Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S5E09

00:00:14.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!

00:00:52.000 What an awesome jam from Empty Graves, Midwestern Grindcore in the Quad Cities, that weird area south of Madison near Chicago, whatever.

00:01:05.000 Can't get much more Midwest than the Quad Cities.

00:01:08.000 And I know what you're thinking when you hear this band.

00:01:10.000 You're like, good band, scary music, very post-apocalyptic.

00:01:16.000 We're living in post-apocalyptic times.

00:01:19.000 Very Mad Max, but what are their views on trans?

00:01:24.000 Good news, I've looked into it.

00:01:28.000 One, two, this is the singer of the band you just heard and you're going to be thrilled.

00:01:39.000 Most recently, but I think with a few prominent people in the scene coming out as transphobic, it's kind of important to address these issues.

00:01:43.000 First of all, MTV is very supportive of trans rights and trans people in general.

00:01:47.000 It's insane that in music, and metal specifically, that's supposed to be kind of the most accepting, that we're having people speaking out against trans people and trans rights.

00:01:54.000 I think the best thing that we can do on the other side is just be supportive and let you know that you're welcome and safe here.

00:01:58.000 Many bigots that listen to our music are not real fans, they clearly haven't listened to our lyrics, they probably wouldn't agree if they did.

00:02:02.000 So I'll say it as many times as I need to, you are welcome, everybody is welcome, it's a safe place over here as long as you're not a bigot.

00:02:08.000 Oh, great.

00:02:09.000 It is in the lyrics, Gab.

00:02:10.000 You should have known that.

00:02:11.000 Come on.

00:02:12.000 What are your pronouns?

00:02:14.000 My pronouns are...

00:02:27.000 You know, back in my day, metal fans used to be cutters.

00:02:31.000 Now they're cutter dicker-offers.

00:02:34.000 Make a dicker out of your liggers.

00:02:36.000 People don't really get this, but in the late 70s in Britain, you were scared of the Sex Pistols.

00:02:42.000 If you were like 7, 8, 9 years old, you thought Johnny Rotten was under your bed.

00:02:48.000 That wasn't true of most punk bands.

00:02:51.000 No one was scared of The Clash.

00:02:53.000 But little kids were scared of Johnny Rotten.

00:02:56.000 And, like, when I was young, Black Sabbath, like, I thought they were Satanists.

00:03:02.000 Me too.

00:03:03.000 They were spooky!

00:03:04.000 I told you about the Sex Puzzle thing, right?

00:03:06.000 Like, the movie was in our house and... The Great Rock and Roll Swindle?

00:03:10.000 The one that said Sex Puzzle with Gary Oldman?

00:03:12.000 It said Nancy.

00:03:13.000 It said Nancy.

00:03:14.000 Fuck, you're young.

00:03:15.000 And they were eating, they were like, I was like, those guys are unhinged.

00:03:20.000 I'm scared.

00:03:20.000 I was scared.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, that's the goal.

00:03:23.000 Like, I don't want to know about this band's view on trans rights.

00:03:27.000 I want to think that they are eating the dead babies in Gaza right now.

00:03:33.000 Like Godflesh.

00:03:34.000 Godflesh was just some fat British nerd with an 808 making drum music.

00:03:42.000 But when you listen to Street Cleaner, you know, and there's songs like Deadhead, you're like, this is fucking scary and I want it to stay that way.

00:03:52.000 Can we just have some mystery back?

00:03:55.000 In society, please.

00:03:57.000 I felt that way with gays when they were like trying to get married and everything.

00:04:00.000 I was like, guys, you want to stay like, edgy, out there.

00:04:04.000 You don't want to be nor- there's- gay normies?

00:04:07.000 That's probably the sexiest part of being a homo, is that it's bad.

00:04:12.000 It's naughty.

00:04:13.000 That's probably why when we accepted gays, that was the- that's why they're like, well, I'm gonna be a chick, I guess?

00:04:18.000 I bet gay sex is worse since we accepted them.

00:04:21.000 I saw a graph where it went down, yeah.

00:04:23.000 I bet gay sex just went... I sold before it declined fully.

00:04:32.000 When I would listen to this band, I never knew what they looked like.

00:04:34.000 There's no pictures of them.

00:04:35.000 Don't show me that, you're ruining it.

00:04:37.000 But is that Deadhead?

00:04:39.000 It says mandatory metal... Godflesh.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, the band is Godflesh.

00:04:43.000 The song is Deadhead.

00:04:44.000 The album is Street Cleaner.

00:04:46.000 This is the album.

00:04:47.000 This song is Pulp.

00:04:48.000 Okay, so can you find the song Deadhead, please?

00:04:52.000 There's the whole album.

00:04:54.000 I think it's track 13.

00:04:58.000 You're correct.

00:05:03.000 This is Satan flying over Dresden in World War II.

00:05:10.000 Being responsible.

00:05:11.000 I just called America Satan for bombing Nazis.

00:05:14.000 But you know what I mean.

00:05:15.000 Satan's like, you got the wrong guys.

00:05:16.000 There's a town on fire and Satan is just flying over it.

00:05:23.000 Cool.

00:05:23.000 If Satan's flying over Dresden, shouldn't he be like Brando in The Godfathers?

00:05:26.000 Like, what did you do to my boy?

00:05:28.000 Look what you did.

00:05:29.000 Imagine seeing that singer, who just sounded like the devil, just going, I want everyone to know that you are who you are, and everyone deserves equal rights, and everyone deserves to be treated the same.

00:05:40.000 OK?

00:05:41.000 So refugees are welcome here, and love is love.

00:05:46.000 Water is life.

00:05:47.000 No human being is illegal.

00:05:49.000 OK.

00:05:50.000 Fine, Mom.

00:05:51.000 Way to ruin everything.

00:05:57.000 By the way, I said that I gave the Rolling Stones that new song, Don't Get Angry With Me, on our Battle of the Bands thing.

00:06:05.000 People who subscribe know that we're evaluating who has had the most hits per year out of any band.

00:06:10.000 So far it goes Replacements, Rolling Stones, Van Halen, ACDC.

00:06:17.000 And I was going to admit that their new hit, Don't Get Angry With Me, goes, counts, but then that's 40 years of Rolling Stones.

00:06:24.000 I got the math wrong.

00:06:26.000 So that would bring them down to 0.5 hits a year.

00:06:29.000 So for their own good, I am fudging the Stata and I am killing Don't Get Angry With Me so they can stay at their 1.6 jams a year.

00:06:41.000 Unfortunately, ACDC is punished by having Thunderstruck in 1991 so far off.

00:06:47.000 Well, this is a new song.

00:06:48.000 Back in black.

00:06:49.000 So if this was a good song, then that would hurt them.

00:06:52.000 If that's a good song, they're toast.

00:06:54.000 Okay, never mind.

00:06:55.000 They'll go down to like .8 a year or something, but let's hear it.

00:06:59.000 I don't listen to new ACDC because I'm scared it wouldn't be good, so I have no idea what to expect.

00:07:06.000 I thought Brian Jones' voice is toast.

00:07:09.000 Brian Johnson's coming back.

00:07:10.000 Yeah.

00:07:10.000 Johnson.

00:07:11.000 Apparently they're gonna do a tour.

00:07:14.000 Well, they just had a show, like, last month.

00:07:17.000 Yeah.

00:07:18.000 Didn't somebody write in saying that they went to it?

00:07:22.000 I don't want this to be good, because I don't want to fuck up their hits per year.

00:07:31.000 Oh, thank God, it sucks.

00:07:34.000 Chorus?

00:07:44.000 Phew, phew, it stinks.

00:07:48.000 Speaking of stinks, AOC farted, and judging by the tone, I think I emailed this to you, Ryan.

00:07:56.000 Judging by the tone, I don't think her and her boyfriend have anal.

00:08:02.000 Usually you can tell if a woman has a lot of butt sex because their farts sound like this.

00:08:10.000 This sounds very tight.

00:08:13.000 So and that's fine.

00:08:14.000 That's great.

00:08:15.000 It's good for her anal health.

00:08:18.000 But I'd be really concerned for her inner health if her fart sounded like the space in between Antissa and patient in Rocky Harbor.

00:08:28.000 Our responsibility is to... Should we just cut right to it?

00:08:33.000 Cut to cheese?

00:08:35.000 No, I like the context.

00:08:36.000 She's talking about something that's literally life or death, and she decides to let one rip.

00:08:43.000 It states, our responsibility is to the stability and the security of the region.

00:08:51.000 That means being able to support, yes, Israel in its defensive capacities, right, in that

00:09:03.000 She's looking at a script.

00:09:04.000 But it also means that the United States has a responsibility to ensure accountability to human rights, to prevent the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians, and to ensure that horrors do not happen in the names of victims who do not want their tragedy used to justify further violence and justice.

00:09:26.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:09:27.000 I remember it being a lot tighter.

00:09:29.000 I remember it being like...

00:09:32.000 Yeah, but this was pretty lit.

00:09:33.000 This was like this is from her account, right?

00:09:38.000 Maybe they do get dirt down and dirty Maybe I'd have to smell his dick to be positive.

00:09:43.000 Let me taste it.

00:09:45.000 Well, where is he shit?

00:09:50.000 Let's hear the fart again

00:09:51.000 ...happen in the names of victims who do not want their tragedy used to justify further... Did you hear the aftertaste?

00:10:00.000 I think that's a D. That was like poo.

00:10:04.000 Oh, I did not hear that.

00:10:05.000 Yeah, you gotta, it's a, it's a main poo.

00:10:09.000 And then a who?

00:10:10.000 So it's like a question.

00:10:12.000 It's not sure of itself.

00:10:13.000 No, it's, it's like, no, a main.

00:10:13.000 It's inquisitive.

00:10:17.000 It's the fart equivalent of in it yeah like get like like you say Celtics suck this year they're trash in it like fuck them you know I mean so it's confident but also wants to understand if you understand the initial fart is is feels like it was too much so it's like fart you know what I mean yeah

00:10:45.000 Right.

00:10:49.000 Beautifully said.

00:10:50.000 Oh!

00:10:51.000 Wait, there's people on the other line.

00:10:53.000 Yeah.

00:10:53.000 Because the fart didn't really sound like it was coming from me.

00:10:55.000 No, it's a weird thing.

00:10:57.000 I've farted.

00:10:58.000 People ignore farts.

00:11:00.000 Like, we did this stupid thing back in Vice days and it was Rolling Stone paid us $300 an hour as a focus group to discuss cool and what's wrong with Rolling Stone and why aren't they considered cool by young people anymore.

00:11:12.000 And it was there was one boomer who was going on about young people isn't when I was young it was the mods and the rockers fighting on the beaches of Brighton and young people don't got nothing no more and we were like no you're just not aware of it you don't know about like fucking no wave and and Iraq and you know whatever the hipster culture was of the early arts.

00:11:33.000 What was it called?

00:11:33.000 Electroclash and all that stuff.

00:11:34.000 You're just not involved.

00:11:36.000 That's what you think young people are doing.

00:11:37.000 And he kept coming back to it, so I just went, well, I think we have all learned that, and then I went, like in the middle of the cool discussion, we were a panel of like seven people, and no one acknowledged it.

00:11:52.000 Like Jesse Pearson, the editor of Vice, was also there.

00:11:55.000 He was laughing his head off, but everyone else was just like, they just move on through farts.

00:11:59.000 They deny them.

00:12:01.000 I think they say when the Indians first saw our ships coming towards the shores, they didn't see them.

00:12:08.000 Like their brains went, that doesn't make sense.

00:12:09.000 So their brains blocked it out and they just saw a horizon.

00:12:11.000 I don't know how you gauge this.

00:12:13.000 I don't know.

00:12:14.000 The Indians told them, but apparently that's perceptual blindness.

00:12:17.000 So they have auditory blindness.

00:12:20.000 What's this now?

00:12:21.000 Somebody went through the work of using high tech imagery.

00:12:23.000 Yeah, that's a confirm.

00:12:28.000 Am I wrong about the delay?

00:12:30.000 The in it?

00:12:31.000 Play it again.

00:12:32.000 Yeah.

00:12:34.000 Yeah, no, it's definitely a C. It's a C.

00:12:49.000 Here's the original.

00:12:50.000 I really think to give her the benefit of the fart, I think it sounds like it's coming from their thing.

00:12:55.000 Of victims who do not want their tragedy.

00:13:02.000 You know what?

00:13:03.000 I mean, I hate to be the guy who kills the fun, but it sounds like the guy on the other line went, hmm.

00:13:09.000 Wait, you don't think that's a fart by anyone?

00:13:11.000 That's correct.

00:13:12.000 Listen closely.

00:13:12.000 This is not a human fart.

00:13:14.000 And so when you listen to the fart, take into account the sound quality, and then he'll talk even after that.

00:13:19.000 And you're like, wait, is that more braps?

00:13:21.000 No, it's his voice.

00:13:23.000 Want their tragedy used to justify further violence and injustice.

00:13:28.000 It's like a fart to me.

00:13:29.000 Right.

00:13:30.000 Beautifully said.

00:13:30.000 I have a book.

00:13:31.000 That guy's voice.

00:13:32.000 I have a book called Does It Fart?

00:13:35.000 And you'd be surprised how few things don't fart.

00:13:39.000 I believe a man o' war that weird jellyfish is pretty much the only thing because it doesn't have an anus but every other everything with an anus farts so don't feel guilty don't feel uncomfortable with the fact that you toot.

00:13:58.000 Speaking of toots

00:14:02.000 AOC is, if that was her farting, she's just an affirmative action hire.

00:14:06.000 She was hired because she's a woman, because she pretended to be a bariqua who grew up in the hood, but she grew up upstate.

00:14:14.000 And so she's not qualified, which is why she always has bug eyes, because she's on Adderall.

00:14:18.000 And that's why you hear nothing but garbage come from her face.

00:14:23.000 She's a joke, right?

00:14:24.000 That's what happens when you don't hire someone based on merit.

00:14:27.000 Another person not based on merit is on The View.

00:14:30.000 She is there because she's black.

00:14:32.000 And The View is already affirmative action because they only talk to women.

00:14:36.000 Women are pretty new to having political opinions.

00:14:39.000 And I made a joke on Twitter the other day.

00:14:42.000 I read that

00:14:43.000 The CBC and the New York Times have been told not to call Hamas terrorists.

00:14:49.000 You should come up with a nicer term.

00:14:51.000 Soldiers of the Resistance, maybe?

00:14:53.000 That sounds better.

00:14:54.000 And I thought it was funny, because Canada proudly calls Proud Boys terrorists.

00:14:58.000 So I said, hey guys, just a reminder, if you're talking about Proud Boys, they are terrorists.

00:15:03.000 If you're talking about Hamas, they are not.

00:15:05.000 And that was me lampooning the ridiculousness of modern legacy media.

00:15:11.000 And then this bitch comes out and does my joke!

00:15:14.000 But real!

00:15:38.000 Can you fucking believe the world we're living in?

00:15:43.000 They didn't just burn babies alive and chop their heads off.

00:15:46.000 They're using them as artillery and sending baby cadavers soaring through the air into Israel.

00:15:52.000 Sorry to laugh.

00:15:54.000 That is just like the Proud Boys who do cocaine, make inappropriate memes and have drinking contests and did trespass on January 6th through an open door.

00:16:08.000 Same thing.

00:16:09.000 Terrorism.

00:16:11.000 Same fucking thing.

00:16:13.000 In her shit brain.

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00:16:24.000 I didn't go to the gym.

00:16:25.000 We partied after the Cops and Robbers show last night till about 1 a.m.

00:16:29.000 So I just didn't feel like going to the gym and I didn't feel like taking this.

00:16:33.000 I have gone to workout hungover with Purple Works and it's weird.

00:16:38.000 Like that's when you end up shitting yourself.

00:16:39.000 You're summoning energy that your body doesn't even have.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, it's cheating.

00:16:43.000 It's like Scotty is in there going, the engines can't handle it, Gavin!

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00:18:45.000 So as you know, this episode is free.

00:18:46.000 It's on all podcasts everywhere.

00:18:48.000 Are you still doing that?

00:18:49.000 Putting the audio on?

00:18:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:52.000 And then we go behind a paywall and we take calls.

00:18:54.000 We might take a call or two before we go up behind the paywall.

00:18:56.000 Oh, real quick, Gav.

00:18:57.000 This is something that's interesting.

00:18:58.000 If you're listening to this from our podcast places, you could be watching the video for free on Censored.TV.

00:19:05.000 Good point.

00:19:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:06.000 We put it on Censored.TV.

00:19:09.000 You can't send that link to anyone.

00:19:11.000 It won't go through.

00:19:13.000 I'm having a Halloween party and the theme is a guy from a movie.

00:19:18.000 And then people go, does it have to be a guy?

00:19:21.000 Come on.

00:19:23.000 No, I wrote it out correctly.

00:19:26.000 A character from any movie.

00:19:28.000 And I thought that doesn't sound very fun for an invite.

00:19:32.000 So I changed it to be a guy from a movie.

00:19:34.000 A guy from a thing, yeah.

00:19:36.000 A guy from a thing.

00:19:37.000 And then Doggystyle, the woman who takes care of my dog, is like, can I be a chick?

00:19:43.000 Of course you could be a fucking chick, you stupid bitch.

00:19:46.000 Not a stupid ass fucking bitch like you're being right now.

00:19:48.000 You could be somebody smart.

00:19:48.000 Yeah.

00:19:50.000 Are you dressed up as an annoying cunt right now?

00:19:52.000 Cause it's working.

00:19:53.000 You're dressed up a little early.

00:19:55.000 But one of my old buddies from the New York days, when I lived in the East Village, who still lives there now, he goes, I want to come, but am I, am I going to end up on some kind of list?

00:20:04.000 I go, what?

00:20:05.000 There's like baseball moms there and shit.

00:20:08.000 He goes, I just don't want it.

00:20:09.000 Like if I'm in a picture, I don't want to get fired.

00:20:12.000 How do you how are you such a pussy and you live in New York City?

00:20:16.000 And then I was just like, don't come.

00:20:18.000 I don't like you anymore.

00:20:20.000 Gay thing to ask.

00:20:21.000 But I think that's why a lot of people don't.

00:20:24.000 Oh, that's that cool Japanese thing.

00:20:26.000 Yeah.

00:20:27.000 Obscure, unguessable things.

00:20:30.000 Well, I like one of them was a guy who doesn't realize his flashlight is on on his phone.

00:20:36.000 So you need a battery charger for that.

00:20:38.000 And right.

00:20:39.000 Because you have to have your flashlight on the whole time.

00:20:41.000 Yeah.

00:20:41.000 That's tough.

00:20:43.000 They're good at Halloween.

00:20:46.000 Someone in Australia asked me, and that was in the to-do list on the mailbag, they said, Halloween's new here, and I got invited to a Halloween party, what do I do?

00:20:57.000 Well, there's a lot, I have a lot to say about that.

00:21:00.000 Your costume has to be funny and original, and you have to make it yourself.

00:21:04.000 Buying a costume is like karaoke, you're just, you're not in a band, you're just buying what some chink made.

00:21:12.000 That's not interesting.

00:21:13.000 That could never work.

00:21:13.000 Title of the episode?

00:21:16.000 It doesn't have to be good either.

00:21:18.000 I think one of my favorite costumes I ever did was a woman dressed as a man for Halloween.

00:21:25.000 So I shaved my beard and I added stubble.

00:21:27.000 I got a form-fitting blazer that was for a woman.

00:21:32.000 And then I had on like those ballerina flats, because I don't have any man shoes.

00:21:37.000 And then I had a cigar and I put on a wig and then I put the wig up into my fedora.

00:21:42.000 And then I had a cigarette.

00:21:43.000 I strapped, I put on tits and then I strapped them down.

00:21:46.000 And then I was making jokes like, hey guys, let's talk about tits, man.

00:21:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:50.000 I totally love football.

00:21:51.000 Yeah.

00:21:51.000 Hey, yeah.

00:21:53.000 That was funny.

00:21:57.000 Who is that chick that dressed up like Shrek?

00:22:00.000 That was like one of the first episodes I've ever done.

00:22:02.000 Oh, one time, you know how there's like Sexy Nurse and then this chick Sexy Toast did Sexy Toast?

00:22:09.000 And then my French doesn't like me anymore because of Trump.

00:22:12.000 What was her name?

00:22:14.000 She dated David Cross for a long time.

00:22:16.000 Redhead.

00:22:17.000 I forgot her name for some reason.

00:22:18.000 But she was Sexy Man.

00:22:22.000 So she had a blazer on and a mustache

00:22:26.000 But she had on sexy lingerie and high-heeled shoes.

00:22:30.000 So, sexy nurse, sexy toast, sexy man.

00:22:33.000 Amber Tamblyn?

00:22:34.000 No, that's his current wife.

00:22:35.000 Dumbass.

00:22:35.000 That's his wife.

00:22:35.000 She's also a redhead, though.

00:22:37.000 Not really.

00:22:38.000 C'est la vie, ça va.

00:22:41.000 What is this?

00:22:43.000 Natasha Lyonne?

00:22:44.000 No.

00:22:44.000 Those are fake redheads.

00:22:46.000 All right.

00:22:49.000 I just got a notice that Turtle Boy has been arrested.

00:22:54.000 He was arrested yesterday on witness intimidation charges.

00:22:57.000 He's been covering a murder case here in Massachusetts and uncovered a lot of corruption amongst the local PD, DA's office, and state police.

00:23:04.000 He thinks the charges were a means to seize his electronics to find out who his sources are.

00:23:09.000 He's out right now, but expecting more charges.

00:23:14.000 What a trip.

00:23:16.000 Yeah, let's check out the article about it.

00:23:17.000 People can look that up on their own.

00:23:19.000 Turtle Boy blogger rests on unwitnessed intimidation charges in connection with Karen Reid case, officials say.

00:23:23.000 He's one of our favorite journalists.

00:23:26.000 He's a real old school, pound the pavement, make the phone calls kind of guy.

00:23:32.000 Unlike the other 99% of modern journalists who just Google and basically rewrite the article they just read on AP.

00:23:39.000 What's 1-5?

00:23:44.000 So that's him explaining it.

00:23:46.000 All right.

00:23:49.000 What's up, everyone?

00:23:50.000 Pretty intense nose.

00:23:54.000 Welcome impromptu Wednesday Night Live.

00:23:56.000 All right, so you can look that up on your own time.

00:23:58.000 He explains the entire thing.

00:24:00.000 Also, speaking of journalists being persecuted, so Tommy Robinson is back in Britain now.

00:24:07.000 As you know from our site, and when I went down to Spain to visit him on the LAM, where they track down the house, God knows how, I didn't even know where I was.

00:24:16.000 In fact, one of the guys staying with us, he went for a walk and he got lost coming back.

00:24:21.000 But hope not hate figured out where we were staying.

00:24:24.000 They know more about me than me.

00:24:27.000 So he went down there because the court told him he can't release a documentary that exonerates him for Islamophobia and points out that the kid he was exposing wasn't a victim but he was in fact the bully who started the fight.

00:24:41.000 Proving himself right is a crime.

00:24:44.000 I know, it sounds crazy.

00:24:46.000 No matter how bad we get, Britain is always worse.

00:24:49.000 So he was on the lam and he let the documentary get released, or it got released I should say, and so he let it, he let the optics go, just like Israel, for long enough that if he came back and got arrested it would have Streisand effect and more people would want to see the video.

00:25:07.000 But that's not why he came back.

00:25:09.000 He came back to face charges of stalking because he went to a journalist's house.

00:25:17.000 You know why he went to the journalist's house?

00:25:19.000 Because she went to his house with Antifa and showed where his wife and children lived and then Antifa, outside his door, threatened the family and threatened to kill the family.

00:25:32.000 This woman, he's not allowed to say her name, has written 244 articles about Tommy Robinson and she has a restraining order against him because he's obsessed with her.

00:25:46.000 What?

00:25:47.000 What?

00:25:49.000 So Tommy is really in the eye of the storm of bureaucracy.

00:25:51.000 But as you can see, with Turtle Boy getting arrested for questioning the state, we're not much better.

00:25:59.000 We're not quite as bad as Tommy Robinson levels, but 88 years for meandering on January 6th, we're pretty fucking bad.

00:26:08.000 Also in very important news about civil rights and humanity, I found some old buddies from my old New York days in a Bruno clip.

00:26:19.000 This is so dumb, I don't know why I'm including this.

00:26:21.000 Fashion is very important.

00:26:22.000 It's what keeps us creative.

00:26:23.000 It's what keeps us alive.

00:26:24.000 It's what keeps us inspired.

00:26:25.000 It's what makes us get up and go out of our houses every day.

00:26:27.000 You know what?

00:26:29.000 She's a real fashion icon living in her own time.

00:26:32.000 I'm from New York and and I come across a lot of people.

00:26:35.000 I knew her.

00:26:36.000 She was in a band.

00:26:37.000 I think her name is Justine.

00:26:39.000 I tried to fuck her and she didn't want to fuck me.

00:26:42.000 So you were looking at someone with probably the most willpower out of any woman in America.

00:26:51.000 That she's able to resist

00:26:53.000 This, and 20 years ago I was even sexier than this.

00:26:58.000 And she managed to just, she maybe had always with wings on or like an adult diaper to absorb the moisture.

00:27:03.000 She was probably embarrassed of herself.

00:27:05.000 It must have looked like she peed her pants.

00:27:08.000 Yeah.

00:27:08.000 But it was just moisture from me hitting on her.

00:27:09.000 But you wouldn't have judged her.

00:27:11.000 How did she resist?

00:27:13.000 Maybe she's also blind?

00:27:15.000 By the way, that dude, he was a bouncer at a club, and I was hanging out with Johnny Knoxville, and he goes, get this bitch out of my face.

00:27:21.000 You guys go take her in the cab.

00:27:23.000 We'll meet you later.

00:27:23.000 So it was Selma Blair.

00:27:26.000 And she was in the cab, and she was talking about how fat she feels in these pants, and she was anorexic.

00:27:32.000 And I go, yeah, you do look like shit.

00:27:34.000 You're huge.

00:27:35.000 I don't even know how you fit in this cab.

00:27:37.000 And I don't know, LA people don't do sarcasm, and she was really hurt by it.

00:27:41.000 And took me seriously.

00:27:43.000 And then when I walked in, that guy saw me walk in with Selma Blair.

00:27:46.000 And after that, I was golden!

00:27:49.000 I was at the front of the line for everything because I knew Selma Blair, who I didn't know and lost immediately after we got into the club.

00:27:57.000 But what's she saying?

00:27:59.000 Go back.

00:27:59.000 Oops.

00:28:00.000 Like, what's the matter with that Sasha?

00:28:02.000 She's obviously kidding.

00:28:04.000 She doesn't want to literally gas people who wear tacky clothes.

00:28:06.000 That's enough of the clip.

00:28:27.000 She's having some fun.

00:28:28.000 And it's true!

00:28:29.000 When I was in Paris, no one had any style.

00:28:31.000 You know what Paris is right now?

00:28:33.000 It's those delivery scooters that have the protective hand things.

00:28:37.000 To the tune of thousands.

00:28:38.000 It's nothing but Arab delivery guys.

00:28:41.000 And then the actual Parisians, they have on sweatpants and they don't even smoke anymore.

00:28:47.000 Paris looks like shit.

00:28:49.000 It's not stylish.

00:28:50.000 New York at least has some 10s left.

00:28:53.000 Where you walk by them and you're like, you want to just say, you're a 10.

00:28:58.000 But coming from this, it's very creepy.

00:29:01.000 Maybe I should just be gay and be like,

00:29:02.000 You're a total fucking 10, girl.

00:29:04.000 You could be a movie star.

00:29:06.000 Then I get to say it.

00:29:07.000 Yeah.

00:29:08.000 And I'm not being a creep.

00:29:11.000 And then when they say thank you, you'll be like, I'm not gay.

00:29:14.000 So thanks.

00:29:14.000 Hey, you know who you should fuck?

00:29:16.000 You should fuck a guy named me.

00:29:20.000 We used to do that, me and the same guy I just talked about who's scared to come to my Halloween party.

00:29:25.000 We would go up to girls and be like, hey, you guys are so fucking hot.

00:29:30.000 And they'd be like, oh, OK, thanks.

00:29:33.000 You guys, you know what you should do?

00:29:38.000 You should get in a bath together.

00:29:40.000 You should have a bath in soap.

00:29:42.000 Soap each other.

00:29:45.000 And they go, all right, well, thanks for that advice.

00:29:47.000 That's great.

00:29:48.000 And then we go, you wanna see something cool?

00:29:52.000 And I'm not wasted anymore.

00:29:53.000 Hi, how you doing?

00:29:54.000 Can I get you a drink?

00:29:54.000 What's going on?

00:29:56.000 Sometimes they would laugh.

00:29:57.000 One time this girl goes, I don't believe you.

00:29:59.000 And I'm like, what do you mean you don't believe me?

00:30:02.000 Want me to do the alphabet backwards?

00:30:04.000 Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T. What do you want me to do?

00:30:09.000 Hello, hello.

00:30:10.000 She's like, bullshit.

00:30:13.000 What?

00:30:14.000 That's the only time it didn't work.

00:30:17.000 You know what a great pickup line is?

00:30:20.000 I did this a hundred times.

00:30:21.000 I'd be like, so we were down, sorry, you're too hot and it's fucking up my story.

00:30:26.000 I'm just going to have to go like this to you.

00:30:28.000 And so I block her face and then be like, so we, and then tell the story well, going like this.

00:30:34.000 That's not bad.

00:30:35.000 And they're like, peekaboo.

00:30:38.000 I see you.

00:30:38.000 Oh yeah, I'm too pretty for you.

00:30:39.000 Um, speaking of retards, I, uh,

00:30:47.000 I love people with Down syndrome.

00:30:49.000 I'm pro-life.

00:30:50.000 So we get a pass.

00:30:52.000 We get the R word pass because we are not ethnically cleansing them like the left is.

00:30:59.000 You see 90% less retards now because the left aborted them all.

00:31:03.000 So they don't get to be self-righteous about people you murder.

00:31:07.000 You don't hear Nazis bragging about how much they love Jews.

00:31:10.000 We're the Zionists over here.

00:31:12.000 We're the Zionists of Retardation.

00:31:14.000 That's a pretty good name for the band.

00:31:17.000 Zionists of Retardation.

00:31:21.000 But the word retard, before it was a bad word, it just meant retardant, like slowed down, less forward, less progressive, less progress, less motion.

00:31:35.000 If you're running in ski boots, then your run is retarded by the boots.

00:31:41.000 You know?

00:31:44.000 So, I'm not going to deny that there's limitations, but the left, who are consumed with anecdotal evidence and totally incapable of noticing patterns, are now in retard denial.

00:31:59.000 That's a new one.

00:32:04.000 There'll be a lot of limitations.

00:32:06.000 Unfortunately, yes.

00:32:07.000 Are you sure about that?

00:32:08.000 It tends to be well-performing only the simplest of tasks.

00:32:12.000 I am a lobbyist on Capitol Hill.

00:32:14.000 A regular life with lasting relationships?

00:32:17.000 We've been together for 14 years.

00:32:19.000 Their cognitive ceiling limits their ability to work.

00:32:23.000 I own a business.

00:32:26.000 Wait, you know what's funny about this?

00:32:30.000 You'd have to be retarded to think that people with Down syndrome can run a business.

00:32:35.000 And the people saying these things that aren't true are all handicapped mentally.

00:32:41.000 So you're not really helping your case.

00:32:43.000 If you really want to make your case, then it should be someone with Down syndrome saying, they have limitations.

00:32:48.000 And then a smart person going, actually someone with Down syndrome owns their own business.

00:32:53.000 That would make more sense here.

00:32:57.000 And yeah, there's plenty of exceptions to rules.

00:33:02.000 This is, I think, the biggest stumbling block with the left and the right.

00:33:06.000 You'll say that there's a pattern here, like a lot of Scottish people get violent when they're drunk and they'll be like, oh yeah, this is Angus McTavish.

00:33:15.000 He's never had a drink in his life.

00:33:17.000 Okay, well, I'm wrong then.

00:33:20.000 Sorry, I thought the Scots had a problem with whiskey, and particularly Glaswegians get violent when they're drunk, but you found a teetotaler, so I'm wrong.

00:33:31.000 Ever heard of the exception that makes the rule?

00:33:33.000 Like, how do we go back to, what, fourth grade logic?

00:33:37.000 This is like preschool.

00:33:40.000 I wouldn't expect much.

00:33:42.000 I was awed at Amy winning, so it's a stretch for them to live past their 50th birthday.

00:33:48.000 To be blunt with you, it's a lifetime of limitations.

00:33:55.000 Your limitations.

00:33:56.000 Not mine.

00:33:57.000 Not mine.

00:33:58.000 Not mine.

00:34:00.000 Not mine.

00:34:03.000 Down syndrome?

00:34:04.000 That is the most retarded ad I've ever seen in my life.

00:34:07.000 And you know why?

00:34:08.000 In every way, shape or form.

00:34:10.000 I think I know why.

00:34:12.000 Why?

00:34:12.000 Because I made this commercial.

00:34:17.000 We can make commercials too.

00:34:20.000 You made that commercial, Larry?

00:34:22.000 Yeah.

00:34:23.000 But the lighting is perfect.

00:34:25.000 The editing is great.

00:34:26.000 The choice of music was perfect.

00:34:29.000 Arrivederci.

00:34:32.000 Arrivederci?

00:34:33.000 French word, thank you.

00:34:35.000 Oh.

00:34:36.000 See?

00:34:38.000 Censored.tv backs Harley Heavyhands Burke.

00:34:42.000 He's got a fight in December.

00:34:43.000 I was with him in Ireland, taking him around all the boxing gyms where he fucking slayed.

00:34:50.000 I want to take him on a tour of Britain in general, getting him different sparring partners.

00:34:54.000 The great thing about Britain is

00:34:57.000 It's eight hours from top to bottom.

00:35:00.000 So you can cover like easily cover a town a day.

00:35:04.000 You could probably do two gyms a day for a week.

00:35:09.000 I'm not exaggerating.

00:35:10.000 Two separate and then the sparring partners could be three.

00:35:12.000 You could probably fight six guys a day.

00:35:16.000 For a week.

00:35:17.000 And isn't that like having a good record?

00:35:20.000 Like, boxers are judged, he's 8-0 now, which is pretty good.

00:35:24.000 But he's kind of old for that?

00:35:26.000 Not really.

00:35:27.000 But if you have sparred six guys a day for a week, I don't care that you're just 8-0 now, you're kind of like 12-0.

00:35:35.000 As far as experience goes.

00:35:38.000 It's not a science, but I have found someone who is better, closer to the brand, he understands the ethos of this show.

00:35:47.000 So Harley is now number two, and this is our man, the new number one focus for Censored.TV as far as pro fighters go.

00:35:59.000 I'm Vice Grip, I've trained all my life, but never done much with my training, so now that these guys are here, I got a chance to do something with it.

00:36:06.000 Nailed him.

00:36:06.000 Overhand.

00:36:06.000 Good rib shot.

00:36:07.000 I like the back of the head.

00:36:07.000 1-0.

00:36:07.000 Perfect record.

00:36:08.000 1-0, 1 KO.

00:36:08.000 Alright, here we go again.

00:36:08.000 Got him, and he's down.

00:36:09.000 2-0.

00:36:09.000 Hey, there you go.

00:36:10.000 Look at that!

00:36:11.000 Oh, look at the shirt!

00:36:34.000 Get off my lawn.

00:36:36.000 He's perfect.

00:36:37.000 I can't see one flaw about this guy.

00:36:38.000 This is our guy.

00:36:39.000 Sorry, Harley.

00:36:40.000 Bye-bye, Harley.

00:36:41.000 Home to mommy.

00:36:42.000 Get out of Harley and drive away, right?

00:36:44.000 Because you're lost.

00:36:46.000 Bye-bye.

00:36:47.000 She probably likes me.

00:36:51.000 Boom!

00:36:51.000 Okay.

00:36:52.000 Uh-oh.

00:36:54.000 So we're now 2-1.

00:36:55.000 Right on, Vice Grip!

00:36:55.000 Get off my lawn!

00:36:56.000 Nice!

00:36:56.000 Alright, we're about to be 3-1.

00:36:57.000 Oh, that was a bad one on the chin.

00:36:58.000 Oh, that was 3 in the chin.

00:37:17.000 Okay, so I've got an announcement to make.

00:37:20.000 Vice Grip is gone, we're no longer working with him, and Harley is back!

00:37:25.000 I don't remember you ever endorsing him to begin with.

00:37:27.000 I don't know who Vice Grip is, I know who Harley is.

00:37:30.000 I know Vice, that company you started there, but... Patriot 1776, are you still supporting toxic products and companies owned by woke megacorporations?

00:37:40.000 Well, Patriot1776.store

00:37:43.000 Has found a solution.

00:37:45.000 A company committed to making their products in America.

00:37:47.000 They're privately owned, which means BlackRock, State Street, and Vanguard can't get a voting interest by owning their stock and forcing ESG and D.I.E.

00:37:56.000 policies.

00:37:56.000 Diversity, Inclusion, Equity.

00:37:58.000 This company is making its own decisions, employing Americans, and not putting toxic chemicals into its products and food.

00:38:03.000 It's a membership service that can be thought of as a competitor to Amazon and the big box stores like Target and Walmart.

00:38:09.000 They have over 400 necessary everyday household items such as

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00:38:21.000 They are all high-quality products that are just as good or better than their mainstream counterparts and at competitive prices for their members.

00:38:26.000 Just to be clear here, that fart was making fun of AOC.

00:38:29.000 I'm not making fun of our sponsor.

00:38:31.000 So why give hundreds of dollars a month to corporations that hate us when there is an American patron-owned company who is providing alternatives?

00:38:40.000 Go to patriot1776.store today and fill out the form at the top of the page.

00:38:45.000 You'll receive an email or text soon after explaining how to get involved and become a member.

00:38:49.000 This could be a great solution for how to vote with your dollars when it comes to your family or household's monthly essential spending.

00:38:57.000 Patriot1776.store likes you more than a friend.

00:39:01.000 For anybody saying, whoa, where's the promo code?

00:39:04.000 How do I let people know that I've seen this through censored.tv?

00:39:07.000 Well, when you sign up, how'd you hear about us?

00:39:09.000 You type in get off my lawn, you fucking bitch.

00:39:16.000 We're doing stand-up comedy in Nashville tomorrow.

00:39:19.000 Just did a podcast.

00:39:22.000 What's it called, the podcast?

00:39:23.000 The Panfluteer.

00:39:24.000 They do a whole bunch of different media things in Nashville.

00:39:27.000 Is it up?

00:39:28.000 It was live, but let me check on the replay.

00:39:32.000 I did tweet it out, so on our Twitter, there's the thing.

00:39:36.000 But they're into comedy and stand-up comedy and one thing that's very important about doing jokes is there has to be a semblance of logic to it.

00:39:46.000 I remember David Cross told me about this black guy who had seen this Wendy's commercial that was big in the 80s or 90s.

00:39:55.000 And Wendy's had a taste test, and it was their Whopper, and then they had the worst, grossest garbage burger in the world that was like, the patty was hanging out and it looked like crap.

00:40:05.000 Obvious joke.

00:40:06.000 And the African was like, I saw this commercial for Burger King, and they had the Whopper, and it was perfect, the way they produced.

00:40:14.000 Then they have the worst burger you have ever seen!

00:40:19.000 Next to eat!

00:40:20.000 Not fair!

00:40:21.000 It's not a fair contest!

00:40:23.000 Of course they are going to choose the Whopper!

00:40:27.000 And everyone in the audience is like going...

00:40:37.000 That's the one before they started taking shots at other companies.

00:40:41.000 Right.

00:40:43.000 And David had a terrible bit once.

00:40:45.000 He was talking about the airport and he goes, I'm at the airport and they're selling luggage.

00:40:49.000 If there's one place where you don't need luggage, it's at the airport.

00:40:53.000 You brought your luggage there.

00:40:55.000 And it's like, dude, people's luggage breaks.

00:40:59.000 And if there's one place where they realize that this hamburger, I mean this suitcase ain't gonna hack it no more, it's at the airport.

00:41:06.000 So they throw it out and they repack their bags there with a brand new shiny one.

00:41:11.000 You don't think of that when your shit's in storage.

00:41:15.000 Similarly, look at this guy's logic here about how stupid us conservatives are.

00:41:21.000 I'm always open to hearing stupid conservative stuff, but they never get it right.

00:41:24.000 I saw the left bitching about what babies we are for being upset about Dylan Mulvaney.

00:41:30.000 And you're like, guys, you made drag queens promote Jack Daniels.

00:41:35.000 We didn't give a shit.

00:41:37.000 We just thought it was weird.

00:41:39.000 Dylan Mulvaney says he's a girl.

00:41:42.000 So you made Bud Light about sexy little girls.

00:41:48.000 That's fucking gross and it's indicative of a greater trend.

00:41:50.000 We're seeing grooming with drag queens.

00:41:52.000 That's why it pissed us off.

00:41:54.000 Because it was indicative of a pattern.

00:41:58.000 That's the theme for today's show, patterns.

00:42:00.000 Okay, take it away.

00:42:01.000 If you let transgender people into a woman's bathroom, it'll be a loophole for predators, you know?

00:42:07.000 And if you think that, that means you believe there are guys out there going, man, I'd love to go into a woman's bathroom and abduct and murder someone, but unfortunately, I'm not allowed in there.

00:42:29.000 So I guess I'm just not going to murder anyone ever again.

00:42:33.000 All over the place.

00:42:35.000 I guess I'm just done murdering people.

00:42:37.000 I'm a murderer, but it says woman on the side.

00:42:43.000 Like I know a joke is a joke, but there has to be some logic as the spine to it.

00:42:48.000 And has it ever occurred to you, Ranan, that there's such a thing as degrees of predatory behavior?

00:42:55.000 For example, leering, lurking, staring.

00:43:00.000 My six-year-old daughter is going pee and there's a man in drag next to her in the next stall jerking off.

00:43:07.000 That's not murder, but when there's no sign and it says, you're welcome.

00:43:13.000 Then when we get there and we go, Hey, I don't like that guy there.

00:43:17.000 We don't have a sign to back us up.

00:43:18.000 We have to beat him up.

00:43:20.000 And then we go to jail because we're violating his civil rights.

00:43:23.000 So it's not that the concept was not to prevent murder.

00:43:28.000 And by the way, there have been several cases of rape.

00:43:32.000 And we have dozens of cases of men with boners in the changing room, not murdering anyone with their boners, not strangling them with their erect penises, but ruining their fucking day.

00:43:46.000 Okay, making things very shitty for them like the spa.

00:43:51.000 What was it the Wii Spa Castle?

00:43:53.000 Yep in San Francisco that guy had a fucking boner around a six-year-old girl We also had the dude the swim team guy he The girls in the changing room said that he would have a boner in the changing room Thomas

00:44:10.000 The fuckin' shoulders out to here guy.

00:44:12.000 Something Thomas?

00:44:14.000 The one Riley Gaines is mad about.

00:44:16.000 Riley Gaines describes his erect penis in the dressing room.

00:44:20.000 Not murder, but it's not something us civilized folk want.

00:44:25.000 You fuckin' moron.

00:44:26.000 Leah Thomas.

00:44:27.000 What's his real name?

00:44:29.000 I love finding out their real names.

00:44:31.000 Like Ibram X. Kendi's real name is Henry Rogers.

00:44:36.000 I'm Henry X. You know, it's funny that, uh... Oh, it says... Yeah, this is one of the things they're doing, Wikipedia especially.

00:44:44.000 Mark Dice had a great video on this, how in every single instance of a celebrity, how they have alter egos.

00:44:49.000 You could, you know, Adam Sandler's real name or whatever the fuck.

00:44:52.000 The biggest celebrity you could think of, Tom Cruise is.

00:44:54.000 Like Jon Stewart, Jon Lebowitz.

00:44:55.000 Right.

00:44:55.000 Like, but Tom Cruise is like, everybody's is out there.

00:44:58.000 There's something you can't avoid.

00:44:59.000 The one person they made the exception for, and won't allow anybody to add to it, is that fucking, the black chick from, uh, Orange is the New Black, that tranny.

00:45:07.000 The big black one.

00:45:08.000 Oh yeah, Laverne Cox.

00:45:10.000 Laverne Cox, yeah.

00:45:11.000 So she's Laverne Cox.

00:45:13.000 Yup.

00:45:13.000 Cause you'd be deadnaming them.

00:45:15.000 Right.

00:45:15.000 I bet it's really hard to find.

00:45:16.000 Look up Leah Thomas.

00:45:18.000 Leah Thomas, real name.

00:45:23.000 It's deadname.

00:45:23.000 That's my deadname.

00:45:24.000 I killed that person.

00:45:25.000 Well then you're under arrest.

00:45:28.000 I like that.

00:45:30.000 Yeah, true.

00:45:33.000 William Will Thomas.

00:45:35.000 Will Thomas.

00:45:36.000 Willie!

00:45:37.000 His name's Willie!

00:45:38.000 Willie had an erection.

00:45:40.000 Willie had a Willie.

00:45:43.000 Willie still got a Willie.

00:45:44.000 Murder someone but I'm not about to break bathroom sign rules!

00:45:48.000 It's a false premise.

00:45:49.000 So it's just you can't make a joke on top of no foundation.

00:45:53.000 Yeah it's it's the left.

00:45:54.000 There's no murder.

00:45:55.000 All the Trump allegations like that's what I was saying on that podcast earlier.

00:46:00.000 I love being criticized but only when it's true.

00:46:04.000 You got me defending racism calling me a white supremacist like I have time.

00:46:10.000 What's the next one?

00:46:11.000 2-0?

00:46:14.000 He's right.

00:46:16.000 Oh, that's weird that I put that there.

00:46:19.000 That is 2-0 though, right?

00:46:20.000 Let's see.

00:46:20.000 Yeah, I love that little kid.

00:46:21.000 That little autistic kid.

00:46:23.000 I don't know why it's here.

00:46:24.000 It should probably be a final video or something.

00:46:26.000 Train guy?

00:46:26.000 Yeah, I think he's aware that he looks ridiculous and cartoony when he puts that GoPro on his forehead, but he's as far you go on the spectrum towards Asperger, and his obsession is trains.

00:46:39.000 You've seen him before, right?

00:46:42.000 This is me after seeing 56091 and 56301 at Clapham Junction.

00:46:48.000 Roll the footage.

00:46:53.000 Oh, that's what I...

00:46:58.000 It's one of the, it's like groundbreakingly uniquely funny.

00:47:01.000 You know how you have these African tribes that worship planes like the Cargo Cult in Papua New Guinea?

00:47:06.000 You should worship a plane.

00:47:07.000 It's fucking amazing.

00:47:08.000 That's what I, that's what was my note for this.

00:47:11.000 And as he, as everyone just goes, ah, what a weird nerd.

00:47:14.000 It is an incredible piece of machinery.

00:47:17.000 Like how about I lock you in a warehouse for the next 40 years and you can have all kinds of tool and die things, you can make whatever parts you want and you try to make something even close to a train.

00:47:29.000 You won't, you won't be able to.

00:47:32.000 It's an incredible feat.

00:47:33.000 Couldn't even make the paint that goes on the train.

00:47:35.000 The simplest part of this.

00:47:37.000 We should be, you know who said this?

00:47:39.000 I reluctantly give her a shout out.

00:47:43.000 The woman behind Planned Parenthood

00:47:47.000 What the fuck is her name?

00:47:48.000 Margaret Gaines or something?

00:47:49.000 That sounds familiar.

00:47:51.000 Margaret Sanger?

00:47:52.000 Yeah, that sounds right.

00:47:54.000 She loved Western civilization and men.

00:47:57.000 She also loved abortion and eugenics, so she's not the best person to quote.

00:48:03.000 But she goes, sometimes I would just sit outside the front of my house and just marvel at the inventions that men have made.

00:48:10.000 And that's such a strangely reverential thing for a woman to say.

00:48:14.000 You'd never hear it now.

00:48:15.000 But yeah, you should sit there and just go, holy fucking shit.

00:48:20.000 How about this?

00:48:21.000 As men, can we marvel at the only thing that you make?

00:48:24.000 Babies, and not kill them?

00:48:26.000 Yeah.

00:48:27.000 It's so ironic.

00:48:28.000 Let's enjoy each other's inventions.

00:48:30.000 We'll enjoy your humans, and you enjoy our trains.

00:48:35.000 What are you doing now?

00:48:36.000 B-roll of Cargo Cult.

00:48:38.000 Okay.

00:48:39.000 Let's see him go.

00:48:40.000 I support his enthusiasm.

00:48:44.000 It's accurate.

00:48:46.000 Right.

00:48:47.000 This is going to be the most almighty scream.

00:48:54.000 Chris Guntrip, he knows what to do.

00:48:58.000 They all must know him, right?

00:49:00.000 They have to.

00:49:02.000 He's got to work for the National Railway when he gets older.

00:49:06.000 I think he's going to be on time for work when you hire him.

00:49:14.000 Why are you on the platform?

00:49:15.000 You're supposed to be in the train.

00:49:16.000 I've got some bad news, Oliver.

00:49:18.000 It's five o'clock.

00:49:19.000 You've got to go.

00:49:21.000 Your shift's done.

00:49:22.000 Look, he's crying.

00:49:28.000 When I talk about Western chauvinism, that's what I want everyone in the West to be doing.

00:49:33.000 Looking around them and crying.

00:49:38.000 Did he cum in his pants?

00:49:40.000 Maybe.

00:49:41.000 Which brings us to feminism.

00:49:43.000 Let's pull up the femme.

00:49:46.000 La femme.

00:49:48.000 Cherchez la femme.

00:49:49.000 Who here identifies as a feminist?

00:49:51.000 We are the storm.

00:49:53.000 The very form of change that the world has been waiting for.

00:50:00.000 You said I was too pretty to fight.

00:50:05.000 That's toxic masculinity.

00:50:07.000 You don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.

00:50:14.000 My youngest boys had like 10 games this month, and then my oldest boy only plays on the weekends and they've both been rained out.

00:50:22.000 So I paid 700 bucks for him to be the 15-year-old in this club.

00:50:27.000 He's had two games.

00:50:27.000 That's $350 a game.

00:50:30.000 The other team was like 400 bucks for the 10-year-old, I think.

00:50:33.000 And it's going down to like 10 bucks a game.

00:50:38.000 No, not quite that little.

00:50:41.000 Speaking of Bud Light, I'd like to give a sharp and enthusiastic congratulations to Dylan Mulvaney for acquiring the Woman of the Year award by Virgin Atlantic.

00:50:52.000 Look at her.

00:50:54.000 And this person isn't even a woman.

00:50:57.000 It's a girl.

00:50:59.000 So she doesn't even identify as a woman.

00:51:01.000 She identifies as a girl.

00:51:03.000 Where is she?

00:51:04.000 What age are you, Dylan?

00:51:06.000 Like 10 years?

00:51:07.000 I know she pretended to be Eloise from that famed children's novel where she's in the hotel, right?

00:51:13.000 That girl is, I think, like 10.

00:51:15.000 So I guess she rocketed through puberty and became a woman?

00:51:20.000 Or is it like Spice Girls, Girl Power, where a girl can be anything?

00:51:26.000 I think that's fantastic.

00:51:27.000 Men are better at everything, including being a woman.

00:51:34.000 Uh, here's a fat, ugly chick who thinks she rocks.

00:51:37.000 Oh, this.

00:51:38.000 So this is, what do they call her?

00:51:39.000 Gonzo the Destroyer.

00:51:41.000 Is that what this is?

00:51:42.000 Yeah.

00:51:42.000 Gorlock.

00:51:43.000 Gorlock.

00:51:44.000 Yeah.

00:51:45.000 She's, her hubris, her confidence is insane.

00:51:48.000 Her?

00:51:50.000 Like, you know, you're a one, right?

00:51:52.000 Isn't it a he?

00:51:53.000 No, it's a, it's a chick.

00:51:54.000 Is it a chick?

00:51:56.000 Yeah.

00:51:56.000 I thought it was a trans guy to chick.

00:52:01.000 I'll look into it.

00:52:02.000 Okay.

00:52:03.000 I don't think anyone's ever seen its genitals before, so we have no idea.

00:52:06.000 That's fair.

00:52:07.000 Maybe it doesn't know.

00:52:09.000 Not everything, but it plays a big part.

00:52:11.000 For sure.

00:52:12.000 Well, with that being said, you can take your blindfold off.

00:52:16.000 Oh, fuck no.

00:52:17.000 Jesus Christ.

00:52:18.000 What the fuck?

00:52:18.000 Do you like water?

00:52:30.000 That's funny.

00:52:31.000 That's good old-fashioned humor.

00:52:33.000 And that's what makes me excited about young people today.

00:52:38.000 I like zoomers.

00:52:39.000 I think they're cool.

00:52:41.000 They're funny.

00:52:42.000 They hate woke.

00:52:43.000 They're honest.

00:52:44.000 I think all this internet addiction has actually flooded their brains with so much information that they get it.

00:52:51.000 They're like Daryl Hannah in Splash.

00:52:54.000 They've just been bombarded with everything and now they have excellent bullshit detectors.

00:53:00.000 Like they tried to rig the game.

00:53:02.000 They tried to make AI PC, where you can show a proud black woman, but you can't show a proud white man.

00:53:08.000 They saw through that scam.

00:53:11.000 So what does it say?

00:53:12.000 Is Gorlock male or female?

00:53:15.000 You slowed down the show to contradict me, so you better hope you're right.

00:53:23.000 She, she was featured on the show.

00:53:25.000 It might just be nice.

00:53:27.000 Was born a man.

00:53:29.000 Bam.

00:53:29.000 Where?

00:53:31.000 Who is Gorlock the Destroyer?

00:53:33.000 Like, Destroyer's an image that's been circling around the internet about a morbidly obese person sitting around a group of women.

00:53:40.000 Yes?

00:53:40.000 Okay.

00:53:41.000 She was born a man, but later transitioned into a woman.

00:53:43.000 So what the fuck w- Ali C. Lopez.

00:53:48.000 Allie, that's a girl's name.

00:53:49.000 But that's her trans name.

00:53:50.000 Oh, I see, her trans name.

00:53:51.000 Okay, good.

00:53:52.000 Good work then.

00:53:54.000 It's sort of like Scrabble.

00:53:55.000 If you question a word and you're wrong, you get penalized.

00:53:58.000 But if you're right, you win.

00:54:02.000 Only time you're happy to have diarrhea is when you're playing Scrabble.

00:54:06.000 So true.

00:54:07.000 Especially on a triple word score.

00:54:11.000 Here's a chick I discovered with pretty good sprinkles.

00:54:16.000 And this seems to be the only place to find good comedy these days, is on some fucking random reel of a stranger.

00:54:23.000 Refrigerator running?

00:54:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:27.000 You better go catch it.

00:54:30.000 Dude, that was fucking crazy.

00:54:32.000 Okay, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.

00:54:33.000 Okay, okay.

00:54:34.000 Okay, I just did like random numbers.

00:54:36.000 Er, I think it's pizza.

00:54:38.000 Pizza, please.

00:54:39.000 Yeah, come on.

00:54:41.000 Hi, Best Pizza Williamsburg, what can I get for you?

00:54:46.000 Um, can I get pizza?

00:54:49.000 Can I get pizza?

00:54:50.000 Tomato!

00:54:51.000 Delivery!

00:54:52.000 Delivery!

00:54:53.000 Yes, the address that's on file for the phone over.

00:55:16.000 Yes, that's perfect.

00:55:18.000 All right, great.

00:55:19.000 Well, I'll talk to you then.

00:55:22.000 Bye.

00:55:23.000 Holy shit!

00:55:23.000 Did you get that shit?

00:55:24.000 We fucking got his ass.

00:55:26.000 Imagine we eat the pizza.

00:55:30.000 You just ordered a pizza.

00:55:32.000 Hi there.

00:55:34.000 Thank you so much.

00:55:35.000 We got his ass.

00:55:38.000 We got his ass.

00:55:43.000 He was like, here it is.

00:55:45.000 And I was like, thanks.

00:55:46.000 It's the pizza guy.

00:55:47.000 And I was like, oh, it looks good.

00:55:50.000 That looks really good.

00:55:52.000 Williamsburg has good pizza.

00:55:54.000 What do you think?

00:55:55.000 It looks fantastic.

00:55:57.000 No, not the fucking pizza.

00:55:58.000 That's shit for brains.

00:55:59.000 She's pretty funny.

00:56:00.000 You like that?

00:56:01.000 Yeah.

00:56:02.000 Yeah.

00:56:02.000 She's pretty funny.

00:56:03.000 I checked out her whole shit.

00:56:05.000 She's got some good ones.

00:56:08.000 Like that, actually that one's pretty good too.

00:56:10.000 She assumes that guy wants to marry her.

00:56:13.000 Aww, I love you.

00:56:17.000 What?

00:56:18.000 It's so nice.

00:56:18.000 I said I love you and it's so nice.

00:56:20.000 Okay, we're just getting dinners.

00:56:22.000 Like friends and roommates.

00:56:23.000 Friends and roommates.

00:56:25.000 Yeah, because roommates.

00:56:26.000 Yeah, what, we have dinner together, by the way.

00:56:28.000 And we watch movies together.

00:56:30.000 Yeah, and Michael's here, which would not happen at an anniversary dinner.

00:56:33.000 Because Michael's going to film the proposal later.

00:56:36.000 I love her.

00:56:37.000 All the food in there fucking thing is distracting me.

00:56:39.000 That sushi looks pretty yummy.

00:56:53.000 Jump down to 25 because her delivery reminds me of Kristen Wiig and I don't know Kristen Wiig but I traveled in her circles for a while and she came here with a comedian boyfriend and they both wanted to make it in the big city and probably because he's a white male but maybe because he's not funny but he went nowhere and she went from a bunch of improv boom to SNL and then just

00:57:17.000 Super career childless and alone getting dumped by guys that are interested in fucking a funny chick and then She's old.

00:57:26.000 I'm gonna go fuck a 26 year old for a while.

00:57:28.000 Just that sort of nomadic Ghost life that the childless have where they break up and they're not even upset It's the life of a gay Basically that these people choose gay lifestyles and then you talk to gays and you realize you're fucking miserable especially as you get older so

00:57:46.000 I'm looking at this.

00:57:47.000 It's not particularly funny.

00:57:48.000 Don't get your hopes up.

00:57:49.000 But I just think about how funny Kristen Wiig is and how in our society if you're that talented and you get the sprinkles then it's sort of a given that you wouldn't waste that on just a family and a husband and kids.

00:58:02.000 You got to go and make millions of dollars being a famous funny person.

00:58:06.000 And you know what I say to that?

00:58:08.000 I say no.

00:58:09.000 Hoard it.

00:58:11.000 Hog it.

00:58:12.000 Hog your talent, Kristen.

00:58:14.000 Marry the love of your life.

00:58:15.000 Have babies with him.

00:58:17.000 And don't share your talent with the world.

00:58:20.000 Have your kids laugh their heads off.

00:58:23.000 Make traditions that are fucking stupid and hilarious that your husband and your kids can enjoy.

00:58:28.000 And don't share your gift with the world.

00:58:31.000 Hog it.

00:58:33.000 That's what I say to chicks with the sprinkles.

00:58:38.000 That should be Kristen and her husband.

00:58:57.000 And we shouldn't know about it.

00:59:00.000 And their kids should be sleeping.

00:59:04.000 Instead, she's like, in her underwear right now, watching Netflix, eating cheese puffs, alone.

00:59:11.000 Rich.

00:59:12.000 Great!

00:59:13.000 We got money, Kristen!

00:59:19.000 Um, we've got some callers.

00:59:20.000 If callers showed up, should we switch over to that?

00:59:22.000 I still got some chick stuff I wanted to see.

00:59:24.000 Let's finish the chick stuff.

00:59:26.000 Chick stuff!

00:59:27.000 Welcome back to Chick Stuff!

00:59:29.000 That's a fucking hilarious idea dude.

00:59:32.000 It's a bunch of guys, beer drinking guys, and they have on like barstool sports kind of outfits and sit around chairs and it's just chick stuff.

00:59:40.000 Like birth control pills and what's going on with that chick.

00:59:45.000 Jonas, whatever, who's getting divorced.

00:59:48.000 It's just gossip, female health, AOC, abortion, but it's from guys talking about it.

00:59:58.000 I'm pretty excited about the new abortion clinic that opened up on 34th Street.

01:00:03.000 No lineups, great service, great place to get your fucking baby yeeted out.

01:00:08.000 Welcome back to Chick Stuff.

01:00:11.000 Here's some guys crashing a feminist workshop.

01:00:16.000 And again, I love Zoomers.

01:00:18.000 They're fucking funny, man.

01:00:22.000 They're crazy, man.

01:00:23.000 2-4.

01:00:25.000 Yep.

01:00:26.000 Got it.

01:00:26.000 OK, we'll get it up.

01:00:29.000 Shit.

01:00:31.000 Pause.

01:00:32.000 Volume.

01:00:34.000 Wow.

01:00:47.000 Now you don't think we're real women?

01:00:48.000 Yeah, that's kind of sound.

01:00:49.000 You guys are just two boys.

01:00:50.000 We're grown women.

01:00:51.000 So now you're misgendering us.

01:00:53.000 This is Bob and JJ popping in to learn more about feminism.

01:00:55.000 We're just trying to learn about feminism and you're just... Okay, so you're feminist, alright.

01:00:59.000 So what's the first thing you even know about feminism?

01:01:01.000 Uh, men have no rights, and that's obvious.

01:01:03.000 I'm her slave.

01:01:04.000 It's not that men don't have rights.

01:01:05.000 It's that men have not been treating women equally in their entire lifespan.

01:01:10.000 So I doubt that you two know anything else about treating... In their entire lifespan?

01:01:14.000 No, no, no.

01:01:15.000 You need to get out of my meeting.

01:01:16.000 Part of these hijacked controllers, you guys are not even allowed here.

01:01:18.000 You guys are not even women.

01:01:19.000 Get out!

01:01:20.000 Miss, we are grown women.

01:01:22.000 You need to stop misgendering us.

01:01:23.000 Thank you, Bob.

01:01:23.000 That was beautiful.

01:01:24.000 Obviously, you're not respecting the fact that I am a woman here, along with Yasmin.

01:01:27.000 Yasmin, are you there?

01:01:28.000 Yasmin, please, please tell these guys, like, they're not even allowed here.

01:01:32.000 Yeah, you can cut it out for tonight.

01:01:33.000 We're done with you.

01:01:35.000 Aren't they awesome?

01:01:38.000 I love how they're cracking each other up too.

01:01:42.000 Quality.

01:01:42.000 That's what I want my sons to be.

01:01:43.000 I'm going to send that to them and say, here's your life goal.

01:01:46.000 Start doing this.

01:01:47.000 What the fuck did she mean men haven't been treating women equally their entire lives?

01:01:52.000 Their lifespan.

01:01:53.000 Does that mean my 53 years?

01:01:54.000 Their lifespan.

01:01:55.000 Or every single male's life, his lifespan since when?

01:01:59.000 Cave days?

01:02:01.000 Do you mean women have never been treated equally?

01:02:04.000 There's something that's, sure, that's kind of true.

01:02:06.000 You're not equal, you're different.

01:02:07.000 You make babies, you're magic.

01:02:10.000 Should we, should we punch you if you don't say safety after you fart?

01:02:15.000 And you have to name five breakfast cereals?

01:02:17.000 Because that's what we did in high school.

01:02:18.000 That's what proud boys do.

01:02:20.000 Oh, duh.

01:02:21.000 Just a quick update on National Jihad Day.

01:02:23.000 This is just... The events are starting to just kick off.

01:02:28.000 Fun!

01:02:33.000 Well Jews, are you happy you focused on mega extremists for the past 5, 6, 7 years?

01:02:38.000 Since Trump?

01:02:41.000 Guys like me would have had your back if you didn't lock up all my friends.

01:02:44.000 I do still have your back, but ADL and SPLC, I think your funders may want to check where their money goes.

01:02:51.000 Because BLM, pretty much every white liberal and 100% of Muslims are totally into you having your home country, Israel, invaded.

01:03:05.000 And having you destroyed from what?

01:03:07.000 River to the sea?

01:03:09.000 So... But yeah.

01:03:11.000 January 6th.

01:03:12.000 That was Nazis.

01:03:15.000 Speaking of your maternal instinct going awry... This woman is raising moths.

01:03:21.000 From birth.

01:03:23.000 Breastfeeding them.

01:03:26.000 Two years ago, I found this giant moth sitting on my driveway.

01:03:31.000 I had a huge fear of bugs back then, so seeing this giant tarantula with wings scared the hell out of me.

01:03:37.000 Now I don't know what got into me, but when she started crawling toward me, I just decided to let my hand out.

01:03:44.000 But I had no idea what I was about to get myself into.

01:03:50.000 The next thing I knew, I was raising her babies.

01:03:53.000 I would feed them, clean their containers, throw away their old leaves, replace them with new leaves.

01:03:59.000 This was the closest I could get to being a moth.

01:04:02.000 That's Alfred Hitchcock levels of moths.

01:04:04.000 You got worms, bitch.

01:04:07.000 I was worried that they weren't gonna make it, but then one day, I saw one hatch.

01:04:11.000 They've been around for what, two,

01:04:15.000 How old are moths?

01:04:17.000 How long have moths been around?

01:04:20.000 That can't be right.

01:04:21.000 No, that's moths.

01:04:22.000 How long have moths been around?

01:04:37.000 Yeah.

01:04:38.000 Is it two months again?

01:04:39.000 It's like moss or glass.

01:04:41.000 Let's just say it's around 50 million years.

01:04:43.000 Like my wife had these little butterfly, uh, caterpillars she got online.

01:04:48.000 So we could, when my kids were older, yeah, 190 million, much older than that.

01:04:52.000 Um, and I knocked it over and she was like crying cause they fell.

01:04:56.000 And I was like, they're still going to gestate.

01:04:59.000 They're still going to pupate, whatever it's called.

01:05:01.000 I'll just tape the pod back to this, the roof of the little mesh thing.

01:05:06.000 It's like they're dead, you knocked it over.

01:05:09.000 And then they all lived and they all turned into moths because they've been around for 190 million years and they're accustomed to the odd bonk.

01:05:19.000 They've survived flood, fire, war, famine, disease, death.

01:05:24.000 Her apartment is a shield for the elements that have probably been the only trouble for these little guys and she's wondering if they'll survive.

01:05:31.000 Yeah.

01:05:32.000 Bye.

01:05:32.000 Bye bye!

01:05:32.000 I wonder why.

01:05:33.000 She looks prettier like that.

01:05:36.000 I'm a moth woman.

01:06:00.000 I love this sort of like new like hippie black shit that's to have.

01:06:04.000 It's so funny.

01:06:08.000 They're all like this delicate queen who like sit like this.

01:06:16.000 And to think that all of this started because of a moth.

01:06:20.000 No, it started because of your maternal instinct gone awry.

01:06:24.000 I think if we could quantify what thwarting woman's maternal instinct has done to society, we may find the root cause of all our problems.

01:06:35.000 And you know who did a great presentation on this?

01:06:39.000 I feel like I know this dude.

01:06:40.000 I don't know.

01:06:41.000 I feel like I met him through Proud Boys or something.

01:06:44.000 Maybe it's just he's such a archetypal British dude.

01:06:48.000 The sort of nerdy ponts that you meet in Britain all the time.

01:06:52.000 But he did a great video.

01:06:55.000 You can zoom out a bit.

01:06:57.000 Yeah, the Jolly... You did an interview with him.

01:06:59.000 Oh, I did?

01:07:00.000 Yes.

01:07:01.000 The Jolly Heretic.

01:07:02.000 Edward Dutton.

01:07:04.000 What?

01:07:04.000 Was it for the Gavin McInnes Show?

01:07:07.000 No, this was recent.

01:07:08.000 This was in the studio.

01:07:11.000 If I Google it, you'll pop up with him next to him.

01:07:14.000 You had a great interview with Jared Taylor, too, on American Renaissance quite recently, too.

01:07:19.000 What's the title of this video?

01:07:21.000 Why Did Gavin McInnes Forget About Me?

01:07:24.000 Why Do Some Women Treat Migrants Like Children?

01:07:27.000 Wow.

01:07:27.000 Right, so his contention, well, you play the beginning.

01:07:29.000 I think he summarizes it at the beginning.

01:07:31.000 Hello, welcome to the show.

01:07:33.000 Hello, welcome.

01:07:35.000 Hi, my dear old boy.

01:07:38.000 Hello hello and welcome to this edition of A Quick Pipe.

01:07:41.000 Now why is it that despite all of the negative consequences for females, I'm thinking cologne and so on, of large numbers of young male migrants coming into Europe, why is it that it seems to be overwhelmingly females that are so in favour of this?

01:07:59.000 Why do you find so many females

01:08:03.000 Helping out, trying to assist these young male migrants making their way into Europe.

01:08:09.000 I would argue too, there's a lot of female politicians involved in the open borders.

01:08:14.000 There he is on our site.

01:08:15.000 Holy shit.

01:08:16.000 Borrowing your hair from the thumbnail.

01:08:18.000 And that suit I have very recently.

01:08:22.000 Yeah.

01:08:22.000 What's the date there?

01:08:25.000 One week ago.

01:08:26.000 No, May 26th, 2022.

01:08:26.000 Huh.

01:08:27.000 Yeah.

01:08:27.000 My brain is just garbage.

01:08:34.000 I'm like a senile old man.

01:08:35.000 Hey, I know you.

01:08:37.000 Yes, Kevin, I'm your friend.

01:08:38.000 I've come to visit you.

01:08:40.000 Oh, you my son?

01:08:41.000 No, I'm not your son.

01:08:44.000 I'm your age, young man.

01:08:45.000 There's a really good video where he's cooking chicken korma, like in his living room.

01:08:50.000 And I watch that from time to time.

01:08:51.000 All right.

01:08:52.000 So anyway, his contention is... We have five calls.

01:08:55.000 What?

01:08:55.000 We have five calls.

01:08:57.000 Thank you for interrupting me yet again.

01:08:59.000 Sorry.

01:09:00.000 We had zero before and like nobody was calling in.

01:09:02.000 Okay, but why would you interrupt me mid-sentence to tell me that when I'm getting through all the chick stuff before we take calls?

01:09:09.000 Go ahead.

01:09:12.000 Are you hired by Antifa to wreck my life?

01:09:15.000 Hamas.

01:09:17.000 So his contention is obvious, you can see where I'm going with this, it's they have this maternal instinct, they see these refugees as innocent sweethearts, and you see he talks about these studies that have done with the childless and the way they treat their pets and how they sign Christmas cards, and this is from Mr. Beatles too.

01:09:34.000 they have funerals and remember who was it Seth Rogen and he said I'm glad I don't have kids we don't want kids and then they we show pictures of his wife with their dog in a baby backpack like and then when the dog dies it's like it's like the world has ended like she lost a child which she did in many ways so they love these refugees because they see them as these innocent little wandering lost boys and they want to mother them

01:10:01.000 They're going to rape you.

01:10:03.000 That's the difference between your son and these refugees.

01:10:05.000 Your son doesn't want to rape you.

01:10:11.000 And of course, just as the childless are lost and desperately looking for something to mother from moths to refugees, you have these women who have kids who legitimately care about the future because they want their children to be safe.

01:10:29.000 They want their nest.

01:10:31.000 I love Karens.

01:10:46.000 Yeah.

01:10:46.000 Excuse me.

01:10:47.000 I proclaim the name of the Lord Jesus Christ over the capital of Texas.

01:10:53.000 I stand against Islam and the false prophet Muhammad.

01:10:58.000 Islam will never dominate the United States and by the grace of God it will not dominate Texas!

01:11:05.000 I like that.

01:11:06.000 I like that.

01:11:07.000 I like that.

01:11:11.000 That symbol on her shirt says infidel.

01:11:13.000 That's awesome.

01:11:14.000 In Arabic.

01:11:16.000 What a fucking awesome chick.

01:11:18.000 That ruled.

01:11:18.000 You know how you want to hate fuck someone?

01:11:21.000 I want to love fuck her.

01:11:22.000 Damn.

01:11:24.000 I want to hate love her.

01:11:25.000 Yeah, I love you.

01:11:26.000 You rock.

01:11:29.000 Bitch.

01:11:30.000 And then we'll just go out on a funny note.

01:11:34.000 The witch trials, the Salem witch trials I mentioned earlier, it's sort of the way that they treat the right now, where they see witches everywhere, racists everywhere, the way they saw witches everywhere.

01:11:46.000 Turns out it was mold.

01:11:51.000 This paper proposed the theory that a fungus found on contaminated bread known as ergot might have been responsible for the symptoms attributed to witchcraft leading the townspeople of Salem to persecute one another.

01:12:04.000 The fungus usually grows on rye.

01:12:07.000 It can lead to a range of symptoms, convulsions, choking, hallucinations, gangrene,

01:12:13.000 Resulting in loss of limbs.

01:12:15.000 Those who ceased consuming tainted bread early enough might have a chance to recover.

01:12:19.000 This explains why some individuals suffering from demonic possessions who sought refuge in churches and stopped eating low-grade rye bread experienced miraculous recoveries.

01:12:28.000 And also members of the clergy who could afford higher quality bread were less susceptible to poisoning than commoners.

01:12:37.000 It was all mold.

01:12:39.000 The witches were mold.

01:12:43.000 So they're wrong about racists and they're wrong about witches.

01:12:46.000 Let's switch the background to calls and take some Kizzles.

01:13:00.000 You are on the air.

01:13:01.000 I'm here to have a conversation.

01:13:03.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:13:06.000 You want me to learn?

01:13:07.000 Share?

01:13:07.000 Listen?

01:13:07.000 Understand?

01:13:08.000 Why?

01:13:09.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:13:10.000 You have one thing.

01:13:12.000 Thank you for calling.

01:13:13.000 It was great hearing from you.

01:13:14.000 Bye-bye!

01:13:15.000 Bye-bye!

01:13:16.000 Gotta turn your mic on there, buddy.

01:13:19.000 Oh yeah, gotta turn my mic on.

01:13:20.000 Otherwise it ain't gonna work.

01:13:22.000 The calls do not come through this big mic.

01:13:24.000 They come through this little road mic.

01:13:26.000 Small mic, yeah.

01:13:28.000 Okay, who do we got?

01:13:29.000 Let's hope this works.

01:13:31.000 Five calls, here you go.

01:13:32.000 253, you're on the line.

01:13:35.000 253, you're here with me.

01:13:35.000 Hey guys, I'm in Italy.

01:13:44.000 Oh, ciao tesoro!

01:13:48.000 You there, buddy?

01:13:48.000 Can you hear me?

01:13:49.000 Yeah, I said ciao tesoro.

01:13:53.000 Yeah, dude, it's a utopia over here.

01:13:57.000 I haven't seen one homeless person.

01:13:59.000 There's no crime.

01:14:01.000 There's no criminal element.

01:14:04.000 The black guys over here from Africa that are ravaging the West, they just put their heads down.

01:14:10.000 They're like, you know, moving bottles of water.

01:14:14.000 They're like the blacks from the 1930s.

01:14:17.000 They're afraid to get lynched like the Italians have them.

01:14:21.000 You know, right where they want them in regards to their, just like, yes sir, I'll do whatever work you need.

01:14:26.000 Well wait a minute, that's not what we hear about Sicily and the South.

01:14:29.000 Where are you exactly?

01:14:34.000 I'm in Tuscany, but I've been to Florence and Rome and Cinque Terre, and so, and then we're going to Milan tomorrow.

01:14:44.000 No Chinese.

01:14:45.000 I've seen like two Chinese people.

01:14:47.000 No, Ryan was interrupting everything with a terrible joke.

01:14:50.000 That's why we got thrown off there.

01:14:52.000 Jokes.

01:14:55.000 Just to prepare you guys for the next callers, I can barely hear you, but I can hear you enough.

01:15:01.000 It's like... When you say barely hear me, you mean me or Ryan?

01:15:06.000 Now I can hear you better.

01:15:08.000 Okay.

01:15:10.000 Before it was both, but...

01:15:13.000 So that was interesting because I'm used to just walking in fear down the street in any major US city like waiting to get stabbed in the neck with a heroin needle.

01:15:26.000 Yeah in the Pacific Northwest you got to worry about junkies stabbing you or giving you sepsis and then in the Northeast over here we have to worry about junkies and you know illegal aliens and black gangs.

01:15:42.000 So it's a different threat in every city, but it's a threat in every city.

01:15:46.000 It's a threat in every fucking city.

01:15:49.000 So that's been interesting.

01:15:52.000 And then also I was thinking you guys should like make a commercial and then like post on your new Twitter like Gavin because you know that might help with subs.

01:16:03.000 Yeah, that's a good idea.

01:16:04.000 It's funny you mention that, caller, because we have a commercial that we're about to... I tried uploading it on mine, but mine will only take 45 seconds, as far as videos go.

01:16:15.000 Ah, I see.

01:16:16.000 We'll figure it out, but thanks for that tip.

01:16:18.000 It was very acutely timed.

01:16:21.000 Bye-bye.

01:16:22.000 Bye-bye!

01:16:24.000 You gotta add that as a little sample every time we end a call.

01:16:29.000 Next caller, let's take another call there.

01:16:32.000 We've got...

01:16:33.000 We're available to discuss things with our people?

01:16:36.000 I only put it out on push notifications because I only want baby monsters.

01:16:40.000 If I put it on Twitter, we'll get every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

01:16:43.000 Should be the people that pay to subscribe.

01:16:45.000 413, you're on the line.

01:16:46.000 413, were you here with me?

01:16:48.000 BIG FUCKING TITS!

01:16:50.000 BIG FUCKING TITS!

01:16:53.000 What's up guys, it's Brett the Cop here.

01:16:56.000 Hey, buddy.

01:16:57.000 Thank you for your service.

01:16:59.000 Yes, sir.

01:17:01.000 I tried to call him last week, but obviously couldn't get through there.

01:17:04.000 The cops were talking about the half cages and the cruisers and how it was a pain in the dick to get suspects in there.

01:17:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:14.000 Because they have that divider in the middle of the backseat, too?

01:17:18.000 Yes, correct.

01:17:22.000 Present day, I'd say the new guys, more so, are so fucking afraid to use any use of force to get these guys in the car.

01:17:29.000 It's just a little bit of pepper spray and it gets them right in.

01:17:32.000 It's considered resisting arrest when they don't get in the cruiser.

01:17:35.000 A little bit of pepper spray gets them right in there every time.

01:17:38.000 And they're scared to use that, so you don't think they should be scared to use that?

01:17:42.000 I can't think of hearing of any time where a cop got shit for excessive pepper spray.

01:17:48.000 No, no, no, no.

01:17:49.000 It's so low on the use of force.

01:17:51.000 I mean, if I tell you you're under arrest and you pull your hand away from me and say, what are you fucking talking about?

01:17:56.000 That's pepper spray worthy right there.

01:17:58.000 That's how simple it is.

01:18:02.000 I'm glad you brought that up because I've been thinking pepper spray is a solution to so many problems, especially in Manhattan, where if you're caught with a gun, even if you save a hundred lives, you're fucking dead.

01:18:13.000 You're toast.

01:18:14.000 You're looking at five years.

01:18:15.000 Absolutely.

01:18:16.000 But Pepper Spray, I mean, I've had it done to me.

01:18:19.000 It reboots your hard drive, boy.

01:18:21.000 You don't know what's up or down.

01:18:24.000 Yeah, we had to get that done in the Academy.

01:18:25.000 I had it done twice, but yeah, it's not fun.

01:18:28.000 I'd rather get tased, to be honest, than Pepper Spray.

01:18:31.000 Yeah, you don't know where you are.

01:18:32.000 All right, well, thanks for calling.

01:18:34.000 Thanks for the tip.

01:18:35.000 Thanks, guys.

01:18:37.000 I think, I feel that way too, but when you see at McDonald's, they're whipping all the straws down and stuff and shoving over their plexiglass cookies thing.

01:18:44.000 Just be like, and inevitably they're going to go like this.

01:18:49.000 Is that all you got?

01:18:50.000 Is that all you got?

01:18:51.000 Give it a minute.

01:18:52.000 Just give it, give it a few more seconds.

01:18:55.000 And they're not, and they'll never do that again.

01:18:59.000 There's two big solutions to crime in America, pepper spray and dogs.

01:19:05.000 And last night, Maddie was saying, no, those dogs are expensive.

01:19:07.000 They're 50 grand.

01:19:09.000 And to that, I say, I don't, they don't need to be super dogs, just a German shepherd.

01:19:15.000 That's that cops.

01:19:16.000 It doesn't have to do tricks.

01:19:18.000 It doesn't have to know how to smell a fucking bomb or chase a perp, just exist.

01:19:25.000 That's it.

01:19:26.000 The minimal amount of training so it doesn't shit the car.

01:19:29.000 That's it.

01:19:31.000 If a bunch of fucking thugs see a cop holding a German Shepherd, their hands are up.

01:19:37.000 He doesn't even have to know that he's supposed to bite them.

01:19:41.000 Who else do we got here?

01:19:42.000 385.

01:19:44.000 Hey guys.

01:19:45.000 How you doing?

01:19:46.000 Good.

01:19:46.000 How are you, 385?

01:19:47.000 Doing good.

01:19:49.000 I just had a question for Gavin.

01:19:52.000 Are you familiar with the Instagram account, Drag Syndrome?

01:19:56.000 Yes, I am.

01:19:57.000 Very familiar with it.

01:19:59.000 Damn, I thought I could've showed you something new, but... Alright, well thanks for calling.

01:20:04.000 Yeah, Drag Syndrome is a British thing where they take people with Down Syndrome, male and female.

01:20:11.000 And they dress them up in ridiculous costumes.

01:20:14.000 The thing about Down Syndrome is you're down for anything.

01:20:17.000 That's why it's called Down Syndrome.

01:20:19.000 So if they took them to the driving range, they would become, they'd say, I love golf.

01:20:25.000 If they took them to clean out the sewers with contractor bags and shovels, they'd be like, I'm cleaning up the sewers today.

01:20:33.000 It's kind of a gift in many ways.

01:20:36.000 But here they dress them up in ridiculous and humiliating costumes, which, by the way, we probably did in the year 1650, around the time of the Salem Witch Trials.

01:20:49.000 We probably dressed up the mentally handicapped in ridiculous costumes, and as women, and then we pointed and laughed.

01:20:57.000 And they probably danced around going, hello, hello!

01:21:00.000 And that was our entertainment back then.

01:21:02.000 We have come full circle, and now we are back to... I guess that was when the Dark Ages?

01:21:10.000 The Bronze Age?

01:21:11.000 We're in some horrible time in history that we're deeply ashamed.

01:21:15.000 Like, this is the same as the years with the stocks, where you'd throw tomatoes at the guy.

01:21:22.000 That just reminded me of a game I used to play in Canada called throw the tomato at the guy and you'd have a three second head start and then my buddy was a farmer and he had lots of tomatoes that were inedible and you'd have to run as fast as you can and two other guys get to pelt tomatoes at you it fucking hurts.

01:21:41.000 We had another game in Kanata, Ontario, where we put on like three shirts, two pairs of pants and some hats, wool hats, and then you have to run across, you're maybe like 30 feet away, you have to run across as everyone gets to shoot at you with BB guns.

01:21:56.000 And you'd almost never get hit.

01:21:58.000 When you got hit, it fucking killed.

01:22:00.000 But there's a flaw in mathematics where if you have seven guys, it seems like you're only doing the running thing.

01:22:08.000 It's one seventh of the time, but it seems like you're doing it every hour.

01:22:11.000 Like you, you might on a whole session, you might run like two or three times and you get to shoot people all day for that.

01:22:17.000 That was fun.

01:22:19.000 I got shot point blank range right here.

01:22:22.000 I can still feel the scar.

01:22:25.000 By Paul McCarthy.

01:22:26.000 Not the Beatle.

01:22:27.000 McCarthy.

01:22:28.000 We were staying at Tom Williams' house.

01:22:30.000 I knew Tom would change into his pajamas, because that's what he did every night.

01:22:34.000 And his parents were away.

01:22:35.000 We were partying there all night.

01:22:37.000 So I knowingly cut the crotch off his PJs.

01:22:41.000 Early in the night.

01:22:42.000 He gets fucking wasted.

01:22:44.000 He gets in a fight with his brother.

01:22:45.000 And he's lying there on the ground.

01:22:47.000 Fuck you!

01:22:48.000 I think his brother's name was Colin.

01:22:50.000 Colin Williams is a fucking asshole.

01:22:53.000 Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.

01:22:55.000 He couldn't hold his liquor.

01:22:56.000 And there he was lying on the ground with his cock hanging out of his fucking PJs.

01:23:02.000 Oh, the laughs we had.

01:23:04.000 We used to call him Pukey Stallion because he'd always get so drunk he puked and he was a mod and he had a Fred Perry on and we took off his Fred Perry because he had barfed all over it and as we're taking it off this pool of barf is like rising up his face and going into his hair so then when we're done with the we take the shirt and throw it away or throw it in the bathroom or something so then he has like corn and shit all over his face and in his hair and

01:23:29.000 Then we would go, what a stallion!

01:23:30.000 Look at this guy, what a stud with the ladies!

01:23:33.000 And he'd be like, yeah, fuck off!

01:23:35.000 And then the girls there called him Pukey Stallion, and that name stuck.

01:23:39.000 But that night, the same night as the crotchless PJs, Paul McCarthy had called dibs on one of the beds.

01:23:48.000 And I was so drunk by then, I just slept there.

01:23:50.000 And Paul was like, I wake up and he's got a gun, like a BB gun revolver pointed to my face, and he goes, get the fuck out of bed, I called this.

01:23:58.000 And I go, go fuck yourself, you fucking faggot.

01:24:01.000 And he goes, and he goes, oh my God.

01:24:03.000 And I was like, wait, what, what, what?

01:24:05.000 And I feel blood just pouring down my fucking face.

01:24:08.000 And the first thing that hit me wasn't like pain, but it was nausea.

01:24:12.000 So I went to the bathroom and I was like, ugh, fuck, ugh.

01:24:16.000 And as I'm doing that, everyone is like fishing around my face trying to find the BB.

01:24:20.000 And Sean McCarthy, their big brother, was like, we all looked up to him as an expert, he knows what he's doing.

01:24:25.000 So he's looking around, he goes, it's gone, it's fine, he's fine.

01:24:28.000 It's gone.

01:24:30.000 So then it just healed up and scabbed over.

01:24:32.000 And I noticed after that, every time I laughed, I'd go, ha ha, and I'd hear.

01:24:37.000 And it was the BB scraping on this jaw bone.

01:24:41.000 So I go, Paul, it's still in my fucking face.

01:24:41.000 Jesus.

01:24:43.000 You have to drive me to the hospital.

01:24:46.000 So he drives me to the hospital, and I go there.

01:24:49.000 They make me take off my clothes.

01:24:51.000 So I'm in the robe, and they go, we're going to make an incision, and then we'll have these long tweezers that bend at the end, and we'll pull it out.

01:24:57.000 Because they showed me the x-ray, and it was clearly there.

01:24:59.000 And it was shaped sort of like a shuttlecock.

01:25:01.000 So it created a vacuum.

01:25:04.000 So when he grabbed it with the tweezers, I could hear from inside my face, I could hear,

01:25:09.000 This horrible spooking sound.

01:25:12.000 And I was like, oh, fuck.

01:25:13.000 I think I'm going to faint.

01:25:14.000 I feel nauseous again.

01:25:15.000 I have a very weak stomach.

01:25:17.000 And they go, just lie down, sir.

01:25:19.000 Just give it some time.

01:25:19.000 You'll be fine.

01:25:20.000 I was like, oh, I think I'm going to diarrhea.

01:25:22.000 They go, just relax, sir.

01:25:23.000 We'll be back in a bit.

01:25:24.000 And I go, I can't.

01:25:26.000 I don't feel good.

01:25:27.000 So I get up and I'm looking for the bathroom.

01:25:30.000 There wasn't one in my room.

01:25:32.000 And I have my robe on, my ass is hanging out, and I end up in the lobby where Paul is like looking at a golf magazine going, what the fuck?

01:25:40.000 And I walk into the bathroom and then I close the door, but not very well.

01:25:44.000 And I'm like, what is this on me?

01:25:45.000 I'm like seeing stars.

01:25:49.000 And so I'm completely nude and just having lettuce shoot out of my ass.

01:25:53.000 It sort of sounds like the word floor pedopolis.

01:25:55.000 Floor pedopolis.

01:25:57.000 And then this woman walks in, as I'm nude shitting, and she goes, oh!

01:26:02.000 And then I stand up and I go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

01:26:05.000 And start walking towards her like a naked Frankenstein.

01:26:09.000 And she screams up against the door.

01:26:11.000 Oh, good times.

01:26:16.000 Who's the next caller?

01:26:17.000 Well, it would be 727.

01:26:18.000 727, you're in heaven.

01:26:25.000 What is it like up there, 727?

01:26:26.000 So, it's such bliss that you can't even speak.

01:26:30.000 Hey guys, how's it going?

01:26:31.000 I got a question for y'all.

01:26:32.000 All this stuff going on with Israel and all these people and these colleges, you know these are the same people that would complain if anybody on the right came, and they would say they don't feel safe.

01:26:43.000 But, they feel safe enough to say Israel can't bomb Palestine, and all these Jews are getting murdered.

01:26:51.000 Like, no one ever

01:26:53.000 They don't think like they're contradicting themselves, which is kind of silly because they always do, but... Well, it's funny because a lot of Jews would say, I feel unsafe when I see a MAGA hat or something, and you're like, half of those MAGA people are Zionists who are pro-Israel.

01:27:05.000 Probably more than half.

01:27:06.000 Because Trump is a fervent Zionist.

01:27:06.000 Probably like 70%.

01:27:10.000 And then you realize that pretty much every Muslim you see wants you to die.

01:27:17.000 And that includes BLM, Antifa, a massive swath of the DNC, the whole squad, AOC, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, Linda Sarsour, they all want Israel to be obliterated.

01:27:32.000 Yet liberals and Jews and everyone else is focused on rednecks.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:27:39.000 I hope they're learning it today.

01:27:41.000 I mean, New York City is fucking on fire, not on fire literally, but it's, it's ablaze today with protests against Jews.

01:27:50.000 Yeah.

01:27:51.000 I live in Florida, so nothing really crazy like that happens down here.

01:27:51.000 I don't know.

01:27:55.000 But, um,

01:27:57.000 I just thought that was weird that these people are sitting there happy with Palestinian flags, that Jews are getting murdered, but anybody comes talking to their campus, they don't feel safe and they have to riot.

01:27:57.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:28:06.000 I just think they like rioting.

01:28:08.000 It's like fashion.

01:28:10.000 They're disingenuous fucking liars.

01:28:12.000 It's the same thing with prison reform.

01:28:13.000 They want all these black people to get out and marine and they're innocent and at the same time they want January 6th guys to do decades and they want Trump to be locked away and throw away the key.

01:28:23.000 They're fucking Bolsheviks is what they are.

01:28:25.000 They're ruthless, they have no morals and they're completely disingenuous.

01:28:29.000 The modern left has gone full Marxist and full Bolshevik and those are fully evil.

01:28:34.000 Thanks for calling.

01:28:35.000 I just realized we forgot to draw the line at free.

01:28:38.000 I could just cut them off at any time.

01:28:40.000 Well we've basically done the show now.

01:28:41.000 Might as well make it a whole free show.

01:28:44.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:28:45.000 That's last night's show.

01:28:46.000 Yep.

01:28:46.000 Someone's getting a bottom surgery.

01:28:49.000 Anesthesiology.

01:28:51.000 Oh, that's an anesthesiologist.

01:28:52.000 Yeah.

01:28:53.000 Got a big old tube.

01:28:55.000 Buddy, you don't need to go to school for 12 years for that.

01:28:57.000 Someone ripped you off.

01:28:59.000 I bet if you sat with an anesthesiologist for a year, you get to the point where you could do it yourself.

01:29:04.000 12 years?

01:29:05.000 Too long.

01:29:07.000 If I'm under the knife, I want the guy who did ten years, but I'm a fag.

01:29:12.000 Fucking janitors are here and I don't have a hundred bucks to slide them to do a one-off.

01:29:17.000 Because my trainer asked me for me to pay all the way to February because he needs money.

01:29:22.000 And I was like, OK, I'll do this, but I get to cancel whenever I want, including like not even tell you.

01:29:29.000 He goes, no, no, you got to give me some notice.

01:29:31.000 And I go, yeah, I did used to give you some notice.

01:29:33.000 But now that I'm giving you another 400 bucks to make it to Valentine's Day, you have to give me something.

01:29:40.000 He's like, no, that's not fair.

01:29:42.000 It's fucking Puerto Ricans don't understand business.

01:29:47.000 They just don't get it.

01:29:49.000 Sorry we're late.

01:29:49.000 We got 518.

01:29:49.000 518.

01:29:51.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:29:52.000 Hey, man.

01:29:53.000 Hey, what's up, man?

01:29:53.000 Hey, guy.

01:29:56.000 So, it's been a while since we've had a Super Chat goal donation.

01:30:03.000 I figured I'd give you a suggestion.

01:30:05.000 Okay.

01:30:07.000 Thought maybe you could dye your hair and beard black.

01:30:11.000 We could get like a week of cool, cool black hair Gav.

01:30:17.000 A week of cool black hair Gav.

01:30:19.000 Did you really look like a gay architect then?

01:30:22.000 Black hair dye on a beard and like it wouldn't it would last probably a couple weeks on the beard but the mustache it would last like probably a couple months.

01:30:30.000 And then the hair?

01:30:31.000 No.

01:30:32.000 This part of the hair?

01:30:34.000 What about your eyebrows?

01:30:35.000 Do like Ben Shapiro with his eyebrows.

01:30:36.000 Oh yeah, I'd have to do my eyebrows too.

01:30:39.000 You see his fucking eyebrows lately?

01:30:41.000 Okay, that's a good suggestion.

01:30:42.000 I'll write it down.

01:30:43.000 That's funny.

01:30:44.000 Alright.

01:30:46.000 Thanks for coming.

01:30:49.000 Have I seen his eyebrows?

01:30:50.000 Whoa, those are going places.

01:30:52.000 Bro, what the fuck is he doing?

01:30:53.000 I'm scared to watch Ben Shapiro this week.

01:30:55.000 He's mad.

01:30:56.000 Unless you speak Israeli, you're not going to be able to understand it.

01:30:58.000 It's like, so, in the West Bank, with our bug-free car.

01:31:01.000 And also, you pretty much know what he's going to be saying.

01:31:04.000 It's not like he's going to have a hot take where, like, Hamas has some points.

01:31:08.000 Now, don't get me wrong here.

01:31:09.000 Yeah, there's not exactly a biased... Let's not play the blame game here.

01:31:13.000 Hey, okay, guys, look, you know that I'm pro-Israel, but Hamas, you know,

01:31:18.000 They're mad.

01:31:19.000 He was shitting on Tucker because he was like, Tucker was like, all right, we know that all that's happening.

01:31:23.000 That's terrible.

01:31:24.000 But how about the people that are dying by the hundreds every single day with fentanyl overdoses, stuff like that in the border?

01:31:30.000 And then Ben stops the video and he's like, he's like, OK, you can't compare rape and killing people to overdosing where somebody willingly does drugs.

01:31:38.000 But it's like, yeah, we get that.

01:31:39.000 But these are Americans.

01:31:40.000 So that means more actually.

01:31:43.000 It's it's 20 a day.

01:31:44.000 Yeah.

01:31:45.000 It's like, I don't know.

01:31:47.000 It's just like one life here is worth more there politically.

01:31:50.000 How many opioid overdoses are there a day?

01:31:53.000 Not in the eyes of the Lord, of course.

01:31:56.000 Every life matters.

01:31:58.000 But we're talking about... Yeah, no, this is not a good week to watch Ben Shapiro.

01:32:03.000 No, I think a lot of people are jumping off board because, like, dude, it's almost like Gino, after he got punched, it's like every show is about, obviously it has to be.

01:32:11.000 Well, even our network, if you look at our thumbnails, everyone is talking about Hamas and Israel.

01:32:15.000 But him especially, it's like, we get it, you love Israel more than America.

01:32:18.000 Yeah.

01:32:20.000 Next.

01:32:21.000 805?

01:32:21.000 805, you're live.

01:32:22.000 Hey, how's your International Day of Care going?

01:32:26.000 It's fun.

01:32:30.000 I'm a terrorist.

01:32:32.000 International JFG whiz instead of jihad.

01:32:35.000 Go ahead.

01:32:37.000 Yeah, I get some projects done, you know, just milling around the house.

01:32:40.000 Right on.

01:32:40.000 But I'm the guy who called in last week about that James Lafon guy, and I forgot to mention, too, I mean, I don't mean, I feel like I'm just shilling him now, but he's also a big writer about, like, white slavery.

01:32:54.000 And I know you just talked about that a ton when you were doing Anthony's show.

01:32:58.000 And he's got a whole series of books on it.

01:33:00.000 I mean, he might be the only other guy besides Jim Goad who's, like, expert on this stuff.

01:33:05.000 He's got a whole... I think it's called Plantation America.

01:33:08.000 He's got a book about it.

01:33:09.000 And again, really interesting.

01:33:12.000 So... What's his name?

01:33:13.000 Worth checking out.

01:33:14.000 James LaFond.

01:33:16.000 L-A-F-O-N-D.

01:33:19.000 Okay.

01:33:19.000 Yeah, I'll like it.

01:33:21.000 The New York Times has just accepted that white slavery didn't exist.

01:33:24.000 And it's a myth.

01:33:25.000 And the Irish were never touched and everything's been fine.

01:33:29.000 Yeah, he kind of contends that America is not built on racism or hatred of black people, but it's more about classism and all those laws that were considered, like the racist laws, are just anti-vagrancy laws.

01:33:47.000 So if you don't have a job or you don't own land, you're garbage.

01:33:52.000 Right.

01:33:52.000 Which is what Jim Goad says, too, that it's all class.

01:33:56.000 Yeah, and you know, I bet Jim Goode probably knows about this guy.

01:33:59.000 He travels in that circle.

01:34:00.000 But yeah, I just wanted to recommend it.

01:34:02.000 Check it out.

01:34:03.000 Why don't you call his show?

01:34:05.000 Alright, thanks for calling.

01:34:06.000 How many calls do we have left?

01:34:08.000 Two.

01:34:08.000 You know what you should do?

01:34:10.000 Just cut off this show after the first call.

01:34:13.000 No matter how abrupt it is.

01:34:14.000 Okay.

01:34:18.000 513?

01:34:18.000 Should we do that?

01:34:19.000 I was going to cut it right after the second read, but...

01:34:22.000 By the way, I'm wearing a Nita Fashions suit.

01:34:24.000 Oh!

01:34:24.000 Look at this cool interior I chose.

01:34:26.000 What is that?

01:34:27.000 It's like crests.

01:34:28.000 Ah.

01:34:28.000 Like British family crests with kind of a plaid tartan look.

01:34:32.000 Now, do you find yourself doing things that would flap that open more?

01:34:35.000 Like, you're like, oh god, it's hot in here!

01:34:38.000 Yeah, I do that all the time.

01:34:39.000 I go, hi!

01:34:40.000 Do you sell watches now?

01:34:43.000 Go to NitaFashions.com.

01:34:45.000 So, actually make this whole episode for you.

01:34:46.000 Alright.

01:34:47.000 NitaFashions.com, they're on tour right now.

01:34:49.000 Doing tour-y stuff.

01:34:52.000 And schedule.

01:34:55.000 Yes.

01:34:56.000 Check.

01:34:56.000 Click on the schedule.

01:34:57.000 You contact them via their Instagram.

01:35:01.000 It seems to be the most common way.

01:35:03.000 And you can make an appointment or you can go see them if you're in town.

01:35:05.000 I'm going to be seeing them when they're in New York here.

01:35:07.000 They're in New York right now.

01:35:08.000 Oh, they are?

01:35:09.000 Oh, wait.

01:35:09.000 No, I'm sorry.

01:35:10.000 15th to the 16th.

01:35:11.000 So wait, what the fuck?

01:35:13.000 18th to the 23rd.

01:35:15.000 OK, good.

01:35:16.000 18th to the 16th, did you just say?

01:35:18.000 No, I was looking at this.

01:35:19.000 But Austin, 15th to the 16th.

01:35:21.000 Okay.

01:35:22.000 So, yeah, I guess they're going to be in Austin in a couple days.

01:35:27.000 We'll be in Nashville tomorrow.

01:35:29.000 And it's fun.

01:35:31.000 It's a lot of fun having suits that fit you perfectly.

01:35:34.000 I got a letter from a guy who said, my son's going to his prom.

01:35:37.000 He's wearing Pit Vipers.

01:35:39.000 What kind of suit should he have?

01:35:40.000 And I'm like, the craziest suit possible.

01:35:44.000 You don't want to blend in on prom night.

01:35:45.000 You want to get like a tartan suit or something.

01:35:47.000 You want to be the most over-the-top dude, especially if you're wearing pit vipers.

01:35:51.000 That's the only time in your life it makes sense to wear like red chucks with a suit is your prom.

01:35:59.000 All right.

01:36:00.000 How many calls do we have left?

01:36:01.000 Two.

01:36:01.000 Let's get through them.

01:36:02.000 518.

01:36:02.000 Sorry we're late.

01:36:06.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:36:06.000 Did you see the new Nobel laureate for economics that was given to a woman that just

01:36:13.000 Did more of the same debunked gender pay gap stuff?

01:36:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:36:19.000 She examined like 600 cases and noticed that women make less than men?

01:36:26.000 Yeah, I mean, how many times has this been debunked?

01:36:29.000 And this is getting literally Nobel Laureate economics.

01:36:33.000 Yeah, so it's just woke-ism affecting literally everything.

01:36:37.000 And I like, you look at the previous Nobel laureates and it's things that you can barely even understand.

01:36:43.000 And then we get to a chick that goes, yeah, a woman in the Middle East who washed dishes don't make as much as the CEO of GE.

01:36:52.000 Thanks.

01:36:54.000 What a fucking wake up call.

01:36:57.000 Ridiculous.

01:36:59.000 Thanks for calling.

01:36:59.000 I think she's a minority too.

01:37:03.000 The quality of dissertations going on these days, like the PhDs you get, especially at black colleges.

01:37:09.000 Naomi Schaefer Riley is the only person who ever pointed it out, and she was immediately fired.

01:37:13.000 Fired for noticing.

01:37:15.000 That's modern America.

01:37:16.000 4-0-4.

01:37:18.000 Last call.

01:37:22.000 Say hello!

01:37:23.000 Hello!

01:37:27.000 Good afternoon, guys!

01:37:28.000 What's going on?

01:37:30.000 Good afternoon, guys!

01:37:32.000 Good afternoon, guys!

01:37:35.000 Look, I actually have a call about the Cops and Robbers show.

01:37:38.000 Okay.

01:37:41.000 It's about you letting Detective Shitty off the hook here in the past month or two.

01:37:46.000 I remember you brought up

01:37:51.000 You know, when he was playing the videos a couple months ago, you had gotten the, gotten him to straighten out the screen just while the videos were playing so that people watching it on their phone could see, you know, the videos.

01:38:06.000 Oh, the title and all that?

01:38:08.000 And, uh, he's, he's eventually taken and, and messed up the screen with all the, you know, with all this fancy

01:38:20.000 Hullabaloo?

01:38:20.000 Overlays and everything.

01:38:24.000 The format's great, except for when the actual videos are playing.

01:38:29.000 You can't hardly see them if you're watching it on your phone.

01:38:32.000 Oh, for the Cops and Robbers, right.

01:38:33.000 So you want me to... For during Cops and Robbers, you want the video to be as big as humanly possible, and for the rest of us to be as small as possible.

01:38:42.000 Well, I just figured you could line y'all up under the Censored TV logo.

01:38:46.000 I mean, you had it there for one or two of the episodes.

01:38:52.000 Go crazy with the graphics, you know, at other times during the show.

01:38:58.000 But just while the videos are playing, you know, I think it would be helpful for people watching on the phone.

01:39:05.000 I watch it on Friday, the following morning.

01:39:10.000 You sound kind of like Dr. Phil.

01:39:11.000 Do you know Dr. Phil?

01:39:11.000 Is he your brother?

01:39:28.000 Yeah, I can tell.

01:39:30.000 Yeah, that's a good tip.

01:39:31.000 But you know what?

01:39:31.000 From now on, we guarantee we'll have the three boxes under censored.tv.

01:39:36.000 And we'll make your videos nice and big, sir.

01:39:38.000 Good suggestion.

01:39:39.000 Oh, hey, I appreciate that.

01:39:41.000 Well, you had it fixed, but then you like to take your shit and mess it up again, so... Yeah, well, it's gonna get re-fixed.

01:39:48.000 Thanks for the call.

01:39:49.000 Thanks for calling.

01:39:50.000 Like our motto is here at the show.

01:39:52.000 If it's broken, fix it.

01:39:54.000 All right.

01:39:54.000 That's it for calls.

01:39:56.000 Yep.

01:39:56.000 So we're not going to do the mailbag because calls are a mailbag.

01:40:02.000 Let's just jump to the final video.

01:40:04.000 And this entire episode is free.

01:40:07.000 We're good people.

01:40:22.000 So that means on the website, you just have the free one.

01:40:24.000 You don't have to put up two.

01:40:26.000 That's pretty badass.

01:40:27.000 Obviously.

01:40:28.000 This one is short and sweet, mostly because I have to go pee.

01:40:33.000 Headed off to Nashville tomorrow.

01:40:34.000 I hope everyone in the vicinity can make it.

01:40:37.000 It's going to be a great show.

01:40:38.000 Anthony, I don't think he's going to make it.

01:40:41.000 In life.

01:40:41.000 He will make it.

01:40:42.000 Oh, he'll live, but I don't think he'll make it to this trip.

01:40:45.000 It's possible.

01:40:46.000 It could be a miracle.

01:40:48.000 But even if he did, he wouldn't be funny.

01:40:49.000 He'd just be like, hi guys.

01:40:53.000 This is one of the most consequential moments in this man's life.

01:40:58.000 This kid

01:40:59.000 You can tell that he knows something fucking huge just happened and it's important that I shut up and get out of the way because the adults are dealing with a very big deal.

01:41:10.000 This is a moment, it seems like an innocuous silly moment, but it's actually one of the something this man will obviously never ever forget.

01:41:19.000 Don't bite our boat!

01:41:21.000 Don't bite our boat!

01:41:25.000 What are you gonna do?

01:41:27.000 Get it back?

01:41:28.000 Well, play it again.

01:41:29.000 It was disturbing.

01:41:29.000 Stop fucking with sharks!

01:41:32.000 Stop fucking with sharks!

01:41:55.000 I can't watch that again.

01:41:58.000 I'm really disturbed by that.

01:42:00.000 So if we could please never watch that again.

01:42:01.000 Yeah, of course you do.

01:42:02.000 The gasp.

01:42:19.000 That might be a drop.

01:42:20.000 Now your husband's deformed, ma'am.

01:42:22.000 How do you feel about that?

01:42:23.000 Forever!

01:42:24.000 It fucks everybody up.

01:42:25.000 Yeah, like throwing football to his kid.

01:42:27.000 And then the kids at his fucking school call his dad Homer Simpson hands.

01:42:34.000 Was it his left hand?

01:42:35.000 Let me see it one more time.

01:42:36.000 I think it's his left hand.

01:42:37.000 Okay, so it's probably not his throwing arm.

01:42:40.000 But, like, it's a handy pinky.

01:42:43.000 Pinkies are handy.

01:42:46.000 Dammit!

01:42:47.000 Dammit!

01:42:47.000 I'm off my goddamn pinky.

01:42:50.000 Oh, you see the blood splatter on there too?

01:42:51.000 Yeah.

01:42:51.000 Yeah, and you see the stub for a millisecond.

01:42:55.000 Be happy with what you got, guys.

01:42:57.000 This is the weekend that we acknowledge that we're happy with what's around us.

01:43:01.000 We're fascinated by trains.

01:43:03.000 We acknowledge the miracle that is childbirth and we hope women embrace it because we're blown away.

01:43:09.000 We're very impressed with trains.

01:43:10.000 They're very cool.

01:43:11.000 And planes.

01:43:12.000 And automobiles.

01:43:13.000 But they don't hold a candle to you making a human being.

01:43:16.000 That is very impressive.

01:43:19.000 And we're sick of trivializing it.

01:43:21.000 So have fun this weekend, see you Monday, and until then, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:43:43.000 We're good to go.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 13, 2023

S5E09 - CHICK STUFF

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