Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E104 - COOL IS A MYTH

00:00:31.000 Utterly, utterly out of control.

00:00:45.000 That one is cold, another religion, another wall. 0.83

00:00:48.000 This one is fall.

00:00:50.000 The Atticus Pogo Party.

00:00:54.000 I always hear that in my head when I say that was, because it's from the Varukers live tape.

00:00:59.000 Anyway, that was Cold Cut song Revolution.

00:01:04.000 They're the guys who pioneered the whole concept of using video samples for their music.

00:01:08.000 So when they make a video, you see the guy saying the thing.

00:01:13.000 Their more famous example of it was Timber.

00:01:16.000 I talked about that before, one too, where you see the chainsaw that you're hearing going, deeny, na-da-da-da-da-da-dee-ny.

00:01:23.000 Cool band.

00:01:23.000 Very talented old chaps.

00:01:25.000 The reason I sort of rediscovered them is with my new car, I have a cassette player.

00:01:31.000 So I dug through all my shit.

00:01:33.000 I found all my old mixtapes.

00:01:38.000 And there's a lot of groovy jams that I'm rediscovering from 20 years ago.

00:01:44.000 Good not to throw shit out.

00:01:48.000 Well, is it?

00:01:51.000 I mean, books, you should buy all the books you can.

00:01:54.000 Don't throw out your cassettes.

00:01:55.000 But then I went through my CDs and I'm like, how long do I have to keep these for?

00:02:01.000 You know?

00:02:02.000 Should I throw them out?

00:02:04.000 I don't know.

00:02:07.000 Welcome back, Ryan.

00:02:09.000 Ryan Katsu-Rivera is here today.

00:02:12.000 Hello.

00:02:13.000 Ryan debuted his new show Celebrity Mailbag.

00:02:17.000 I did.

00:02:18.000 And I just touched my hair for the first, and I'm going to try to stop.

00:02:22.000 In fact, I'm going to have a tip jar.

00:02:25.000 Every time I touch my hair, I have to put a dollar in.

00:02:28.000 Oh, good.

00:02:29.000 So you're finally accepting this criticism?

00:02:31.000 Is it because it came from someone else and not me?

00:02:33.000 Because I've been telling you that from day one.

00:02:35.000 No, but it's a good tip.

00:02:37.000 It just finally sunk in.

00:02:40.000 You did a show on the weekend.

00:02:42.000 Oh, yes.

00:02:44.000 I understand it sucked.

00:02:46.000 No.

00:02:47.000 And it was gay and boring. 1.00

00:02:49.000 I look kind of blurry.

00:02:50.000 You do.

00:02:52.000 Why is this a thing?

00:02:54.000 The whole last episode, last week's episode, I was blurry.

00:03:11.000 We got Crispy G and Flyry coming at you live.

00:03:17.000 So I would just like to say that your music sucks.

00:03:21.000 Everything you do musically is embarrassing.

00:03:25.000 Untrue.

00:03:26.000 And the closest we got, when we really analyzed it, we realized it sounds like the music that is used to advertise some sort of new airplane cleaner.

00:03:37.000 Yeah, like some sort of...

00:03:38.000 Or like advertising like a part.

00:03:40.000 Like, here's why your company should.

00:03:42.000 This is for engineers.

00:03:43.000 You know, when engineers are talking about some new cog that goes like that and can help make wrenches, they don't want to just have silence.

00:03:50.000 So they have like, damn it, the new X14 300.

00:03:53.000 Engineering.

00:03:54.000 State-of-the-art, self-cleaning tool-making machine.

00:03:58.000 So that's the level of crap that you make.

00:04:01.000 And then the fact that you thought you could play that live and people would be going, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, was just, is naive the word?

00:04:09.000 I guess dumb is probably the easiest.

00:04:11.000 Occam's razor, right?

00:04:13.000 I think the audience responded by booing you.

00:04:17.000 That's true.

00:04:18.000 Maybe they thought it was Bruce Springsteen.

00:04:20.000 They were going, Bruce.

00:04:22.000 No, they knew it was me.

00:04:23.000 Oh.

00:04:25.000 So that sucked.

00:04:27.000 I think I have a clip of the boo.

00:04:28.000 Did you play highs and lows?

00:04:30.000 I did not.

00:04:31.000 Oh.

00:04:32.000 I know.

00:04:32.000 Because I said if anybody was a fan of the show, somebody actually emailed.

00:04:35.000 They said, I'm close enough to it, but I have to be a dad.

00:04:39.000 So I'm not allowed to go out tonight.

00:04:41.000 And I understand that.

00:04:42.000 Not allowed to go out tonight.

00:04:43.000 But if somebody were to say highs and lows, I would have played it.

00:04:46.000 But nobody did.

00:04:47.000 What's that other guitar?

00:04:49.000 Oh, that comes into play a little later.

00:04:51.000 So what, you switched from acoustic to electric.

00:04:55.000 Yeah.

00:04:56.000 And isn't this the same bar you played at a long time ago?

00:04:59.000 No, this is, I've never been here before.

00:05:01.000 This is dog bar.

00:05:02.000 But there's footage of you on YouTube playing in a cafe, and it looks exactly like that.

00:05:05.000 Very similar.

00:05:07.000 Very similar.

00:05:08.000 Okay.

00:05:10.000 Let's check it out.

00:05:12.000 Okay.

00:05:13.000 He's like Bert Janch.

00:05:15.000 Is that a good thing?

00:05:18.000 Yeah.

00:05:18.000 Okay.

00:05:20.000 I'm being sarcastic.

00:05:34.000 Yeah, so I was booed.

00:05:36.000 Are you noticing a pattern here?

00:05:38.000 Every time you break out on your own and you're not doing what I tell you to, like a celebrity male, it's an abysmal failure because you suck.

00:05:46.000 What about my cameo?

00:05:48.000 Which has yielded me almost $700.

00:05:55.000 Jesse Lee Peterson.

00:05:56.000 Jordan Peterson.

00:05:57.000 I did one of you.

00:05:58.000 That's kind of me.

00:06:00.000 That's true.

00:06:00.000 Remember how much I insisted you get that face swap shit?

00:06:03.000 That's a good point.

00:06:04.000 I can't do it.

00:06:04.000 It's too hard.

00:06:05.000 It's impossible, boss.

00:06:08.000 Can't happen.

00:06:10.000 We should update my Mets bet.

00:06:12.000 We should.

00:06:13.000 This is the reason why they booed me, by the way.

00:06:15.000 Okay.

00:06:16.000 So this is a thing I printed out and handed out.

00:06:18.000 And I said, I know everybody's probably groaning because here's another musician with another handout that we have to fill out.

00:06:24.000 But yeah, so they would rate my songs on a scale from 1 to 10.

00:06:28.000 There's a comment section they could like and subscribe.

00:06:31.000 And they can vote for their number one favorite American rock and roll.

00:06:36.000 And they voted for Incubus Drive, so I did that song.

00:06:40.000 But on a talk box.

00:06:43.000 Yeah, that went over.

00:06:44.000 you shouldn't have shown that.

00:06:45.000 You wrecked the whole joke.

00:06:48.000 You just broke the fourth wall.

00:06:50.000 And you're showing us a questionnaire you gave out without showing us the results.

00:06:55.000 It's just bad TV.

00:06:57.000 I could show the results.

00:06:59.000 Well, later.

00:07:00.000 I have the papers.

00:07:00.000 I collected them.

00:07:02.000 Okay.

00:07:03.000 Anyway, let's get on to some actual stuff here.

00:07:06.000 Let's start the show.

00:07:08.000 Shall we?

00:07:09.000 Which I guess means something comes from there.

00:07:12.000 No, it comes from here and then it goes there.

00:07:14.000 It does.

00:07:14.000 It comes from the other side.

00:07:16.000 Okay, so I should be facing this way.

00:07:18.000 Okay, here we go.

00:07:19.000 We're starting the show now.

00:07:21.000 Ready?

00:07:35.000 One.

00:07:37.000 Shouldn't that be one, two, three?

00:07:39.000 On the count of one.

00:07:41.000 Go.

00:07:42.000 So put up my Met score.

00:07:43.000 They've won seven and lost three.

00:07:46.000 So that is, I won $700.

00:07:48.000 I lost $300.

00:07:49.000 So I'm up $500.

00:07:52.000 I went to see them on the weekend.

00:07:54.000 They had this awesome opening day, 10-3 or something like that.

00:07:58.000 Everyone was going nuts, screaming.

00:08:00.000 No one wanted to go home.

00:08:02.000 And then I went to the game and we lost 3-4.

00:08:06.000 Boring, scoreless, shitty fucking game.

00:08:10.000 And you know what I noticed when I was leaving the stadium?

00:08:13.000 Everyone's rushing to get out and I see people just sitting on chairs, eating popcorn, looking at their phones.

00:08:19.000 And I'm like, dudes, what the fuck are you doing?

00:08:21.000 We got to go.

00:08:22.000 Time to go.

00:08:24.000 And then I realized they're the smartest people in the room.

00:08:26.000 The second smartest are the people who just tailgate post-game and sit there on their fold-out chairs and talk and fucking drink beer.

00:08:35.000 And then the third smartest people, the dumbest people, are me, who took an hour getting out of the parking lot.

00:08:44.000 So new thing.

00:08:46.000 After the game is over, go to the bar and order a drink.

00:08:48.000 Enjoy yourself.

00:08:50.000 Lounge around for an hour.

00:08:52.000 Those people, those loungers, probably left the stadium 30 seconds after me. 0.84

00:08:57.000 And while they were enjoying themselves, I was in a car going.

00:09:03.000 How much do you have total?

00:09:05.000 So there's been seven wins, three losses, 500 bucks.

00:09:09.000 Not bad.

00:09:10.000 Now, it's not 500 bucks.

00:09:11.000 I'll ask the bookie.

00:09:13.000 I hate this shit where it's all about the other team.

00:09:18.000 So if it's DeGrom pitching and it's the shittiest team in the league, I win like 20 bucks.

00:09:25.000 And if he loses, I win like, I can lose like 300 bucks.

00:09:30.000 Even though I bet 100.

00:09:31.000 Isn't that weird?

00:09:32.000 That's off.

00:09:33.000 That's not the way bets work.

00:09:34.000 Say there's a hat there.

00:09:35.000 You put your $100 in the hat.

00:09:37.000 You get whatever's in the hat.

00:09:39.000 If they take the hat away, you lose your $100.

00:09:41.000 Now I have to shell out extra money because I should have won.

00:09:48.000 You know my grandfather was a bookie, right?

00:09:50.000 That's why he...

00:09:51.000 No, I said three, Ryan.

00:09:54.000 7-3.

00:09:56.000 You should have noticed it's 7-2.

00:09:59.000 Wait a minute.

00:10:00.000 Wait a minute.

00:10:00.000 I won $700.

00:10:01.000 I lost three.

00:10:02.000 That's $400.

00:10:07.000 Yeah, no one really liked the Irish, so it changed his name from McGinnis to McInnes to get more clients.

00:10:12.000 But he eventually went bankrupt because no one wanted to bet with him.

00:10:15.000 You know why?

00:10:16.000 Because the Irish thing helped. 0.95

00:10:19.000 He changed it to McInnes.

00:10:20.000 That's why my name is spelled wrong today.

00:10:23.000 But he wouldn't accept money from women.

00:10:26.000 Because back then, if a woman had money, she was being naughty. 1.00

00:10:30.000 Because men would allot them their spending money. 0.99

00:10:34.000 Should probably go back to that, judging by the amount of shit my wife brings home. 1.00

00:10:38.000 Every day there's a new toy.

00:10:40.000 Like he's got a gel machine gun that shoots out those gel things.

00:10:45.000 Those are all over the fucking house.

00:10:48.000 And then another day I come home, guess what we have?

00:10:52.000 A butterfly farm.

00:10:55.000 Another day I come home, there's like a weird beer pong thing on wheels where it moves and you have to bounce the ping pong in.

00:11:02.000 And then it all goes into storage.

00:11:03.000 We play board games.

00:11:05.000 My family plays board games maybe once or twice a year.

00:11:08.000 If you saw our board game section of our den, you'd think that I worked at Hasbro.

00:11:16.000 We have unopened games.

00:11:17.000 I have an Animal House game.

00:11:19.000 Unopened.

00:11:21.000 I'm the only one in the family that loves Animal House.

00:11:23.000 What am I going to do?

00:11:24.000 Play with an eight-year-old?

00:11:26.000 About who directed Animal House or what university they shot it at?

00:11:33.000 All right, let's get started with some LGBTQ. 1.00

00:11:38.000 I've always said that Jackie Chan.

00:11:40.000 Oh, wait, you got to do the thing first.

00:11:42.000 Okay, let's do it.

00:11:44.000 Why are you weak?

00:11:46.000 I felt ugly.

00:11:46.000 I felt gay.

00:11:47.000 And then we fell in love.

00:11:49.000 I never eat the poop poop.

00:11:50.000 And we have a very good relationship.

00:11:53.000 Why you don't like the game?

00:11:54.000 You don't want to see a close-up picture of my animals because you can't game me.

00:11:58.000 You ugly.

00:11:59.000 Homophobe alert.

00:12:05.000 I did a talk with Ezra Levant at an interview that we'll put up here on our site over the weekend.

00:12:11.000 And he stopped the interview.

00:12:13.000 And he said, can you stop with the Canadian flag waving in the background?

00:12:16.000 It's really distracting.

00:12:19.000 And I let him.

00:12:20.000 It's his show.

00:12:21.000 But he doesn't understand that that's part of my art is being abrasive and annoying.

00:12:26.000 It's punk rock.

00:12:28.000 It's metal.

00:12:31.000 It's mean.

00:12:33.000 It's not pleasant.

00:12:35.000 But I think when someone is looking at this show on their phone and there's a distracting background, it's kind of funny.

00:12:40.000 Another time I did, this is years ago, I did an interview with him at my place upstate and I had built a swing in the living room because we had an open to above living room.

00:12:48.000 So we had like 60 feet.

00:12:49.000 So I built a huge swing.

00:12:51.000 So the kids would swing in the living room.

00:12:54.000 So as I'm talking, there's a little kid behind me going, zoop, zoop.

00:12:58.000 And he goes, can you stop that?

00:13:00.000 Can you tell them to get off the swing?

00:13:02.000 no one's going to take you seriously.

00:13:04.000 And I go, Yeah, that's what we're going for, Ezra.

00:13:07.000 But fine.

00:13:09.000 So, yeah, go back to my distracting homos. 1.00

00:13:12.000 I have been pushing this theory for many, many years.

00:13:15.000 And that theory is: Jackie Chan is a fag. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Now, I first started this when I noticed he had an apprentice who has been training with him to become a full-blooded ninja, whatever the fuck you get.

00:13:32.000 Triple, quadruple, black belt.

00:13:38.000 He's been training with Jackie for like 40 years.

00:13:41.000 You should be able to melt steel with your eyes after 40 years of apprenticing.

00:13:48.000 Maybe you should be teaching after that long, no?

00:13:52.000 And it's recently been confirmed by the way Jackie Chan talks.

00:13:56.000 Here he is discussing a scene with Bruce Lee where Bruce Lee accidentally hit him.

00:14:01.000 And he pretended he was in severe pain so Bruce Lee would keep doting on him because he's a gay lord that wants to suck Bruce Lee's penis. 1.00

00:14:10.000 Unstick right on my hat.

00:14:14.000 By the way, speaking of 40 years, can you learn English, please?

00:14:19.000 He has the worst accent. 1.00

00:14:21.000 If I lived in China since 1970 or whenever the fuck he moved here, I would have no accent in Chinese. 0.96

00:14:29.000 Obviously.

00:14:30.000 Like, you gotta try, dude.

00:14:34.000 Go ahead.

00:14:35.000 But I just, I do nothing.

00:14:37.000 I just, ah, and I just felt, you know, a little dizzy, little dizzy.

00:14:42.000 Okay.

00:14:42.000 I look at the bushley.

00:14:43.000 Bushly doesn't do anything.

00:14:45.000 He look at everybody and keep acting, turn around back until the director say, cut.

00:14:51.000 Then he just throw the two sticks, just turn around.

00:14:54.000 Oh my God.

00:14:56.000 He run to me and lift me up.

00:14:58.000 I'm sorry.

00:14:59.000 I'm sorry.

00:15:00.000 And actually, I'm not paying anymore because you're a young guy.

00:15:04.000 After that, I'm not paying anymore.

00:15:06.000 After that, I'm not paying anymore.

00:15:09.000 You were pain?

00:15:11.000 You're the guy I feel when I stub my toe.

00:15:14.000 If we kill Jackie Chan, will we all be on Xanax for the rest of our lives and feel nothing?

00:15:21.000 Go ahead.

00:15:22.000 Very tough.

00:15:23.000 But Satani, I don't know why I just pretend very painful.

00:15:28.000 I just want Bootley home me as long as his can.

00:15:33.000 As long as his can.

00:15:36.000 Jesus Christ.

00:15:37.000 He's like the worst immigrant grocer cab driver. 1.00

00:15:42.000 During the whole day, every time he look at me, like this, I said, okay, okay.

00:15:49.000 And I think that's the best movement.

00:15:51.000 He's just one stick right on my hand.

00:15:55.000 What do you think, Ryan?

00:15:56.000 You're a gay chink. 1.00

00:15:58.000 I'm not either, but I would say that that's a little quay.

00:16:03.000 Yeah, even remembering that story, like this is how a straight man would tell that.

00:16:07.000 I used to do, you know, I used to do action movies, and I was doing it way back in the 70s.

00:16:12.000 You remember Bruce Lee, of course, right?

00:16:14.000 Yeah.

00:16:14.000 I was in that movie and he fucking nails me in the head.

00:16:17.000 I mean, it's inevitably going to happen.

00:16:19.000 All the close calls you're going to hit when he's really sympathetic guy.

00:16:21.000 He's like, I'm so sorry.

00:16:22.000 I was like, yeah, whatever.

00:16:24.000 Great guy.

00:16:25.000 Good guy.

00:16:25.000 Yeah, or you could even tell, you could be like, I thought it was funny that he was so blurry and had to adjust that before he made this point.

00:16:33.000 And you could be like, I thought it was funny that he was doting over me, so I kept doing it.

00:16:38.000 Or I didn't want him to really kick my ass.

00:16:40.000 Then that story would be called The Time I Pretended to Be a Fag.

00:16:43.000 Right.com.

00:16:45.000 Yeah.

00:16:46.000 Or you could see, I was such a huge fan of his that I kept it going so he can keep paying attention to me, which is still gay, but fan gay. 0.59

00:16:52.000 That's a good name for our URL if we ever lose censored.tv.

00:16:55.000 What, fan gay? 0.98

00:16:56.000 The timeipretended to be a fag.com. 0.88

00:16:59.000 That time never ended.

00:17:01.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 There was one URL I really wanted, and it's owned by porn people.

00:17:06.000 Stupidshit.com or crazy shit.com.

00:17:09.000 That's the thing.

00:17:10.000 Sucksshit.com.

00:17:12.000 Anyway.

00:17:15.000 So yeah, that's gay. 0.95

00:17:17.000 Here's another thing in the gays. 1.00

00:17:19.000 If you notice in these TikTok videos, they have never memorized their script.

00:17:23.000 Now, I'm not reading from a script.

00:17:24.000 You can tell.

00:17:25.000 I stutter.

00:17:26.000 There's pauses.

00:17:27.000 I forget what I'm talking about.

00:17:28.000 I can't think of things.

00:17:29.000 That's how we naturally talk to each other.

00:17:32.000 I wish everyone would do this.

00:17:33.000 Tucker Carlson, the news.

00:17:35.000 Oh, God.

00:17:37.000 SNL.

00:17:38.000 If they would drop those fucking scripts.

00:17:41.000 I can read.

00:17:42.000 Don't read to me.

00:17:43.000 It's not bedtime.

00:17:44.000 I'm not five and you're not my daddy.

00:17:47.000 Stop reading.

00:17:48.000 Now, these trannies are so full of shit that they don't really believe what they're saying. 1.00

00:17:54.000 That's why they can't just emote the way I can right now because I have the courage of my convictions.

00:17:59.000 I'm being totally sincere, totally honest with you.

00:18:02.000 So I don't have to remember anything.

00:18:03.000 I could just talk.

00:18:05.000 They can't do that.

00:18:06.000 They have to write it out.

00:18:07.000 They have to dot all their I's and cross all their T's and make sure that their stupid little diatribe conforms to their ridiculous narrative that they don't even believe themselves.

00:18:19.000 So this silly cunt has taken so much testosterone that hair started coming out of her face. 1.00

00:18:25.000 And she's decided it's very important that the children know about this.

00:18:31.000 And she decides to set aside some time where we talk about me.

00:18:39.000 What does Fleckis say?

00:18:40.000 This clip really stuck out to me.

00:18:41.000 That's what you talk about with your 30th seconds.

00:18:43.000 Wild.

00:18:44.000 My fun fact would be, I like fishing.

00:18:47.000 I don't even like finishing that fishing that much.

00:18:50.000 How do you spell it wrong?

00:18:51.000 Swipe all the way to the end, how an Illinois school dristicker is getting between parents and their kids.

00:18:55.000 Okay, so check this out.

00:18:58.000 About me, Ms. Hammond?

00:19:00.000 Wait, go back to the beginning.

00:19:01.000 You need the beginning.

00:19:03.000 And something cool about me, Miss Hammond?

00:19:06.000 All right.

00:19:07.000 All right.

00:19:07.000 So something that's really cool and unique about who I am is that I am transgender.

00:19:13.000 So we touched a little bit about that at the beginning of this week in the book that Ms. Hammond read, but I'm going to give you my explanation about what it means to be transgender as well.

00:19:23.000 So when babies are born, the doctor looks at them and they make a guess about whether the baby is a boy or a girl.

00:19:30.000 And something cool about me, Ms. Hammond?

00:19:35.000 Fun fact.

00:19:37.000 Is that all there is?

00:19:40.000 I don't think so.

00:19:41.000 The Illinois State Board of Education guidelines say step.

00:19:44.000 Yeah, he goes on to say the doctors make a guess about whether or not this is a boy or a girl.

00:19:51.000 And then later we find out the truth.

00:19:53.000 For example, that girl with facial hair is a boy, a man.

00:19:57.000 And we didn't know that from birth.

00:19:59.000 So these gender reveals are just guest parties, really, right?

00:20:04.000 Yeah.

00:20:04.000 We're saying it's really a penis or a vagina party.

00:20:07.000 Because that's all you're finding out about your child is that they have a penis or a vagina. 1.00

00:20:11.000 Ah.

00:20:12.000 I think my shirts shrink over time when I wash them.

00:20:16.000 Or maybe I got fat by not going to the gym all spring break.

00:20:22.000 Shrink, shrink, shrunk. 1.00

00:20:24.000 What?

00:20:27.000 I like all the tenses of the word shrink.

00:20:29.000 Hmm.

00:20:30.000 Shrink, shrink, shrunk. 1.00

00:20:31.000 Speaking of not needing to hear about a teacher's retarded gender bullshit politics, why don't you keep thoughts like that to yourself? 1.00

00:20:40.000 Did not flub at all.

00:20:41.000 No, it wasn't a flub.

00:20:42.000 There was no fucking flub.

00:20:44.000 It was not a flub.

00:20:47.000 I would argue you're right.

00:20:48.000 It was not a flub.

00:20:49.000 It was just boring.

00:20:50.000 Okay.

00:20:51.000 Extraneous.

00:20:52.000 Do we have a free speech interstitial?

00:20:55.000 I thought we did.

00:20:56.000 You know what?

00:20:57.000 We do.

00:20:58.000 Nash.

00:20:59.000 And here we go.

00:21:00.000 Nash.

00:21:01.000 Free speech.

00:21:04.000 Free speech.

00:21:06.000 Free speech.

00:21:08.000 It ain't free.

00:21:11.000 Wow.

00:21:11.000 We are kind of chintzy with the music there.

00:21:17.000 That is no fighting with Larry Barnes.

00:21:21.000 He's wearing a tux for his inauguration.

00:21:24.000 He's being inducted into the New York State Hall of Fame on May 1st.

00:21:30.000 Two massive Proud Boys parties, one in Connecticut, one in the UK.

00:21:36.000 Can't go.

00:21:37.000 Got to go to Larry Barnes' thing.

00:21:41.000 I said, can I wear a tux?

00:21:43.000 Because I don't want to upstage you.

00:21:46.000 He goes, you can't upstage me, motherfucker.

00:21:48.000 Wow.

00:21:49.000 And I go, okay, calm down.

00:21:52.000 And then he shoved me.

00:21:53.000 So he gets serious about this.

00:21:55.000 No.

00:21:56.000 It's funny.

00:21:57.000 And I said, my new thing is like, I'm basically the Hulk.

00:22:02.000 And I'll go like, I'll freeze when he shoves me.

00:22:05.000 And I'll go, holy shit, you don't know what you've done.

00:22:08.000 You don't know what you've just awoken.

00:22:11.000 Do you know what they used to call me in jail?

00:22:13.000 And then I said this today, because he doesn't know the show.

00:22:16.000 I go, they called me Baby Monster.

00:22:19.000 And then he broke character and cracked up and ran away laughing, going, baby monster, motherfucker.

00:22:25.000 Is one of your things with him, so he calls you Cupcake, but do you ever do short jokes with him?

00:22:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:30.000 Okay.

00:22:30.000 Like today.

00:22:32.000 The double end bag was all fucked up.

00:22:33.000 The double end bags are always in disarray.

00:22:36.000 I said to the owner, I'm like, this is an elephant's graveyard for double end bags.

00:22:40.000 They're never, this one was at three feet off the ground, and it had so much slack that when you hit it, it was almost like hitting a thing on a swing.

00:22:49.000 And so I'm punching this tiny one because it's the only one available.

00:22:52.000 And I'm like, hey, Larry, is this to practice on you?

00:22:55.000 That's a short joke.

00:22:57.000 You should ask him if he rented his tuxedo from Build a Bear.

00:23:01.000 Would you laugh at that?

00:23:03.000 It seems kind of easy to do short.

00:23:05.000 Yeah, I know.

00:23:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:06.000 And black, other guys do racial jokes.

00:23:11.000 It seems a little weak.

00:23:12.000 Right.

00:23:13.000 Although I did say, if you fuck with me one more time, I'm going to pick up your ass and throw you through that window like a chocolate rocket. 1.00

00:23:21.000 That's got great sound to it.

00:23:23.000 It did get some skit take laughs.

00:23:26.000 That's hilarious.

00:23:27.000 Chocolate rocket.

00:23:29.000 It's not alliteration, but it's something musical in there that's very pleasant.

00:23:32.000 Yeah, it's almost as good as shrink-shrink shrunk.

00:23:35.000 I love that sound.

00:23:36.000 And cellar doors.

00:23:37.000 Did you know cellar doors is said to be the most appealing the English language gets?

00:23:42.000 It's funny you say that.

00:23:43.000 Actually, I'm not a big fan of that, but the shrink-shrink-shrunk.

00:23:47.000 I think the best the English language is when Perry Caravello was forced to lie and pretend a bottle broke in his ass cheeks, maybe anus.

00:23:59.000 And he said, I didn't want to squeeze, but I squeeze.

00:24:04.000 Actually, that reminds me.

00:24:05.000 It's the six-year anniversary of me stoving a butt plug up my ass. 0.87

00:24:09.000 Wow.

00:24:10.000 Yeah, thank you.

00:24:11.000 That's amazing.

00:24:12.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:24:13.000 I'll send you the pictures.

00:24:17.000 And it's amazing how often this comes up.

00:24:20.000 It's like, yeah, Gavin McInnes, he's okay, but true fact, he shoved a butt plug up his ass to prove he wasn't homophobic.

00:24:30.000 True story.

00:24:31.000 It didn't actually go like in your butthole either.

00:24:34.000 It was just like between your cheeks.

00:24:35.000 Who cares?

00:24:36.000 Remember, right?

00:24:38.000 I sucked off a frozen piece of shit last week.

00:24:42.000 And it came.

00:24:44.000 Oh, shit, is it gone?

00:24:47.000 It's gone.

00:24:49.000 Remember we were going to prove it?

00:24:51.000 Hi, chocolate Jordan Peterson.

00:24:53.000 Huh.

00:24:55.000 But yeah, just to, well, we'll pull them up, and then maybe someone will make this a clip and put it on YouTube.

00:25:01.000 To be clear, I did not have sexual relations with that butt plug. 0.97

00:25:08.000 I put the butt plug in my ass because we were watching Hillary Clinton. 0.97

00:25:12.000 She was dancing badly, and I said, this woman is dancing like something's up her ass. 1.00

00:25:16.000 I bet I could dance better than her with something up my ass. 1.00

00:25:19.000 Now, because we had often had porn stars on the show, on various shows on the network, there was butt plugs and sex toys lying around.

00:25:26.000 So I grabbed one.

00:25:28.000 I inserted it in between my anal lips. 0.98

00:25:30.000 And then I proceeded to dance quite well.

00:25:35.000 And that was me proving that I can dance better than Hillary with something up my ass. 0.84

00:25:42.000 And she looks like she's, you know, dancing with something up her ass. 1.00

00:25:46.000 It was a funny joke.

00:25:48.000 And I don't know why.

00:25:50.000 It has never stopped coming up.

00:25:52.000 I sucked off a piece of shit.

00:25:54.000 I did a card trick on the street where I had the ace of spades rolled up in a condom way up my ass, into my buttocks, like gone.

00:26:03.000 I had to pull it out, and this condom was like stretching.

00:26:07.000 Loop.

00:26:09.000 They say I did this to own the libs.

00:26:13.000 That's such a double-edged sword, a double-edged dildo sword. 0.95

00:26:18.000 Here's the thing.

00:26:19.000 You forget that you were.

00:26:21.000 That was Baeda. 0.98

00:26:23.000 It's a double-edged sword because, like, if you don't put it all the way in, people are going to be like, oh, you didn't really do it.

00:26:28.000 But then if you just put it halfway in, people are going to be like, oh, you did it.

00:26:31.000 But who cares?

00:26:32.000 That's the other beauty of that.

00:26:33.000 That's a true point.

00:26:34.000 Who fucking cares?

00:26:35.000 It just goes to show you, too, like, you can be careful and make sure you don't do anything offensive, and it'll always be spun around and shoved up your ass. 0.55

00:26:45.000 All right.

00:26:46.000 Speaking of free speech, Elon Musk is the big story.

00:26:54.000 The comedian, the guy who does his show with Ryan Long.

00:26:58.000 Oh, yeah, I met him the other day, and I felt bad because I forgot who he was.

00:27:02.000 I was like, I've seen you somewhere.

00:27:04.000 Danny Polishchuck.

00:27:06.000 Polishchuck, yep. 1.00

00:27:08.000 Change your last name, dude.

00:27:09.000 Be Danny Cougar.

00:27:11.000 Danny Lionheart.

00:27:13.000 Danny Savage.

00:27:14.000 Oh, there already is a Dan Savage.

00:27:16.000 Danny Duncan.

00:27:18.000 Danny Dinkles.

00:27:19.000 Yeah, sometimes with a little alliteration.

00:27:21.000 Polishchuck? 1.00

00:27:22.000 Danny Dinko.

00:27:24.000 Danny P. No.

00:27:26.000 Oh.

00:27:27.000 Danny DeChucky.

00:27:29.000 Anyway, let's watch some of his funny thing.

00:27:32.000 1.3 million views.

00:27:33.000 Wow, that is a successful joke.

00:27:36.000 Hi, my name's Tony Fernandez.

00:27:38.000 I use he-him pronouns, and I'm the lead of content moderation here at Twitter.

00:27:42.000 Before I get started, I would just like to acknowledge that Twitter's head office occupies the unceded ancestral homelands of the Ramitoshalani peoples, who are the original inhabitants of the San Francisco Peninsula.

00:27:54.000 It's not theirs in the sense that we've ever provided them any sort of compensation, nor do we intend to.

00:27:59.000 But we contribute with our words, which is basically as good as possible.

00:28:04.000 In fact, they don't even believe in money or have a word for it.

00:28:07.000 The reason I'm making this video is in response to Elon Musk recently purchasing 9% of Twitter.

00:28:13.000 Normally, I wouldn't dare call out a neurodivergent African-American. 0.97

00:28:16.000 However, I feel compelled to, as our democracy and the majority of the people.

00:28:20.000 He should get that bleach.

00:28:21.000 You know that anal bleach that porn stars use?

00:28:23.000 He should get that on his eyes.

00:28:26.000 He looks like Rasputin.

00:28:27.000 I think we're missing the point of the video, though.

00:28:29.000 It's making good points.

00:28:30.000 Oh.

00:28:31.000 Right?

00:28:32.000 At stake.

00:28:33.000 Mr. Musk has accused Twitter of being against free speech.

00:28:36.000 However, Vladimir Putin and the head of the Taliban both have accounts on our platform.

00:28:42.000 It looks like he stole Nick DiPaolo's face for this.

00:28:47.000 Did you know that when you talk to lefties, they hate Twitter because it's so right-wing?

00:28:51.000 Wow.

00:28:53.000 And they think that it amplifies conservative voices?

00:28:57.000 The same with Facebook.

00:28:59.000 Like Sasha Baron Cohen thinks that Facebook is a Nazi site where Nazis organize their anti-Semitic events.

00:29:08.000 Go, guys, if you don't like your own fascist platforms, then I don't know what to do.

00:29:14.000 I can't help you here.

00:29:15.000 Twitter has banned every conservative from me to Poodie Pie and Candace Owens and everything Proud Boys, InfoWars, all gone.

00:29:26.000 Is Nick Fuentes still on Twitter?

00:29:28.000 No.

00:29:29.000 No, of course not.

00:29:30.000 He made it a while, though, but he's gone.

00:29:33.000 You can't DM someone censored.tv.

00:29:37.000 It won't go through.

00:29:39.000 Nick Fuentes out of context clips got banned.

00:29:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:44.000 And it was arguably anti-I mean, I always knew I was laughing.

00:29:48.000 When I quit Lent, when Lent was over and I could start drinking whiskey again, I got drunk for the first time, a real good, solid drunk.

00:29:56.000 And I instantly gettered out the funniest tweet that I've ever said in my life.

00:30:03.000 And I was like, welcome back, funny me.

00:30:06.000 It's been 40 days of overthinking jokes and not being good.

00:30:15.000 And not being good at it.

00:30:17.000 If you will.

00:30:18.000 By the way, I dreamt another genius invention.

00:30:21.000 I actually dreamed two inventions.

00:30:24.000 One is it's two framed pictures, and one says H A and the other says LF.

00:30:31.000 It's cut in half.

00:30:32.000 Oh, pretty cool.

00:30:34.000 I was like, that's the most brilliant thing in the world.

00:30:35.000 Then here's another brilliant idea I had in my sleep.

00:30:37.000 Here we go.

00:30:37.000 Oh, there we go.

00:30:38.000 Nick Fuentez reading the comments.

00:30:45.000 Here's another idea.

00:30:46.000 It's Blutarski. 0.61

00:30:48.000 It's Bluto from Animal House.

00:30:49.000 And he's doing a Prager U video.

00:30:52.000 And there's a plane bombing.

00:30:56.000 And the text behind him says, the Germans, question mark. 0.71

00:30:59.000 And then there's a split screen.

00:31:00.000 And then the other half, it says, he's on a roll.

00:31:05.000 Do you get that joke?

00:31:05.000 I think I get it.

00:31:06.000 It's an Animal House joke.

00:31:07.000 Do you get it, though?

00:31:09.000 You'd fail at the board game.

00:31:11.000 I would fail at the board game.

00:31:13.000 In one of his speeches, he goes, when the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor, he's on a roll.

00:31:18.000 He goes, the Germans? 0.86

00:31:19.000 And the other guy goes, Sandori's on a roll.

00:31:21.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 So between fucking this joke and us, we don't punch right.

00:31:29.000 We roast right.

00:31:31.000 That's all we're doing.

00:31:32.000 He's not right.

00:31:32.000 Just a roast.

00:31:33.000 Ryan Long and Danny Dodanko are centerist, probably liberal in 99% of their shit.

00:31:41.000 Good point.

00:31:42.000 But they're seen now as right-wing because they don't have 32 genders up their ass. 1.00

00:31:46.000 Yeah.

00:31:50.000 Blaine that.

00:31:51.000 We can't.

00:31:52.000 I mean, you can't.

00:31:53.000 Sure, we banned the sitting president of the United States for life with no recourse, but had we not done that, the QAnon shaman would probably be the Speaker of the House right now. 0.98

00:32:01.000 And we admitted we screwed up by not allowing the New York Post story about Hunter Biden's laptop to be shared right before the election, but we had a policy about not sharing hacked materials at the time.

00:32:11.000 And in our defense, we did reverse that policy, which allowed all the donors to that Canadian Nazi trucker convoy to be exposed.

00:32:18.000 So we do get some things right, like recently when we locked the account of the satire site The Babylon Bee for calling Rachel Levine man of the year.

00:32:27.000 She is a woman, and we don't allow hateful Content on our platform that isn't directed at the previous administration or any members of the Russian government.

00:32:35.000 More importantly, Twitter is a private business and has the right to refuse service to anyone we choose.

00:32:40.000 Just like a restaurant that won't serve an unvaccinated person, but not like a bakery that won't bake a cake for a gay couple, Mr. Musk fails to realize that with every tweet criticizing Twitter, he puts every one of us in real danger.

00:33:01.000 Okay, that's you get it.

00:33:02.000 But you know what's funny about this?

00:33:04.000 So it's all very straightforward, good jokes, but the responses were amazing.

00:33:09.000 First of all, his name is there on the account.

00:33:13.000 He calls himself Tony Fernandez.

00:33:17.000 That's your first clue, kiddies.

00:33:20.000 And then look, this is just like today.

00:33:22.000 I don't know if it's a joke or not.

00:33:24.000 Keep going.

00:33:26.000 Twitter is not a private company taking him totally seriously.

00:33:29.000 You said which pronouns you used, so I guess I got three seconds in.

00:33:32.000 Good stuff.

00:33:33.000 Would be substantially funnier if it wasn't so true.

00:33:35.000 Okay, so that's one person who got the joke.

00:33:38.000 People need to look up section 20 that signals the company.

00:33:40.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:33:41.000 I love how people don't take the time to look at who you are.

00:33:43.000 And he says, it's better this way.

00:33:45.000 Keep going.

00:33:47.000 People don't realize the joke.

00:33:48.000 I can't tell if it's satire or not.

00:33:50.000 It's afraid.

00:33:54.000 Excuse me, sir.

00:33:54.000 You dropped this crown.

00:33:56.000 Is this satire?

00:33:58.000 Jen, his name is Danny Jokes.

00:34:02.000 Do not let him purchase or buy Twitter.

00:34:04.000 He has no reason to do so.

00:34:05.000 He can do other stuff with his money.

00:34:07.000 That's an amazing take.

00:34:11.000 And here's a fun one.

00:34:15.000 Skip over to 17.

00:34:16.000 Front page of the Washington Post.

00:34:19.000 Front page physically of the paper and on the homepage of the website, we have the Washington Post discussing how incredibly dangerous it would be for Elon Musk to buy Twitter.

00:34:32.000 The Washington Post is owned by Jeff Bezos.

00:34:38.000 So we're listening to a dictator's platform tell us that Twitter would better not become a dictator's platform.

00:34:47.000 What?

00:34:49.000 Elon Musk wants a free speech utopia.

00:34:51.000 Technologists clap back.

00:34:53.000 Musk's vision of the internet outdoor doesn't take into account the real world.

00:34:56.000 They say, see, this is a good trick you do, where you say, I'm not saying anything.

00:35:01.000 This is just...

00:35:01.000 Now, you can go look up anything on Twitter too and see a pattern.

00:35:05.000 Look up, I hate babies.

00:35:07.000 And then you could say, huge backlash against baby, Twitter says.

00:35:12.000 The onslaught of tweets criticizing babies is relentless.

00:35:16.000 So you can frame whatever argument you want.

00:35:18.000 And the problem is people are so lazy that it works.

00:35:21.000 You know, I did the do's and don'ts column advice for 20 years or whatever it was, 15 years.

00:35:27.000 And constantly saying, this outfit is a good outfit.

00:35:31.000 This is a good vibe.

00:35:32.000 This is a good band.

00:35:33.000 This is a good look.

00:35:34.000 This isn't.

00:35:34.000 I created a set of rules.

00:35:36.000 The next thing you know, there was a subculture called hipsters that were just like mods or punks or skins.

00:35:40.000 It was a new group.

00:35:42.000 And that came from just constantly nattering away.

00:35:45.000 Look at the way Brits are. 0.99

00:35:47.000 Thanks to the BBC.

00:35:48.000 The way Canadians voted for Fidel Castro's son three times now.

00:35:52.000 They'll probably vote for him again.

00:35:54.000 He's literally retarded. 1.00

00:35:57.000 And they keep voting for him because the Canadian broadcasting company has been bought by the government.

00:36:03.000 Not just the CBC, by the way.

00:36:04.000 He went on and spent $800 million just buying up every media source.

00:36:08.000 Because it works.

00:36:09.000 It's a good investment.

00:36:11.000 And here we have Jeff Bezos telling us not to do it.

00:36:16.000 Go to 1.6.

00:36:17.000 This was an interesting thread about the concept of rich people buying media companies.

00:36:21.000 I have bad news for everyone concerned about the prospect of a billionaire being in charge of an influential media company.

00:36:27.000 And here we go.

00:36:28.000 I mean, that picture says it all, doesn't it?

00:36:33.000 Jeff Bezos owns WAPO.

00:36:35.000 John Henry owns The Globe.

00:36:37.000 Las Vegas Review Journal is some other, the guy who does The Sands.

00:36:44.000 Someone who is married to a rich guy or the daughter of a rich guy owns The Atlantic.

00:36:49.000 Patrick Nanshwing.

00:36:51.000 Who's he, Ryan?

00:36:53.000 You assume I know him because he's Asian, but I actually do not know who that is.

00:36:56.000 Oh.

00:36:57.000 Yes.

00:36:58.000 Mark Bainioff owns Time.

00:37:00.000 Why does Washington Post get the only cool, like, WAPO?

00:37:03.000 Why can't it be like the Boglo?

00:37:05.000 Maybe it is.

00:37:06.000 The LaVe Rojo.

00:37:07.000 We've never discussed the Boglo.

00:37:08.000 Maybe it's called Boglo.

00:37:09.000 La Ve Reijo? 0.98

00:37:11.000 That's pretty cool.

00:37:12.000 La Ve Reijo.

00:37:15.000 This is what I don't get.

00:37:16.000 Why are so many gazillionaires left-wing?

00:37:21.000 Like, everyone's freaking about Elon Musk.

00:37:23.000 I wouldn't, just like Ryan Long and Danny Joke Pants, I wouldn't consider him right-wing.

00:37:30.000 He just thinks that woke culture is getting out of control.

00:37:33.000 And if you don't think that, you're just special.

00:37:35.000 You're special needs.

00:37:39.000 Who owns Breitbart?

00:37:43.000 What is this chart?

00:37:45.000 I don't know.

00:37:46.000 Who owns your news?

00:37:48.000 Top 100 news sites compiled with Pew Research Center's list of newspapers by average Sunday circulation.

00:37:54.000 Yeah.

00:37:55.000 But say Elon, that's a lot of money to control Twitter, which is Twitter's totally left-wing now.

00:38:02.000 All the right voices are gone.

00:38:03.000 Once Elon takes it over, all the lefties are going to leave.

00:38:06.000 So now you have a shitty dead site that you spent $40 billion on.

00:38:11.000 Invest $40 billion in Trump Truth Social or Getter or Gab.

00:38:24.000 Oh, here was a funny one.

00:38:25.000 So by the way, it's kind of redundant to talk about this.

00:38:27.000 I'm not really sure where we're at now.

00:38:30.000 They took a poison pill and self-sabotaged their own company, right?

00:38:34.000 I'm not totally clear on what a poison pill is, but I think it's kind of like minority oppression, where the big shareholders elbow out the little guy and make it impossible for him to make moves.

00:38:45.000 I'm not sure it's legal, but we'll see what happens with that.

00:38:48.000 I guess he's got to sue Twitter now.

00:38:50.000 That's years.

00:38:52.000 But go to 19?

00:38:53.000 No, 19.

00:38:54.000 We'll do this last.

00:38:56.000 You've all seen that, right?

00:39:04.000 Come on, tweets.

00:39:05.000 Load, load.

00:39:07.000 Twitter just adopted a poison pill in response to Elon's takeover bid.

00:39:10.000 Netflix did a similar maneuver in 2012.

00:39:13.000 Here's how it played out: Chung Fan.

00:39:15.000 Do you know him?

00:39:16.000 I don't know who that is.

00:39:17.000 Just because he's Asian does not mean I know him.

00:39:20.000 It's racist.

00:39:23.000 It's another name for a shareholder rights plan, a corporate tactic invented during the wild leverage buyout of the 1980s.

00:39:31.000 The move allows corporate boards to defend against unwanted takeover attempts.

00:39:36.000 These defenses include issuing of preferred stocks with special rights, control of shareholder means.

00:39:42.000 Boring!

00:39:46.000 He built up a 9.8 possession in Netflix and said the company should be acquired by Amazon or Microsoft.

00:39:52.000 Netflix adopted a poison pill that would kick in if an individual acquired 10%.

00:39:57.000 Netflix management wasn't interested in getting acquired.

00:40:00.000 Anyway, so we'll see how it plays out.

00:40:04.000 It's not looking very good.

00:40:05.000 But do we care?

00:40:06.000 It's like Facebook.

00:40:08.000 I mean, no one of consequence really cares what happens on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram for that matter.

00:40:15.000 Instagram just booted my boy John Joseph from the Cro-Mags. 1.00

00:40:20.000 John Joseph was dubious of the vax and he said, I got COVID and I was under the weather for a couple days, but I bounced back.

00:40:28.000 You know why?

00:40:28.000 Because I invested in my immune system.

00:40:31.000 And that's what I was saying to Ezra over the weekend.

00:40:33.000 The lesson God sent us with COVID, and if you're an atheist, just say nature, was you're too obese. 0.51

00:40:41.000 America and the Western world was sent a warning sign from nature that said, you guys are out of shape.

00:40:48.000 We're the first generation to live less long than our parents.

00:40:53.000 Yeah.

00:40:54.000 It's been going up since the beginning of man.

00:40:57.000 The life expectancy in cave days was probably like an hour and a half.

00:41:00.000 We've been going up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

00:41:02.000 And then these fatties is the first time it's dipped.

00:41:06.000 And our parents are living to 79 and we're like 76.

00:41:11.000 Because we're fat.

00:41:12.000 And that message was completely 100% ignored by the populace.

00:41:17.000 They talked about drugs.

00:41:18.000 They talked about politics.

00:41:20.000 They talked about everything but the message.

00:41:22.000 The message was oldies and fatties are vulnerable. 1.00

00:41:25.000 We already knew oldies are vulnerable.

00:41:27.000 That's not news.

00:41:28.000 But fatties, we didn't realize how fragile they were until they started dying.

00:41:32.000 But because of viewers like you tend to be fat, no one criticizes them on TV because it's not good for business.

00:41:41.000 And Big Pharma is the one who pays for all these commercials, so they want to make it all about pharmaceuticals.

00:41:46.000 No, no, no.

00:41:47.000 You need the right pills.

00:41:48.000 That's what COVID is about.

00:41:50.000 Wrong.

00:41:51.000 You need to invest in your immune system.

00:41:53.000 So John Joseph just brought this up.

00:41:56.000 No, sir.

00:41:57.000 That's verboten.

00:41:58.000 You can't say the truth.

00:41:59.000 You can't point out that investing in your immune system is the most important investment you can do.

00:42:04.000 Anyway, we'll wrap up this Elon segment with something you probably already heard of, but we got to put it on the record books.

00:42:10.000 Misa Bravzensky, whatever her fucking name is, Joe Scarborough's, I don't know, third wife, eighth wife. 1.00

00:42:16.000 She said on a show that we can't have Elon Musk controlling the narrative.

00:42:21.000 That's our job.

00:42:24.000 And they're still Trump supporters.

00:42:26.000 They go, yeah, you guys are going crazy.

00:42:28.000 He's doing.

00:42:28.000 What are you so surprised about?

00:42:30.000 He's doing exactly what he said he's going to do.

00:42:33.000 Well, and I think that the dangerous edges here are that he's trying to undermine the media, trying to make up his own facts.

00:42:42.000 And it could be that while unemployment and the economy worsens, he could have undermined the messaging so much that he can actually control exactly what people think.

00:42:55.000 And that is our job.

00:42:57.000 If you look at the issue, that's even worse than I set it up as.

00:43:04.000 He could control what people think.

00:43:05.000 That's our job.

00:43:07.000 This happened before on CNN.

00:43:10.000 They were talking about Hunter's laptop, I think, when it first hit the news.

00:43:14.000 And they were saying, this can't be seen by the public.

00:43:17.000 Or maybe it was WikiLeaks.

00:43:19.000 And they were saying, we have to filter the information.

00:43:23.000 So we need to see the information first and decide what you can see.

00:43:28.000 Rather than you just see it yourself.

00:43:30.000 That's crazy.

00:43:31.000 You can't have all the information.

00:43:34.000 No, that's our job.

00:43:38.000 All right.

00:43:39.000 Let's talk to Ricky.

00:43:41.000 No, not Ricky Berwick.

00:43:43.000 Excuse me.

00:43:44.000 I always confuse my gimps.

00:43:45.000 There's Ricky Berwick.

00:43:46.000 There's the guy with the funny head who has the girlfriend who's definitely not dating him just because he's handicapped and can't stop posing in pictures with him.

00:43:54.000 And then there's our guy, Crip Daddy, Donovan.

00:43:57.000 Who rules?

00:43:58.000 Who's the best?

00:43:59.000 He's the best out of all.

00:44:02.000 We had Ricky on the show many years ago.

00:44:05.000 He was too cryptic.

00:44:06.000 Ricky Cryptic.

00:44:07.000 Cryptic Daddy.

00:44:08.000 I prefer Crip Daddy to Cryptic Daddy.

00:44:11.000 But he had a funny fight.

00:44:13.000 I think he texted you all the pictures.

00:44:16.000 He had a funny fight on Twitter on the weekend.

00:44:20.000 And these women were fucking coming at him and Ricky, wishing death upon him. 1.00

00:44:29.000 And my favorite insult they hurled at you, Donovan, was, I bet your mother has to take care of you.

00:44:38.000 Is that true?

00:44:40.000 Can you hear me?

00:44:41.000 Oh.

00:44:44.000 Could be on our end.

00:44:45.000 Let's check.

00:44:46.000 Okay.

00:44:47.000 Testing, testing.

00:44:48.000 This is live, folks.

00:44:49.000 Fuck it.

00:44:50.000 We'll do it live.

00:44:52.000 Crip, Daddy, are you there?

00:44:54.000 Crippy?

00:44:55.000 Yep, I am here.

00:44:56.000 Oh, good, good, good.

00:44:57.000 How are you?

00:44:59.000 I'm doing as well as I can.

00:45:02.000 Well, I was just saying over the weekend that only a loser would have his mother take care of him.

00:45:07.000 If I was paralyzed, I would have like bikers handing me beers, and then I'd have all supermodels blowing me and changing my diaper and stuff. 1.00

00:45:18.000 You think maybe highly of yourself, huh?

00:45:20.000 I'm just the way I am.

00:45:22.000 What kind of loser has his mama take care of him just because he's paralyzed? 0.98

00:45:26.000 Well, I mean, I think that your mom was doing a good job until she was getting a little too handsy on my bones.

00:45:36.000 My mother touched your bollocks?

00:45:38.000 Yeah, and she's not the only mom.

00:45:40.000 Oh, my God.

00:45:42.000 I don't really understand that insult.

00:45:45.000 What does she want you to do?

00:45:47.000 I don't know, dude.

00:45:48.000 She just does whatever she wants. 0.98

00:45:50.000 That's half the problem.

00:45:51.000 There is that funny-looking guy with the bobblehead who has the chick who pretends that she's not with him because he's paralyzed.

00:46:00.000 Yeah, there's been more of those popping up.

00:46:03.000 I think the Chinese are spying on me on my TikTok because that's like 40% of my feed is just random disabled people, fucking insanely hot women. 1.00

00:46:16.000 They're trying to break you.

00:46:17.000 Yeah, it's a fucking psyop.

00:46:19.000 I don't like it.

00:46:21.000 Can you record you going to your girlfriend and saying, I think it's time that I moved in with you and you became my full-time caregiver and lover?

00:46:31.000 And watch her go, oh, yeah.

00:46:37.000 Okay.

00:46:39.000 Yeah, no, I can do that for you.

00:46:41.000 Right, like now or you're saying soon?

00:46:44.000 Soon I could.

00:46:46.000 No, that's her talking to you when you propose it.

00:46:49.000 So what happened this weekend with these ladies?

00:46:51.000 Could you give us the whole story?

00:46:52.000 Did it start with that meme?

00:46:54.000 Yeah, I just made a simple little funny haha because I saw pictures of Biden and AOC going around.

00:47:03.000 No context as to what they were because I'm not a very political guy.

00:47:08.000 I just see picture and I was like, man, this picture has a weird aura about it, but I can't put my finger on it.

00:47:16.000 And then it dawned on me when I got a boner.

00:47:18.000 I was like, oh, this is annoying.

00:47:22.000 That's when you realize what you were looking at.

00:47:24.000 Yeah.

00:47:25.000 And so all I did was slap the Bradzer's logo on there.

00:47:28.000 It took two seconds.

00:47:30.000 And I thought it was kind of funny, nothing to extend.

00:47:34.000 But then every woman on their period fucking lost their mind at that image and got really, really angry. 1.00

00:47:43.000 I don't understand anyone anymore.

00:47:45.000 Why the fuck would you be angry about a joke like that?

00:47:48.000 How do you tweet this if your hands don't work, cripple? 1.00

00:47:53.000 I mean, how do women tweet when their brains hardly work? 1.00

00:48:00.000 I just can't wait to get to, I'm sorry, but I can't imagine wasting my time arguing with men who Hitler would have gassed.

00:48:08.000 Which, great joke.

00:48:10.000 I am not even mad at that.

00:48:11.000 It's fucking hilarious.

00:48:13.000 But it's also rich that, you know, she acts like she wouldn't be right there next to him in the chamber.

00:48:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:21.000 So so far we have crippled people don't deserve a voice and crippled people need to die. 1.00

00:48:27.000 Yeah, like it was almost very quick to just violence.

00:48:34.000 And I don't get it because it started off with like men are such fucking porn addicted pieces of shit, you know, and I like, yeah, I know, but what of it?

00:48:46.000 It doesn't matter.

00:48:48.000 Yeah.

00:48:48.000 And does that imply if she could not beat up the person, then his argument is more valid?

00:48:56.000 Is this the way arguments work now?

00:48:58.000 The stronger the man, what are we in a fucking cave?

00:49:01.000 Well, like, women act like they're not as strong as me. 1.00

00:49:04.000 We're basically the same amount of strength, me and a woman.

00:49:08.000 It's a fair fight.

00:49:10.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 You just sort of lock your arms around it and start biting.

00:49:13.000 Yeah.

00:49:14.000 Seeing your tweet cripples. 0.99

00:49:16.000 White. 0.81

00:49:17.000 Oh, what?

00:49:18.000 That's how they say white people now.

00:49:20.000 Oh, seeing white cripples and conquered males of color crying about how much they hate women just further bolsters my point that we shouldn't be kind to males, especially not male strangers. 1.00

00:49:30.000 The fuck does that mean?

00:49:32.000 It means you're asking for it at that point because you should be nice to male strangers.

00:49:38.000 They're the most dangerous.

00:49:39.000 Yeah, those are the rapists. 0.81

00:49:41.000 Yeah.

00:49:42.000 Actually, no, I think the rapists are more likely to know them.

00:49:44.000 Do you have the tweet with the arm wrestlers, Ryan?

00:49:47.000 That was my favorite one.

00:49:49.000 I don't see that one.

00:49:50.000 Where would that be?

00:49:51.000 I'll text it to you.

00:49:54.000 So how many people got involved in it?

00:49:57.000 Oh, I mean, actually, it's hard to gauge because I would imagine that some of these people were, you know, just in it for the shits and giggles.

00:50:06.000 But between me and Ricky, we had like hundreds and hundreds of responses.

00:50:12.000 Like, that was probably the most I've ever upset any mass amount of people, which is insane.

00:50:19.000 And was it the meme or was it the browsers thing?

00:50:24.000 I'm pretty sure it started with the browsers, but then it probably amplified a bit more when I doubled down and said that I don't respect women. 1.00

00:50:37.000 I like how a cripple is insulting 3.5 billion people and they get really angry, like they're vulnerable all of a sudden. 1.00

00:50:46.000 Yeah, honestly.

00:50:50.000 Wow.

00:50:51.000 Oh, well.

00:50:53.000 I metaphorically stand by that statement.

00:50:56.000 Yeah, you should.

00:50:57.000 Okay, well, this brings me to my green screen, Crypt Daddy.

00:51:01.000 Thank you very much for providing a fantastic segue into making fun of women.

00:51:06.000 Always.

00:51:06.000 Anytime you need it, I'm here for it.

00:51:08.000 Thanks, buddy.

00:51:11.000 All right, let's do a green screen.

00:51:14.000 Yes.

00:51:25.000 Come on, everybody.

00:51:29.000 I'm not going to argue with you.

00:51:30.000 You're crippled. 0.97

00:51:34.000 What?

00:51:35.000 Look, that's the only thing Twitter would be good for is people who wouldn't normally bump into each other get to discuss things.

00:51:42.000 Not if they're crippled. 1.00

00:51:44.000 I don't get on to Twitter with people who can't use their legs because Twitter is powered by bicycles.

00:51:51.000 What?

00:51:52.000 Anyway, I sent you a bunch of green screens, but I want to focus on this one subject, and that is old dudes talking to young hot chicks.

00:52:02.000 Now, that's why it was such a good segue from crip daddy young hot chicks are fun to look at but they have nothing to offer if you want to talk about offering no no ryan uh sorry g22 if you want to talk about what people have to offer you kind of have to find an old dude uh someone like bill maher who's been arguing and discussing things for a long time so i guess the mentality here is let's take an old dude who's an accomplished thinker and i wouldn't i i'm not uh

00:58:36.000 and wives by woody allen and in it sydney Pollock leaves his middle-aged wife for a young girl, and he loves it at first.

00:58:46.000 The other day, we watched one of these dumb movies.

00:58:49.000 These movies I could never watch when I was with Judy.

00:58:52.000 And we just laughed and laughed, and there was no judgment.

00:58:57.000 I'm telling you, I laughed my ass off.

00:58:58.000 Sidney Pollack and Husbands and Wives is peak cinema.

00:59:02.000 At one point, they're at a party, and she starts talking about astrology.

00:59:06.000 And he goes, I told you not to talk to my friends about astrology.

00:59:09.000 And he hears that his ex-wife, Judy, is dating Liam Neeson.

00:59:14.000 Not literally Liam Neeson, but a character played by Liam Neeson.

00:59:17.000 And so he's dragging her to the car and she starts screaming.

00:59:19.000 And then he just says my favorite line as he grabs her and she's screaming, help, help. 0.97

00:59:23.000 He's dragging along the ground.

00:59:24.000 He goes, get in the car, you infant.

00:59:30.000 Julia Roberts kind of ruins the rest of the movie, but it's a perfect satirical send-up of guys who fuck young girls. 0.97

00:59:38.000 That you're going to look offended.

00:59:41.000 No, I'm 100% offended.

00:59:44.000 Like when I think about, you know, someone's trauma and someone, the videos that I have seen that are so, like, suffocating.

00:59:53.000 Oh, no.

00:59:54.000 What, of the surgery?

00:59:56.000 Because, yeah.

00:59:57.000 You're done with the dicks they make? 1.00

01:00:00.000 The burritos that I've seen.

01:00:02.000 The what they do to their forearm and the way they make that disgusting skin blints. 1.00

01:00:07.000 And their parents who are crying because they're like my babies.

01:00:10.000 And Jazz Jennings' mother forcing her to shove weird things up her disgusting hole so it doesn't seal up. 1.00

01:00:18.000 Yeah, I was crying too when I saw that.

01:00:20.000 She's alarmingly attractive, by the way.

01:00:22.000 Holy shit.

01:00:23.000 She looks like a drawing.

01:00:25.000 People have to worry about walking on the street just being themselves like fucking anxiety. 0.62

01:00:31.000 That's why I don't like to like joke about it because, you know, someone hears it and on a public platform is so bad because you're like kind of.

01:00:39.000 She's crying.

01:00:41.000 Wouldn't it be funny if Bill Maher said, and you know, I hadn't thought of that when I made the joke, but you're right.

01:00:46.000 Trans people are under siege. 0.96

01:00:49.000 I mean, they're dying at remarkable levels and it's all because of blacks. 1.00

01:00:56.000 How do you think that would have gone?

01:00:58.000 And then he shows her a montage of all the guys who have killed trans.

01:01:01.000 There it is.

01:01:07.000 Tofu and crystals or something.

01:01:09.000 Believe me then.

01:01:10.000 Stupid.

01:01:11.000 There's nothing intellectual about them.

01:01:13.000 It's not going to be a matter of time.

01:01:14.000 Yes, you are.

01:01:16.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:01:17.000 Shut your mouth.

01:01:18.000 What do you want to do?

01:01:19.000 What do you want to embarrass you?

01:01:21.000 You want to embarrass me?

01:01:22.000 Are you coming with me or not?

01:01:23.000 No, I hate you, you stupid fucking asshole.

01:01:26.000 Asshole, asshole, friends. 0.73

01:01:28.000 Get in the car.

01:01:30.000 Get your ass in the car right now. 0.96

01:01:32.000 Get in the car.

01:01:32.000 I don't know where it is.

01:01:33.000 It doesn't matter where it is.

01:01:34.000 Here, get in the car.

01:01:37.000 God damn, I must have been out of my mind.

01:01:40.000 Crazy.

01:01:41.000 Holy crazy.

01:01:43.000 Go away.

01:01:44.000 Get up, good.

01:01:45.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:01:45.000 Let's go. 0.95

01:01:49.000 God damn it.

01:01:50.000 You've done nothing!

01:01:52.000 Just let me out of here.

01:01:53.000 Let me out and get me out of here.

01:01:55.000 Will you just stop?

01:02:00.000 Get in the car.

01:02:01.000 What are you doing?

01:02:02.000 Try to be cute.

01:02:03.000 Try to be cute?

01:02:05.000 Get in the f ⁇ .

01:02:08.000 Oh, I don't believe you.

01:02:11.000 What am I doing?

01:02:12.000 Get in the car, you infant.

01:02:14.000 Get in the fucking car.

01:02:17.000 So that's what Bill Maher wants to be doing right now.

01:02:19.000 Let's just subject ourselves to a little bit more.

01:02:21.000 She cries about.

01:02:22.000 By the way, I read statistical data recently about trannies and murder, and it's not disproportionately high. 1.00

01:02:30.000 We just hear about them a lot.

01:02:33.000 They're actually less likely to be killed than an average white dude walking down the street.

01:02:39.000 He's spreading like this like, oh, ha ha ha ha.

01:02:42.000 And it's like, it's not funny when your face is being beaten in the floor.

01:02:46.000 And like any bad thing with any other bad thing.

01:02:52.000 Of course, there are a lot of bad things.

01:02:53.000 You know what?

01:02:53.000 This is what I'm saying.

01:02:54.000 Mel Brooks did a movie called The Producers, and he had a song in it called Springtime for Hitler.

01:03:01.000 If I really tried, I could probably connect Hitler with something sad. 0.71

01:03:05.000 But we don't, because that's not how we live.

01:03:08.000 That's not how we can live.

01:03:10.000 If I really tried, I could compare Hitler to something sad. 0.89

01:03:13.000 What could there possibly be?

01:03:15.000 His dog died?

01:03:16.000 Oh, that his paintings were not loved?

01:03:20.000 Didn't he die of a gunshot wound?

01:03:23.000 Didn't his girlfriend dump him?

01:03:25.000 If I tried really hard, I can connect something sad to Hitler. 0.96

01:03:28.000 That's like a joke and a joke and a joke.

01:03:30.000 He's done too much LST.

01:03:31.000 All right, that's enough.

01:03:32.000 We get it.

01:03:33.000 But before we abandon this, I want to show another thing.

01:03:37.000 It's such a bad dichotomy.

01:03:41.000 Like old ladies and young girls, I don't think they have a bad vibe.

01:03:46.000 There's no horny motive there, and they have good advice.

01:03:49.000 And it's sort of like the mom says something like, do we still say noise?

01:03:54.000 And the kids are like, no, mom, that's so five years ago.

01:03:57.000 And it's cute and silly and endearing.

01:04:00.000 But old men and young girls, there's animosity there.

01:04:04.000 They sense that he's horny and they are grossed out by it.

01:04:08.000 I think he's grossed out by himself.

01:04:10.000 I know I am when I'm around a gorgeous 20-year-old.

01:04:14.000 I'm disgusted at myself for wanting to eat her ass.

01:04:17.000 And then he gets, then there's animosity too.

01:04:21.000 So you could see what happened there is Bill could sense that he's never going to fuck her ever before he dies.

01:04:26.000 It's not happening.

01:04:27.000 So then he gets angry and he gets malicious.

01:04:30.000 Now in this, we have Keith Morris from this other chick. 0.52

01:04:33.000 What's her band called Swoon or something? 1.00

01:04:36.000 She's popular right now.

01:04:39.000 And he's just so horny and pathetic.

01:04:41.000 He must be, he's 66 years old, this guy.

01:04:44.000 And I'll tell you what he is.

01:04:45.000 There's a lot of dudes in the punk scene, like Jell-O Biafra and even Lou Reed, who were just pathetic, lost, hopeless nerds.

01:04:54.000 And they managed to be in a band that was at the right place at the right time.

01:04:59.000 And boom, they Hit.

01:05:00.000 So now they're Mick Jagger.

01:05:02.000 But Mick Jagger, he was sexy when he was in the womb.

01:05:08.000 These guys were losers their whole lives and then they were rock stars.

01:05:11.000 They can't handle it.

01:05:12.000 And they become these weird, arrogant, cool guys where it's sort of like, you ever meet someone who was super fat and then they got skinny and you talk to them and you realize they're still a fat person?

01:05:23.000 They have a fat brain? 1.00

01:05:25.000 Well, this guy is the singer of a band, but he's still an annoying little bald dwarf 66-year-old man. 0.64

01:05:32.000 We'll see how long we can take of this.

01:05:34.000 Where one of us has to get their tongue snapped in the clapper.

01:05:43.000 What a joke was that?

01:05:45.000 Look how tiny he is.

01:05:46.000 See, and then that gives you an excuse not to have to do this.

01:05:52.000 To get raced over to the emergency room for stitches. 0.94

01:05:58.000 Okay, well, we're going to start with day jobs.

01:06:00.000 We have to start with day jobs because that's a very important part of this.

01:06:05.000 What's your day job?

01:06:06.000 Well, I work at a coffee company in Santa Cruz.

01:06:10.000 It's a classic.

01:06:13.000 But I work in production, so I don't have to deal with customer.

01:06:16.000 But you get to drink a lot of coffee.

01:06:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:18.000 See what I mean about this dichotomy, this relationship?

01:06:21.000 Old men and young sexy girls, they're not meant to be near each other. 1.00

01:06:27.000 That's excellent.

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 What about you?

01:06:29.000 So everybody walks around with the jitters.

01:06:33.000 Yes.

01:06:33.000 And they're gritting their teeth.

01:06:35.000 And then they're waiting for Friday night so they can have a party and have the Coke dealer show up or whatever.

01:06:45.000 My day job is just to make it through the day every day.

01:06:51.000 Have you started this discussion, Keith?

01:06:53.000 And you don't have an answer?

01:06:56.000 We're going to talk about dogs.

01:06:57.000 What kind of dog do you got?

01:06:58.000 I don't have a dog, but I would like to get maybe a German Shepherd or something.

01:07:03.000 I'm not really a dog person.

01:07:05.000 I like cats.

01:07:07.000 I have a hamster in my pocket.

01:07:09.000 A few day jobs, all very exciting.

01:07:14.000 Everything that you would expect from a person that's in a band.

01:07:21.000 Now, I've been in a band with a character named Greg Hudson.

01:07:27.000 I got to say, I bought a colored 12-inch of, what's it called, in the streets by the Circle Jerks. 0.83

01:07:37.000 Cost me $35.

01:07:38.000 It's super rare.

01:07:39.000 Comes with a booklet and stuff.

01:07:40.000 I looked at young pictures of Keith Morris, and that's when I realized, holy shit, this guy was just the worst little shrimpy nerd, and he won the cool lottery.

01:07:49.000 Not that he's cool by any means.

01:07:52.000 And I was listening to, going, why did I buy this?

01:07:55.000 It sucks.

01:07:56.000 Wild in the Streets.

01:07:57.000 And Wild in the Streets is a cover.

01:07:58.000 It's their only good song.

01:08:00.000 The reason the Circle Jerks are so popular is because of that cool cartoon drawing of a mosher that made for great t-shirts.

01:08:07.000 They suck.

01:08:08.000 And Keith Morris is a dork.

01:08:10.000 This is a waste.

01:08:12.000 We should probably stop this soon.

01:08:14.000 At one point, the circle jerks, that was his full-time job.

01:08:18.000 And then he got the offer to play in Bad Religion, which turned the circle jerks into, well, I'll do it whenever I have some spare time.

01:08:28.000 Classic.

01:08:29.000 And in these breaks, in these dips, in these valleys, I have worked as a bartender, as a bar back, bussing tables, as a barista.

01:08:46.000 We had a really great job down in Century City.

01:08:51.000 All of us actually got a job through Lucky Lair, our drummer at the time, who he happened to be working for a law firm.

01:09:02.000 And they needed people to come in and stack papers.

01:09:05.000 And we were working on the case that we...

01:09:10.000 I feel like John Travolta here.

01:11:17.000 guarantee is worthless when he goes on this all your heroes are dorks he's not my hero yeah I know I know but he is to many people of my generation so the moral of the story is you know you look up to these people as young men and you think these these icons are special.

01:11:42.000 But then you get to know them and you get to be older and you go, I know you.

01:11:46.000 And I've always said this about adults in general.

01:11:48.000 When you're a kid and an adult says, hey, you guys, enough, get out of there.

01:11:52.000 You go, fuck.

01:11:54.000 We're doing a bad thing.

01:11:55.000 That guy knows.

01:11:56.000 And then you get to my age and you look at men, whether they're 60 or 30, 40, and you can just shrink them in your mind and see that they are still Craig Nolan from fourth grade.

01:12:08.000 They're still that dorky kid.

01:12:11.000 And you see that they're mostly nerds.

01:12:13.000 Bill Maura was clearly a nerd.

01:12:15.000 Never been cool.

01:12:19.000 Cool is a myth.

01:12:20.000 Maybe that's the name of this show.

01:12:26.000 All right, should we do the mailbag?

01:12:42.000 Every time a proud boy sends me something, an angel gets its wings, I shit my pants because it'll be like, mass shooter in South Carolina.

01:12:52.000 I'm like, oh my God, don't tell me that was a fucking proud boy.

01:12:56.000 Like, no, relax.

01:12:56.000 I'm just sending you a cool article.

01:12:58.000 Oh, for fuck's sakes, don't do that.

01:13:02.000 Okay, so we've got a whole new system here with the mail where some letters are for me, some letters are for all the celebrities we have now hosting the mailbag.

01:13:14.000 The reason we're doing this, of course, is because I would say 90% of the letters we get from you baby monsters are fucking quality content.

01:13:23.000 I feel like we have a state-of-the-art, top-tier research team.

01:13:30.000 And they send us cool shit that I never thought of before.

01:13:34.000 So I'm going to go, Ryan, with the first purple flag.

01:13:40.000 Okay.

01:13:41.000 This one's called Having Baby Number Two.

01:13:44.000 I'm on it.

01:13:47.000 Hey guys, I'm at the hospital.

01:13:48.000 He's following all of our tips for giving birth. 0.94

01:13:52.000 He has a flask, comfortable shoes, mints in his pocket, and censored queued up while we're in the room after the delivery for the next two days.

01:14:03.000 And lo and behold, censored.tv is blocked by the hospital.

01:14:07.000 Photo attached.

01:14:09.000 Isn't that amazing?

01:14:14.000 Well, zoom out, Ryan.

01:14:15.000 That was way too close.

01:14:17.000 It's at Memorial Herman.

01:14:20.000 Herman.

01:14:22.000 I wonder where that is.

01:14:25.000 Doing my duty to continue the species, and I can't even unwind with some Gav. 1.00

01:14:28.000 I ended up connecting to my phone's hotspot to get around it because I will not be denied my daily dose of you fags, but still. 1.00

01:14:35.000 P.S. Looks like we're about to give him two things.

01:14:39.000 That's because he's on baby number two.

01:14:41.000 So we always make exceptions for birth gifts.

01:14:45.000 One thing for each baby.

01:14:46.000 Yeah.

01:14:46.000 P.S. You talked about a catchphrase a few weeks ago, and you already have a great one.

01:14:51.000 How about never stop fighting?

01:14:53.000 It's got that rhythm you like.

01:14:54.000 Seems perfect.

01:14:55.000 How you doing, man?

01:14:56.000 Never stop fighting.

01:14:57.000 Never stop fighting.

01:14:58.000 Yeah, okay.

01:14:59.000 That's pretty cool.

01:15:00.000 And then when you walk by it, never stop fighting.

01:15:03.000 Yeah, that'll be my new bird up.

01:15:05.000 Yeah.

01:15:07.000 I'm a white boy.

01:15:10.000 Not sure if this has been played as an opening song, but this sounds right up your alley.

01:15:13.000 I'm a white boy by Merle Haggard.

01:15:16.000 This is from a guy who calls himself Joey Bag of Donuts.

01:15:23.000 I don't know this song.

01:15:25.000 Okay, Ryan's going to have to get on Spotify.

01:15:29.000 While he figures that out, racist ice cream machines.

01:15:34.000 Hey guys, you know how the McDonald's ice cream machines never always seem to be quote-unquote broken or not working to the point where it's become a meme?

01:15:42.000 This article compiles a bunch of stats and info showing that the chance of an ice cream machine being down is much greater in diverse neighborhoods where most of the employees are black.

01:15:49.000 This can be seen as an analogy for a greater societal problem where the percentage of black people is strongly correlated with the decline in the functionality of society, where the mechanic can't fix your car, the doctor can't figure out what's wrong, and you can't even take your girl out for an ice cream cone. 0.97

01:16:03.000 So I read this article.

01:16:04.000 It's pretty good.

01:16:05.000 It's pretty racist.

01:16:07.000 But he basically says, yes, the ice cream machines are broken.

01:16:12.000 How is that racist?

01:16:14.000 Ice cream machines don't know what race you are. 1.00

01:16:17.000 And Vice magazine, my old Alma Mater went on it and they did this big chart and they said, look, ice cream machines are always down.

01:16:25.000 And the implication is like McDonald's sabotages their ice cream machines in black neighborhoods so black people can enjoy their delicious Joe Biden flavors. 0.88

01:16:36.000 No.

01:16:37.000 Troubling racial disparities.

01:16:41.000 Yeah, in work ethic?

01:16:42.000 Correct.

01:16:43.000 Well, not that article, because that article just does that same old argument, which is if we live in a racist society, oh, really prove it.

01:16:52.000 Blacks are doing badly. 1.00

01:16:54.000 Well, that's not enough proof.

01:16:56.000 I mean, are we living in a racist society because there's not that many whites in the NBA?

01:17:02.000 Maybe the whites are less qualified. 0.84

01:17:05.000 And in the case of these ice cream machines, they're actually quite complex.

01:17:09.000 And apparently you've got to put the ingredients in the night before, I don't know, to get it to thaw out or freeze or one of those things.

01:17:16.000 Maybe they were so smart, they were like, we know that they're bypassing the sanitation process, so we're going to not use them so people don't get dirty ice cream.

01:17:25.000 So these black neighborhoods are actually smart to the man's bullshit. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Yeah.

01:17:31.000 Or they're lazy and they break.

01:17:33.000 So that is on counter currents.

01:17:35.000 You can look it up yourself.

01:17:36.000 Ice cream machine societal disintegration.

01:17:38.000 Got Merrell Haggard.

01:17:39.000 Pretty brave and interesting.

01:17:40.000 You got Merrell Haggard up, ready to go?

01:18:45.000 I had a fight once with an Indian, American Indian, feather knot dot, and she kept going, oh yeah, white boy. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Is that what you think?

01:18:53.000 White boy? 0.98

01:18:55.000 She was drunk.

01:18:56.000 And she kept saying it again and again with this real like, white boy. 0.56

01:19:01.000 Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

01:19:02.000 White boy? 0.98

01:19:03.000 Like a whip.

01:19:04.000 It's like if you were saying the N-word and you were like, yeah, you'd like that, you fucking. 1.00

01:19:09.000 You know what's funny?

01:19:10.000 Do you really need to intensify that word?

01:19:13.000 What, the N-word?

01:19:14.000 Yeah.

01:19:14.000 I don't know if there's a way to do it.

01:19:16.000 I don't think...

01:19:16.000 No.

01:19:17.000 It's considered hair-whiteningly intense if there's an R at the end.

01:19:23.000 DeSantis removes CRT books from math curriculum.

01:19:27.000 Go DeSantis 2024.

01:19:29.000 They're trying to shoehorn woke into math textbooks.

01:19:34.000 DeSantis for the win.

01:19:35.000 I think I saw one and it was like Angela Mayu or whatever her fucking name is.

01:19:41.000 And she had been molested as a girl, a young girl, and that was crowbarred into a math equation.

01:19:47.000 Do they include that?

01:19:50.000 I saw that, what you're talking about there.

01:19:52.000 I saw that, what you're talking about there, what boy.

01:19:55.000 And it's like, why is that necessary?

01:19:57.000 Wait, go to the gray parts.

01:19:59.000 I want examples.

01:20:00.000 Reasons for rejecting textbooks, blah, blah, blah.

01:20:03.000 Decision.

01:20:05.000 Yeah.

01:20:06.000 I want to see specific examples, though.

01:20:08.000 Fuck.

01:20:11.000 Tasers.

01:20:11.000 Maddie is dead wrong.

01:20:14.000 Uh-oh, we should.

01:20:15.000 We should save this for the live show.

01:20:18.000 Maddie's 100% wrong about tasers. 1.00

01:20:19.000 Now, of course, they're referring to that guy, where was that?

01:20:22.000 In Missouri, Minnesota, Minneapolis?

01:20:26.000 Who was shot in the back of the head, what appeared to be execution style.

01:20:31.000 And they said he was going for his taser.

01:20:34.000 Now, the taser had already been shot, and he had the prongs in.

01:20:37.000 So you'd have to reload it to make it work again.

01:20:39.000 Or at least that's Maddie's contention. 0.88

01:20:41.000 So Maddie was saying he had no right to shoot the man, whether he was going for his taser or not, because the taser had already been spent.

01:20:48.000 Then this writer says, a taser still functions and can still incapacitate a person after the dart cartridge has been deployed.

01:20:57.000 There are metal contact points on the cartridges that allow you to still drive stun a person as many times as you want, as long as you want.

01:21:05.000 The reason most tasers fail to work when someone has been shot with the darts is because one or both of the darts don't have sufficient contact with the perp's skin.

01:21:14.000 Clothes are too thick, or one dart misses, so no complete current.

01:21:19.000 If there is no complete current, the taser does nothing to the person darted, no matter how many times you pull the trigger.

01:21:24.000 You can drive stun with or without the cartridge in.

01:21:27.000 So you just take the gun, you push it into the guy's skin, and then you can stun all day.

01:21:33.000 Long story short, the Grand Rapids perp could have used the exhausted cop's taser against him with oot a dot.

01:21:42.000 Okay.

01:21:44.000 Let's do one last one.

01:21:45.000 Boy hating teachers.

01:21:47.000 Dear Gavin and Ray guy.

01:21:49.000 Oh, that's not an insult.

01:21:50.000 That's nice.

01:21:52.000 And I like it.

01:21:54.000 I like it, T. It's nice.

01:21:59.000 The attacks on teenagers lately have been stunning, but this takes the cake.

01:22:03.000 Female teachers feel bad at mean comments teenage boys say to them. 0.78

01:22:08.000 Instead of empathy that they're just discovering girls and might be awkward, they decide to essentially go to the level of calling them virgins with the term incel.

01:22:16.000 In the future, boys will be taught to never speak to women like the Starbucks incident with the 18-year-old.

01:22:20.000 Instead, go to their rooms and enjoy the safety-controlled metaverse.

01:22:23.000 Yeah, that's what seems to be what they're going for.

01:22:26.000 70% of teachers are victims of misogyny at work as incel problem grows.

01:22:31.000 What a petty insult.

01:22:34.000 And yeah, when you're 16, you are involuntarily celibate, but the term is for like 30-year-olds who should have been laid for the past 10 years and can't get laid because they're socially awkward,

01:22:51.000 usually on the spectrum.

01:22:52.000 It's a really mean insult.

01:22:55.000 And that's why I'm glad that these guys have co-opted it and made thrown.

01:22:58.000 Aren't you going to some incel convention soon?

01:23:02.000 Doomerfest.

01:23:03.000 So Virgin Fest, remember, is in the woods because they got canceled.

01:23:06.000 We had Raven on, and she was canceled.

01:23:09.000 So this is the three, the third sequel.

01:23:14.000 Is it sequel still a sequel if it's the third one?

01:23:19.000 Yeah.

01:23:20.000 Okay.

01:23:20.000 Seek.

01:23:21.000 There's nothing in the prefix that assumes it's only.

01:23:25.000 Okay.

01:23:26.000 So yes, I'm playing bass for Hollowed.

01:23:30.000 And where and when is this?

01:23:31.000 Or is that a secret?

01:23:32.000 I don't want to dox you.

01:23:33.000 It's in beat up by Antifa.

01:23:34.000 It's in PA.

01:23:36.000 But they're going to announce it day of.

01:23:39.000 Did Raven get in shit for being on this show? 1.00

01:23:42.000 I don't think so.

01:23:43.000 I think she was afraid of me being there getting heavy Antifa attention because there's like high schooler kids and bands playing there.

01:23:55.000 So she wanted to kind of really separate, like have no link towards any sort of Antifa.

01:24:01.000 But they're already going to do it.

01:24:03.000 But it's going to be fun.

01:24:06.000 That guy sent two articles, by the way.

01:24:08.000 One is the teachers bitching about boys being mean to them.

01:24:13.000 And then the second one is Secret Notice Starbucks based on a coffee cup for an 18-year-old girl who was being pastured by a stranger telling her to remove the lid if she wanted help.

01:24:22.000 Interesting.

01:24:30.000 Is someone bad for that?

01:24:35.000 I got an idea.

01:24:36.000 If you think a young girl is being accosted by someone, go up to her with him there and say, is this guy bothering you?

01:24:43.000 Right.

01:24:45.000 That used to be a normal thing to say.

01:24:48.000 You know what happened at the bar the other day?

01:24:50.000 There was a young girl there, and by young I mean 30.

01:24:52.000 That's how old I am.

01:24:54.000 Maybe she was even like 35.

01:24:56.000 So she's, it's weird that she comes there, but I like her.

01:25:00.000 She's an interesting young woman.

01:25:02.000 Sometimes she gets too drunk, though, and has to be carried home.

01:25:05.000 I would never fucking do that.

01:25:06.000 You know why?

01:25:08.000 Because she has a pit bull. 1.00

01:25:09.000 Oh, shit.

01:25:10.000 Now, if he sees his master all sloppy, his brain might go, you just raped her to death. 0.52

01:25:16.000 I don't know if they think of rape.

01:25:17.000 They're just like...

01:25:18.000 No, but you know what I mean?

01:25:19.000 Like, you violated my master and she's in peril.

01:25:21.000 Yeah, you, yeah.

01:25:22.000 I'm going to eat your neck. 1.00

01:25:24.000 So the only way to do it would be like to open the door and like, open shove, close.

01:25:28.000 Yep.

01:25:29.000 But he's going to be already at the door because he hears you coming.

01:25:31.000 He's like, you know what I would do?

01:25:34.000 I would lean her up against the door, put her keys in her hand and be like, bye-bye.

01:25:37.000 Yeah.

01:25:38.000 And then run.

01:25:39.000 Because she might open the door and then he'll come running out to kill me.

01:25:44.000 Maddie did it once.

01:25:45.000 Okay, kill him.

01:25:48.000 But he's not scared of pit bulls.

01:25:50.000 So he said, no, you had to be pretty quick and get her in there and then close the door.

01:25:53.000 Damn.

01:25:54.000 No, thanks.

01:25:55.000 I'm out of here.

01:25:56.000 Bye.

01:25:58.000 Bye-bye.

01:26:00.000 Bye, everybody.

01:26:01.000 Home to mommy.

01:26:04.000 By the way, I have an update on the mantis shrimp.

01:26:06.000 I took it out of your hands.

01:26:07.000 I did it myself.

01:26:08.000 I hooked up with a gorgeous guy and I fucked him. 1.00

01:26:12.000 Wait, no, that didn't go where I wanted it to go.

01:26:15.000 I'm just trying to own the libs by showing I'm not homophobic.

01:26:20.000 He showed me the tank.

01:26:23.000 He's here in the Bronx.

01:26:25.000 He's in Queens.

01:26:26.000 But he can install it for us.

01:26:28.000 He told me what to buy.

01:26:29.000 And he said, we could save some money on a used thing.

01:26:33.000 It'll take maybe $500 off or something.

01:26:35.000 And I was feeling generous.

01:26:37.000 I was thinking like, you know what?

01:26:38.000 I don't even care if it's $1,500 because it's part of the show.

01:26:42.000 And it'll be a character on the show.

01:26:43.000 It'll be a fun part of the show.

01:26:44.000 Guess how much it fucking ought to be?

01:26:46.000 Oh, dude, not cheap.

01:26:47.000 Yeah.

01:26:48.000 Take a wild guess.

01:26:49.000 And this isn't.

01:26:50.000 $2,300.

01:26:52.000 $7,600.

01:26:57.000 And I was like, pardon et moi?

01:26:59.000 It's not even that big.

01:27:00.000 And if we go on a vacation, it's dead.

01:27:02.000 It's like four feet high.

01:27:03.000 Well, the mantis shrimp isn't much.

01:27:06.000 Oh, okay.

01:27:06.000 This is the tank, the saltwater system.

01:27:09.000 So this could be one of many mantis shrimps.

01:27:11.000 If they die, we could just be like, we fired the mantis shrimp.

01:27:14.000 The shrimp is nothing.

01:27:16.000 I bet it's like 200 bucks.

01:27:18.000 Yeah.

01:27:20.000 I hate when you try to think outside the box.

01:27:22.000 That's the problem with being a cheap person.

01:27:23.000 You're like, I don't care how much it costs.

01:27:25.000 I don't care if it's $100.

01:27:27.000 It's $10,000.

01:27:29.000 Oh.

01:27:31.000 Like my garage door got fixed the other day.

01:27:32.000 It wouldn't open.

01:27:34.000 Okay, give me a bill.

01:27:36.000 I don't even care.

01:27:36.000 It's a garage door.

01:27:37.000 We need one.

01:27:38.000 Okay, sir, it's $830.

01:27:41.000 Wow.

01:27:43.000 Because they had to replace the whole coil springs along the top.

01:27:46.000 Divided by what?

01:27:48.000 $800 divided by five?

01:27:51.000 You know, one time they were shooting Boardwalk Empire outside my house in Williamsburg.

01:27:55.000 Brooklyn.

01:27:56.000 And I saw the corner store, which had been abandoned.

01:28:00.000 And here it was thriving.

01:28:02.000 And they had signs up.

01:28:04.000 And it said, sandwich and a soup, 50 cents.

01:28:09.000 And I was like, now we're talking.

01:28:11.000 And it was like coffee, one nickel.

01:28:13.000 And I'm like, yeah, finally, some reasonable prices in Williamsburg.

01:28:18.000 Gavin, it's meant to look like a 1920s restaurant.

01:28:21.000 You're on a movie set, dumbass.

01:28:23.000 The only time I thought prices were reasonable is when I was 100 years off.

01:28:29.000 That's good for a Scottish man.

01:28:30.000 Yeah, your boy Small Balls did a really good thing on the Boardwalk Empire set.

01:28:37.000 Oh, yeah?

01:28:39.000 This is like just the set thing.

01:28:41.000 They probably filmed all over the place.

01:28:43.000 Great show.

01:28:44.000 Great show.

01:28:45.000 I fell out.

01:28:46.000 I am in love.

01:28:47.000 And I hope you watched the thing about Pam.

01:28:49.000 Did you, Ryan?

01:28:49.000 No.

01:28:50.000 I did not.

01:28:50.000 Did you, folks at home?

01:28:51.000 Pretty good, right?

01:28:52.000 I told you.

01:28:54.000 But I've just discovered a brand new show called Better Call Saul.

01:28:58.000 And I'm up to like the 10th episode now.

01:29:01.000 I'm loving it.

01:29:02.000 So you like your prices of food to be from 100 years ago and your shows that are newly discovered from about 100 years ago.

01:29:08.000 Yeah.

01:29:09.000 You know what's brilliant about it, too, is he's a scumbag, hustler, Ratzo Rizzo, with a heart of gold.

01:29:15.000 Yeah.

01:29:16.000 And you think that of Tony Soprano when you first watch it.

01:29:19.000 And then when you re-watch the series years later, you go, as Anthony Cummy points out, you go, this guy's a fucking cocksucker. 0.97

01:29:27.000 I hate him.

01:29:27.000 He's evil.

01:29:29.000 So maybe I'll get that with...

01:29:31.000 It doesn't take you out of it that you knew the guy.

01:29:33.000 Isn't that weird?

01:29:34.000 I don't know if I'd be able to get lost in a fiction if I knew the man.

01:29:40.000 It does pop into my head, but it kind of helps because I know Bob has always had big problems with his shithead father.

01:29:48.000 So I think what he's doing is this is therapy for him.

01:29:52.000 I think the thing about Bob and David, by the way, I was thinking of this last night as I watched the show at GazTav.

01:29:59.000 They are both deeply, deeply scarred by the negligence of their fathers.

01:30:05.000 David's father walked out when he was 13.

01:30:08.000 He's a shithead hustler, compulsive liar, loser, drifter, shitstain, scumbag.

01:30:17.000 And Bob Odenkirk's daughter, Bob Odenkirk's father is exactly the same story.

01:30:22.000 I don't think he took off.

01:30:23.000 Probably would have been better if Odenkirk Sr. took off.

01:30:26.000 But he's just a loser-drunk who hung around a bar all day, unemployed, losers at the bar.

01:30:31.000 Like Joe Tonelli would be his friend.

01:30:34.000 This is the kind of guy he was.

01:30:36.000 So David's politics are very anti-white male dad, anti-American, anti-South too, because he also moved to the South from New York and they called him Jew York.

01:30:48.000 So he hates Southerners and he hates patriarchy.

01:30:50.000 He hates patriarchy.

01:30:51.000 That's why he hates Trump.

01:30:52.000 Similarly, Bob Odenkirk hates, you know, the archetypal Archie Bunker dad type, which is also why he hates Trump.

01:30:59.000 But I think in Better call Saul, Odenkirk is trying to humanize his father and show that a scumbag rat can also be a good person.

01:31:09.000 And I think that's Bob Odenkirk's therapy because he wants to stop hating his father because he's so angry.

01:31:15.000 At David's wedding, we were leaving the outdoor thing.

01:31:17.000 My job at David's wedding, by the way, was to wear a kilt, dress all Scottish, and sing in Chinese.

01:31:25.000 Wao Ching Lu, Sao Nao Chu, as David came out.

01:31:30.000 That's awesome.

01:31:31.000 And then so we're leaving and I have a bottle of whiskey and I say to Bob, do you want a swig?

01:31:36.000 And then as he's swigging it, I go, wait a minute, you don't drink.

01:31:38.000 And he goes, nope.

01:31:40.000 My daddy drank a lot.

01:31:41.000 And no, he goes, nope.

01:31:43.000 And he gives me the back and he goes, my daddy loved booze and we didn't love him.

01:31:49.000 And he walked up the hill.

01:31:52.000 Anyway, so me knowing him or having hung out with him a few times kind of makes it better.

01:31:57.000 That's cool.

01:31:58.000 But I've noticed, I've learned in America, it's such a movie and show heavy country where you know, like, I saw a whole thread on Liz Pemp.

01:32:10.000 What the fuck was her name?

01:32:12.000 Liz Plank or something?

01:32:14.000 Liz Kemp, Lisa.

01:32:17.000 I forget her fucking name.

01:32:19.000 She's an actress? 1.00

01:32:20.000 Yeah, she was in like some Bruce Willis movie where they buried a body.

01:32:25.000 And anyway, it was about like, hey, few people know that she's the reason that Ferris Bueller was this or she cheated on this guy with this movie.

01:32:32.000 But then another movie, she cheated on the different guy. 1.00

01:32:35.000 And you're like, who?

01:32:36.000 Why do you fucking care?

01:32:38.000 And you see a movie in America and the credits roll and no one leaves.

01:32:42.000 They're all watching the credits.

01:32:44.000 It's almost like we're in Hollywood and we all work there.

01:32:47.000 And you listen to the radio and they're like, fucking the new Harry Potter grossed 20 million this weekend and Father, what's his name?

01:32:54.000 Father Stew only grossed 1.7 million and the Dumbledore movie cost 200 million to make and we're all intimately involved with the mechanisms of cinema and the whole economy of it all.

01:33:08.000 We're behind the curtain and so, you know, I've learned to watch movies like I'm a fucking boom operator.

01:33:16.000 And I'm just watching a guy I know in a movie and noticing the cinematography.

01:33:20.000 It took me about 10 years to get used to.

01:33:22.000 Because in Canada and Britain, we're just like, dance for me, silly clown.

01:33:26.000 And then when he's done, we walk away.

01:33:27.000 We don't pay attention to what his name is or anything.

01:33:30.000 All right, let's do the final video.

01:33:48.000 This made me laugh.

01:33:50.000 I call it we out of here.

01:33:53.000 Short and sweet.

01:33:54.000 Yes, my tie is made by J Press.

01:34:06.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:34:16.000 The Bootapics have taken over. 0.94

01:34:19.000 They've taken over.

01:34:22.000 Rapuna pics have taken over.

01:34:24.000 Taken over the asylum.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 18, 2022

S4E104 - COOL IS A MYTH

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