Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E156 - 10 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT PUERTO RICANS

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.

00:00:52.000 That was the Future Heads.

00:00:54.000 Stupid and shallow.

00:00:55.000 They're from Northern England.

00:00:57.000 One of the only accents I cannot even almost do.

00:01:00.000 The Northern English.

00:01:01.000 I'm not serving you any more beers till you get them bloody cows out.

00:01:06.000 Oi.

00:01:09.000 Reminded of my old man when I had a place upstate.

00:01:13.000 He goes, you know, one of my friends from Florida actually lives near here in Shihola, Pennsylvania.

00:01:20.000 He owns a barbershop.

00:01:21.000 That's just down the street.

00:01:23.000 Isn't that incredible?

00:01:25.000 And I go, no, it's not really incredible or interesting.

00:01:29.000 I don't really care where your friends have barbershops.

00:01:32.000 And he goes, yes.

00:01:33.000 That's because your friends are in media and they tend to be stupid and shallow.

00:01:39.000 Apparently it's an expression.

00:01:40.000 Stupid and shallow.

00:01:42.000 A lot of variety of backgrounds there.

00:01:48.000 Let's just dive into some fun stuff here.

00:01:50.000 We've got a lot to talk about today.

00:01:52.000 I want to get into 10 things I've noticed about Puerto Ricans.

00:01:55.000 Very few of them come from working with Ryan, by the way.

00:01:59.000 He seems to notice Puerto Ricans from afar, despite being one.

00:02:03.000 But most of the things I've learned about them comes from living among them.

00:02:08.000 Anyway, we'll get to that.

00:02:09.000 I saw a good mimic on TikTok.

00:02:15.000 Now, you're the expert on imitations, Ryan.

00:02:18.000 What do you think of this guy's style?

00:02:19.000 You better than him or worse?

00:02:21.000 Let's see.

00:02:22.000 Rub and tug, bro.

00:02:24.000 Keeps going.

00:02:26.000 Far as I can tell, the only prescription I write in here is a rub and tug, bro.

00:02:31.000 Keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going.

00:02:33.000 Right.

00:02:33.000 You text me.

00:02:34.000 I text you.

00:02:34.000 I wait to text you after you text me.

00:02:36.000 You call me after I call you.

00:02:37.000 See, three, four, eight months on the line now.

00:02:39.000 Do I take Blue Cross?

00:02:43.000 It's cash only.

00:02:46.000 Just wait till Christmas.

00:02:48.000 This is a gay one.

00:02:48.000 Your heart's gonna go three shages, I promise.

00:02:51.000 Sigmund Freud once said the mind, like an iceberg, it's one-seventh of its bulk, is only above water.

00:02:59.000 So today, we're going to redirect your Titanic of trauma.

00:03:04.000 I'm a man of simple taste.

00:03:07.000 The things he chose are gay.

00:03:09.000 Pros are Joker and Grinch?

00:03:11.000 Maybe some oxy.

00:03:13.000 Believe it or not, it's not the medication.

00:03:15.000 Oh, he did occasion.

00:03:17.000 Some oxy.

00:03:18.000 Believe it or not, it's not the medication.

00:03:21.000 Just stay away from the rice.

00:03:23.000 Six months ago, you came in here.

00:03:25.000 That's an obscure one.

00:03:27.000 Yeah, I've never heard that before.

00:03:28.000 You leave here a new man.

00:03:30.000 Truly, a remarkable Cinderella story.

00:03:33.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of impressive ones in there.

00:03:35.000 Like Johnny Drama, it's okay.

00:03:37.000 The Vince Vaughan is pretty impressive, too.

00:03:40.000 It's good what he came up with to do, Vince Vaughan.

00:03:43.000 Okay, so are you better than him or worse?

00:03:46.000 I think he's got some advantages over me, and I think I got a couple of things over him.

00:03:49.000 Like for his, so what's the total?

00:03:52.000 I think he's a better person.

00:03:55.000 Oh, I'm a better person for sure.

00:03:57.000 That guy he wouldn't like.

00:03:58.000 Really, does he have his fucking hair in his eyes like a 13-year-old girl at the mall?

00:04:01.000 No, but his...

00:04:03.000 Get your hair out of your eyes, dude.

00:04:04.000 It's embarrassing.

00:04:05.000 It's bad for the brand.

00:04:08.000 You know what?

00:04:08.000 I'm punk, and you're an old codger.

00:04:12.000 Get your hair out of your eyes.

00:04:13.000 No, no, no.

00:04:14.000 You're not young, dude.

00:04:16.000 You're a 32-year-old dad.

00:04:17.000 How old are you?

00:04:18.000 I'm rock and roll, man.

00:04:19.000 No.

00:04:20.000 No, dads are not rock and roll by definition.

00:04:24.000 Rock and roll.

00:04:26.000 Wait, that's the only time I've seen a defense dig a guy about 100 feet deeper into the hole.

00:04:33.000 Okay, check out this Trump and tell me if it's better than your Trump.

00:04:36.000 Okay.

00:04:40.000 You're stupid and shallow.

00:04:42.000 Wait, sorry, I talked over it.

00:04:44.000 You need the very beginning for this.

00:04:46.000 And you have nasty Joe Rogan.

00:04:48.000 He called me a man baby, which is so ironic because look at the guy.

00:04:53.000 He's about 4'9.

00:04:54.000 He's as bald as they come.

00:04:56.000 He looks like an oversized baby himself.

00:04:58.000 He looks like a baby injected with steroids.

00:05:01.000 Some people, they call him Baldilocks.

00:05:03.000 He's so bald, we've never seen anyone as bald as him.

00:05:06.000 He looks like a New York City sewer rat shaved down that bench presses a lot of weights.

00:05:12.000 I'll tell you that much.

00:05:13.000 But not that much, because he's a tiny little dwarf.

00:05:16.000 He looks like the thing, but like an action figure of the thing from Fantastic Four.

00:05:20.000 What a shame.

00:05:22.000 And you have nasty.

00:05:23.000 He's good.

00:05:25.000 Is that Trump better than your Trump?

00:05:26.000 I don't know.

00:05:27.000 Yet again, it's like everybody who does Trump has a thing that brings them closer to Trump.

00:05:32.000 And then also they got things that aren't as close.

00:05:36.000 Like they're a little, really little nuanced things.

00:05:40.000 With him, I think his baseline voice, like the structure in which he does the voice, is a little too high to be Trump.

00:05:49.000 It's a little higher.

00:05:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:51.000 Like, mine is lower.

00:05:52.000 It's like, Frankly, really, if you look at the numbers, you're a little lower when you start off, right?

00:05:58.000 And I haven't even really gotten ready, right?

00:06:01.000 But really, he's got a lot of great...

00:06:03.000 We have Kimberly Gilfall in the notes today, and I noticed she says right now.

00:06:08.000 Right?

00:06:09.000 Right?

00:06:10.000 Really?

00:06:10.000 Yeah, really?

00:06:12.000 Nice.

00:06:12.000 Right.

00:06:12.000 Yeah, but there's things that he doesn't know.

00:06:14.000 So that guy that you did the thing with that got you banned when you did, he said China's making their own trumpet.

00:06:18.000 Jason Scoop, yeah.

00:06:19.000 Jason Scoop?

00:06:20.000 Jason Scoop, yeah.

00:06:22.000 Is his better than yours?

00:06:23.000 I admire a lot of things about his, but I don't think his is that accurate.

00:06:28.000 I think his is funnier, and I think his mannerisms are 100% better than mine.

00:06:32.000 I've even stolen mannerisms from him and told him, and I always, I gave him credit early on the show.

00:06:37.000 I would say Jason Scoop like all the time.

00:06:39.000 And now I just take him another mine, right?

00:06:42.000 But really, he does a lot of good mouth stuff and a lot of good standing.

00:06:45.000 Like him standing as Trump is Trump.

00:06:47.000 He goes like this.

00:06:48.000 He goes, Wow.

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:52.000 He does have a broken neck.

00:06:54.000 Wow.

00:06:55.000 What the fuck are you wearing?

00:06:56.000 What's herbal tea?

00:06:57.000 This is Sam Hyde shirt.

00:07:01.000 Looks ridiculous.

00:07:02.000 It's hilarious.

00:07:03.000 It's like a Chinese herbal shirt.

00:07:07.000 Speaking of fat asses, I've noticed that baseball is very Hispanic.

00:07:15.000 In fact, I often wonder, what language do they speak on the bus?

00:07:20.000 If they're going to, say, I don't know, Jersey or something, and it's a bus trip, or maybe Boston, you might take the bus.

00:07:26.000 Because by the time you get through, not customers, but by the time you get to the airport and everything, it's about four hours.

00:07:32.000 What language do they speak?

00:07:34.000 I'd love to be in the dugout and hear them talk, because I bet Spanish is at least 50% of the language spoken.

00:07:40.000 Anyway, you look at the Mets' bums, and they've always had gigantic asses.

00:07:46.000 And I noticed you have a gigantic booty.

00:07:48.000 You're very thick.

00:07:49.000 True.

00:07:50.000 And I was looking at these Mexicans dancing, and I'm like, what the fuck's going on with these guys as his ass?

00:07:56.000 Look at that delicious booty.

00:07:59.000 Is that a joke?

00:08:00.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:08:05.000 A, is that a joke?

00:08:06.000 And B, if it's not, like, if this was in the white world, you would call him Johnny Ass Cheeks, and you'd relentlessly make fun of him and joke about how thick it would be the bane of his existence.

00:08:17.000 He'd never tuck his shirt in ever.

00:08:19.000 Did they write the caption?

00:08:22.000 What caption?

00:08:23.000 What did you noticed?

00:08:25.000 Oh, wait.

00:08:26.000 I don't see a caption.

00:08:28.000 There we go.

00:08:29.000 What did you noticed?

00:08:31.000 Yeah, that's grind face.

00:08:32.000 I noticed that you let the guys in the video write the.

00:08:35.000 And then this bitch, this has got to be fake.

00:08:38.000 I think they wear special leggings.

00:08:39.000 Like, you've seen, you know, when you see Drag Queen Story Hour and the Drag Queen has a nice ass?

00:08:45.000 It's because it's synthetic.

00:08:47.000 I think this is that, right?

00:08:51.000 Yeah, wait, what the fuck?

00:08:52.000 Wait till she turns around.

00:08:53.000 What?

00:09:01.000 Nice culture, dummies.

00:09:05.000 Your culture sucks.

00:09:09.000 And then final bit of random news.

00:09:11.000 Fred Phelps says that God hates fags.

00:09:14.000 And if that is true, he holds a particular part of hate in his heart for German fags.

00:09:20.000 Monkeypox patient's nose is rotting after being dismissed December.

00:09:24.000 Now that video, of course, is only tangentially related.

00:09:27.000 This is a woman saying it's not just gay men.

00:09:30.000 Women can get it too.

00:09:31.000 And she says it had nothing to do with sex.

00:09:34.000 Bullshit.

00:09:35.000 You were eating ass from a guy who probably fucks dudes, and you got monkeypox.

00:09:42.000 So bye-bye.

00:09:43.000 Home to mommy.

00:09:44.000 But this 40-year-old German go down?

00:09:47.000 And then again?

00:09:48.000 This is end of time.

00:09:50.000 No, get her out of my life.

00:09:54.000 Sorry to laugh, but wow.

00:09:58.000 God really does not approve of ass eating, relentless anal bashing.

00:10:04.000 I guess I'm anal sex bashing here.

00:10:07.000 And having 13 partners a day.

00:10:10.000 Look at that guy.

00:10:12.000 I like how they just have to black out two eyes and you don't have to ever worry about him being recognized.

00:10:18.000 And they also noticed his syphilis had developed into mental illness levels like Al Pacino.

00:10:24.000 And his HIV had sprung into action and had become AIDS.

00:10:29.000 Hey, gays, I know you're not going to change your lifestyle.

00:10:33.000 I'm not going to demand that here.

00:10:34.000 But in upstate New York, where Ryan used to live, they just get checked for Lyme disease every year.

00:10:40.000 Ryan didn't bother, and he has Lyme.

00:10:43.000 And it's not Lymes, it's Lyme.

00:10:45.000 They just do it every year.

00:10:46.000 It's just a part of your natural rigamarole is checking for Lyme.

00:10:51.000 Similarly, gaze every six months, you should get tested for everything, syphilis, HIV, monkeypox, everything.

00:10:58.000 I'm positive that you're positive.

00:11:04.000 Go to a confession booth.

00:11:06.000 You know, just do all the stops once a month.

00:11:09.000 All right, let's start the show.

00:11:10.000 You better have that monster truck ready.

00:11:11.000 Oh, it's ready to go.

00:11:12.000 Come from here.

00:11:13.000 It's ready to rock, ready to roll in a way that you've never sold.

00:11:17.000 Let's start the show.

00:11:18.000 We're ready to rock.

00:11:19.000 No more silly news pieces.

00:11:21.000 Now it's all big bubble framed things that have a point.

00:11:25.000 But here we go.

00:11:26.000 Okay, so let's start it.

00:11:34.000 Beautiful, beautiful birds.

00:11:35.000 Bye-bye.

00:11:37.000 Stop the show.

00:11:38.000 You know, I find it helps to cross my eyes.

00:11:41.000 Oh, because now you can see kind of whatever.

00:11:43.000 It's blurrier and it's less stressful.

00:11:46.000 Ooh, I don't feel too good from the Cubans.

00:11:50.000 I'm doing an experiment.

00:11:52.000 I think I told you this, right?

00:11:53.000 Where I eat rotten food every day from this disgusting food cart in the South Bronx.

00:11:58.000 And I always have explosive diarrhea after, but I'm building up my immune system.

00:12:02.000 Genius.

00:12:02.000 You know how in India they can just walk through shit rivers?

00:12:05.000 Yeah.

00:12:06.000 If we went to India, we would both be crippled no matter what we touched, bottled water, everything.

00:12:11.000 We would both be incapacitated for 24 hours, no matter what we did if we went to India.

00:12:16.000 My dad went to Egypt with a Scottish stomach, and he said, I'll just be right back.

00:12:21.000 I'm off to the Lou.

00:12:23.000 And then at breakfast, he shows up, and they go, you said you'd be right back, Jim.

00:12:27.000 He goes, this is me right back.

00:12:30.000 I've been sleeping, vomiting, and explosive diarrhea-ing in the same stall for nine hours.

00:12:37.000 Congratulations.

00:12:38.000 Taking the occasional nap on the bog roll.

00:12:44.000 All right, I want to talk about media malpractice.

00:12:46.000 Have we got a background for that?

00:12:48.000 Yeah, we do.

00:12:48.000 We do have fake news.

00:12:50.000 Do we have an interstitial?

00:12:53.000 I don't think.

00:12:54.000 Do we?

00:12:55.000 I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking.

00:12:56.000 I so rarely cover this.

00:12:58.000 Daily Beast.

00:13:00.000 I even feel bad shitting on the Daily Beast because I don't want to put it in my repertoire.

00:13:04.000 Like Huffington Post, it feels bad to even accept these people as existing because they're such pathetic, weak losers who have no other goal but to sabotage American culture, destroy the West.

00:13:21.000 That's all they care about.

00:13:23.000 I don't think so.

00:13:24.000 And they're funded by billionaires like Soros and Bill Gates.

00:13:29.000 And they write whatever they're told to write.

00:13:31.000 And the billionaires, I don't know, I think they want to get pussy.

00:13:34.000 So they hate masculine men because I guess girls like it when you say that.

00:13:39.000 Or at least they're girls.

00:13:41.000 So they shit on Trump and promote climate change, whatever.

00:13:45.000 And of course, truth gets in the way of this.

00:13:48.000 So the problem with truth, did you find the interstitial?

00:13:50.000 No, there's no one.

00:13:51.000 Okay.

00:13:53.000 The problem with an entire existence based on lies is that was a fart.

00:14:03.000 99% sure.

00:14:07.000 The truth gets in the way.

00:14:09.000 So what they, and when I say they, in this case, it's pretty ambiguous because I think there's leftist influence, there's the deep state, there's the DNC, there's the elites.

00:14:19.000 But there's also these fat, ugly tech nerds that just hate us because they ain't us.

00:14:24.000 And I think they do a lot of censorship just on their own.

00:14:28.000 Like, look at Wikipedia editors.

00:14:30.000 The way they write about Antifa and they write about Proud Boys.

00:14:34.000 There's no big money telling them to do that.

00:14:37.000 They're just assholes.

00:14:38.000 So I don't know who's behind this and I don't quite understand it, but I discussed it briefly yesterday.

00:14:43.000 I just want to show it here because we tend to show more background stuff than compound media does.

00:14:49.000 And I want you to see the link to Zero.

00:14:53.000 This guy, he first, his first video, he goes, check this out.

00:14:59.000 You look up something and after a few pages, there's no more results, even though it told you there was billions of results.

00:15:04.000 In the second video, and I need you to zoom out for this, so we can see the name and you can look it up on your own.

00:15:09.000 It's too long to cover here.

00:15:11.000 Yes, they really are deleting the internet and it's way worse than you think.

00:15:15.000 And that's Brian Bright Insight.

00:15:18.000 Okay, so he looked up Jan 6.

00:15:20.000 He goes through a bunch of pages, and then he notices not only are those way less pages than they should be for 7 billion results, but I keep seeing the same three articles again and again.

00:15:30.000 There's this one article, ex-police officer gets seven years, which by the way is fucking insane.

00:15:35.000 That comes up on every single page of results.

00:15:38.000 And every single page has the Jan 6 Wikipedia at the top, which you don't need more than once.

00:15:43.000 I already saw that on page one, thanks.

00:15:46.000 But just play it briefly.

00:15:47.000 Because you're going to see very quickly the same thing over and over and over again.

00:15:54.000 Look at this.

00:15:56.000 Mar-a-Largo.

00:15:57.000 Sorry, it keeps highlighting everything.

00:15:58.000 But look at this here.

00:16:00.000 Keep watching.

00:16:01.000 After Mar-a-Lago users, blah, blah, blah, from NBC News.

00:16:05.000 So that's page 13.

00:16:06.000 Let's go to page 15.

00:16:08.000 Again, Wikipedia.

00:16:09.000 Go down.

00:16:11.000 Same article right here.

00:16:13.000 X officer gets seven years.

00:16:14.000 NBC News, Mar-a-Lago Golf Course, blah, blah, blah.

00:16:17.000 The same one.

00:16:18.000 NBC News, After Mar-a-Lago, blah, blah, blah.

00:16:20.000 Go to page 17.

00:16:22.000 I've also noticed there's this incredible leftist bias.

00:16:25.000 Those same articles are showing.

00:16:26.000 It's not a Breitbart article.

00:16:27.000 It's not Daily Wire.

00:16:28.000 It's not National Review.

00:16:30.000 It's never even Fox News.

00:16:31.000 It's always CBS, CNN.

00:16:34.000 Are you sipping away at drinks again?

00:16:35.000 I took a sip.

00:16:37.000 Can we not feed ourselves?

00:16:38.000 I'm getting so many complaints about you stuffing your face.

00:16:41.000 I'm off mic.

00:16:42.000 During the show.

00:16:44.000 Okay, go to our real search.

00:16:46.000 I think we use Brave, right?

00:16:48.000 Yeah.

00:16:49.000 But everyone ultimately uses Google.

00:16:51.000 DuckDuckGo is only a little better, but it's got the exact same problem.

00:16:55.000 They did some stuff about Ukraine that was pretty sus.

00:16:58.000 Who did?

00:16:59.000 DuckDuckGo.

00:17:01.000 Oh, really?

00:17:01.000 Yeah, I think a start page is the one that we're told to use.

00:17:04.000 Okay, put in just Proud Boys in the search.

00:17:09.000 Wait, don't...

00:17:10.000 Brian, hold on here.

00:17:12.000 Use the ones we're talking about.

00:17:13.000 We're not talking about Start Page.

00:17:15.000 We're using Google.

00:17:16.000 Start page may be a cure for the problem, but we're trying to illuminate the problem.

00:17:22.000 Okay, here's Google Proud Boys.

00:17:24.000 Okay, so hit it.

00:17:28.000 So move over there so I can see it.

00:17:29.000 Wikipedia, of course, wins, and Wikipedia is already biased.

00:17:32.000 Business Insider left.

00:17:34.000 Sacramento B is not left, right?

00:17:37.000 Go up.

00:17:38.000 Proud Boy files to run for Sacramento Area School Board.

00:17:42.000 The GOP isn't supporting him.

00:17:43.000 That doesn't sound good or bad.

00:17:46.000 Go back.

00:17:51.000 What's that?

00:17:51.000 For responsibility?

00:17:53.000 Citizens for responsibility.

00:17:54.000 I don't trust that.

00:17:56.000 Posed a threat.

00:17:57.000 Why do some boys dress up like Antifa?

00:17:59.000 That's not true.

00:18:01.000 Then we get the Southern Poverty Law Center.

00:18:03.000 Totally biased.

00:18:04.000 Wikipedia, ADL, all biased.

00:18:08.000 Proud Boys Crimes and Characteristics.

00:18:11.000 Some lefty academic study.

00:18:15.000 ACLED, I don't know what that is.

00:18:17.000 AP, leftist.

00:18:19.000 Justice.gov, these are the people throwing them in jail.

00:18:23.000 Pride and Prejudice, the violent evolution.

00:18:26.000 And then we got the CNN one that we've already got already, right?

00:18:31.000 Slate.

00:18:32.000 The B one.

00:18:33.000 Independent in Britain.

00:18:35.000 Wall Street Journal.

00:18:37.000 USA Today.

00:18:38.000 Wall Street Journal's not that bad.

00:18:40.000 Washington Post, bad.

00:18:41.000 Rolling Stone, unbelievably bad.

00:18:43.000 Another academic study.

00:18:44.000 You seeing a pattern here?

00:18:45.000 Like, where's Breitbart?

00:18:47.000 New York Senate, NPR, NPR.

00:18:52.000 Like, I'm at the point now where if I'm looking up anything, the history of shoes, I just ignore the first four pages because it's all this shit.

00:18:59.000 Politico, Business Insider, New York Times, of course, Instagram.com.

00:19:07.000 Citizens for Ethics.

00:19:09.000 And we've already covered Citizens for Ethics.

00:19:11.000 See, we're already repeating stuff and we're on page three, the Guardian Newsweek, not News Max.

00:19:19.000 There has not been one right-wing site so far.

00:19:26.000 What page are you on now?

00:19:27.000 Four?

00:19:29.000 Five.

00:19:30.000 Page five, not one right-wing site.

00:19:34.000 Like, it should be.

00:19:36.000 I don't know what influence watch is.

00:19:39.000 Hey, there's me.

00:19:41.000 Keep going.

00:19:45.000 Like, isn't it weird?

00:19:47.000 I understand there's going to be lefty sites.

00:19:49.000 It's going to be USA Today and Huffington Post and The Independent and The Guardian and all that shit.

00:19:55.000 But why do they get the first whatever five, six?

00:19:58.000 I think they get all pages.

00:19:59.000 Do me a favor, go to page 15.

00:20:03.000 Al Jazeera.

00:20:04.000 Yeah, I wonder what Al Jazeera thinks of us Islamophobes.

00:20:07.000 Prowboys in the white ethnostate.

00:20:10.000 Wait, you're moving too fast.

00:20:11.000 I can't read any of these.

00:20:13.000 I'm not 15 yet.

00:20:14.000 I'm on 10.

00:20:15.000 Okay.

00:20:17.000 So.

00:20:18.000 It looks like 13 is the last page.

00:20:21.000 So go to the top.

00:20:24.000 What the fuck have the Prowboys got to do with Ann Frank?

00:20:28.000 How can Republicans support Trump?

00:20:29.000 Yeah, so it's zero right-wing sources.

00:20:35.000 Custer?

00:20:36.000 Yeah, we're related to General Custer?

00:20:40.000 Skip ahead to 2-4 just for a second here.

00:20:42.000 So we discover that Bill Gates donated, what was it, $14 million to The Guardian and all these other lefty sites?

00:20:49.000 $13 million to The Atlantic and The Guardian.

00:20:52.000 Two of the worst offenders when it comes to left-wing bias.

00:20:56.000 And what does that say?

00:20:59.000 Let me show you.

00:21:00.000 Oh, we've got climate-friendly diets can make a huge difference.

00:21:05.000 Over at the, is that The Guardian?

00:21:07.000 Plant-based meat by far the best climate investment.

00:21:11.000 Report finds.

00:21:12.000 Okay.

00:21:14.000 Oh, the ethics of a vegan diet, says The Atlantic.

00:21:18.000 Fascinating.

00:21:19.000 Atlantic also wants you to know what's different about the Impossible Burger.

00:21:23.000 That delicious plant-based burger that I think costs $5 million to research.

00:21:28.000 Keep going.

00:21:30.000 The most damaging farm products?

00:21:32.000 Organic pasture-fed beef and lamb.

00:21:34.000 Sounds like the government or China or some billionaires like Bill Gates should just buy up all the farms.

00:21:39.000 Then they can grow soy and make sure we're not inundated with meat.

00:21:43.000 How to be a good person without annoying everyone.

00:21:45.000 Oh, here we go.

00:21:46.000 There's a simple trick to provoking better behavior without seeming like a middle.

00:21:50.000 What is that?

00:21:51.000 Self-righteous jerk?

00:21:52.000 Will we ever stop eating animal meat?

00:21:55.000 Keep going?

00:21:57.000 Animal meat.

00:21:58.000 Animal meat?

00:21:59.000 What other kind of meat is there?

00:22:01.000 I guess they mean bug meat?

00:22:03.000 Right.

00:22:03.000 We saw them talking about cannibalism.

00:22:05.000 You know, that's what's great about censored.tv, folks.

00:22:08.000 You've already paid me.

00:22:09.000 So we're clean.

00:22:11.000 I'm not accepting.

00:22:12.000 I have no Bill Gates.

00:22:13.000 There's no one influencing this.

00:22:14.000 You paid for this show.

00:22:16.000 You got this show.

00:22:17.000 With The Atlantic, you pay for that magazine, and then you get all the bullshit, all the baggage of whatever investor decided he has that agenda.

00:22:26.000 There's no agendas here.

00:22:28.000 It's just straight up what honest people think about what the fuck's going on in Clown World.

00:22:34.000 12 reasons to eat bugs.

00:22:35.000 I'm not eating the bugs.

00:22:36.000 I'm not living in a pod.

00:22:38.000 Should be a boot.

00:22:38.000 And I'm not renting.

00:22:39.000 I'm owning.

00:22:40.000 The kids should see this.

00:22:44.000 You know why kids are gross out by bugs?

00:22:46.000 Because it's a genetic natural aversion because they're fucking gross.

00:22:51.000 And this extends to shrimp and lobsters and all that other fucking crustaceans.

00:22:55.000 I think they're disgusting.

00:22:57.000 I saw what's his name?

00:22:58.000 Stone Toss Comics mocking people for eating shrimps and I was like, my man.

00:23:04.000 Many of us might find it icky.

00:23:05.000 Oh, turn this up.

00:23:07.000 Do we eat him too?

00:23:08.000 In today's episode, let me explain the history behind our relationships with these crawling creatures and answer edible questions.

00:23:19.000 Shave your beard and let's get you on the grill.

00:23:24.000 Imagine you are enjoying the sweet taste of your favorite fruit.

00:23:30.000 And as you take another bite, you are shocked to see that there is a woman.

00:23:37.000 That's gross.

00:23:38.000 At worst, it seems to be half eaten by you.

00:23:43.000 So you panic and scream.

00:23:46.000 Yeah, all very healthy natural instincts.

00:23:50.000 Well, all I want to say is just relax.

00:23:55.000 This is written so awkwardly.

00:23:57.000 It sounds like an Indian, a Hindu has translated this into English.

00:24:05.000 Nope.

00:24:06.000 But you won't believe before humans had tools to harmonize.

00:24:10.000 Oh, so we should admonish the most savage time in our species history?

00:24:16.000 We should probably rape, too.

00:24:17.000 Yeah, why don't we eat babies?

00:24:19.000 Why don't we sacrifice virgins?

00:24:20.000 We used to do that.

00:24:23.000 They probably learned what was edible by observing the animals around them.

00:24:29.000 Wiping your ass with your hand is actually pretty cool.

00:24:34.000 Fucking...

00:24:35.000 Fuck you.

00:24:37.000 If somebody has property you want, by the way, let's go back in time and talk to that caveman.

00:24:42.000 Hi, caveman.

00:24:43.000 So you eat millipedes?

00:24:44.000 Yeah, it fucking sucks.

00:24:46.000 I hear you guys have like chocolate cake and T-bone steak.

00:24:49.000 Yeah, they're super yummy.

00:24:52.000 Well, can I come back with you?

00:24:53.000 No, you have to stay here in hell.

00:24:55.000 But we'll watch a cartoon of you.

00:24:59.000 So this is the hot story going around yesterday and today.

00:25:05.000 The entire government, with all of their infinite lawyers and their infinite IRS, their armed, now armed IRS, storms Mar-a-Lago, antagonizes everyone remotely surrounding Trump.

00:25:17.000 They find a financial advisor.

00:25:18.000 They go through his two cars, his Mercedes, his son's private school, and they notice unpaid taxes.

00:25:25.000 Ergo, Trump should go to jail.

00:25:29.000 Sound reasonable?

00:25:30.000 Trump organization CFO, Alan Weiselberg, will be sentenced to five months in Rikers.

00:25:37.000 That's not so bad.

00:25:38.000 We know proudboys who have done that.

00:25:41.000 And fined $2 million after pleading guilty to all 15 tax filings.

00:25:45.000 And let's look at his crimes include charged with evading taxes on income, rent for a Manhattan apartment, lease payments for two Mercedes-Benz vehicles, and private school tuition for his grandchildren.

00:25:58.000 If you guys outside of New York could hear the kind of fucking taxes we pay, I paid $60,000 this year in property tax.

00:26:05.000 I know you don't believe me.

00:26:07.000 I did.

00:26:07.000 I'm not going to tell you what I paid for my income tax because I'm not going to get into how much I make, but it was well over twice the average American salary.

00:26:19.000 Well, well over.

00:26:20.000 So my property tax, which is education is linked to that, and my income tax is like if you got that as a salary, you'd be considered rich in most parts of America.

00:26:31.000 So yeah, sorry he cut some corners.

00:26:33.000 Let's sue him.

00:26:34.000 Oh, this is a clip from the new Police Academy sequel that's coming out.

00:26:38.000 It's a really funny comedy.

00:26:39.000 Do they have the guy who makes the sound effects?

00:26:45.000 So everyone is like, well, that's it then.

00:26:48.000 From page of the New York Times, above the fold, we got him.

00:26:52.000 His financial advisor, living in the highest tax bracket in America, didn't pay the millions upon millions that is expected of him on a regular basis.

00:27:06.000 What a smoking gun.

00:27:09.000 This is the Kimberly Guilfo thing I was talking about, where she says, right.

00:27:12.000 They were there in Mar-a-Lago.

00:27:14.000 They were able to see the documents.

00:27:16.000 The president was complying and his team.

00:27:18.000 And then they requested that additional security and locks be put on there, which the president also cooperated and complied with.

00:27:25.000 So you tell me what basis in fact or law or reason did they have to break into that house at night, have 30 officers in there when they knew specifically the president wasn't going to be there, okay?

00:27:37.000 And Joe Biden, Sleepy Joe, takes yet another vacation and disappears.

00:27:41.000 Merrick Garland pretends like he doesn't know anything about it, then has to come out and say that he in fact did know.

00:27:46.000 She's part Puerto Rican.

00:27:47.000 I didn't know that.

00:27:48.000 Yeah, Puerto Rican Irish.

00:27:50.000 By the way, her eyes are up there.

00:27:52.000 Where I don't see them.

00:27:55.000 Just above her earrings.

00:27:57.000 See where the printer is?

00:27:58.000 Go up from there, not down.

00:28:00.000 There's a printer?

00:28:02.000 I see a Chiron.

00:28:04.000 I'm from the corner of my eye.

00:28:06.000 Go way up.

00:28:08.000 The Chiron is the bottom third.

00:28:09.000 We're looking for the top third.

00:28:10.000 Okay, now I see everything.

00:28:11.000 I see a background.

00:28:12.000 I see hair, the guy's lapel.

00:28:14.000 And then there's another story here where the Washington Post, I guess they haven't seen this story yet about the tax guy.

00:28:21.000 And they're like, he's freaking out and he's trying to get a team together to defend himself because he knows Mar-a-Lago means he's fucked.

00:28:28.000 It's really sad.

00:28:30.000 The WAPO story that Trump is scrambling to add seasoned lawyers to the Mar-a-Lago Reed case is, as usual, this is Trump's take, fake news.

00:28:39.000 I already have excellent experienced lawyers and I'm very happy with them, Trump said in an early morning post on Truth Social.

00:28:46.000 Thank God for Truth Social.

00:28:48.000 Without it, we would, well, you and I wouldn't fall for any of this shit.

00:28:53.000 But without it, Middle America might fall for some of that bullshit.

00:28:58.000 And every time he makes a statement on there, frankly, really, he's promoting the side, right?

00:29:04.000 We love promoting this side.

00:29:06.000 He does love censored.

00:29:07.000 He loves censored.

00:29:09.000 Go to jump ahead to 2-6.

00:29:11.000 I thought this was the only time I've seen CNN do an honest segment with an interesting take, and it's the only time I've seen Kamala be articulate about anything.

00:29:19.000 I mean, look, I'm going to be honest.

00:29:21.000 It's really difficult to when you had it.

00:29:25.000 If you don't gulp it down immediately, it starts to bend.

00:29:28.000 And then, you know, the little thing catches it.

00:29:30.000 And then, you know, so we got to kind of perfect that one a little bit more.

00:29:35.000 So you d if it rely on.

00:29:37.000 I mean, we got it.

00:29:38.000 We got it.

00:29:39.000 Yeah.

00:29:40.000 It's a process, right?

00:29:41.000 You don't just do it.

00:29:43.000 It's a process.

00:29:46.000 So she's admitting that she sucked dicks to get ahead.

00:29:49.000 Yes.

00:29:50.000 She gave a head to get ahead.

00:29:52.000 Uh-oh, thank God for Newsweek.

00:29:53.000 Apparently that's not real.

00:29:54.000 Go to 2-7.

00:29:56.000 Oh, what?

00:29:56.000 What the heck?

00:29:57.000 Thanks, Newsweek, for doing the deep dive on that.

00:29:59.000 Oh, shit.

00:30:00.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 It's not real.

00:30:04.000 Jamal Bauman isn't real either.

00:30:06.000 He's a fucking commie who ruined Westchester.

00:30:09.000 Doctored photos in the film are a regular source of misinformation, Boba.

00:30:12.000 Is no new victim.

00:30:14.000 It now appears that the interview with the Vice President Cena has been rather professionally...

00:30:18.000 No, not professionally at all, by the way.

00:30:20.000 You would have to have Down syndrome.

00:30:22.000 You'd have to be Puerto Rican to think that was real.

00:30:26.000 Can you imagine, Ryan?

00:30:29.000 Frankly?

00:30:30.000 Can you imagine being Puerto Rican?

00:30:32.000 Well, first of all, my eyes are a little weird, right?

00:30:36.000 I'm not even doing the impression good.

00:30:38.000 The eyes are weird.

00:30:39.000 The hair is shitty.

00:30:40.000 I apologize.

00:30:42.000 This is what it was actually from, just for the record, 2.5.

00:30:48.000 Plastic straws are a big thing right now.

00:30:50.000 Yeah.

00:30:51.000 Do you ban plastic straws?

00:30:52.000 I think we should.

00:30:54.000 Yeah.

00:30:54.000 I mean, look, I'm going to be honest.

00:30:56.000 It's really difficult to drink out of a paper straw when you had, if you're just, like, if you don't gulp it down immediately, it starts to bend.

00:31:03.000 And then, you know, the little thing catches it.

00:31:05.000 You shouldn't even laugh.

00:31:06.000 That's not funny.

00:31:07.000 So we got to laugh.

00:31:08.000 Yeah, paper straws are annoying.

00:31:09.000 I think it's good to ban them, though.

00:31:11.000 Where's the humor there?

00:31:13.000 That one a little bit more.

00:31:16.000 People who laugh at it.

00:31:16.000 Paper straws could afford to be much better.

00:31:18.000 I think we're all kind of annoyed by them right now, but that doesn't mean we give up on this environmental crusade to end plastic straws.

00:31:26.000 It's not funny.

00:31:27.000 Innovation is a process, right?

00:31:29.000 You don't just do it.

00:31:31.000 Innovation is a process.

00:31:33.000 But looking at things like social media, the non-banned renegades on Twitter to get your news.

00:31:40.000 And you hear things where you go, hey, where was this on Huffington Post?

00:31:46.000 Where was this on MSNBC, CBS?

00:31:48.000 Where was this on Fox even?

00:31:51.000 2-8, good to hear.

00:31:54.000 I'm getting my news from a fucking threat.

00:31:55.000 Of course, you have to be dubious and verify everything, but I've looked into this and it looks legit.

00:32:02.000 China is about to collapse.

00:32:06.000 Because they have no feelings.

00:32:08.000 I don't mean Asians in general.

00:32:10.000 I mean Chinese, Chinese in China, that they have no qualms about cheating.

00:32:16.000 I mean, they let a little boy die in a swimming pool, which is a video that's still haunting me.

00:32:19.000 I wish I hadn't watched that.

00:32:22.000 They'll run over a toddler and then reverse over her so she dies and they don't have to pay the hospital bills.

00:32:28.000 In that kind of a culture, you come Up with a thing like real estate, and as we saw when the government got involved in real estate here with Fannie Mae, we had a major economic shutdown because the big government and the scam artists get together and they create a mess.

00:32:43.000 And that's exactly what's going on in China now.

00:32:46.000 Go to the next one, the next tweet in that thread.

00:32:53.000 What happened?

00:32:55.000 All this begins with one thing, real estate.

00:32:57.000 Chinese are obsessed with real estate, and 70% of China's wealth is tied to real estate.

00:33:02.000 Reports are now emerging about real estate Ponzi schemes, which we've been through.

00:33:07.000 Fannie Mae.

00:33:08.000 Was it Bernie Mac?

00:33:11.000 Freddie Mac?

00:33:12.000 Freddie Mac, Bernie Mae.

00:33:14.000 Who were those two ones?

00:33:15.000 Bernie's care to you, motherfuckers.

00:33:17.000 I'm taking your mortgages.

00:33:18.000 Maybe that's what he died of.

00:33:20.000 He had too many trillions invested in real estate firms.

00:33:23.000 Mortgage boycotts and an unfolding banking crisis.

00:33:28.000 Keep going.

00:33:30.000 Chinese citizens prefer to invest in real estate as the Chinese stock market is notoriously opaque and unreliable.

00:33:36.000 Shanghai composite has not yet recovered from its 2008 peak, despite China's GDP growing by nearly three times since then.

00:33:45.000 For some context on how crazy the real estate market is, the median home price in New York is around 10 times the median annual income, but in Beijing, it's 25 times.

00:33:54.000 Interesting.

00:33:56.000 See, like no journalist at any of these big logos behind me would ever bother looking into this.

00:34:02.000 They're more concerned with Trump, Proud Boys, and white supremacy.

00:34:05.000 Those are their top priorities.

00:34:07.000 Junk food kills 30,000 people a day.

00:34:10.000 Narcotics, 30,000 people a day.

00:34:12.000 What's their focus?

00:34:12.000 Monkeypox.

00:34:14.000 Five people worldwide.

00:34:22.000 So anyway, that's a whole thread you can check out on your own.

00:34:26.000 And I've noticed too, you get all these stories historically that you hadn't heard of before that are fascinating.

00:34:33.000 Like go to 3-0.

00:34:35.000 Vietnam could have been prevented.

00:34:38.000 I didn't know this.

00:34:39.000 When I think of Vietnam, I go, okay.

00:34:42.000 So after, no, that's...

00:34:43.000 I'm jumping into 3-0.

00:34:47.000 You go, Vietnam.

00:34:48.000 Okay, I get it.

00:34:49.000 What was it?

00:34:49.000 Pol Pot?

00:34:50.000 Ho Chi Minh?

00:34:51.000 No, Ho Chi Minh.

00:34:52.000 He was moving south.

00:34:54.000 There was a communist revolution, although he says he was very pro-American.

00:34:58.000 He just didn't like the French colonizing Vietnam.

00:35:01.000 We gave the French Vietnam after World War II.

00:35:04.000 I don't know why.

00:35:05.000 And then the French got booted out by these commies, or whatever they were, these Khmer Rouge.

00:35:11.000 And so we said, don't worry, France, we'll handle this.

00:35:14.000 And we sent 60,000 men to die chasing fucking human rats down holes.

00:35:19.000 What I didn't know is we had a chance for peace with Nixon's day.

00:35:27.000 We were winning the war in 1972.

00:35:30.000 So President Nixon ordered the U.S. Air Force to bomb industrial military targets in Hanoi and in Hai Pong.

00:35:38.000 And we would stop the bombing if the North Vietnamese attended peace talks.

00:35:42.000 Okay?

00:35:43.000 That sounds like a pretty rough and rugged solution.

00:35:47.000 It worked.

00:35:48.000 They went back there.

00:35:50.000 Nixon gave a speech announcing that the Paris Peace Accords had been initiated by the states, both South and North Vietnam and the Viet Cong.

00:35:56.000 The accords to be signed on the 27th.

00:35:58.000 At the White House, it was called V-Day, Victory in Vietnam Day.

00:36:01.000 Awesome.

00:36:02.000 We're done.

00:36:03.000 1973.

00:36:04.000 How many lives would that have saved?

00:36:07.000 Next.

00:36:10.000 The U.S. backed up that victory with a simple pledge.

00:36:13.000 Should the South require any military hardware, we will double it.

00:36:17.000 If they buy a tank, we get them a tank.

00:36:20.000 They need a helicopter, we get a helicopter.

00:36:22.000 So they spend $7 million, we spend $7 million.

00:36:24.000 So we're doubling whatever their front is.

00:36:28.000 Sounds good to me.

00:36:29.000 That's a good way to seal the deal.

00:36:31.000 We're done.

00:36:31.000 I don't know how many deaths there were by 1972, but let's say it's half.

00:36:37.000 30,000 lives could have been saved.

00:36:40.000 Then it all came apart.

00:36:43.000 Nixon resigned because of Watergate, and as Leonard Skinner said, Watergate, it doesn't bother me.

00:36:50.000 Does your conscience bother you?

00:37:00.000 So the fucking hippie DNC lefties decided Watergate was the worst thing in the world.

00:37:04.000 And what was that?

00:37:05.000 It was recording people.

00:37:07.000 Now, Ford had told him that the best way to make sure your back is covered is to record absolutely everything.

00:37:13.000 He overextended it, and he started recording people he shouldn't have.

00:37:16.000 Okay.

00:37:17.000 Sowy, what do you think Obama did to the Trump campaign after they faked the dossier?

00:37:23.000 What Hillary did, what Obama did against the Trump campaign was 11 times worse than Watergate.

00:37:29.000 But because of Watergate, Nixon's gone.

00:37:32.000 Okay?

00:37:33.000 Well, at least they have that deal that says if anyone fucks with South Vietnam, we will fund a retaliation.

00:37:39.000 Nope.

00:37:40.000 The new Congress saw that as pro-war because they're naive and they don't understand that more guns equal less crime.

00:37:47.000 They're incapable of counterintuitive thinking.

00:37:50.000 So when they hear the word bullet, they're like, no.

00:37:52.000 So they shut it down, breaking the commitment that we had made to South Vietnam and Vietnamese and Paris to provide whatever military hardware the South Vietnamese needed in case of aggression from the North.

00:38:03.000 You don't hear about this anywhere but right-wing outcasts like Breitbart and Prager.

00:38:11.000 In 1975, President Ford appealed directly to those members of the Congress.

00:38:14.000 Wait, Ford was after Nixon.

00:38:16.000 Well, whoever was before Nixon told him to record everything.

00:38:20.000 He literally begged the Congress to keep the word of the United States.

00:38:23.000 But as President Ford delivered his speech, many of the members of Congress walked out the chamber.

00:38:27.000 Right on, peace next.

00:38:28.000 No more war, right?

00:38:31.000 And then what happened?

00:38:34.000 Many of them had an investment in America's failure in Vietnam.

00:38:37.000 They had participated in demonstrations against the war.

00:38:39.000 They wouldn't give the aid.

00:38:42.000 So the South Vietnamese, South Vietnam surrendered, re-education camps were constructed, and the phenomenon of the boat people began.

00:38:49.000 If the South Vietnamese had received the arms that the United States promised, things would have been different.

00:38:54.000 The North Vietnamese leaders admitted they were testing the new president, Gerald Ford, and they took one village after another.

00:39:01.000 Was it LBJ who was before Nixon?

00:39:06.000 I don't know.

00:39:07.000 You should be able to tell me that pretty quick.

00:39:09.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:39:11.000 Yeah.

00:39:12.000 Kennedy, LBJ, Nixon.

00:39:14.000 So LBJ told him, record everything, and Nixon went, okay, and then he overdid it.

00:39:17.000 And now an extra 30,000 18-year-old white men are dead.

00:39:23.000 Not a good look.

00:39:25.000 Not a good look.

00:39:27.000 Pretty bad.

00:39:28.000 All right, let's start making fun of Puerto Ricans, shall we?

00:39:49.000 Hey, sometimes I don't like to walk on a screen with the back like that because I'm worried I got like a yamuka balding thing.

00:39:57.000 I had a dream last night that the lady who cut my hair, she's Japanese.

00:40:03.000 Like, it's funny that I'm a Puerto Rican talking about Japanese and you're a Japanese Puerto Rican.

00:40:08.000 And I dreamed that she cut the back and it's bald.

00:40:12.000 From here back, he bald.

00:40:15.000 It's a dream I had.

00:40:16.000 So I'm very concerned about it because when you are old and ugly like me and you get wrinkly and you get like the weird Grover body with the pregnant stomach, hair is all you got.

00:40:28.000 Hair and a perfect cock.

00:40:29.000 But who cares about the cock?

00:40:31.000 Only my wife sees that.

00:40:32.000 She doesn't seem to interest it.

00:40:33.000 Anyway, this is crazy tangents, man.

00:40:36.000 Look at that.

00:40:37.000 Puerto Ricans.

00:40:38.000 Puerto Rican Day parade celebrating 150 years of dependence.

00:40:44.000 Okay.

00:40:44.000 I'd like to present you 10 things I learned about Puerto Ricans.

00:40:50.000 Okay?

00:40:50.000 I lived in Lowry Side, East Village, for a long time, maybe from 99 to maybe 2015 or so.

00:41:00.000 So what's that?

00:41:01.000 Six years I lived with these fucking peoples.

00:41:03.000 Oh, and also Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and they there too.

00:41:07.000 I'm always amazed at how white the New Yorkans are.

00:41:11.000 Oh, by the way, when I'm talking about this today, I mean New Yorkans.

00:41:15.000 I don't mean Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rico.

00:41:16.000 I don't know them.

00:41:17.000 And I hear they don't like us, New Yorkans.

00:41:20.000 So I'm talking about these guys, these third generation welfare guys who love to soup up their bikes.

00:41:26.000 Oh, I didn't put that one in.

00:41:29.000 It's so weird to see these guys.

00:41:30.000 They wear like a biker vest, like Hell's Angels.

00:41:35.000 But then they, did I send you that footage?

00:41:38.000 Jeez.

00:41:40.000 They ride a bike.

00:41:42.000 I don't mean a motorcycle.

00:41:43.000 I don't mean 50 CCs.

00:41:45.000 I mean no CCs.

00:41:48.000 Look at these guys, man.

00:41:50.000 Mina.

00:41:51.000 Mira, look at these guys.

00:41:53.000 Speakers on them and all kinds of things.

00:41:56.000 I guess he come from the island because you can ride around there more.

00:42:00.000 Look at this guy.

00:42:01.000 Classic Puerto Rican right there.

00:42:03.000 Classic.

00:42:04.000 And then just like some gringos with their schwins.

00:42:07.000 Anyway, sorry, we got to get started here.

00:42:09.000 Number one thing you learn about Puerto Ricans, they all like music, but that's not so crazy.

00:42:16.000 Everyone like music.

00:42:17.000 They like all music.

00:42:20.000 You play them like Metallica.

00:42:22.000 They go, oh, that slaps.

00:42:24.000 You play them Sheila-E.

00:42:27.000 You know that chic with the glamorous life?

00:42:30.000 You play that, they go, oh, that's a fucking jam.

00:42:33.000 Rap, fucking, that corny Puerto Rican music.

00:42:37.000 What's that called?

00:42:39.000 Reggaeton?

00:42:40.000 Reggaeton.

00:42:42.000 Like salsa, marengue, death metal, fucking venom, rockabilly.

00:42:49.000 And there's like when I, okay, I can't do that act anymore.

00:42:51.000 When I was a kid, it was like you had to choose sides.

00:42:55.000 Like death before disco.

00:42:56.000 So you like metal?

00:42:58.000 That means you would rather die than hear a disco song.

00:43:01.000 I remember my babysitter, when I was like six or seven, she played me that blondie song.

00:43:09.000 Oh my love, and it was a ghast.

00:43:11.000 Soon find heart of glass, which is basically a disco song.

00:43:14.000 I was like, that's a great song.

00:43:16.000 She goes, that's disco.

00:43:17.000 Ew!

00:43:20.000 Even when we would listen to the bad brains, Eye Against Eye, when Secret 77 came on, which is kind of a love song, we'd go, ill, and skip over it.

00:43:29.000 So us whites are very dedicated to a very specific genre of music, Thou Shalt Not Waver.

00:43:35.000 As I got older, obviously spread out a little bit.

00:43:38.000 But that is so foreign to Puerto Ricans.

00:43:40.000 So you go to a Puerto Rican bar like Cheap Shots in Queens, and they'll play like Marengue, then Ozzie, then Melissa Etheridge.

00:43:51.000 Like, it's the worst mixes ever.

00:43:53.000 And you can see that in Ryan's taste.

00:43:55.000 Like, Ryan, do you think Metallica slaps?

00:43:57.000 They're pretty good.

00:43:58.000 I don't love, love Metallica, but I love ACDC.

00:44:01.000 But Metallica.

00:44:01.000 Do you like corn?

00:44:02.000 Do you think corn slaps?

00:44:03.000 Yeah, they have a good amount of slappage.

00:44:05.000 So corn slaps, that's not from LA.

00:44:10.000 But you also...

00:44:11.000 What do you think of Melissa Etheridge?

00:44:13.000 Does she have some jams?

00:44:14.000 She does have a couple of jams.

00:44:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:15.000 Let's be real.

00:44:16.000 What about Sheena Easton?

00:44:17.000 Have you ever heard Sugar Walls?

00:44:19.000 She's pretty good, right?

00:44:20.000 No, but I'm sure she's got some merit.

00:44:22.000 Yeah.

00:44:23.000 Nickelback.

00:44:25.000 Yes.

00:44:25.000 Just throw a dartboard at a record store and they go, oh, cool, it landed there.

00:44:30.000 That's my favorite band.

00:44:31.000 So that's a weird thing about them.

00:44:33.000 Number two, they are fucking loud.

00:44:36.000 Just as I said that, a guy was plugging his ears.

00:44:38.000 I remember, was it Rosie Perez?

00:44:40.000 Yeah.

00:44:40.000 Rosie Perez goes, why are Puerto Ricans so fucking loud?

00:44:44.000 And she goes, they're screaming to be heard in a world that just won't listen.

00:44:50.000 No.

00:44:50.000 They're fucking loud because they're fourth generation welfare.

00:44:54.000 They're all crammed in.

00:44:56.000 Oh, this guy screams really loud.

00:45:02.000 I'm surprised to see, A, that Puerto Rican dads exist and B, that they're employed.

00:45:06.000 That's not your typical Puerto Rican.

00:45:09.000 They're loud because they're in an apartment and they're all crammed in there.

00:45:13.000 Grandma, great grandma, not dad.

00:45:16.000 Mom, uncle, four kids.

00:45:20.000 And they have to scream above each other and the TV that's blaring 24 hours a day to hear each other.

00:45:28.000 That's why they're so fucking loud.

00:45:29.000 And then they come out into the Real world, and they go, Hey, what are you doing?

00:45:32.000 I'm like, stop.

00:45:34.000 I'm crossing the street.

00:45:35.000 Please, quiet down.

00:45:40.000 Number three, they all do Coke.

00:45:42.000 Every single person right here does Coke.

00:45:45.000 Not a lot.

00:45:45.000 I'm not saying they're Coke heads.

00:45:47.000 They do Coke the way that British people drink beer.

00:45:50.000 Like an old British lady, she'll have a pine of lager.

00:45:54.000 Usually she'll have a gin and tonic, but all British people drink, unless, of course, they're in AA.

00:45:59.000 All Puerto Ricans will do a bump.

00:46:02.000 And you can go up to a granddad, go up to a 72-year-old man and just be like, you want a little toot?

00:46:08.000 And be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:09.000 Here, mira, mira.

00:46:11.000 And he'll do a toot.

00:46:13.000 No shame in the game.

00:46:14.000 It's not like, like in our, in American culture in general, it's like, that guy's a cokehead.

00:46:18.000 It's so sad.

00:46:19.000 And you think of like suits and finance guys and, you know, Sean Penn and the Falcon and the snowman.

00:46:26.000 Not with them.

00:46:28.000 And I think this is true of a lot of sort of the Caribbean and Central America, South America.

00:46:32.000 It's just like a thing that's around.

00:46:33.000 A secretary will have some in her purse for a little pick-me-up.

00:46:36.000 It's their caffeine.

00:46:39.000 Number four.

00:46:41.000 Speaking of great-grandmothers, they all know their great-grandmother.

00:46:46.000 There she is.

00:46:47.000 And she's not that old.

00:46:48.000 How old's your great-grandmother, Ryan?

00:46:50.000 Like 96, I think.

00:46:53.000 So I guess you have like a 16-year-old has a baby.

00:46:57.000 They all have the babies in their teens, by the way.

00:46:59.000 And for babies, they don't need to be married.

00:47:01.000 Like, we'll get to that in a second, but you just have a baby when you're a teen without even thinking about it.

00:47:06.000 It's like taking a big shit.

00:47:07.000 And it is in many ways.

00:47:10.000 Just kidding, SPLC.

00:47:13.000 They have a kid at 16.

00:47:15.000 That kid has a kid at 16.

00:47:17.000 Now we're at 32.

00:47:19.000 That kid has a kid at 16.

00:47:21.000 We're at what now?

00:47:22.000 48?

00:47:24.000 That's not old.

00:47:24.000 I'm older than that.

00:47:25.000 I'm 52.

00:47:27.000 I would probably make it to great-great-great-grandfather in Puerto Rican culture.

00:47:32.000 And that's so when I'm talking about the apartment and everyone's crammed in there, I'm not just saying Nana.

00:47:37.000 I'm saying great-nana.

00:47:39.000 I have no fucking clue who my great-grandmother was.

00:47:43.000 I've heard nothing about her.

00:47:44.000 I met my grandmother on my dad's side a few times in Scotland.

00:47:48.000 I was very close with my other grandma, my mom's mom.

00:47:51.000 I'd go stay with her in the summers in Glasgow, but her mom?

00:47:56.000 I think she mentioned her dad once.

00:47:58.000 He was a grump who was always reading the newspaper.

00:48:01.000 And then the mom, I don't think I've ever heard a word about her, and she was dead like 100 years before I was born.

00:48:06.000 Because I'm normal.

00:48:09.000 Number five, they have no dad.

00:48:12.000 Now, blacks have no dad.

00:48:14.000 That's a thing, especially here in the Bronx.

00:48:16.000 There's, I think it's 82% of black children are born out of wedlock.

00:48:21.000 So that's normal.

00:48:22.000 But, and I guess this is true of blacks.

00:48:25.000 There's no shame in the game.

00:48:28.000 Like when Ryan's dad said, I'm going to go away.

00:48:31.000 I'm not really into responsibility.

00:48:33.000 They went, okay, see you later.

00:48:35.000 Mira, Mira.

00:48:36.000 Okay, bye-bye, Papy.

00:48:38.000 Bye, Papi.

00:48:39.000 Gone.

00:48:40.000 No stigma, no shame.

00:48:41.000 No, like, what a joke.

00:48:42.000 I mean, my parents, if there was any sort of leaving children behind, there'd be a path of dead surrounding them.

00:48:49.000 My dad would burn down your village if you abandon your kid.

00:48:52.000 But they don't even have a word for that.

00:48:55.000 Ebandones doesn't exist in their language.

00:49:01.000 And that's weird to me.

00:49:04.000 To have no dad and not give a shit?

00:49:07.000 And it makes for a very feminized man.

00:49:09.000 Like, that's...

00:49:14.000 There's fucking evil people in many ways, Puerto Ricans.

00:49:17.000 Like, they will stab you in the neck and you will die.

00:49:19.000 They're not pussies by any means.

00:49:21.000 But then they are kind of pussies in that they're overgroomed and they do all this shit.

00:49:25.000 We'll get to that in a second.

00:49:26.000 So they have a lot of feminine traits, but then they also have the inevitable urban traits of being a murderer.

00:49:33.000 But it's important we separate them from, say, blacks and Dominicans.

00:49:37.000 Dominicans is a common misconception.

00:49:39.000 Like, Washington Heights is Dominicans.

00:49:42.000 East Harlem, Spanish Harlem, the Lower East Side, the East Village, South Bronx.

00:49:46.000 That's all Puerto Ricans.

00:49:48.000 And Puerto Ricans are like, or I should say Dominicans are like not lazy Puerto Ricans.

00:49:54.000 Puerto Ricans are lazy.

00:49:55.000 That's just a fact.

00:49:57.000 Dominicans, though, replace the lazy with violent.

00:49:59.000 So where a Puerto Rican might stab you and you'll live, a Dominican will just take a fucking machete and chop you to death.

00:50:06.000 Like when the Dominicans population started getting big in my old village of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the Dominicans would come in and they're like, wait a minute, what the fuck's going on here?

00:50:16.000 And the Latin kings were like, I'm making learning cool, by the way.

00:50:20.000 So the Latin king, wait, gang culture is cool.

00:50:23.000 I don't have to swear in this explanation.

00:50:25.000 So the Latin kings go, hey, Mira, this is, hey, Papi, what's going on?

00:50:28.000 So we got a great thing going here.

00:50:30.000 We took down the violence and we're focusing on just selling cocaine, which I think is pretty cool.

00:50:36.000 No one really respects the Latin kings.

00:50:38.000 Well, I shouldn't say that.

00:50:39.000 I'm going to get killed.

00:50:40.000 But when people think of the Latin kings, they don't think of a violent gang like, say, the pagans or MS-13.

00:50:46.000 They just think of Coke dealers.

00:50:47.000 And that was by design.

00:50:48.000 I can't remember his name, but the top Latin king back in the 90s and early on said, let's just stop gangbanging and fucking fighting each other.

00:50:56.000 There's plenty of Coke to go around.

00:50:58.000 Let's just sell Coke.

00:50:59.000 I couldn't agree more.

00:51:03.000 You know, I'm reminded when we used to buy Coke.

00:51:05.000 Is that listed here?

00:51:07.000 Yeah, I didn't.

00:51:08.000 When we used to buy Coke in Williamsburg, we'd go to this kid's house.

00:51:12.000 He was like 19.

00:51:13.000 And we'd get to his apartment, knock, knock, knock.

00:51:16.000 He'd open the door.

00:51:17.000 There'd be like seven people on the couch.

00:51:20.000 These are all his relatives.

00:51:21.000 There'd be two people on the floor leaning up against the couch.

00:51:23.000 They'd be grandmas, great-grandmas.

00:51:24.000 And I'd have to sort of step over them to go to his bedroom where I would suck him off.

00:51:33.000 No, we'd go to his bedroom and he'd have like a wrestling trophy there and he'd pick up the wrestling trophy and there'd be like 50 bags of cocaine, do the deal in his bedroom, put the trophy back and then back over Nana.

00:51:45.000 She knew what was going on.

00:51:47.000 There was no stigma there.

00:51:49.000 That's just how they sold Coke.

00:51:50.000 They sold it like one would sell muffins.

00:51:53.000 So anyway, the Dominicans come in, gangs like Trinitarios and DDP, the aptly named DDP, Dominicans don't play.

00:52:01.000 And they said, yo, we're not playing.

00:52:03.000 And they said, let's do both violence and selling drugs.

00:52:06.000 That's how you really make the money.

00:52:08.000 Hack, hack.

00:52:09.000 And just like an Aztec would hack through the jungle, DDP hacked through the Lower East Side and the Puerto Rican areas and just took over the cocaine trade by hacking the Latin kings to death.

00:52:22.000 So that's the difference.

00:52:23.000 You go to Washington Heights, you'll see the same sort of overgrooming you see with Puerto Ricans, but they do the same kind of like kids have no bedtime.

00:52:30.000 They'll broadcast a movie onto the side of a building, and then they'll have lawn chairs out, and now the street's their living room.

00:52:38.000 You can't drive down that street.

00:52:39.000 And there'll be a four-year-old up at three in the morning just wandering around like no rules.

00:52:44.000 No dad?

00:52:45.000 No rules.

00:52:46.000 Welfare is your dad, and welfare doesn't care what time you go to bed.

00:52:53.000 Cardi B is Dominican, but you think she's Puerto Rican.

00:52:56.000 She's a little more raunchy and dangerous and black than Puerto Ricans.

00:53:00.000 That's how you know.

00:53:01.000 When Puerto Ricans scare you, they're Dominican.

00:53:06.000 Here's a big one.

00:53:08.000 I believe this is because of the lack of dads in their culture, but they love fame.

00:53:14.000 Because if you grow up and your sisters are reading celebrity magazines and watching celebrity gossip, and your mom and grandma and great-grandma and great-great-grandma have their telenovelas, fame has this real credit to it.

00:53:27.000 It has this value.

00:53:29.000 So you want to be famous.

00:53:31.000 And if you go, my kids used to go to Puerto Rican public schools and would say, you can do it.

00:53:37.000 You can do anything you want to do in your life.

00:53:40.000 And you'd look at, you go, that's a good message.

00:53:42.000 And you look at the mural and you expect like Norman Borlaug, the food scientists, and all these, General MacArthur and all these incredible men who changed the world.

00:53:52.000 And it's John Laguziamo, J-Lo, Rosie Perez, Michelle Rodriguez.

00:53:59.000 It's just Puerto Ricans in movies and TV.

00:54:03.000 And you're like, I don't want my kid to be in acting.

00:54:06.000 It's a gay job.

00:54:07.000 It's a stupid job.

00:54:08.000 It's a one in a billion shot at actually making money.

00:54:12.000 So that's not inspiring to me.

00:54:14.000 You go to the school library at a Puerto Rican public school like PS84, and it's like a Kanye West book that's called The Dropout.

00:54:23.000 Like, they're not big on academia.

00:54:26.000 We'll get to that in a minute.

00:54:26.000 Puerto Ricans completely fall for the American Dream.

00:54:30.000 They're the opposite of disenfranchised.

00:54:31.000 They're enfranchised.

00:54:33.000 They believe the news.

00:54:34.000 They believe like if you're wearing a suit and you're a white guy and you say that there's monkeypox and COVID, they're like, oh my God, there's monkeypox and COVID, man.

00:54:42.000 We're going to die.

00:54:43.000 They believe it all.

00:54:44.000 They believe the American Dream and the news.

00:54:46.000 Well, but the American Dream exists.

00:54:49.000 You just have to bust your ass at doing anything like being an accountant.

00:54:52.000 They're not interested in that.

00:54:53.000 They want to be John Laguziamo and J-Lo.

00:54:56.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 That's it.

00:54:57.000 They're who the Academy Awards are for.

00:54:59.000 Like, they believe all that.

00:55:00.000 They're like, wow, this is prestigious.

00:55:02.000 He got in the award.

00:55:04.000 Well, I think this is linked to graffiti.

00:55:06.000 Because what is graffiti?

00:55:08.000 It's all about fame.

00:55:09.000 It's all about getting up.

00:55:10.000 Are you providing anything?

00:55:12.000 No.

00:55:13.000 I had an argument at a bar last night with some fucking WAP who was bothering me and Anthony.

00:55:18.000 And he's like, no, but it's about making a public space beautiful again.

00:55:22.000 I go, okay, maybe a bombed-out building in Beirut or fucking East Berlin.

00:55:26.000 You might have a point if you do a nice mural.

00:55:28.000 But that's not 99% of it.

00:55:30.000 99% of it is you make up a nickname for yourself, like VFR, and then you go and write it on other people's property, whether it's with a fucking drippy marker or a spray can.

00:55:40.000 You're ruining other people's property for no other reason but getting up.

00:55:44.000 And getting up is fame.

00:55:46.000 So it's even gayer than being a Hollywood movie star or an actor.

00:55:51.000 You're trying to get fame.

00:55:53.000 At least Cause went out and made some money with it.

00:55:55.000 You're trying to get fame with nothing to show for it.

00:55:58.000 This is what I said to the guy at the bar last night.

00:55:59.000 Like when you see a giant billboard for craft cheese, you're like, that's ugly and it's taking up the landscape, but I don't want to see it.

00:56:07.000 But cheese exists and you need cheese and cheese is a good thing.

00:56:11.000 They do the exact same thing as relentless marketing and advertising, but without the product.

00:56:17.000 It's just the advertising.

00:56:19.000 Like it's the worst of all worlds.

00:56:21.000 Fame, fame, fame.

00:56:22.000 And, you know, if you look at the origins of graffiti, you'll see that it's, you know, well, today it's mostly Wiggers.

00:56:26.000 And the original guy, I think, was a New York dude, tacky something, writing his stupid fucking tag.

00:56:32.000 Tacky139.

00:56:34.000 I think that's the street he lived on, 139th Street.

00:56:36.000 And then it blew up, really blew up in Philly.

00:56:38.000 But if you look at really the backbone, you're going to see mostly Puerto Ricans.

00:56:43.000 Puerto Ricans are, that's their job.

00:56:45.000 You know, they got welfare paying their bills.

00:56:47.000 So they spend their lives trying to get famous via writing their nicknames on other people's property.

00:56:56.000 Nice job, guys.

00:57:01.000 Number seven, they cannot spell at all, including teachers.

00:57:06.000 They don't read books.

00:57:07.000 You'll never see a Puerto Rican read a book, guaranteed.

00:57:10.000 Here's a couple.

00:57:11.000 They're living in the island of Puerto Rico.

00:57:13.000 Can we hear them talking?

00:57:16.000 I love to read them.

00:57:17.000 According to Chris's parents, in 2014, I want to see them on the couch.

00:57:25.000 Let me tell you, they are inspiring the entire island.

00:57:29.000 That's right.

00:57:31.000 Chris, who is this?

00:57:34.000 My good friend, Sophia.

00:57:35.000 Sophia.

00:57:36.000 Is that like your parents, Frank?

00:57:38.000 Who is this?

00:57:38.000 No.

00:57:41.000 They have Puerto Rican Down syndrome, I think.

00:57:44.000 What?

00:57:45.000 Do they have Puerto Rican Down syndrome?

00:57:47.000 No, those are just Puerto Rican.

00:57:49.000 Oh.

00:57:50.000 That's weird.

00:57:50.000 Puerto Rican Down syndrome are playing at Mercury Lounge, by the way, on Thursday, if you want to go.

00:57:54.000 Puerto Rican Down syndrome is just being Puerto Rican.

00:57:58.000 Thanks for explaining my joke to the folks at home.

00:58:00.000 Appreciate it.

00:58:01.000 Ryan will be here to explain all jokes for the remainder of the show.

00:58:05.000 Yes, Ryan.

00:58:06.000 They really are.

00:58:06.000 They look the most normal I've ever seen Downs people look.

00:58:09.000 Yeah, because Puerto Rico is the Venn diagram of normal and retarded.

00:58:16.000 Yeah, when my kid, this is why I pulled the kids out of public school, actually.

00:58:20.000 I gave it a whirl.

00:58:21.000 All right, let's try it.

00:58:21.000 Let's see if these Puerto Ricans can teach my kids.

00:58:24.000 No murkers.

00:58:25.000 I've told you this story 100 times.

00:58:26.000 My daughter used a marker when she was in, I think, second grade, And the teacher sent a note back, an angry note.

00:58:32.000 No murkers.

00:58:34.000 M-E-R-K-E-R-S.

00:58:36.000 Imagine not getting the etymology of marker.

00:58:39.000 I wonder where it comes from, the word marker.

00:58:43.000 And then my boy got a note that said, you're awesome.

00:58:46.000 Why O-U-R?

00:58:48.000 And I went, fuck this.

00:58:49.000 We're out.

00:58:51.000 So then I took him to the private school there.

00:58:53.000 There was a hippie-dippy school called Green Hill in Brooklyn.

00:58:56.000 And then I went, wait a minute, this is so fucking expensive, private school.

00:58:59.000 I could just move to the suburbs and go to a really good public school in a really she neighborhood in Westchester, which I did.

00:59:06.000 And then about three or four years into that, they got woke.

00:59:09.000 And now they got an affirmative action principal who makes his opening speech about MLK and Nelson Mandela.

00:59:17.000 And all the books are these fucking garbage woke books.

00:59:20.000 I did a presentation on it here.

00:59:23.000 So now what do we do?

00:59:24.000 Go to the south, I guess.

00:59:26.000 Send them to another school that's miles away, some boarding school somewhere.

00:59:30.000 Eight, they have their own language.

00:59:33.000 Now, Ryan's going to have to help me with this.

00:59:35.000 I know the obvious from an English perspective where, you know, when I would call the Northside Car Service in Williamsburg, they can't say five minutes.

00:59:42.000 That's too much work, too much enunciation.

00:59:44.000 So they go, Pai Mini.

00:59:46.000 Pai Mini.

00:59:47.000 F, f.

00:59:49.000 That's too much.

00:59:50.000 P. P is easy.

00:59:53.000 Also, I told you when the guy said you should have got a minivan, he said, Jushuga, Biba.

00:59:58.000 I go, Ju, shuga, biba.

01:00:00.000 You can't even say mini or van.

01:00:02.000 You got to say biba.

01:00:04.000 Like, that's how babies talk.

01:00:08.000 You work as hard at enunciation as a baby does.

01:00:13.000 But I've noticed that they have a real problem with S's.

01:00:17.000 And I think that's why John Laguziamo, this is actually Ryan's point, I'm stealing it, speaks at the side of his mouse.

01:00:23.000 So does Melissa Rodriguez.

01:00:26.000 The constantly frowning Melissa Rodriguez.

01:00:29.000 That's her entire acting career.

01:00:31.000 It's just this.

01:00:32.000 I'm an angry Les.

01:00:34.000 Someone stole my double dong.

01:00:37.000 What is with the S's, Ryan?

01:00:39.000 Maybe you could interject here.

01:00:40.000 I don't really know, but I know my S is a little weird too.

01:00:43.000 It's like, so salsa music.

01:00:48.000 It's almost like an SH.

01:00:50.000 Salsa music.

01:00:51.000 Irish guys will be like, I'm going to chop your schnout.

01:00:54.000 Yeah.

01:00:55.000 They purposely mess up the S as a sh.

01:00:58.000 Carlito's way.

01:00:59.000 Carlito's way, yeah.

01:01:01.000 That's a good example.

01:01:02.000 Like, Al Pacino must have done his research for that.

01:01:05.000 He played a Puerto Rican, and he basically turned out like my grandfather's brother.

01:01:10.000 Like, he is a Puerto Rican in that movie.

01:01:13.000 And he does a thing with his S where it's like, they're just like, so I've been vindicated.

01:01:17.000 I've been incorporated and disenfranchised.

01:01:21.000 And he's like, it's just a weird, I don't know how to explain it.

01:01:24.000 It's not a lisp.

01:01:24.000 Disenfranchise.

01:01:25.000 It's not a lisp.

01:01:26.000 It's like a shh.

01:01:29.000 Especially when they're from the actual island, they'll say, they'll just drop the S. Like, they'll say the S's in business, like, biznas igu.

01:01:39.000 And you're like, why did business get all those S's?

01:01:41.000 But is was not allowed.

01:01:43.000 Yeah.

01:01:44.000 And by the way, where's the D?

01:01:46.000 You know what they call me?

01:01:47.000 Cabby Eins.

01:01:49.000 I'm like, hold on, stop.

01:01:51.000 So a V is a B, and I knew that we're going to have a lot of B's.

01:01:54.000 You did the Biba with the minivan.

01:01:57.000 So I get that the V becomes a B. I could even handle that.

01:02:00.000 Why is a G a K?

01:02:01.000 Do you even know what a G is?

01:02:04.000 Like, I don't think they know what a G is.

01:02:06.000 I'm not talking about a gangster.

01:02:08.000 They know what gangsters are.

01:02:09.000 I don't think they know the letter G. Like at the fucking bodega, this guy's Cuban, but whatever.

01:02:15.000 I go, he goes, what kind of a la Pino you want in your cheeseburger?

01:02:19.000 I'm like, the raw ones, meaning the green ones.

01:02:23.000 He gave me the pickled ones, and I realized later, oh, you don't know what raw means.

01:02:27.000 So I'm Cabby.

01:02:28.000 C is a G. So that's the Gavin down.

01:02:31.000 Oh yeah, the N is gone.

01:02:32.000 Like letters, they're sort of like Laswegians in a sense.

01:02:36.000 I was saying this the other day on Compound Censored.

01:02:40.000 They just randomly, like imagine you have alphabet soup in your hand and letters just fall between your fingers.

01:02:47.000 So the N in Gavin is gone.

01:02:50.000 The MC is too confusing.

01:02:54.000 I've never seen a big letter with a little letter next to it.

01:02:56.000 That disappears.

01:02:57.000 And then the double consonant doesn't mean anything, so it's Einz.

01:03:00.000 I'm Cabby Eins.

01:03:02.000 You know what that means?

01:03:04.000 You've never read a book in your life.

01:03:08.000 Start with Dr. Zeus.

01:03:09.000 Yeah, this one, I don't know what this is, but it looks accurate.

01:03:17.000 All right, let's keep it going with the alphabet.

01:03:20.000 N is for that's just stupid.

01:03:24.000 But basically, they don't.

01:03:24.000 They're not funny either, as you may have noticed.

01:03:27.000 They don't pronounce their S's, and a lot of other Spanish-speaking people do.

01:03:31.000 Okay, number nine, and this goes back to graffiti and fame.

01:03:34.000 They overgroom.

01:03:36.000 This is true of Dominicans.

01:03:37.000 If you go to Washington Heights, you'll see them all lining up.

01:03:41.000 In Washington Heights, there's a fucking barbershop on every block, and it is crammed from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.

01:03:47.000 Non-stop.

01:03:48.000 And you look at the guys in the lineup, and they all have this hair.

01:03:51.000 Like, I got a haircut yesterday.

01:03:53.000 They have yesterday's haircut.

01:03:55.000 That's a man's foot, by the way.

01:03:57.000 Puerto Ricans will go and get a fucking pedicure.

01:04:01.000 And when I first moved to Williamsburg, I'd be walking down the street and I'd see them through the window of the place and go, like, don't you want a curtain drawn?

01:04:08.000 Aren't you, aren't you embarrassed?

01:04:12.000 Like a pedicure?

01:04:13.000 For what?

01:04:14.000 For when women suck your toes?

01:04:16.000 Is that a thing?

01:04:17.000 No one has ever touched my feet.

01:04:19.000 No women ever, my wife, obviously would be the only one, but my wife never knows what my feet are.

01:04:24.000 I could have swastikas on my feet.

01:04:26.000 The bottom of my souls could say, niggers beware.

01:04:30.000 And no one would ever know.

01:04:32.000 That's a good idea.

01:04:36.000 If you are going to get that tattoo, I'd probably get it there.

01:04:38.000 And then if anyone ever catches you, you go, no, I'm stomping on racism.

01:04:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:42.000 I hate that kind of talk.

01:04:44.000 People would ask why I'm barefoot all the time and doing high kicks.

01:04:48.000 Well, then it just says, beware, beware, beware.

01:04:53.000 Yeah, so they overgroom, just like Dominicans, they get their haircut every three days.

01:04:57.000 It looks fucking retarded.

01:04:58.000 And their eyebrows are perfectly done.

01:05:01.000 And they're really into, like when the barber's done with their hair, they're like, oh, shit, I waited three hours and we're already done.

01:05:08.000 And then the barber's like, I could spend an hour on your beard.

01:05:11.000 Okay, so then they sit there sculpting this insane line that looks like it was done with a sharpie, and this little pencil mustache, and another line going up beard.

01:05:21.000 It looks embarrassing.

01:05:24.000 You look like some weird aristocrat, like some prince, some you look like you have too much time on your hands, which I guess is exactly what's going on here.

01:05:36.000 Number 10.

01:05:38.000 This one is very unique to Puerto Ricans, and it freaks me out every time.

01:05:42.000 They make you clean up.

01:05:44.000 So you go to a Puerto Rican's house, especially in your younger days.

01:05:48.000 This isn't so common with adults, but as the party is winding up, or not even a party, just like a gathering of, say, six or seven people, they'll come out with like a broom and be like, okay, let's start cleaning up, guys.

01:05:59.000 They'll come out with garbage bags.

01:06:02.000 Okay, put the glass in here.

01:06:03.000 And then the garbage goes in this one.

01:06:05.000 And you're like, oh, all right.

01:06:07.000 And you start cleaning up their house because they don't like to clean.

01:06:12.000 Meanwhile, aren't you on welfare?

01:06:13.000 Can't you just do, make this your job tomorrow for eight hours?

01:06:18.000 Even at the gym, a Puerto Rican trainer will be like, okay, you're done.

01:06:23.000 He'll spray the mats, spray the heavy bag, and then he'll give you the paper towels and be like, all right, just clean that up and wash the mats and you're good to go.

01:06:31.000 And you're like, they're a funny group of people.

01:06:51.000 Did that hurt you today, by the way, Ryan?

01:06:54.000 No.

01:06:56.000 It was meant to.

01:06:57.000 Well, it failed.

01:06:59.000 Puerto Ricans are happy people.

01:07:01.000 Yeah, that's what happens when you don't work.

01:07:04.000 I'm working right now.

01:07:06.000 I know.

01:07:06.000 Half of you is working.

01:07:08.000 The Japanese half.

01:07:09.000 The Puerto Rican half of you is the one that fucks up all the time.

01:07:12.000 Maybe.

01:07:17.000 If it wasn't for your Japanese half, you'd be lying on the floor right now like, you know those videos they show to discourage inbreeding in the Muslim community?

01:07:26.000 No.

01:07:26.000 That would be you if you had no Japanese in you.

01:07:30.000 Do you think Japanese people would be a better stand-up comedian or a Puerto Rican?

01:07:36.000 Oh, dude, of course Puerto Ricans are funnier.

01:07:39.000 Nice.

01:07:40.000 Japanese people aren't funny.

01:07:42.000 Does Japanese comedy even exist?

01:07:44.000 I was just about to look that up.

01:07:45.000 It's probably just like someone falling down a river of bananas into a pile of shit and then going at best.

01:07:57.000 This is an American Japanese guy.

01:07:59.000 That's not going to work.

01:08:00.000 No, that doesn't count.

01:08:02.000 He learned our ways.

01:08:04.000 Maybe if he has an accent.

01:08:06.000 So I stood and clapped twice.

01:08:09.000 Lampoite Bombs.

01:08:13.000 What?

01:08:13.000 Too soon?

01:08:16.000 Oh, he is Japanese.

01:08:17.000 I became a hero recently because I just got a job as a janitor at Marianus.

01:08:23.000 Yeah, I just got this suit.

01:08:26.000 And you guys are my heroes.

01:08:28.000 But I think now we need true Asian superhero movies.

01:08:32.000 Because there's a lot of superhero movies in America, but there's no Asian superhero but Mulan.

01:08:40.000 So I need to move.

01:08:42.000 But you're only 5% of the population.

01:08:46.000 Oh, that's something I meant to cover when we were talking about the media.

01:08:49.000 I skipped over it.

01:08:50.000 But even amateur media is shit, too, because they emulate this crap.

01:08:55.000 Go to 2.9.

01:09:01.000 Big smoothie.

01:09:02.000 This isn't Nasdaq.

01:09:04.000 It's Nasdaq's brand.

01:09:05.000 He's got a whole team now, which is smart.

01:09:07.000 You don't want to be the product.

01:09:08.000 That's the problem with censored.

01:09:09.000 I am the product.

01:09:10.000 I can't sell this and retire.

01:09:14.000 But go back.

01:09:15.000 He's talking about some disgusting slum in India and how awesome it is.

01:09:20.000 A slum in India?

01:09:22.000 He talks so much like Nas that I thought it was him.

01:09:25.000 Makes more than $650 million every year.

01:09:29.000 It's called Darabit in Mumbai, India.

01:09:32.000 And it's the third largest slum in the world.

01:09:35.000 More than 100,000 people live in tiny houses all crumped up next to each other.

01:09:40.000 But when you take a closer look at this.

01:09:42.000 I looked this up.

01:09:43.000 It is more than 100,000 people.

01:09:45.000 It's a million.

01:09:49.000 So he's impressed, one of Nas's niggas, that this place makes $650 million a year.

01:09:58.000 There's a million of them.

01:09:59.000 So that's $650 a year.

01:10:04.000 He says in this, they work non-stop.

01:10:06.000 So $650 a year is about, what, $365, right?

01:10:12.000 It's $2 a day.

01:10:13.000 It's less than $2 a day.

01:10:15.000 And if you're working 10 hours a day, you're making, what, 20 cents an hour?

01:10:20.000 So he's all about this incredible powerhouse of a slum that's actually super fancy.

01:10:26.000 Really?

01:10:27.000 How much do they make?

01:10:28.000 20 cents an hour?

01:10:30.000 That's a slum.

01:10:30.000 That's a disgusting shithole.

01:10:32.000 And by the way, that's about what I figured.

01:10:34.000 20 cents an hour, sure.

01:10:37.000 Place, it's much more than just another slum.

01:10:40.000 This place has one of the biggest recycling business, pottery business, and leather and garments business.

01:10:46.000 This bag was made in Darabi.

01:10:48.000 Not Milan.

01:10:49.000 Not New York or Paris.

01:10:50.000 Not Milan.

01:10:52.000 Darabi are super hardworking.

01:10:54.000 Even inside houses, women are working.

01:10:56.000 Even with dirty roads and no toilets, every house is clean on the inside.

01:11:00.000 Bullshit.

01:11:03.000 This is more than just a slum.

01:11:05.000 It's an economic powerhouse filled with huge businesses, engineers, artists, and hard workers.

01:11:11.000 It just happens to be called a slum.

01:11:13.000 That's one minute.

01:11:15.000 See you tomorrow.

01:11:16.000 This one minute of bullshit.

01:11:18.000 One minute of fucking lefty bullshit.

01:11:20.000 Why don't you move there, buddy?

01:11:22.000 Why don't you move to this fantastic powerhouse?

01:11:24.000 You can make over 20 cents every single hour.

01:11:28.000 Did a hard day's work making Pots, you just earned two bucks.

01:11:34.000 Way to go.

01:11:35.000 Way to go.

01:11:42.000 Speaking of a good infomercial on why Muslims shouldn't inbreed.

01:11:53.000 Okay, I haven't vetted these, and that never bodes well.

01:11:59.000 Oh, no.

01:12:00.000 Did we want to hit the mailbag anymore?

01:12:02.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:03.000 Sorry.

01:12:03.000 What am I doing?

01:12:04.000 Ryan, shut up.

01:12:06.000 You don't have a dad.

01:12:09.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:12:14.000 Let me touch it.

01:12:18.000 Um, Egyptian people.

01:12:22.000 My wife is Egyptian and white.

01:12:24.000 Her 91-year-old grandma lives with us, and I mess with her by saying we are a mixed couple.

01:12:28.000 She's from the Bronx and absolutely loses her mind when I say this.

01:12:31.000 She never curses.

01:12:32.000 I showed both of them your point that Egyptian people are white, and she said, smart man.

01:12:36.000 I like that dude.

01:12:39.000 Okay.

01:12:39.000 I like when people think I'm smart.

01:12:41.000 Feels good.

01:12:42.000 Did you make my Me News thing?

01:12:45.000 No, not yet.

01:12:46.000 Yo, Gavin and Ryan, Maddie, Ryan's.

01:12:49.000 Is Maddie coming?

01:12:51.000 I'll ask you later.

01:12:53.000 Ryan's new song dropped on Spotify, and it's lit.

01:12:57.000 I didn't know you put songs on Spotify.

01:12:59.000 I did, actually, but no.

01:13:02.000 You shaved your head?

01:13:03.000 No.

01:13:07.000 That's someone else who doesn't even look like me at all.

01:13:10.000 I love advanced humor.

01:13:12.000 Very witty.

01:13:14.000 It's very witty to send us a handicapped Asian and say it's Ryan.

01:13:18.000 We haven't done that enough.

01:13:20.000 It's not me.

01:13:24.000 So you mentioned your research into the titular phenomena.

01:13:27.000 I did?

01:13:28.000 What does that mean again?

01:13:30.000 Titular phenomena?

01:13:32.000 Skip right to the bottom and call them and ask them.

01:13:34.000 In particular, I first learned epenymis.

01:13:37.000 Titular.

01:13:43.000 TV tropes.

01:13:44.000 Oh, okay.

01:13:47.000 A catalog of the tricks of the trade for writing fiction, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:52.000 This is not a Scunthorpe problem with tit.

01:13:56.000 Someone on the site, presumably the founder of, decided that titular is a synonym for nominal, but not epinamus.

01:14:01.000 Dude, why'd you give us a homework assignment with this word titular?

01:14:08.000 Yeah, tit head.

01:14:09.000 Fucking tit.

01:14:10.000 You should call him.

01:14:12.000 Titular, holding or constituting a purely formal position or title without any real authority.

01:14:18.000 Denoting a person or thing from whom or which the name of an artistic work or similar is taken.

01:14:24.000 Okay, so I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

01:14:26.000 We've all noticed how every youthful parent couple must be biracial and it's almost always a black father and a white mother.

01:14:32.000 But I've noticed an increase in black parents slash married couples being represented.

01:14:36.000 Obviously overly so in commercials.

01:14:38.000 Now my first inclination, I don't want to read this.

01:14:40.000 I'm fucking annoyed by that guy.

01:14:43.000 Again, I'm never reading from now new rule.

01:14:46.000 New rule.

01:14:47.000 I'm never reading a letter that I haven't vetted first ever again.

01:14:52.000 Good work, Johnny.

01:14:53.000 Cash flow.

01:14:55.000 Oh, he's on the line.

01:14:56.000 You have to turn your mic on, though.

01:14:58.000 Hello?

01:15:01.000 Hello?

01:15:04.000 This is G-O-M-L talking to Perry Tommy Harvard.

01:15:08.000 Are you the guy that sent the letter about the titular phenomena?

01:15:13.000 I am.

01:15:14.000 I am the one who sent the letter about the titular phenomenon.

01:15:18.000 I do love them titular phenomenon.

01:15:20.000 What does that mean?

01:15:24.000 What do you mean?

01:15:24.000 What does it mean?

01:15:26.000 So, you're talking about the cuck martials?

01:15:30.000 No, define titular phenomena.

01:15:34.000 So, the titular would be the title of the video, Cuck Marshalls, right?

01:15:42.000 And Cuck Marshalls being a phenomenon.

01:15:45.000 Now, we see in the middle of the video.

01:15:45.000 Oh, so it's like titler.

01:15:47.000 So, like, why did you slow down the show drastically?

01:15:51.000 Shut up!

01:15:53.000 Hang up on him.

01:15:54.000 Cuck Marshalls being a phenomenal.

01:15:55.000 Fuck you.

01:15:55.000 You're banned.

01:15:57.000 Jesus.

01:16:00.000 Do you know that asshole?

01:16:01.000 No.

01:16:02.000 Well, he's fucking painfully annoying.

01:16:05.000 Write down his phone number and make sure we never answer his calls on the live show.

01:16:11.000 Okay.

01:16:13.000 Sorry, you're banned.

01:16:14.000 Loretto Staircase Debunked.

01:16:17.000 The miraculous Loretto Staircase, which Ryan, of course, brought his naivete.

01:16:22.000 Why is the background wrong?

01:16:25.000 Oops.

01:16:28.000 The Loretto Academy was founded in 1852.

01:16:30.000 It was a school for women, blah, blah, blah.

01:16:32.000 And they talk about, we talked about this on the show recently, how the staircase, this magical staircase, which Ryan has got to get up there, is magic.

01:16:39.000 It was made by a saint.

01:16:40.000 No one knew where he got the lumber from, and no one can figure out how he built it, and it has no nails.

01:16:46.000 And these historians go, yeah, no one used nails back then.

01:16:49.000 They weren't around.

01:16:50.000 And the reason they didn't use wooden pegs is on stairs, especially spiral staircases, they wear out and morph, and it becomes unusable.

01:17:00.000 So turns out, the wood was just spruce.

01:17:03.000 It's not a magical wood.

01:17:05.000 And they did know who bought it.

01:17:07.000 The builder appeared after nine days of prayer, blah, blah.

01:17:11.000 However, in the early 2000s, historian Mary Jean Cook identified Francis François Jean, or Frenchie Rochas, known as the probable carpenter.

01:17:23.000 He was a guy who came to New Mexico from France around the 1870s.

01:17:26.000 He was a reclusive rancher and occasional carpenter.

01:17:29.000 Key piece of evidence in an entry of the sisters' logbook of $150 payment made to Rojas for wood indicating he had done some work for them.

01:17:39.000 Also at the time of his death, it was reported he had an awesome set of tools.

01:17:45.000 So not magic.

01:17:46.000 Sorry, folks.

01:17:48.000 Well, hold on a second here.

01:17:49.000 Okay.

01:17:50.000 This is classic Ryan.

01:17:51.000 It says probable.

01:17:52.000 Never wrong.

01:17:52.000 It says probable.

01:17:54.000 Yeah.

01:17:56.000 Well, that's what you're going to get when you go back to 1873.

01:17:59.000 We're not Going to have a lot of video footage.

01:18:05.000 I don't understand the misunderstanding of the political spectrum for modern normies.

01:18:10.000 Just because Antifa say they're anarchists doesn't make it so.

01:18:12.000 They aren't for no rulers, just not our rulers.

01:18:15.000 They are communist.

01:18:16.000 They want us against the wall while their tranny comrades, with half of its head shaved, Empier's Body Part reloads the magazine.

01:18:23.000 What do right-wingers want?

01:18:25.000 We want small, limited government, a little more than the founders wanted, but still mostly leashed.

01:18:31.000 What do libertarians want?

01:18:32.000 Almost no government regulations.

01:18:33.000 What do leftists want?

01:18:34.000 They want more government.

01:18:36.000 Why the hell would libertarians and anarchists be on the left?

01:18:39.000 Because they're scared of being called racist, basically.

01:18:42.000 The left is fascism.

01:18:44.000 Hitler's 25-point party platform is a leftist wet dream.

01:18:48.000 To socialism to communism like ticks on the gas range.

01:18:51.000 Anyway, good points from Josh.

01:18:56.000 I can say your first name, I assume.

01:18:59.000 Gavin Email, Fagin and the Retard.

01:19:03.000 In reference to Monday's show, it's my belief that Michael Jackson was set up, and killed.

01:19:09.000 That guy's really fallen from the bad books, soared up into the good books.

01:19:13.000 Not only is he not a pedophile, he's a martyr.

01:19:16.000 His father and brothers were abusive.

01:19:18.000 I don't understand why that's got to do with him being killed.

01:19:21.000 But he talks about crying himself to sleep at night as his dad and brothers fuck random groupies.

01:19:27.000 This one sounds big, and I hadn't really thought of this before.

01:19:30.000 He owned the three biggest music catalogs ever.

01:19:34.000 Michael Jackson, his own music.

01:19:35.000 The Beatles, which he purchased, and Elvis Presley through his marriage to Elvis' daughter.

01:19:43.000 Not to mention Sony ATV.

01:19:46.000 The ATV is Michael Jackson's holdings.

01:19:48.000 He owned too much of the business.

01:19:50.000 That's why he had to go.

01:19:52.000 And then three, this person brings the Jews into it and says in the song They Don't Really Care About Us, he said, Jew me, sue me, kick me, kike me.

01:20:03.000 He identified someone he wasn't supposed to, and from there, the accused, he was accused of pedophilia and shortly after died.

01:20:09.000 Coincidence?

01:20:09.000 I think not.

01:20:18.000 Then someone sends us Nick Mullen.

01:20:20.000 They'd never heard of him before, I guess, and they just call it semi-red-pilled comedy.

01:20:25.000 I was mad at Nick for saying that Cumio was out there doing racist shit, but no one can deny Nick Sprinkles.

01:20:33.000 Do you know how much they were making?

01:20:34.000 Did we talk about this?

01:20:35.000 With that stupid podcast with the fat Greek guy?

01:20:38.000 Come Town.

01:20:39.000 Former fat Greek guy.

01:20:41.000 Well, he's still fat, but formerly working with him.

01:20:45.000 Yeah, they don't work together anymore.

01:20:46.000 But they were making like, I think, $40,000 an episode.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, they were making a lot of money.

01:20:52.000 They were making like half a million dollars a year.

01:20:55.000 At least.

01:20:59.000 I just saw a clip of him responding to, what's it called?

01:21:05.000 The Fatima.

01:21:05.000 The Holocaust.

01:21:06.000 Yes.

01:21:07.000 That he's not on the show anymore, and he looks sad.

01:21:09.000 He was like, you know, good for those guys.

01:21:13.000 Is the Greek guy or Nick?

01:21:14.000 Stavros, the Greek guy.

01:21:16.000 And he's like, I wish him all the best.

01:21:18.000 Well, he left.

01:21:19.000 He left, and he was like, you know what happened is at the end of I was touring and stuff and I just like didn't want to do anything.

01:21:25.000 You know, that's kind of where I was at.

01:21:27.000 And he was like saying like, that's.

01:21:29.000 Now I'm now I'm here, but I was at like a quit everything place.

01:21:33.000 Now I'm, who knows now?

01:21:34.000 It's like, but I think it's.

01:21:35.000 Sometimes I have to tell you people, never quit.

01:21:38.000 Get fired.

01:21:39.000 So here's Nick Mullen doing some good comedy sprinkles.

01:21:46.000 Weird hat like FOMO.

01:21:47.000 I've never had that feeling.

01:21:49.000 He likes red hats.

01:21:51.000 Initially, I thought somebody was just putting a little stink on the word homo.

01:21:54.000 I was like, come on, guys.

01:21:56.000 Come on.

01:21:58.000 I didn't know what it was until I saw that fucking Capitol ride.

01:22:01.000 And I was like, ah, I should have been there.

01:22:04.000 I should have fucking been there.

01:22:06.000 Not because I share any politics with those guys, but intellectually, that is my fucking zone.

01:22:10.000 100%.

01:22:12.000 100% wildly overconfident.

01:22:14.000 No reason to be.

01:22:17.000 Expecting zero consequences for my like fucking egregious actions.

01:22:22.000 Everybody that went there that day drove there drunk.

01:22:25.000 Guaranteed.

01:22:27.000 They were leaving the house while some Tieri woman tried to paw their keys away from them.

01:22:31.000 They're like, please don't go.

01:22:32.000 He's like, I'll be fine, bitch.

01:22:36.000 I'm going to go kill my pants.

01:22:38.000 I'll be all right.

01:22:39.000 Don't worry about me.

01:22:42.000 I've done this shit a million times.

01:22:44.000 Don't worry about me.

01:22:46.000 Never understood.

01:22:47.000 And then the next one's pretty good, too.

01:22:49.000 See, good comedy is like good art.

01:22:52.000 You take something that we've all seen a million times, you package it differently, and you get a new perspective on it.

01:22:57.000 That's why they'll have a plexiglass thing of like a spoon and a toothbrush.

01:23:01.000 And you're like, well, I never really looked at the ergonomics of those things.

01:23:04.000 And I guess they are pretty in a way.

01:23:06.000 And that's what good comedy does.

01:23:09.000 They tell you that Me Too is a really shitty name.

01:23:12.000 And it sounds like, well, here, I'll let him do it.

01:23:15.000 The worst of all of them.

01:23:16.000 I was the one that started it all.

01:23:18.000 That one, they should have taken at least another second to think about that.

01:23:23.000 It's the shittiest name you could have picked.

01:23:25.000 For what that movement was, Me Too?

01:23:27.000 Like, imagine you're describing the most unbearable trauma you've ever had in your life.

01:23:32.000 Just the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

01:23:35.000 You're like, can nobody believe me?

01:23:37.000 And the police wouldn't even file a report.

01:23:39.000 And then somebody just comes up and they're like, Me Too.

01:23:47.000 Yeah, that sounds like it sucks.

01:23:50.000 Same.

01:23:55.000 Whatever happened to me, that sounds like it's dog shit, but.

01:23:59.000 Been there, done that.

01:24:03.000 Bought the t-shirt.

01:24:06.000 And I'm like an idiot, too.

01:24:07.000 So anytime I heard Me Too, I just, I would always picture Jack for Mullen Grace being like, ooh, me too.

01:24:12.000 Three.

01:24:15.000 Yeah, Me Too.

01:24:16.000 He's a funny quality, man.

01:24:18.000 The guy's just, he's got it.

01:24:20.000 This is Stop Rose.

01:24:22.000 Well, you know, God bless the Adam Friedland show.

01:24:25.000 You know, I hope those boys are successful.

01:24:27.000 He's kind of killing it right now.

01:24:28.000 That's great.

01:24:28.000 Have you read the monologues?

01:24:30.000 I have not.

01:24:30.000 Monologues are solid.

01:24:33.000 I'm completely off everything.

01:24:34.000 Not even, you know, that show, just everything.

01:24:36.000 So, yeah, it's all like they're going to be successful.

01:24:38.000 They're hilarious as shit.

01:24:39.000 But I was just like, You could have been rich, you fucking moron.

01:24:43.000 I was at the end of the day.

01:24:43.000 This is just like, what's his name there?

01:24:45.000 The little A-Korean dude who lost that hot chick just out of laziness.

01:24:50.000 Oh, Bobby Lee.

01:24:51.000 Yeah, I'm just going to let my whole life fall apart and slip through my fingers.

01:24:54.000 Well, he's doing the.

01:24:56.000 Carpe Diem, Carpe My As He's doing the whole like, that's the stand-up thing.

01:25:01.000 He's like, I want to be a stand-up guy.

01:25:03.000 And I was so tired.

01:25:03.000 I was like, I don't want to do anything.

01:25:06.000 It's all love.

01:25:06.000 It's all being fat and lazy.

01:25:09.000 Bless the Adam Friedlands.

01:25:10.000 Fat, lazy, and stupid is no way to go through life, Greek.

01:25:13.000 Anyway, last one.

01:25:15.000 Sup, dudes, there's one of you can give us a review on the all-black punk death band from the 70s, Death.

01:25:21.000 Okay, I am so fucking sick of this band.

01:25:25.000 Just like they say Elvis stole rock and roll from the black man.

01:25:28.000 Now they know punk is awesome.

01:25:30.000 They know it's cool.

01:25:31.000 So they have Afro-punk.

01:25:33.000 And they talk about how being black is actually the punkest thing.

01:25:36.000 It's this, we'll get more, I'll get more into this on Monday.

01:25:39.000 I've had enough erase for one week.

01:25:41.000 But this whole idea of blackwashing everything and making everything about blacks.

01:25:46.000 And now that thing, you mean Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious Pogoing?

01:25:50.000 Yeah, that's basically from blacks.

01:25:52.000 So they dig up this rock band called Death from a million years ago.

01:25:59.000 I don't know, 69, 72.

01:26:02.000 And they call them punk just because they're fast.

01:26:05.000 No one knew anything about this band.

01:26:07.000 They had zero influence.

01:26:09.000 They were a good, hard rock band.

01:26:12.000 Heavily influenced, of course, by other rock bands of the day.

01:26:16.000 And they played good rock.

01:26:18.000 That doesn't mean that they were secretly behind the bad brains.

01:26:22.000 Just because bad brains are also black, that's retarded.

01:26:26.000 H.R. and Daryl Jennifer had never heard of death.

01:26:28.000 Death had zero influence.

01:26:30.000 You know why bad brains got into hardcore?

01:26:32.000 Because they were a jazz band and there was no jazz gigs.

01:26:35.000 And hardcore was blowing up in DC, so they went, okay, let's try that.

01:26:38.000 We'll make some money.

01:26:39.000 That's it.

01:26:40.000 Bad brains were influenced by minor threat more than anything.

01:26:44.000 And that death, does that sound like it inspired the New York Dolls?

01:26:48.000 Punk rock came from Glam, which came from David Bowie and Slade and that whole sort of soccer stadium rock chanting music with the big platform boots of the 70s.

01:27:03.000 Turn it up.

01:27:15.000 Almost hippie music.

01:27:17.000 Keep going.

01:27:25.000 Like, you find an old rock band.

01:27:27.000 If this was a white band, no one would have ever heard of it.

01:27:30.000 But because they're black, they go, they're the reason punk exists.

01:27:35.000 Even though no one's ever fucking heard of them before.

01:27:37.000 Come on, man.

01:27:40.000 Anyway, last one.

01:27:43.000 What does the downer acronym stand for?

01:27:46.000 I only remember water a plenty and never after four.

01:27:49.000 So he's asking me about my partying acronym that I hope you all follow when you go out and you party.

01:27:55.000 Say you're going to Westfest or South by Southwest or some major bachelor party that's three days or something.

01:28:03.000 Actually, bachelor parties are different because no one's trying to get laid per se.

01:28:08.000 Number one, don't cock block.

01:28:11.000 So the way I talk, two guys can hit on a girl.

01:28:15.000 That's fine.

01:28:16.000 But you don't ram the boat.

01:28:18.000 You're two speedboats going in the same direction.

01:28:22.000 You try your best.

01:28:23.000 You hit the throttle.

01:28:24.000 You try to be funny.

01:28:25.000 You can sort of tell who she's into.

01:28:27.000 And once it's clear that you're losing and she's more into this guy, you just take the speedboat and you go, you zoom away.

01:28:35.000 Turn right.

01:28:36.000 You're allowed to go for the same chick, but you're not allowed to go, you know, he has herpes or some shit thing like that.

01:28:42.000 No.

01:28:43.000 So number one rule of parting, don't cock block.

01:28:47.000 Only 13 hours.

01:28:49.000 If you start at noon, you have to stop at 1 a.m.

01:28:52.000 I don't care how fun things are.

01:28:54.000 If you start at 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. and you have Bloody Mary at brunch, well, then you better be done at 10 p.m.

01:29:01.000 Sorry.

01:29:02.000 That's too much booze.

01:29:05.000 D-O.

01:29:06.000 W, water aplenty.

01:29:08.000 And you can see in the lower thirds here, I've spelled it all out.

01:29:12.000 Downer.

01:29:13.000 D-O-W-N-E-R.

01:29:15.000 So water aplenty.

01:29:18.000 I know it sounds gay, and it is gay to have like a beer and then be like, could I go to water, please?

01:29:23.000 And then just have a water for one of your beers?

01:29:25.000 No, no, no.

01:29:25.000 Just like whenever you can grab it, just get it into your body.

01:29:30.000 So if you're doing shots, maybe try not to be seen, but like just grab a water and just chug it if you can.

01:29:36.000 Don't be like very regimented about it, but if it pops in your head, go, oh yeah, water.

01:29:41.000 And throw water into your body.

01:29:43.000 D-O-W.

01:29:45.000 And never after.

01:29:50.000 This has changed over the years.

01:29:53.000 But it used to be never after four.

01:29:54.000 Now, I haven't partied in a long time, but never after three.

01:29:58.000 Like, nothing fun happens at 3.20 a.m.

01:30:02.000 Everyone's fucking wasted.

01:30:05.000 Even if you end up fucking a girl, it's probably rape at this point.

01:30:07.000 She's going to be all sloppy and just stop the partying.

01:30:14.000 Even if you started at midnight, you got three hours.

01:30:17.000 Stop at three.

01:30:18.000 And I might even be wrong about three.

01:30:20.000 We might even go down to two at some point.

01:30:22.000 This is malleable.

01:30:25.000 E, eat your dinner.

01:30:26.000 I know you missed breakfast.

01:30:27.000 I know you missed lunch.

01:30:28.000 I know you're not hungry because you did some bumps, but you got to get a cheeseburger in that body of yours.

01:30:33.000 You just have to.

01:30:33.000 I'm sorry.

01:30:34.000 Squeeze it in.

01:30:35.000 So eat your dinner.

01:30:38.000 Just reminding me, I think I'm late for an appointment.

01:30:52.000 Sorry, that's not very good TV.

01:30:56.000 And then the last one, of course, is regulate your bumps.

01:30:59.000 Now, I know you went to the Puerto Rican's apartment and he lifted up his wrestling trophy and he gave you some Coke.

01:31:04.000 A lot of times people just do Coke because there's Coke in their pocket.

01:31:07.000 and this takes incredible maturity, but you have to sit there and go, Do I really want this Coke?

01:31:12.000 And I'm not advocating for drug use, I don't do Coke, but I'm saying if you were doing it, this is something you should keep in mind: that I've already done like 10 bumps.

01:31:21.000 I'm actually just killing my booze buzz right now.

01:31:24.000 So I think I should regulate it.

01:31:26.000 No, I'm not going to do a bump.

01:31:27.000 I don't really need one.

01:31:29.000 Don't do it just because it's there.

01:31:31.000 You don't sit in a chair just because it's on the road.

01:31:33.000 You'll get hit by a car.

01:31:35.000 So that is downer.

01:31:37.000 Thank you for asking.

01:31:40.000 And then, oh, you put that on the screen?

01:31:42.000 Good work.

01:31:44.000 Let's get to the final video.

01:32:02.000 All right.

01:32:03.000 What have we got here?

01:32:04.000 Oh, LARPing is gay, right?

01:32:06.000 All that, like, you've got foam noodle swords and stuff.

01:32:11.000 People accuse prowboys of being LARPers, which I don't understand.

01:32:14.000 They're not acting.

01:32:15.000 They have metal plates there, steel plates.

01:32:17.000 They get stabbed.

01:32:18.000 Noble Beard got home.

01:32:20.000 He took off his plates and there were stab marks and then they saved his life.

01:32:24.000 The helmets, people are throwing bricks and shit.

01:32:27.000 The gas masks, there's all kinds of fucking pepper spray and shit going on.

01:32:31.000 Lauren Southern says that.

01:32:32.000 She goes, I went to this rally.

01:32:34.000 I felt like an idiot LARPer with my helmet and my goggles and my gas mask and my plates.

01:32:37.000 But I ended up using them all.

01:32:39.000 So it's, yeah, that's not LARPing to dress up like that at a rally.

01:32:43.000 As far as live-action role-playing in the dictionary definition, yeah, it can be pretty gay.

01:32:48.000 But this doesn't look like that.

01:32:50.000 This is here in New York.

01:32:51.000 They dress up as, I don't know, medieval Brits, and they just fight.

01:32:57.000 But they really fight.

01:32:58.000 And it's steel.

01:33:00.000 I'm all for this.

01:33:02.000 This is the best of both worlds, the best of fighting, and then the best of like historical reenactments.

01:33:12.000 Come on, bitch, let's do this.

01:33:13.000 It's kind of weird to hear knights of the round table go, what, bitch?

01:33:18.000 What you gonna do?

01:33:24.000 I wonder if they have a safe word.

01:33:27.000 I still think we should go to the Renaissance fair.

01:33:29.000 You, me, and Maddie.

01:33:30.000 Okay.

01:33:34.000 Yeah.

01:33:35.000 So even if people think you're uncool, you can still have fun.

01:33:39.000 That's nothing to do with what we're talking about, Ryan.

01:33:42.000 It's the video of the fight that is the final video.

01:33:45.000 Have a fun weekend, dudes.

01:33:48.000 Get in the fight.

01:33:49.000 Get laid.

01:33:51.000 Get off your phone.

01:33:54.000 Get involved.

01:33:55.000 Get into it.

01:33:57.000 Get fired.

01:33:58.000 Get in trouble.

01:33:59.000 Be brave.

01:34:00.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 19, 2022

S4E156 - 10 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT PUERTO RICANS

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