Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 24, 2023


S5E26 - HOW TO WIPE YOUR ASS (free part)


Episode Stats

Length

39 minutes

Words per Minute

164.79488

Word Count

6,427

Sentence Count

665

Misogynist Sentences

22

Hate Speech Sentences

26


Summary

Gavin McInnes talks about a band from the 90s and early 2000s, Purple Works pre-workouts, and Big Fat Pig rips farts. Also, Gavin talks about the fact that he doesn t get tired after three rounds of jiu-jitsu and how he doesn't get tired until he s done jiu jitsu. It's a Friday, baby! Get Off My Lawn is a podcast by and hosted by . Produced in Los Angeles, CA and edited by Alex Blumberg and Annie-Rose Strasser. Our theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. The album art for the show was done by Dee McDonnell. It was mixed by Matthew Boll. We are working on transcribing episodes of the show and putting them on a website. If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe to stay up to date with what s going on in the world of podcasting. Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Become a supporter of the podcast by becoming a patron of The Nodcast: bit.ly/support-the-nodcast Subscribe, rate, and review the podcast on iTunes, and help spread the word out there about what's good, good vibes! Thank you for listening to this podcast! - it really does mean a lot to us and we appreciate what you're listening to us. Thank you so much for supporting the podcast. - we really do appreciate it. and we really appreciate it! XOXO, and we'll get back to you in the future with more of your feedback, too much so we can improve the podcasting in the next episode of this podcast next week with a bigger and more of you can help us make it better next week, more of this next week! Thanks again, we'll send you all can't thank you, you're amazing, more amazing than you can see you, more than you'll get a chance to hear us out, more like that, more people like it, more beautiful than you know what you can do it, we appreciate you, we're listening, more and more, more gratitude, more respectable, and more appreciation, more love, more thanks, more grateful than you're being heard, more uplifting than you get it, you'll appreciate you.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:46.000 It was a band from... when was that?
00:01:00.000 The 90s?
00:01:01.000 Early aughts?
00:01:02.000 Filth?
00:01:04.000 Chin check.
00:01:04.000 You're gonna get a chin check.
00:01:07.000 The singer is black.
00:01:10.000 I thought it was a white singer.
00:01:12.000 They were like a crust East Bay hardcore band.
00:01:15.000 They're on Lookout Records, which I thought is funny because whenever you think of Lookout Records, you think of like the Mr. T Experience.
00:01:21.000 On Gilman Street, it's the place to meet.
00:01:26.000 It's the one, it's the show.
00:01:29.000 Or Operation Ivy.
00:01:32.000 Sound system gonna pick me back up.
00:01:33.000 And then these guys are gonna punch you in the chin.
00:01:36.000 Drees!
00:01:39.000 They weren't around for very long.
00:01:40.000 Great band.
00:01:41.000 Welcome to the Friday Show.
00:01:43.000 This is a banked show.
00:01:45.000 We took calls on Tuesday so it's that's like that Mr. Show sketch where it's a call-in show but it's pre-taped and he says this show is about taxes.
00:01:57.000 Last week was about
00:02:00.000 was about dog care.
00:02:03.000 So stop calling in about dog care.
00:02:06.000 That was last week.
00:02:07.000 And David Cross, the host, keeps getting more and more bald as the show goes on, because people are obviously always calling about what they're looking at.
00:02:15.000 I think, in retrospect, I think Bob Odenkirk was the brains behind Mr. Show, and I bet it was sort of like Trey Parker and Matt Stone, where they think of it as a duo, but it was Trey.
00:02:28.000 Like, Matt Stone just plays video games all day.
00:02:34.000 And it airs next week, okay?
00:02:38.000 So, if you're watching me talk about The Elderly, don't call to talk about it.
00:02:43.000 It's too late.
00:02:46.000 Instead, call about cooking, which is next week's topic.
00:02:49.000 Okay?
00:02:52.000 If you wanted to talk about the elderly, you should have called last week when our pet care show was airing, but we were taping the elderly show.
00:03:01.000 That's exactly what I'm doing right now.
00:03:04.000 And I'm not going bald.
00:03:09.000 Uh, Purple Works Nutrition?
00:03:10.000 I'm on it right now.
00:03:11.000 I'll tell you something about Purple Works Nutrition.
00:03:14.000 I don't know if I'm hungover because I have such an energy boost when I'm working out or if I'm if I'm sparring or whatever that I'll go through the whole session.
00:03:25.000 Sometimes if I'm hungover I'll be a little more tired than usual and then like around noon I'll notice I haven't eaten yet and I realize oh I'm hungover.
00:03:34.000 So, they're not advertising this.
00:03:35.000 This is me personally saying that it makes me not know I'm hungover until it wears off and my hangover can come through.
00:03:42.000 But that's my personal experience.
00:03:44.000 Not saying it cures hangovers.
00:03:47.000 Their pre-workout is not only great for the gym and lifting weights, it's also great for sports.
00:03:50.000 It works like a charm if you play football, baseball, pickleball, spikeball, cornhole, toyhole, or even the motherfucking shooty hoops.
00:03:55.000 However, it is especially effective for running, biking, and other endurance sports.
00:03:58.000 Many pre-workouts will do a number on your digestive system and cause extreme flatulence.
00:04:03.000 Have you heard Big John rip farts on the Thursday show?
00:04:05.000 Well, I have a suspicion that Big John is possibly under the influence of one of the more inferior pre-workout products on the market.
00:04:13.000 Other pre-workouts have magnesium, artificial dyes, and flavorings, which are all known to cause catastrophic dystopian levels of farting, sharting, and shitting.
00:04:20.000 Purpleworks is a rare exception to this important gastrointestinal issue.
00:04:24.000 But that's my main sparring partner, actually, is Big John.
00:04:27.000 And that guy, Big Fat Pig, he doesn't get tired.
00:04:31.000 If I do three rounds, I have to lie down for an hour and cry.
00:04:34.000 He'll take off his gear and go hit the heavy bag.
00:04:38.000 He's built different.
00:04:41.000 Purpleworks pre-workout uses only the highest quality heterosexual ingredients.
00:04:45.000 Creatine for strength, caffeine and green tea extract for energy and focus, vitamins for muscle and tissue repair, and carnosine beta alanine for the tingles.
00:04:53.000 Some people say, Purpleworks?
00:04:54.000 What is that?
00:04:55.000 Some sort of pre-workout for guys who like other guys?
00:04:58.000 To that I say, that's bigoted.
00:04:59.000 Purple is a color that suggests royalty, dignity, opulence, and unbridled heterosexuality.
00:05:04.000 Certainly nothing gay about that, and purple does not represent sexual frustration to anyone who says that it's a liar.
00:05:09.000 It doesn't say that.
00:05:10.000 But wait, there's more.
00:05:13.000 We want gays to buy this too.
00:05:16.000 Purpleworks has a fine line of imported Italian coffees.
00:05:19.000 They have ground gourmet coffee, a big-ass 2.2 pound bag of organic whole bean coffee.
00:05:23.000 They even have gourmet organic instant coffee.
00:05:26.000 Whether you're into the French press or the bench press, Purpleworks has you covered.
00:05:31.000 Go to thepurpleworksnutrition.com and enter promo code GAVIN for 15% off.
00:05:34.000 Purpleworks likes you more than a friend.
00:05:37.000 By the way, this is optional.
00:05:39.000 Sean is our new ad guy.
00:05:41.000 He's not the ad guy they had where they stole one of our client's URLs and made it into a Nazi page.
00:05:47.000 That guy was so incompetent that I still don't know to this day if he was working for Antifa just trying to ruin our company.
00:05:54.000 You know you're bad at your job when people wonder genuinely if you're a saboteur.
00:06:00.000 But the new guy, Sean, is awesome.
00:06:02.000 And if you're interested in advertising on Get Off My Lawn, email sean, S-E-A-N, at censored.tv.
00:06:10.000 He's a great guy who, he wrote, not autistic in any way.
00:06:13.000 I would beg to differ with that, but okay.
00:06:17.000 Purpleworks!
00:06:19.000 Purpleworks!
00:06:28.000 I never noticed that part in there actually.
00:06:30.000 Does he use like a phone?
00:06:32.000 Like what is that effect?
00:06:47.000 He's got a little Jimi Hendrix sloppiness to him, right?
00:07:11.000 Dhar Mann, collaborating with Oliver Tree.
00:07:14.000 This just confirms that he's a joker.
00:07:17.000 He's a joke man.
00:07:18.000 This is too much.
00:07:20.000 Musician to shame for being too ugly.
00:07:21.000 Dhar Mann Studios featuring Oliver Tree.
00:07:26.000 I'm lost.
00:07:32.000 He grows up, oh he plays a small part in it?
00:07:35.000 Oh that's him as a kid and then he grows up to be Oliver Tree.
00:07:40.000 Reminds us that although we feel alone, we're all alone together.
00:07:44.000 You know I think that's gonna resonate with a lot of people.
00:07:47.000 I hope so.
00:07:48.000 It's my mom Christine, my friend Amy.
00:07:51.000 Hey, Amy, how are you?
00:07:52.000 Good.
00:07:53.000 Thank you.
00:07:54.000 We are so proud of you, Oliver.
00:07:56.000 You know, my nephew... This is hurting my brain.
00:08:00.000 This is like I'm... Am I asleep?
00:08:02.000 Now, does Oliver Tree get a kick out of this?
00:08:04.000 So he wanted to join?
00:08:05.000 Of course.
00:08:05.000 Oliver Tree is advanced, so he knows this is funny.
00:08:08.000 He thinks... But how much is Dhar Mannon on his own joke?
00:08:12.000 This is like Scary Perry type shit.
00:08:14.000 But Perry's the director of the movie.
00:08:17.000 That's really it.
00:08:19.000 Perry, the director.
00:08:23.000 It's hard to parse.
00:08:26.000 He's also friends with that Cody dude.
00:08:28.000 The YouTuber who, like... Oh, he used to make fun of him, but he probably let him in on it.
00:08:33.000 He's like, dude, I don't fucking mean any of this shit.
00:08:35.000 It's just that it's a thing that I'm doing for money.
00:08:38.000 And then he's like, oh shit, my bad.
00:08:40.000 I didn't know.
00:08:40.000 He's like, yeah.
00:08:41.000 Well, no, I think it's more like The Room, the guy from The Room, where he's like, it's not funny.
00:08:46.000 It's not a joke.
00:08:48.000 And then he's getting like Ashton Kutcher or whatever to come, but James Franco, that was it.
00:08:53.000 And he's like,
00:08:54.000 Uh, yeah, it was a joke.
00:08:56.000 It's a comedy.
00:08:59.000 I totally get the humor.
00:09:01.000 Ha ha ha ha.
00:09:02.000 I'm making shit on purpose.
00:09:04.000 Ha ha ha ha.
00:09:06.000 Tommy Wiseau.
00:09:07.000 Tommy Wiseau.
00:09:08.000 Oh, hi, Mark.
00:09:11.000 My youngest boy was saying, oh, hi, Mark, when he was like six.
00:09:16.000 Wow.
00:09:18.000 He also says, welcome to Chili's, which I don't understand.
00:09:20.000 I think that's a kid meme.
00:09:24.000 Right.
00:09:25.000 So, banking shows.
00:09:27.000 We had the unfortunate coincidence of Thanksgiving and Ryan's baby.
00:09:33.000 So... Well, one's fortunate.
00:09:36.000 What?
00:09:37.000 You said the unfortunate things of Ryan's baby and... What was the thing?
00:09:44.000 Unfortunate something.
00:09:46.000 Timing, even.
00:09:46.000 Because I think it's God's grace, the timing, you see.
00:09:50.000 So it's nothing unfortunate about my baby's birth.
00:09:53.000 Well the coincidence is unfortunate you fucking moron.
00:09:56.000 It's the most fortunate thing I've ever been a part of.
00:09:58.000 My baby boy is fantastic and he's great.
00:10:01.000 No one is saying there's anything wrong with your unborn child.
00:10:05.000 We're saying that unfortunately for the viewer we have two things that require holidays happening at the same time.
00:10:13.000 So it may be a long time before we're live again.
00:10:15.000 That's unfortunate.
00:10:20.000 Just stick to doing like the funny faces like that Chinese guy.
00:10:24.000 That kind of thing.
00:10:25.000 This constantly interjecting and railroading the show with you misunderstanding the English language.
00:10:32.000 Not good.
00:10:34.000 I'm misunderstanding.
00:10:36.000 Nice to meet you.
00:10:38.000 Yeah, see less of that.
00:10:39.000 I thought that was good.
00:10:41.000 No, puns are the lowest form of comedy.
00:10:44.000 Still comedy.
00:10:45.000 We're a comedy network.
00:10:47.000 Boy, I got in a lot of trouble for saying we're the only right-wing comedy place.
00:10:51.000 People are constantly sending me examples, and they're right, I was wrong.
00:10:56.000 I got it from fucking Tony Gomez, though.
00:10:59.000 He's like, you're the only one doing right-wing comedy!
00:11:01.000 I was like, yeah!
00:11:02.000 Besides the Babylon Bee, John Doyle, Greg Gutfeld, Steven Crowder, all of Compound,
00:11:11.000 Well, Compound's tricky.
00:11:12.000 Is that right-wing comedy?
00:11:15.000 I don't think so.
00:11:15.000 I think Comey is the only one that's anywhere on a political spectrum.
00:11:19.000 Like, is Gino Bisconti right-wing?
00:11:21.000 No.
00:11:23.000 No.
00:11:24.000 He's no-wing.
00:11:26.000 He's wingless.
00:11:30.000 By the way, people keep asking about the Cody Canuck thing.
00:11:32.000 Was it because he had that guest on?
00:11:34.000 I didn't like that he had that guest on, but I'm not going to tell him to do that.
00:11:37.000 The problem was airing our dirty laundry, because it puts you in a situation where you can't text the guy because you think, oh wait, this is going to be public.
00:11:46.000 I can't email the guy.
00:11:47.000 Oh, that's gonna be discussed on the show, and then you're like alright Well, I then now I can't communicate with you Because I don't know what's public or not and then if I can't communicate with you.
00:11:56.000 Well.
00:11:56.000 I can't work with you Yeah, very simple.
00:11:59.000 I'm a friend of his still it like he's still in my music group and stuff, but oh I know you have no he's an adult Fuck you
00:12:07.000 How's that?
00:12:07.000 I have no loyalty.
00:12:09.000 You're going to just mischaracterize.
00:12:10.000 You know, I stand up for you every time behind your back.
00:12:12.000 I say the kindest things about you.
00:12:14.000 Stand up for yourself.
00:12:15.000 And to my face, you say I'm disloyal.
00:12:17.000 Wow, I'm just kidding calm down.
00:12:19.000 Okay.
00:12:19.000 Thank you.
00:12:20.000 But listen, I'm friends with him But you know people are like looking at me like well, what do you think but I don't I mean He's an adult like I brought him to this network and I fought for him to get this job Even those people like, you know, he spoke Really terrible things about Christ and stuff.
00:12:34.000 I was like, all right, whatever.
00:12:35.000 I mean, I Don't like that, but he wanted to show here and it's he's an adult.
00:12:40.000 He made his decision He did not play ball with you.
00:12:42.000 He wasn't like, oh, um, you know what?
00:12:44.000 I'm sorry about that.
00:12:45.000 It was very combative and
00:12:46.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:12:47.000 He would always double down too when I said something.
00:12:49.000 That's the road that he took with that.
00:12:50.000 And then, you know, Josh LaCasse, I fought to get him on the network and I didn't know he was going to turn out the way he did.
00:12:55.000 Is he bad?
00:12:56.000 He's Jewish.
00:12:58.000 I had no idea.
00:13:00.000 Yeah, no, I don't like the gross out stuff.
00:13:02.000 That wasn't a big deal.
00:13:03.000 That was just like, don't do that.
00:13:05.000 We don't do that kind of thing here.
00:13:06.000 It would almost be like he did a show in French and I was like, oh, it's an English network, so we don't do French here.
00:13:10.000 I'm not mad.
00:13:11.000 It's still up.
00:13:13.000 But yeah, airing the dirty laundry thing.
00:13:16.000 And then he goes, well I didn't know it was you.
00:13:17.000 Yeah, you asked me and I said it was.
00:13:20.000 Yeah.
00:13:22.000 So we kind of bled ourselves dry with content, and I'm kind of burnt out, to be quite frank, with recording five shows a day for a week.
00:13:34.000 So I think today what we'll do is we'll take calls.
00:13:36.000 We'll go through letters.
00:13:37.000 We'll chat.
00:13:38.000 Keep it cash.
00:13:40.000 First half.
00:13:42.000 First half is fucking free.
00:13:44.000 And then the second half is... Is our audio still going out to all the different podcasts?
00:13:51.000 Oh yeah.
00:13:52.000 Yeah, that's never stopped.
00:13:52.000 So I wonder if there's anyone who just listens to this free portion of this show on audio and doesn't even, like, know this exists.
00:13:59.000 Yeah, I've heard a couple of people emailing just about that.
00:14:03.000 Huh.
00:14:04.000 Well, if you are just listening, we give you a hundred percent every single day.
00:14:11.000 And that includes Christmas and Thanksgiving.
00:14:14.000 That includes when Ryan has a baby.
00:14:17.000 There's no dry days.
00:14:18.000 A lot of these other guys, they'll disappear.
00:14:20.000 I'm not saying Anthony's a fucking dog fucker.
00:14:23.000 He had his heart ripped out.
00:14:25.000 He got dumped.
00:14:25.000 No, just kidding.
00:14:26.000 He had a quadruple bypass.
00:14:27.000 So he's, that's not lazy, but like other guys, like doesn't Crowder take off like four months at a time?
00:14:34.000 I'm not sure.
00:14:35.000 I know he's very, very stingy about the car when it comes to his wife.
00:14:42.000 That old controversy.
00:14:43.000 My best friend's died.
00:14:44.000 My best friend's died.
00:14:45.000 I'm going to like see him again one day and be like, I'm sorry about the dog.
00:14:48.000 He doesn't know.
00:14:49.000 He doesn't know.
00:14:49.000 He doesn't care.
00:14:50.000 Yeah.
00:14:52.000 Um, I'm Steven Crowder, damn it.
00:14:57.000 Oh, by the way, yeah, if you are listening to this, you could watch this for free on Censored.TV.
00:15:02.000 Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
00:15:02.000 If you're just listening to it, we give 100% every day.
00:15:05.000 There's a new show.
00:15:06.000 And it's not just a show we fart together.
00:15:08.000 Like, this one is pretty farty.
00:15:10.000 But usually it's like green screens and lists and like 10 of the worst politicians in American history.
00:15:15.000 Like, there's a lot of prep.
00:15:17.000 I work full time on this show.
00:15:20.000 It's 12 bucks a month.
00:15:21.000 I'm one of many shows.
00:15:23.000 And every show is wildly different.
00:15:26.000 We have a show on Wednesday we do with Anthony Cumia.
00:15:28.000 He'll be back on his feet soon.
00:15:30.000 Thursday nights we watch cop videos with cops.
00:15:34.000 Monday and Tuesday are normal.
00:15:36.000 Shows like this where we joke around.
00:15:38.000 And the only time you hear ad reads is on these shows.
00:15:41.000 So I don't know why you're punishing yourself.
00:15:44.000 For so little money and you can do we still have the one month promo we had a promo for a while where you type in one month as a as a promo code just one word and You get a month free so you could just try it and cancel it if you don't like it.
00:15:57.000 It's true I don't see how you couldn't like it though.
00:16:00.000 I mean either like at the very very worst You could go.
00:16:05.000 I just I saw all those videos.
00:16:07.000 They're viral
00:16:10.000 But I like that.
00:16:11.000 Like, when Fleckas does his show, I watch it a lot, and I'll recognize almost all the videos.
00:16:16.000 I still like their take.
00:16:17.000 It's amusing.
00:16:18.000 Remember Fleckas said one of my favorite jokes, and it's one of my favorite jokes because it's not a joke, and he's being dead serious.
00:16:26.000 I said, uh, um, uh,
00:16:32.000 Why aren't you a Mets fan?
00:16:33.000 You look like a Mets fan.
00:16:35.000 You're fat and you have a beard.
00:16:35.000 You're from Brooklyn.
00:16:37.000 And he goes, hmm, let's see.
00:16:38.000 I'm not a Jew and I'm not a retard, so why would I be?
00:16:43.000 And I laughed my head off because he was trying to figure it out.
00:16:47.000 He's like, hmm, let me see.
00:16:48.000 I'm not a Jew.
00:16:49.000 I'm not a retard.
00:16:50.000 Yeah, well, I'm obviously going to be a Yankees fan.
00:16:53.000 And then ever since then every time I'm at a Mets game and there's like a retard next to someone with the yamaka which happens a lot I'll send it to them and then he's like your people or One time I said, I just realized there's this family Near my studio that I see.
00:17:12.000 Okay.
00:17:13.000 I'm lying.
00:17:13.000 They're near my house.
00:17:15.000 I didn't want to out them but I go their son is retarded and
00:17:19.000 And they're Jewish and I saw them piling into the car before a Mets game once.
00:17:23.000 No.
00:17:24.000 Yeah.
00:17:25.000 And he goes, he goes, there's your people.
00:17:27.000 And he goes, and you both think next year is going to be your year.
00:17:32.000 Fish kiss.
00:17:33.000 That guy's constantly abusing me.
00:17:36.000 How's your, how's your team going?
00:17:39.000 I talked to a bartender once and he goes, I don't, if I could go back in time, I would not be a Mets fan.
00:17:44.000 And I'm like, you can't say that.
00:17:46.000 That's like a Amish person saying, if he could go back in time, he'd be Christian or something.
00:17:51.000 You can't leave your team.
00:17:52.000 And he's like, dude, the misery that team has caused me my whole life.
00:17:57.000 Like, I was a little kid in 86 and they won the World Series and I was happy about it.
00:18:03.000 And I was like, I'm on board.
00:18:06.000 And then it just got worse every year.
00:18:08.000 Worse and worse and worse.
00:18:09.000 And I've just had a horrible life because of that fucking team.
00:18:15.000 And you know the secret?
00:18:16.000 You know why they won the pennant?
00:18:18.000 Is it the pennant?
00:18:19.000 In 86?
00:18:20.000 Because they were getting wasted together.
00:18:23.000 I know that sounds stupid, but it's a very important part of any team, any business.
00:18:28.000 You should get drunk together.
00:18:30.000 I made several million dollars at an ad agency that we sold, Rooster, sold it to Hamas.
00:18:37.000 And we would go, we'd work our butts off till like 3.30.
00:18:41.000 Then we'd go to the bar and drink from 3.30 to 5 or 4.30.
00:18:47.000 And we were obviously talking about the enterprise while we were there.
00:18:51.000 We were both co-owners.
00:18:53.000 So, it increases the bond between people.
00:18:57.000 It gives you this cohesion.
00:18:59.000 I don't know, man.
00:19:01.000 I think it's a very important thing to do.
00:19:03.000 Like, fire department.
00:19:05.000 That's a great example.
00:19:06.000 This is how this came out.
00:19:06.000 I was talking to a fireman at my gym, and he said, he said, the old days, I would go in, like, he's a piper with his firehouse's pipe brigade, whatever fucking thing.
00:19:18.000 Bagpipes and he goes after the parade we'd go to the bar.
00:19:22.000 He goes I went to the bar It's a fireman bar and there was maybe 30 of us there.
00:19:27.000 This is probably be in in Yonkers McLean Avenue whenever He goes in the old days.
00:19:33.000 He doesn't drink anymore because he was a severe alcoholic He goes in the old days.
00:19:37.000 I go to that bar.
00:19:37.000 It would be packed like shoulder-to-shoulder You'd have to piss on the street.
00:19:42.000 It would be like at capacity at 250 100%
00:19:46.000 Ironic that firefighters are breaking the capacity laws.
00:19:52.000 And he said, yeah, he said that this new generation of firemen, they're all autistic and they don't drink.
00:20:01.000 And that doesn't sound like a big deal.
00:20:02.000 That's like I'm a vegetarian or something.
00:20:05.000 Eh, I don't know.
00:20:06.000 Certain jobs you should drink.
00:20:09.000 I think firemen should be drunk.
00:20:12.000 Like, it takes incredible bravery to go into a burning building.
00:20:15.000 You should probably have a buzz.
00:20:17.000 I know I'm a lot braver after some of this Coors Banquet.
00:20:20.000 Probably requires a lot of, um, like, to have your wits about you, too, though.
00:20:26.000 Coordination?
00:20:27.000 Yeah, well, that's a fine line.
00:20:29.000 I think... If you fuck up, like, in your job... The gray area we're talking about here is called seven beers.
00:20:34.000 Wow.
00:20:36.000 Wow.
00:20:36.000 Seven beers would fucking rule me.
00:20:37.000 I consider seven beers not drinking.
00:20:39.000 That's like an appetizer for you?
00:20:40.000 My goal, my goal is to get my drinking down to, to four drinks, like two whiskeys and two beers.
00:20:48.000 Seven is not really more than that.
00:20:50.000 Damn.
00:20:52.000 Seven is nothing.
00:20:54.000 I don't think I could get a buzz off seven beers.
00:20:57.000 Just beers.
00:20:58.000 Maybe.
00:20:59.000 No, a bit of a buzz.
00:21:01.000 But yeah, these kids today aren't drinking.
00:21:03.000 So, that fucks up dating, too.
00:21:05.000 Do you wanna go to a bar?
00:21:07.000 No?
00:21:08.000 I guess we'll go play snooker?
00:21:10.000 Go play pool somewhere?
00:21:12.000 Gay.
00:21:15.000 We have five calls in line already, jeez.
00:21:18.000 Alright, well before we get there, let's get to Jump Medic.
00:21:22.000 Do I really have to open it up every single show?
00:21:27.000 I'm opening up, I'm opening up a quarter.
00:21:30.000 There's weird things we do to, to like make ourselves feel better when we're feeling lazy.
00:21:35.000 Like I was, I was going somewhere the other day and I was like, oh fuck, I don't want to go.
00:21:39.000 So I didn't tie my boots.
00:21:41.000 Like somehow that saving myself 10 seconds of work was gonna make it easier.
00:21:47.000 I'll get up, but I just won't put my pants on.
00:21:50.000 I'll just wear my underwear.
00:21:51.000 There, that's easier because it's so hard to put pants on.
00:21:54.000 So I'm just opening it a quarter of the way.
00:21:57.000 It's very aesthetically pleasing, this thing.
00:22:01.000 Well, gee golly willikers, the Christmas Yule is approaching faster than a steam locomotive sliding down the track.
00:22:05.000 It's that time of year where you need to try to figure out what to get for your loved ones, who may already have everything they need.
00:22:13.000 Nine times out of ten, even the oldest boomer who has everything, including a signed DVD box set of Leave it to Beaver, does not even realize how their home first aid kit is severely lacking.
00:22:23.000 So to that I say, take a look at JumpMedic.com.
00:22:26.000 They have some of the finest first aid kits that money can buy.
00:22:30.000 You can even customize your first aid kit to fit the needs of your family or the person you are buying this for by utilizing Jump Medic's build a bag feature.
00:22:39.000 Just go to jumpmedic.com slash bag build and select what you want from their convenient drop down menu.
00:22:47.000 You can get one or more of their awesome pro or go bags or you can skip the bags altogether and just stock up on first aid supplies to your heart's content.
00:22:54.000 They have basically everything you would need in a first aid kit and you can mix and match and select whatever you like.
00:23:00.000 This great small business has a ton of new updates to existing products as well as new products on the way.
00:23:06.000 I would recommend getting the Jump Medic Pro if you need to get a gift for someone in your family.
00:23:10.000 It's a great and innovative product and people absolutely love it.
00:23:13.000 Knowing that this first aid kit is in your home, car, RV, tent, or glory hole provides a gigantic peace of mind.
00:23:19.000 Take a look at the reviews.
00:23:20.000 It's basically the perfect first aid kit.
00:23:22.000 If you don't have a first aid kit, or even if you do, check out JohnMedic.com.
00:23:25.000 Free shipping in the USA.
00:23:27.000 Enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
00:23:29.000 Ouch.
00:23:29.000 That code works for everything except Ryan's ego.
00:23:34.000 That sucks.
00:23:35.000 And sale items.
00:23:37.000 If you happen to be one of those rare people that doesn't want to type out RyanSucks in the promo code, GavinSucks also works, even though not a single person has ever typed that.
00:23:48.000 I'm just reading the ad copy, bro.
00:23:50.000 Don't shoot the messenger.
00:23:52.000 Well, now I don't... I feel resistant to... Have you fallen?
00:23:56.000 Need a little... Oh, fuck.
00:23:58.000 I just noticed this cool flashlight.
00:24:01.000 I wrote a song for the ad.
00:24:04.000 What is it?
00:24:05.000 Well, now I don't want to sing it, because they just shat on me.
00:24:08.000 But that's been the promo code since day one.
00:24:10.000 That's true.
00:24:12.000 Have you fallen?
00:24:14.000 You need a little ointment and a bandage for your scraped up knee.
00:24:19.000 Well, we got it.
00:24:21.000 Along with all the stuff that can make you feel good and healthy.
00:24:26.000 Well, can't you see I'm fucking bleeding?
00:24:28.000 Got my blood up on the shit and my fuck.
00:24:31.000 Is this freestyle?
00:24:32.000 Some of it.
00:24:33.000 Why, could you tell?
00:24:34.000 Yes.
00:24:38.000 Jump medic.
00:24:44.000 Okay, B, that's enough for the sponsors.
00:24:47.000 That's all the sponsors.
00:24:49.000 So my rant earlier was get wasted together.
00:24:57.000 I think it was a factor in my not getting along with my co-founder's advice.
00:25:03.000 I fell in love with abroad and started spending all my time with her.
00:25:07.000 That made me less of the unit.
00:25:09.000 That was one of the factors.
00:25:11.000 Maybe not the biggest one.
00:25:14.000 I think I'm learning presently what the biggest one was, but that's another can of worms.
00:25:19.000 And you see the Koreans, they get it.
00:25:21.000 The Japanese, they go out and get drunk together.
00:25:25.000 The semi-retarded executive editor of the New York Times who wrote that terrible book that included a lot of vice, what the hell was her name again?
00:25:36.000 Look her up.
00:25:37.000 She, I talked to her back before I knew she was writing a hit book on me and vice.
00:25:46.000 She, I said to her, you know, the real problem is you didn't get drinks.
00:25:50.000 Now Jews are not big drinkers, so that's a problem.
00:25:52.000 But she goes, yeah, I think it might've come to that.
00:25:55.000 Like if I'd had more beers with the guy, because when you're having beers with a coworker, you're like, oh yeah, you're a human being.
00:26:02.000 You have a wife and kids.
00:26:04.000 You grew up in Nebraska.
00:26:06.000 Your dad was a farmer.
00:26:07.000 Your uncle piano fell on his head and killed him.
00:26:12.000 Now you have all this context of who this person is.
00:26:15.000 You're less likely to fire them.
00:26:17.000 I think firing is stupid.
00:26:20.000 I know I just fired Cody, but that was too egregious.
00:26:25.000 But as far as, like, important employees, you know, like, say, Orion, or if I was, you know, still at a big company, like your cameraman at Rooster.
00:26:35.000 It makes more sense to just try to fix the problem.
00:26:38.000 Like, 20 strikes and you're out.
00:26:40.000 Because...
00:26:43.000 Retraining someone is a huge fucking pain in the ass.
00:26:47.000 When someone's a contributor to this network, they're usually pretty extraneous outside of a few.
00:26:51.000 Was it Elizabeth Rose?
00:26:52.000 The executive editor of the New York Times?
00:26:55.000 Let me see.
00:26:56.000 What did you type in?
00:26:59.000 What did you type in?
00:27:00.000 Elizabeth Rose, vice?
00:27:04.000 Elizabeth Rose, employee, vice employee.
00:27:10.000 I'm talking about the executive editor of the New York Times.
00:27:12.000 Jill Abrams.
00:27:13.000 And you look up vice employee?
00:27:15.000 Yeah.
00:27:17.000 Wow.
00:27:20.000 Not great.
00:27:21.000 Who's this lady?
00:27:23.000 That's a dude.
00:27:24.000 That's a man, baby!
00:27:26.000 Yeah, her book is amazing.
00:27:30.000 It has so many fucking glaring errors.
00:27:35.000 Michael Moynihan went through them all when it first came out.
00:27:39.000 Like, just dates wrong.
00:27:41.000 You know, the founder of Vice started a white supremacist Ku Klux Klan club.
00:27:47.000 That's one of the more realistic things she said.
00:27:53.000 Anyway, she's retardation.
00:27:56.000 We're shooting so much with these banked episodes that I haven't seen my family in a while.
00:28:07.000 Okay, I guess we can, oh here we go.
00:28:09.000 A few weeks ago, I noticed an egregious error about my colleague, whoever.
00:28:13.000 She tweeted it out, a shitstorm followed.
00:28:15.000 Abrams corrected the mistake.
00:28:18.000 Go back down.
00:28:19.000 All three chapters on Vice were clotted with mistakes, lots of them.
00:28:23.000 The truth promised in Merchants of Truth, it's called Merchants of Truth, was often not true.
00:28:28.000 While trying to corroborate certain claims, I noticed that it also contained plagiarized passages.
00:28:33.000 The following examples from the book, not the galley, are only from the Vice chapters.
00:28:36.000 I didn't check the others.
00:28:38.000 So let's begin.
00:28:38.000 Here is Abramson on Gavin McInnes, whom she interviewed.
00:28:42.000 Bigot or champion of truth.
00:28:45.000 Oh my god.
00:28:47.000 I forgot all about this.
00:28:50.000 In August, Gavin wrote a column, blah blah blah, by a magazine run by Pat Buchanan.
00:28:54.000 In the magazine, he called young people a bunch of knee-jerk liberals, a phrase McInnes and his cronies use often.
00:29:01.000 Listen to the disdain.
00:29:02.000 Like, Tucker Carlson said this a long time ago.
00:29:04.000 He goes, if you feel really strongly about something, you probably shouldn't write about it because you're going to be too emotional.
00:29:11.000 Who will believe anyone with dark skin over anyone with light skin.
00:29:15.000 He laments the liberal views of most of the people who... That's true, by the way.
00:29:19.000 Like, a lot of the young people were knee-jerk liberals who would believe, look at George Floyd!
00:29:26.000 He's crying for his mama!
00:29:27.000 I believe him!
00:29:29.000 They didn't believe Derek Chauvin.
00:29:31.000 Chauvin!
00:29:33.000 He laments the liberal views of most of the people who pick up his magazine saying they were brainwashed by communist propaganda.
00:29:38.000 I stand by that.
00:29:39.000 It's so rare I read an allegation, it must be old, yeah 2005, where it's completely accurate.
00:29:47.000 He wrote a column in the American Conservative, a magazine run by Pat Buchanan, calling young people a bunch of- This is exactly what they wrote!
00:29:55.000 Look, even the same brackets!
00:29:58.000 Oh my god, it's the exact same sentence!
00:30:02.000 Like, it's not even paraphrased!
00:30:04.000 Well, instead of cronies, his ilk.
00:30:07.000 Oh, okay, sorry.
00:30:09.000 She doesn't like cronies.
00:30:12.000 What a fucking- See, she's retarded.
00:30:14.000 What's the name of the book again?
00:30:16.000 The Merchants of Truth.
00:30:17.000 It's right there.
00:30:20.000 You probably love that song.
00:30:21.000 I love that.
00:30:22.000 Yeah.
00:30:23.000 I remember when I used that.
00:30:24.000 Every time you said Merchants of Truth, I would go...
00:30:28.000 His fucking guitar, Mark Knopfler, it sounds like Cantonese.
00:30:31.000 It sounds like some Cantonese woman telling me I can't park there.
00:30:36.000 Hey!
00:30:57.000 And then Bob Dylan seltas over.
00:31:05.000 Fuck off.
00:31:11.000 Who likes dire straits?
00:31:13.000 I love a court case where it's a Chinese woman claiming that Mark Knopfler ripped her off.
00:31:18.000 Yeah, she's suing him for copyright.
00:31:19.000 For the case of Xinguang Song versus Mark Knopfler.
00:31:21.000 That's me!
00:31:22.000 There was someone pocking in my spot.
00:31:24.000 He wouldn't get out of the spot.
00:31:27.000 She goes... Bob Dylan is there too.
00:31:31.000 Yeah.
00:31:32.000 He's me tired.
00:31:33.000 Here's footage of Miss Sun Young Sung saying the exact line Mark Knopfler.
00:31:37.000 Why are you doing that?
00:31:38.000 Like you look at Jimi Hendrix or even we're talking about Prince with Purple Rain.
00:31:41.000 It's like... It's got that sort of like nice rocky flow to it.
00:31:42.000 Not like...
00:31:56.000 That's fuckin' annoying.
00:31:57.000 It's like a massage.
00:31:58.000 I hate it.
00:31:58.000 Fuckin' get off of me!
00:32:00.000 Fuckin' awful rules.
00:32:02.000 He sucks.
00:32:03.000 Ouch.
00:32:04.000 That ain't workin'.
00:32:05.000 That's the way you do it.
00:32:10.000 Play the guitar on his MTV.
00:32:13.000 Ew!
00:32:13.000 You might as well like fuckin' midnight oil.
00:32:17.000 How can we sleep when our beds are burnin'?
00:32:21.000 Are you giving me shit for the aboriginals in Australia?
00:32:24.000 Go fuck yourself, you bald nerd.
00:32:28.000 What a goof.
00:32:30.000 See, we got them calls.
00:32:33.000 Alright, let's do the You Got Mail.
00:32:36.000 You are on the air.
00:32:38.000 I'm here to have a conversation.
00:32:40.000 This is a fucking loser.
00:32:41.000 You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
00:32:45.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?
00:32:47.000 You get one thing.
00:32:48.000 Thank you for calling.
00:32:49.000 It was great hearing from you.
00:32:50.000 Bye-bye!
00:32:51.000 All right, next call.
00:32:57.000 All right, let's just dive into it.
00:32:59.000 Well, let's be very abrupt.
00:33:00.000 The way to keep the call show interesting is to cut off people who suck very quickly.
00:33:06.000 447, you're online.
00:33:07.000 447, you're here.
00:33:09.000 Hello?
00:33:12.000 Yeah, can you hear me okay?
00:33:14.000 I can hear you all right.
00:33:15.000 Can you hear me?
00:33:16.000 Yeah, I can hear you all right, mate.
00:33:17.000 How you doing?
00:33:18.000 You all right?
00:33:18.000 Mucking about.
00:33:19.000 Sound is a pound.
00:33:21.000 Yeah, I'm not bad, Gavin.
00:33:22.000 I'm not bad.
00:33:22.000 I've got a question about ass wipery.
00:33:25.000 Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.
00:33:26.000 I just had an experience with that.
00:33:27.000 Yes, sir.
00:33:29.000 Well, good.
00:33:29.000 Right.
00:33:30.000 So I brought it up with my mates the other day, and they were amazed to find that I wiped from back to front, because I go through the legs, down the front, and look at it past the bollocks, and drop it in a toilet, and it's all good.
00:33:44.000 Their contention was that I'd get shit on my balls.
00:33:47.000 I said, that's never fucking happened in my life.
00:33:49.000 How do you know?
00:33:52.000 How do I know the shit's not on me balls?
00:33:54.000 Yeah, like a little tiny streak.
00:33:55.000 We're not talking about lumps of fucking oatmeal.
00:33:58.000 But like a little crayon line.
00:34:00.000 You feel something touching your balls, man.
00:34:02.000 There's hairs down there.
00:34:03.000 It's like a sensitive area.
00:34:05.000 So I know if something touches it.
00:34:08.000 You're the only person in the world who wipes his ass that way.
00:34:10.000 You're weird.
00:34:11.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:34:13.000 We put out a little straw, but I've been asking everyone.
00:34:15.000 It's about one in four guys.
00:34:17.000 Because I've done research.
00:34:19.000 Birds do it the way they do it because
00:34:21.000 They're, obviously the person is closer to the arsehole, and you can get a UTI, but there's no reason for guys to not do it that way.
00:34:31.000 My theory is... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:34:34.000 If you can get a UTI, that means you're scraping shit forward.
00:34:41.000 Yeah.
00:34:43.000 But again, like, I don't have a hole for the shit to go into.
00:34:46.000 But you just said you never get shit on your balls.
00:34:51.000 No, I never get shit on my balls.
00:34:54.000 But if you had a pussy there, you would get shit on your pussy.
00:34:58.000 This is just for guys, though.
00:35:00.000 I completely understand, but for ladies, it's not a conversation I bring up with women very often, believe it or not.
00:35:06.000 Are you not following me, dude?
00:35:08.000 Ladies can't do that because they might bring shit into the pussy hole.
00:35:12.000 Your bag is where the pussy hole is.
00:35:16.000 Yeah, kind of.
00:35:17.000 You have a gooch.
00:35:18.000 The gooch would be a buffer zone for the balls, but you would definitely be putting shit, definitely in that area.
00:35:23.000 Now, I do both.
00:35:24.000 I do the back first, and then to get the angle, because there's like a little crease there, front one wipe.
00:35:30.000 Stand up, spread the leg, get one wipe there.
00:35:33.000 Make sure there's no color.
00:35:35.000 Trust Ryan to have the worst possible take.
00:35:36.000 You gotta lift yourself up.
00:35:38.000 And like, lift yourself up and lean round.
00:35:40.000 It's a lot of, it's a lot of facet.
00:35:43.000 Yeah, I think you're making a huge mistake.
00:35:45.000 I also don't think you should wipe your ass.
00:35:47.000 I don't mean leave shit there.
00:35:48.000 I mean, get a Biffy, get a bidet.
00:35:50.000 Ideally, you get them with a fancy Japanese toilet, but if you're not rich enough, go to Biffy.com, B-I-F-F-Y.com, and get one of those butt blasters.
00:35:59.000 It's fucking amazing, especially... They don't have them in Britain, man.
00:36:03.000 Dude, I live in America!
00:36:07.000 What do you think I'm drowning in bidets?
00:36:09.000 I had them all installed in my house, but before I could afford that, I would order a biffy and they attach to any toilet.
00:36:17.000 Good point, good point.
00:36:19.000 Alright, thanks for calling.
00:36:23.000 I love how Ryan thinks he's a human.
00:36:26.000 He's like, I have a way that's probably common.
00:36:29.000 I wipe it three times backwards, then I stand up and I put my leg in the air and wipe forwards.
00:36:34.000 No, not leg in the air, it's like this.
00:36:35.000 You're from the cantina bar in Star Wars.
00:36:36.000 Regular wipe.
00:36:38.000 You're not a person.
00:36:39.000 If you don't have a biffy, you put the toilet paper in the sink, get a little wet.
00:36:43.000 That I agree with.
00:36:45.000 If you don't have a bidet, if you're on the go, you can't biff it up.
00:36:47.000 It sucked.
00:36:48.000 I remember when I was an owner of a bidet and I would panic when I'm not, when I don't have one.
00:36:53.000 I'm also not good at wiping anymore.
00:36:54.000 I've lost the talent.
00:36:55.000 It's like MapQuest.
00:36:56.000 So every time I do it, it sucks.
00:36:59.000 And I always leave like a crayon line.
00:37:01.000 When I'm at home, it's there's the FDNY is there just going.
00:37:06.000 Hey Bill, we got another Gavin shit over here.
00:37:08.000 If you want to lick my asshole at any time, well make sure I'm just coming from the house, make sure I'm not at the studio, you could put some potatoes and peas on there and just eat your dinner right off it.
00:37:17.000 I'll take your word for it.
00:37:18.000 Spotless.
00:37:19.000 So I do the two from the back and then like this, I lean forward.
00:37:22.000 No one cares about your weird habits.
00:37:23.000 But there's a crease.
00:37:24.000 You eat hot bananas, no one's interested.
00:37:26.000 Sometimes.
00:37:28.000 But you know what happened to me today?
00:37:30.000 So I'm in there.
00:37:31.000 I see red on the toilet paper.
00:37:33.000 I go, what, did I pop a hemorrhoid?
00:37:35.000 I didn't know I had.
00:37:35.000 And then I realized, every time I have red Gatorade, it just goes right through.
00:37:38.000 And it looks like I've filled the toilet with blood.
00:37:41.000 So anyway, I use the tissues.
00:37:45.000 And I think I get it all, but you never do.
00:37:47.000 And then I was like, oh, it's still itchy.
00:37:49.000 Fuck, I must've missed some.
00:37:50.000 And then I look at my desk, and from my last flight, I have a United sanitizing napkin.
00:37:56.000 Perfect, perfect.
00:37:58.000 Rip that open.
00:37:59.000 Dude, that's what I was yelling.
00:38:00.000 Remember you said, are you okay in there?
00:38:02.000 Yes.
00:38:04.000 It was basically a bleach wipe.
00:38:07.000 I guess, oh my God, I'm stupid.
00:38:09.000 It's for your seat.
00:38:11.000 It has enough.
00:38:12.000 It has an industrial amount.
00:38:14.000 Yes, it's to kill bacteria.
00:38:17.000 I thought it was for your hands.
00:38:19.000 But no, you're supposed to wipe it all over the seat and the rails.
00:38:24.000 Do you ever put Icy Hot on your balls, that whole thing?
00:38:26.000 I wiped my ass with a bleach wipe once and it felt exactly like that, which is a wake-up call.
00:38:32.000 Apparently that skin's sensitive to some degree.
00:38:35.000 Alright, that was a good spirited debate.
00:38:38.000 Now we got 925.
00:38:41.000 925, you are live!
00:38:44.000 What's up?
00:38:45.000 Hey man, wait a minute.
00:38:46.000 Before we talk to you there, I'm going to say goodbye.
00:38:48.000 Goodbye people who don't subscribe.
00:38:50.000 You're missing out on a wild party.
00:38:52.000 And I feel bad for you.
00:38:54.000 I'm not even mad.
00:38:55.000 I just feel sorry for you.
00:38:57.000 So enjoy your cheapness while we're out here having fun.
00:38:59.000 Alright, cut it here.