Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 26, 2024


S5E84 - BEAVIS, BUTTHEAD, AND BIDEN (Part 1)


Episode Stats

Length

29 minutes

Words per Minute

150.49292

Word Count

4,427

Sentence Count

470

Misogynist Sentences

11

Hate Speech Sentences

13


Summary

It's a Friday night in New York, and Gavin McInnes is on his way home from a night of drinking and partying. He talks about what's going on in his head, and why he doesn't care if you like it or not. He also talks about the time he woke up at 3:00 in the morning to find out that he was in the middle of a rescue mission in Haiti, and how he managed to survive it. And he talks about a dream he had last night that almost killed him. It's a good one, and it's one you don't want to miss. Get off your lawn and enjoy this Friday night classic! Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McINnes is a Friday free show on the first half of the show. The second half is behind a paywall, so the full show is available only on the App Store or Google Play. Go to App.fm/getoffmylawn and enter the promo code GET OFF MY PLACE to get 20% off your first month with discount code GETOFFMYPLAYOUT. Get $50 off your entire month when you sign up for $50 or more than $99, and you get 10% off the entire month plus free shipping when you use promo code GUARANTEED. My Patriot Supply is the official supplier of all things Prepared With Gavin. They ship fast and FREE with unmarked boxes! Save $50 per kit! That's prep with Prepared with prep and prep with Gavin. That's $50 + FREE with prep with prepwithgavin and prep Gavin. . You'll get a free 4-week emergency food kit that includes free shipping and shipping, plus a free Fanny pack, and a $10 credit when you place an ad-free version of the prep and pre-checked in to prep for the show and prep it at prepwith Gavin at PreparedwithGavin. You won't have to pay $50 and get $50 plus an extra $10,000 in the prep, plus an additional $5,000 of free shipping. I'm gonna get a $50 discount when you book a seat at my local grocery store, and I'll get an entire month of prep and shipping that starts at $50, plus I'll receive $50 in the show, plus you get an ad discount when I say prep and a free shipping, and they'll get the show a month and I get a discount.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:52.000 If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, get yourself a wife.
00:00:56.000 That's Jimmy Soule rocking out saying, put a ring on it.
00:01:00.000 The original Proud Boy.
00:01:04.000 You fucked a bunch of broads, you partied a bunch.
00:01:07.000 What the hell are you waiting for?
00:01:10.000 I thought that was AI.
00:01:11.000 And I was like, where's the joke?
00:01:15.000 The most boring A.I.
00:01:16.000 song?
00:01:18.000 My Patriots apply.
00:01:19.000 Most emergencies come without warning and when the next one comes you won't have a second to spare on packing and preparing.
00:01:24.000 You need to get ready now before an emergency strikes.
00:01:27.000 And one probably will.
00:01:28.000 Soon.
00:01:30.000 Your supplies should be within reach, ready to grab and go at a moment's notice.
00:01:33.000 Secure these supplies at preparewithgavin.com.
00:01:39.000 Start with four-week emergency food kits from My Patriot Supply.
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00:02:07.000 Go to preparewithgavin.com and get as many food kits as your family needs for $50 off each.
00:02:15.000 They will ship fast and free with unmarked boxes.
00:02:18.000 Save $50 per kit at preparewithgavin.com.
00:02:23.000 That's prepare with Gavin.
00:02:33.000 Welcome back to the show.
00:02:34.000 This is the Friday free show.
00:02:36.000 The first half is free, the second half is behind a paywall.
00:02:40.000 I tried making a mini version of the show so you non-subscribers could see that we have a letters page and a final video and these different segments, but that's not fun for me.
00:02:51.000 I would prefer to do a complete show once.
00:02:54.000 So I'm going to bite the hand that feeds me and fuck myself over.
00:02:58.000 Dude, so my buddy's friend died on Sunday, right?
00:03:03.000 So I drank with him Sunday, Monday.
00:03:06.000 Tuesday, the missus wanted to party.
00:03:12.000 Okay, never saying no to that.
00:03:14.000 Wednesday was Anthony, so I had the hair of the dog.
00:03:19.000 And then yesterday I was like, all right, you got to pay the tax man at some point.
00:03:24.000 And so I paid him yesterday, could barely eat until about six or 7pm.
00:03:30.000 And then I finally sort of shook myself to bed after we did the Thursday night show.
00:03:34.000 And the nightmares were unbelievable.
00:03:40.000 Children under duress.
00:03:44.000 Like, it started out okay.
00:03:47.000 Never talk about your dreams, your job, or your kids.
00:03:51.000 It started out okay.
00:03:52.000 I was doing a relay race, some sort of promotion with Greg Gutfeld.
00:03:56.000 We were dressed ridiculously, like dandies, and we were doing a relay, but it was organized by chicks.
00:04:01.000 So I'm sexist in my dreams.
00:04:03.000 And they didn't have the correct balls for it, and Greg was like, I'm outta here.
00:04:08.000 And I go, we can make a relay race.
00:04:10.000 We could still do the commercial.
00:04:12.000 We'll just have to do it ourselves.
00:04:13.000 And he's like, nah.
00:04:14.000 Now, it was in the most dangerous place in the world, this house that we were shooting this at.
00:04:20.000 But the subway would touch the house almost.
00:04:22.000 You could jump on, get away from the savages and be gone.
00:04:26.000 So imagine like Port-au-Prince, Haiti right now with barbecue running the show.
00:04:34.000 So I stick around after he leaves.
00:04:36.000 I go, I'll make it home later, whatever.
00:04:38.000 I have a backpack and a fanny pack, and I missed the last train, so I've gotta go out into the abyss, into Judgment Night.
00:04:45.000 And there's all these, like, gangster murderers.
00:04:49.000 They want my fanny pack so bad.
00:04:51.000 Meanwhile, the only thing, I'm realizing how boring this is as I tell it.
00:04:54.000 The only thing in my fanny pack was dog food, some doggy treats, a bit of, a jar of change, but I couldn't let them grab it.
00:05:04.000 Because that would show weakness, and I could see with these hyenas that if I even let them take like a dollar from me, they were gonna do worse and murder me eventually.
00:05:16.000 And if you're ever even slightly coherent in your nightmares, and nightmares are stressful, so it's likely that you're having a moment, your adrenaline is sort of waking up a little bit.
00:05:27.000 If you can grab a semblance of control,
00:05:30.000 Win.
00:05:31.000 They say that depression, like the Butthole Surfers song, 22 going on 23, they say that depression comes from not being able to come out a winner in your dreams.
00:05:41.000 So don't be, and this goes for life too, don't just be passive and sit back and go, oh well, I guess I'm in hell, I'm gonna get murdered, I'm in Haiti.
00:05:49.000 Haiti's in America.
00:05:52.000 So I don't know if I willed this, but at some point there was this biker, I think his name was Bugsy,
00:05:58.000 And he heard that I had been around, and he had created this incredible tank truck that had these flat boards that jutted out on the side.
00:06:09.000 And if you tried to attack it, the boards would make you slip, or you could stand on the boards.
00:06:15.000 And so I got into that.
00:06:19.000 And people were jumping on it and they were falling and I was, I was holding on to the front.
00:06:22.000 I wasn't in it.
00:06:23.000 I was in front of the grill, but I was standing on one of the boards because there's garbage everywhere.
00:06:26.000 I forgot to mention that.
00:06:27.000 Everywhere is garbage.
00:06:28.000 So I guess it was Haiti.
00:06:29.000 It was like white Haiti.
00:06:32.000 And I made it across the border to safety.
00:06:35.000 And then I remembered I have a buddy back in there.
00:06:38.000 And I look at the side of the thing, he was standing on one of the boards.
00:06:41.000 I don't know where he came from.
00:06:42.000 He was gone.
00:06:44.000 So the dream ended with me having to go back, and I decided I'm gonna give them my fanny pack and my backpack.
00:06:49.000 Because as I learned from the documentary, The Gentleman on Netflix, when you're doing business with geezers, you gotta give a little bit to get a little bit.
00:06:58.000 You gotta negotiate.
00:07:01.000 But yeah, these nightmares at the end of a bender are something else!
00:07:08.000 Something else.
00:07:11.000 Woke up in a cold sweat.
00:07:14.000 I went to Japan last night in my dream.
00:07:17.000 Ooh.
00:07:18.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:07:20.000 You're right, Gavin.
00:07:21.000 There was nothing wrong with that.
00:07:23.000 It was an enjoyable experience, and we even partook in some of the traditions, like tourist trap things.
00:07:29.000 Of course, you know, the bridge where people eat those little sandwiches.
00:07:32.000 So non-alcoholics' dreams are boring, is what you're saying.
00:07:36.000 Like, mine could be a blockbuster film.
00:07:39.000 Well, it was peaceful.
00:07:41.000 It was nice.
00:07:42.000 But you know what's sad?
00:07:44.000 So the place where you traditionally eat the sandwiches on the bridge was closed.
00:07:50.000 Next time!
00:07:50.000 I think you need to become an alcoholic, my friend.
00:07:55.000 You need some color in your life.
00:07:56.000 I drank wine one of these past Sundays.
00:08:00.000 A little glass of wine.
00:08:02.000 Yeah, well pour me a big tall glass of care next time you have a story about one of your dreams.
00:08:09.000 LeBron James had a pretty big announcement today that I was stunned to hear.
00:08:17.000 I'm going to transition and take my talents to the WNBA and join the Indiana Fever.
00:08:22.000 I've just always felt like I was born in the wrong body.
00:08:41.000 Guys, have you never heard of room tone?
00:08:47.000 I was just about to download this and fix it.
00:08:50.000 Yeah!
00:08:51.000 It's in there.
00:08:52.000 It's there!
00:08:53.000 The room tone's all there.
00:08:54.000 You could just take it and then multiply it.
00:08:57.000 The thing so it doesn't sound monotonous like it's going... You could reverse it, you know?
00:09:05.000 Oh, okay.
00:09:05.000 Yeah, because if you only have like a couple seconds, you're gonna hear... Right.
00:09:12.000 A little, not quite that big of a blip, but you're gonna hear a cut.
00:09:15.000 Or you take an even smaller piece, like that doesn't have the, and then you would multiply that, but then randomize what it is so it does sound, there's ways, guys.
00:09:24.000 There's ways, come on.
00:09:25.000 Come on, you fucking fuddy-duddy.
00:09:27.000 In fact, when we do the Nick Oakes AI, it like forces the room tone, so if we have a sample that we give it that had room tone, it has that in there, which is kind of annoying, but it's like hard to actually avoid doing it the right way.
00:09:41.000 So I don't know how they messed this up.
00:09:43.000 Yeah, it's a challenge to fuck this up so badly.
00:09:45.000 And this fall, man.
00:09:46.000 And people are like, AI is getting so good.
00:09:49.000 It is, if you do it right.
00:09:51.000 Like this, Helen Keller doing Billie Jean.
00:09:54.000 I think they nailed this perfectly.
00:09:57.000 In fact, for a second there, I thought, this might be real.
00:09:59.000 And then I realized, no, no, she died way before Billie Jean.
00:10:07.000 Is this the verse?
00:10:11.000 Yeah, this is the verses.
00:10:12.000 I think the chorus is coming up.
00:10:24.000 Yeah, that's the chorus.
00:10:29.000 My kids don't believe in Helen Keller.
00:10:32.000 I don't either.
00:10:32.000 Okay.
00:10:34.000 So Helen Keller's out.
00:10:36.000 Buildings are made by aliens, I guess.
00:10:39.000 Have you heard the arguments against Helen Keller?
00:10:40.000 Yeah, I've heard of the arguments against Australia existing.
00:10:45.000 And planes.
00:10:47.000 And birds.
00:10:48.000 That doesn't...
00:10:50.000 Speaking of A.I.
00:10:51.000 songs, Baby Monster sent us in a bunch that are unique to us.
00:10:56.000 It's strange I'm playing them right now to people who are not necessarily familiar with the show, because you won't get these jokes.
00:11:04.000 Well, here, here, here, we can explain it to someone.
00:11:07.000 Play the Jell-O-Bain drop.
00:11:10.000 Okay.
00:11:11.000 You don't know what a Jell-O-Bain... I started following her, and he was just raving about Grandma's snacks.
00:11:19.000 She's got chocolate bars and jello beans.
00:11:23.000 She's got muffins.
00:11:25.000 Does he have a... I got an M&M blast!
00:11:29.000 I got an M&M blast!
00:11:33.000 And the mom is like, we have all those things.
00:11:36.000 He's like, nah, they got hard candy and Jujubees.
00:11:44.000 Oh, I know you don't know what a jellybean is.
00:11:51.000 So go to the email... I think the first one is a beautiful country song lamenting the fact that he doesn't know what a jellybean is.
00:12:02.000 Sitting here on my front porch swing watching the sunset reminiscing
00:12:12.000 Longing to know what a jelly bean means But I'm stuck here, lost in this bittersweet dream In this small town, life can be so tough Everyone's got their secrets Ain't no easy stuff, I ask them folks what it means But they just laugh, oh the mystery
00:12:43.000 It's like a photograph.
00:12:45.000 It doesn't make sense.
00:12:46.000 What's the next one?
00:12:49.000 I was googling, asking all kinds of people what a jellybean is.
00:12:54.000 Boeing?
00:13:04.000 Can you give us some background stuff?
00:13:07.000 This should be the competence crisis.
00:13:09.000 Yeah, I can see why you thought that opening song was AI.
00:13:15.000 What's the next one?
00:13:30.000 How did they get the tone of drums and guitar?
00:13:33.000 That's crazy.
00:13:34.000 I don't get this.
00:13:57.000 How it relates to our culture, I mean.
00:14:00.000 No chin shots?
00:14:01.000 Oh, oh, he's saying, like, we're gonna do it.
00:14:05.000 This show's not gonna be canceled by a chin joke.
00:14:12.000 What's this song?
00:14:13.000 This is a totally different person.
00:14:14.000 Wrote a song about me.
00:14:16.000 It's an A&I song about me?
00:14:18.000 That's one of my favorite subjects.
00:14:19.000 Pull up the lyrics.
00:14:21.000 Is this it?
00:14:25.000 Well, it's 1-4.
00:14:26.000 Oh, okay.
00:14:27.000 So we're leaving one on the table there.
00:14:30.000 I guess so, yeah.
00:14:32.000 This is a totally different person.
00:14:34.000 Better not be a shit mention here.
00:14:46.000 Now he's sleeping in a cuddle, what a lad.
00:14:49.000 No chin, no worries, he's got his style.
00:14:52.000 Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:14:55.000 That, no, he's talking about a different guy.
00:14:58.000 Did you, you didn't hear the lyrics?
00:15:00.000 That's crazy.
00:15:01.000 He said, he said Gavin McKins.
00:15:05.000 Is that your name?
00:15:08.000 Is your name Gavin McKins?
00:15:10.000 Last I checked, it was Gavin McKinnis.
00:15:15.000 Nope, not even close.
00:15:17.000 Do you know why?
00:15:17.000 Because the Gavin I know wouldn't walk out.
00:15:21.000 Wouldn't walk out of a show, no.
00:15:22.000 Because that would prove that they're right and they're not.
00:15:27.000 So it's really, you know, for one to walk out would be to confirm what they're saying.
00:15:34.000 We're back.
00:15:35.000 Okay, let's maybe, there's a positive song.
00:15:38.000 Nope, nope, this one's different.
00:15:39.000 What is this?
00:15:40.000 A warrior in his real daily wire, one with his eye.
00:15:46.000 It's not the border.
00:16:03.000 Someone says this next one, video of you stealing a phone, might break me out of this slump that I'm in now because of the no chin thing.
00:16:11.000 By the way, I haven't wet the bed in at least a year.
00:16:13.000 There you go.
00:16:14.000 Way to fucking bring up the past.
00:16:16.000 Eat that, haters.
00:16:18.000 So this is you stealing a phone.
00:16:19.000 This has been sent to me so many times, it almost made it to the Google Doc.
00:16:24.000 Please stop sending me this.
00:16:31.000 I don't see the resemblance at all.
00:16:33.000 Here, just to compare.
00:16:34.000 And this is going to sound racist, but I was really impressed that Chinese people can do comedy.
00:16:44.000 That's pretty funny.
00:16:44.000 That's a pretty good joke.
00:16:50.000 Also, Sprinks.
00:16:51.000 See the email, Sprinks?
00:16:52.000 I didn't number it.
00:16:54.000 It got past me.
00:16:56.000 But we keep finding these funny guys.
00:17:00.000 You turn on Comedy Central, you don't see a lot of funny guys.
00:17:04.000 You go to a comedy club, you don't see a lot of funny guys.
00:17:07.000 It's like comedy has been wokefied and ruined in the mainstream.
00:17:11.000 So you have to go to the outskirts of TikTok to find stuff that was pretty easy to find, you know, up until pretty recently, up until Obama.
00:17:25.000 No, Trump.
00:17:26.000 I would say Trump.
00:17:30.000 That's when the woke people decided they had to blockade comedy.
00:17:34.000 Anyway, I'm ruining it by building it up.
00:17:37.000 My door is locked.
00:17:38.000 I'm syncing the image in my brain.
00:17:39.000 I'm not going to worry that it's unlocked once I lay in bed.
00:17:43.000 What's up man?
00:17:44.000 Oh, you left your door unlocked.
00:17:45.000 I did?
00:17:45.000 Yeah.
00:17:45.000 You know what sucks about that is I did like a, I did like a, I have a thing where I kind of worry about if I locked my door every time I lay down.
00:17:52.000 Yeah.
00:17:52.000 So I kind of really tried to sync the image of me locking it in.
00:17:55.000 Got it.
00:17:56.000 Well, you know when sometimes you lay down and you're like, did I make that shit up in my head or like did it really?
00:18:00.000 Yeah.
00:18:01.000 Yeah, you did.
00:18:01.000 You made it.
00:18:02.000 That's scary because it kind of confirms.
00:18:04.000 Yeah, so now you'll do it forever.
00:18:05.000 Like I always wonder, did I leave, did I park my car?
00:18:07.000 Did I, did I lock my car?
00:18:08.000 Did I turn the lights off?
00:18:09.000 Did I really lock it?
00:18:10.000 So what's the repercussions for me?
00:18:12.000 I'm gonna beat the shit out of you.
00:18:14.000 Oh no!
00:18:15.000 I'm gonna take the fluff out of that chair.
00:18:17.000 Love that chair.
00:18:17.000 Is that Call of Duty World at War?
00:18:20.000 I believe so, yeah.
00:18:20.000 That was a great one.
00:18:21.000 That was the one with zombies for the first time.
00:18:23.000 Yes, it was very fun.
00:18:24.000 Taking that.
00:18:24.000 Why do you want to, what's going, like what is this?
00:18:26.000 Oh, uh, this is my job.
00:18:28.000 Do you, can you let it slide or no?
00:18:30.000 Because believe it or not, I really don't like to, uh, like, get this shit beaten out of me.
00:18:34.000 I don't like it.
00:18:34.000 Really?
00:18:35.000 Look at this arm.
00:18:35.000 He's got a, he looks like he's a burn victim.
00:18:38.000 Yeah.
00:18:38.000 You ever do a take a picture?
00:18:39.000 Burning, being burnt makes you funny.
00:18:41.000 Yeah.
00:18:42.000 Um, you did it.
00:18:43.000 Any tip for you kids at home, if you want to get funny, get some hot oil on those arms.
00:18:46.000 He's on fire.
00:18:48.000 Yeah.
00:18:49.000 Look at it again.
00:18:49.000 He's good at burning people.
00:18:51.000 That's a sick burn.
00:18:54.000 You didn't even say anything.
00:18:55.000 Wow!
00:18:56.000 Yeah, man.
00:18:57.000 You believe that?
00:18:57.000 What, your brain does?
00:18:58.000 Your brain plays tricks on you.
00:18:59.000 All right, come on.
00:19:02.000 So that's great.
00:19:03.000 That was really funny.
00:19:05.000 Purple Works Nutrition missed the gym all week because of this stupid bender.
00:19:10.000 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
00:19:12.000 Today I was like, OK, come on.
00:19:14.000 You didn't drink at all.
00:19:15.000 Well, I had only like five drinks last night.
00:19:19.000 I paid my nightmare tax.
00:19:21.000 End of every bender, you gotta pay the IRS with an entire night of nightmares.
00:19:26.000 And I thought, I gotta get there.
00:19:27.000 But I barely slept.
00:19:29.000 I was tossing and turning.
00:19:32.000 And I thought, I need that one little push.
00:19:34.000 And there we got Purple Works Nutrition.
00:19:40.000 Don't skip this, because I have a very special segment here.
00:19:47.000 I want to get to the part with the beta alanine.
00:19:52.000 It's got beta alanine.
00:19:54.000 It does.
00:19:54.000 It builds your muscles.
00:19:55.000 That's true.
00:19:56.000 It doesn't give you the shits.
00:19:58.000 No.
00:19:59.000 But I decided to do a special segment for today's Purple Works Nutrition and show you some art from my gym.
00:20:08.000 So get this stuff.
00:20:09.000 It gives you the tingles.
00:20:10.000 I definitely see muscle development.
00:20:12.000 I'm still a fat pig because I have so much beer and carbs.
00:20:16.000 Wait, wait.
00:20:19.000 But it just makes you go to the gym.
00:20:22.000 And when I was there, Larry kept trying to hit me with the pads.
00:20:25.000 I was fucking a blocking machine.
00:20:27.000 Can't hit you.
00:20:28.000 At one point, I ducked.
00:20:30.000 And he's like, ooh, look at you.
00:20:31.000 Yep.
00:20:33.000 Bobbing and weaving.
00:20:36.000 Anyway, while I'm on Purpleworks Nutrition and slamming away, I thought I could show you some things.
00:20:41.000 Here's a poster a baby monster made of Larry Barnes and his big fight with Felix Trinidad.
00:20:47.000 Kind of a career-altering fight.
00:20:50.000 And if you look at the very bottom, it's kind of hard to see, but it says, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:20:57.000 So that's a fun little shout-out to baby monsters at the gym.
00:21:03.000 This is, I don't know what the fuck is going on with this, but that's on the wall.
00:21:06.000 It appears to be some kind of a seagull with little booties on, playing a trumpet with a flying kitten.
00:21:13.000 I... You don't know what that is?
00:21:15.000 No.
00:21:16.000 Mike Tyson used to do these, like these collages.
00:21:18.000 That's a Mike Tyson.
00:21:20.000 Oh!
00:21:20.000 That's a Mike... I just made that up.
00:21:24.000 Me, you, one, zero, whatever.
00:21:26.000 So, that means a boxer came to my gym and said to the owner, hey man, I don't know if you give a shit, but I made this.
00:21:32.000 Cat's got glasses on, I don't know if you want to... He's like, yeah, sure, ka-clunk.
00:21:37.000 He staples it to the wall.
00:21:38.000 In the middle, too.
00:21:39.000 He gets it laminated, too.
00:21:41.000 Like, every single thing in the gym is laminated.
00:21:45.000 That's a staple right there.
00:21:46.000 Yeah.
00:21:46.000 In the center of the artwork.
00:21:47.000 I don't know, what are his shoes?
00:21:50.000 Roller skates?
00:21:51.000 Kind of got a roller skatey vibe.
00:21:53.000 What else do we got at the gym that's important to relay?
00:21:58.000 This is weird, so that's Larry standing up there with his arms up, and it appears he beat the shit out of everyone in the gym.
00:22:04.000 Where are you?
00:22:05.000 Are they just- or maybe they're tired because he's such a good trainer?
00:22:09.000 But that's a good quality drawing, whoever did that, but I don't know, it looks like the trainer's a little too hard on the clientele.
00:22:20.000 Yeah, I don't think if you're tired, you grab your balls.
00:22:23.000 Like, you hit him in the balls.
00:22:24.000 I guess, come to our gym.
00:22:26.000 Our trainers will beat the shit out of you.
00:22:29.000 They'll kill everyone but the dog.
00:22:32.000 Okay?
00:22:33.000 What else do we got?
00:22:34.000 This might take you a second to realize, but it is a bookshelf in the shape of a face.
00:22:40.000 Tons of books are available.
00:22:42.000 Read.
00:22:42.000 Better yourself.
00:22:43.000 I've never seen anyone touch a book I don't think anyone at my gym can read.
00:22:48.000 No offense.
00:22:49.000 Well, that's not fair.
00:22:50.000 There's a couple authors, but let me put it this way.
00:22:53.000 The most people I've met who can't read happen to be at a boxing gym.
00:22:57.000 There's a reason that there's a scholarship in college for every other sport but boxing.
00:23:04.000 Safest place in the gym to hide your money.
00:23:06.000 Yes.
00:23:08.000 You can put your crypto wallet in there.
00:23:11.000 If I don't want the trainers to see me and tell me what to do, I just stand by the books because they have a natural aversion.
00:23:17.000 Although I keep wanting to get that Lost and Found book.
00:23:21.000 The Bronx is Burning, I think, is about the Yankees.
00:23:26.000 Next.
00:23:28.000 Here's the G-Dog.
00:23:28.000 I think you gotta zoom out.
00:23:31.000 I'm on the wall.
00:23:32.000 My boys, Vicks.
00:23:34.000 I'm saying my boys, the Proud Boys, are the victims here.
00:23:37.000 Proud goons chief blames lefties.
00:23:39.000 I guess that's me.
00:23:41.000 So that was the Daily News.
00:23:43.000 I signed it for some reason.
00:23:47.000 Wherein they're a liberal newspaper here.
00:23:49.000 It's mostly for teachers and stuff.
00:23:51.000 Hey!
00:23:52.000 And they were saying that they were allowing me to say that these guys have been framed and fucked over.
00:24:00.000 That next picture is John gets so horny.
00:24:03.000 That's Big John.
00:24:05.000 At the gym.
00:24:06.000 That he's like, please, just for one second.
00:24:07.000 I'm like, dude, I'm lifting weights.
00:24:10.000 Please.
00:24:12.000 Not now.
00:24:13.000 I was waiting to receive you.
00:24:14.000 Yeah, he goes, I'll wait here, you see if you feel like it later on.
00:24:17.000 I'm like, I'm not gonna feel like it, I'm telling you right now.
00:24:22.000 I've noticed Americans, they love puns, as Ryan does, but I don't think they think about what the other one is.
00:24:30.000 Like the example I always use is, you know, we've got these new biscuits and they're called sun chips and you put them where the sun don't shine.
00:24:37.000 And it works because it's sun and sun chips, but the sun don't shine means your ass.
00:24:41.000 Like nuclear is not a good thing to be in a swimming pool.
00:24:44.000 I get that it's new and it's clear, but nuclear waste is bad for you.
00:24:50.000 Do they think it's clean?
00:24:51.000 Like, nuclear's clean.
00:24:53.000 Yeah, I think it's just like, I got a wordplay, I'm not going any deeper than that.
00:24:57.000 Yeah.
00:24:58.000 I actually saw one of these workers, like, while I was getting Xen.
00:25:01.000 Okay, good story.
00:25:05.000 Like, the other day.
00:25:06.000 Is that, are they new?
00:25:08.000 N-U, are they new around town?
00:25:10.000 Sounds like a pun, but okay.
00:25:12.000 This is one of my favorite things I look at every day.
00:25:16.000 C's does not have an apostrophe.
00:25:18.000 I C's a typo here.
00:25:21.000 And, uh... I just... I keep meaning to bring in some grey paint and just cover the C's apostrophe.
00:25:29.000 But... That's the kind of thing you keep meaning to do, you never get around to it.
00:25:33.000 Of course it'll... Does that fly over your head, Ryan?
00:25:37.000 No, it definitely shouldn't be there.
00:25:39.000 But you know what confused me?
00:25:41.000 It's... I-T-S.
00:25:43.000 Sometimes there's not an apostrophe, right?
00:25:46.000 I always thought there was an apostrophe.
00:25:48.000 Welcome to fourth grade.
00:25:50.000 Welcome to eight-year-old levels of spelling and grammar.
00:25:54.000 I've never thought about it.
00:25:56.000 You should probably edit that out.
00:25:59.000 I'm okay with... It possibly indicates that part of the word has been removed.
00:26:03.000 Okay, Ryan, please don't waste time on the show with the dumbest shit imaginable.
00:26:07.000 Next?
00:26:08.000 Well, if you know it, you'd explain it.
00:26:11.000 Yeah, I don't know it.
00:26:13.000 I like this one because he goes, Do not hit bags hard.
00:26:15.000 Speedbags made for speed.
00:26:17.000 Not...
00:26:19.000 Strength, whatever.
00:26:20.000 But then he's like walking.
00:26:22.000 Yeah, not power.
00:26:23.000 And then he's like, well, it's not bags.
00:26:25.000 It's this particularly the speed bag.
00:26:27.000 So he has to add speed in there.
00:26:29.000 And then he's like, it's not just power.
00:26:31.000 It's timing, too.
00:26:32.000 So he adds a little plus timing.
00:26:35.000 It's an organic sign.
00:26:36.000 It grows over time.
00:26:38.000 I think that's the last one.
00:26:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:26:40.000 Just some puppies on the wall in case you like puppies.
00:26:42.000 Those are there.
00:26:43.000 I don't.
00:26:45.000 I don't have a feeling for puppies.
00:26:47.000 Leon Spanx just showing off his grill.
00:26:50.000 Looks great.
00:26:51.000 Oh, this one is fun.
00:26:53.000 That's their old gym.
00:26:54.000 But zoom in on those four guys.
00:26:57.000 Imagine how low IQ you'd have to be to call yourself... No, no.
00:27:00.000 The four guys at the bottom?
00:27:03.000 To call yourself Face Mr. Magnificent.
00:27:07.000 Hi, I'm Face Mr. Magnificent.
00:27:09.000 And why is it a different font size?
00:27:13.000 So, I wanted to say face, that's how I'm known, but I'm also known as Mr. Magnificent, so you gotta make Mr. Magnificent a little smaller.
00:27:21.000 Who knew Jadakiss and DJ Shortcuts would be the most rational guys in the room?
00:27:28.000 Alright, is that it?
00:27:29.000 That is it.
00:27:30.000 That's a new twist on Purple Works Nutrition.
00:27:33.000 So they sponsored a look at the posters on my gym.
00:27:38.000 At my gym?
00:27:41.000 Uh...
00:27:42.000 All right, and then finally, Need of Fashions.
00:27:47.000 Look at this.
00:27:50.000 Is that your new one?
00:27:50.000 No.
00:27:51.000 Nope.
00:27:52.000 Because I saw somebody, a baby monster that got fitted in Jersey, they just got theirs yesterday.
00:27:58.000 So that means ours is a week along, if all goes according to plan.
00:28:02.000 Okay.
00:28:03.000 Exciting.
00:28:04.000 I think a lot of them, Need of Fashions is so efficient,
00:28:09.000 That even when they're on tour, they're sending plans back to Hong Kong and having people make it there.
00:28:15.000 So baby monsters were getting their shirts, even though Anil and Peter haven't returned yet.
00:28:20.000 But are they still on their tour?
00:28:21.000 What do we got here?
00:28:22.000 It's Friday the 26th.
00:28:23.000 I don't have today's New York Post.
00:28:25.000 I took my motorcycle.
00:28:26.000 I stuffed it under my bum bum.
00:28:29.000 And when I got here, it's gone.
00:28:31.000 So it's gooched.
00:28:33.000 It's gooched away.
00:28:36.000 It's the 26th of April.
00:28:37.000 Yeah, so they're in Palo Alto, California tomorrow.
00:28:41.000 Today is their last day in San Francisco.
00:28:44.000 Probably too late for you to schedule a San Francisco visit.
00:28:47.000 But their tour ends this week.
00:28:52.000 Depending what you call a week.
00:28:54.000 This Monday, I guess.
00:28:56.000 27th and 28th, so tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday, they're in Palo Alto.
00:29:01.000 You go over there, you get a fitting, check out some swaths, you choose where your buttons go.
00:29:07.000 It sounds gay, but it's super fun.
00:29:09.000 That being said, I think I'm gonna cut the show off now, and say to all you freeloaders what I say at the end of every show, which is,
00:29:21.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.