Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 19, 2024


S6E12 - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT (FREE PART)

Topics
domestic abuse court missed by a pube media and immigration policies
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Donald Trump Jr. Ryan Katsu Rivera JD Vance Ben Bankus Domino Jake Classic Roseanne Anthony Cumia John Goodman Oscar Wilde Matthew Lane Stetson Jennifer Aniston Michael Alvarez Dave Chappelle Alex Jones Michelob Ultra Elijah Schaefer Tom McDonald Jukebox Hero and 26 more
S6E10 - SUPERFLUOUS BROADS (FREE PART) S6E15 - RAPE IS A BAD HABIT (FREE PART)

Episode Stats


Length

37 minutes

Words per minute

151.84

Word count

5,742

Sentence count

754

Harmful content

Misogyny

27

sentences flagged

Toxicity

171

sentences flagged

Hate speech

37

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin McInnes is back from his trip to Roseanne Barr's house and drunk as hell. He talks about how he accidentally wet the guest bed at her house. He also talks about the time he headbutted a guy who was headbutting a woman. And he talks about a guy named Ryan Rivera who is a Mexican-American activist fighting the domestic abuse epidemic in the U.S. He's a great guy and I hope you like what he's doing with his time on the podcast. Also, he has a new business venture that he's working on and it's a pretty cool one, so keep your eyes and ears open for that. And as always, thank you for tuning into HYPEBEAST Radio and Business of HYPE. Please don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe to our other shows MIC/LINE, The Anthropology, The HYPE Report, and HYPETALKS. Music: Small Voice - "Can't Be Killed" by Small Voice (feat. Small Voice) by Fountains of Wayne ( ) Big Little Lies - "Goodbye Outer Space" by The Doors - "Outer Space ( ) by Puddle of Formaldehyde by The Pussycat Dolls is out now and is out on all of the social medias, if you search for it, you'll find us! Thank you so much for listening to this episode, it really means a lot to me. Live from New York City - "Get Off My Lawn" by Big Little Things ( ) is out here! Get off My Lawn with Me ( ) and I'm coming to you soon! - "On My Lawn ( ) - "Off My Lawns" by Gav & I'll See You Soon, Gave Me Love & I Love You ( ) . . . ( ) & I Can't Kill Who God Doesn't Want Dead? - Can't Be Killing Me ( and I'll Be Kidding Me by You Can't be Killed by You (?) And I'm Too Effing Kill Who Don't Kill Me By Me? ( ) And I'll Talk About It ( ) , & I'm Not So Good By Me & I Will Love You, Gotta Have It By Me And I Don't Think So Much By You ( & Other Things ( ) - . & More , & on

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:42.000 You can't kill who God doesn't want dead.
00:00:45.000 That was...
00:01:04.000 Can't be killed.
00:01:05.000 Small Voice is the band from Southern California.
00:01:09.000 You know, we ran out of Gatorade, so I'm super dehydrated from being wasted yesterday.
00:01:14.000 And there's only beer to drink.
00:01:17.000 It's weird when you hydrate with beer.
00:01:20.000 It just feels wrong.
00:01:22.000 But yeah, that's the picture of Trump being wished out by the secret cervix.
00:01:29.000 I like to see
00:01:31.000 What would you call that?
00:01:32.000 Metalcore?
00:01:33.000 I like to see death metal bands promoting Trump.
00:01:37.000 He's officially cool as of this weekend.
00:01:40.000 I just got back from Roseanne Barr's house where I wet her bed in the guest room.
00:01:47.000 I hope they don't notice.
00:01:48.000 It was through my suit.
00:01:51.000 So there wasn't that much moisture on the and I was on top of the quilt.
00:01:55.000 So I'm just not going to tell them.
00:01:56.000 I don't think they watch this show and it'll be it's probably dry by the time they check out in the guest room.
00:02:02.000 Just like I learned from Jennifer Aniston's house when I wet her guest bed. 0.99
00:02:07.000 I'm always so eager to impress celebrities that I get too wasted.
00:02:12.000 But yeah I just got back from Austin doing her podcast on my birthday.
00:02:17.000 She's the greatest person alive.
00:02:20.000 When we left I said, we're the same.
00:02:22.000 I'm Roseanne Barr.
00:02:24.000 And she goes, I'm Gavin McInnes.
00:02:27.000 Her son is awesome too, Jake.
00:02:29.000 Beautiful grandchildren.
00:02:31.000 Little cute baby.
00:02:32.000 I was hanging out with.
00:02:35.000 Gigantic eyes.
00:02:36.000 She looks exactly like Betty Boop. 1.00
00:02:37.000 Huge full head of hair.
00:02:40.000 But they're out there in the middle of nowhere.
00:02:42.000 Blanco, Texas, I think it's called.
00:02:48.000 There's so much I could tell you.
00:02:49.000 I mean, we talked non-stop all night long.
00:02:53.000 I think my favorite quote of Roseanne's is she told me that, she told me that Oscar Wilde's last words were, either this wallpaper goes or I go.
00:03:05.000 And then he died.
00:03:07.000 I got a bunch of pics.
00:03:08.000 I should have airdropped you.
00:03:11.000 I'll do that now, Ryan.
00:03:13.000 It doesn't make for very good TV, but... Select.
00:03:19.000 Doot.
00:03:19.000 Doot.
00:03:20.000 Doot.
00:03:21.000 Doot.
00:03:23.000 Doot.
00:03:23.000 Doot.
00:03:24.000 Doot.
00:03:25.000 Doot.
00:03:27.000 Okay.
00:03:28.000 Forward to a guy named Ryan Rivera?
00:03:32.000 I believe your name is, right?
00:03:34.000 Is your name actually Katsu, or you just say that?
00:03:38.000 It's on your driver's license?
00:03:41.000 That's my name.
00:03:41.000 Ryan K. Rivera, I believe, is on my driver's license.
00:03:43.000 Oh, so your middle name is Katsu?
00:03:45.000 Yes.
00:03:46.000 Oh, okay.
00:03:46.000 That's my middle name.
00:03:48.000 I was talking to some chick on the plane, and she was like a 26-year-old feminist. 1.00
00:03:54.000 So we just, we were insulting to each other.
00:03:56.000 It was an acrimonious flight.
00:03:58.000 I don't mind that.
00:03:59.000 That's just as pleasant to me as having a nice conversation.
00:04:08.000 But she was talking about domestic abuse, and I told her that somehow it came up that I went to jail for headbutting that guy who beat up a chick.
00:04:17.000 And she goes, yes, that's good.
00:04:19.000 Good you did that.
00:04:20.000 I'm a political activist when it comes to domestic abuse.
00:04:24.000 And I go, OK, so that's all Hispanics, you realize. 0.99
00:04:28.000 She goes, that doesn't matter.
00:04:29.000 Okay.
00:04:30.000 Well, I've been to domestic abuse court.
00:04:32.000 A friend of mine was falsely accused and, uh, um, it was four hours long.
00:04:40.000 We must've seen about 50 cases.
00:04:43.000 The first two hours were in English and the last two hours were all in Spanish.
00:04:48.000 So, sorry, but you, you've devoted your life to fighting the Hispanic epidemic of domestic abuse.
00:04:57.000 Uh, I got this cool Stetson hat.
00:05:00.000 There.
00:05:01.000 And I got a little Indian thing around it.
00:05:04.000 See that band? 0.99
00:05:05.000 And then I fucking threw a feather in there. 1.00
00:05:08.000 I wear Indian shit now. 1.00
00:05:11.000 Is it cultural appropriation if I made three Indians? 1.00
00:05:15.000 I can wear Indian shit. 1.00
00:05:17.000 My jean jacket is covered with powwow and fry bread badges. 1.00
00:05:21.000 I'm an Indian. 1.00
00:05:22.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:05:24.000 I'm allowed. 1.00
00:05:25.000 And I got these cool boots.
00:05:26.000 Look at these boots.
00:05:29.000 They're very Johnny Cash. 0.94
00:05:32.000 When I was buying them, the woman there was a lesbian. 1.00
00:05:35.000 And, uh... Only while you were buying them?
00:05:38.000 What?
00:05:38.000 Only while you were buying them?
00:05:39.000 She was a lesbian? 1.00
00:05:40.000 Yeah, just when I was buying them.
00:05:42.000 And, uh, I said, this isn't even up to me.
00:05:45.000 These boots are calling to me.
00:05:46.000 I don't... I wanted, like, more elaborate ones.
00:05:48.000 The ones that had, like, crazy lightning bolts and stuff were two grand.
00:05:54.000 So I'm not doing that, but I said, these boots are calling me.
00:05:58.000 I don't even have a choice. 0.99
00:05:59.000 I'm being raped. 1.00
00:06:01.000 I'm being boot raped. 1.00
00:06:03.000 Right now. 0.99
00:06:04.000 And she didn't laugh. 0.99
00:06:08.000 She might have been raped. 1.00
00:06:09.000 So? 0.98
00:06:12.000 Then she's very familiar with the act.
00:06:16.000 Can't hear you.
00:06:20.000 I have that.
00:06:20.000 I've only ever used it for blackface, but I could put it on my boots, too.
00:06:24.000 Didn't laugh at that.
00:06:26.000 And then when I got to the front to pay, I got this cool belt, too.
00:06:31.000 See that?
00:06:33.000 The bird, which is the bald eagle.
00:06:36.000 They go, did anyone help you today?
00:06:37.000 I go, yeah, the lesbian helped me out. 1.00
00:06:40.000 And they knew exactly who to click.
00:06:45.000 Another, that's me and Rosie.
00:06:49.000 That's a wig, unfortunately.
00:06:51.000 You know what I realized?
00:06:52.000 She's my type. 0.99
00:06:54.000 Like, she's had surgery on her eyes.
00:06:55.000 Obviously, she's crossing them there.
00:06:57.000 But if you look at young pictures of her, she looks very Mongolian, which is basically why natives look like that. 1.00
00:07:03.000 It's from crossing the Bering Strait, you know, being in, going snow blind.
00:07:11.000 That's why chinky eyes exist. 1.00
00:07:12.000 Did you know that?
00:07:14.000 No.
00:07:15.000 Because they didn't get snow blind if they went like that.
00:07:16.000 So those people were more successful in the snow.
00:07:20.000 These people are more successful than these people in the snow.
00:07:23.000 Blue eyes don't like light.
00:07:26.000 Yeah, pre that.
00:07:31.000 She looks kind of hotter now than she did back then.
00:07:33.000 She had a glow up, Kevin.
00:07:35.000 I believe is what we call it.
00:07:36.000 Well, I was disappointed to hear she's had surgery.
00:07:41.000 The other thing I remember from that trip is... Oh, there's a gun she has that was signed by Donald Trump.
00:07:49.000 That's my old Stetson.
00:07:53.000 She doesn't want to use it because it lowers the value. 0.99
00:07:55.000 I'm like, use it! 1.00
00:07:57.000 Shoot it! 1.00
00:07:59.000 Things shouldn't be in cases. 0.99
00:08:00.000 There she was on the cover of Mad Magazine.
00:08:02.000 That's framed in her studio.
00:08:04.000 Gross Anne.
00:08:05.000 She's very happy about that.
00:08:07.000 Believe it or not, she's incredibly funny.
00:08:09.000 I don't know if you had guessed that.
00:08:11.000 Why is there a play symbol on these pictures?
00:08:13.000 Because they come right from your messages.
00:08:16.000 I wanted the quickest way to get them.
00:08:18.000 But they're not live photos, right?
00:08:20.000 No.
00:08:20.000 They don't play.
00:08:22.000 That's just stuff on her wall.
00:08:24.000 I don't know why I sent you that.
00:08:25.000 Her and Hill.
00:08:27.000 There she is hanging with Hill.
00:08:29.000 She was a liberal.
00:08:30.000 She was a socialist.
00:08:34.000 And then she got fired. 0.98
00:08:35.000 That's a deer she shot. 0.70
00:08:39.000 Isn't the taxidermy beautiful on that?
00:08:41.000 I've never seen taxidermy that goes so far down the body.
00:08:47.000 That's just a picture in her bathroom.
00:08:49.000 It's awesome.
00:08:50.000 Bunch of women cleaning their guns. 1.00
00:08:53.000 Classic Roseanne.
00:08:55.000 Here we are singing.
00:09:13.000 Beautiful.
00:09:14.000 That's us singing together.
00:09:16.000 So that'll be up on the site momentarily.
00:09:18.000 I think we're gonna have to do a short episode today.
00:09:20.000 I gotta go camping with my family.
00:09:24.000 I haven't seen them in a long time.
00:09:26.000 But yeah, the other takeaway, so that Oscar Wilde quote sticks with me.
00:09:30.000 And then Jake, her son, and I were talking, and we were talking about Texas and Florida and the founders, you know, in the 1600s when the Spanish and the French came. 0.95
00:09:39.000 And I was like, how the fuck did they survive the heat? 0.62
00:09:42.000 You're coming from Europe where it's never above 80 degrees and then you're in the humid jungles of Florida with mosquitoes everywhere and it's 115 degrees with 100% humidity. 0.98
00:09:56.000 I would just have to sit by the ocean and like dip my body in it every hour.
00:10:02.000 And we were trying to figure it out and then Jake just goes, they were just better than us.
00:10:07.000 That's the answer to your conundrum.
00:10:10.000 And I'm like, that's very cathartic, Jake.
00:10:13.000 Like, let's release ourselves.
00:10:15.000 Like Vietnam. 0.94
00:10:16.000 How did they survive in the jungles with the mosquitoes and the Viet Cong? 1.00
00:10:20.000 We're gonna shoot them at any given moment? 0.96
00:10:23.000 They were better than us.
00:10:25.000 The guys who were in Vietnam, I know you're having trouble wrapping your mind around that because you can't imagine you there.
00:10:30.000 I can't imagine me there either.
00:10:32.000 We're worse than them.
00:10:34.000 They were better.
00:10:36.000 They were stronger.
00:10:36.000 They were more resilient.
00:10:38.000 Just higher quality human beings than us.
00:10:43.000 And once you wrap your mind around that, you're like, oh, I got it.
00:10:46.000 Yeah, you settled Florida in 1600 because you were a different, you weren't even a human, you were a superhuman.
00:10:53.000 I'm just a lowly human being.
00:10:55.000 I have a panic attack when it's over 90 degrees, which it is today, this whole week.
00:11:02.000 I haven't been to the gym once.
00:11:06.000 And I haven't been back with Jump Medic in a while.
00:11:11.000 Jump Medic have returned.
00:11:13.000 Why didn't the secret cervix have a Jump Medic kit?
00:11:15.000 Perfect opportunity to use it.
00:11:16.000 Obviously this goes deeper than we think if people around Trump didn't have a first aid kit at the ready. 0.98
00:11:22.000 Even the dipshit who shot Trump probably had a first aid kit. 1.00
00:11:26.000 The brand new Jump Medic Pro Gen 2 is packed with so much shit it may have actually stopped the bullet so strongly. 1.00
00:11:33.000 What kind of first aid kit do you have at home? 0.99
00:11:36.000 Do you have one in your car when you're camping?
00:11:38.000 I'm taking this with me today to go camping.
00:11:42.000 When you're catching a bullet with your ear, there is no other first aid kit on the market that has real life-saving equipment and useful diagnostic tools like a JumpMedic.
00:11:51.000 Our kits are the only kits that include a glucose meter, a pulse oximeter, thermometer, ring cutter, blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, metal pen light.
00:12:03.000 These kits are shipped free to you with real-life human customer service.
00:12:07.000 JumpMedic kits are also a third of the price.
00:12:10.000 Wait, you're supposed to make a graphic, Ryan.
00:12:13.000 Missed by a pube. 0.86
00:12:14.000 Oh yeah, there's a graphic right on screen.
00:12:15.000 Oh, there it is right there.
00:12:17.000 Missed by a pube. 0.86
00:12:17.000 I see it now. 0.86
00:12:18.000 For 25% off until July 26.
00:12:23.000 Jump Minute kits are also a third of the price of the competition, but wait, there's more!
00:12:25.000 We usually do a 10% off for Baby Monsters, but for one week, we will be doing 25% off.
00:12:31.000 Why?
00:12:32.000 The Baby Monsters bought everything we had, so shipping times will be a tad longer than the normal 48-hour turnaround.
00:12:38.000 Take advantage of our shitty logistics team and get 25% off your next order.
00:12:42.000 This deal will end Friday, July 26th.
00:12:45.000 As you can see from the graphic here, the promo code is MISSEDBYAPUBE.
00:12:50.000 I don't know why he chose that.
00:12:53.000 I like saying that expression, missed by a pube.
00:12:56.000 The assassination attempt?
00:12:58.000 Oh, I get it.
00:12:59.000 It's the assassination thing.
00:13:00.000 But saying missed is almost like, it sounds like that's what you wanted to happen.
00:13:04.000 Yeah.
00:13:05.000 How about like, survived by a pube?
00:13:08.000 No?
00:13:08.000 Yeah.
00:13:08.000 Rest in peace, he survived by a pube.
00:13:10.000 Like the opening song said, you can't
00:13:13.000 Kill what God doesn't want to die.
00:13:15.000 That's a little cooler than missed by a pube. 0.99
00:13:17.000 Yeah.
00:13:18.000 But whatever.
00:13:18.000 I don't want to disparage our sponsors.
00:13:19.000 Don't want to bite the hand that feeds us.
00:13:21.000 And if you're watching this after the sale, you can enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
00:13:28.000 That's it for the ad read.
00:13:32.000 I want to tell you, we almost used this song as the intro.
00:13:38.000 I don't know.
00:13:39.000 I love Tom McDonald. 0.96
00:13:40.000 I think he's fucking awesome. 0.93
00:13:42.000 I like his lyrics. 0.98
00:13:44.000 I hate rap.
00:13:46.000 So there's a problem here.
00:13:49.000 But this is going around.
00:13:51.000 Everyone told me to make it the opening song.
00:13:54.000 I like metalcore more than rap.
00:13:57.000 They burning the country down with their progressiveness.
00:14:00.000 It started with changing what gender is, then graduated to you're racist if you think that your life matters and your skin don't have melanin.
00:14:05.000 They don't want peace, they want skeletons.
00:14:07.000 They want men to pretend that they're feminine. 1.00
00:14:09.000 They don't want an election. 0.97
00:14:10.000 They got so offended by freedom that they just tried killing the president. 0.91
00:14:13.000 I used to think that the woke were misguided, but now I can see that they're evil. 0.92
00:14:16.000 Twitter is angry that Trump isn't dead.
00:14:18.000 You know who got shot?
00:14:19.000 Innocent people.
00:14:20.000 Thought y'all were tolerant.
00:14:21.000 Pretty impressed with how fast you turned.
00:14:48.000 Okay, so I guess that was a myth that he said, why can't the Jews shoot straight?
00:14:53.000 What?
00:14:54.000 Yeah.
00:14:54.000 Somebody, somebody, and it sounds like that if you listen to it.
00:14:58.000 When it has those, like, in quotes. 0.88
00:15:01.000 Why can't the Jews shoot straight? 1.00
00:15:04.000 This campaign ad is going around. 0.77
00:15:08.000 It's chill inducing.
00:15:09.000 I actually stopped watching this.
00:15:11.000 Because I wanted to watch it with you.
00:15:13.000 It's sort of like a trailer for a movie you really want to see, like the bike riders I was so excited about, I didn't watch the trailer. 0.99
00:15:19.000 I wish I had, because it fucking sucked. 0.97
00:15:22.000 But I haven't watched this yet. 0.99
00:15:23.000 I saw it and went, ooh!
00:15:24.000 Let's save that for the baby monsters. 0.94
00:15:27.000 So we're watching this together.
00:15:30.000 Best quality one we could get.
00:15:33.000 Wins the presidency.
00:15:34.000 Load up.
00:15:34.000 Started off as unlikely, impossible, is now reality.
00:15:42.000 I will fight for you with every breath in my body, and I will never, ever let you down.
00:15:51.000 We have a president who actually fulfilled the promises he made during the camp, securing the border to foreign policy.
00:15:56.000 He now has a record as president, which is pretty damn impressive.
00:15:59.000 Breaking news out of... The FBI has executed an unprecedented search warrant at President Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate.
00:16:06.000 The former president has both sides of the political aisle up in arms.
00:16:09.000 It is a dangerous and unstable moment in American history.
00:16:12.000 The Justice Department has just indicted former President Donald Trump.
00:16:16.000 For seven years they hated him.
00:16:18.000 Come chill free.
00:16:18.000 Ryan, we could make a way better commercial than this.
00:16:20.000 I saw a different one.
00:16:21.000 I must have seen a different one.
00:16:43.000 I'm in a chill-free zone right now.
00:16:45.000 This is mundane.
00:16:45.000 Mundane?
00:16:46.000 I'm done, man.
00:16:46.000 That's a pun.
00:16:47.000 No, it just happened.
00:16:48.000 It's a coincidence.
00:16:48.000 What kind of music is this?
00:16:51.000 Ever heard of Andrew W.K.?
00:16:52.000 Ever heard of Godflesh?
00:16:53.000 Ever heard of, uh, Small Voice?
00:17:14.000 America great again.
00:17:18.000 America will always rise to every challenge.
00:17:21.000 Now it's getting better.
00:17:23.000 Donald Trump seems to always get stronger when challenged.
00:17:27.000 These types of things, I think, give him strength.
00:17:31.000 When I'm re-elected, I will totally obliterate the deep state.
00:17:35.000 This reeks.
00:17:39.000 As long as we have pride in our beliefs,
00:17:43.000 He used, like, Toby Keith?
00:17:46.000 He could afford Foreigner? 1.00
00:17:48.000 Jukebox Hero? 0.96
00:17:50.000 I don't fuckin' know. 0.66
00:17:51.000 Wow. 0.98
00:17:55.000 Way to make the most exciting man, in the most exciting time of his life, mediocre.
00:18:03.000 That's a weird choice.
00:18:04.000 That reeked. 0.98
00:18:05.000 To put a crowd of people chanting Zeke Hile at the end?
00:18:08.000 I should've watched it. 0.98
00:18:09.000 Before I fuckin'... 0.97
00:18:12.000 Aired it. 0.98
00:18:13.000 Here's Don Jr. 0.99
00:18:14.000 shutting down some fag. 1.00
00:18:18.000 I like that word. 1.00
00:18:19.000 It's a funny word. 1.00
00:18:20.000 Faggot is funnier than nigger. 1.00
00:18:24.000 But niggers are funnier than faggots. 1.00
00:18:27.000 On the whole. 1.00
00:18:29.000 That's an interesting discussion.
00:18:30.000 Yeah, Eddie Izzard. 1.00
00:18:32.000 Are niggers funnier than faggots? 1.00
00:18:37.000 Man, I tell you what, I'm Dave Chappelle, I'm funny as hell. 1.00
00:18:40.000 I think so, yeah.
00:18:42.000 Right? 1.00
00:18:42.000 Fags are like women, they're too silly to be funny. 1.00
00:18:45.000 Eddie Murphy. 1.00
00:18:47.000 Right, it's like they know that they're just dancing around blabbing.
00:18:51.000 Yeah.
00:18:52.000 What's that change gonna look like, Don?
00:18:54.000 Would it practically, your father as president, I think you would even say, was a divisive figure.
00:18:58.000 What's it gonna look like in the second term?
00:19:00.000 I don't think he was a divisive figure at all.
00:19:01.000 I think the media created divisiveness around him.
00:19:03.000 They lied about Russia.
00:19:04.000 Divisiveness?
00:19:05.000 I think you mean division.
00:19:07.000 They went after him in every which way is possible.
00:19:10.000 If the media actually starts being an honest broker, talking about the things that he did, the prosperity he brought, the peace deals that he signed around the world, rather than the disaster that we're living right now, I think you'd do everyone in the country a big favor.
00:19:21.000 Immigration is important to him.
00:19:22.000 I covered the family separation crisis closely.
00:19:24.000 Will we continue to see policies like separating 5,000 children deliberately from their parents?
00:19:29.000 You mean the Obama administration?
00:19:31.000 You know they didn't do that, sir.
00:19:33.000 Sure.
00:19:33.000 Will there be a second family separation policy?
00:19:36.000 It's MSDNC, so I expect nothing less from you clowns. 0.97
00:19:39.000 Even today, even 48 hours later, you couldn't wait. 0.99
00:19:42.000 You couldn't wait with your lies and with your nonsense. 0.99
00:19:44.000 So just get out of here. 0.98
00:19:47.000 That's the Vice President of the United States, folks.
00:19:51.000 I think we know why Trump chose Vance.
00:19:54.000 He's going to run him, and then J.D.
00:19:58.000 Vance will be President, and Donald Trump Jr.
00:20:01.000 will be the Vice President.
00:20:02.000 We all know that's what's going to happen.
00:20:04.000 I get it.
00:20:05.000 You know why Trump chose Vance and not Vivek?
00:20:10.000 Because he's cool to hang out with.
00:20:15.000 Vivek isn't as much.
00:20:17.000 I remember this guy Dominic, this director I knew a long time ago, back in Vice days, and he was like, when I hire someone, are you going to be alright to hang out with?
00:20:26.000 Because as far as qualifications go, like for the role, for your job, I can teach that.
00:20:32.000 But I'm going to be with you eight hours a day, four hours a week.
00:20:35.000 So do I like you?
00:20:37.000 And I think that's what Trump is like.
00:20:39.000 He's so old now.
00:20:40.000 He's like, I'm going to save the world.
00:20:42.000 But if I'm going to be with this guy on Air Force One, I don't know, Vivek's weird.
00:20:48.000 I don't trust him.
00:20:50.000 He's a newbie.
00:20:50.000 That's why you picked me.
00:20:52.000 You could have had a competent producer or something, but I'm
00:20:55.000 Mr. Q. Yeah.
00:20:58.000 You don't- you don't hang.
00:20:59.000 I don't drink.
00:21:01.000 That's all you- that's your version of hanging.
00:21:02.000 Well, you know, I would go golfing- When we do Cops Night and we hang out after, you just sit in your little room.
00:21:07.000 I'm working.
00:21:09.000 You think the episode just goes pfft and just jumps onto the site?
00:21:12.000 Okay.
00:21:13.000 We should go golfing.
00:21:14.000 That's what men do. 0.72
00:21:16.000 Sober. 0.94
00:21:17.000 You were the worst golfer in the world. 0.52
00:21:19.000 That's not true. 0.85
00:21:20.000 When you got your ball stuck in a tree, you got it in your head that you would throw your club at the ball and it would knock it out of the tree.
00:21:29.000 Almost got stuck into the tree.
00:21:30.000 The club itself.
00:21:31.000 It's unbelievable that you didn't lose your club.
00:21:33.000 How does a ball get stuck in a tree?
00:21:37.000 I've never seen it before and I never will see it ever again.
00:21:41.000 You have a knack. 0.98
00:21:42.000 Alright, I think this list alone proves that nigs are funnier than gays. 1.00
00:21:47.000 I've never heard of that number one. 0.97
00:21:48.000 50 funniest and 200 funniest black comedians.
00:21:53.000 So already, they're like, there's not only more, but they're better. 0.99
00:21:56.000 Who the fuck is Mateo Lane? 0.98
00:21:58.000 You've never heard of Mateo Lane? 0.99
00:21:59.000 Nope.
00:22:00.000 He's a New York City comedian guy.
00:22:02.000 A stand comic guy.
00:22:04.000 Tim Dillon should be at the top of the list. 0.98
00:22:06.000 Oh yeah, he's gay, that's right. 0.99
00:22:08.000 You know why blacks are funnier? 1.00
00:22:10.000 Because they can be. 0.99
00:22:12.000 Blacks are allowed to say whatever they want. 1.00
00:22:16.000 So that's what good comedy is. 0.99
00:22:19.000 Whites are just as funny as blacks, but whites aren't allowed to say whatever pops into their head. 0.99
00:22:28.000 Okay, let me tell you about my trip, by the way, for the Competence Crisis. 0.99
00:22:31.000 Don't do the whole interstitial.
00:22:33.000 Sure, sure.
00:22:34.000 But change my background to the Competence Crisis.
00:22:39.000 I just want to tell you about going to the airport and coming from the airport in 2024.
00:22:45.000 And this is relevant because I think a lot of you guys are mad at me for saying that the shooter was not hand-picked. 0.72
00:22:52.000 He was just a random retard. 1.00
00:22:53.000 I could be wrong. 0.96
00:22:55.000 Don't get so mad.
00:22:56.000 This is just a theory I have.
00:22:59.000 I'm often wrong.
00:23:01.000 I thought Vivek was going to be the VP.
00:23:04.000 I was wrong.
00:23:05.000 So my theory is that he was just a rube brainwashed by media propaganda into shooting the president. 0.77
00:23:13.000 I know there's a lot of factors that say otherwise, but I'm erring on incompetence.
00:23:18.000 I tend to do that generally. 0.80
00:23:22.000 The spectrum always comes down to evil or retarded, right? 1.00
00:23:26.000 I tend to err more on retarded, but I know the two are not mutually exclusive.
00:23:31.000 There's evil, like I think it was evil that Mayorkas knowingly hired a secret cervix, knowing it put the president in danger. 0.72
00:23:39.000 That was planned.
00:23:40.000 That was, I'm gonna earn my BlackRock points by promoting D.I.E.
00:23:47.000 Didn't earn it.
00:23:48.000 D.E.I. 1.00
00:23:49.000 And I don't give a fuck that it jeopardizes the president's, I want him to die. 0.99
00:23:54.000 But as far as going and picking a guy, no. 1.00
00:23:59.000 And letting Trump get shot, I don't believe that.
00:24:03.000 I know you guys do, and I know it makes for a better show to be more Alex Jones-ian, but I gotta be honest with you.
00:24:09.000 I'm nothing if I don't speak the truth.
00:24:12.000 But anyway, let me just tell you why I always err on the side of incompetence.
00:24:19.000 The White House is just a giant DMV.
00:24:21.000 I know billionaires.
00:24:22.000 I know powerful people. 1.00
00:24:24.000 They're retarded. 1.00
00:24:26.000 So let me tell you about my trip. 0.98
00:24:28.000 Okay, I get picked up on Tuesday.
00:24:30.000 The Uber's GPS didn't work.
00:24:32.000 He should have a satellite GPS.
00:24:35.000 If you're an Uber driver, you should have the highest quality GPS known to man.
00:24:39.000 My flight was delayed.
00:24:41.000 My gate was changed.
00:24:44.000 I have clear and TSA pre-check.
00:24:47.000 I said to the woman, what's faster here? 1.00
00:24:48.000 What line-up's faster?
00:24:49.000 She goes, they're both long line-ups.
00:24:52.000 Okay.
00:24:52.000 So I do TSA pre-check.
00:24:54.000 As I'm in TSA pre-check, which was a long line, I notice there's zero line for clear.
00:25:00.000 Now, I think she knew that. 0.93
00:25:02.000 I think she's racist. 1.00
00:25:03.000 I think she doesn't like white men. 0.95
00:25:05.000 She was an Indian. 0.54
00:25:07.000 Push start.
00:25:08.000 Not feather, obviously.
00:25:09.000 And, uh, I think she doesn't like people like me. 1.00
00:25:12.000 So she just said, go fuck yourself and sent me on my into the longest line. 1.00
00:25:16.000 So that's part of the incompetence crisis is racism. 1.00
00:25:23.000 My flight was delayed again.
00:25:25.000 And how about this?
00:25:26.000 It was delayed.
00:25:28.000 I got another notice.
00:25:29.000 It had been delayed to 150.
00:25:31.000 Then I got a notice.
00:25:32.000 Your flight is delayed again to 151.
00:25:37.000 The software is incompetent.
00:25:39.000 You don't need to tell people if the plane is going to be one minute later than what you previously said. 1.00
00:25:47.000 Um, I went to the Delta Lounge because Anthony Cumia taught me to sign up for all that dumb shit. 0.99
00:25:52.000 Wait, that might be, I'm sorry, but that might be for black people. 1.00
00:25:55.000 That might be why. 0.98
00:25:56.000 For black people. 0.87
00:25:58.000 That one minute, like they cut right at, like I've also been guilty of this as a person of color. 0.93
00:26:03.000 Like I'll get there right on time sometimes for poor planning.
00:26:07.000 One minute is statistically irrelevant.
00:26:09.000 I've sprinted with zero minutes.
00:26:10.000 I go to the Delta Lounge.
00:26:12.000 I got, so at the Delta Lounge, Old Forester's free, but Maker's Mark costs money.
00:26:18.000 I don't like Old Forester, so I got Maker's Mark.
00:26:20.000 I know it's going to cost me $15.30.
00:26:21.000 Fine.
00:26:21.000 I talked to the woman.
00:26:26.000 I tried the Old Forester.
00:26:28.000 No, I'll just do Maker's.
00:26:29.000 Okay.
00:26:30.000 Then I get a free beer, which is Michelob Ultra.
00:26:33.000 I have that.
00:26:34.000 I go, can I wrap up?
00:26:36.000 She comes over.
00:26:37.000 What?
00:26:38.000 Oh, that's free.
00:26:41.000 Okay. 1.00
00:26:42.000 Let's pretend I didn't have a maker's mark, you stupid bitch. 1.00
00:26:46.000 I mean, I'm not mad. 1.00
00:26:46.000 That's the beauty of the competence crisis. 1.00
00:26:49.000 You often get free drinks.
00:26:53.000 We sat on the runway for an hour because we were delayed, so we lost our place in the lineup.
00:26:59.000 By the way, exact same story coming back. 0.98
00:27:02.000 Flight delayed an hour, sat on the fucking runway for an hour, and I'm in first class. 0.98
00:27:07.000 You're supposed to bring us drinks. 0.98
00:27:09.000 I didn't get a drink until maybe two hours after I got on the plane.
00:27:16.000 And by the time I got it, the rocks were all but melted.
00:27:22.000 That's how long it took her. 0.50
00:27:23.000 I got my drink with my food.
00:27:26.000 I know it sounds relevant, but it's... it's indicative of a pattern.
00:27:30.000 It's a metric.
00:27:34.000 Uh... Oh, I, um...
00:27:38.000 I went to rent a car and Orbitz didn't work.
00:27:41.000 I'm just giving you a selection of my life to show you all the incompetence that is just in this one little tidbit.
00:27:47.000 I went to rent a car on Orbitz.
00:27:49.000 It went on a loop.
00:27:50.000 I couldn't rent.
00:27:51.000 And then I got billed.
00:27:52.000 So it did charge me for something that I couldn't process.
00:27:55.000 So I've given you two examples so far of software being incompetent.
00:28:02.000 Computers.
00:28:07.000 Oh, and then I left.
00:28:08.000 I'll send you a picture of this.
00:28:09.000 This is perfect.
00:28:11.000 I saw this guy as I got my rental and he was vacuuming.
00:28:17.000 And I looked down and his vacuum was picking up nothing at all.
00:28:22.000 And it was a black carpet that had tons of lint on it.
00:28:27.000 And he was just going through the motions.
00:28:30.000 And I saw this with a black dude in Manchester when I was there last year.
00:28:34.000 He was buffing this part of the airport that looked fine.
00:28:39.000 I don't know what you're doing.
00:28:39.000 He was in a big buffing machine.
00:28:42.000 And I realized this is just black charity. 0.95
00:28:45.000 Some people hire blacks because it's the best way to give a reliable black person money. 0.62
00:28:51.000 He's showing up for work. 0.96
00:28:52.000 His work is completely irrelevant. 0.99
00:28:55.000 But I feel good about myself and I'm helping the community by employing a black guy to do nothing. 1.00
00:29:01.000 He might as well be digging a hole and filling it again. 0.94
00:29:04.000 This guy's vacuum, I just sent it to you Ryan, did not work.
00:29:08.000 I could see the white particles on the black rug and they weren't being picked up.
00:29:12.000 And he didn't notice!
00:29:14.000 He was just like, here I am vacuuming with my jet pack.
00:29:19.000 See how much you can zoom in on that?
00:29:20.000 It's not a very good photo, but...
00:29:24.000 Like, just trust me when I say, that vacuum did not work.
00:29:28.000 It was just, it might as well have been blowing hot air.
00:29:31.000 But he's employed and we got a guy doing something. 0.56
00:29:36.000 Also in my incompetence, a tiny Mexican man. 1.00
00:29:45.000 Oh yeah, I go to a bar, The Dead Rabbit.
00:29:47.000 You know who I hung out with is Ben Bankas.
00:29:50.000 In fact, I opened for him.
00:29:53.000 I was so blackout drunk, I have no recollection of my set.
00:29:55.000 I assume it was terrible.
00:29:57.000 You know, stand-up comedy is like karaoke. 1.00
00:30:00.000 If you get really shit-faced, you suck at it. 1.00
00:30:03.000 But, uh, great guy! 1.00
00:30:06.000 Great guy.
00:30:07.000 He's living down in Austin now.
00:30:08.000 You know Ben Bankas, right?
00:30:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:30:10.000 He's the guy who does the Chinese voices.
00:30:11.000 He's from Canada.
00:30:12.000 Rosanna said, I'm a comedy nerd.
00:30:14.000 Who's hot right now?
00:30:16.000 And I said, Ryan Long, El Orlando, Ben Bankas, Comrade Trip. 0.87
00:30:23.000 And then that gay dude who does the funny imitations. 1.00
00:30:28.000 Butt. 0.99
00:30:30.000 When he says butt, you know who I'm talking about? 0.89
00:30:32.000 Yeah, I forget his name. 0.89
00:30:33.000 My wife thinks I'm 5'3".
00:30:34.000 Michael Alvarez?
00:30:37.000 Yeah, yeah, he's got a Hispanic name.
00:30:40.000 But we go to the Dead Rabbit, me and Ben, and the Mexican bartender cannot reach the Telemundo. 0.88
00:30:46.000 Now, I'm not faulting someone for being short.
00:30:49.000 It's not incompetent to be short. 0.97
00:30:51.000 Ryan's incompetent and short. 0.96
00:30:54.000 But, have a footstool. 1.00
00:30:57.000 Have a fucking thing you can stand on. 1.00
00:31:02.000 Was it taller more do? 1.00
00:31:04.000 What?
00:31:05.000 Taller more do you said?
00:31:07.000 Oh you're doing a pun joke.
00:31:09.000 I'm just trying to figure out that the whiskey at hand here. 1.00
00:31:12.000 Yeah I appreciate that you're a new father and you can't say faggot and retard and nigger in your house and fucking shit and piss but don't impose your terrible sanitized comedy on me. 1.00
00:31:24.000 Remember we talked about how gays are doing a fake voice and you can tell when they wipe out? 1.00
00:31:31.000 And we had a trans woman who wiped out on her mountain bike and went, oh fuck! 1.00
00:31:37.000 Holy shit! 1.00
00:31:38.000 And then went right back to, oh my god, you guys. 0.99
00:31:41.000 So it's a real thing. 1.00
00:31:43.000 And here is a dad covering his faggot son in coffee. 1.00
00:31:48.000 And the real kid coming out. 1.00
00:32:00.000 What the fuck, dad? 1.00
00:32:04.000 Isn't that great? 1.00
00:32:05.000 Just keep doing that till he's straight.
00:32:07.000 Could he deserve it more?
00:32:11.000 Wait a minute, I should have... Before abandoning the competence crisis subject, go check out these emails.
00:32:16.000 One's just called competence crisis.
00:32:18.000 Actually, they're both called competence crisis.
00:32:20.000 Got them.
00:32:22.000 So this is me getting a... I think I was getting Delta Wi-Fi on the plane.
00:32:30.000 Select the images most related to the provided sample.
00:32:34.000 The provided sample appears to be a board meeting room.
00:32:38.000 And what do you think relates to a board meeting more?
00:32:42.000 A couple of planes?
00:32:44.000 Some apples?
00:32:45.000 A bird?
00:32:46.000 Or a shelf?
00:32:48.000 The answer is none of the above.
00:32:50.000 This software is incompetent.
00:32:54.000 The robots no longer work.
00:32:57.000 So, what would you click on?
00:33:00.000 I clicked on the bottom middle, because I'm like, I guess it's furniture?
00:33:06.000 I don't know.
00:33:08.000 It said, nope, try again.
00:33:09.000 Wait, really?
00:33:10.000 And then the next one, 0.70
00:33:13.000 Was another board meeting with equally ridiculous symbols, lots of fruit the second time, and again I was rejected. 0.84
00:33:20.000 No. 1.00
00:33:22.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:33:23.000 Did you ever figure it out? 1.00
00:33:26.000 No.
00:33:27.000 I gave up.
00:33:27.000 That's crazy.
00:33:30.000 I did not have... 0.99
00:33:31.000 You know what's fucking crazy? 0.94
00:33:35.000 My flight was Tuesday at 2 p.m. 1.00
00:33:37.000 I got on, some Jew broad had her water there and I knocked it with my ass and got my seat wet so I had a first-class wet ass for the ride down. 1.00
00:33:47.000 Guess who's sitting next to me on the way back two days later? 0.99
00:33:51.000 Tiger Woods. 1.00
00:33:52.000 The same fucking broad. 1.00
00:33:56.000 What are the odds? 1.00
00:33:58.000 I mean, I didn't like her because she got my ass wet, but I had to break the ice on the way back. 1.00
00:34:05.000 I go, no fucking way. 1.00
00:34:08.000 And she was like, literally, what are the odds? 0.99
00:34:11.000 It's got to be in the millions.
00:34:14.000 I should've bought a lottery ticket.
00:34:17.000 And what's the other competence crisis thing?
00:34:19.000 Okay, this is not a, well, I shouldn't say this isn't a joke.
00:34:24.000 My son ordered Domino's Pizza on Tuesday, right before I left for the airport.
00:34:30.000 This is what he got.
00:34:34.000 Is this the funniest person who's ever worked at Domino's?
00:34:37.000 The computer says, no. 0.99
00:34:41.000 I think this is a retard. 1.00
00:34:43.000 Like, this is the competence crisis. 0.98
00:34:46.000 Look how small that piece in the middle right is.
00:34:51.000 I'm not joking.
00:34:52.000 This is how our Domino's Pizza arrived.
00:34:55.000 And I didn't take a night course in cutting pizzas or cakes.
00:35:01.000 I just sussed it out.
00:35:03.000 You probably want to do a bunch of diagonal lines that go across the diameter of the circle.
00:35:11.000 This person, this quality of immigrant we're getting right now, not only did they not invent the wheel, they can't even figure out what a wheel is. 1.00
00:35:23.000 How do you, like, who cuts that?
00:35:26.000 And then, how do you box that up and go, we're good to go.
00:35:31.000 Send it.
00:35:32.000 Just gonna send it.
00:35:34.000 Well, it could be very considerate for a party atmosphere.
00:35:37.000 Hear me out.
00:35:38.000 The middle small slice could be kind of an appetizer.
00:35:41.000 For a baby.
00:35:42.000 Just like a little teaser baby, yes.
00:35:43.000 Yeah, maybe a baby wants some pizza.
00:35:45.000 And they don't like crust.
00:35:46.000 So right in the middle, baby slice.
00:35:47.000 Right in the middle, we got a little baby slice.
00:35:49.000 Got a little tiny slice.
00:35:50.000 I was hanging out with babies all week.
00:35:51.000 Kind of for a bigger kid, but, you know, like maybe two years old.
00:35:55.000 Then there's the big hunger man in the bottom.
00:35:57.000 Yeah, this is for the dad dad.
00:35:58.000 That's John Goodman.
00:35:59.000 He gots his big slice.
00:36:01.000 John Goodman.
00:36:03.000 And, um, then every other one. 0.96
00:36:06.000 They are retarded, but the other ones seem like they have a purpose. 1.00
00:36:10.000 Alright, we're going behind the paywall. 0.99
00:36:11.000 Bye, freeloaders.
00:36:12.000 Bye.
00:36:13.000 You're fired.
00:36:14.000 Please, wait, wait, don't cut it yet.
00:36:16.000 Please subscribe to Censored.TV.
00:36:18.000 We now have Anthony Cumia.
00:36:19.000 The Beatles and the Rolling Stones have united on one record label.
00:36:24.000 So you get two for the price of one.
00:36:27.000 Two superstars.
00:36:28.000 Of course there's A.I.U.
00:36:30.000 and Elijah Schafer, Jim Gold, Josh LaCashe, a myriad of others, Isabel O'Reilly.
00:36:38.000 Great stuff.
00:36:39.000 Ryan does his celebrity mailbag where he is various famous people reading our mail.
00:36:45.000 All that.
00:36:46.000 More TV than you could possibly watch for 10 bucks a month.
00:36:49.000 I think you get 20% off with promo code G-O-M-L.
00:36:53.000 Promo code Gavin.
00:36:55.000 Gavin.
00:36:55.000 Promo code Gavin.
00:36:58.000 Lots of exciting shit going on at this network now. 0.89
00:37:00.000 And you would be remiss not to have this voice of sanity in a world gone mad. 0.98
00:37:05.000 Anyway, bye.
00:37:05.000 I gotta go.
00:37:06.000 Look at this.
00:37:08.000 This is the way my dad cuts his pizza.
00:37:10.000 So this is a thing he does.
00:37:12.000 So what is that?
00:37:13.000 An initial swoop?
00:37:16.000 Yeah, you know, a lot of people, when they see something as incompetent as the pizza I just showed, they don't want to take it.
00:37:23.000 So they go, maybe she was doing it on purpose.
00:37:27.000 Maybe it was a gag.
00:37:29.000 Because I've heard people say that about Scary Perry.
00:37:32.000 They're like, maybe the joke's on you. 1.00
00:37:35.000 And he's fucking with you guys! 0.99
00:37:37.000 I get that you don't want to swallow the truth and you can't handle the truth. 1.00
00:37:41.000 I don't blame you.
00:37:43.000 But, yeah.
00:37:45.000 That's real. 0.99
00:37:45.000 And that person's retarded. 0.99
00:37:47.000 I have a theory about airports. 0.93
00:37:48.000 Okay, end the show now.
00:37:49.000 Oh.