Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E235 - WHACK IT DRY

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!

00:00:36.000 Oh.

00:00:54.000 That was the Molochs. 1.00

00:00:57.000 L.A.

00:00:57.000 band from, well, from now.

00:01:00.000 Been around since, I think, 2012 or so.

00:01:03.000 Some Argentinian dude who was into hip-hop.

00:01:06.000 And he went to, his parents are, I think, rich, right?

00:01:11.000 If you're from Argentina and you keep going back and forth to L.A., you're rich.

00:01:15.000 Then he went to India and decided to become a hippie.

00:01:19.000 He got groovy out in India.

00:01:21.000 And that's a groovy band.

00:01:24.000 High quality stuff.

00:01:26.000 Welcome to the Friday Show of Get Off My Lawn.

00:01:29.000 This show is free, and that's why we have sponsors on it.

00:01:34.000 It is everywhere.

00:01:36.000 Tonight, we are playing in Los Angeles.

00:01:40.000 Comedy show called The End Racism Tour.

00:01:42.000 Me and Anthony Comey and Josh Denny and our own Ryan Katsu Rivera.

00:01:47.000 Yes, hello.

00:01:49.000 And that'll be, we can't, we'll announce it very soon.

00:01:54.000 But we can only announce these things day of because lunatics try to attack us.

00:02:02.000 Before we get started, the first product here is Purple Pre-Workout.

00:02:08.000 Purple Works Nutrition Pre-Workout.

00:02:10.000 It's my pre-workout.

00:02:11.000 I use it every day.

00:02:13.000 I noticed this morning.

00:02:15.000 They want you to do a scoop.

00:02:17.000 I don't do a scoop.

00:02:17.000 It's too intense for a 53-year-old with a sensitivity to caffeine.

00:02:21.000 But I do like half a tablespoon, swirl it up right there, half an hour before your workout.

00:02:27.000 I start to get prickles in my hands, which Ryan says is the biotin, creatine?

00:02:32.000 Beta-alanine.

00:02:34.000 Beta-alanine. 1.00

00:02:35.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:02:36.000 It's a tingly. 1.00

00:02:38.000 And then you start doing your workout and it goes away.

00:02:43.000 As you work out.

00:02:44.000 In fact, I don't consider it a good workout unless I've done, unless the prickles are gone. 0.94

00:02:52.000 And the thing about Purpleworks is a lot of these other brands, they show off by like saying, 500 grams of fucking vitamin C. Yeah, your body just pees that out. 0.74

00:03:02.000 It can't process it. 0.85

00:03:02.000 In fact, it's toxic to give yourself extra ingredients that your body can't break down. 0.85

00:03:07.000 These guys only give you things that you can actually use.

00:03:12.000 And it works.

00:03:14.000 I told my wife to use it for her Peloton.

00:03:16.000 I go, do it, it's cheating.

00:03:19.000 It makes you feel like you had nine hours of sleep and did not have one drink yesterday.

00:03:25.000 So today we did a minute on the bike, that's when the prickles started to go away, and then ten push-ups, and then a plank where you do this hip thing, this boogie hip, where you're like dipping your hips to the ground.

00:03:41.000 Hip dip.

00:03:42.000 You know that?

00:03:43.000 No.

00:03:44.000 I just think hip dip.

00:03:45.000 Probably hip dip. 0.99

00:03:49.000 Two 25-pound weights.

00:03:51.000 You stand up on the box with both feet and then go like this.

00:03:56.000 Yeah, curl and then back down. 0.98

00:03:58.000 So 10 for each foot.

00:04:00.000 Then this weird thing with the doohickey where you stretch out and you grab it and you go like that.

00:04:06.000 Reverse lunge.

00:04:08.000 So you're pulling in this weight for your lat.

00:04:11.000 And you do on both sides, right?

00:04:12.000 Yeah.

00:04:14.000 But you can't go like this.

00:04:16.000 You have to be a brick wall.

00:04:18.000 So you stretch way out.

00:04:20.000 And then brick wall.

00:04:21.000 And then 15 of these.

00:04:23.000 And then reverse lunges holding a medicine ball. 0.98

00:04:25.000 And I think that's it.

00:04:29.000 Three times.

00:04:32.000 So that was fun.

00:04:32.000 And you survived because of PurpleWorksNutrition.com.

00:04:37.000 The great thing about cheating, too, is you're like, I don't really have to give it my all.

00:04:43.000 This will give it my all.

00:04:45.000 So you can be kind of lazy about your workout.

00:04:49.000 And of course other fun things to do for a workout is to lie to yourself and say you're going to stop early even though you're not.

00:04:55.000 Say you're not going to work very hard even though they make you work hard.

00:04:58.000 There's no getting around it.

00:05:00.000 But PurpleWorks Nutrition has formulated not to leave any nasty smells

00:05:05.000 More strains in your shaker or cup?

00:05:06.000 You should get the shaker too.

00:05:07.000 It's awesome.

00:05:08.000 There are no artificial dyes or ingredients.

00:05:10.000 It's great for men and women.

00:05:11.000 You don't have to cycle on and off it like many other pre-workouts.

00:05:14.000 In the next week or so, Purpleworks will be shipping to Canada.

00:05:18.000 I think that's actually now.

00:05:19.000 This is an old ad.

00:05:20.000 So keep an eye on that if you're north of the border.

00:05:23.000 Get the shakers. 0.99

00:05:25.000 Shake it up with some water.

00:05:25.000 You put in one scoop in there.

00:05:26.000 You'll be ready for a great workout.

00:05:28.000 I like to do it half an hour before I start.

00:05:30.000 Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter the promo code Gavin for 15% off.

00:05:37.000 And look at the reflexes it gives you.

00:05:38.000 I agree.

00:05:40.000 Watch the reflexes it gives you.

00:05:43.000 I mean, it's amazing.

00:05:45.000 It's magical.

00:05:45.000 It's like a Spiderman.

00:05:48.000 We've got a lot of fun stuff to cover.

00:05:50.000 Tuesday was a very depressing show because of the shooting.

00:05:53.000 It was hard to be amusing, but I don't know what to think of Wednesday's show.

00:06:00.000 I just don't know what to think of it.

00:06:03.000 That's good to know.

00:06:05.000 It was good.

00:06:07.000 Yeah?

00:06:08.000 Well the big story over at Opie and Anthony is that Anthony was at his restaurant and he saw a dude that looked like Opie.

00:06:14.000 Right.

00:06:15.000 He thought it was Opie. 0.99

00:06:16.000 It did look exactly like Opie and he goes holy shit look who's at my restaurant. 0.98

00:06:19.000 I fell for it. 0.97

00:06:21.000 Anthony fell for it.

00:06:22.000 Oh, he literally thought of it?

00:06:23.000 Yeah, he wasn't joking.

00:06:26.000 He didn't notice that it wasn't Opie until Opie got all uppity.

00:06:31.000 Wait, what if he drove down, because Opie took a video of him in, what, Virginia or whatever, like he's got that second house?

00:06:39.000 What if he drove down to be like, look, I can't be there from here.

00:06:45.000 How could that be me?

00:06:47.000 Maybe it was him.

00:06:48.000 And he's lying.

00:06:49.000 Detective Shitty strikes again with the terrible takes.

00:06:51.000 What's the proof that it wasn't him?

00:06:54.000 No, that's good.

00:06:55.000 That's good.

00:06:55.000 I like it.

00:06:56.000 It's right on brand for you to have a terrible theory about what actually happened.

00:07:00.000 But you know what, Chrissy Mayer, is it Meyer or Mayer or what?

00:07:04.000 I don't care.

00:07:05.000 She brought up a great point.

00:07:06.000 She goes, dude, why didn't you get him?

00:07:09.000 Right.

00:07:10.000 That would've been funny.

00:07:11.000 You get him to come on the show, say, hey, I used to do a show called Opie and Anthony, and you look exactly like the guy.

00:07:17.000 It'd be funny if you came by the studio and said, Opie and Anthony are reuniting.

00:07:22.000 I'll pay you a thousand bucks.

00:07:23.000 Quick audition.

00:07:24.000 Just say, brother man, brother man.

00:07:27.000 Um, dude, remember that I, at Taco Bell, I met that kid that looked exactly like an off version of me?

00:07:32.000 But it wasn't a Taco Bell I usually, Taco Bell I usually go to.

00:07:36.000 But, I was like, that was before the marathon?

00:07:39.000 And I was like, wouldn't it be funny, like, switch me out with a guy who has no idea what to do, but he looks like me?

00:07:43.000 And you're like, yeah, you should've done that.

00:07:46.000 I guess I should've.

00:07:47.000 That's a great story!

00:07:48.000 I know.

00:07:48.000 But that would've been good.

00:07:49.000 So, good theories, awesome stories.

00:07:51.000 This is using doppelganger talk.

00:07:54.000 Right.

00:07:55.000 But he failed and I failed, so very similar guys.

00:07:58.000 Yeah, very similar stories there.

00:08:03.000 So we've got a bunch of silly stuff before we get serious. 0.98

00:08:06.000 We've got a lot of racism and a lot of my pet Biden. 0.92

00:08:08.000 I like to avoid racism on Fridays.

00:08:11.000 That's a t-shirt, by the way.

00:08:13.000 But I don't know, there's just too much juice. 0.99

00:08:15.000 And the problem with avoiding that uncomfortable topic is that shit piles up. 0.98

00:08:22.000 Sorry, we're a little tongue-tied here, tooth-tongue-tied, because I just had Domino's, and it's got a bad reputation, especially New Yorkers are very snobby. 1.00

00:08:32.000 It's fucking good, man. 0.98

00:08:33.000 It is. 0.99

00:08:34.000 And I love the little corns, what do they put on the bottom?

00:08:39.000 Cornmeal.

00:08:40.000 Cornmeal?

00:08:41.000 Yeah, I like that too.

00:08:41.000 It gets air underneath?

00:08:43.000 I took a bite and like a little bit went up my nose.

00:08:45.000 I was like, that's a lot of cornmeal, baby.

00:08:47.000 A little bit went in my care.

00:08:50.000 Did you hear about the corn?

00:08:51.000 Speaking of corn and pizza, Little Caesar's corn pizza?

00:08:56.000 Corn crust?

00:08:59.000 Are you pulling it up?

00:09:00.000 I am.

00:09:01.000 Look at this.

00:09:02.000 I gotta say, it's great to have a small to your... Oh my god.

00:09:08.000 Check it out.

00:09:08.000 How do you eat it?

00:09:09.000 Pizza?

00:09:11.000 This is interesting to say the least.

00:09:13.000 It looks like just a cheese pizza with corn.

00:09:15.000 Why is it so stiff?

00:09:16.000 It does look stiff.

00:09:18.000 With butter! 0.87

00:09:19.000 And why isn't the butter melting off?

00:09:21.000 Is it margarine?

00:09:23.000 What is that?

00:09:23.000 Is that crust like shortbread?

00:09:26.000 Why is it so stiff?

00:09:26.000 It looks like almond bread or something.

00:09:30.000 I'm not sure what the discussion was in the boardroom, but why this over the pretzel crust that people already like?

00:09:39.000 Little Caesar's corn cob crust.

00:09:42.000 And Little Caesar's corn cob crust pizza?

00:09:49.000 You know who that is? 1.00

00:09:50.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:09:52.000 Is that Eric? 0.99

00:09:52.000 Is it Tim Heidecker or Eric Warheimer? 0.99

00:09:54.000 That's Eric Warheimer.

00:09:55.000 Okay.

00:09:56.000 Heidecker is, uh, yeah, just as bad.

00:10:01.000 This guy I hated less.

00:10:03.000 No, I never hated this guy.

00:10:04.000 In fact, I hung out with him a bunch of times. 0.91

00:10:05.000 I heard he was a pedo. 1.00

00:10:07.000 He's a pervert. 1.00

00:10:08.000 Pedo pervert. 1.00

00:10:09.000 But I don't care about that. 0.91

00:10:11.000 Hi, I'm John J. Pepp from Little Cizazz.

00:10:14.000 My friends call me Pip.

00:10:16.000 For years, fans have asked us for a unique pizza with a crust like no other.

00:10:21.000 Something salty.

00:10:23.000 Something buttery.

00:10:24.000 Something cheesy.

00:10:26.000 It's a special pizza we only do every once in a while.

00:10:30.000 Why does he sound exactly like Brett Gelman? 0.99

00:10:33.000 And gay. 0.80

00:10:35.000 You've been tweeting and commenting and even leaving personal voicemails for me. 0.96

00:10:39.000 I received 150 emails just last night.

00:10:42.000 You've been begging and we listened.

00:10:44.000 We listened real good.

00:10:46.000 Introducing Corn Cob Crust from Little Caesars!

00:10:50.000 I can't believe Tim and Eric has become real.

00:10:52.000 This is a sketch.

00:10:55.000 Here's some more good news.

00:10:56.000 You'll get a two liter bottle of liquefied butter.

00:10:59.000 Wow, that's wet.

00:11:00.000 You'll be swimming in butter.

00:11:02.000 This corn is American made!

00:11:07.000 Do they get Vic Berger to do the editing or does someone else do this?

00:11:10.000 They're probably just like... Grabbed his style.

00:11:14.000 Yeah, I don't really get it.

00:11:19.000 It's fake.

00:11:20.000 What?

00:11:20.000 I think it's fake.

00:11:23.000 Oh, so that guy that we just saw in the car was fake?

00:11:26.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:11:27.000 I mean, because like that doesn't look like this.

00:11:30.000 Yeah, I think this is fake.

00:11:33.000 Because it's too stiff.

00:11:35.000 Well, just go to Little Caesar.

00:11:36.000 Why did you waste the entire show with a fake thing?

00:11:40.000 It's part of the fun of the phenomenon.

00:11:41.000 Like, is this real?

00:11:42.000 Is it fake?

00:11:43.000 If I just skip to the end, that takes all the fun out of it.

00:11:45.000 Let me tell you how this mystery movie ends.

00:11:49.000 I guess.

00:11:50.000 So go to Little Caesar's home page.

00:11:52.000 Here we go.

00:11:56.000 I don't think you're allowed to falsely advertise.

00:11:58.000 Use their logo.

00:11:59.000 I guess you are, right?

00:12:00.000 No, I think that's from Little Caesar's Pizza.

00:12:04.000 It's a verified account.

00:12:06.000 It's weird, too, because they have videos that aren't even, like, exciting that have, like, 5 million views.

00:12:12.000 I guess that's because they plant those in other people's videos, but look at this.

00:12:17.000 A couple months ago, they always get really good views.

00:12:20.000 This one has 5.6 million views.

00:12:22.000 Just a regular commercial.

00:12:26.000 Why would someone watch a commercial on YouTube?

00:12:28.000 I don't know.

00:12:29.000 Unless these are the numbers for... Their friends?

00:12:33.000 No, when they plant it inside of a video, you know?

00:12:37.000 You know.

00:12:38.000 Alright.

00:12:38.000 Alright, dude, I can't tell if it's real or not.

00:12:41.000 When we got back from spring training, I railed with a passion against adults who try to get their balls signed. 1.00

00:12:47.000 I fucking hate these dudes. 1.00

00:12:49.000 And baseball players hate these dudes, so they don't sign their balls. 1.00

00:12:52.000 These guys go straight to eBay. 1.00

00:12:54.000 Best case scenario, they're mentally ill weirdos who do keep the balls. 1.00

00:12:59.000 Sorry, guy, you gotta grow up. 1.00

00:13:01.000 This is for kids.

00:13:02.000 Getting your ball signed is for kids.

00:13:05.000 Worst case scenario, and the most likely scenario, is they take these balls, they get the signature, they go to eBay.

00:13:10.000 So the pro baseball player who's making $10 million a year is like, why do I work part-time making you money?

00:13:18.000 It's fun to do it for kids, not just because it's a nice thing, but it's economically viable because you get kids young.

00:13:24.000 They're interested in the game.

00:13:25.000 It's a good investment into the sport.

00:13:28.000 It's why I go to spring training.

00:13:30.000 I don't really care about the games, but I want my kids to get their balls signed.

00:13:35.000 They're at baseballs. 1.00

00:13:38.000 But look at this fucking clown who actually gets in a little bit of a conflict with that, I don't know, 11-year-old in the Dodgers shit. 1.00

00:13:52.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Yeah, Joe Gatto's really fell off since Impractical Jokers. 1.00

00:13:58.000 Look, he puts his elbow up and the guy goes, fuck off, bitch. 1.00

00:14:03.000 Move it. 1.00

00:14:07.000 Look at him.

00:14:08.000 He's got white hair and he's competing with kids. 1.00

00:14:15.000 What a scumbag. 1.00

00:14:17.000 He looks like there's something wrong there. 1.00

00:14:19.000 What a douche. 0.85

00:14:21.000 Also in old news, we were talking recently about how much I hate government-sanctioned museums and how they're just printouts of kinkos. 0.80

00:14:30.000 So ever since then, readers have been sending us in

00:14:36.000 Their own little handmade museums they've discovered.

00:14:39.000 Little Dean Jail.

00:14:41.000 This is a jail that's in the southwest of England and it has all kinds of offensive, shocking stuff. 0.99

00:14:47.000 Freaks, the Iranian embassy siege, lots of Nazi shit, KKK artifacts. 0.95

00:14:54.000 There's also a whole punk rock section and a mod section with Quadrophenia memorabilia. 0.99

00:15:03.000 There's also tons of true crime and serial killers.

00:15:07.000 Yes, sold.

00:15:09.000 Let me see the mod museum.

00:15:11.000 They got any there?

00:15:12.000 Yeah, Northern Soul is mods.

00:15:15.000 Northern Show.

00:15:16.000 Keep the Faith.

00:15:17.000 The Fist.

00:15:22.000 I want to see the mod stuff.

00:15:24.000 Okay, their website leaves a little to be desired.

00:15:28.000 You've already raided this entry. 0.99

00:15:30.000 Oh, what the fuck? 0.99

00:15:32.000 Oh, that's... wow. 1.00

00:15:34.000 Okay, we're back in 1509.

00:15:37.000 This is like the first website ever made.

00:15:39.000 Scootering!

00:15:40.000 Okay, that's nice.

00:15:41.000 Uh...

00:15:44.000 Look up Little Dean Jail Mods.

00:15:47.000 Maybe you have to go to the internet.

00:15:48.000 Sometimes websites are so terrible that you have to leave them and rely on Google Images or YouTube.

00:15:54.000 Quadrophenia the film, we are the mods.

00:15:57.000 Dude, you spent so much time on your museum and look at your website.

00:16:01.000 It's dark gray on black. 1.00

00:16:05.000 Holy crap, what a pile of shit. 1.00

00:16:09.000 Looks like a cool museum though. 1.00

00:16:13.000 And those are the most interesting topics in the world.

00:16:16.000 Punks, mods, murderers, the KKK, and Nazis.

00:16:23.000 I'm not saying I like any of those things, but they're cool to look at. 0.95

00:16:29.000 What's happening now?

00:16:30.000 That's it.

00:16:31.000 The Quadrophenia Collection.

00:16:33.000 Now in permanent display.

00:16:35.000 Right.

00:16:35.000 I want to see pictures from that.

00:16:37.000 You gotta go there.

00:16:39.000 No, you gotta go to Google and leave Little Dean.

00:16:43.000 Oh, bye, Little Dean.

00:16:45.000 Yeah, we want what the people did.

00:16:49.000 What the people found.

00:16:49.000 Okay, so here we go.

00:16:52.000 See?

00:16:53.000 Now that's cool.

00:16:56.000 What a great museum.

00:16:58.000 Great!

00:16:59.000 Great museum!

00:17:02.000 Now I want to see the punks.

00:17:03.000 Okay, let's see.

00:17:06.000 Little Dean Museum, one word.

00:17:10.000 That's not punk.

00:17:11.000 That's funky.

00:17:13.000 Let me see.

00:17:16.000 No, no, that's from the movie Quadrophenia.

00:17:19.000 I just saw them.

00:17:20.000 There's a skinhead there.

00:17:21.000 There's one.

00:17:23.000 That's Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:17:24.000 I guess he was a punk.

00:17:25.000 No, no.

00:17:26.000 Go to the top there.

00:17:30.000 Oh, so that's skinheads, I guess. 0.93

00:17:33.000 Maybe they don't know what punks are. 0.83

00:17:34.000 That's embarrassing.

00:17:35.000 They know what punks are.

00:17:38.000 We know what punks are. 1.00

00:17:42.000 So I think the jury's still out on how cool that museum is because their website is such utter shit. 0.99

00:17:51.000 Yeah, they just can't show me pictures. 0.92

00:17:53.000 I can't interpret this area of the web.

00:17:56.000 Sometimes these people just rely on Facebook.

00:17:59.000 That's a very British boomer thing.

00:18:02.000 That looks haunted.

00:18:04.000 That's cool.

00:18:04.000 There's the geyser.

00:18:06.000 That's inappropriate.

00:18:08.000 Wow, this is like... This has the vibe of, like, one of those dark rides at, like, a carnival that pops up and comes to your town.

00:18:15.000 See, didn't I... I knew that the Facebook would have way more shit than anything else. 0.99

00:18:22.000 You know what it reminds me of? 0.99

00:18:23.000 This cool book of holligan, holligan? 1.00

00:18:26.000 Fuck me. 1.00

00:18:27.000 I love a holligan. 1.00

00:18:29.000 A holligan is when a soccer hooligan dies and you just sort of see him projected in front of you going, you're right mate, don't muck about, I'll fucking kill you. 0.99

00:18:38.000 I'm a top lad, top gear. 0.97

00:18:41.000 Yeah, this book had sold out. 0.96

00:18:45.000 I didn't know this, but apparently soccer hooligans, after they kicked the living shit out of someone, they would leave a little calling card.

00:18:52.000 That would say, hey, just so you know, you've just seen the program now meet the stars of the ICF. 0.96

00:18:59.000 Or you've been nominated and dealt with by the Chelsea Headhunters who use the SS Nazi logo.

00:19:07.000 There's the Headhunters too.

00:19:08.000 Oh, we kicked a kill over at our firm.

00:19:13.000 I gotta say, a lot of these art books, you could have crammed a lot more in than two per four pages.

00:19:20.000 Looks like a lazy scrapbook.

00:19:22.000 Yeah, I'm not really impressed with the density there.

00:19:27.000 I guess it's an L.A.

00:19:28.000 company, so there must be that L.A.

00:19:33.000 British soccer hooligan, the guy who argued with Tommy Robinson.

00:19:37.000 See, that's a cool book! 0.99

00:19:41.000 When we would do the Vice photo books, I would cram shit in. 0.97

00:19:44.000 Sure, there'd be a couple two-page spreads, but there'd also be, like, tons of little guys. 0.97

00:19:52.000 Speaking of little guys, Jump Medic comes in two size packs.

00:19:59.000 This is the big size pack, and the fantastic thing about it here is, all you's got to do is grab it by the Jump Medic,

00:20:08.000 Boom.

00:20:09.000 It's open and ready to rock.

00:20:12.000 Look at this work of art.

00:20:16.000 If you've been on Twitter lately, you've seen it's abundantly clear no one is ever safe.

00:20:20.000 Everyone is attacking each other, and for the most ludicrous of reasons, if you visit Wendy's and take that last squirt of ketchup out of the dispenser, you better stand back and stand by!

00:20:30.000 Because apparently in America now, that could be a death sentence.

00:20:32.000 That's why we have First Aid Kit, which is the Jump Medic.

00:20:36.000 Jump Medic is a great company, makes first aid kits and sells first aid supplies.

00:20:39.000 The Jump Medic Pro, which is what we have here,

00:20:43.000 What?

00:21:04.000 A smaller bag is great for your car or if you're on the go.

00:21:06.000 The Pro comes jam-packed with nine pounds of first aid equipment.

00:21:09.000 Everything you would need in a first aid kit, all conveniently shipped to your door.

00:21:13.000 The Pro bag comes with so many supplies that we don't have time to list them all.

00:21:18.000 Wow.

00:21:19.000 Shears, a stethoscope, bandages, goggles, gloves, medications, a blood pressure cuff, and tons more. 1.00

00:21:26.000 Go look at this fucking guy. 0.98

00:21:29.000 Go to their website, jumpmedic.com, and just take a look at everything included. 0.99

00:21:34.000 It's perfect for everyone.

00:21:35.000 Families, hunters, Proud Boys, cops, paramedics, you name it.

00:21:39.000 It's always with a black guy, I'm gonna be honest with you. 1.00

00:21:41.000 The Pro Kit can also be customized with supplies of your choosing.

00:21:45.000 And that had to be repopulated. 0.99

00:22:15.000 Bitch, are you for real? 1.00

00:22:17.000 Ah, shit! 1.00

00:22:39.000 Promo code Gavin also works. 0.95

00:22:41.000 You can also navigate to their site on our sponsors link on the side of the censored website.

00:22:50.000 Plop.

00:22:52.000 All right. 0.53

00:22:56.000 Also in silly news today. 0.67

00:22:59.000 The Butt Boys. 0.67

00:23:00.000 If you don't subscribe to the show, you're not familiar with The Butt Boys.

00:23:03.000 The Butt Boys is a very serious organization.

00:23:06.000 We started here to prevent people butting in line.

00:23:09.000 It is employed on planes, trains, not automobiles.

00:23:14.000 Yeah, I guess automobiles as they pull in.

00:23:15.000 Like, say you're waiting for gas.

00:23:18.000 We have to stop butting.

00:23:20.000 Yes.

00:23:20.000 Make America wait again.

00:23:22.000 Make America wait again.

00:23:23.000 We should have a salute.

00:23:25.000 It goes like this.

00:23:29.000 We are living in a society and some people don't get the importance of this.

00:23:34.000 These are the same people, by the way, who put their chairs back on an airplane.

00:23:38.000 But once in a while you'll find a fellow butt boy out there and he will be bitching about butting and you go, thank the Lord.

00:23:47.000 And I was shocked to see Brian Regan. 0.53

00:23:52.000 Is that starting at the beginning?

00:23:54.000 Oh yeah.

00:23:55.000 Okay.

00:23:55.000 It shouldn't.

00:23:56.000 Oh no.

00:23:57.000 I think it's like four minutes in.

00:23:59.000 Oh.

00:23:59.000 This must be an old clip because he has white hair now.

00:24:03.000 How about these butt boys?

00:24:05.000 I wish I had handled it differently. 0.90

00:24:07.000 I wish right when he would have stepped in front.

00:24:09.000 Oh.

00:24:11.000 Giving away the juice.

00:24:13.000 It's kind of hard not to know our place.

00:24:15.000 The guy's got like a red mohawk and backgammon pieces in his earlobes.

00:24:22.000 Wait, maybe it was the whole thing.

00:24:24.000 Go back to the beginning?

00:24:26.000 What does that add?

00:24:26.000 He won't start a brawl at Disneyland, but he'll end it.

00:24:29.000 Yeah, yeah, go back, go back.

00:24:34.000 Sorry, folks.

00:24:37.000 How close are you to the beginning right now?

00:24:39.000 Now I'm at the dead beginning. 0.99

00:24:41.000 Oh shit, I'm sorry. 0.99

00:24:42.000 No parent has ever said that. 0.99

00:24:54.000 A McDonald's Happy Meal toy has ever made it to sundown.

00:24:59.000 That's so true.

00:25:00.000 Usually they break as you're taking them out of the cellophane.

00:25:04.000 What is this?

00:25:05.000 Oh, it's broken.

00:25:05.000 Toss it in the trash receptacle.

00:25:09.000 Even if you do get it to work, you never want to do it more than once.

00:25:13.000 So what happens?

00:25:13.000 You push this button, it shoots out four inches?

00:25:19.000 Throw it in the trash.

00:25:22.000 Somebody shut that toy factory down. 0.99

00:25:24.000 Imagine being a loser who collects those things. 0.75

00:25:27.000 I love being a daddy. 0.93

00:25:29.000 I like taking my kids to Disneyland.

00:25:32.000 I love Disneyland.

00:25:33.000 The only thing I don't like about Disneyland is the other people.

00:25:39.000 Have you seen them there?

00:25:41.000 What the hell are they doing there?

00:25:44.000 I hate when a whole group of like 20 all have the same shirt on.

00:25:48.000 I think that's so they can identify each other.

00:25:50.000 It's not acceptable.

00:25:53.000 Why are you there in such a big group anyway?

00:25:55.000 We were in line for a ride.

00:25:57.000 The family that was behind us just got in front of us.

00:26:03.000 The first time, I didn't even know what to do.

00:26:05.000 I'm like, all right, clearly I don't have all the information here.

00:26:10.000 They were behind us and now they're in front of us.

00:26:14.000 How come I'm not saying something? 0.97

00:26:19.000 See, you can choose not to be a butt boy, but you'll toss and turn all night hating yourself. 0.96

00:26:26.000 I went for the next ride. 0.97

00:26:27.000 I was on red alert.

00:26:29.000 Spread out, kids!

00:26:33.000 Swing your hips!

00:26:36.000 Swing them!

00:26:36.000 Swing them rope to rope!

00:26:38.000 See, the next day he's saying he's not going to let it happen again.

00:26:40.000 You have to really be careful at the switchback.

00:26:42.000 Hug the post!

00:26:44.000 Hug the post!

00:26:46.000 Because if you don't hug the post, some worm family... Worm people are on the planet!

00:26:57.000 Nice clean humor from Brian.

00:27:01.000 It happened anyway.

00:27:03.000 I'm doing our best to protect our place in line.

00:27:07.000 First, it was the little kids in the family behind us.

00:27:11.000 They just got up in front of my kids. 0.88

00:27:14.000 So my heart starts going.

00:27:16.000 I look back, thinking one of their parents will say, no, we're behind this family and have been for a half hour.

00:27:23.000 That's what I was thinking should happen.

00:27:27.000 But instead, the mom came up and said, what are you kids doing up here?

00:27:34.000 They probably worked that out in advance.

00:27:37.000 What are you doing up here?

00:27:40.000 I look back at the dad.

00:27:42.000 Maybe he's the voice of reason.

00:27:44.000 He just squeezes up the other side and he says, well, I guess we're up here now.

00:27:51.000 That's what you guess?

00:27:54.000 That's the guess you take under the circumstances?

00:27:57.000 So this time I had to say something.

00:27:58.000 I'm like, listen, we're behind this guy that's in front of you.

00:28:02.000 It's been a half an hour.

00:28:04.000 It's kind of hard.

00:28:06.000 Not to know our place, the guy's got like a red mohawk and backgammon pieces in his earlobes.

00:28:15.000 It's been him and then us for a half an hour and now you guys are betwixt us.

00:28:23.000 This is how you handle it, folks.

00:28:25.000 Okay, go ahead, if it's that big a deal to you.

00:28:31.000 It is.

00:28:34.000 It's that big a deal to me.

00:28:36.000 I want my family flying around on elephants before your family.

00:28:41.000 Yeah.

00:28:43.000 Might sound absurd to you, but I like the way it makes me feel inside.

00:28:46.000 We're living in a society! 1.00

00:28:48.000 Blame me as the jerk. 1.00

00:28:51.000 I wish I had handled it differently. 0.99

00:28:52.000 I wish right when he would have stepped in front of me that I would have just reached into the pockets of his cargo shorts and just pulled out his belongings and just hurled them.

00:29:07.000 Good throw.

00:29:22.000 And then when they looked at me weird, I'd go, Oh, I thought you wanted complete anarchy.

00:29:32.000 Anyway, he's great.

00:29:33.000 That's kind of long to play a clip, but so perfect.

00:29:36.000 And yeah, it doesn't take a lot folks.

00:29:39.000 As, as a baby monster pointed out to us, he just goes, Oh, we're cutting now.

00:29:43.000 That's what we're doing.

00:29:44.000 We're cutting now.

00:29:45.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:46.000 I didn't hear that.

00:29:47.000 That's a great way to say it, too. 0.99

00:29:49.000 I get a little too aggressive with my society shit. 0.98

00:29:52.000 I don't know if it'll work with people of color, because I think shame needs to be a part of the mix. 1.00

00:29:57.000 Well, there was this one woman. 0.99

00:30:00.000 It was at our flight was canceled and there was a fucking five hour lineup, which, by the way, in the future. 0.96

00:30:06.000 You can usually get a ticket for 300 bucks. 0.97

00:30:08.000 I'm not lining up for five hours to save 300 bucks.

00:30:12.000 Especially when by the time I get to the end of the line, all those flights are booked.

00:30:16.000 They use them all up.

00:30:17.000 So you're waiting for nothing.

00:30:19.000 You're waiting to go on a flight tomorrow.

00:30:22.000 I'd rather just buy a new one on Orbitz.

00:30:24.000 Let's go over there.

00:30:24.000 We'll go get some nachos while we wait.

00:30:27.000 Don't wait in that hell line.

00:30:28.000 You're worth more than that. 0.99

00:30:31.000 But, um, yeah, this black chick, she just went to the front and sat on the floor in front and I go, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that. 1.00

00:30:39.000 And then she moved behind me and I said to the Asian dudes, I hope you're not going to let that fly because it was out of my hands. 1.00

00:30:47.000 Once you're behind me, I lose 78% of my authority as a butt boy. 0.98

00:30:53.000 I can't be helping people that are fucking 50 people behind me. 0.99

00:30:57.000 Yeah, there it is. 0.99

00:30:59.000 And she goes, I got kids.

00:31:00.000 I gotta get home.

00:31:01.000 I got kids.

00:31:02.000 I go, lady, we all got kids. 0.99

00:31:06.000 And you know what happened to her?

00:31:07.000 She stood her ground by sitting on the floor.

00:31:10.000 And then she just eventually gave up and ran away.

00:31:15.000 That'll do.

00:31:18.000 Fighting over cutting in line.

00:31:19.000 Oh, good. 1.00

00:31:20.000 There's some African-American butt boys. 1.00

00:31:22.000 And gals. 0.98

00:31:23.000 Butt gals. 1.00

00:31:24.000 For their food at a local pizza parlor.

00:31:28.000 Y'all can't see me.

00:31:29.000 So not only do you get to butt, but you get to demand no one can complain? 0.99

00:31:33.000 Take my butt. 1.00

00:32:04.000 Is he covered in blood? 1.00

00:32:06.000 Why is he all of a sudden a cadaver?

00:32:08.000 A maimed cadaver?

00:32:10.000 I mean, the video quality is bad, but the playback quality is unforgivable. 0.97

00:32:15.000 Boyfriend beats white guy to a pulp.

00:32:17.000 Go back up to the other criteria. 0.98

00:32:19.000 I missed something. 0.99

00:32:20.000 Black woman enters restaurant, starts cussing out white guy for complaining, and then brings in boyfriend and spits in manager's face. 1.00

00:32:30.000 See, this doesn't sound like people are behaving very well. 0.98

00:32:33.000 No.

00:32:34.000 What is going on with your internet there, Chief?

00:32:36.000 Let's see there.

00:32:37.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:32:41.000 That's pathetic. 1.00

00:32:44.000 And it's your computer. 0.99

00:32:46.000 This is not, this is the free show.

00:32:48.000 We're advertising our incompetence to the entire world.

00:32:51.000 Eight billion people are looking at this lack of competence.

00:32:56.000 I don't think, I don't think it's that many people, man.

00:33:00.000 You thought I was bald.

00:33:03.000 You thought I was bald.

00:33:04.000 I'm not saying 100% of the world is watching, but we have the potential for 100% of the country to be watching.

00:33:13.000 So we're giving up on that video?

00:33:16.000 Yeah, man.

00:33:17.000 Do you have too many tabs open?

00:33:19.000 Isn't that your belief?

00:33:20.000 I just closed a bunch of them.

00:33:21.000 Now it is playing, but from the beginning.

00:33:23.000 And I feel like if I move it, it'll... That's fine.

00:33:28.000 Don't move it.

00:33:29.000 I just said that's fine.

00:33:31.000 Okay. 1.00

00:33:32.000 Holy fuck, you're a challenge. 1.00

00:33:36.000 Don't touch anything. 1.00

00:33:37.000 That's a real pussy move to get on your phone. 1.00

00:33:40.000 Just be like, hey, hey, there's a line. 0.99

00:33:44.000 There's a line.

00:33:45.000 Lady, there's a line here. 1.00

00:33:46.000 We're all waiting, sweetheart.

00:33:59.000 This is a different city than New York, that's for sure.

00:34:04.000 Dude.

00:34:07.000 What's your browser?

00:34:11.000 You're making us all look bad.

00:34:14.000 Could just be that viddy.

00:34:16.000 I don't know.

00:34:17.000 But it has an embedded spin on it?

00:34:18.000 I don't know. 0.95

00:34:20.000 No, well that's silly.

00:34:21.000 But everything else is working quite good.

00:34:23.000 Alright, let's jump to races. 0.67

00:34:25.000 This is working fine, you can skip all day.

00:34:31.000 Something's up.

00:34:33.000 Well, I have to see that video.

00:34:35.000 Could be racism.

00:34:36.000 But speaking of racism, let's jump to some racism.

00:34:39.000 We don't usually do this.

00:34:41.000 It's frowned upon.

00:34:44.000 I'm a black female. 0.54

00:34:46.000 What other difference, what else could I have done to piss you off? 0.98

00:34:50.000 A black woman? 1.00

00:34:52.000 This is really inconvenient. 0.99

00:34:53.000 That's racist!

00:35:09.000 Again, we don't usually cover racism on the Friday shows, but we haven't covered it all week.

00:35:17.000 Matty's texting me from prison.

00:35:20.000 Allow dominoes to also use your locat- No.

00:35:24.000 No.

00:35:27.000 I hate how you want to order food these days you got to get the app and then they own you.

00:35:33.000 Or you buy a shirt and then you get an email from the shirt company twice a day for the rest of your life.

00:35:40.000 It's unpleasant.

00:35:46.000 Here was, this is ancient Chinese secret, but it's worth noting.

00:35:51.000 This, this went viral many moons ago, but we got to show it on the show.

00:35:55.000 See, this show isn't just breaking news.

00:35:58.000 It's also an archive, a library of memes and events.

00:36:03.000 So in like 50 years, I want this to be a time capsule.

00:36:06.000 That means that if I don't get to something when it's breaking, I got to squeeze it in later, even though you've already seen it.

00:36:14.000 So this is a black person said to this white woman, please season your chicken. 0.99

00:36:19.000 And she is confronting the age old stereotype that whites don't know how to season. 0.94

00:36:25.000 on this app.

00:36:26.000 If in your brain you only view seasoning as things like garlic powder, onion powder, or maybe something like rosemary, if this is what you view as seasoning and seasoning only, let me pose you a question.

00:36:39.000 What does this come from?

00:36:41.000 Granulated garlic.

00:36:42.000 What is that?

00:36:43.000 Garlic?

00:36:44.000 Onion powder.

00:36:44.000 What does that come from?

00:36:45.000 Dehydrated onion?

00:36:48.000 Let's take a look at the spice rub.

00:36:50.000 Dehydrated garlic, onion, and bell pepper.

00:36:54.000 I sauteed those bell peppers along with my onion and garlic.

00:36:57.000 Hmm.

00:36:58.000 What is so funny to me is if I had just doused my chicken in this rub, in this rub alone, the seasoning police would be out of my comments.

00:37:04.000 They wouldn't even be in there.

00:37:05.000 But the second it's fresh garlic or fresh onion or fresh bell pepper, it's automatically not seasoning.

00:37:11.000 And let me just say one last thing.

00:37:13.000 If you're one of those people that loves to watch cooking competitions and a judge says something is under seasoned, they're talking about salt.

00:37:19.000 Under seasoning your food means there's not enough salt in it.

00:37:22.000 Salt.

00:37:22.000 is gonna bring out the flavor of onion, the flavor of garlic, the flavor of whatever random spice rub that you have.

00:37:29.000 And let me just say that if your food tastes a little off, it's not because you need to add more powder.

00:37:33.000 It's most of the time because you need to add more salt or some sort of acid like lemon juice or vinegar.

00:37:39.000 Okay?

00:37:40.000 You know what that is by the way?

00:37:42.000 That's a woman doing what they're good at. 1.00

00:37:46.000 Like she's in her zone.

00:37:48.000 They say write about what you know.

00:37:50.000 This is someone talking about what they know. 1.00

00:37:52.000 She's in the fucking zone, boys. 0.99

00:37:55.000 And yeah, I don't hang out in the hood, so I don't get the seasoning thing a lot, but it is sort of the go-to criticism of white people, that they don't season the food. 0.99

00:38:08.000 Here's a clip of a black dude who wants percentage of the GDP. 0.99

00:38:12.000 This is something we were trying to find a couple weeks ago and it had been erased.

00:38:16.000 But uh, the amount of money this man is talking about is gonna put us all in the poor house.

00:38:26.000 He's in the poor house now.

00:38:36.000 Vet.

00:38:36.000 You did not invent the cell phone.

00:38:38.000 You did not invent the internet.

00:38:40.000 You didn't even invent peanut butter.

00:38:41.000 There's a great walk, don't run viral thing on YouTube recently. 0.99

00:38:46.000 It's got like fucking 30 million views. 0.93

00:38:48.000 But the guy from the Babylon Bee, he just goes through all of the black inventions that you keep hearing about. 1.00

00:38:57.000 And 99% of the time, it's a patent on a potential improvement.

00:39:03.000 So like the mailbox.

00:39:06.000 The way we use a mailbox today was patented by this white guy who runs a steel company and that's the same mailbox. 0.69

00:39:11.000 But there was a black dude way down the line who invented something similar where you put in the letter and it's weatherproof because you got to go like that and no rain can get in.

00:39:21.000 Yeah, this video.

00:39:22.000 Oh no, that's a different one.

00:39:26.000 Yeah, that's a different one, but I guess he's done it more than once, or more than one black inventions. 0.96

00:39:31.000 So they'll take someone who patented something, like that black dude who patented a filament for the light bulb that no one ever used, and that goes from trying to get an invention to be part of a very popular, previously made invention, to, I made the whole thing, and no one else did anything.

00:39:50.000 No, dude, you tried to climb aboard the phone, and you failed.

00:39:56.000 Sorry.

00:40:00.000 Okay, just imagine his world though. 0.99

00:40:03.000 So let's say black people own the cell phones. 0.98

00:40:06.000 This was a black invention, right? 1.00

00:40:08.000 The internet, which we've been trying to use. 0.99

00:40:10.000 Maybe I should blame black people all morning. 1.00

00:40:13.000 What do I give you? 0.99

00:40:14.000 Like a percentage of my income?

00:40:15.000 The gross of this podcast?

00:40:17.000 And who? 0.98

00:40:18.000 Like all black people, I guess. 1.00

00:40:20.000 Him.

00:40:20.000 I know he's at the top of the list.

00:40:23.000 There's an argument for that?

00:40:24.000 That's not even how inventions work.

00:40:25.000 Like if a guy invents something and he's white, not all white people get a chunk of what he gets.

00:40:28.000 Right, yeah.

00:40:42.000 That's not a bad argument.

00:40:43.000 They were promised 40 acres and a mule after slavery.

00:40:44.000 They didn't get 40 acres and a mule.

00:40:46.000 So there was what?

00:40:47.000 4 million slaves?

00:40:48.000 40 acres times 4 million?

00:40:48.000 There's something.

00:40:49.000 You get 25% of the GDP?

00:41:14.000 60% of us make up 10 states.

00:41:17.000 All 10 of the states are seaboarding states.

00:41:19.000 We shall automatically control the port.

00:41:21.000 Psychological damages. 0.99

00:41:23.000 Every time you see a black man with a white woman, that's psychological damage. 0.99

00:41:26.000 Every time you see a black woman with a blind wig on her head, that's psychological damage. 1.00

00:41:30.000 Every time you see a little black boy or girl playing with a white doll instead of a black doll, that's psychological damage. 0.98

00:41:36.000 Would you relax, sir? 0.96

00:41:39.000 So, we got a big bill coming.

00:41:45.000 I heard a better solution to all this than just 25% of the GDP.

00:41:49.000 This is a black academic who owns a bookstore.

00:41:53.000 He was doing a talk, I guess, to local politicians.

00:41:57.000 And he has a much cheaper solution.

00:41:59.000 Camu Cambon.

00:42:01.000 The system is not stopping.

00:42:04.000 And then finally, I want to say that we need one idea.

00:42:09.000 And we're not thinking about a solution to the problem.

00:42:13.000 We're dealing with all these other things, but these are diversions from the solution to the problem.

00:42:19.000 So true.

00:42:19.000 And we have to start to think about a solution to the problem so that these young brothers and sisters who are here now, who are 15, 16, and 17, are not here 25 years later talking about the same problem.

00:42:33.000 Right.

00:42:34.000 What's the solution?

00:42:34.000 How do I know that the white people know that we are going to come up with a solution to the problem?

00:42:41.000 I know it because they have retina scans, they have what they call racial profiling, DNA banks, and they're monitoring our people to try to prevent the one person from coming up with the one idea. 0.99

00:42:56.000 And the one idea is how we are going to exterminate white people. 0.98

00:43:02.000 Because that, in my estimation, is the only conclusion I have come to. 0.99

00:43:06.000 I didn't hear a gasp in there.

00:43:08.000 I guess they just miked him really closely.

00:43:12.000 So we're monitoring him and everyone around him to make sure they don't think of this.

00:43:18.000 So you just thought of it loud.

00:43:20.000 Shouldn't you, like, be running after this?

00:43:23.000 You just set off a million retina alarms.

00:43:27.000 A million drones are just circling out the building right now. 1.00

00:43:31.000 He fucking figured it out. 1.00

00:43:33.000 We're dead. 1.00

00:43:34.000 Exterminate! 0.99

00:43:35.000 Exterminate! 1.00

00:43:39.000 Exterminate white people off of the face of the planet to solve this problem. 1.00

00:43:45.000 Now I don't care whether you clap or not, but I'm saying to you that we need to solve this problem because they are going to kill us. 1.00

00:43:55.000 And I will leave on that.

00:43:56.000 So we have to just set up our own system and stop playing.

00:43:59.000 He's doing a pretty good job if you check the local crime stats.

00:44:04.000 Seems that the problem is being solved on a daily basis.

00:44:08.000 Much to caucastic chagrin.

00:44:11.000 Yeah we laugh but he's taking it pretty seriously.

00:44:15.000 He's taking out the trash on a daily basis.

00:44:19.000 1-9, you can see that this is not such an absurd.

00:44:22.000 Now this is an email called, Can You Imagine If The Races Were Reverse? 0.91

00:44:26.000 It's a website called The Root, which only black people read. 1.00

00:44:33.000 And every article is about how much white people suck. 1.00

00:44:37.000 You can see why I avoid this subject. 1.00

00:44:40.000 Whiteness is a pandemic. 0.98

00:44:44.000 Whiteness is a public health crisis, it shortens life expectancies, it pollutes the air. 1.00

00:44:48.000 Whiteness pollutes the air. 1.00

00:44:51.000 It constricts equilibrium. 0.98

00:44:54.000 You'll notice that you'll see when blacks or other races walk near a white person, they sort of go, what the? 0.98

00:45:00.000 They'll go careening into a black invented mailbox. 1.00

00:45:04.000 It devastates forests, it melts ice caps, it sparks and funds wars, it flattens dialects. 1.00

00:45:10.000 It infects, no, infests consciousness and it kills people. 0.99

00:45:15.000 White supremacy is a virus that, like other viruses, will not die until there are no bodies left for it to infect. 1.00

00:45:21.000 Which means the only way to stop it is to locate it, isolate it, extract it, and kill it. 1.00

00:45:28.000 Let the bodies hit the floor. 1.00

00:45:30.000 But they don't like cultural appropriation.

00:45:33.000 So I guess, yeah, they can't exist.

00:45:34.000 It's not even like they could just stop being white. 0.95

00:45:38.000 Y'all people? 0.99

00:45:40.000 Uh, why don't we jump to some blacks behaving badly? 1.00

00:45:42.000 Okay. 0.97

00:45:45.000 I'm already regretting putting this on the Friday show.

00:45:47.000 This'll be a short... Why don't you, uh, can you get back to your video with the butter?

00:45:59.000 I'm determined to see that.

00:46:04.000 Maybe now that it's had some room to breathe, maybe the computer just needed some oxygen.

00:46:08.000 Don't touch anything!

00:46:10.000 Don't even breathe.

00:46:11.000 No volume.

00:46:20.000 Yeah, don't worry about the volume. 1.00

00:46:21.000 It's that stupid narrator. 1.00

00:46:23.000 As you can see, the person in line with the chops... So he calls on the phone. 1.00

00:46:27.000 Oh, no, we're going back to the beginning.

00:46:29.000 We've all seen this before, though.

00:46:31.000 This is nothing new. 0.99

00:46:32.000 He goes, some bitch just bought it in line. 1.00

00:46:34.000 Total pussy move. 1.00

00:46:36.000 So she goes, how dare you... It's not a prank. 1.00

00:46:42.000 Oh, you know what I could do?

00:46:42.000 Let me try to download it.

00:46:44.000 Why does some videos do that and some don't?

00:46:46.000 Some do, and yeah, like you said, some don't.

00:46:49.000 You said some.

00:46:52.000 Here, what about this?

00:46:53.000 Everybody's going to jump on us, by the way.

00:46:55.000 Yes, we know that they wash their chicken.

00:46:59.000 And we also know that in the onion powder and garlic powder, there is salt in them.

00:47:03.000 That's why, you know, they think that it's good.

00:47:06.000 But have you ever cooked your food in a dishwasher?

00:47:11.000 I'm familiar with that.

00:47:12.000 I know people who do.

00:47:13.000 No, you don't.

00:47:14.000 Yeah, I do.

00:47:15.000 Are you serious?

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:17.000 There's whole recipe books.

00:47:19.000 On cooking in the dishwasher?

00:47:21.000 Yeah.

00:47:21.000 It's like a sous vide?

00:47:22.000 Yeah, it's a common thing that I think we've even covered on the show.

00:47:24.000 But she turns off the lights in between the commercials.

00:47:27.000 Yeah, but Brian, she's a freak, A. B, we've already covered her. 0.98

00:47:30.000 She's from the cheapskate episode.

00:47:32.000 How about washing your collard greens in the bathtub with soap?

00:47:37.000 And now your collard greens, I don't think you prepare it this way.

00:47:40.000 How do you prepare your collard greens?

00:47:43.000 Well, I saw a bunch of viral videos about black people, um, washing their chicken with dish soap, like blue dish soap. 0.99

00:47:49.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:47:50.000 Which, ugh.

00:47:52.000 What?

00:47:53.000 What's the problem with that?

00:47:54.000 It's not bleach?

00:47:55.000 Um, all the bugs and mud.

00:47:56.000 Why do you call her Tramp? 1.00

00:47:58.000 That's kind of weird.

00:47:59.000 Doesn't that mean she's a hoe? 1.00

00:48:12.000 Here are some charitable people in New York City.

00:48:16.000 This was just sent to me today.

00:48:17.000 I set up a little... I'm in the Knights of Columbus.

00:48:21.000 Charity is a big thing.

00:48:23.000 I love these guys and I love that they do this turkey drive.

00:48:26.000 They say they're very careful on making sure the families who get the turkeys deserve it. 0.98

00:48:29.000 I think the guy in charge is a principal at a local school and you got to be from this neighborhood, but...

00:48:34.000 Besides that really kind of diligent monitoring, a lot of charity just seems like white people trying to feel better about themselves. 0.65

00:48:43.000 Like, is it really going to a hungry person who's really hungry?

00:48:48.000 Okay, maybe.

00:48:50.000 She just took one thing.

00:48:52.000 Strangers actually put down their own groceries to help people in need.

00:48:55.000 All right.

00:48:57.000 So it's cool so far.

00:48:59.000 Alright, you're in a wheelchair. 0.99

00:49:01.000 Blue jeans.

00:49:01.000 Remember his blue jeans.

00:49:02.000 You grab some bread.

00:49:03.000 I can live with that.

00:49:03.000 That dude looks like he definitely needs it.

00:49:05.000 And look, he just takes a thing.

00:49:07.000 Hey man, thanks.

00:49:08.000 I just took your thing.

00:49:09.000 That's a different wheelchair.

00:49:11.000 So I'm gonna let it go.

00:49:15.000 Right?

00:49:15.000 Or are those the same blue jeans and it's just a different... ...lighting?

00:49:20.000 And then these two come.

00:49:21.000 Turn it up!

00:49:26.000 Yeah, free.

00:49:27.000 It's all free.

00:49:28.000 Yeah, I don't know how much milk I can take.

00:49:33.000 I'm gonna have kids.

00:49:35.000 Seven kids.

00:49:44.000 Luckily, the food are actually bombs.

00:49:49.000 Wow.

00:49:52.000 Yeah.

00:49:53.000 If that was bad.

00:49:54.000 That was behaving badly.

00:49:55.000 That's the segment.

00:49:56.000 And then 2-1.

00:49:58.000 We have these ladies who have decided 80% of the way through. 1.00

00:50:02.000 See how it's in red there?

00:50:04.000 That is missing.

00:50:07.000 I marked it. 0.99

00:50:08.000 Oh shit. 1.00

00:50:08.000 It sucks. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Now how do I look for that? 0.99

00:50:10.000 Would I?

00:50:11.000 Oh, I think we've come across this problem before.

00:50:12.000 God, we're not advertising our brand very well.

00:50:15.000 Alright, last one then before we leave this uncomfortable subject for everyone.

00:50:20.000 That chick who I believe grew up white. 0.99

00:50:24.000 I can't remember.

00:50:24.000 Janelle Simmons or something.

00:50:26.000 She was the one who got fired from ESPN for bitching about how racist everyone is all the time. 1.00

00:50:32.000 Here she is talking about Detroit and saying black people suck because they left and then now black people are coming back which sucks because now black people are coming back. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Detroit is the blackest city in the country. 1.00

00:50:45.000 Detroit, like many urban centers, was the casualty of white flight. 0.97

00:50:50.000 By the way, the whites left because the industry died, and the industry died because of MLK and his Marxist union promotion.

00:50:59.000 He overdid it with the unions, made car manufacturing in Detroit unaffordable, and destroyed countless lives.

00:51:10.000 So that was you.

00:51:12.000 Detroit is the blackest city in the country. 0.92

00:51:14.000 Detroit, like many urban centers, was the casualty of white flight. 0.97

00:51:18.000 The race riots that happened in 1967, the white people fled the city of Detroit in droves.

00:51:25.000 Suddenly you have like two, three hundred thousand white people just leave, then it's taking the tax

00:51:29.000 Isn't that what you want?

00:51:30.000 It changes the dynamic of city services, of policies, schools, all of that.

00:51:35.000 Detroit fell on some very challenging economic times.

00:51:38.000 Detroit used to be one of the richest cities in the world, and now it's one of the poorest.

00:51:42.000 White people who cross 8 Mile, they're all living in the suburbs, leaving the city behind to die. 1.00

00:51:47.000 It becomes a very great racial divide. 0.98

00:51:49.000 But wait a minute, I was just told that not only do we have to leave, we have to die.

00:51:53.000 Now she's like, these people left, and it created a very challenging dynamic. 0.95

00:51:59.000 You mean like Haiti after they killed all the white people? 0.96

00:52:03.000 Yeah, our thing is that now it's reverse migration. 0.94

00:52:05.000 It's that a lot of white people are moving back to Detroit.

00:52:08.000 Okay, good.

00:52:08.000 So you're happy now.

00:52:09.000 They're trying to birth some new industries in downtown Detroit.

00:52:11.000 When the cool industries come, the people who put their sweat equity into the city when it wasn't cool, they get pushed out.

00:52:19.000 And they all of a sudden want to appeal to a different type of Detroiter.

00:52:24.000 Which is not a black Detroiter. 0.82

00:52:26.000 Well, so what do we do? 0.54

00:52:28.000 Tell me what to do.

00:52:28.000 Just nothing.

00:52:29.000 I will do anything, including blow my own head off. 0.97

00:52:33.000 Tell me what to do, Jameel. 0.99

00:52:34.000 That's a good start.

00:52:36.000 Don't leave, don't come.

00:52:38.000 Okay, fine.

00:52:40.000 Alright, have you got that video downloaded yet?

00:52:43.000 Uh, here's the wrinkle.

00:52:45.000 It doesn't even download.

00:52:47.000 What?

00:52:49.000 Look, it just stops.

00:52:50.000 It's cursed.

00:52:56.000 OK, we've got to hire hackers to play that video. 0.99

00:53:00.000 I mean, it was on TruTV and everything.

00:53:02.000 I looked on YouTube for it.

00:53:03.000 Let me see.

00:53:04.000 Forget it.

00:53:06.000 We're quitting.

00:53:08.000 But let's jump to My Pet Biden.

00:53:12.000 We're running out of time.

00:53:23.000 Biden.

00:53:24.000 President.

00:53:27.000 Sleepy.

00:53:28.000 Biden.

00:53:31.000 Wait, what?

00:53:32.000 That doesn't rhyme.

00:53:38.000 Before we get started, I always wear Nita Fashions.

00:53:42.000 This is one of the few blazers I am wearing on this show that isn't Nita Fashions.

00:53:48.000 And they are going to be here in New York.

00:53:52.000 They're on tour right now.

00:53:55.000 And they're going to be in your town very soon.

00:53:58.000 So they leave New York tomorrow, April 2nd.

00:54:02.000 They've been here for six days.

00:54:03.000 Have you been yet?

00:54:06.000 What?

00:54:08.000 Have you been yet?

00:54:09.000 Should we go?

00:54:10.000 Let's go today.

00:54:11.000 Okay.

00:54:13.000 I want to get a suit.

00:54:14.000 You said I can get a suit.

00:54:15.000 Yeah, I'm also not your daddy.

00:54:18.000 And we've been reading these ads for weeks. 1.00

00:54:21.000 You've had plenty of time to figure your shit out. 1.00

00:54:23.000 I thought we'd go together. 0.99

00:54:25.000 Why?

00:54:26.000 Because.

00:54:27.000 You know them.

00:54:28.000 If I just show up at their thing, that's not gonna be weird. 0.99

00:54:31.000 Shut up. 0.95

00:54:32.000 Anyway, if you're watching this show and you're wondering, you can show up without me. 0.99

00:54:36.000 It's perfectly reasonable.

00:54:38.000 So they leave tomorrow, April 2nd.

00:54:40.000 And then in Boston, they're there, what are we now?

00:54:45.000 April 1st is Saturday?

00:54:49.000 Yes.

00:54:51.000 And then April 2nd is their last day.

00:54:53.000 So Monday, April 3rd, they're in Boston until the 5th, right?

00:55:00.000 Then DC, they're there the 6th to the 8th.

00:55:04.000 And then it goes Houston, April 10th to the 12th.

00:55:08.000 Dallas, April 17th to 19th.

00:55:10.000 Chicago, April 20th to 23rd.

00:55:12.000 Denver, April 24 and 25.

00:55:13.000 LACA,

00:55:18.000 27th to the 29th San Francisco April 30th to May 1st And then they're back to Hong Kong to make the various outfits you chose when you went in there and had a personal fitting Contact them on their website needafashions.com or you can go on their Instagram DM them They will set up a time to come meet you.

00:55:36.000 They'll tell you the hotel they're at you go there you go sample some fabrics and

00:55:40.000 You get a cheap shirt or an expensive shirt, depending on what your budget can allow, and then you get home and you wait.

00:55:47.000 And a few days later, boom.

00:55:50.000 A custom suit arrives.

00:55:52.000 FedEx.

00:55:53.000 You gotta steam it.

00:55:54.000 It's wrinkled a little bit by the time it gets to you.

00:55:56.000 And then you have a perfect suit on that fits you like pee-pee jam-jams.

00:56:00.000 Don't steam a suit.

00:56:02.000 Causes puckering.

00:56:04.000 Yeah.

00:56:06.000 Alright, so to get back to the show,

00:56:10.000 We had a horrific shooting on Monday.

00:56:12.000 Unimaginable horrors.

00:56:14.000 Six people killed.

00:56:15.000 Three kids. 0.99

00:56:16.000 By a deranged trans person. 1.00

00:56:18.000 I saw one of the excuses was, her Christian parents never accepted her. 0.96

00:56:22.000 Yeah.

00:56:23.000 I don't know if you were ever a metalhead, but your parents don't accept you either.

00:56:27.000 I don't know if you were ever punk, or goth, or like, you murdered people because your parents didn't accept you?

00:56:35.000 Very few parents totally accept their kids. 0.99

00:56:38.000 I think the parents of jocks are happy, but besides that they're always like, what the fuck's the matter with you? 0.98

00:56:45.000 My entire crew in high school were rejected by their parents to the point of getting kicked out of the house. 0.99

00:56:52.000 Sometimes they'd stay with us for a while. 0.97

00:56:54.000 We kind of had a couple adopted kids that were just my friends whose parents were shitheads who kicked them out. 0.98

00:57:00.000 So that's a super lame excuse. 0.94

00:57:03.000 But I saw this clip when it came out and I hadn't heard of the shooting yet.

00:57:09.000 So I thought this was fake.

00:57:11.000 I thought they took

00:57:13.000 A Biden blunder and stuck it after the Nashville shooting to make him look bad?

00:57:20.000 Me too.

00:57:20.000 But I don't think that's the case, boys and girls.

00:57:23.000 This is after the shooting.

00:57:25.000 This is how he behaves when there's just been a bunch of people massacred.

00:57:30.000 My name is Joe Biden.

00:57:40.000 I'm Dr. Joe Biden's husband.

00:57:41.000 And I ate Chitty's ice cream.

00:57:45.000 Chocolate chip.

00:57:46.000 Chocolate chip?

00:57:47.000 I like chocolate chip.

00:57:47.000 I came down because I heard there was chocolate chip ice cream.

00:57:50.000 Is that why you came down?

00:57:51.000 By the way, I have a whole refrigerator full upstairs.

00:57:54.000 You think I'm kidding?

00:57:55.000 I'm not.

00:57:56.000 Ben, how are you, pal?

00:57:57.000 Hey.

00:57:58.000 One of the best guys in the United States Congress.

00:57:59.000 Ben Cardin.

00:58:02.000 Hi, Joe.

00:58:03.000 Joe, those children were just murdered.

00:58:10.000 What?

00:58:11.000 It's a delight to have you all here.

00:58:13.000 And who are those good-looking kids back there?

00:58:17.000 Are your kids all four of them?

00:58:19.000 Can I sniff them?

00:58:19.000 Well, stand up, guys.

00:58:21.000 I see bodies.

00:58:25.000 Nice bods.

00:58:27.000 John, we'll jump back in here, considering the moment.

00:58:31.000 There's a school shooting that just happened, left three children dead, three adults dead, shooters dead, and we were told he would be addressing this off the top.

00:58:42.000 Dude, he's so inappropriate that news stations go, uh, can we switch back here?

00:58:49.000 I didn't know this was going to be going on.

00:58:51.000 We're going to interrupt the President.

00:58:52.000 Like, we're going to get in trouble.

00:58:54.000 We're going to be called disrespectful for showing the President of the United States.

00:58:59.000 It's rude.

00:59:00.000 It trivializes murder to show the President talk.

00:59:05.000 But what's up with the audience laughing, too?

00:59:08.000 It sounds canned.

00:59:08.000 It does.

00:59:14.000 It could conceivably be, I hope.

00:59:17.000 My name is Joe Biden.

00:59:21.000 I'm Dr. Joe Biden's husband.

00:59:22.000 Yeah, I think that that might be added in post. 0.66

00:59:26.000 But his ridiculous speech is definitely after the thing.

00:59:29.000 Go to the next link I sent on that. 0.85

00:59:32.000 Just so I know I'm not crazy.

00:59:36.000 Biden jokes about only being known for chocolate chip ice cream and Ray-Bans before calling on Congress to pass assault weapon ban after Nashville shooting.

00:59:45.000 See that you could be sort of playing with the days there.

00:59:49.000 But he addressed the school shooting in Nashville at a woman's business event.

00:59:52.000 His press secretary asked how many more children have to be murdered before the Republicans in Congress will step up and pass the assault weapon ban.

00:59:58.000 Jill said our children deserve better.

01:00:02.000 I mean, if he did this chocolate chip thing,

01:00:04.000 A week ago?

01:00:06.000 Then you look at that headline and it still makes sense, right?

01:00:10.000 Go back.

01:00:13.000 He did joke about chocolate chip ice cream before calling on Congress to pass assault weapon ban after Nashville shooting, right?

01:00:21.000 You could be playing with weeks here, but if you go into the article, uh,

01:00:29.000 He began joking about how his sister Valerie is smarter than, and talking about his love of chocolate chip ice cream.

01:00:34.000 I came down, you know it's pretty dull when you've been hurting, you know Ben I've been doing, so we just saw him address Ben.

01:00:40.000 I've been doing this whole career and it seems just sick.

01:00:44.000 It's heartbreaking, a family's worth nightmare, Biden continued.

01:00:47.000 You see that?

01:00:47.000 So it's all the same speech.

01:00:49.000 He just thought he'd started out light. 0.99

01:00:52.000 Dude, on the Tuesday show, this is a comedy show, a goofball show, where Ryan comes up with terrible ideas and we call him Detective Shitty, and then we show him as a detective with shit smeared on his face. 0.99

01:01:07.000 So this is not Forbes. 0.99

01:01:10.000 This is not the Wall Street Journal's international section. 0.99

01:01:14.000 And even we, by the way, that was a cue to show Detective Shitty, you fucking Detective Shitty. 0.97

01:01:20.000 And even we, on that day on Tuesday, couldn't joke around and had to get to it. 0.99

01:01:26.000 No chocolate chip jokes.

01:01:29.000 No Ray-Ban jokes.

01:01:31.000 Hey, Detective Shitty, where's the Detective Shitty thing?

01:01:36.000 I'm still trying to confirm if this is true or not.

01:01:40.000 What?

01:01:40.000 I ask you to play something and you go on a little research trip?

01:01:48.000 And we just did confirm it.

01:01:50.000 Yeah, but not the laughter.

01:01:51.000 I want to see the raw.

01:01:52.000 Oh, the laughter, yeah.

01:01:54.000 Oh, that's easier said than done.

01:01:56.000 I looked on their White House YouTube channel, but there's no clip, such clip.

01:02:01.000 Yeah, I don't think they're going to keep that around.

01:02:05.000 Here he is saying that he's got China on his mind.

01:02:11.000 This is 2-3.

01:02:16.000 I applaud China for stepping up, excuse me, I applaud Canada.

01:02:22.000 You can tell what I'm thinking.

01:02:23.000 So today, I applaud China for stepping up.

01:02:26.000 You can tell what I'm thinking.

01:02:28.000 I really want to be applauding Canada.

01:02:30.000 I mean, China.

01:02:34.000 Here we are totally denying the corruption of Hunter Biden.

01:02:37.000 Wait a minute, I think we already showed this.

01:02:39.000 2-4, the Hunter Biden thing.

01:02:46.000 So that's the montage where he says, I've never discussed business with my son Hunter.

01:02:53.000 And then we see a bunch of examples of him discussing business, doing business with various people with Hunter.

01:02:59.000 And then I thought this was just a good juxtaposition.

01:03:01.000 Here's Trump back in the Manchester terrorist days.

01:03:05.000 Was it Ariana Grande concert in Manchester?

01:03:08.000 Remember this? 1.00

01:03:08.000 This is what a president sounds like when he has his shit together. 1.00

01:03:13.000 I'd like to begin by offering my prayers to the people of Manchester. 0.99

01:03:18.000 You have other audio open, Ryan?

01:03:21.000 No, it's part of it.

01:03:22.000 I extend my deepest condolences to those so terribly injured in this terrorist attack, and to the many killed, and the families, so many families, of the victims.

01:03:37.000 We stand in absolute solidarity

01:03:42.000 With the people of the United Kingdom.

01:03:47.000 So many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives murdered by evil losers in life. 1.00

01:03:58.000 Losers. 1.00

01:03:58.000 I hate when they call them cowards. 1.00

01:04:00.000 Losers is perfect. 1.00

01:04:01.000 I won't call them monsters because they would like that term. 0.99

01:04:05.000 Oh wait, go back, I missed that.

01:04:08.000 I don't call them what?

01:04:09.000 Because they would like that term?

01:04:10.000 Monsters.

01:04:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:12.000 I won't call them monsters.

01:04:15.000 Because they would like that term.

01:04:19.000 They would think that's a great name. 0.99

01:04:23.000 I will call them, from now on, losers. 1.00

01:04:30.000 Because that's what they are, they're losers. 1.00

01:04:39.000 Great stuff. 1.00

01:04:41.000 An actual president.

01:04:43.000 An actual person.

01:04:45.000 A living president.

01:04:46.000 That's what Trump was. 0.87

01:04:49.000 And then lastly, poor kids are just as smart as white kids. 0.99

01:04:52.000 Versus, I may be white but I'm not dumb. 1.00

01:04:56.000 I may be a white boy but I'm not stupid. 1.00

01:05:00.000 Who's putting this fucking canned laughter in everybody? 1.00

01:05:03.000 Is it Benny Johnson? 1.00

01:05:04.000 Benny, stop that.

01:05:06.000 Is that a Benny Johnson clip?

01:05:07.000 I bet.

01:05:09.000 No, but they get it from Benny Johnson.

01:05:12.000 That's what he does, he puts these laughs.

01:05:14.000 Benny, just play the clip.

01:05:16.000 I know where the power is!

01:05:20.000 You think I'm joking?

01:05:21.000 I learned a long time ago about the- And the other thing we should do is we should challenge these students.

01:05:27.000 We should challenge students in these schools to have advanced placement programs in these schools.

01:05:31.000 We have this notion that somehow if you're poor, you cannot do it.

01:05:36.000 Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids. 1.00

01:05:40.000 Wealthy kids. 0.96

01:05:41.000 Black kids. 0.98

01:05:44.000 He does that thing that Michael Richards did after The N-Word, where he's like, fat kid, white kid, see, it's words. 0.99

01:05:49.000 Ooh, words.

01:05:51.000 Oh, words.

01:05:52.000 Oh, no.

01:05:55.000 All right, well, let's wrap up the show here with some letters, unless, Ryan, you have anything important you want to tell us.

01:06:00.000 I do. 0.97

01:06:01.000 Once upon a time... Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad. 0.99

01:06:07.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag. 0.99

01:06:13.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:14.000 Let's have it all started.

01:06:17.000 Jon Stewart lie, FYI, the Jon Stewart green screen.

01:06:21.000 So this was a long time ago, we did a green screen on Jon Stewart and he was attacking some dude saying, the number one killer of kids in America is guns.

01:06:30.000 So you're all worried about Drag Queen Story Hour, yet guns are killing our kids. 1.00

01:06:34.000 And the politician he was talking to pussied out and didn't confront that.

01:06:38.000 He didn't point out that the kids he's talking about are old.

01:06:40.000 He also didn't talk about how the guns that are killing these kids are some gangster's gun he left on the couch.

01:06:46.000 And also drive-bys.

01:06:48.000 Not legal guns, not rifles.

01:06:50.000 Some hunting rifles some dad had in the basement.

01:06:54.000 And he also forgot to mention that kids don't really die in America.

01:06:59.000 The numbers are a fraction of a tenth of a percent.

01:07:03.000 And that's cancer, and car accidents, and swimming pools, and guns.

01:07:07.000 Even cancer, kids tend to bounce back. 0.99

01:07:10.000 So it's a very misleading stat, and it's an easy way to fuck with someone. 0.99

01:07:14.000 And John did it. 0.98

01:07:15.000 But anyway, this writer, Baby Monster, writes in to say, no, it's even worse than you thought.

01:07:23.000 It is very important to know that the data for this stat was done for the age range of 0 to 19 years.

01:07:27.000 85% of the gun related deaths were within the 15 to 19 year old age range.

01:07:38.000 It seems very odd that the CDC only has stats for 0-14 years or 0-19 years.

01:07:43.000 Legally, a child is aged 0-17 years?

01:07:46.000 Why is there no mortality statistic for the whole demographic of children 0-17 years?

01:07:52.000 Stats of children as a demographic is relevant and should be available.

01:07:56.000 Adults

01:07:58.000 Adults aged 18 to 19 are not and have never been regarded as children.

01:08:03.000 It's very hard to find stats for the mortality rate and leading cause of death 0 to 17 years.

01:08:08.000 And also when you say children, you don't think of 17.

01:08:11.000 You don't think of some 17 year old gangbanger.

01:08:13.000 You think of toddlers.

01:08:16.000 Which is another trick Jon Stewart does.

01:08:18.000 Well I guess we'll be hearing more of these tricks if Howard Stern gets his wish and Jon Stewart becomes President of the United States because, as Howard put it, your country needs you.

01:08:29.000 The notion that gun violence is the leading cause of mortality for children seems to be an intentional and deceitful lie that is being pushed and most people who hear this lie probably do not realize this.

01:08:41.000 What do you think?

01:08:43.000 That guy's name is Sharni, which I'm not familiar with that name.

01:08:50.000 Are you?

01:08:51.000 No.

01:08:55.000 This is kind of, I've alluded to this in the past, but I might as well get it out of the way. 0.97

01:09:00.000 Hey, Gavin Rye, gay. 0.70

01:09:02.000 In a recent episode, you discussed women in the workforce and shoehorning of women into STEM.

01:09:05.000 I work in development and manufacturing of biotherapeutics, mainly cancer therapies.

01:09:11.000 I started my career in my hometown of Madison, Wisconsin.

01:09:14.000 Where even though lefty politics run rampant, meritocracy and science was still alive.

01:09:19.000 I recently moved out west to the Seattle area for more career opportunities.

01:09:22.000 In my naivete, spelled wrong, I figured there was no way the lefty politics could have penetrated science. 0.99

01:09:29.000 Holy fucking shitballs was I wrong. 0.99

01:09:32.000 After accepting a position at a very successful company just out of the startup phase, I quickly realized what I was in for. 0.99

01:09:39.000 Being the only man in my group, the woman felt very comfortable sharing their hatred of men and anything masculine. 0.81

01:09:46.000 This is all women in lab coats and petri dishes bitching about us, by the way. 1.00

01:09:50.000 They constantly talked about all the classic feminist points of men are dopes, men screwed this up, if we didn't have so many men, blah blah blah, in a job where efficiency and scientific thought is critical. 1.00

01:10:00.000 They simply can't keep up. 0.96

01:10:02.000 I get more done in a day here than most of them do all week. 0.99

01:10:06.000 They come in late, love taking up time with bullshit meetings, take long lunches, and sit around at their desks dishing about TV shows. 0.96

01:10:15.000 Then they complain about how they have so much to do. 0.99

01:10:18.000 But that's all they do, complain.

01:10:20.000 When something goes wrong, they turn to me or other men in the group and ask why this didn't get done, why didn't this get ordered, etc.

01:10:26.000 The scientific method is dead.

01:10:28.000 They have an experiment that doesn't work, they retest and expect a different result.

01:10:32.000 These are people with doctorate and master's degrees with the scientific capacity of a 10-year-old.

01:10:38.000 This older divorce broad, for example, is the worst offender.

01:10:41.000 She can't even use Microsoft Excel. 1.00

01:10:43.000 I see her clicking around like a fucking chimpanzee trying to get a cookie. 1.00

01:10:48.000 I'm coaching these people with advanced degrees on how to develop the quality control test for shit that's going into people. 1.00

01:10:54.000 They are so inept, they can't even figure out if something doesn't work. 0.99

01:10:57.000 You need to try to do it a different way until you find the solution. 0.99

01:11:00.000 They do the same thing over and over, get the same results, and then they get so frustrated they give up. 1.00

01:11:05.000 For fuck's sake! 0.99

01:11:07.000 No wonder the biotech industry moves so goddamn slow. 1.00

01:11:10.000 I don't want to sound like I'm just shitting on all women. 1.00

01:11:12.000 I love women. 1.00

01:11:13.000 But I love them when they fill the roles they're good at.

01:11:16.000 Like talking about spice.

01:11:20.000 There are great women here who work very hard and are very intelligent but majority of these broads should not be involved in this work or any work besides being a mom. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Who is going to be cleaning your toilet Donald Trump? 0.96

01:11:39.000 This is kind of gross. 0.99

01:11:42.000 Dennis Prager defends porn? 0.98

01:11:45.000 Come on. 0.97

01:11:45.000 I like porn. 0.97

01:11:47.000 Now pornographic films have been around for a long time.

01:11:50.000 It's not the best Prager impression.

01:11:56.000 Yes, yes.

01:11:58.000 Here it is.

01:11:59.000 Starts at one minute.

01:12:01.000 See if I could glean an impression out of this.

01:12:06.000 What's your stance on man with two suit colors on one suit?

01:12:09.000 What's the man with stepmother walks in on stepson? 0.99

01:12:14.000 What's the matter with girl stuck in washing machine and gets buttfucked? 1.00

01:12:19.000 What's the matter with Ava Devine gets anally raped to death? 1.00

01:12:24.000 What's up with, you know, meth-addled, you know, sex addicts just pursuing both addictions simultaneously while you beat off like a little stranger into a sock? 0.99

01:12:33.000 What's your take on super gag puke fest? 0.99

01:12:37.000 Bloody. 0.99

01:12:37.000 What's your take on a bloody anus? 0.99

01:12:41.000 Are they smoking weed in there? 1.00

01:12:42.000 Damn, it's smoky up in that. 0.99

01:12:44.000 It's a weird backdrop. 0.99

01:12:45.000 I guess they're dead? 0.60

01:12:46.000 Adultery. 0.92

01:12:47.000 For people that are overly lusty, they go to the outermost ring of hell, I believe.

01:12:52.000 What's the stance on pornography?

01:12:55.000 Yeah, they're blown around in a tornado for all eternity, I think.

01:13:01.000 So, pornography...

01:13:03.000 When I'm asked this question... Just to put you on the spot, by the way.

01:13:06.000 You did indeed.

01:13:08.000 Okay, so my answer, when it's raised on my radio show, I have a male-female hour, and I'm very open about sexual subjects.

01:13:16.000 I always ask, if a wife calls me and says, my husband looks at pornography, like I found on his computer, I have one question.

01:13:27.000 How is your life of intimacy with your husband?

01:13:31.000 Is it good?

01:13:32.000 In other words, is the pornography?

01:13:34.000 No, it's never good.

01:13:36.000 It's never enough if you have a bunch of kids.

01:13:39.000 Yeah. 0.87

01:13:40.000 So there's zero times when the wife will go, we have sex once a day, but he also looks at porn occasionally. 0.99

01:13:47.000 And if he didn't, he'd be fucking chicks to get up to his requisite two jizz loads a day. 0.99

01:13:53.000 Not a thing. 1.00

01:13:54.000 Your husband's buying McDonald's after dinner.

01:13:56.000 You need to start cooking.

01:13:57.000 Yeah, you need a better meal.

01:13:59.000 Lew of you or in addition to you?

01:14:02.000 It's always in Lew. 0.99

01:14:04.000 Dummy.

01:14:04.000 Is this where Judeo-Christian values splits into Judeo and Christian values?

01:14:10.000 This is not a religious answer.

01:14:12.000 Yes it is.

01:14:13.000 You can't covet.

01:14:15.000 I'm not giving a religious answer, I'm giving what I think is a moral and realistic answer.

01:14:19.000 Men want variety.

01:14:20.000 You know what he's saying right now, by the way?

01:14:24.000 I love beating off. 0.96

01:14:28.000 You know, my wife was in a thing where it's like a group Zoom chat or whatever, and some people came in and they kept spamming, what do you think about cock and ball torture? 0.98

01:14:40.000 Just like over and over again.

01:14:43.000 I don't know what that means.

01:14:44.000 It's like a thing.

01:14:46.000 I think that the right does that.

01:14:48.000 I don't even think it was lefties memeing him.

01:14:50.000 I think it was like righties. 0.58

01:14:51.000 Oh, she was on a PragerZoom. 0.55

01:14:53.000 Yeah.

01:14:53.000 You left that minor detail out.

01:14:55.000 No, it wasn't a PragerZoom.

01:14:57.000 It was like a Zoom with him in it.

01:14:58.000 That's a PragerZoom.

01:15:02.000 Okay, sure.

01:15:03.000 Any Zoom that PragerZoom is a PragerZoom.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, if it's civilians and one celebrity.

01:15:07.000 It was for a college.

01:15:09.000 It was a college Zoom.

01:15:11.000 Unimportant.

01:15:12.000 Cock and ball torture, this guy.

01:15:14.000 They said to him, you know. 0.98

01:15:16.000 If pornography is a substitute for one's wife, it's awful.

01:15:22.000 If it's a substitute for adultery, it's not awful.

01:15:26.000 See, that's a really bad, logical place to go.

01:15:29.000 If it's a substitute for adultery.

01:15:33.000 That implies that pornography reduces rape. 1.00

01:15:37.000 That's the same kind of mentality where you have in Europe where they want to give pedophiles these very realistic toddler dolls to fuck. 0.99

01:15:46.000 Where Michael Knoll points out that doesn't quell the bad habit, if you want to call it that. 0.99

01:15:54.000 It encourages the bad habit.

01:15:55.000 It rewards the bad bad habit.

01:15:57.000 It practices the bad habit.

01:15:58.000 They get

01:16:00.000 They start to get good at it, if you will.

01:16:04.000 So, no. 1.00

01:16:06.000 You can't fuck up, blow up toddlers. 1.00

01:16:09.000 And being good at it, if you will. 1.00

01:16:10.000 You can't watch meth heads fuck each other because you told your wife you'd cheat on her if she doesn't let you. 1.00

01:16:17.000 Weird take from old prags. 1.00

01:16:19.000 And I think if you're watching porn, that means you're like beating off consistently. 0.98

01:16:23.000 Cause like, do you even need porn to beat off?

01:16:26.000 Like if you haven't beat off in a long time, I don't think, I think of like a, a sexual thought is like,

01:16:33.000 Pretty potent.

01:16:34.000 You sounded like Hank Hill there. 0.99

01:16:36.000 Do you need porn to beat off? 1.00

01:16:40.000 If I think about a woman's nipple, I start getting hard, Bobby. 1.00

01:16:45.000 For real, I feel like I could whack off dry with nothing. 1.00

01:16:48.000 Whack off dry! 0.94

01:16:50.000 That doesn't sound like Frank Hill or whatever.

01:16:53.000 Frank Hill.

01:16:54.000 Frank Hill, you got it.

01:16:56.000 All right, let's end it with this.

01:16:57.000 The best Tony Soprano impression ever.

01:17:00.000 Ryan could take some notes, this gentleman says.

01:17:02.000 I could always take notes and I could always learn to be better.

01:17:05.000 Yes, sir.

01:17:06.000 So true.

01:17:07.000 So true.

01:17:08.000 Very humble, of course, really.

01:17:13.000 Did you just say whack it dry?

01:17:14.000 I think I might have to make that the title of this episode.

01:17:18.000 That is perfect.

01:17:33.000 It was good.

01:17:34.000 I like the breathing he's got there.

01:17:36.000 Yeah, he does have a good breathing.

01:17:39.000 Now I forgot how to do mine. 0.98

01:17:41.000 For fuck's sake. 1.00

01:17:42.000 I'm gonna beat the fuck out of Super Mario. 1.00

01:17:47.000 I'm gonna beat the fuck out of Super Mario's. 0.98

01:17:50.000 Yeah, I haven't... I gotta practice. 0.83

01:17:52.000 Yeah, you're out.

01:17:54.000 You gotta breathe.

01:17:57.000 There's a lot of breathing. 1.00

01:17:58.000 But you gotta stay close to the fucking mic. 0.99

01:18:00.000 Alright, let's get to the final vid. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Otherwise... The last video.

01:18:08.000 This is gonna get...

01:18:21.000 Forgot I didn't need to get interrupted for that one.

01:18:23.000 I was doing a mailbag go.

01:18:25.000 Yeah, I figured.

01:18:27.000 One for one.

01:18:28.000 So we're playing LA tonight.

01:18:30.000 Big fun comedy show.

01:18:31.000 Two shows.

01:18:33.000 Two sold out shows at a secret location southwest of Los Angeles.

01:18:39.000 We'll be back on Monday with a normal show.

01:18:42.000 Don't worry, we never leave you wanting for more.

01:18:44.000 Maybe we'll hang out with Ye when we're out there.

01:18:47.000 Oh, we'll be chilling with Ye and Fuentes, of course, as is our want. 1.00

01:18:51.000 Can you fuckin' play the commercial? 0.95

01:18:55.000 Just briefly? 0.97

01:18:56.000 Yeah, I can play it at the end if you want, or now?

01:18:58.000 I've been playing it at the end of the show.

01:18:59.000 Oh, you've been playing it?

01:19:00.000 Okay, we'll put it at the end of the show.

01:19:02.000 This is not very cool of me to...

01:19:05.000 to appreciate and enjoy but this is a young man who seems to have bitten off more than he can chew at Lowe's and the box that he's holding appears to be pinching his arm in a way that's causing him extreme possible arm breaking pain and hearing his tone

01:19:25.000 Reminds me that I'm not a nice guy.

01:19:27.000 I'm an evil person because I thoroughly enjoyed this.

01:19:31.000 What does he got there?

01:19:31.000 Like an air conditioner for the very warehouse he's in?

01:19:37.000 It's heavy.

01:19:42.000 Easy now.

01:19:45.000 A chair?

01:19:46.000 Easy now.

01:19:47.000 A chair?

01:19:49.000 Keep coming down, man.

01:19:50.000 You got it.

01:19:54.000 There's no room for him outside of the box.

01:19:57.000 There you go.

01:19:58.000 You can't be scared.

01:19:59.000 Just roll with it.

01:20:01.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:20:02.000 Ow. 0.99

01:20:02.000 Hell yeah. 0.99

01:20:04.000 He's doing good.

01:20:05.000 You're good.

01:20:12.000 He didn't mean to go down.

01:20:14.000 He meant to go up.

01:20:15.000 Or duck.

01:20:19.000 That's really anime type.

01:20:28.000 Poor guy.

01:20:29.000 Is it patio furniture?

01:20:30.000 I'm begging you.

01:20:31.000 I can't breathe.

01:20:32.000 That guy narrating is not very nice.

01:21:00.000 Sounds like SNFU, Cannibal Cafe, the intro.

01:21:11.000 That was funny.

01:21:13.000 See you Monday folks, have a fun weekend, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:21:28.000 We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

01:21:37.000 Who taught you to hate the color of your skin to such extent that you bleach to get like the white man? 0.90

01:21:46.000 And there was a fat kid, I think his name was Piggy, in the Bass Street Kids.

01:21:58.000 After years of bigotry, transphobia, and ableism, the boys are getting the band back together for the And Racism Tour.

01:22:05.000 Get your tickets now at tinyurl.com slash censoredlive.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 31, 2023

S4E235 - WHACK IT DRY

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Summary

Transcript