Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E120 - HACK THE GOVERNMENT

00:00:00.000 So we're about to have our first burger after the fast.

00:00:02.000 Look at my pants.

00:00:04.000 Look how much weight I've lost.

00:00:08.000 How you doing?

00:00:11.000 Can I get a cheeseburger with mayo, ketchup, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, jalapenos?

00:00:24.000 And large fries.

00:00:26.000 No, small fries.

00:00:29.000 And a smaller chicken.

00:00:33.000 Yep.

00:00:34.000 No, no, he's going to order two.

00:00:37.000 Okay, can we get a cheeseburger with beans, lettuce, tomato?

00:00:45.000 Isn't that weird that Prince is playing right now and saying that?

00:00:49.000 That's God.

00:00:51.000 This thing called life.

00:00:54.000 It's something else.

00:00:59.000 I got it.

00:01:02.000 Y'all make it a video?

00:01:04.000 Yeah.

00:01:05.000 We're finishing a seven-day fast.

00:01:08.000 Yep.

00:01:09.000 Yeah, we haven't eaten in seven days.

00:01:10.000 Is it for the meal?

00:01:12.000 Yeah.

00:01:13.000 Thank you for giving me water.

00:01:19.000 We've been thinking about it all week.

00:01:22.000 Me too.

00:01:25.000 We're going to rape these burgers. 1.00

00:01:42.000 It's not so crazy for me because I've been raising it to like all kinds of stuff.

00:01:51.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 Uh I can't have both turned into bad so I can fucking know most important part of five guys?

00:02:16.000 Oh we got a break unopened Yeah, tell her again.

00:02:24.000 Oh yeah, we threw the camera.

00:02:26.000 We had it eaten for seven days I thought it would last two days.

00:02:36.000 I made it the full seven though are gonna go with a coke zero if they got it they do oh we did diet dr. Pepper is the best diet pepper best diet soda in the world diet dr. Pepper like a true fag so that's your first sip of something that's not that gross juice right yeah well let's see your first sip kind 1.00

00:06:10.000 and he might not be the best but Owen Benjamin is officially my favorite penis I haven't had a peanut penis I haven't had a peanut in me I haven't had any penis in me in a long time this is the first of many penis that I'll have in my body in my mouth I love putting peanuts in my mouth they are delicious I'm obsessed with peanuts in my mouth you're pronouncing it in a way if I If I had like a date 46,

00:06:46.000 we're doing it, we're doing it, we're doing it well, we're doing it, we're doing it, we're doing it well.

00:06:51.000 Start to have a burger for the first time in seven days.

00:06:54.000 Burger is the greatest thing.

00:06:57.000 It's the greatest invention ever.

00:07:01.000 I don't like how lackluster that was in Billier Meal thing because really it's like we just got off on a juicer.

00:07:08.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 Oh wow.

00:07:10.000 Look how they just spread the fries out. 0.81

00:07:12.000 Have you never been here before?

00:07:13.000 Not in a long time.

00:07:15.000 Okay, that doesn't mean anything.

00:07:16.000 Did you forget how they do fries?

00:07:20.000 You have several fry waves.

00:07:22.000 Oh my god.

00:07:25.000 Okay.

00:07:25.000 Oh my god, I'm salivating like a lunatic.

00:07:27.000 I don't know what you ordered.

00:07:29.000 Probably some faggot burger. 1.00

00:07:30.000 No, it was great.

00:07:32.000 What did you order?

00:07:33.000 Regular fag burger. 0.98

00:07:35.000 How are our burgers different?

00:07:37.000 I had mushrooms on mine.

00:07:42.000 I cannot wait.

00:07:43.000 Holy shit.

00:07:44.000 Forget how fries go.

00:07:47.000 Whoa.

00:07:48.000 I don't even know if I can...

00:07:49.000 I don't even want to do it.

00:07:51.000 Yeah, I'm a little stressed out.

00:07:52.000 Apparently the top of your mouth is going to kind of be sore.

00:07:56.000 It wasn't sore from the penis?

00:07:59.000 No.

00:08:00.000 Because you're really ramming the peanuts in your mouth.

00:08:02.000 For me, it's more of the back of the throat.

00:08:05.000 Okay, here we go.

00:08:07.000 Whoa.

00:08:08.000 That was.

00:08:12.000 That's insane.

00:08:17.000 I can taste every single thing.

00:08:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:20.000 I'm still letting all the food.

00:08:21.000 I'm gonna get better cheese here, man.

00:08:23.000 Hmm.

00:08:24.000 Oh, the crunch.

00:08:26.000 Textures are such an important part of food.

00:08:28.000 The crunch of the jalapenos.

00:08:32.000 Holy fucking shit.

00:08:33.000 The jalapenos are a little too intense, right?

00:08:37.000 Yeah.

00:08:39.000 I'm about to take some out.

00:08:41.000 I'm having like a panic attack.

00:08:42.000 I'm going for the full ride.

00:08:44.000 Yeah, I think with hot stuff you build up a tolerance, and our tolerance is for not.

00:08:51.000 It's for shit.

00:08:57.000 That's a shitty theory.

00:09:00.000 Ryan thinks that you lose your tolerance to hot to jalapenos for seven days.

00:09:07.000 Yeah.

00:09:08.000 Someone at home, please Google that.

00:09:10.000 Okay, so that hamburger was just like, I revere it almost the same way I revere America and patriotism.

00:09:19.000 And the two are not mutually exclusive.

00:09:21.000 I mean, what's more American than a cheeseburger?

00:09:26.000 And I just, and it's such a great example of how efficient our culture is.

00:09:31.000 Like, we're a very on-the-go kind of civilization.

00:09:36.000 And Europeans like to sit on their fucking asses for three hours and then have a big siesta, like in Barcelona and Spain and everything near the Mediterranean and France. 0.96

00:09:46.000 And then fucking Mexicans with their legs aside as shit that's falling everywhere. 1.00

00:09:53.000 This, you could be riding your motorcycle.

00:09:58.000 Oh my god.

00:10:01.000 That's great.

00:10:02.000 Oh my god.

00:10:03.000 Kind of scarred the linings of my mouth with that jalapeno.

00:10:08.000 I regret that.

00:10:11.000 But this is the fuel.

00:10:14.000 This is white trash fuel. 1.00

00:10:16.000 Yeah.

00:10:18.000 Flies are gasoline for white people. 1.00

00:10:20.000 Have you took a sip after eating?

00:10:22.000 Like the sugary wash.

00:10:23.000 Well it's sugar-free.

00:10:25.000 But the wash of beverage after the food is crazy good.

00:10:35.000 Wow.

00:10:42.000 I'm not a ketchup guy, but I'm going to give it a whirl.

00:10:47.000 Fold it so it has a bum and then just sit it down.

00:10:51.000 Now it's like a woman menstruate. 1.00

00:10:56.000 What I do is I get a cluster of like-sized fries and then I will apply.

00:11:07.000 And you can try it at home too.

00:11:09.000 Is your wife as annoyed by you as I am?

00:11:12.000 Like when she sees that, does she go, oh, that's fun?

00:11:14.000 Or does she do what I do, which is...

00:11:16.000 I think she knows it rules.

00:11:26.000 So for ketchup, you dip, but for mayonnaise, you apply.

00:11:29.000 Well, if I had packets, I would apply.

00:11:33.000 But why not just make a mayonnaise section?

00:11:36.000 I don't like that.

00:11:37.000 I don't like to wipe.

00:11:39.000 You just wiped.

00:11:40.000 That's it, wipe.

00:11:42.000 This is in the container here.

00:11:44.000 But if it's in a pool, you push it around, now it's spreading all over the place.

00:11:49.000 No, no, no.

00:11:56.000 I don't know if I'm going to be able to pin.

00:11:58.000 I'm going to delete the rest of the cherry or something.

00:12:00.000 You're a fear-old child.

00:12:02.000 Your mother wasn't around.

00:12:04.000 Your grandparents are old and enough.

00:12:07.000 Not enough, but you can only do so much.

00:12:10.000 Your dad obviously isn't around.

00:12:12.000 So you raised yourself.

00:12:13.000 True.

00:12:14.000 And you learned this recently.

00:12:15.000 You came up with these retarded... 1.00

00:12:17.000 Well, see, you came up that recently because you have a habit of inventing your own culture and your own traditions.

00:12:23.000 So now you'll still be coming up with dumb shit when you're like 70.

00:12:27.000 You're like, oh, it's Thursday.

00:12:28.000 Time to wear a hat.

00:12:29.000 Yeah.

00:12:32.000 I have systems.

00:12:34.000 Like, I don't watch any football, but I love football.

00:12:39.000 I watch the Super Bowl.

00:12:41.000 And I'll keep rooting for the underdog until it's, and then I'll pick a team right when somebody's about to win or lose.

00:12:50.000 And I root for the comeback and overtime and stuff like that.

00:12:55.000 Hold on, so I love football, but I don't watch any football.

00:13:02.000 I watch a Super Bowl and some playoffs.

00:13:09.000 So, why don't you have a shirt that says, I love football and with a bunch of teams on it.

00:13:15.000 And then someone's going to come to you and go, Oh, you like what?

00:13:17.000 What you see the game last time?

00:13:19.000 You go, Oh, I don't watch it.

00:13:21.000 I just love the sport.

00:13:23.000 I love that it's there.

00:13:24.000 I know it's there.

00:13:24.000 Right.

00:13:26.000 But you don't play it, obviously.

00:13:29.000 Right.

00:13:30.000 And you don't watch any games throughout the year.

00:13:33.000 And why is that?

00:13:35.000 You can't be bothered.

00:13:37.000 But if it's a big event, like some people don't watch a lot of movies, but they'll watch the Oscars.

00:13:44.000 You never know what you're going to see.

00:13:45.000 You might see Will Smith slap a guy.

00:13:47.000 Yes, if you don't watch any movies, but you watch the Oscars, you know what that means?

00:13:51.000 Look, you don't love movies.

00:13:53.000 Similarly, you don't love football.

00:13:56.000 You enjoy the Super Bowl the same way people enjoy a parade.

00:14:00.000 Just about.

00:14:02.000 So reboot that theory and erase the part where it says, I love football.

00:14:08.000 I love the Super Bowl.

00:14:10.000 There we go.

00:14:12.000 I fixed it.

00:14:13.000 It's better now.

00:14:20.000 I'm hitting the wall soon.

00:14:22.000 Yeah, me too.

00:14:25.000 I don't think I'm going to feel good after this.

00:14:30.000 Well, it's going to be like cheating on your wife with Beatrice Doll. 0.83

00:14:40.000 70s Beatrice Doll.

00:14:42.000 80s.

00:14:45.000 You feel good, but you feel terrible.

00:14:47.000 Yeah.

00:14:51.000 And you just ruin your children's life.

00:14:54.000 And your money is gone.

00:14:57.000 I guess I was going to go no bun.

00:15:00.000 It would be the equivalent of like Beatrice Doll, but no foreplay.

00:15:05.000 But then once I got in here, I was like, we're just doing a full burger.

00:15:09.000 Well, you thought you were just going to neck and not fuck.

00:15:13.000 And you decided to fuck.

00:15:14.000 And that's when you grab the peanuts.

00:15:19.000 No.

00:15:21.000 I grabbed them to win in Rome.

00:15:26.000 You know you.

00:15:28.000 So when you're ready to fuck, you grab the peanuts.

00:15:31.000 No.

00:15:32.000 That has nothing to do with fucking.

00:15:34.000 It's just a peanut.

00:15:36.000 You can have peanuts any time of the day you want.

00:15:38.000 You just said you didn't think you were going to go whole hog and you decided you wanted to fuck and then you grabbed peanuts.

00:15:44.000 Okay, but in that sense, yes.

00:15:48.000 But in the sense that makes me make me innocent, then no.

00:15:57.000 These jalapenos, I can't handle them anymore.

00:15:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:00.000 It's fire.

00:16:01.000 Yeah.

00:16:01.000 It's hurt.

00:16:04.000 It's actually kind of ruining the experience.

00:16:07.000 Me, I'm loco, so I'll just eat one raw.

00:16:11.000 Boom.

00:16:14.000 I have to re-drink.

00:16:17.000 You know what's weird?

00:16:18.000 I can feel my pants filling up.

00:16:21.000 These are getting...

00:16:22.000 Maybe I won't even need suspenders by the time we walk out of here.

00:16:30.000 Oh man.

00:16:37.000 Is there any more fries in that sack?

00:16:40.000 Tons.

00:16:41.000 No way.

00:16:43.000 What the hell?

00:16:47.000 Hey, every time I come here and they're playing 80s music, it's always jammed.

00:16:52.000 Let's go crazy.

00:16:53.000 Sammy Hagger, I can't drive 55.

00:16:55.000 Yeah, who picked this?

00:16:57.000 I don't...

00:16:58.000 Every five guys has the best DJ in the world.

00:17:01.000 And then you put on 80s music.

00:17:03.000 What's it called?

00:17:04.000 80s on 8 or something?

00:17:07.000 Sirius?

00:17:07.000 Sirius.

00:17:08.000 And it's the gayest, most esoteric, like B-side on a flock of seagulls 7-H. 0.98

00:17:16.000 So there weren't enough hits for you in 10 years?

00:17:19.000 No.

00:17:23.000 They probably think they're cute by picking all the B-sides. 1.00

00:17:25.000 Be like, you won't hear this type of babies.

00:17:28.000 Why?

00:17:28.000 Because it stinks?

00:17:29.000 People are not listening to AIDS music for deep cuts.

00:17:33.000 They want to party in their car.

00:17:39.000 I have a Van Halen Greatest Hitch CD in the car.

00:17:43.000 And the first half is David Lee Roth, and then the second is Sammy Hagger.

00:17:47.000 And you're listening to it, it's like Panama and Bucket Jump and Hot Proteacher.

00:17:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:58.000 And then you just feel dirty at some point in the drive.

00:18:02.000 And you're like, what?

00:18:03.000 What's wrong with me?

00:18:06.000 Am I a pedophile?

00:18:07.000 Why do I feel gross?

00:18:09.000 Oh, we're in the Sammy Hager section.

00:18:12.000 Bay Hagar.

00:18:13.000 Well, you probably like Sammy Hager.

00:18:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:18:17.000 Why can't this be love?

00:18:19.000 You love that jam.

00:18:20.000 Then there's another one.

00:18:21.000 They prefer Hager Bay onto the Table D Rock.

00:18:24.000 It's comparable.

00:18:25.000 I mean, because later on in the years, the recording quality got better.

00:18:28.000 So it's like...

00:18:30.000 The recording quality?

00:18:32.000 Yeah.

00:18:34.000 You're lucky.

00:18:35.000 I'm paid to be here because this is...

00:18:39.000 So you listen to Panama and you go, hmm, I wish they had a higher quality.

00:18:43.000 Dude, the recording equipment back then in Panama was millions of dollars.

00:18:48.000 Yeah.

00:18:49.000 But it's better than the Hagar years. 0.97

00:18:51.000 The Hagar years are a little clearer and they have a lot more synth.

00:18:58.000 I'm serious.

00:19:01.000 See what I have to put up with, folks?

00:19:03.000 So, according to...

00:19:04.000 If you're here right now, it's a really good gym.

00:19:05.000 It gets you pumped.

00:19:10.000 It's fucking shopping mall music.

00:19:13.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 Politicians use it.

00:19:16.000 It's corny.

00:19:19.000 This is time in a place for Hagar. 0.87

00:19:21.000 No, there's no...

00:19:22.000 I can't drive 55, we could argue, but not Hagar Halen.

00:19:26.000 Man, Hagar?

00:19:28.000 That's a type of person, dude.

00:19:30.000 I want to be that type of person.

00:19:31.000 It's like a Guy Fieria of music.

00:19:34.000 A what?

00:19:35.000 Yeah.

00:19:36.000 I like that guy.

00:19:37.000 I like the corny, like, rock and roll, like Pompadour.

00:19:41.000 Actually, I don't.

00:19:42.000 Pompadour?

00:19:43.000 Yeah, you know the guys that ride hot rods with the flames inside of the car?

00:19:47.000 And they wear their hair all gay and like the Stray Cats? 1.00

00:19:50.000 Or the real original fans?

00:19:52.000 Those guys.

00:19:52.000 So you're talking about the 80s, 50s revival?

00:19:56.000 Yeah, like happy days.

00:20:00.000 And American graffiti.

00:20:02.000 Stray cats.

00:20:02.000 That's a fun era.

00:20:04.000 It was wacky.

00:20:06.000 And Japanese people love that, so it's probably in my blood.

00:20:10.000 Have you ever seen those like rockabilly punks?

00:20:15.000 I would never want to be one, but I think that's hilarious.

00:20:21.000 So because Japanese people like rockabilly, it's a genetic thing, and that's why you like it. 0.98

00:20:26.000 You know what this comes from?

00:20:28.000 One trip on mushrooms, I was listening to my iPod, and I was like, hate listening to, I forget what album, but I was like, why do I hate this?

00:20:39.000 Like, I literally downloaded it to listen to and hate.

00:20:42.000 And then a switch flicked.

00:20:45.000 Where I was like, they're just trying their best.

00:20:47.000 They're just making music.

00:20:49.000 They're like, it's so easy to hate them.

00:20:52.000 And then I forgot.

00:20:54.000 But it was.

00:20:55.000 That's the only important part of this story.

00:20:58.000 It was just an artist that, like, it could have been like, let's say, like, Nickelback or something.

00:21:02.000 You know, like, when you have corny songs on your iPod, they'd be like, hey, guys.

00:21:06.000 How do you know what corny is?

00:21:08.000 You like Shania Twain?

00:21:10.000 What's that?

00:21:11.000 Twain's song is good.

00:21:12.000 Jingle Bells?

00:21:14.000 No, Jingle Bells is cornier than your normal taste.

00:21:17.000 Well, people say Nickelback's corny.

00:21:19.000 I bought into it.

00:21:21.000 But you listen to it and you're like, this is a perfectly fine rock song.

00:21:27.000 I like perfectly passable fine.

00:21:30.000 Alright, so on Ryan's Music Hour, so far we learned how awesome Sammy Haggers Van Halen is and how kick-ass nickelback. 0.99

00:21:42.000 That was a microphone for a second.

00:21:44.000 Today on Ryan's rock hour.

00:21:47.000 Dude, I'm inflating.

00:21:49.000 Yeah, no, I don't feel good.

00:21:51.000 I feel good.

00:21:52.000 But I feel fat.

00:21:54.000 It looks like you're expanding.

00:21:55.000 I know, eh?

00:21:57.000 Like, these suspenders are now too short.

00:22:01.000 You're loosening them up now.

00:22:03.000 Yeah.

00:22:04.000 What the hell?

00:22:08.000 I feel a little pudge sitting down now, too.

00:22:12.000 It's gotta be psychosomatic.

00:22:15.000 You probably like that song.

00:22:17.000 I'm a little bit psycho.

00:22:20.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:22:22.000 Oh, no, she's just a psycho. 1.00

00:22:24.000 It's a little bit psycho.

00:22:25.000 I don't know that song, but it sounds good.

00:22:30.000 Is it like Pat Benatar or something?

00:22:37.000 Alright, let's go.

00:22:38.000 Now let's get out of here.

00:22:40.000 Look at all these pies we're throwing away. 0.92

00:22:43.000 Keep up a few more.

00:22:47.000 Sick.

00:22:48.000 You eat like my daughter.

00:22:50.000 It just takes fuck an hour.

00:22:53.000 I like to be in and out.

00:22:55.000 You should have went to in-out burger.

00:22:57.000 I like being in and out even when peanuts are involved.

00:23:03.000 Oh, are you saying this peanut?

00:23:05.000 Like peanuts?

00:23:08.000 Alright, I'm done.

00:23:12.000 Wait, you just vinegared fries and said you're done?

00:23:14.000 Yeah, after this, this is the last for the Mohegans. 1.00

00:23:18.000 That mayonnaise habit is infuriating.

00:23:26.000 Okay, put your shit down.

00:23:31.000 Get on with our lives here.

00:23:33.000 Yeah.

00:23:33.000 And we gotta go do the show.

00:23:35.000 Oh shit, it really is.

00:23:44.000 My name is Dewey Roberts.

00:23:49.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:23:52.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:23:58.000 Barracks number three.

00:24:02.000 I always done an honest job.

00:24:07.000 As honest as I could.

00:24:11.000 I got a brother named Frankie.

00:24:14.000 And Frankie ain't no good. 0.98

00:24:21.000 Now ever since we was young kids, it's been the same come down.

00:24:30.000 I get a call on a short wait.

00:24:34.000 Frankie's in.

00:24:38.000 Can I get my notes?

00:24:41.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:24:43.000 It's amazing how fast you put the weight back on.

00:24:49.000 Seven days we don't eat, and we go to five guys, and the next thing you know, the next thing you know, all the weight's back on.

00:25:03.000 I remember I talked to Tommy Robinson after he got out from the second time in prison, and I was like, dude, you're emaciating.

00:25:16.000 He goes, I could look at McDonald's and put on 10 pounds.

00:25:20.000 Well, we looked at a five guys and we put on about 200 pounds.

00:25:25.000 I feel fine.

00:25:28.000 Really?

00:25:28.000 You look obese.

00:25:30.000 You lost nine pounds and I think you gained back like 100 pounds.

00:25:34.000 Probably just the gains.

00:25:35.000 The muscles are full of glycogen.

00:25:39.000 Oh, it's so tiring.

00:25:41.000 Even just that walk from the fucking ghetto blaster to here.

00:25:47.000 I'm like the 600-pound life narration.

00:25:50.000 From the moment I wake up, I'm in pain.

00:25:53.000 I have to bring a chair to the shower because I'm worried I will fall.

00:25:59.000 It's hard for me To wash.

00:26:02.000 My only solace, no, they never use a big word like solace.

00:26:04.000 My only joy is eating food.

00:26:07.000 I find comfort in the food.

00:26:09.000 And then they find some excuse for their own fatness.

00:26:12.000 When I was eight, my parents got divorced.

00:26:17.000 Losers.

00:26:18.000 Oh my God.

00:26:19.000 How did you survive?

00:26:20.000 So we would stay at my grandma's and she'd let us eat whatever we want.

00:26:24.000 Okay, so your grandma's a cunt and your parents are assholes. 0.92

00:26:28.000 That's why you're fat.

00:26:30.000 Anyway, we're fat now after a seven-day fast.

00:26:36.000 Opening song, Highway Patrolman by Bruce Brinkstein.

00:26:40.000 And God has been talking to me in my car via my CDs.

00:26:45.000 I have an old JA now and I listen to old CDs.

00:26:48.000 And he sends me messages.

00:26:50.000 And I want to hire my brother.

00:26:51.000 My brother's career in app development and web marketing was completely devastated because he's my brother.

00:26:58.000 And now he works construction.

00:27:02.000 I want to bring him down here.

00:27:03.000 I want to employ him.

00:27:04.000 And I'm trying to figure out how to do that, all the logistics with immigration and all that shit.

00:27:09.000 Is this twisted?

00:27:13.000 Dude, this is twisted.

00:27:16.000 I asked you to make it not twisted.

00:27:21.000 And then God chooses this song Highway Patrolman about a highway patrolman.

00:27:26.000 They made a movie about it called Indian Runner.

00:27:31.000 It's about a highway patrolman whose brother ain't no good, but he's his brother, and a man who turns his back on his family ain't no good.

00:27:37.000 They made a movie about it called Indian Runner.

00:27:39.000 Did I just say that twice in a row?

00:27:40.000 Yes.

00:27:41.000 Weird.

00:27:43.000 I'm just so happy to be able to eat.

00:27:46.000 And I'm like, I know atheists would say, moron, God didn't choose that song for you and play it for you.

00:27:55.000 You notice it because your brother's been on your mind recently.

00:27:58.000 You've been talking about him and that's why it stuck out.

00:28:00.000 And I'm like, yeah.

00:28:03.000 Same thing.

00:28:04.000 Right.

00:28:05.000 Like, atheism is God.

00:28:10.000 All they do is they change the word God with nature.

00:28:14.000 And they go, no, that's because why do you think things pop out at me because of nature?

00:28:20.000 Because of God.

00:28:20.000 It's all the same thing.

00:28:23.000 So my subconscious is sending me a message saying, hey, man, your brother, that's important.

00:28:28.000 Keep working on that.

00:28:29.000 That's a big deal.

00:28:30.000 That's why this song is resonating with you.

00:28:33.000 You can call it nature.

00:28:34.000 You can call it genetics.

00:28:36.000 You can call it the pattern of evolution.

00:28:38.000 Or you can call it God.

00:28:40.000 It's all the same thing.

00:28:42.000 So sometimes if I'm lazy and I don't feel like explaining shit to atheists, I'll just say nature. 0.94

00:28:47.000 I'll go, that's nature's way of saying blah, blah, blah.

00:28:50.000 But I really mean, that's God, because God is nature.

00:28:53.000 Or when they say the universe.

00:28:55.000 Yeah, the universe is speaking to me.

00:28:57.000 Okay, yeah, the universe.

00:29:00.000 That's gayer and weirder.

00:29:02.000 The universe is...

00:29:03.000 Gayer than God? 0.95

00:29:05.000 Well, it's in their eyes, they would call it gay.

00:29:09.000 I wouldn't call it gay.

00:29:10.000 So in an atheist's mind, these songs jump out at me and say something for genetic natural reasons.

00:29:18.000 In a believer's mind, it's God giving you a little wink.

00:29:23.000 What's the difference?

00:29:25.000 There is no difference.

00:29:29.000 So atheists believe in God is what I'm saying. 1.00

00:29:32.000 They deny parts of the Bible and they say this religion doesn't mean that.

00:29:36.000 And there's, you know, Ricky Gervais is all about, oh, there's 400 different gods, and yours is the right one.

00:29:43.000 Catholicism is our lame attempt to make sense of this unfathomable beauty that's up there. 1.00

00:29:51.000 I believe it's the closest to the right version, but it's not perfect.

00:29:56.000 And one of the worst ones, for example, would be the cargo cult, where they worship airplanes.

00:30:01.000 It's still the same.

00:30:02.000 They're still worshiping God.

00:30:05.000 Now, some Catholics go, well, the cargo cult people are going to hell. 1.00

00:30:08.000 Buddhists are going to hell. 1.00

00:30:09.000 I don't believe that.

00:30:11.000 I think we're all striving to figure out, or at least to acknowledge, this incredible gift that is life and the universe.

00:30:22.000 And that's what church is.

00:30:23.000 It's gratitude.

00:30:24.000 You go there and you say, I'm not taking this for granted.

00:30:27.000 Thank you.

00:30:28.000 Obesity is kind of blasphemous in that sense because God gives you life and what do we do with it?

00:30:35.000 We become gigantic fat pigs.

00:30:37.000 Look at this.

00:30:38.000 I can rest my mic on my gun.

00:30:40.000 Yeah, I would listen to people talking stand-ups that are fat.

00:30:44.000 They're like, I would put cheeseburgers on my chest and then eat them watching TV.

00:30:47.000 I'm like, how do you do that?

00:30:49.000 And now I understand.

00:30:50.000 I remember when we lived upstate, we would go to the hospital at Port Jervis, which I don't recommend.

00:30:56.000 My son got a fucking infection there that was from Iraq. 0.75

00:31:01.000 It was this disease that he got because he had a diaper rash, and I changed him in the bathroom, and he got it there somehow.

00:31:09.000 Dude, when she told me the name of the disease, I needed a pen to write it down.

00:31:13.000 It was like a password.

00:31:14.000 It was like sarvakovical asphonitis.

00:31:17.000 078.

00:31:19.000 HXB-OMLAT. 0.74

00:31:22.000 I looked it up and it's like scorpions have it in Iraq.

00:31:25.000 Anyway, we're there and there's no seats.

00:31:28.000 All the seats are used up.

00:31:30.000 And this woman, this fat, oh, there's extra special seats for fatsos. 1.00

00:31:36.000 So there's like four normal seats and five insane seats, right?

00:31:40.000 All the insane seats are full of insanely fat people.

00:31:43.000 She shows up and she's, oh, shit, there's no seats. 0.95

00:31:46.000 They're not getting up.

00:31:47.000 I could get up.

00:31:48.000 She can't fit in my chair. 1.00

00:31:50.000 So you know what she does? 0.89

00:31:52.000 No problem.

00:31:52.000 She kneels, like taking a knee.

00:31:55.000 But with her beanbag legs, it was like sitting down.

00:32:00.000 And then she takes, she has a sega genesis and she plays it on a table called her tits. 1.00

00:32:07.000 Her tits were parallel to the ground. 1.00

00:32:09.000 She's table tits. 1.00

00:32:10.000 And so her friend shows up.

00:32:12.000 She's pregnant, I think, or she doesn't even know.

00:32:14.000 And her friend shows up.

00:32:15.000 He's like, hey, Pam, how's it going?

00:32:16.000 Blah, blah.

00:32:17.000 And she goes, what's going on?

00:32:18.000 She goes, oh, this fucking doctor. 1.00

00:32:20.000 He said that this medication would stop my sores from weeping, but it didn't at all.

00:32:24.000 Ew.

00:32:25.000 What a dick.

00:32:27.000 He can't even stop her sores from weeping.

00:32:29.000 Get it Together, doctor.

00:32:31.000 God, what an idiot he is.

00:32:34.000 What a useless, lazy piece of shit.

00:32:37.000 What a self-indulgent fuckface that doctor is for not stopping your sores from a weeping. 0.93

00:32:42.000 Can you stop your family members from weeping?

00:32:44.000 Because you're killing yourself.

00:32:47.000 Jesus.

00:32:50.000 Anyway, that was cool.

00:32:54.000 In the city, I'm reading my own notes like they're from a stranger.

00:32:57.000 Oh, here's another thought I had, by the way.

00:32:59.000 I was looking at my neighbors and driving around Westchester, and I was thinking how much I fucking despise these people.

00:33:11.000 Like, I see them as vermin, insects.

00:33:14.000 I fucking hate them.

00:33:18.000 I hate the people of suburban New York.

00:33:20.000 Despise them.

00:33:22.000 I went to a board meeting today, like a town hall, and it was so gay. 1.00

00:33:26.000 It was these little stations, and this is the environmental station.

00:33:29.000 How would you like your community to improve environmentally?

00:33:31.000 How would you like to improve this way, that way, blah, blah, blah.

00:33:34.000 And I just said, like, the schools are getting woke.

00:33:36.000 The only reason people moved here are for the schools.

00:33:38.000 You're ruining the schools with this woke shit.

00:33:41.000 Stop it, or everyone's leaving.

00:33:43.000 I'm not just talking about me.

00:33:43.000 I mean the whole concept of this suburb.

00:33:46.000 And there was a board that said, where would you like to see your community in 10 years?

00:33:52.000 I just wrote, MAGA, stuck her to the board. 0.97

00:33:55.000 And the woman, by the way, when I stuck her to the board, she goes, she's in charge. 1.00

00:33:58.000 Actually, I didn't stick her to the board.

00:33:59.000 She does the actual sticking.

00:34:01.000 You give her the tack and the thing, and she does the sticking, government work.

00:34:06.000 And she goes, I'm with you.

00:34:08.000 I'm probably the only one here.

00:34:12.000 And I was looking at the other ones, and one of them was, what would you like to see in your community 10 years?

00:34:16.000 Diversity.

00:34:17.000 And then it says in brackets, lacking here.

00:34:20.000 Bitch, the Bronx is right there. 1.00

00:34:25.000 We're touching the Bronx.

00:34:26.000 We're touching Yonkers.

00:34:28.000 You want diversity?

00:34:30.000 It's in your fucking face.

00:34:31.000 Why did you move here?

00:34:34.000 So they'll ruin it with woke politics and subsidized housing, and then they'll move to a new community. 0.99

00:34:40.000 The irony, too, is like the blacks who live here, not here, but up where I am, they've hustled, busted their ass, and made it to a predominantly white community. 1.00

00:34:50.000 They don't want the ghetto following them.

00:34:55.000 And it is actually surprisingly diverse when you look at the numbers, Westchester, as opposed to other parts of America, like where Patricia Arquette lives, which is 0% black.

00:35:07.000 Oh, I think we have some stuff on her in a bit.

00:35:09.000 We'll get to that.

00:35:13.000 Yeah, Crowder had a thing recently on the Browning of America.

00:35:16.000 It's a good montage because the replacement theory has been discussed quite a bit, and you know my views on it.

00:35:21.000 My views are the truth.

00:35:23.000 And let's break it down for the 50th time.

00:35:26.000 Yes, we are being diluted ethnically.

00:35:30.000 Yes, the people involved are disproportionately Jewish, but they're not really Jews.

00:35:36.000 They're ginos, Jews in name only. 1.00

00:35:39.000 They don't read the Talmud.

00:35:40.000 They don't go to synagogue.

00:35:42.000 They don't go to the temple.

00:35:45.000 The only reason they practice their religion at all is to socialize and to network.

00:35:50.000 They're not Jewish. 0.99

00:35:51.000 Orthodox Jews are Jewish.

00:35:53.000 These people are phonies and they're just elite whites. 0.97

00:35:57.000 Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Hayes, fucking Warren Buffett, Bill Gates.

00:36:03.000 Our enemies are elite whites of all stripes and religions. 1.00

00:36:06.000 The only reason that Jews are overrepresented in that group is because Jews have higher IQs, because that's part of their cultural heritage, blah, blah, blah. 0.93

00:36:14.000 As far as the propaganda you see on the Browning of America, that's white ethnomasochism, which is a strange trait we have where we love to shit on ourselves. 0.80

00:36:26.000 And I don't get that.

00:36:27.000 I'll figure that out one day.

00:36:28.000 We're the only race that does it.

00:36:30.000 And then the final thing, of course, is the Mexicans are imported en masse, not because of their race, but because they vote Democrat in exchange for the open borders. 0.86

00:36:41.000 So in a sense, it's a bribe.

00:36:44.000 The DNC has sold citizenship, like prostitutes, to random people.

00:36:50.000 You can get a fake passport.

00:36:52.000 You know, if you want to go on the lamb and you're a criminal, you can get a fake passport for like $100,000 from a million African countries.

00:36:58.000 They sell passports to any Tom, Dick, and Harry.

00:37:03.000 That's what the DNC is doing with illegal aliens. 0.93

00:37:05.000 Anyway, here's a good montage of people.

00:37:08.000 You're going to see non-white people, and you're going to see non-Jewish people, but this is, for all intents and purposes, white people excited about the eradication of their race. 0.95

00:37:20.000 And I know white people who have said this to me.

00:37:23.000 Like my buddy Trevor, he was bussed as a kid into a black neighborhood. 0.91

00:37:28.000 So he speaks black.

00:37:29.000 He's black, for all intents and purposes, overusing that term.

00:37:33.000 And I was like, okay, so you're fine with like America becoming like 70% black and Mexican and whites being a minority?

00:37:40.000 He goes, yeah, good.

00:37:42.000 I can't wait.

00:37:44.000 That's kind of a normal thing to say in America.

00:37:47.000 And you'd never hear anyone say that in Mexico or Africa or Japan or anywhere.

00:37:54.000 This is very relaxing being fat.

00:37:56.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.000 I feel very chill.

00:37:58.000 Okay, so roll that clip, Chubby. 1.00

00:38:02.000 Hey.

00:38:03.000 But there absolutely is a plan taking place right now before your very eyes.

00:38:07.000 They call it the Browning of America. 0.99

00:38:09.000 In a few years, we're going to be a majority brown country. 1.00

00:38:12.000 White people will not be the majority in the country anymore.

00:38:15.000 This will be the first generation ever in American history in which whites will be a minority of the generation at some point.

00:38:22.000 In 2044, everyone is going to be a minority.

00:38:25.000 As white people become the minority in the country, which is coming. 1.00

00:38:28.000 Demographics is destiny.

00:38:29.000 Demographics is destiny.

00:38:31.000 Demographics is destiny.

00:38:32.000 I've been saying it here.

00:38:34.000 Other people have been saying it here for years now.

00:38:36.000 The demographics is destiny. 1.00

00:38:38.000 So we live in a country where the demographics are changing.

00:38:40.000 It's becoming less white.

00:38:42.000 Correct.

00:38:42.000 Okay.

00:38:43.000 You'll be announcing that we're calling the 38 elections votes of Texas for the Democratic nominee for president.

00:38:49.000 It's changing.

00:38:50.000 It's going to become a purple state and then a blue state.

00:38:52.000 It's a big demographics, because of the population growth.

00:38:55.000 The growth in Texas is almost entirely driven by non-white population growth, mostly by Hispanic and Latino population growth.

00:39:03.000 But they're absolutely a plan taking place right now before you're here.

00:39:07.000 Why do they love it so much?

00:39:08.000 And the funny thing about the left, too, is they've been pushing this on us and screaming with the Browning of America, which I'm not even sure I totally believe. 0.97

00:39:16.000 We've talked about this earlier, where, you know, I married an Indian.

00:39:19.000 My kids look mostly white, most of them.

00:39:22.000 Some of them look pretty Indian.

00:39:24.000 But they're going to marry white just by the numbers. 1.00

00:39:26.000 And then those kids will definitely look white.

00:39:29.000 So in a sense, my wife has like deretted her skin. 1.00

00:39:34.000 She's killed the Ho-Chunk Indian lineage. 1.00

00:39:38.000 So if I was a Ho-Chunk Indian, I'd be mad that she married me.

00:39:41.000 But whites married that I married. 1.00

00:39:43.000 I used to joke about that.

00:39:44.000 I'd say, you assholes, keep marrying white. 1.00

00:39:49.000 You racists keep marrying white.

00:39:50.000 I'm a real racist.

00:39:51.000 I'm cleaning up the race.

00:39:54.000 I'm washing the other races. 1.00

00:39:56.000 Like if you marry a black person and then have mulatto kids and then they marry white, they marry white, you'll clean the black off. 1.00

00:40:02.000 So a real bona fide racist marries a minority because they're cleaning it up.

00:40:07.000 Get it?

00:40:10.000 Anywho, so they started that whole thing and they rubbed it in our faces because they assumed we were racist and they assumed it would offend us.

00:40:19.000 But we just went, eh, all right, that's gay. 0.90

00:40:22.000 See, when we see these commercials with black people and white and mixed race couples and stuff, we don't go, ah, like they think we do. 1.00

00:40:30.000 We just go, that's gay and boring. 1.00

00:40:33.000 So now they're like, oh, you hate being replaced, right?

00:40:37.000 No, that's not a thing.

00:40:38.000 We hate that you're diluting the voting pool and giving away free citizenship.

00:40:46.000 We hate that your commercials suck, but we're not mad.

00:40:50.000 It's like when they have Proud Boys, there's like a Proud Boys Twitter account where it's a rainbow saying that Proud Boys are fags.

00:40:59.000 Proud Boys are fags. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Plenty of them are fags.

00:41:01.000 I went to a Proud Boys wedding where two guys were getting married.

00:41:05.000 You know, the two gay guys at WestFest, they were awesome.

00:41:07.000 Those two homos at WestFest, yeah. 1.00

00:41:09.000 And then when people use this show, this very show, to try to like, you know, they go to a protest and they say, get off my lawn.

00:41:18.000 What is that?

00:41:18.000 It's from a protest.

00:41:20.000 Somebody saw it and sent it in.

00:41:23.000 I don't get it.

00:41:24.000 I think it's like, get off my lawn, my hairy pussy, like for abortion. 1.00

00:41:28.000 Oh, like, mow your lawn?

00:41:30.000 Yeah.

00:41:30.000 Well, then they should have green pubes sticking out.

00:41:32.000 I know.

00:41:33.000 They have no.

00:41:34.000 That's a very esoteric sign.

00:41:39.000 Oh, there's a Proud Boy.

00:41:40.000 So the Proud Boy's thing we discussed yesterday in Long Island, right?

00:41:44.000 Remember that?

00:41:45.000 Yeah.

00:41:47.000 So they were handing out pamphlets that said, we're anti-racist.

00:41:52.000 Right?

00:41:55.000 So there's an article here.

00:41:56.000 What number is it?

00:41:58.000 Right here?

00:41:59.000 12B.

00:42:01.000 Where they go, yes, they're anti-racist.

00:42:07.000 This professor says, yeah, they're anti-racist.

00:42:09.000 But what it really means is they're anti-you being racist towards whites.

00:42:17.000 Wow, that's, wow.

00:42:19.000 That's a new one.

00:42:21.000 That is a new one.

00:42:22.000 Alan Singer, a professor of education and history at Hoffsford University, who has researched and written extensively about racial history on Long Island, racial history on Long Island, what?

00:42:33.000 Said the Prowboys' anti-racist claims are not what they appear to be.

00:42:36.000 Their concept of anti-racist is very different from what most people mean.

00:42:39.000 They are arguing that the United States is racist against whites.

00:42:45.000 So I thought, let's give him a call.

00:42:48.000 Ooh.

00:42:50.000 I got his numbers here.

00:42:54.000 So we'll try.

00:42:55.000 We'll try three of them, right?

00:42:56.000 Then they'll start to get boring.

00:42:59.000 Alan Singer.

00:43:03.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:43:05.000 You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.

00:43:08.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:43:10.000 You have one thing.

00:43:11.000 Thank you for calling.

00:43:12.000 It's great hearing from you.

00:43:13.000 Bye-bye.

00:43:14.000 All right, next call.

00:43:17.000 718-768-7239.

00:43:25.000 The number you dialed is not in certain 463.

00:43:56.000 Sorry.

00:43:59.000 Is not available.

00:44:00.000 Record your message at the cone.

00:44:02.000 When you are finished, hang up or press pound for more options.

00:44:07.000 Hey, Alan, it's Gavin McInnes here, the founder of the Proud Boys.

00:44:11.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:44:12.000 When they say anti-racist, they mean racist against whites.

00:44:16.000 Why are you trying to crowbar racism into this club when black and brown patriots are handing out pamphlets that say anti-racist? 0.58

00:44:25.000 I mean, talk about a square peg into a round hole.

00:44:30.000 Anti-racist means anti-racist.

00:44:33.000 They are against racism in general.

00:44:36.000 That includes racism towards whites and, believe it or not, racism towards blacks.

00:44:42.000 And then you pull up the KKK from like 100 years ago?

00:44:47.000 What the fuck are you, like, are you teaching our kids this shit?

00:44:51.000 Anyway, call me back.

00:44:53.000 We got to iron this out because you are way off base.

00:44:58.000 Let's try one more.

00:45:01.000 Thanks for calling.

00:45:06.000 In that article, he goes on to talk about how the KKK had a strong presence on Long Island in 1920.

00:45:14.000 Ergo, the Proud Boys are like back.

00:45:19.000 That sounds like a fax machine.

00:45:23.000 Also in the news, fun little piece of gossip there.

00:45:28.000 Jack Bosobic goes to check out the World Economic Forum, and because that's him, let's see him again.

00:45:34.000 And he is Jewish, very Jewish.

00:45:40.000 I looked up his entire history of his life.

00:45:42.000 He's only lived in these tiny apartments.

00:45:44.000 He's probably a gay. 1.00

00:45:46.000 But you study the KKK on Long Island.

00:45:49.000 You don't often get a call from a journalist.

00:45:52.000 So when they get it, they could be like, what's with the sandwich shops on Long Island, KKK expert? 0.96

00:45:57.000 Well, the KKK had a lot of sandwiches back in 1920.

00:46:03.000 You would be surprised.

00:46:04.000 And when they say they're not racist, they mean that their sandwiches are racist, but they're not.

00:46:12.000 Yeah, so Pasobic goes to check out the World Economic Forum. 1.00

00:46:15.000 They don't have free speech over in Europe, so they just detain him.

00:46:20.000 Excuse me, can I ask you why you're detaining this journalist?

00:46:23.000 Holly.

00:46:24.000 Can I ask you why you're detaining this journalist?

00:46:26.000 I don't answer your question.

00:46:27.000 Is it not able to report here?

00:46:30.000 Please put it in a way.

00:46:32.000 Okay.

00:46:32.000 Can I ask you guys why you're asking me?

00:46:34.000 Yeah, can you please stop filming?

00:46:37.000 Then we can talk.

00:46:38.000 Oh, why do I need to stop filming?

00:46:39.000 Because I asked you to...

00:46:42.000 And he specifically was targeted?

00:46:44.000 There is a reason because we have to have a reason to control a person.

00:46:52.000 What's even more interesting is they started asking, tell me what Turning Point USA is.

00:46:56.000 Turning Point USA has sent you out there.

00:46:58.000 Who is that?

00:46:59.000 What are they about?

00:47:00.000 What kind of footage do you have?

00:47:02.000 Then they said, can you show us the footage?

00:47:04.000 Can you show us the various footage that you have?

00:47:06.000 Come on back into our van.

00:47:07.000 And they tried to take one member of the crew back into their van to show the footage.

00:47:11.000 I said, no, no, no.

00:47:12.000 They do not have the First Amendment here.

00:47:14.000 They do not have freedom of the press the same way we do in the spooky.

00:47:18.000 Like the way they just say it.

00:47:20.000 What are you doing?

00:47:21.000 Give me that.

00:47:23.000 What's your footage?

00:47:24.000 Can I see your footage?

00:47:25.000 Like, I guess they're used to getting yeses.

00:47:27.000 Now, this is a white community, right?

00:47:28.000 A white country. 0.86

00:47:29.000 So I guess white people are so, you know, used to acquiescing into the rules.

00:47:34.000 Or is it maybe it's not racial?

00:47:36.000 Maybe it's cultural more.

00:47:37.000 Because in America, you film and someone says, stop filming, and you go, no.

00:47:44.000 You realize how, I mean, I bitch a lot about how Stalinist America has become, and I am on censored.tv.

00:47:51.000 But at least when you see a cop arresting someone, you can take a video and they're not going to stop you.

00:47:58.000 The best they can do is stand back, stand back.

00:48:00.000 I wonder if they have body cams out there.

00:48:02.000 Yeah.

00:48:03.000 Well, check this out.

00:48:04.000 The World Economic Forum has their own police force.

00:48:08.000 What the fuck?

00:48:09.000 Magin! 0.83

00:48:10.000 What is this?

00:48:11.000 What now?

00:48:12.000 What the fuck?

00:48:12.000 Look at them again.

00:48:14.000 Look at that.

00:48:16.000 What?

00:48:17.000 I gotta admit, outside of this show, I kind of want that patch.

00:48:21.000 That's a sick batch.

00:48:22.000 That's a sick fucking patch.

00:48:24.000 World Economic Forum Police.

00:48:26.000 It's what, two rams, budding heads?

00:48:28.000 It looks evil.

00:48:29.000 It's fucking cool evil.

00:48:31.000 That's Darth Vader.

00:48:32.000 Is that like a gem?

00:48:33.000 I want that whole outfit.

00:48:34.000 I like the hat, everything.

00:48:36.000 Yeah, that's...

00:48:37.000 Hey, if there's any World Economic Forum Police watching the show, can you send one of your uniforms to us?

00:48:44.000 It rules.

00:48:48.000 What a cool Halloween costume that would be.

00:48:50.000 What's the next thing?

00:48:53.000 Yeah, thanks, Benny.

00:48:54.000 We got you the first time.

00:48:55.000 So they're not only wearing the patches, but if you look closely, you can see that they have very cool outfits.

00:49:03.000 Benny Johnson, out.

00:49:05.000 Globalists.

00:49:06.000 Speaking of globalists, Julian Assange is for free speech.

00:49:12.000 He helped us see all of Hillary's emails.

00:49:16.000 That's good.

00:49:17.000 We want maximum transparency with the government.

00:49:20.000 I want to know everything about our elected officials and our non-elected officials.

00:49:24.000 I want to know where they live.

00:49:25.000 I'm not going to their house like the Supreme Court judges, but I want to know how much money they make.

00:49:28.000 I want to know what they do.

00:49:30.000 They took my money.

00:49:31.000 If someone takes my money, I want to know what they're doing.

00:49:34.000 If you make your own money, it's none of my fucking business.

00:49:37.000 You work for me.

00:49:38.000 You're my employee.

00:49:39.000 I need to know what my employees are doing.

00:49:42.000 So getting Hillary's emails, fantastic, especially someone like Hillary, where I honestly believe she's responsible for the murder of at least 14 people, right?

00:49:50.000 So Julian Assange is a good guy.

00:49:52.000 But as we talked about yesterday with George Carlin, big comedy is big government.

00:49:59.000 And they are a mouthbox.

00:50:02.000 They're a PR firm for the government.

00:50:05.000 So check out all these people running laps for Hillary, carrying her water. 0.99

00:50:12.000 Leaks and Draco Malfoy's biological father has finally been arrested.

00:50:17.000 White people. 0.69

00:50:18.000 You can tell that living inside the embassy for seven years has taken its toll.

00:50:21.000 Here he is back in 2012.

00:50:23.000 Yeah.

00:50:23.000 Now compare that to today.

00:50:25.000 I mean, it's amazing.

00:50:27.000 The guy went in looking like Draco Malfoy, came out looking like Dumbledore.

00:50:32.000 He was stuck in captivity.

00:50:35.000 He served seven years.

00:50:37.000 He wasn't considered a person and had to be on the lamb hiding in an embassy because he promoted free speech.

00:50:44.000 Look how weak he is.

00:50:45.000 He's basically dying.

00:50:47.000 The government almost killed this man and we're laughing at him like he's warm beer.

00:50:54.000 Remember that kid in North Korea who came back dead?

00:50:57.000 Yeah.

00:50:58.000 Like, why don't you laugh at Otto Warm Beer while you're at it?

00:51:01.000 Why don't you laugh at other political prisoners?

00:51:02.000 Let's laugh at Max and John.

00:51:05.000 Let's laugh at Ethan Nordine.

00:51:07.000 Ethan Nordine just did a seven-day hunger strike.

00:51:10.000 The guy's starving in solitary.

00:51:13.000 And did you see one of the Prow Boys, or not one of the Prow Boys, one of the January 6 prisoners killed himself?

00:51:19.000 He was so hopeless with the threat of 30 years in prison that he ended his own life.

00:51:25.000 What a loser, right?

00:51:27.000 Yeah, he was like a Harry Potter character, too.

00:51:30.000 Yeah, when he died, he looked like the dead guy in a Harry Potter movie.

00:51:36.000 Didn't Harry Potter die?

00:51:38.000 I think so.

00:51:39.000 Yeah, the guy who killed himself is like a dead Harry Potter.

00:51:44.000 Voldemort.

00:51:45.000 Oh, he's so dead.

00:51:47.000 It's like someone waved a magic wand and made him a dead guy.

00:51:50.000 It's like they did a suicide spell on him, right?

00:51:53.000 Like Harry Potter.

00:51:54.000 That's the only cultural reference I know because I'm a fucking loser-fat nerd who writes for late-night comedy.

00:52:00.000 Looks like somebody did a spell political prisoner Alice.

00:52:04.000 They always have Harry Potter as a cultural reference.

00:52:07.000 That's fucking weird.

00:52:08.000 Seeing it back to back?

00:52:09.000 What the fuck?

00:52:10.000 Do you have a fucking life?

00:52:11.000 Does it keep this movie?

00:52:13.000 Does it keep going?

00:52:13.000 Does he remind you of anyone from Toy Story?

00:52:15.000 Who are you, Ryan Katsu Rivera?

00:52:20.000 That's how much of a loser you are.

00:52:21.000 No, no, no.

00:52:22.000 You're like Ryan.

00:52:24.000 Like, I like how you're saying, no, no, no, no, no.

00:52:26.000 And behind you is Buzz.

00:52:28.000 Tupac.

00:52:30.000 Nah, that's my shirt.

00:52:31.000 No, it's not.

00:52:32.000 Oh.

00:52:33.000 Is that your sleep shirt you were talking about?

00:52:35.000 Yeah, this is one of my comfies.

00:52:37.000 Ryan wears a sleep shirt like a chick. 0.97

00:52:39.000 No, it's just got a lot of room so you can breathe.

00:52:42.000 And do you let your pussy breathe or do you wear panties when you go to bed? 1.00

00:52:45.000 I usually.

00:52:47.000 Oh, you McInnis.

00:52:50.000 Dragged out of the Ecuadorian embassy looking like Santa Claus with a manifesto.

00:52:56.000 You're all naughty.

00:52:57.000 I have it on my list.

00:52:58.000 He's being brucked.

00:52:59.000 Oh, they couldn't do a Marvel reference.

00:53:00.000 They had to settle with Harry Potter.

00:53:01.000 They must be so.

00:53:02.000 Harry Potter, Santa.

00:53:04.000 What's next?

00:53:05.000 A diaper reference?

00:53:07.000 To the U.S. read a book after the age of 10?

00:53:16.000 Looks like Alexander Soliz Netsian after he escaped Stalinist Russia.

00:53:21.000 Yeah, babe.

00:53:24.000 Really?

00:53:24.000 Got the key here?

00:53:26.000 Tomorrow, yeah.

00:53:27.000 Wow.

00:53:27.000 Assange is being charged by the U.S. for trying to hack into a Defense Department computer back in 2010.

00:53:34.000 And in 2010, it was really difficult to hack the government system because the password was password one.

00:53:41.000 I don't get that joke.

00:53:43.000 Do you get that joke?

00:53:44.000 Yeah, that's like an easy, if you're like signing up for something you're never going to use again.

00:53:48.000 Yes, I understand that.

00:53:49.000 But what's the joke that it was, why is it funny that it was easy to hack?

00:53:53.000 So it takes away credit from him.

00:53:55.000 You know, it's like, oh, okay.

00:53:57.000 He didn't even do that.

00:53:58.000 But that makes him sound more innocent.

00:53:59.000 You know what that whole story was?

00:54:00.000 So Chelsea Manning was having trouble getting all the data from the computers. 1.00

00:54:04.000 And Assange said, you could try this process called, I forget what it's called.

00:54:08.000 It's like a hashtag burn or some bullshit computer thing.

00:54:13.000 So he suggested that, and that's him hacking.

00:54:17.000 Good, hack.

00:54:19.000 Hack the government.

00:54:20.000 That's a good name for this.

00:54:21.000 They love the government now.

00:54:22.000 That's a good name for this episode.

00:54:24.000 Hack the government.

00:54:25.000 They complain about the government.

00:54:26.000 They hate the government until it's convenient to their side to attack people attacking the government.

00:54:32.000 Quote unquote.

00:54:48.000 That's all bullshit.

00:54:50.000 That he shat on everything.

00:54:51.000 That's all lies.

00:54:52.000 Being food, cleanliness, and proper care of his cat.

00:54:55.000 Assange bristled at the restrictions that took Ecuador's foreign ministry to court.

00:54:59.000 There have been reports for some time that Assange was sort of had outlived his welcome there in the embassy for all sorts of reasons, including that he was skateboarding in the halls, stealing Wi-Fi so that his cat had been making a mess.

00:55:11.000 Stealing the Wi-Fi?

00:55:13.000 You mean he used the Wi-Fi?

00:55:15.000 Did they not have their Wi-Fi anymore?

00:55:17.000 He took it away from them?

00:55:19.000 Steal Wi-Fi.

00:55:20.000 Skateboarding a mi-using, which we all do everywhere we go.

00:55:25.000 Stealing Wi-Fi so that his cat had been making a mess.

00:55:28.000 So, you know, the Ecuadorians were getting sick of having him there.

00:55:32.000 Why the hell was Julian Assange skateboarding in the hallways of an embassy and stealing their Wi-Fi?

00:55:39.000 He took them to court over his cat.

00:55:42.000 Usually people go to court to get restraining orders against their cats.

00:55:46.000 Please, Your Honor, he keeps glaring at me like he wants to kill me.

00:55:50.000 Stop.

00:55:50.000 Are we five years old?

00:55:51.000 What the fuck?

00:55:52.000 I don't know if a five-year-old would like that.

00:55:55.000 I think you'd have to find a two-year-old.

00:55:57.000 Don't we all usually get restraining orders against our cat?

00:56:01.000 Yeah.

00:56:02.000 What?

00:56:03.000 I don't...

00:56:04.000 A joke is you take something that's true and then you put a spin on it or you exaggerate it a little bit and then it becomes silly and funny because you took the real thing and you made it this big.

00:56:18.000 Restraining order.

00:56:19.000 I don't, no one, what?

00:56:21.000 Maybe dogs are a threat to some dogs are a threat to some people.

00:56:25.000 What?

00:56:26.000 The dog, the cat looks like it's frowning, so you got to restrain it.

00:56:29.000 I don't get it.

00:56:30.000 What are you doing?

00:56:31.000 That's not the way jokes work.

00:56:33.000 What have you done?

00:56:36.000 The most disturbing thing about the story is somehow not the fact that Assange allowed it to all over the embassy.

00:56:41.000 No, it's that every day he dressed that poor thing up in a tie and collar.

00:56:48.000 And I'm talking an entire wardrobe, right?

00:56:51.000 Yeah.

00:56:52.000 He's not yawning in the street.

00:56:54.000 How dare he amuse himself with a silly hobby when he's robbed of his freedom, robbed of his personhood, and he plays a dumb game to amuse himself?

00:57:03.000 Do you also make fun of the drawings on cell walls?

00:57:08.000 Yeah, or autistic people finding refuge in bronies or whatever the fuck?

00:57:14.000 Yeah.

00:57:15.000 Like, we're mocking a prisoner for his silly hobby that has a sense of humor.

00:57:23.000 He's screaming at me.

00:57:24.000 What you're doing basically is saying that Assange's joke, it's obviously a joke.

00:57:27.000 He's not sending his cat for job interviews.

00:57:30.000 So it's a fun joke that he's doing.

00:57:33.000 You're saying his joke is shitty in a shitty joke.

00:57:41.000 Your joke's shitty, Trevor.

00:57:43.000 The only good joke about you is you.

00:57:46.000 You're a joke.

00:57:47.000 Yeah.

00:57:48.000 He's not yawning in this photo.

00:57:50.000 He's screaming, help me!

00:57:52.000 Help! 0.98

00:57:54.000 One person who's always been very clear about where he stands on WikiLeaks is Donald Trump.

00:57:58.000 And yet, when Trump was asked today about WikiLeaks, which he repeatedly praised throughout the campaign, he pretended he didn't know anything about it.

00:58:04.000 Mr. President, do you still love WikiLeaks?

00:58:08.000 I know nothing about Wikileaks.

00:58:10.000 It's not my thing.

00:58:11.000 Oh, it's not your thing.

00:58:13.000 Your government just arrested a guy.

00:58:15.000 Now you have to juxtapose this with him saying, I love WikiLeaks.

00:58:18.000 That would work.

00:58:19.000 That's a good example of Trump's hypocrisy.

00:58:22.000 Nope.

00:58:24.000 Organization you repeatedly praised throughout the campaign, and you're acting like someone just offered you weed at a party.

00:58:29.000 Oh, No, thanks, man.

00:58:30.000 That's not my thing.

00:58:33.000 Oh, my God.

00:58:34.000 Brutal.

00:58:34.000 That took energy away from me.

00:58:36.000 I know.

00:58:36.000 It's tiring, isn't it?

00:58:38.000 Speaking of comedy, I saw Ricky Gervais' new special is getting bad reviews.

00:58:45.000 And guess what that means?

00:58:46.000 It's good.

00:58:47.000 It must be good.

00:58:48.000 I remember Larry David's, I don't think it was the last season, I think it was the season before, the Fatwa one. 1.00

00:58:54.000 Yes.

00:58:55.000 It was getting all these terrible reviews.

00:58:57.000 And I thought, oh, that's weird.

00:58:59.000 It's one of the most brilliant shows ever.

00:59:01.000 It's been on the air for 20 years, 10 years longer than Seinfeld.

00:59:05.000 I fucking love Larry David.

00:59:06.000 I am Larry David.

00:59:10.000 And then I realized, oh, they don't like it because it's Islamophobic.

00:59:15.000 Remember?

00:59:16.000 Go to 1.7 first.

00:59:20.000 He shits on the Ayatollah.

00:59:22.000 Just for the record, the Ayatollahs of Iran regularly murder political prisoners.

00:59:28.000 If you oppose the fucking Islamic dynasty of Iran, you die.

00:59:35.000 Journalists, anyone who wants to run for office that might not go anywhere where the Ayatollah goes, maybe some faggy fucked because he's a homo himself, dead, dead, dead. 1.00

00:59:45.000 Their criminal past makes Hillary look like an underachiever. 1.00

00:59:49.000 So you're allowed to offend the Ayatollah, but no one knows that.

00:59:54.000 They just hear Ayatollah, it sounds ethnic, and they go, you're making fun of an ethnicity.

00:59:59.000 Wow.

00:59:59.000 So that season was like persona non, seasona non grata.

01:00:05.000 But it was fucking amazing.

01:00:07.000 Go to 17.

01:00:09.000 The co-creator of Seinfeld went on Jimmy Carlos.

01:00:11.000 By the way, there's Lawrence O'Donnell.

01:00:14.000 Everything you hate about Jews, your anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, he's part of. 0.99

01:00:19.000 It's an elite white thing.

01:00:21.000 Not a Jewish. 1.00

01:00:55.000 What the fuck?

01:00:56.000 What the fuck is right?

01:00:58.000 No one would dare insult the sacred beliefs of Muslims nor disparage our owners.

01:01:02.000 I didn't disparage.

01:01:03.000 That was not disparage.

01:01:04.000 You did disparage.

01:01:05.000 No, no, I just disparaged.

01:01:06.000 I begged you not to imitate the Ayatollah. 0.99

01:01:09.000 No, you did.

01:01:09.000 I told Leon.

01:01:10.000 I said, you gotta get this message to him.

01:01:13.000 Duff told you not Zambi to do the Ayatollah.

01:01:15.000 I didn't fucking remember.

01:01:16.000 How the fuck I'm gonna remember my Ayatollah?

01:01:18.000 So then he gets...

01:01:20.000 Just go to 1-8 to remind us of what Ayatollah's do. 1.00

01:01:24.000 Then he goes to meet Salman Rushdie, who had a fatwan for the Satanic Verses, I think it was, a book he did that disparaged Muhammad a little bit.

01:01:34.000 And Salman Rushdie goes, it sucks.

01:01:36.000 I know.

01:01:36.000 It's scary.

01:01:37.000 It sucks.

01:01:38.000 But the pussy is amazing because you're a bad guy and you have fatwa sex. 1.00

01:01:44.000 It's the best sex you can have because women think you're dangerous. 1.00

01:01:48.000 Like Maddie Odell, by the way, tiny little fat man, right?

01:01:51.000 With a squeaky voice.

01:01:53.000 Women cream their jeans over him because he's a murderer. 0.99

01:01:57.000 Because he did 10 years and he's a bad man who's done some very bad things to people who deserved it.

01:02:04.000 Women are all over that fucking guy. 1.00

01:02:06.000 Yeah.

01:02:07.000 He has murderer sex.

01:02:08.000 Larry David was having fatwa sex.

01:02:11.000 Even my wife was.

01:02:12.000 And they got Salman Rushdie was on the show.

01:02:15.000 Yeah.

01:02:15.000 That was cool.

01:02:16.000 What were you going to say?

01:02:17.000 Even my wife is like, I love Maddie.

01:02:18.000 I'm like, how much?

01:02:21.000 Why?

01:02:22.000 He farted once, smelled bad.

01:02:23.000 Well, I said to this barmaid he's been hooking up with, I go, you realize that if you start horsing around with Maddie, none of us are going to flirt with you anymore.

01:02:32.000 Right.

01:02:32.000 We're all ugly old men.

01:02:34.000 And I'm like, there's this guy we call Cheney because he looks like Dick Cheney.

01:02:37.000 I go, no double entendres from Cheney.

01:02:41.000 No ass grabbing from $3 Bill.

01:02:44.000 No fucking Joe Tonelli winking at you.

01:02:48.000 That's all going to be gone.

01:02:49.000 And we learn from sopranos that if you're like, hey, you mind if I, you know, you're done with that chick, right? 1.00

01:02:55.000 And they're like, yeah.

01:02:56.000 And it doesn't mean they're done.

01:02:58.000 Choose wisely, my dear.

01:02:59.000 You're fucking up.

01:03:02.000 Anyway, so when you see, there we go.

01:03:05.000 When you see bad reviews these days, like when fucking Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 1%, you know we have a winner.

01:03:13.000 So go back up now to 1.6.

01:03:16.000 So Pink News says that Ricky Gervais' special is shitty, horrible, racist, Islamophobic, homophobic, and most importantly, transphobic.

01:03:26.000 Cool.

01:03:27.000 It's an anti-trans garbage fire.

01:03:32.000 Reject.

01:03:33.000 We reject you, Pink News.

01:03:35.000 So let's check it out for a second.

01:03:37.000 All right, all right.

01:03:39.000 Fucking Netflix, clicky, click, click, click, click, click.

01:03:43.000 By the way, just before you play it, a little segue.

01:03:45.000 I can't believe we haven't covered this, but I had, besides five guys, I had cheese.

01:03:52.000 I finished my son's breakfast, which was egg.

01:03:54.000 I went to the fridge and I got what I've been missing all week, which is cheddar.

01:03:59.000 Motherfucking cheese. 0.96

01:04:00.000 Yummy.

01:04:02.000 I picked up the egg, fried egg.

01:04:04.000 I put the cheese down, plopped it back down.

01:04:08.000 That was my first bite in seven days.

01:04:10.000 The density of the cheese, the saltiness of the egg.

01:04:15.000 And then I'm driving around.

01:04:18.000 I'm happy.

01:04:19.000 Right.

01:04:20.000 Like, did I tell it on the show that someone gave me the finger from their car?

01:04:24.000 Yep.

01:04:25.000 And I felt this PTSD doom.

01:04:28.000 Like, oh, great.

01:04:29.000 I'm still on everyone's fucking radar.

01:04:30.000 Everyone's still out to get me.

01:04:31.000 It's going to affect my kids, blah, blah, blah.

01:04:34.000 And then I saw it was my friend doing it.

01:04:36.000 And I was like, oh, few.

01:04:37.000 But now, if someone gave me the finger, I'd like jump out of my driver's seat into their car.

01:04:43.000 Yeah.

01:04:44.000 That's why I went to that town hall meeting and wrote MAGA on the wall.

01:04:46.000 Like, I'm ready.

01:04:47.000 Someone honked, and I was like, what the fuck?

01:04:49.000 You honking at me?

01:04:50.000 I mean, what are you?

01:04:51.000 I almost turned the car around and followed them to find out, like, I got my fight back.

01:04:55.000 Yeah.

01:04:56.000 I'm ready to zing.

01:04:57.000 Fucked my wife this morning. 1.00

01:04:59.000 Nice.

01:05:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:05:01.000 It was, it was, she was fucked by a porn star. 1.00

01:05:04.000 She had to do breathing exercises towards the end.

01:05:06.000 She was going to faint.

01:05:07.000 And my dick felt like it had menthol on it.

01:05:10.000 I don't know what that means.

01:05:12.000 But, and I lasted like as long as I wanted.

01:05:15.000 I thought, I should probably wrap this up now.

01:05:17.000 I got to go.

01:05:18.000 I got to get to five guys.

01:05:20.000 Yeah, that shit was good.

01:05:21.000 That's not usual.

01:05:22.000 No.

01:05:23.000 So that was awesome.

01:05:25.000 And yeah, it's like my subconscious, you can call it nature, you can call it God, is like, I want you to procreate.

01:05:33.000 You're going to live.

01:05:33.000 I thought you were dying earlier.

01:05:35.000 Apparently you're not.

01:05:36.000 Get out there, have some fun.

01:05:37.000 And if anyone fucks with you, slap them in the face.

01:05:40.000 Earlier, when my body thought I was dying, it's like, if someone slaps you, they're right. 0.64

01:05:48.000 It was naked and afraid.

01:05:50.000 I know what it's like to have depression now.

01:05:53.000 I'm a happy guy.

01:05:54.000 I'm an angry guy.

01:05:55.000 I have a lot of rage, but generally I'm a happy dude.

01:05:58.000 And I know what it's like to not be a happy dude.

01:06:00.000 Yeah, yeah, good point.

01:06:02.000 When someone tells me they're experiencing depression, they're on medication, I'm going to be more sympathetic now.

01:06:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:08.000 Yeah, I could never relate to, for a long time, I was like, I don't believe in anxiety or depression, and that's really insensitive to people that have that.

01:06:15.000 But yeah, when you have, you can't even explain it.

01:06:18.000 You're like, everything's fine.

01:06:18.000 You got my dog.

01:06:19.000 It's just a chemical difference.

01:06:22.000 Yeah.

01:06:23.000 Like sparring, I know I said I was weak and scared, but also with sparring, I was like, go ahead, let's punch Gavin.

01:06:30.000 I'm with you.

01:06:31.000 In church, though, it felt appropriate, because usually church is just like a little thing that we do, and then, you know, you're reverent and then you leave and you're like, all right, what are we going to eat?

01:06:39.000 But when you're in church, you're like, this is the only place where it makes sense.

01:06:44.000 You know, I'm fucking starving myself, and so please help.

01:06:48.000 And la, la la.

01:06:49.000 It feels right to be at church while you're like starving yourself.

01:06:52.000 You know, it's probably why every religion has it because it teaches.

01:06:55.000 I mean, that's what sweat lodges are. 0.51

01:06:58.000 The whole point of a sweat lodge, which I did with my wife once, is the end.

01:07:03.000 When you get out, you're walking on the snow, your footprints are melting the snow, and you're just like, oh, I'm so glad to be out of that fucking thing.

01:07:12.000 It teaches you to, you know, not take things for granted.

01:07:16.000 Wait, let's check.

01:07:16.000 When you told me what you ate about the egg thing, like, it brought a tear to my eye.

01:07:22.000 Oh, that's another thing.

01:07:23.000 It was sexual.

01:07:25.000 Or maybe it was, let me rephrase it.

01:07:27.000 All the dope.

01:07:28.000 It was exactly as good as sex. 0.65

01:07:30.000 Wow.

01:07:30.000 Like, you know, when you're fucking, you're like, this rules.

01:07:34.000 I'm so lucky to be married to this bitch. 1.00

01:07:36.000 I fucking love this fuckingest whore. 1.00

01:07:39.000 This feels really good.

01:07:41.000 Not just my dink, but everything feels fantastic.

01:07:44.000 That's how it felt.

01:07:45.000 Usually when I eat, I'm just like, this is yummy.

01:07:47.000 But it was like, my whole world felt good.

01:07:50.000 Yeah.

01:07:51.000 So I had bone broth last night, knowing we were going to eat those burgers to get my stomach primed, and I was just hunched over it, just sipping it, and just every sip was like, oh, my God.

01:08:02.000 The salt.

01:08:03.000 Cheese and eggs I miss the most.

01:08:05.000 I don't know why.

01:08:05.000 I'm not a big cheese eggs guy, but I guess I am.

01:08:08.000 Something about the combination of, and the density of cheese.

01:08:11.000 I'm getting hungry right now.

01:08:13.000 Yeah, me too.

01:08:14.000 Okay, let's watch a bit of Ricky Gervais' thing, and then I want to figure out a magic trick.

01:08:21.000 You want to do a trailer or just drop the needle?

01:08:23.000 No, no, start at the beginning, because they say the first two minutes are a horrible trash can.

01:08:28.000 Awesome.

01:08:29.000 So let's go past the, ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Gervais.

01:08:33.000 Gotcha.

01:08:34.000 Wearing a black LA V-neck.

01:08:36.000 Looks like he just comes right out.

01:08:38.000 No bullshit.

01:08:41.000 I'm here.

01:08:42.000 I'm tearing my job.

01:08:43.000 I'm so big on atheism.

01:08:44.000 It's so gay. 1.00

01:08:46.000 Supernature.

01:08:47.000 Yeah, that's God.

01:08:50.000 A man.

01:08:51.000 He doesn't need to do this.

01:08:52.000 A man.

01:08:54.000 Are you kidding?

01:08:55.000 I used to have a really good Ricky.

01:08:58.000 You should do a slubby mailbag of him.

01:09:00.000 I bet if you just watch like an hour of his podcast, you'll be back.

01:09:04.000 I used to be a little better at it.

01:09:07.000 Let's hear your Ricky.

01:09:08.000 Hi, I'm Ricky Gervais.

01:09:10.000 I'm a little nasal, but I've got to get my British accent down.

01:09:15.000 There's no God.

01:09:16.000 Racist.

01:09:16.000 You know, you're racist.

01:09:18.000 Isn't it?

01:09:19.000 Isn't it racist?

01:09:20.000 It's crazy.

01:09:21.000 When he gets up to his bath.

01:09:22.000 That's really bad.

01:09:23.000 It used to be better, I'm telling you.

01:09:25.000 Well, it sucks now.

01:09:26.000 I admit that, and you're correct.

01:09:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:09:34.000 Hello.

01:09:35.000 Hello.

01:09:37.000 Hello.

01:09:38.000 Thank you.

01:09:39.000 Shush, thank you, baby.

01:09:41.000 Shush.

01:09:42.000 No.

01:09:43.000 Shush.

01:09:44.000 Thank you, but shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:09:46.000 No fucking whooping or just laugh.

01:09:49.000 Thank no.

01:09:51.000 Everyone calm down.

01:09:52.000 Shush.

01:09:53.000 Shush.

01:09:54.000 I'm filming this.

01:09:54.000 Shut up, you cunts.

01:10:00.000 Thank you very much.

01:10:03.000 Welcome to my show.

01:10:05.000 It's not a show.

01:10:06.000 There's no dancers or jugglers.

01:10:07.000 It's basically a bloke talking.

01:10:09.000 Which is essentially what stand-up comedy is, isn't it?

01:10:12.000 A bloke talking.

01:10:13.000 Sexist.

01:10:19.000 What about all the funny female comedians? 1.00

01:10:22.000 Like...

01:10:24.000 No!

01:10:25.000 That's an old joke.

01:10:26.000 That's Norm.

01:10:27.000 Norm did that.

01:10:28.000 That's Norm McDonald.

01:10:29.000 And he's got a stand-up special coming on Monday, by the way.

01:10:32.000 Oh, really?

01:10:32.000 It's just him in a coffin?

01:10:34.000 No, it's a posthumous special.

01:10:36.000 He filmed before he died.

01:10:37.000 Posthumous?

01:10:39.000 Posthumous?

01:10:41.000 It's pronounced posthumous.

01:10:43.000 No, it's not.

01:10:44.000 Yes, it is.

01:10:45.000 Posthumous.

01:10:45.000 It's named after the chickpea dish.

01:10:49.000 Posthumous.

01:10:52.000 Go on, play.

01:10:53.000 No, no, no, no.

01:10:55.000 I'm not doing that.

01:10:56.000 Okay, right.

01:10:56.000 That was irony, okay?

01:10:58.000 There's going to be a bit of that throughout the show.

01:11:00.000 See if you can spot it, okay?

01:11:01.000 Now, that's when I say something I don't really mean for comic effects.

01:11:05.000 Why is the CCM summit?

01:11:07.000 I don't know, but it says summit.

01:11:08.000 I know.

01:11:09.000 It's phonetic subtitling.

01:11:11.000 And you, as an audience, you laugh at the wrong thing because you know what the right thing is.

01:11:15.000 It's a way of satirizing attitudes.

01:11:17.000 Like that first joke, I used the old-fashioned sexist trope that women aren't funny. 0.64

01:11:21.000 Now, in real life, I know there are loads of funny women. 1.00

01:11:24.000 Like, um.

01:11:28.000 I did it again.

01:11:28.000 Well spotted.

01:11:29.000 Good.

01:11:31.000 It's jokes about how clever he is.

01:11:33.000 Dame Edna Everidge.

01:11:35.000 She's.

01:11:38.000 You're a Trans joke. 1.00

01:11:40.000 Yeah, come on, man.

01:11:41.000 Come on, man.

01:11:44.000 She's not only a great comedian, she's also a great actress, isn't she?

01:11:49.000 She was brilliant in that thing as that man.

01:11:54.000 Oh, trans segue? 0.98

01:11:56.000 It's good to be back.

01:11:57.000 No, the comedian he's talking about, I think, is a man in drawing.

01:11:59.000 I'm fucking in love with stand-up on my last tour, Humanity.

01:12:02.000 I played arenas around the world.

01:12:04.000 Let's get serious here.

01:12:05.000 We attacked women so we can. 1.00

01:12:06.000 We have important news to discuss.

01:12:08.000 We're going to do a green screen on a magic trick that I've watched 7,000 times and cannot fucking figure out one iota.

01:12:15.000 So maybe you guys can help.

01:12:16.000 Let's do it.

01:12:17.000 Ready?

01:12:32.000 Oh, boy.

01:12:33.000 I'm a big boy.

01:12:39.000 Can you make it bigger?

01:12:43.000 This is a guy.

01:12:44.000 He looks like my old boxing coach.

01:12:46.000 So I sent it around because I was laughing at my old boxing coach, pre-Larry Barnes, has a big bottom lip.

01:12:54.000 But then I was watching the video I sent as a joke, and I was like, wait a minute, what the fuck?

01:12:58.000 So let's just play it through once, and then let's go frame by frame and figure this out together.

01:13:06.000 Two balls. 0.97

01:13:07.000 One's in his mouth.

01:13:12.000 Okay, so he obviously doesn't put the second ball in his hand, but let's try to catch him doing it.

01:13:18.000 Can you go frame by frame?

01:13:23.000 Oh my god, I'm so retarded.

01:13:25.000 He clearly just palms it at the beginning.

01:13:29.000 Yeah.

01:13:30.000 That was...

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:32.000 Were you really good?

01:13:33.000 Are you serious?

01:13:34.000 Yeah, I thought.

01:13:36.000 That's your fat. 0.81

01:13:37.000 And then he puts it in his...

01:13:38.000 All right, and that's the green screen.

01:13:40.000 Wow.

01:13:43.000 With Maria, as a band played out of the Johnstown flood, I catch him when he's streamed back in your brother.

01:14:01.000 That was a bust.

01:14:03.000 You're not you when you're hungry.

01:14:05.000 Now that you've eaten me.

01:14:06.000 I did come up with that idea when I was fasting.

01:14:10.000 Yeah.

01:14:11.000 My shitty old hungry brain was like, what the fuck?

01:14:14.000 How come the ball is in the hand and he's not in the hand?

01:14:18.000 He's a magic guy.

01:14:20.000 It's a mine.

01:14:21.000 It's a mine thing.

01:14:25.000 Jesus.

01:14:25.000 Then you see it with a brain.

01:14:28.000 Oh, that's one thing I forgot to mention, by the way.

01:14:30.000 Speaking of the Ayatollah and Larry David daring to insult him, among the human rights violations, besides killing political opponents and dissidents and anyone who dared, well, Larry David.

01:14:47.000 That's not a joke.

01:14:47.000 Fatwas are a thing.

01:14:48.000 They tried to kill Salman Rushdie.

01:14:51.000 Besides that, they'd also torture women. 0.99

01:14:53.000 And one of the tortures they did was they would pry open a woman's vagina and have like a millipede crawl in. 1.00

01:15:01.000 Jeez.

01:15:02.000 They put bugs in your kind.

01:15:04.000 It's like Japanese level torture. 0.99

01:15:05.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:15:07.000 It's like a weird Japanese comic, horror movie.

01:15:10.000 So dude, can you put on the AC?

01:15:13.000 Being fat is murder.

01:15:16.000 I don't care about the noise the AC makes.

01:15:22.000 So this was 79, and I've told you this a hundred times, but it's important for the record.

01:15:28.000 Margaret Atwood, my Canadian friend, overhears this.

01:15:32.000 Overhears.

01:15:33.000 Hears about all this when we all did.

01:15:34.000 The whole world was learning like, what?

01:15:37.000 We knew they were jerks, but millipedes in your cunt? 1.00

01:15:41.000 That's pretty bad.

01:15:43.000 Can you get back to a better backdrop, please?

01:15:45.000 Have you been having this backdrop the whole time?

01:15:48.000 No.

01:15:48.000 That's just from the green screen.

01:15:50.000 Oh.

01:15:50.000 Because we were kind of over hodgepodge, but not in a segment.

01:15:53.000 Right.

01:15:55.000 And she goes, can you imagine if we ever became so psychotic that we were as bad as Muslims?

01:16:01.000 Can you believe it if we...

01:16:02.000 Could you imagine if we were as shitty as Islam? 0.98

01:16:05.000 So she wrote The Handmaid's Tale.

01:16:07.000 And the modern take on that is Trump is basically...

01:16:12.000 What you're saying, they don't realize this?

01:16:14.000 What they're saying is Trump is basically as bad as the Ayatollah.

01:16:18.000 I'm okay with that, as long as you're acknowledging that the Ayatollah is evil and that Islam is corrupt. 0.98

01:16:25.000 So while these feminists walk around like they're in the Handmaid's Tale protesting abortion, they don't realize they're protesting Iran. 1.00

01:16:34.000 That stupid bitch, Chrissy, that tried to get me kicked out of our local bar, I saw her with the Handmaid's Tale and I was like, that book's about Iran. 1.00

01:16:42.000 Always say that when you see people.

01:16:44.000 When you see them dressed up at rallies like the Handmaid's Tale, go, that book's about Islam. 1.00

01:16:51.000 They don't realize it.

01:16:52.000 And it amuses me because...

01:16:55.000 And I love too how Margaret Atwood is like, yeah, it's about Trump.

01:17:02.000 Whatever pays my bills.

01:17:04.000 I'm not fucking getting canceled for being Islamophobic.

01:17:07.000 Yeah, the book's about Trump.

01:17:08.000 By all means, fill your boots.

01:17:14.000 Okay, so we've covered that.

01:17:16.000 Speaking of women and feminism, I guess, let's start a feminist segment. 1.00

01:17:22.000 Hey.

01:17:25.000 Forgive me, I'm fat and slow.

01:17:28.000 Who here identifies as a feminist? 1.00

01:17:31.000 We are the storm, the very form of change that the world has been waiting for.

01:17:40.000 You said I was too pretty to fight.

01:17:45.000 That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.

01:17:52.000 So I discovered a new chick. 0.99

01:17:55.000 I'd really like to get her on censored.tv if we can afford her. 1.00

01:18:02.000 But check out this clip, 19.

01:18:08.000 She's awesome. 0.83

01:18:11.000 Turn it up.

01:18:12.000 She's so beautiful, too.

01:18:14.000 And stop, stop.

01:18:16.000 When you look at feminists, right, look in their eyes and you just see this dead air. 1.00

01:18:21.000 They look so sad and unfulfilled.

01:18:23.000 You look at this traditional housewife and look into her eyes and you just see health, happiness, fulfillment, joy.

01:18:35.000 That's God, nature's way of saying you're doing the right thing.

01:18:40.000 That's why you're miserable when you're a 45-year-old blogger for the Huffington Post with a beta boyfriend who will never put a ring on it.

01:18:51.000 You're miserable because nature wants you to be miserable because you're not doing the right thing.

01:18:56.000 We're here to procreate.

01:18:57.000 Sorry, folks.

01:18:58.000 You're looking for the meaning of life?

01:18:59.000 It's procreation.

01:19:02.000 It's not blogging.

01:19:04.000 It's not this.

01:19:06.000 Hey, Allie, show me your ring.

01:19:08.000 Oh, here.

01:19:09.000 Now, tell me what you do for a living.

01:19:12.000 Oh, I love my husband.

01:19:14.000 And how did you get that awesome job?

01:19:18.000 Well, I became a better human being.

01:19:21.000 Turn it up.

01:19:22.000 And I became feminine and also shocking, submissive.

01:19:26.000 So that was the secret.

01:19:28.000 So what are your tips to women that want to be a housewife?

01:19:32.000 Dude, embrace it.

01:19:33.000 It's an actual job.

01:19:34.000 You just can't get it in the public or private sector.

01:19:36.000 Like, you need a man to hire you for it.

01:19:39.000 But that's okay.

01:19:40.000 Because if you think about it, you submit to your boss who makes you clean stupid shelves at your retail job, right?

01:19:46.000 I think she got that from me.

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:49.000 Because that's what I've been saying.

01:19:50.000 Remember, Milo and I had lunch once and he was like, name a job that a woman does better than a man.

01:19:57.000 And we spent the whole lunch going through it.

01:20:00.000 And eventually we came up with real estate agent.

01:20:04.000 But what does she do? 1.00

01:20:05.000 She shows a house.

01:20:07.000 That's what you do when you go to a woman's house. 1.00

01:20:08.000 She takes her on a little tour.

01:20:10.000 Shows you all the rooms.

01:20:11.000 So every time women thrive in the workforce, they're doing housewife stuff. 1.00

01:20:16.000 And they do social media a lot.

01:20:18.000 A lot of their jobs are planning.

01:20:20.000 So, sir, you have a meeting at four.

01:20:22.000 That's what my wife does all day. 1.00

01:20:24.000 We're going to my mother-in-law's birthday party.

01:20:27.000 She gets the flights.

01:20:28.000 This kid has a baseball game.

01:20:30.000 This girl has music lessons.

01:20:32.000 You pick them up, drop them off.

01:20:33.000 HR?

01:20:34.000 It's just like, you know, looking over people's behaviors and a thing.

01:20:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:38.000 What a woman do?

01:20:39.000 They're worried about their daughter's friends.

01:20:42.000 Right.

01:20:42.000 I got to say, my daughter was totally ostracized when the Proboy ship blew up because Karens forbid their daughters from hanging out with her.

01:20:50.000 And she ended up in the bad kids crowd.

01:20:54.000 And I got to say, I kind of like the bad kids better.

01:20:57.000 More fun.

01:20:58.000 Edgy.

01:20:59.000 They talk to me more.

01:21:00.000 They're respectful.

01:21:00.000 Hey, Mr. McInnis, beautiful house.

01:21:03.000 I have to kick them out at midnight.

01:21:04.000 They stay a little late.

01:21:06.000 But the in-crowd, back when she was popular, they would just be on their phones.

01:21:11.000 They were lying on their backs, all looking at their phones.

01:21:13.000 And I'd come downstairs.

01:21:14.000 There'd be like seven girls just staring at their phones alone. 1.00

01:21:17.000 I'm like, ladies, stop looking at your phones. 0.87

01:21:20.000 And then they'd be like, man, Mr. McInnes is a dick.

01:21:23.000 He has all these crazy rules.

01:21:25.000 Conformists, afraid to be themselves, afraid to color outside the lines.

01:21:29.000 Yeah, a lot of bad kids are cool.

01:21:31.000 Yeah.

01:21:32.000 But there's a lot less of them.

01:21:34.000 Anyway, I think she got that from me.

01:21:36.000 Because I always said, you're going to be working for a man no matter what you do.

01:21:40.000 Might as well be your husband.

01:21:41.000 And I always said, yes, you're cleaning a house, but it's not a stranger's house.

01:21:46.000 You're not a maid. 1.00

01:21:47.000 You're cleaning your house.

01:21:49.000 And if you'd like a shelf there, go put one there.

01:21:52.000 And if you work cleaning, then you have to go home and clean anyway.

01:21:55.000 Right, yeah.

01:21:56.000 Cleaning your house is like a man cleaning his man cave.

01:22:00.000 Like you're organizing the little bobbleheads from the Mets the way you want them. 0.90

01:22:04.000 And you can still have that kinky thing where you hook up with your boss. 0.96

01:22:08.000 Oh, we haven't checked in on my Mets bed in a while, by the way.

01:22:11.000 I had it wrong.

01:22:12.000 I'm at 580.

01:22:14.000 Did they win last night?

01:22:16.000 I didn't see the game.

01:22:18.000 It was at 9.48, and I was already wasted.

01:22:21.000 Isn't it funny that one...

01:22:23.000 Oh, just $13.3 for the Mets.

01:22:25.000 Wait a minute.

01:22:26.000 That means I'm at $680.

01:22:28.000 Dude, I'm at $680 motherfucking bucks.

01:22:31.000 That fucking rules.

01:22:34.000 I was wrong when I said I was negative $2.40.

01:22:37.000 I was negative $2.40 for that week.

01:22:39.000 I was ignoring that the bookie gave me a check, or I mean, gave me an envelope of $570 cash.

01:22:47.000 So anyway, go back to, we weren't done with her.

01:22:50.000 No.

01:22:51.000 Her name is Real Femme Sapien. 0.90

01:22:53.000 Damn.

01:22:54.000 Like, wouldn't it be better if you were cleaning your own shelves at home?

01:22:58.000 You know what I mean?

01:22:58.000 And your boss wants to sleep with you in a good way.

01:23:02.000 In a good way.

01:23:03.000 And where do you meet these men?

01:23:05.000 Well, I think women should work for the men that they want to pursue. 1.00

01:23:09.000 I know that sounds crazy, but it's really easy.

01:23:12.000 So if you think about it, like, you want a lawyer, right?

01:23:14.000 So then you should be a paralegal.

01:23:16.000 Or if you want a dentist, then you should be a dental hygienist.

01:23:19.000 But these are considered, I guess, high volume status professions.

01:23:24.000 Ryan, that's a tip.

01:23:25.000 No, it's not.

01:23:26.000 Think about it.

01:23:27.000 I don't want to.

01:23:29.000 Try it.

01:23:32.000 What are you doing after this?

01:23:34.000 Yeah.

01:23:35.000 We'll do it doggy because I don't think I can get through all those layers of flesh.

01:23:38.000 Oh, wait.

01:23:38.000 Gays don't have vaginas.

01:23:40.000 No.

01:23:41.000 You already dined me.

01:23:42.000 You know what's funny?

01:23:43.000 I was outside of this club after we played a show one time.

01:23:45.000 There's this gay guy, Sean, and he was like, you know, my boyfriend and me, we have a lot of sex, but my ass hurts.

01:23:50.000 And I just, I told him, I was like, just do it in your pussy. 1.00

01:23:53.000 Like, I literally thought he had a pussy because I'm just hearing guy fucking him, right?

01:23:58.000 And you're a retard. 1.00

01:24:00.000 Well, there's that.

01:24:03.000 Good model that not enough women utilize. 1.00

01:24:05.000 Because women will bully the woman who is the secretary that marries the doctor, okay? 1.00

01:24:10.000 But who has the last laugh?

01:24:12.000 Like, her in her McMansion with her husband who's not in the babies.

01:24:16.000 Like, that's who has the last laugh.

01:24:18.000 Yeah, one little caveat.

01:24:20.000 You got to make sure he's single.

01:24:21.000 I know of a secretary that fucked her boss, destroyed his family, and now he's separated from his birth kids, first kids, and now he's focused on the new kids.

01:24:30.000 And the original kids were totally fucked over.

01:24:34.000 I see him at baseball games, and I'm like, I guess I hate you.

01:24:38.000 That's why I'm not fucking my boss.

01:24:39.000 You're taken.

01:24:40.000 Thank you.

01:24:41.000 T. That's why Sylvia said she won't fuck me. 1.00

01:24:44.000 I don't fuck married men.

01:24:46.000 Good.

01:24:47.000 Every time I see her, I'm like, hi.

01:24:49.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

01:24:50.000 I must have.

01:24:53.000 So go to, just briefly show her channel so people can dig her up because that's just a random TikTok on someone else's site. 0.69

01:24:59.000 This is her YouTube page, RealFemm Sapien, all one word.

01:25:04.000 And really admirable.

01:25:05.000 Like she sits there and she discusses how women can improve their lives and find a man. 0.93

01:25:10.000 And she says shit like, give your husband all your passwords.

01:25:14.000 You should have each other's passwords.

01:25:16.000 You should have GPS, be able to track the person, not because you're jealous, but just because it's safer.

01:25:22.000 And if you're, she goes, I like to jog in trails.

01:25:25.000 Sometimes my phone dies.

01:25:26.000 This GPS can track even when the phone's dead.

01:25:29.000 And I want my husband to know where I am.

01:25:31.000 She goes, men and women can't be friends. 1.00

01:25:34.000 She says, turf, trash all your exes. 1.00

01:25:37.000 Like, don't speak to them.

01:25:38.000 It's not natural for you to be friends with your ex.

01:25:42.000 He sees you as an option that you could fuck at some point.

01:25:45.000 That's got to be erased.

01:25:46.000 And she goes, I do have male relationships through work and various things, but my husband approves them.

01:25:52.000 Uh-oh.

01:25:54.000 Turf is a slur and progressives know it.

01:25:58.000 So she is based.

01:26:01.000 Unless that's not based.

01:26:03.000 Who really enjoys philosophy and who learned in philosophy arguments, premises, and their conclusions.

01:26:10.000 And I'm here to tell you, these fourth-wave feminists, they cannot make a logical argument to save their lives. 1.00

01:26:17.000 And this week, what do you know?

01:26:20.000 Adele was called a TERF, which I will later argue is a slur.

01:26:24.000 Behind me, we have Janice.

01:26:26.000 Janice fought for everything that we have as women. 1.00

01:26:29.000 She fought for us to have the right to work, to have the right to vote, and to have the right to not get pregnant. 1.00

01:26:36.000 So thank you, Janice.

01:26:37.000 Yes, I know we're still fighting for things that we don't really need.

01:26:40.000 And we don't even have a cohesive platform, cohesive argument.

01:26:43.000 So Janice is a classical feminist, and so am I. And I will tell you why these chicks are. 1.00

01:26:49.000 So she is saying that it's used against people who question trans negatively, to say turf.

01:26:56.000 She uses a slur. 1.00

01:26:57.000 That's a slang, yeah.

01:26:58.000 But I embrace it like blacks embrace the N-word. 1.00

01:27:02.000 I am exclusionary.

01:27:04.000 What's the matter with exclusionary?

01:27:08.000 Someone sent this in about how women should not be cops, and we've seen these a million times.

01:27:13.000 By the way, when I have my little theories, I've often tested them.

01:27:17.000 I don't just come up with shit on this show.

01:27:19.000 I've talked to a million cops about female cops, and they always do the same thing. 1.00

01:27:23.000 They always go, yeah, it sucks.

01:27:29.000 It's like getting Vinned.

01:27:33.000 Oh, my God.

01:27:36.000 You know, the worst part, too, is they know it sucks.

01:27:38.000 The women, so they overcompensate and get too aggressive and don't de-escalate. 1.00

01:27:44.000 So now a fight is going down.

01:27:48.000 So they're either useless and can't fight or useless because they overfight.

01:27:53.000 Right.

01:27:53.000 You know what happens a lot when you're weak and overpowered, desperation, and you have a gun.

01:27:58.000 Oh, tune in to this next clip.

01:28:01.000 We have one male with a gunshot wound to that.

01:28:11.000 I hate warnings.

01:28:13.000 Unless it's going to be like a baby with his head blown off.

01:28:16.000 If it's not graphic dead violence, please don't warn me.

01:28:38.000 Now she gets her gun out. 1.00

01:28:48.000 Okay, so what happened there was she pulled over the guy. 1.00

01:28:52.000 He's drunk.

01:28:53.000 He grabs his gun.

01:28:54.000 She comes up to the car cautiously.

01:28:56.000 He just grabs her.

01:28:58.000 She can't release his grip.

01:29:00.000 He's too strong.

01:29:03.000 She has already called for backup.

01:29:06.000 He points the gun at her.

01:29:07.000 She starts screaming like a stuck pig and says, please don't shirt me. 1.00

01:29:12.000 Please don't shirt me.

01:29:13.000 She's delirious.

01:29:14.000 She's in shock.

01:29:16.000 He kills the guy, calls for, you know, whatever medics to come and blah, blah, blah.

01:29:21.000 Handles a situation like that.

01:29:25.000 I don't know if there's much more of that.

01:29:27.000 Play more.

01:29:29.000 All right.

01:29:30.000 Cover me, okay?

01:29:35.000 To the side.

01:29:37.000 10-4.

01:29:41.000 10-4 rescue started.

01:29:43.000 We'll save him.

01:29:46.000 You don't have to worry about him, sir.

01:29:48.000 You blew his head off.

01:29:50.000 We're good, officer.

01:29:51.000 Looks like he is twitching.

01:29:52.000 Oh, that's morbid.

01:29:55.000 All right, that's enough of that.

01:29:56.000 Thanks.

01:29:58.000 By the way, as a little side note here, I noticed Milo Yiannopoulos is not on Twitter, but there's an account called Milo Yiannopoulos.

01:30:05.000 I asked Milo.

01:30:05.000 He said, that's not me.

01:30:06.000 I was about to ask him.

01:30:07.000 I look fat in that picture.

01:30:08.000 That's old fat me.

01:30:10.000 But the fact that they allow this account is interesting.

01:30:13.000 It's not called Not Milo.

01:30:14.000 It's called Milo Yiannopoulos.

01:30:16.000 Anyway, check out 29B.

01:30:18.000 It's nothing to do with feminism. 1.00

01:30:19.000 I just had to throw it in there because it's cops.

01:30:23.000 Guy resists arrest and bursts into flames.

01:30:27.000 Give me your hands. 0.99

01:30:28.000 Give me your hands. 0.99

01:30:38.000 I'm sorry, that's funny.

01:30:40.000 He was covered in gas and they tased him and he bursts into flames.

01:30:43.000 They're just letting him run away.

01:30:45.000 Well, they grab a fire extinguisher.

01:30:49.000 So he's got third-degree burns all over his body, of course.

01:30:54.000 How did that happen?

01:30:55.000 Like from a spark?

01:30:57.000 I think they grabbed him while he was gassing up and he was like, get the fuck out of me, brother!

01:31:01.000 Right.

01:31:02.000 But what causes the spark?

01:31:03.000 I guess like...

01:31:03.000 The taser, dummy?

01:31:05.000 I just said that.

01:31:08.000 And then, final note on feminism.

01:31:10.000 This just says, ladies, take it easy. 1.00

01:31:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:17.000 So, stop, stop, stop.

01:31:19.000 Women shouldn't be cops, and women shouldn't go to rallies that are prone to be violent, like the one where Heather Heyer was killed. 1.00

01:31:27.000 And if you run a jewelry store and you're not armed, ladies, don't fight. 1.00

01:31:34.000 I mean, this is not a good thing.

01:31:37.000 I'm glad it happened.

01:31:38.000 I'm glad she's alive.

01:31:39.000 But ladies, take it easy, as Gavin said in the notes. 0.98

01:31:43.000 You're looking at security footage from Princess Bride Diamonds in Honeymoon.

01:31:47.000 That's Sunday, May 22nd at noon.

01:31:51.000 One customer is in the store when the comb, sun-drenched Southern California day explodes with violence as four hooded figures enter the diamond shop with hammers.

01:32:01.000 Oh, a figure.

01:32:03.000 Okay, I'm sorry.

01:32:04.000 As four hooded figures enter the diamond shop with hidden hammers.

01:32:10.000 Smash and grab their way to some expensive rocks and jewelry.

01:32:14.000 But the response from staffers, including a brother and sister who worked for their father at the family-owned business, is just as forceful.

01:32:22.000 The footage showing them punching and kicking the attackers.

01:32:26.000 One young woman charges toward the melee with a chair and hits one of the intruders over the head. 0.99

01:32:32.000 You can see hammers.

01:32:33.000 Did they get anything?

01:32:34.000 He just said intruders.

01:32:37.000 This guy is racist.

01:32:38.000 Feet flying.

01:32:39.000 Within seconds, the criminals decide to retreat.

01:32:42.000 The fast and fierce defensive action by store employees was something the very video-heavy episode today.

01:32:51.000 I have a feminism one that I think lacks a video. 1.00

01:32:54.000 Our buddy Clip Clipperson, you could follow him at Clip Clipperson on YouTube.

01:32:57.000 He does all our clips.

01:32:58.000 Great guy.

01:32:59.000 Great guy.

01:33:01.000 Biological male dominates women's field and Australian surf competition.

01:33:05.000 So not only in skateboarding, but this bloke.

01:33:10.000 Look at that bugin. 1.00

01:33:12.000 Look at that.

01:33:12.000 Dusty, dusty bug.

01:33:15.000 Good eye, Mite.

01:33:17.000 Yeah, that's her. 0.60

01:33:18.000 Oh, you don't even have tits? 1.00

01:33:19.000 New rule.

01:33:20.000 New rule.

01:33:21.000 New rule.

01:33:22.000 New rule.

01:33:23.000 That's my Bill Mark.

01:33:25.000 If you're going to be a woman, you have to have tits starting today. 1.00

01:33:28.000 We don't mind if you don't cut your dick off. 0.63

01:33:30.000 That's too much to ask.

01:33:31.000 But from now on, tits only, please. 1.00

01:33:34.000 You know what's amazing about surfing, too, is there's no way to hide that you're a dude.

01:33:37.000 It's just your head and your body.

01:33:39.000 Right?

01:33:39.000 With swimmer, you could at least put that bra thing on.

01:33:42.000 And women are pretty good at it. 1.00

01:33:43.000 I mean, it's all about balance.

01:33:45.000 It's not that much.

01:33:46.000 I guess it's all about upper arm strength because you've got to get out to the wave.

01:33:49.000 Wow, that's.

01:33:50.000 But it's not like football where women just cannot play it at all. 1.00

01:33:54.000 Terrible.

01:33:55.000 $10,000.

01:33:56.000 I'm glad that money's getting involved now.

01:33:58.000 Right.

01:34:00.000 Okay, I'm getting quite warm here.

01:34:02.000 Let's get to the mailbag.

01:34:06.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a debt.

01:34:11.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:34:16.000 Let me touch it.

01:34:19.000 This first one is called Another Religion, Another War. 0.92

01:34:23.000 This one is for the anarchist Pogo Party.

01:34:27.000 No, this one is called How Dangerous Is He?

01:34:30.000 This little girl got a mantis trip.

01:34:31.000 Why can't you?

01:34:32.000 Yeah, I know.

01:34:33.000 We're fucking up, dudes.

01:34:34.000 I got a guy.

01:34:35.000 I worked hard.

01:34:36.000 He came back with $7,500.

01:34:38.000 I said, no.

01:34:40.000 I have a Canadian dude who's willing to fly down and help us.

01:34:42.000 He says he can do $1,500.

01:34:44.000 $1,500 I can handle.

01:34:46.000 $7,500.

01:34:47.000 Israel, my peacock mantis ran.

01:34:49.000 In the pet store, they put him in the city.

01:34:51.000 Look how beautiful it is.

01:34:52.000 It is beautiful.

01:34:54.000 What a beautiful, beautiful bird.

01:34:55.000 Why did you let me down, Ryan?

01:34:58.000 You're supposed to be a fish guy.

01:35:02.000 Pokemon.

01:35:03.000 Q ⁇ A with Gavin's foreskin.

01:35:04.000 I'm gathering content for a conservative punk zine.

01:35:07.000 I was hoping your foreskin had time for a quick Q ⁇ A. 1.00

01:35:10.000 Boxers are briefs.

01:35:11.000 I do briefs.

01:35:12.000 Boxers are gay. 0.99

01:35:13.000 Plus, they bunch up.

01:35:16.000 How do you feel about the stigma attached to foreskin?

01:35:19.000 I think it's fucking gay. 1.00

01:35:21.000 Yes, I will concede that my penis, when flaccid, looks like an elephant's drunk.

01:35:25.000 Sorry.

01:35:25.000 I didn't know penises were supposed to be sexy.

01:35:27.000 Have you seen a bag?

01:35:30.000 I recently saw your cameo in the 2013 indie, How to Be a Man.

01:35:33.000 What's your dream role?

01:35:34.000 My dream role would be...

01:35:36.000 These are all my foreskin talking, by the way. 0.62

01:35:39.000 My dream role would be porn.

01:35:41.000 I would like to go in and out of Eva Mendez's vagina. 1.00

01:35:47.000 And then I wouldn't get in trouble from my owner's wife because it was for a movie role. 0.89

01:35:54.000 Next time I see two gangsters sitting next to each other.

01:35:56.000 Okay, so this one, we're warning you, is NSFW.

01:36:00.000 It's very, very sexually explicit, if you want to call this sexual.

01:36:04.000 But this is two intruders on the DL.

01:36:13.000 Now we're no better than that newscaster, man.

01:36:16.000 What the fuck is with your internet, Ryan?

01:36:19.000 That's pathetic.

01:36:20.000 You run a show.

01:36:22.000 Got a lot of tabs open, frankly.

01:36:24.000 Oh, my frick.

01:36:25.000 I've already seen this.

01:36:26.000 Do we need volume?

01:36:27.000 Do you know any cops?

01:36:28.000 You've been sent this a hundred times already.

01:36:31.000 I'm sorry, guys.

01:36:32.000 There's no volume.

01:36:32.000 You're just going to have to deal with the...

01:36:34.000 Hey, man, can I eat your ass right now?

01:36:36.000 Yeah, just sit on my face and rub your ass crack on my face. 1.00

01:36:40.000 Okay, but we got to hurry up, dude.

01:36:43.000 I just want to lick it.

01:36:44.000 Yeah, alright.

01:36:44.000 I got it.

01:36:45.000 You know what?

01:36:45.000 I'm done.

01:36:46.000 I'm done.

01:36:46.000 Okay, fine, fine, fine.

01:36:49.000 I appreciate it.

01:36:50.000 Yeah, whatever, dude.

01:36:52.000 I got the mask on.

01:36:53.000 I hate germs.

01:36:55.000 I wear my COVID mask.

01:36:58.000 You see that we're being filmed?

01:36:59.000 You proud of yourself?

01:37:00.000 Can I casual?

01:37:01.000 Be like, yeah, yeah, we could just.

01:37:05.000 Wow.

01:37:06.000 There's a monkeypox update we should read.

01:37:08.000 Luckily, it's written in pidgin English. 0.84

01:37:10.000 I have problems reading normal English.

01:37:12.000 Monkeypox.

01:37:13.000 Give people the more at risk to catch monkeypox.

01:37:17.000 See what in scientists talk about how you fit catch am.

01:37:23.000 But many cases for the current outbreak for Europe, done they identified in males, they done Involved in sex with other males, and this one done raise concerns.

01:37:35.000 But monkeypox not take considered as a sexually transmitted infection, according to health authorities.

01:37:44.000 WHO EXPANDICIL say, While we day see some cases in men are no bigger disease, as some people on social media done liberal arm, anybody can contract this disease through close contact.

01:38:05.000 So good to know.

01:38:06.000 Be careful out there, folks, especially pigeons.

01:38:10.000 And be careful, English. 0.75

01:38:12.000 There's a brand new language nipping at your heels.

01:38:15.000 Yeah.

01:38:17.000 It's more efficient than regular English.

01:38:19.000 According to what's his name?

01:38:21.000 Nas.

01:38:24.000 Okay, last letter, Black Proud Boy banned.

01:38:27.000 Now, you might recognize this guy as the man behind me, Hussein Hill.

01:38:35.000 You know, when we do a Proud Boy segment, there's a black guy right here?

01:38:38.000 This is him.

01:38:39.000 Very intelligent chap, this guy, who has just been banned.

01:38:46.000 He's permanently disbanded from Twitter in the wake of thought patrolling.

01:38:52.000 He's officially the most banned gentleman in North Carolina.

01:38:56.000 Where we're moving, eventually.

01:38:58.000 Welcome back to another amazing, epic, a large-in-life narrative assassin update video with your host, the most banned man in New Carl.

01:39:07.000 Zoom out so people can watch this on their own time.

01:39:09.000 I'm fucking sweating like a pig here.

01:39:12.000 We gotta stop the show.

01:39:13.000 Usain Hill.

01:39:17.000 All right, let's get to the final vid.

01:39:33.000 So we go in the show with the final bird.

01:39:39.000 This dude might be the best guy in the world.

01:39:42.000 You don't often meet the best person in the world.

01:39:44.000 Sometimes you worry that you're the best guy in the world.

01:39:46.000 I don't want to be the best guy in the world.

01:39:47.000 I want there to be better guys out there.

01:39:50.000 And apparently there are.

01:39:52.000 I don't know who this is.

01:39:54.000 I don't know his name.

01:39:55.000 I don't know what makes him tick, but I know he's fucking awesome.

01:40:00.000 Take it away, wicked dude.

01:40:02.000 Make sure you have everything perfect, Ryan.

01:40:04.000 Yes.

01:40:04.000 Volume up?

01:40:05.000 Yes.

01:40:06.000 Okay, go.

01:40:18.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:40:23.000 Man turns his back on his family.

01:40:26.000 Well, he just ain't no good.

01:40:32.000 We Frankie went in the army back in 1965.

01:40:44.000 Oh my god, I'm so fucking hot.

01:40:52.000 Oh.

01:40:53.000 Oh.

01:40:55.000 Tell you what.

01:40:56.000 This Arctic Explorer North Face works.

01:41:02.000 Jesus.

01:41:06.000 Look at this.

01:41:07.000 I had to use Foo Pottec.

01:41:11.000 A boy sweatshirt.

01:41:13.000 And then, look at this.

01:41:15.000 Among other things, a FU-boo jacket.

01:41:22.000 I got these in the Bronx.

01:41:24.000 Look, there's about 40 newspapers in there.

01:41:31.000 The great thing about fat people pants is you can wear, you can take them off with your shoes on.

01:41:43.000 It's free.

01:41:54.000 Middle of night was lacking.

01:41:59.000 But I got a call about a quarter cent.

01:42:04.000 Girls troubling a roof out on the Michigan lines. 0.95

01:42:13.000 There was a kid lying on the floor, looking fast.

01:42:18.000 Bleeding heart crazy.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 24, 2022

S4E120 - HACK THE GOVERNMENT

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript