Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S04E73 - 100$

00:00:03.000 The 2020 election was under historic protection.

00:00:07.000 Subject to inspection.

00:00:08.000 But someone didn't accept his rejection.

00:00:10.000 Had to go and start an insurrection.

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGivens.

00:00:20.000 Detestable or is it?

00:00:22.000 Now they're calling it a tourist visit, voting against an investigation.

00:00:26.000 Misinformation.

00:00:43.000 Nothing but a beat, meat, nothing but a beat meat, nothing but a beat, meat, line.

00:00:47.000 Nothing but a big meat, nothing but a beat, meat line.

00:00:51.000 Give me be conservatives, conserving.

00:00:54.000 Entruthed your earning.

00:00:56.000 Profits is what they're turning.

00:00:57.000 Flag hooking for the dollar bills they're turning.

00:01:00.000 It's a burden.

00:01:01.000 Dollar bills they're churning.

00:01:02.000 It's a burden.

00:01:04.000 That was pretty grim, wasn't it?

00:01:06.000 That is Alex Skolnick, the lead guitar player for Exodus.

00:01:13.000 That awesome thrash band, metal band, heavy shit band that I used to almost be scared of.

00:01:21.000 Ooh, Exodus, obituary.

00:01:24.000 Those dudes are heavy shit, man.

00:01:27.000 Municipal waste.

00:01:29.000 Thrash.

00:01:30.000 I'm scared.

00:01:31.000 And then they go and ruin their entire discography.

00:01:35.000 If I was the other dudes in the band, I'd be really pissed.

00:01:37.000 I'd go, what the fuck was that gay political rap you did? 1.00

00:01:41.000 It sucks.

00:01:44.000 And it's about misinformation.

00:01:47.000 Like, you assume if a metal band is going to be political, they're going to have teeth and not be totally down with misinformation.

00:01:56.000 The BIG.

00:01:57.000 LIE.

00:01:58.000 So he's saying that the concept of the election being stolen is a B-I-G-L-I-E.

00:02:04.000 Go back to it for one second.

00:02:06.000 Sure.

00:02:07.000 So yucky.

00:02:17.000 What are the hands?

00:02:19.000 I don't know what is going on with this hand.

00:02:22.000 And like, is it metal to be defending the election?

00:02:33.000 Is he a broken robot?

00:02:35.000 Is he in Pee-Wee's playoffs?

00:02:37.000 My robot is malfunctioning.

00:02:39.000 Yeah.

00:02:40.000 My fucking metal guitarist is malfunctioning.

00:02:45.000 I watched a lot of documentaries this weekend.

00:02:46.000 We're going to get into that in a second.

00:02:48.000 And 90 Day Fiancé I also watched.

00:02:51.000 I'm not very happy with Gav this weekend.

00:02:53.000 I was a good dad on Saturday.

00:02:55.000 Brought the youngest to Boggining.

00:02:58.000 And then got drunk Saturday night.

00:03:04.000 Woke up with my pants on.

00:03:06.000 Fucking.

00:03:07.000 Sunday I didn't do shit for the boy.

00:03:09.000 Like the teenagers can take care of themselves, but my son, my youngest boy, he's got like a couple friends.

00:03:17.000 One of them was quarantined.

00:03:18.000 The other didn't have snow pants.

00:03:20.000 Okay.

00:03:21.000 So he can't play?

00:03:23.000 You know, he'll get too cold.

00:03:24.000 Okay, well, get him some fucking snow pants then.

00:03:28.000 Shit.

00:03:29.000 So I got to be his pal.

00:03:31.000 And Saturday, I mean, Sunday, I just neglected him.

00:03:34.000 And then you feel shitty about yourself.

00:03:36.000 And then you don't want to do anything.

00:03:39.000 Being hungover was part of it too, but I'm not very impressed with the G-Dog.

00:03:45.000 And I let my son, my eldest boy, play video games from when he got home on Saturday at 3 to like midnight that night.

00:03:52.000 So that's 9 hours, 10, 11, 12.

00:03:55.000 And then the entire Sunday.

00:03:58.000 Damn.

00:03:58.000 Like 11 hours.

00:04:02.000 He would just come out and eat goldfish and smash some carbs.

00:04:06.000 That's not a good dad.

00:04:09.000 Do you know what game at least?

00:04:11.000 I think it's MLB, The Show, and Fortnite.

00:04:16.000 But the thing that made me reluctant to discipline him was, first I was lazy.

00:04:22.000 And secondly, I don't know, I can hear him in there screaming, fuck you, and laughing his head off and stuff.

00:04:27.000 So he's socializing.

00:04:29.000 And the weather was shit.

00:04:31.000 I don't know.

00:04:32.000 It's tough with these headsets.

00:04:35.000 Because are you really wasting time if you're talking to all your friends?

00:04:39.000 And again, I don't like adults playing fucking video games for 11 hours.

00:04:44.000 But if you're a teenage boy, 13, maybe it's not so bad.

00:04:51.000 Bob Saget is dead, folks.

00:04:54.000 Rest in peace.

00:04:55.000 I don't give one tenth of a shit.

00:04:59.000 I mean, I was kind of sad when Norm McDonald died, but I don't understand why everyone is talking about like Andy No and Ian Miles Chong, all these political people are saying, Bob Sagitt just passed.

00:05:12.000 So?

00:05:13.000 He did Full House, which was a piece of shit, garbage sitcom for tiny children.

00:05:20.000 And then there was America's Funniest Home Videos, which was painful to watch.

00:05:25.000 He was so cringe.

00:05:26.000 And then he does his stand-up.

00:05:28.000 And I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it was just like gratuitously raunchy and dick jokes and sucked.

00:05:36.000 I loved it.

00:05:37.000 I bought it last night.

00:05:39.000 You did?

00:05:40.000 Well, isn't that proof that Bob Sagitt sucks when Ryan goes, I like him?

00:05:50.000 And I had a buffon and Stamos had a mullet and Cooley had like a reverse sting flock of seagulls piece of shit on his head.

00:05:56.000 I don't know what the fuck that thing was.

00:05:59.000 But if you see somebody with that on their head, you fucking shoot that thing off because that is fucked up and wrong.

00:06:05.000 And I love him.

00:06:05.000 He's like a sister to me.

00:06:06.000 I love him.

00:06:08.000 He's a good guy.

00:06:09.000 If he could learn to wipe front to back, he'd be fine.

00:06:12.000 That ain't right because I have no fucking idea why.

00:06:16.000 Because I'm a genius, according to my gynecologist, who said that Glitoris is gigantic.

00:06:24.000 And thank you.

00:06:28.000 He's Canadian, isn't he?

00:06:31.000 I don't think so.

00:06:34.000 Anyway, do we really care when people die outside of our loved ones?

00:06:39.000 Like Prince.

00:06:41.000 He had two good albums in the early 80s.

00:06:43.000 My wife's in tears.

00:06:44.000 I go, the albums are still there.

00:06:46.000 Or even in this documentary I watched called Godfathers of Hardcore 1-7.

00:06:53.000 They're like, Roger Murray Moret, he pronounces it, has changed so many lives with this band.

00:07:00.000 And if he stops, you know, we don't have him anymore.

00:07:02.000 No, we got him.

00:07:03.000 I think they have 12 studio albums.

00:07:06.000 We'll be good.

00:07:08.000 See, this, I was texting Amanda Milius, who did the plot against the president, and I go, every time I watch a doc, yours gets better because I realize how hard it is to make a good documentary.

00:07:21.000 And here's the number one problem with all these music docs.

00:07:25.000 They're by superfans for super fans.

00:07:28.000 So I enjoyed this because I know all those songs and I know those guys.

00:07:31.000 Well, I don't really know them.

00:07:32.000 I know of them.

00:07:34.000 I've heard a million Vinny Stigma stories over the years.

00:07:37.000 So I'm enjoying that prank call and stuff.

00:07:40.000 But if you don't know tons of agnostic front songs and you weren't following them back in the 80s, then this is boring to you.

00:07:50.000 That's Freddy Manball.

00:07:51.000 That's Freddie Manball.

00:07:54.000 And here's what they don't understand.

00:07:56.000 A documentary is still a movie.

00:08:00.000 So it has, it should be in three acts.

00:08:03.000 And you got to wow as in the third act.

00:08:05.000 And this is another thing I kept screaming at Vice.

00:08:08.000 And I said this last week.

00:08:10.000 We had this guy, Thurston Howell III.

00:08:12.000 He was a rapper, and he had a song called MCs Still Living With Their Moms.

00:08:16.000 And he's like all about being Puerto Rican in the Lower East Side, where an agnostic friend is from.

00:08:23.000 And he was joking about himself, like how you have the posters on your walls that you had when you were 12 and you're 32 now.

00:08:33.000 That was funny.

00:08:33.000 So when I was talking to the writer, I say, look, Thurston Howe, the fans are already happy now because he's there.

00:08:41.000 So do, like, talk about being Puerto Rican in the East Village and maybe bring in some stats on welfare down there and how many people like don't move and all that shit.

00:08:53.000 Put all that in.

00:08:54.000 So now my motto was, I want my mom to want to read it.

00:08:59.000 So make it interesting about Puerto Ricans in the East Village.

00:09:02.000 Don't get into like, what inspired you to do this song and all that dumb shit they ask musicians.

00:09:08.000 It doesn't help anyone.

00:09:10.000 And now we have two things.

00:09:11.000 We have an interview with a rapper, fans are happy, and we have an interview with the 32-year-old Puerto Rican who lives with his mom.

00:09:19.000 And this is what they got to do in docs.

00:09:22.000 Like when you're talking about agnostic front, you got to talk about the culture of the 80s in the Lower East Side and how fucking violent it was.

00:09:32.000 And that's why the music was so violent.

00:09:34.000 And these guys were, you know, they thought they were Nazi skinheads because they had, they said oi and they had, they were skinheads.

00:09:43.000 But they weren't racist.

00:09:46.000 It's just that they were fucking heavy and they sang about junkies and people on welfare can go fuck themselves and all that kind of stuff because that was life in the Lower East Side.

00:09:57.000 So I think the animosity this band got from West Coasters was really like middle class people versus working class people.

00:10:03.000 And them going, ew, those guys are like way too much.

00:10:07.000 And so that sounds gay.

00:10:08.000 So you say, those guys are racist.

00:10:10.000 And that makes you sound a little cooler.

00:10:13.000 Which is the real deal with the Proud Boys.

00:10:16.000 What's actually going on here is it's middle class people who are journalists, right?

00:10:21.000 Most journalists are middle class, grew up middle class.

00:10:25.000 A boring, shocked by, disgusted by working class people. 1.00

00:10:32.000 Racist is just a term that means, I don't like that guy and I'm right.

00:10:36.000 It's sort of like when people go, I'm not really offended by that joke.

00:10:40.000 It's just not funny.

00:10:41.000 What they mean is I'm offended by the joke, but you can't say that or you sound like church lady. 0.77

00:10:45.000 So you just go, it's just not funny.

00:10:49.000 So you want to say, I'm disgusted by Proud Boys, but that makes you sound like a pussy. 1.00

00:10:54.000 So you go, they're racist and that disappoints me.

00:10:58.000 And it was the same with the West Coast view of Agnostic Front.

00:11:00.000 That little thing I just said is not in the movie at all.

00:11:04.000 And he starts it out.

00:11:07.000 He's recreated a punk squat from the 80s with actors dressed in old punk clothes.

00:11:13.000 Great.

00:11:14.000 Then he abandons that.

00:11:18.000 It should be like a novel, right?

00:11:21.000 With like a plot, but it just happens to be true.

00:11:24.000 This is what they always do.

00:11:26.000 They get all of the information like 100%.

00:11:30.000 Then they put it in chronological order and then they barf it out.

00:11:34.000 So the DC movie starts with Bad Brains and Teen Idols and ends with like, you know, Fugazi and all those later Discord bands.

00:11:46.000 I mean, it's almost like they're chronicling it for the Dewey Decimal System for some sort of vault, some sort of archive, which I guess is good.

00:11:54.000 You know, you do that.

00:11:55.000 Now we have all the information.

00:11:57.000 But if you're going to make a movie, take those ingredients and bake me a pie.

00:12:04.000 I just ate a bunch of ingredients.

00:12:06.000 Whereas my youngest used to say, ingredi dents.

00:12:09.000 What's this part where he peed?

00:12:11.000 No, he was sick.

00:12:13.000 He had a fever and they don't take days off.

00:12:15.000 So he was sweating like a fucking pig on stage.

00:12:18.000 That's crazy.

00:12:19.000 Yeah.

00:12:20.000 And then he has a heart attack.

00:12:22.000 Whoa.

00:12:22.000 Towards the end.

00:12:23.000 No, not whoa.

00:12:24.000 Heart attack's not a big deal.

00:12:26.000 When you're 60?

00:12:28.000 So this is all heavy, like at the doctor's office.

00:12:31.000 His heart is, she goes, he has the heart of someone who should be 6'4.

00:12:36.000 He's 5'9.

00:12:37.000 You're like, okay.

00:12:38.000 So it's a tiny bit bigger than normal.

00:12:41.000 Like Maddie has a fucking, he's a bionic man.

00:12:44.000 He doesn't even have a heart.

00:12:45.000 He's linking the Wizard of Oz.

00:12:47.000 And we never talk about that.

00:12:49.000 We're not like, if you did a documentary on this show, we wouldn't make the last third about Maddie's heart.

00:12:55.000 He could die at any moment.

00:13:01.000 Speaking of wait, die in any moment.

00:13:04.000 It's theorized that what's it called, Bob Sagett died of the booster.

00:13:10.000 Ooh.

00:13:12.000 I saw that.

00:13:13.000 Yeah, here we go.

00:13:14.000 Shock, legendary comedian dies suddenly a month after receiving the COVID booster shot.

00:13:22.000 Interestante.

00:13:25.000 Hmm.

00:13:26.000 Did you show any of Salad Days?

00:13:28.000 We've already covered the whole thing, but.

00:13:31.000 I don't think we showed any Salad Days.

00:13:33.000 No, the documentary shitlips.

00:13:37.000 But did I mention, too, that Salad Days is a song, a wonderful song by Minor Threat.

00:13:46.000 That's about how you shouldn't glorify your scene.

00:13:50.000 Or sorry, you should glorify your scene.

00:13:52.000 Like the beauty of punk rock was London and New York, maybe a bit of LA.

00:13:56.000 And if you weren't part of that, you're a loser.

00:13:59.000 But hardcore was sped up and less glamorous and less outfitty.

00:14:04.000 And that was like your scene matters.

00:14:06.000 Your scene in Boise, Idaho.

00:14:07.000 And Maximum Rock and Roll would put out these scene reports.

00:14:11.000 The Ottawa, Canada, Ottawa, Ontario scene report would be there right next to New York City.

00:14:17.000 So my band was in it, Anal Chinook.

00:14:20.000 And we were next, you know, the next page was Agnostic Front.

00:14:23.000 Obviously, Agnostic Front were much more influential.

00:14:26.000 But the beauty of that concept was not to glorify one particular scene.

00:14:31.000 It's like anti-celebrity.

00:14:32.000 DIY was the motto, do it yourself.

00:14:35.000 So we put on all our own shows.

00:14:37.000 And the reason that you hear so much about the D.C. hardcore scene is they were all rich kids.

00:14:44.000 Sons of politicians and professors.

00:14:45.000 And as I said on Getter, they'd buy their kids a dark room.

00:14:48.000 By the way, Ian Mackay is my age.

00:14:51.000 He's never had a drink in his life.

00:14:52.000 He looks fucking amazing.

00:14:55.000 Don't drink, kids.

00:14:57.000 When you think about, you know, what kind of a town Washington, D.C. was at that time.

00:15:02.000 But yeah, they helped.

00:15:03.000 They tried to make it seem tough because Reagan got shot.

00:15:06.000 Yeah, D.C. was a tough town.

00:15:08.000 What with Reagan getting shot?

00:15:09.000 You're the president?

00:15:10.000 Watch out.

00:15:11.000 Meanwhile, the Lower East Side in 1980 was Syria. 0.56

00:15:16.000 They all squatted.

00:15:18.000 When the singer, Roger Moret, had his baby, he kept it in a drawer.

00:15:23.000 Wow.

00:15:25.000 The baby's crying.

00:15:26.000 You just closed the drawer.

00:15:28.000 Quiet.

00:15:30.000 But yeah, they bought them dark rooms and cameras.

00:15:32.000 So it's overdocumented.

00:15:35.000 But every little scene, Montreal, Ottawa, Boise, they all had all really, there's always like three or four amazing bands and then a bunch of stragglers that had moments.

00:15:47.000 Anyway, a big goal of this show is to keep you entertained, tell a story, and have some big picture there.

00:15:56.000 I don't want to just barf out information with no conclusion.

00:16:00.000 Like, that's not a fun conversation.

00:16:03.000 This is a good conversation.

00:16:05.000 I talk for a minute, and we talk about when we're kids, and who bullied and who was bullied.

00:16:14.000 And then you tell a couple anecdotes, similar topic.

00:16:17.000 The next guy, and you don't talk for more than maybe two minutes per person.

00:16:22.000 And then once you've all told our stories, we start drawing conclusions.

00:16:27.000 So it sounds like everyone in their childhood has a phase where they're bullied and a phase when they bully.

00:16:35.000 And maybe that's sort of the way you experience life.

00:16:38.000 You're at the bottom, you're at the top.

00:16:41.000 It's good rehearsal for adult life.

00:16:45.000 There, we just had an interesting conversation.

00:16:47.000 Your stories, by the way, about you bullying and bullied are now in my brain and I've experienced them, which is what makes humans unique.

00:16:55.000 Memes.

00:16:56.000 Forget the memes that your friends send you as jokes.

00:16:58.000 The actual dictionary definition of memes is conveying stories.

00:17:03.000 So the other animals have genes.

00:17:05.000 We get genes and memes.

00:17:08.000 Monkey gets eaten by a saber-toothed tiger or bitten.

00:17:11.000 He goes to the other monkey, hi.

00:17:14.000 We get bitten by a saber-toothed tiger.

00:17:16.000 We go to the other caveman.

00:17:17.000 Don't go near these things.

00:17:19.000 They're fucking vicious and they bit my leg off.

00:17:21.000 Now you have that experience.

00:17:24.000 You get more life.

00:17:29.000 These documentaries didn't give me more life.

00:17:34.000 I just got a bunch of facts.

00:17:38.000 It's like the way women write. 1.00

00:17:40.000 The perfect example is that seeping Bible story that woman wrote for, I don't know what it was, Salon. 1.00

00:17:46.000 It's like 12,000 words.

00:17:48.000 She went there for a week and she discovered that the 84-year-old preacher who claimed that his Bible was weeping oils was actually buying the oil from a hardware store and pouring it on the Bible.

00:17:59.000 So in the least educated county in America, some of the very elderly Christians believe things that aren't true. 0.81

00:18:08.000 Wow.

00:18:11.000 Wow.

00:18:11.000 Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.

00:18:13.000 This is all her notes.

00:18:17.000 It's never ending.

00:18:19.000 It's a Bible.

00:18:22.000 She wrote a Bible.

00:18:25.000 You know what's weird?

00:18:26.000 When she was done writing this, it started oozing.

00:18:29.000 Yeah.

00:18:30.000 She was jealous.

00:18:32.000 That's why she wrote this as a hit piece.

00:18:35.000 And then I watched 90 Day Fiancé, and I thought, did they set up a camera in hell?

00:18:42.000 Who's this?

00:18:44.000 This is my fucking car dealership.

00:18:47.000 I bought my last car.

00:18:50.000 I sat there signing papers for 20 minutes.

00:18:56.000 At one point, and I'm in the finance department.

00:18:58.000 At one point, the guy's desk becomes a computer.

00:19:02.000 It's all high-tech.

00:19:04.000 And he goes like this and turns the PDF around for me.

00:19:06.000 Like minority report?

00:19:08.000 Yeah.

00:19:08.000 Well, it doesn't rise up.

00:19:09.000 It's actually, it is a screen.

00:19:12.000 So then he turns it around.

00:19:13.000 He has me sign.

00:19:14.000 I'm signing that, initialing shit forever.

00:19:17.000 And then my autopay isn't set up, and I'm getting calls from BMW like three times a day.

00:19:22.000 And the worst part is, it's a robot.

00:19:24.000 So when I answer, they go, would you like to make a payment?

00:19:28.000 And then I go, okay, and then just log In to BMW.com with your password.

00:19:32.000 What?

00:19:33.000 What kind of fucking nerd is signed up to his BMW account?

00:19:39.000 So you can do what?

00:19:42.000 Get a new battery?

00:19:43.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:19:46.000 So, yeah, 90 Day Fiancé is getting weirder.

00:19:49.000 And it is, as I said on Getter, horny retards being hustled by damaged sluts. 1.00

00:19:55.000 And they are damaged.

00:19:57.000 This is Caleb and Dana is bizarre.

00:20:03.000 Look at her.

00:20:06.000 How do you fuck that?

00:20:07.000 It's our first morning in Turkey together.

00:20:09.000 And it's kind of sad.

00:20:09.000 I made my wife watch some of it and she's like, I don't like this.

00:20:13.000 And she goes, it's like you're with a kid.

00:20:15.000 And I go, at best, in the final scene in last night's episode, he moves her from the bottom of the bed to the pillows.

00:20:23.000 And he sort of goes, plop, which would be sexy if you were both 5'10.

00:20:29.000 But she's literally two feet tall. 0.97

00:20:31.000 So now it's like, support her neck. 0.92

00:20:34.000 No, it's like necrophilia.

00:20:36.000 It's like it's a body part.

00:20:38.000 It's just a torso.

00:20:39.000 Yeah.

00:20:39.000 So I go, yeah, yeah.

00:20:41.000 It's like it's a kid at best.

00:20:44.000 Right.

00:20:44.000 At worst, it's like you've dismembered a body and you're fucking one of the holes.

00:20:50.000 I mean, how do you hold like her toes?

00:20:52.000 Remember her feet?

00:20:53.000 They're like, they're like stones.

00:20:55.000 They're like Popeye biscuits that someone has glued random toes into.

00:21:00.000 Now, somebody wrote in, oh no, they put a comment on one of Gavin and Friends' thing, man, and it was crazy, man.

00:21:07.000 And they were like, yeah, somebody I love has something similar to this.

00:21:11.000 And it's like, well, you know, God bless them, man, but they're putting this on television like it's normal, man.

00:21:17.000 Are you reading YouTube comments now, Joe?

00:21:20.000 I read, yeah.

00:21:21.000 Weird.

00:21:22.000 People say I look discolored, but that's a conspiracy.

00:21:25.000 There's no evidence, man.

00:21:26.000 The fact-checkers said there was no evidence.

00:21:29.000 I feel fine.

00:21:29.000 Which now fact-checking is you notice something, and because you can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, then it's not true.

00:21:38.000 Right.

00:21:38.000 We saw with our own eyes that they made him dirty brown from a normal color.

00:21:46.000 But yeah, look at those hands.

00:21:48.000 The ideal setup for magic to happen.

00:21:52.000 That was your night.

00:21:54.000 Well, you want me to be honest about it?

00:21:57.000 Yeah, get up here and tell me about it.

00:22:00.000 Look how small the sippy takes.

00:22:02.000 It can happen.

00:22:03.000 There you go.

00:22:04.000 I'm going to have some of that.

00:22:06.000 One eye drop.

00:22:09.000 Look at him.

00:22:11.000 Does he just want to be famous?

00:22:15.000 Is that what's going on here?

00:22:16.000 He wants to be on the TV?

00:22:18.000 Anyway, this is one of the more normal ones.

00:22:22.000 The other woman, this guy looks like one of those probiscus monkeys. 1.00

00:22:25.000 He's a Jewish guy.

00:22:27.000 His nose is comical.

00:22:28.000 His eyes are just two pinholes.

00:22:30.000 And he's bald and hideous and awkward.

00:22:33.000 And he's with this fucking Colombian gangstress who can't have babies. 0.99

00:22:38.000 And her ex-husband, who she has three kids with, is a hitman.

00:22:44.000 Run.

00:22:45.000 Oh, this is, well, this is what I wanted to say.

00:22:50.000 What are you doing way down there?

00:22:51.000 That's 1-5?

00:22:53.000 So that's Jennifer Tavenalo something.

00:22:55.000 When I'm looking at the midget, or whatever you want to call that woman, I'm thinking, dude, it's Russia. 1.00

00:23:00.000 Like, go get a 10.

00:23:03.000 And there was a guy who did that, 1-4.

00:23:06.000 This woman is a 10. 1.00

00:23:08.000 And her accent isn't that bad.

00:23:09.000 She's Colombian, not married to a Hitman. 0.89

00:23:11.000 She's not a midget. 1.00

00:23:14.000 This is Jasmine.

00:23:15.000 And this guy won't fuck her. 1.00

00:23:17.000 Jennifer.

00:23:18.000 Look at her.

00:23:20.000 She's comically beautiful.

00:23:23.000 Like, it's funny.

00:23:25.000 Her tits even are otherworldly. 1.00

00:23:32.000 I don't usually get to know new people, to be honest.

00:23:36.000 Speaks English perfectly.

00:23:42.000 So we arrived.

00:23:43.000 You know what she looks like?

00:23:44.000 That filter where you can make your face a Disney face?

00:23:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:48.000 She's Disney-esque. 0.87

00:23:50.000 Really?

00:23:50.000 Yeah, right.

00:23:51.000 Like a Moana? 1.00

00:23:52.000 I think so.

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.000 A certain Disney movie.

00:23:54.000 What a smoke show.

00:23:56.000 The guy with the midget must be going, wait, you can do those? 1.00

00:24:00.000 I want one of those.

00:24:04.000 This is the woman who was dating that guy that we decided was a lesbian and doesn't have a penis because he'd never fuck her. 1.00

00:24:12.000 That was one five.

00:24:13.000 Remember that guy?

00:24:14.000 He still does it.

00:24:15.000 He still does the thing where you watch 90-day fiancé and me all have to look at your toes because you're in bed.

00:24:21.000 That guy.

00:24:23.000 Remember we decided he was a lesbian?

00:24:26.000 Yeah.

00:24:28.000 Oh my God.

00:24:30.000 We are almost there.

00:24:32.000 I'm a fact checker.

00:24:33.000 There is no evidence that he has a penis.

00:24:36.000 Let's try this.

00:24:37.000 Look at him.

00:24:38.000 What is it?

00:24:40.000 This is a swing.

00:24:45.000 No, thank you.

00:24:47.000 No, no, no.

00:24:48.000 Or that time, baby.

00:24:49.000 He doesn't have balls either.

00:24:56.000 You have to do it with me.

00:24:56.000 Is that the same chick?

00:24:58.000 Yeah.

00:24:58.000 Oh, okay.

00:25:00.000 But go back to the 1-4.

00:25:02.000 So she can't get him to fuck her. 1.00

00:25:04.000 I believe it's because you can't fuck with two pussies. 1.00

00:25:07.000 They could scissor.

00:25:09.000 And then that Dutch Netherlands dude, he doesn't put out.

00:25:13.000 He goes, I want to get to know her.

00:25:15.000 I don't.

00:25:17.000 I know her.

00:25:19.000 She's the one.

00:25:20.000 I would wear her like a condom within the first second of getting there. 1.00

00:25:25.000 Look at what he's wearing.

00:25:29.000 What is going on in the Netherlands?

00:25:32.000 Little sparkly bow tie?

00:25:34.000 Are you kidding me?

00:25:39.000 I agree with everything she said.

00:25:42.000 Non-carbonated Merlot.

00:25:45.000 There is a language barrier right now.

00:25:46.000 No, there's not.

00:25:49.000 The one with the Hitman X, they only speak through a translator machine.

00:25:58.000 And then they have this Muslim Guy, this Palestinian dude, who's with this black chick, and she's not supposed to fuck because they're religious. 1.00

00:26:06.000 And what is he drinking?

00:26:09.000 Apple juice?

00:26:20.000 Did you get raw, actually?

00:26:22.000 Did you get raw?

00:26:23.000 Because mine is raw.

00:26:25.000 No, it's rare, you fucking idiot.

00:26:28.000 It's seared.

00:26:30.000 That looks delicious.

00:26:30.000 I don't know what's going on.

00:26:32.000 I didn't get what I want.

00:26:33.000 I got some weird drinks.

00:26:35.000 This is my first time here, too.

00:26:37.000 Senor?

00:26:39.000 She looks like the chick from Square Pegs. 1.00

00:26:43.000 Look at her.

00:26:45.000 We wanted a Merlot red wine.

00:26:47.000 I don't know what this is.

00:26:51.000 You have no red wine?

00:26:54.000 Okay.

00:26:56.000 Also, this steak is like raw.

00:27:00.000 And some vegetables, please.

00:27:03.000 I'm not against what he's doing, but he's coming off kind of like a bitch. 1.00

00:27:10.000 You come across this.

00:27:14.000 Is there a dog in here?

00:27:15.000 That pisses you off, too.

00:27:17.000 We're on his side now.

00:27:19.000 No, not in Colombia.

00:27:21.000 It pisses me off in America.

00:27:23.000 You're lucky there's not a dude with an AK-47 in there.

00:27:26.000 Please.

00:27:26.000 All right, speaking of things that piss me off, I have to cover this.

00:27:31.000 I don't like watching the English language die.

00:27:34.000 I'm not a grammar Nazi.

00:27:36.000 Okay, I am a grammar Nazi, but it's because I respect English and I love it.

00:27:44.000 It's not a floral language.

00:27:46.000 It's not Latin-based.

00:27:47.000 It's not like French or Spanish where you have male and female.

00:27:52.000 Those languages are great for poetry and art and stuff.

00:27:56.000 English is a Swiss army knife.

00:27:58.000 We cut out all the color.

00:28:00.000 In fact, even the word color in America, we don't do the OU.

00:28:04.000 We've stripped it down.

00:28:06.000 It's bare bones.

00:28:07.000 I think it was the Vikings in Britain when they were taking over the UK. 0.99

00:28:13.000 They decided to strip whatever English was back then to a much more bare bones thing.

00:28:19.000 It's originally Germanic.

00:28:22.000 And it's great.

00:28:23.000 And it's not demanding.

00:28:25.000 And even with these few rules to make it structured, like an Oxford comma, where you're listing a bunch of things.

00:28:34.000 And then the last one, you put a comma before the and.

00:28:37.000 Stop starting a sentence with and.

00:28:39.000 Stop starting a sentence with but.

00:28:42.000 But there's something far more egregious happening in the English language.

00:28:46.000 If you follow me on Getter, you know what this is.

00:28:49.000 But we have to address it.

00:29:07.000 Dollar sign on the wrong side of the number.

00:29:10.000 Every time I see it, a piece of me dies.

00:29:15.000 Because when I see it, I go, doesn't that look weird to you?

00:29:19.000 And it doesn't.

00:29:19.000 You know why?

00:29:21.000 Because no one reads anymore.

00:29:23.000 The only things they read is other illiterate people's posts.

00:29:26.000 And those people don't read.

00:29:28.000 So I really feel like we're watching the English language die.

00:29:31.000 Teachers, of course, are incompetent.

00:29:33.000 And when my kids were going to public school in Brooklyn, they would get messages like, you're awesome while you are and no murkers.

00:29:42.000 And that didn't look unusual to the teacher because the teachers difference.

00:29:48.000 The teachers don't read either, despite working a tenth as much as the rest of us do, getting two months off in the summer, two months of holidays, home at 320.

00:29:59.000 Anyway, that's a whole other kettle of fish.

00:30:02.000 But let's start with the, what do we got?

00:30:04.000 The politician?

00:30:05.000 Yeah, only $180 sign, and you can get a PCR test in the Eaton Center.

00:30:09.000 This is a Canadian politician, blue check politician.

00:30:14.000 And that doesn't look weird to her.

00:30:16.000 So she doesn't read books.

00:30:18.000 Next.

00:30:21.000 Who cares?

00:30:22.000 Come on, everybody.

00:30:24.000 So this is, I've talked about this a lot, but baby formula is popular with junkies because it resells well.

00:30:31.000 And when people see that it's expensive, they go, oh, these poor mothers, they can't afford it. 0.98

00:30:37.000 And so they think it's shoplifted a lot because it's so expensive.

00:30:41.000 So they leave money in it or under it.

00:30:46.000 Lady, it doesn't get shoplifted by a poor, struggling mother. 1.00

00:30:49.000 It gets shoplifted by a poor, struggling junkie.

00:30:52.000 So not only are you putting the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number, you're putting your money on the wrong side of society by paying junkies to shoplift, you stupid bitch. 1.00

00:31:01.000 And they almost always have their dog as an avatar, these dumb cunts. 0.99

00:31:05.000 Next.

00:31:07.000 This is a genius who bought a KFC monitor with, oh no, a McDonald's menu off a junkie for $75.

00:31:16.000 And if you're stupid enough to put the dollar sign on the wrong side, you're stupid enough to buy something from a fucking junkie.

00:31:24.000 Moron.

00:31:27.000 Oh, this is a weird one.

00:31:29.000 So Chance the Rapper says, would you rather have $30 million or 30 million friends?

00:31:35.000 No one wants 30 million friends.

00:31:37.000 No one wants more than like 10 friends.

00:31:40.000 Do you mean fans?

00:31:42.000 What the fuck is 30 million loyal friends?

00:31:44.000 Do you go on vacation with them every year?

00:31:48.000 That's the size of fucking Canada, dumbass.

00:31:51.000 Anyway, this genius, who, by the way, Chance the Rapper says, someone get a hold of this man.

00:31:57.000 Someone connect me with this man.

00:31:58.000 He's a genius.

00:32:00.000 So this smart guy, Todd, wants you to know that he'd have 30 million loyal friends.

00:32:04.000 He'd at everyone for $5.

00:32:08.000 Not only is the dollar sign in the wrong spot, it's broken.

00:32:11.000 What is going on there?

00:32:12.000 It's italic.

00:32:14.000 And then when he writes $150 million, he puts a dollar sign there.

00:32:17.000 By the way, I've had people argue with me after I correct them.

00:32:21.000 And instead of going, oh, stupid me.

00:32:24.000 I can't believe I did that.

00:32:25.000 They go, no, actually, do you say dollars $100 or $100?

00:32:30.000 See, you're the stupid idiot.

00:32:33.000 Like that, you can't even come back from.

00:32:35.000 You just have to go and watch a little piece of the English language permanently die.

00:32:41.000 So, anyway, he's got some bullshit Kakamimi scheme where he's going to open a chocolate factory and then charge all 30 million people this and 30 million that, and he'd make 30 million a day or some bullshit.

00:32:51.000 And every single time he talks about his brilliant plan, how smart he is, he does this shit, which says, I'm a fucking idiot.

00:32:59.000 And what's with the dot, dot, then?

00:33:02.000 Dot, dot.

00:33:03.000 This guy needs to be strangled. 0.66

00:33:06.000 Like, this is sub-8-year-old level.

00:33:09.000 This is like second-grade writing.

00:33:12.000 Next.

00:33:18.000 Okay, so these now are, I think Lauren Southern or someone was shitting on Jack Murphy, which whatever, you know our position on that.

00:33:25.000 I don't really care about your sex life, but I get that people are mad that he's teaching, getting money to be, teach people how to be a man.

00:33:31.000 And then also, he had promoted cuck porn, whatever, or cucking in general.

00:33:37.000 So someone says, like, I can't believe he was charging $100 a month.

00:33:41.000 And as these people are shitting on Jack and talking about how stupid he is and what an asshole he is, they're all putting the dollar sign in the wrong spot.

00:33:48.000 Like half a dozen times.

00:33:51.000 Stop exaggerating.

00:33:52.000 It was only $99 a month.

00:33:55.000 Again, that doesn't look weird to the animal avatar because they've never picked up a book.

00:34:01.000 Next.

00:34:03.000 Oh, this guy, this is the guy who called me a moron.

00:34:06.000 I DM'd him.

00:34:08.000 And I said, how do you not know where the, and I do dollar sign?

00:34:11.000 How do you not know where the dollar sign goes?

00:34:12.000 And he goes, yeah, exactly.

00:34:14.000 Why don't they know that?

00:34:15.000 It's so corrupt.

00:34:16.000 He thought I meant, how do they not know where the money goes?

00:34:19.000 So then I'm going, no, moron, I'm talking about you.

00:34:22.000 You don't know where, and I wrote out dollar sign.

00:34:25.000 And then he's the one who goes, is it dollars $100 or $100, moron?

00:34:31.000 So all these men have you themselves as either weak have no guidance got ripped off from his program that he was charging $100.

00:34:36.000 This is a weird liberal thing, too.

00:34:37.000 They hate money.

00:34:38.000 Like I saw some, I think it was a Daily Beast article where they go, Alex Jones made $165 million last year.

00:34:47.000 Fuck him.

00:34:48.000 I hope he dies.

00:34:49.000 Like just money is a sin.

00:34:52.000 Next.

00:34:55.000 Exact same thing.

00:34:57.000 Zoom out?

00:34:58.000 Oh, this might be the original one.

00:35:01.000 Oh, no, no.

00:35:02.000 Sorry, it's not.

00:35:02.000 It's sad knowing all men who viewed themselves the other week.

00:35:04.000 Wait, that's the same thing.

00:35:06.000 You just showed that one twice.

00:35:09.000 Yeah, that's the same one.

00:35:12.000 Well, those are them?

00:35:12.000 That's it?

00:35:13.000 Yes.

00:35:14.000 I mean, am I crazy?

00:35:16.000 Does it break your heart too?

00:35:17.000 It's indicative of something much bigger than a typo.

00:35:21.000 This is the death of English. 0.99

00:35:23.000 This is a death of reading.

00:35:24.000 This is the death of curiosity.

00:35:26.000 Seeing that dollar sign on the wrong side of the number should snap your heart in two.

00:35:38.000 Fighting one, man.

00:35:38.000 There ain't no mystery.

00:35:40.000 Chalk it up to provisionist history.

00:35:42.000 Your conspiracy, don't be illumined.

00:35:43.000 The earth is round and we went to the moon.

00:35:47.000 Oh, the earth is round and we went to the moon.

00:35:49.000 So if you doubt this election, Joe Biden, Exodus loves their Joe Biden.

00:35:56.000 If you doubt this election, then you are the same kind of person who thinks the earth is flat and we never went to the moon.

00:36:08.000 Is he Native American or did he turn Native American with age?

00:36:13.000 Well, Skolnik sounds kind of Polish.

00:36:20.000 He looks exactly like this Native American bodybuilder from Canada.

00:36:24.000 I guess he's a First Nations then, right?

00:36:26.000 Native Americans up in Canada, First Nations.

00:36:30.000 Looks exactly like a mountain.

00:36:35.000 All right.

00:36:35.000 We're talking about writing and how important it is, and it reminds me of Norman Mailer.

00:36:40.000 This is so fucking weird.

00:36:42.000 Norman Mailer wanted to be Hemingway.

00:36:45.000 He wanted to be a bad boy.

00:36:46.000 He was a good writer, but not great.

00:36:49.000 And he kissed a lot of ass, a black ass, and he was always fighting and stuff and being violent, and that was kind of cool back then. 1.00

00:37:00.000 He was never arrested for it, I don't think.

00:37:02.000 He fucking stabbed his wife because she called him, I don't know, a wimp or something.

00:37:08.000 She lived.

00:37:08.000 He stabbed her.

00:37:09.000 It was just a penknife.

00:37:12.000 But he did an article a long ass time ago called The White Negro.

00:37:20.000 And it basically said, look, man, he's trying to be a beatneck, right?

00:37:26.000 And he's like, look, man, we got to get with the brothers.

00:37:28.000 They know what time it is, enjoying music and getting out there and having sex and fucking and fighting and living, man.

00:37:35.000 Us squares don't know what the fuck's going on. 0.58

00:37:39.000 We need to get with the Negro. 1.00

00:37:40.000 Be like, more like him.

00:37:42.000 Learn to appreciate life, right?

00:37:44.000 So I don't like that because you're ass-kissing black people and it's corny. 1.00

00:37:49.000 But James Baldwin didn't like it because he said you're kind of the same as me, actually.

00:37:56.000 He said you're fetishizing blacks and you think we're all partiers and we all fuck more than you and that kind of stuff.

00:38:04.000 Which is true.

00:38:05.000 I think blacks party more and fuck more than we do, don't they? 1.00

00:38:09.000 So that's why he didn't like it.

00:38:10.000 He thought it was too ass kissy.

00:38:14.000 No one ever called it racist.

00:38:15.000 Well, I guess they did because they said you're fetishizing blacks.

00:38:18.000 But if anything, it was like putting blacks on a pedestal.

00:38:22.000 I don't know.

00:38:23.000 So go to 22.

00:38:25.000 Wait, was it?

00:38:26.000 23A?

00:38:29.000 He's being canceled because someone at the school Random House cancels Novelix Norman Mailer.

00:38:36.000 Michael Wolfe reveals publisher scrap plans to publish collection of authors writing for Centennial of His Birth after Junior Staffer.

00:38:43.000 It's always some stupid kid.

00:38:46.000 Junior staffer objected to the title.

00:38:49.000 So this junior staffer has clearly not even read it.

00:38:52.000 This is what Bill Hicks would always say.

00:38:54.000 He's like, why are we capitulating to, when did we start listening to babysitters?

00:38:58.000 That was his exact quote because he's talking about Tiffany.

00:39:00.000 I think we're alone now.

00:39:01.000 He's comparing it to when he was young and Jimi Hendrix.

00:39:04.000 But so the junior staffer objected to the title, The White Negro, having no idea what it was about, and it was about how wonderful the Negroes are and how we need to be more like them.

00:39:19.000 And Michael, for some reason, Michael Wolfe.

00:39:21.000 Remember him?

00:39:22.000 Gay face? 0.99

00:39:22.000 Go down, I bet they have his fucking big gay face. 0.99

00:39:26.000 There's Norman Mailer.

00:39:28.000 There's James Baldwin.

00:39:30.000 That's the woman he stabbed. 1.00

00:39:31.000 She's kind of hot, eh? 1.00

00:39:34.000 I think she's Puerto Rican. 1.00

00:39:35.000 Look at his gay face. 1.00

00:39:38.000 That's undeniable gay face. 1.00

00:39:40.000 Even if he's never sucked a dick and he's only fucked women, I feel bad because he hasn't enjoyed his true calling, which is dick sucking.

00:39:49.000 Look at those blowjob lips. 1.00

00:39:52.000 I don't know if you're talking about.

00:39:55.000 Wait, why'd you make him British? 0.93

00:39:57.000 It's just the gayest voice I can think of. 1.00

00:39:59.000 It's British.

00:40:01.000 Like Archie Bunker said.

00:40:02.000 Isn't this insane?

00:40:04.000 A guy.

00:40:06.000 I think the essay was like in the early 60s.

00:40:10.000 A guy half a century ago.

00:40:13.000 Oh, this was good.

00:40:15.000 He got into a fight with Gore Vidal.

00:40:18.000 This was the good old days when you could fight.

00:40:21.000 But they're just arguing here.

00:40:23.000 But backstage Norman Mailer head-butted him.

00:40:25.000 I actually know Norman Mailer's son, Johnny Buffalo.

00:40:29.000 He's got the same name as my kid.

00:40:31.000 That's how we met.

00:40:32.000 We were at a party, and I go, holy shit, Johnny Buffalo, that's my kid's name.

00:40:34.000 He's gone up, he's gone down, he's gone up, he's gone down.

00:40:37.000 My kid's actually Indian, unlike you. 1.00

00:40:39.000 Well, I know what annoys him about you, because he's written it, and it's the idea of your having sort of assumed the Hemingway lifestyle when Hemingway died.

00:40:48.000 He called it the boozing, brawling, boyisher fool, worried about his liver.

00:40:56.000 That was an earlier period.

00:40:58.000 That was an earlier period.

00:40:59.000 That was the period of advertisements for myself when Norman was sounding like that.

00:41:03.000 No, he's changed again.

00:41:06.000 The good thing about him is his constant metamorphosis.

00:41:10.000 He does re-bear himself like the Phoenix.

00:41:14.000 And what the next incarnation will be, I don't know.

00:41:17.000 Well, you seem to have me figured out as the next reincarnation for me is going to be Charles Manson.

00:41:23.000 Well, you let yourself...

00:41:24.000 Let's read what you wrote.

00:41:25.000 You let yourself in for it.

00:41:26.000 And I will tell you, I'll give a little background here.

00:41:31.000 Mailer has to be...

00:41:32.000 We all know that I stabbed my wife years ago.

00:41:35.000 We do know that, Gore.

00:41:36.000 You were playing on that.

00:41:37.000 Oh, I want to forget about it.

00:41:38.000 No, you don't want to forget about it.

00:41:40.000 You're a liar and a hypocrite.

00:41:41.000 You were playing on it.

00:41:42.000 But that wasn't a liar or a hypocrite.

00:41:43.000 That wasn't going to talk about it.

00:41:44.000 So Gore Fidel, the homo, has been writing horrible shit about Norman Mailer, and then he gets called on it and immediately folds. 1.00

00:41:51.000 No, that was an older iteration.

00:41:53.000 Pussy. 1.00

00:41:54.000 I kind of like Norman Mailer.

00:41:56.000 Me too.

00:41:58.000 When he fought Rip Torn?

00:41:59.000 Yeah, that's 22B.

00:42:01.000 Oh my God, Johnny Buffalo's in this clip.

00:42:03.000 No shit.

00:42:04.000 Yeah.

00:42:05.000 The baby.

00:42:05.000 He's crying.

00:42:06.000 He's the baby.

00:42:10.000 So they did this art film that was a lot of ad-lib.

00:42:14.000 I think Norman Mailer was playing the protagonist who was running for office or something.

00:42:19.000 But they wanted to have some violence in it.

00:42:21.000 No, we don't need two windows.

00:42:23.000 That's Rip Torn of Men in Black.

00:42:27.000 Men in Black, but also the show.

00:42:31.000 Gary Shandling.

00:42:32.000 He was the.

00:42:32.000 Gary Shandling Show.

00:42:41.000 Not Mailer.

00:42:42.000 I don't want to kill Mailer, but I must kill Kingsley in this picture.

00:42:45.000 So they were ad-libbing, and then they did an improv fight with a hammer.

00:42:51.000 And then it got real.

00:42:54.000 Norman.

00:42:58.000 No, baby.

00:42:59.000 No, baby.

00:43:00.000 You know, you trust me.

00:43:01.000 I'd be terrified.

00:43:02.000 You trust me.

00:43:03.000 You trust me.

00:43:04.000 You trust me.

00:43:06.000 You trust me.

00:43:07.000 Come on.

00:43:08.000 I'll trust you.

00:43:09.000 You trust me.

00:43:10.000 All right.

00:43:11.000 From us?

00:43:11.000 From us.

00:43:12.000 All right.

00:43:13.000 Okay, I go.

00:43:13.000 Okay.

00:43:15.000 Okay.

00:43:16.000 Okay.

00:43:17.000 I'm sorry, Dan.

00:43:18.000 Now, is there biting that happens?

00:43:21.000 There's some biting.

00:43:23.000 I'd be worried about that hammer.

00:43:24.000 Yes.

00:43:25.000 Hey! 0.99

00:43:26.000 You cut that family off!

00:43:36.000 What a psycho.

00:43:38.000 Wow, that's real joking, huh?

00:43:42.000 Yeah, he's actually joking.

00:43:47.000 But Norman isn't the brawler he likes to pretend to be.

00:43:51.000 Get up, dude.

00:43:53.000 Promise you'll stop?

00:43:56.000 So maybe keep, maybe skip ahead there.

00:43:58.000 This goes on and on.

00:44:04.000 You hear the crying kid?

00:44:05.000 He's hurt worse than me.

00:44:09.000 Yeah, he's giving you the hot outer asshole. 0.99

00:44:11.000 What is that?

00:44:14.000 You put it on.

00:44:15.000 I pulled it, Norman.

00:44:16.000 I really did, baby.

00:44:18.000 I had to do that.

00:44:19.000 You know that.

00:44:20.000 Look at you to my kitchen.

00:44:23.000 Look, he's saying Norman.

00:44:26.000 So that's not the character.

00:44:27.000 That's Norman Mailer.

00:44:29.000 This was not for the movie.

00:44:32.000 I'm taking the scene of the movie.

00:44:35.000 I'm taking that scene of the movie.

00:44:36.000 Oh, come on, really?

00:44:38.000 Take two.

00:44:43.000 Cut.

00:44:44.000 No, no, no.

00:44:44.000 I'm cut.

00:44:45.000 No, no, no.

00:44:45.000 We're going to cut.

00:44:46.000 No, no, I cut you.

00:44:52.000 SCTV used to make fun of Norman Miller a lot.

00:44:55.000 Go to 2-4.

00:44:56.000 And this is him doing a commercial for Tide.

00:44:59.000 Commercial for Tide.

00:45:00.000 Let's find out how Norman made out.

00:45:02.000 It was a tough assignment.

00:45:04.000 Took me two and a half years to rent the damn thing.

00:45:07.000 I consider myself one of the best damn writers in America.

00:45:11.000 But I only produce when I'm inspired.

00:45:13.000 For months, the creative juices wouldn't flow.

00:45:15.000 I was ready to pack it in.

00:45:17.000 Then one night I was at a party, and I ran into the most pretentious, the most fatuous, the most obnoxious writer in America, bore Van Ol.

00:45:23.000 I hadn't seen him for years, but the guy hadn't changed any.

00:45:25.000 He was still a sissy. 1.00

00:45:26.000 He didn't know how to drink.

00:45:28.000 I saw you in ragtime, and I always knew you couldn't write.

00:45:32.000 But I never would have guessed you couldn't act either.

00:45:43.000 It was missing.

00:45:44.000 My ball was covered in blood.

00:45:46.000 Previous fight was a little more realistic.

00:45:49.000 A watch without shirt using another leading detergent and another machine that works just tie.

00:45:56.000 What?

00:45:58.000 Tie.

00:45:59.000 There's gotta be two shirts, Norman.

00:46:01.000 Ridal shirts still have stains on it.

00:46:03.000 This tie.

00:46:08.000 Norman, that was a perfectly good silk tie, which you totally ruined.

00:46:13.000 All right, that's an option.

00:46:16.000 And then this is interesting.

00:46:19.000 2-6.

00:46:20.000 Speaking of listening to babysitters, so just like that, whatever we called him, a junior intern who got Norman Mailer canceled post-mortem, this pilot has a LGB,

00:46:37.000 Let's Go Brandon, little badge on his luggage.

00:46:42.000 And some child, child tweets out that she's offended.

00:46:48.000 By the way, Black Lives Matter, no problem.

00:46:51.000 Put that on the side of the fucking plane.

00:46:54.000 But let's go, Brandon.

00:46:56.000 And y'all, look at her.

00:47:00.000 Bill Hicks, man.

00:47:01.000 When did we start listening to babysitters?

00:47:03.000 Hey, American Air.

00:47:04.000 By the way, American Airlines was started in 1930 as an amalgam of a bunch of smaller airline companies.

00:47:13.000 It's worth $8 billion.

00:47:15.000 And Dana farts on Twitter and they shut everything down. 1.00

00:47:21.000 She calls the shots over that $8 billion corporation. 1.00

00:47:25.000 Probably because the people who make these decisions are also young females. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Like, we just got to tweet.

00:47:31.000 Because the old white, bald CEOs, they don't want to deal with Twitter.

00:47:34.000 So some chick at American Airlines is like, we got to tweet.

00:47:38.000 Tweet alert.

00:47:40.000 So they send her this groveling apology because of that.

00:47:45.000 Go up, go up, just a little bit.

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:48.000 Let's go Brandon.

00:47:50.000 Tiny little sticker to help him identify his bag.

00:47:54.000 And you know, she calls it cowardly because it's not fuck Joe Biden.

00:47:58.000 For the record, we don't say fuck Joe Biden because we don't want to have fuck around kids.

00:48:05.000 Let's go Brandon is a nice, clean, non-offensive to kids way to say fuck Joe Biden.

00:48:12.000 And it also means fuck the media and is mocking the media for their relentless lies.

00:48:19.000 So it's perfect.

00:48:21.000 And we're allowed to mock the media and not be thrilled with the president.

00:48:27.000 Can I say a quick thing about that?

00:48:28.000 Especially when pilots are getting fired in droves for not getting vaccinated.

00:48:34.000 This was crazy.

00:48:36.000 I'm watching Fear City.

00:48:38.000 It's the mafia, New York City versus the Mafia.

00:48:40.000 And they're about to do a sting on the five bosses, the five head bosses of the families.

00:48:47.000 And they're going to do it the day afterwards.

00:48:49.000 NBC or ABC finds out about this and they call up the police and they say, hey, we know that you're going to do a thing, so we're going to air it tonight.

00:48:58.000 And they're like, you can't fucking air it tonight.

00:49:00.000 Otherwise, they're going to know we're going to arrest them.

00:49:02.000 They're going to leave.

00:49:03.000 What are you doing?

00:49:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:49:06.000 It's got to do with what I'm talking about.

00:49:08.000 This is how the media was shitty back in the, I guess this is the 80s.

00:49:12.000 And they were like, well, we're going to put it on the news anyway because it's a big scoop.

00:49:15.000 It's like, you can't do that because if you tell the bosses we're going to arrest them.

00:49:18.000 I understand.

00:49:19.000 That's unethical.

00:49:20.000 So when they had talking about that.

00:49:21.000 We're talking about when the media heard fuck Joe Biden and said, let's go, Brandon.

00:49:25.000 Well, you still can't trust the media because they were about to let the bosses know they were going to get arrested.

00:49:30.000 Great segue there.

00:49:31.000 But isn't that unforgivable?

00:49:34.000 You're unforgivable, throwing off the whole vibe of the show with that irrelevant detail.

00:49:38.000 It's media related.

00:49:40.000 Yeah.

00:49:42.000 So they send her this, thank you for bringing this to our attention, and we want to get this to the right team.

00:49:47.000 Please DM any additional details.

00:49:49.000 We hold our team members to the highest standards.

00:49:53.000 The airline policy, blah, blah, blah.

00:49:56.000 You know they don't, yeah.

00:49:57.000 In October, the Dallas-Fort Worth-based airline came under fire to create an official Black Lives Matter pin for employees.

00:50:05.000 Stand for change.

00:50:07.000 We believe Black Lives Matter.

00:50:09.000 That's a pin for all their employees to wear.

00:50:12.000 And the fact that this little cunt can make them dance around really bothers me. 1.00

00:50:18.000 It really pisses me off.

00:50:20.000 You nih?

00:50:22.000 Like Terry Richardson, fantastic photographer.

00:50:25.000 He brought a sort of punk rock mentality to high fashion.

00:50:31.000 He didn't invent the idea of just using a point and shoot, but he honed it and solidified it using just like a Carl Zeiss lens on a, oh fuck, what were those cameras called?

00:50:44.000 Not a cannon, but those little handheld cameras.

00:50:46.000 I forget what they're called.

00:50:47.000 They're impossible to find now.

00:50:48.000 And he did that sort of flash photography, super raunchy porn stuff.

00:50:52.000 So he was doing Gucci and Yves Saint-Laurent.

00:50:55.000 And then on his downtime, he was doing like his own face covered in jizz, like some girl's ass with a zit on it. 0.55

00:51:01.000 Really funny shit.

00:51:02.000 He photographed me standing on my own dick.

00:51:04.000 And then there was rumors of, you know, me too type stuff that was not true.

00:51:10.000 He just got laid a lot, and that's a crime after a certain amount of pussies. 1.00

00:51:16.000 And he's doing H ⁇ M, and some 18-year-old in Britain, a girl, just like that Dana chick, goes, I hope you're not working with rape apologist Terry Richardson, H ⁇ M.

00:51:30.000 $240,000 contract.

00:51:31.000 Boom, done.

00:51:32.000 Canceled.

00:51:32.000 Whoop.

00:51:35.000 And that started a snowball.

00:51:37.000 All his clients started dropping out.

00:51:39.000 And he went from making like, I don't know, $5 or $6 million a year to nothing.

00:51:44.000 And he moved upstate.

00:51:45.000 He retired, basically.

00:51:47.000 He fired all his staff.

00:51:48.000 It cost him his job.

00:51:51.000 That's it.

00:51:52.000 They ended.

00:51:52.000 They killed a lot of jobs with that.

00:51:55.000 Hope he and everyone else gets a race for having to deal with Karen passengers such as this one. 1.00

00:52:00.000 Yeah, the blowback was pretty harsh on her saying, oh my God, thank God you survived.

00:52:05.000 It must have been horrible.

00:52:06.000 Seeing a pin.

00:52:08.000 Can you imagine how much.

00:52:09.000 Do you want to know how much fucking Trump hate we had to wade through every day when he was president?

00:52:16.000 But again, it's babysitters deciding what we get to see and not see.

00:52:26.000 Let's just do a brief war on kids and then we'll get to the letters page.

00:52:39.000 We're living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.

00:52:44.000 Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrine.

00:52:58.000 I had to run and get my computer there for the mailbag.

00:53:03.000 Childless woman trying to make other women enjoy childlessness. 1.00

00:53:10.000 It's like when junkies want you to stoop to their level.

00:53:14.000 Welcome to your Decided Not to Have a Baby Shower by the childless comedian-esque comedian, Elizabeth Zapphire McDonnell.

00:53:26.000 So she's a spinster who waited too long, and here she is glorifying all these other spinsters, these other childless women that believe it or not, my motive to discourage this kind of thinking is about happiness.

00:53:42.000 What am I basing it on?

00:53:44.000 All of the females I know.

00:53:46.000 All the ones who waited too long, they always say to me, still, like this weekend, do you know any guys?

00:53:53.000 Do you know any guys in LA?

00:53:54.000 Do you know any guys in DC?

00:53:56.000 I want them to be able to pick me up.

00:53:57.000 I want strong, a strong man.

00:53:59.000 I'm like, you're too old.

00:54:00.000 You waited too long.

00:54:02.000 Sorry.

00:54:02.000 No, I can't help you.

00:54:06.000 And, you know, the ones I do know that have kids, they always say the same thing.

00:54:10.000 Why did we wait so long?

00:54:11.000 What took us so long?

00:54:13.000 Now I'm lucky to have two.

00:54:14.000 I might have another one.

00:54:15.000 And because I'm 42, I'm worried about ass pergers. 1.00

00:54:19.000 You know, they tend to be autistic when you have them with old moms. 0.99

00:54:24.000 You start at 25, you can have five.

00:54:26.000 So the reason I keep saying, ladies, stop this sex in the city shit. 1.00

00:54:30.000 You're going to regret it.

00:54:31.000 Your ovaries will dry up and you'll be bummed is because I've seen it a million times.

00:54:36.000 If women were fucking dancing in the streets and having the greatest lives with no kids, I'd say kids, they don't seem to be very popular. 1.00

00:54:46.000 I don't know what it is about parenting, but it seems to suck balls.

00:54:49.000 It doesn't.

00:54:50.000 It rules.

00:54:51.000 And then people go, well, women are less happy after having kids. 1.00

00:54:56.000 That's a weird thing to explain, but it's like...

00:55:02.000 If you went from sitting on your ass all day to trying to master the piano because you were really talented, people would go, he's a lot more frustrated now that he started those piano lessons.

00:55:12.000 Well, yeah, because I have higher standards now.

00:55:15.000 I'm trying to actually achieve something.

00:55:18.000 So your scope of I'm good and I'm bad has changed.

00:55:23.000 It's harder now.

00:55:24.000 Like you heard me bitching about how I wasn't a good dad this weekend.

00:55:27.000 Childless people are like, I had a cool weekend.

00:55:29.000 I just sat around, you know, relaxed.

00:55:31.000 I had some me time.

00:55:32.000 Yeah, I took a mental health day.

00:55:35.000 I feel bad when I have a mental health day because I wasn't there for my kids.

00:55:42.000 You get it?

00:55:45.000 Is that her?

00:55:47.000 First piece for the Daily Show.

00:55:48.000 So I guess she wrote this.

00:55:51.000 It's about women and how much they rock. 1.00

00:55:53.000 Yeah, women veterans. 1.00

00:55:55.000 The truth is, there have been women fighting wars since the beginning of America. 1.00

00:55:59.000 During the Revolutionary War, Deborah Sampson was the first known woman to enlist.

00:56:04.000 And to do so, she had to pose as a man, which had its ups and downs.

00:56:08.000 This is common on the war.

00:56:09.000 Elizabeth?

00:56:17.000 And Sampson didn't just fight in the war.

00:56:19.000 She kicked ass. 0.98

00:56:21.000 She led a raid that captured 15 men.

00:56:25.000 So she basically won the war.

00:56:27.000 People don't know this, that the American Revolution was won by women. 1.00

00:56:32.000 Look, there she is. 1.00

00:56:35.000 All right, go down.

00:56:38.000 There she is.

00:56:39.000 Oh, this article's old as shit. 0.90

00:56:43.000 See, this is the problem with the baby monsters.

00:56:44.000 They send me stuff, and I don't realize it's from 2021.

00:56:48.000 Not that it matters, but go back to the article.

00:56:50.000 Let's read the first paragraph.

00:56:53.000 Congratulations.

00:56:54.000 Zoom in on that.

00:56:56.000 Congratulations, you've decided not to have a baby.

00:56:59.000 This is a huge milestone, and we want you to know that we, your friends and family, are here to support you.

00:57:05.000 It's going to be a challenging first couple years as you power through the remainder of your 30s with people constantly asking you when you're going to procreate like they're eager customers at Golden Corral and you're the chef cooking up the next round of fresh hot buns.

00:57:19.000 Starts a sentence with but, but not to worry, once you hit 40, that'll be behind you.

00:57:24.000 Then you'll be able to look blissfully ahead to the next several decades of acquaintances wondering if you're really okay and whether having a thriving career, like where you write shitty articles like this, while also being able to go on vacation whenever you want is truly making you happy.

00:57:39.000 We're going to be here to support you through that.

00:57:42.000 Anyway, it's a tongue-in-cheek, fun little romp about how we should celebrate not having kids.

00:57:49.000 Many of your closest friends will share this sentiment when they hear about you traveling to Costa Rica and making out with your surf instructor.

00:57:55.000 The surf instructor doesn't want to fuck you. 1.00

00:57:58.000 You're old.

00:58:01.000 You fucked up.

00:58:03.000 And when you dwell and celebrate on your life, that life was because somebody had a baby shower and you popped out.

00:58:10.000 When they celebrate their narcissistic, self-centered life, it's pro-life.

00:58:16.000 Pro-having babies.

00:58:17.000 Well, that goes back to like this whole women are kick-ass and women should be in action movies. 1.00

00:58:21.000 And women are not the same as men. 0.60

00:58:23.000 They're above men.

00:58:24.000 They made men. 0.98

00:58:26.000 So when you're like, why is it all these stories we hear always involve Men.

00:58:31.000 I don't know.

00:58:31.000 They tend to be, they have more upper body strength.

00:58:34.000 They tend to be in battles more.

00:58:36.000 They tend to be in fights more.

00:58:38.000 They tend to be the hero of the story.

00:58:40.000 But the true hero of the story is the person that made that person.

00:58:44.000 So, like, why are you competing with us?

00:58:47.000 It's, I mean, it's the analogy I always use.

00:58:49.000 It's like Clark Kent bitching about him not being recognized as a journalist.

00:58:53.000 Yeah, but you're fucking Superman.

00:58:57.000 She can be a lawyer. 1.00

00:58:59.000 A woman can be a lawyer. 1.00

00:59:01.000 A man can be a woman, too. 0.99

00:59:03.000 Believe it or not, they could be photographers, too.

00:59:06.000 Whoa.

00:59:08.000 Trans photogues.

00:59:10.000 They would holler from across the street.

00:59:11.000 Look sophisticated.

00:59:12.000 Embarrassing nose.

00:59:14.000 You know what we should do, Ryan?

00:59:16.000 Let's make a montage like this, but it'll all be trans. 1.00

00:59:20.000 And it'll be like, women are kicking ass, dominating in swimming, dominating in track and field. 1.00

00:59:26.000 Dominating medium will have like Caitlin Jenner. 1.00

00:59:28.000 Woman just won at the Golden Globes.

00:59:30.000 You know, I wonder, looking back at that Gillette ad that's like, guys suck, I wonder if that was like they were trying to vie for like trans customers. 1.00

00:59:39.000 They're like, you still got to shave even though you're a woman. 0.99

00:59:41.000 But guys suck, trust me.

00:59:42.000 We believe you.

00:59:43.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:59:44.000 Because who else is that for?

00:59:45.000 Well, I think women will buy men's shaving supplies. 1.00

00:59:50.000 Yeah, they're good.

00:59:51.000 Because they're buying toilet paper and shit already and toothpaste.

00:59:56.000 And then this was a similar article from Maureen Callahan, my little Irish lass at the New York Post.

01:00:03.000 And it's a weird article from a conservative, but she clearly has dried up eggs too, dried up ovaries. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Pope Francis' slam of quote-unquote selfish pet parents proves he's never owned a pup.

01:00:16.000 And she goes on, you don't fuck with a spinster's dog, by the way. 0.99

01:00:20.000 Pope Francis clearly has never had a dog.

01:00:23.000 And she goes on to say that it's that choosing to have dogs over children diminishes us.

01:00:31.000 It takes away our humanity.

01:00:33.000 Yeah.

01:00:34.000 And then she goes on to talk about how dogs are better than most people.

01:00:38.000 You've heard that one a million times.

01:00:39.000 And she goes on to list and show pictures of all of these different times dogs have saved a life.

01:00:45.000 That woman said, we don't deserve dogs after that little boxer saved the baby when she was breathing weird. 1.00

01:00:53.000 That's some other kid that was saved, I guess.

01:00:57.000 And that's like some dog barked and said, come, someone's in trouble.

01:01:02.000 It's like lassie, right?

01:01:05.000 And you're reading this going, lady, lady, lady, calm down.

01:01:08.000 I know we made you doubt.

01:01:10.000 That was some baby that was abandoned and puppies kept it warm.

01:01:13.000 I know we made you doubt your decision.

01:01:14.000 Oh, look at that last line, too.

01:01:19.000 No, go up.

01:01:23.000 Up.

01:01:26.000 It's Ricky Gervais.

01:01:28.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:29.000 Yeah.

01:01:29.000 Noted atheist Ricky Gervais.

01:01:31.000 Why is a noted atheist?

01:01:33.000 Oh, because it's a pope.

01:01:34.000 I get it.

01:01:35.000 The greatest thing on earth, a dog.

01:01:36.000 It's the closest I get to spirituality, just watching a dog.

01:01:40.000 You mean a wolf that we castrated and trained to love you unconditionally, no matter what, and need food at all times, or he'll die?

01:01:47.000 Yeah, dogs are kind of saying God's creation of wolves isn't exactly perfect.

01:01:51.000 Yeah, you can't really say God did a great job and then hold up a chihuahua.

01:01:57.000 Yeah, we made chihuahuas. 0.87

01:01:59.000 But anyway, he's not saying that, just like Bill Hicks said about burning the flag.

01:02:05.000 He's not saying that.

01:02:06.000 He doesn't say that.

01:02:07.000 He said, instead of kids, and you see this all the time in New York, some guy's lazy.

01:02:13.000 He doesn't have big enough balls to put a ring on it.

01:02:15.000 She's getting little antsy, so he buys her a dog.

01:02:18.000 And that gets you like six years of hassle-free chick where she's not going to be complaining because you circumvented her maternal instinct. 0.67

01:02:29.000 So he's saying the concept of fur babies is ridiculous.

01:02:33.000 However, if you have kids and you want a watchdog, you live in a bad neighborhood, you want the kids to have someone to play with, no one has a problem with that.

01:02:42.000 Go bananas.

01:02:43.000 I personally don't think you should get a pit bull, but like, that's, how can you miss the mark like that?

01:02:50.000 And I think she missed the mark because she's emotionally invested in it.

01:02:54.000 And it hurt her feelings.

01:02:57.000 Because when you say you shouldn't be a fur mom, they start realizing that they shouldn't have been a fur mom. 0.71

01:03:03.000 You can be a mom mom and have some fur on the side, but it shouldn't be your only thing, obviously.

01:03:11.000 And once again, you'll notice when everyone is talking about how I don't want kids and the world's overpopulated and it's fun to celebrate not having kids, 100% of the time it's white people. 0.79

01:03:23.000 You never have black women being rewarded. 1.00

01:03:26.000 In fact, black women get checks in the hood every time they have a kid. 1.00

01:03:29.000 There's just a story here where, yeah, go to 23.

01:03:35.000 I don't understand how this doesn't violate civil rights laws.

01:03:39.000 Black women are going to get money just because they're black. 1.00

01:03:42.000 Black women will get no strings attached, monthly checks, in this new guaranteed income experiment. 1.00

01:03:48.000 Black women in Georgia make 63 cents for every dollar that white men make. 1.00

01:03:51.000 What happens if you close that gap?

01:03:53.000 Yeah, women, why don't you work hard and close the gap? 1.00

01:03:56.000 No, no, no.

01:03:57.000 We'll just take it from the white guy and give it to the black woman. 1.00

01:04:02.000 So race plays a big part in this war on family. 0.51

01:04:07.000 It's perfectly reasonable to give black women money for having kids, to give them free money just for being them. 1.00

01:04:15.000 Please carry on.

01:04:16.000 But if white people want to propagate and spread the species, spread their genes, they're told they're hurting the environment.

01:04:24.000 And when they stop doing it, they get rewarded.

01:04:27.000 What the fuck is going on here?

01:04:30.000 And her name is like, what is she trying to put a curse on men? 1.00

01:04:34.000 Hope you have a swollen sack. 0.75

01:04:36.000 Fuck you.

01:04:38.000 I hope I don't.

01:04:44.000 Yeah, it's bizarre.

01:04:47.000 Basically, it comes down to I'm getting to the point where I hate white people because they hate white people.

01:04:54.000 Like, the whole never saying that about black people isn't like I want whites to be replaced and all That kind of stuff.

01:05:00.000 I don't think it's that well thought out.

01:05:03.000 It's just like white people have this ethnomasochism where they want to wipe themselves out.

01:05:09.000 Blacks don't have it, Japanese don't have it, Mexicans don't have it. 1.00

01:05:12.000 So they feel good writing an article going, don't have kids.

01:05:16.000 White people suck. 0.99

01:05:18.000 White privilege is the problem.

01:05:20.000 Hey, white people, like that woman who held a sign on the road that you spoke to, Chrissy, outside my 50th birthday party.

01:05:27.000 Hey, white people, don't ask for black people's help to fight racism.

01:05:34.000 This is our problem.

01:05:35.000 She put all that on one sign. 0.53

01:05:38.000 Yeah.

01:05:38.000 And by a highway, so cars are like, hey, white people, hey, white people, waiting.

01:05:44.000 Praying for a traffic jam so they could read it.

01:05:48.000 Anyway, let's get to the mailbag.

01:05:55.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:06:00.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

01:06:05.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:08.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:10.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:13.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:16.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:19.000 Tactile Tokar.

01:06:20.000 Touch me, touch me.

01:06:22.000 That'd be a funny thing.

01:06:24.000 I kind of wish I was single sometimes because I can't freak out my wife with anything.

01:06:28.000 She's heard it all before.

01:06:29.000 But it'd be funny if your first night with a girl, you take her home and you go, touch me.

01:06:36.000 Like you whispered in her ear.

01:06:38.000 She'd probably go.

01:06:41.000 I know of a dude who thought he's going to surprise his girlfriend by dressing up in drag.

01:06:48.000 So when she comes home, he's like, hi, honey.

01:06:51.000 Let's have a girl's night.

01:06:53.000 But she came home early that day and caught him when he had just started.

01:06:57.000 So he's just putting on her tights and he had on like her bra and was getting, just opening up the makeup.

01:07:03.000 I remember that.

01:07:04.000 And he goes, no, no, it was a joke.

01:07:05.000 It's just a joke.

01:07:07.000 I didn't believe him.

01:07:08.000 That was the end of their relationship.

01:07:10.000 I remember this, and there's a way to do things like that that safeguards you, right?

01:07:15.000 So you write a note.

01:07:16.000 Before you even get dressed, you write a note or you, whatever, do something like holding a newspaper and the note.

01:07:24.000 And it says, I am going to dress up like a girl for a joke. 1.00

01:07:27.000 So if you're caught, then you're just like, look at the thing.

01:07:31.000 That also, that's a good way to cover your ass if you do want to wear your wife's clothes. 1.00

01:07:35.000 You do anything.

01:07:36.000 I was wearing my wife's clothes.

01:07:38.000 I bought the shoes at a tranny store in the city, but that was my wife's beach dress. 0.96

01:07:45.000 Hello, gentle fags. 1.00

01:07:46.000 Love the girl talk episode.

01:07:47.000 Should definitely do that again in the future.

01:07:48.000 Anyways, forgive me if this has been talked about in the past, but what are your thoughts on period sex?

01:07:52.000 I've done it in the past.

01:07:53.000 It's not something I really get into.

01:07:54.000 Am I being a fag?

01:07:55.000 Aldo should do another sit-down interview with Sammy Hyde.

01:07:58.000 Always like seeing you two together.

01:08:00.000 I like you more than eyeball surgery.

01:08:05.000 He mentioned.

01:08:06.000 I don't do period sex now that I'm married.

01:08:08.000 You get a little more picky as you get older.

01:08:12.000 But back in my day, I would do period cunnelingus.

01:08:16.000 I didn't care.

01:08:18.000 Yeah, it just hit the top part.

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:22.000 So we're all for it.

01:08:23.000 But you better get a red towel.

01:08:26.000 I think you would have done a better job than this guy.

01:08:30.000 Okay, let's see.

01:08:31.000 He's talking about a Gen Z. Gen Z. Oh. 0.95

01:08:40.000 You know, Gen Z is full of some amazing men, women, and children that are aiming for change.

01:08:46.000 And I think that that is just what our movement's all about.

01:08:50.000 But it's more than just Gen Z's falling for conspiracy theories.

01:08:54.000 Why?

01:08:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:08:56.000 I'm so nervous.

01:08:57.000 I'm so sorry.

01:09:04.000 Well, we hope you're okay.

01:09:05.000 Why don't we give you some time to collect yourself?

01:09:08.000 If you need help, let us know in the control room there, and we'll get back to you if we can.

01:09:14.000 Pretty good.

01:09:15.000 Pretty good.

01:09:18.000 It's based on a guy who really did barf on a news show, and he said, I'm sorry, I'm really nervous.

01:09:23.000 This is why I so deeply regret not puking.

01:09:27.000 It's very, very hard to simulate pukes.

01:09:29.000 That guy just filled his mouth with water and spat it out.

01:09:32.000 But I puked six feet that way.

01:09:36.000 I could have puked six feet that way.

01:09:42.000 That and the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number have hurt me today.

01:09:51.000 Okay, you ready?

01:09:52.000 This is fucking long.

01:09:54.000 Damn.

01:09:56.000 Let's just stop if it sucks.

01:10:00.000 Neuropsychiatric condition triggered by COVID.

01:10:03.000 This is long, but maybe the craziest thing I've ever had happen to a relative.

01:10:06.000 My in-laws recently got COVID.

01:10:08.000 They were hit pretty hard by it and seemed to be back to normal when my father-in-law started acting really strange.

01:10:13.000 He was telling people he wanted to blow his brains out.

01:10:16.000 He was disconnecting the phone lines.

01:10:18.000 He wouldn't allow my mother-in-law to call anyone.

01:10:20.000 He kept trying to get her to go with him to the wood shopping block and became really paranoid over things that weren't happening.

01:10:27.000 She eventually got a hold of some nearby family members and came over to help.

01:10:30.000 He threatened to kill himself with a knife.

01:10:32.000 He swung the knife around, held it to his throat, and started babbling and mumbling.

01:10:36.000 See, we don't mind letters to be long if they're this juicy.

01:10:42.000 I guess he didn't really swing it at anyone, but it's pretty scary.

01:10:45.000 He's probably 6'2 ⁇ and 225.

01:10:47.000 He's 55.

01:10:49.000 He's done tree work his entire life, so he's strong as an ox.

01:10:52.000 Somehow they got the knife from him and got the police to arrest him.

01:10:54.000 They brought him to the hospital.

01:10:55.000 Now he's semi-coherent.

01:10:58.000 He knows the day who the president is, but when they ask him if he'll hurt himself or somebody else, he starts mumbling incoherently for up to five minutes, then tells him not to tell his wife about any of this.

01:11:09.000 We started doing some research on what happened.

01:11:11.000 It seems like a rare but documented side effect of COVID.

01:11:15.000 He never had any mental issues before this, and we're all hoping it'll go back to normal.

01:11:20.000 I read it could be induced by either brain swelling or a particular immune response in a small number of people.

01:11:28.000 Wow.

01:11:29.000 Well, we don't know If he was vaxed, the case is highlighted as a physical therapist who told her therapist she had repeated visions of her children being murdered and that she'd come up with plans to kill her children.

01:11:41.000 So these are all examples of other people getting it.

01:11:47.000 Hey, Metallic Farts and Chinese guy. 1.00

01:11:49.000 That's me.

01:11:51.000 This is called Horribly Talented.

01:11:54.000 This Edward Peck guy has created a treasure of talented, hilarious, and horrible music.

01:11:58.000 The videos are pretty good, too.

01:11:59.000 Let's give him a whirl.

01:12:01.000 We've had a lot of shitty music today.

01:12:04.000 All from Baby Monsters.

01:12:05.000 Although, Salad Days is a fucking damn.

01:12:08.000 I'd agree.

01:12:09.000 Did we play it?

01:12:10.000 Yes.

01:12:11.000 Just a little bit.

01:12:12.000 But I played it, and then it was an accident.

01:12:15.000 Sure, you hit a little bit?

01:12:17.000 Nah.

01:12:17.000 Okay.

01:12:18.000 Go out on Salad Days.

01:12:20.000 Alright.

01:12:24.000 I hate being alright all the time.

01:12:31.000 The moment's reading.

01:12:33.000 This is me.

01:12:34.000 This is my theme song.

01:12:43.000 The woman's walking fast, but he's slow. 0.96

01:12:49.000 I hate being smarter than everyone.

01:12:54.000 Nobody understands me.

01:12:58.000 It's so annoying.

01:13:02.000 It's so annoying.

01:13:07.000 I need to correct you one day.

01:13:12.000 I don't know why you get mad.

01:13:16.000 You should be thanking me.

01:13:21.000 Can't you come?

01:13:24.000 What a weird choice to shoot a video.

01:13:27.000 At least it's well lit.

01:13:29.000 All right.

01:13:31.000 G-Dog and Rye guy.

01:13:33.000 I have to disagree with you.

01:13:34.000 Pranking people while they work is not wasting their time.

01:13:36.000 I've had plenty of shitty jobs, and a prank is something to talk about.

01:13:39.000 Even during the prank, you put on speaker and the other works join in and listen.

01:13:43.000 If it's a good prank, it gives everyone something to talk about.

01:13:46.000 Yeah, I guess.

01:13:47.000 That's when you're in on it, or at least you get it.

01:13:50.000 But fucking. 0.68

01:13:55.000 Just like calling a guy up with a rude word, or you're ordering, like, I don't know, crushed glass on your pizza.

01:14:04.000 Hey, Gavin, I was sitting on the bus today in Jerusalem.

01:14:07.000 This is Muslims Among Us.

01:14:09.000 And there was a Muslim woman sitting across from me.

01:14:12.000 And it dawned on me how screwed up this is.

01:14:14.000 Did you get the picture?

01:14:17.000 I'm in school here, and we're located directly across from East Jerusalem.

01:14:21.000 The mere thought of crossing into East Jerusalem, let alone getting on a bus filled with our wonderful brethren, is not even in the realm of reality.

01:14:30.000 Have you heard of the Jews killed in the last couple weeks in Israel?

01:14:33.000 A father and a son killed by these radical retards, who are on Twitter, by the way. 1.00

01:14:38.000 Not a word.

01:14:38.000 Hamas, also on Twitter, praised the attack as a heroic operation.

01:14:43.000 Yet the media wants to treat the Proud Boys and the G-Dog as threats to democracy and America?

01:14:49.000 Ironically, it is the ginos, Jews in name only, who push for the censorship of Americans and explain how worried and unsafe they feel as Jews, yet have the same politics as Hamas and believe Israel has no right to exist. 0.99

01:15:04.000 The left has nothing to say about daily Israeli deaths.

01:15:07.000 Here's an excerpt from The Guardian on the attack.

01:15:09.000 Police identified the attacker as 42-year-old Palestinian from East Jerusalem.

01:15:13.000 Palestinian media identified him as Fadi Abu Shkahaidim, a teacher at a nearby school in Gaza.

01:15:21.000 A teacher at a nearby school.

01:15:22.000 In Gaza, Hamas praised the attack as a heroic operation and said Abu Shkahaidim was one of its members, but stopped short of claiming responsibility for the attack.

01:15:33.000 And it gets worse.

01:15:35.000 They have Muslims in their fucking parliament. 0.99

01:15:38.000 Jews aren't even allowed to go to Jerusalem or Gaza.

01:15:42.000 You can't set foot in there.

01:15:43.000 But Muslims can be in the parliament and there's Muslim areas in Israel.

01:15:47.000 And you know what they do in those areas?

01:15:49.000 Constantly bitch about the quality of the roads and the services and say that they're not treated as well as the Israelis or as the Jewish Israelis.

01:15:59.000 They're Muslim Arab Israelis.

01:16:02.000 What?

01:16:02.000 And here's another thing.

01:16:04.000 Put that picture of that woman back up.

01:16:07.000 You could, let's use an analogy of Muslims as dogs, right? 1.00

01:16:12.000 This is not a poodle on the train.

01:16:15.000 This is not a chocolate lab.

01:16:17.000 This is a pit bull.

01:16:20.000 Palestinians' number one goal is to wipe out Israel. 1.00

01:16:25.000 You don't really get that vibe when you meet a Muslim in fucking England.

01:16:28.000 I'm sure they don't support Israel.

01:16:30.000 But it's not like they're raising debt.

01:16:32.000 They're not Saudis. 0.92

01:16:33.000 They're not Moroccans. 1.00

01:16:34.000 They're Palestinians, which is why Yasser Arafat was unable to negotiate a deal. 1.00

01:16:39.000 Clinton gave them the two-state solution.

01:16:41.000 He gave them all of this fun shit.

01:16:43.000 And Yasser Arafat said, Yasser Arafat said, I can't do it.

01:16:46.000 I got to go.

01:16:47.000 He's gay, by the way.

01:16:48.000 Was gay. 0.86

01:16:50.000 Because if he had said yes to any deal at all, he'd be killed.

01:16:55.000 In other words, Palestine can't negotiate because their goal is to be the pit bulls, the attack dogs, always at the border of Israel, always attacking. 0.99

01:17:06.000 Saudi Arabia has plenty of room for all of Palestine. 0.99

01:17:09.000 They got air-conditioned tents.

01:17:10.000 They could take them all in.

01:17:11.000 That's not the goal.

01:17:14.000 So you don't just have, it's not like there's a black person on your bus.

01:17:18.000 This is a blood or a crip, a different type of black person. 1.00

01:17:23.000 It's a gang member.

01:17:26.000 Palestine is a gang. 1.00

01:17:28.000 And the way Israelis just fucking invite this abuse, it just reminds me of the white ethnomasochism. 0.96

01:17:35.000 Like you read Heratz, the Jewish liberal paper in Tel Aviv, and you'd think you were reading Antifa.

01:17:43.000 They actually have Antifa writing for them.

01:17:48.000 Like they're anti-Israeli.

01:17:50.000 Okay, let's take down the borders then.

01:17:53.000 Let's see how long you fucking last. 1.00

01:17:56.000 All right.

01:18:00.000 Oh, this is a good bookend.

01:18:02.000 Real Skins and Hitler Youth on TV.

01:18:05.000 Now, people my age are very familiar with this, but this guy goes, Gavin Ryan, this is what real Nazi and Skinnens used to look like and how they sounded.

01:18:12.000 How dare they compare proud boys and just about anyone who refuses to castrate themselves?

01:18:16.000 Living a life that denies self-loathing, guilt, for ancestral greatness, and excuses bad behavior because of race.

01:18:22.000 Second point, TV used to be fucking tits. 1.00

01:18:25.000 And it's Geraldo.

01:18:28.000 Slit the throat of a young Hispanic woman. 0.99

01:18:31.000 They wanted to make a point and to scare minority people. 1.00

01:18:34.000 Do you endorse that activity?

01:18:36.000 Listen.

01:18:38.000 Let's get to the real issues here.

01:18:40.000 Why are you Kirby?

01:18:40.000 Why are you beating around the bush, Jerry?

01:18:43.000 Look at Jerry King.

01:18:45.000 That was your former name, wasn't it?

01:18:47.000 It wasn't, and I really recommend that you don't push me too hard.

01:18:51.000 Oh, come on, Julie. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Hey, who is it?

01:18:54.000 Isn't that weird right there?

01:18:55.000 He's getting physical, and he's the good guy.

01:18:58.000 Yes, I know people that went to school on Long Island with Geraldo.

01:19:01.000 He was Jerry.

01:19:02.000 He became Geraldo when it became cool, but he was always Jerry.

01:19:07.000 Jerry King.

01:19:10.000 So the guy pointed that out, and he's not taking his bait.

01:19:16.000 What is with the immigrant couple holding a baby next to them? 0.57

01:19:19.000 That was dumb.

01:19:20.000 Okay.

01:19:21.000 Let's take a break.

01:19:22.000 We'll be right back.

01:19:24.000 Check up to the first part.

01:19:25.000 I want to get that straight, first of all.

01:19:27.000 You guys don't really fit in.

01:19:30.000 You're not in our agenda.

01:19:32.000 We don't want to fit.

01:19:32.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:19:33.000 So we don't feel like we're going to hurt you.

01:19:35.000 We don't care.

01:19:36.000 What do you want to do?

01:19:37.000 What do you want to do?

01:19:38.000 What about Joseph Stalin?

01:19:42.000 We can't put the supposed $6 million on Adolf Hitler, man, because Joseph Stalin. 0.89

01:19:46.000 You can't?

01:19:46.000 JFK.

01:19:47.000 You can't.

01:19:47.000 The Holocaust.

01:19:48.000 Did it happen, Bob Hike?

01:19:50.000 Does it matter?

01:19:50.000 How many people?

01:19:51.000 Does it matter?

01:19:52.000 To the 30 million people.

01:19:53.000 Does it matter?

01:19:57.000 He says it doesn't matter.

01:19:59.000 He says the Holocaust.

01:20:00.000 When I was a kid, there was Nazis, like swastikas. 0.93

01:20:04.000 They talked about the Holocaust.

01:20:06.000 Today, they throw around the word meaning you don't want too much welfare.

01:20:12.000 You Nazi.

01:20:14.000 Oh, I got a new one.

01:20:15.000 Imagine saying January 6th was worse than the Holocaust. 0.91

01:20:18.000 How many heads explode for what different reasons there?

01:20:21.000 Yeah, that would be funny.

01:20:22.000 If you said it super seriously, because you hate Jan Sick?

01:20:25.000 It was better than the Holocaust. 1.00

01:20:26.000 It was better.

01:20:27.000 All Kamala Harris had to do was say, there's certain dates we remember.

01:20:30.000 September 11th, the Holocaust. 0.56

01:20:33.000 That's right.

01:20:35.000 Pearl Harbor.

01:20:35.000 If she just sandwiched it in there.

01:20:37.000 Or you do a tribute where it's like, Pearl Harbor, this many dead.

01:20:40.000 9-11, 3,000 dead.

01:20:42.000 Holocaust, 6 million dead.

01:20:44.000 And then fucking January 6th, and it's like three?

01:20:48.000 Three.

01:20:51.000 Should we be frightened by his appalling ignorance?

01:20:54.000 Or should we be angered?

01:20:55.000 30 million.

01:20:56.000 Shut up, man.

01:20:57.000 Or should we be angered?

01:21:00.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:21:01.000 Okay, Michael, what's your education?

01:21:03.000 I graduated from high school, and I'm a layout and design artist.

01:21:06.000 A land design artist?

01:21:07.000 Layout and design.

01:21:09.000 Layout and design.

01:21:10.000 And an ex-con.

01:21:12.000 Are you an ex-con, also?

01:21:14.000 An ex-con?

01:21:16.000 Yes, you are, Michael.

01:21:16.000 Why don't you tell them the truth?

01:21:18.000 You don't let anybody answer a question, and if you don't have a question like this lady over here, you tell her to shut up. 1.00

01:21:23.000 What are you afraid of?

01:21:26.000 Because I get sick and tired of hearing the sob stories from kikes. 1.00

01:21:30.000 I get sick and tired of seeing Uncle Tom here.

01:22:07.000 She was saying that.

01:22:12.000 She grew up in the hood.

01:22:13.000 Come on, now. 0.87

01:22:18.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

01:22:20.000 So, yeah, good point, reader.

01:22:22.000 This is what Nazis were like. 0.83

01:22:27.000 Fuck.

01:22:27.000 And the second point, TV did used to be way badass, sir.

01:22:31.000 Yeah.

01:22:31.000 And did you notice it was the lefties that were instigating all the violence and touching him and telling him to shut up?

01:22:38.000 Anyway, I'm not going to sit here and defend Nazi skinheads.

01:22:40.000 Correct.

01:22:40.000 Let's get to the final vid.

01:23:01.000 So I'm not sure who invented you can't park here.

01:23:04.000 I assumed it was Grindface, but here we have someone in Britain saying it to a guy who really fucked himself by driving away too fast.

01:23:15.000 What is that, a Ferrari, a Porsche?

01:23:18.000 You can't park that there, mate.

01:23:20.000 Fuck off.

01:23:23.000 Let's see that again.

01:23:28.000 You can't park that there, mate.

01:23:30.000 Fuck off.

01:23:34.000 One more for a good measure.

01:23:36.000 Oh, yes.

01:23:38.000 Everything has to happen in threes.

01:23:45.000 You can't part that there, mate.

01:23:47.000 Fuck off!

01:23:51.000 So, yeah, fun show.

01:23:55.000 Our culture is pretty disappointing sometimes when you look at 90-day fiancé and shit documentaries and this terrible fucking grammar everywhere and people celebrating not having kids and Jews shitting on Israel because it's fashionable and they only care about winning and not preserving their own religion. 0.98

01:24:15.000 But we're going to keep fighting because that's what we do here.

01:24:19.000 And we're going to fix this problem.

01:24:20.000 You know, I was watching the Salad Days documentary about the DC hardcore scene and I'm like, Ian Mackay busted his ass.

01:24:26.000 He created a scene, gave it a record label, documented it, and changed people's lives.

01:24:33.000 I created vice, hipsters, prowboys, You can make stuff, you can have an impact. 1.00

01:24:37.000 So let's do that.

01:24:38.000 Let's save Western civilization from itself.

01:24:42.000 And I think the top priority of that is to destroy all this self-hatred.

01:24:47.000 You know, the amazing thing about the West is that it eschewed racial identity and racial politics.

01:24:52.000 And it said, work hard and we're all one.

01:24:55.000 And now they're calling it racist.

01:24:57.000 Now they're calling us domestic terrorists.

01:25:00.000 War.

01:25:03.000 Get fired.

01:25:03.000 Get in trouble.

01:25:04.000 Be brave.

01:25:06.000 And never stop fighting.

01:25:32.000 I'm in the battery.

01:25:34.000 The board gets off.

01:25:35.000 You remember the moment I was going to back up.

01:25:44.000 And I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 10, 2022

S04E73 - 100$

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Summary

Transcript