Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 05, 2024


S5E75 - WE KNOW WHAT A JELLYBEAN IS (FREE PART)

Topics
silver investment money jokes automation and robots diversity studies fraud therapy effectiveness working out
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Ryan Larry Barnes Jump Medic Pat Buchanan Adolf Hitler Kendra George Bridges Terry Richardson Hunter S. Thompson Jake Gyllenhaal Jerry Seinfeld Claudine Gay Howard Stern Scrooge Greg Kirk Elliott Precious Metals Purple Works Nutrition Bruce Springsteen Steven Crowder Eric Swalwell and 31 more
S5E72 - MR GOOD LUCK (FREE PART) S5E78 - RIP OJ

Episode Stats


Length

53 minutes

Words per minute

156.3

Word count

8,284

Sentence count

987

Harmful content

Misogyny

29

sentences flagged

Toxicity

256

sentences flagged

Hate speech

49

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin McInnes talks about a Norwegian heavy metal band, urban decay, the Baltimore Bridge collapse, and what to do in the event of an apocalypse. He also discusses the dangers of the petrodollar, and the best way to prepare for a financial crisis. Recorded in Los Angeles, CA! Get Off My Lawn is a production of Native Creative Commons 3.0 and is produced by Riley Bray. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share to stay up to date with what's going on in the world of Cannabis and Cannabis related topics. Enjoy & spread the word to your friends about this podcast! P.S. Don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe to our other shows Hustler, The Anthropology, The HYPE Report, and HYPEBEAST Radio. Subscribe today using our podcast s promo code "UPLEVEL" for 20% off your first month with discount code "GRAVY" at checkout. You'll get 20% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTHS OFF YOUR MONDAY OFF YOUR FAVORITE OFF-PRODUCER ONLY OFFER AND FREE PRICING OF A YEAR'S WORTH $10 OFF A YEAR AND FREE MEDITATION. FREE TRAINING BONUS OFF THE PODCAST AND PODCASTS EVERY MONTH! Enjoy! XOXOXO CHECK OUT OUR FACEBOOK GROUP AND TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM WEBSITE! CHAT AND GOOGLETERMURDER AND TALK TO MEET ME AND OTHER LINKS AND OTHER THIRD PLATTRACTOR LINKS TO BUY TALKING ABOUT US AND OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA AND LINKS THAT'S A FRIENDS AND MORE! FREE MONEY AND LINKED TO OUR SOCIETY AND MORE INCLOSURE AND MORE ON THE LINKEDIN AND MORE AT THE LINKS BELOW! SUPPORT US IN OUR SOCIAL MURDERER AND SOCIAL GROUP AND MORE!!! FREE FAST FOLLOWING US TO GET A PRICY AND OTHER MEETTER AND GOT A LINKED IN TO VIP SUPPORT US AND MORE AND MORE RELATIONSHIP AND MORE - FREE MENTIONED INCLUDE LINKS EVERYONE IS LISTEN TO OUR PAST AND GIVING US VIP SUPPORTED IN A VOTING TO VIPY AND SUPPORT US

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:14.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:41.000 Hello, everyone.
00:00:42.000 Welcome to the free episode of Get Off My Lawn.
00:00:46.000 It's free for a little while, up to my discretion.
00:00:50.000 So you don't know when I'm going to cut you off.
00:00:52.000 Could be in 10 minutes.
00:00:54.000 Right, Ryan?
00:00:55.000 Could be now.
00:00:56.000 Bye, everybody.
00:00:57.000 Bye.
00:00:58.000 That's a band called Kvalertak.
00:01:03.000 Kvalertak is a Norwegian heavy metal band from Stavanger, formed in 2007.
00:01:09.000 You know who's also Norwegian?
00:01:11.000 Whom?
00:01:12.000 Nobody.
00:01:13.000 Interesting.
00:01:14.000 Nobody is Norwegian. 0.90
00:01:16.000 A friend of mine, Dexter, he's also- He's from Norway?
00:01:20.000 No.
00:01:21.000 Yeah.
00:01:22.000 It's like pigeons.
00:01:22.000 You never see a baby pigeon?
00:01:24.000 I think their women are attractive, and if you agree, you're a rape-apologist. 0.80
00:01:29.000 Because their women are attractive because they stole all of ours. 1.00
00:01:32.000 That's why women in Scotland are so ugly. 1.00
00:01:34.000 Because these fuckers took all the hot ones. 1.00
00:01:38.000 But my problem with the Vikings is they have so many little things on their letters. 1.00
00:01:44.000 Like little umlauts, and the O's are zeros crossed out, and fucking, what do you call those? 0.99
00:01:53.000 Umlauts and schlinkenflockens. 0.98
00:01:55.000 Schlinkenflockens, they do have a lot. 1.00
00:01:58.000 I said that to a, we got a baby monster sending us a letter, and I was like, your name has too much shit on it. 0.99
00:02:05.000 And he's like, I said, why is your language like that? 1.00
00:02:08.000 And he goes, so we can differentiate all the shit we took from you or something. 0.99
00:02:14.000 Oh, OK. 1.00
00:02:15.000 They didn't take that much shit, did they? 1.00
00:02:17.000 They took a lot of chicks. 1.00
00:02:18.000 But we didn't have that much shit back then. 1.00
00:02:20.000 We were like pagans with leprosy living in a tree. 0.99
00:02:26.000 But that song, go back to that song.
00:02:27.000 It's really cool.
00:02:28.000 And they're a great band.
00:02:29.000 Just kidding, Norwegians. 1.00
00:02:30.000 But it's got this heavy breakdown in the middle there.
00:02:33.000 Oh, good drop. 0.63
00:02:37.000 Did you catch that?
00:02:44.000 Go back a little bit more.
00:02:45.000 To the moon.
00:02:48.000 Before that.
00:02:58.000 The song is not over.
00:03:01.000 Who made this song?
00:03:01.000 A24 Studios?
00:03:04.000 This is very Midsommar. 0.93
00:03:10.000 That's a cool thing to do to your song.
00:03:21.000 My head's cropped.
00:03:25.000 Speaking of heavy metal and the apocalypse, we've got a thing on today's show about urban decay. 0.99
00:03:30.000 Remember we used to be able to make fun of Philadelphia all the time for being a disgusting shithole full of junkies? 0.97
00:03:36.000 Sorry, that's every city in North America right now. 0.99
00:03:40.000 Philadelphia is New York City is Toronto is Albuquerque is Indiana.
00:03:46.000 They all look the same.
00:03:47.000 Brutal violence of all races. 1.00
00:03:51.000 Junkies asleep on fentanyl on the train.
00:03:55.000 Cadavers just on the train.
00:03:57.000 People dragging cadavers out of subways because they're going to be late for work if they wait for the EMTs who are incompetent now and are going to take an hour and a half to get there.
00:04:07.000 So what do you do if there's an apocalypse?
00:04:10.000 Well, you got to get ready for it.
00:04:13.000 And a good way to be ready is to have some currency that is not reliable, not beholden to the Feds.
00:04:21.000 On March 11th, the emergency funding for banks, the bank term funding program expired.
00:04:25.000 This means that there are no funds for failing banks, and other banking crisis could very well be upon us.
00:04:31.000 Another one.
00:04:32.000 Prices have been insane at the grocery store and the gas station, and now the Baltimore Bridge collapse could have even more long-term supply chain repercussions.
00:04:39.000 We've been taking some bets on what that bridge is going to be called when they rebuild it, if they rebuild it.
00:04:45.000 And I think George Floyd is in the running by about 80%, the George Floyd Bridge.
00:04:50.000 You get handed You get handed counterfeit 20s when you cross instead of having to pay a toll so that'll be handy Although pregnant women get a pistol whipped if they cross the bridge Additionally China and Russia. 0.98
00:05:04.000 I probably shouldn't add
00:05:06.000 Controversial jokes into the middle of an ad read.
00:05:08.000 That's not what they pay for.
00:05:10.000 Additionally, China and Russia have convinced much of the world to use their currencies to purchase oil instead of the U.S.
00:05:16.000 dollar.
00:05:16.000 That is a huge deviation from the U.S.
00:05:18.000 petrodollar that has been dominant since post-World War II.
00:05:21.000 This exodus from the U.S. 0.53
00:05:22.000 dollar means we'll have to print money out of thin air and cause even more inflation.
00:05:25.000 The economy will suffer, so KEPM wants you to take advantage of this trend and reposition your retirement assets into physical precious metals.
00:05:36.000 You can even do this with your IRAs.
00:05:38.000 Not all silver and gold are created equal, nor are precious metals dealers.
00:05:41.000 Kirk Elliott Precious Metals sells only bullion bars and coins.
00:05:45.000 No high premium, no high commission.
00:05:47.000 They simply utilize a strategy of minimizing cost to maximize ounces.
00:05:51.000 They don't charge a commission when you liquidate and offer storage solutions through the Texas Precious Metals Depository with unlimited insurance protection.
00:05:59.000 Elliot!
00:05:59.000 That movie came out when I was 45 years old.
00:06:27.000 So you're the guy from E.T.?
00:06:30.000 No, no.
00:06:31.000 Heavens, I saw it when it came out.
00:06:34.000 But I'm glad that I invested in silver.
00:06:35.000 Oh, so you're just old guy?
00:06:37.000 Yeah.
00:06:39.000 Okay.
00:06:40.000 Old guy.
00:06:41.000 Ryan has a new character he's working on who is old.
00:06:45.000 He's a guy, too.
00:06:46.000 Old guy.
00:06:50.000 Speaking of Ryan, I understand you have a new website out, 1-1?
00:06:55.000 I'm not excited about that.
00:06:56.000 It's called Ryanisannoying.com.
00:06:58.000 I'm not pulling this up at all.
00:07:00.000 You probably should have.
00:07:01.000 The second you realized you were annoying, which your dad realized when you were a baby, right?
00:07:06.000 That's what the song says.
00:07:07.000 That's when your dad peaced out.
00:07:10.000 So you probably should have bought that URL about 35 years ago.
00:07:14.000 Ryanisannoying.com.
00:07:15.000 That's true.
00:07:17.000 Have you seen this yet?
00:07:17.000 Well, there's a lot of Ryans.
00:07:18.000 There's even, like, a Ryan meetup.
00:07:20.000 Well, scroll down.
00:07:20.000 Let's see if this is a specific Ryan.
00:07:24.000 That's the whole site there, Gav.
00:07:25.000 Nope.
00:07:26.000 If you scroll down, you'll see... Oh, there is more.
00:07:28.000 Dedicated to the mayor of Gaytown.
00:07:30.000 Okay, that looks a lot like me.
00:07:32.000 Mayor of Gaytown.
00:07:33.000 President of Fagville.
00:07:35.000 I don't remember running for office.
00:07:38.000 What's the last one?
00:07:39.000 Chairman of the... Chairman.
00:07:40.000 Chairman.
00:07:41.000 Well, that's in Jamaica.
00:07:42.000 Chairman of the Gay.
00:07:44.000 I don't care about Palestine. 1.00
00:07:45.000 I don't care about Palestine. 1.00
00:07:47.000 I vacation in Jamaica, but I just sit down mostly.
00:07:49.000 So they call me the chairman.
00:07:51.000 Oh, that sounds like a pun.
00:07:52.000 That'll be $20.
00:07:54.000 I don't like how this is going at all.
00:07:56.000 As you know, we charge Ryan $20 for every pun because puns aren't funny.
00:08:00.000 They're, uh, funny. 1.00
00:08:03.000 And then, again, I get so angry when I see you doing stupid shit out on the streets. 1.00
00:08:10.000 Right. 1.00
00:08:11.000 Because you represent this company.
00:08:13.000 You represent not just this show, but this network. 0.98
00:08:16.000 So when you start fucking with people and taking their shoes, it makes us look bad. 0.97
00:08:22.000 Like, what is this? 0.99
00:08:23.000 Why would- what are you doing here?
00:08:24.000 Well, the gentleman in the video, not- who is not me, is, uh, tickling people's feet with a toilet brush.
00:08:32.000 Which, as you can see, I'm too mature.
00:08:34.000 Go back! 0.78
00:08:34.000 I'm mad at you for this! 0.78
00:08:37.000 And then you start givin' him shit? 0.99
00:08:38.000 I don't believe that even looks like me at all. 0.99
00:08:40.000 What does that sh- What does your shirt say?
00:08:42.000 Delandy?
00:08:43.000 Strategy?
00:08:44.000 I would ask him.
00:08:45.000 I would go about asking him.
00:08:46.000 Why does your old guy sound exactly like you?
00:08:48.000 I'm trying to sound youthful for the... kids.
00:08:53.000 Okay.
00:08:56.000 This isn't a different country, this isn't even- I know, what are you doing in the Middle East?
00:09:00.000 I'm not doing- I've never left the United States, so I- This couldn't be me.
00:09:03.000 I gotta say, at the risk of sounding xenophobic, I hate that culture with feet everywhere. 0.99
00:09:10.000 They've always got their sandals on and their fucking long shirts. 0.99
00:09:14.000 So maybe this gentleman's doing a service. 1.00
00:09:16.000 He's saying, put your feet away.
00:09:17.000 The entire Middle East looks like Scrooge when he's sleeping. 1.00
00:09:21.000 With the little candle and the sleeping hat.
00:09:24.000 You know?
00:09:24.000 Yeah, of course.
00:09:25.000 He had slippers on, too.
00:09:27.000 You gonna milk me?
00:09:29.000 I got slippers, too, Greg.
00:09:30.000 I got slippers, Greg.
00:09:32.000 Can you milk me?
00:09:36.000 Okay, you know what that that reminds me talking about and by the way I didn't discover that Ryan's stealing shoes or Ryan is annoying on my own, but I Got that from a baby monster. 0.99
00:09:47.000 I appreciate you guys sending us cool shit But I don't appreciate you sending me the same fucking thing eight million times And I'd like to take some time to introduce a new segment that I stole from Jimmy Kimmel called stop Sending me this 0.97
00:10:06.000 Ryan added a swear word. 1.00
00:10:08.000 Stop sending me this shit. 1.00
00:10:11.000 Whoops. 1.00
00:10:12.000 This is a kid's show.
00:10:15.000 So far we're off to a bad start.
00:10:17.000 I don't think that's the first demerit if this were to be a kid's show.
00:10:26.000 So, there are certain clips.
00:10:28.000 Now, like that Middle Eastern guy.
00:10:31.000 You probably saw that and you thought, I haven't seen this before.
00:10:33.000 He's short and somewhat Asian looking.
00:10:35.000 I'll send this to Gavin.
00:10:37.000 He can make fun of Ryan.
00:10:39.000 Legitimate.
00:10:40.000 However, please have watched the show.
00:10:44.000 For example, where is this one?
00:10:48.000 It just says midget. 1.00
00:10:49.000 I've got it highlighted here.
00:10:51.000 It's okay.
00:10:52.000 Wait.
00:10:53.000 Oh, sorry.
00:10:53.000 Go to the Google Docs.
00:10:54.000 Stop sending me this.
00:10:55.000 I didn't use rude words at the end of mine.
00:10:58.000 Gotcha.
00:11:00.000 But we featured this guy when he first went viral.
00:11:03.000 It has gone very viral since. 1.00
00:11:06.000 You have sent me this fucking midget. 1.00
00:11:10.000 About 100 million times. 1.00
00:11:12.000 Not the guy in the foreground, the guy in the bulls shirt.
00:11:16.000 I've seen him swimming.
00:11:17.000 I've seen him doing kung fu. 0.99
00:11:20.000 Fucking stop. 0.99
00:11:21.000 Working out? 1.00
00:11:22.000 Working out.
00:11:23.000 If you see that guy... Filing taxes?
00:11:25.000 Don't do anything.
00:11:27.000 Get on with your life.
00:11:28.000 Like, there should be a rule of thumb here.
00:11:30.000 If it has 1 million views, don't send it to me.
00:11:35.000 I've seen it.
00:11:37.000 I just saw that guy who got a face transplant for a millisecond there. 0.97
00:11:41.000 What a weirdo.
00:11:42.000 That's why this has, you know, some of the most viral images to ever grace the internet.
00:11:48.000 The history of dance guy, the whoop whoop guy.
00:11:51.000 Well, how about the, but it's the, the rhyme ones are particularly annoying.
00:11:55.000 Like these dancing twins.
00:11:58.000 I've got this daily basis for that, for you to make it to my stop sending me this list.
00:12:04.000 I get it at least once a day.
00:12:07.000 That's hundreds of times a year.
00:12:08.000 I don't know if you know how days work. 1.00
00:12:11.000 But pull those up, slow ass. 1.00
00:12:14.000 What are you doing? 1.00
00:12:17.000 These guys.
00:12:18.000 Yeah, I've seen them.
00:12:19.000 And the annoying part is, half the time I've already shown this. 0.96
00:12:24.000 And I'm such, we get a hundred emails a day, I'm such a douche that I can't resist going, thank you for sending me something I've seen a fucking million times! 0.98
00:12:33.000 So I will say, if you're sending me this shit to make me mad and prank me, then you're doing a great job. 0.97
00:12:40.000 Because I get genuinely angry when I get these, which is why I send you such weird things. 0.99
00:12:45.000 Like, check the views, check when it came out.
00:12:49.000 These three triplets, these triplet Asians. 1.00
00:12:54.000 That I keep getting.
00:12:55.000 Do they sing and have guitars?
00:12:57.000 Are you even getting this?
00:12:59.000 Yes.
00:12:59.000 A lot.
00:13:00.000 Dude, I need a filter.
00:13:02.000 No more Asian triplets. 1.00
00:13:05.000 If you have triplets and you send me a picture, I want it to get blocked. 0.77
00:13:13.000 And what's my joke supposed to be here that Ryan has brothers?
00:13:16.000 I guess I would do that.
00:13:17.000 Right, you have.
00:13:17.000 And I think we did!
00:13:18.000 I think we showed these guys and I asked you.
00:13:20.000 We have, yes.
00:13:22.000 And you're like, no, I think it was like, how are you doing all three things at the same time?
00:13:25.000 You know what?
00:13:25.000 New rule.
00:13:27.000 New rule.
00:13:27.000 New rule.
00:13:29.000 If you don't watch every single episode, you're not allowed to send us stuff.
00:13:32.000 That's a good point.
00:13:35.000 I'm tired of these people sending the same stuff in, Gavin. 1.00
00:13:39.000 Now with Bush's- What's with your fucking hair? 1.00
00:13:41.000 What are you, Beyonce? 1.00
00:13:44.000 Yes, ma'am.
00:13:45.000 I tilted my hat.
00:13:48.000 I don't understand why... Are you, like, a Shaolin cowboy? 0.78
00:13:52.000 Nope.
00:13:54.000 Who came up with that?
00:13:56.000 Snapchat.
00:13:57.000 Uh, keep going, there's more. 0.99
00:14:00.000 Now, I might have this twice, because I tend to just cut and paste them into this shit when I get it, but... Those guys again. 0.98
00:14:08.000 This, I've received this 1,000 times. 0.99
00:14:15.000 It's actually making me hate the Ryan joke.
00:14:17.000 Is that the same one next to it?
00:14:19.000 Let's see.
00:14:25.000 Judging by how many videos there are of these guys, they're very... Yeah, that's the same one.
00:14:29.000 And then I think this is a different one right below it.
00:14:33.000 But I think these guys are doing pretty well.
00:14:35.000 Yeah.
00:14:35.000 A friend of mine... I'm actually getting... I've been sent this so much, I'm getting to know their songs.
00:14:41.000 Yeah, yeah, I know.
00:14:44.000 I've actually learned Chinese.
00:14:45.000 Is this the Blue Eagle Soars in the Sky one or is this the A Thousand Rainfalls Will Provide Me Peace?
00:14:53.000 It's A Thousand Rainfalls.
00:14:55.000 Oh, okay.
00:14:56.000 And then last case I'll do is this.
00:14:59.000 Yes, I do not have a very strong chin.
00:15:02.000 Yes, that's why I grew a beard.
00:15:04.000 Yes, we have played this video already.
00:15:08.000 I walked out of the studio when Ryan asked me why I got such a weird haircut and why I shaved my beard.
00:15:14.000 If you recall, that episode was 10 minutes long because I just walked out of the studio and pretended that it hurt my feelings.
00:15:21.000 Isn't that just an Albanian 8?
00:15:24.000 Oh my god, speaking of Albanians.
00:15:27.000 Whatever.
00:15:28.000 Dude, my barber shop this morning, I got a haircut this morning.
00:15:34.000 My barber's...
00:15:37.000 The level of comedy from these Albanians. 1.00
00:15:40.000 Albanians inbred? 1.00
00:15:43.000 I didn't know they were so stupid. 1.00
00:15:45.000 They're a little superstitious. 1.00
00:15:48.000 That's Turks. 1.00
00:15:48.000 That's the whole fucking that side of Europe. 1.00
00:15:52.000 So the woman next door comes in. 1.00
00:15:56.000 She just came back from Florida.
00:15:57.000 This is the discourse that goes on in the barbershop.
00:16:00.000 I'm just sitting in my chair going. 0.99
00:16:02.000 She goes, is that fucking internet? 0.99
00:16:05.000 Is the internet working? 0.99
00:16:07.000 And they go, yes, mine works fine.
00:16:09.000 It doesn't work for me.
00:16:10.000 Well, it's on my phone.
00:16:11.000 That's not your internet, Benny.
00:16:14.000 And she's like, ah, OK.
00:16:16.000 Well, you guys got internet.
00:16:18.000 I need internet for my credit card machine.
00:16:20.000 She runs a used garbage shop next door that no one has ever been in.
00:16:24.000 Just like a pair of old shoes.
00:16:26.000 No thanks.
00:16:26.000 I don't want someone's toes on my toes.
00:16:31.000 And she's like, yeah.
00:16:32.000 And they go, yeah, you can use our internet.
00:16:34.000 Seriously?
00:16:35.000 She's not joking, but they, they're in a good mood and they're feeling like they're funny.
00:16:39.000 So he goes, yes, yes.
00:16:42.000 You come in, use our, you use our internet and the credit card, the money goes to our account.
00:16:50.000 And I'm like, that's the least funny thing I've ever heard.
00:16:52.000 And then, guess what he says?
00:16:54.000 What?
00:16:55.000 Uh, you come in, you use our internet, credit, money goes into our account.
00:17:00.000 You said it again?
00:17:01.000 You okay, no problem, you using internet, but it goes out account.
00:17:07.000 Don't forget to keep using, too.
00:17:09.000 I think he did five times, with no variation.
00:17:12.000 Oh, so I even varied it too much.
00:17:14.000 Yeah, that's too much.
00:17:14.000 The more you use, the more money you get, so use a long time.
00:17:16.000 No, no, no, you're being too funny.
00:17:18.000 That's too interesting.
00:17:20.000 That's too nuanced.
00:17:21.000 Keep using, because more money... You come in, you use our internet, credit card, money goes into our account.
00:17:27.000 And he's laughing his head off.
00:17:29.000 And so is his brother.
00:17:30.000 It's two brothers.
00:17:31.000 And I'm just like, that whole, like the most base humor in the world is like, oh, hey, can I have that?
00:17:37.000 Like when you have $10 in your hand.
00:17:39.000 Hey, hey, I wish this was money.
00:17:42.000 Wish this was a hundred bucks.
00:17:44.000 It's, a lot of foreigners do it, like taxi cab drivers and stuff.
00:17:47.000 Like, oh, I'll take, is that my tip?
00:17:49.000 No, it's not.
00:17:50.000 That's, don't do money jokes.
00:17:52.000 Yeah.
00:17:53.000 And then guess what happened?
00:17:54.000 Go ahead.
00:17:55.000 She left rolling her eyes. 1.00
00:17:58.000 She's probably stupid too, but it's way smarter than them and He goes he's cutting my hair and he goes Still buzzing from his discovery, which is about as funny and brilliant as how many people want money ate Which is a joke I dreamt 0.98
00:18:16.000 And then he goes, no problem, you know, you use our internet, only the money goes... And then he's looking at himself in the mirror, and then the money goes in our account. 0.99
00:18:27.000 What the hell is that?
00:18:29.000 Is this a prank? 0.89
00:18:31.000 Is like that Japanese guy gonna come out, Mr. Bagaduchi, and say, we want to see what you would do if we made the worst joke in the world eight times? 0.98
00:18:40.000 Wow.
00:18:42.000 And I was just like, please just remember how unfunny this is so you can mention it on the show.
00:18:47.000 That's like a 4IQ.
00:18:49.000 Hey everyone, uh, who subscribes to Censor.TV.
00:18:53.000 Maybe you, uh, use different email and subscribe again.
00:18:57.000 You pay me twice as much.
00:18:59.000 Maybe you use ten accounts.
00:19:02.000 It's only a thousand dollars a year.
00:19:07.000 Give me, why don't, hey you, why don't you give me a million dollars.
00:19:12.000 You know, it's been a really long time since I've heard those jokes.
00:19:17.000 It's like, you know, they're the only ones keeping them alive, perhaps.
00:19:20.000 It's like the take my wife joke or something.
00:19:22.000 It's like, it's not supposed to be in modern day.
00:19:24.000 Remember the last joke I told you that they were having heart attacks over?
00:19:28.000 No.
00:19:30.000 Pay it back.
00:19:30.000 Pay it forward.
00:19:32.000 It's a joke. 1.00
00:19:33.000 Get rid of this sending me shit. 0.99
00:19:34.000 We're not doing that anymore. 0.99
00:19:38.000 It's a joke that they've heard and they cannot get over how funny it is.
00:19:42.000 And this guy is going to a drive-thru.
00:19:43.000 The person ahead, they have bought their meal.
00:19:52.000 And, you know, they said, God bless Jesus, you know, Jesus Christ, you know.
00:19:55.000 I think they're Christian.
00:19:58.000 And so he says, that's very good.
00:20:00.000 You know, Jesus loves people who pay it forward, you know.
00:20:04.000 Do you want to pay it forward?
00:20:06.000 And then he says, yes, I think I will.
00:20:09.000 And then he says, okay, it's a big order.
00:20:12.000 They are buying $250 food.
00:20:15.000 And he says, oh, I'm not pay.
00:20:18.000 And they say, but paid for.
00:20:19.000 And he said, oh, Jesus forgives.
00:20:22.000 Jesus forgives.
00:20:27.000 I don't know if I'd trust him to cut my hair.
00:20:29.000 Yeah, I'm getting, I'm scaring myself right now. 0.94
00:20:32.000 So I stabbed Mr. Gavin in the neck, you know Gavin with no chin, you know I stabbed him in the neck. 0.95
00:20:36.000 He literally has a straight razor up on my throat. 0.95
00:20:38.000 Yeah, I wouldn't feel too good.
00:20:39.000 Do you like Jesus Gives joke?
00:20:41.000 Jesus forgives, you think that's funny?
00:20:43.000 Yes, yes. 0.99
00:20:44.000 Please say the same fucking thing. 0.99
00:20:46.000 I'd be running out of there like a cartoon me with a hat on with chase music and a guy chasing me with glasses. 1.00
00:20:51.000 Like that?
00:20:53.000 Thanks.
00:20:56.000 My imagination was getting a hernia before you showed me how to imagine that.
00:21:02.000 Also, an important news. 0.97
00:21:03.000 Last night's Curb Your Enthusiasm, or sorry, Sunday's Curb Your Enthusiasm was fucking hilarious. 0.60
00:21:08.000 He's finally not doing political stuff. 0.86
00:21:11.000 He's not making fun of Giuliani's hair dye from three years ago.
00:21:14.000 He's focusing on what he does best, and that is my retarded minutia. 0.99
00:21:20.000 He fucking bumps into a dude named Ken that he used to fuck when he was Kendra. 0.99
00:21:27.000 I've never seen that before. 0.99
00:21:29.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.98
00:21:31.000 He's like, Larry? 0.99
00:21:32.000 And he goes, yes?
00:21:33.000 Hi, Ken.
00:21:35.000 And he's like, I don't know who you are.
00:21:36.000 Well, you probably remember he's Kendra. 1.00
00:21:38.000 Used to fuck me on the floor. 0.99
00:21:40.000 And he's like, oh my God. 1.00
00:21:44.000 Great show.
00:21:45.000 He's doing this.
00:21:46.000 There's this long subplot thread with the whole episode.
00:21:49.000 This is the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm where he's on trial for breaking Georgia voter laws.
00:21:57.000 Is that Kendra?
00:21:59.000 No, that's New York City.
00:22:02.000 That's Matt Barry.
00:22:05.000 Bruce Springsteen is in it.
00:22:05.000 He's really good too.
00:22:07.000 Really?
00:22:07.000 Yeah, that's his scene.
00:22:09.000 Let's get going.
00:22:11.000 Nice to meet you all.
00:22:13.000 That's Tim.
00:22:14.000 See ya, Larry.
00:22:15.000 Good to see you again.
00:22:16.000 Wait, you're leaving already?
00:22:17.000 We gotta go.
00:22:18.000 We had a thing.
00:22:19.000 Go back a little more.
00:22:22.000 Still a sexy beast.
00:22:24.000 Look at you.
00:22:25.000 Doesn't he look great, you guys?
00:22:28.000 It's within my hash marks.
00:22:30.000 It's in your hash marks?
00:22:31.000 It's within my hash marks.
00:22:33.000 All right.
00:22:34.000 Got it.
00:22:34.000 This one's fine.
00:22:35.000 Yeah.
00:22:35.000 I'm fine.
00:22:35.000 Yeah.
00:22:36.000 It's so good to see you, Larry.
00:22:38.000 It is crazy how long it's been since we've seen each other.
00:22:41.000 You look great.
00:22:42.000 Oh, that's so nice. 0.60
00:22:43.000 Still a sexy beast.
00:22:44.000 Look at you.
00:22:45.000 Look at you.
00:22:46.000 Doesn't he look great, you guys?
00:22:48.000 You've changed quite a lot.
00:22:50.000 Yeah, some people say that I'm as hot as a man as I was a woman.
00:22:56.000 This guy, we had this little thing, I don't know what it was, Larry would come over... So I bring that up to say, he's definitely going to jail at the end, just like Seinfeld ended with them in jail, he's gonna end with them in jail.
00:23:07.000 Speaking of voting, this is way down the line, go to 1-5. 0.99
00:23:11.000 Remember when we were all called idiots and didn't 0.99
00:23:18.000 Did Fox News fire Tucker for questioning the Dominion voting machines? 0.99
00:23:22.000 And didn't Fox have to pay $300 million to Dominion?
00:23:27.000 Now this isn't specifically about Dominion, but the point is that J6ers were spurred on by the belief that the election was stolen, and I believe it was, and now more and more of these are coming out of the woodwork and we're realizing you probably shouldn't have to go to jail for 22 years if you think a stolen election was stolen. 0.98
00:23:48.000 People in Nevada voted more than once, according to your work in this.
00:23:53.000 42,000 people.
00:23:54.000 1,500 people voted in Nevada that were dead.
00:23:58.000 19,000 people voted though they did not live in Nevada and they weren't a college student.
00:24:06.000 8,000 people voted from a non-existent address, 15,000 people voted though they were registered to a commercial address or a vacant address, and 4,000 people voted in Nevada that are non-citizens.
00:24:18.000 My question to you is, in my state, when someone votes twice, and we do have that occasionally, about 50 times a year that that actually occurs in our state, we prosecute individuals that vote twice.
00:24:32.000 Wait a minute, stop.
00:24:32.000 Hey, if you're voting for me, how about you vote 100 times?
00:24:35.000 How about everyone in America vote for me 100 times?
00:24:37.000 I get 3 billion votes!
00:24:53.000 And then turn Voltorn into money!
00:24:55.000 And then I am president for one billion years!
00:24:58.000 And I make a trillion dollars!
00:24:59.000 And I fly around in a hundred planes at once! 1.00
00:25:02.000 And I fuck- I fuck one hundred women at the same time! 1.00
00:25:05.000 And my big toe is in one pussy, my other toe is in another pussy! 1.00
00:25:08.000 And these are all fingers going into different pussies! 1.00
00:25:16.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:25:17.000 It's the Thing Bigger joke.
00:25:21.000 Uh, anyway, keep going.
00:25:22.000 Do you know of any prosecutions currently going on in Nevada?
00:25:27.000 Or if, like, the waiter comes and brings the food and is like, is this yours?
00:25:31.000 Oh, no, that's a different table.
00:25:33.000 Oh, no, no, I put a ticket.
00:25:34.000 You could put here.
00:25:35.000 Yeah, it's a similar thing.
00:25:37.000 Yeah.
00:25:38.000 I want to say it's a joke a six-year-old would make, but six-year-olds are way funnier.
00:25:45.000 Not yet, Senator, and that's extreme.
00:25:48.000 42,000 people in Nevada.
00:25:51.000 They call them election deniers like it's Holocaust deniers.
00:25:55.000 I totally forgot the fact that, uh... Oh my god! 0.84
00:25:58.000 Every time I think I'm not gay, I look at you and I go, maybe...
00:26:04.000 Thanks, Gavin.
00:26:04.000 Well, I remember when Stephen Crowder had boots on the ground, he went to people's houses for these dead voters, and he was doing that work.
00:26:12.000 Remember that?
00:26:13.000 I can't hear a word you're saying.
00:26:16.000 All the blood rushed to my boner, and now I feel dizzy. 1.00
00:26:20.000 You're crazy, man. 0.99
00:26:22.000 Hey, I guess I'm flattered. 1.00
00:26:26.000 I guess the rock talks like a hunk.
00:26:28.000 Bye, Gavin.
00:26:29.000 Bye.
00:26:30.000 Swoon.
00:26:33.000 Just kidding, I'm back.
00:26:36.000 Jump medic! 0.99
00:26:38.000 It's amazing how much shit there is, and every time I talk to someone in the know, like Matty O'Dell, he's a big EMT guy, because he's on so many blood thinners, that if he crashes his bike, he dies. 1.00
00:26:48.000 Which I'm sure the people he murdered would be happy to hear about. 1.00
00:26:51.000 I think we're getting a pizza for our guests. 0.99
00:26:53.000 Oh shit, that's at the door? 0.99
00:26:55.000 I've got some Swiss people in the studio today. 1.00
00:26:58.000 Yeah, I'll be right out.
00:26:59.000 Questioning me, probably doing a very in-depth article on how I went from hipster to Hitler and how I hate Jews and what happened to me. 0.82
00:27:09.000 Yeah, it's all paid for. 0.96
00:27:14.000 Asking me about the 10 things I hate about the Jews video. 0.92
00:27:17.000 Hasn't even seen it. 0.92
00:27:20.000 But is outraged.
00:27:22.000 Asked me about Pat Buchanan. 0.70
00:27:24.000 Says he's the worst guy in the world.
00:27:25.000 Never read any of his books.
00:27:28.000 How could you like Pat Buchanan?
00:27:30.000 Hunter Thompson hates him.
00:27:31.000 How can you not like Buchanan?
00:27:32.000 You never read him.
00:27:33.000 But I like Hunter Thompson.
00:27:36.000 That's the math.
00:27:36.000 You gotta read, like, Death of the West.
00:27:38.000 It's like Ann Coulter.
00:27:39.000 People go, does she really mean what she says?
00:27:41.000 What sentence of what book or appearance are you talking about?
00:27:47.000 Same with Fox News.
00:27:48.000 All these people who hate Fox News have never sat down and watched an entire episode of say Hannity or Red Eye or Gutfeld or Alex Jones.
00:28:00.000 Or Adolf Hitler. 0.55
00:28:01.000 None of these people hate Hitler has taken the time to read Mein Kampf.
00:28:07.000 Or at least enjoy some of his paintings.
00:28:11.000 I'm sure JumpMedic will be happy about that association.
00:28:13.000 JumpMedic is a great small business created by a paramedic with years on the ground emergency experience.
00:28:18.000 JumpMedic has a variety of fantastic first aid kits.
00:28:20.000 I've shown you the JumpMedic Pro with its unique flat lay design, but wait until you hear this.
00:28:24.000 JumpMedic is now offering a hard shell waterproof first aid kit, which includes a mini portable bag as well.
00:28:30.000 The Hardshell Jump Medic First Aid Kit comes fully stocked with all kinds of life-saving supplies for an easy payment of $149. 0.96
00:28:35.000 And the fucking ad guy has put the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number to make me angry. 0.97
00:28:43.000 And guess what? 0.99
00:28:44.000 It worked.
00:28:46.000 Jump Medic is for the home, the car, the boat, or the RV if you have an HSA, Health Savings Account, or an FSA, Flexible Spending Account.
00:28:53.000 Well, gee golly, the Jump Medic First Aid Kits are tax-deductible for those programs.
00:28:57.000 That means they're practically giving away.
00:28:59.000 The team at Jump Medic is extremely helpful and responsive to answer your questions and help you with their other products like Build-A-Bag.
00:29:05.000 The Build-A-Bag is a great product and service they offer, which is completely customizable.
00:29:10.000 A way to stock up on your first aid supplies.
00:29:12.000 Jump Medic is now offering Narcan for their various first aid kits.
00:29:15.000 You never know when you might need it.
00:29:17.000 Even if you're a teetotaler, fentanyl is so prevalent at this point that it's almost obligatory to have Narcan in your home.
00:29:23.000 If anyone you know ever visits, I have Narcon in my home.
00:29:26.000 Narcan.
00:29:28.000 I hope my teenagers aren't doing drugs. 1.00
00:29:31.000 But hope doesn't save lives, or if one of their stupid friends is over and she's high. 1.00
00:29:37.000 It's free! 1.00
00:29:38.000 A lot of places will give you Narcan for free.
00:29:40.000 All it takes is touching some money with Narcan, I mean, with fentanyl on it, right?
00:29:44.000 The amount that you need of fentanyl to make you overdose by touching it or smelling it.
00:29:48.000 Yeah, they say that, I don't know.
00:29:49.000 There was a video of that cop.
00:29:51.000 I know, I heard that was fake.
00:29:52.000 What?
00:29:53.000 But whatever, it's a very, very dangerous drug and you should be prepared to save someone's life.
00:29:58.000 And it's an opioid blocker.
00:30:00.000 You take it and boom. 0.99
00:30:02.000 And you see these junkies that beat up cops or try to beat up cops after they get their lives saved because you fucked up my buzz. 0.98
00:30:09.000 Okay, I'm not doing it next time. 0.99
00:30:11.000 Bye-bye.
00:30:12.000 Home to mommy.
00:30:14.000 If you don't have a first aid kit, or even if you do, check out JumpMedic.com.
00:30:17.000 Free shipping in the USA.
00:30:19.000 Enter promo code... Oh, you're not gonna like this.
00:30:22.000 Go ahead.
00:30:24.000 RyanSucks is the promo code for 10% off.
00:30:27.000 That code works for everything except for the sale items.
00:30:31.000 Why would that bother me? 0.63
00:30:32.000 That's sexist to say RyanSucks. 0.91
00:30:36.000 I don't mind. 1.00
00:30:39.000 Now I actually want to fuck you. 1.00
00:30:41.000 All right, well then I'm never using that again. 1.00
00:30:42.000 I want to fuck you as a friend. 1.00
00:30:45.000 That was the kind of articles Vice was having towards the end. 1.00
00:30:48.000 Street gods are cuddling, and there's nothing you can do about it. 0.99
00:30:52.000 No, they're not.
00:30:53.000 No, they're not.
00:30:54.000 And yes, there is.
00:30:58.000 Something you could do about it.
00:31:00.000 Oh, this was kind of a funny story.
00:31:03.000 Remember Just Walk Out? 1.00
00:31:05.000 Get rid of all this shit, please. 0.99
00:31:08.000 Not that it's not awesome, I love Jump Medic. 1.00
00:31:10.000 Right. 0.95
00:31:10.000 It's not shit, it's great. 0.95
00:31:12.000 But, this is real- you know how much I hate fucking robots, right? 1.00
00:31:18.000 Yes. 1.00
00:31:18.000 You have a problem with automation, Gavin? 1.00
00:31:19.000 No, no, no.
00:31:20.000 I hate the concept of soon everything's going to be replaced by robots.
00:31:26.000 Yes, there's self-checkout kiosks in some cases, but they get abused, especially in bad neighborhoods, so now you have to have people standing around them.
00:31:36.000 Yeah, I'm aware of automation.
00:31:37.000 I'm talking about this notion that everything is going to become automated 100%, and there's going to be guys walking around going,
00:31:44.000 Yes, can I help you?
00:31:46.000 I'm a bartender.
00:31:47.000 Would you like a beer?
00:31:49.000 There'll always be a person who can do that cheaper.
00:31:52.000 Oh yeah?
00:31:52.000 What about just walk out?
00:31:54.000 You go in there, it senses that you have money, lots of money, and then when you walk out, it tallies everything in your thing and automatically bills you.
00:32:08.000 No problems, right?
00:32:16.000 That looks absurd, doesn't it?
00:32:20.000 That's why I hate robots, because of what you just did. 0.69
00:32:23.000 That's absurd.
00:32:25.000 That would cost $30 million.
00:32:28.000 There's going to be three made that use AI and can bring you a beer.
00:32:33.000 Three.
00:32:34.000 And it's going to be some eccentric Elon Musk dude.
00:32:39.000 Because every time they do stuff like this you go, aren't there a million people in the turd world who could just do this?
00:32:46.000 Like I heard, this could be a rumor, but I told you before I heard about movies like Bollywood.
00:32:51.000 It's cheaper just to get a guy to hold a light than to rent a stand because life is cheap.
00:32:56.000 Life is cheap all over.
00:32:57.000 Life is cheap in this neighborhood.
00:33:00.000 Life is cheap down the street.
00:33:01.000 We're gonna get into this urban decay. 1.00
00:33:03.000 There's fucking dead bodies on the train. 0.99
00:33:05.000 So, you don't need to replace people with machines, because people are not doing that great. 1.00
00:33:11.000 There's always desperate people around, unfortunately.
00:33:14.000 So anyway, go to 1-4.
00:33:16.000 It was all a lie.
00:33:21.000 Amazon was bullshitting us.
00:33:23.000 You know how they did it? 0.90
00:33:25.000 They had a thousand Pajits in there watching you with video and typing out what you took.
00:33:33.000 Oh wow.
00:33:34.000 Though it seemed completely automated, Just Walkout relied on more than 1,000 people in India watching and labeling videos to ensure accurate checkouts.
00:33:44.000 The cashiers were simply moved off-site and they watched you as they shopped.
00:33:49.000 That's awesome.
00:33:51.000 Yeah.
00:33:52.000 That's the coolest reveal ever.
00:33:56.000 It was just Indian this whole time. 1.00
00:33:57.000 You'll never have robots because India will always be there. 1.00
00:34:01.000 I like when you call like tech support and they try to sound cool.
00:34:05.000 Like, what's your name?
00:34:06.000 Hello, my name is totally Karen, man.
00:34:09.000 I'm just was at a line dancing thing listening to some country and I totally love it here in Alabama where I am.
00:34:17.000 Just loving the steak sauce and everything.
00:34:23.000 Yo, what is up?
00:34:24.000 I'm totally a black guy from Bronxing.
00:34:27.000 Go ahead.
00:34:28.000 Okay, it's gonna be A as in Abel.
00:34:30.000 Okay.
00:34:31.000 Oh, it's gonna be.
00:34:32.000 That's like when Germans say, hey man, I'm totally going to the disco and dancing. 1.00
00:34:37.000 They like to say IN.
00:34:38.000 Europeans do to sound cooler.
00:34:40.000 Yeah, we're gonna be walking there, you guys.
00:34:44.000 It's gonna be totally cool. 1.00
00:34:47.000 Look how stupid other countries are. 1.00
00:34:49.000 Like, go to 1-3. 1.00
00:34:50.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99
00:34:53.000 Not only do they dress like Scrooge at night, how do you win this? 1.00
00:34:56.000 What are you doing?
00:35:01.000 Can there be a knockout?
00:35:04.000 And look how big the ring is.
00:35:06.000 The ring is so big that people just wander into it.
00:35:10.000 And squat down and start taking pictures.
00:35:13.000 Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha!
00:35:14.000 How do you judge this?
00:35:15.000 You count the slaps?
00:35:16.000 1, 2, 3, 4.
00:35:17.000 Ow! 1.00
00:35:19.000 He's hurting me! 1.00
00:35:20.000 Oh, you fucking motherfuck-cunt-shitter! 1.00
00:35:25.000 Fuck you, you fucker! 1.00
00:35:26.000 You bitch-fucking-shit-fuck-fuck! 1.00
00:35:29.000 Bloody... You bloody shit-fucker! 1.00
00:35:32.000 Now he gets up! 1.00
00:35:33.000 You big... That's my friend you're hitting! 1.00
00:35:36.000 Fuck you, shitting-fuck-cunt-buddy-fuck! 1.00
00:35:39.000 You bloody shit! 1.00
00:35:40.000 You fucking shit-bloody! 1.00
00:35:44.000 People are clapping. 1.00
00:35:46.000 I'll be looking forward to reading about this fight in the local Baghdad, or sorry, Sri Lankan sports times. 1.00
00:35:59.000 You saw me slap that fucker? 1.00
00:36:02.000 He's a bitch. 1.00
00:36:06.000 Uh... 1.00
00:36:08.000 Oh, here's another funny scandal.
00:36:12.000 Diversity, equity, inclusion, competence crisis.
00:36:14.000 Don't play the whole competence crisis thing.
00:36:17.000 Okay, play the whole competence crisis thing.
00:36:20.000 The cool one that we like.
00:36:22.000 The one that the audience likes more or the one that you like more?
00:36:25.000 The one that the audience likes more, I guess, is the better one to do.
00:36:44.000 So, diversity, equity, inclusion.
00:36:46.000 I was just on Infowars and we were talking about that whole, like, the first American Indian astronaut.
00:36:52.000 Which implies there was tons of American Indian astronauts and they were being held back by bigots.
00:36:57.000 I picture Boss Hogg from Dukes of Hazzard.
00:37:00.000 But, um...
00:37:04.000 The other myth is that diversity is great for your company.
00:37:09.000 It's just being held back by bigots.
00:37:11.000 No. 0.98
00:37:12.000 Blacks are in the NBA because tall blacks seem to be better at this sport. 0.97
00:37:16.000 It's not because they practiced. 0.98
00:37:17.000 It's not because they got booted out of law school.
00:37:20.000 Some groups are better at some things.
00:37:22.000 Irish are better at getting drunk and fighting. 1.00
00:37:28.000 But four studies came out recently about diversity in the workplace.
00:37:36.000 Four major studies claiming diverse workforces earn more were bogus.
00:37:41.000 These studies were used to push D.I.E.
00:37:43.000 everywhere, even the military.
00:37:46.000 Great.
00:37:46.000 So we're now less safe because of botched studies.
00:37:49.000 So much of the diversity mongering is steeped with fraud.
00:37:54.000 Have you noticed that?
00:37:55.000 Remember all those people that were caught plagiarizing?
00:37:59.000 It wasn't just the woman at Harvard.
00:38:02.000 What's her last name? 0.97
00:38:03.000 Gay. 0.98
00:38:04.000 Claudine Gay. 0.95
00:38:05.000 It wasn't just Claudine Gay.
00:38:08.000 She got people curious and we found at least a dozen of these diversity, inclusion, equity officers at various colleges
00:38:20.000 Plagiarizing, making up surveys.
00:38:22.000 At one point there was a woman, she was a diversity chief at Harvard or something and her application, her study that she used to show her credentials was actually stolen from her husband who was at the University of Wisconsin and he was in charge of diversity over there.
00:38:41.000 So that's beyond plagiarism, that's just stealing a study. 0.99
00:38:46.000 And judging by the way these studies go, it was probably full of shit. 0.96
00:38:49.000 Over the past few years, McKinsey has released four studies claiming a positive relationship between, it's blocked by the camera, between DEI and firm performance. 0.99
00:38:59.000 By the way, DEI stands for doesn't earn it.
00:39:02.000 I worked my ass off to get everyone to call it D.I.E.
00:39:05.000 I failed, and Scott Adams has declared the winner.
00:39:09.000 As far as ridiculing that term is, didn't earn it.
00:39:13.000 A new paper released today in EconJwatch finds these results can't be replicated.
00:39:18.000 Our inability to replicate these results suggests that... We're gonna have to show more to get there.
00:39:26.000 Isn't this true of, like, therapy?
00:39:30.000 Like, how do you replicate that? 0.67
00:39:32.000 Well, I had one person I talked to every day about their problems and their life is still shitty.
00:39:38.000 So I got in a time machine and I didn't talk to them every day and their life was worse.
00:39:45.000 Like without time machines, how do you prove that therapy is effective?
00:39:50.000 I don't think it is.
00:39:52.000 I know people, Terry Richardson used to go every day to his therapist.
00:39:56.000 Howard Stern goes every day and Terry was a mess.
00:40:01.000 And Howard Stern's agoraphobic.
00:40:04.000 He didn't leave his house for three days.
00:40:06.000 No, for three years, sorry.
00:40:08.000 Three days is how long an Amazon package would have to sit in the lobby while it decovidified itself.
00:40:15.000 Suggests that they should not be relied on to support the view that U.S.
00:40:17.000 publicly traded firms can expect to deliver improved financial performance if they increase the racial ethnic diversity of their executives.
00:40:25.000 Well, don't tell that to our mayor because he wants to see 8x10s before he hires anyone to ensure they are diverse enough. 0.99
00:40:32.000 Which brings us to a second thing that is not going to be very popular, especially among our younger viewers.
00:40:40.000 There's this... 0.99
00:40:43.000 Belief I've been talking about quite a bit about how two things are simultaneously true one is Yes, zoomers and Millennials you are fucked. 1.00
00:40:53.000 No, you're never gonna be able to buy a house You if you're white and you're male you've been told you suck shit all the time and 1.00
00:41:00.000 Getting late is a nightmare. 1.00
00:41:01.000 You're likely gonna be me too'd. 0.99
00:41:03.000 All the girls that you know are prostitutes on OnlyFans. 1.00
00:41:07.000 And yeah, ladies, that's a pretty shitty lifestyle when all your friends... Prostitution is totally normalized. 1.00
00:41:13.000 Porn has ruined sex for young people. 1.00
00:41:15.000 These girls have distended anuses by the time they're 22 years old from excessive butt-fucking. 1.00
00:41:22.000 We've totally destroyed the innocence of youth. 0.99
00:41:26.000 But while all that is true,
00:41:30.000 It's not an excuse.
00:41:53.000 You've grown up in a culture which has celebrated every other form of identity besides you and in exact proportion to how much they're not you to the point that now schools and companies can hire based on that metric.
00:42:02.000 All the while being told you can't complain or notice any of it because of how privileged you are and if you don't know how privileged you are it's because of your privilege.
00:42:08.000 Even though you're basically a debt slave with minimal hope of a financial and familial future because your economy and culture has abandoned you.
00:42:15.000 So a lot of dudes just checked out and started like smoking weed and playing video games.
00:42:18.000 Some of the other ones went to countries where they like white people and men.
00:42:21.000 You know what's ironic about that? 0.98
00:42:23.000 He's a young man talking about how doomed his people are and he's clearly got his shit together and he's gonna make it.
00:42:44.000 It's like Jerry Seinfeld says about skateboarders when he sees them constantly wiping out and then getting back on their board to try their trick again. 0.78
00:42:51.000 It's like you're going to make it.
00:42:53.000 You're going to survive.
00:42:54.000 And that's what being an entrepreneur is.
00:42:55.000 For every 12 businesses you start, 11 fail.
00:42:58.000 So if you can get good at failure, you're going to be successful. 1.00
00:43:02.000 Like, yeah, you're suffering, it sucks, but get out of the fucking house. 0.99
00:43:06.000 When I was your age, I lived in a punk house with 12 dudes. 1.00
00:43:10.000 I slept on a filthy cot next to the boiler in the basement because we made arbitrary sort of rents and that was like 200 bucks.
00:43:18.000 I lived in an apartment in Montreal with like six lesbians. 1.00
00:43:23.000 Do you know how gross that is? 0.97
00:43:25.000 You know how much mental illness was going on in that apartment together?
00:43:30.000 Although it was fun.
00:43:31.000 It is a disaster. 1.00
00:43:32.000 It was fun fucking with them and telling them things like, we'd be watching a show and the murderer would put the gun in the freezer. 1.00
00:43:41.000 And I would just say shit like, you can't do that. 1.00
00:43:44.000 If a gun freezes, it blows up and it can take out that entire apartment. 0.99
00:43:47.000 And they're like, what, really?
00:43:49.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:43:50.000 Yeah, you can't freeze bullets.
00:43:51.000 It's bad news.
00:43:52.000 They have like nuclear charges. 0.97
00:43:56.000 And then being English in Quebec sucked. 0.83
00:43:58.000 I was talking about this earlier. 0.80
00:44:00.000 It was not easy starting a magazine in a French province. 0.99
00:44:04.000 Go to fucking France and start an English newspaper and get back to me. 1.00
00:44:08.000 Or how about in Brooklyn where we were completely bankrupt? 1.00
00:44:13.000 The guy who brought us here was a fraud.
00:44:16.000 And all of a sudden we're $300,000 in debt.
00:44:19.000 We have nowhere to stay.
00:44:20.000 We go to our clients.
00:44:21.000 One of our clients said, Hey, you have a warehouse in Williamsburg.
00:44:23.000 Can we stay in the back with the boxes and boxes of shirts?
00:44:28.000 I am never going to financially recover from this.
00:44:32.000 So you got to suffer.
00:44:35.000 Your suffering is unfair is what I'm saying, but get over it.
00:44:39.000 Be a man.
00:44:43.000 And people always ask me, well, how do I get through this?
00:44:47.000 Make fun of it. 0.96
00:44:49.000 You know, you're living in clown world. 0.96
00:44:50.000 It's easy to make fun of clowns, so do it. 0.98
00:44:53.000 Satire. 1.00
00:44:54.000 Fuck with these people. 1.00
00:44:56.000 And I gotta say, that's from Roadhouse. 1.00
00:45:02.000 My wife and I collapsed laughing when he said that.
00:45:07.000 Oh, okay. 0.98
00:45:08.000 That's after Jake Gyllenhaal loses it and decides to kill everyone.
00:45:11.000 Because the cop had just said to him, I'm going to say you did it.
00:45:14.000 And Jake Gyllenhaal goes, Oh, okay.
00:45:16.000 Okay.
00:45:16.000 Isn't that the most streamed Amazon Prime thing ever?
00:45:20.000 Really?
00:45:21.000 Yeah.
00:45:21.000 Let me see.
00:45:22.000 It broke records.
00:45:23.000 I've been getting a lot of people mad at me for recommending it. 1.00
00:45:26.000 They're like, that was the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen. 0.99
00:45:30.000 Sorry. 0.99
00:45:32.000 But yeah, I think satire is a great route for you guys, for your mental health, because I know it's not easy being a Zoomer these days. 0.98
00:45:39.000 But when I watch you guys out there in the world fucking with people and doing your little comedy pranks on YouTube moments and TikTok and stuff, you're fucking good. 0.86
00:45:50.000 Like, I'm not, this isn't easy for me to say. 0.99
00:45:53.000 It's like the faun saying he was wrong.
00:45:55.000 I think you might be foo-foo.
00:45:59.000 Sorry.
00:46:00.000 I think a lot of you youngsters out there may even be fu... fu... fu... Why is this so hard?
00:46:10.000 I think a lot of you young people out there might be fu... funnier than me.
00:46:16.000 And I think I know why!
00:46:18.000 Like, have you seen this going around? 0.98
00:46:20.000 This dude gets on a queer fat chat. 0.99
00:46:24.000 Congrats to Amazon Studios, become the most watched movie of all time. 0.82
00:46:28.000 50 million viewers over two weekends.
00:46:31.000 Well, most watch movie on Amazon's, I mean, Prime, or Amazon Prime Stream, they mean. 0.99
00:46:40.000 But yeah, it's a group for queer fat people, and this fucking kid just gets on with them. 1.00
00:46:46.000 This is a queer fat club. 1.00
00:46:48.000 I'm queer and fat. 0.96
00:46:49.000 Okay, thank you for joining.
00:46:51.000 We're just introducing ourselves.
00:46:53.000 Have you seen this?
00:46:54.000 No, but he's clearly not fat, so that's awesome. 0.60
00:46:57.000 Maybe it's fat legs.
00:46:58.000 Yeah, he's got nurse body. 0.99
00:47:00.000 I'm queer and fat from the waist down. 0.84
00:47:02.000 Do you want to go ahead and introduce yourself, Joe? 0.82
00:47:04.000 Yeah, my name's Joe.
00:47:06.000 I go by he, they, and I identify as 275 pounds.
00:47:11.000 Okay, okay.
00:47:13.000 I feel like Jay is kind of making fun of me though.
00:47:15.000 I know it's kind of a shock.
00:47:16.000 I know.
00:47:16.000 It's kind of a new thing.
00:47:17.000 I'm missing you, Monk.
00:47:19.000 You're what?
00:47:19.000 I said I apologize.
00:47:20.000 Oh no, you're good.
00:47:22.000 Are you comfortable leaving the group at the moment?
00:47:24.000 Why, why?
00:47:24.000 I'm not understanding why you're joining the group.
00:47:27.000 This is the queer and fat group now? 1.00
00:47:30.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.90
00:47:31.000 Yeah.
00:47:32.000 That's what I came here for.
00:47:33.000 Okay.
00:47:35.000 And you said you identify as fat?
00:47:37.000 Yeah.
00:47:39.000 Okay. 0.95
00:47:40.000 Um, this is just for fat bodied people. 0.68
00:47:42.000 Yeah, I understand. 0.76
00:47:43.000 I identify as a fat bodied person.
00:47:45.000 I'm not understanding where you're coming from.
00:47:47.000 Are you guys comfortable with me here?
00:47:48.000 I mean, I'm pretty chill on my end.
00:47:50.000 I'm not comfortable.
00:47:51.000 No.
00:47:51.000 Can we take like a vote?
00:47:55.000 Quality shit. 1.00
00:47:56.000 What a great guy. 1.00
00:47:58.000 And I've noticed that as a general pattern with you youngsters. 1.00
00:48:02.000 You're good at fucking with people. 1.00
00:48:04.000 Uh, Purple Works Nutrition. 1.00
00:48:06.000 I didn't take it today.
00:48:09.000 I went to the gym and I thought, today's a day for underachievers.
00:48:13.000 You know, there's all these posters in the hallway of my gym, I can send them to you actually, where it's like, quitting is not an option. 1.00
00:48:21.000 I hate every second of working out, but it's worth it just to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. 0.99
00:48:28.000 And I'm like, they need to have a space for the mediocre. 1.00
00:48:34.000 Uh-oh.
00:48:35.000 Hold on a second here.
00:48:36.000 I can't send that one.
00:48:37.000 It's got an address on it.
00:48:39.000 And I was like, we need to... We need to be more open to those of us who want to go in and hit the heavy bags lightly for like six rounds and then do two speed bags. 0.99
00:48:52.000 Oh shit, I didn't even do my fucking push-ups or sit-ups. 0.99
00:48:57.000 And I was like, how about that? 1.00
00:48:59.000 And I say that to people that say, you know, I have trouble motivating myself to go work out.
00:49:04.000 And I'm like, yeah, it is hard to go to the gym and leave everything there and give 110%.
00:49:11.000 How about you give 60%?
00:49:14.000 I'm going to start a new workout regimen for the mediocre.
00:49:20.000 Like Larry's boxing name, they called him Larry No Fear Barnes.
00:49:24.000 I would be, I want to be known as Gavin Not Terrible McInnes.
00:49:28.000 That's pretty good.
00:49:30.000 Gavin Ho-hum McInnes is coming in as a heavyweight at 200 pounds. 0.99
00:49:36.000 And with Purpleworks Nutrition, you get in there and you fucking rock. 0.99
00:49:40.000 And you have to. 0.99
00:49:41.000 I hate every minute of training.
00:49:42.000 But I said, don't quit.
00:49:44.000 Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.
00:49:47.000 Or you could just go my route and be mediocre. 0.82
00:49:51.000 Or what's this one?
00:49:53.000 Crawling is acceptable. 0.75
00:49:54.000 Puking is acceptable. 0.83
00:49:56.000 Quitting is unacceptable.
00:49:59.000 Yeah, you don't have to crawl, fall, or puke.
00:50:01.000 Just be okay.
00:50:03.000 Or check out this poster a baby monster made that we put in the gym.
00:50:07.000 Who's that?
00:50:08.000 That's Larry Barnes. 0.79
00:50:09.000 This was a baby monster.
00:50:11.000 And if you look at the very bottom, he snuck something in.
00:50:15.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:50:18.000 Yeah, that's at my gym.
00:50:20.000 Anyway, PurpleWorks Nutrition Pre-Workout is not only great for the gym and lifting weights, it's also great for sports.
00:50:26.000 We've got some here, haven't we?
00:50:30.000 I do a third of a scoop a day.
00:50:32.000 I do it half an hour before I work out. 0.98
00:50:37.000 Most of this shit's just caffeine, but it's also got a bunch of muscle-building formulas. 0.98
00:50:43.000 And I don't want to do too much caffeine, because I'm already wired pretty tight. 0.99
00:50:49.000 Um, it works like a charm if you play football, baseball, pickleball, spikeball, cornhole, glory hole, or even shooty hoops.
00:50:54.000 Many lesser pre-workouts will do a number on your digestive system and cause extreme flatulence.
00:50:57.000 We're talking about thermal, nuclear, Eric Swalwell-level gaseous emissions. 1.00
00:51:01.000 Really sick shit. 1.00
00:51:03.000 Some people ask, why do other pre-workouts make me suffer from dystopian levels of farting, sharting, and shitting? 1.00
00:51:09.000 To that I retort, it's because other pre-workouts have magnesium, artificial dyes, flavorings, and other junk that are known to cause these horrific butt issues. 0.99
00:51:16.000 You know how Trump, I mean Biden, reads?
00:51:19.000 He doesn't understand what a period is.
00:51:22.000 So here's a sentence.
00:51:25.000 Purple works is the rare exception to this important issue that affects not only you, but the people in close proximity to you.
00:51:32.000 He will go, like he'll be dragged on from the previous sentence, so he'll go, because these horrific body issues, purple works is a rare exception.
00:51:43.000 This important issue affects not only you, but the
00:51:47.000 People in close proximity to you!
00:51:50.000 Think about what you'd think about!
00:51:54.000 Purpleworks pre-workout uses only the highest quality heterosexual ingredients.
00:51:58.000 Creatine for strength, caffeine and green tea extract for energy and focus, vitamins for muscle and tissue repair, and carnosine beta alanine for the tingles.
00:52:06.000 But wait!
00:52:09.000 There's more!
00:52:10.000 Purpleworks has a line of fine Italian imported coffees, they have ground gourmet coffee, a big ass 2.2 pound bag of organic whole bean coffee, and they even have
00:52:19.000 Gourmet organic instant coffee.
00:52:21.000 Whether you're into the French press or the bench press, Purpleworks has you covered.
00:52:24.000 Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter promo code GAVIN, or as they say in French, GAVIN, for 15% off.
00:52:31.000 Alright, let's get behind the... Paywall now.
00:52:34.000 Please join censored.tv.
00:52:36.000 It's 10 bucks a month. 0.99
00:52:37.000 There's more shit than you can shake a stick at. 0.99
00:52:41.000 And we're gonna go now and be with the real people that we love, our actual family, behind the paywall now at Censored.TV. 1.00
00:52:49.000 The rest of you can get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:52:54.000 Okay, bye.