Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E88

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.

00:01:01.000 Two lovers and twin passed me by and head the nose I'm miserable now.

00:01:10.000 I was a parking ticket.

00:01:18.000 I'll have my cop friends delete that.

00:01:23.000 That's pretty much the only favor you get when you know cops is parking tickets.

00:01:28.000 They can't get your friends out of jail.

00:01:31.000 Like with Max and John, I kept saying, I was naive back then.

00:01:34.000 I kept saying, can you find out what's going on?

00:01:37.000 And I'd either get no response or I'd get, I don't know who the fuck you pissed off, but it's someone big.

00:01:44.000 And that's about all I'm going to say.

00:01:48.000 You got to understand, the cops are down in the gutter with us.

00:01:52.000 This isn't Serpico anymore.

00:01:54.000 They can't do amazing shit for you outside of a parking ticket.

00:01:59.000 There's no like stealing for you and getting that out of evidence and all that shit.

00:02:03.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:02:05.000 Even a license plate.

00:02:07.000 I know of one dude who knows a dude who has a gambling problem and is a cop, and he will risk getting fired by digging up the license plate for you.

00:02:16.000 You don't have to hide your license plate.

00:02:17.000 Don't worry about it.

00:02:18.000 No one can find it.

00:02:19.000 No one can find any information from it.

00:02:23.000 That was a Smiths.

00:02:26.000 Hat Full of Hollow.

00:02:28.000 That's not the song I like.

00:02:30.000 I wanted for a Bucktooth Girl in the Ask song.

00:02:35.000 Ask me, ask me, ask me.

00:02:38.000 Hat Full of Hollow, though, the reason I brought that up is I just discovered a fun little secret that I didn't realize.

00:02:43.000 You know the album cover that has the military helmet?

00:02:47.000 Yeah, that's the jam.

00:02:49.000 He's such a great poet.

00:02:50.000 From a Bucktooth Girl in Luxembourg.

00:03:03.000 You got my head cropped in the little box there, shipping it.

00:03:12.000 I should do a whole green screen on fans.

00:03:17.000 Morrissey was a fanboy.

00:03:19.000 He wanted to write for NME.

00:03:22.000 He was obsessed with pop music and Joy Division and the scene, the sort of post-punk scene.

00:03:28.000 And he wanted to write all about it because he was a fan.

00:03:31.000 And then he said, I'll just start my own band.

00:03:33.000 And that was the Smiths.

00:03:34.000 Iggy Pop was a huge fanboy who loved checking out all the bands in Ann Arbor.

00:03:40.000 Then he went and hand-picked the best musicians from each band and he made the Stooges.

00:03:44.000 Ludacris was a DJ who was talking about bands all the time.

00:03:48.000 And he thought, I'm just going to rap.

00:03:49.000 Chuck D of Public Enemy would make flyers for shows.

00:03:53.000 He was a graphic designer.

00:03:54.000 Then he started his own band, Public Enemy.

00:03:58.000 The dude who did, what was that about?

00:04:01.000 He's the head of the Debbie Harry Fan Club.

00:04:04.000 And he guns...

00:04:06.000 What were they called again?

00:04:09.000 28 Guns or something?

00:04:12.000 I never really liked them, so I don't remember them.

00:04:14.000 But yeah, you'd be surprised how many of these superstars that everyone looks up to was one of the people that was looking up.

00:04:23.000 You can do it.

00:04:26.000 Yeah, look up he was the head of the Debbie Harry fan club.

00:04:29.000 Yeah, I'm on that.

00:04:30.000 Okay.

00:04:32.000 But the reason I brought up that record, Hat Full of Hollow, which this song we played isn't on.

00:04:37.000 There's no real big hits on Hat Full of Hollow, sorry.

00:04:41.000 But look at the Meat is Murder thing.

00:04:45.000 It's a guy wearing his military helmet, and he's written on it, Meat is Murder.

00:04:50.000 And that was the first time I ever even thought of a soldier being a lefty.

00:04:56.000 And now it's relatively commonplace, even out commie soldiers.

00:04:59.000 But I thought that was weird.

00:05:01.000 And it changed my perspective as a young man on soldiers.

00:05:05.000 And then I find out a couple days ago, it's all horseshit.

00:05:10.000 Look at it.

00:05:10.000 Click on the next one.

00:05:14.000 Nope.

00:05:14.000 Keep going.

00:05:17.000 Make war not love, he said.

00:05:21.000 Pretty good Photoshop for back then.

00:05:22.000 It is really good.

00:05:24.000 It looks very convincing.

00:05:25.000 And it's pre-Photoshop, obviously.

00:05:27.000 Actually, now that you look at it, it looks a little stark.

00:05:30.000 Well, the S seems to hit that seam a little too well.

00:05:35.000 But I guess with a paintbrush, you go in there and you paint it clean, and then you just add that with a marker and acetate or something.

00:05:46.000 You fuckers lied to me.

00:05:50.000 What does it say in the write-up there?

00:05:54.000 I mean, just murder the second suit, blah, blah, blah.

00:05:56.000 The album uses a photograph, American Marine, Capricorn Michael Wynn in Vietnam.

00:06:00.000 So with the wording on his helmet changed for Make War.

00:06:03.000 Today he'd sue the pants off them.

00:06:08.000 We've got a fun show for you today.

00:06:10.000 And Ryan did a lot of research on the Razzies.

00:06:15.000 Yes.

00:06:16.000 So we would be remiss not to reward him for his research.

00:06:23.000 So the Razzies is, has it happened yet?

00:06:26.000 Has it happened yet?

00:06:27.000 I think they did announce.

00:06:29.000 They announced the folks.

00:06:32.000 Nominations, you know, so I guess they haven't picked LeBron James, Amy Adams, all of these celebs did bad acting.

00:06:40.000 It's funny.

00:06:41.000 The Razzies was so esoteric a long time ago, and now I think people care more about the Razzies than the real awards show.

00:06:48.000 And that's not a comment on the Razzies, it's a comment on how bad awards shows are.

00:06:52.000 We'd rather see, and by the way, you know what the Razzies are, right?

00:06:55.000 It's awards for bad acting.

00:06:57.000 We'd rather see the opposite.

00:06:58.000 We're in critic culture.

00:06:59.000 We have completely demystified celebrities.

00:07:02.000 They no longer exist.

00:07:04.000 They are boring.

00:07:05.000 I don't know what killed them.

00:07:07.000 I think it was two things.

00:07:08.000 It was reality television, and we got to see famous people that suck, and then they just ruined fame.

00:07:15.000 And then we saw social media, and we realized, actually, you guys didn't have anything to begin with.

00:07:20.000 You're all fucking idiots.

00:07:21.000 Like last week's Rosanna Arquette saying, I use black emojis because I honor and love black people.

00:07:28.000 And then we find out she's one of the only places in America that has 0% African Americans.

00:07:35.000 I've never seen 0%.

00:07:37.000 I look up demographics all the time.

00:07:38.000 I've never seen 0% before.

00:07:41.000 In New York City, the demographics are like...

00:07:43.000 $700 billion and a trillion $300 billion.

00:07:48.000 $2% black.

00:07:51.000 Speaking of celebs, we saw at the Super Bowl that they weren't wearing any masks.

00:07:59.000 We have to mention that, of course, 1-7.

00:08:02.000 Because they're vaccinated?

00:08:04.000 Okay.

00:08:04.000 I'm fine with that, by the way.

00:08:06.000 I don't wear a mask, but you make my kids wear masks.

00:08:09.000 You told my kids they don't have to wear a mask for one day.

00:08:12.000 This is 1-7, Ryan.

00:08:16.000 Uh-oh.

00:08:16.000 What?

00:08:20.000 What's up?

00:08:21.000 Hold on, a second here.

00:08:22.000 Has this not been recording?

00:08:24.000 No, it is.

00:08:27.000 I think you might have sent me an old link.

00:08:32.000 Why?

00:08:33.000 Okay, wait, no, no, no.

00:08:34.000 Never mind.

00:08:36.000 1-7 is not the Super Bowl?

00:08:39.000 Why was it so old?

00:08:40.000 I had the old email up as well.

00:08:42.000 Okay.

00:08:43.000 I don't know why you do that.

00:08:45.000 Don't be an ass.

00:08:46.000 No, sorry.

00:08:47.000 Don't be an ass.

00:08:48.000 Wear a mask.

00:08:51.000 I'm from the Roberto Duran school.

00:08:53.000 No masks.

00:08:55.000 There's Will Arnett with white eyebrows.

00:08:58.000 Will Farrell.

00:08:59.000 Yes.

00:08:59.000 Will Farrell.

00:09:00.000 That's a weird look.

00:09:02.000 I've hung out with both of those guys.

00:09:03.000 I went to a Yankees game with Will Farrell, and we spoke very.

00:09:08.000 He said he really liked my video, Sophie Can Walk.

00:09:12.000 And then I made a joke where someone bought him a beer, and I go, you bring all that joy to the world, all those lasses, and you get one fucking beer.

00:09:19.000 And he goes, I know, this is bullshit.

00:09:21.000 That was funny.

00:09:22.000 And then Ryan Reynolds, I met him at David Cross's wedding, and I said, fellow Canadian, dude, I heard you didn't have a stag?

00:09:29.000 And he goes, no, I didn't have time.

00:09:32.000 I go, that's gay, literally gay.

00:09:34.000 We have to do a bachelor party.

00:09:35.000 And then I never saw him again.

00:09:39.000 I don't know them.

00:09:41.000 He should be wearing a mask.

00:09:42.000 Yeah, Magic Johnson.

00:09:44.000 Doesn't he have AIDS?

00:09:45.000 HIV.

00:09:46.000 Whatever.

00:09:47.000 Acquired immune deficiency syndrome?

00:09:49.000 Dude, you're immunocompromised.

00:09:52.000 I'm stealing my own joke from Getter, which I and I stole that joke originally from someone on my dad chat.

00:09:59.000 Keep going.

00:10:02.000 Oh, that's Rebel Wilson.

00:10:04.000 It's funny, when she was super fat, you'd look at her and go, man, if she would only lose weight, she'd be so hot.

00:10:09.000 And now that she's lost weight, you're like, I guess not.

00:10:13.000 Like, she looked like a blown-up supermodel.

00:10:15.000 Yeah.

00:10:16.000 And now that she's deflated, you go, oh, okay, you're just like a pretty Australian girl.

00:10:21.000 Yeah, she was swaying.

00:10:22.000 There was more potential in that.

00:10:25.000 I might rather fuck that.

00:10:26.000 No, that's too big.

00:10:29.000 But that's too small.

00:10:30.000 Yeah.

00:10:31.000 I'm like Goldilocks.

00:10:33.000 Her forehead stayed the same.

00:10:35.000 Still got that classic modern forehead that all women seem to be getting.

00:10:39.000 That's not too bad.

00:10:40.000 But she's just like an Australian.

00:10:42.000 She's high up there, though.

00:10:44.000 That's like an eight.

00:10:45.000 Did you say six?

00:10:47.000 Australian six.

00:10:49.000 Don't change it.

00:10:50.000 I did.

00:10:50.000 No, I didn't.

00:10:51.000 Again, my head is cropped.

00:10:51.000 I'll go back to the tape.

00:10:53.000 Seven.

00:10:56.000 I know, but Australia doesn't have a different...

00:10:59.000 You think Australians are hotter than us?

00:11:00.000 Yes.

00:11:01.000 What?

00:11:02.000 Yep.

00:11:02.000 That's not true.

00:11:03.000 Average.

00:11:04.000 I have fucked some Australians.

00:11:05.000 Did you know they're covering moles?

00:11:08.000 No.

00:11:09.000 Yeah, Australian women have like 142 moles.

00:11:13.000 I don't give a shit.

00:11:14.000 Oh, my coach, the gym owner, he was with us at the Super Bowl night.

00:11:18.000 He had a mole removed from his face.

00:11:20.000 Dude, it looks exactly like I held a BB gun to his head and went, it's a hole.

00:11:27.000 I go, why did you get it removed?

00:11:28.000 Was it cancerous?

00:11:29.000 He goes, no, I wasn't getting laid, and I thought maybe it's these.

00:11:32.000 I go, no one has seen your moles.

00:11:36.000 This is total bullshit.

00:11:39.000 Why?

00:11:42.000 Why is it bullshit?

00:11:43.000 Because that's what the average Mexican woman looks like.

00:11:47.000 I beg to differ based on life experience.

00:11:51.000 Ooh, Mongolians are good.

00:11:52.000 They all look the same.

00:11:53.000 They all look hot.

00:11:56.000 I wouldn't kick any of those out of bed for eating crackers.

00:11:58.000 That's a good thing.

00:11:59.000 Classic Ethiopian.

00:12:02.000 No, this is horseradish.

00:12:04.000 It's clearly not, Ryan.

00:12:05.000 You are never wrong.

00:12:07.000 I don't believe it.

00:12:08.000 Park in the car today, and I go, we don't get this spot.

00:12:10.000 This is the third spot.

00:12:11.000 We only have these two spots.

00:12:12.000 And he goes, yeah, well, you know, that first spot was covered in snow last week, so we couldn't park there.

00:12:17.000 What?

00:12:19.000 But it's not covered in snow today?

00:12:21.000 So I don't know.

00:12:21.000 I guess parking spots that are once covered in snow are permanently cursed, and you can never park there again in Ryan's mind.

00:12:29.000 You know, what was really going on is he knew he was parking in the wrong spot, and he's totally incapable.

00:12:33.000 He's mentally incapable of admitting he's wrong.

00:12:36.000 So he has to come up with something, and that was the best he could do on the fly.

00:12:39.000 I don't park there because it used to have snow on it, and snow is disgusting.

00:12:43.000 Ew, I don't want to get like previous snow juice on my tires.

00:12:46.000 Ew.

00:12:51.000 Speaking of races that are dumb, I was going to choose this wonderful ballad that's mind-blowing.

00:13:00.000 1-3.

00:13:01.000 The talent here is just fucking amazing.

00:13:03.000 I don't know why I jumped from the previous subject, by the way.

00:13:06.000 What I'm about to sing is a song that I make in the sir.

00:13:10.000 You only have one string.

00:13:12.000 Sir, stop.

00:13:15.000 Someone cut the strings off your guitar.

00:13:22.000 Okay, here we go.

00:13:36.000 This is what you do when you're a kid and you're playing with a guitar that you don't know how to play because you're a kid.

00:13:52.000 Look at the other guy.

00:13:53.000 This is a jam.

00:13:55.000 I owe my way from home.

00:14:06.000 Sir, you suck.

00:14:08.000 They couldn't carry a tune to save their lives.

00:14:12.000 Okay, so the reason I brought this up, and I want to get back to COVID and celebrities.

00:14:15.000 I don't know why I abandoned that.

00:14:16.000 Ryan threw me off with his parking bullshit.

00:14:19.000 But check out the comments on that video.

00:14:22.000 It's got a lot of likes.

00:14:25.000 Not a lot of dislikes.

00:14:26.000 Not that you can tell anyone.

00:14:28.000 We can.

00:14:28.000 3,000 dislikes.

00:14:29.000 Oh, that's actually a lot more than I thought.

00:14:31.000 We have a, I recommend everybody get this, return YouTube dislike extension.

00:14:37.000 Oh, okay.

00:14:38.000 So blow it up.

00:14:41.000 Been a fan since Chicken on the Corn.

00:14:43.000 What a tune.

00:14:45.000 He doesn't need those five other strings.

00:14:46.000 The other five strings need him.

00:14:48.000 This dude is the Picasso of music.

00:14:51.000 He deconstructs music to its pure elements so that there's really nothing left but the purest spirit of it.

00:14:59.000 The purest.

00:15:02.000 The old timer got a solid duet.

00:15:05.000 This guy started from nothing.

00:15:07.000 Where is he now?

00:15:09.000 This guy started out with a one-string guitar.

00:15:12.000 Now he has a one-string guitar and a shitty song with a bunch of...

00:15:17.000 He doesn't have to use toilet paper anymore because he has thousands of white people kissing his ass, licking it clean.

00:15:23.000 What else do we got here?

00:15:25.000 Imagine what he could do with two strings.

00:15:27.000 That's pretty funny.

00:15:29.000 One string.

00:15:30.000 No auto-tune.

00:15:31.000 No studio.

00:15:32.000 No fancy equipment.

00:15:33.000 Legendary music.

00:15:36.000 The fuck?

00:15:36.000 See, this is what I hate more than anything is the pandering.

00:15:38.000 And that brings us back to the Super Bowl, which was, I started, I didn't go to this cop party until the Super Bowl had already started.

00:15:48.000 So I was watching the opening.

00:15:49.000 I honestly thought my kids were watching BET.

00:15:53.000 All of the commercials, all of the intro, everything about the beginning was black, blackety, black, black, black.

00:15:58.000 They did the national anthem, the black national anthem too, didn't they?

00:16:01.000 Yep.

00:16:02.000 Lift every voice or something?

00:16:04.000 Yeah.

00:16:05.000 Now, the halftime show was shocking.

00:16:13.000 And I was watching with cops and I was looking around the room like this.

00:16:16.000 And everyone, every single guy in the room was going, and I go, did you see that?

00:16:23.000 I went to the bathroom.

00:16:24.000 I came back and they were dancing in prison outfits.

00:16:27.000 I go, they were wearing prison uniforms.

00:16:30.000 That's supposed to be bad.

00:16:32.000 And what is that, South Central?

00:16:35.000 What was the town?

00:16:35.000 It must have been, right?

00:16:37.000 Compton.

00:16:38.000 Compton used to be beautiful.

00:16:41.000 George W. Bush was a kid in Compton, riding his tricycle with his, playing cops and robbers.

00:16:46.000 A lot of these homies, they're fronted.

00:16:50.000 I can't do George Bush.

00:16:51.000 And now it's Mexican because it's been ethnically cleansed.

00:16:54.000 Mexican gangs went in there and started murdering black people, especially children, for no other reason but ethnic cleansing.

00:17:01.000 And the media covered it 0%.

00:17:04.000 Only Red State, Ryan Gurduski, was the only guy to go near it.

00:17:13.000 It's funny, they always bitched about poverty, and then you watched like NWA videos or that movie where the guy dies, boys in the hood, and you're like, wow, you guys all have a huge house and a big lawn.

00:17:42.000 I saw an apartment boss who's closely affiliated with Anthony Kumia.

00:17:46.000 He said, okay, are black people going to be happy for a little while now?

00:17:51.000 Can you cool it?

00:17:52.000 Yeah, for 15 minutes.

00:17:57.000 I heard Dre's gay.

00:17:58.000 Did you hear that rumor?

00:18:00.000 I hear a lot of black fellows are on the deck.

00:18:02.000 I heard Denzo Washington's gay.

00:18:04.000 We know Eddie Murphy fucked a tranny.

00:18:07.000 Who hasn't, though?

00:18:08.000 I fucked one this morning.

00:18:11.000 I'm not a tranny.

00:18:14.000 You are when I close my eyes.

00:18:15.000 That's a good point.

00:18:20.000 I went, I came home, I said to my wife, did you see that fucking halftime show?

00:18:24.000 And she goes, yeah, it was awesome.

00:18:26.000 SoCal rap old school.

00:18:28.000 I didn't hate it, but my wife loved it too.

00:18:31.000 She was like, that was like really cool, right?

00:18:32.000 And I was like, no, no.

00:18:35.000 That was just more fucking pandering.

00:18:37.000 See if you can get to the dancing prisoners.

00:18:39.000 That was something else.

00:18:44.000 Oh, yeah, fucking $2.50.

00:18:48.000 $2.50.

00:18:52.000 I was like, is this a joke?

00:18:54.000 50 stone.

00:18:57.000 Wow.

00:18:59.000 Yeah, that was ridiculous.

00:19:02.000 I don't know where she can't read.

00:19:03.000 She can't breathe.

00:19:11.000 My wife looked at me as she was.

00:19:12.000 She really needed to marry Jay Blythe.

00:19:14.000 Dude, I don't know.

00:19:15.000 Like just listening on your headphones and stuff.

00:19:17.000 No more drama.

00:19:20.000 He has three songs to pick from, and she wound up doing all three.

00:19:25.000 Hendrick Lamar.

00:19:27.000 Oh, that's who that was.

00:19:33.000 He turned into most deaf somehow?

00:19:37.000 Tell me that doesn't look like most deaf.

00:19:38.000 Oh, yeah, it does.

00:19:39.000 Oh my god.

00:19:40.000 Not that I can see his face.

00:19:41.000 I want to see the prisoners.

00:19:43.000 I think that's during this time.

00:19:45.000 I want to be your prisoner.

00:19:50.000 Those are people in hoodies.

00:19:52.000 A bunch of M ⁇ Ms?

00:19:53.000 What's his name?

00:19:53.000 Already did that.

00:19:56.000 The best halftime show ever.

00:19:57.000 It wasn't Super Bowl.

00:19:59.000 There we go.

00:20:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:01.000 They're in prison.

00:20:05.000 Like, can you stop calling America racist sometime soon?

00:20:09.000 We're glorifying your criminals.

00:20:11.000 Yeah.

00:20:11.000 You fucking murder people and we go.

00:20:16.000 You bring out your murderers and rapists and we go, yay!

00:20:20.000 We love you.

00:20:21.000 Even your prisoners.

00:20:23.000 We think you're dope.

00:20:28.000 Anyway, I lost $100 because I bet on the Bengals, but they were passing around a box sheet, and I don't even know what I picked.

00:20:38.000 I sent you the pictures.

00:20:39.000 It said it had a 3 and a 2 and an 8.

00:20:41.000 I don't know.

00:20:42.000 It was the only one left.

00:20:43.000 And the cop across to me goes, that's a shitty box.

00:20:46.000 You got fucked.

00:20:47.000 Oh, really?

00:20:48.000 Is that why I won $1,000?

00:20:54.000 I mean, when you get that kind of lucky, you start thinking about divine intervention.

00:20:58.000 No?

00:21:00.000 That's my box.

00:21:01.000 3-2-2-0.

00:21:04.000 I don't even know what that means.

00:21:05.000 The third quarter, the score will be 2, 3, 2.

00:21:12.000 I don't know.

00:21:12.000 Or like two points ahead?

00:21:15.000 No.

00:21:16.000 Well, maybe.

00:21:16.000 Look at it.

00:21:18.000 Look at my money.

00:21:20.000 That's pretty cool, Mike.

00:21:23.000 I just made it rain.

00:21:24.000 Sure did.

00:21:26.000 But the guy across from me, he was going to make $3,000 if this touchdown happened and it happened.

00:21:32.000 And all he had to do was score one more point.

00:21:34.000 He was going to win three grand, and he didn't.

00:21:36.000 That was him done for the night.

00:21:40.000 Like my screen was here.

00:21:41.000 His screen was behind me.

00:21:43.000 So I'm looking at someone who's looking off like an SNL sketch.

00:21:46.000 And the entire night, he's just like, so, I can't believe that fucking happened.

00:21:51.000 We were so close.

00:21:53.000 Fuck.

00:21:55.000 Fuck.

00:21:56.000 All night.

00:21:56.000 And I'm like, dude, at one point I was like, you got to snap out of it.

00:22:00.000 You're wrecking the whole night.

00:22:01.000 I'm just going to ignore you now.

00:22:02.000 I'm not talking to you anymore.

00:22:03.000 You're no fun.

00:22:04.000 He's like, fucking.

00:22:06.000 And then when I won, you know what he fucking did?

00:22:09.000 That pig?

00:22:10.000 All cops are bastards.

00:22:11.000 I'm starting to agree.

00:22:13.000 He goes, it was $75 all you can eat and drink.

00:22:15.000 And somehow I slipped through the cracks and they forgot to ask me the money for the $75.

00:22:20.000 And as the guy's paying me out, cop goes, he didn't pay, by the way.

00:22:25.000 Whoa.

00:22:26.000 So I had to give back $75.

00:22:29.000 That's where he tipped like a lunatic all night.

00:22:31.000 I don't think I brought back close to $1,000.

00:22:34.000 Well, you saw how much I just threw in the air.

00:22:39.000 That's me.

00:22:44.000 If you...

00:22:46.000 What was I talking about?

00:22:47.000 The game?

00:22:48.000 The cop.

00:22:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:49.000 So that cop, when I walked in, I heard two other cops talking.

00:22:53.000 He goes, yeah, yeah, he killed him.

00:22:55.000 And I was like, ooh, who killed who?

00:22:57.000 What's happening?

00:22:58.000 And they go, this dude, he was from New Rochelle, but this was in the Bronx.

00:23:02.000 And he found the guy who shot his brother, so he stomped him to death.

00:23:07.000 And I was like, no way.

00:23:09.000 And they go, yeah, check it out.

00:23:11.000 They had the video of the stomping.

00:23:13.000 Damn.

00:23:15.000 And I'm like, can you send that to me?

00:23:17.000 Yes.

00:23:17.000 No problem, Gav.

00:23:22.000 We have it?

00:23:23.000 I sent it to you, didn't I?

00:23:26.000 In the text?

00:23:28.000 Yeah.

00:23:29.000 Do we have it?

00:23:32.000 No.

00:23:33.000 Well, it's big.

00:23:33.000 It's like nine megabytes.

00:23:35.000 Maybe it had trouble getting through.

00:23:37.000 Getting through to y'all.

00:23:38.000 Or maybe I sent it to Maddie and not you.

00:23:44.000 Copy, go back.

00:23:46.000 Ryan Katsu Rivera.

00:23:49.000 That's me.

00:23:50.000 And paste and send.

00:23:52.000 I prefer texting you from now on.

00:23:56.000 So that was fun.

00:24:00.000 Super Bowl.

00:24:04.000 Yeah, they're not wearing masks.

00:24:06.000 I mean, this is why the Razzies are popular.

00:24:08.000 Celebrities were done with.

00:24:09.000 They're all fucking lunatics.

00:24:11.000 They're all losers.

00:24:12.000 They suck.

00:24:14.000 And speaking of, before we abandon that, I have the concept.

00:24:17.000 Wait, what?

00:24:17.000 I have the video.

00:24:19.000 Okay, let's watch the video.

00:24:20.000 Warning graphic.

00:24:21.000 Oh, yeah, this is the end.

00:24:24.000 And that guy getting arrested was like, get the fuck away from me.

00:24:27.000 He's been stabbed, by the way.

00:24:29.000 And it's like, okay, I can get away from you.

00:24:31.000 I'm the only person that's keeping you alive right now.

00:24:34.000 Wait, is this the end?

00:24:37.000 I hope the beginning is in it, too.

00:24:42.000 Oh, man.

00:24:46.000 This is the whole video.

00:24:48.000 Well, here, maybe live we can get it.

00:24:51.000 What the fuck?

00:24:52.000 Oh, here we go.

00:24:54.000 There's two.

00:24:56.000 Phew.

00:24:58.000 I'm really all over the place today.

00:25:00.000 This is a scatter-brained episode.

00:25:05.000 Let's call it that.

00:25:05.000 Scatterbrain.

00:25:07.000 Scatter.

00:25:12.000 So, yeah, they weren't wearing anything on their fucking face.

00:25:14.000 I hate celebrities.

00:25:15.000 They're all dorks.

00:25:17.000 And just...

00:25:18.000 Okay, now we'll jump back to the stomping on this all-over-the-place episode.

00:25:24.000 Graphic, by the way.

00:25:36.000 Now, this is fucking savage.

00:25:39.000 But if you shoot my brother, this is what you're getting.

00:25:45.000 Ah, the Bronx.

00:25:47.000 Oh, check out this cop when he gets out.

00:25:52.000 The stomping is happening.

00:25:55.000 And I go, why is he getting in the car like that?

00:25:56.000 And the other cop goes, because he's smart.

00:25:59.000 Because he's fucking smart.

00:26:01.000 He's like, all right, all right.

00:26:02.000 You've had enough.

00:26:05.000 Two more kicks and you're done.

00:26:07.000 Hey, stop murdering that guy, please.

00:26:10.000 No, fuck you, pig.

00:26:13.000 Murder's illegal, but.

00:26:18.000 Let's just show these kids cheering when they're told they don't have to wear masks.

00:26:22.000 Because this is why it's relevant that celebrities are not wearing masks.

00:26:25.000 Not because we think masks are helpful, but because you're making our fucking kids wear them.

00:26:30.000 That's one eight out of the way.

00:26:36.000 It's worth it.

00:26:38.000 Your internet sucks.

00:26:40.000 We gotta fix that today.

00:26:43.000 Tomorrow we don't have to wear masks anymore.

00:26:54.000 I love kids.

00:26:56.000 Look at that kid in the red shirt.

00:26:58.000 And then that girl.

00:26:59.000 Look at the girl doing the dance.

00:27:01.000 Did you catch this?

00:27:03.000 What?

00:27:04.000 During the celebration, kid takes an Ellen computer game and goes, shit.

00:27:13.000 You can hear him say shit.

00:27:16.000 Everybody's enjoying this all night and stuff.

00:27:18.000 Did everybody catch that?

00:27:19.000 Like, he celebrates and then he goes right back to his game.

00:27:36.000 I haven't found one person that had found that yet.

00:27:39.000 Okay, let's do Kanye's melting down.

00:27:42.000 So this weekend, while all of this is happening, Mr. Kanye West, hey, dude, I don't blame him.

00:27:50.000 Go to 1.6.

00:27:51.000 Imagine this guy's fucking your wife.

00:27:53.000 He's putting his dick in your wife's bum bum.

00:27:58.000 The poop comes out.

00:27:59.000 And she's like, ah, ah.

00:28:01.000 And he's like, yeah, you like that, you fucking whore.

00:28:04.000 And then he's pulling out and jizzing all over your wife's face.

00:28:10.000 That guy.

00:28:12.000 That guy is abusing your wife.

00:28:16.000 Oh, slapping her around, pulling her hair, spanking her butt till it's red and raw.

00:28:23.000 And she's on her knees just taking it as he face fucks your wife.

00:28:29.000 Zoom out, Ryan.

00:28:31.000 Do your job.

00:28:33.000 We want the picture, the whole picture.

00:28:36.000 So you click on the picture, then you zoom out.

00:28:38.000 Okay.

00:28:40.000 Look at him.

00:28:42.000 I fucking hate this douche.

00:28:46.000 You're just a hater.

00:28:47.000 I hate his guts.

00:28:49.000 He sucks shit.

00:28:51.000 He hates when that roast with Ann Coulter, he was rolling his eyes and attacking her the whole time.

00:28:57.000 Anthony, Keith the cop once gave him Anthony's card, said, you should come by on compound sometime.

00:29:03.000 And he just threw it on the ground.

00:29:04.000 Because Anthony's right wing.

00:29:06.000 He's a fucking hyper-lefty pussy because he grew up with no dad.

00:29:10.000 Because his dad died in 9-11.

00:29:12.000 Yeah, I was about to say, don't you know?

00:29:13.000 His dad died in 9-11.

00:29:15.000 Yeah.

00:29:15.000 So I don't know if you could talk about him.

00:29:17.000 I don't give a shit.

00:29:19.000 Fuck you.

00:29:20.000 His dad's probably spinning in his grave.

00:29:21.000 He's bulletproof.

00:29:22.000 He's beating this dork.

00:29:23.000 He's wearing Christmas lights on his neck.

00:29:25.000 This man's sick.

00:29:26.000 Ugh.

00:29:27.000 This fucking outfit.

00:29:30.000 So I called Ryan this weekend.

00:29:31.000 I said, dude, make sure you fucking screen grab all these.

00:29:37.000 He's having a meltdown.

00:29:38.000 So go to his Instagram.

00:29:39.000 Might as well look at the real ones, right?

00:29:40.000 These are screen grabs.

00:29:42.000 Yep.

00:29:43.000 So go to the real one and see if they're deleted.

00:29:44.000 That's just there for backup.

00:29:45.000 And I noticed you didn't click on the Moores.

00:29:47.000 Did you get the Moors?

00:29:48.000 I did get the Moores.

00:29:49.000 Oh, good.

00:29:49.000 The Moors.

00:29:51.000 The Moors.

00:29:52.000 You mean the white Arabs who ran Spain for a while?

00:30:01.000 I didn't wake up and fight for my family to trend over the Super Bowl, but it happened.

00:30:05.000 Super Bowl brings families together.

00:30:07.000 I can't read black words.

00:30:08.000 Yes, you can.

00:30:09.000 There's no punctuation ever.

00:30:11.000 Come on.

00:30:12.000 Okay.

00:30:13.000 Happened to Super Bowl.

00:30:14.000 Brings families together for everyone married.

00:30:17.000 Hold your spouse close.

00:30:18.000 Make sure they know how much you love, how much you love and appreciate them because there's a skeet lurking in every dirty ass alley waiting to help destroy your family and walk around in Calvin Clowns around your children.

00:30:29.000 I wish my wife was me and our children sitting in the yard line.

00:30:32.000 Kim Kardashian always remembered.

00:30:34.000 Kanye West was your biggest W. Wait, what does he say?

00:30:38.000 I wish my wife would what?

00:30:40.000 Would be here at the Super Bowl with me at the 50-yard line.

00:30:43.000 You know what happened, right?

00:30:44.000 He clearly cheated.

00:30:47.000 I heard he was on the down low, too.

00:30:49.000 Yep, I heard that too.

00:30:50.000 He fucked some like...

00:30:51.000 Who's that makeup guy?

00:30:52.000 Jeffree Star?

00:30:53.000 A Jeffree Star kind of guy.

00:30:54.000 Not Jeffree Star, or maybe it was him, but some guy like that.

00:30:58.000 I think it was Jeffree Star.

00:30:59.000 I think he got dumped for cheating.

00:31:01.000 Jeffree Star boned a lot of rappers.

00:31:03.000 Ew.

00:31:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:05.000 There's a lot of gay-ass rappers out there.

00:31:07.000 That's gay.

00:31:08.000 If you're singing about your dick all day long.

00:31:11.000 Got the gloves before the game.

00:31:12.000 We don't want that.

00:31:13.000 We want pure meltdown, insanity.

00:31:17.000 Did he delete any of them?

00:31:18.000 Can you tell?

00:31:19.000 Seems like so far, so no.

00:31:21.000 Okay, keep going.

00:31:21.000 I don't care about that he likes 50 Cent.

00:31:23.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:31:25.000 I think he did.

00:31:27.000 Yeah, he did.

00:31:28.000 Okay, so...

00:31:31.000 Prescient?

00:31:32.000 Here we go.

00:31:33.000 Gav.

00:31:33.000 That's my new nickname.

00:31:35.000 In this corner, Gavin Prescient McKennis.

00:31:41.000 Okay.

00:31:42.000 Okay.

00:31:43.000 See?

00:31:43.000 Click more.

00:31:44.000 There we go.

00:31:45.000 Here's number one.

00:31:48.000 I would have never asked for the loyalty if it was never offered.

00:31:51.000 And I found a cool picture because I love Cootie.

00:31:54.000 What?

00:31:54.000 I don't care about that.

00:31:55.000 Why'd you save that?

00:31:56.000 Oh, there's the one at the bottom.

00:31:56.000 I'm very community-oriented.

00:31:58.000 Love my friends, love my family.

00:31:58.000 The reason I asked Cuddy that the last to speak skeet is because for years, Cuddy always make it seem like he was me and I was him against everyone now that fighting for my family.

00:32:05.000 He not by my side.

00:32:06.000 This is bigger than music.

00:32:08.000 So Cootie doesn't have his back against Pete, who he calls Skeet.

00:32:11.000 Kid Cuddy, right.

00:32:12.000 Skeet.

00:32:12.000 Kid Cuddy, right.

00:32:13.000 Thanks a lot, Cuddy.

00:32:15.000 Jeez.

00:32:15.000 All I wanted you to do is hate the guy's fucking my ex-wife.

00:32:18.000 I would have never had asked for loyalty if it was never offered and I found cool picture because I love Cuddy and I always will.

00:32:25.000 But Don De2 is about running back in that burning house.

00:32:29.000 I respect not everyone going to be ready for the smoke.

00:32:33.000 That would be kind of gay, though, if Kid Cuddy went out and said, I think it's shitty that Pete is fucking Kim.

00:32:43.000 Like, I would want, I'd expect that from you.

00:32:45.000 I wouldn't want, like, if you were friends with my ex-wife's new boyfriend, right?

00:32:50.000 Well, everyone would be dead.

00:32:51.000 My wife, the boyfriend, Ryan.

00:32:54.000 Even if I didn't do anything, just kill me.

00:32:57.000 Because anybody who knows her, who's heard her name.

00:33:00.000 Well, you don't have to be friends with your ex-wife and her new boyfriend because there's no sense in being friends with someone at the bottom of the East River.

00:33:06.000 Yes.

00:33:07.000 What else do we have?

00:33:08.000 So I can't even tell if that's like...

00:33:09.000 I'm kind of on Kanye's side.

00:33:11.000 I'm always on Kanye's side.

00:33:12.000 This is gay, but I get the emotion.

00:33:15.000 I'm not saying he should have killed her, but I understand.

00:33:18.000 Look at this dickhead.

00:33:20.000 I wonder if his Instagram is going to shut down my page for dissing Hillary Clinton's ex-boyfriend.

00:33:26.000 See, but you're losing face, dude.

00:33:29.000 And now, if you ever kick his ass or get someone to kick his ass, you have all of this premeditation.

00:33:37.000 Tony Soprano didn't text people and say, you're in a very difficult situation.

00:33:44.000 You're going to get whacked.

00:33:48.000 Did he put Big Pussy on blast before he fucking whacked him?

00:33:53.000 Thank you to all my loyal fans for having my back.

00:33:56.000 And you can Google the Hillary thing.

00:33:57.000 I'm not making this shit up.

00:33:59.000 So he was fucking Hillary?

00:34:01.000 And by the, there's no more, unless he commented.

00:34:05.000 Okay.

00:34:05.000 Unless he continues in the next one.

00:34:09.000 Whoever fucked Hillary Clinton deserves a medal.

00:34:12.000 Ew.

00:34:16.000 What does he say?

00:34:18.000 When I tag people, I'm just putting together the web.

00:34:20.000 There are a group of people who run media and the election.

00:34:24.000 Thank God for free speech.

00:34:25.000 He didn't know we changed our name to censor.tv, but that is very nice of him.

00:34:29.000 Thanks.

00:34:30.000 I was talking to this black dude at the gym, and he's like, did I tell you this already?

00:34:34.000 He said, something happened.

00:34:35.000 I don't know what happened to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett and Alicia Keat.

00:34:42.000 He started naming all these light-skinned Hollywood millionaire black people.

00:34:46.000 And he goes, I don't know if they had to suck a dick or what they had to do, but they ain't right.

00:34:50.000 Yeah.

00:34:52.000 That's a new tape.

00:34:53.000 Yep.

00:34:55.000 This ain't about Skeet, people.

00:34:57.000 It's about selling y'all a narrative.

00:34:59.000 Skeet just playing his pot in Frozen 3.

00:35:02.000 What?

00:35:03.000 Except it's not in the theaters this time.

00:35:05.000 It's on Daily Mail.

00:35:07.000 Tell Bob and the entire Disney staff you wasted your money on Star Wars and Marvel because even though it makes money, you will never control the high schools.

00:35:15.000 No one's ever heard a Machine Gun Kelly song, Bob.

00:35:22.000 So that's Bob, what's his name, the CEO of Disney?

00:35:25.000 Yeah.

00:35:25.000 He loves mentioning people that...

00:35:28.000 Yeah.

00:35:29.000 Like Walt Disney, Javanche, Louis Vuitton.

00:35:33.000 He loves saying names of people.

00:35:35.000 Y'all seen that tattoo, but if I speak up, then I'm crazy.

00:35:38.000 I told you not going to use that one no more.

00:35:41.000 When a garbage man comes to work, he's going to smell like trash, but it's time to take the trash out the house.

00:35:46.000 Dude, you're losing.

00:35:49.000 The girls get turned on by this in any way?

00:35:51.000 I think they get turned on if you beat up their boyfriend.

00:35:55.000 Yeah, she's just been waiting for that.

00:35:57.000 Okay, keep going.

00:36:00.000 There's a lot of celebs in this particular app.

00:36:03.000 Yeah, so we should play the celeb gossip bumper.

00:36:08.000 No comment.

00:36:10.000 Have sent intimate photos with Ariana to Mac Miller with a way to end the rapper's hopes of rekindling a relationship with her.

00:36:15.000 Arianna discovered this, and this was your theory.

00:36:18.000 Yep.

00:36:19.000 I heard somebody say that, and I was like, oh, snap.

00:36:22.000 I didn't pull that from thin air, so this is now double confirmed.

00:36:27.000 Which isn't really confirmed.

00:36:28.000 But the rumor is that Pete, I always want to call him Pete Libertine.

00:36:33.000 I can never remember his fucking name.

00:36:34.000 Pete Davidson.

00:36:35.000 Pete Davidson saw that Mac Miller was sending Ariana text, so he sent Mac Miller a pic of Ariana getting stuffed.

00:36:44.000 And Mac Miller OD'd the next day and died.

00:36:47.000 Yeah.

00:36:48.000 And so Ariana dumped him for killing her ex.

00:36:51.000 Yep.

00:36:51.000 And she dumped Mac Miller for in the first place.

00:36:55.000 Probably because of drug damage.

00:36:56.000 Hey, Pete, I know you love this show and you're watching.

00:36:59.000 Can you please send Kanye a picture of your dick in Kim Kardashian's mouth?

00:37:04.000 Yeah, send it to my number also.

00:37:07.000 Please.

00:37:07.000 Because that is going to make him pop a gasket.

00:37:12.000 I want to start working for TMZs.

00:37:15.000 Next.

00:37:16.000 This is getting boring.

00:37:16.000 Is there anything else?

00:37:17.000 This is hot fire.

00:37:18.000 That's what the kids want to talk about.

00:37:20.000 I didn't know it was hot fire.

00:37:22.000 No way you will ever meet my kids.

00:37:24.000 Oh, yeah, that's a text from Pete Davidson to Kanye that said, I'll never get in the way of you raising your children, I promise.

00:37:31.000 Hopefully we can all be friends one day.

00:37:33.000 No.

00:37:35.000 Imagine being friends?

00:37:36.000 No.

00:37:37.000 I hate when people are friends with their ex.

00:37:39.000 I don't care if it's been like their ex is boyfriend or husband.

00:37:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:44.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:37:45.000 It's just wrong.

00:37:47.000 I hate when they're all friends.

00:37:49.000 A buddy of mine got divorced.

00:37:50.000 He's fucking his youngest son's best friend's mom.

00:37:55.000 And when they get divorced, the woman goes, his wife goes, can you just not fuck Julie, whatever her name was?

00:38:01.000 And he goes, no, I'm in love with her.

00:38:04.000 Oh, great.

00:38:05.000 So then the play dates are all fucked up with the kid.

00:38:08.000 It always hurts the kids.

00:38:09.000 That was the last consideration in a divorce and the first to suffer.

00:38:14.000 And they all spent Christmas together.

00:38:20.000 What does that say to the kids?

00:38:22.000 It says that love isn't real.

00:38:24.000 Yo, my account is not hacked.

00:38:26.000 I will be at Sunday service at noon.

00:38:28.000 And me taking North and Saint to the Super Bowl shortly after.

00:38:33.000 I'll double whatever paying you just so you don't have to look at that pawn ever again.

00:38:38.000 What?

00:38:39.000 Big love.

00:38:41.000 What is he saying?

00:38:42.000 Whatever they pay in you, just don't have to look at that pawn ever again.

00:38:46.000 I'll double your pay.

00:38:48.000 So you don't have to look at that pawn ever again.

00:38:52.000 And Saints Super Bowl shortly after.

00:38:54.000 Okay, I don't know what that means.

00:38:56.000 I don't know who he's offering money.

00:38:57.000 I know one of the women he's bitching about.

00:39:00.000 Tracy.

00:39:02.000 Oh, shit.

00:39:03.000 Yes.

00:39:04.000 Tracy Nguyen.

00:39:06.000 I knew her as Tracy Nguyen.

00:39:07.000 She worked with my wife back in the fashion PR days, and now she's like Kim's showrunner, manager, publicist.

00:39:13.000 And she has a different name now, like Tracy Rambo or something, because she married some black dude.

00:39:19.000 Romanov?

00:39:20.000 Tracy Romanov, something like that.

00:39:23.000 Anyway, that's not an interesting story.

00:39:24.000 Keep going.

00:39:26.000 How you doing, man?

00:39:27.000 Not too good, Gavin.

00:39:29.000 So Pete Davidson has his face probably two inches deep into your ex-wife's ass cracker.

00:39:35.000 You don't have the answers.

00:39:37.000 You don't have the answers, Gavin.

00:39:40.000 Are you formally divorced yet?

00:39:42.000 There ain't no divorce.

00:39:43.000 It ain't no divorce.

00:39:44.000 You ain't have the answers, Gavin.

00:39:48.000 Javonchi, Walt Disney, Elon Musk, Bill Jates.

00:39:56.000 Okay.

00:39:57.000 Do you think you're ever going to get Kim back?

00:39:59.000 I don't think it's going to happen, my friend.

00:40:00.000 I think so.

00:40:02.000 Why did you guys split up?

00:40:04.000 Did you fuck a Tranny?

00:40:05.000 Did you cheat on him?

00:40:07.000 Her?

00:40:09.000 Ah.

00:40:11.000 I listen.

00:40:13.000 Okay.

00:40:14.000 Kanye West homecoming.

00:40:15.000 Best numbers in the world.

00:40:18.000 Number two to Walt Disney.

00:40:20.000 Lamborghini.

00:40:21.000 Giovanchi.

00:40:22.000 Machiavellian.

00:40:25.000 Okay.

00:40:26.000 Play-Doh.

00:40:27.000 Like the...

00:40:28.000 No, see?

00:40:31.000 Okay, so there's probably a little more here.

00:40:34.000 I'm getting bored of this.

00:40:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:40:37.000 Well, okay.

00:40:38.000 Yeah, we can't.

00:40:39.000 That's too long.

00:40:41.000 Thanks, Shade Room, for always showing love.

00:40:43.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:44.000 I want like, I want to fight you on Thursday.

00:40:46.000 I want punctuation.

00:40:48.000 I'm a form of media.

00:40:49.000 Bezos bought the Wall Street Journal.

00:40:52.000 There he goes again.

00:40:53.000 Never have the level of influence, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:55.000 Carnegie, Rockefeller, Vanderbilt.

00:40:59.000 Keep going.

00:41:00.000 So these are deleted.

00:41:01.000 Yeah.

00:41:02.000 I'm so happy I made you screen grab these.

00:41:05.000 Very simple.

00:41:06.000 Okay, so is that all of them?

00:41:07.000 Yeah, and then I recorded a live that he did, but it was like nothing.

00:41:11.000 He was just at the 50-yard line.

00:41:13.000 Boring.

00:41:13.000 Yep.

00:41:14.000 All right.

00:41:15.000 Well, let's go to the Razzies.

00:41:17.000 Oh.

00:41:18.000 On this celebrity episode.

00:41:20.000 I haven't seen it.

00:41:21.000 We're both seeing this with fresh eyes.

00:41:23.000 True.

00:41:25.000 Oh, you know what?

00:41:27.000 What?

00:41:27.000 I think it's time for a green screen.

00:41:30.000 For a green screen.

00:41:30.000 So in this case, we would...

00:41:32.000 So yeah, you just don't play the Smiths.

00:41:34.000 Just play the green screen music.

00:41:37.000 Which is delicious.

00:41:52.000 Although, I guess you would play the Smiths when I leave.

00:41:56.000 When we come back, yes.

00:41:58.000 Okay, so this is Ryan fucking Katsu's.

00:42:02.000 Hard work.

00:42:03.000 We were reading about the Razzies.

00:42:05.000 We saw the nominees, and I thought, I want to see these particular performances and how bad they are.

00:42:10.000 I was surprised Bruce Willis did so bad.

00:42:13.000 He has been in some stinkers.

00:42:15.000 Yeah, that warehouse movie that you were talking about, wasn't that him?

00:42:18.000 Yeah.

00:42:18.000 It took place in a warehouse.

00:42:20.000 And one of his lines was like, I fought in Mogadishu and I fought in Somalia.

00:42:26.000 Those are the same places, my friend.

00:42:28.000 I fought in New York City and in New York State.

00:42:33.000 Okay, so let's see them.

00:42:34.000 Do you want to tell us what the nominee is?

00:42:36.000 I'm so excited.

00:42:37.000 Ryan actually produced some content.

00:42:39.000 Let's hope it's good.

00:42:40.000 Let's see.

00:42:41.000 Well, one of these is Amy Adams.

00:42:46.000 What was she nominated for?

00:42:48.000 The Woman in the Window.

00:42:50.000 This is one of the performances that suck nuts.

00:42:52.000 Let's watch Amy Adams and The Woman in the Window for Worst Actress.

00:43:00.000 Okay, let's do it.

00:43:01.000 Her name is Catherine.

00:43:02.000 She spent the night here last week.

00:43:06.000 You took a box cutter from me.

00:43:08.000 You loaned it to me.

00:43:10.000 Checks out.

00:43:10.000 He was in Darian last night.

00:43:15.000 He was in prison for assault.

00:43:18.000 He was in prison.

00:43:19.000 He shouldn't be in New York.

00:43:21.000 He's been in her house.

00:43:23.000 He must have met her.

00:43:25.000 Her earring is beside his bed, and he borrowed a knife from me.

00:43:32.000 And he's been in prison.

00:43:36.000 And he was fired from his job.

00:43:40.000 His assistant died.

00:43:44.000 He threatened me in my home.

00:43:49.000 Doesn't seem so bad.

00:43:50.000 I guess it's just cringe.

00:43:51.000 Like, this is one of many.

00:43:53.000 Because she has to really go there.

00:43:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:56.000 Like, she's going for something.

00:43:58.000 And it's easy to fall so flat if you're reaching so far.

00:44:02.000 So she's being insane.

00:44:03.000 It's almost like going retarded.

00:44:06.000 So apparently it was cringe.

00:44:11.000 You know?

00:44:12.000 So whether that's hard evidence, I'm not sure.

00:44:14.000 Okay, so I don't care about that.

00:44:16.000 That was fine.

00:44:18.000 This is Space Jam, LeBron James.

00:44:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:44:21.000 Don Cheeto is so annoying.

00:44:22.000 I hate him.

00:44:23.000 He takes me out of everything I watch.

00:44:26.000 Yes.

00:44:26.000 He stinks.

00:44:27.000 He reeks.

00:44:29.000 And before that House of Lies thing, he was always the same character where the writer was too scared to give a black man any depth because everyone is constantly pandering.

00:44:39.000 So they end up making black people in movies just these like, hi, this is my best friend Will.

00:44:44.000 He's just a wonderful guy.

00:44:46.000 You're like, okay, well, now I don't care if he lives or he dies because you didn't give him any depth.

00:44:49.000 And then he did House of Cards where he was a bad guy.

00:44:51.000 But usually he's just like bland.

00:44:54.000 Anyway, let's see what LeBron's got for us.

00:45:08.000 Just make you feel all insignificant, don't it?

00:45:12.000 Are all computers like this?

00:45:14.000 Dom?

00:45:16.000 Dom?

00:45:17.000 Uh-oh.

00:45:17.000 What'd you do to my son?

00:45:19.000 Where's Dom?

00:45:20.000 Dom dude, chill out.

00:45:24.000 You gonna get your son back?

00:45:25.000 There better not be a butt at the end.

00:45:27.000 But there's something you're gonna do for me first.

00:45:29.000 Like what?

00:45:32.000 You know, you uh you really shouldn't have rejected my ideas back there.

00:45:37.000 That was a mistake.

00:45:39.000 Now I'm afraid you're gonna have to help me fulfill my destiny.

00:45:42.000 Listen, man, if you don't produce my son in five seconds, that's not terrible.

00:45:47.000 Like, what do you expect from a basketball player?

00:45:49.000 You're not running things in the middle of the moment.

00:45:50.000 Okay, Nick, this is sucking, man.

00:45:52.000 Well, they're smart about.

00:45:53.000 See, it's really hard to find anything that he's ever saying in the movie.

00:45:58.000 They don't let him.

00:45:58.000 Whatever's available online is not going to be their worst moment.

00:46:01.000 It's going to be their best moment, actually.

00:46:03.000 So we're seeing the best of a bad performance.

00:46:05.000 And they don't show him do lines in the movie, basically.

00:46:07.000 It's like one-liners.

00:46:09.000 This is pretty bad.

00:46:12.000 In my opinion, this is Ben F. Fleck in.

00:46:16.000 Why'd you say it like it was an insurance company?

00:46:19.000 This is Bella Fleck in the last duel.

00:46:24.000 We did irascible.

00:46:25.000 Yes, I know my lord's stupid.

00:46:28.000 Does not exactly yield his rent sometime.

00:46:30.000 But I count him as a friend.

00:46:32.000 He disobeyed me and let Limoge fall.

00:46:35.000 He believed he would succeed.

00:46:38.000 His intentions were good.

00:46:39.000 He's no fucking fun.

00:46:42.000 You mean you'd like to see more of him?

00:46:44.000 His gloom.

00:46:44.000 You're in Ireland.

00:46:46.000 He postures and lumps about like a black cloud.

00:46:49.000 I have thought with him and seen the worst of this world with him.

00:46:53.000 He is loyal.

00:46:55.000 So are my fucking hounds.

00:46:58.000 This is a waste of time.

00:46:59.000 This is boring.

00:46:59.000 We shouldn't have done it.

00:47:00.000 These acting, this all seems relatively good.

00:47:03.000 Sorry, Ryan.

00:47:04.000 Your project is a bust.

00:47:06.000 Okay, let's see Bruce Willis.

00:47:07.000 Come on.

00:47:07.000 This better be good.

00:47:08.000 This is good.

00:47:10.000 All right, so there's a couple movies.

00:47:13.000 You know what's interesting about this show is most people would just like, if something isn't working, they would can it and it wouldn't make the show.

00:47:19.000 We air it and go, that sucked.

00:47:22.000 Correct.

00:47:22.000 No other show does that.

00:47:24.000 A character that was a former badass gives him the excuse to be old and tired throughout the movie, but with a quick backstory to let us know that he's still the best action man of all time.

00:47:33.000 He just needs a nap first.

00:47:35.000 Before they put you in this cage, you owed money to the Northroad 88s, the Triad, La Nostra, two cartels that I know of, a dozen West Coast loan sharks and East Coast Shylocks, the IRS, the CRA, the FRS wants you dead.

00:47:49.000 I'm a popular guy.

00:47:51.000 He won't either show us how cool he is because Bruce Willis is too old to do the action stuff anymore, so he spends most of the movies, you know, sitting down or leaning on something or just off-screen completely, which is exactly what happens in Apex.

00:48:06.000 At least I'll be comfortable.

00:48:07.000 You hear the premise of this movie and think, okay, so Bruce Willis is being hunted, but he'll use his skills and training as a former police officer to become the hunter and take out each of the killers one day.

00:48:19.000 It makes me want to watch this movie how bad it is.

00:48:21.000 Him wandering through the woods.

00:48:23.000 The people hunting him all turn on one another and take each other out.

00:48:27.000 And the movie expects us to believe that it's actually Bruce Willis's wit that causes this.

00:48:32.000 But for the entire movie, he's just wandering around the woods and talking to himself.

00:48:36.000 He does take that nap at one point.

00:48:38.000 In the few scenes he does have with the hunters, he never really plays any mind games with them or anything clever like that.

00:48:44.000 It's literally just this one question he asked them at the beginning.

00:48:48.000 Can hunters kill other hunters?

00:48:51.000 And I guess all the hunters hear this and they go, oh shit, I never really thought of that.

00:48:55.000 Oh my god, he's in our heads now.

00:48:57.000 It is incredibly stupid.

00:48:59.000 That guy seems funny.

00:49:00.000 Okay, now we're done.

00:49:01.000 Now that we watch someone else's show on the show.

00:49:04.000 Bye.

00:49:13.000 Ask me, I won't say no half.

00:49:17.000 So in the future, Ryguy, when you get an assignment like that, go, I got the footage.

00:49:22.000 It doesn't seem that bad.

00:49:23.000 I don't know.

00:49:24.000 I thought Ben Affleck was particularly cringy.

00:49:27.000 He had kind of awkward body language when he walked over.

00:49:31.000 It just seemed like he did that.

00:49:32.000 And the fucking didn't seem period correct.

00:49:36.000 Exactly.

00:49:37.000 And then when he acted like somebody else, he was like, he's like he was channeling Anthony Hopkins.

00:49:44.000 It was just so out of body.

00:49:47.000 All right.

00:49:47.000 Tatabola.

00:49:48.000 That's fucking terrible that.

00:49:50.000 Show us.

00:49:51.000 And yeah, the LeBron, it was tough because, you know, he hits the lines half-heartedly, but there's not enough there to judge.

00:49:57.000 Well, he clearly can't memorize lines.

00:49:59.000 He possibly can't read.

00:50:00.000 I've noticed that there's all these pictures of him with a book, and he's always on page one.

00:50:04.000 Every time the picture comes out, it's actually a meme.

00:50:06.000 He just finished the book.

00:50:07.000 He started a new one.

00:50:08.000 So what probably happens is the director says, you better not have my son.

00:50:14.000 Okay?

00:50:14.000 Yeah.

00:50:15.000 You better not have my son.

00:50:17.000 What's next?

00:50:18.000 Like, he says line for every single line.

00:50:21.000 So he couldn't do a paragraph.

00:50:24.000 Let's jump over to the Olympics for a second.

00:50:29.000 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:50:31.000 I babysat Daphne on Friday.

00:50:33.000 This is correct.

00:50:34.000 We did two fun things.

00:50:35.000 I bought a pinball machine, the Terminator, for a thousand, no, $4,200.

00:50:44.000 But it looks awesome and it works.

00:50:47.000 Terminator 2.

00:50:49.000 Awesome.

00:50:49.000 It rules.

00:50:51.000 It does, really.

00:50:51.000 There's something in your brain that says, ah, that's like a fucking old.

00:50:54.000 It's a beautiful piece of art.

00:50:56.000 They don't want to show a picture of it because my kids are in the pictures I have.

00:51:00.000 I got it right here.

00:51:03.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:51:04.000 Exact game.

00:51:05.000 That's the exact game.

00:51:06.000 Once you turn that shit on and it starts yelling at you and singing its little song, it's just a beautiful piece of art.

00:51:12.000 Like that big skull there.

00:51:16.000 You know what I realized yesterday?

00:51:18.000 The reason we had to put those risers on the front legs is because I put the back legs on the front and the front legs on the back.

00:51:24.000 Oh, I see.

00:51:26.000 It's going to be easy, though.

00:51:27.000 Next time I have two guys over, they lift it, and then I push a piece of furniture underneath, and then it'll be hanging there, and then I'll just switch the legs.

00:51:34.000 Yeah, it's really not hard to do that whole, like, all fours and just lift up with your back.

00:51:39.000 It's not that heavy.

00:51:40.000 No.

00:51:41.000 It looks like it, like, these stand-up video games are infinitely heavy.

00:51:45.000 But pinball machines are not as heavy as you'd think.

00:51:48.000 It's not even that awkward to hold.

00:51:49.000 I'd say they're 200 pounds.

00:51:51.000 No.

00:51:53.000 No.

00:51:53.000 That's too much or too little?

00:51:54.000 I think too little.

00:51:55.000 Let me see.

00:51:56.000 How much does hey computer?

00:51:58.000 How much does a pinball machine weigh?

00:52:04.000 Thanks.

00:52:11.000 Oh, you weren't far off.

00:52:15.000 This is saying 325.

00:52:17.000 And you know how I kept, I was saying to my wife, what another baby.

00:52:21.000 We're only going to have three.

00:52:23.000 And then I looked after Daphne and I went, oh yeah, this is a bitch.

00:52:28.000 Her proceed, the process.

00:52:32.000 There she is, finally.

00:52:35.000 I took that suit off her, by the way.

00:52:37.000 I went, this is too hot.

00:52:37.000 That's why she's not sleeping.

00:52:39.000 That did not go well.

00:52:39.000 She likes that suit.

00:52:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:42.000 Actually, it was Josh and his wife that suggested this.

00:52:44.000 Oh, yeah?

00:52:45.000 Do you swaddle?

00:52:47.000 Oh, heck yeah.

00:52:48.000 I mean, you know what?

00:52:48.000 We stop swaddling because she just will wiggle free, and then she'll get upset.

00:52:54.000 So, no, no, we try to keep her this.

00:52:56.000 Also to wean her into the fact that she will have mobility one day.

00:53:00.000 She will be able to, like.

00:53:02.000 So, it gets her kind of used to the fact that her arms will move during sleep, so she won't, like, be jarred and wake up.

00:53:07.000 I don't think she fully went down until 10 p.m.

00:53:10.000 Until we, like, oh, wow, okay.

00:53:13.000 So, I was doing the whole shh, shh, shh, shh, until my arms were burning, like bleeding.

00:53:22.000 There was blowtorches on my biceps, and my lower back, someone was just stabbing it with a pitchfork.

00:53:29.000 But then the result is you're in a little heaven of sorts.

00:53:34.000 Yeah, well, it's funny too.

00:53:35.000 It's like Billy Bragg says, it's like the fast rod at the fun fair.

00:53:38.000 You want to get off because it's scary.

00:53:40.000 And then as soon as you're off, you want to get straight back on again.

00:53:43.000 All I needed was a break.

00:53:44.000 So after she finally went down, I was like, okay, now I want to play with her again.

00:53:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:48.000 That's exactly how I feel.

00:53:50.000 That's me passed out.

00:53:52.000 This is funny.

00:53:52.000 I thought this was hilarious.

00:53:55.000 That really helped, too, I found, to put my thumbs where she can grab them.

00:53:59.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:54:00.000 She likes that.

00:54:02.000 It must be a cave thing, too, because if you can hold on to a thumb, it means that an adult is around.

00:54:09.000 You're not going to die.

00:54:10.000 Right.

00:54:10.000 I noticed, I took Sophie when she was a baby.

00:54:13.000 I took her to Terry Richardson's.

00:54:16.000 He had a photo exhibit.

00:54:18.000 This is back before he was canceled, so it would have been 06.

00:54:22.000 And it was really noisy.

00:54:26.000 She conked out like a rock.

00:54:28.000 Yeah, that noise, the white noise.

00:54:30.000 Well, I think it's genetic.

00:54:32.000 It's like, oh, we're in the cave.

00:54:34.000 Everyone's around.

00:54:35.000 We must have just killed a woolly mammoth.

00:54:38.000 I'm going to chill now.

00:54:39.000 I'm safe.

00:54:39.000 We're going to have meat for a week.

00:54:43.000 That's pretty smart.

00:54:44.000 And yeah, in the meantime, we went to go get Dindin, and then we got...

00:54:49.000 Oh, speaking of which, we went to go see Johnny Knoxville.

00:54:52.000 This is Terry Richardson's exhibition.

00:54:54.000 Maybe not the same one you were at, but there's Johnny Knoxville.

00:54:58.000 And we saw his movie without Bam Margera.

00:55:01.000 I'm Blurry.

00:55:02.000 You're Blurry.

00:55:03.000 Which I was upset about.

00:55:04.000 No Bam, no me.

00:55:06.000 You're Blurry.

00:55:07.000 There we go.

00:55:08.000 Crisp.

00:55:09.000 And this is my...

00:55:11.000 Happy Valentine's Day.

00:55:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:13.000 I got to get some fucking flowers, I guess.

00:55:15.000 I already got all that stuff.

00:55:16.000 Can I have some?

00:55:18.000 Yeah.

00:55:20.000 Because I have it.

00:55:22.000 Whoops.

00:55:24.000 No, I have some nice plans.

00:55:26.000 So, yeah, in the movie, remember we went home.

00:55:28.000 I mean, we went to go pick up the baby from your house.

00:55:31.000 And you're watching, like, Jewish synagogue television.

00:55:36.000 I like to watch Jew TV.

00:55:38.000 It's hilarious.

00:55:39.000 Well, I would argue that every channel is Jew TV.

00:55:43.000 Yeah, they're just worshiping some door.

00:55:45.000 We're just like looking at it and saying, what is this?

00:55:47.000 Yeah, they're worshiping where we have Christ.

00:55:50.000 They just have two doors.

00:55:52.000 And they're staring at the doors.

00:55:53.000 And then for a brief moment, the doors opened.

00:55:55.000 And there was tapestries, like three or four tapestries.

00:55:58.000 With like golden salt pepper shakers.

00:56:00.000 That's what they look like.

00:56:01.000 And then the doors were like, all right, that's enough for you.

00:56:03.000 Yeah.

00:56:03.000 And then it closed again.

00:56:06.000 So then we have a story to tell you.

00:56:09.000 They paused the movie because there was a thing that happened.

00:56:14.000 There was a drunk kid.

00:56:15.000 It was two guys, two girls.

00:56:17.000 The girls ran out and they were like apologizing to one of the guys and they ran out.

00:56:22.000 And then soon after that, the guy brought his friend out, like dragged him out.

00:56:28.000 These are all Mexican teens, right?

00:56:30.000 Kind of, yeah, yeah.

00:56:30.000 Like light-skinned Latinos.

00:56:33.000 It's got to be Mexicans.

00:56:34.000 He drags his friend out.

00:56:36.000 Now, he didn't exit the theater.

00:56:39.000 He's in that...

00:56:39.000 You know how they have that rampant on the other side?

00:56:41.000 That's where you come into the theater?

00:56:44.000 So he's on the other side of that.

00:56:45.000 And in between sketches, you know, they fade to black and jackass.

00:56:48.000 Like once the, hey, you know, that was the ball curl.

00:56:51.000 And then there's silence, which is not common in a movie, but this type of movie allowed just dead silence to happen for a couple seconds.

00:56:57.000 And we kept hearing him going, I need her.

00:57:04.000 And we're freaking out.

00:57:05.000 And I'm thinking, you know, mass shooter, always in the theater.

00:57:09.000 Anything weird that happens?

00:57:10.000 Yeah.

00:57:10.000 Somebody drops their popcorn, I'm getting shot.

00:57:12.000 No, a guy has a weird hat on.

00:57:14.000 I'm like, we're all going to die.

00:57:15.000 Yeah, for real.

00:57:16.000 Like, if you were watching Batman and the guy showed up in a Batman mask, you'd go right well.

00:57:22.000 I'm calling my mom and saying goodbye.

00:57:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:24.000 And sometimes you're sitting there and you're like, you start reaching in your pocket.

00:57:27.000 You're like, oh, I'm the mass shooter this time.

00:57:30.000 This is crazy.

00:57:31.000 I didn't think that.

00:57:32.000 And so then EMTs.

00:57:34.000 You get what you fucking deserve.

00:57:36.000 EMTs finally show up.

00:57:39.000 And then, by the way, tons of other packs of teens just started leaving.

00:57:42.000 They were like, I think we had enough of this movie.

00:57:44.000 It's not like they didn't enjoy it.

00:57:45.000 They were laughing their asses off.

00:57:46.000 And they're just like, that's enough.

00:57:48.000 That must be the new thing with Gen Z. They've had enough of this movie.

00:57:52.000 You TikTok and you switch, so you don't read books.

00:57:55.000 So you're just like, oh, well, I already saw some stuff.

00:57:56.000 I'm going to go to another theater, watch the end of another movie.

00:57:59.000 Crazy.

00:58:00.000 I think you're right.

00:58:00.000 I think they're just like, let's go do something else.

00:58:02.000 Like, I saw Slither in Harlem, and I was there on time.

00:58:06.000 I was the only person in the theater, me and my wife, the only ones.

00:58:11.000 And then by the halfway point, it was packed.

00:58:15.000 There was not one empty seat.

00:58:17.000 So 100% of the people were late.

00:58:20.000 Yep.

00:58:22.000 I told you that story, right?

00:58:23.000 This woman was eating gummy worms next to her little kid.

00:58:26.000 She brought her kid to a horror movie.

00:58:28.000 And her daughter goes, are Those gummy worms?

00:58:31.000 And she goes, Yeah.

00:58:32.000 And she goes, I like gummy worms.

00:58:34.000 And her mom goes, No, you don't.

00:58:38.000 Damn.

00:58:39.000 That's mama's gummies.

00:58:40.000 I'm pretty sure I do like gummy worms.

00:58:42.000 Yeah.

00:58:42.000 I don't know a lot.

00:58:44.000 I'm only seven.

00:58:45.000 I know I don't like horror movies.

00:58:47.000 I know I don't know my dad, but I like gummy worms.

00:58:51.000 And you're hogging them, and you're already severely overweight.

00:58:54.000 You wouldn't like these.

00:58:55.000 They're just different.

00:58:56.000 No, they're the same.

00:58:57.000 I recognize the package.

00:58:59.000 They're the same ones that have made you into a fat bitch mom.

00:59:03.000 Very familiar.

00:59:04.000 Oh, I know them.

00:59:06.000 I don't like them as much as you.

00:59:08.000 So relative to you, I like them zero.

00:59:10.000 I don't like them to the point where I'm literally dying for them.

00:59:14.000 But I do enjoy gummy worms.

00:59:16.000 And I'm not asking for 50 of them.

00:59:19.000 I would like two.

00:59:20.000 I shouldn't enjoy gummy worms because they're killing you, which is the only way out of the.

00:59:24.000 I want to die too.

00:59:25.000 But I have a feeling I'll have a little more discretion than you, and I won't fucking stuff my face.

00:59:30.000 I'm a cunt face.

00:59:31.000 And I'm a child.

00:59:32.000 But yes, I will know when to stop.

00:59:34.000 That's a whole all Americans.

00:59:36.000 If you come to New York City, you need to experience the New York theaters of the Lower East Side, East New York, Harlem.

00:59:45.000 It is something else, man.

00:59:46.000 Wow.

00:59:47.000 You know what it's called when you live in the Bronx and you've been seeing movie theaters there and then you go to see a movie outside of the Bronx?

00:59:52.000 Now you're seeing movies without commentary.

00:59:54.000 That's what they call them.

00:59:56.000 Yeah, you must just be, hey, what the fuck's he even doing there?

00:59:59.000 Am I right?

00:59:59.000 Yeah.

01:00:00.000 And people are going, shut are you doing?

01:00:02.000 You're sitting in a forum.

01:00:04.000 Yeah, right.

01:00:05.000 Right?

01:00:07.000 Yeah, you shower and I'll show her.

01:00:10.000 Have you guys seen this?

01:00:12.000 My uncle told the story of like he went to go see Terminator, the first one, and then the robot is dead.

01:00:17.000 Spoiler alert shuts down.

01:00:19.000 And then she thinks everything's cool.

01:00:21.000 And then it comes back to life and he's like, fucking backup processor.

01:00:26.000 And I guess a black guy in the theater had seen it before.

01:00:28.000 So like just when the robot dies, like, fuck you, Sarah.

01:00:33.000 The guy's like, yo, backup processor.

01:00:36.000 And then he's like, I'm back.

01:00:39.000 And then my uncle's like, fucking people, dude.

01:00:43.000 We went to see one of those zombie movies that's also a video game, Resident Evil.

01:00:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:50.000 I saw it with the gay porn director, Bruce LeBruce.

01:00:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:54.000 And he had never seen a horror movie before.

01:00:57.000 He's like, I don't like them.

01:00:58.000 I go, well, I had to watch your fucking gay porn movie.

01:01:00.000 Those are horror movies.

01:01:02.000 I saw your horror movie.

01:01:03.000 You're going to see mine.

01:01:05.000 And every time there was a scene, he would go, oh, Jesus Christ.

01:01:08.000 He did a Woody Allen.

01:01:10.000 Like, he'd take off his glass and go, oh, my God.

01:01:12.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:01:14.000 It's like, Bruce, it's a prosthetic woman.

01:01:16.000 It's not real.

01:01:18.000 Yeah, it's not gay anal.

01:01:19.000 So we're watching the movie, and it's in this underground sort of tower.

01:01:27.000 So it's like a high-rise that goes down, and I guess it's built for the zombie apocalypse.

01:01:31.000 It's like a hive.

01:01:32.000 Yeah, and they're doing all this weird research, and they're playing with these like Wuhan-type chemicals, and they end up polluting the whole hive.

01:01:39.000 So now these doctors are running around from floor to floor, a nice cheap soundstage from the zombies.

01:01:45.000 And at one point, the whole tower becomes so polluted, even the dogs are getting zombified.

01:01:52.000 And you see them and they're like in the thing.

01:01:56.000 And then they run down later and the cages are open.

01:02:01.000 And some fucking Puerto Rican behind me goes, oh, shit.

01:02:06.000 And then he goes, who let the dogs up?

01:02:09.000 No, he didn't.

01:02:11.000 And everyone laughed their heads off.

01:02:13.000 Oh, God.

01:02:14.000 That is pretty funny.

01:02:15.000 One time I was watching, I forget what movie with David Cross.

01:02:19.000 And they showed a trailer for Troy.

01:02:24.000 And it was like Brad Pitt and George Clooney and all these guys in Rome.

01:02:28.000 And David goes, total hunk fest, you guys.

01:02:32.000 And everyone died laughing, the whole theater.

01:02:34.000 And then I think they showed Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or something.

01:02:38.000 And I said, I yelled out, Wow, Chilao Shu, Zai Chie.

01:02:45.000 And everyone, the entire theater went, oh.

01:02:48.000 Oh, wow.

01:02:50.000 And like the people on either side of me both looked at me and went, ugh.

01:02:56.000 They really don't get high humor.

01:02:58.000 That's very funny.

01:03:00.000 Yeah, I thought it was good.

01:03:00.000 You're doing it.

01:03:01.000 And then David goes, why'd you say that?

01:03:02.000 I go, those are Chinese words.

01:03:04.000 I think I said, I'm a teacher.

01:03:06.000 Goodbye.

01:03:07.000 That's the only thing you know.

01:03:08.000 And he went, oh, okay, that's not so bad.

01:03:09.000 Yeah, I guess because I think they thought I was like going, ching chong, ching, ching, fucking chinks.

01:03:14.000 Yeah.

01:03:15.000 I wasn't doing it.

01:03:16.000 I went to see Seven Mile in the Lower East Side.

01:03:18.000 Eight Mile?

01:03:18.000 Eight Mile.

01:03:19.000 And there's kids everywhere.

01:03:22.000 It was like this.

01:03:23.000 Oh, did I tell you about that?

01:03:24.000 Sorry?

01:03:24.000 The Super Bowl, the cops, they all bring their kids.

01:03:28.000 I would say in a room of maybe 60 police and firemen, there was at least 12 kids from the ages of two.

01:03:37.000 And at one point, this one guy goes, hey, can you turn it down?

01:03:40.000 It's killing her ears.

01:03:42.000 And the little kid is like this.

01:03:43.000 She's blocking her ears.

01:03:44.000 And I'm like, what?

01:03:45.000 I didn't hear any of the ads.

01:03:48.000 I didn't hear the Sopranos ad.

01:03:51.000 Yeah.

01:03:52.000 Because of fucking Julie's ear hole.

01:03:56.000 Fucking Julie.

01:03:59.000 So my other story is, so I'm watching 8-Mile, and there's this little kid there, and there's five-year-olds.

01:04:05.000 And I say to the guy, I go, what is going on with the kids?

01:04:09.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

01:04:11.000 I go, this is a rated R movie.

01:04:13.000 He's fucking a chick right now, and there's kids everywhere.

01:04:15.000 And he goes, it's against the law to tell someone they can't bring their kids somewhere.

01:04:20.000 Wow.

01:04:21.000 I'm like, really?

01:04:22.000 What about a bar?

01:04:25.000 Is it your legal right to put a kid at the bar?

01:04:27.000 I think it is.

01:04:28.000 Restaurants say no, but that's their policy.

01:04:31.000 I think the law in New York State is no dogs, but kids can go anywhere.

01:04:35.000 Come on, non-dogs.

01:04:36.000 No, yeah, it's true.

01:04:37.000 And then there's a story.

01:04:39.000 This kid's kicking my chair.

01:04:40.000 I told you that one, right?

01:04:42.000 Think so.

01:04:42.000 Forget the movies.

01:04:43.000 Kicking the back of my chair.

01:04:44.000 I forgot it.

01:04:45.000 I turn around.

01:04:45.000 His mom's eating popcorn.

01:04:46.000 I go, hey, stop kicking my chair.

01:04:50.000 And the woman, instead of her leaning over and going, oh, hey, I'm sorry about that name.

01:04:54.000 Miguel, what are you doing?

01:04:55.000 No.

01:04:56.000 She just eats popcorn like, those guys have a beef.

01:04:59.000 I don't.

01:05:00.000 Take it up with him.

01:05:01.000 The kid was like eight, and she's not getting involved in our beef.

01:05:06.000 Wow.

01:05:06.000 That's his problem.

01:05:08.000 I remember I scolded kids, me and my buddy Larry, were watching something, and these kids behind us just kept talking, just having fun.

01:05:15.000 And I gave it way too much because I let it fester.

01:05:19.000 And I was like, shut the fuck up.

01:05:22.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:05:24.000 And it was like so uncomfortable and so much that afterwards I sat there and I was like, that was not cool.

01:05:30.000 And they were like kids.

01:05:31.000 So it's like, that's when you learn that if people aren't on the same level of like, if they're intimidated by you, you don't need to bully them essentially.

01:05:38.000 So I was like, you should be able just to go.

01:05:41.000 Like on Seinfeld, the look.

01:05:43.000 Right.

01:05:44.000 Yeah.

01:05:46.000 So I apologize.

01:05:47.000 I was like, I told you at the time I went to see the new Mad Max.

01:05:50.000 I was dressed up Mad Maxian with leather and studs and stuff.

01:05:54.000 And I go, someone's sitting there?

01:05:57.000 And the guy goes, he's with a friend, a female friend.

01:05:59.000 He was gay.

01:06:00.000 And there's a seat there.

01:06:01.000 I guess I didn't have to sit next to him.

01:06:02.000 I don't know why I wanted to.

01:06:04.000 And he goes, yeah, someone's sitting there.

01:06:07.000 And so I go, okay, so we move over.

01:06:10.000 And then I go, I notice no one's coming.

01:06:16.000 And so as the movie starts, I go, hey.

01:06:19.000 And he goes, what?

01:06:20.000 I go, your friend's late?

01:06:23.000 And he's like, yeah, yeah.

01:06:26.000 But he's coming, though, right?

01:06:29.000 Yeah, yeah, he is.

01:06:30.000 Okay.

01:06:32.000 And then now I'm not watching the movie.

01:06:33.000 I'm just staring at him because I'm so mad that he lied.

01:06:37.000 And I go, now it's like 10 minutes in and I go, your friend's really late now, isn't he?

01:06:44.000 And he goes, look, I don't know what you're getting.

01:06:47.000 I go, you're a liar.

01:06:49.000 You lied.

01:06:51.000 And he goes, really?

01:06:52.000 That's what we're going to do?

01:06:53.000 We're going to be fighting in a theater?

01:06:55.000 You want to ruin the movie?

01:06:57.000 And I go, no, but I know you lied.

01:07:00.000 And then I was pumped.

01:07:02.000 And then he was pumped.

01:07:03.000 And I ruined the movie for both of us.

01:07:06.000 I think I told you this, but we're watching Bad Boys, the new one.

01:07:10.000 Like, the last fucking band.

01:07:12.000 Oh, the anti-white movie where all the white guys are, like, bumping into walls and going, let me help you out with that little man.

01:07:20.000 Fucking corny ass cracker.

01:07:22.000 So he gets the seats wrong.

01:07:24.000 He thinks I'm in his seat.

01:07:25.000 And he's like, you in my seat?

01:07:27.000 And I was like, no, dude, check the ticket.

01:07:28.000 He's like, like, when it's faced with the facts, like, is mad.

01:07:32.000 Fucking racist-ass ticket.

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 And then he sits down.

01:07:35.000 And maybe he realizes, like, oh, no, they took the seats.

01:07:38.000 And then so they moved over.

01:07:39.000 And then now we're all laughing and like sharing this experience.

01:07:42.000 Like, anybody who's in that movie has seen and grown up with Bad Boys.

01:07:45.000 So we're like, man, they put a cap on that.

01:07:48.000 That feels pretty good.

01:07:49.000 And after the movie, he stands up.

01:07:50.000 He's like, hey, I want to apologize for the way I acted before in the movie.

01:07:55.000 Because we all bonded through Bad Boys.

01:07:59.000 It was gay.

01:08:00.000 Yeah, it was gay.

01:08:01.000 So anyway, in this movie, just to wrap this up, so the guy, EMTs finally come, like 30 minutes afterwards, they pause the screen.

01:08:07.000 It's Dave Linglund's face, showered and come.

01:08:10.000 Spoiler alert.

01:08:11.000 And they just have it pause.

01:08:13.000 Sorry, we're stopping the movie.

01:08:15.000 This little Jewish kid comes in.

01:08:17.000 He's like, we're stopping the movie.

01:08:19.000 If you want to leave and come back, we'll give you tickets, blah, blah.

01:08:22.000 We have a medical emergency.

01:08:24.000 So everybody starts piling up and like looking down shot.

01:08:27.000 What's happening?

01:08:28.000 Yeah.

01:08:28.000 It just paused on like a hymn filled, like with cum dripping on him.

01:08:32.000 And so for about 15 minutes, it's like that until the EMTs finally come.

01:08:37.000 Then they try to escort him out.

01:08:38.000 He's just really drunk.

01:08:40.000 You're bad luck at movies.

01:08:41.000 Or maybe it's because you see them late on a Friday night.

01:08:44.000 Possibly, yeah.

01:08:46.000 But so now we're all bonding together over this.

01:08:49.000 We're like, what's happening over there?

01:08:50.000 Oh, it's a kid that's just drunk.

01:08:52.000 And they're like, oh, yeah, I saw him.

01:08:54.000 So now we're all talking about it.

01:08:56.000 And yeah, the kid was like collapsed on the ground.

01:09:00.000 They escorted him out.

01:09:01.000 It took 20 minutes to get anybody on this.

01:09:03.000 Staff, EMTs, and we were all sketched out until we found out it was the drunk kid.

01:09:09.000 So that was that.

01:09:10.000 And we just wound up watching the movie, and they didn't give us free movie tickets after that.

01:09:15.000 There was nobody at the little fucking desk.

01:09:17.000 Yeah, that happened to us last time there was a big pause.

01:09:21.000 You had a big pause at Knoxville, too, at the Jackass, right?

01:09:25.000 Yeah.

01:09:26.000 When the kid was all crying, moaning, it was frozen on what?

01:09:29.000 It was frozen on Dave England's face with cum all over him.

01:09:32.000 Oh, I thought you were talking about the other movie was a big pause.

01:09:36.000 No.

01:09:36.000 Oh, okay.

01:09:37.000 Who's this one?

01:09:38.000 It was Jackass.

01:09:40.000 I was that guy once.

01:09:41.000 I got kicked out of a theater.

01:09:45.000 No.

01:09:47.000 Yeah.

01:09:47.000 How does that happen?

01:09:48.000 Twice.

01:09:48.000 I've been kicked out twice.

01:09:49.000 How does that happen?

01:09:50.000 I was just, I don't remember the first one.

01:09:51.000 I was fucking blind drunk hammered.

01:09:54.000 So I probably had it coming.

01:09:55.000 But I just remember the manager was like 16, and he had that Justin Bieber hair.

01:10:00.000 And I just remember going, your hair doesn't have a beginning or middle or an end.

01:10:04.000 It's 360 degrees.

01:10:05.000 It's like Lego hair.

01:10:07.000 I could rotate it and it wouldn't have...

01:10:09.000 There's no bangs.

01:10:10.000 There's no front.

01:10:12.000 Fucking.

01:10:13.000 Running bits, and he didn't think it was funny.

01:10:15.000 That one didn't work.

01:10:16.000 And then one time we went to see Lake Placid.

01:10:18.000 I think I mentioned this on the show before.

01:10:20.000 And we're like, where the fuck's the monster?

01:10:21.000 It's been an hour.

01:10:22.000 I haven't seen this giant alligator yet.

01:10:24.000 So we left.

01:10:25.000 And then we said, can we have our money back?

01:10:27.000 And they go, no, it's been an hour.

01:10:32.000 You didn't give me a monster.

01:10:33.000 So then we go, fuck this.

01:10:34.000 So we walked into a different movie.

01:10:36.000 And we sit near the front because those are the only seats available.

01:10:39.000 And we were dressed up.

01:10:40.000 It was me, Derek Beckles, and our girlfriends.

01:10:42.000 And we were all dressed 70s.

01:10:43.000 Like we had leisure suits on and they had wigs on.

01:10:45.000 We dressed up for like a funny little kooky idea.

01:10:50.000 And we were partiers.

01:10:52.000 And then the guys are like, they catch us and they see us going in.

01:10:55.000 So they go to kick us out.

01:10:57.000 And we pretend they don't exist.

01:11:00.000 And we're just watching.

01:11:01.000 And they're like, hey, excuse me.

01:11:03.000 Excuse me.

01:11:03.000 And we're just going.

01:11:05.000 And then eventually the guy comes up and he's like, hey, excuse me.

01:11:09.000 And we go, will you shut up?

01:11:11.000 We're trying to watch the movie.

01:11:13.000 So then they kick us out.

01:11:15.000 And then on the way out, we were being, we kept sort of sneaking away from them.

01:11:18.000 So they're holding onto us.

01:11:19.000 And so on the escalator, Derek and I are both going like this.

01:11:22.000 They took pictures.

01:11:23.000 Our girlfriends took pictures of us both like this.

01:11:27.000 Like radical revolutionaries.

01:11:30.000 And then I told you the million, I'm not going to tell this story again, but there was a time where Derek and I went to see that movie with Martin Lawrence, and he decided he was going to make us totally humiliated by constantly yelling out shit and his laugh,

01:11:47.000 over-laughing at every joke, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, until other people were going, shut up.

01:11:54.000 And he was yelling out things like, that's got to hurt.

01:11:58.000 And at one point, they're on a rocket or something, and he goes, time for a hot foot.

01:12:03.000 And then he gives it a standing ovation at the end with a slow collapse.

01:12:06.000 And I'm just like, oh, God.

01:12:08.000 And everyone gets up.

01:12:10.000 It's a terrible movie, but everyone got up just to the nicest.

01:12:13.000 But the thing I wanted to mention was, before we end this subject, is fucking, who's that?

01:12:21.000 It's Stevo, dude.

01:12:22.000 Oh, hey, Steve-O.

01:12:26.000 New Yorkers mad that kids are coming to see UP and Tintin.

01:12:34.000 Right?

01:12:34.000 I told you that story.

01:12:35.000 I walk into Up and I sit down two seats in front of a guy, and it's a relatively empty theater.

01:12:41.000 This is in Brooklyn.

01:12:42.000 And I hear the guy go, oh.

01:12:45.000 And I go, I turn around and go, you okay?

01:12:46.000 You all right?

01:12:47.000 And he goes, of all the seats to sit in, you're kidding.

01:12:50.000 And I go, I'm sorry if my child is ruining your children's movie.

01:12:57.000 Yeah.

01:12:58.000 Like up?

01:12:59.000 If you work in animation, I guess you can see it.

01:13:01.000 But I mean, I make fun of Ryan for a reason.

01:13:04.000 We're in kids' movies.

01:13:06.000 And then the other time I was with a whole bunch of dads, like three dads, and each of them had like two or three kids.

01:13:12.000 So we had six kids all pouring in to see Tintin, the cartoon, the French cartoon.

01:13:20.000 I think he's Belgian.

01:13:22.000 And this old lady's there.

01:13:24.000 She sees the first two kids go in first, and she goes, oh.

01:13:28.000 And then once she sees that it's like seven kids, she goes, you've got to be kidding me.

01:13:33.000 She said that.

01:13:34.000 And then she grabs her coat in a rage and storms out.

01:13:37.000 No.

01:13:37.000 Because us kids ruined Tintin the fucking CGI cartoon.

01:13:43.000 Dude, I have an idea.

01:13:45.000 What's your idea?

01:13:46.000 You want to go over the mini golf and fucking try to hit me in the balls, dude?

01:13:51.000 Yeah, okay.

01:13:52.000 Let's do it.

01:13:54.000 Oh, right now?

01:14:00.000 Alright.

01:14:21.000 It's on the outside.

01:14:25.000 Oh, wait, where's the goal?

01:14:26.000 Here.

01:14:51.000 Oh god!

01:14:57.000 Lord, I've always watched the boy.

01:15:01.000 I lost my gun at the character here.

01:15:05.000 He's actually got a different voice nowadays.

01:15:08.000 Less snappy.

01:15:10.000 Yeah, less PC.

01:15:15.000 There's a moral there, guys.

01:15:17.000 Don't bite off more than you can chew.

01:15:19.000 I got too excited.

01:15:20.000 I really wanted to hurt his nuts in a serious way, and I hit it way too hard, and it didn't even go near his nuts.

01:15:26.000 If I'd been calmer, it would have hit his nuts.

01:15:28.000 Everyone would have had a laugh.

01:15:30.000 It only takes but so much, like, hurt your balls.

01:15:32.000 Just a flick.

01:15:34.000 Dude, Aaron McGeehee, if he ever wanted to have kids after this movie, there's no shot.

01:15:39.000 I don't know who I am anymore.

01:15:40.000 Yeah, I talked to Knoxville about that once.

01:15:42.000 Really?

01:15:42.000 And he said that they did this microscopic look at their sperm, and he said his was destroyed.

01:15:48.000 Wow.

01:15:51.000 That's tatable.

01:15:52.000 That's tatable at.

01:15:54.000 All right, let's do the mailbag.

01:15:56.000 I have to go get my computer.

01:15:58.000 My computing.

01:16:07.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:16:12.000 Let me touch it.

01:16:16.000 I think we told every single movie anecdote.

01:16:19.000 By the way, my hemorrhoid update, I just saw the prep H in the briefcase.

01:16:24.000 No change.

01:16:26.000 It doesn't hurt anymore, but it's still sitting there.

01:16:30.000 All of your tips that you sent in, though I appreciate it.

01:16:34.000 I didn't do shit.

01:16:40.000 So I'm going to be away most of next week.

01:16:42.000 Oh.

01:16:43.000 Going to AFPAC.

01:16:45.000 Oh.

01:16:45.000 Which is a sin.

01:16:46.000 I see the bloggers freaking out.

01:16:48.000 Oh, no.

01:16:49.000 A white nationalist conference starring Michelle Malkin and Bryson Gray and John Miller.

01:16:57.000 This is the clown world we're in.

01:17:00.000 These bloggers openly call blacks white nationalists.

01:17:04.000 And who cares if you're going to a conference?

01:17:10.000 You have to agree with every single speaker at a conference?

01:17:13.000 Are you that much of a pussy that you're not allowed to hear differing opinions?

01:17:17.000 Why don't you go?

01:17:19.000 If your job is monitoring hate as a journalist activist, you should be going to all of these things.

01:17:27.000 Being a spy.

01:17:34.000 Someone's asking about sprinkles.

01:17:37.000 I'm dubious.

01:17:39.000 We're always dubes.

01:17:40.000 I found some funny sketch guy.

01:17:42.000 Did you meet the new guy?

01:17:44.000 They actually identify as a woman.

01:17:46.000 Well, I identify as a guy with a huge cock, but we both know that's not true.

01:17:53.000 So I was at the back yesterday.

01:17:55.000 No offense.

01:17:56.000 What do you mean?

01:17:57.000 Well, you're Jewish, right?

01:17:59.000 No.

01:18:01.000 You're not Jewish?

01:18:05.000 That's pretty good.

01:18:06.000 That was one of three.

01:18:08.000 There's number two.

01:18:10.000 That was one of three.

01:18:11.000 Here's number three.

01:18:13.000 Oh.

01:18:14.000 How do you say two?

01:18:15.000 De?

01:18:16.000 Oh.

01:18:17.000 I heard Sarah and Margot are lesbians.

01:18:22.000 What?

01:18:23.000 Oh, I would kill to be a fly on that wall.

01:18:28.000 Margo, Sarah.

01:18:31.000 Come in, my Zoom room.

01:18:34.000 You want to play softball later?

01:18:36.000 I'd like to be the catcher.

01:18:40.000 I'm wearing flannel panties.

01:18:46.000 These are good.

01:18:47.000 These are sprinkles.

01:18:48.000 I got to say, I'm a real comedy snob.

01:18:51.000 Let's see if it passes the three test.

01:18:53.000 The twi test.

01:18:54.000 The things I would do to Samantha in accounting don't even get leased.

01:19:10.000 Hey, did you park in Craig's handicap spot?

01:19:13.000 Craig's not handicapped?

01:19:14.000 He's got cerebral palsy, dude.

01:19:17.000 Ew.

01:19:18.000 I thought he was gay.

01:19:24.000 Wow, that's good.

01:19:26.000 Hey, guys, I almost died on Saturday night from suffocation due to laughter.

01:19:30.000 Oh.

01:19:31.000 Watching this nine-second clip my friend sent me.

01:19:33.000 Of course, he does not include the clip.

01:19:36.000 Nope.

01:19:37.000 Which is really cool.

01:19:40.000 Oh, we could search his...

01:19:43.000 I sent Ryan the reel via Instagram DM.

01:19:46.000 Oh, I see.

01:19:48.000 Interesting technique.

01:19:50.000 Why can't you take those Instagram moment reels and do anything but Instagram them to other people within the Instagram world?

01:19:56.000 True that.

01:19:57.000 That's gay.

01:19:59.000 Oh, wait.

01:19:59.000 I know this guy, Walt.

01:20:02.000 So what exactly is...

01:20:04.000 Oh, I guess...

01:20:05.000 Is that our clip?

01:20:08.000 I've smoked crack.

01:20:09.000 I've smoked crack.

01:20:11.000 Is that it?

01:20:13.000 No, that's not nine seconds.

01:20:16.000 He said he sent it to you via Instagram.

01:20:18.000 Yeah, but my DMs are bombed always.

01:20:21.000 Is it...

01:20:22.000 Let's see.

01:20:24.000 It's from Walt.

01:20:26.000 Okay.

01:20:29.000 Oh, I don't want to dox everybody there.

01:20:31.000 I only punch in.

01:20:32.000 Okay, I'll read the next one while you handle that.

01:20:35.000 Hello, Gav Meister3000 and Ryan Fagatino de la Fagazzona.

01:20:40.000 I have a problem regarding my Red Wing 875 boots.

01:20:43.000 The sole wears out.

01:20:44.000 Yes.

01:20:45.000 The sole does wear out very quickly in the back.

01:20:48.000 So what you have to do is he wants me to describe it in more detail.

01:20:53.000 I once hearing you talking about a little steel plate you had attached to your sole.

01:20:56.000 You want more details?

01:21:00.000 Okay, I'll try to extrapolate on this.

01:21:03.000 It's not steel.

01:21:03.000 It's hard plastic, if that helps, although I'm sure they have steel.

01:21:06.000 But it's a little, it's kind of kidney bean shaped.

01:21:10.000 It's about this big, and it goes on your outer or maybe interior.

01:21:16.000 Anyway, part of your back heel.

01:21:17.000 Have a cobbler nail it on.

01:21:20.000 Wait, you have one?

01:21:21.000 No.

01:21:22.000 Okay.

01:21:22.000 It's on that bottom lip there.

01:21:24.000 Have a cobbler nail it on, and it stops the entire sole from wearing because it all starts with that one thing, and then it slowly gets worse from there.

01:21:34.000 So should I get more details?

01:21:40.000 I think it's made by a company named Kiwi.

01:21:42.000 Here we go.

01:21:45.000 Here's the clip.

01:21:47.000 Get.

01:21:52.000 It's a real medical condition.

01:21:54.000 Here we go.

01:21:55.000 It is pretty funny.

01:21:56.000 That's not funny.

01:21:57.000 He hits his balls with the...

01:22:02.000 I don't know.

01:22:03.000 I like this.

01:22:04.000 Nope.

01:22:07.000 What is it here?

01:22:08.000 Heel savers?

01:22:10.000 But that's not the...

01:22:11.000 Yeah, I think that's them.

01:22:13.000 Yeah.

01:22:13.000 Yeah, they're called Kiwi Heel Savers.

01:22:15.000 They're $3.

01:22:17.000 Okay.

01:22:18.000 Okay.

01:22:19.000 Could you go into more details?

01:22:21.000 Could you be shittier at looking stuff up, please?

01:22:25.000 Holy fuck.

01:22:27.000 There they are.

01:22:28.000 Those are the things.

01:22:34.000 Like, imagine hearing there's a little thing you can put on the sole of your shoe and saying, could I get a little more details, please?

01:22:41.000 They're called heel savers, as you would imagine.

01:22:44.000 Holy fuck.

01:22:45.000 Invest in Google.

01:22:46.000 It's cheap.

01:22:50.000 I set my screen name to the bird which is the ball's eagle on a Zoom hearing discussion, the blackade at the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor.

01:22:58.000 This is the Supreme Court of Ontario, and the dumb bitch said the bird which is the bald eagle.

01:23:03.000 Have anybody else fully labeled?

01:23:06.000 Jake.

01:23:07.000 I have a Susie F with no last name and several numbers and the bird which is the bald eagle.

01:23:16.000 This girl at this barmaid who saw me and Maddie after we got the binball game, I talked about for beers, and she sees our bald eagle tattoos and she goes, what's that?

01:23:25.000 That looks weird.

01:23:26.000 It's very realistic.

01:23:28.000 And I explained to her what the bird which is the bald eagle is.

01:23:33.000 It sounds so insane when you explain it to someone.

01:23:38.000 It's one of the hardest things to convey.

01:23:39.000 And I realized as I was conveying that I don't really get it either.

01:23:42.000 Like, why did that explode?

01:23:44.000 Which is the bald eagle?

01:23:47.000 I don't know.

01:23:48.000 It makes sense for me, though.

01:23:49.000 The bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:23:52.000 It sounds cool when you say the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:23:57.000 How the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:24:01.000 I don't know, but it's universal now.

01:24:02.000 All right.

01:24:03.000 Here's a final letter to the show from Lorraine McInnes.

01:24:09.000 This is my mommy.

01:24:10.000 Oh, hi.

01:24:11.000 My mom has sent us a letter.

01:24:12.000 Ready?

01:24:13.000 Yes.

01:24:14.000 What?

01:24:14.000 Tyler led a peasants' revolt in England in the 14th century.

01:24:18.000 I see the truckers.

01:24:20.000 For some reason, the word truckers is in bold.

01:24:22.000 I see the truckers and capitalized as a modern version.

01:24:26.000 I've listened to their leader.

01:24:28.000 I don't think he is a spokesman, but He makes way more sense than Bumbler Trudeau, which I guess is not hard.

01:24:33.000 That's all in parentheses.

01:24:35.000 Is it all about class?

01:24:37.000 The deplorables versus the elites?

01:24:39.000 Isn't Hillary Clinton a prize?

01:24:42.000 What?

01:24:43.000 Oh, yes, for the most corrupt American leader ever.

01:24:46.000 She might not even be as bad as Biden as he is dismantling the U.S. brick by brick.

01:24:52.000 This seems to be a sort of a freedom of thought, sort of a rambling, non-coherent stream of consciousness.

01:25:01.000 That's the term I was looking at.

01:25:02.000 Stream of consciousness.

01:25:03.000 She sent this at 7.41 p.m.

01:25:06.000 Now, my dad usually goes to the pub from 4 to 7, so I think she's pissed.

01:25:14.000 She probably went with him and had her wines.

01:25:17.000 The Ottawa police, in brackets, their chief is called slowly because that is his mental state.

01:25:23.000 He's a retard.

01:25:25.000 End of parentheses.

01:25:26.000 Are stasi.

01:25:28.000 And your brother said last year when we were thinking of going back to Canada.

01:25:32.000 Oh, your brother said that last year.

01:25:34.000 He's right.

01:25:35.000 And it's not changing until people like the truckers win.

01:25:38.000 Truckers is always capitalized.

01:25:40.000 The whiners about the truckers, the now spelled Turkers, don't understand the very true saying, no pain, no gain.

01:25:47.000 You have to put up with a little annoyance, but don't live downtown if you don't want noise.

01:25:52.000 Anyone who worked downtown in Ottawa knows what I mean.

01:25:56.000 We will call later on.

01:25:59.000 And she did call, but I was at the Super Bowl, so I couldn't hear her.

01:26:05.000 Which reminds me of these videos.

01:26:09.000 Go to 2-2 and 2-3.

01:26:14.000 Just a heads up, the first of the two final videos does not work.

01:26:20.000 That's okay.

01:26:22.000 Here we go.

01:26:24.000 Edra Levant video.

01:26:29.000 Okay, turn it up, Dickweed.

01:26:43.000 My father told me.

01:26:50.000 And then, number two, three, I'm starting to cry.

01:26:55.000 You have no idea how much I cry when I'm preparing for this show.

01:26:59.000 I have to drink a Gatorade so I won't get dehydrated.

01:27:02.000 There's something about turning 50, you become a fucking crybaby.

01:27:05.000 I'll fight anyone in the world.

01:27:07.000 You could sue me, I'll go to court.

01:27:08.000 I don't mind any of that kind of conflict.

01:27:10.000 But as far as groups of people banding together to overcome adversity, water works.

01:27:15.000 True.

01:27:16.000 Water works.

01:27:17.000 Triumph.

01:27:18.000 Rapture.

01:27:19.000 Oh, and don't even talk to me about military surprising their children after they come home.

01:27:23.000 Or I might just turn into a sobbing mess right now.

01:27:41.000 This is emotional, guys.

01:28:35.000 Wouldn't that be funny if one of them had a mask on?

01:28:38.000 Like, I don't think you'd get the points.

01:28:40.000 I'm not vaccinated.

01:28:43.000 Wow.

01:28:45.000 Well, I sent a picture of myself last time I was preparing.

01:28:50.000 I can't look at that without bawling my eyes out.

01:28:55.000 That one was in the email, though.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, I emailed it to you.

01:28:59.000 No, I texted you.

01:29:00.000 Actually, I think I emailed you.

01:29:01.000 Yeah.

01:29:02.000 Yeah, I think that memory.

01:29:03.000 I shouldn't have to remember that.

01:29:04.000 You should know.

01:29:05.000 How many pictures did you get of me crying?

01:29:11.000 So many lies.

01:29:16.000 All right, Ryan, we're left.

01:29:21.000 I'm a cockeyed crybaby.

01:29:25.000 All right, let's do the final video.

01:29:27.000 Hell yeah, yeah.

01:29:48.000 Don't forget that not everything is to be taken seriously.

01:29:53.000 Don't fail to see the humor in day-to-day life.

01:29:56.000 That includes major conflicts.

01:29:58.000 I know your adrenaline is pumping, but you have to keep your head screwed on straight, practice adrenaline control, and have a good laugh while others are losing their cool, especially when people are losing their cool for no good reason.

01:30:13.000 This woman is angry.

01:30:15.000 This Karen is mad at this woman because she's not renting out boats.

01:30:21.000 This woman does not rent out boats.

01:30:23.000 She's merely at the, I don't know, kiosk at a dock where boats are parked.

01:30:28.000 They're not available for you.

01:30:30.000 And this Karen literally asks to speak to the manager.

01:30:35.000 Done, and I need to get out of here.

01:30:36.000 It doesn't work like that.

01:30:37.000 It takes days.

01:30:38.000 I want to talk to the manager.

01:30:40.000 Okay, one second.

01:30:43.000 Hi, how can I help you?

01:30:44.000 What the fuck is your problem?

01:30:47.000 I designed that.

01:30:48.000 It was just you.

01:30:49.000 You gave me there acting like you own the place.

01:30:51.000 I want to rent a yacht.

01:30:53.000 Does it work?

01:30:54.000 You don't like me have yachts?

01:30:55.000 I see them all around there.

01:30:56.000 We don't have any yachts for rent.

01:30:58.000 I see them.

01:30:59.000 Whose bronze are they?

01:31:00.000 They're personal yachts.

01:31:02.000 You don't want to make no money here at this restaurant.

01:31:04.000 I guess we don't.

01:31:05.000 Well, what the hell are you doing?

01:31:08.000 You cannot record me.

01:31:09.000 That is against my HIPAA law.

01:31:13.000 Give me that.

01:31:16.000 That got a little too perfect at the end.

01:31:18.000 I'm sensing staged my hip-o-law.

01:31:24.000 And it was too quick of a...

01:31:25.000 What the hell are you recording?

01:31:26.000 You know?

01:31:27.000 I'm sensing Fenanigans.

01:31:30.000 Yeah.

01:31:30.000 And there's plenty of stuff she could have broken there.

01:31:32.000 Jars, glass jars.

01:31:33.000 She chose easily pickuppable magazines.

01:31:37.000 Ah, poop.

01:31:38.000 Well, anyway, if that was true, then she's handling correctly.

01:31:41.000 I want you guys to have fun and see the humor in everything because it's only a game.

01:31:49.000 What does he say?

01:31:50.000 Always look on the bright side of life.

01:31:56.000 Or the specials have that song.

01:31:59.000 Fuck, now we got to dig it up.

01:32:00.000 I think it's from More Specials.

01:32:02.000 And it's like, enjoy yourself while you're still in the pink.

01:32:09.000 The years go by.

01:32:12.000 It's faster than you think.

01:32:15.000 Enjoy yourself.

01:32:16.000 Enjoy yourself while you're still in the pink.

01:32:20.000 Let's go out on that song.

01:32:23.000 Okay.

01:32:24.000 Hello, I'm Terry.

01:32:37.000 Okay.

01:32:38.000 What an intro.

01:32:45.000 This was Bernie Rhodes' band, the guy who ruined the clash.

01:32:49.000 Here we go.

01:32:58.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:33:11.000 Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself.

01:33:14.000 It's later than you fear.

01:33:17.000 Hello, Hunteri, and I'm going to enjoy myself first.

01:33:22.000 It's good to be wise when you're young.

01:33:28.000 Cause you can only be young, but for once.

01:33:34.000 Enjoy yourself and have lots of fun.

01:33:40.000 Somebody never thought.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 14, 2022

S4E88 - SCATTERBRAIN

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