:02.000 The guy, the bald guy?

00:13:04.000 That's the guy I'm talking about.

00:13:08.000 Well, any of his videos, they're all great.

00:13:11.000 History debunked is the channel.

00:13:16.000 Probably one of the smartest people in the world.

00:13:21.000 I have a tendency to chip.

00:13:23.000 Oh, I have a new guy I just debuted at the gym today.

00:13:27.000 It's called the teacher's pet.

00:13:30.000 And what you do is you suss out what a coach is about to say, and then you come over and you say it first, and then say, I took care of it.

00:13:40.000 For example, Takai and John were talking today.

00:13:47.000 It's in between rounds.

00:13:48.000 There shouldn't be an issue there.

00:13:50.000 And I hear Larry go, hey, guys.

00:13:53.000 And the second I see him walk over, I run over to them.

00:13:56.000 I'm like, guys, guys, guys, can't be talking.

00:13:58.000 Okay, we're trying to work out here.

00:13:59.000 You're not supposed to be talking.

00:14:01.000 And then when Larry finally makes it up there, I go, I told them, Larry.

00:14:05.000 I go, you guys can talk after the workout, but not during, not even in between rounds, okay?

00:14:12.000 What do you think?

00:14:13.000 Pretty good.

00:14:14.000 Pretty fun, huh?

00:14:15.000 That seems kind of like rare, though, right?

00:14:17.000 You'd have to really look for that.

00:14:19.000 Unless he's telling people stuff all the time.

00:14:22.000 Yeah, all the time.

00:14:23.000 Get your hands up, everything.

00:14:25.000 If you're just hitting the heavy bag like this, you'll hear, get your hit.

00:14:28.000 You're supposed to, with the heavy bag, you're supposed to be in a fight.

00:14:31.000 So you're supposed to punch and then block against a bag.

00:14:34.000 How did Larry react?

00:14:35.000 I feel like he just looked at you and went.

00:14:36.000 He was confused.

00:14:39.000 He couldn't tell if I was making fun of him or not.

00:14:43.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:14:45.000 I was on this morning.

00:14:47.000 I had another great line with Larry where I go, Larry, this is all about the delivery.

00:14:52.000 You have to keep the straightest face you can.

00:14:54.000 So if you want to laugh, go to the bathroom or something.

00:14:56.000 Focus on 9-11.

00:14:58.000 Think of the people jumping off the towers.

00:15:00.000 And you go, hey, Larry, Larry, all the bags are taken right now.

00:15:04.000 Would you mind if I just sort of practice on your face for a little bit until the bag is available?

00:15:11.000 I was scared to hit his face.

00:15:13.000 Dude, I've smashed his face to blood.

00:15:16.000 Yeah, right?

00:15:16.000 It seems tough.

00:15:17.000 He's got the pads right here.

00:15:18.000 No, one time he said, he's so arrogant.

00:15:21.000 He goes, get in the ring.

00:15:23.000 He gets in the ring and he says, do your best.

00:15:26.000 Try to hit me.

00:15:28.000 I missed him 90% of the time.

00:15:30.000 But that 10%.

00:15:31.000 But 10%, I was fucking wailing on his face.

00:15:36.000 He's very, very fast, but he's also 53 years old.

00:15:40.000 Dude, I could do those, the paddle things when he holds the pads.

00:15:44.000 I could do those probably 60% faster if I wasn't worried about the instinct to punch a face.

00:15:52.000 You have to punch the pads next to the face, but just like in between the things, you just feel like punching the face.

00:15:59.000 That's what you're taught.

00:16:01.000 Punch faces.

00:16:02.000 Okay, I've never heard that before.

00:16:04.000 I thought you were going to say, because he'll slap you with the pads.

00:16:07.000 I didn't get slapped with the pads.

00:16:09.000 And then every time he does that, I go, no one come in.

00:16:12.000 We're locked up.

00:16:13.000 ADT.

00:16:14.000 I got security.

00:16:15.000 And you block them.

00:16:16.000 And I block it.

00:16:17.000 That's pretty good.

00:16:18.000 You can't come in.

00:16:19.000 The doors are locked.

00:16:20.000 But then every time he hits me, he goes, oh, we got a breach.

00:16:23.000 Oh, you forgot to set the alarm.

00:16:24.000 Boop, boop.

00:16:25.000 Today, he was using pool noodles, which is like, what am I supposed to do?

00:16:29.000 Hit a pool noodle at 100 million miles an hour and also block?

00:16:31.000 Yeah, that's tough.

00:16:32.000 So he got me, and then I just go, boo-boo-ba-da-ba-da-da.

00:16:35.000 And then he just goes, and then he walks away going, ADT, motherfucker.

00:16:42.000 Anyway, I might not be conveying my amazing bits very well, but you also have to understand that a gym is very unfunny.

00:16:48.000 Because everyone is, the reason they're there is because they were picked on or they had to fight their way out.

00:16:56.000 So they don't like getting fucked with.

00:16:58.000 Like I was watching Tim spar with this huge black dude and he saw that I was watching and they were in the clinch.

00:17:03.000 And so Timmy just goes and pretends he's fucking him.

00:17:08.000 That was a bad move.

00:17:10.000 The guy didn't think it was funny.

00:17:12.000 And it sent him into a rage and Timmy got lit up.

00:17:15.000 Damn.

00:17:16.000 Yeah, no gay shit.

00:17:18.000 Don't do gay jokes ever.

00:17:23.000 This is painful to go through this.

00:17:24.000 I've been through this before.

00:17:26.000 We've already done this show.

00:17:29.000 But maybe it'll be so good now because I've already discussed all these and I've honed my shit.

00:17:37.000 But I also kind of just feel like sitting on my ass and shooting the shit.

00:17:40.000 Like I saw Anger Management this weekend.

00:17:44.000 And it has a good premise that I like, which is, dudes, and I'm screaming to you guys right now.

00:17:51.000 Four years you've been dating her.

00:17:55.000 You're a pussy if you haven't proposed.

00:17:58.000 Four years is embarrassing.

00:18:01.000 You should be embarrassed.

00:18:02.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

00:18:05.000 Three years, whatever.

00:18:06.000 But like, if someone told me, or this happens all the time, when guys tell me that they've been with a girl for more than four years, I just feel like they're saying, I'm a chronic masturbator or I cry myself to sleep.

00:18:18.000 Like it's something embarrassing that you want to move on from because it's like irreparable how much of a loser you are.

00:18:26.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

00:18:29.000 I knew a guy who was engaged for nine years.

00:18:33.000 Engaged.

00:18:34.000 He proposed.

00:18:35.000 Just never got around to it.

00:18:37.000 So she's eventually, after she lost all her good over years, left him for another dude.

00:18:42.000 And then they would send pictures of themselves fucking to him.

00:18:46.000 Whoa.

00:18:49.000 I guess she wanted to punish him.

00:18:50.000 And then the dude was just an asshole.

00:18:54.000 As the guy, the new guy, I'd kind of be like worried.

00:18:57.000 Like, you still care what that guy thinks?

00:18:59.000 I mean, I know I'm the guy fucking you, but drop it.

00:19:03.000 Well, you said that's how Mac Miller died.

00:19:05.000 Yeah, that was a theory.

00:19:07.000 Pete Davidson said, hey, I'm fucking your bitch.

00:19:09.000 Yeah.

00:19:10.000 And he went, not anymore.

00:19:11.000 I'm dead.

00:19:15.000 Is your fucking heroine?

00:19:17.000 In your face, because that's my bitch now.

00:19:20.000 You want to hurt me?

00:19:21.000 Too late.

00:19:22.000 I deaded myself.

00:19:24.000 You can't hurt a killed person.

00:19:27.000 Can't hurt me if I don't exist.

00:19:30.000 This movie's great.

00:19:31.000 It's not great.

00:19:32.000 It's ridiculous.

00:19:34.000 And here's the craziest part.

00:19:36.000 I'm going to ruin it for you, okay?

00:19:37.000 Spoiler alert.

00:19:38.000 The entire thing is a prank on him to make him lose his temper a lot and eventually become so brave, he proposes.

00:19:47.000 Is his girlfriend the head of the Illuminati?

00:19:51.000 That stewardess you just saw is in on it.

00:19:54.000 Right.

00:19:55.000 They bought the seats in the plane.

00:19:57.000 They're in on it.

00:19:58.000 That's just 1% of the movie, by the way.

00:20:00.000 This is a quick flight.

00:20:03.000 There's a judge who's in on it.

00:20:06.000 Cops are in on it.

00:20:08.000 Like, it's a Truman show type thing.

00:20:10.000 Is she the daughter of the impractical jokers?

00:20:13.000 She hired Jack Nicholson to do this whole prank thing.

00:20:17.000 These guys are in on it.

00:20:19.000 What did you just say?

00:20:20.000 What was your riff?

00:20:21.000 Is she the daughter of the impractical jokers?

00:20:24.000 Oh, okay.

00:20:25.000 Phew.

00:20:26.000 It's pretty bad, but not as bad as I thought it was.

00:20:29.000 It's star-studded, too, by the way.

00:20:31.000 Everyone in it is huge.

00:20:33.000 No.

00:20:35.000 I don't get how they did that.

00:20:37.000 He's terrible, ridiculous character.

00:20:39.000 Nothing makes sense.

00:20:40.000 But then you look at his terrible character and you're like, well, he was just acting the whole time, so it's almost realistic.

00:20:46.000 Yeah, so this whole anger management session is also part of the prank?

00:20:51.000 How much did she hire Jack Nicholson for?

00:20:53.000 A trillion?

00:20:54.000 Like, I don't understand.

00:20:58.000 It's ridiculous.

00:21:00.000 Yeah.

00:21:01.000 Kind of a megalomaniac, too, if he thinks that this many people would be interested in the fact that he's a pussy for four years.

00:21:08.000 Anyway, put a ring on it, folks.

00:21:11.000 I also watched the movie Ted on the weekend with Mark Wahlberger, which is a very well-written movie.

00:21:17.000 It's very clearly about the fact that Seth McFarlane is gay.

00:21:23.000 That's who Ted is.

00:21:24.000 Ted is his homosexuality.

00:21:26.000 But he pretends that the movie is about the infantilization of all men.

00:21:30.000 No, it's about the fact that you're gay and you can't move forward with your life.

00:21:35.000 You still live with your mommy.

00:21:37.000 Because that's what a lot of gays do.

00:21:39.000 That's what my uncle did.

00:21:41.000 They just sort of stagnate rather than embrace their faggotry.

00:21:45.000 Holy shit, I just thought of something.

00:21:46.000 What was it?

00:21:48.000 I understand if you're in the closet in the 50s and 60s, but like late 70s, 80s, 90s, if you're in the closet, you're a homophobe.

00:21:55.000 Oh, right, because you think it's bad and gross.

00:21:57.000 Yeah, you don't like fags.

00:21:59.000 So you don't, like my uncle, no one gave a shit after, you know, 1980, but rather than embrace his homosexuality, he lived with my grandmother.

00:22:09.000 He went to the pub every night.

00:22:11.000 He would occasionally break down and fly to San Francisco and probably have a whole penis fest.

00:22:19.000 Isn't he a homophobe?

00:22:20.000 Because he was the one saying, I don't want to jump with both feet into this disgusting thing.

00:22:26.000 No one else gave a flying fuck.

00:22:28.000 It's not like Glasgow's homophobic.

00:22:31.000 They got their own problems.

00:22:33.000 All right, let's start the show.

00:22:34.000 No, no, no.

00:22:35.000 Actually, no.

00:22:36.000 We're not starting the show.

00:22:37.000 We're doing funny little tidbits, and then we start the show, right?

00:22:43.000 Starting the show is when we start doing like real segments.

00:22:46.000 Okay.

00:22:47.000 So let's not start the show.

00:22:49.000 And check out this retarded analogy that Dave Chappelle made.

00:22:53.000 It's really irritating.

00:22:55.000 Dave Chappelle, to be clear, had possibly the most successful sketch comedy show ever.

00:23:03.000 I'm not counting SNL.

00:23:05.000 And they were throwing money at him.

00:23:08.000 He defined the network, and he was employing dozens of people.

00:23:13.000 And when I say employing, I don't mean landscapers.

00:23:16.000 I mean this is a major peg in their career.

00:23:20.000 Oh, you were the line producer for Chappelle's show?

00:23:23.000 We got to get you.

00:23:25.000 So he was beginning, he was like a launching pad, sending off, launching all of these careers, all these rockets into comedy space.

00:23:35.000 Couldn't have been better.

00:23:36.000 He's doing it with his friend Neil Brennan.

00:23:38.000 Great combination, him and Neil.

00:23:39.000 I don't like Neil Brennan, but that's irrelevant.

00:23:42.000 Like the Stones, though, they just found that perfect combo.

00:23:45.000 Neil would sort of mainstream his kooky jokes.

00:23:49.000 And I got the feeling Neil was a bigger part of the brains of this thing than Chappelle was, judging by his specials recently and how unimaginative he is.

00:23:58.000 And when he finally comes up with something good, you find out he stole it from Owen Wilson.

00:24:02.000 So you got a good thing going.

00:24:04.000 But a lot of people, and my dad taught me this at a very young age, are not just scared of failure, they're scared of success.

00:24:11.000 I remember I got an A in math once, which was rare.

00:24:14.000 And my dad goes, you see, the problem here is you're a winner now.

00:24:18.000 And that can be daunting.

00:24:20.000 A lot of people don't want an A because they're scared of success.

00:24:24.000 Because it comes with responsibility.

00:24:26.000 That's expected of you now.

00:24:28.000 So I took his advice and I got C's from then on.

00:24:34.000 But I think that Chappelle was so overwhelmed by his success that instead of just like riding it, he went and jumped off.

00:24:49.000 You know, it takes some courage.

00:24:51.000 Even with a motorcycle, that's a good analogy because you see people their first time and they go, then they freak out and that's when you see it go into hedges.

00:24:57.000 You kind of have to be like, I'm taming this beast.

00:25:02.000 And then take it.

00:25:04.000 And here's the perfect analogy for this scared of success.

00:25:09.000 I've always said that the head of the Brad Pitt fan club, well, let's assume she's fat and white and ugly and weak, shouldn't fuck Brad Pitt.

00:25:20.000 Because say he said, you know what?

00:25:22.000 Let's just do it.

00:25:23.000 I'm bored.

00:25:24.000 I'm in between marriages.

00:25:26.000 I'm going to fuck the head of the fan club.

00:25:27.000 It's probably the best blowjob I'll ever have.

00:25:29.000 And I can do whatever I want to her.

00:25:30.000 She'll be my puppet.

00:25:31.000 He invites her over.

00:25:33.000 Do you think that they would have a good two-day fuck and watch movies and Netflix and spoon and giggle and have a gay old time?

00:25:42.000 Brian?

00:25:43.000 Yes.

00:25:44.000 You do think that.

00:25:46.000 I think they want to spoon and have a gay old time.

00:25:52.000 I don't think that.

00:25:58.000 What do you think?

00:26:00.000 Do you think?

00:26:02.000 No.

00:26:03.000 What's poking out from the back of your head there?

00:26:05.000 A little peacock feather?

00:26:07.000 Is that your mane?

00:26:09.000 What is that?

00:26:10.000 Does that mean you're in heat?

00:26:12.000 Are you courting other birds?

00:26:14.000 It means I'm scared.

00:26:15.000 It's a sign of fear.

00:26:17.000 You fucking Makataw?

00:26:19.000 Kind of looks like an Amazonian bird doing a mating dance.

00:26:22.000 That sounds tropical.

00:26:24.000 Actually, you also look like a little pygmy aboriginal fucking Aztec.

00:26:28.000 A little bit.

00:26:30.000 Yeah, because they didn't...

00:26:31.000 How did they cut their hair back then?

00:26:32.000 You watch period pieces like Gladiator or something, and they have like a tight shave.

00:26:37.000 They had scissors.

00:26:38.000 Egyptians had scissors.

00:26:39.000 Yeah, but the Aztecs, I don't know what they did.

00:26:42.000 They must have burned it.

00:26:43.000 Or just on a rock and then go with a rock.

00:26:48.000 But it was perfect.

00:26:49.000 Yeah, I know.

00:26:50.000 Well, that's, well, we don't know if it's perfect.

00:26:51.000 We've only seen Apocalypto.

00:26:54.000 How did...

00:26:56.000 So anyway, no, she would not.

00:26:59.000 She would cry.

00:27:00.000 She would cry her eyes out.

00:27:02.000 She'd throw up.

00:27:03.000 Then she'd apologize.

00:27:04.000 She'd say, I'm such a fucking loser again and again as she cleaned up the barf.

00:27:08.000 And he said, I got a maid.

00:27:08.000 I have a maid.

00:27:09.000 Don't worry about it.

00:27:10.000 And then when they finally got down to it, which would take her to a bottle of wine and a lot more barfing and crying.

00:27:17.000 Oh my God, her mascara.

00:27:18.000 She's washed her mascara off.

00:27:20.000 She's blubbering, throwing up.

00:27:22.000 When they finally got in it, she would go, I'm so sorry.

00:27:24.000 I love you so much.

00:27:25.000 And then she started crying again because she cannot handle success.

00:27:30.000 So don't give it to her.

00:27:31.000 Believe me, when we were in high school, we made that mistake a lot.

00:27:34.000 We said, I'm going to fuck the jocks.

00:27:38.000 And I'm going to take this guy, David McMillan, I think his name was.

00:27:42.000 We're going to bring him into our gang.

00:27:44.000 You think he's a loser?

00:27:46.000 Everyone's bullying him?

00:27:47.000 Now he's a member of our gang.

00:27:48.000 We were like thinking outside the box.

00:27:51.000 Didn't go well.

00:27:52.000 We were fucking with the space-time continuum.

00:27:55.000 So when David came out with us, we were all drinking jungle juice we stole from our parents.

00:27:59.000 That had never occurred to him.

00:28:00.000 He's a nerd.

00:28:02.000 And we had a couple chicks in our gang, Kim Gustafson and Tammy Conkle, K-O-N-K-L-E.

00:28:07.000 She's aged pretty well, by the way.

00:28:10.000 And David gets so wasted, like he chugs a whole jar of vodka.

00:28:15.000 We're like, dude, what are you doing?

00:28:16.000 That's for all of us.

00:28:18.000 And then we're going over the Kanata Overpass, and he's puking his guts out going, I love you, Tammy.

00:28:25.000 I love you.

00:28:27.000 Meritocracy is there for a reason.

00:28:31.000 No one else could have been the singer of Motley Crew.

00:28:33.000 They would have blown it.

00:28:35.000 And they actually tried, and it failed.

00:28:39.000 So, in this analogy, Dave Chappelle is the fat, ugly head of the Brad Pitt Fan Club.

00:28:46.000 She had success.

00:28:49.000 Perfection.

00:28:50.000 What every comedian dreams of.

00:28:52.000 That's why comedians are such pussies, by the way.

00:28:55.000 You'll notice, like, comedians don't come on my show or even around Anthony Coome.

00:28:59.000 They're super nervous.

00:29:00.000 They're kissing ass and being faggots so eventually they can get a TV show like Kevin James, King of the Hill.

00:29:06.000 That's what the goal is.

00:29:07.000 I don't know why.

00:29:08.000 It's not that much money.

00:29:10.000 And TV shows are a lot of work, but okay.

00:29:15.000 So anyway, Dave Chappelle makes it to the top and he throws it away and he uses this pathetic analogy that makes him look really bad.

00:29:24.000 And I think he thinks it makes him look really good.

00:29:26.000 And it is yet the reason I'm bringing this up here is because I'm noticing this theme on today's show of the bigotry of low expectations.

00:29:34.000 This analogy is embarrassing.

00:29:36.000 And if I was interviewing him, I'd say, well, I'll tell you what I'll say when you hear the analogy, but they just sit there and kiss his ass like they're listening to the wisest man in the world.

00:29:46.000 He's a fucking idiot.

00:29:48.000 Oh, and one last thing before you hear this, fuck his fake accent.

00:29:51.000 He's from the Buckeye State.

00:29:53.000 He's an Ohioan.

00:29:55.000 And he's got a southern drawl.

00:29:57.000 When you look at his old material, he's a goofball Midwesterner.

00:30:01.000 There he is.

00:30:02.000 The Midwestern goof.

00:30:12.000 But let's check out this Southern drawl, motherfucker.

00:30:16.000 Trust me.

00:30:25.000 And they do what's called a salt trap.

00:30:27.000 I didn't know this.

00:30:28.000 Apparently, baboons love salt.

00:30:30.000 Okay.

00:30:30.000 So they put a lump of salt in a hole and they wait for the baboon.

00:30:36.000 The baboon comes, sticks his hand in the hole, grabs the salt.

00:30:40.000 Salt makes his hand bigger, and he's trapped.

00:30:43.000 He can't get his hand out.

00:30:44.000 And if he's smart, all he does is let go of the salt.

00:30:47.000 Baboon doesn't want to let go of the salt.

00:30:50.000 Then the bushman just comes, takes the baboon, throws him in the cage, and gives him all the salt he wants.

00:30:55.000 And then the baboon gets thirsty.

00:30:57.000 The bushman lets him out of the cage.

00:30:59.000 The first place the baboon runs to is water.

00:31:01.000 Bushman follows him, and they both drink to their fill.

00:31:05.000 And in that analogy, I felt like the baboons.

00:31:07.000 But I was smart enough to let go of the salt.

00:31:10.000 Isn't that a great...

00:31:13.000 What?

00:31:15.000 Dave, just to get back to your analogy for a moment here, the key sentence here is they both drink to their fill.

00:31:25.000 Everyone was happy at the end of your analogy.

00:31:27.000 The baboon had a kind of, he had to do a bit of work.

00:31:31.000 I'm not going to lie.

00:31:33.000 But he's got his salt levels up and he's had a nice big drink of water.

00:31:39.000 The fucking bushman, who was about to starve to death, he was going to die of dehydration.

00:31:46.000 He's good now.

00:31:47.000 And he can now tell everyone where the water supply is.

00:31:51.000 So now his entire tribe is doing great.

00:31:56.000 You were smart enough to let go of the salt?

00:31:58.000 No, you were lazy and scared enough to let go of the salt, you fucking rube.

00:32:02.000 It's official starting today.

00:32:03.000 I hate Dave Chappelle.

00:32:07.000 I am joining the trans community.

00:32:09.000 Go ahead, I got you.

00:32:11.000 You ready, man?

00:32:12.000 Go ahead, do it.

00:32:13.000 I just hate when people are seen as cool, and it's because they spun something bad.

00:32:18.000 Like Johnny Knoxville, I love him, but he fucked his first wife over.

00:32:23.000 Their marriage fell apart.

00:32:24.000 He wanted to trade her in for a newer model, just like Jimmy Kimmel.

00:32:29.000 But the narrative with the media is that she just couldn't take the jackass stuff anymore.

00:32:34.000 It was too much seeing him hurt himself.

00:32:37.000 She loved it.

00:32:38.000 It made them millionaires.

00:32:39.000 They were broke before that.

00:32:41.000 But he wanted a hot Asian wife, so he dumped her and got a new one.

00:32:45.000 But the media take is like, he was smart enough to let go of the salt.

00:32:51.000 Stop spinning it.

00:32:53.000 At least Kumia goes, you know, when I had my first wife, I was making 50K.

00:32:57.000 She's a 50 grand a year wife.

00:33:00.000 Oh, no, it's 18 grand.

00:33:02.000 And then he goes, then I'm making millions.

00:33:04.000 And I'm like, she's not a millions wife.

00:33:09.000 So I traded her in.

00:33:11.000 Perfect.

00:33:13.000 What are you showing that for?

00:33:14.000 Oh, that was a head.

00:33:16.000 Oh, I know what that is.

00:33:17.000 Go back, by the way.

00:33:18.000 That's a pet peeve of mine.

00:33:20.000 Don't you hate it when you click on an article and the video is not related?

00:33:23.000 It has nothing to do with it.

00:33:25.000 Dude, and like, I used to complain about Gateway Pundit having too many ads.

00:33:28.000 Now it's almost every site.

00:33:30.000 Imagine if it's a bad thing.

00:33:31.000 It's an Easter egg hunt to find the article you're looking for.

00:33:34.000 What the fuck have those rice balls got to do with the Lincoln Project?

00:33:37.000 Imagine they're talking about it.

00:33:38.000 And these Asian girls weigh in.

00:33:40.000 So I thought it was TikTok.

00:33:42.000 You tried to make him look bad.

00:33:44.000 I think Tiki is a cute name for a baby or something, but Tiki Torch is scary.

00:33:50.000 You want to hear more about Trump?

00:33:51.000 Smash the subscribe.

00:33:53.000 It's hot fire.

00:33:55.000 So Stone Unturned, just to finish this from a few weeks ago or maybe last week, I couldn't remember a time where liberals get caught doing something bad and they go, yeah, I'm doing it on purpose.

00:34:08.000 So Patriot Front, the first tweet about them appeared to be a fake bot account that was probably feds trying to make us notice Patriot Front.

00:34:18.000 And then right after it became a Patriot Front tweet, and they said, yeah, that was us in disguise tweeting about ourselves.

00:34:27.000 You go, no, it wasn't.

00:34:28.000 You got caught and you changed it.

00:34:30.000 And I was like, when else have they done that?

00:34:32.000 And then a baby monster sent that in.

00:34:35.000 And it was the DNC operatives, those kids all worked on DNC campaigns and they wore khakis and tiki torches to make that guy look bad.

00:34:45.000 And it was pointed out by people involved.

00:34:47.000 And then we go, wait a minute, that's your team.

00:34:49.000 Why the fuck they included a black guy?

00:34:51.000 I'll never know.

00:34:53.000 And they go, yes, it is us.

00:34:58.000 It's performance art.

00:35:01.000 We were dressed like that to show that he's bad.

00:35:07.000 Thank you, baby monster, for clearing that up.

00:35:09.000 I could not remember the other instance of that.

00:35:12.000 We're just sort of tidying up before we start the show.

00:35:15.000 I also want to say that Trump's new social media is going to flop.

00:35:19.000 I love Trump, obviously.

00:35:20.000 I don't want him to run for president.

00:35:22.000 He's too old.

00:35:22.000 I want Ron DeSantis and fucking Hawaiian chick, Tulsi Gabbard.

00:35:31.000 Or anyone.

00:35:31.000 I don't really care who's vice president.

00:35:33.000 They don't exist.

00:35:34.000 Mike Pence didn't have Trump's back when push came to shove, so they're totally useless.

00:35:42.000 But we've seen social media with Parlor.

00:35:46.000 It went down.

00:35:47.000 They kicked out John Matzey.

00:35:48.000 We could never figure out what was going on.

00:35:50.000 It seemed to be a Fed thing.

00:35:51.000 Meh, we dumped it.

00:35:54.000 Getter came along.

00:35:55.000 I'm on that mostly.

00:35:58.000 Then we hear China donated to it.

00:36:00.000 I don't know.

00:36:00.000 And I've only got 3,000 followers there.

00:36:03.000 I mean, I'll keep at it, but I don't know.

00:36:05.000 Telegram, really user-unfriendly.

00:36:08.000 I hate it.

00:36:09.000 Gab, Ron Coleman tried to help them fight the good fight for free speech.

00:36:14.000 They kind of pussied out.

00:36:16.000 So what's going to make Trump's thing different?

00:36:19.000 And the other problem is 50% of the country hates Trump.

00:36:24.000 So you have no liberals there to make fun of.

00:36:27.000 Like at least on my Twitter, which I'm there secretly, I can follow all the lefties and see what they're thinking, which is always retarded, by the way.

00:36:36.000 And I'd like to add, they're panicking.

00:36:40.000 You look at their accounts and they're like, we've got to move or we're going to lose the Senate and the House.

00:36:44.000 Oh, yeah, you're losing it, bitches.

00:36:46.000 Anyway, here's Mr. Wonderful saying how great Trump's social media thing is going to be.

00:37:12.000 You don't have to agree with the people they've been canceling.

00:37:15.000 But they make that decision for you and you don't get to hear their voice.

00:37:18.000 And as a result, you don't present competition as well.

00:37:21.000 Let's include that in the notes.

00:37:22.000 Here's a much more interesting little news piece.

00:37:26.000 Kevin Spacey.

00:37:28.000 I've got a great theory about this dude.

00:37:32.000 Let's start early with the gays.

00:37:35.000 If you're gay and you're Kevin Spacey's age, you couldn't come bouncing out of the closet the way you can now.

00:37:41.000 So you become anyone's dog for a bone.

00:37:44.000 And this is actually a Greg Guttfeld theory where he goes, back in the cave days, if you saw a hummel in the pack, you just hit him with a giant rock and kill him.

00:37:53.000 I don't know.

00:37:54.000 You're useless.

00:37:55.000 You're not breeding.

00:37:56.000 You're not going to help the tribe.

00:37:57.000 You're dead.

00:37:58.000 And so they've learned to be very like, hi, you look amazing, girl.

00:38:03.000 Oh my God, that is so cute on you.

00:38:06.000 And then they love what you've done to the place.

00:38:09.000 And you're like, really?

00:38:10.000 Who, me?

00:38:10.000 And they go, yeah, what is this?

00:38:12.000 Nita fashion.

00:38:13.000 Hello.

00:38:13.000 I need Anita.

00:38:16.000 And you're like, oh, I look great.

00:38:17.000 Wow.

00:38:18.000 Like LA people are like this too.

00:38:20.000 So they learn to adapt.

00:38:23.000 And this isn't a genetic thing over centuries.

00:38:26.000 It's like it happens per person.

00:38:27.000 They go, okay, I got to fucking be likable or I'm getting a rock dropped on my head.

00:38:31.000 So it makes them better actors in a sense, despite the like, hey, you guys, that they have to overdo.

00:38:37.000 Although that's even acting.

00:38:40.000 Like raging queers.

00:38:42.000 Hey, you guys.

00:38:44.000 Say they're stuck in a cabin for a year.

00:38:48.000 I bet they're like, I got to get some fucking food, man.

00:38:52.000 If I keep eating this wheatgrass, I'm going to die like that into the void, dude.

00:38:56.000 It's giving me diarrhea.

00:38:58.000 I need drinking water.

00:39:00.000 That's how they talk.

00:39:01.000 Same with Sean King.

00:39:02.000 I want to make everyone with an affectation live in a cabin for a woods.

00:39:08.000 Live in a cabin for a woods.

00:39:09.000 Live in a cabin for a year and hear their b their accent break down.

00:39:13.000 But anyway, so that was spooky.

00:39:22.000 Computer, what sound did you just make?

00:39:26.000 Sorry, I don't know that one.

00:39:29.000 The FBI slept in today, I guess.

00:39:32.000 And I think I know why.

00:39:34.000 So I think I know why.

00:39:35.000 What happened was he got into immersionism.

00:39:39.000 No, sorry, not immersionism.

00:39:40.000 I invented that word.

00:39:41.000 That's when you're a journalist and you live with the people.

00:39:44.000 He got into method acting, Daniel Day Lewis shit.

00:39:47.000 And Daniel Day Lewis is a straight man, so he can be Bill the Butcher for 24 hours, and then he can stop doing that and be Daniel Day Lewis again.

00:39:55.000 Because he has to be.

00:39:56.000 He's got a wife and a kid and a life, and women want to suck him off.

00:40:00.000 Gays, they got nothing going on tomorrow.

00:40:04.000 So I think Kevin Spacey immersed himself in that house of cards character and became him.

00:40:12.000 If you look at, we might want to jump ahead here, 15.

00:40:18.000 Remember when there was a controversy and he had to talk to the public?

00:40:23.000 Who was he?

00:40:24.000 That's not Kevin Spacey.

00:40:27.000 That's the guy.

00:40:28.000 What's his name?

00:40:28.000 Frank something?

00:40:29.000 Yeah.

00:40:30.000 Oh, sure.

00:40:30.000 They may have tried to separate us, but what we have is too strong.

00:40:33.000 It's too powerful.

00:40:35.000 I mean, after all, we shared everything, you and I. I told you my deepest, darkest secrets.

00:40:41.000 I showed you exactly what people are capable of.

00:40:45.000 I shocked you with my honesty, but mostly I challenged you and made you think.

00:40:51.000 And you trusted me.

00:40:53.000 So anyway, Kevin recognizes that he's a bad person deep down.

00:40:57.000 He plays his character.

00:40:58.000 He starts to like it.

00:40:59.000 It starts subsuming his personality, sort of like the character in How to Get Ahead in Advertising, where he has a tumor on his shoulder, and then the tumor goes into a face.

00:41:07.000 And then when they go to have the tumor removed, they accidentally remove this guy, and this tumor takes over.

00:41:12.000 The tumor took over.

00:41:14.000 Now, add to this that Kevin Spacey was hanging around with the Clintons a lot.

00:41:21.000 So he's hanging out with the Clintons.

00:41:23.000 It becomes clear that Hillary has people killed.

00:41:26.000 And he takes one of them aside, probably Hillary, and he says, I have some people that are causing me problems.

00:41:32.000 I wish they would go away.

00:41:34.000 And then Hillary goes, what are you talking about, Kevin?

00:41:39.000 You got the wrong gal.

00:41:41.000 I think I know what you're implying.

00:41:42.000 And it means you believe the media.

00:41:45.000 And no.

00:41:46.000 Anyway, bye.

00:41:47.000 I'm going to go get another drink.

00:41:49.000 And he goes, maybe I had her all wrong.

00:41:51.000 Then he got a call 24 hours later to the minute.

00:41:55.000 To the minute.

00:41:56.000 That's how they know it's about the thing.

00:42:00.000 And they go, hi, I heard you have some issues.

00:42:04.000 Friend of mine thought we should have a talk.

00:42:06.000 Meet me at the Rampoli Diner, third booth from the left, tomorrow at 4 p.m., at exactly this time.

00:42:14.000 Then he meets him, tells him, give me the name on a piece of paper, blah, blah, blah.

00:42:18.000 That's how it's done.

00:42:20.000 Okay?

00:42:21.000 And then the first time it happens, he gets this exhilaration.

00:42:25.000 He's like, I'm immensely powerful.

00:42:28.000 And then Frank comes in and he goes, wow, you didn't think you were?

00:42:32.000 Are you surprised with your new standing?

00:42:36.000 Or was that always your standing?

00:42:38.000 And Kevin's like, it was always my standing, Frank.

00:42:41.000 I've always had that kind of power.

00:42:42.000 So you're not scared of this new development, this new ability to solve your own problems, are you, Kevin?

00:42:51.000 No, sir.

00:42:52.000 No, Frank, I'm not.

00:42:53.000 I'm proud and I won't let you down.

00:42:55.000 Let me down?

00:42:59.000 You fool, I'm you.

00:43:01.000 We are as one.

00:43:04.000 And then, he starts pegging them off.

00:43:08.000 He starts behaving like Bill.

00:43:11.000 He grabs asses.

00:43:12.000 He sucks dicks.

00:43:13.000 Not that Bill sucks dicks, but he's a gay Bill Clinton.

00:43:17.000 And every time one of them complains, his friend from the diner makes them disappear.

00:43:23.000 It's a shame we can't name the gay Bill Clinton.

00:43:26.000 What?

00:43:27.000 It's a shame we can't name the episode gay Bill Clinton.

00:43:30.000 Why can't we?

00:43:31.000 Okay.

00:43:32.000 I'll put it in my notes.

00:43:35.000 It's in the runnings.

00:43:36.000 Sometimes something pops up and it'll subsume that.

00:43:39.000 Kevin Spacey accuser, Linda Kulkin, dead.

00:43:41.000 Massage therapist.

00:43:42.000 That's not Linda Kulkin.

00:43:44.000 That's a totally different case.

00:43:45.000 Dead.

00:43:47.000 Kevin Spacey won't face criminal charge.

00:43:49.000 Dead.

00:43:50.000 Kevin Spacey accuser dies by dead.

00:43:54.000 Kill them with kindness.

00:43:58.000 So that is my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

00:44:01.000 What do you think, Ryan?

00:44:02.000 Pretty damn good.

00:44:03.000 Do you believe it?

00:44:04.000 Yeah.

00:44:05.000 I mean...

00:44:06.000 You believe that the earth is flat, dinosaurs don't exist, and Michael Jackson never touched kids.

00:44:12.000 So you better fucking believe this.

00:44:14.000 It's way better than those.

00:44:16.000 I do believe it because I feel like, like we had said before, you know, this goes back to Louis C.K., that they're empty vessels.

00:44:24.000 And he found power through a role.

00:44:27.000 And this was a very...

00:44:28.000 The House of Cards was a huge show.

00:44:30.000 Yeah, so he felt like the president.

00:44:32.000 No one goes, ew, gross.

00:44:34.000 Frank sucks dicks.

00:44:35.000 People say that about all gays.

00:44:36.000 In fact, I've told many people this.

00:44:39.000 If you imagine yourself, sorry, if you're fucking your wife and you imagine Kevin Spacey's head floating over the bed, you will not come.

00:44:49.000 I've told this to many men and they have come around and thanked me and said, dude, my marriage is better.

00:44:56.000 You bought me three minutes.

00:44:58.000 And I know you youngsters want, well, fuck 20 minutes, maybe all night.

00:45:02.000 When you're married, three minutes is 30 years.

00:45:06.000 I love how 20 minutes is like a big day.

00:45:08.000 You're like, you guys will fuck maybe like 20 minutes.

00:45:11.000 Sorry, is that...

00:45:11.000 That's like, it's decent.

00:45:15.000 20 minutes.

00:45:16.000 My wife would go, what are you doing?

00:45:17.000 Are you okay?

00:45:18.000 Are you drunk?

00:45:20.000 I got to get to work.

00:45:22.000 Well, yeah.

00:45:24.000 What are you, like an hour?

00:45:25.000 You could push it to however long you'd like.

00:45:30.000 No one woman wants to be fucked for an hour.

00:45:33.000 That's UTI though.

00:45:35.000 In the honeymoon phase.

00:45:37.000 Maybe, like she'll want to be fucked three times in a day, but she doesn't want to be fucked, plowed for an hour.

00:45:43.000 Trust me, I don't want to.

00:45:44.000 Do it like this for an hour.

00:45:45.000 You'll have a bruise.

00:45:48.000 Yeah, no, trust me, that's not my idea of a great time.

00:45:50.000 I've been doing it for 20 seconds.

00:45:51.000 I'm already annoyed.

00:45:53.000 Yeah.

00:45:53.000 Get your cock out of my pussy.

00:45:55.000 It gets to a point where just like, we have things to do.

00:45:58.000 Well, that's drunk sex.

00:46:00.000 Drunk sex, you're just like, shall we stop?

00:46:03.000 Yeah.

00:46:04.000 You try to point your toes and your calves hurt the next day from trying to eke out a loaderoo.

00:46:10.000 You never do that?

00:46:10.000 That's a good tip.

00:46:11.000 Point your toes?

00:46:12.000 If you want to shoot quick, you point your toes.

00:46:14.000 It tenses up all your muscles and you can feel pretty good.

00:46:20.000 Now I have to think of you when you do a little plie.

00:46:26.000 And by the way, his accent, no modern-day Southerner talks this way.

00:46:29.000 He's like doing a period piece, Lincoln-style.

00:46:33.000 Oh, what you want?

00:46:35.000 You want me back.

00:46:37.000 That's like a Southerner from the Civil War.

00:46:40.000 No modern American talks that way.

00:46:43.000 Same with Dave Chappelle's Southern Black Voice.

00:46:45.000 Yeah, man.

00:46:46.000 Man, man.

00:46:47.000 I'm from Tennessee 100 years ago.

00:46:50.000 Same with Chris Wallace, who was scooped by CNN, because I think they're going to fire Don Lemon, by the way.

00:46:56.000 They fired Chris Cuomo.

00:46:56.000 Don Lemon's next.

00:46:57.000 There's a void there.

00:46:58.000 They got some money.

00:46:59.000 Chris Wallace performed very well for the left when he fried Trump with the Proud Boys shit.

00:47:06.000 Twice he brought that up because he saw it hurt Trump.

00:47:08.000 So he's clearly a lib.

00:47:10.000 And so he's going over to CNN for fucking infinite money to do their streaming.

00:47:14.000 No one watches CNN.

00:47:18.000 You probably get 7% of your viewers on streaming services.

00:47:21.000 Like Fox Nation probably gets 7% of its TV viewers.

00:47:25.000 7% of nothing is nothing.

00:47:28.000 Nobody.

00:47:29.000 Nobody is watching CNN's streaming service.

00:47:33.000 Remember Anderson Cooper streamed a show and it had 300 viewers?

00:47:37.000 It's going to be a shit show, but Chris Wallace is getting paid.

00:47:40.000 And I hate that everyone's talking about it.

00:47:43.000 Chris Wallace.

00:47:44.000 He's a newsreader.

00:47:46.000 But you think he changed his voice over the years?

00:47:48.000 I'm Chris Wallace.

00:47:50.000 No, what Chris Wallace does is he talks like Walter Cronkite.

00:47:54.000 Oh, right, right.

00:47:54.000 Or he's stuck in the transatlantic way of talking.

00:47:58.000 He sounds fucking ridiculous.

00:47:59.000 It's like a radio DJ today talking like those 80s coming at you on WNTFM.

00:48:07.000 We got a blast for the pass here.

00:48:09.000 Def Leppard's going to be rocking your socks off with a fiery new jam called Pyro Media.

00:48:16.000 Yeah.

00:48:16.000 That's how Chris Wallace talks.

00:48:19.000 I'm Chris Wallace.

00:48:20.000 We're going to be talking about all kinds of stuff here in my fake old-timey news voice from the 1950s.

00:48:27.000 Yeah, you can't picture him like on a road trip talking about...

00:48:29.000 What's your favorite band, Chris?

00:48:30.000 Pink Floor, The Wall, when that came out, that was pretty good.

00:48:34.000 No wonder I'm so sick of fucking fake accents.

00:48:39.000 Like that hot chick on Fox, who's from the Midwest.

00:48:43.000 Yeah, yeah, she has a Connecticut kind of an affectation.

00:48:46.000 Yeah.

00:48:49.000 Anthony Coome has got a good broadcaster voice, but it's not a radio voice.

00:48:54.000 But it evolved over the years.

00:48:56.000 So what he does is he enunciates very well, but it's not a radio voice.

00:49:02.000 It's like somewhere in the middle.

00:49:04.000 It harkens back to like radio guys, but it's like a normal dude.

00:49:08.000 But when he first got on radio, he was just like, yeah, well, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:49:13.000 And then he got more succinct and very like...

00:49:15.000 Maybe it's wearing headphones to hear your voice in your own ears.

00:49:19.000 Or like whatever happened to Pacino with his voice.

00:49:22.000 I want a voice.

00:49:24.000 My voice needs to get sultry.

00:49:26.000 First he was this.

00:49:28.000 And as his career got better and better, he wanted to get out of it.

00:49:32.000 Yeah, I guess short guys have shorter larynxes.

00:49:36.000 Oh, maybe.

00:49:38.000 You're more likely to have a high voice.

00:49:44.000 How did that come from?

00:49:45.000 Yeah, we have to...

00:49:46.000 Hot boys, I'm all hot, sir.

00:49:47.000 But just get started.

00:49:48.000 You are in trouble.

00:49:49.000 I don't care if I'm in trouble.

00:49:54.000 When Johnny was first starting out, he's a fag.

00:49:56.000 And now Johnny's starting out.

00:49:59.000 I said that to Ben Shapiro once.

00:50:01.000 I said, drink a glass of whiskey, not big, like this, and then smoke a cigar and then scream into a pillow for an hour before you do a show.

00:50:11.000 He's like, no, thank you.

00:50:14.000 You have the worst voice in the world.

00:50:16.000 That would be awesome to hear a fucking masculine ass voice coming from him with his info and his facts.

00:50:21.000 It's just got to go, man.

00:50:23.000 Fact story.

00:50:23.000 Especially when you have a little boy face.

00:50:25.000 Like, you've got to counter it with a neck tattoo or something.

00:50:29.000 Pretty much, folks.

00:50:30.000 He should get a facial tattoo.

00:50:32.000 That'd be badass.

00:50:33.000 Or you know who else is really bad?

00:50:34.000 Let me hear him.

00:50:35.000 10 insults, and he just keeps going around and around.

00:50:38.000 He's the editor of the family.

00:50:39.000 Is that a person talking or a nostril?

00:50:41.000 Listen to conservative podcast in the country.

00:50:44.000 And there's Chris Wallace.

00:50:46.000 I'm just getting in there.

00:50:47.000 It's two annoying voices.

00:50:49.000 At least Ben Shapiro is doing his own voice.

00:50:52.000 He's one of the few people who shouldn't do his own voice, but the rest of them are affecting some kind of a guy.

00:51:00.000 Yeah, Ben sounds like a nose.

00:51:02.000 He sounds like Jowells.

00:51:04.000 Chris Wallace.

00:51:05.000 Yeah, I'm Chris Wallace.

00:51:08.000 10 insults, and he just keeps going around in a round.

00:51:13.000 But yeah, it keeps going around.

00:51:15.000 Who's that NPR guy?

00:51:17.000 I met him once.

00:51:18.000 I gave him my book.

00:51:22.000 Moe's...

00:51:23.000 No.

00:51:24.000 NPR.

00:51:25.000 He's like the most popular guy.

00:51:26.000 Big Jew, of course.

00:51:28.000 No, no.

00:51:29.000 Big glasses.

00:51:30.000 He's got Buddy Holly glasses.

00:51:31.000 He's like the hipster.

00:51:32.000 NPR guy.

00:51:34.000 Really Jewy name.

00:51:35.000 Mo.

00:51:37.000 Mo Shi Moon.

00:51:42.000 NPR host.

00:51:44.000 Hear how it happened or something.

00:51:49.000 I'll see if I can find it.

00:51:51.000 But his voice is like, what made you think that radio would be good for you?

00:51:56.000 NPR is charity, so of course they'll take in anyone, but fucking Jesus.

00:52:04.000 What's his name?

00:52:06.000 He's still on here, right?

00:52:08.000 So podcasts and shows, morning edition.

00:52:11.000 All things considered, maybe?

00:52:15.000 Who's the host?

00:52:16.000 Like farmer?

00:52:17.000 No, no, no, no.

00:52:18.000 Those are articles.

00:52:22.000 That's tough.

00:52:23.000 It's going to bug us.

00:52:25.000 NPR.

00:52:26.000 NPR host.

00:52:28.000 Glasses.

00:52:30.000 Whose wedding did I meet him at?

00:52:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:33.000 What's her name?

00:52:35.000 Male.

00:52:36.000 Jew.

00:52:38.000 I don't know if it'll search Jews.

00:52:41.000 All right.

00:52:43.000 Speaking of Jews.

00:52:45.000 Wait.

00:52:46.000 There he is.

00:52:46.000 Mo Raka?

00:52:47.000 No.

00:52:48.000 It is Mo Rocka.

00:52:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:49.000 Oh.

00:52:50.000 What do you mean, oh?

00:52:52.000 Because he was on the daily show.

00:52:53.000 I remember.

00:52:54.000 I thought he just disappeared, but this is his new gig, I guess.

00:52:57.000 Now, look at, just let's hear his voice.

00:52:59.000 Mo Raka.

00:53:00.000 And imagine you're the dad, you're Herschel Raca, and your son Mo goes, Get, I want to get into broadcasting.

00:53:10.000 You go, why not write an article?

00:53:12.000 It's the same thing.

00:53:14.000 But people don't have to hear the fucking voice.

00:53:17.000 One of the first pieces you did was like First Lady's Birthplacers or something like that that nobody ever cares about?

00:53:25.000 Well, it was a guy who impersonated First Lady Florence Harding, Warren Harding's wife.

00:53:31.000 Now I'm thinking that's not a fan.

00:53:33.000 Anyway, sorry to waste your time, everyone.

00:53:34.000 We'll figure it out later.

00:53:35.000 Just like that caught cheating deal.

00:53:38.000 I've been meaning to get to this for a while.

00:53:41.000 Carly Borisenko is Borisycho.

00:53:46.000 So it all started when they were talking about abortion and how it's murder.

00:53:50.000 You're murdering babies.

00:53:52.000 And she says, well, these babies chose to die.

00:53:57.000 Because when you're a sperm, you choose whether you want to be a human or not.

00:54:02.000 I did not know that.

00:54:04.000 Wouldn't everyone want to be a human as a sperm?

00:54:06.000 You're about to just be a load on the floor.

00:54:09.000 I'll take human being over literally garbage.

00:54:15.000 This is 1-8, but she goes...

00:54:19.000 So go down here.

00:54:22.000 It gets crazier.

00:54:24.000 While answering a number of assumptions that she said, she said this includes children who choose to be aborted as they chose to be born into human form.

00:54:35.000 So hold on.

00:54:36.000 The Holocaust thing is second, and it, of course, swallows up all the attention.

00:54:39.000 I find the first one more interesting.

00:54:41.000 So she goes, there is a weird, crazy argument for sperm choose to be human.

00:54:48.000 I don't really get it, but it's like they're all swimming, and then one of them goes, I want to be a human.

00:54:53.000 So it meets with the egg, and then they make a person, right?

00:54:56.000 Okay, sort of.

00:54:59.000 Wait, what's with all these conservatives?

00:55:01.000 Ben Weingarten, he's like an encounter books dude.

00:55:04.000 Charlie Kirk obviously is Prague are you.

00:55:08.000 Is Newsweek going right?

00:55:09.000 Newsweek is going right.

00:55:11.000 Huh.

00:55:13.000 Because we had that Andy No article about Antifa last week, and then there was the totally fair article about Proud Boys.

00:55:20.000 Hmm.

00:55:22.000 Get woke, go broke, go right.

00:55:24.000 Everything's totally right.

00:55:27.000 Totally cool.

00:55:29.000 So yeah.

00:55:30.000 But then she extrapolates that and says, when the baby's in the womb, it chooses to die by telling the mom, I guess, abort me, abort me.

00:55:40.000 What?

00:55:41.000 I don't get that.

00:55:43.000 And then, so someone makes fun of her and they go, oh, okay, so if you did, everyone in the Holocaust deserved, they wanted to die, which of course you say, no.

00:55:52.000 But she goes, yes.

00:55:55.000 It was their choice.

00:55:56.000 Yes, that's true.

00:55:57.000 What does this say?

00:55:58.000 Everyone who died in the Holocaust chose?

00:56:00.000 First of all, she spells it wrong.

00:56:02.000 Choose to die in the Holocaust before they were ever born because they collectively wanted to understand the experience of ultimate oppression.

00:56:10.000 That's why Hitler went to heaven.

00:56:12.000 Now you're like, what's a joke here and what's serious?

00:56:14.000 I'm not even following her.

00:56:18.000 So then she gets interviewed a bunch.

00:56:20.000 She goes, no, no, no.

00:56:22.000 I was just trying to piss off Christians.

00:56:24.000 You mean Jews?

00:56:27.000 If you want to make Christians mad, talk about the Holocaust.

00:56:34.000 Oh, yeah, here's the.

00:56:35.000 And I am happy to answer any questions about the tweets that people find.

00:56:40.000 Oh, so offensive.

00:56:40.000 Of course, they were meant to be offensive.

00:56:42.000 I was trying to piss off Christians.

00:56:43.000 And to frankly sugarcoat it and not apologize for it.

00:56:46.000 I'm not a Christian.

00:56:48.000 I do not see the world the way you see it.

00:56:50.000 What's behind her there?

00:56:51.000 Her scarves collection?

00:56:52.000 I'm not going to be honest.

00:56:52.000 I was being a little antagonistic.

00:56:55.000 I was a little antagonistic.

00:56:56.000 Ooh, you mischievous little girl.

00:56:58.000 A little antonistic.

00:56:59.000 Not in any way.

00:57:00.000 Well, I was going to show you.

00:57:01.000 If we're being honest about it, I knew it was not a good enough.

00:57:05.000 We have to start off with an acknowledgement that this tweet was pulled out of context of a larger discussion that I was having.

00:57:12.000 Okay, it wasn't a discussion.

00:57:13.000 I was trolling Christian conservatives.

00:57:14.000 That's what happened.

00:57:15.000 I was trolling Christian conservatives.

00:57:18.000 So now I was trolling Christian conservatives for a good day and a half over the abortion argument because I think they're being idiots.

00:57:25.000 And I was just trying to piss them off.

00:57:27.000 And so at some point it changed into a spiritual discussion about, you know, looking at like my belief system versus theirs.

00:57:34.000 I'm not a Christian.

00:57:35.000 I've never been a Christian.

00:57:36.000 I have a completely different worldview than most Christians.

00:57:38.000 Yes, that's clear.

00:57:42.000 So then it gets even crazier.

00:57:47.000 They start talking about Hitler and what he believes today.

00:57:52.000 Go to 2-0.

00:57:57.000 What?

00:58:04.000 Wait, that was 2-0.

00:58:05.000 That was 2-0?

00:58:07.000 Okay, go to 1-9 then.

00:58:12.000 She talks about a discussion with Hitler.

00:58:15.000 Was that 1-9?

00:58:17.000 Yeah, it should be in here somewhere.

00:58:18.000 So maybe it's in 2-0.

00:58:25.000 Come on, it's got to be there.

00:58:26.000 It's the tweet where she says the Hitler tweet.

00:58:30.000 I think that's in the article.

00:58:32.000 Okay.

00:58:33.000 Where she goes, look, this is what he's saying now in a post-death interview.

00:58:38.000 And she includes the link, and she goes, if you believe in that kind of stuff, I don't even really.

00:58:42.000 She makes it seem like if it's your cup of tea to believe that Hitler is still doing interviews.

00:58:48.000 No, that's not my cup of tea.

00:58:50.000 It's false.

00:58:51.000 He's dead.

00:58:54.000 You got to find it, dude.

00:58:55.000 We had it when we first recorded this entire fucking show.

00:59:00.000 There's 2-0 following down here.

00:59:05.000 Yeah.

00:59:10.000 Come on, Ryan.

00:59:11.000 You pulled it up last time.

00:59:13.000 And that page doesn't look like it's loading.

00:59:16.000 Those weird white spots.

00:59:18.000 Are you in Brave?

00:59:20.000 I don't think you should do Brave for things like this.

00:59:26.000 It's good for not tracking you and not selling your information, but it's not great for making sure everything loads and all the flash players work and all that stuff.

00:59:35.000 I'm going to open up a new chrome.

00:59:38.000 But yeah, we got to see this.

00:59:40.000 Then she links an interview with Adolf Hitler.

00:59:47.000 Basically, like, I'm not his publicist, ask him.

00:59:50.000 I don't know if he's doing interviews right now.

00:59:52.000 This is on Chrome.

00:59:55.000 Now, this shit ain't loading.

01:00:04.000 Keep going down.

01:00:07.000 Oh, well.

01:00:08.000 You just have to believe me that she included an interview with Hitler.

01:00:15.000 Who are the serfs?

01:00:18.000 Even call out real anti-Semitism.

01:00:20.000 Wait, it might be at the end of that.

01:00:21.000 Did we show that entire thing?

01:00:23.000 No.

01:00:24.000 Everyone can be wrong.

01:00:25.000 We're fucking human.

01:00:27.000 I'm wrong all the time.

01:00:29.000 Why does everyone have to fucking quadruple down?

01:00:32.000 But hey, hey, I'm not an anti-Semite.

01:00:36.000 I launched the anti-Semite challenge and I challenge you, sir.

01:00:40.000 Can you do it with your Jewish wife?

01:00:45.000 I didn't get that.

01:00:47.000 Here's a story that I'll just throw it in, but I don't really care.

01:00:53.000 O'Keefe caught this rep, this black dude, who doesn't seem to like conservatives, and he's running as a Republican, and then he got caught.

01:01:00.000 It's kind of fun to see people get caught and be awkward, but I don't know.

01:01:07.000 Even what he got caught doing didn't seem so big of a deal.

01:01:10.000 James Lolino, Project Veritas Action.

01:01:12.000 I need to show you a video.

01:01:25.000 I have James O'Keefe on the line.

01:01:27.000 Let me sort of stop for a second.

01:01:30.000 How arrogant do you have to be to think that you're not constantly being recorded or these words could be used against you?

01:01:36.000 Like you're a Republican candidate.

01:01:38.000 You're with your volunteers.

01:01:41.000 Why are you talking like they're not going to fuck you over?

01:01:45.000 Or this isn't going to be taken out of context?

01:01:49.000 Directly?

01:01:51.000 Alex, James O'Keeffe here.

01:01:54.000 Alex?

01:01:54.000 We'll talk later, James.

01:01:56.000 Alex?

01:01:56.000 Alex, would you like to have your comment to James O'Keefe about the undercover footage in your campaign?

01:02:00.000 Oh, yeah, you're getting a real new splash about how politics work.

01:02:06.000 So then he gives his statement, and it's so bad.

01:02:08.000 This guy, you know what?

01:02:09.000 This is again, I know why I included this, the bigotry of low expectations theme.

01:02:13.000 This guy's not qualified.

01:02:14.000 He's not savvy.

01:02:15.000 He doesn't deserve this position.

01:02:17.000 If you don't understand that you could have enemies lurking, everyone I talk to, outside of maybe Maddie Odell and Ryan, I'm aware could be a Fed.

01:02:28.000 And I speak accordingly.

01:02:30.000 That's why we have this fucking Alexa next to me.

01:02:34.000 Because everything I say, I'm totally prepared.

01:02:37.000 Even when I'm texting, if someone says something remotely dangerous, I go, for the record, the FBI reads my texts.

01:02:44.000 MYPD has access to my phone.

01:02:46.000 So don't confess anything to me.

01:02:51.000 He's a spoiled person.

01:02:52.000 Good evening.

01:02:52.000 My name is Alex Dovall and I'm a congressional candidate in Arizona's 9th District.

01:02:57.000 I would like to start by making it clear who I am.

01:03:00.000 I am a conservative, and I am a soldier who loves his country and wants to protect our God-given freedoms.

01:03:06.000 In the recently released videos of me, I was visiting.

01:03:10.000 You're paying all these people to tell you what to do.

01:03:12.000 You know why Trump won?

01:03:13.000 Because he didn't have political advisors.

01:03:15.000 He just winged it.

01:03:16.000 You know why Dave Portnoy got away from that whole Me Too thing that the Atlantic spent or Vanity Fair, whoever spent months trying to get on him?

01:03:23.000 Because he just spoke to the camera and explained himself.

01:03:26.000 This guy is reading a script and it comes across as insincere.

01:03:29.000 You look like another SNL sketch.

01:03:32.000 I can see the guest reading the cue cards.

01:03:34.000 Regarding the vote audit, I mentioned that I believed, like President Trump, that there was fraud in our election.

01:03:42.000 My frustrations stem from the fact that the establishment was more focused on the theater of audits rather than policies to secure our election.

01:03:57.000 Oh, that took a long time.

01:03:58.000 So he wandered his eyes off mid-sentence instead of remembering the end of the sentence and looking at the camera, and then he had to find exactly where he was.

01:04:05.000 Still using.

01:04:06.000 I bet his fingers just like on the screen, like, that's why.

01:04:10.000 Just memorize the vibes and say it.

01:04:14.000 Yeah, the bullet points, sir.

01:04:16.000 I feel that establishment leaders used and are still using the audits to raise money from Americans.

01:04:24.000 That is a pause.

01:04:25.000 That's the Biden thing.

01:04:26.000 With the teleprompter goes off.

01:04:29.000 Did you see he read end of message?

01:04:31.000 That's correct.

01:04:31.000 During, what is it, Bob Dole?

01:04:33.000 Pull that up.

01:04:36.000 Teleprompters don't just say end of message.

01:04:38.000 They don't stick it in a sentence, and you just have to be smart enough to see that it's coming, which would be fine, by the way.

01:04:44.000 I could handle that.

01:04:45.000 It's like return, return, long space, asterisk, asterisk, all caps, end of message, asterisk, asterisk.

01:04:55.000 Like, there can be no mistaking that you're not supposed To read this.

01:05:01.000 I'm proud he didn't say asterisk.

01:05:03.000 Asterisk end of message asterisk.

01:05:05.000 You can't say it.

01:05:06.000 Say it?

01:05:06.000 Asterisk.

01:05:08.000 Say it.

01:05:08.000 Seriously.

01:05:09.000 Asterisk.

01:05:10.000 Asterisk?

01:05:13.000 Yeah.

01:05:14.000 Isn't it asterisks?

01:05:19.000 I thought it ended with ks.

01:05:21.000 This is the kind of thing I'm often wrong about.

01:05:22.000 Asterisk.

01:05:24.000 See?

01:05:24.000 But it's probably pronounced asterisk.

01:05:26.000 Well, let's hear.

01:05:27.000 No, it wouldn't be.

01:05:28.000 What is it?

01:05:28.000 Like, I'm going to ask you a question?

01:05:32.000 Like, computer.

01:05:33.000 By the way, this does not count as Ryan being right because I slowly tread into this water and reluctantly.

01:05:38.000 Or it's like comp troller.

01:05:40.000 Asterisk.

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 Your boy.

01:05:44.000 I never...

01:05:44.000 I said, isn't it?

01:05:46.000 And I was wrong.

01:05:48.000 Yeah, there was no bets made.

01:05:50.000 10.

01:05:50.000 This was a fair and square.

01:05:54.000 Maybe show the clip web page video.

01:05:58.000 You couldn't have chosen a worst example of this.

01:06:01.000 But why would there be a video like that?

01:06:02.000 But don't ever click on the...

01:06:04.000 Robots make those.

01:06:05.000 You just clicked on robot news.

01:06:08.000 Is that what it's called?

01:06:10.000 Yeah.

01:06:11.000 Welcome to the Robot Fucking News.

01:06:14.000 That was terrible.

01:06:16.000 Last item before we start the show is the dude who does Barsteel Sports Hot Minute, his Hot Takes, which Ryan yelled once, those are cold takes,

01:06:33.000 on the street when he saw him.

01:06:35.000 He fucking cheated on his wife when she was pregnant, newlywed, fucked his intern, ruined his life, said as much.

01:06:44.000 And now he's running around talking about Kyle Rittenhouse saying, well, first saying it's cool that he fucks a lot of pussy.

01:06:49.000 Yeah, man.

01:06:50.000 And now he's saying, anyone who saw that interview, I don't care what your politics are, what your gun stance is, what happened in Kenosha at the trial.

01:06:59.000 If you see those clips of Rittenhouse saying he likes butts and boobs and your reaction isn't, well, that was weird and uncomfortable.

01:07:03.000 You're a weirdo.

01:07:06.000 But then click on the pics below.

01:07:08.000 His first take was, got Rittenhouse out here, fucking yeah.

01:07:14.000 And then later, oh, find a bigger loser than this kid.

01:07:18.000 It's impossible.

01:07:19.000 I hate left-wing men who are in sports arenas.

01:07:25.000 You know what I mean?

01:07:26.000 Yeah.

01:07:28.000 It's so gross.

01:07:29.000 It's like when white women convert to Islam.

01:07:32.000 You're just like, yucky.

01:07:34.000 Always found ways to come together.

01:07:36.000 To come together.

01:07:39.000 He sounds like a robot running out of boundaries.

01:07:46.000 Go back.

01:07:47.000 I ruined it.

01:07:48.000 What in the name?

01:07:51.000 We've always found ways to come together.

01:07:55.000 We can find that unity again.

01:07:59.000 And the message said, end of message.

01:08:03.000 He thought those were quotes.

01:08:05.000 He thought those were quotes.

01:08:06.000 So he said, and the message that he was going to say was, asterisk quote, end of message, asterisk quote.

01:08:12.000 Oh, he's winging it.

01:08:13.000 He thought it was a quote, I think.

01:08:15.000 But go back.

01:08:16.000 They don't look like quotes, do they?

01:08:18.000 I know.

01:08:18.000 But if you're old.

01:08:20.000 We've always found ways.

01:08:23.000 Like squint, it looks like quotes.

01:08:25.000 You know, women can make babies.

01:08:28.000 Yeah.

01:08:29.000 It's when they want to be pregnant so bad, they get what's called, I think, a psychosomatic pregnancy.

01:08:34.000 And they make a baby.

01:08:36.000 But it's only, you need a man and a woman to make a baby.

01:08:38.000 But women make things like teeth and hair and nails.

01:08:42.000 And then we make like brains and bones or all the good stuff.

01:08:48.000 So they'll give birth to this lump.

01:08:50.000 And it's just like an eye, four hairs, a tooth, and looks like a placenta.

01:08:57.000 And I would imagine if you could train one of those to speak, it would sound like Joe Biden.

01:09:05.000 We can come together and we can have unity.

01:09:14.000 Go back to him now.

01:09:20.000 What in the name?

01:09:22.000 No!

01:09:23.000 We've always found ways to come together.

01:09:27.000 We can find that.

01:09:29.000 He's a talking lump.

01:09:31.000 And the message said, end of message.

01:09:35.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

01:09:38.000 And the message said.

01:09:40.000 No, it didn't.

01:09:41.000 And the message said, hey, Mama Suta.

01:09:49.000 All right, I think we're ready to start the show now.

01:09:52.000 Finally.

01:09:53.000 Together we can and we will.

01:09:56.000 Personally.

01:09:58.000 So it's coming from here, and it's going this way.

01:10:01.000 That's right.

01:10:02.000 So I'm like.

01:10:06.000 Oh, it's gone.

01:10:09.000 If this doesn't record today, you're doing all the simultaneous streaming and everything too, right?

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:16.000 No, if that didn't happen, I'd commit S. We have triple backups.

01:10:21.000 Yes.

01:10:21.000 We have triple bypass surgery.

01:10:23.000 Okay, monster truck.

01:10:24.000 I'm waiting.

01:10:40.000 I think we found the groove there.

01:10:42.000 Because during the explosion, you could first, you're doing something, and then after the explosion, you could be doing completely a different thing.

01:10:50.000 That's fun.

01:10:51.000 These are my old shirts, by the way.

01:10:53.000 I can't wear a tie with them.

01:10:55.000 Oh, no.

01:10:58.000 I found a thumbnail for the show.

01:10:59.000 That's good news.

01:11:04.000 Okay, so I want to talk about the culture wars.

01:11:06.000 And as we said last week on Anthony's show, commercials are the front lines in the culture wars.

01:11:14.000 They are the head of the pack.

01:11:16.000 They recognize that women do most of the buying, the woman of the house, the mommy, whether she's working or not.

01:11:24.000 So they want to appease her.

01:11:26.000 And she is agreeable, like all women.

01:11:29.000 So They have this pie-in-the-sky multicultural world where white guys are married to black women.

01:11:35.000 They have ethnically ambiguous kids.

01:11:37.000 There are no straight couples in a white woman's mind.

01:11:39.000 When you see a commercial, you're seeing a white woman's mind.

01:11:42.000 You're seeing her desires.

01:11:43.000 And she desires white men to marry black women.

01:11:47.000 Probably because she feels bad for them, because they tend not to do so great generally.

01:11:54.000 There was a Japanese scientist who researched millions and millions of people's views of beauty, and black women came up last.

01:12:02.000 So that makes, I don't care, and nor did he.

01:12:05.000 He had autism.

01:12:06.000 He was just doing studies.

01:12:08.000 But white women and women in general feel bad about that, but especially white women.

01:12:12.000 So they want to put black women on a pedestal, which they do with Leslie Jones.

01:12:17.000 And they talk about how beautiful she is.

01:12:19.000 And if you watch the Miss Universe pageant, they're basically all black women.

01:12:25.000 Fucking Scandinavia, Uzbekistan, Norway, Finland.

01:12:31.000 They're always black women.

01:12:33.000 Anyway.

01:12:39.000 This has now got to the point where they hate white men.

01:12:44.000 And just as the DNC and the pro-choicers have decided to target adoption, the new liberal brain appeasing women, appusing the shit chests, seems to be focused on attacking Santa.

01:13:00.000 He represents white men to a lot of people.

01:13:03.000 So let's make him suck.

01:13:05.000 So I've noticed this slew of commercials, like this commercial, which, again, is a white woman's fantasy.

01:13:13.000 She fantasizes where black men stick with their families, and not only are they around their sons at all times, more than the mom, actually, but the granddads are there too.

01:13:28.000 Stop.

01:13:30.000 What's his problem?

01:13:32.000 He's got an Americanized son and a grandson, so he's clearly been in America for a long time.

01:13:38.000 You don't like Santa, that he's white?

01:13:43.000 I mean, you live in a white country.

01:13:44.000 I'm sorry.

01:13:45.000 America, when you lump in Hispanics who are white, the demographics say 70% white.

01:13:52.000 60 to 70.

01:13:54.000 So, like, I don't understand.

01:13:56.000 Stand.

01:13:57.000 You represent, black males represent 7% of the population.

01:14:02.000 Why are you, you're mad that you're not everywhere?

01:14:06.000 Superman's white.

01:14:07.000 Is that acceptable to you?

01:14:09.000 Does Superman bother you?

01:14:11.000 Like, why would this bother him?

01:14:13.000 Maybe if he just moved here from the Congo an hour ago, but if you're bothered by Santa, you must be bothered by everyone in the mall, too.

01:14:20.000 The fuck's, like, I don't even get the premise.

01:14:27.000 Are they budding?

01:14:29.000 Or they're next?

01:14:32.000 So he doesn't like it.

01:14:34.000 Look.

01:14:38.000 Oh, great.

01:14:40.000 It's fucking Christmas.

01:14:41.000 I got to wait an entire year to use this.

01:14:44.000 Give more than a gift.

01:14:46.000 You couldn't have had worse timing, kid.

01:14:49.000 This is for next Christmas, Dad.

01:14:51.000 Now you have to find a place to store it.

01:14:53.000 Make sure you don't forget it.

01:14:54.000 No, that's not the gift.

01:14:55.000 Look in the socking.

01:14:56.000 Oh, it's Tickets Back to Africa.

01:14:58.000 Interesting.

01:14:59.000 Where all the censors are black.

01:15:03.000 Goodbye.

01:15:04.000 I wish you have a good Christmas.

01:15:07.000 Sorry, the only cheap flights were today.

01:15:10.000 You have actually an hour to get to.

01:15:11.000 I didn't know what you were going to take so long.

01:15:13.000 Open that present.

01:15:14.000 You might miss your flight.

01:15:16.000 That must be a flight, huh?

01:15:18.000 Imagine flying to Africa.

01:15:22.000 So there's that one.

01:15:24.000 And then this one, this is more clearly a woman's fantasy.

01:15:28.000 Santa Claus is an inept boob.

01:15:31.000 He's trying to get a present for, what's a white woman's favorite victim?

01:15:35.000 A black woman.

01:15:36.000 He's trying to get a present for her, which is a wiener dog, because we know how black women love wiener dogs.

01:15:42.000 Or no, not a wiener dog, but those Queen Elizabeth dogs, whatever those are called.

01:15:48.000 He was supposed to get her one of those.

01:15:49.000 You forgot.

01:15:50.000 He forgot to pack it because he's an idiot.

01:15:52.000 He's not a magical Norse god.

01:15:55.000 He's a moron who has a whole convoy in front of him.

01:15:59.000 And guess who has to handle everything?

01:16:07.000 No, I can't.

01:16:08.000 Look.

01:16:09.000 You see that?

01:16:10.000 She looks like Bjork.

01:16:11.000 She's pretty hot, actually, Mrs. Claus.

01:16:13.000 She sees the dog and she's like, oh, for fuck's sakes, you idiot Santa Claus.

01:16:17.000 You loser.

01:16:25.000 She's got to get in her Mercedes G-Wagon.

01:16:27.000 What are those, 200 grand?

01:16:29.000 This was procured by Santa.

01:16:32.000 And she's driving it around to show what an idiot he is.

01:16:35.000 There's the dog shit for brains.

01:16:38.000 There you go, black girl.

01:16:40.000 We love you.

01:16:41.000 Now, I'm not trying to say anything about this, but I think the guy that casted to be Santa is Jewish.

01:16:47.000 Not that that matters, but I think, you know, usually a lot of actors.

01:16:51.000 And the stretch, Ryan.

01:16:52.000 That's a Jewish guy.

01:16:54.000 That is a Jewish man, yes.

01:16:57.000 So it's just weird.

01:16:58.000 Because something about him didn't feel Santa-y.

01:17:02.000 And then you just like...

01:17:03.000 His nose has to be round.

01:17:05.000 Right, right.

01:17:06.000 He's got a button nose.

01:17:07.000 Yes.

01:17:08.000 And this guy's got it kind of square.

01:17:09.000 By the way, if they wanted the Black Santa thing to really take off, they would have given him his present on January 3rd.

01:17:14.000 Black Santa's a little late.

01:17:16.000 Sorry, it goes with the territory.

01:17:21.000 You know why Jews have big noses, huh?

01:17:23.000 No.

01:17:23.000 Air is free.

01:17:25.000 That's an offensive joke I heard recently.

01:17:27.000 And when the person said it to me, I said, get out of my car.

01:17:30.000 We were going at 80 miles an hour.

01:17:31.000 He's dead now.

01:17:32.000 That's what you have to do to wipe out anti-Semitism.

01:17:35.000 Kill people who make anti-Semitic jokes.

01:17:39.000 And then we're not going to talk about this because we already covered it, but let's just put it on file.

01:17:44.000 Gay Santa from Finland.

01:17:46.000 We're not going to spend any time on it, but it has to be here.

01:17:50.000 Show it.

01:17:50.000 Let it be.

01:17:51.000 Let it be.

01:18:00.000 Man, easy on the lips, sir.

01:18:03.000 They kiss, they fuck, it takes them years to consummate.

01:18:09.000 And this is disturbing because it's Finland.

01:18:12.000 So women hate us and everything we represent around the entire world.

01:18:19.000 You know what it might be?

01:18:21.000 God doesn't want people my age breeding.

01:18:24.000 We're not going to be around for the kids.

01:18:26.000 So he makes the kids shittier quality when a woman has them at like 50.

01:18:30.000 So he doesn't want men and women having sex at 50.

01:18:34.000 That's why when you're 14, you can't stop thinking about pussy.

01:18:38.000 And when you're 51, it doesn't go down that much, believe me.

01:18:41.000 I think about lingerie all night.

01:18:43.000 The different outfits I can put on.

01:18:44.000 No, but seriously, if I'm having trouble sleeping, I just think of like fucks I could have had that I didn't.

01:18:50.000 And I play them out, how they could have gone in my head.

01:18:52.000 And I dress her up in a saucy outfit with high heels and short socks.

01:18:57.000 That'll buy me like an hour.

01:18:59.000 But anyway, yeah, God doesn't want us doing that.

01:19:02.000 So I think there's this evolutionary trait where women disdain men.

01:19:09.000 Like they're gross.

01:19:11.000 Yucky.

01:19:14.000 That's my theory.

01:19:16.000 There's a self-hatred aspect.

01:19:19.000 Like this is a super white country, Switzerland.

01:19:21.000 That's a different subject.

01:19:22.000 Whites are ethnomasochists.

01:19:25.000 They hate themselves when they reach a certain level of affluence.

01:19:28.000 And that's true from 15-year-olds to 90-year-olds.

01:19:31.000 I'm talking about women going, women, middle-aged women hate men.

01:19:35.000 They find us repulsive, and they want to hurt us, which is why every commercial is a commercial.

01:19:40.000 And we're falling and getting lost and being baboons who won't let go of the salt.

01:19:49.000 Okay.

01:19:50.000 I think we should hit the mailbag.

01:19:53.000 All right.

01:19:58.000 Uh-oh, I forgot my computer.

01:20:00.000 Oh, no.

01:20:00.000 So we're going to erase the theme.

01:20:04.000 No, no.

01:20:05.000 We're just going to have to have you go through this.

01:20:07.000 Okay.

01:20:08.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:20:12.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

01:20:20.000 Guys, I screwed up.

01:20:21.000 I brought my fancy computer home, which I shouldn't do.

01:20:25.000 I got a lot of work done, though.

01:20:26.000 I finished my Christmas cards.

01:20:29.000 So I'm happy about that.

01:20:30.000 But we're in a strange sort of zone here floating around where I don't know what the letters are.

01:20:38.000 So Ryan will be reading, supplying the graphics.

01:20:43.000 He can't read, and he's terrible at, he has terrible judgments.

01:20:47.000 So this might be the worst mailbag ever.

01:20:49.000 This is true.

01:20:51.000 We should start thinking of stuff we can do for the marathon when, oh, I'm going to run out of voice.

01:20:56.000 That might happen.

01:20:57.000 You might have an Al Pacino Dave Chappelle thing going on.

01:21:00.000 No, like this has been less than, this has been like almost an hour and a half, and you can hear that it's going.

01:21:06.000 You're in like need of loss in territory.

01:21:09.000 I like this sound, though.

01:21:10.000 It sounds cool.

01:21:11.000 Yeah.

01:21:11.000 It definitely sounds like...

01:21:12.000 I want that.

01:21:13.000 Should probably do my outgoing message right now.

01:21:16.000 I sound like Will Arnett.

01:21:18.000 Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:21:19.000 Hey, I'm not here right now.

01:21:21.000 How do we get that voice?

01:21:23.000 I'm not really a big text guy.

01:21:25.000 I mean, I'm not a phone guy as far as like voicemail and calling.

01:21:29.000 Just start calling people.

01:21:30.000 Just text.

01:21:31.000 And by the way, if you are going to text, don't put the dollar sign after a number because you're going to ruin my day.

01:21:38.000 And I'll respect you a lot less, probably zero.

01:21:42.000 I like how your voice makes you like just over everything where you're like, yeah.

01:21:46.000 Well, that's my hot guy.

01:21:48.000 Like whenever I'm trying to be sexy, like if I'm wearing just like a cardigan with no pants, I'll just like come outside when you're having a coffee, you with a lady, and I'll just be like, oh, man, what time is it?

01:22:01.000 Yeah.

01:22:01.000 Sort of like taking this with the.

01:22:04.000 Being cool is always being in a state of recovery.

01:22:06.000 Yeah, and it's sort of like disheveled.

01:22:09.000 Your hair is askew.

01:22:11.000 Just being cool somewhere.

01:22:12.000 Oh, man, what time is it?

01:22:14.000 I'm sorry I'm late.

01:22:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:18.000 Well.

01:22:20.000 Okay, so let's hear the first letter, Ryan.

01:22:22.000 Okay, this is a possible video drop from Juicy Smalley.

01:22:27.000 Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.

01:22:29.000 I was talking about this on Getter.

01:22:31.000 What is Juicy Smalley's story?

01:22:35.000 Like, I support him.

01:22:36.000 I'm in BLM.

01:22:38.000 Okay?

01:22:38.000 No one can answer this question for me.

01:22:41.000 What happened?

01:22:42.000 As of whatever we are now, December 9th, Monday, 2021, what is he saying happened?

01:22:52.000 Because he's sticking to his guns.

01:22:54.000 So is it, I was attacked by MAGA dudes.

01:22:58.000 They said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:00.000 Okay, we have the Nigerians here.

01:23:02.000 Oh, I know those guys.

01:23:03.000 I used to jerk off with them and do drugs.

01:23:06.000 Well, they beat you up, Jussie.

01:23:08.000 What?

01:23:10.000 So is his new angle, I thought it was MAGA dudes, but apparently it's these guys I know.

01:23:16.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:17.000 That's a good point.

01:23:18.000 Okay, if that's your pitch, Jussie, then you're a victim of black-on-black crime, and it's got nothing to do with BLM or racism.

01:23:28.000 Like, you gotta, you can't accept that you were beaten up by Africans and now still push the racism thing.

01:23:37.000 We all.

01:23:38.000 Right?

01:23:39.000 So if you're on Jussie's side and these people fucking exist, believe it or not, don't you have to abandon all talks of racism and just say he was beat up by asshole Africans that were trying to look racist?

01:23:53.000 Is he saying that the letter was still sent by different racists?

01:23:59.000 Like, I want to know.

01:24:00.000 I don't get the other side's arguments anymore.

01:24:03.000 Like with the COVID thing.

01:24:05.000 If you're not vaccinated, you're putting other people in danger.

01:24:08.000 But you can still transmit the disease when you're vaccinated.

01:24:11.000 That's the end of that argument.

01:24:13.000 But you still hear Stern every day talking about how selfish people are.

01:24:16.000 The only person you're hurting by not getting the vaccine, going by their logic, is yourself.

01:24:22.000 How is it selfish to put yourself in jeopardy?

01:24:28.000 We're in a logic drought.

01:24:32.000 So this one is, it's supposed to be him saying, I'm a gay Tupac.

01:24:40.000 I'm the gay Supac.

01:24:42.000 Yeah, so normally we wouldn't read that letter that's stupid and a waste of time Cassandra Fairbanks had her wedding and this is from Citizen Dildo sorry for doxing you and her marriage included guesses Jack Pesobic,

01:24:58.000 Eliza Blue, and Tim Poole who wore his mother effing beanie, says the guy.

01:25:03.000 He says the picture on her Twitter.

01:25:06.000 Oh, she changed her name.

01:25:08.000 Yep.

01:25:08.000 She married a Scott.

01:25:10.000 Scott.

01:25:11.000 Well, we don't know his first name.

01:25:13.000 Michael Graves played our own Michael Graves.

01:25:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:16.000 I knew that guy looked familiar.

01:25:18.000 And yeah, Tim Pool wore his beanie.

01:25:21.000 See, let me explain Tim Pool's predicament.

01:25:24.000 He has convinced the world that he's not hiding his baldness.

01:25:27.000 He just likes to wear a beanie at all times, even in the summer when it's 100 degrees, which is going to be great now that he lives in Texas.

01:25:33.000 Oh, no, he's in West Virginia, sorry.

01:25:37.000 The problem with the beanie is you can't wear it with a tux.

01:25:41.000 So what do you do?

01:25:42.000 You take off the beanie and you wear the tux and everyone goes, oh my God, you're horseshoe bald.

01:25:47.000 That's a bad look.

01:25:50.000 Do you wear a little fedora or like a little hat?

01:25:58.000 What he did was.

01:25:59.000 So you have to just say, I have to stick to my whole costume.

01:26:03.000 Yeah.

01:26:04.000 Sad.

01:26:05.000 I don't dress up.

01:26:07.000 It's the curse.

01:26:09.000 And this is what I keep screaming about the bald community.

01:26:11.000 You didn't fuck a kid, guys.

01:26:13.000 Relax.

01:26:14.000 Like the way they live in shame.

01:26:18.000 The way the Edge always has his hat on.

01:26:21.000 And all these other guys will always have like a little pork pie hat or something.

01:26:25.000 It's okay to be bald.

01:26:26.000 When I was a kid in the 70s, bald was like you'd have a movie star and you'd have big, his hair would be this long on the sides and bald on top.

01:26:35.000 Gavin McLeod.

01:26:37.000 There was another guy on Mary Tyler Moore who was horseshoe bald and people were just like, that's a bald guy.

01:26:42.000 I'm not bald, dude.

01:26:45.000 Okay.

01:26:45.000 Well, what's under your hat?

01:26:47.000 It's none of your business, man.

01:26:49.000 First Amendment, what happens under my hat stays under my hat.

01:26:52.000 It's private business.

01:26:53.000 Number two, I don't have a tuxedo.

01:26:56.000 And actually, I was trying to go get one, right?

01:26:58.000 But we just recovered from COVID.

01:27:00.000 So like everybody had COVID.

01:27:02.000 And so that was the time where you get the fitting done.

01:27:05.000 You can't just walk into a shop a week before a wedding and get a tux made.

01:27:09.000 I'm sure you know about that.

01:27:10.000 You're Mr. Suits.

01:27:11.000 I didn't see a lot of people with in tuxes, actually.

01:27:12.000 Yeah, you're Mr. Suits.

01:27:14.000 So maybe you'd know that.

01:27:16.000 Yeah, most people at the wedding had a suit on.

01:27:18.000 You don't own one suit?

01:27:19.000 No, I don't, ma'am.

01:27:21.000 I don't own a blazer.

01:27:22.000 No, and it's my second amendment right.

01:27:23.000 You're a dress shirt and a blazer?

01:27:24.000 It's my second amendment right to not wear a suit if I don't want to.

01:27:27.000 Yeah, no one was saying you may not.

01:27:28.000 In fact, you were welcome at the wedding and no one said a word.

01:27:31.000 Just a couple of people did say things to me.

01:27:33.000 It's a little disrespectful to the bride.

01:27:34.000 Jack Pesobic made a joke.

01:27:35.000 I didn't like it.

01:27:36.000 It's fine.

01:27:37.000 Water to the bridge.

01:27:37.000 He's a great guest.

01:27:38.000 Your insecurity about your baldness has disrespected Cassandra.

01:27:42.000 And I think the groom said something too.

01:27:44.000 He was like, you made a joke.

01:27:45.000 And I didn't find it very funny.

01:27:47.000 So I laughed.

01:27:48.000 You don't find anything funny.

01:27:49.000 You're an autistic Korean.

01:27:50.000 No, I find plenty of things funny, man.

01:27:52.000 Uh-huh.

01:27:52.000 No.

01:27:53.000 No, you're not like that.

01:27:55.000 For instance, somebody does a kickflip and the skateboard goes into their Gooch and they're like, oh, dude, my balls, dude.

01:28:02.000 Like, it's like Steve-O stuff.

01:28:04.000 I'm laughing.

01:28:05.000 You sounded like Steve-O when you said my balls.

01:28:07.000 Yeah, it's an impression I do.

01:28:08.000 I do tons of impressions.

01:28:10.000 Really?

01:28:10.000 I never saw you as well.

01:28:11.000 You ask me to do any impression.

01:28:13.000 I do all of them.

01:28:15.000 Okay.

01:28:16.000 Do Matthew McConaughey.

01:28:20.000 Okay.

01:28:21.000 Let's check this out.

01:28:22.000 All right.

01:28:22.000 Sorry.

01:28:23.000 Let me do the driving one.

01:28:24.000 Lincoln commercial?

01:28:25.000 Okay.

01:28:26.000 Okay.

01:28:28.000 Oh, hey, man.

01:28:30.000 It's the why of things, man.

01:28:32.000 That sounded like Hank Hill.

01:28:34.000 Okay, next one.

01:28:35.000 I don't know who that is.

01:28:37.000 All right.

01:28:37.000 This is you in the future.

01:28:40.000 I like that these are all visual.

01:28:41.000 Oh, that's very flattering.

01:28:43.000 I was going to say, let me predict this is going to hurt.

01:28:46.000 Well, it hurts because that's not ever going to happen.

01:28:54.000 You know, I could start taking testosterone, I'll have you know.

01:28:57.000 Okay.

01:28:57.000 But testosterone, okay.

01:28:59.000 And that doesn't help you just instantly build muscle sitting down.

01:29:02.000 You have to work out, though.

01:29:03.000 I work out every day.

01:29:04.000 Yeah.

01:29:05.000 What do you mean, yeah?

01:29:06.000 But not for hypertrophy.

01:29:07.000 You know what you should do?

01:29:08.000 You should come to my gym tomorrow morning.

01:29:11.000 I'm going to do a workout, and you should film it.

01:29:13.000 Okay.

01:29:14.000 So don't forget.

01:29:15.000 What time, though, man?

01:29:16.000 9.30, man.

01:29:18.000 Okay.

01:29:18.000 I'll be there.

01:29:19.000 Be in E and everything.

01:29:21.000 All right.

01:29:22.000 We've got to record a lot of shit for this marathon, so we're ready.

01:29:25.000 Another thing we should do is we're going to have that tattooist chick here doing tats.

01:29:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:30.000 Which is weird because we're broadcasting a show, and if there's one thing that's fucking loud and annoying to hear, it's a tattoo machine.

01:29:37.000 I guess she could be in my office.

01:29:38.000 Yeah.

01:29:39.000 We'll set up in my office.

01:29:43.000 All right, next letter.

01:29:45.000 Okay.

01:29:45.000 Let's see here.

01:29:48.000 Senses the sprinkle.

01:29:50.000 Reckon I'll take that apple bacon wrapped pork chop again.

01:29:52.000 We no longer have that dish.

01:29:53.000 It was on the fall.

01:29:54.000 I've seen that.

01:29:55.000 Yeah, it's not funny.

01:29:56.000 He's rednecks and service industry, boring.

01:30:00.000 It's like C plus, B minus comedy.

01:30:03.000 Next.

01:30:04.000 Blatantly racist encounter.

01:30:06.000 Sprinkles question mark.

01:30:09.000 You live here?

01:30:11.000 Why?

01:30:12.000 Because I'm black?

01:30:13.000 Yes, that is the reason.

01:30:14.000 Okay.

01:30:15.000 You just look kind of suspicious with that hoodie on.

01:30:18.000 Well, you look ugly and you're white.

01:30:19.000 Why are you people always so angry?

01:30:21.000 Why do you people always smell like wet coins?

01:30:23.000 You're saying you can smell me from all the way over there right now?

01:30:25.000 Yes, the odor is very...

01:30:28.000 At least I season my food.

01:30:29.000 You guys have been saying that for years.

01:30:30.000 Like, we get it.

01:30:31.000 At least I can sit inside Andy Starbucks.

01:30:33.000 How does it feel that you always look 30 years older than you actually are?

01:30:36.000 What does it feel to be born with a negative credit score?

01:30:38.000 Didn't you cry when Trump left office?

01:30:39.000 I didn't vote for Trump.

01:30:40.000 Oh, not that kind of racist.

01:30:42.000 I have morals.

01:30:43.000 You're kind of funny.

01:30:45.000 You're funny too, Tyrone.

01:30:49.000 F you.

01:30:49.000 Should we get a beat?

01:30:50.000 No sprinkles there, folks.

01:30:52.000 Mediocre shit.

01:30:54.000 I like it.

01:30:55.000 And it was a normal argument.

01:30:57.000 Is that comedy?

01:30:58.000 I was watching it going, touche, Touche.

01:31:00.000 Touche.

01:31:01.000 Touche.

01:31:02.000 The funny part is that.

01:31:03.000 Good discussion, gentlemen.

01:31:04.000 Imagine a world where that could happen and it wouldn't be filmed and crying racist.

01:31:09.000 Spooky UN.

01:31:10.000 That's how I talk to everyone at the gym.

01:31:11.000 That's like normal banter.

01:31:14.000 Apparently, there's a new spooky UN statue.

01:31:19.000 Whoa.

01:31:21.000 A Guardian for International Peace and Security sits on the visitor's plaza outside UN headquarters.

01:31:27.000 The Guardian is a fusion of Jaguar.

01:31:30.000 Was this made by stepbrothers?

01:31:33.000 Did the UN and I just become best friends?

01:31:40.000 And donated by the government of Oaxaca, Mexico.

01:31:44.000 It is created by artists Jacobo and Maria Angelez.

01:31:49.000 That's embarrassing.

01:31:52.000 That is embarrassing.

01:31:54.000 But the good news is Antifa will not topple it because it's diverse.

01:31:59.000 And as we've learned from the radical left over the past few years, adversity is our strength.

01:32:06.000 Agreed.

01:32:08.000 Next one is a possible new drop, they say.

01:32:11.000 Carrie, are you gay?

01:32:12.000 I am indeed.

01:32:13.000 Yes, sir.

01:32:13.000 Carrie, you're fired.

01:32:19.000 Okay.

01:32:19.000 I don't know if that was trick edited.

01:32:22.000 Absolutely was.

01:32:23.000 But it's good.

01:32:26.000 I'll leave that up to Ryan.

01:32:27.000 He's the drops nigga.

01:32:29.000 I am the drops nigga.

01:32:31.000 Let's do a couple more.

01:32:32.000 I kind of like this.

01:32:33.000 It's very easy.

01:32:34.000 Right, right.

01:32:35.000 Hey, Gavin, Ryan, or tech guy, which is me.

01:32:40.000 Maybe in the future, I'll just red flag them.

01:32:45.000 And then I read.

01:32:47.000 Now, none of these have been readers.

01:32:49.000 So let's see if I do good here.

01:32:50.000 There's some words.

01:32:51.000 Hey, Gavin, Ryan, or tech guy.

01:32:52.000 I was looking up hardballs with Jim Goad on Google.

01:32:54.000 Out of curiosity, I found this website of almost all sensor TV's content uploaded in its entirety.

01:33:03.000 Okay, well, let's click on that and see the views.

01:33:06.000 If there's hundreds of thousands of people, Internet Archive.

01:33:11.000 Can you see how many times it's been viewed?

01:33:13.000 53.

01:33:16.000 Oh, no. 53 people got our show for free.

01:33:19.000 Wait, let's see.

01:33:20.000 If they have all of our content, this might be a problem I wrote.

01:33:25.000 Removed, censored, redacted.

01:33:28.000 This doesn't look too problematic.

01:33:30.000 Movies?

01:33:33.000 So yeah, we'll get on that.

01:33:34.000 Thanks for your sleuthing there, Mr. 53 Views.

01:33:37.000 Thank you, sleuth.

01:33:38.000 I'm being sarcastic, Ryan.

01:33:40.000 No, thank you, sleuth.

01:33:42.000 You suck.

01:33:42.000 And fuck you.

01:33:44.000 Nope.

01:33:45.000 Too much.

01:33:46.000 Yes.

01:33:46.000 Okay.

01:33:47.000 You did okay.

01:33:49.000 I think it would be funny if you spoofed this intro.

01:33:52.000 Start anywhere in the middle?

01:33:53.000 We're not looking for tips.

01:33:54.000 We don't need a writing staff, especially not you.

01:34:00.000 Oh, what?

01:34:01.000 We like that guy, don't we?

01:34:02.000 Or is that him?

01:34:03.000 And you guys have been exchanging gifts with your sisters and your cousins for so long, and you've been so comfortable being single for so long that you don't even know how broken you were until this year.

01:34:17.000 If you've been single over 18 months as a woman, it is your fault.

01:34:24.000 It's on you.

01:34:26.000 Especially if you are six or better.

01:34:27.000 I mean, hell, even if you're five or better, you have had plenty of suitable men approach you.

01:34:33.000 Whether you recognize it or not.

01:34:35.000 I've seen him before.

01:34:36.000 And he's right.

01:34:37.000 You know, ladies, by the way, brutal lighting.

01:34:40.000 You're already a dark human being, so you got to fucking ramp that up, dude.

01:34:46.000 I say to women that are having trouble, and they're often hot, by the way.

01:34:52.000 You got to wear heels three times a week.

01:34:54.000 And they go, no, I'm not looking for more men to hit on me.

01:34:57.000 That happens all the time.

01:34:58.000 I go, yes, you are.

01:35:00.000 It's quantity.

01:35:03.000 You need the quantity first.

01:35:04.000 And you're like, no, thanks, no, thanks, no, thanks.

01:35:05.000 Yes.

01:35:07.000 You have to, I mean, you got to go to the buffet if you want to eat.

01:35:10.000 You can't be like, I know, it's not the food.

01:35:12.000 I want good food.

01:35:13.000 Yeah, you got to try different foods, though.

01:35:15.000 And I'm not saying fuck them, but talk to them, have an interaction.

01:35:18.000 That's why I always say to ladies, barmaid, waitress are the best jobs for a woman.

01:35:23.000 Because the best job for a woman is no job.

01:35:25.000 And the best way to get no job is to get married.

01:35:26.000 And the best way to get married is to have a bunch of suitors.

01:35:30.000 And the way you get suitors is you're at a bar.

01:35:33.000 And that's when men fall in love with you, rich men, all kinds of men.

01:35:37.000 And then you go, I'll take you.

01:35:39.000 You seem to be the most ambitious.

01:35:41.000 Don't go for money per se.

01:35:43.000 Go for ambition.

01:35:44.000 You seem to be the most ambitious.

01:35:45.000 I'm taking you.

01:35:47.000 That's right.

01:35:50.000 This one is everybody hates Amy Suskins.

01:35:53.000 Oh, great.

01:35:54.000 That's what Demi Look.

01:35:55.000 We talked about her recently.

01:35:56.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:35:57.000 We put her on blast.

01:35:59.000 If you're watching, well, she's the worst of the worst, right?

01:36:01.000 It's almost like, do you know the people that just 100% went all in on Trump?

01:36:07.000 And, you know, and now they're selling like freedom blank paper.

01:36:11.000 And it's like, blank paper if you like freedom, like socks if you like the Constitution.

01:36:15.000 Hers, of course.

01:36:16.000 It's all this stuff, right?

01:36:17.000 But it's like, hers is worse, in my opinion, because she's just 100% like, at least, if you like freedom guys or the Constitution thing, it's not, the repercussions of it aren't so bad.

01:36:31.000 Well, they pick a thing where it's like, it's similar to how they go to the anti-pedophilia stuff where they go, what, you're, like, against freedom.

01:36:39.000 They take these things where, like, you can't be against them, but then they wrap all their bullshit in, like, alongside of it.

01:36:45.000 And then you go, what, you're against freedom?

01:36:46.000 And you're like, no, I'm not against freedom.

01:36:47.000 But all this other stuff you're getting pretty wacky with.

01:36:50.000 Yeah.

01:36:50.000 And I'm even more saying just like the corniness element of it rather than, but this girl, so it's pretty funny.

01:36:57.000 If you check out her Twitter, she's the ultimate.

01:37:00.000 She's kind of like Occupy Democrats, where it's like, retreat of Trump's orange.

01:37:05.000 Yeah, of course.

01:37:06.000 You know, quote tweet if he's an asshole.

01:37:10.000 Yeah, it's like, or like, like if he's orange or retweet.

01:37:13.000 I messed up that.

01:37:14.000 You know how it gets weird when a soldier or somebody in sports is a Democrat?

01:37:18.000 It's kind of, I get that same vibe knowing that he's anti-white.

01:37:22.000 But he's not even red-pilled.

01:37:25.000 He's just normal.

01:37:26.000 He's just a normal pill.

01:37:26.000 We're at the point now where we see someone in the arts who's not a fucking imbecile, and it's shocking.

01:37:33.000 It's shocking.

01:37:34.000 Yeah.

01:37:35.000 Analogy.

01:37:35.000 A little vote.

01:37:36.000 I felt like I was walking the plank because I was doing it too.

01:37:39.000 I was really disappointed in myself.

01:37:40.000 I shouldn't be able to do this.

01:37:41.000 I was muttering on my words.

01:37:42.000 But maybe he's this guy.

01:37:44.000 So basically, there's this account, like Defiant L's, and all they do is repost like back-to-back people's hypocrisies.

01:37:53.000 And you see them pop up every once in a while.

01:37:56.000 Right.

01:37:56.000 What's going on?

01:37:57.000 Oh, nothing.

01:37:58.000 I'm just what you just have.

01:37:59.000 You just said hypocrisies.

01:38:01.000 What's that?

01:38:01.000 Uh-oh.

01:38:02.000 There's a lot of people right now who are like, hypocrisies, philosophies.

01:38:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:08.000 I can't hear that word anymore.

01:38:10.000 Nah, it is bad.

01:38:10.000 Yeah.

01:38:11.000 But that wanting to spit, you know?

01:38:13.000 I know.

01:38:16.000 Did you want to hear more?

01:38:17.000 No, I'm trying to get to the meat here.

01:38:19.000 A whole bunch of them.

01:38:21.000 Some of her biggest ones is when she's kind of coming at people being like, anyone who takes the Trump vaccine is a fucking idiot.

01:38:27.000 I would never have to by far.

01:38:30.000 That's the biggest hypocrisy thing, right?

01:38:32.000 Oh my God.

01:38:33.000 Like Kamala, she's like, I would never take avoidance.

01:38:35.000 All of them.

01:38:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:36.000 And then, no, it's not even one thing.

01:38:38.000 It's like the best is that they're now forcing you.

01:38:40.000 They went from like, I would never, not to be like, hey, it's available.

01:38:44.000 If you'd like to take it, go take it.

01:38:46.000 They went from, I will never take it to, you have to take it.

01:38:50.000 Right.

01:38:50.000 So the most hypocrite.

01:38:51.000 It's a big point here.

01:38:52.000 Because we know Amy said, I'm not taking a vaccine.

01:38:54.000 Trump will kill us all.

01:38:55.000 And then she's like, line me up.

01:38:57.000 I'll take whatever you got.

01:38:58.000 And then the other big one was David Packham, where she said, I'm going to get you fired because you criticize me for saying we should only hire white men.

01:39:08.000 And he goes, that sounds kind of racist and sexist to me.

01:39:11.000 She goes, I'm getting you fired from your school job.

01:39:13.000 He's like an assistant professor or something.

01:39:15.000 And then he goes, remember when you tried to get, he brought it up later.

01:39:19.000 She goes, yeah, that woman, Amy Siskin, tried to get me fired last year.

01:39:21.000 And she goes, I would never do such a thing.

01:39:24.000 I'm going to sue you.

01:39:25.000 And he's like, well, here's the quote.

01:39:29.000 It's here.

01:39:31.000 You posted it on Facebook.

01:39:33.000 Somebody linked this.

01:39:40.000 Nice shoulders.

01:39:43.000 You're a bunch of pussies.

01:39:47.000 Okay.

01:39:47.000 You're a bunch of cumbaged pussies.

01:39:51.000 You ain't shit.

01:39:53.000 You know you ain't shit.

01:39:56.000 What?

01:39:57.000 Did you forget that I came out, nigga?

01:40:00.000 Did you forget that I came out?

01:40:03.000 I'd shut your fagged ass up right now, little boy.

01:40:06.000 He's reading a script just like that black guy.

01:40:09.000 Did you forget that I came out?

01:40:11.000 Is this a rap or like a WWE promo?

01:40:14.000 I don't know.

01:40:14.000 Why did you show that?

01:40:15.000 I want to get back to Amy.

01:40:16.000 Skip forward.

01:40:17.000 Maybe he has some point here.

01:40:18.000 Maybe he's going to give us an example.

01:40:22.000 Do those guys pull up visuals?

01:40:23.000 Visuals?

01:40:25.000 A Dutch oven of gas, too, right?

01:40:27.000 You put them under the thing and you start fucking using it.

01:40:30.000 Just 10 bean burritos deep and you go, this doesn't smell right.

01:40:33.000 What did they do for views that show?

01:40:34.000 That's a Dutch oven of gaslighting.

01:40:36.000 10,000?

01:40:39.000 They posted a bunch of things back to back with her saying the opposite things.

01:40:45.000 And then she posted a big thing being like, these places are a hub of misinformation.

01:40:52.000 And they're like, they're just sent their trolls after you go.

01:40:54.000 And she just kept saying that they're misinformation hubs, but all they do is post your tweets.

01:41:02.000 I didn't realize that.

01:41:03.000 She tried to shut that account down.

01:41:05.000 We need to shut down her account, guys.

01:41:07.000 It will destroy her.

01:41:09.000 She will be so fucking devastated.

01:41:11.000 Will she be like Obi-Wan Kenobi where she's more powerful off Twitter than on Twitter?

01:41:16.000 That's all she has.

01:41:17.000 She's kicked out of finance.

01:41:18.000 She kicked herself out of her own marriage.

01:41:20.000 Her kids got too old.

01:41:21.000 They kicked her out of motherhood.

01:41:22.000 She's just got her dogs and Twitter.

01:41:24.000 And her big thighs.

01:41:26.000 She's got nurse thighs.

01:41:27.000 You ever see pics?

01:41:29.000 No, I don't care.

01:41:30.000 Not proportional.

01:41:30.000 I don't care.

01:41:32.000 It's gross.

01:41:33.000 But do they have another example of her?

01:41:35.000 Go back.

01:41:36.000 We finally got to the meet and you wandered away.

01:41:39.000 They're posting misinformation.

01:41:42.000 She posts that and they go, a screenshot?

01:41:44.000 Save that for later.

01:41:45.000 Yeah.

01:41:46.000 And then we're going to post it again.

01:41:48.000 It's just an endless cycle.

01:41:50.000 Yeah, totally.

01:41:51.000 But you were.

01:41:52.000 Who did you work for her?

01:41:53.000 She used to be, I was looking at her thing.

01:41:55.000 She's like, I'm going to do a little killer or something.

01:41:56.000 Some bullshit like that, but she writes for a bunch of different places.

01:42:00.000 But also, she used to be like a hedge fund person.

01:42:05.000 She's like up there in the finance.

01:42:09.000 Leave it all behind her, you know.

01:42:10.000 All right, let's get to the final video.

01:42:12.000 Yes.

01:42:29.000 What should the structure be for this health?

01:42:31.000 Should we go like I think we should do loops?

01:42:35.000 So we do racism, sexism, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:42:39.000 Then we go to the mailbag.

01:42:41.000 Then we do a bunch of final videos.

01:42:45.000 Then we go back and MyPet Biden and did it, did it, did it.

01:42:49.000 That's fun.

01:42:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:51.000 So there's like every hour there's a mailbag kind of cluster sets.

01:42:55.000 Yeah, like just clusterfucks.

01:42:57.000 Cluster fucks.

01:42:58.000 Just shows upon shows upon shows.

01:43:01.000 I wish my name was Jonathan Cluster Fucks.

01:43:03.000 Dude, that would be...

01:43:04.000 Excuse me?

01:43:06.000 I wish my name was Jonathan Cluster Fucks.

01:43:08.000 You're doubling down.

01:43:09.000 Okay, you're leaning into it.

01:43:11.000 I was giving you an out.

01:43:13.000 It's amazing how many things I call my youngest boy.

01:43:16.000 Johnny Bones, JB, Bones, Charles.

01:43:20.000 Charles.

01:43:21.000 That's a fun one.

01:43:22.000 That was my nickname at a restaurant.

01:43:25.000 What else do I call him?

01:43:27.000 JJ.

01:43:28.000 Johnny Booboo Puff.

01:43:30.000 That's cool.

01:43:31.000 That's a lot of them.

01:43:32.000 Yeah.

01:43:33.000 I call my baby a bunch of weird stuff, too, like beep boop or like I can make one up.

01:43:39.000 Smoogly poof.

01:43:40.000 Just made that up.

01:43:41.000 I'm going to call her that later.

01:43:43.000 That was gay and boring.

01:43:45.000 Ruled and ruled.

01:43:46.000 No, because I'm talking about things I've said a thousand times.

01:43:48.000 You're just making up words and pretending it's relevant.

01:43:51.000 Yeah, making up.

01:43:51.000 Don't you make up ones and then some of them stick?

01:43:53.000 No, they happen organically.

01:43:55.000 They're wonderful.

01:43:55.000 Of course I make them up.

01:43:56.000 No, the government gave me those nicknames for my kid.

01:43:59.000 Oh, You got to link me to that site.

01:44:01.000 You got to what?

01:44:02.000 Link me to that site.

01:44:04.000 Yeah, it's called thehowtobefunny.com.

01:44:07.000 You should spend the rest of your life there doing research.

01:44:09.000 Anyway, you just ruined the punchline here.

01:44:11.000 I was going to talk about how hard women work, especially at Subway.

01:44:16.000 And occasionally a woman would like to take a nap.

01:44:19.000 If that's on your bun, let her nap.

01:44:21.000 You never wake a sleeping baby and you never wake a sleeping lazy.

01:44:33.000 Hey, you said you were going to put pepper on that.

01:44:35.000 Black pepper I asked for.

01:44:38.000 Can you put the black pepper on it?

01:44:42.000 That's going to be yaws at the end of the telethon.

01:44:45.000 Oh, thanks for crawling.

01:44:48.000 Look at this.

01:44:48.000 So the pepper comes back.

01:44:50.000 And here we go.

01:44:53.000 We're back.

01:45:00.000 Fun show.

01:45:01.000 Repeat that you didn't know about.

01:45:05.000 I actually only got to half the stuff because we were doing so much chatting.

01:45:08.000 I think I prefer that format, though.

01:45:10.000 Yeah, it's a little more.

01:45:11.000 I like shooting the shit rather than just hammering through the fucking news like you don't own a computer or a phone.

01:45:17.000 We'll see you tomorrow.

01:45:19.000 I don't know that one.

01:45:21.000 Oh, computer.

01:45:23.000 We'll see you tomorrow, more of the same.

01:45:26.000 And Wednesday is fucking Anthony.

01:45:34.000 Thursday, we're going to do a normal show, a live show.

01:45:38.000 And then Friday, 6 p.m., we're going to go for as long as we can and try to get the subs up to 30,000.

01:45:47.000 Sound good?

01:45:48.000 Sounds good.

01:45:49.000 You've got all kinds of tricks up your sleeve for the show?

01:45:51.000 Game shows?

01:45:52.000 I got some games.

01:45:53.000 Games.

01:45:55.000 I like games, board games, any type of game.

01:45:59.000 You have Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, but no one will play with me because I always win.

01:46:04.000 That's from a bad dating show.

01:46:06.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 13, 2021

S04E64 - GAY BILL CLINTON

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