Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E106

00:00:38.000 Don't use forget about me.

00:00:42.000 I'll be alone dancing, you know it, baby.

00:00:47.000 He's trying to, he's Scotswegian, that Jim Carr, and he's trying to sound American.

00:00:52.000 Baby, baby.

00:00:54.000 I don't want to say baby.

00:00:56.000 Baby, dancing, you know it, baby.

00:01:01.000 I was with the Scottish national boxing team on Saturday night.

00:01:04.000 Oh, I. Oh, I. The reason I played Simple Minds, of course, is because I want to talk about Richard Vernon, the teacher in the movie The Breakfast Club, which I watched with my daughter yesterday.

00:01:15.000 She hadn't seen it yet.

00:01:18.000 I was watching it sort of through his eyes.

00:01:22.000 I was like, this guy gave up his Saturdays.

00:01:25.000 He's a good guy.

00:01:26.000 And this really helped them.

00:01:28.000 Almost everyone who had the detention fell in love.

00:01:31.000 Four out of the seven.

00:01:34.000 That's pretty good.

00:01:36.000 You can get a teacher to easily do it.

00:01:38.000 Four of the five, right?

00:01:39.000 Four of the five fell in love.

00:01:40.000 Yeah, the nerd was the only guy who didn't get any pussy.

00:01:43.000 That's the way life is.

00:01:45.000 He was going to kill himself.

00:01:47.000 He's probably going to really kill himself now.

00:01:50.000 But yeah, they came to our gym.

00:01:53.000 This is what they do.

00:01:53.000 They get money from the Scottish government.

00:01:55.000 They're the Olympic team.

00:01:56.000 And they go boxing all over the world.

00:01:59.000 And they learn.

00:02:01.000 There's ethnic styles to boxing.

00:02:03.000 Mexicans are known for planting their feet and blocking, but taking hits to the head.

00:02:07.000 They don't try to deke it out.

00:02:09.000 They just take it.

00:02:10.000 And then the European style is more like long super jabs.

00:02:16.000 And they're not really concerned with killing you because in the Olympics, you get a point for every little bonk.

00:02:21.000 And then the Bronx, the Puerto Ricans, want to murder you.

00:02:24.000 So they get in close and they give you lots of little body shots.

00:02:29.000 And they were not impressed with LA.

00:02:31.000 I'm going to rat out Freddie Roach.

00:02:35.000 They said LA fighters were late, not punctual.

00:02:38.000 They fucked the dog.

00:02:39.000 I think they told me not to tell anyone this.

00:02:43.000 Too late.

00:02:44.000 And they were very impressed with our guys.

00:02:47.000 Very punctual.

00:02:49.000 Like, boxing is a punctual sport, right?

00:02:51.000 Ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:02:53.000 You got to be there at the exact perfect moment.

00:02:56.000 Even when I skip rope, when the round ends, I stop because I'm conditioning my brain to understand rounds.

00:03:03.000 When they coach the kids, the kids get in big trouble if they hit the heavy bag beyond the round.

00:03:11.000 So then we went out with them Saturday night, and I go, where are you?

00:03:16.000 I spoke with a Scottish accent all night.

00:03:18.000 I don't know why.

00:03:19.000 And they go, we're here, Dunne, Dunbar, John Street.

00:03:23.000 I'm like, okay, they're showing the Tyson fight there.

00:03:25.000 Carabo Bo Bubos, Cabarero's, some name like that.

00:03:31.000 I'll meet you there.

00:03:33.000 Fight was amazing.

00:03:35.000 The pre-fight, the card before it was surprisingly dull, but Tyson Fury fucking is amazing.

00:03:42.000 He ended the fight with an uppercut that knocked the guy out.

00:03:45.000 That's what you always want when you're watching a fight.

00:03:47.000 Especially with buddies at the bar, you want a knockout.

00:03:51.000 Although, some guys, there was other random Scottish people there.

00:03:54.000 I don't know why.

00:03:55.000 But they were saying, he's a japsee.

00:03:56.000 This is fake.

00:03:58.000 Did you hear that rumor?

00:03:59.000 No.

00:04:01.000 That will all be set up.

00:04:03.000 I think the black guy got like $9 million and Tyson got like $35, $40 million.

00:04:09.000 I think he's retiring after this.

00:04:11.000 I would, too.

00:04:13.000 He's got, I think he got $15 million for his two previous fights each, right?

00:04:17.000 So that's $30.

00:04:18.000 And then this one was $40.

00:04:19.000 It's not easy to spend $70 million.

00:04:23.000 Especially if you're not a fucking idiot who has an entourage.

00:04:26.000 So you're good, Tyson.

00:04:32.000 And there was this guy who found out that they're boxers, and he was tall, and he was acting like a tough guy all night.

00:04:41.000 And I didn't say this to him, but I was thinking like, dude, these guys are from Glasgow.

00:04:45.000 This one's a murderer.

00:04:47.000 Like, he was special forces in Afghanistan.

00:04:50.000 He's married to like a Russian mobster who his wife's father like controls Moscow.

00:04:57.000 These guys, you can tell someone is scary when they're really nice and polite.

00:05:03.000 And that's what these guys were.

00:05:04.000 So we had to lose the fucking dork.

00:05:06.000 And one of the guys was hitting on this woman who must have been 60, 55.

00:05:14.000 And we were all aware of it too.

00:05:16.000 And he was hugging her and stuff.

00:05:17.000 And she gets up and she goes, I felt like someone's making a face behind my back there.

00:05:21.000 And I go, yeah, I was.

00:05:23.000 I was going like this, woohoo.

00:05:28.000 And then there was another woman.

00:05:29.000 When you're with a lot of alpha males, there's this, women are wary.

00:05:33.000 They don't like alpha males because they don't trust us.

00:05:36.000 That's why everyone hates Trump because they're used to pussies.

00:05:40.000 So this one woman, she was there.

00:05:42.000 It was her wedding night.

00:05:43.000 She was wearing a bridal gown and there's a Scottish guy with her in a kilt.

00:05:47.000 And she was ugly and fat and old.

00:05:50.000 And he was mouth-watering, melted butter, gorgeous.

00:05:55.000 Hot shit.

00:05:58.000 Mile-high cheekbones and runway looks, as the British media says of Andrew WK.

00:06:03.000 And the elephant in the room is her.

00:06:07.000 So she's looking at us like, don't fucking ask him why he married an old ugly pig like me, you fuckers.

00:06:13.000 Because she's probably hot in Glasgow, right?

00:06:16.000 And I'm thinking, what are you guys doing at a bar on your wedding night?

00:06:22.000 Still in your, he's wearing his kilt and he's got the like big brass buttons and everything.

00:06:26.000 He's all dressed up.

00:06:28.000 Get out of here.

00:06:28.000 Go fuck.

00:06:29.000 That's why I was doing my favorite marriage joke, which is, when do you guys try sex?

00:06:33.000 You're going to love it.

00:06:34.000 It's like a tickle, but down here.

00:06:37.000 It's not a joke for the America First guys.

00:06:39.000 They're like, oh, wow, I can't wait.

00:06:41.000 Yeah.

00:06:41.000 Sounds sick.

00:06:42.000 if those America First guys are only fucking when they're married, I'd be married like tonight.

00:06:47.000 I got married seven times this week.

00:06:49.000 Yeah.

00:06:53.000 And I go, I pull one of the guys aside who's talking to the old lady.

00:06:55.000 I go, what are you doing?

00:06:57.000 He's like, what are you doing about?

00:06:59.000 I go, that's your mom.

00:07:01.000 He goes, I don't care if she's old.

00:07:02.000 I just, I go get my hole.

00:07:04.000 Meaning, I have to get late.

00:07:05.000 I have to get my hole.

00:07:07.000 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:07:09.000 We have to have some standards here.

00:07:10.000 There's lines we don't cross.

00:07:12.000 She is, usually women that age aren't even on the scale.

00:07:16.000 You don't have babies on the scale.

00:07:18.000 You don't have old ladies on the scale.

00:07:19.000 But I guess I'll include her.

00:07:20.000 And if we do, she's a two.

00:07:23.000 We can't go below four.

00:07:26.000 It's like, right, right.

00:07:27.000 Let's go.

00:07:27.000 This place sucks.

00:07:30.000 And I go, guys, we're in, if Manhattan is a penis, we're in the foreskin.

00:07:36.000 Like, I've never hung out down here before.

00:07:37.000 We're at the very bottom of Manhattan.

00:07:41.000 By the way, bad news for the economy.

00:07:44.000 I drove in my jag to New York City, zero traffic.

00:07:50.000 I got there in like 30 minutes.

00:07:52.000 And then here's another scary thing.

00:07:53.000 I parked on the street.

00:07:56.000 There was parking available on a Saturday night in Manhattan.

00:07:59.000 Whoa.

00:08:00.000 Free.

00:08:01.000 So that was a concern.

00:08:04.000 So let me go to this other bar called the Nassau Bar on Nassau Avenue, NASSAU.

00:08:10.000 Dude, I'm like, okay, well, I'm home.

00:08:12.000 It's a disgusting, scuzzy dive bar, and the bartenders are all dressed, the barmaids are all dressed like complete Hooters whores, like bikini tops and tiny shorts.

00:08:25.000 I thought it was a strip club.

00:08:27.000 I walked to the back to see the stage.

00:08:29.000 Nope.

00:08:30.000 It's just an old man dive bar with hot sluts.

00:08:33.000 I guess there's a Pace University nearby.

00:08:35.000 So there's like young girls dressed like whores.

00:08:39.000 And I'm like, well, I guess I died and went to heaven.

00:08:42.000 And they go, the boxers go, fuck this sluts, go.

00:08:47.000 I'm like, oh, sorry.

00:08:48.000 You want someone hotter?

00:08:49.000 Look at that chick.

00:08:50.000 She too ugly?

00:08:52.000 What's the problem here?

00:08:53.000 We just left a fucking, you're going to fuck your mother about 10 minutes ago.

00:08:58.000 And you motherfuckers.

00:09:00.000 And they go, yeah, kind of shagged them.

00:09:02.000 They just work here.

00:09:03.000 I go, okay, so we're only going to places where you can fornicate.

00:09:07.000 With your bartenders.

00:09:08.000 With people.

00:09:10.000 I think you're thinking of a brothel, sir.

00:09:12.000 We're in the wrong country.

00:09:14.000 And they go, you said we're in the foreskin.

00:09:17.000 I want you to be in the bollocks.

00:09:19.000 I go, well, we're not going to the bollocks, the balls.

00:09:21.000 That would be Harlem.

00:09:23.000 We want to be around the bell end, as you British people say.

00:09:26.000 Right, take us there.

00:09:27.000 At this point, I'm beat and getting too drunk to drive.

00:09:30.000 So I just drop them off in the East Village, Lower East Side.

00:09:34.000 And I say, you're in the Belle End now.

00:09:36.000 Have at it, boys.

00:09:39.000 But you got to do that.

00:09:42.000 I go out without a blink, out without a blink.

00:09:45.000 I go downtown without thinking and shout over a drink, as the streets say in one, two.

00:09:50.000 That could have been our opening song, but I wanted to get the breakfast club in there.

00:09:55.000 You got to say yes to things.

00:09:56.000 Always say yes.

00:09:57.000 I mean, in the middle of the day, I was like, I got to go all the way into the city.

00:10:01.000 I don't even know these fucking guys.

00:10:02.000 I've spoken to them for like a minute on the phone.

00:10:06.000 Now we're best friends?

00:10:07.000 Yes.

00:10:08.000 Great stories.

00:10:11.000 One of the guys, this is pretty horrific.

00:10:15.000 He's a Glaswegian, born and raised in Glasgow.

00:10:18.000 Can't drink.

00:10:20.000 Not he was a drunk.

00:10:21.000 He drinks, he breaks out in hives.

00:10:22.000 It makes him feel dizzy and sick.

00:10:24.000 He's never had a drink.

00:10:27.000 That's like a Canadian being allergic to hockey.

00:10:31.000 It's sad.

00:10:33.000 I just held him close.

00:10:35.000 Put my arms around him.

00:10:36.000 It's quiet.

00:10:37.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.

00:10:41.000 I just got a text from my bookie on what we're at.

00:10:46.000 I think I was wrong.

00:10:49.000 So he says, I'm only at 575?

00:10:54.000 It's 12 wins, 5 losses.

00:10:56.000 I thought it'd be over 600.

00:10:58.000 So can you type that up, Brian?

00:11:00.000 Yep.

00:11:02.000 So I had the wrong one then.

00:11:04.000 Yeah.

00:11:05.000 Well, it's 12.5.

00:11:06.000 I think they're the number one team in the entire MLB.

00:11:09.000 Wow.

00:11:09.000 They were last night.

00:11:10.000 Hell yeah.

00:11:12.000 Happy for you.

00:11:12.000 This bet is working out, and we don't even have DeGrom.

00:11:18.000 Pretty exciting, huh?

00:11:23.000 Speaking of the Mets, everyone has a camera now.

00:11:29.000 So not only do iPhones reflect everything we do, including it's a new form of assault.

00:11:35.000 You throw someone's phone away.

00:11:36.000 It's the worst thing you can do to a person.

00:11:37.000 It's like ripping their spine out.

00:11:40.000 But when that happens, we have various angles of the incident, like it's a Scorsese movie.

00:11:48.000 So pull up 1-3.

00:11:51.000 Some guys, very happy about one of the games.

00:11:54.000 We're playing the Diamondbacks now in a series.

00:11:57.000 We just finished slaughtering the Phillies.

00:11:59.000 We already played the Diamondbacks.

00:12:00.000 I don't know why we're going back to them.

00:12:04.000 But there's a Mets fan with a Petalonzo jersey.

00:12:09.000 Yeah, he's happy.

00:12:11.000 He's filming fans.

00:12:13.000 No, don't film me.

00:12:18.000 Why?

00:12:19.000 Why?

00:12:22.000 Oh, I bet it was a Phillies fan.

00:12:26.000 Well, he has a Mets jersey on.

00:12:28.000 Doesn't he?

00:12:29.000 And we get two angles of this.

00:12:31.000 So the worst thing you can ever do?

00:12:34.000 Yeah, that's a Mets jersey.

00:12:36.000 Wait, no, the guy that threw it, it looks like he's wearing a...

00:12:40.000 He could be wearing a Phillies thing because he pointed at the guy like, yeah, in your face.

00:12:44.000 Yeah, that looks like a Philscervin's jerk.

00:12:45.000 Oh, it is a Phillies jersey.

00:12:46.000 Okay, so now we understand.

00:12:49.000 It's just good old-fashioned.

00:12:52.000 See, if sports Glasgow, they'd both be dead.

00:12:55.000 Everybody involved.

00:12:57.000 My cousin got bottled from a bus.

00:13:00.000 He was wearing blue, which is the Rangers color, and a Celtics fan, they're green, were driving by and they just fucking bottled him in the back of the head.

00:13:07.000 I don't think he was even a Rangers fan.

00:13:09.000 He's just wearing a blue shirt.

00:13:12.000 Damn.

00:13:13.000 They would never sit two opposing teams together in any Scottish soccer game, football.

00:13:24.000 Ryan, you were at Doomfest, is it called?

00:13:28.000 Doomerfest, yeah.

00:13:29.000 Doomerfest.

00:13:30.000 This is the spiritual successor to Incel Fest, I think.

00:13:36.000 No, Virgin Fest.

00:13:37.000 Virgin Fest.

00:13:38.000 So these guys, these internet trolls, have, just like blacks taking back the N-word, they've sort of, they're owning the fact that they don't get pussy.

00:13:47.000 And they're calling it Virgin Fest.

00:13:49.000 And we had Raven on last time, the tattoo chick, right?

00:13:53.000 She's down to come on again.

00:13:55.000 She's just driving right now from the event.

00:13:58.000 But yeah, so I played bass for Hollowed, and the headliners there were Egg White.

00:14:04.000 He's the white rapper.

00:14:05.000 Great guy.

00:14:06.000 Great guy.

00:14:07.000 Great guy.

00:14:07.000 And Jezebel, who really.

00:14:10.000 People went bananas for her performance.

00:14:13.000 Do you have footage of you?

00:14:15.000 I have footage of me playing, yeah.

00:14:17.000 Let's see.

00:14:17.000 Okay.

00:14:18.000 So you played with...

00:14:19.000 What's his name?

00:14:20.000 Hollowed.

00:14:21.000 Hallowed.

00:14:22.000 So this is some of the other kids.

00:14:28.000 I think you'd be proud of the pits going on.

00:14:32.000 Like the fights and the action in the pits.

00:14:34.000 There's blood.

00:14:35.000 A lot of people bleeding.

00:14:36.000 That's good.

00:14:37.000 It's fucking...

00:14:37.000 Blood is a good sign.

00:14:38.000 It's super punk.

00:14:39.000 They don't call it Incel Core anymore.

00:14:41.000 They call it E-Punk.

00:14:43.000 Because they're on the outlet.

00:14:44.000 That's his intro.

00:14:47.000 He's screaming.

00:14:48.000 He noticed that everybody went ape shit when he screamed.

00:14:51.000 So he's like, I'm just going to amp up the screaming.

00:14:55.000 And that was his intro without us.

00:14:57.000 I don't see anyone going ape shit.

00:15:00.000 I didn't pan over.

00:15:01.000 They're going ape P. They're going, yeah, just like maybe ape fart?

00:15:04.000 Ape fart, yeah.

00:15:05.000 That's a good name for a band.

00:15:07.000 I gotta write that down, ape fart.

00:15:09.000 So this the first song, and everybody knew the words to it, was Corona, about the coronavirus, about Bill Gates creating the coronavirus.

00:15:20.000 Were you nervous?

00:15:21.000 I was not nervous.

00:15:22.000 I was drinking a little bit.

00:15:25.000 And that guy's a fan of ours.

00:15:26.000 Very cool dude.

00:15:28.000 Forgot his name.

00:15:28.000 I'm a piece of shit.

00:15:42.000 Doing backup vocals.

00:15:45.000 So I have, um, I'm going to compile the footage into like a cohesive documentary style thing.

00:15:50.000 You know, meeting people was very cool.

00:15:52.000 They're all very nice kids.

00:15:54.000 There was a little bit of drama.

00:15:55.000 There was a girl punch involved.

00:15:56.000 I'll see if I can.

00:15:57.000 I punched the chick.

00:15:58.000 Do you have that on video?

00:16:00.000 Not personally, but I have it on Cowboy Joker's YouTube.

00:16:06.000 So the way I understand it is he said to the chick, can I punch you in the face after the show?

00:16:11.000 Correct.

00:16:11.000 And she goes, yes.

00:16:12.000 And then he punched her in the face super hard, rocked her world.

00:16:16.000 Yeah, her tooth went through her cheek.

00:16:20.000 I guess if it's consenting adults, it's none of my business.

00:16:23.000 Cowboy Joker Doomer Fest.

00:16:25.000 Who wants to punch a girl in the face?

00:16:27.000 The sweet chick, Bryn, her name was.

00:16:30.000 What was the male-female ratio?

00:16:33.000 I would say there was 10% females tops.

00:16:36.000 And that guy, Zeril, I think his name is, he punched just about every chick that was there.

00:16:42.000 I think they were going around asking for it.

00:16:44.000 This is egg white.

00:16:45.000 He killed it.

00:16:45.000 Oh, okay.

00:16:46.000 I found the footage.

00:16:47.000 He looks familiar.

00:16:50.000 This is the aftermath of her getting punched right as we're going on.

00:16:54.000 My tooth went through my lip.

00:16:57.000 I have to get stitches.

00:16:58.000 Oh, that sucks.

00:17:01.000 A lot of empathy there.

00:17:04.000 That's just...

00:17:05.000 I mean, the amount of autism was insane, but they're very nice kids.

00:17:08.000 These are kids that, you know, they're mostly...

00:17:10.000 What percentage would you say they had autism?

00:17:14.000 So we're, okay.

00:17:17.000 To be real, probably like 68%.

00:17:20.000 68%.

00:17:23.000 So let's see.

00:17:24.000 The punch is somewhere here.

00:17:27.000 That's how you do it.

00:17:29.000 Here he is.

00:17:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:17:37.000 It was a pretty legit punch.

00:17:39.000 That's definitely the first punch she's ever been.

00:17:41.000 That's like when a real chick fights like a fake chick in MMA, and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:17:46.000 I've seen that.

00:17:47.000 That time I fought a chicken sparring, and I had to hit her four times in the face because she thought she could beat me up.

00:17:56.000 Boop.

00:17:57.000 The poor girl.

00:17:57.000 Look at the stumbling afterwards, too.

00:17:59.000 It's like, well, holy fuck.

00:18:02.000 So that she got rocked and rolled.

00:18:05.000 It was a great time.

00:18:06.000 I mean, we had, you know, fun roads.

00:18:08.000 The kids today.

00:18:10.000 I think you'd be proud, though.

00:18:10.000 You'd be like, wow, these kids are really.

00:18:13.000 Before it all started, but like the first band, they were all just standing as far back from the stage as they could in a big circle.

00:18:20.000 I said to the sound guy, I was like, this is like a school prom if there was just all wallflowers.

00:18:25.000 It's like they were allergic to getting close to the stage.

00:18:28.000 He's like, they'll warm up.

00:18:30.000 And then as soon as they started getting in the middle, violence, punching each other.

00:18:34.000 There's like seven fights going on at the same time.

00:18:36.000 It was amazing.

00:18:36.000 Let's get Crip Daddy on the line.

00:18:38.000 We should get Crip Daddy on the line.

00:18:39.000 Because Raven is driving back.

00:18:41.000 Where was this event?

00:18:42.000 This was in Reading, PA.

00:18:44.000 And Tifa did not show up.

00:18:46.000 Reading PA, yeah.

00:18:48.000 And she's driving back to what, to Florida?

00:18:51.000 I'm not sure where she lives.

00:18:52.000 I think maybe Georgia.

00:18:53.000 Remember?

00:18:53.000 Because they had the first one in September.

00:18:54.000 Why doesn't she fly?

00:18:56.000 Good question.

00:18:57.000 Maybe because of the gear.

00:18:58.000 A lot of gear.

00:18:59.000 Okay.

00:19:00.000 A lot of peeps.

00:19:00.000 They're like road trips, these kids.

00:19:02.000 So we're going to have a censored event in two months from now.

00:19:06.000 Hell yeah.

00:19:06.000 I'll keep you updated.

00:19:08.000 I really wanted Crip Daddy.

00:19:10.000 It's Josh Denny and I. We got someone else.

00:19:12.000 I don't want to have too many performers because I wanted us all to do sets and then a live podcast, like a Kill Tony thing where we sit down at a big table.

00:19:24.000 That's already now going to be like three hours.

00:19:28.000 Maybe we do two shows in one night, too?

00:19:30.000 Meet and greet, all that stuff.

00:19:31.000 You can take your fucking selfies.

00:19:34.000 So that's going to be in Orlando.

00:19:36.000 And what are we?

00:19:37.000 April?

00:19:38.000 Yeah.

00:19:39.000 We're April 25th.

00:19:41.000 So May, June.

00:19:44.000 So end of June.

00:19:46.000 Death in June.

00:19:48.000 We're going to do that.

00:19:49.000 And I wanted Cryptetti to come down.

00:19:52.000 And I was like, I'll pay for your flight, hotel, everything, your mom.

00:19:56.000 And he goes, I can't fly.

00:19:59.000 My chair is too expensive.

00:20:02.000 And I go, can't they just put it on?

00:20:04.000 We haven't got over that.

00:20:05.000 He goes, you ever see someone like me in a plane?

00:20:07.000 True.

00:20:07.000 I was like, shit.

00:20:08.000 I've seen gimps like, but guys who can walk and the dad has to like wipe their mouths and stuff.

00:20:16.000 I've seen those.

00:20:17.000 But I've never seen like a little man be put into a little chair with his little hands.

00:20:23.000 Well, this nice guy, Zach, crowdfunded him a bus so that way he could travel finally.

00:20:28.000 Yeah, but Chicago to fucking Orlando is probably 25 hours.

00:20:34.000 So that's not happening.

00:20:36.000 And he said, see, people think it's a bomb.

00:20:38.000 And I never thought of that.

00:20:39.000 It's like a $100,000 machine, but it's got all these black boxes in it.

00:20:43.000 So it'd be a great place to put a bomb.

00:20:45.000 And so what these, these guys aren't trained to understand how to fix, you know, $100,000 wheelchairs.

00:20:52.000 So he told me about some GIMP friend of his, some chick, who arrives at her location and they go here, bitch.

00:21:00.000 And they just throw her a pile of steel.

00:21:02.000 Like, you know how the customs guys can open up your car and take it all apart?

00:21:06.000 Yeah.

00:21:07.000 And then say, here's your fucking car faggot.

00:21:10.000 That's what they did to her.

00:21:11.000 And she's like, well, believe it or not, I'm not a wheelchair mechanic.

00:21:13.000 I can't put this back together.

00:21:14.000 And they go, I don't give a fuck.

00:21:15.000 Holy shit.

00:21:16.000 Get out of here.

00:21:17.000 They pushed her.

00:21:18.000 Sheesh.

00:21:19.000 Downstairs.

00:21:20.000 On purpose.

00:21:22.000 And she fell on a nail.

00:21:22.000 And then they jumped.

00:21:24.000 She's dead.

00:21:24.000 I heard about that.

00:21:25.000 Then they jumped down from the top of the stairs and landed on her.

00:21:27.000 They did a pile drive.

00:21:28.000 They're all wrestling fans.

00:21:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:29.000 They did a McSlam.

00:21:31.000 They did a bolt driver.

00:21:32.000 Bolt driver, yeah.

00:21:33.000 They did a neck cruncher.

00:21:36.000 They did a neck cruncher?

00:21:37.000 Yep.

00:21:37.000 They did Wally Splits.

00:21:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:39.000 The Neck Cruncher after, but she was already passed out.

00:21:41.000 She did stop watching.

00:21:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:43.000 She died.

00:21:43.000 Right.

00:21:44.000 So that's.

00:21:45.000 And then they pinned her.

00:21:46.000 Three games.

00:21:47.000 So we'll keep you posted on that.

00:21:48.000 We've got to make the poster soon, so we've got to figure out how it's going.

00:21:54.000 Can you get Crip on?

00:21:55.000 You know, I tried to call him.

00:21:56.000 He's not picking up.

00:21:57.000 I just texted him, though.

00:21:59.000 Oh, okay.

00:21:59.000 Did you get confirmation from the lad?

00:22:02.000 What?

00:22:02.000 Did you get confirmation from the lad?

00:22:06.000 I told him we should talk today.

00:22:09.000 I'll give him a call.

00:22:10.000 See, the thing is, he's either at one of two stations.

00:22:13.000 If he's at the computer, he will not be able to answer his phone, and vice versa.

00:22:18.000 How?

00:22:18.000 No.

00:22:19.000 I don't know.

00:22:20.000 He's got two different distinct stations of communication.

00:22:24.000 Okay, well, let's jump over to the green screen and talk about these teachers who were always right.

00:22:29.000 Shall we?

00:22:31.000 We shall.

00:22:32.000 Okay, good.

00:22:33.000 Let's do it.

00:22:42.000 Come on, everybody.

00:22:47.000 The bad guys were right every single time.

00:22:50.000 You get older and these evil white males that you were taught to hate as a kid, you start seeing the world through their eyes and you go, you're okay in my books.

00:23:01.000 I got you for two weeks, Bender.

00:23:04.000 When Vernon says he's got you for two weeks, Bender, that's pretty cool.

00:23:09.000 That means that you are giving up all of your Saturdays.

00:23:12.000 And we know how teachers love their leisure time.

00:23:14.000 Four months off a year.

00:23:16.000 They're home with three.

00:23:17.000 They teach the same shit every year.

00:23:19.000 It's like clockwork.

00:23:20.000 Half the time they're saying, let's have you mark your other papers.

00:23:23.000 So give your paper to your neighbor.

00:23:25.000 He's going to mark it.

00:23:26.000 I'm going to work on my crossroad puzzles.

00:23:27.000 When I was a kid in high school, they're always wheeling in a VCR.

00:23:31.000 We're going to learn about, what is it today?

00:23:33.000 Ghostbusters.

00:23:34.000 They just put a fucking movie in.

00:23:36.000 We watched a movie in class regularly.

00:23:38.000 Anyway, leisure is gold to a teacher.

00:23:43.000 And this dude...

00:23:46.000 What?

00:23:46.000 Grip daddy's calling.

00:23:47.000 This is the second green screen.

00:23:50.000 Yeah, no, we'll talk to him after this.

00:23:52.000 Okay.

00:23:54.000 This guy gave up...

00:23:56.000 The Bender kid, John Bender, who, by the way, was doing detention because he flipped the fire alarm, evacuated the school, wasted hundreds of people's time.

00:24:09.000 Nine weeks, Bender got.

00:24:11.000 And Bender has a problem.

00:24:12.000 He has no, his dad's a shitty dad.

00:24:14.000 Smoke him up, Johnny.

00:24:15.000 He's making his dad, his dad makes him smoke cigarettes.

00:24:18.000 And this guy is taking over for the dad.

00:24:22.000 Well, anyway, let's go through it.

00:24:24.000 Who's the first one?

00:24:24.000 I think this is the first one.

00:24:26.000 Don't know why you've had those pictures out of order.

00:24:28.000 Okay, so here's another guy that was right.

00:24:30.000 Another teacher.

00:24:31.000 They're all teachers.

00:24:32.000 I'm defending teachers for a change.

00:24:34.000 In the song Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd, this evil headmaster says, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

00:24:43.000 Yeah, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

00:24:46.000 You can't have pudding.

00:24:49.000 Like, why has this guy got such a bad rap?

00:24:51.000 Go back.

00:24:51.000 I think, did he just say it?

00:25:03.000 Here comes.

00:25:08.000 I think I had it queued up.

00:25:18.000 I don't give you any pudding if you don't need your meat.

00:25:21.000 How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

00:25:24.000 Perfectly reasonable concept.

00:25:31.000 Okay, tough love.

00:25:33.000 The British education system back then was the greatest education system in world history.

00:25:39.000 And they came up with a brilliant thing where you got your O levels.

00:25:42.000 When you were 14, everyone took a test.

00:25:46.000 And if they were stupid, like 95% of us are, they got a trade.

00:25:50.000 If they were smart, like 5% of us are, they went on to get a scholarship and go to Glasgow University, for example, the birthplace of the separation of church and state, The birthplace of Western culture is Glasgow University.

00:26:03.000 They created the concept of separating church and state.

00:26:07.000 Thank you.

00:26:08.000 Thank you for that, Glasgow.

00:26:09.000 And talk about free speech.

00:26:11.000 Roger Waters regularly shits on Israel, calls Jews pigs, defends the Palestinian terrorists, to massive venues at Madison Square Garden.

00:26:21.000 No problem.

00:26:21.000 Shit on the Jews.

00:26:23.000 So for him to bitch about there's thought control everywhere, you seem to be doing pretty good, you fucking anti-Semitic millionaire.

00:26:32.000 And my dad, by the way, was poor as shit, and he did well in his O-levels.

00:26:37.000 His brothers didn't.

00:26:38.000 His brothers all got a trade.

00:26:39.000 My dad was sent to Glasgow University.

00:26:41.000 Total scholarships, everything paid for.

00:26:43.000 Even his room and board was paid for.

00:26:46.000 And he ended up being a successful computer scientist, worked on the XM1 tank, radar systems that fluked Russia's nuclear sub-program.

00:26:58.000 That's the way it should be.

00:27:00.000 Only 5% of us should further our education.

00:27:04.000 And then after shit like this, with Pink Floyd saying school's too mean, they said, okay, everyone should go to secondary education.

00:27:11.000 And they got rid of the O-levels thing.

00:27:13.000 And now we have to lower the bar in order to justify all these morons being in college.

00:27:18.000 That's why we have speech pathology and mediacom.

00:27:21.000 And there's a fucking class called How to Be Gay.

00:27:25.000 History of rock.

00:27:27.000 That's all because you decided to fuck with the 95.5.

00:27:30.000 And we all know the 95.5 was totally accurate.

00:27:33.000 So fuck you, Pink Floyd.

00:27:35.000 And this guy's awesome.

00:27:36.000 Number two, bad guy that was right.

00:27:40.000 Dean Wormer.

00:27:42.000 Listen to, look, Prowboys was modeled after Animal House, Delta.

00:27:50.000 But if you're honest with yourself, Animal House should not be on campus.

00:27:54.000 They're ruining Faber College.

00:27:57.000 And the fact that they tried to murder the staff when they got kicked out with the Deathmobile, I mean, that's pretty clear evidence that you should have been kicked out.

00:28:06.000 And by the way, that's conspiracy to commit murder now.

00:28:09.000 It's not manslaughter.

00:28:11.000 You wrote death on the car that you drove in to the bleachers and sent adults flying through the air.

00:28:18.000 You almost killed a Playboy bunny with that shit.

00:28:22.000 Get them off campus.

00:28:24.000 Dean Wormer's right.

00:28:26.000 The fizzies into the swim meet.

00:28:27.000 No, a little bit before that.

00:28:29.000 Hard to say, sir.

00:28:31.000 They're each outstanding in their own way.

00:28:40.000 Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet?

00:28:44.000 Get him out.

00:28:45.000 Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner?

00:28:48.000 Bye.

00:28:49.000 Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear.

00:28:53.000 Every spring, the toilets explode.

00:28:56.000 Every stop.

00:28:58.000 Every spring the toilets explode?

00:29:00.000 Get this fucking crew off of our campus.

00:29:05.000 Unacceptable.

00:29:08.000 You're talking about Delta, sir.

00:29:10.000 Of course I'm talking about Delta, you twerp!

00:29:14.000 This year it's going to be different.

00:29:17.000 This year.

00:29:17.000 Here, go to the next clip.

00:29:23.000 Only somebody at Twerp is so underrated, by the way.

00:29:26.000 Twerp is a great word.

00:29:27.000 That's hilarious.

00:29:28.000 Hold on, I have to go poo.

00:29:29.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:33.000 Whew.

00:29:34.000 That jalapeno Cuban bacon, egg, and cheese is not sitting well with the old Scottish stomach there.

00:29:44.000 All right.

00:29:45.000 So not only do they blow up the toilets, I don't really mind the panties in the trees.

00:29:49.000 That's funny.

00:29:50.000 But let's check out their academic records.

00:29:54.000 Do they want to be at Faber College?

00:29:56.000 Where are the other two?

00:29:59.000 Stratton and Schranstein?

00:30:02.000 We looked everywhere, sir, but...

00:30:03.000 Never mind.

00:30:04.000 It doesn't matter.

00:30:06.000 Have you gentlemen seen your midterm grades yet?

00:30:09.000 Oh, they're not posted yet, sir.

00:30:11.000 I've seen them.

00:30:13.000 This guy does his homework, too.

00:30:15.000 He had the files ready the last time.

00:30:16.000 He has all their grades ready.

00:30:20.000 Two C's, two D's, and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average.

00:30:25.000 Congratulations, Kroger.

00:30:26.000 You're a total when it does.

00:30:31.000 His eyebrows are so good.

00:30:33.000 His eyebrows are this whole movie.

00:30:38.000 Mr. Dorfman.

00:30:40.000 Hello.

00:30:44.000 0.2.

00:30:48.000 Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

00:30:51.000 Hey, guess what?

00:30:52.000 Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.

00:30:57.000 He's correct.

00:31:01.000 By the way, what did Animal House do to his brother's car?

00:31:04.000 They fucking destroy it.

00:31:05.000 They turn it into the Deathmobile.

00:31:08.000 They ruin that kid's academic future and his brother's car.

00:31:13.000 President of Delta.

00:31:16.000 1.6, 4 C's in an F. A fine example you set.

00:31:21.000 Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average.

00:31:26.000 All courses are incomplete.

00:31:28.000 Possibly the coolest person.

00:31:29.000 Mr. Blue.

00:31:30.000 Just to be clear.

00:31:33.000 Just to be clear, I support Animal House.

00:31:36.000 I would be there.

00:31:37.000 I would also not be surprised if I got kicked off campus.

00:31:41.000 I would say, I guess we had it coming.

00:31:43.000 Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

00:31:46.000 The whole angle on this movie is that Delta House were victims of this uptight dicks.

00:31:56.000 Look at the standards here.

00:31:58.000 Pluto's grade point average is 0.0.

00:32:02.000 That's real bad.

00:32:04.000 Can we have some standards?

00:32:05.000 It's like the Glaswegian trying to fuck the old lady.

00:32:07.000 We can't go below zero.

00:32:12.000 Mr. Blutowski.

00:32:16.000 0.0.

00:32:20.000 Pretty bad.

00:32:23.000 Now I want you to tell Mrs. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein exactly what I'm about to tell you now.

00:32:28.000 What's that, sir?

00:32:28.000 You're out.

00:32:29.000 You're out.

00:32:30.000 Finished at Faber expelled.

00:32:32.000 I want you off this campus at 9 o'clock Monday morning.

00:32:36.000 I tried to get him when I did that CRTV parody back in Blaze days before I was fired.

00:32:45.000 And they couldn't get him for me.

00:32:47.000 I was willing to pay a heavy fee.

00:32:49.000 You know why?

00:32:50.000 He's dead.

00:32:51.000 He died.

00:32:53.000 Sad.

00:32:54.000 And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I have notified your local draft boards.

00:33:02.000 That bacon, egg, and cheese.

00:33:05.000 It's coming back for me.

00:33:07.000 But this time it's not the poo-hole.

00:33:09.000 It's the talking hole.

00:33:11.000 Oh, no, no, no.

00:33:21.000 Out with it!

00:33:26.000 That's like when I was on that podcast with Gizzy Cadzo, Caddy Gidzo.

00:33:32.000 What's his fucking name again?

00:33:33.000 Gadzikoto.

00:33:34.000 Gadzikoto and Projectile Vomited off camera.

00:33:38.000 Stupid.

00:33:40.000 All right.

00:33:40.000 Last bad guy who was right.

00:33:43.000 This guy, Vernon.

00:33:45.000 What's his name?

00:33:46.000 Richard Vernon or something like that.

00:33:51.000 He's got you for two weeks, Bender.

00:33:53.000 Great guy.

00:33:54.000 And what happened?

00:33:54.000 So these kids were really bad.

00:33:58.000 The nerd brought a flare gun to blow his head off, kill himself, and the flare gun went off in his locker.

00:34:06.000 Cool guy set the fire alarm.

00:34:09.000 The chick skipped school.

00:34:12.000 The wrestler taped a young man's buttocks together with a tape.

00:34:17.000 It must have been some sort of industrial strength tape because when they took it off, some skin came off.

00:34:22.000 I don't know of a tape that strong.

00:34:23.000 Not even gorilla tape.

00:34:27.000 And I think that's it.

00:34:28.000 I think Ali Sheedy might have tried to kill herself too.

00:34:31.000 I can't remember.

00:34:33.000 So what happened with these kids?

00:34:34.000 Well, first of all, he said, write an essay about who you are.

00:34:38.000 And this guy wrote a great essay about how you think that we're the nerd and the socialite and the jock and the weird goth and the bad guy.

00:34:46.000 But we all have elements of this within all of us.

00:34:49.000 I have a jock element in me.

00:34:51.000 He's got a bad guy element in him when he smokes pot and dances to rock and roll.

00:34:56.000 So the assignment was a great assignment that you learned a lot from.

00:35:00.000 And out of these five goons, four of them fell in love.

00:35:05.000 The nerd that no one wants to fuck because he's like eight years old.

00:35:08.000 Okay, he didn't get laid, but everyone else is madly in love after this detention.

00:35:13.000 So this guy gave up his Saturday and created what?

00:35:16.000 Love.

00:35:17.000 Love and awareness from scratch.

00:35:20.000 Have you got a clip of him?

00:35:23.000 Go.

00:35:24.000 Get back in your seat.

00:35:28.000 I expected a little more from a varsity letterman.

00:35:31.000 Yeah, don't tape buns together, shithead.

00:35:34.000 You're not fooling anybody, Bender.

00:35:36.000 The next screw that falls out is going to be you.

00:35:40.000 My shorts.

00:35:41.000 What was that?

00:35:43.000 You're about to watch a man give away nine of his own Saturdays.

00:35:46.000 My shorts.

00:35:48.000 You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister.

00:35:51.000 Crushed.

00:35:52.000 You just bought one more right there.

00:35:53.000 Well, I'm free the Saturday after that.

00:35:55.000 Beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar.

00:35:57.000 Good!

00:35:57.000 Because it's gonna be filled.

00:35:59.000 We'll keep going.

00:36:00.000 You want another one?

00:36:02.000 Say the word.

00:36:03.000 Just say the word.

00:36:03.000 Instead of going to prison, you'll come here.

00:36:06.000 Judd Nelson was 26.

00:36:07.000 Are you through?

00:36:08.000 During this movie?

00:36:09.000 No, I'm doing society a favor.

00:36:11.000 So?

00:36:11.000 That's another one right now.

00:36:12.000 I've got you for the rest of your natural-born life if you don't watch your step.

00:36:16.000 You want another one?

00:36:17.000 Yes.

00:36:18.000 You got it.

00:36:18.000 You got another one right there.

00:36:20.000 That's another one, pal.

00:36:21.000 Cut it out.

00:36:24.000 You through?

00:36:25.000 Not even close, bud.

00:36:28.000 Good.

00:36:28.000 You got one more right there.

00:36:30.000 You really think I give a shit?

00:36:31.000 He switches from this to this.

00:36:34.000 Pinky makes cameos.

00:36:36.000 How many you said?

00:36:37.000 That's seven, including the one when we first came in.

00:36:39.000 You asked Mr. Vernon here whether Barry Mandela knew that he raided his closet.

00:36:42.000 Now it's eight.

00:36:43.000 You stay out of it.

00:36:44.000 Excuse me, sir, it's seven.

00:36:45.000 Shut up, Pee-Wee.

00:36:54.000 I got you.

00:36:57.000 What can I say?

00:36:58.000 I'm thrilled.

00:36:59.000 Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe.

00:37:02.000 You know something, Bender?

00:37:04.000 You want to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

00:37:09.000 Yeah.

00:37:09.000 You might be better off.

00:37:10.000 Good point.

00:37:12.000 Right, that's it.

00:37:13.000 I'm going to be right outside those gates.

00:37:14.000 Put your shit together, Bender.

00:37:16.000 The next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls.

00:37:19.000 Good, crack some skulls.

00:37:20.000 These kids could do with some skull cracking, these 26-year-old teenagers.

00:37:28.000 She looks way hotter as a goth than after they do the makeover.

00:37:36.000 What a great guy.

00:37:37.000 So just to go back over this, Delta House deserves to be booted off of Faber College.

00:37:42.000 They are a menace to society, a menace to themselves.

00:37:45.000 This guy is Cupid, creating love where there was none, creating awareness.

00:37:51.000 Look how happy these kids are.

00:37:53.000 They've aged like five years.

00:37:55.000 Look at the maturity they've got now.

00:37:58.000 He's the eyes, ears, nose, and mouth of this school.

00:38:02.000 And then the last guy, you have pudding for lunch?

00:38:06.000 No, that's not a lunch.

00:38:08.000 You need protein.

00:38:10.000 You need to balance the carbs and the sugar with some actual meat.

00:38:15.000 And you weren't a brick in the wall.

00:38:17.000 You were part of the greatest education in Western history.

00:38:20.000 These guys are the good guys.

00:38:22.000 Sometimes good guys don't wear white.

00:38:36.000 Will you recognize me?

00:38:40.000 Call my fucking name, by the way.

00:38:46.000 Don't fucking walk on by me.

00:38:49.000 Can we get Crypt Daddy on?

00:38:51.000 Oh, yes.

00:38:54.000 Got so much to talk with him about.

00:38:56.000 Three things.

00:38:58.000 Oops.

00:39:00.000 We'll be quizzing you at the end of the show.

00:39:02.000 You better know what ape fart means.

00:39:09.000 Oh, that was pathetic.

00:39:10.000 Dumb me.

00:39:11.000 Pathetic.

00:39:13.000 Sorry about that.

00:39:13.000 Lorraine, you got a guttle.

00:39:16.000 You got your wish.

00:39:17.000 That's what my dad would say when we played Pool in the Basement and I had a slow shot that wasn't successful.

00:39:22.000 They called it your slow shot back then.

00:39:24.000 No, that makes sense.

00:39:25.000 What's up, Crip?

00:39:26.000 How's it going?

00:39:28.000 Good.

00:39:28.000 I was just talking about various bad guys in film and how they're awesome dudes who care about society and have certain standards.

00:39:37.000 No, I can see where you're coming from.

00:39:39.000 I have some opinions on that, too.

00:39:40.000 What do you got?

00:39:42.000 Well, I've always felt like the bad guys in Schindler's List terrible.

00:39:50.000 Yeah.

00:39:51.000 They're just doing their job.

00:39:52.000 They're just following orders.

00:39:54.000 I don't see what the big deal was.

00:39:56.000 Yeah.

00:39:57.000 You know that movie is meant to make Nazis look bad.

00:40:01.000 I thought it was shot beautifully, though.

00:40:03.000 So it looked good.

00:40:05.000 I met a lot of chicks who would diddle their beam to the main bad Nazi guy.

00:40:10.000 What was his name again?

00:40:11.000 I forget his name, but.

00:40:13.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:40:14.000 Chicks like that kind of shit.

00:40:15.000 They're really depraved.

00:40:17.000 Oh, I know.

00:40:19.000 The pussy is an unimaginably complex and sadistic animal.

00:40:23.000 Yeah, I fucked every single girl that I dated to the boy in the striped pajamas because it gets him going.

00:40:33.000 And so we went through the breakfast club, the Pink Floyd video, how can you put in if you don't eat your meat?

00:40:38.000 And then Dean Werner, Wormer from Animal House, fuck Delta was a menace to society.

00:40:45.000 Very dangerous.

00:40:46.000 They're murderers.

00:40:46.000 They drove a car into the bleachers with various authority figures from the local town.

00:40:52.000 Yeah, basically terrorists.

00:40:55.000 Yeah.

00:40:56.000 It's premeditated terrorism.

00:40:58.000 That's what it was, terrorism.

00:40:59.000 If you commit a violent act for some sort of political point, it's terrorism.

00:41:04.000 They are terrorists.

00:41:06.000 Exactly.

00:41:06.000 No, I agree.

00:41:07.000 They're basically just a pre-foundation for what ended up being Antifa.

00:41:12.000 Yeah.

00:41:13.000 You know, Animal House was on my radar because I want to make a poster for this show that we're going to put on in a couple months.

00:41:18.000 And I want to do a parody of that poster, the cartoon poster, where they're all in the house and have you and other people.

00:41:24.000 But we were talking this weekend.

00:41:27.000 You guys can't go on planes because they think your chair's a bomb.

00:41:30.000 Yeah, no, they don't like crippled people on planes.

00:41:35.000 How much is that chair worth?

00:41:38.000 Enough for the government to have to pay for it, not me.

00:41:43.000 It's pretty dumb expensive.

00:41:47.000 They dismantle it and then they don't put it back.

00:41:51.000 No, it's kind of you're up to the good grace of whoever is handling it.

00:41:56.000 There's multiple stories of people who are just flat out abandoned places that don't have anywhere to physically go because they can't.

00:42:07.000 Yeah.

00:42:08.000 Well, if you can figure out a way to combine it with some other chip down there, we'd love to have you.

00:42:13.000 Absolutely.

00:42:14.000 No, that'd be great.

00:42:15.000 We also were just, Ryan just got back from Doomerfest.

00:42:18.000 I feel like that's kind of your scene.

00:42:20.000 Yeah, no, I was going to ask him off the side and how it went because it looked cool.

00:42:26.000 It kind of reminded me of very early punk, like 1976 punk.

00:42:31.000 No, and that's exactly the appeal of that scene now because it feels more what it should have been this entire time instead of what it is now.

00:42:41.000 So what changed?

00:42:44.000 The pussy.

00:42:45.000 The pussy changed.

00:42:47.000 And then that made the dudes change.

00:42:50.000 And then they started believing in bullshit that's not true.

00:42:53.000 And, you know, they just, that's what I chalk it up to.

00:42:58.000 So you mean women got involved and they ruined the scene?

00:43:02.000 I mean, you said it, so.

00:43:04.000 But didn't a woman organize this whole thing?

00:43:07.000 Raven is the one who put it together.

00:43:09.000 Yeah, but she doesn't really count.

00:43:11.000 Ah, okay.

00:43:13.000 And the shooter XP guy, what's his name again?

00:43:16.000 Negative XP?

00:43:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:18.000 Do you know that dude?

00:43:19.000 I do.

00:43:20.000 He's cool as shit.

00:43:21.000 I like him a lot.

00:43:22.000 You should start a band.

00:43:23.000 You could be school scooter.

00:43:27.000 He's kind of the Elvis Presley of the scene, right?

00:43:30.000 The Johnny Rotten, the Malcolm McLaren of the scene.

00:43:32.000 Yeah, that's how I look at him for sure.

00:43:34.000 But he didn't go to this particular one.

00:43:37.000 No, he didn't.

00:43:38.000 Was that some lady drama?

00:43:41.000 You know what?

00:43:41.000 I'm not even too sure on that.

00:43:44.000 Yeah, me neither.

00:43:45.000 I'm not.

00:43:46.000 Maybe.

00:43:47.000 But if it is, oh man, fucking just more reason for me to hate women.

00:43:52.000 Well, I see you as part of this scene.

00:43:54.000 So don't let women ruin your scene.

00:43:56.000 And the secret to that not happening is keep them in line.

00:44:01.000 Keep them in check.

00:44:02.000 And don't believe them.

00:44:04.000 Don't believe women.

00:44:06.000 Never have.

00:44:07.000 Never will.

00:44:09.000 It's the only way the scene can survive.

00:44:13.000 And that's in anything, really.

00:44:15.000 In anything.

00:44:16.000 They're not allowed on pirate ships for a reason.

00:44:18.000 Yeah.

00:44:19.000 Pirates would literally rather fuck each other than have a chick on board, and they were not fags.

00:44:25.000 And they got, I mean, they got shit done.

00:44:28.000 Yeah.

00:44:30.000 They're the reason we have the Marines.

00:44:31.000 The Muslim pirates were stealing our women and selling them into sexual slavery.

00:44:36.000 We had the Marines before we had America.

00:44:39.000 Backfires every time.

00:44:42.000 All right.

00:44:42.000 Well, keep me posted on coming down to Orlando.

00:44:45.000 Maybe we can Skype in or something.

00:44:47.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:44:48.000 All right.

00:44:49.000 Bye, gorgeous.

00:44:50.000 Later.

00:44:50.000 You take it easy, beautiful.

00:44:55.000 Okay, I wanted to talk for a second about media malfeasance.

00:45:01.000 I've been listening to this guy, Chris Plant.

00:45:03.000 Have you ever heard of him?

00:45:04.000 I have not.

00:45:05.000 We should have a new background for media.

00:45:08.000 Oh, we have fake news.

00:45:10.000 Yeah, okay.

00:45:12.000 It looks pretty cool, too.

00:45:13.000 We never use it.

00:45:14.000 Oh, yeah, that's a great one.

00:45:16.000 It's really heavy on the CNN.

00:45:18.000 We have a media kissing ass bumper.

00:45:22.000 I don't know if that counts.

00:45:24.000 Well, I've been thinking about their narrative.

00:45:26.000 No, I like the previous one better.

00:45:29.000 That's a Little distracting.

00:45:32.000 I've been thinking about the deaths they're responsible for.

00:45:39.000 One of the reasons that black people are so separated from the rest of us is they've been told again and again and again for the past 50 years that white people have robbed them.

00:45:51.000 That everything wrong with their life is the white man fucking with them.

00:45:55.000 And so you get to the point where you feel like a pussy if you assimilate.

00:45:59.000 That's why it's Derek is spelled weird and Erika is A-I-R-W-R-E-C-K-A with a fucking umlot thrown in for good measure.

00:46:11.000 And a circonflex, an accent degue, as they say in France.

00:46:19.000 And it's why you have the Nation of Islam.

00:46:21.000 People want to be religious, but blacks are taught that if they're Christians, they're worshiping a white god.

00:46:27.000 He's a Jew, but whatever.

00:46:30.000 So they make up their own religion, and it's a retarded religion.

00:46:34.000 The Nation of Islam is one of the silliest religions in the world.

00:46:39.000 It's up there with the cargo cult, where they worship planes.

00:46:42.000 In this case, they worship a giant-brained, superdict black professor, scientist from 6,600 years ago, who created white people in a lab to torment blacks.

00:46:56.000 Just like gremlins, remember?

00:46:57.000 He purposely got the gremlins wet so they'd be unleashed upon the world in this analogy.

00:47:04.000 So that's really retarded.

00:47:06.000 And I saw it on the wall of the DC shooter 1.6.

00:47:12.000 Chris Plant was talking about this, by the way.

00:47:14.000 P-L-A-N-T-E.

00:47:16.000 He's on.

00:47:17.000 I don't have a serious satellite in my car anymore.

00:47:20.000 So I listen to the radio.

00:47:21.000 And this guy's on every time I'm driving.

00:47:23.000 Fucking fantastic, dude.

00:47:25.000 And he was talking this morning about all these stories that vanish.

00:47:28.000 And one of them is, of course, the DC shooter.

00:47:31.000 And I'm blaming the media on all of this, right?

00:47:34.000 So the media is responsible for the nation of Islam.

00:47:37.000 And they're responsible for the separation of blacks and whites in many ways by continuing to rehash all of this racism shit, all this fucking slavery shit.

00:47:46.000 So this guy was Filipino, but he's, I don't think the Nation of Islam is big on Asians, Ryan, no offense.

00:47:53.000 It's okay.

00:47:54.000 But for some reason, he had been into them.

00:47:56.000 He was the shooting sparked a partial lockdown in the Capitol.

00:48:00.000 He didn't shoot very well.

00:48:01.000 Our mass shooters these days are not great for your accuracy, but do you have the picture?

00:48:07.000 So this story, speaking of media malpractice, is going to vanish.

00:48:13.000 Because, wait, what are you doing?

00:48:15.000 Is it 1.7?

00:48:19.000 1.6 or 1.7?

00:48:20.000 That was 1.7.

00:48:21.000 1.6 is the plant.

00:48:23.000 And this would be...

00:48:24.000 Maybe it's in this thread here.

00:48:26.000 No?

00:48:30.000 1.6 was the plant?

00:48:32.000 No, that was 1.5.

00:48:34.000 You have a way of proudly announcing why someone's wrong when you're the one that's wrong.

00:48:40.000 Yeah, actually, 1.6 was Chris Plant.

00:48:42.000 No, it wasn't.

00:48:43.000 So see that picture on the wall?

00:48:45.000 That's Yacoub.

00:48:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:47.000 See if you can zoom in on him.

00:48:50.000 So that's...

00:48:51.000 He's got a giant brain.

00:48:53.000 His head is this big because he's so smart.

00:48:56.000 And so this guy worshipped Yacoub and decided...

00:49:00.000 Now, obviously, he's also mentally ill, but you give these mentally ill lunatics, you give them something to hang their coat on when you tell them that white people are evil and white people need to die.

00:49:10.000 So they start shooting white people.

00:49:12.000 And then what does the media do?

00:49:15.000 Well, they hide that.

00:49:16.000 So they commit these acts of horrendous violence or are responsible for inspiring them, and then they hide them.

00:49:23.000 They import Muslims to Britain under the auspices of diversity.

00:49:27.000 It's an experiment.

00:49:28.000 It fails miserably.

00:49:30.000 Terrorism all over the place.

00:49:32.000 Machete fights on a daily basis.

00:49:34.000 And they just hide the stories.

00:49:37.000 Who created the white race?

00:49:38.000 Is this why you can't draw Muhammad?

00:49:40.000 Because it would look maybe that guitar.

00:49:42.000 I think the hardest part of being in the Nation of Islam would be not cracking up.

00:49:46.000 Okay, we're going to talk about Yacoub's creation of the white man.

00:49:51.000 No giggles.

00:49:55.000 And this was also sort of hid 1-8.

00:49:58.000 So this man was murdered by the media.

00:50:01.000 So that mentally ill man we just saw, I would say murdered by the media.

00:50:05.000 Maybe that's the name of this show.

00:50:07.000 And then this guy, too, mentally ill person.

00:50:10.000 He watches the news.

00:50:11.000 They tell him that the Earth's only got a few years to go.

00:50:16.000 I was listening to an old interview because I have cassettes in the car now and I found an anal Chinook tape.

00:50:20.000 Maybe I'll bring it in here or put it on the website.

00:50:22.000 My old band.

00:50:23.000 And me and the other guy, Blake, are talking about the environment.

00:50:27.000 We had a lot of environmental songs.

00:50:29.000 One was called Acid Rain that starts out, it's raining, it's pouring, the old man is dying.

00:50:39.000 And then we had another song about fucking, what was it, Acid Rain?

00:50:45.000 And then some other thing about pollution and the ozone layer.

00:50:53.000 Yeah, goodbye, ozone layer, farewell.

00:50:55.000 Anyway, I'm listening to 18-year-old me and I'm going, yeah, well, you know, we have to recycle and don't use spray aerosols.

00:51:02.000 They corrode the ozone.

00:51:03.000 And, you know, the Earth's probably not going to be around for another five years.

00:51:06.000 Five years.

00:51:07.000 So that would be 1991, 1992.

00:51:11.000 The Earth would just pop, vanish.

00:51:14.000 So I was brainwashed by the media.

00:51:16.000 And so is this poor bastard who goes to the Supreme Court and lights himself on fire.

00:51:21.000 Self-sacrifice.

00:51:23.000 And the climate activists go, good job, man.

00:51:26.000 That was so brave of you to raise awareness.

00:51:29.000 This guy was my friend.

00:51:30.000 He mediated with our Sangha.

00:51:31.000 What the fuck?

00:51:32.000 This act is not suicide.

00:51:34.000 This is a deeply fearless act of compassion to bring attention to climate crisis.

00:51:39.000 We are piecing together info, but he had been planning it for at least a year.

00:51:43.000 I am so moved.

00:51:45.000 What a great guy.

00:51:47.000 What a selfless, brave move to light yourself.

00:51:50.000 So they murder someone, and then they gloat about it.

00:51:54.000 Talk about being out of touch with reality.

00:51:57.000 The media's job is to tell us what's going on, And they do the opposite.

00:52:02.000 They tell us the earth is going to pop.

00:52:06.000 What's this one?

00:52:07.000 Yeah, look at this one: 1.9.

00:52:09.000 A bunch of climate activists hold a die-in to show the world that they're putting their fucking lives on the line.

00:52:17.000 Turn it up.

00:52:19.000 All right, y'all.

00:52:19.000 So, we're going to do a die-in.

00:52:20.000 If you haven't done that before, it's where we all lay down on the ground to send the message home to Biden that this is our fucking lives on the line.

00:52:27.000 So, if you want to be on the grass, you can be on the grass.

00:52:29.000 If you want to be this way, you can be that.

00:52:31.000 This sounds really hard.

00:52:32.000 What do I have to do to show Biden that he's putting my life in danger by not?

00:52:36.000 What's he not doing?

00:52:37.000 Isn't he, didn't he kill the pipeline?

00:52:41.000 Yeah.

00:52:42.000 And he's refusing to drill in America?

00:52:45.000 This is why I don't get it with these people.

00:52:47.000 You got your wish.

00:52:48.000 Like, I was getting scowled at on the weekend when I was grocery shopping.

00:52:53.000 I could tell the local liberals recognized me.

00:52:56.000 I didn't say anything, but I was going to go, what are you glaring at?

00:52:59.000 All my guys are in jail.

00:53:01.000 You got your wish, you spoiled brat.

00:53:03.000 No, you're still here.

00:53:05.000 Okay, something tells me that if I'm thrown in prison, you're still going to be a glaring little bitch.

00:53:11.000 They're like Islam.

00:53:12.000 They're insatiable.

00:53:14.000 You put a burqa on, they tell you your bangs are showing or you can't wear purple socks with your burqa on.

00:53:20.000 These guys are getting all their dumb rishes.

00:53:21.000 They're ruining the economy with this shit.

00:53:23.000 And it's about to get worse, by the way.

00:53:25.000 We're moving on from trans and Black Lives Matter.

00:53:27.000 That's all in the path.

00:53:28.000 The next big thing, and COVID, the next big thing you're going to see is climate change.

00:53:32.000 We need to pay more taxes.

00:53:33.000 The government needs more money to stop global warming.

00:53:38.000 And these fucking losers, just like me when I was their age, really, are falling for it.

00:53:44.000 We should do a die-in here one day for what we believe in.

00:53:48.000 I do a die-in every night.

00:53:51.000 I collapse.

00:53:52.000 I piss myself.

00:53:53.000 Yeah.

00:53:55.000 And then as I'm going through all this media malfeasance, I'm thinking about all the past stuff that they didn't tell us about.

00:54:04.000 Like Vegas.

00:54:06.000 The Vegas shooting.

00:54:09.000 That's just dead now.

00:54:10.000 That's forgotten.

00:54:11.000 We don't do that.

00:54:13.000 Why?

00:54:14.000 What the?

00:54:15.000 Laura Loomer was the only person to do what Taylor Lorenz calls shoe leather journalism.

00:54:21.000 And she went down there for weeks.

00:54:23.000 And she was like, this is Islam related.

00:54:28.000 And so the media just dropped it.

00:54:29.000 Because the media, they don't want to be responsible for a race war or any kind of racism or any kind of animosity to a group.

00:54:35.000 That's why they got so upset when we called it the China virus, even though it came from China.

00:54:39.000 And they still blame all of the blacks beating up Chinese people in New York.

00:54:43.000 They blame that on Trump because he said the China virus.

00:54:46.000 Like, fucking black people are hanging on Donald Trump's every word, especially in New York.

00:54:51.000 I think in Manhattan, he got something like 2% of the votes.

00:54:56.000 What's this graphic?

00:54:57.000 You just made that now?

00:54:58.000 No, I've been working on this.

00:54:59.000 I want to make it a shirt.

00:55:02.000 Huh.

00:55:03.000 That's not bad, dude.

00:55:04.000 Thanks, dude.

00:55:05.000 I appreciate that.

00:55:06.000 I'm really happy that you said that, actually.

00:55:08.000 It's pretty 80s.

00:55:09.000 I like it.

00:55:10.000 What happened in Vegas?

00:55:11.000 Stayed in Vegas.

00:55:13.000 I mean, it doesn't say the stayed in Vegas part.

00:55:15.000 Yeah, no, I get the joke.

00:55:16.000 Okay.

00:55:17.000 Go to 2-1.

00:55:20.000 You can get in a real rabbit hole with Vegas.

00:55:22.000 It's the 9-11 of mass shootings.

00:55:28.000 But one of the...

00:55:29.000 And this is interesting because you can't go to the news, and this is one great thing about Twitter still.

00:55:36.000 This is where you learn all this shit, is from average Joe's on the street.

00:55:39.000 Now you have to check and verify everything, but I hadn't heard that he paid off all his gambling debts, which apparently is a big thing in Islam.

00:55:47.000 You can't go to heaven if you have debt.

00:55:49.000 By the way, I can't believe I forgot to mention this.

00:55:51.000 Elon Musk bought Twitter.

00:55:53.000 Is it officially?

00:55:53.000 He officially did.

00:55:54.000 Yep.

00:55:55.000 They're going to accept his offer.

00:55:56.000 They're accepting it now.

00:55:57.000 It's $43 billion.

00:55:59.000 That's like $174 per American person.

00:56:04.000 He could have given us $200 each.

00:56:07.000 So it's realistic you might be back on.

00:56:10.000 Would you?

00:56:12.000 I'll happily go back on.

00:56:13.000 Right?

00:56:14.000 I'd be like, hey, motherfucker.

00:56:15.000 I'll go out without a blink.

00:56:17.000 I'll go downtown without thinking and shout over a drink.

00:56:20.000 But, no, you can't be uncanceled.

00:56:24.000 I'm canceled for life.

00:56:25.000 I'm never going to be hosting the tonight's show.

00:56:29.000 Good.

00:56:31.000 Go ahead.

00:56:34.000 You have never been on my side.

00:56:35.000 Forget it.

00:56:36.000 Meet Bruce Erickson, aka Benjamin Paddock.

00:57:02.000 And you can't get another try.

00:57:06.000 There's this whole thing with that.

00:57:07.000 That dude, that's his brother.

00:57:11.000 The security guard has disappeared.

00:57:13.000 That's not that crazy, though.

00:57:14.000 I'd want to be.

00:57:27.000 Anyway, this is gold news.

00:57:31.000 But he wired money to his Muslim wife.

00:57:35.000 One theory I heard was that it was an arms deal that the FBI had been pushing to catch Muslim terrorists.

00:57:41.000 He was part of it.

00:57:42.000 And then it went awry.

00:57:45.000 The Muslims sussed it out.

00:57:47.000 And they did all the shooting.

00:57:50.000 The terrorists.

00:57:51.000 And the FBI has immediately covered up because they don't want to look incompetent.

00:57:55.000 Because they are.

00:57:56.000 The FBI is terrible at their job.

00:58:00.000 Look at January 6th.

00:58:01.000 What are you doing?

00:58:03.000 MS-13, we've got hundreds of opioid ODs a day.

00:58:08.000 What is it up to now?

00:58:09.000 250 a day?

00:58:12.000 And you guys are focused on people who meander.

00:58:16.000 Fucking unbelievable.

00:58:17.000 Loomer did a really good, it's on a bit shoot about the Vegas shooting, like a series that's really good.

00:58:24.000 And then the Saudi helicopters thing was insane that they broke on Infowars, where the airspace, they were like, There's an unaccounted for Saudi helicopter, which made it onto the shirt graphic.

00:58:35.000 And it's cool.

00:58:36.000 It's bizarre the things that were going on in the airspace.

00:58:41.000 Wasn't there a weird thing, too, with some sheik who I think owns Twitter, and he was talking shit about Trump?

00:58:50.000 A Saudi guy, right?

00:58:51.000 A Saudi prince.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:54.000 And him and Trump had a back and forth on Twitter.

00:58:59.000 That's why I thought that Twitter was never going to allow for this buyout.

00:59:06.000 But we'll dig that up on our own time.

00:59:08.000 But okay, last thing on media malpractice, because they're so terrible at their jobs and they're just a propaganda wing, with the background.

00:59:18.000 I'm sick of that dumb shelf.

00:59:20.000 I want it always to be exciting.

00:59:23.000 Got it?

00:59:24.000 Sure.

00:59:26.000 This is going around Malcolm Nance?

00:59:29.000 Oh, wait.

00:59:29.000 I think 2-0 is just the funny picture of him because he's the laughingstock now.

00:59:34.000 And I was right.

00:59:35.000 I discovered this guy years ago, 2015.

00:59:40.000 I sat next to him and thought, this person is a mental patient.

00:59:47.000 Standby.

00:59:48.000 Notebook for next book, Stand By.

00:59:53.000 Self-seating banana mag.

00:59:56.000 So if you scroll up, I think you'll find the video.

00:59:59.000 It's kind of old news by now, but whatever.

01:00:01.000 I think I'm going to start doing Friday shows again, guys, because there's too much news that gets missed.

01:00:07.000 But look at him.

01:00:10.000 I think he may be like special.

01:00:13.000 He just has a deep voice, and he's sort of mimicking an expert the way like a magpie or a starling would mimic a bird's call.

01:00:21.000 So he's mimicking an expert, but he's actually a complete mental patient, like a special guy.

01:00:29.000 Like I bet he plays with Lego at home.

01:00:31.000 Or like Biden, he just stares out the window.

01:00:33.000 Did I tell you that?

01:00:34.000 No.

01:00:35.000 I learned that from the Chris Plant show.

01:00:37.000 Apparently, reliable sources say that when Biden is in Delaware, when he's back home, he just stands and looks out the window for about two hours at a time.

01:00:48.000 Nothing's happening outside the window.

01:00:49.000 There's not kids playing or something.

01:00:51.000 Or inside of Biden's head.

01:00:53.000 There's just like chirp, chirp, chirp.

01:00:55.000 He's just staring at a robin.

01:00:59.000 That's where he should be.

01:01:00.000 Anyway, Malcolm Nance should be with him.

01:01:02.000 They should both be in a home.

01:01:03.000 Crane's unique territory.

01:01:12.000 Is that going down?

01:01:13.000 No.

01:01:14.000 But I've never seen a fast mover.

01:01:17.000 What the fuck?

01:01:18.000 A fast mover?

01:01:20.000 You never seen a fast team before?

01:01:23.000 Are we in an air raid?

01:01:25.000 Yes.

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:26.000 We are.

01:01:26.000 We had the air race.

01:01:27.000 I like it.

01:01:29.000 There'll be three.

01:01:30.000 Bright yellow jacket.

01:01:31.000 Stand by.

01:01:31.000 There'll be three.

01:01:32.000 Stand by.

01:01:36.000 Who is this clown?

01:01:37.000 If it was fired from a ship, we're getting hit.

01:01:40.000 That's a 500-pound bomb.

01:01:42.000 What?

01:01:43.000 What?

01:01:43.000 Let's get the body up.

01:01:45.000 Do fast movers carry 500-pound bombs?

01:01:48.000 Is that balding from just scratching his head all day wondering what the fuck's going on?

01:01:53.000 By the way, snipers.

01:01:55.000 That yellow blob, that's an American.

01:02:00.000 Nice camo.

01:02:06.000 It's coming from the east, southeast.

01:02:08.000 So those are the companies.

01:02:10.000 They're striking to the west.

01:02:12.000 Striking to the west, that's two.

01:02:15.000 Needs at least one more.

01:02:16.000 That wasn't a plane, it was a cruise missile.

01:02:17.000 That was a cruise missile.

01:02:18.000 Yeah.

01:02:19.000 Wait for one more.

01:02:20.000 They're fired in 30-second intervals.

01:02:22.000 They fire them in 30-second intervals.

01:02:27.000 Stand by.

01:02:29.000 Three.

01:02:29.000 Cruise missile.

01:02:30.000 Caliber.

01:02:30.000 Look, stand by.

01:02:33.000 Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

01:02:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:39.000 There's 36, 30 seconds.

01:02:40.000 Couldn't you just imagine you're at a lunatic asylum and you're wearing OR scrubs and there's Malcolm and you're just like, okay, we'll stand by, Malcolm.

01:02:48.000 We'll stand by.

01:02:49.000 And he's just like, there's going to be three.

01:02:50.000 There are 30-second intervals.

01:02:52.000 I know.

01:02:53.000 Okay, we'll wait.

01:02:54.000 There's more cruise missiles coming?

01:02:56.000 Okay.

01:02:56.000 Yeah, I've never seen a fast mover before.

01:02:58.000 Hold on.

01:02:59.000 Yep.

01:03:00.000 That's a 500-pound bomb.

01:03:01.000 I know.

01:03:02.000 Okay.

01:03:03.000 Here's your pill, and then here's the water.

01:03:08.000 Yeah, I think we're in an air ride.

01:03:10.000 Okay, we better get inside then.

01:03:11.000 Okay, just lift your tongue.

01:03:12.000 Let me make sure you took that.

01:03:14.000 There you go.

01:03:15.000 It's an air raid.

01:03:16.000 Yes.

01:03:16.000 I know it is.

01:03:17.000 Well, we better get inside.

01:03:20.000 Let's get you back to the games room and we'll play foosball.

01:03:23.000 Foosball!

01:03:25.000 And then he totally forgets it.

01:03:26.000 That's great.

01:03:28.000 I know a guy who works at Rikers with the loonies.

01:03:32.000 I told you this before, right?

01:03:33.000 Mars bars.

01:03:34.000 That's his secret.

01:03:36.000 It could be having a nervous breakdown, about to smash your head through a window.

01:03:39.000 You say, I'll get you a Mars bar.

01:03:41.000 Wait, that's insane because it made it in that comic specifically, didn't it?

01:03:46.000 What?

01:03:48.000 Look at his pack.

01:03:49.000 It says Mars.

01:03:53.000 That's amazing.

01:03:55.000 That's amazing.

01:03:58.000 Wow.

01:03:59.000 All right.

01:04:01.000 Do we have time for a pet B?

01:04:04.000 Yeah, let's do a quick pet Biden.

01:04:10.000 Biden.

01:04:11.000 On him I can depend.

01:04:15.000 Biden.

01:04:16.000 A monster of a president.

01:04:18.000 He's big and food.

01:04:19.000 Sleepy.

01:04:20.000 But a friendly monster too.

01:04:23.000 My cat.

01:04:24.000 Biden.

01:04:24.000 Wait, what?

01:04:24.000 That doesn't rhyme.

01:04:31.000 Trump lies.

01:04:33.000 He says horrible things, ridiculous things about Joe Biden.

01:04:38.000 He said that Joe Biden shakes hands with the air and takes orders from the Easter bunny.

01:04:44.000 What the fuck?

01:04:46.000 I mean, besides the fact that he did shake hands with the air and a man in a giant bunny costume did drag him away from people asking intelligent questions because they knew he was going to fuck it up.

01:04:59.000 Besides that, none of this is true.

01:05:02.000 Right now, sadly, who has absolutely no idea what the hell is happening, he's shaking hands with the air.

01:05:13.000 He's walking around, somewhat bewildered.

01:05:19.000 It's no good in taking orders from the Easter Bunny.

01:05:22.000 You saw that one?

01:05:23.000 No, no, no.

01:05:25.000 We have a president.

01:05:26.000 Do you miss him?

01:05:28.000 It's hard to, like, you know, when the Rolling Stones come on and you're always like, oh, I love this song.

01:05:33.000 Like, he's just great music.

01:05:36.000 He's our greatest hits president.

01:05:38.000 Yeah.

01:05:45.000 Taking orders from the Easter bunny.

01:05:48.000 Shaking hands with the air.

01:05:50.000 By the way, the place at Doomerfest was called Blandon, like the name of the little area that we're in.

01:05:56.000 So everybody starts chanting, let's go, Blandin.

01:05:59.000 Awesome.

01:06:00.000 Can you do me a favor, Ryan?

01:06:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:02.000 Make this, put this in free shit.

01:06:04.000 Take that speech he's saying and then edit in the shaking hands with the air and taking orders from the Easter Bunny.

01:06:12.000 And we'll make that a free clip.

01:06:15.000 Because it's amazing that it's true.

01:06:17.000 Like, if I hadn't seen the other two things, I'd go, Trump, fuck off.

01:06:20.000 That's stupid.

01:06:22.000 He doesn't shake hands with the air and take orders from the Easter Bunny.

01:06:26.000 What do you think he is?

01:06:27.000 Mentally deficient?

01:06:28.000 You think he's Malcolm Nance?

01:06:32.000 They're neck and neck.

01:06:35.000 Actually, Malcolm Nance wrote some books.

01:06:40.000 I don't think Joe Biden could write a book.

01:06:43.000 He also thinks MAGA is an insult.

01:06:45.000 Go to 3-5.

01:06:48.000 Not a joke.

01:06:50.000 All you got to do is look what is being played this morning about the tape that was released anyway.

01:07:00.000 What?

01:07:02.000 What tape?

01:07:03.000 What are you talking about, dude?

01:07:05.000 He doesn't know.

01:07:06.000 That's why he always goes, anyway.

01:07:09.000 You know what anyway means?

01:07:11.000 It means I've 100% lost my train of thought.

01:07:14.000 And I don't mean like I'm a little bit off.

01:07:16.000 Someone has clicked the reboot button and I don't know where the fuck I am.

01:07:21.000 I could have been talking about chocolate candies.

01:07:24.000 I could have been talking about dinosaurs.

01:07:26.000 I have no fucking clue what I was talking about.

01:07:28.000 And some of us, that happens, and you go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no.

01:07:32.000 So originally what I was saying was, he doesn't get that.

01:07:34.000 He never comes back.

01:07:36.000 So he just has to say, anyway, and watch his train of thought, leave the station, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo-woo, and it's gone.

01:07:44.000 Same with not a joke.

01:07:46.000 Not a joke is a space filler where he wants to sound more intense.

01:07:50.000 So he goes, we're doing this, and then I'm waiting for the teleprompter to recalibrate.

01:07:55.000 And so I say, not a joke.

01:07:58.000 It's not a joke.

01:08:00.000 Does he realize he's saying the joker saying?

01:08:04.000 Kidding aside, this is a MAGA party now.

01:08:08.000 So you got the senator from Texas and others.

01:08:11.000 These guys are a different breed of cat.

01:08:13.000 Hell yeah.

01:08:13.000 They're not like what I served with for so many years.

01:08:16.000 That's good, yes, correct.

01:08:18.000 And the people who know better are afraid to act correctly because they know they'll be primary.

01:08:25.000 This ain't your father's Republican Party.

01:08:27.000 I want to hear the beginning again.

01:08:29.000 That part.

01:08:30.000 Yeah, keep going.

01:08:33.000 Your father's Republican Party.

01:08:35.000 Not a joke.

01:08:37.000 All you got to do is look what is being played this morning about the tape that was released anyway.

01:08:46.000 Oh, my God.

01:08:47.000 What tape?

01:08:48.000 You forgot?

01:08:49.000 Was there people laughing?

01:08:52.000 Yeah, it did sound like people laughing.

01:08:56.000 Hidden aside, this is a MAGA party now.

01:09:00.000 It's, you know, you got...

01:09:02.000 You mean Make America Great Again is bad?

01:09:06.000 They're not like what I served with for so many years.

01:09:09.000 Calling someone a cat is from the 50s.

01:09:11.000 You drive asterisk.

01:09:16.000 Hey, Daddy O. And here is a great one.

01:09:22.000 3.6.

01:09:26.000 This one, I know I speak Biden.

01:09:29.000 This is the first one where I understand all the words.

01:09:34.000 I have no idea what they're supposed to be doing.

01:09:38.000 Natural wonders are, you know, inspired and the reflection inspires our to take action.

01:09:46.000 You know, I don't understand the words you just said.

01:09:51.000 You know, our natural wonders are, you know, inspired and the reflection inspires our to take action.

01:09:59.000 Okay, hold on.

01:10:00.000 I think I might have this.

01:10:01.000 Okay.

01:10:02.000 So when we reflect on our planet's natural wonders, it inspires us to take action.

01:10:14.000 Yes.

01:10:15.000 When we reflect on our countries or the worlds or our planet's natural wonders, when we reflect on them, it inspires us to take action.

01:10:26.000 Those were the words in front of him.

01:10:28.000 He just saw alphabet soup.

01:10:30.000 And his brain just started randomly plucking words out from the sentence until it was just a hodgepodge.

01:10:36.000 You know, once the speechwriters find out the algorithm for how he mixes up words, it's sort of like, you know, in World War II, the coders.

01:10:44.000 Yeah.

01:10:45.000 So you just make the first word, you put it at the top, because he does speak in reverse a lot.

01:10:49.000 I made a joke on Getter where I called him, oh my God, Yoda.

01:10:56.000 Oh, very.

01:10:56.000 Because he's like, in the beginning, this is.

01:11:00.000 Can we just do it one more time?

01:11:02.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:03.000 Our natural wonders are, you know, inspire, and the reflection inspires our to take action.

01:11:11.000 You know, they got to.

01:11:13.000 I don't understand the words you just said.

01:11:16.000 You know, it's bad when you imagine it being your granddad and your heart breaks.

01:11:20.000 Yeah, no, the Robin thing where he stares outside of the window, that made me very sad.

01:11:25.000 Hey, grandpa.

01:11:26.000 Hey, grandpa.

01:11:27.000 Like, if your grandpa said that at the home when you visit him, you go, I know it does, Grandpa.

01:11:31.000 I got to go pee.

01:11:32.000 And then you'd go cry in the hallway and come back and splash cold water on your face, kind of make sure your eyes are dry.

01:11:40.000 Hey!

01:11:41.000 Had a great pee.

01:11:43.000 Had a really good pee-pee.

01:11:48.000 And then last one, this is kind of Biden-related, but it's also media malfeasance 3.7.

01:11:53.000 What's going on now?

01:11:54.000 They're burning down food.

01:11:57.000 So one theory, 18 U.S. food processing facilities burned down the last six months.

01:12:03.000 Azure Standards HQ burned down yesterday.

01:12:05.000 One theory is that they're doing this to, I don't know, make things worse for Biden?

01:12:15.000 Wait, that means that our guys are doing it?

01:12:17.000 The CIA is doing it?

01:12:19.000 Can a smarter person please help me with this?

01:12:23.000 You want to fuck up the supply chain.

01:12:26.000 Why?

01:12:29.000 I don't know.

01:12:30.000 And then the thing about the chickens all dying too because of this avian flu going around, not good.

01:12:36.000 But that seems natural.

01:12:39.000 Well, here, here's a fun thing with Twitter.

01:12:41.000 Click on that link.

01:12:43.000 Look at the responses.

01:12:45.000 Let's see what other people are saying.

01:12:47.000 It's like a letters page.

01:12:49.000 Massive Walmart distributor.

01:12:51.000 Still no follow-up.

01:12:52.000 Keep going.

01:12:55.000 Okay, so there's too many for it to affect.

01:12:58.000 You know, I heard once that there was a fire, like an explosion for the oil lines or the gas lines of a farm, and it was suspected to be hacking, like Russian hacking.

01:13:10.000 Uh-huh.

01:13:11.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:13:12.000 So he who controls the food supply controls the people.

01:13:15.000 You'll own nothing and you'll be happy.

01:13:17.000 They're purposely creating a food shortage.

01:13:20.000 That's also a theory, right?

01:13:23.000 So people are making fun of you for thinking it's a big deal?

01:13:30.000 So those are all reasons why they burnt down?

01:13:34.000 Killing chickens, yeah.

01:13:35.000 Keep going.

01:13:40.000 Okay, keep going.

01:13:43.000 Keep going.

01:13:47.000 What the fuck is going on?

01:13:50.000 Anyway, I guess I'll just keep, you know, scrolling through Twitter trying to find out what the fuck is going on in the world because the media is totally incompetent.

01:14:00.000 We don't know about Vegas.

01:14:01.000 We don't know.

01:14:02.000 We have Malcolm Nance telling us to stand by while he looks at fast movers.

01:14:12.000 Okay.

01:14:13.000 So it's happening with fertilizer plants, too.

01:14:15.000 Yeah.

01:14:15.000 All right.

01:14:16.000 So this is a show where we not just tell you what's going on, but also ask you what the fuck is going on.

01:14:22.000 Do I have my computer here?

01:14:23.000 Oh, it's in the other room.

01:14:24.000 Okay, let's jump to the mailbag.

01:14:26.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a tend.

01:14:31.000 Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.

01:14:37.000 Let me touch it.

01:14:44.000 Can't rely on the media to tell you what's going on, but you can rely on them to find the home of the woman who does libs of TikTok and exposed the daughters of Pamela Geller.

01:14:56.000 Thank God.

01:14:58.000 Just one thing that people deserve to know.

01:15:01.000 It's a controversial figure's daughter.

01:15:06.000 Kerragers, that was the place.

01:15:12.000 Uh-oh, my batteries are low because the FBI spies on us.

01:15:21.000 Am I out of shape?

01:15:23.000 Oh, I thought this was kind of funny, but it's very inside-y.

01:15:26.000 Kanata Bush Parties and the boomer response.

01:15:30.000 This is right where I used to go.

01:15:32.000 In Kanata, it's a suburb outside of Ottawa where I spent my early teen years.

01:15:39.000 And it's all farmland.

01:15:41.000 It's not really a suburb.

01:15:42.000 It's a rural suburb.

01:15:44.000 And half the students in my school were farmer kids, carpies, we called them, because they were from Carp.

01:15:50.000 And then we were the middle-class kids who had been shipped out to these sort of Lego-like housing developments where everyone's house was the same.

01:16:01.000 So it was a weird convalescence of snobby rich kids, not rich, but middle class, snobby middle class, almost city kids, and then the farmer kids.

01:16:11.000 And the farmers, they would wear their ski coats on.

01:16:14.000 They all went skiing.

01:16:15.000 Skiing in my part of the woods was a redneck sport.

01:16:19.000 They'd all wear ski jackets and they'd wear their baseball hats just touching the top of their heads.

01:16:23.000 Like you could flick them off like that.

01:16:27.000 Anyway, because there was so much rural land, we would go deep 40 minutes into the woods and have these massive parties that were like 100 people.

01:16:38.000 No one could hear us, no one could find us.

01:16:40.000 And the police didn't want to trek out for 45 minutes.

01:16:43.000 But they're still going, apparently.

01:16:45.000 And they're called bushbashes, assholes, not bush parties.

01:16:49.000 Go ahead.

01:16:50.000 Say with the warm weather comes more mischief.

01:16:53.000 A trail in Kanata, a popular gathering spot for bonfires, and residents in the area are blowing the whistle, saying the aftermath they're witnessing this weekend will be the start of bush party season.

01:17:05.000 CTV Jackie Parris joins us in the studio with more on that.

01:17:08.000 Jackie.

01:17:09.000 Stefan complaints to the main local police about bush parties happening a stone's throw away from their backyard.

01:17:15.000 And this isn't the first time.

01:17:17.000 Water, you've got bud light here.

01:17:20.000 You've got a leftover fire pit, empty cans, and broken glass shows the aftermath of a party in the woods in Kanata's Bridwood Commission.

01:17:28.000 When do you give a shit?

01:17:29.000 I wake up in the morning like this morning, and there's a bottle of, you know, 26er of rum sitting on my lawn.

01:17:35.000 Okay, that's pretty bad.

01:17:36.000 We didn't do it like that.

01:17:37.000 So that's in Bridalwood where I lived for a while.

01:17:40.000 But we used to have them out by the Kanata Town Center.

01:17:43.000 Hey, we go there fucking early, like six or seven o'clock, and just go by the beer store and say, hey, here's 25 bucks.

01:17:50.000 Can you get us a $20 2-4 of Bud or fucking Molson Canadian?

01:17:54.000 And it's a really dumb thing to do as an adult because if we get killed or we drunk Drive, you're fucking responsible.

01:18:03.000 But within about four adults, some guy would buy us the 2-4 and then we'd take it out there.

01:18:08.000 The overnight actions say they don't want to show their faces, they don't know who the right person is.

01:18:13.000 Why you'll get killed by the party patrol?

01:18:16.000 Kids, a car's party, the bush bash mafia out of the trunk of a car.

01:18:21.000 Resident Sydney says bush parties happened frequently over the last few years, just behind her home near Spring Creek Crescent.

01:18:28.000 Cops know, the fire department knows, that second tower, that tower right there, and that's their big party area.

01:18:38.000 Can't fucking go into the middle of nowhere and party.

01:18:42.000 There's been no fires.

01:18:44.000 Someone had a bottle on their lawn.

01:18:45.000 Sorry about that.

01:18:46.000 That was rude.

01:18:48.000 They're hiding their faces.

01:18:49.000 Could you be a bit more of a pussy?

01:18:58.000 It's just disrespectful to the environment and to one particular fire department had a couple of fireplaces.

01:19:07.000 Where do you think cans come from?

01:19:09.000 The environment.

01:19:11.000 Just going back home.

01:19:12.000 Anyway, sorry, that's boring.

01:19:15.000 Dear fart, piss, and shit.

01:19:18.000 Wow.

01:19:19.000 I think I'm fart.

01:19:20.000 Dear piss, and Maddie's shit.

01:19:22.000 Huh.

01:19:24.000 I'm sure we've all seen the story making the rounds over the past several days.

01:19:26.000 I just have to say, not to disrespect a serviceman who lost his life in the line of duty, but can I just point out the elephant in the room here?

01:19:32.000 What's a black guy doing jumping into the Rio fucking Grand to save some people?

01:19:37.000 At the risk of sounding racist, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

01:19:41.000 How about we have the black agents patrolling on foot where fast running may be needed and the white ones can patrol the river?

01:19:48.000 Maybe even give that job to the trannies as they seem to be avid swimmers.

01:19:54.000 That's a good one.

01:19:55.000 Funny guy.

01:19:58.000 Dear Insect Slayer and Tom Moore Yellow.

01:20:02.000 That's good.

01:20:03.000 Okay.

01:20:05.000 I don't get it.

01:20:05.000 Tom Varella's a guitar player and I'm yellow.

01:20:08.000 Oh, I see.

01:20:11.000 I've been behind on episodes.

01:20:12.000 By the way, I just caught your caterpillar story.

01:20:14.000 By the way, the caterpillars did hatch.

01:20:15.000 Cool.

01:20:16.000 So my plan of taping them to the roof worked.

01:20:19.000 But they hatched on Sunday.

01:20:22.000 I think they're dead tomorrow.

01:20:24.000 So we had all this drama in the house for some fucking...

01:20:28.000 Oh, we got a bunny, too.

01:20:30.000 Oh, cool.

01:20:31.000 I love bunnies.

01:20:32.000 My daughter called him Josiah.

01:20:35.000 We've always made fun of that name because it's on KEXP.

01:20:39.000 One of the DJs is called Josiah.

01:20:40.000 And he goes, hey, what's going on?

01:20:42.000 This is Josiah.

01:20:45.000 Josiah.

01:20:47.000 But my son hates it.

01:20:52.000 And he said, my wife, he wants to call him Jedi or JD, but my daughter wants to call him Josiah Dumplings.

01:20:59.000 Josiah Dumplings McInnes.

01:21:01.000 And my son is mad, my nine-year-old.

01:21:03.000 And he goes, no.

01:21:06.000 And then my wife says to him, how about just me and your sister call him Josiah privately, and you can call him Jedi and JD?

01:21:13.000 And he goes, no, no one is calling him Josiah.

01:21:18.000 He was pissed.

01:21:19.000 Kind of got a point.

01:21:21.000 My sister-in-law is an elementary school teacher who's about to start class.

01:21:25.000 So she had the bright idea to order insects two months in advance to avoid supply chain issues.

01:21:30.000 She's an elementary school teacher.

01:21:32.000 This was the first time I was hearing on a shortage of bugs, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

01:21:36.000 Lo and fucking behold, the next day, they show up from Amazon.

01:21:40.000 This woman, I shit you not, chose to freeze them, thinking they would reanimate when thawed and subsequently continue their life cycle at the appropriate time.

01:21:49.000 Yesterday, she thawed them out in preparation for this week's lesson, and much to her chagrin, discovered what I believe a 10-year-old with Down syndrome knows, things die when frozen.

01:22:01.000 Simply googling caterpillars in the freezer would direct her to the fact that this is the quickest way to euthanize caterpillars.

01:22:08.000 Our children are being taught by retards.

01:22:10.000 P.S., this is my favorite part.

01:22:12.000 She considered it a successful experiment because she, quote-unquote, learned something.

01:22:17.000 Isn't that great?

01:22:18.000 You can't freeze one caterpillar in the Arctic.

01:22:22.000 I mean, in Alaska, there's a caterpillar.

01:22:24.000 It's called the bear caterpillar or something.

01:22:30.000 There's a couple bugs you can freeze.

01:22:31.000 There's a beetle that can be frozen too.

01:22:34.000 One type of beetle, though.

01:22:35.000 And one very weird bear furry caterpillar that can handle it.

01:22:39.000 And then there's, of course, there's the other bear, the water bear, that tiny, tiny, tiny thing.

01:22:46.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:22:47.000 Tardigrade.

01:22:47.000 Tardigrade?

01:22:48.000 It can be frozen.

01:22:49.000 Or the water bear.

01:22:50.000 But there's like three things in the world that can be frozen.

01:22:54.000 It's pretty rare.

01:22:56.000 They say you could put the bee in the freezer, and then you take it out, tie it to a string, and then you have a bee on a leash.

01:23:02.000 And that's what these gentlemen are trying to do, and I believe they did it.

01:23:04.000 Yeah, I did that once with a fly.

01:23:07.000 It's pretty cool.

01:23:08.000 Yeah.

01:23:09.000 Not if you're a bee.

01:23:10.000 No.

01:23:12.000 Okay, this is NSFW, folks.

01:23:14.000 If you are eating or doing ED-like things, or there's kids in the room, I would suggest skipping forward past this next thing.

01:23:23.000 But I would be remiss if I were not to show you something that I had never seen before.

01:23:28.000 And it is female-to-male surgery.

01:23:33.000 Yep, sure.

01:23:34.000 The final result of what you get when you fucking make a dink.

01:23:43.000 Cut off your tits.

01:23:44.000 So this is perfectly normal female to male surgery.

01:23:48.000 This is what you end up with.

01:23:50.000 Everybody ready?

01:23:51.000 One ready?

01:23:52.000 Four, three, three, two, one.

01:23:57.000 Dink.

01:23:59.000 How's that?

01:24:00.000 Wow.

01:24:01.000 That looks great.

01:24:02.000 Let's just lift it up there.

01:24:04.000 Okay, little raw.

01:24:06.000 Little raw.

01:24:07.000 I don't know why my dick hurts.

01:24:09.000 That's not a dick.

01:24:09.000 You know how like when you see dick.

01:24:11.000 What is happening to you?

01:24:15.000 What have you done, lady?

01:24:18.000 What is that?

01:24:19.000 All right.

01:24:20.000 It is gone.

01:24:21.000 Is standing to pee that exciting?

01:24:26.000 Is pissing in the woods that fantastic?

01:24:28.000 Damn.

01:24:29.000 Because you're not fucking with that.

01:24:30.000 That's not getting erect.

01:24:32.000 No human, woman, or man wants that in their body or to suck it.

01:24:36.000 No fucking way.

01:24:37.000 It probably doesn't even feel good to suck.

01:24:39.000 It's made out of part of your belly.

01:24:41.000 I've never had my belly sucked, but I don't want to.

01:24:45.000 It's not very exciting.

01:24:47.000 Correct.

01:24:49.000 There's a lot of nerve endings on a penis.

01:24:52.000 Not a lot on a belly.

01:24:53.000 In fact, sometimes my belt will pluck out my belly hairs if I get it caught in the thing.

01:24:58.000 No, it doesn't.

01:24:59.000 I don't like it.

01:25:00.000 It's mildly uncomfortable.

01:25:02.000 It sucks for me because I only have five, so one of my precious hairs gets taken away.

01:25:08.000 Then I'm sad.

01:25:12.000 Dear Vitamin G, Rye Boflavin, and essential matty acids.

01:25:16.000 Last week you mentioned a highly dubious account of a day in the life of Hunter S. Thompson, detailing his legendary purported boozing and drug use.

01:25:22.000 I did a little basic digging, and it turns out this account is pulled directly from a book entitled Hunter, The Strange and Savage Life of Hunter S. Thompson, and it's written by none other than the resident kook and all-round nut bar Eugene Carroll.

01:25:37.000 If that name rings a bell, it's because she is the woman who accused Trump of raping her in the fitting room at Manhattan Bergdorf-Goodman.

01:25:44.000 Remember that one?

01:25:45.000 Yep.

01:25:46.000 But he didn't put his penis, he just dry humped her, according to her.

01:25:52.000 And she saved the dress, but she refuses to have it DNA tested.

01:25:59.000 And her bullshit story made it to the cover of New York magazine.

01:26:03.000 And everyone was championing her until a bunch of clips started appearing from her various shows where she said things like, most women think of rape as sexy.

01:26:17.000 Really?

01:26:18.000 So I guess next time a woman reports a rape, the cop should say, you're welcome, you horny bitch.

01:26:25.000 You must have loved it.

01:26:26.000 Eugene Carroll, there she is.

01:26:28.000 Look, on the cover of New York Magazine.

01:26:30.000 And she's wearing the dress she wore that Trump raped her in.

01:26:33.000 No, you missed it, you blind buffoon.

01:26:36.000 Lower?

01:26:37.000 There.

01:26:39.000 No?

01:26:40.000 New York Magazine.

01:26:44.000 Oh my God, she looks like a fucking ball of lint.

01:26:49.000 My son's on the cover of a magazine.

01:26:55.000 Yeah, show the rape sexy thing.

01:26:57.000 She's, of course, also responsible for the...

01:27:00.000 According to several reviews of the book, Hunter, according to several reviews of the book, Hunter even includes a literary device where the author takes on a gonzo alter ego, whatever the fuck that means.

01:27:12.000 Well, I'll tell you what it means, sir.

01:27:13.000 Gonzo journalism was created by Hunter S. Thompson, and it means immersing yourself.

01:27:18.000 I copied a lot of it for Vice.

01:27:20.000 It means throwing yourself into the thing.

01:27:22.000 So you don't just go there as a casual spectator.

01:27:24.000 You fucking party with them, get wasted.

01:27:26.000 You jump on a plane and you go to Puerto Vallarto with them and it's like balls out journalism.

01:27:33.000 That's what it means.

01:27:34.000 In any event, it's just more proof that Hunter S. Thompson's stories are greatly exaggerated, if not completely fabricated out of thin air.

01:27:41.000 Violent assault.

01:27:42.000 It is not.

01:27:43.000 I think most people think of rape as being sexy.

01:27:47.000 Let's take a short break.

01:27:48.000 Think of the fantasies.

01:27:50.000 We're just going to take a quick break if you can stick around.

01:27:53.000 We'll talk about it.

01:27:54.000 You're fascinating to talk to.

01:27:57.000 Wow.

01:27:58.000 I forgot about that.

01:27:59.000 She's like someone who was in a car accident.

01:28:04.000 Like that, remember that woman who was shot?

01:28:06.000 What's her name?

01:28:07.000 Elizabeth Gifford or something?

01:28:10.000 Her husband traps her, parades her around sometimes, but she's just like, gun violence is really bad.

01:28:26.000 Unsure if this has been pointed out already, but it was her, right?

01:28:31.000 Yeah.

01:28:31.000 Yeah, she's sad when she talks.

01:28:33.000 Yes.

01:28:35.000 Gabby Giffords did not make much of a recovery.

01:28:39.000 I mean, pretty good for getting shot in the head.

01:28:41.000 She doesn't say shit like rape is sexy.

01:28:43.000 And then you're pretty cool to talk to.

01:28:45.000 I think she might if you let her really ramble on.

01:28:47.000 Ramble on.

01:28:49.000 I think cars are beautiful.

01:28:51.000 So strong.

01:28:52.000 A car could crush a gorilla.

01:28:57.000 Okay, we'll be right back.

01:28:58.000 We're going to go.

01:29:00.000 I think a gorilla would rape a car.

01:29:03.000 And people would like that.

01:29:04.000 They'd want to eat it.

01:29:05.000 They'd say it was delicious.

01:29:08.000 And then they'd run around.

01:29:09.000 And they would get so tired, they would sleep right there.

01:29:12.000 Right there in the broken glass.

01:29:14.000 They'd fall asleep on it.

01:29:15.000 They'd wake up bleeding.

01:29:18.000 They bleed all night.

01:29:19.000 Bleed.

01:29:20.000 Use it as lipstick.

01:29:21.000 There's a lot to break down their eyes.

01:29:22.000 In their eyes.

01:29:23.000 They would eat.

01:29:24.000 They look like they're crying blood, but they put the broken glass all in their eyes.

01:29:30.000 It's not fair.

01:29:30.000 The car.

01:29:31.000 It's not right.

01:29:32.000 And the gorilla?

01:29:33.000 Take it away.

01:29:33.000 Or the actor.

01:29:34.000 It has to be taken away right now.

01:29:36.000 We do have to hit a commercial crew.

01:29:38.000 If you can fly.

01:29:39.000 Take it away.

01:29:40.000 Give it back as small, little gumdrops.

01:29:44.000 And you're promoting a new book, I believe.

01:29:46.000 Yes, of course I am.

01:29:48.000 Well, we'll talk about it after the break.

01:29:50.000 That's why you'd use a sword.

01:29:52.000 Absolutely.

01:29:52.000 Chop it.

01:29:53.000 Chop it up.

01:29:54.000 All right, we'll be right back with Zorro on the fruit.

01:29:58.000 Write Zorro on it.

01:29:59.000 Not the whole word, just the Z. People know who it is.

01:30:02.000 CNN, we'll be right back.

01:30:05.000 Find her talking.

01:30:08.000 Sometimes I'm black.

01:30:10.000 She does a Biden thing where they like, here's, or the bird which is the bald eagle.

01:30:14.000 She has like one sentence.

01:30:15.000 She says that, and then they cart her away.

01:30:17.000 Not making fun of any handicaps here.

01:30:20.000 We're all making very clinical observations.

01:30:23.000 See, this one.

01:30:24.000 We respect disabilities.

01:30:25.000 Moving speech.

01:30:28.000 Shot in the head from less than a few hundred feet away.

01:30:32.000 But she survived.

01:30:34.000 When tragedy strikes, we seek comfort.

01:30:36.000 Okay, we just want to see her talk.

01:30:40.000 That's a tuba.

01:30:56.000 We have some good news and some bad news.

01:30:58.000 You will fully regain your ability To talk, you will always sound drunk.

01:31:03.000 He was there for me, he'll be there for you too.

01:31:09.000 Join us in this fight.

01:31:11.000 Boat, boat, boat.

01:31:14.000 Thank you very much.

01:31:16.000 Whew, that's tough to watch.

01:31:19.000 Or Gal.

01:31:20.000 Unsure if this has been pointed out lately, but when you were talking to the Scottish guy on the phone, you asked, is it guy chinky?

01:31:26.000 Or whatever the fuck.

01:31:27.000 I'm Glaswegian.

01:31:28.000 I have no idea what you meant by that.

01:31:30.000 Something like, is it lively or fun?

01:31:33.000 Anyways, the guy on the phone thought you meant, is the guy a chinky?

01:31:36.000 And he goes on to explain that the barman is, in fact, not Chinese.

01:31:39.000 He looks like a cunt from Beverly Hills Cop.

01:31:41.000 This may have only been funny to your Scottish subscribers.

01:31:43.000 So my joke was, is it Guy Chinky in there?

01:31:48.000 Guy, when I was a kid, I don't know if they still do this, but Guy means very.

01:31:53.000 So if you're very Scottish, they'd say, he's Guy Scotts, by the way.

01:31:58.000 It's Guy Drik the day.

01:32:00.000 It's very Drik.

01:32:01.000 It's very rainy out.

01:32:04.000 So the Chingy is what you call a Chinese food place.

01:32:07.000 And it's not derogatory.

01:32:09.000 In fact, Asians will call it a Chingy.

01:32:11.000 I'll work at the local chinky.

01:32:13.000 That's my chinky that you've been getting food at.

01:32:16.000 It's funny hearing a Scottish guy with this Chinese guy with a Scottish accent, by the way.

01:32:22.000 So my pun was, is it Guy Chingy at the karaoke place?

01:32:25.000 Because it was a Chinese thing.

01:32:28.000 But yeah, I guess he missed the awesome joke.

01:32:30.000 But I'd be interested to know if Guy is dead.

01:32:35.000 You know what I'll regret for the rest of my life?

01:32:37.000 I was at SNL when Gerard Butler was on.

01:32:41.000 I was standing there in the front.

01:32:44.000 Some guy, I think it was Jimmy.

01:32:50.000 Who's the guy Jim Carries?

01:32:53.000 Who's Dennis?

01:32:55.000 The guy that does the, woke up with more wet farts than a battleship.

01:33:01.000 Dennis Miller?

01:33:01.000 Dennis Miller.

01:33:02.000 So Jimmy Miller.

01:33:03.000 Jimmy Miller got me a pass where I could just wander around.

01:33:07.000 So you know how you see those people in the very front?

01:33:09.000 I was standing behind them, just wandering around the set.

01:33:12.000 I could come and go as I pleased.

01:33:14.000 I had like the pass that the ADs have or whatever.

01:33:17.000 And Gerard Butler was right as far away as like that wall doing his, pretending to be an SNL, the news update, and he was doing a Scottish accent and he was being unintelligible.

01:33:29.000 And I didn't have the balls to do this, but I was going to run onto the set, pretending to be Scottish and say, are you making fun of us?

01:33:38.000 You think Glasgow is something to be ridiculed?

01:33:40.000 Is that how you're selling out your people?

01:33:42.000 Mocking us here.

01:33:44.000 Mocking our culture.

01:33:45.000 Is our culture a joke to you?

01:33:48.000 And I would have been grabbed, probably charged with trespassing.

01:33:50.000 I wasn't an American citizen back then, so I could have been extradited.

01:33:54.000 But it would have been legendary.

01:33:57.000 It would have been on the Wikipedia forever.

01:33:59.000 It would have been a moment, yeah.

01:34:00.000 I've never seen anyone storm the stage on SNL.

01:34:03.000 No.

01:34:05.000 Ever.

01:34:06.000 Fuck.

01:34:08.000 And then I think the audience would have laughed and got along with it because they're like, we don't know what's going on.

01:34:12.000 This is probably supposed to be happening.

01:34:14.000 So it might have been well received.

01:34:18.000 Yeah.

01:34:19.000 It would just be fun to see someone fuck up that show.

01:34:23.000 I mean, there was the punks when fear played.

01:34:25.000 They trashed the studio, but no one saw it.

01:34:27.000 Anyway, last one.

01:34:28.000 Hello, Maddie.

01:34:29.000 Oh, it's for Maddie.

01:34:31.000 Prison question.

01:34:32.000 Well, let's save that for.

01:34:33.000 Well, I already started it now.

01:34:35.000 I'm smoking legal weed while I write this, but my question is, can anybody add dollars to anyone's commissary in prison?

01:34:43.000 The answer is yes.

01:34:45.000 You go to JPEG, you get the app, you get the, you know, you have to know the jail, the name, and the, what is it called?

01:34:52.000 The number, EN number, I think.

01:34:54.000 They all have their own nine-digit code.

01:34:56.000 You just fill it up.

01:34:58.000 My thinking is, let us say a person brutally tortures and kills a child, rapist, murderer, scumbag, like totally teaches humanity to never even think of committing the same crime.

01:35:06.000 The torture was so intense and crazy.

01:35:13.000 Can we put money on this guy's account?

01:35:15.000 And then he's talking about this dude.

01:35:17.000 He's saying, can we put money on the guy who killed that fucker?

01:35:21.000 And the answer is yes.

01:35:22.000 But JPEG limits you to $100 max per person.

01:35:29.000 But I've been putting money on Max and John's book since they went in there.

01:35:34.000 All right.

01:35:35.000 It's time for the final vid, folks.

01:35:36.000 Sure is.

01:35:55.000 This is a man showing off his mug collection, and the boom mic gets caught in the ceiling fan.

01:36:02.000 Let's indulge.

01:36:04.000 Oh, sorry, this is 4-5, the first one.

01:36:07.000 So just make that as big as you can.

01:36:11.000 Big, big, big.

01:36:12.000 Bigger, bigger.

01:36:13.000 We don't care whose account it was.

01:36:19.000 Our journey begins with this mug.

01:36:22.000 David Mugphone.

01:36:36.000 This collection represents.

01:36:37.000 Now, the reason I show that, it's obviously fake, but what incredible craftsmanship.

01:36:43.000 What a fantastic job they did of that joke.

01:36:47.000 The shelves collapse perfectly.

01:36:50.000 So, first of all, they're strong enough to hold those mugs.

01:36:52.000 Those are real mugs.

01:36:53.000 So you've managed to make something strong enough to hold like 100 mugs in total, yet totally collapses with the touch of a finger.

01:37:03.000 Like that alone, that guy deserves some sort of laureate award, Nobel Peace Prize in Physics.

01:37:10.000 Whatever the physics award is, that guy deserves it.

01:37:13.000 The technicians who put that together.

01:37:16.000 What a fantastic job.

01:37:17.000 100% of the mugs collapse.

01:37:19.000 And you don't have a lot of takes, by the way.

01:37:21.000 No.

01:37:22.000 You got one take, folks.

01:37:24.000 One take.

01:37:25.000 Like, I want to blow the dude who did this.

01:37:28.000 Look at that.

01:37:33.000 I think the camera looked away to give them a chance to have something to cut away with.

01:37:39.000 Right, but it seems like they didn't use it, right?

01:37:41.000 Yeah, what it probably is, is there's little triggers already.

01:37:45.000 It could be strings or something on the other side of the wall.

01:37:47.000 Right.

01:37:47.000 So it's time to sort of collapse.

01:37:55.000 And they got everyone.

01:37:57.000 And then perfect ending.

01:38:03.000 Nice work, folks.

01:38:05.000 All right, moral of the story is we can't trust the media to do our own research, so we got to do our own research, figure it out ourselves.

01:38:12.000 Because not only are they not doing their job, they're lying to us.

01:38:16.000 And we don't like being lied to.

01:38:17.000 It's a waste of our time.

01:38:19.000 So let's get in there.

01:38:21.000 Let's get crunked and figure out what the fuck is happening.

01:38:23.000 And until tomorrow, get fired.

01:38:26.000 Get in trouble.

01:38:27.000 Be brave.

01:38:28.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 25, 2022

S4E106 - APE FART

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