Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E243 - KID FRIENDLY

00:00:12.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!

00:00:50.000 Hi kids!

00:00:52.000 Welcome to the all kid friendly episode.

00:00:55.000 No swears.

00:00:56.000 No bad stuff.

00:00:58.000 Actually a little bit of bad stuff.

00:01:01.000 That was a band called Old Skull.

00:01:04.000 And it's just a bunch of kids playing music.

00:01:09.000 They're not very good. 1.00

00:01:11.000 That song sucks. 0.99

00:01:13.000 Why are people homeless? 1.00

00:01:14.000 Because they don't have any homes!

00:01:15.000 Because they don't have an education! 1.00

00:01:19.000 They're usually just drug addicts, and they're sick. 1.00

00:01:24.000 They have mental problems, for the most part. 1.00

00:01:26.000 It's sad. 0.79

00:01:27.000 What should we do?

00:01:27.000 I don't know.

00:01:28.000 Hey, Kevin.

00:01:31.000 What was on your head before?

00:01:33.000 Who are you? 0.96

00:01:34.000 Are you a monkey guy? 0.98

00:01:35.000 They call me Charleston. 0.96

00:01:38.000 Oh, that's a fancy name.

00:01:39.000 Like the Chew.

00:01:43.000 This was an old papier-mâché mask my kid wore.

00:01:47.000 I'm a dad.

00:01:47.000 I got three kids, two teenagers, a boy and a girl, and then a 10-year-old.

00:01:51.000 But when the boy teenager, he's about 14 now, when he was like 8 or 9, we went to a Mets game and he made that for it.

00:02:00.000 It had a little blue hat, too.

00:02:02.000 And if you dress up at a baseball game and you've made something yourself, you're getting on the big screen.

00:02:08.000 It's just happening.

00:02:09.000 Trust me.

00:02:10.000 So, uh, Mr. Mett came by.

00:02:13.000 We're Metts fans.

00:02:14.000 And, uh, if you see that, the helmet that you see in the foreground, that's the helmet I just showed you.

00:02:20.000 He had a little cardboard hat on.

00:02:21.000 He even made the hat.

00:02:23.000 And then Mr. Mett took a picture with him and then they put it on the Jumbotron.

00:02:26.000 If you go up,

00:02:27.000 You can see this.

00:02:28.000 The problem with a lot of my stuff here that I'm bringing is it's old.

00:02:34.000 It fell apart over time.

00:02:36.000 And the way we made that, you'd think he used chicken marts, paper mache, right?

00:02:41.000 You know what paper mache is.

00:02:42.000 It's strips of newspaper and like flour paste.

00:02:45.000 But he wanted it to be a perfect circle.

00:02:47.000 So you know what we did?

00:02:49.000 We got a huge balloon and we blew it up.

00:02:52.000 And then we paper-maché that, and then you just pop the balloon and take it out.

00:02:56.000 What?!

00:02:57.000 Problem is, though, it's not as strong as, uh, chicken wire.

00:03:01.000 Chicken wires last forever.

00:03:03.000 As you can see, that thing is already falling apart.

00:03:06.000 Um, we got a bunch of fun stuff on the desk here.

00:03:09.000 But this show is free to everyone, and we gotta pay for that somehow.

00:03:13.000 So we, uh, we have sponsors that, uh, that pay for the show.

00:03:19.000 So let's jump into it.

00:03:23.000 Um.

00:03:26.000 Wait a minute.

00:03:28.000 Sonoran?

00:03:30.000 Sonoran is a desert.

00:03:31.000 I think it's in Nevada.

00:03:32.000 I thought it was Sonoran.

00:03:35.000 It's Sonoran.

00:03:37.000 Okay.

00:03:39.000 What do you think it is?

00:03:40.000 Well, I think it could be anyone, but there's one that specifically I bet they'd be more happy with.

00:03:46.000 I think it's Sonoran.

00:03:48.000 Well, look it up then.

00:03:49.000 No!

00:03:50.000 Yes, just go pronounce.

00:03:53.000 And I wouldn't be happy with, I wouldn't be happy being, my name's Gavin McInnes, I wouldn't be happy if someone pronounced it Gavin.

00:04:00.000 So it's a company that does engraving.

00:04:02.000 Tell your parents they can have these slate coasters.

00:04:05.000 Right?

00:04:06.000 He made these for us.

00:04:07.000 I don't know if you can see them, but it's our logo.

00:04:10.000 They can put your stuff on a Zippo.

00:04:13.000 That's our logo on it.

00:04:15.000 Look at this cool box.

00:04:20.000 By the way, kids, if you are... There we go.

00:04:24.000 From the horse's mouth.

00:04:25.000 If you're 17 and under, you probably should... No, wait.

00:04:29.000 Let's say 13.

00:04:30.000 You probably shouldn't be watching these other shows.

00:04:33.000 This one is good for babies to watch.

00:04:36.000 Look, they do hats, too.

00:04:38.000 Censored.tv hats.

00:04:40.000 Sonoran.

00:04:42.000 Oh, don't look at that!

00:04:43.000 That's just a... Oh, that's the guy.

00:04:45.000 That's the guy.

00:04:47.000 Sonoran.

00:04:48.000 Sonoran.

00:04:49.000 Sonoran.

00:04:52.000 So that's cool.

00:04:54.000 How do they go there?

00:04:56.000 Sonoran.com.

00:04:57.000 They're a new sponsor for us, so we'll do more details next week.

00:05:03.000 The ad guy actually said, I'm not going to do Sonoran this week because I can't think of how to write in a kid-friendly way.

00:05:11.000 Well, we got a ways.

00:05:12.000 We just did it, dude.

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:14.000 We're in.

00:05:15.000 We're pros.

00:05:16.000 Here's what else is on my desk.

00:05:18.000 Code Joker face, by the way.

00:05:19.000 Here's a really bad slimer we made.

00:05:22.000 When my son was little, he was real creative.

00:05:24.000 We have way better slimers, but I can't find them.

00:05:28.000 And again, paper mache doesn't last.

00:05:29.000 This lasts, though.

00:05:31.000 I did this puppet story about my dad.

00:05:34.000 And the guy made my son, my daughter.

00:05:38.000 This is before my youngest was born.

00:05:40.000 And then we did the story like that.

00:05:42.000 It's these cool puppets.

00:05:44.000 And then he let me keep them after.

00:05:46.000 And there's something.

00:05:48.000 Someone made this for my daughter when she was a baby.

00:05:51.000 She's an artist, right?

00:05:53.000 And it even has a little squeaky part.

00:05:58.000 She said, don't worry about it.

00:05:59.000 I did it for free.

00:06:00.000 And I go, no, no, I want to pay for it.

00:06:03.000 You worked hard on this.

00:06:04.000 It's really cool.

00:06:04.000 My daughter's 16 now.

00:06:06.000 She still has it.

00:06:07.000 And the woman said, no, it's fine. 0.98

00:06:09.000 I go, no, I insist.

00:06:10.000 I want to pay.

00:06:11.000 She goes, just give me like 200 bucks. 1.00

00:06:17.000 Okay.

00:06:18.000 Uh, $200.

00:06:19.000 Okay.

00:06:21.000 Yeah.

00:06:21.000 Let's, uh, let's do that and install $200.

00:06:24.000 This cost.

00:06:27.000 Do you think I'm worth $200?

00:06:28.000 And then this is just a cheeseburger.

00:06:32.000 Oh, here's something cool.

00:06:33.000 We're going to talk about books later on, but the guy who does Calvin and Hobbes, he doesn't sell any merch.

00:06:40.000 He doesn't have any toys.

00:06:41.000 I don't know why.

00:06:42.000 It seems like a weird thing.

00:06:43.000 He doesn't want it to be commercialized.

00:06:46.000 So we got this on eBay.

00:06:47.000 People just make Hobbes merch.

00:06:51.000 Alright, we've introduced the desk.

00:06:54.000 We've set our first sponsor.

00:06:56.000 We've got three sponsors today, so we don't have to talk about ads for a while.

00:07:00.000 Do you want to play a game?

00:07:02.000 Sure.

00:07:02.000 Let's play pinball.

00:07:04.000 Okay.

00:07:04.000 Me and Ryan are gonna go play pinball.

00:07:16.000 Boom.

00:07:17.000 Boom.

00:07:19.000 Ow. 0.99

00:07:38.000 Oh, it came back!

00:07:39.000 Well, that's easier said than done, my friend.

00:07:45.000 Okay, you're up. 0.94

00:07:51.000 Aw, that sucked. 0.92

00:08:11.000 That was fun. 0.95

00:08:13.000 I like pinball.

00:08:15.000 Uh, we got a lot of things to dis- Hey!

00:08:17.000 What?

00:08:20.000 Dude.

00:08:21.000 Oh, it's Jack Black!

00:08:22.000 Yes, famous kids show dude, Jack Black.

00:08:25.000 I was in Mario.

00:08:27.000 As Bowser!

00:08:29.000 Oh, is that a good movie?

00:08:30.000 You cheated!

00:08:32.000 I did cheat.

00:08:33.000 I figured it's boring to watch someone play pinball.

00:08:36.000 Na-na-na-na-na-not cool! 0.99

00:08:38.000 Is it boring to watch us play pinball, guys?

00:08:43.000 I love pinball, dude.

00:08:47.000 You seem cool.

00:08:48.000 It's just kind of a chill game.

00:08:50.000 You can't see anything.

00:08:52.000 What?

00:08:53.000 Of course I can, bro.

00:08:55.000 I can see my hands.

00:08:57.000 Well, I can see them if they're down here.

00:08:59.000 All right.

00:09:01.000 I have about 10 things I want to talk to you guys about today.

00:09:05.000 And the first one is very important.

00:09:07.000 And I don't know the answer to this.

00:09:08.000 It's a question.

00:09:09.000 And the question is, why are farts so funny?

00:09:15.000 Now, I have some theories.

00:09:18.000 One of the theories is it's loud and it's involuntary.

00:09:22.000 But a sneeze is loud.

00:09:25.000 I've never laughed at a sneeze once.

00:09:30.000 Yeah, coughing is loud.

00:09:32.000 That's not remotely funny.

00:09:34.000 Although, this is probably when you get older, you're gonna notice that watching your friend barf is funny.

00:09:40.000 It can't be because he's really sick, like he has a fever or something.

00:09:43.000 It has to be because, I don't know, he's had to take a medication that made him puke.

00:09:48.000 That's as hilarious as farts, but I cannot figure out why farts are funny.

00:09:55.000 And they're not good.

00:09:56.000 Like, they smell bad.

00:09:59.000 And here's another weird thing.

00:10:00.000 If you're two guys and one of the guys farts, the other guy won't get mad.

00:10:06.000 He'll be like, oh, dude, what's the matter with you?

00:10:09.000 My God.

00:10:10.000 Even if they're, oh, you know what's really funny?

00:10:13.000 If you fart and the guy smells it and then he goes, oh, now the guy, the farter is laughing.

00:10:19.000 Do you have any theories on this, Ryan?

00:10:24.000 I'm not joking, by the way.

00:10:27.000 Uh, maybe because it's dangerous to smell stinky stuff, and people like to be in the face of danger.

00:10:34.000 Wow, that is a terrible theory.

00:10:37.000 That is, why is it, stinky stuff is dangerous?

00:10:41.000 Hey, I make the rules.

00:10:43.000 That actually, you made me know less about this quest because now I'm thinking it's natural to like have an aversion to poo smells, right?

00:10:53.000 God, nature, if you're around poo that's bad for you, you're gonna get an infection, you're gonna get sick, you're gonna get some sort of disease. 0.97

00:11:00.000 So when a fart happens, you should go, oh no,

00:11:05.000 And if you're on a bus, say, and there's an old man next to you and he farts, I don't think you'd find that funny. 1.00

00:11:10.000 Don't take a bus, take a skateboard.

00:11:14.000 So, it has to be your friends.

00:11:17.000 I'm thinking out loud here.

00:11:18.000 When I put up this question, I didn't have any answers.

00:11:21.000 Sometimes you can just pontificate.

00:11:23.000 Maybe it's the fact that friends establish this sort of closeness that melts away the boundaries of societal restrictions.

00:11:32.000 Farts are usually inappropriate, but you're like, hey, we're such good friends, I can fart.

00:11:38.000 So why aren't sneezes funny then?

00:11:41.000 Why isn't sneezing funny?

00:11:44.000 When I was a little kid, I remember my dad is from Scotland and I had some friends over and I think one of us had farted and my dad walked into the room we were in and he says, did you let off?

00:11:59.000 And we, my friends had never heard that term let off and they laughed so hard like I was worried about them.

00:12:06.000 You ever laugh so hard you try to grab air and bring it into your face because you think you're gonna die?

00:12:13.000 You don't really laugh like that as a grown-up.

00:12:14.000 Careful about putting air in your mouth after farts have been in the room though.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, good point.

00:12:21.000 You don't really laugh that hysterically when you're old as when you're a kid.

00:12:25.000 So, Carpe Diem.

00:12:27.000 Seize the day, kiddies.

00:12:29.000 Okay, here's a second thing I want to talk to you about.

00:12:31.000 And you can figure out the farts thing on your own.

00:12:33.000 I don't have the answer.

00:12:35.000 I really don't know why.

00:12:37.000 How can a sound be funny?

00:12:40.000 Roink. 1.00

00:12:42.000 Maybe it's the variety.

00:12:43.000 A sneeze is always hachoo. 0.85

00:12:45.000 It's always exactly the same.

00:12:47.000 Or maybe like, your dad might go like, ROCKET!

00:12:49.000 You know those big loud ones?

00:12:51.000 But uh, a fart is always different.

00:12:54.000 That sounds like we're on onto something.

00:12:56.000 It could be quite vocal.

00:12:58.000 Oh yeah, this was, look how hard they laugh here. 0.97

00:13:11.000 Like, and you know what else is weird?

00:13:13.000 The more I look into this, the less I know.

00:13:16.000 If I was there, I wouldn't have laughed.

00:13:19.000 I don't know her.

00:13:20.000 Right.

00:13:21.000 But if that was my friend, I would have laughed.

00:13:23.000 So you have to know the farter for some reason.

00:13:26.000 Stranger Farts is not funny.

00:13:29.000 Luke, I am your farter.

00:13:33.000 I just made that up.

00:13:34.000 That was great.

00:13:36.000 All right, number two thing.

00:13:38.000 This is a thing I'm obsessed with.

00:13:41.000 Do you know about the Wild West?

00:13:42.000 Yeah.

00:13:44.000 Show that card.

00:13:47.000 I know about the Wild Wild West.

00:13:50.000 Okay, be a different guy now.

00:13:52.000 You gotta be way more of a different guy.

00:13:54.000 Okay.

00:13:57.000 All right, so, the 1800s, from 1800 to 1900, that hundred years was a very crazy time in the world.

00:14:05.000 They had the Industrial Revolution, which I think was Scottish people.

00:14:08.000 There was the steam engine, we had it for a while, but there was a guy in Leadhill, Scotland, John something, he figured out how to put it on its side and really make it mass-produce things.

00:14:16.000 So now we went from making, like, one of these at a time to, like, and now zillions of them are being made in a factory.

00:14:26.000 And when you have that, you have more money, more wealth, you start expanding, colonization, you're moving all over the place.

00:14:32.000 And it was bigger in Europe and especially Britain, but America was also sort of on fire in those times.

00:14:40.000 And we had a massive war in the mid-1800s, ended in 1865, I believe.

00:14:46.000 It was about, it was the North and the South fighting.

00:14:49.000 That was going on.

00:14:49.000 And I think

00:14:51.000 Something happens after wars where people want to explore stuff.

00:14:55.000 Like after World War II, these guys came back from the war and they've been riding motorcycles in North Africa.

00:15:02.000 They were badasses who've been shooting and getting shot at and...

00:15:06.000 So they came back, and they were bored in the suburbs, and they said, uh, all right, let's start biker gangs. 0.84

00:15:10.000 That's how you have Hell's Angels and all that stuff.

00:15:12.000 They were guys from World War II who came back, and it's horrible, don't get me wrong, war is terrible, but it's also an intense experience where you come back, and you're an intense dude now.

00:15:23.000 So anyway, around the time of the Civil War and after, they started going west.

00:15:28.000 And it was uncharted territory, right?

00:15:32.000 Like, you look at a house that's 1860 in New York City.

00:15:36.000 We're in New York City, by the way.

00:15:37.000 And that's just a normal building, tenement building.

00:15:39.000 It's been there since 1860.

00:15:41.000 That's why it says it on it.

00:15:43.000 The West had nothing in 1860.

00:15:46.000 So there was people building towns from scratch.

00:15:49.000 At the same time, they just survived a war.

00:15:53.000 Oh, look who it is, President Trump.

00:15:55.000 Thank you.

00:15:56.000 I can build a town from scratch, okay?

00:15:59.000 Not very hard to do, really.

00:16:08.000 So, at the same time, out of all this global craziness and American craziness, there was gold in them hills.

00:16:17.000 There was a gold rush going on.

00:16:19.000 So people, they had this sense of adventure, they just had their whole lives turned upside down with the war, and they were going west, and they were digging for gold, trying to get gold.

00:16:28.000 So it was so crazy, people called it the Wild West.

00:16:34.000 One wild.

00:16:36.000 Then something weird happened.

00:16:39.000 It originally started in 1965, but that wasn't very eventful.

00:16:42.000 And there was a show that came out, and the show was like, we want to really ramp up things.

00:16:47.000 We want to use some hyperbole.

00:16:49.000 We want to exaggerate.

00:16:50.000 So they called it the Wild Wild West.

00:16:53.000 That's 1-3.

00:16:55.000 A 1965 show.

00:16:57.000 It was taking the term Wild West and adding a wild.

00:17:01.000 Okay, I got it.

00:17:02.000 Still called the Wild West, but your one TV show changed that.

00:17:08.000 Then, there was a rapper, you're gonna have to jump ahead, named Cool Modi, and he did a song called, that had the chorus, The Wild Wild West, that's 1-5, right?

00:17:26.000 No, I said 1-5, buddy.

00:17:28.000 Is that 1-5?

00:17:31.000 Yes.

00:17:33.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:17:36.000 There was a lot of black cowboys, you know?

00:17:38.000 People don't think of that.

00:17:39.000 They think of cowboys as all white guys. 1.00

00:17:45.000 Kind of a stupid, boring song, right? 1.00

00:17:47.000 Not unlike Old Skull, the song we started the show with. 0.99

00:17:51.000 Then things changed drastically in 1999 when a steampunk cowboy movie came out starring Will Smith.

00:17:59.000 Was it called Wild Wild West?

00:18:01.000 Yes.

00:18:02.000 It sure was called the Wild Wild West.

00:18:04.000 Wow, Cowboy Dan is here.

00:18:06.000 Cowboy Dan here and whoo-hoo!

00:18:10.000 I usually have guns, but I figured the little ones wouldn't want that.

00:18:13.000 But if I did want to get them altered, I'd go to Shunner and Defense.

00:18:17.000 Right.

00:18:19.000 Now, pull up the chart I sent you, because this is when things went crazy.

00:18:25.000 That song was a huge hit.

00:18:27.000 Some people like it, some people don't. 0.99

00:18:29.000 I think it sucks. 0.97

00:18:30.000 I love it. 0.99

00:18:30.000 Ryan loves it. 0.99

00:18:31.000 But you'll notice, around 99, the word Wild Wild West became incredibly popular.

00:18:40.000 Wait a minute.

00:18:42.000 Oh, yeah, look.

00:18:43.000 So Wild West is still the most common one, right?

00:18:47.000 But if the red line on the bottom, no one said Wild Wild West, not even after the 60s, a tiny bit.

00:18:53.000 That show wasn't very big, but there's a big bump right at 1999 when that song was big.

00:19:00.000 Now, it seems like everyone, especially when they're talking about the internet, when they say, oh, the internet was crazy back then.

00:19:07.000 It was the wild, wild west.

00:19:09.000 Even my friends say wild, wild west.

00:19:13.000 It drives me nuts, because that's not the term.

00:19:16.000 The term is wild west.

00:19:19.000 You want to show a bit of that video?

00:19:21.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:19:21.000 This video, this stupid song, changed the English language. 1.00

00:19:29.000 I don't fear that. 1.00

00:19:30.000 I ain't trying to hear that.

00:19:32.000 The champion cannot be done.

00:19:34.000 His pronouns are them, they?

00:19:35.000 They.

00:19:35.000 Bob, speaking of, this is the I Don't Know episode, speaking of not knowing why farts are funny, and they are funny, I can't understand how you like that song.

00:19:55.000 I mean, listen, it popped up in my life at such a time where, you know, Burger King and they had the toys.

00:20:02.000 So you like it like we like Jingle Bells?

00:20:04.000 Because it's a Christmas vibe?

00:20:06.000 Yeah, but every day could be the Wild Wild West day.

00:20:09.000 All right.

00:20:11.000 Anyway.

00:20:12.000 Oh, my friend Jamie is going to come on the show soon.

00:20:15.000 But let me show you how many people are saying this annoying term Wild Wild West.

00:20:33.000 Wild, wild west.

00:20:35.000 Alright, here's some examples.

00:20:36.000 Go.

00:20:37.000 Give me the wild, wild west.

00:20:40.000 That's my friend Alex Jones.

00:20:42.000 Wild, wild west.

00:20:44.000 Why are you adding a word to something and then slurring it because you've got to get it out fast?

00:20:49.000 If you just said Wild West, you wouldn't have to go Wild Wild West.

00:20:52.000 It was the Wild Wild West.

00:20:56.000 Wild Wild West.

00:20:57.000 Wild Wild West.

00:20:58.000 Wild Wild West.

00:20:59.000 Wild Wild West.

00:21:00.000 Wild Wild West.

00:21:01.000 Wild Wild West.

00:21:02.000 Wild Wild West.

00:21:03.000 It used to be on the Wild Wild West.

00:21:04.000 Hey, I know her too!

00:21:06.000 My own friends are doing this!

00:21:07.000 Martina Marcotta.

00:21:10.000 Wild, wild west.

00:21:11.000 The wild, wild west.

00:21:12.000 To the wild, wild west.

00:21:14.000 The wild, wild west.

00:21:15.000 That's two Alex Joneses.

00:21:17.000 He keeps calling it that.

00:21:18.000 I'm gonna have to work with him when I'm in Austin.

00:21:21.000 It's the wild, wild west.

00:21:22.000 Oh, that's Young's guy.

00:21:25.000 Wild west style.

00:21:26.000 In the wild, wild west.

00:21:27.000 The wild, wild west.

00:21:28.000 The wild, wild west.

00:21:32.000 Wait a minute, did you cheat with that Elmo one?

00:21:34.000 No.

00:21:35.000 So he really did say Wild Wild West.

00:21:37.000 There was just a lot of time in between both.

00:21:39.000 Oh, our own friend Elmo.

00:21:41.000 That's three friends.

00:21:42.000 Wild Wild West?

00:21:45.000 Wild Wild West!

00:21:46.000 Sort of the Wild Wild West.

00:21:49.000 The Wild Wild West.

00:21:50.000 It's the Wild Wild West.

00:21:52.000 Jim Gode! 0.77

00:21:54.000 Oh, and here's some pictures.

00:21:56.000 So this is a store that sells Indian and cowboy stuff, and they don't even know what it is.

00:22:03.000 Wild West.

00:22:05.000 Okay, it's a shirt.

00:22:09.000 And this is, oh, is this that, this is the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, right?

00:22:12.000 Yeah.

00:22:13.000 And the answer is a wild, wild place.

00:22:17.000 I could almost let that one go.

00:22:17.000 You know what?

00:22:19.000 Because they're referring to the mistake people make, you could argue.

00:22:28.000 Oh, there we go.

00:22:28.000 What's this now?

00:22:29.000 A chat GPT written thing.

00:22:31.000 Okay.

00:22:33.000 Wait, computers are saying it now?

00:22:35.000 Okay, I don't understand that.

00:22:35.000 Correct.

00:22:37.000 Someone put it in.

00:22:40.000 What's that?

00:22:40.000 What's on his shirt?

00:22:41.000 Mm-hmm.

00:22:42.000 Okay.

00:22:43.000 The pictures aren't as fun, are they?

00:22:45.000 No.

00:22:46.000 That one, you just have to trust that says The Wild Wild West.

00:22:49.000 Okay, we believe you.

00:22:51.000 And then finally... That's the final one?

00:22:53.000 Yep.

00:22:54.000 My God!

00:23:05.000 You know, that band...

00:23:07.000 Old Skull.

00:23:08.000 It was a dad who put that album out.

00:23:10.000 The dad was into punk or something.

00:23:12.000 And he should have said, hey, my kids can do songs.

00:23:16.000 And then whoever heard that song should have went, no, they can't.

00:23:20.000 They might be able to one day, but we can't put this out.

00:23:24.000 It's too terrible.

00:23:28.000 Weird.

00:23:31.000 I should probably say the second sponsor now, right?

00:23:34.000 Sure.

00:23:36.000 Sponsor, you know, get percentage of cut money, and everybody happy.

00:23:41.000 I don't understand you.

00:23:43.000 What'd you say?

00:23:45.000 Sponsor get like cut money, so if you say name sponsor, then gonna help you something.

00:23:52.000 Yeah, so you're sort of like with English the same way that Old Skull are with music.

00:23:58.000 I don't know.

00:23:58.000 Not ready yet.

00:24:01.000 I don't know.

00:24:05.000 But here's the information.

00:24:07.000 In Japan, you can fart, no problem.

00:24:10.000 It's not a problem.

00:24:12.000 But if your bro knows in public, it's very bad.

00:24:15.000 It's like a fart in America.

00:24:17.000 Oh yeah, that's a good point.

00:24:18.000 Other countries, like when I was talking about farts, I was talking about the West. 0.90

00:24:23.000 But I lived in China for a while, and they would have different things.

00:24:28.000 Like picking your nose at the dinner table talking to someone like this?

00:24:33.000 No problem.

00:24:34.000 It's not a thing.

00:24:35.000 It's gross.

00:24:36.000 I think spitting is okay, too. 0.83

00:24:38.000 Spitting is very good.

00:24:40.000 Actually, you want to hear a gross story? 0.64

00:24:43.000 OK.

00:24:44.000 My friend is Japanese and his wife is Jewish, American white.

00:24:50.000 And she was meeting his Japanese parents for the first time.

00:24:55.000 And she her stomach was upset.

00:24:57.000 I guess she was nervous.

00:24:58.000 And she went up and she had a huge poo. 1.00

00:25:01.000 I know it's weird. 0.67

00:25:02.000 Girls poo. 1.00

00:25:04.000 And she went to flush it.

00:25:06.000 It didn't flush. 0.76

00:25:08.000 And she was like, oh my God, I'm going to kill myself. 0.76

00:25:10.000 And so she goes over to her boyfriend.

00:25:13.000 They're married now and they have kids.

00:25:15.000 And she goes, hey, I need a plunger. 0.98

00:25:17.000 I have a major problem going on.

00:25:19.000 He's like, uh, hey, Dad, where's the plunger?

00:25:23.000 The upstairs toilet's blocked.

00:25:24.000 And she's like, no, no.

00:25:25.000 What are you doing?

00:25:27.000 And so the dad gets the plunger and he goes, I'll do it.

00:25:31.000 He goes upstairs and he plunges the poo down.

00:25:36.000 And while he was doing it, she was mortified. 0.96

00:25:39.000 She wanted to kill herself.

00:25:41.000 And he was going, oh, this is a good bowel movement. 0.92

00:25:45.000 You're very healthy.

00:25:47.000 Like he wasn't remotely grossed out.

00:25:48.000 He was impressed that she had a very large poo and that she has a good metabolism. 1.00

00:25:51.000 I mean, she's very regular.

00:25:53.000 Every single system's working.

00:25:55.000 But I have one more trick.

00:25:56.000 Well, around the world, everybody had different custom make-a-muffin date or something.

00:26:00.000 If you ever go to Switzerland, don't do this.

00:26:04.000 Iki-aki, iki-aki, kuki-kaki, kuku.

00:26:07.000 It's a very big insult.

00:26:09.000 Don't do it.

00:26:10.000 This sounds like a lie.

00:26:12.000 Maybe?

00:26:14.000 Yeah.

00:26:14.000 Sometimes, grown-ups will say things that are not true.

00:26:19.000 I know it's weird.

00:26:19.000 You gotta trust them, and we're gonna get to that later.

00:26:22.000 But ultimately, Mom and Dad are the ones that you focus on.

00:26:26.000 Alright, let's do this client here.

00:26:31.000 Oh, I never noticed this before.

00:26:33.000 It has a stethoscope.

00:26:34.000 This is our sponsor, Jump Medic.

00:26:36.000 Look at this whole thing.

00:26:38.000 Cool!

00:26:40.000 Oh, you got a thing to stop your bleeding?

00:26:42.000 And then you can also listen to their heart.

00:26:47.000 Alright, this is written in kid talk.

00:26:48.000 Let's see how he did it.

00:26:51.000 Hi again, kids.

00:26:52.000 I'm here to tell you about a company making amazing products that you should recommend to your dad or mom.

00:26:56.000 The company, of course, is JumpMedic.

00:26:57.000 JumpMedic is a great small business owned by Paramedic.

00:27:01.000 They make a variety of first aid kits.

00:27:03.000 They have the JumpMedic Pro, which is their larger bag.

00:27:05.000 Look at this thing.

00:27:08.000 Professionals.

00:27:09.000 It opens up.

00:27:09.000 Can you see it?

00:27:11.000 I'm not showing it very well.

00:27:12.000 We also have these little bags.

00:27:14.000 So, it's an emergency kit.

00:27:16.000 It's not just for paramedics.

00:27:17.000 It's good to have on a road trip or something, if it should go in your RV, or you can have one downstairs, have one in your boat.

00:27:26.000 Tell your mom about jumpmedic.com.

00:27:28.000 You use promo code GAVIN for 10% off.

00:27:32.000 So this is, it comes jam-packed with nine pounds of first aid supplies.

00:27:35.000 It comes with bandages, a stethoscope,

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00:27:40.000 It even comes with goggles.

00:27:42.000 So if your favorite baseball player wins the World Series, they can put on the Jump Medic goggles, and they won't have to worry about spraying champagne in their eyes, because that gets a severe itchy poo.

00:27:50.000 With this product, your parents will be instantly ready for any boo-boo or ouchies that might be in your future.

00:27:54.000 If you fall off the monkey bars, play in the Poison Ivy, step on a Lego, or get a marble in your nose, you'll be A-OK in no time if your parents have the Jump Medic Pro.

00:28:02.000 Its unique flat-lay design, which is what we're doing here,

00:28:05.000 I know it doesn't look very good on that camera, but you should see it here.

00:28:08.000 It's like a perfect T-shape and I can grab everything easy.

00:28:13.000 Um...

00:28:15.000 I think so.

00:28:37.000 They also have a nifty new Build-A-Bag feature.

00:28:39.000 It's just like Build-A-Bear, but for grown-ups.

00:28:42.000 You simply select which bags you want.

00:28:44.000 You can mix and match.

00:28:45.000 Don't want the pro bag, but you want two go bags?

00:28:47.000 A pro with two gos? 0.98

00:28:48.000 They all come in red and black.

00:28:50.000 Once you've settled on your bag situation, simply go down the list and add which supplies you want and which supplies you don't.

00:28:56.000 As exciting as all that is, there's actually more!

00:28:58.000 And it's going to be the last part.

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00:29:16.000 Jumpmatic has a great staff that is ready to answer any questions about any of their products.

00:29:21.000 I'm not sure I agree with that, Ryan. 0.98

00:29:23.000 Kids can say something sucks. 0.99

00:29:38.000 You should say stinks as a kid. 0.99

00:29:40.000 And instead of saying shut up to anybody ever, say be quiet please. 0.98

00:29:46.000 I don't agree with that.

00:29:48.000 I egg- When I was- I egg-gree. 1.00

00:29:51.000 My kid was told that stupid is a swear word. 1.00

00:29:55.000 No it's not. 1.00

00:29:57.000 Stupid is not a swear word. 1.00

00:29:59.000 Shut up's not a swear word. 1.00

00:29:59.000 It depends on what your parents say is a swear word. 1.00

00:30:03.000 I want to get into that.

00:30:03.000 We're going to talk about bullies later on.

00:30:05.000 But I want to play a game with you.

00:30:07.000 Do you want to play Joust?

00:30:09.000 Sure, I'll play Joust.

00:30:10.000 Alright, let's go.

00:30:14.000 Ready?

00:30:14.000 There should be two of us.

00:30:20.000 Is that you?

00:30:20.000 Yeah, so what do I do?

00:30:22.000 Oh, you flap your wings.

00:30:23.000 And you have to land on top of someone.

00:30:28.000 If they bonk you, you're toast. 0.90

00:30:32.000 And we can bonk. 1.00

00:30:32.000 I just killed you. 1.00

00:30:33.000 My wings don't really flop too good. 1.00

00:30:37.000 I just got smart.

00:30:40.000 Oh, I bonked!

00:30:44.000 So, this is a joust, but like, on the wings of eagles?

00:30:49.000 Ostriches.

00:30:50.000 I don't think that's how they... And then you get those eggs.

00:30:57.000 I didn't get anything.

00:30:58.000 Oh, I can bonk you? 1.00

00:30:59.000 You killed me! 1.00

00:31:07.000 Shouldn't you be playing Old Skull when I come back? 0.95

00:31:09.000 Well, it's a kid's show.

00:31:11.000 I figured that we could change it up a little bit, as I am the pilot.

00:31:15.000 Oh, cool.

00:31:17.000 Captain Ryan at your service.

00:31:19.000 After beating you in Joust, I've taken to the skies.

00:31:24.000 You know what happened?

00:31:27.000 Last night we stayed after work a little bit and Tim the state trooper he we do a show called cops and robber here and he said something like I got my motorcycle license or he did something that made me salute and he goes so that's taken care of and I went well good for you and I went like this as I went like that he farted

00:31:50.000 Wow.

00:31:51.000 And I had a kid sized laugh.

00:31:53.000 Oh my gosh.

00:31:54.000 And I go, did you mean to fart?

00:31:56.000 And he goes, yeah, I was saving up the fart, but I was going to go, I got my license and I was going to fart, but I didn't know you were going to salute.

00:32:02.000 So he, it was like, that was fun.

00:32:06.000 It was perfect.

00:32:08.000 Dude.

00:32:09.000 More farts?

00:32:10.000 No.

00:32:11.000 What happened?

00:32:12.000 We have cameras here.

00:32:13.000 Uh huh.

00:32:14.000 Oh, we can see that.

00:32:15.000 That must be on video.

00:32:16.000 I believe it is.

00:32:18.000 Alright I'm gonna try to go through the the nest cam and see if you can find that.

00:32:25.000 Were you rolling around?

00:32:26.000 We'll show it later.

00:32:28.000 Okay I want to show you this funny so stay tuned for that story and you can see how much of a liar I am when you see what happens when you see the true story.

00:32:37.000 That'll be exciting.

00:32:38.000 We're about to show... I'm hoping it works.

00:32:41.000 It might not have caught it.

00:32:42.000 But we're about to see how I tell stories and what really happened.

00:32:47.000 And you can see how similar they are.

00:32:48.000 If we can find it.

00:32:49.000 Don't get your hopes up.

00:32:50.000 All right, speaking of hopes, I wanted to show you this hilarious thing that's going around.

00:32:57.000 It's it's not hilarious.

00:32:58.000 It's very serious.

00:32:59.000 This is a baby who has stolen a car.

00:33:01.000 And speaking of state troopers, this law enforcement officer tried to get him.

00:33:06.000 Now, kids, if you do steal a car and we've got a few examples of kids stealing cars, comply with the police officer.

00:33:11.000 Do not take off on him because you will get your evading arrest.

00:33:16.000 So this is an undercover state trooper trying to catch a guy who stole a truck.

00:33:22.000 Undercover.

00:33:23.000 Adrian Sanders.

00:33:23.000 I've been telling you for a while.

00:33:25.000 Sir, please.

00:33:25.000 No, no, no!

00:33:28.000 Pull over the car! 0.99

00:33:30.000 Pull it over now! 0.95

00:33:31.000 Pull over the car! 0.99

00:33:34.000 I'm not gonna ask you again!

00:33:35.000 Looks like he's going at like 20 miles an hour.

00:33:41.000 Yeah, we got him!

00:33:42.000 He's rolling down!

00:33:43.000 Going for backup.

00:33:44.000 He's down!

00:33:45.000 Pull over the car! 0.99

00:33:54.000 Look how brave these guys are.

00:33:55.000 They put their lives on the line.

00:33:57.000 Oh, that's not good.

00:34:05.000 Sorry, I didn't know there was gonna be violence.

00:34:07.000 Oh, he choked him.

00:34:17.000 Ah, you see, you're gonna get caught eventually.

00:34:20.000 I did a sketch like that a long time ago.

00:34:23.000 I can tell you how long ago.

00:34:25.000 It would have been 12 years ago now.

00:34:28.000 When my eldest boy was just two, I think.

00:34:32.000 And we've shown it on the site before, but this is a free episode.

00:34:35.000 And it's for kids who don't normally watch it.

00:34:37.000 So, sorry to the loyal fans that have already seen this.

00:34:41.000 Here's a sketch I did with my boy about discipline.

00:34:49.000 Hi, I'm here today to talk to you about childhood discipline, okay?

00:34:52.000 It's something not a lot of us want to do, but it's something that has to be done.

00:34:55.000 Because if you can nip bad behavior in the bud, you will have a much happier life, and your child will have a much happier life.

00:35:01.000 Let's get started.

00:35:07.000 What the...

00:35:14.000 When you see something like this with a two-year-old, you have to realize that she's passed the point of no return and there's no discipline you can do to save this.

00:35:23.000 This is a bad kid.

00:35:25.000 And you have to be man enough to let that go and make a commitment to yourself for the next kid to be better at discipline so something like this doesn't happen. 0.99

00:35:39.000 Oh, what the f***? 0.95

00:35:40.000 Come on, guy! 0.99

00:35:41.000 Jesus Christ!

00:35:43.000 Look at this!

00:35:44.000 Look at this!

00:35:45.000 You got rubber boots on the ground.

00:35:47.000 You got all your chairs in here.

00:35:48.000 You got three chairs. 0.98

00:35:50.000 Have some f***ing self-respect. 0.97

00:35:51.000 Come on, we talked about this. 0.95

00:35:57.000 I'm really pissed off right now and I'm tempted to do something drastic, but what's important in these kind of situations is you sort of keep a grip on yourself and go, it's just a messy room, okay?

00:36:06.000 And even though this kid has attitude and he wants to push me, I'm not going to take the bait. 0.93

00:36:12.000 You have to understand with shit like this, like a messy room, what the kid's doing is they're pushing your boundaries to see where they stand. 0.98

00:36:18.000 And it's important to keep your cool when that kind of thing happens and just say, I'm going to show you who's boss. 0.98

00:36:23.000 And the best way to do that is a simple timeout.

00:36:27.000 So we just put him down here and we establish, hey,

00:36:30.000 Hey, you know how I feel about messy rooms?

00:36:33.000 You know how I feel about respecting your father?

00:36:35.000 Look at me.

00:36:36.000 Hey, hey, Buster.

00:36:38.000 Look at me.

00:36:39.000 You're getting a time out, okay?

00:36:40.000 And I'll let you get up when you're ready to apologize, okay? 0.99

00:36:49.000 What the f***? 0.98

00:36:51.000 Oh my God! 0.97

00:37:04.000 Hey! 0.99

00:37:05.000 Open the door!

00:37:06.000 Open the door!

00:37:06.000 Hey!

00:37:07.000 Hey! 0.99

00:37:08.000 Open the door!

00:37:09.000 Duncan!

00:37:13.000 Open the door, young man.

00:37:14.000 I swear to God.

00:37:15.000 Jesus Christ, are you out of your mind?

00:37:17.000 What are you doing?

00:37:18.000 You can't drive.

00:37:19.000 You can barely reach the steering wheel. 0.99

00:37:20.000 You could have killed yourself.

00:37:22.000 I was telling you to stop from way back there. 0.99

00:37:24.000 Why the hell do you even have a seatbelt on?

00:37:25.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:37:27.000 This is a huge deal.

00:37:28.000 This is the worst thing you've ever done.

00:37:30.000 And we're going back to get a thrashing.

00:37:32.000 I'm really angry with you.

00:37:34.000 Really angry.

00:37:35.000 That is unacceptable.

00:37:37.000 Jesus, what are you, out of your mind? 0.99

00:37:38.000 You could have died. 0.99

00:37:41.000 Spanking a baby is one of the most complicated spankings you'll ever do in your life because of their sheer tininess. 1.00

00:37:48.000 If I was to spank him with my full hand what would I do is I'd end up covering most of his body and that's patting him on the back which is the last thing you want to do when someone steals a car. 0.87

00:37:57.000 So I'm going to show you how to spank a baby 1.00

00:38:01.000 You'll notice the bum is only about the size of half of the palm of my hand. 0.91

00:38:07.000 So, we take your index finger and your forefinger and try to reduce the spank to that. 1.00

00:38:14.000 And it's gotta be winding blows, so he knows that stealing a car is something we don't tolerate in this family.

00:38:20.000 I would suggest around seven.

00:38:22.000 Okay?

00:38:23.000 And...

00:38:45.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:38:49.000 What the hell is going on here?

00:38:50.000 Hey, look at me, look at me. 0.79

00:38:53.000 You can't look at me, can you?

00:38:55.000 Duncan, let me explain something to you, okay?

00:38:59.000 Stealing money is a big deal because it says you don't respect me.

00:39:03.000 Don't eat it, don't eat it, don't eat it.

00:39:05.000 If you don't respect me, we don't have a relationship because our relationship is about you valuing your father's judgment.

00:39:14.000 The first temptation here is going to be spare the rod, spoil the child.

00:39:18.000 And I know I've said that in the past, but this is a bigger deal.

00:39:20.000 He needs to understand that not only is it bad to steal from your father, it's bad to steal because that's bad for society.

00:39:34.000 Ew, look at their little feet. 1.00

00:39:54.000 That's exactly what he is.

00:40:02.000 I don't know if it's clear. 0.96

00:40:03.000 I wrote thief on his forehead.

00:40:06.000 And then paraded him through the town.

00:40:08.000 Oh my.

00:40:09.000 Yeah.

00:40:10.000 It's weird because you don't want to show your kids on TV as they get older.

00:40:14.000 But when they're babies, they don't have that face anymore.

00:40:16.000 So I always thought it's weird when people blur out the baby's face.

00:40:20.000 He's going to have that face for like a year.

00:40:24.000 You could show it to the world!

00:40:25.000 Hopefully I have this face for the rest of my life.

00:40:28.000 Wow, you're handsome!

00:40:29.000 You're like a handsome, cool, Asian, Fonz, daredevil, magician guy who lives in Vegas.

00:40:35.000 How'd you know?

00:40:36.000 Oh man, I bet you make the craziest burgers with like jalapenos and they're all spicy and there's... Get this.

00:40:43.000 What?

00:40:43.000 I put an onion ring in the bun.

00:40:45.000 Yeah, that's what I was imagining you do, yeah.

00:40:48.000 And I bet there's, when you're making it, there's fire everywhere and you're just... Lots of fire.

00:40:52.000 You're fun, I bet.

00:40:54.000 I bet you have a red Mustang convertible, am I right?

00:40:57.000 What year?

00:40:59.000 What?

00:41:00.000 Wait, what year?

00:41:01.000 No, because you got it right, but I want to see if you get the year.

00:41:03.000 Oh, so I think the correct response would be correct.

00:41:07.000 Can you guess the year?

00:41:09.000 I don't like saying correct unless it's exactly correct.

00:41:12.000 OK, well, it is exactly correct, you said.

00:41:15.000 Trick question.

00:41:16.000 I've got every year of the Mustang convertible.

00:41:18.000 Oh, nice.

00:41:18.000 Yes.

00:41:19.000 There must be like dozens of them.

00:41:23.000 I don't know how to count.

00:41:23.000 Probably a dozen.

00:41:25.000 All right.

00:41:26.000 I want to get kind of serious, guys, after all of that comedy.

00:41:31.000 And I want to talk about making friends.

00:41:35.000 But first, I want to introduce my friend Jamie.

00:41:38.000 I've known for about seven years, I'd say.

00:41:46.000 Jamie, are you there?

00:41:46.000 I am.

00:41:48.000 Hello.

00:41:49.000 How are you doing?

00:41:50.000 Good.

00:41:50.000 How are you?

00:41:51.000 You got a little dimple on your forehead.

00:41:53.000 Do I?

00:41:54.000 I do, huh?

00:41:56.000 I might need to get a little Botox.

00:41:59.000 What's that from?

00:42:01.000 Uh, age.

00:42:03.000 I'm looking, yeah.

00:42:04.000 No, I've always had that.

00:42:05.000 It's just kind of a, oh, you mean right here?

00:42:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:08.000 That is actually, uh, I ran into a table when I was a baby.

00:42:12.000 The corner of a table.

00:42:13.000 Or a toddler.

00:42:15.000 Everyone has one of those!

00:42:16.000 My son, he ran into a table, he was on his scooter and it hit the carpet and he's got a dent right there.

00:42:22.000 I've got one right here.

00:42:23.000 Every kid in the world has a scar somewhere here from a coffee table.

00:42:28.000 Yeah, it's kind of messed up.

00:42:29.000 It's been there my whole life.

00:42:30.000 I thought you were talking about this, this crease, that's age.

00:42:33.000 This is running into a table.

00:42:34.000 By the way, I can't see you, I'm seeing your producer on the screen.

00:42:38.000 Oh, that sounds like a mistake.

00:42:40.000 Can you see me now?

00:42:41.000 Not yet.

00:42:42.000 Yes, now I can.

00:42:43.000 OK, good.

00:42:45.000 I wanted to talk to you about when you were a kid, what it was like.

00:42:48.000 Where did you grow up?

00:42:50.000 Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

00:42:52.000 And what were you like as, say, a eight year old?

00:42:57.000 You know, I was a tomboy my whole childhood growing up.

00:43:01.000 I'm still a tomboy.

00:43:03.000 But as a kid, you know, I liked sports.

00:43:05.000 I like playing in the mud.

00:43:07.000 I never, I despised dresses.

00:43:09.000 It was like, you know, toxic to me when my parents tried to put me in a dress to go somewhere fancy.

00:43:15.000 I absolutely hated it.

00:43:18.000 I threw a huge fit.

00:43:20.000 You know, I was always more comfortable in less girly attire and doing less girly things, stereotypically, you know?

00:43:27.000 Did you hang out with boys or girls?

00:43:30.000 Um, both.

00:43:31.000 But you know, you know, a lot of my girl friends, my friends that were girls growing up, they were also tomboys.

00:43:39.000 You know, we all I ran with a crew that loved playing outside.

00:43:44.000 You know, we preferred playing kickball over sitting around playing with Barbies and having tea parties.

00:43:49.000 So did you ever have any dollies?

00:43:53.000 You know, I did have some Barbies.

00:43:55.000 My parents got me Barbies.

00:43:56.000 And all I did with them was cut their hair.

00:43:58.000 I just liked cutting all their hair off. 0.98

00:44:02.000 Yeah.

00:44:03.000 I'm glad you grew your hair out.

00:44:05.000 I think you're prettier with long hair.

00:44:07.000 Thank you.

00:44:07.000 Yeah.

00:44:08.000 I've gone through, um, for people that may know me and have been following me for years, um, when I started, you know, my online persona is the gay who, Oh, the gay who strayed.

00:44:17.000 I don't know if we should mention that.

00:44:20.000 Uh, yeah, I had very short hair and I'm, I've been an androgynous woman my whole life, my whole adult life.

00:44:27.000 You know, after I,

00:44:29.000 Was a kid, as a tomboy, I've always been an androgynous woman.

00:44:34.000 And I've remained on that journey.

00:44:37.000 That's how I feel comfortable with myself.

00:44:39.000 I wear men's clothes.

00:44:41.000 But I love being a woman and I love being a girl.

00:44:46.000 Yeah, so that's what I wanted to ask you.

00:44:48.000 Let's say you're, I'm Magic, right?

00:44:50.000 And you're eight years old and you can go into this big booth.

00:44:53.000 It's like a phone booth, like Doctor Who.

00:44:56.000 And we push a button and you go, you're a boy.

00:45:02.000 Would you have liked to do that back then?

00:45:05.000 No, I would not.

00:45:07.000 And I'm very glad that my parents never thought that, you know, maybe I should have been a boy.

00:45:13.000 They never had that idea in their head.

00:45:16.000 Because we grew up in a little bit different times than what's being taught to kids now.

00:45:22.000 I never once thought that I wanted to be a boy.

00:45:25.000 I never once thought as an adult that I wanted to be a man.

00:45:28.000 I've always been very happy with who I am and I've embraced my uniqueness.

00:45:34.000 Uh, and you know, I would like kids to know that, um, no matter how you are, whatever you like, there is no right or wrong way to be a boy or a girl.

00:45:44.000 Um, you know, it's just your personality and that's a beautiful thing.

00:45:48.000 So there's lots of different ways to be a girl. 0.96

00:45:51.000 You can be a girl who likes sports, who wears jeans, who gets muddy, who wants to play with snakes. 0.79

00:45:57.000 That's a girl.

00:45:58.000 That's a girl.

00:46:00.000 Yep, it's totally fine.

00:46:01.000 That doesn't mean that you are a boy.

00:46:04.000 And if you're a boy that likes playing with Barbies more than getting dirty in the mud, that's okay too.

00:46:11.000 It's okay to explore and whatever you're into, whatever you like doing, there's no right or wrong way to be a boy or a girl.

00:46:22.000 You know, when my eldest boy was about six or seven, he was obsessed with Spider-Man.

00:46:27.000 And if he could have gone in a magic machine, he would have had web slingers put here, he would have had maybe the entire Spider-Man uniform tattooed on his body so he didn't have to put it on, it would just always be there.

00:46:39.000 And now he's not into Spider-Man at all, now he's into baseball.

00:46:43.000 So good thing we didn't tattoo a Spider-Man costume on him when he was seven.

00:46:47.000 Yeah, kids change their minds, their interests develop, they go through phases.

00:46:52.000 You know, one year they may be really into Spider-Man, the next they want to be a pirate.

00:46:57.000 Right.

00:46:58.000 You know, and that's just part of childhood and growing.

00:47:04.000 Wouldn't it be terrible if a little kid wanted to be a pirate and they cut his hand off so he could have a claw, and then they cut his foot off so he could have a peg?

00:47:12.000 He'd be like an authentic pirate, but then when he doesn't want to be a pirate anymore, he's in trouble.

00:47:19.000 Yeah, when you grow out of that pirate phase, you wake up one day and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm missing my hand.

00:47:26.000 I don't have a leg.

00:47:27.000 I don't want to do this anymore, but how do I get that back?

00:47:30.000 You can't.

00:47:34.000 That's unfortunate, you know?

00:47:35.000 That's... Yeah.

00:47:37.000 Jamie, I'm glad you're still a girl.

00:47:39.000 I'm glad you're a tomboy.

00:47:40.000 And I love being your friend.

00:47:43.000 I love being yours.

00:47:45.000 Thanks for having me, Gavin.

00:47:46.000 See you, Jamie.

00:47:48.000 Bye.

00:47:52.000 That was fun.

00:47:56.000 Yeah.

00:47:57.000 You know what?

00:47:58.000 That sort of brings me to... Oh, I have a song about it.

00:48:05.000 Okay, I'm ready.

00:48:05.000 Would you like to hear it?

00:48:06.000 Yeah.

00:48:07.000 I pressed a bunch of other buttons, but whatever. 0.96

00:48:10.000 You can be fat. 0.99

00:48:11.000 You can be a nerd. 0.99

00:48:13.000 It doesn't matter.

00:48:14.000 Cause you're still worth it.

00:48:18.000 Right. 0.89

00:48:18.000 And I want you to know, buddy, that if I don't like you, it's not because you're a nerd or you have a chipmunk's face. 0.89

00:48:25.000 It's because I don't like your personality. 1.00

00:48:29.000 Hypothetically. 0.98

00:48:30.000 And that doesn't mean you're a bad person. 1.00

00:48:32.000 It just means my taste is you suck. 1.00

00:48:36.000 Hypothetically. 1.00

00:48:38.000 Yeah.

00:48:39.000 I don't know what that word means, but I don't judge people based on things like the way they were born.

00:48:46.000 I judge people on

00:48:47.000 Who they are, and I don't like who you are.

00:48:51.000 Just kidding.

00:48:53.000 Actually, that brings us to the third thing I wanted to talk about.

00:48:59.000 No, does it?

00:49:00.000 You know what?

00:49:03.000 I'm messing around... At least I know what I'm doing in this life.

00:49:08.000 Good point.

00:49:09.000 I've never done this before.

00:49:10.000 I've never done a kid show before.

00:49:11.000 I'm kind of... I'm not on familiar territory.

00:49:14.000 Let's go to the third thing I want to talk about, which is how to make friends.

00:49:20.000 Okay, it's different for different ages, it's different for boys and girls, but let's do like, you're at a new school, you're six, maybe seven, you're a boy.

00:49:33.000 My six-year-old taught me this.

00:49:35.000 He said, the way to make friends is, you go up to a guy and you say, hey, I like your folder.

00:49:42.000 And then he goes, oh, thanks.

00:49:44.000 Then he feels good and now you guys are friends.

00:49:47.000 Say a nice thing about the guy.

00:49:50.000 Like, oh those are cool shoes.

00:49:52.000 Then drop it.

00:49:54.000 And then he'll go.

00:49:55.000 Hey, he likes my shoes.

00:49:56.000 I did this as an adult once I took his advice We were going to a baseball game and this guy had a cool truck from you know 1986 or something an old cool vintage truck and it was small.

00:50:09.000 It's like a mini Toyota 1975 thing 85 and I said wow, I love your truck and he loves it, too Obviously if you have a truck from and I wasn't lying

00:50:19.000 But obviously if you have a truck from a long time ago, it's something that's important to you, it takes time to maintain, you don't just have an 85 truck for no reason.

00:50:26.000 And we bonded on that, we talked about the truck, now we're talking, and we became pals!

00:50:32.000 Another piece of advice I would have for boys is choose a team.

00:50:37.000 Even if you're not even that into baseball, say the Yankees, say the Mets.

00:50:42.000 My team's the Mets. 0.96

00:50:43.000 People, if you say the Mets, people go, you're crazy.

00:50:45.000 Why do you constantly suffer?

00:50:48.000 And you're like, you're not wrong.

00:50:49.000 Don't get angry about it if they criticize your team.

00:50:52.000 And if you're in a team like the Mets, you're used to criticism.

00:50:55.000 And if you're younger than that, I would also advise you have a superhero.

00:51:00.000 Because most kids, most boys will say, what team do you support?

00:51:04.000 What superhero do you like?

00:51:07.000 I like Wolverine.

00:51:08.000 I really like the Flash.

00:51:10.000 And then one time my son had a fight with a guy because he said, you like the Hulk?

00:51:14.000 My son liked the Hulk before Spider-Man.

00:51:16.000 And he goes, the Hulk's a bad guy.

00:51:18.000 And my son was five at the time.

00:51:20.000 He goes, he's not bad, he's troubled.

00:51:22.000 And they didn't talk for a few days.

00:51:25.000 Now they're friends again.

00:51:26.000 And a fourth thing, I could have made this a whole green screen actually.

00:51:30.000 A fourth thing I want to talk about for boys, and this applies to girls too I guess.

00:51:35.000 When you get to a new school, what the hell?

00:51:38.000 When you get to a new school,

00:51:40.000 It's sort of like prison.

00:51:42.000 If you go to prison, there's gonna be a guy who's like, hey, what's going on?

00:51:45.000 Hey, hey, you just got here, what are you in for?

00:51:47.000 There's a reason that guy has no friends.

00:51:49.000 So he might end up being your friend, probably not.

00:51:53.000 So I wouldn't, you know, latch onto the very first guy you see.

00:51:57.000 When you arrive in prison, and you will, believe me, no, I'm just kidding.

00:52:01.000 When you arrive in school, at a new school, bide your time.

00:52:07.000 Take it easy.

00:52:09.000 Relax. 0.98

00:52:09.000 It's gonna suck. 0.98

00:52:11.000 Sorry. 0.98

00:52:11.000 Lots of things suck. 0.98

00:52:12.000 Going to the dentist sucks. 0.99

00:52:14.000 And you just, you might end up eating lunch alone the first time. 0.97

00:52:17.000 When you meet people, they're like, hi, how you doing?

00:52:19.000 Be nice to them, but also be kind of like a porcupine, especially if you're a girl. 0.99

00:52:24.000 Be wary of other girls. 1.00

00:52:25.000 I'm going to get to the girl thing in a second because it's totally different.

00:52:29.000 I know I said to Jamie that, uh, uh,

00:52:33.000 Wait a minute.

00:52:34.000 I gotta introduce that that there's many many ways to be a girl But there are certain things you can tell generally speaking with girls and boys So, uh My brain just fell apart.

00:52:48.000 Yeah, so you get in there what's going on?

00:52:50.000 Well, as somebody whose brain fell apart and their eye lifted about 2.7 inches, I can relate.

00:52:58.000 And it was tough for me to make friends, too.

00:53:00.000 Yeah, it should be.

00:53:01.000 But thank God you gave me that advice, and now I have all the friends in...

00:53:07.000 You know, you being disfigured is the term, brings up a good point too. 1.00

00:53:12.000 Oh, I'll bring that up with bullies. 0.98

00:53:13.000 Yeah, I'll get to bullies in a second. 1.00

00:53:15.000 So anyway, back to making friends.

00:53:16.000 So you're at the cafeteria, you might eat lunch alone.

00:53:19.000 Eventually, trust me, you will get your little crew together.

00:53:22.000 The first few guys you hang out with might not be your thing.

00:53:25.000 Like, say you're super into sports, you're probably going to end up with the jocks.

00:53:29.000 And I can't recommend sports enough for kids because

00:53:33.000 You have a crew.

00:53:34.000 You have a gang.

00:53:34.000 You have a group of guys.

00:53:36.000 And your baseball team ends up being your friend.

00:53:38.000 Like you sleep over and you guys go on trips together.

00:53:40.000 And so it's like a built-in crew.

00:53:42.000 And it usually lasts for years.

00:53:43.000 So that's a big thing.

00:53:44.000 If you're not a sports guy, if you're more of a funny guy, trust me, eventually these things even out and the other funny guys will end up like laughing at your jokes and you'll end up in the funny crew.

00:53:55.000 Just be patient.

00:53:56.000 And accept it's gonna suck. 0.94

00:53:57.000 Now here's a fourth option. 0.98

00:54:00.000 You're sort of on the spectrum and you're really weird and you have trouble making friends.

00:54:06.000 Oh well, those are the cards you're dealt.

00:54:08.000 And it's okay to eat lunch alone.

00:54:11.000 So you don't have many friends.

00:54:14.000 That's life.

00:54:15.000 You gotta just sort of deal with the cards you're dealt.

00:54:19.000 And eventually even those guys do figure it out.

00:54:23.000 Now, girls making friends, this is tough. 1.00

00:54:27.000 I asked around a few people and they said, a lot of them said, girls are mean. 1.00

00:54:32.000 Good luck with that.

00:54:33.000 I remember when my daughter was about five, there was this woman who called herself a woman.

00:54:37.000 There was this other five-year-old girl who called herself the queen and everyone else were called her servants.

00:54:43.000 And if you didn't want to be the queen's servant, you couldn't hang out with those girls.

00:54:48.000 And so I said, uh, no, McInnes's are not servants.

00:54:51.000 You're not, tell her no.

00:54:54.000 And so she did.

00:54:54.000 And then my daughter couldn't hang out with those girls.

00:54:57.000 And then I realized later, maybe I shouldn't have got, maybe I shouldn't have meddled.

00:55:00.000 Maybe the queen servants thing was just a silly joke.

00:55:03.000 And I'm sitting there making her quit her friends on a, as an act of principle.

00:55:08.000 So, uh, with girls, totally different scenario, right? 0.58

00:55:12.000 I would say when you get to a new school, be a porcupine.

00:55:17.000 Have your quills ready.

00:55:19.000 You can have people come close to you, but be wary of everyone around you and slowly build friendships and loyalties and be, have your back on a swivel.

00:55:29.000 I'm sorry.

00:55:29.000 That sounds terrible, doesn't it?

00:55:31.000 It sounds more like the prison analogy I used, but girls can get pretty darn mean. 1.00

00:55:37.000 And, uh, 0.98

00:55:39.000 They'll stab you in the back. 0.95

00:55:40.000 So just be wary if you're a girl and you're in a new school and be like a porcupine. 1.00

00:55:45.000 Another thing I would say to girls is as far as friendship and in general, your emotions are valid.

00:55:54.000 With boys, you don't wanna be a crybaby so much, but with girls, if you're feeling jealous, that's a real emotion.

00:56:00.000 You feel jealous.

00:56:02.000 If you wanna cry, you should cry.

00:56:04.000 That's real.

00:56:05.000 If you're sad, don't go, oh, I can't be sad.

00:56:07.000 Be sad.

00:56:09.000 This girl called me recently, a friend of mine that I worked with, and she had broken up with her boyfriend.

00:56:14.000 She thought he was gonna marry her, and he didn't.

00:56:16.000 He dumped her. 1.00

00:56:17.000 And she said, I just keep watching TV, eating ramen noodles and crying, and I'm calling you because you're a jerk. 1.00

00:56:24.000 And I know you'll tell me to snap out of it and stop being such a baby. 1.00

00:56:29.000 I almost said a bad word.

00:56:31.000 And I said, no, I'm not saying that.

00:56:33.000 You should cry.

00:56:34.000 You went through a horrible thing.

00:56:36.000 You were going to be married to this guy.

00:56:37.000 You could add kids.

00:56:38.000 They would add kids.

00:56:39.000 It's a major thing that you guys are not together anymore.

00:56:43.000 So you should be sitting in bed crying.

00:56:45.000 You shouldn't, you know, go to a therapist and have medication and get over it.

00:56:50.000 Don't get over it.

00:56:51.000 Like go through the sadness.

00:56:53.000 That's part of life.

00:56:54.000 That's the experience.

00:56:58.000 Uh, do you have any more tips on making friends?

00:57:01.000 I love making friends!

00:57:03.000 I'm Elmo!

00:57:04.000 Yeah, you're a very likable guy, Elmo.

00:57:06.000 I don't see how anyone could dislike you.

00:57:08.000 But, you know, do you have many friends?

00:57:11.000 Elmo is very magnanimous, has lots of friends.

00:57:14.000 Cookie Monster, and Telly, and Big Bird.

00:57:19.000 That guy with the mustache who has the annoying collar?

00:57:22.000 What's his name?

00:57:22.000 Mr. Noodles!

00:57:23.000 Mr. Noodles?

00:57:24.000 Oh, yeah!

00:57:25.000 You guys still friends?

00:57:26.000 Oh, yeah!

00:57:29.000 Okay.

00:57:32.000 Let's take a different turn.

00:57:35.000 We're up to the fourth thing I want to talk to you about, and that's the world.

00:57:40.000 There's an offensive drawing of Ryan and me.

00:57:45.000 Who's to say that's Ryan?

00:57:47.000 Well it's me and you and all the other pictures.

00:57:50.000 Well sure and that gets tiresome so why not throw a random person in there I say.

00:57:54.000 Hmm I don't know.

00:57:57.000 I want to introduce, let's talk about the whole world.

00:57:59.000 I'm gonna do the history of all of the world and the good parts and the bad parts of everything okay?

00:58:12.000 Can you believe this used to be a wolf?

00:58:14.000 Look at this thing.

00:58:16.000 We took a wolf and we made these tiny little dogs.

00:58:22.000 This is the world, guys.

00:58:24.000 And if you're watching this video, you're probably from what we call the West.

00:58:29.000 Western culture is the best.

00:58:32.000 That doesn't mean non-Western people are bad.

00:58:34.000 People around the world are generally pretty cool.

00:58:38.000 But as far as culture goes, our customs, the things we do, our rules, the West is the best because it's the freest.

00:58:47.000 And I think the freer you are, the closer you are to God.

00:58:51.000 Because God says,

00:58:54.000 I have checks and balances in nature, so don't you try to control the way the world works.

00:59:00.000 Don't you try to make sure who gets what.

00:59:02.000 Nature will handle that.

00:59:03.000 And that's what we do in the West.

00:59:05.000 In horrible places like China, they use communism. 0.94

00:59:10.000 And that's when man decides who eats what and who gets what.

00:59:14.000 That's not good. 0.99

00:59:16.000 But that doesn't mean when you see a Chinese guy, you go, oh, you're from that place that sucks. 0.99

00:59:21.000 No, you go, hey, you made it out of that place that sucks. 0.99

00:59:25.000 High fives. 0.93

00:59:26.000 So let me just show you what the West is considered.

00:59:30.000 And when I say the West, you think of free... People sometimes say that it's racist to think the West is the best, but that's weird because the West is all about not judging people by how they look.

00:59:42.000 It says, you come here, you work hard, you respect Christianity.

00:59:46.000 You don't have to be Christian, but you have to respect Christianity. 1.00

00:59:48.000 And you bust your ass, you're in. 1.00

00:59:50.000 I don't care if you're gay, straight, black, white, whatever, you're in. 1.00

00:59:55.000 Just bust your ass. 1.00

00:59:57.000 Cool. 1.00

00:59:58.000 So places that follow these rules are Australia.

01:00:03.000 I would call Australia Western.

01:00:05.000 There's going to be fun little exceptions like, I don't know, maybe in the Kunlun Mountains, there's a little village that's kind of Western, but we're speaking generally here.

01:00:13.000 Australia, New Zealand, of course.

01:00:16.000 No.

01:00:17.000 Russia, by the way, speaking of white people, it's an eastern country. 1.00

01:00:21.000 It sucks. 1.00

01:00:23.000 This place sucks. 1.00

01:00:24.000 The West is the best. 1.00

01:00:26.000 So, no, no. 1.00

01:00:27.000 India sucks. 1.00

01:00:28.000 Pakistan. 1.00

01:00:29.000 The Middle East, it sucks. 1.00

01:00:32.000 Africa sucks. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Very dangerous. 1.00

01:00:34.000 People are poor there.

01:00:36.000 They don't have good systems.

01:00:39.000 This is where it gets weird, like Eastern Europe. 0.96

01:00:43.000 It pretty much sucks, even though it's Europe. 0.93

01:00:46.000 But this is all the West. 0.99

01:00:48.000 This is all good stuff.

01:00:50.000 These guys are good stuff.

01:00:52.000 Then you come over here.

01:00:54.000 This is all the West. 0.95

01:00:57.000 No. 1.00

01:00:57.000 Central America sucks. 1.00

01:00:59.000 Caribbean sucks. 1.00

01:01:00.000 Just for tourists. 1.00

01:01:02.000 There are some good, I would call them, Western places in South America.

01:01:06.000 ABC.

01:01:07.000 Argentina, Brazil, Chile.

01:01:12.000 ABC.

01:01:14.000 Those are good Western places.

01:01:16.000 And that's where you want to be in life.

01:01:19.000 And you should be proud of being a Western dude.

01:01:24.000 Because we created the modern world.

01:01:26.000 Everything that's remotely good about all these terrible places, we invented.

01:01:31.000 Westerners.

01:01:32.000 They say, oh, but you had slavery and you killed all the Indians. 0.75

01:01:36.000 Nope, that's not true.

01:01:39.000 Africa invented slavery. 1.00

01:01:42.000 And they had about 10 million, no, maybe 12 million slaves they rounded up.

01:01:49.000 These are all tribes.

01:01:50.000 Just like there's Indian tribes here, there's African tribes here.

01:01:53.000 And there was tribes like Dahomey who would round up other 1.00

01:01:58.000 Tribes kill them, kill their women, take the men, put them on boats, and sell them to people.

01:02:04.000 Mostly Brazil.

01:02:06.000 Out of the 10 million, 3 million went to Brazil.

01:02:09.000 America took about 320,000.

01:02:12.000 A lot of white slaves, too, they took from Britain. 0.89

01:02:16.000 Irish slaves. 0.90

01:02:17.000 Some say more white slaves than black slaves. 0.52

01:02:20.000 Anyway, they put them there.

01:02:21.000 But pretty quickly, and America was Britain back then, pretty quickly Britain went, this feels weird.

01:02:27.000 I don't like this.

01:02:28.000 So they abolished slavery.

01:02:30.000 There was a big fight about it called the Civil War here, where 620,000 men died.

01:02:35.000 That's twice as many slaves as we had. 0.98

01:02:40.000 If the modern equivalent of 5 million today, it was kind of an American Holocaust in a way.

01:02:45.000 Lost 620,000 men in that war, and they ended slavery.

01:02:49.000 These guys ended it first, but, you know, it doesn't really count until you actually, you're there and you say, slaves, go.

01:02:56.000 You're free.

01:02:57.000 So that was 1865, around the war and the ending of the slavery.

01:03:03.000 And these guys, these Africans never apologized for rounding up those slaves. 1.00

01:03:08.000 Kind of mean.

01:03:10.000 But as far as the Indians go, we'll have to start with the beginning of civilization. 1.00

01:03:16.000 So this whole thing started when God went, boom, let there be light.

01:03:19.000 Boom, he made the universe.

01:03:20.000 This is about four billion years old.

01:03:23.000 Humans started out here in Africa.

01:03:25.000 Black guys, we were all black guys.

01:03:28.000 Then we started going in various directions, exploring.

01:03:31.000 Some went this way, some went that way.

01:03:35.000 This was called the Fertile Crescent.

01:03:37.000 The Middle East used to be great. 0.99

01:03:39.000 This is where the most food would grow.

01:03:43.000 I think the Indians went all the way up here and went down here.

01:03:50.000 And that's how you had the Indians. 0.99

01:03:52.000 So eventually, you know, when things really got cooking, I guess in the 1800s, 1700s?

01:03:59.000 When were the Indian Wars?

01:04:01.000 Look it up.

01:04:02.000 So the Europeans came over here 1.00

01:04:05.000 And fought with the Indians.

01:04:07.000 It was not, everyone says it was like, hey, give me your land.

01:04:10.000 The tribes were already warring here.

01:04:12.000 The Indian tribes were warring.

01:04:13.000 The Europeans were just another tribe. 1.00

01:04:16.000 And they were warring with all the other tribes.

01:04:18.000 This was a crazy war for 360 years.

01:04:21.000 Remember World War II with the Nazis?

01:04:24.000 That was four years.

01:04:25.000 America fought, the Nazis killed them all in four years.

01:04:29.000 Not, this was a hundred times that.

01:04:34.000 And eventually, the Europeans won and created America. 0.82

01:04:38.000 New country.

01:04:39.000 Right?

01:04:42.000 But one thing you never hear about, too, is Columbus, right?

01:04:47.000 I think he's from Italy.

01:04:48.000 He's from Genova, right?

01:04:49.000 But for Spain, the King of Spain, he came down here.

01:04:53.000 He didn't go to America.

01:04:55.000 And they say he wanted to go to India.

01:04:57.000 No, that's a misunderstanding of the word Indian.

01:05:00.000 Indigene.

01:05:01.000 So he landed here.

01:05:03.000 Now, Europeans survived some terrible diseases.

01:05:06.000 You thought COVID was bad?

01:05:07.000 They survived the plague.

01:05:08.000 Millions died, right?

01:05:11.000 So they have a different immune system.

01:05:13.000 They meet these Indians who, remember, came here hundreds of years ago, and they get a disease.

01:05:22.000 Now, you give a cold to you or me, we fight it off in no time.

01:05:26.000 Someone who's never had that kind of a cold before, they could die.

01:05:30.000 So they get their own plague, basically.

01:05:33.000 And that's spread up here with all the Indians, up the West Coast, and then spread this way. 1.00

01:05:38.000 So that was the biggest killer of the American Indian, was that plague that Columbus accidentally 1.00

01:05:45.000 So that's how you have the modern world. 0.99

01:05:47.000 And if you look at all these places that suck, 0.99

01:06:03.000 You'll see a pattern here. 0.99

01:06:05.000 And the pattern is socialism, communism.

01:06:09.000 The pattern is man thinking he can tell other men what to do.

01:06:15.000 Men bossing other men around. 0.56

01:06:17.000 That is why 1.00

01:06:19.000 So much of the world sucks. 1.00

01:06:22.000 This is all garbage. 1.00

01:06:24.000 This is garbage a lot of the times from communism, but also from terrible corrupt governments where one guy takes over. 1.00

01:06:32.000 Dictatorships have ruined all of this crap. 1.00

01:06:35.000 You'll hear, oh, when Britain colonized the world, they ruined all these places. 1.00

01:06:40.000 No, they sucked before Britain got there. 0.99

01:06:42.000 They were better when Britain was there, and they've been sucking since Britain left. 0.99

01:06:47.000 So I think that might be God's way of saying, don't colonize. 0.98

01:06:51.000 Don't go exploring.

01:06:52.000 You can go visit places, but

01:06:53.000 Just make your own country better, because that's what Britain does now.

01:06:56.000 They've sort of given up.

01:06:57.000 Although we have open borders, and we've got all these people coming in, which I don't think God likes either.

01:07:02.000 God had the Tower of Babel, right? 0.90

01:07:04.000 And he said, have your community, have your thing, but stick to it.

01:07:08.000 I think God was a nationalist.

01:07:10.000 And countries do best when they mind their own beeswax.

01:07:15.000 This place is super cold.

01:07:18.000 I was born here.

01:07:20.000 And then we flew here, and then moved down here.

01:07:24.000 This is way too cold to live.

01:07:27.000 So if you look, most Canadians live here.

01:07:30.000 And there's only about, I don't know, 70 million people in Canada?

01:07:34.000 It's almost the same population as this little island.

01:07:36.000 But most people live here.

01:07:38.000 This is pretty much the best country in the world.

01:07:41.000 All Western countries are pretty great, but this place is awesome, although it's having a rocky road. 0.99

01:07:47.000 And again, I'll just end with, even though the West is the best, when you meet non-Western kids, you don't go, you suck, your country sucks. 0.99

01:07:55.000 You go, welcome to the West, dude. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Let's party.

01:08:00.000 Come on, buddy.

01:08:00.000 We gotta get back to the office.

01:08:05.000 Actually, no, you stay here.

01:08:39.000 Homeless! 1.00

01:08:41.000 I hate you, Ronald Reagan! 1.00

01:08:44.000 Uh, so that's how I see the world. 0.93

01:08:47.000 And if you see it differently, or if your mom and dad see it differently, let me know!

01:08:52.000 Let's talk about it.

01:08:54.000 You know, people get so sensitive about opinions, and, uh, it's just an opinion.

01:09:02.000 And if I'm wrong and say communism is awesome and China is the best place to live and they didn't kill 80 million people, they did, then I want to hear about it.

01:09:12.000 I'll be stunned that my 53 years on earth have come to the wrong conclusion, but I've been wrong about stuff.

01:09:20.000 You've been wrong about a lot of things, actually.

01:09:23.000 Oh, you're like a smart hipster guy.

01:09:24.000 Yes.

01:09:25.000 So you like communism?

01:09:27.000 I sure do.

01:09:28.000 And I think if you have bad information, that makes you a bad person.

01:09:33.000 If we don't agree, we can't be friends.

01:09:36.000 I just think it's very weak to be hurt by someone else's opinion.

01:09:42.000 Well, opinions can hurt people, Gavin.

01:09:45.000 No.

01:09:46.000 Sticks and stones can break my bones. 0.95

01:09:48.000 I hate all of your music. 0.94

01:09:50.000 Does that hurt you?

01:09:51.000 Yeah, actually, it does.

01:09:52.000 It's actually violence.

01:09:54.000 No, I don't think it is.

01:09:56.000 It is.

01:09:57.000 When I find someone, when I meet someone who has totally different opinions than me, I'm excited.

01:10:02.000 Like, I don't like Joe Biden.

01:10:04.000 But when someone likes him, I go, really?

01:10:08.000 Wow.

01:10:08.000 How?

01:10:09.000 Like, aren't you upset?

01:10:11.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

01:10:14.000 All right.

01:10:14.000 Next, we got to hear a word from our sponsors.

01:10:21.000 This is not for kids.

01:10:24.000 Kids should not take this.

01:10:26.000 But when you get older, when you're a grown-up, you're kinda tired, and sometimes you don't feel like working out.

01:10:33.000 So you could have a coffee, I guess, and then you could make sure you eat enough protein to help you build muscles and do this stuff.

01:10:39.000 But a cheat, this is cheating, sometimes it's okay to cheat, is this pre-workout powder that your mom and dad might wanna try.

01:10:49.000 And it's got a lot of caffeine in it.

01:10:51.000 So I know a guy who just tried it.

01:10:53.000 He took two whole scoops.

01:10:54.000 I go, dude, slow it down.

01:10:56.000 I only take like a tablespoon.

01:10:58.000 It's up to you, whatever your tolerance is.

01:11:00.000 And I take it half an hour before I work out.

01:11:03.000 Some people take it 15 minutes before they work out.

01:11:06.000 And I don't know, it gives you some extra energy.

01:11:08.000 It helps you build muscles.

01:11:09.000 It's a way to work out when you don't feel like working out, I say.

01:11:14.000 I don't use it every time I work out either.

01:11:19.000 This is what was written about it by our ad guy.

01:11:21.000 Hi boys and girls, you know what's hot fire, no cap?

01:11:24.000 Purple Works Nutrition's Pink Lemonade Pre-Workout.

01:11:26.000 Now you kids might be a bit too young to use it, but you should tell your daddy and mommy to check it out.

01:11:29.000 That's what I just said.

01:11:31.000 It's a pre-workout formula that's made in the United States of America.

01:11:33.000 It's manufactured in an FDA-registered, GMP-certified facility.

01:11:37.000 Do you know what FDA stands for?

01:11:38.000 What about GMP?

01:11:39.000 Well, I don't either, so don't worry about it.

01:11:41.000 The pre-workout is loaded with lots of yummy ingredients that will help aid in immune response, muscle and tissue repair, and keep your mommy or daddy energized when they go to the gym or do any physical activities.

01:11:52.000 Purpleworks has an expertly crafted amount of vitamins, creatine, and green tea extract.

01:11:57.000 Today's secret word of the day, carnosine beta alanine?

01:12:00.000 Alanine?

01:12:01.000 Alanine.

01:12:02.000 Is also the secret ingredient in Purpleworks.

01:12:04.000 It makes you feel tingly and makes you want to work out like a beast.

01:12:08.000 Purpleworks has no yucky artificial dyes or flavorings.

01:12:10.000 It's not overly sweet.

01:12:11.000 In fact, it's a bit sour.

01:12:13.000 It also doesn't leave nasty smells behind in whatever water cup you're using.

01:12:17.000 It's great not only for workers at the gym, but also for getting hyped up for playing sports like shooty hoops, baseball, mountain biking, or Pokemon Go.

01:12:24.000 The splendid ingredients that support tissue repair also make it a great product to use to recover from boxing matches or MMA, which your dad should do.

01:12:33.000 Your dad should do a combat sport.

01:12:35.000 Jiu-Jitsu, I think, is a really good one.

01:12:38.000 I do boxing, and that's why sometimes my brain doesn't work right, because I get it knocked around.

01:12:43.000 I don't think your dad should box.

01:12:46.000 There should be a Purpleworks multivitamin coming in the next couple of months.

01:12:50.000 That's amazing.

01:12:50.000 The show's fans have helped make Purpleworks go from just a product to soon a full-fledged company with multiple product lines.

01:12:57.000 That's a testament to not only the product, but to the entrepreneurial spirit of the Baby Monsters.

01:13:02.000 That's what we call guys who watch the show, Baby Monsters.

01:13:04.000 That sounds scary.

01:13:07.000 Yeah, it is.

01:13:08.000 Like boo.

01:13:09.000 Like a ghost?

01:13:11.000 Or like a diamond?

01:13:13.000 Or phantasm?

01:13:14.000 You're gorgeous.

01:13:15.000 Thanks.

01:13:16.000 Appreciate it.

01:13:17.000 That's all due to purpleworks.com. 0.97

01:13:20.000 So you're kind of an ugly guy, you're a Puerto Rican-Japanese guy with funny teeth, short, you kind of look like someone ran over your nose with a 10-ton truck, and then you had some Purpleworks, and now you are melt-in-one's-mouth, 1.00

01:13:35.000 Breathtakingly gorgeous. 0.97

01:13:37.000 That's right.

01:13:38.000 And not only due to Purpleworks Nutrition, but also the fact that I do mathematics, I learn my times tables, and I listen to my parents, and I never stayed... I always stayed in school, but I never did any sort of chemicals that are bad for you.

01:13:55.000 But Purpleworks is good, but then there's also bead chemicals, and I never did those.

01:14:00.000 All right, you can stop talking now, thank you.

01:14:02.000 Entrepreneurial spirit of baby monsters, as well as Purpleworks and their founder, Cody.

01:14:06.000 Can you kids at home spell entrepreneurial spirit?

01:14:09.000 That's like a businessman who makes his own business.

01:14:11.000 Give it a shot.

01:14:12.000 Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter promo code Gavin for 15% off.

01:14:16.000 Don't forget to buy a shaker.

01:14:17.000 They are now shipping to Canada.

01:14:18.000 If you're in the UK or Australia, get in touch with Purpleworks.

01:14:21.000 They may be able to start shipping to other countries in the future.

01:14:24.000 This show is quite popular all around the world.

01:14:27.000 So when we have a sponsor, they think they're just sending to America, but the next thing you know, they're sending to another awesome Western country like Australia.

01:14:36.000 G'day. 0.97

01:14:39.000 G'day. 0.97

01:14:43.000 Let's have a break.

01:14:43.000 You want to play a game?

01:14:44.000 You want to play knock hockey?

01:14:46.000 I'd love to play knock hockey.

01:14:47.000 All right, let's go.

01:15:00.000 Yeah.

01:15:02.000 Okay, so...

01:15:29.000 Yes.

01:15:29.000 1-1.

01:15:31.000 Oh man, that was a closey.

01:15:41.000 It's all about the angles.

01:15:46.000 I feel like that just went right through that square block.

01:15:46.000 Yay!

01:15:46.000 2-1.

01:16:15.000 Oh no, no, no.

01:16:16.000 2-2.

01:16:17.000 Right?

01:16:18.000 No, it's 2-1.

01:16:20.000 That's my first goal.

01:16:21.000 No, it's not.

01:16:23.000 2-1.

01:16:23.000 I have one.

01:16:24.000 No, you have two.

01:16:25.000 I have two?

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:17:08.000 I don't like this game anymore.

01:17:17.000 Funny stuff.

01:17:20.000 I showed you that sketch earlier.

01:17:24.000 Well, I'm disciplining my son for stealing the car.

01:17:29.000 You know how we did that, right?

01:17:30.000 The windows are tinted, so we had an actual guy driving, and then I opened the door, we do a hard cut, and then I put the baby on the seat.

01:17:40.000 He had to have braces for seven years.

01:17:43.000 I think that soother was bad for his teeth.

01:17:49.000 You look like a Maori. 1.00

01:17:50.000 Haka, haka.

01:17:54.000 Cook him some eggs, woman! 1.00

01:17:56.000 Once Were Warriors is a horrible movie you should not watch as kids.

01:17:59.000 It's about Maori life in New Zealand, and it's rough.

01:18:04.000 Here's another funny sketch I did, but this is with my daughter, about, well, I don't want to ruin it.

01:18:10.000 It's called Sophie Can Walk.

01:18:27.000 They said it would be a miracle if she was born walking.

01:18:32.000 And I feel like that's not what we're about.

01:18:35.000 We're about hope and we're about believing in her.

01:18:38.000 And we think she'll be able to walk today.

01:18:42.000 She's gonna walk out of this hospital. 1.00

01:18:43.000 I guarantee you that.

01:18:47.000 Here you are.

01:18:48.000 First day.

01:18:49.000 Let's go.

01:18:50.000 Let's go.

01:18:51.000 Come on.

01:18:53.000 You can do it.

01:18:54.000 Come on.

01:18:56.000 Sophie, you can do this.

01:19:01.000 Please.

01:19:02.000 Come to mama.

01:19:03.000 Come on.

01:19:06.000 We're gonna...

01:19:08.000 We won't give up on her walking out of the hospital, but we're not giving up on her walking today, or this week, or at least before what the doctors say.

01:19:16.000 After she was born, the doctors said she wouldn't walk for at least a year.

01:19:20.000 I tried to get more information out of them, but they shrugged their shoulders and walked off like it wasn't worth discussing.

01:19:25.000 This was common with everyone we spoke to in the medical community.

01:19:29.000 The general consensus was, this is normal.

01:19:31.000 Get back to us if she's not walking in a year and a half. 0.79

01:19:52.000 I really feel like this pessimism of this hospital saying it's going to be a year is like almost anti-miracle.

01:20:01.000 It's like they hate miracles.

01:20:03.000 And they don't know that they're looking at one.

01:20:07.000 Right now.

01:20:09.000 We tried everything.

01:20:10.000 We tried physical therapy.

01:20:12.000 I would pump her legs in a running motion trying to trigger some kind of walking instinct in her brain. 0.99

01:20:18.000 Walk.

01:20:20.000 We brought her to almost every pediatrician in town.

01:20:23.000 Some of them didn't even want to speak to us.

01:20:25.000 That's, uh, pretty normal for children. 0.99

01:20:29.000 See, you're just another one of these f***ing naysayers. 0.87

01:20:33.000 I want to get her walking within the next four months. 1.00

01:20:37.000 She's gonna walk at six months. 1.00

01:20:39.000 Um, that's really not possible.

01:20:43.000 Well, I'm talking to the wrong person here.

01:20:45.000 This is a waste of my time.

01:20:55.000 Here, go outside.

01:21:01.000 Alright, so that was yet another doctor who said she's not gonna walk for a year. 0.77

01:21:04.000 Basically, we're on our own.

01:21:05.000 They say, oh, it's normal, it's not an issue, and no one wants to take it seriously.

01:21:09.000 So, we're gonna have to make it happen on our own. 1.00

01:21:14.000 F*** them. 0.99

01:21:16.000 We started a charity called Help Sophie, where we were going to get her to walk. 1.00

01:21:22.000 And we put posters up all over town, we talked to friends and family.

01:21:27.000 Here, my daughter, when she was born, they said she wouldn't walk for at least a year.

01:21:32.000 Get them out of a wheelchair and get them onto the streets, you know? 1.00

01:21:37.000 Where they can make a difference in other babies' lives.

01:21:40.000 And inspire other babies to walk.

01:21:43.000 So I've been putting these up all over the neighborhood, all over New York, hoping that people will start saying, yeah, that is kind of weird, you know?

01:21:52.000 Oh, you're born, you can't walk?

01:21:55.000 Doesn't make sense.

01:21:57.000 And why are we listening to doctors?

01:21:59.000 This is the same thing with circumcision. 0.59

01:22:01.000 They used to think snails worked.

01:22:03.000 Oh, you put a snail on your arm and it'll eat your blood.

01:22:09.000 Why was that?

01:22:10.000 Medicine.

01:22:11.000 Now they believe in astrology.

01:22:13.000 That's not medicine.

01:22:15.000 So I'm saying, why is a baby in a wheelchair medicine? 1.00

01:22:19.000 Doesn't make sense.

01:22:24.000 Eventually it became almost impossible to avoid.

01:22:27.000 Our baby was going to be unable to walk until she was 14 months.

01:22:31.000 It was hell.

01:22:33.000 It affected everything we did.

01:22:35.000 We would try to take her to bars, but the majority of them didn't have wheelchair access.

01:22:39.000 Even going to the bodega to get cigarettes was a chore because I'd have to wheel in her chair backwards.

01:22:45.000 Here she is now.

01:22:46.000 She's two now.

01:22:48.000 And she's walking great!

01:22:51.000 I don't think that new parents should have to write off a year of their lives just because the medical community says that someone, a human being, isn't ready to roll right when they come out the gate.

01:23:03.000 And I think that within the next five years, you will see babies that'll be like horses, that'll be like elephants, that'll be like other important mammals.

01:23:10.000 They can just come out and go for it, you know?

01:23:18.000 So, yeah, she can walk.

01:23:20.000 But I think our next child will walk before a year.

01:23:25.000 I think our next child will walk within the first two months.

01:23:28.000 That's our goal.

01:23:30.000 And that's what we're going for.

01:23:38.000 A lot of people didn't get that joke.

01:23:41.000 I mean my adult friends.

01:23:43.000 I said that my daughter, just for the record kids, no one can, no babies can walk.

01:23:49.000 You learn it, you learn to walk at one, you learn to talk at two.

01:23:52.000 When do you stop with the diapers?

01:23:54.000 Is that three?

01:23:55.000 I don't remember.

01:23:57.000 It's been so long since I changed a diaper.

01:23:59.000 Do you know, Ryan?

01:24:01.000 We haven't stopped yet.

01:24:03.000 And we also have to get animal diapers for this little guy here. 0.99

01:24:08.000 It's gonna have to have diapers forever. 1.00

01:24:09.000 I think so.

01:24:11.000 One of my 10-year-old friends was lying once in the car, and he said he had one of those.

01:24:18.000 A lemur?

01:24:19.000 Yeah.

01:24:19.000 Yeah, you cannot have a lemur.

01:24:20.000 And I was like, oh, you have a lemur, right?

01:24:22.000 And he goes, yeah.

01:24:24.000 See, and when you lie, people start asking you questions, and you're like, uh-oh, I gotta get out of this.

01:24:29.000 Because I think when kids lie, they don't expect to be questioned, so they go, this will just disappear into the ether.

01:24:35.000 So I said, what does it eat?

01:24:37.000 And he goes, oh, what doesn't it eat?

01:24:39.000 It's always getting in the garbage.

01:24:42.000 You feed it garbage? 0.96

01:24:44.000 So it eats garbage. 0.98

01:24:47.000 Yeah, I caught him fibbing. 0.90

01:24:49.000 All right, so I want to get kind of serious now.

01:24:56.000 I want to talk to you about bullies.

01:25:03.000 Bullies were very common when I was a kid and I think they're extinct now.

01:25:09.000 And that sounds good, right?

01:25:10.000 There's bad guys that hurt people and you don't really see bullies anymore.

01:25:14.000 I'm not sure.

01:25:15.000 I mean, I think it's natural to be bullied and to bully.

01:25:21.000 Sorry, I'm in favor of a normal amount of bullying.

01:25:25.000 Now,

01:25:26.000 Here's when bullying is evil.

01:25:28.000 If someone was born with a problem like they're deaf and they have a cochlear implant, that's a little like computer that you have drilled into your skull and it goes in your ear and you can basically hear as well as us.

01:25:40.000 It's a little tinny, but if you're to make fun of someone with that, that's just lame.

01:25:44.000 God did that to them.

01:25:46.000 So you're making fun of God. 0.96

01:25:48.000 It's a dumb thing to do or make fun of someone in a wheelchair or even if someone's super short, 0.99

01:25:54.000 That's lame. 0.92

01:25:55.000 If you're good at making fun of someone, it's gotta be a choice they made.

01:25:59.000 You're mocking the choice.

01:26:00.000 And, you know, good-hearted ball-busting?

01:26:03.000 I don't know.

01:26:03.000 It's funny.

01:26:05.000 Like one time, when I was 17, I shaved all my hair, but I left the bangs coming down. 0.99

01:26:11.000 And when I showed up at school the next day, my friends Steve and Eric were laughing so hard that they had to lie down in the hallway because I looked so stupid. 0.85

01:26:20.000 And it was very embarrassing, but it was also super funny. 0.82

01:26:25.000 And I think the way they treat bullies now like I knew of this guy I think he used a bad word in school, and he may have like shoved a teacher.

01:26:32.000 That's bad right.

01:26:34.000 It's bad behavior, but They sent him away to like a camp this I think it's called wilderness and it's this it's for really really bad kids like kids who use drugs or something and

01:26:48.000 Nah, I used to get wedgies all the time back when I was in school.

01:26:50.000 Yeah, I was a big bully.

01:27:04.000 You know, I felt bad about it now, but there was this kid that used to have these weird cheeks named Bobby, Bobby Ball cheeks we would call them.

01:27:13.000 And I would push him in the locker, I would hide him in there for hours.

01:27:17.000 Did you ever get bullied for having weird hairs that grow out of the back of your head?

01:27:21.000 I did, yeah.

01:27:22.000 How did you know that?

01:27:23.000 I could tell.

01:27:24.000 Same school.

01:27:25.000 It looks like a ravaged corn farm.

01:27:31.000 That's hilarious.

01:27:32.000 But anyway, me and the guy, we made friends.

01:27:34.000 We made up.

01:27:35.000 He comes to my restaurant.

01:27:36.000 I give him slices of pizza.

01:27:38.000 Bobby Bullcheek's a great guy.

01:27:40.000 You can get over these sort of bullies.

01:27:42.000 Anyway, I like bullies.

01:27:43.000 I think it's funny.

01:27:44.000 And if you are being bullied, fight him. 0.99

01:27:49.000 Punch him. 0.99

01:27:51.000 Sorry. 0.99

01:27:51.000 I know you're not supposed to say that, but that's what you should do. 0.99

01:27:54.000 That's what we've been doing from cave days till like an hour ago.

01:27:59.000 Now, the way that teachers tell you things about fighting, they're wrong.

01:28:04.000 Like my kids were told when they were in like first grade,

01:28:08.000 If you see a fight breaking out, uh, go get the teacher.

01:28:12.000 I guess it depends, but sure.

01:28:14.000 Uh, you always make sure fights are one-on-one by the way, that's crucial.

01:28:18.000 And you never kick anyone when they're down.

01:28:19.000 That's also very important.

01:28:21.000 But I said, well, what if someone was beating up your sister?

01:28:24.000 And my son said, Oh, I'm supposed to go get the teacher.

01:28:26.000 I go, uh, no, no, we don't have time for that.

01:28:29.000 If someone is beating up your sister, you run at them at a hundred miles an hour and knock them off of your sister.

01:28:36.000 Now,

01:28:38.000 My generation, when I was a kid, the most common story was some guy was bullying a guy, shoving him around, then they got into a huge fist fight, and then they became best friends.

01:28:48.000 I could have put this in the How to Make Friends section.

01:28:50.000 Like me, Bob, with bobby ball cheeks.

01:28:53.000 But your first fight is one of the scariest things in the world, because you don't know how it's gonna go.

01:28:58.000 Like, am I gonna die?

01:29:00.000 I don't know how bad your school is.

01:29:02.000 If some kids bring knives to your school, then you don't want to fight, no way.

01:29:06.000 But assuming it's a normal fight, it's not that bad.

01:29:10.000 They get broken up really quickly.

01:29:12.000 It only lasts for about five to 10 seconds.

01:29:16.000 And then you've established that you're not someone to be messed with and no one messes with you again. 0.99

01:29:20.000 You want to go for the soft tissues, the nose, the eyes, kicking in the balls. 0.96

01:29:26.000 Those are all healthy ways to win a fight.

01:29:28.000 So I guess what I'm saying is don't pick fights, but if a fight is picked, you got to finish it.

01:29:35.000 Now I just gotta weigh in real quick.

01:29:38.000 Is that previous guy that you had on? 1.00

01:29:40.000 He's a liar. 0.96

01:29:41.000 Now it doesn't matter who I am, I'm gonna stay anonymous. 0.99

01:29:44.000 Um, but let's just say he's not truthful.

01:29:48.000 Okay.

01:29:48.000 And he did not make up with Bobby.

01:29:50.000 Okay.

01:29:52.000 Good to know.

01:29:52.000 Would you like to know who I am?

01:29:54.000 Yes.

01:29:55.000 I'd rather not.

01:29:57.000 Fine, it's me.

01:29:59.000 Bobby Ball Cheeks. 0.74

01:30:01.000 Oh, hey Bobby Ball Cheeks.

01:30:02.000 I was trying to hide the cheeks.

01:30:04.000 It scares the kids.

01:30:06.000 Yeah, it is disturbing.

01:30:07.000 It jiggles, look.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, that's pretty... I could sort of... no offense, but I could see how someone would make the mistake of bullying what nature... bullying you for what nature did.

01:30:20.000 Talking out of two sides of your mouth, McGuinness.

01:30:22.000 First you say be nice to the kid with the weird cheeks.

01:30:25.000 You shouldn't be bullied for their cheeks, that's just the way they were made.

01:30:30.000 But at the same time, I would be forgiving of someone who accidentally made the mistake of mocking your face.

01:30:40.000 I wouldn't send you to a wilderness camp, let me put it that way.

01:30:45.000 I guess that's fine.

01:30:48.000 Yeah, look guys, fights aren't so bad.

01:30:50.000 Don't let people bully you.

01:30:52.000 And when your teachers say you shouldn't fight under any circumstances, they're wrong.

01:30:57.000 You gotta understand a thing about teachers, too.

01:30:59.000 You look up to them, and they seem to know what they're doing, but... 1.00

01:31:04.000 From my perspective as a grown-up, most teachers are stupid. 1.00

01:31:08.000 That's what I've noticed. 1.00

01:31:09.000 And lazy.

01:31:11.000 They get four months off a year.

01:31:13.000 Two months in the summer and then another two months of holidays.

01:31:15.000 They're done at three o'clock.

01:31:17.000 They make tons of money if you look at their per hour time.

01:31:21.000 And I gotta be honest, I hate school.

01:31:25.000 You guys have a lunchtime, sometimes your lunch is an hour and it's half an hour for eating and half an hour for playing.

01:31:31.000 Half an hour for playing?

01:31:33.000 Now you got to sit at a desk?

01:31:35.000 What are you learning about American history?

01:31:37.000 You're seven years old!

01:31:39.000 What are you going to do with that knowledge about the Constitution?

01:31:42.000 Recess should be four hours.

01:31:46.000 When it's a Saturday, how many hours do you sit at a desk reading books on a Saturday?

01:31:52.000 Maybe five minutes?

01:31:54.000 That's normal.

01:31:56.000 Sitting at a desk all day is not normal. 0.85

01:31:58.000 I can understand you want to be... You want to be crazy and fight.

01:32:06.000 You know, if you did that to a dog and you kept it in a cage for six hours a day, it would probably start getting like... You would want to fight other dogs.

01:32:15.000 I never thought of that.

01:32:15.000 Maybe bullies are the result of this terrible school schedule.

01:32:19.000 Anyway,

01:32:21.000 Big picture here is don't be scared and fighting is not the end of the world.

01:32:25.000 I know it's scary.

01:32:26.000 It is.

01:32:27.000 I'm scared every- I fight once a week and I'm always scared as I get into the ring, but it's not as bad as it seems.

01:32:34.000 All right.

01:32:36.000 I didn't want to go here, but we got to go here.

01:32:39.000 Ready for some bad vibes?

01:32:45.000 We've had a lot of fun.

01:32:46.000 We've done a lot of silly things, but I want to talk about... I hate talking about this, but it has to be done.

01:32:56.000 I want to talk about you and your body.

01:32:59.000 All right?

01:33:00.000 Here.

01:33:01.000 Stand up by the screen now, right?

01:33:04.000 I'm going to give you a force field around your body.

01:33:06.000 Ready?

01:33:07.000 Starting at the bottom.

01:33:15.000 You know what that last part was?

01:33:17.000 I vacuum sealed it to you.

01:33:18.000 That's your force field.

01:33:20.000 You know who can get through that force field?

01:33:23.000 Nobody.

01:33:24.000 Nobody can touch you.

01:33:26.000 If someone wants to touch you and you don't like it, you go tell mom and dad.

01:33:31.000 Cause that's bad.

01:33:32.000 This is your thing, your zone.

01:33:35.000 No one's allowed in that zone.

01:33:36.000 Now, sometimes it's a very powerful and important person and they tell you, no, no, this is okay.

01:33:41.000 You gotta, I'm going to get to this later too, trust your instincts.

01:33:45.000 You gotta be like, this is giving me bad vibes.

01:33:48.000 I'm out of here.

01:33:49.000 And this isn't just for, well, I'll get to that in the trust your instincts, but I want to give you some examples of sometimes where you should say no and get out of that situation.

01:33:58.000 Okay?

01:33:59.000 I'll tell you what.

01:34:01.000 Sometimes, it's very rare, but sometimes even a mom and dad can say, no, this is good.

01:34:07.000 No, you got to trust your instincts.

01:34:09.000 You are the boss of your body.

01:34:11.000 Okay?

01:34:12.000 So here are some things.

01:34:13.000 Go to two, two.

01:34:16.000 Uh, yeah, this guy is, is, is he's putting his nose on a girl's hair.

01:34:24.000 If you're that girl and a guy's doing that, get away. 1.00

01:34:30.000 See that?

01:34:31.000 Just remove your arm and move your head out of the way and then look at your mom and go, I'm not comfortable.

01:34:37.000 I don't like it here.

01:34:38.000 I want to go. 0.82

01:34:40.000 Blow it up, Ryan. 0.62

01:34:41.000 It's so small.

01:34:43.000 We don't need the text.

01:34:48.000 And look at this.

01:34:49.000 If anyone that's not your mom or dad, maybe your granny, touches your hair and puts it back behind your shoulders, get out of there! 0.99

01:35:01.000 This is all wrong, and you know what's gonna happen too?

01:35:04.000 You'll say, I said trust your instincts, and you'll go, yeah, I knew something was wrong with that, but other people told me it was right.

01:35:13.000 No, you are right.

01:35:16.000 Here's another really weird one.

01:35:18.000 Now this poor kid is so young that he can't really do much about it.

01:35:22.000 Especially because the dad's not being a very good dad.

01:35:24.000 Was that 2-3?

01:35:26.000 What's this now?

01:35:28.000 Ryan, before you get to that one, there's two TikTok links.

01:35:32.000 2-2 and 2-3.

01:35:33.000 I think you showed 2-3.

01:35:37.000 What's going on here?

01:35:38.000 I showed 2-2 and now this is the 2-3.

01:35:47.000 What the... Okay.

01:35:53.000 So... Say... Say you see that.

01:35:56.000 You tell your mom or your dad that you saw something bad.

01:35:59.000 And you get the hell away from that guy.

01:36:02.000 He's a bad guy.

01:36:03.000 Here, I wanna show you a whole sort of montage of different... I got like one, two, three, four... I know this is a gross subject, but we gotta get it going.

01:36:12.000 We gotta get past it.

01:36:14.000 Uhh...

01:36:16.000 Okay, we already showed that one.

01:36:18.000 Do you see the time codes there, Ryan?

01:36:20.000 Go to the 36 one.

01:36:21.000 Here's another tell here.

01:36:24.000 You're posing for a picture, right?

01:36:26.000 And then a creepy man grabs you and pulls you towards him.

01:36:29.000 You gotta look up at your dad and say, what's going on here?

01:36:32.000 That's a bad sign.

01:36:35.000 There's certain tells around creeps where you can tell that something's not right.

01:36:40.000 Here's what normal adults do when they see you.

01:36:43.000 They go,

01:36:44.000 And they do a high five and they put their hands at their hips and they go, Hey, buddy.

01:36:49.000 And if it's a girl, they go, Hi, sweetie.

01:36:52.000 You're a pretty gal. 0.80

01:36:53.000 What's that you got there?

01:36:54.000 You'll notice that their hands are on their hips and they they're very sort of careful about reaching out.

01:37:01.000 The only reach out that is totally trustworthy and cool is maybe a handshake, but definitely a nice high five.

01:37:07.000 Hey, pal!

01:37:08.000 That's what you should do.

01:37:09.000 And, by the way, I don't want to make you scared of adults.

01:37:12.000 You should look adults in the eyes when you talk to them.

01:37:15.000 You should answer them and be polite.

01:37:17.000 Especially if your mom's introducing you to someone, you say, Hi, Mrs. Plummer, how are you?

01:37:23.000 But this is not appropriate.

01:37:25.000 Okay?

01:37:25.000 I think I've already shown that.

01:37:26.000 I don't know what number you're at, Ryan.

01:37:28.000 So we've already done 36.

01:37:28.000 36.

01:37:30.000 Let's do 1, 2, 7.

01:37:31.000 Yeah, when he grabs her, look at this.

01:37:35.000 Get over here, you. 1.00

01:37:39.000 Nope!

01:37:40.000 That's a big nope!

01:37:43.000 I think she's adopted.

01:37:47.000 She doesn't look like her parents.

01:37:50.000 The kid's having fun.

01:37:51.000 Can you turn it up?

01:37:52.000 Alright, maybe scroll a little bit forward.

01:37:54.000 This isn't looking so bad.

01:38:07.000 Yeah, we'd have to grab.

01:38:09.000 Oh, this part, this part.

01:38:12.000 Okay.

01:38:14.000 Yeah, look at him grab her like that.

01:38:20.000 And what he's doing is he's sort of showing power.

01:38:25.000 Look at his hand on her waist.

01:38:27.000 Not appropriate.

01:38:29.000 Not appropriate, kids.

01:38:32.000 That probably feels weird.

01:38:34.000 That's because it is.

01:38:38.000 Your body sends out these signals for a reason.

01:38:40.000 Your brain... We've survived saber-toothed tigers and all kinds of danger through the caveman days.

01:38:47.000 Look at his hand on her. 0.98

01:38:49.000 I'm sorry to show this gross montage, but it's important... Look, she... See that?

01:38:54.000 She trusted her instincts.

01:38:56.000 Look at this.

01:38:58.000 I don't like this.

01:38:59.000 I'm out of here.

01:39:02.000 That's what you do, kids.

01:39:06.000 You know, you trust your parents to take care of you, but ultimately, you are the first responder in these kind of situations.

01:39:13.000 You call the police, it can take them 10 minutes to get there.

01:39:16.000 You're there now!

01:39:17.000 Get out of there! 0.65

01:39:18.000 Oh, what's this one?

01:39:19.000 Look at this.

01:39:23.000 Oh, this might be the grossest one.

01:39:28.000 Where are you, at 426?

01:39:29.000 Yes.

01:39:29.000 No, no, no, this is 559.

01:39:32.000 We did that.

01:39:32.000 Okay.

01:39:37.000 Is he touching her hair? 0.73

01:39:44.000 Okay, this is the grossest one.

01:39:46.000 He says, can I have a moment alone with whatever the girl's name is?

01:39:50.000 And instead of people going, what?

01:39:51.000 Why?

01:39:52.000 They'll go, oh boy.

01:39:55.000 Ooh, lovers.

01:39:58.000 What?

01:39:59.000 Look at this.

01:40:02.000 Touching her hair.

01:40:13.000 Dad's gonna stand pretty close.

01:40:15.000 That's the scariest part of this whole thing.

01:40:16.000 Did you hear that?

01:40:18.000 Dad's gonna be standing pretty close.

01:40:21.000 Dad's gonna stand pretty close.

01:40:31.000 See, that's a good dad, actually.

01:40:32.000 He recognizes that there's a problem here, and he says no.

01:40:36.000 He was grossed out by that whole, ooooh!

01:40:41.000 Is that all of them?

01:40:42.000 Yes.

01:40:43.000 And make sure you don't let people high-five you in the face.

01:40:47.000 Is that what happened to you?

01:40:50.000 Yeah, a lot.

01:40:50.000 Yeah, it's not a high-five if it's in the face.

01:40:52.000 It hurt.

01:40:54.000 Okay, we're gonna do... I want to play Street Fighter with you, but I just want to get this trust your instincts and mom and dad are the boss out of the way.

01:41:02.000 Okay?

01:41:03.000 So let's go to the seventh thing we want to talk about.

01:41:08.000 Your instincts are there for a reason.

01:41:12.000 We've been around since cave days.

01:41:14.000 You understand?

01:41:16.000 So the ones who aren't scared, the ones who go up to a saber-toothed tiger and go, hi cutie!

01:41:20.000 They got eaten.

01:41:21.000 The ones who go, I don't trust those things.

01:41:24.000 They're still alive.

01:41:25.000 Then they had kids and they had kids and now here we are.

01:41:27.000 So your instincts are not nothing.

01:41:30.000 If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, then don't do it.

01:41:33.000 And this doesn't just apply to stranger danger like that old creepy guy we just showed.

01:41:38.000 This applies to like, say you're on two rocks and you go, I think I can make this.

01:41:43.000 Okay.

01:41:44.000 You got to sort of have a talk with your own body and go,

01:41:48.000 If I'm if I think I can make this maybe I can but if you're feeling this intense fear of the jump Don't do it.

01:41:56.000 That fear is real.

01:41:57.000 That's your body saying yeah, you're not good enough for jumping to make this I don't think this is gonna work Sometimes people trust their instincts Then they don't want to hang out with me though

01:42:13.000 Or say you're at a concert or something, you're a little older, maybe you're 13, you're there with your friends and stuff, and you start feeling like it's getting kind of crowded in here, and you feel your shoulders being pushed in, and your body's going, uh, this is not good, I'm in trouble, get the hell out of there!

01:42:34.000 It's you're about to be scrunched to death, not to death, probably, although that has happened.

01:42:39.000 But I just feel like we keep being told by sometimes teachers and other people like this is the right way to do things.

01:42:46.000 And if you're uncomfortable with it, then you're wrong.

01:42:49.000 No, you're right.

01:42:51.000 If you want to cry about about a boy that you have a crush on, then cry away.

01:42:56.000 If you're jealous, yeah.

01:42:58.000 You're jealous.

01:42:59.000 Experience jealousy.

01:43:01.000 If you're angry, yeah, get mad.

01:43:03.000 You're mad about something.

01:43:04.000 If you don't want to be in a scenario because it feels horrible, then get the hell out of there.

01:43:09.000 That's danger.

01:43:09.000 Now, you have to learn to differentiate with things you've got to do, like go to church.

01:43:13.000 Sometimes sitting in church is incredibly boring and it sucks. 0.94

01:43:17.000 You're in God's house. 0.97

01:43:19.000 That's something you have to endure.

01:43:21.000 And I think you'll notice, by the way, when you're at church, you don't feel danger.

01:43:25.000 You don't feel like, I'm gonna get hurt.

01:43:27.000 You feel bored out of your mind.

01:43:29.000 And you can't understand what the hell they're reading.

01:43:32.000 Oops, I shouldn't have said hell.

01:43:35.000 But the reason I made this a separate card is I think it's really important that you just, you feel the vibes.

01:43:43.000 And you could see those kids around that old man.

01:43:46.000 They didn't want to be there.

01:43:47.000 And it wasn't because it was boring.

01:43:49.000 It's because it felt wrong.

01:43:52.000 He was invading their force field.

01:43:54.000 And then, finally, number eight, mom and dad are the boss.

01:44:00.000 Nobody else.

01:44:01.000 So sometimes you'll hear that you can have a secret.

01:44:04.000 Nope.

01:44:05.000 This is number eight, mom and dad.

01:44:09.000 Sometimes you'll hear that you can have a secret and mom and dad don't have to know.

01:44:12.000 That's a lie.

01:44:14.000 And you'll notice your instincts don't want you to do that.

01:44:16.000 Sometimes the teacher will say, you can be a different person here at school.

01:44:21.000 And we don't have to tell mom and dad because I'm the boss.

01:44:23.000 The community is the boss.

01:44:24.000 I've heard some teachers say, no, mom and dad are the final word.

01:44:30.000 So when you hear an adult telling you something about the world, about God, about

01:44:37.000 Kissing about who you are.

01:44:40.000 You clear it with mom and dad first.

01:44:43.000 They are the final authority.

01:44:45.000 They are the boss.

01:44:47.000 And then one day you'll be 18.

01:44:49.000 You'll move out of the house.

01:44:49.000 Now you, you don't have a boss after that.

01:44:52.000 But for the first from zero to 18, mom and dad are the boss.

01:44:56.000 Nobody else is the boss.

01:44:58.000 Okay, then riddle me this.

01:45:01.000 What happens if I'm their socioeconomics teacher and they in my class?

01:45:06.000 Aren't I the boss?

01:45:09.000 Uh, no.

01:45:11.000 So I can't override parents' decisions no matter what even though I'm a teacher person?

01:45:16.000 That's correct.

01:45:18.000 Mmm, dang.

01:45:19.000 Now, I said that if a grown-up tells you that they have a secret and you're going to keep a secret with a grown-up that mom and dad can't know about, that's very dangerous.

01:45:30.000 That's evil.

01:45:31.000 So you make sure mom and dad know.

01:45:32.000 So then you go, oh, okay, so I tell mom and dad everything.

01:45:35.000 Then what's tattletaling?

01:45:37.000 Why is tattletaling bad?

01:45:39.000 Being a tattletale is totally different.

01:45:42.000 Okay, being a tattletale, you should probably err on the side of caution and tattle more than not tattle.

01:45:49.000 But say someone is doing something like you see them steal, right?

01:45:57.000 And they're stealing, let's say they steal something valuable from another girl.

01:46:00.000 You should tell on them.

01:46:02.000 You should be a tattletale.

01:46:04.000 But every little minor bad thing that someone does and you run to mom and dad and say, he was being mean.

01:46:11.000 He swore.

01:46:11.000 That's a good example.

01:46:12.000 Say another kid swears.

01:46:14.000 Don't run and tell mom and dad.

01:46:15.000 And it's not a secret, right? 1.00

01:46:17.000 It's just you're being a little annoying jerk. 0.99

01:46:22.000 So, uh, when I say don't let anyone keep secrets, I'm not saying be a tattletale. 0.99

01:46:28.000 A tattletale is someone who tells mom and dad about every minor transgression, every silly little bad thing.

01:46:34.000 That's boring.

01:46:36.000 But the big things, when adults tell you to keep a secret, that's, uh,

01:46:44.000 That's wrong.

01:46:45.000 And mom and dad decide what the rules are.

01:46:48.000 Not the teachers and not some strange adult.

01:46:51.000 Okay, that is enough gross stuff. 0.67

01:46:54.000 What a gross marathon that was.

01:46:56.000 Do you want to play a game?

01:46:58.000 Uh, yeah, always.

01:47:00.000 Alright, let's play Street Fighter.

01:47:01.000 Okay.

01:47:08.000 I like being the normal guy.

01:47:09.000 I'm the black guy.

01:47:14.000 Oh, a boxer.

01:47:20.000 Can you box those?

01:47:22.000 Uh, no.

01:47:22.000 How do I block?

01:47:48.000 Whoa, this is a Clash of the Titans, bro.

01:47:52.000 Oh, you killed me. 1.00

01:47:53.000 Stupid. 1.00

01:47:53.000 I don't know how I'm doing this. 1.00

01:48:04.000 I think this hat is signed by Lindor. 0.95

01:48:09.000 The ones who make the truck fools? 0.98

01:48:11.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:48:12.000 Did I tell the Lindor story on the show yesterday about how I missed the ball?

01:48:15.000 Yeah, I did.

01:48:16.000 Yes.

01:48:17.000 That's sad.

01:48:18.000 In case you don't see the other shows, kids, Lindor from the Mets threw me a ball over the netting to give to my son.

01:48:26.000 Perfect, soft toss. 1.00

01:48:28.000 I missed it.

01:48:29.000 It bounced off my hand.

01:48:32.000 And my son looked up at me, ashamed.

01:48:34.000 It was one of the worst moments of my life.

01:48:37.000 Every time I think of his face looking at me, oh.

01:48:42.000 I feel so bad. 0.54

01:48:44.000 What a dummy I was. 1.00

01:48:46.000 What a loser! 0.99

01:48:49.000 All right, let's do something fun here. 0.96

01:48:52.000 There was a time, number nine, the ninth thing I want to talk about out of ten is the best cartoons in the world.

01:48:59.000 There was a weird time, and it's not when I was a kid.

01:49:03.000 Something I want to make, uh, well,

01:49:07.000 Everyone talks about when they were a kid is the best time ever.

01:49:09.000 You know why that is?

01:49:10.000 It's because being a kid is awesome.

01:49:11.000 So you go, my childhood was awesome.

01:49:13.000 It couldn't possibly, yours couldn't possibly be better.

01:49:19.000 No, your childhood is awesome too.

01:49:21.000 We're just saying that because childhood is awesome and we think that no one could have topped ours.

01:49:26.000 So, a lot of guys will tell you, oh, the cartoons they watched when they were kids are the best cartoons.

01:49:31.000 I see these cartoons from this era and I go, yeah, mine sucked.

01:49:35.000 Hanna-Barbera?

01:49:37.000 Captain Caveman?

01:49:38.000 Nah.

01:49:39.000 Not so good.

01:49:41.000 Super Shamu?

01:49:42.000 Scooby-Doo?

01:49:43.000 I'm not very impressed with my, uh, when I was a kid.

01:49:47.000 But there was a time when my kids were kids, around 2015, where cartoons were the best thing in the world.

01:49:54.000 I hate cartoons now. 0.98

01:49:55.000 Teen Titans sucks. 0.99

01:49:57.000 I hate the way it's drawn. 0.99

01:49:58.000 It's all these sharp edges and stuff.

01:50:00.000 This is a parody of Totoro, which is a really good Japanese cartoon.

01:50:06.000 But I want to go through this magical time and show you, uh, how many do we got here?

01:50:11.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 of the best cartoons ever made.

01:50:17.000 It's from 2015.

01:50:18.000 You can, your parents can buy these on YouTube still.

01:50:22.000 Uh, and so you may want to grab a pen and write down these seven greatest cartoons ever made.

01:50:44.000 By the way, this guy's name is Barry.

01:50:47.000 He's a bear.

01:50:48.000 He's pouring out a beer.

01:50:49.000 He's kind of a party bear.

01:50:53.000 First one is Adventure Time.

01:50:56.000 The imagination this guy has, I forget his name, Ford Wimbledon or something?

01:51:00.000 He's like a fat hipster from Williamsburg, Brooklyn. 0.99

01:51:04.000 Look how cool that is.

01:51:08.000 And it was this guy, Finn and Jake, going on various adventures.

01:51:12.000 Jake can stretch his legs real long.

01:51:14.000 Finn is, uh... There's a lot of these, too.

01:51:16.000 You could be watching these for months and months.

01:51:19.000 Watch them in chronological order.

01:51:20.000 There's a new one now.

01:51:22.000 See, these aren't... These cartoons I'm showing you aren't very woke.

01:51:25.000 But I think Adventure Time is back soon, and it's gonna be the girl as a hero, because you can't have boys as heroes. 0.98

01:51:30.000 That's terrible.

01:51:31.000 Oh, no.

01:51:32.000 So, I...

01:51:34.000 My cartoons when I was a kid are bad because they didn't seem they didn't have this cool technology to make you know The animation that good and modern cartoons are bad both because they're lazy and because they're woke these cartoons I'm giving you are not woke

01:51:47.000 They're just kooky.

01:51:48.000 There's nothing political about them.

01:51:50.000 They're just a fun, wild ride.

01:51:51.000 They're a very adventurous time to have.

01:51:55.000 So check out Adventure Time.

01:51:56.000 You'll love it.

01:51:57.000 Number two is Clarence.

01:52:01.000 It just cracks me up seeing his face.

01:52:06.000 This isn't a typical episode.

01:52:07.000 He didn't always look like that.

01:52:10.000 I think they're doing a commercial within the show.

01:52:13.000 I shouldn't be showing this.

01:52:14.000 This is not good advertising.

01:52:15.000 Can you skip ahead, Ryan?

01:52:18.000 Yeah, that's Clarence.

01:52:21.000 It's just a funny, weird show about a kid in school. 0.76

01:52:24.000 He's probably like seven and they get into some dumb adventures and do silly things. 0.96

01:52:29.000 That guy's really kind of autistic. 0.91

01:52:32.000 He's really careful about what he touches.

01:52:33.000 He's always got to wash his hands.

01:52:35.000 You know, those kind of guys.

01:52:38.000 Turn it up.

01:52:40.000 I used to be the president of the playground.

01:52:43.000 Now I'm doing lousy.

01:52:47.000 This is a play on the Toy Story song, Strange Things Are Happening To Me by Randy Newman.

01:52:54.000 Oh, I see.

01:52:57.000 Which I learned on piano.

01:52:59.000 Oh, I learned on the care.

01:53:03.000 That's mean, kids.

01:53:04.000 Another excellent cartoon is Sanjay and Craig.

01:53:07.000 My favorite episode, of course, is Unbarfable, where they find out that their friend has never barfed, and they start coming up with all these gross things to make him barf.

01:53:16.000 This is about a guy whose best friend is a talking snake, but, you know, people would be freaked out if they saw a talking snake, so he usually disguises himself in public with, like,

01:53:25.000 A hat and a shirt and no one seems to notice that Sanjay's friend has no arms.

01:53:32.000 It's amazing.

01:53:34.000 Here's a short-lived one.

01:53:36.000 Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket.

01:53:38.000 About two old pals of mine, Dave Cooper and Johnny Ryan.

01:53:42.000 J. Ryan.

01:53:42.000 Don't look up Johnny Ryan's other cartoons.

01:53:44.000 They're not for kids.

01:53:46.000 But the animation here is so beautiful.

01:53:51.000 Look at the quality there.

01:53:53.000 We had nothing close to this level of quality when I was a kid.

01:53:58.000 It's like every single frame could be a poster in your bedroom.

01:54:03.000 That show rules, but it's gone now, unfortunately.

01:54:06.000 I have a feeling they stopped doing it because it would take like 1 billion hours per episode.

01:54:14.000 Of course, regular show is about a blue jay and a raccoon who work at a park and their boss is nuts.

01:54:23.000 We don't need to show the credits, it's not as exciting.

01:54:25.000 There's a gumball machine.

01:54:27.000 There's one of the guys.

01:54:29.000 Again,

01:54:30.000 I'm kind of a cartoon snob.

01:54:33.000 I used to do it for a living.

01:54:35.000 It was my first, well not my first job, it was my first career choice.

01:54:38.000 I failed at it ultimately.

01:54:40.000 So I'm kind of a comic snob.

01:54:42.000 And the quality, again, is amazing.

01:54:44.000 The writing is pretty funny, too.

01:54:45.000 This is sort of like Adventure Time in that they go over the top with the plots.

01:54:50.000 I guess this is a parody of Warriors.

01:54:52.000 And they time travel and do all kinds of weird things.

01:54:55.000 It's a really fun show.

01:54:56.000 The least boring show here.

01:54:58.000 Then there's Gumball, of course.

01:55:00.000 Gumball is done by some dude who used to teach people how to do cartoons, and then he just thought, I'll make my own cartoons.

01:55:06.000 And the characters are all different, like different animation, too.

01:55:10.000 I think his thing was like, it's the Island of Misfit Toys of cartoons that got rejected.

01:55:16.000 So there's all kinds of different styles.

01:55:19.000 The writing on this is probably the funniest out of this whole list.

01:55:23.000 It's the one where I hear the kids in the other room laughing their heads off.

01:55:26.000 I usually know Gumball is on.

01:55:29.000 I'm not nuts about the way the dad is portrayed, but... That's my personal hangout.

01:55:34.000 See, look at all the different types of animation!

01:55:37.000 It's so un-boring!

01:55:41.000 Another good one.

01:55:41.000 I think this one is the only one on the list that's still out.

01:55:45.000 Apple and Onion.

01:55:47.000 Starring this hilarious dude, Richard A. Oh.

01:55:51.000 This is one of my favorite comics, the guy who does the voice for the onion.

01:55:56.000 It's about a British apple and a British onion going about their various days.

01:56:04.000 There's usually some sort of calamity that happens in their lives.

01:56:07.000 Things don't really go well for the apple and the onion here.

01:56:10.000 But you'll love that cartoon.

01:56:11.000 I promise!

01:56:13.000 You have my word that you will enjoy at least one episode of all of these.

01:56:20.000 And then finally, Uncle Grandpa.

01:56:25.000 This one goes through the roof with the imagination.

01:56:29.000 He's got a belly bag that sometimes comes out and eats him and then he's in another dimension and he lives in an RV and the RV's flying.

01:56:35.000 He always reminds me of this photographer Terry Richardson, an old friend of mine.

01:56:41.000 It's... perfect.

01:56:43.000 And again, all of these are- it was a strange- I'm telling you, 2015, around that time, was the best cartoons have ever been, and ever will be.

01:56:54.000 Go to the Cartoon Network now, and pretty much everything there blows chunks.

01:56:58.000 Same with Disney, I don't know what happened to cartoons- well actually, it's a very long story, but...

01:57:05.000 For some reason this is when cartoons were at their freest and most perfect.

01:57:10.000 Oh, I just thought of another one.

01:57:12.000 I didn't put on the list that pancake dude Flapjack something he's a he was a sailor a captain guy on a boat shoot Captain Flapjack or something like that

01:57:29.000 Yeah, that one.

01:57:31.000 What's it called?

01:57:31.000 Captain Flapjack.

01:57:33.000 Captain Flapjack.

01:57:34.000 It's actually not as awesome.

01:57:36.000 Oh no, I'm sorry.

01:57:37.000 The Marvelous Adventures of... The Marvelous Adventures of Flapjack.

01:57:42.000 This isn't quite as good as all these others, but it's still really good.

01:57:46.000 And it was done by one of the top brains over at Cartoon Network back when it was good.

01:57:51.000 And then I did Uncle Grandpa, right?

01:57:53.000 Yep.

01:57:54.000 Yeah, so those are the best cartoons in the world.

01:58:06.000 I'm trying to find that fart problem is we hung out for Three hours, I gotta sit through relive a three-hour conversation just to find a toot said no one ever The kids say that we might if I find it I'll stick it at the very very end of the show or something

01:58:31.000 So yeah, what a weird thing for there to be this.

01:58:35.000 I think what it was, was the, the guy who ran Cartoon Network back then saw these kids drawing their faces off, like just, it was just partying, not partying, but you know, hanging out, staying late, laughing with each other.

01:58:51.000 And he just thought, these guys seem to know what they're doing.

01:58:53.000 I'm going to let them just go nuts.

01:58:56.000 And he let them do whatever they wanted.

01:58:58.000 And that's when you see true creativity, right?

01:59:01.000 It's like I was saying about communism.

01:59:03.000 You don't tell people what to do.

01:59:04.000 You don't boss people around.

01:59:05.000 You let them naturally do their thang. 0.90

01:59:12.000 Alright, we talked about Uncle Grandpa.

01:59:16.000 I want to talk about books, briefly.

01:59:19.000 I want to tell you how to read.

01:59:20.000 Okay?

01:59:22.000 Alright, let's go.

01:59:23.000 I'm going to show you how to read.

01:59:29.000 Hey, hey! 0.96

01:59:30.000 Stop watching TV.

01:59:31.000 I want to talk to you about books.

01:59:34.000 There's something really important you need to know about books.

01:59:37.000 You don't have to read them from the very beginning to the very end.

01:59:41.000 You can just pick them up, and the same way you watch TV, you might watch a show for a little bit, then throw it away.

01:59:47.000 Like, for example, I'm reading two books right now.

01:59:51.000 This book is about Genghis Khan.

01:59:53.000 If you're more than, like, maybe 12, 13, you should read this.

01:59:57.000 No one knew anything about him, and he basically took over half the world.

02:00:02.000 And they've dug up the story now so we can hear all about him.

02:00:06.000 Probably, I think like everyone in Asia is kind of related to this guy.

02:00:10.000 And then this is another great book I'm reading about American Indians.

02:00:13.000 I've got a whole American Indian section here.

02:00:15.000 And it talks about the Comanches and the Indian Wars and when we lost and when we won and what both sides did, good and bad.

02:00:23.000 And sometimes I'll pick up one of these, sometimes I'll read it in the middle.

02:00:28.000 You understand?

02:00:29.000 I know for school, you've got to start at the beginning, and if you zone out for a paragraph, then you've got to go back and re-read it because you're doing a book report.

02:00:36.000 That's for school.

02:00:37.000 For fun, just nibble.

02:00:39.000 Have little nibbles.

02:00:41.000 Like this book is a great book to nibble on.

02:00:45.000 It's called Gigs.

02:00:46.000 Americans talk about their jobs and you just open it to any page and it could be like a surgeon talking about what he does every day or it could be a janitor or something.

02:00:54.000 It kind of helps you figure out what you want to do with your life.

02:00:58.000 Here's a good book for your mom and dad to read.

02:01:01.000 It's called Free Range Kids and it's about how important it is to let kids get in trouble.

02:01:06.000 Get a bandaid on your knee.

02:01:07.000 Go to the park by yourself.

02:01:09.000 It's about the opposite of being a helicopter parent.

02:01:11.000 So tell your mom and dad to read this by Lenore Skenazy.

02:01:16.000 This is a book called Moby Dick by Herman Melville.

02:01:19.000 No one's read it.

02:01:20.000 It's boring.

02:01:22.000 Um, this is the funniest book in the world, The Confederacy of Dunces.

02:01:26.000 You should read this if you're like 8 and up.

02:01:29.000 It is hilarious.

02:01:30.000 The only book I ever laughed out loud about.

02:01:32.000 This is a crazy book about a guy in World War II.

02:01:36.000 This is all 12.

02:01:38.000 All these books I'm telling you, you probably want to be around 12 and up.

02:01:42.000 About a guy in World War II.

02:01:44.000 He fell out of a plane.

02:01:45.000 He lived on a raft for a month.

02:01:48.000 He got in a fistfight with a shark.

02:01:50.000 And then he was a prisoner of war in Japan, where Ryan's dad is from.

02:01:55.000 It's crazy.

02:01:58.000 What else should you read?

02:02:02.000 These are all my faves in this section here.

02:02:06.000 Oh, this is a great book for 12 and up.

02:02:08.000 It's John Stossel about why the government fails.

02:02:11.000 I promise I won't be showing you books that you wouldn't enjoy.

02:02:14.000 I got a lot of good comic books, graphic novels here.

02:02:18.000 This guy, Guy Dalil, he lives in different places in the world and he does comics about it.

02:02:23.000 All his books are great, although he's a little bit woke.

02:02:26.000 Speaking of woke, this is what the comics I read when I was a kid in Britain, the Beano book.

02:02:31.000 Tell your parents to buy these on eBay and get them from the 80s.

02:02:34.000 The new binos are woke and they stink, but the old ones are great. 0.98

02:02:38.000 This guy's a bully. 0.98

02:02:41.000 He beats up softies like Walter. 0.99

02:02:45.000 That's fun. 0.97

02:02:46.000 This is a book by a woman who lived in Iran, a graphic novel, underneath the tyranny of the radical Muslims. 0.99

02:02:54.000 This is a good book about World War II, where he makes the Jews mice, and I guess the Nazis are cats. 0.85

02:03:02.000 Some of these are pretty grown-up books.

02:03:06.000 What else did I pull out?

02:03:07.000 What else did I pull out?

02:03:09.000 Oh, this book is great!

02:03:10.000 Miracles and Massacres.

02:03:12.000 You know how, when you look at the world, you go, the only time that countries suck is when one guy thinks he can tell another guy what to do?

02:03:19.000 That's what this guy discovered in American history.

02:03:21.000 It's the true and untold stories of the making of America.

02:03:24.000 And he learns, when he's doing this research, that every time America failed, it was because someone was

02:03:32.000 Bossing someone around.

02:03:33.000 Don't let people boss you around.

02:03:35.000 This is good.

02:03:36.000 This is getting a little more teen, like if you're 13.

02:03:39.000 This is a great book about the way cops are treated in this country.

02:03:47.000 And that's about it.

02:03:49.000 But I really want to stress to you that... Oops. 1.00

02:03:54.000 Books are your bitch. 1.00

02:03:56.000 And in school, they say things like, don't dog ear the pages. 1.00

02:03:59.000 Dog ear the pages.

02:04:01.000 Write in them.

02:04:02.000 Circle something that you think is funny.

02:04:05.000 You can even rip out a page.

02:04:06.000 Well, don't rip out a page. 0.97

02:04:07.000 But treat them like crap, because they need to be used. 0.99

02:04:11.000 They need to be abused. 1.00

02:04:13.000 Books are like a baseball glove.

02:04:14.000 Pick them up, throw a ball back and forth, and then just throw them away.

02:04:27.000 There's some other books, too, for younger guys.

02:04:31.000 Most of those books are for, like, 13-year-olds.

02:04:33.000 This is a really good series.

02:04:35.000 Lucy and Andy Neanderthal.

02:04:37.000 Neanderthal?

02:04:38.000 Jeffrey Brown.

02:04:39.000 Jeffrey Brown does some great books.

02:04:41.000 If you're, like, 8,

02:04:45.000 6, 7, 8, 9.

02:04:47.000 Jeffrey Brown has some great books.

02:04:48.000 He has some great Star Wars stuff too.

02:04:50.000 And then another great thing to binge on, this is for the under 10 squad I'm talking about here, is Peanuts.

02:04:57.000 The great thing about Peanuts is you get really into it and then there's almost endless, like there's like 10 of these.

02:05:05.000 You could be reading Peanuts for a year.

02:05:09.000 Dave Pilkey is awesome too, he's got a bunch.

02:05:11.000 This was Cat Kid, but he's got tons of, I think Captain Underpants is really good, and so is Dog Man.

02:05:18.000 Those are great, get all the Dave, Dav Pilkey's, D-A-V Pilkey.

02:05:23.000 And then this one, my kids love, all my kids have loved these, all the boys.

02:05:28.000 Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

02:05:30.000 It's, I don't know, I don't like a kid being a wimp. 1.00

02:05:33.000 So, I'm not a huge fan of this, but the kids sure love it, so I would be remiss if I didn't add Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

02:05:41.000 And by the same token, Big Nate.

02:05:44.000 Kids all love Big Nate.

02:05:46.000 And then, just like Peanuts,

02:05:48.000 Calvin and Hobbes is almost endless.

02:05:51.000 I can see our rabbit ate some of the corner of this.

02:05:54.000 I don't care.

02:05:57.000 I get rough with my books.

02:05:59.000 You don't want to put them, like, on a pedestal.

02:06:02.000 This is, of course, Hobbes.

02:06:06.000 Okay.

02:06:08.000 We've covered a lot of ground.

02:06:09.000 This is a big episode.

02:06:11.000 All our sponsors are good.

02:06:12.000 Let's get to the mailbag. 0.91

02:06:14.000 Sure, but before we do, I'd like to announce to everybody, wearing a mask inside, although people think it's lame, it could possibly... Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

02:06:26.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

02:06:31.000 Let me touch it.

02:06:33.000 That's not appropriate.

02:06:35.000 That's a song from another show.

02:06:39.000 Another type of show we do and I forgot that those were the lyrics all right Ry guy The the kid ones have a green flag Fun for the show this one's kind of grown up.

02:06:52.000 This is more like a 14 15 year old, but we'll throw it in here

02:06:57.000 Hey Gavin, seeing as you're doing a kid's show today, I'd like to say that I'm a young baby monster, a zoomer to be precise, writing to seek guidance on how to approach a girl in my history class whom I find attractive, don't use the word whom guys, it's pretentious, both physically and personality-wise.

02:07:12.000 For the past four years, I've attended an all-boys school and have next to zero female contacts, making it challenging for me to pursue a conversation with her.

02:07:19.000 She's just in the row behind me and I've never spoken to her for that long, making it difficult to initiate any interaction.

02:07:24.000 I'd like to talk to her and become friends.

02:07:27.000 I don't know how to approach girls. 1.00

02:07:29.000 I share the same bus as her on Mondays after school.

02:07:34.000 She complimented my hair cut once.

02:07:36.000 She said it looked good.

02:07:37.000 I don't know what to do.

02:07:39.000 That's easy peas.

02:07:41.000 We already talked about this.

02:07:42.000 You say something nice about her.

02:07:45.000 You say, oh, I like those shoes.

02:07:47.000 It should be sincere, too.

02:07:49.000 It should be shoes you like.

02:07:50.000 Or, wow, that's a nice shoe.

02:07:51.000 You look great today.

02:07:52.000 What's going on with you?

02:07:53.000 That's always a good one.

02:07:55.000 And if you say, oh, you look really good in that.

02:07:58.000 And they go, ugh.

02:07:59.000 Then you go, okay, someone's not interested.

02:08:01.000 I will not be pursuing that anymore.

02:08:07.000 One I used to do when I was 15 or so is I go, I had a dream about you last night.

02:08:12.000 And if they go, what?

02:08:14.000 You go,

02:08:15.000 Uh, you were fighting dinosaurs, and then, uh, the dinosaurs, uh, I flew away on a dinosaur.

02:08:20.000 Anyway, bye.

02:08:22.000 But if they go, oh really?

02:08:23.000 Tell me more.

02:08:23.000 Then you could, you're lying by the way.

02:08:25.000 You could be like, yeah, we were riding bears around this place.

02:08:29.000 I guess I got it from that movie where they had the bears with the British accents.

02:08:33.000 I forget what it's called.

02:08:34.000 Brave or something.

02:08:35.000 It was weird.

02:08:37.000 And now you can see how she reacts to that.

02:08:40.000 But I always think compliments are the best way to get things going.

02:08:44.000 And not just with girls, with boys too.

02:08:50.000 New t-shirt idea.

02:08:52.000 It's a yellow... This is because we've really liked the way this girl's voice sounds when she's talking about an M&M blast.

02:08:59.000 Do you have that, Ryan?

02:09:01.000 It's his t-shirt idea, yep.

02:09:02.000 No, no, no.

02:09:03.000 The M&M blast clip.

02:09:04.000 Oh, shush, shush.

02:09:05.000 The guy goes, picture this.

02:09:06.000 A t-shirt with, like, the yellow M&M character with some way to avoid a trademark infringement.

02:09:11.000 No M painted on him.

02:09:12.000 Maybe a C or something.

02:09:13.000 I got an M&M blast!

02:09:15.000 These are my favorite.

02:09:17.000 I got an M&M blast!

02:09:19.000 These are my favorite.

02:09:21.000 Anyway, big yellow M&M guy with a headband, like Charlie Sheen in Platoon, firing AR shells, firing an AR, shells being spit out from the discharge, and the background, it says, M&M Blast!

02:09:32.000 Written in like a Batman-esque, pausing kind of font.

02:09:36.000 That stuff would fly off the shelves.

02:09:38.000 Uh, that's a great idea.

02:09:39.000 I'm not a very good artist, we paid a guy to do these backdrops, so maybe someone who, uh, is in there could do it?

02:09:49.000 I was in over 45 countries.

02:09:59.000 Yo, Gav, huge fan.

02:10:00.000 I've been an avid fan for a long time.

02:10:02.000 Seven years ago I was working in theater full time.

02:10:06.000 When I started watching you and the comedian-turned-farmer-who-shall-not-be-named, I assume he means Owen Benjamin, your campaigns venerating, that means respecting the tradesmen, and your points about manning up and getting married and being a high-value male really struck me.

02:10:20.000 In 2018, I left my theater job, dropped out of school as an English major, I was an English major, I wish I had dropped out, and I sought a trade.

02:10:28.000 I ended up in the audiovisual and automation field.

02:10:30.000 I don't know what that means.

02:10:33.000 And I couldn't be happier.

02:10:34.000 I went from making $20,000 a year to $75,000 a year as a commercial AV superintendent.

02:10:41.000 For context, I'm in Dallas, people my age making $90K, K means thousand, are rich and $40K are sad.

02:10:48.000 I'm working with tools and using my brain and I feel satisfaction for contributing to society.

02:10:53.000 I have a girlfriend, we're about to tie the knot, so thanks for your influence.

02:10:56.000 What advice would you give me about finance and business, he says.

02:10:59.000 And for that I'd say, I think people don't understand that

02:11:04.000 Any kind of business, any kind of major move takes hundreds of hours of work.

02:11:11.000 So this whole like, what should be my plan?

02:11:13.000 You gotta get the hours in.

02:11:15.000 Like if you start a company, you're not gonna make money for two years.

02:11:19.000 Two years you're gonna be eating ramen and getting your angry letters from your landlord.

02:11:23.000 That's the deal.

02:11:23.000 And I see a lot of these, no offense, female comedians, where they come out and they spend like two years coming up with a four minute routine.

02:11:33.000 And then the media goes nuts because they're like, women, yay, they're stand-up comedians now. 1.00

02:11:37.000 Because the media's woke.

02:11:38.000 And then they'll be on the front page of New York Magazine.

02:11:41.000 And then they go, okay, we got 10 dates for you, we got a whole comedy tour.

02:11:44.000 And they're like, I don't have anything else.

02:11:46.000 That took me four years to come up with those four minutes.

02:11:50.000 And they got nothing.

02:11:51.000 And I don't think they realize that

02:11:53.000 Any job, comedian, artist, electrician, plumber, it takes hundreds of hours of not even thinking about where this is going and just like, and boys tend to, men tend to be better at that than girls.

02:12:10.000 Girls, girls are sort of like this. 1.00

02:12:14.000 Boys are sort of like this.

02:12:18.000 So my advice for you and with your great new trade is to keep your head down and don't look up for a couple years.

02:12:25.000 Just keep going.

02:12:28.000 Why is this?

02:12:29.000 What color is?

02:12:30.000 Oh, that was purple.

02:12:31.000 Okay.

02:12:32.000 Can we get some kids stuff?

02:12:33.000 This is all like, how do I make out with a broad? 0.99

02:12:37.000 This is what you miss if you don't have kids.

02:12:40.000 Oh no, we already did that guy.

02:12:41.000 There's one I was really looking for.

02:12:49.000 Have faith, don't worry, we're gonna get there.

02:12:54.000 It was a guy, it's a fan of the show and what he does is he watches the show first and then he shows his kids clips where I'm not being offensive.

02:13:09.000 Here we go.

02:13:09.000 I found it.

02:13:11.000 My ten-year-old daughter is a huge fan of you and Ryan.

02:13:13.000 I watch shows ahead of time and show her the stuff that's appropriate.

02:13:17.000 She and my two younger boys love when you do the Indian Jabuti Badi Chuti accent and Indian Joker face.

02:13:24.000 What do they mean by Indian Joker face?

02:13:27.000 I don't know.

02:13:28.000 I've never heard of such a thing.

02:13:30.000 Why are you so zoomed in there, tiger guy?

02:13:34.000 So I can look bigger because people think I'm small and it makes me feel bad.

02:13:40.000 Wait, your head is, I've seen you in real life.

02:13:42.000 Your head is like three inches wide. 0.91

02:13:43.000 You are small. 0.84

02:13:48.000 That makes me sad, Gavin.

02:13:49.000 So maybe you should tell me that I'm actually not so small.

02:13:53.000 I'm not going to lie to you.

02:13:55.000 Maybe you're a baby tiger and you're going to grow.

02:13:58.000 I used your talk you gave to your own daughter about using her spidey senses and to be a porcupine.

02:14:08.000 Oh good.

02:14:09.000 That's what we were talking about earlier.

02:14:10.000 I hope you still plan on doing a kid-friendly show on Friday.

02:14:33.000 She always asked me to call in on Thursday nights when I get home from work, but talking to a ten-year-old girl doesn't jive with the Cops and Robbers show.

02:14:39.000 If you could give Lila, Levi, and Max a shout-out, they would be stoked.

02:14:46.000 Have you considered making t-shirts in kids sizes?

02:14:49.000 No, I haven't.

02:14:51.000 Most of the episodes of this show are not kids-friendly.

02:14:55.000 If we made like a little baby onesie that said Baby Monster... Well, we'll see how this does.

02:14:59.000 Maybe we'll make this a regular thing.

02:15:00.000 Not every Friday, but maybe like once a month we'll have a kid's show.

02:15:06.000 Go back up to this one, Ryan.

02:15:07.000 Fashion of the Modern Man.

02:15:09.000 He's 41, by the way.

02:15:11.000 Yeah, this is not good.

02:15:14.000 Who is this?

02:15:15.000 A YouTuber?

02:15:16.000 Like a gamer guy?

02:15:17.000 Keemstar.

02:15:17.000 And then there's Boogie.

02:15:22.000 That's a California.

02:15:23.000 Your jean shorts are too long.

02:15:25.000 They should be hemmed, not frayed like that.

02:15:27.000 And no, you can't have a graphics tee after the age of like 20.

02:15:32.000 Backpack?

02:15:33.000 Also unacceptable.

02:15:35.000 Hey, it's got patches on it though.

02:15:37.000 The only time you should have a backpack is, I don't know, if you're on a motorcycle and there's no other way for you to carry something.

02:15:44.000 I see guys in suits with backpacks.

02:15:47.000 He's holding a gun with bad trigger discipline.

02:15:49.000 Look how many graphics he has!

02:15:51.000 Oh yeah, he's got his finger on the trigger.

02:15:53.000 He's got graphics on his back.

02:15:54.000 That's just embarrassing.

02:15:56.000 The other guy's not much better either.

02:15:57.000 I don't know if that's Boogie or if that's the guy who was in that Nickelodeon show.

02:16:02.000 Okay, that's the problem with when people get super fat.

02:16:04.000 But he's at Boogie's house.

02:16:06.000 You can't see.

02:16:07.000 Well, Boogie's always been a little chunky.

02:16:10.000 Okay, last one.

02:16:11.000 All Ages Drag Show.

02:16:12.000 Hey Gav, I'm 30 minutes south of Tacoma in Yelm.

02:16:15.000 It's a very traditional farming town, lots of churches.

02:16:18.000 Some crazy drag lady is putting on the first Yelm Pride Fest and hosting an All Ages Drag Show afterwards at the City Community Center. 0.99

02:16:25.000 And then he's got a poster there.

02:16:27.000 That's a good one to end on.

02:16:28.000 Hey kids!

02:16:29.000 Don't go to that!

02:16:31.000 You'll notice, by the way, when your parents make a mistake and they bring you to a drag queen story hour, you feel weird.

02:16:40.000 That's God saying, get out of there.

02:16:43.000 Trust your instincts.

02:16:45.000 This isn't church where it's boring and you kind of would like it to be over.

02:16:50.000 This is a place where you're not supposed to be at.

02:16:52.000 That's a perfect example of your instincts going, eh, I should probably get out of here.

02:16:58.000 All right, it's time to get to the final video.

02:17:00.000 You ready?

02:17:17.000 You're not going to be a kid forever.

02:17:20.000 Get out there and have fun.

02:17:22.000 Earlier I was talking about the salad days and how we glorify our childhood and say yours is nothing like ours because we used to ride, we used to do jumps on our bikes.

02:17:31.000 Yeah, you guys get to go to water parks like on a regular basis.

02:17:36.000 But here is, here's someone from my generation explaining to someone who's much younger why we used to drink water from the garden hose.

02:17:46.000 First of all, why is everyone drinking water out of a garden hose?

02:17:51.000 Wait, go back.

02:17:52.000 Sorry.

02:17:53.000 Reboot that.

02:17:53.000 I gotta see what he's talking about.

02:17:56.000 He's talking about my generation.

02:17:57.000 Gen X here.

02:17:58.000 We're literally called the forgotten generation.

02:18:01.000 Also, very small generation?

02:18:06.000 Oh, and we're still fighting the boomers. 1.00

02:18:09.000 Okay.

02:18:10.000 First of all, why is everyone drinking water out of a garden hose?

02:18:14.000 Well, my good sir, you have to understand that back in the days before, the inside was not a place where any child wanted to be.

02:18:21.000 No, we lived in that outside, and the outside was our place of happiness, engagement, and all of our friends existed there.

02:18:27.000 The inside was a desolate place.

02:18:29.000 It was a sad place.

02:18:30.000 There was no entertainment, no connections, there was no video games in the days before.

02:18:36.000 The TV had maybe three or four channels at the most.

02:18:39.000 And of course, if you were in there, you were considered to be an idle hand.

02:18:44.000 Idle hands do no good, so your parents would put you to work immediately.

02:18:49.000 Doing chores, doing something else.

02:18:51.000 It was a sin to be inside.

02:18:54.000 So, when we needed nourishment and refreshments outside, the garden hose was the oven on the avenue, and they would be a child who would actually knock on the door and request to enter the home for, if they did, they were stuck there for the rest of the day, maybe the week.

02:19:08.000 God knows how long it would be again until we saw their faces, returning to the pile of bikes and enjoying the times on the outside.

02:19:15.000 Yes, it was different, of course, but those times were good indeed.

02:19:22.000 First of all.

02:19:24.000 So there's two things going on there.

02:19:25.000 One, we call it the salad days.

02:19:28.000 When you think your childhood was better or your scene or the thing you did when you were young is better than everyone else's, you say those were the salad days.

02:19:34.000 We tend to exaggerate it.

02:19:36.000 We tend to exaggerate how much better our childhood was than yours.

02:19:39.000 And again, it's because childhood is awesome.

02:19:42.000 Do you know where salad days comes from?

02:19:44.000 No.

02:19:45.000 Why do you have two mouths, Elmo?

02:19:48.000 Never mind that.

02:19:49.000 Listen, Elmo wants to ask you a question.

02:19:50.000 You don't know where that comes from at all?

02:19:53.000 No, I don't.

02:19:54.000 Well, I have a theory that... So you don't know either, but you're guessing?

02:19:57.000 That's correct.

02:19:59.000 I'm gonna bet a hundred dollars you'll be wrong.

02:20:03.000 It's a hypothesis.

02:20:05.000 I'm not gonna bet money, because gambling is wrong.

02:20:08.000 Good point, good point.

02:20:09.000 Now here... What does salad days come from?

02:20:12.000 Go ahead.

02:20:12.000 It's the first part of a meal.

02:20:17.000 Well actually when you're a baby it's the appetizer days and then when you're a little bit older and you can ride a bike that's the salad days.

02:20:24.000 Right now you're in the dessert days.

02:20:26.000 What day?

02:20:31.000 You're the going to your car in the parking lot days.

02:20:35.000 I'm the going to the bathroom after digesting the food days.

02:20:38.000 You're the paying the check days.

02:20:39.000 What does salad days come from?

02:20:44.000 You know, if Siri ever says, like, one moment, I'm on it.

02:20:48.000 It's never.

02:20:49.000 You are never going to get there.

02:20:50.000 You're not getting there.

02:20:52.000 Salad days origin.

02:20:54.000 I'm looking it up here.

02:20:55.000 Let's see.

02:20:56.000 Salad is a Shakespearean idiom referring to a period of blah, blah, blah, history, usage, the modern use.

02:21:01.000 But what's it from?

02:21:03.000 Maybe salad, a Greek word, salad.

02:21:06.000 The phrase attributed to William Shakespeare in 1606

02:21:11.000 She says, my salad days when I was green in judgment, cold in blood.

02:21:15.000 Oh, green.

02:21:15.000 Oh, so it's cold and green.

02:21:17.000 Oh.

02:21:18.000 Huh.

02:21:18.000 That's weird.

02:21:20.000 So you were wrong.

02:21:20.000 I could have made tons of money.

02:21:21.000 Cleopatra said it, according to Shakespeare. 0.82

02:21:26.000 Okay.

02:21:29.000 But so my youth wasn't better than your youth.

02:21:31.000 Your youth is awesome.

02:21:32.000 But the guy that just spoke there is right.

02:21:36.000 You do got to get outside.

02:21:37.000 You do got to experience life.

02:21:39.000 You do got to avoid screens.

02:21:41.000 I get it.

02:21:41.000 Screens are fun.

02:21:42.000 And you know what?

02:21:45.000 I tend to crap on video games.

02:21:46.000 If you're on there and you're playing, whatever, Fortnite or some other game and you're with a bunch of guys on your headset, that's still playing. 0.84

02:21:53.000 And I'm not going to deny that it's fun, but nothing beats getting out there and really touching grass, as they say.

02:22:01.000 And here's a great example of this little girl fishing with her dad.

02:22:05.000 I might cry.

02:22:07.000 Oh, that's a good one.

02:22:09.000 That's a good one.

02:22:13.000 Oh my gosh!

02:22:16.000 One high five is not enough.

02:22:19.000 Look at her look up like that.

02:22:24.000 Can we weigh this one?

02:22:25.000 Can we weigh it?

02:22:27.000 We'll weigh it.

02:22:28.000 Don't you worry.

02:22:32.000 I'm gonna start crying, she keeps saying.

02:22:35.000 She's holding his pulse.

02:22:36.000 Getting a grip.

02:22:36.000 I feel so good.

02:22:55.000 I can't get fired.

02:22:56.000 I'm really happy we spent this time together and kids if you're getting older you should get a summer job this year.

02:23:02.000 So until I see you again, get hired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 21, 2023

S4E243 - KID FRIENDLY

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Summary

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