Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 11, 2024


S6E39 - THANKS FOR CLEANING, POLACK


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 50 minutes

Words per Minute

149.77925

Word Count

16,623

Sentence Count

1,863

Misogynist Sentences

133

Hate Speech Sentences

164


Summary

In this episode of Get Off My Lawn, Gavin McInnes takes a look at the new lawn mower, the Mets lose to the Phillies in the NLDS, and the real Grimace shows up to a Mets game in a costume and gets on the 7 train after the game. Also, Gavin talks about the Mets winning the World Series, and why he thinks robots are not a thing. Get off My Lawn is a production of Native Creative Podcasts and is not affiliated with the New York Yankees, the Los Angeles Dodgers, the Philadelphia Phillies, or any other sports team affiliated with them. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share to stay up to date with what's going on in the world of sports and pop culture! Music: Fair Weather Fans by The Baseball Project, recorded live at WFMU and produced by Riley Bray. Art: Mackenzie Moore Music: Hayden Coplen Editor: Will Witwer Art: Mike Carrier Theme Song: Ian Dorsch Cover Art: Jeff Kaale Music: John Kimbrough Additional Compositions: John Rocha ( ) Logo by Ian McKirdy Thank You: Mike McLendon - "The Good, The Bad, the Good, the Bad, The Weird, The Beautiful, the Beautiful, The Good, and The Beautiful" - "Mr. , "The Great, The Ugly, The Great" - "The Best, the Great, the Ugly and the Beautiful , & The Good Lord, (feat. - "Gavin" ( ) , "P.J. "The Bad, They Don't Have It All," "The Big, The Wrong, The Best, The Worst, The Most Beautiful, " " " - " " " , and " , " " , " & , & " - ( ) - , we'll See You, We'll Figure it Out, ( ), "The Real, We've Got It Out, " " ( ) and "We'll Talk About It, , We'll See It Out ( ) & we'll Figure It Out Soon, " - ( ) ( ), We'll Have It Out! , ( ) "


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
00:00:20.000 In this episode of Get Off My Lawn, we're going to take a look at the new lawn mower.
00:00:27.000 Let's get started.
00:00:48.000 you Waiting for some vocals.
00:00:55.000 I think mine were better than fucking Nosferatu over there.
00:01:09.000 Well, I think they're going for that.
00:01:11.000 They're going for Bauhaus, Turkish dark wave band called Inziva.
00:01:18.000 And that was She Passed Away, spelled P-A-S-T. I don't know if that's a typo.
00:01:24.000 If I was on Twitter, I would explain this better be a pun or something because it's P-A-S-S-E-D. Don't let me back on Twitter.
00:01:34.000 I'm just gonna be a grammar Nazi.
00:01:36.000 You're right that I'm a Nazi, but you got the wrong thing I'm a Nazi about.
00:01:41.000 Spelling. I'm a phonics fascist.
00:01:43.000 I'm a grammar Nazi. Yeah, I'm gonna correct six million errors.
00:01:50.000 Today is the free episode of Get Off My Lawn.
00:01:55.000 We usually have God conduct these episodes.
00:01:59.000 We spin a wheel and God decides what subjects we'll cover.
00:02:05.000 So in a sense, we're the only internet network that has God as a contributor.
00:02:13.000 You know, some people have Joe Rogan, some people have Matt Walsh.
00:02:20.000 We have God. Speaking of God, today's episode is brought to you by Purple Works Nutrition, a pre-workout that I take every day I work out.
00:02:28.000 Unfortunately, I was heavily influenced by Big John last night, who got me wasted here at the studio after the show, and I was too drunk to go to the gym today.
00:02:38.000 So I didn't take Purple Works.
00:02:41.000 Purple Works makes you go to the gym when you don't want to, and I didn't want to.
00:02:45.000 Plus, I'm sore from yesterday's workout, so I don't feel that bad.
00:02:49.000 But, if you're not totally destroyed and hungover, then take Purple Works, especially their new What's it called?
00:02:58.000 Invictus? The purple stuff?
00:03:00.000 Invictus. That's the stuff I take.
00:03:02.000 I've moved on from the normal brand to the Invictus.
00:03:04.000 I don't have it here to show you because it's in my top drawer.
00:03:10.000 Sorry, my top thing in the pantry, whatever.
00:03:13.000 Invictus. And if you use promo code GAVIN, you get 15% off.
00:03:19.000 My body is an attestment to how well this works.
00:03:25.000 You go, but Gavin, you're not muscular.
00:03:27.000 Dude, if you looked at my body when I was in my 20s, it looks like Grover.
00:03:33.000 I'm a pregnant teen with spaghetti arms.
00:03:36.000 Like the worst of all worlds, a skinny fat guy.
00:03:39.000 And now I'm just a moderately chubby guy with some sort of definition.
00:03:44.000 Nothing fancy, but light years from what I'm supposed to be.
00:03:48.000 So purple works, nutrition works.
00:03:52.000 Speaking of terrible bodies, this is a very exciting time for me as a Mets fan.
00:03:57.000 We don't know who we're playing Sunday, but I'm very moneyball when it comes to baseball.
00:04:02.000 I don't expect to win the World Series.
00:04:04.000 I think that happened in 1986, so statistically it's looking pretty low.
00:04:10.000 But we'll find out this Sunday.
00:04:13.000 I'm very happy with where we are right now.
00:04:14.000 If we lose every game from now on, I'm still fucking dancing.
00:04:19.000 And it's all because of Grimace.
00:04:22.000 Grimace threw the first pitch months ago now, I think.
00:04:26.000 And it totally changed everything.
00:04:29.000 And that's why on the 7 train, after, I think it was Wednesday's game, Tuesday's game, the real Grimace, not someone in a costume, actual Grimace, showed up.
00:04:43.000 To a Mets game and got on the 7 train.
00:04:46.000 The 7 train is the train everyone takes after a game.
00:04:48.000 And look how fucking awesome this is.
00:04:51.000 What a greeting he gets.
00:04:53.000 Hehehehe.
00:04:55.000 That's the real Grimace.
00:05:01.000 He's a Mets fan.
00:05:02.000 They're all hugging him and dancing.
00:05:06.000 Grimace! Grimace!
00:05:08.000 Grimace! Grimace!
00:05:09.000 Oh man, I was at the Monday game.
00:05:11.000 It was exciting. Everyone was screaming obscenities at Phillies fans, and I think that's why we won.
00:05:17.000 We were so mean. Check out this cool Mets hat I just bought.
00:05:22.000 It's a Proud Boys Mets hat made of black corduroy.
00:05:26.000 You probably can't see the texture on your screen, but that's pretty cool.
00:05:31.000 Proud of your boy. We can see it.
00:05:32.000 Can you? Yeah, looks cool.
00:05:36.000 We'll get to the God Wheel shortly, but there's some topical things I have to cover, like Fucking robots.
00:05:48.000 It's my biggest pet peeve is people thinking that robots are a thing.
00:05:55.000 They are not a thing.
00:05:58.000 Furthermore, they will never be a thing.
00:06:01.000 All right? There's never going to be a fucking robot in your house serving you a beer and answering questions.
00:06:12.000 It might be able to do 32 times 36, but it will never say, that is an interesting question.
00:06:20.000 As you know, I have problems with both humor and love, so this is not my area of expertise.
00:06:27.000 But allow me to try.
00:06:28.000 Why did the chicken fuck off?
00:06:34.000 So people have been sending me this all fucking day.
00:06:37.000 Elon Musk showcased his new robots.
00:06:41.000 Soon every household will have these.
00:06:46.000 And we've made a lot of progress.
00:06:49.000 So you're going to install AI and chat GPT into it, and then I'm going to ask it questions, and it's also going to make me a strawberry margarita.
00:06:58.000 You know who's going to do that a lot cheaper?
00:07:01.000 A turd world illegal alien.
00:07:04.000 Those will always exist.
00:07:07.000 Humans will always be cheaper than this.
00:07:10.000 And the more wealthy we get, the more fucking illegals we'll have mowing our lawns.
00:07:16.000 I'm not happy about it, by the way.
00:07:17.000 I'm not saying this is good. But the idea that there won't always be slaves available.
00:07:23.000 Slavery wasn't abolished, by the way.
00:07:25.000 We just moved the goalposts.
00:07:27.000 And now we have Manuela in our home, the house N, and we pretend that she's part of our family, although we do discipline her and threaten to fire her all the time.
00:07:42.000 Be your friend.
00:07:45.000 Shut the fuck up.
00:07:50.000 I hate when rich people have a live-in maid or nanny or au pair and they say, she's part of our family.
00:07:57.000 You can't fire your sibling, you shitheads.
00:08:00.000 I love diversity.
00:08:01.000 So many different foods.
00:08:03.000 You can have Somali food one night, a burrito the next night.
00:08:07.000 You have a problem with illegal aliens, what, you hate tacos?
00:08:10.000 Like, they're always talking about people who serve them.
00:08:14.000 I would hate to have a servant.
00:08:16.000 I'd hate to have a slave.
00:08:19.000 Hello, master. Anything else I could do?
00:08:22.000 I don't fucking know.
00:08:23.000 The cotton season's only a couple months.
00:08:26.000 I guess, like, clean up the garage?
00:08:28.000 Okay, I'm done. What?
00:08:30.000 That was like two hours.
00:08:32.000 Yeah, it wasn't that dirty.
00:08:33.000 You already had me clean it. Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:08:35.000 I remember having interns at Vice.
00:08:37.000 And it was more work to have them because you have to come up with stuff.
00:08:41.000 I guess alphabetize all that shit.
00:08:44.000 Here he is. Here's a robot fucking...
00:08:47.000 Oh.
00:08:49.000 Is that armor? No.
00:08:51.000 It's robotics. Okay.
00:08:55.000 Well, that's what's great about this show.
00:08:57.000 I'll be very sure about something, and then I'll be corrected by a robot who works here.
00:09:04.000 I produce the show. I can do all sorts of things with my hands, with my chest.
00:09:09.000 A little bit of the uncanny valley with your face, though.
00:09:14.000 It's not a human face.
00:09:16.000 It's not a Puerto Rican face.
00:09:18.000 It's not a Japanese face.
00:09:19.000 Those are humans. It just looks like a weird retard.
00:09:22.000 You're describing human races.
00:09:24.000 Yeah, but this combination is uncanny.
00:09:27.000 It's not. Uncannily handsome.
00:09:30.000 Do one five.
00:09:32.000 People are like, whoa, I'm scared.
00:09:34.000 This is freaking me out. Are you freaked out?
00:09:35.000 Yeah, I'm freaked out.
00:09:37.000 I believe in science fiction movies.
00:09:40.000 What a great job he's doing, by the way.
00:09:45.000 Thick plastic cups that won't break.
00:09:48.000 And I'm pouring you 60% of a beer.
00:09:53.000 Listen to the robot.
00:09:57.000 Oh, appreciate it.
00:09:59.000 435.
00:10:01.000 Alright, everybody do it.
00:10:03.000 Bye!
00:10:04.000 How's everybody doing?
00:10:07.000 How are you doing?
00:10:10.000 Obviously a remote mic.
00:10:13.000 I love the change.
00:10:14.000 Oh, yeah. It's just a guy.
00:10:17.000 How's everybody doing?
00:10:18.000 I was really impressed by their AI, how natural it sounded, but yeah.
00:10:22.000 It's just a fucking guy. It's a guy.
00:10:24.000 A watermelon? Yeah.
00:10:29.000 Science fiction. Sure.
00:10:31.000 That speech is more advanced than the actual robotics itself.
00:10:33.000 I'm embarrassed for you if you think that robots are going to be a thing.
00:10:37.000 That means you watch science fiction and go, one day, man, the Terminator is going to be real, fuck.
00:10:43.000 That movie where Chris Pratt was on a ship and he's best friends with the bartender who has no legs.
00:10:50.000 He's a robot. And he goes to the bar and talks to the fucking bartender.
00:10:55.000 That's a fictional movie, you boob.
00:10:57.000 What, do you believe in wrestling, too?
00:11:01.000 Speaking of science fiction, this is not exactly breaking news, but I just found this out.
00:11:08.000 Did you know the fifth element is stolen frame by frame from heavy metal?
00:11:13.000 Heavy metal originated in France, where they are into comics now.
00:11:18.000 They call it over there.
00:11:20.000 It's a really cool regular magazine.
00:11:23.000 They would have sci-fi comic books.
00:11:27.000 Mobius and Milo Manara and Libertoir.
00:11:33.000 Really cool comics.
00:11:34.000 And then they became so big, they moved to the States, became heavy metal.
00:11:39.000 I think Metal Hurlant is like burning metal or something.
00:11:43.000 And then they eventually made a movie.
00:11:45.000 This was, like, the late 70s, early 80s.
00:11:49.000 When they were around. I had a subscription as a kid.
00:11:52.000 And, uh...
00:11:53.000 The Fifth Element is not inspired by the cartoon Heavy Metal.
00:11:58.000 It's the exact same fucking movie!
00:12:02.000 Like, think of, you know, they do those storyboards?
00:12:04.000 They just use Heavy Metal as a storyboard.
00:12:07.000 Is that legal?
00:12:11.000 I saw a Razor Fist post on X that said that James Cameron's movies are all stolen ideas, too.
00:12:18.000 Yeah, well, the Avatar was Fern Gully.
00:12:22.000 Right. And then he goes on to say that Terminator was...
00:12:26.000 I forgot what that one was, but all of them.
00:12:28.000 Like, all the movies. I guess this is legal.
00:12:31.000 Like, right down in the taxi cab, and then the mugger goes to rob him, and he zaps the guy and steals his gun and throws it into his big pile of guns.
00:12:40.000 That seems wrong. Shouldn't someone be getting sued?
00:12:46.000 Look at that. The only difference is Fifth Element had that, uh, what was it, Dior or, uh, Jean-Paul Gaultier, some famous fashion guy doing all the outfits?
00:12:58.000 Okay. Anyway.
00:13:03.000 Also, in important news, I keep getting these people insisting that I'm 5'9".
00:13:07.000 That is so gay.
00:13:10.000 It's like when girls go, yo, your little tiny dick, it's a liberal thing, a white liberal thing, where women, they talk about your tiny dick.
00:13:17.000 Like, anyone gives a shit if you have a tiny dick.
00:13:22.000 Like, that's what you do when you're courting.
00:13:27.000 I've been married for a long time.
00:13:31.000 Anyway, I'm going to measure myself and settle this once and for all.
00:13:37.000 Ready? Let me get my boots off here.
00:13:39.000 Get your boots off? Ryan, use your phone and then also use that main, the big camera, and we will settle this.
00:13:46.000 Camera three. Yeah. All right.
00:13:48.000 All right. You get the measuring tape?
00:13:51.000 Yes. So, you know how to do this, right?
00:13:53.000 You take a piece of cardboard.
00:13:56.000 Well here, I got cardboard over here.
00:13:58.000 Take a piece of cardboard and put it on top of my head and then you mark on the wall.
00:14:05.000 Mark on the wall.
00:14:06.000 You'll be doing this with your kids quite a bit.
00:14:08.000 I've done it already, yeah.
00:14:09.000 We have a height wall. One time I had this Polish maid come by in my apartment.
00:14:14.000 She's like, oh, what a total mess.
00:14:17.000 And she washed it off.
00:14:19.000 Holy smokes.
00:14:20.000 Like all three kids gone.
00:14:22.000 Wow. Thanks for cleaning, Polak.
00:14:24.000 So grab that pen.
00:14:28.000 That's the title of the episode.
00:14:29.000 Thanks for cleaning, Polak.
00:14:32.000 And then... Make sure people can see that my heel is here.
00:14:39.000 Right. Okay, I'll do the widest.
00:14:44.000 And then make sure this cardboard is exactly parallel to the ground.
00:14:49.000 It is. I'm going to go under it, if that's okay.
00:14:51.000 Yeah, that's what you do. Of course that's what you do, moron.
00:14:54.000 Otherwise we'd be sneaking in.
00:14:56.000 You'd be adding the cardboard.
00:14:57.000 Yes. Okay, bam. Okay, so you got the line?
00:15:00.000 I do. Okay, now where's the measuring tape?
00:15:02.000 In my hoodie pocket.
00:15:03.000 Okay. This is all...
00:15:06.000 Okay, so I'm gonna go down to the bottom.
00:15:10.000 You can see that, right? Yes.
00:15:12.000 I'm not cheating. I'm putting the cap back on the pen.
00:15:16.000 5'10 and a half.
00:15:19.000 To the fucking decimal place.
00:15:21.000 Oh yeah, that's pretty clean. And now, I'll hold it there.
00:15:23.000 And that's actually under the smallest smidge.
00:15:26.000 Go down, go down.
00:15:28.000 So they see there's no, like, moving the measuring tape.
00:15:32.000 Let's do a full this angle.
00:15:36.000 So this is all in one shot here.
00:15:38.000 Do you wanna go back? So that's the bottom.
00:15:42.000 No funny business. You fucking adolescent Zoomer morons.
00:15:48.000 And why do you care? Why would I lie?
00:15:50.000 It's like penis size.
00:15:51.000 I'm sure it's important when you're single and courting ladies.
00:15:54.000 I've been married for fucking a quarter of a century.
00:15:57.000 You think I'm gonna... Why would I lie?
00:15:59.000 Faggots. And another thing.
00:16:09.000 With penis size.
00:16:11.000 Everyone's talking about 12 inches as a good cock.
00:16:14.000 That's a big cock. That's a circus freak.
00:16:17.000 I mean, where does that go?
00:16:19.000 Next to your lungs? A woman's pussy is only about four inches deep.
00:16:25.000 So after that, you're like getting into her organs.
00:16:29.000 So a woman should be fine with this as an erection.
00:16:32.000 And if you're this, Well, that's not terrible.
00:16:36.000 It's three quarters of the way in a pussy.
00:16:40.000 ♪♪ Were you the Joker or something, or a robot?
00:16:55.000 Robot. Robot. Also in the news, by the way, just to be perfectly clear, we pre-recorded that height measuring thing because I wanted to combine the two camera angles.
00:17:07.000 So don't think that if you notice that the desk looks different that you've uncovered some sort of scam.
00:17:13.000 And the penis size thing was a joke.
00:17:14.000 You can see my penis in How to Be a Man.
00:17:16.000 It's beautiful. It's one of my best features, actually.
00:17:19.000 My worst feature being my asshole, especially when I have hemorrhoids and it's chafed.
00:17:25.000 And if you send me some viral thing that everyone has fucking seen to death, then I'm going to send you a picture of my inflamed asshole as punishment.
00:17:35.000 And it's been working quite well, actually.
00:17:39.000 You know the guy who sent us the, fuck you, buddy?
00:17:42.000 Yeah. I sent him a big long thing live on the show where I go, fuck you, you idiot.
00:17:46.000 Why are you sending me this?
00:17:48.000 It's from 10 years ago and it's the most viral video in the world.
00:17:52.000 What are you, retarded, really mean email?
00:17:55.000 And he just sent back, all right, I won't send anything again.
00:17:59.000 Oh, I guess no one's ever been mean to you.
00:18:08.000 Alright, let's spin the God wheel, shall we?
00:18:11.000 We can, we shall, we do.
00:18:14.000 Bumper first, right?
00:18:15.000 Yes. The God wheel.
00:18:23.000 So God is in control.
00:18:26.000 Of this, we let him do the show.
00:18:28.000 And sometimes we'll go, God, like why the war on kids three times in a row?
00:18:33.000 And then that weekend, we'll see that there's child sex trafficking or something, and we'll realize, holy crap, he's playing 4D chess with us.
00:18:40.000 So this is up to the Lord in heaven above, and we'll see what he decides.
00:18:45.000 There's plenty of shit we wanna talk about, like racism, for example.
00:18:48.000 but let's see if he deems that important Oh! He ended up on racism!
00:19:03.000 I'm out.
00:19:05.000 That's weird. What are the odds?
00:19:09.000 That's the one I wanted it to be.
00:19:10.000 Yeah. Kind of a trip, huh?
00:19:13.000 What a coincidence. Yeah, seems kind of weird.
00:19:17.000 We'll play the racism thing.
00:19:20.000 I'm a black female.
00:19:22.000 What other difference?
00:19:24.000 What else could I have done to pencil off?
00:19:26.000 A black woman? This is really inconvenient.
00:19:34.000 It's gotta be one of the greatest fucking songs on earth.
00:19:44.000 Holy shit. They looped the intro though.
00:19:47.000 What? Yeah. Yeah?
00:19:51.000 They literally just play it twice.
00:19:54.000 You could like hear the cut.
00:19:56.000 I'm gonna ask ChatGPT if that's true.
00:19:59.000 I forgot to plug Nita Fashions.
00:20:01.000 I usually wear a suit, a custom tailored suit on this show.
00:20:05.000 I have more suits than I need now, thanks to Nita Fashions.
00:20:09.000 I call it a, it's a tailor, have your own tailor.
00:20:12.000 For cheap. I call it, it's for cheap rich guys.
00:20:15.000 And to go to their fittings, pull up Nita Fashions, Ryan, to go to their fittings is like going to the spa.
00:20:21.000 It's all men. There's very few places we have left.
00:20:24.000 The barber shop, although women are infiltrating there, they bring their son and then they wait for him to get his hair cut so he can't do rude jokes or help him trash talk like in Gran Torino.
00:20:37.000 Boxing gym, though women are there doing their silly boxing where they punch the heavy bag.
00:20:42.000 It's not even hard enough to break an egg, but okay.
00:20:46.000 The dive bar, again, women are all over these fucking things.
00:20:50.000 I would say a tailor is one of the only places where it's all dudes and women don't come in.
00:20:57.000 I've talked to them about females and he goes, sometimes some lesbian will come in and she wants a blazer and he goes, it's a nightmare.
00:21:03.000 They always want it redone and retouched and blah, blah, blah.
00:21:06.000 It takes way too much time.
00:21:08.000 So you can contact Nita Fashions on their Instagram.
00:21:12.000 Or through their site. There's a million ways.
00:21:14.000 It's very easy to find. And you could do, you buy on Amazon, get one of those wobbly cloth tailor measuring things that tailors use.
00:21:22.000 And you know, great first date thing with a chick.
00:21:25.000 You can get measured via FaceTime.
00:21:29.000 And then they can send you swatches and you can choose your outfit.
00:21:32.000 You should have at least one suit.
00:21:34.000 Even if you're a plumber, you're gonna go to a funeral, you're gonna go to a wedding.
00:21:37.000 And when they're custom fit, they feel like PJs.
00:21:41.000 So go to their schedule, Ryan, because the best thing to do, if you have to do the remote thing, that's fine.
00:21:48.000 But if you check their schedule, now, I don't know, make me small and make it big.
00:21:53.000 This is not really. So today is October 11th, Friday.
00:21:59.000 So they are still in Palo Alto.
00:22:03.000 California, October 11th.
00:22:07.000 They're going to be there for two more days.
00:22:09.000 Then if you're anywhere near San Francisco, they're going to be there for a couple days.
00:22:14.000 If you're anywhere near Scottsdale, Arizona, they're there 17th and 19th.
00:22:21.000 Then they're in Palm Beach, California, 21st and 22nd.
00:22:27.000 And then the 24th to the 27th, they're in L.A., And the beauty of it too is once they have your measurements, you can just go like, hey, I saw this cool shirt.
00:22:42.000 Like I sent them a picture of Jesse James and his brother.
00:22:46.000 And I go, I love this suit, especially when it's all worn in.
00:22:50.000 Can you make that?
00:22:52.000 And it doesn't exist anywhere on their plans.
00:22:54.000 And they go, yeah, yeah, we can pull that off.
00:22:56.000 It's just a high collar on a blazer.
00:22:58.000 I have a Jesse James suit now that I can wear with my cowboy boots.
00:23:02.000 That picture. I sent them that picture and they made me that suit.
00:23:06.000 And if you go back over all the issues of censored, I'm sorry, get off my lawn, you can see it.
00:23:12.000 Okay, so, free episodes, we tend to avoid racism.
00:23:16.000 Those are the two guys, Peter and Anil, father-son.
00:23:21.000 He said to me once, he goes, I wouldn't sell this for $4 billion.
00:23:25.000 This is a family business, and I'm going to have it, I want my grandsons to have this business.
00:23:31.000 It's very admirable.
00:23:33.000 Different generation. Okay, sorry, racism.
00:23:37.000 Now, we try to avoid this subject because, you know, it's controversial and America has a big stick up their ass when it comes to race, but fuck it.
00:23:47.000 This is one of my favorite things.
00:23:49.000 A guy with a leaf blower.
00:23:51.000 It's a black dude stealing this from that...
00:23:54.000 He's some European guy.
00:23:56.000 You know the dude? He's pretty good at viral videos.
00:24:00.000 He invented this thing.
00:24:01.000 He also busts pedophiles now with famous rappers as part of his entourage.
00:24:07.000 Oh, I forgot his name, but yes.
00:24:09.000 He's good. I mean, Europeans are starlings, right?
00:24:12.000 They come here and take over.
00:24:13.000 But... Here he is.
00:24:17.000 No, here's a different guy stealing his bit.
00:24:19.000 But I just love this bit because these wigs look so fucking dumb
00:24:23.000 Why is your actual hair as embarrassing as exposing your genitals
00:24:39.000 I told you to take mine off! No! No! No! No!
00:24:43.000 Oh!
00:24:44.000 Oh!
00:24:44.000 you Like, he sends that one flying.
00:24:48.000 And everyone's like this, oh my god.
00:24:50.000 Your actual hair has been exposed.
00:24:53.000 How horrible. Look, look at her running.
00:24:55.000 She's exposed, naked.
00:24:57.000 They literally care more about that than their tits.
00:24:59.000 Like, in every fight that I see with black women, a tit flops out.
00:25:03.000 Yeah, or their shirt is gone.
00:25:04.000 And they don't care. And here's the thing, that dude with the chin beard, what the fuck's his name?
00:25:09.000 The mulatto guy, he just did a book on Lies My Liberal Teacher Told Me.
00:25:15.000 Like, back when I was on Twitter, he argued with me about this, and he's wrong.
00:25:19.000 It's weird to be embarrassed of your natural hair.
00:25:24.000 Imagine if you would.
00:25:26.000 Wilford Riley. Yeah, Wilford Riley.
00:25:29.000 Imagine if you will, if you would.
00:25:31.000 Every single white woman you know or see on the street is wearing an Afro wig.
00:25:37.000 A different race's hair.
00:25:38.000 Wouldn't that bother you?
00:25:41.000 That would be weird. When I was a kid in Canada, blacks didn't do this.
00:25:45.000 Even up until when I moved here in the 90s, I was shocked when I moved to America and saw every single black woman wearing a wig.
00:25:52.000 She don't wear no wig.
00:25:54.000 She's got braids, which, by the way, were invented by the Dutch.
00:25:58.000 Black people think they invented braiding hair.
00:26:00.000 Sorry. That was in the Netherlands.
00:26:05.000 I also... I get a lot of flack from Jews who think I'm a Nazi, and I get a lot of flack from Nazis who think I'm a Jew lover, which probably means you're in a good spot.
00:26:14.000 You're doing the right thing.
00:26:16.000 And I'm a Zionist.
00:26:17.000 I support Israel. I don't want them getting all this money.
00:26:20.000 $4 billion a year is plenty.
00:26:22.000 I think we give them $17 billion this year.
00:26:24.000 I don't want our boys going over there to fight that war.
00:26:27.000 But you got beef with Palestine.
00:26:30.000 They attacked you on October 7th.
00:26:33.000 Have a war. Your civilian casualties are not that bad.
00:26:36.000 They're better than we had in World War II. We had nine civilians for every enemy combatant.
00:26:41.000 Israel's down to like two for one.
00:26:43.000 And this is Palestine using civilians as cannon fodder, hiding behind them, quite literally.
00:26:49.000 But to be totally honest, a big part of my support for Israel is...
00:27:02.000 The anti-Israeli movement here in America is Marxists, college students, it's refugees, Muslims, and it is self-hating whites.
00:27:16.000 So the real reason you're seeing these protests all over the country is anti-white hatred.
00:27:23.000 That is what these college campuses are.
00:27:25.000 Do you think these college students give a flying fuck about Palestine?
00:27:28.000 Do you think they even know where it is?
00:27:30.000 They've been asked, from the river to the sea, what river, what sea?
00:27:34.000 They don't know. Because they don't care.
00:27:40.000 They know a whitish person is attacking a brownish person, so I'm choosing the brownish side.
00:27:46.000 If Greece invented Syria, you'd hear non-stop talk about the importance of the Syrian independence movement or something.
00:27:55.000 Maybe wearing whatever Syrians wear.
00:27:57.000 And I thought this was a great example of it.
00:28:00.000 This fucking loser.
00:28:02.000 There's two types of people in the world.
00:28:03.000 Men, I should say.
00:28:05.000 Men who have been punched in the face and men who haven't been punched in the face.
00:28:07.000 This self-hating white is someone who hasn't been punched in the face and he's going to Jewish areas and antagonizing people who are eating dinner.
00:28:19.000 Is this the right video? It was the next one on the list.
00:28:22.000 Oh no, sorry. Okay, sorry.
00:28:23.000 We'll get... Uh-oh.
00:28:26.000 It's supposed to be 20, right?
00:28:30.000 Yeah, let's save 20.
00:28:32.000 Okay. Let's jump to 21.
00:28:34.000 Because I already introduced you to this.
00:28:36.000 Free? You say free Palestine?
00:28:44.000 That's what you say? Why is he saying it like that?
00:28:48.000 This is a white guy.
00:28:50.000 As white as me.
00:28:53.000 You guys out there who hate Israel, look at your fellow activists.
00:29:17.000 You chose the losing side.
00:29:19.000 You chose the dorks.
00:29:22.000 Just punch him.
00:29:27.000 Please, just punch him.
00:29:30.000 Stop! That's him.
00:29:34.000 White people are always lame.
00:29:36.000 He could be my brother. Stop!
00:29:42.000 Do you see what I'm saying? Like, there's an argument against Israel and how Palestine doesn't have these rights and blah blah blah.
00:29:51.000 I understand that and I've argued with said people.
00:29:54.000 I've been there. I've argued that there's a lot of anti-Israelis in Israel, by the way.
00:29:57.000 You should read their fucking media.
00:29:59.000 It sounds like it's written by David Duke.
00:30:01.000 I'm pro those Israelis.
00:30:04.000 But that's not the impetus for the anger here in America.
00:30:08.000 It's not logical.
00:30:10.000 It is racist and it's anti-white.
00:30:12.000 I'm not saying If you hate Jews or something, you hate whites by definition.
00:30:17.000 I'm saying that is the pattern that I've noticed.
00:30:19.000 This guy is the perfect example of the pro-Palestinian movement here in America.
00:30:24.000 It's anti-white.
00:30:26.000 They see Jews as the ultimate whites.
00:30:31.000 Ma'am, can we ask your stance on Palestine?
00:30:33.000 And I think Jews are shocked too.
00:30:35.000 Because they thought that they weren't white.
00:30:38.000 And they thought that, you know, it would be all MAGA guys out to get them after October 7th.
00:30:44.000 Sorry, it's the Marxists you created and it's the refugees you let in
00:30:49.000 He's a baby killer He's not happy anymore now he's angry sir, who are you
00:31:07.000 looking for? Where are you looking?
00:31:09.000 Who's gonna help like does this guy give a shit?
00:31:12.000 the TikToker, about the, what is it, 95 hostages there?
00:31:16.000 They say a third of them are probably dead.
00:31:20.000 Who's gonna help you, bro?
00:31:22.000 This guy needs a punch in the face so badly.
00:31:26.000 Please hit him. The free, free, free thing is really making me mad.
00:31:31.000 Someone should hit his phone.
00:31:38.000 Look at the fucking pussy with his dog.
00:31:41.000 Why did you bring your dog to a restaurant?
00:31:57.000 He's never been punched. Why are they all tolerating this?
00:32:04.000 Are you wearing a diaper now?
00:32:06.000 We're just using our voice to say, free Palestine.
00:32:09.000 That tends to make people say, fuck Palestine.
00:32:12.000 And next thing you know, people are yelling and telling us that they're mad.
00:32:17.000 Control yourself, sir.
00:32:21.000 Is he crying? Wait, did he just cry at the end?
00:32:24.000 You know, people are yelling and telling us That they're mad and we just say, hey, free Palestine, buddy.
00:32:30.000 I understand. So I just got a radio call to come to this.
00:32:34.000 Rich people don't like hearing things they don't like to hear.
00:32:38.000 Yeah, I don't like hearing your free, free, free when I'm trying to eat.
00:32:44.000 But unfortunately, this sidewalk is public.
00:32:46.000 Yes, of course. I'm allowed to, no expectation of privacy in public, as long as we're not starting fights or whatever it is.
00:32:53.000 Oh, you're starting fights, though.
00:32:55.000 Figure out if there was some kind of argument going on.
00:32:57.000 The restaurant, if he was in the restaurant, like on theirs, he wasn't on the sidewalk.
00:33:03.000 They own that area, so he could just be trespassed.
00:33:06.000 Like, he's got an argument if he stays outside the little fence there.
00:33:10.000 Anyway. We're just saying free Palestine.
00:33:13.000 Yeah, we're free Palestine people.
00:33:14.000 Where is Palestine?
00:33:16.000 No, they're touching us. We've been touched by several people so far.
00:33:19.000 Okay, so we're just here to keep the peace.
00:33:22.000 Make sure, obviously, we just got a few bowls from the restaurant.
00:33:25.000 Why are we such pussies about being filmed?
00:33:29.000 Sir, can we ask your stance on Palestine? Sir, please.
00:33:30.000 People at the restaurant don't know what's happening.
00:33:32.000 They just hear people, you know, talking, speaking loudly, so they think there might be a fight.
00:33:36.000 No, they actually started fighting, if anybody.
00:33:38.000 But, you know, we're not fighting. We're peaceful.
00:33:40.000 Yeah, you're real peaceful.
00:33:44.000 He just changes his tone a little bit.
00:33:51.000 Doesn't this guy need a pounding?
00:33:53.000 Go to the next one, 2-2.
00:33:57.000 I guess it would be Man City.
00:34:10.000 Well done. That was great.
00:34:11.000 Rod Sterling. Thanks.
00:34:14.000 I wondered who narrated the Twilight Zone.
00:34:17.000 Should it be the 20, right? We're going back to 20?
00:34:19.000 Nope. 22. 22.
00:34:27.000 Oh! Same guy?
00:34:30.000 Yep. Same place.
00:34:33.000 So he threw a punch first.
00:34:35.000 Yep. Oh my god, that guy's gotta feel so cool.
00:34:42.000 I have a boner right now.
00:34:43.000 That guy's gotta feel so cool.
00:34:45.000 There's another angle 2-3.
00:34:49.000 Just a great, great block and then he uses, and this is the best thing in boxing is when you use the momentum from your block to add to your fucking left hook.
00:35:02.000 Oh my god. And this dummy.
00:35:05.000 And you know what he does too?
00:35:06.000 The guy's disoriented.
00:35:08.000 Look, what has he got there?
00:35:09.000 A candle or something? Look at these dumbasses.
00:35:15.000 They're all hiding their faces with a mask.
00:35:20.000 It's a great outfit.
00:35:23.000 Great look. The only thing that would make it better is if he had a cigarette in his mouth.
00:35:27.000 Yeah.
00:35:28.000 Go to 2-3.
00:35:29.000 I can't wait to see this.
00:35:41.000 So, the only thing is, you can of course, just letting you know our pitching practice is at 10.
00:35:48.000 So you can of course come at 9.30, but you do have to come at 8.00.
00:35:52.000 Look at him talking a big game with his mask on.
00:35:57.000 This is the worst part of social media.
00:36:04.000 He hits his phone away.
00:36:07.000 Oh, he did the Rufio.
00:36:10.000 Yeah, he did the Rufio where you're unconscious so you push it over like a dead tree.
00:36:19.000 Block. Cross block.
00:36:23.000 And then...
00:36:24.000 Boom! And then the push.
00:36:28.000 And so he hits his head on that outdoor heating lamp, too.
00:36:31.000 Why does this video stop right when it does?
00:36:35.000 I don't know, but we have the aftermath there.
00:36:38.000 Alright, I'll end it on the thing we skipped earlier that just shows you what this is all about, really.
00:36:44.000 And it's a mentally ill black tranny who just wants to yell at white people.
00:36:51.000 AIDAN! AIDAN! AIDAN! AIDAN!
00:36:59.000 YOU FUCKING JEW!
00:37:01.000 You fucking Jew!
00:37:03.000 That's not what this is all about.
00:37:07.000 I'm a black trans woman.
00:37:12.000 I can say whatever the fuck I want.
00:37:16.000 Stop for a second. Is that not a Family Guy or a South Park?
00:37:20.000 I think it's a Family Guy, where the bartender says something, you can't do that, and she goes, I'm a trans woman.
00:37:26.000 They go, okay, do whatever you want, sorry.
00:37:30.000 I forget what it is, but it's a meme.
00:37:32.000 But let him go, let him go.
00:37:34.000 I don't know gay people.
00:37:36.000 I don't know what these movements about.
00:37:38.000 It's not about trans people.
00:37:40.000 Alright, alright, but if y'all don't say anything to me, y'all wrong.
00:37:42.000 Y'all can mind y'all business and keep it pushing.
00:37:44.000 We don't want that representation.
00:37:46.000 Okay, well guess what?
00:37:48.000 For the most part, trans are mentally ill gays.
00:37:50.000 They don't even know what to say.
00:37:53.000 And they're violent. What's on your head?
00:38:04.000 A scarf? Why do you have a scarf on a baseball hat?
00:38:11.000 Bye! Bye, bitch!
00:38:15.000 Jump to 4-7.
00:38:19.000 We're going off on a bit of a trans tangent here.
00:38:22.000 Uh...
00:38:26.000 They aren't just men, they're mentally ill men and- And mentally ill men have zero adrenaline control, zero...
00:38:33.000 Impulse control?
00:38:37.000 Impulse control. Trans student had a history of sexual harassment prior to assault.
00:38:41.000 Biting attack that left main girl concussed with impaired vision.
00:38:45.000 So whatever this girl did to disrespect, maybe she misgendered her.
00:38:50.000 Maybe she used this man's dead name.
00:38:54.000 And this man is a mentally ill man.
00:38:58.000 And what does he do when you don't pretend he's a girl?
00:39:01.000 He beats you up.
00:39:04.000 There we go. Teachers are just sort of watching.
00:39:09.000 Pulled out a big chunk of her hair too.
00:39:12.000 Fucking psycho.
00:39:19.000 Hey!
00:39:20.000 Bye.
00:39:21.000 Keep going down.
00:39:23.000 I think they have pictures of her hair pole.
00:39:27.000 Biting her? Wait, go...
00:39:29.000 Biting her eye?
00:39:30.000 Did that say?
00:39:33.000 Where is that?
00:39:38.000 Just do a search on biting.
00:39:42.000 Straddling her, biting her, and attempting to rip out her hair.
00:39:45.000 Successfully ripping out her hair. Oh, biting her eye.
00:39:47.000 Biting her eye!
00:39:49.000 Imagine a world where you could bite somebody's eye.
00:39:53.000 Biting, like, that's...
00:39:55.000 How big's your eye? What are you gonna do, bite my eye, bitch?
00:40:01.000 I'll fucking bite your eye right now.
00:40:03.000 Oh, I'll box your eyes, I will.
00:40:05.000 I'll bite them. Ow!
00:40:07.000 He bit my eye! I've never heard that expression before.
00:40:11.000 Biting her eyes.
00:40:13.000 I'll bite your eyes.
00:40:15.000 That's like chimp behavior.
00:40:17.000 That's chimp love.
00:40:21.000 Keep going down.
00:40:24.000 Or maybe that's a different article where they show the chunk of her hair.
00:40:28.000 And then this person will get zero charges.
00:40:30.000 There they are hanging.
00:40:32.000 Keep going down. That's the dude who likes to beat the shit out of people.
00:40:38.000 There he is. There he is.
00:40:41.000 Let's misgender him. And there's the woman with the bitten eye.
00:40:45.000 What the fuck? You bit my fucking eye.
00:40:51.000 Oof. Go to 4-6.
00:40:55.000 I was talking to Ryan McGinley recently, and he goes, Yeah, I was checking on your podcast once in a while.
00:41:00.000 It's funny to see you haven't changed.
00:41:02.000 You still hate trans. I never thought about trans back when I knew him 20 years ago.
00:41:07.000 Is he trans? No, he's gay, but...
00:41:10.000 Like, I only bring up trans now because of all this shit.
00:41:14.000 Back when they were transvestites, like we had a guy that used to come into our bar lit, and he was just, he was a dude like me, but had gigantic fucking tits.
00:41:25.000 But he dressed like a Ramones guy.
00:41:28.000 Jean jacket and boots.
00:41:30.000 Okay, so... They're mentally ill gays and they have no adrenaline control and they get violent.
00:41:36.000 Mentally ill men get violent.
00:41:38.000 That's why you never fuck with a bum.
00:41:40.000 I don't care how weak he looks.
00:41:41.000 Never tell a bum to fuck off.
00:41:44.000 Moby had this tea place in the Lower East Side and I forget what it was called.
00:41:49.000 Tea Time or Teeny?
00:41:51.000 T-E-A at New York.
00:41:54.000 Teeny. And some dude was like, hey man, we got a cafe here.
00:41:58.000 You gotta fucking move your shit.
00:41:59.000 And the bum was like, I'll sit right here when I want you.
00:42:03.000 And he goes, I said, get the fuck out!
00:42:05.000 And the bum just went, stuck a fork in his eye.
00:42:09.000 They love the eyes, these chimps.
00:42:12.000 And it went into the guy's brain, killed him.
00:42:15.000 Bums fight every day.
00:42:17.000 They have techniques.
00:42:20.000 There's something about nothing to lose that really gives you an extra boost.
00:42:23.000 And fighting every day.
00:42:24.000 Like, these guys are literally fighting for their dinner.
00:42:27.000 And they're around at four in the morning when everyone's drunk and looking for a fight.
00:42:34.000 Oh, here's that video, sorry.
00:42:37.000 The same page. If you don't look like a girl, get the f*** out of the girls bathroom.
00:42:41.000 I don't think you belong in the girls bathroom.
00:42:43.000 But you wouldn't, my love, you wouldn't know.
00:42:45.000 A lot of the issues that we're having is the divide where it's competition, my love.
00:42:50.000 We're like, we're dating the same men.
00:42:52.000 We're definitely not dating the same men.
00:42:54.000 We are, baby, trust me.
00:42:55.000 No, we are not. I don't know about dating the same men.
00:42:58.000 We are on the same page.
00:43:00.000 Okay, so she's a nine, and he's a negative one.
00:43:03.000 We're dating the same man.
00:43:05.000 Like, she fucks some gangster dude, and she thinks that, because he's on the DL, that all guys want to fuck it.
00:43:12.000 By the way, that's the new hottie that just dropped.
00:43:18.000 Arian Wexler.
00:43:21.000 Arian. 4-5.
00:43:25.000 They're calling her the hottest Benjamin Buttons, babe.
00:43:30.000 Benjamin Buttons, babe, are women who get prettier as they get older.
00:43:33.000 Oh. Backroom meetings.
00:43:34.000 He's been taking them for 20 years as the number one recipient of lobbyist cash.
00:43:38.000 The number one recipient of lobbyist cash in the whole country.
00:43:41.000 Of all candidates, number one.
00:43:43.000 So if you want to talk about backroom meetings...
00:43:44.000 Whoever's dating her, just marry her.
00:43:47.000 Just put a ring on it.
00:43:48.000 Savage, savage takedown was by Tim Sheehy.
00:43:51.000 He is challenging the Democrat incumbent senator of Montana, John Tester.
00:43:55.000 John Tester is one of those guys who's been in Washington forever and has done nothing for the American people.
00:44:00.000 I'm seeing an Italian there.
00:44:02.000 Like they grew up with three brothers.
00:44:04.000 Same area. Only girl, she has three brothers.
00:44:08.000 Have we got everything with the trans there?
00:44:10.000 Wasn't there 4-7?
00:44:13.000 No. 4-6 you just did.
00:44:18.000 I thought there was one.
00:44:20.000 Hold on a sec. Sprinkles.
00:44:24.000 Muslim sprinkles.
00:44:30.000 Gee, I had a tranny that had raped a kid, I think.
00:44:35.000 It's not exactly a needle in a haystack.
00:44:38.000 I know. Well, we used to keep a running list and I just stopped.
00:44:44.000 Because it just kept going and going and going.
00:44:47.000 Okay, maybe we'll stumble across it eventually.
00:44:51.000 But I think we're good for racism, right?
00:44:55.000 We drifted into the trans world.
00:44:57.000 Let's see what's coming up next.
00:45:02.000 Feminism?
00:45:04.000 Again?
00:45:06.000 Okay.
00:45:08.000 Feminism?
00:45:10.000 Again?
00:45:12.000 Okay.
00:45:14.000 Feminism?
00:45:16.000 Again?
00:45:18.000 Okay.
00:45:20.000 I don't know why we're doing feminism.
00:45:22.000 I don't know why God wants us to do feminism.
00:45:24.000 But let's do it.
00:45:25.000 Well, does he? Really? That's just you.
00:45:29.000 I don't have a snub notes like this.
00:45:31.000 Well, I can't see the snub notes because the camera's in the way.
00:45:34.000 Well, allow me to scoot myself.
00:45:35.000 My name is Ove. You look like you're very good at Krav Magra, or obviously a more Asian thing, but like one of those martial arts that's not bullshit.
00:45:46.000 Yeah. Well, thanks.
00:45:48.000 I look like if Mark Wahlberg slept with a slant...
00:45:51.000 Wow, the more I try to smile, the more weird...
00:45:56.000 That's a really interesting...
00:45:59.000 I just saw an action movie with that guy in it.
00:46:02.000 Mark Wahlberg? No, the guy that you are there.
00:46:04.000 He's a Chinese cop.
00:46:05.000 It's in Chinese. And this hacker kidnaps...
00:46:10.000 No, this guy with online gambling kidnaps hackers and programmers.
00:46:16.000 Is it called Cyber Heist?
00:46:17.000 Maybe. Or The Takeover?
00:46:19.000 Maybe The Takeover?
00:46:21.000 Show it. It's pretty good.
00:46:24.000 No. Chinese movies.
00:46:26.000 The picture is him fighting this Thai guy in a first-class cabin because the guy was about to escape.
00:46:35.000 He's a big fat dude.
00:46:38.000 Where'd you watch a Chinese movie at?
00:46:40.000 On a plane. It's new.
00:46:45.000 What did you look up? Chinese movie, cop.
00:46:49.000 Chinese cop action movie and not hacker, online casino.
00:46:56.000 Scam. Oh.
00:47:04.000 Rogue Heroes? No.
00:47:06.000 Rogue Heroes? No.
00:47:10.000 This makes for great TV, doesn't it?
00:47:14.000 It doesn't. You're right.
00:47:15.000 Well, it was good? Yeah, it was awesome.
00:47:17.000 Non-stop fighting.
00:47:19.000 This guy's a big burly Chinese cop who doesn't know anything about technology, but he has to solve the case because he promised one of the victim's mothers he would, and he just beats the shit out of everyone.
00:47:29.000 Lots of body shots.
00:47:32.000 Deeks it out and then does a body shot.
00:47:36.000 But Jim, the other day, this guy, I won't say his name, African-American gentleman, we do not get along at all.
00:47:44.000 I don't spar with him anymore.
00:47:45.000 He gave me a bloody nose, which I know that sounds like I'm a pussy, but you don't punch someone that hard in sparring.
00:47:51.000 You're not trying to win. And then there's this dude there, this DA, Fred, and a great guy, DEA, And I look over and he's taking a knee, which means he got a body shot, which means he broke his ribs, which is like, now I can't sneeze for five weeks?
00:48:06.000 Dude, we're practicing here.
00:48:08.000 I don't know. There's different camps.
00:48:10.000 Some people think you've got to practice hardcore if you're ever going to fight hardcore, but I think sparring is just...
00:48:17.000 It's sort of like if you're playing ping pong and you just want to keep the volleys going.
00:48:22.000 You're not like fucking wham!
00:48:25.000 Sounds like something a woman would say.
00:48:27.000 Who here identifies as a feminist?
00:48:29.000 We are the storm.
00:48:31.000 The very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
00:48:36.000 You said I was too pretty to fight.
00:48:43.000 That's toxic masculinity.
00:48:45.000 You don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.
00:48:50.000 So Jebediah Bila of Fox News fame seems to have come around.
00:48:54.000 When I first met her when I was at Fox, she was pretty slutty.
00:48:59.000 She's into sex toys. I think she was like fucking some other girls with a strap on and stuff.
00:49:05.000 But she seems...
00:49:06.000 I love her, by the way. Great gal.
00:49:08.000 Great gal! But she seems to have come around.
00:49:11.000 And here she is schooling a young slut who's a fucking knockout.
00:49:15.000 I love that kind of nose and mouth.
00:49:17.000 That's Destiny's ex.
00:49:19.000 Oh, really? Yeah. Wow, I didn't know.
00:49:23.000 That's the one that would fuck black dudes and he would sit in a chair crying.
00:49:29.000 That's a starling.
00:49:30.000 That's a European who comes here and destroys people.
00:49:33.000 No natural predators in North America.
00:49:37.000 Wow! I'm immune to Swedish women.
00:49:40.000 Like, they look perfect, like their features are perfect, but I see that there's like this weird evil behind it.
00:49:48.000 I just hate the European accent and to hear that, wow, what are you doing?
00:49:52.000 Are you going to be going to the disco later on for your whole life?
00:49:57.000 I wouldn't be able to take it.
00:49:59.000 French isn't so bad.
00:50:01.000 I could do with the French accent, but like Northern European, Western European, maybe Spain is okay.
00:50:09.000 I don't know if I could do Glaswegian.
00:50:12.000 You want a fucking blowjob than you?
00:50:15.000 I did. Till you opened your mouth.
00:50:21.000 Anyway, check this out.
00:50:22.000 Do you understand why guys would have a problem with a woman with a high body count, though?
00:50:27.000 Do you understand the logic behind it?
00:50:29.000 I think it's insecurity.
00:50:31.000 That's where it comes from.
00:50:33.000 Do they really want to have a woman that is just a virgin?
00:50:36.000 Yes. Because she's not going to be good, and she's going to have no experience.
00:50:42.000 There's nothing worse than a very good blowjob.
00:50:47.000 You're just like, oh shit, you know tons of tricks that I've never even experienced before.
00:50:52.000 So you know more about sex than me, and that's gay.
00:50:56.000 That's a gay lifestyle.
00:50:57.000 Fucking a different person every night is a homosexual lifestyle, and it's a turnoff.
00:51:02.000 Ideally, you're both learning about sex together.
00:51:05.000 No one watching this is ever going to experience something that pure.
00:51:08.000 But that is the design.
00:51:10.000 It's the high school sweetheart at 18 and you both like figure out anal and oral sex together.
00:51:18.000 No matter what the Catholic Church says.
00:51:22.000 That's so boring.
00:51:24.000 Isn't that boring? That's so boring.
00:51:27.000 Women are a canvas. We don't want them to be good at shit.
00:51:30.000 We'll handle the moves. That just sounds transactional to me.
00:51:34.000 It just sounds so boring. I don't know.
00:51:36.000 You're the transactional one.
00:51:38.000 Fucking everything that moves.
00:51:40.000 You know, want to be, you know, head of household and consider themselves leaders and want to, you know, provide for their women.
00:51:47.000 And they don't. They don't find it unattractive that a woman would have inexperience because they feel like, you know, what's going to make that experience in the bedroom so powerful is not that she can bounce off the walls or knows all these tricks or knows all these sexual things and, oh, she looks, oh, look, she's doing something like out of a, you know, that's not what's appealing to them.
00:52:05.000 What's appealing is that she's really excited to be there for him.
00:52:09.000 She's present. She's loyal.
00:52:10.000 She's committed. And he doesn't need her to be an acrobat.
00:52:13.000 He just needs her to be loyal. They knew Jebediah's background.
00:52:16.000 If we could see some of the freaky sex she used to get up to.
00:52:19.000 But that's good to see.
00:52:22.000 These are Glaswegian girls.
00:52:23.000 I actually don't mind them.
00:52:24.000 I think they're quite nice sometimes.
00:52:26.000 Sometimes. In Scotland, I'm like, oh, that sounds a bit weird.
00:52:31.000 I don't mind it.
00:52:33.000 I don't mind it at all. That sounds a bit weird.
00:52:39.000 Don't worry about him.
00:52:42.000 I'm much more of a look at a sideways way of life.
00:52:46.000 Like, what if we didn't have walls?
00:52:48.000 We'd all be in one big room.
00:52:52.000 Spooky. Where's my spooky?
00:52:57.000 Here's a moron who knocked a bitch up.
00:53:01.000 This is a very Canadian thing.
00:53:02.000 This guy's not Canadian, but in Canada, my hometown, they're always reinventing the wheel, like polyamory or non-monogamy or I'm just going to be a random dad.
00:53:13.000 Okay. The thing that we've been doing like predates Christianity, predates agriculture, predates everything, this marriage plan with monogamous, with monogamy.
00:53:25.000 But yeah, let's reinvent the wheel.
00:53:27.000 Let's see how it goes. This is the story of me agreeing to get an older woman pregnant and then her trying to ruin my life.
00:53:34.000 When I was 23, I had a one night stand with a girl from my hometown named Maria.
00:53:39.000 We both knew it was nothing more than that and we didn't speak after.
00:53:42.000 Several months later, I received a text from her saying that she hadn't been lucky in love and she wanted a baby before it was too late.
00:53:49.000 Oh well, wish you nothing but the best. So she asked if I would get her pregnant and I wouldn't have to bear any responsibility, like a sperm donor.
00:53:55.000 I considered it and I first thought no, but after some time to think about it, I thought it would be the right thing to do for someone struggling.
00:54:02.000 So we filled out an ironclad agreement and basically I wouldn't be responsible at all.
00:54:08.000 A while later she told me she was ovulating and then a few weeks after that she told me she was pregnant and that it worked.
00:54:14.000 Went back to California for work and we didn't speak after that.
00:54:17.000 Unbeknownst to me, she contacted my family behind my back and invited them to the baby shower.
00:54:22.000 Then began... Red flag!
00:54:24.000 Immediately red flag!
00:54:26.000 As she got to know my parents, my parents started encouraging me to be in the baby's life and once I found out it was the little girl, I thought it was the right thing to do.
00:54:35.000 Stop! I flew home to be there for the birth.
00:54:37.000 Like, can you not see where this is going?
00:54:41.000 Speaking of Nazis, what the fuck do you think?
00:54:46.000 Why are there 8 billion of us?
00:54:48.000 We have instincts.
00:54:50.000 Even my cousin, my cousin Glenn, who lives in London, he's Scottish.
00:54:55.000 I hadn't seen him for 20 years.
00:54:58.000 We go to Keane Steakhouse and we're just like, it's just this bond.
00:55:02.000 That's a cousin. This is my dad's sister's son.
00:55:06.000 Is that your sister's ween?
00:55:09.000 And we both said, like, this is uncanny.
00:55:12.000 We both love the Modfather store in Camden Town in London.
00:55:16.000 We both have been there tons of times.
00:55:18.000 Like, it was weird.
00:55:22.000 Like, what do the insane clown posse say?
00:55:24.000 His little kid looks just like him.
00:55:26.000 It's a mystery. Go ahead, you moron.
00:55:31.000 You fucking idiot. And I got a tattoo of our daughter's middle name before she was born.
00:55:37.000 After our daughter was born, Maria wanted us to be together and be a family.
00:55:41.000 And when I said I didn't want to do that, she wouldn't let me see my daughter.
00:55:45.000 My main source of income at the time was the Airbnb that I owned.
00:55:49.000 And she said this a few months after she was born.
00:55:51.000 I felt bad, so I let her move in for several months, rent free.
00:55:56.000 What could possibly go wrong?
00:55:58.000 I've never done anything to warrant supervised visits, but I agreed to keep the peace.
00:56:02.000 I would come home as often as I could to see our daughter, and things were usually okay when I was there.
00:56:07.000 These are all from her Facebook.
00:56:09.000 One Halloween, I didn't want to wear matching costumes with Maria, so she wouldn't let me see my daughter for a while.
00:56:15.000 And when our daughter was being baptized, I drove a 14-hour round trip from Nashville to attend.
00:56:20.000 Like, stop. Did he make this TikTok for sympathy?
00:56:24.000 Because I'm just watching a dodo bird go extinct.
00:56:27.000 Like, what the fuck?
00:56:29.000 How did you survive this long?
00:56:30.000 You boob. He's like, I just want to make it work.
00:56:35.000 So I went over there and we talked all the time.
00:56:37.000 I decided they could stay at my house.
00:56:39.000 And then my parents told me to be more in the baby's life.
00:56:42.000 So I did. And then I totally ignored the fact that she's a crazy bitch and I've just fucked up my life.
00:56:48.000 Because I didn't want to see Maria the night before.
00:56:51.000 She didn't allow me to come to the baptism at all.
00:56:54.000 You know what he's leaving out, by the way?
00:56:55.000 He's been fucking her on a regular basis.
00:56:57.000 I guarantee. When he goes back, they fuck.
00:57:01.000 He doesn't, oh, no, oh, no, I don't want to.
00:57:03.000 And then she blows him. He's like, well, all right.
00:57:05.000 Soon after this, she served me with child support, saying that our original contract wasn't valid because our daughter didn't have a social security number yet.
00:57:15.000 I hear about this with prenups, too.
00:57:18.000 When it finally makes it to court, they just go, nah, you were together for 20 years, you have money, pay the bitch.
00:57:23.000 She took everything I own.
00:57:26.000 Everything. So, I'm not saying don't get married, but I'm saying be careful.
00:57:32.000 Because you could get tricked.
00:57:34.000 They trick you. That's what they do.
00:57:36.000 They trick you. That's good advice.
00:57:40.000 My car. Well, at least you still got those testicles in your face.
00:57:45.000 Yeah, very funny. My car, I had a Jetta, 1996 Jetta.
00:57:51.000 It was beautiful. Barely put any money into it.
00:57:54.000 Rant like a damn dream. She took it away.
00:57:57.000 Okay? Meanwhile, I had already been paid up.
00:58:00.000 The alimony was already settled.
00:58:02.000 Child support never missed the payment.
00:58:05.000 She needs to take my fucking car.
00:58:07.000 Okay? So that's just to show you there's no limit.
00:58:11.000 You look like a Klingon, or sort of a Klingon mated with a pair of balls.
00:58:17.000 How about I meet your fucking balls?
00:58:21.000 I didn't have the time.
00:58:22.000 I was living the way. I ended up paying her $10,000 up front and $750 a month.
00:58:29.000 I was able to move home soon after that, and I began seeing...
00:58:32.000 We're at a retardville?
00:58:34.000 Or a regular. He said, dope.
00:58:35.000 Everything was going really well until I got...
00:58:37.000 Until our faces turned into the guy from Rorschach test.
00:58:41.000 We joined the Watchmen, and...
00:58:43.000 We were fighting crime, and things were going really well.
00:58:47.000 Why did he blurt his own face?
00:58:50.000 Because maybe he's full of shit.
00:58:51.000 That doesn't look like him.
00:58:52.000 Look at the tattoos. He doesn't have those tattoos.
00:58:54.000 Oh, that's her boyfriend or something.
00:58:56.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Even though she had a boyfriend who was regularly around our daughter, she said that my girlfriend couldn't be around our daughter.
00:59:04.000 I was able to get our daughter for an afternoon and Maria asked what I was doing.
00:59:09.000 I told her that I was with my girlfriend and we were at Lowe's together.
00:59:13.000 She freaked out. I said I'd bring her daughter back to her as soon as we were done.
00:59:17.000 They're at Lowe's for lunch.
00:59:18.000 That's what he used to eat. Buckets of paint.
00:59:21.000 He's all surprised that she freaked out when he got a girlfriend.
00:59:26.000 This is you reinventing the wheel.
00:59:28.000 We had a setup. It's called fall in love, have a baby, be married, be monogamous.
00:59:33.000 You decided, no, I can flip the script and it'll work out great.
00:59:39.000 But instead, Maria drove to Lowe's and apparently called my dad and was running up and down the aisle screaming.
00:59:45.000 I don't know what actually happened, but she was freaking out, just blowing up my phone, thinking she was in danger.
00:59:52.000 And keep in mind, my girlfriend is a mom as well as a nurse.
00:59:55.000 Our daughter was never in any danger.
00:59:57.000 When I offered Maria and my girlfriend to get to know each other so they'd be comfortable, You know, with my daughter being around, she immediately said no and, you know, called my girlfriend a word that rhymes with chore and refused to get to know her.
01:00:14.000 Maria then- Called my girlfriend a word that rhymes with chore.
01:00:17.000 ...post saying that I was a deadbeat dad and that hadn't seen her daughter in weeks.
01:00:21.000 Alright, this is getting tedious.
01:00:23.000 Here I am. I went to my doctor and he said, I never took a breath out of my nose.
01:00:26.000 You get what you pay for, you fucking moron.
01:00:31.000 What's going on with Sticks and Hammer?
01:00:33.000 We've had him on the show before.
01:00:34.000 Smart guy. Cool look.
01:00:37.000 He's kind of got a nerdy metal kind of a vibe.
01:00:42.000 But he's got some domestic abuse thing.
01:00:44.000 Now, I got in a lot of trouble for saying this, and I think people misinterpret it, but every domestic abuse case that I've been intimately familiar with, the guy was innocent.
01:00:55.000 Now, that doesn't... It's not a joke.
01:00:56.000 People think that I'm trying to say domestic abuse is always bullshit.
01:00:59.000 I'm telling you the truth.
01:01:00.000 Terry Richardson, Anthony Cumia, Anthony Cumia's brother, I know of about seven dudes that have faced it, and all of them were innocent.
01:01:10.000 Maybe I just have a weird sample.
01:01:12.000 Maybe that's not... In the sense that...
01:01:14.000 I'm just telling you my own personal anecdotal evidence is that it's always been fucking horse shit.
01:01:21.000 So I'm dubious when I read about someone I know like Sticks and Hammer slapping the shit out of someone like what was dinner was late.
01:01:30.000 I've never seen that and if it happened I would fight the guy.
01:01:34.000 I saw it in Raging Bull with De Niro.
01:01:38.000 Oh, did I tell you I had a feeling the other day?
01:01:41.000 Scorsese was gay. Yeah, did I say that on the show?
01:01:43.000 You did, yeah. His wife was on the show.
01:01:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember now.
01:01:46.000 Fuck, I was kind of drunk last night.
01:01:48.000 Yeah, that was a while ago. It was last night.
01:01:49.000 It was 12 hours ago.
01:01:54.000 24 hours ago. So, I wonder if we could get him on the show.
01:02:01.000 Right now? These guys can never say what their side is.
01:02:04.000 I wonder...
01:02:06.000 Text him.
01:02:07.000 I don't have his text.
01:02:09.000 I'll DM him.
01:02:11.000 I have some random junk news in here I was gonna get to.
01:02:16.000 Like birds knew that the hurricane was coming and they get disoriented by the different air pressure and they get exhausted trying to escape and then they die.
01:02:24.000 So you know a hurricane's coming when weak birds are falling from the sky.
01:02:29.000 How fucking biblical is that?
01:02:31.000 Go to 3-7?
01:02:36.000 And this is what happened right before the storm.
01:02:39.000 Spooky. Winds in the east.
01:02:46.000 Mist coming in.
01:02:48.000 Like something is brewing.
01:02:51.000 About to begin.
01:02:54.000 How fucking scary would that be?
01:02:56.000 You're on a boat, by the way.
01:03:00.000 I feel what's to happen.
01:03:04.000 Perfect choice of music, too.
01:03:07.000 Last night was weird. So we saw a little bit of the northern light glow from a distance.
01:03:11.000 Yeah. And then on my drive home, I saw like the airspace for JFK, I guess, was completely backed up or something, but it was just like tons of lights in the sky.
01:03:23.000 Like planes circling around?
01:03:25.000 Yeah, but then I saw a plane to the left of those and it was blinking.
01:03:29.000 So that's a plane. The other ones were like this amber sort of color and they didn't move and they didn't blink.
01:03:34.000 And there were like five or six of them just standing still in the sky.
01:03:37.000 Like drones? What the fuck is that?
01:03:39.000 Yeah. No, because they would be huge.
01:03:41.000 They were like plane size, the same size of the plane that I saw.
01:03:44.000 And I even passed my exit just so that way I could just keep looking at them.
01:03:47.000 And then they like completely disappeared when I went...
01:03:50.000 Speaking of your exit, I heard a guy in your neighborhood hanged himself.
01:03:55.000 And as I was reading, I was like, please be Ryan, please be Ryan, please be Ryan, please be Ryan.
01:03:58.000 It wasn't me. It wasn't you.
01:04:00.000 And this is a good example of why journalism is dead.
01:04:04.000 In the old days, you'd know a cop.
01:04:07.000 And you'd get the real story.
01:04:10.000 These days, the journalist, he shows up to some ambulance call and he says, what happened here?
01:04:16.000 And the guy, the cops go, I'm not going to tell you.
01:04:18.000 Why would I give the criminal an upper hand?
01:04:21.000 And I have to finish the investigation.
01:04:22.000 I don't want anyone spooked.
01:04:24.000 So you don't get the story.
01:04:26.000 I know cops. I got the story.
01:04:29.000 So here's the story as the New York Post says it.
01:04:34.000 3A, a man hanged himself.
01:04:38.000 They cut him down.
01:04:39.000 By the way, huge fuck up.
01:04:41.000 You're not supposed to cut him down.
01:04:43.000 It's a crime scene.
01:04:45.000 He had a cut on his neck that was opened more by hanging.
01:04:49.000 And he wasn't dangling.
01:04:50.000 Apparently when most people hang, their feet are touching the ground for some reason.
01:04:55.000 I guess in case they want to stand up, they give themselves an out.
01:04:59.000 But keep going down.
01:05:02.000 So he had slits on his wrist and stuff.
01:05:06.000 And his neck. I think he tried to kill himself.
01:05:08.000 He left a suicide note with his roommate.
01:05:13.000 And then he tried to slit his wrist and he tried to cut his throat and it didn't work.
01:05:16.000 So he hanged himself and then that opened up the neck gash.
01:05:19.000 And that's all we know.
01:05:21.000 Well. It must be something completely irreversible that you're like, whoa, my life is ruined.
01:05:27.000 Correct. Much like the video we just saw.
01:05:30.000 So NSFW, if you are eating, look away.
01:05:35.000 This is fucking gross and you're not going to like it.
01:05:40.000 I would just recommend closing your eyes and skipping forward.
01:05:43.000 We have pictures of that guy you just saw who hanged himself.
01:05:47.000 He wasn't hung. That's a thing is hung.
01:05:49.000 A person is hanged. He hanged himself.
01:05:53.000 And the rumor is he got his 14-year-old niece pregnant.
01:05:58.000 Does he have a Hispanic name?
01:06:01.000 It sounds like a Hispanic thing to do.
01:06:04.000 No offense. Should I show the picture?
01:06:05.000 No, no. Look at his name back in the New York Post.
01:06:08.000 Okay. I bet he's not a Mick.
01:06:11.000 He's not an Irishman.
01:06:13.000 No. He's not Scottish.
01:06:15.000 He's not a Slovak.
01:06:17.000 Well, just glancing at the picture...
01:06:20.000 Well, tell me the name.
01:06:21.000 Go back to the New York Post.
01:06:24.000 I don't see a name.
01:06:26.000 The man. A dead man.
01:06:29.000 The man. Yeah, that's not a good sign.
01:06:31.000 I think... I remember seeing his name somewhere, though.
01:06:33.000 I think it's Hispanic. But anyway, here he is.
01:06:37.000 Folks, this is the guy who allegedly got his 14-year-old niece pregnant and realized that the dad's gonna kill him.
01:06:43.000 His brother, I guess?
01:06:45.000 Yeah. That's here for work. NSFW. So there he is.
01:06:49.000 A lot of blood in the groin area, which is weird.
01:06:53.000 And I didn't know this, but when you die, flies cannot wait to get up your nose.
01:07:01.000 And just start feasting on that mucus.
01:07:04.000 There's probably tons in his mouth too.
01:07:05.000 Oh yeah, there are tons in his mouth.
01:07:09.000 So that's gross and depressing.
01:07:13.000 Should we cleanse our palate with some sprinkles?
01:07:17.000 Sprinkles. Let's cleanse the palate here.
01:07:22.000 That feminism brought us to girls getting raped.
01:07:25.000 That brought us to dead bodies with flies in the nose.
01:07:27.000 I know this is not... It's not on the god wheel, by the way.
01:07:29.000 way we don't have sprinkles here. We don't.
01:07:33.000 You know what I'm changing stop sending me this to sprinkles.
01:07:46.000 Hmm. Because stop sending me this is a boring category.
01:07:51.000 Oh, look, it ended up on Sprinkles.
01:07:54.000 What are the odds?
01:07:56.000 We're having a lucky Friday here, aren't we?
01:08:01.000 Aren't we, Ryan? Yeah, yeah.
01:08:04.000 Sure are. Why are you hesitant?
01:08:07.000 Oh, I don't know. Alright, this guy has the sprinkles.
01:08:13.000 He has a great golf hack.
01:08:14.000 This is like the Black Flag song TV party where they're being sarcastic, but you listen to it and you're like, yeah, that would be fun.
01:08:21.000 I think I am going to have a TV party.
01:08:23.000 So this guy is making a joke.
01:08:25.000 And after I watched it and had a good laugh, I was like, I think I'm actually doing that.
01:08:30.000 I'm just going to do that, especially if I'm by myself.
01:08:35.000 If you're a high handicapper like me, then your driver's probably never found a fairway before.
01:08:42.000 But what if I told you guys, it's not because you're bad at golf, you can't hit the driver.
01:08:47.000 It's because you're not bad enough.
01:08:50.000 Allow me to demonstrate, guys. That's me in a nutshell.
01:08:55.000 See guys, what I've done there is used my complete lack of ability and consistently bad ball striking to my advantage.
01:09:01.000 And this time, I've found a fairway.
01:09:03.000 Now I know what you're thinking. James, that's all well and good, but you're on the wrong fairway.
01:09:07.000 Not only that, but you're going to have to hit an absolutely enormous arcing draw over those trees, and you're absolutely miles away from the green.
01:09:17.000 But am I? Or am I in fact 30 yards away from the green on the adjacent par 5 ready to get up and down?
01:09:27.000 There you have it guys.
01:09:28.000 Sometimes shooting your lowest score just means going off-piste a little bit.
01:09:32.000 Guys, if you're high-hanging...
01:09:37.000 That was awesome.
01:09:40.000 Some more sprinkles.
01:09:41.000 And by the way, for those of you not familiar with the show, sprinkles is what I talk about when there's funny and there's hardworking funny guys like Bert Kreischer.
01:09:48.000 But then there's the magic sprinkles that the Lord, the guy running the show today, allegedly, sprinkles on you like Louis C.K., Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce.
01:09:58.000 They're just magical.
01:09:59.000 Jim Downey. Uh, go ahead.
01:10:05.000 Go ahead. And you can keep it.
01:10:08.000 Name's Liam. En garde!
01:10:10.000 Can I get a sip of that? Nice belt.
01:10:11.000 Real leather? Respect.
01:10:13.000 I'd check your hand, but I need both for this.
01:10:16.000 You gonna eat that? No, no, you're doing it all wrong.
01:10:19.000 You're supposed to hold it like this.
01:10:21.000 Jesus Christ, you got a name for that thing?
01:10:23.000 I mean, golly, what are you feeding it?
01:10:26.000 I'll race you. This is the best part about being gay.
01:10:32.000 By far. Here, scooch over.
01:10:34.000 I'm just messing with you.
01:10:35.000 Name's Liam. Hey buddy, my doctor says I'm not supposed to lift more than five pounds.
01:10:39.000 Can you give me a hand over here?
01:10:41.000 I'm kidding. Clearly.
01:10:44.000 Looks just like my uncle's.
01:10:47.000 Don't stop, I'm about to finish.
01:10:49.000 Jesus Christ! Do you need a spot, big man?
01:10:51.000 I'm back here! My God, congrats!
01:10:54.000 Hey man, just to let you know you got a little splash back on your pants.
01:10:57.000 No, I got you, dog. Bro code.
01:10:58.000 Hey, could you pass me the soap?
01:10:59.000 Mine's stuck under this little plastic thing.
01:11:01.000 How's it hanging? No small one to the left, I see.
01:11:05.000 We're twins! If you can guess what's in my hand, you can keep it.
01:11:09.000 Name's Liam. En garde!
01:11:12.000 This guy's great!
01:11:13.000 This is not funny. This man is homosexual!
01:11:16.000 Oh, sorry. Gays jokes are my favorite type of jokes.
01:11:21.000 You know what I do with gay jokes?
01:11:24.000 I kill the gay jokes.
01:11:27.000 I don't know what race this guy is.
01:11:29.000 I haven't decided yet.
01:11:31.000 Mongolian. Almost Friday.
01:11:37.000 I know I've promoted them way too much.
01:11:40.000 It's just interesting watching Almost Friday because you're like, the comedy has left the television.
01:11:45.000 It's no longer on TV. It's on YouTube.
01:11:49.000 This is better than any SNL sketch.
01:11:52.000 And the quality of the film...
01:11:54.000 It's like Hollywood levels.
01:11:56.000 Zoom out so people can watch this later.
01:11:58.000 It's almost Friday. Please don't send me almost Friday sketches.
01:12:01.000 They have half a million subs. I'm familiar with them.
01:12:04.000 But this is Secret Shopper.
01:12:06.000 It's just a brilliant parody of dramatic films.
01:12:10.000 And this woman works at a yogurt place, a smoothie place, and she finds out there's gonna be a secret shopper, like someone from corporate pretending to be a customer.
01:12:18.000 And they turn it into this incredibly dramatic, almost action movie.
01:12:23.000 It's fucking hilarious.
01:12:24.000 Drop the needle anywhere. That was crazy.
01:12:32.000 Sorry, that was crazy.
01:12:33.000 Are we good? I'm good. You're okay?
01:12:35.000 Yes. Good to go. Sorry about that.
01:12:37.000 Thank you. Sorry. Wait, go back a little bit before that.
01:12:45.000 She's trying to find out who the secret shopper is.
01:12:51.000 She's about to get fired.
01:12:54.000 Is somebody in there?
01:12:59.000 Yeah, they've been in there for a while.
01:13:01.000 If you're not the secret shopper, open the door!
01:13:07.000 Anyway, that's high quality.
01:13:10.000 I plugged it in there on the off chance you're not familiar with Almost Friday.
01:13:14.000 Their shit is just relentless fucking gold.
01:13:17.000 Just so much. They did one recently where this woman had a great ass, a gat.
01:13:24.000 And they did the, what's his name, the 1950s cartoon with the eyes going boing, boing, boing, boing, boing.
01:13:29.000 And the heart going boom, boom, boom, boom.
01:13:31.000 That wolf. And the jaw going yaw.
01:13:32.000 Who's that guy again? Let me see.
01:13:35.000 Horny. Not Basil Wolverton.
01:13:38.000 Cartoon Wolf. Tex Avery.
01:13:40.000 Yeah. They do the Tex Avery cartoons, but then they make it literal and the guy's eyes do shoot out of his head.
01:13:44.000 It's fucking awesome. Kind of made me miss doing sketches, but Ryan is going to be finding all the sketches I've ever done that have been banned from the internet and he's going to put them on the site for free.
01:13:54.000 That's correct. Have you made any progress on that?
01:13:57.000 Yeah, there's a bunch uploaded. I just wanted that hide from the timeline button because I'm about to dump a bunch of them.
01:14:03.000 Well, don't dump them all at once.
01:14:05.000 Let's spread them out. Okay.
01:14:06.000 How many do you have? I think like seven.
01:14:08.000 And are they high quality?
01:14:11.000 All of them except for like baby discipline and stuff.
01:14:14.000 That one's small. It's like 180.
01:14:16.000 Okay, don't put it up if it's totally blurry.
01:14:18.000 We can still keep finding it.
01:14:20.000 I tried to get the original guys, but they won't speak to me now that I'm a fascist.
01:14:26.000 This chick is pretty good, 2.8.
01:14:30.000 We've had her before, and she does this same character every time, but you know, the Ramones had one song that they just kept repeating, so she's good.
01:14:41.000 Never has. That whole, like, I need my coffee in the morning.
01:14:44.000 Like, I think that whole thing's kind of a myth.
01:14:46.000 Never experienced jet lag. No, I think it's just like, wake up, be where you are.
01:14:49.000 We're in Paris. Jet lag's a myth.
01:14:51.000 Only need three hours of sleep. Yeah, always been like that.
01:14:54.000 I always feel like that seven, eight hours thing is like, kind of a myth.
01:14:58.000 Never get sick. Uh-uh.
01:14:59.000 No, been this far without getting COVID. You know, I do think the pandemic was sort of a myth.
01:15:06.000 Caffeine just doesn't have a thing.
01:15:07.000 Never has. I know people like that.
01:15:09.000 The not drinking coffee thing is annoying as fuck.
01:15:12.000 I got a sprinkles thing that I wanted to show you for a while.
01:15:15.000 Okay. It's quick.
01:15:16.000 Mr. President, Mr. President. What is it?
01:15:18.000 Green Goblin is attacking New York City.
01:15:21.000 What? He's causing mass destruction right now.
01:15:23.000 Should we alert Spider-Man? No!
01:15:25.000 Send $50 billion to Israel right now!
01:15:32.000 So I did find a couple of funny SNL sketches, which is very rare.
01:15:39.000 It's never live because no one talks like this.
01:15:43.000 Hey Ryan, I think that you should go over to the stores at some point and take those pants back because they don't fit you.
01:15:52.000 Right. Well, I would do that, except...
01:15:56.000 Sometimes they read the other guy's cue card so they know where their lines are, so you can see them going...
01:16:01.000 And that's why it's...
01:16:05.000 I've said this 8 million times, but it's so infuriating.
01:16:09.000 They get the best improv people in a country of 331 million people.
01:16:14.000 They get the masters at improv.
01:16:17.000 Improv's kind of gay, it's not my cup of tea, but it is a skill.
01:16:21.000 And then they make them read motherfucking cue cards.
01:16:26.000 What? It's like in baseball, you said to the guy, you're going to swing at the first two and then let the next two go, no matter what the pitches are.
01:16:36.000 Okay, that's going to make for some shitty baseball.
01:16:39.000 But anyway, this one I watch, and it's kind of good.
01:16:44.000 Jonah Hill is dating Adam, what's his name, Goldberg's, Greenberg's dad?
01:16:51.000 Adam Frick.
01:16:53.000 Hey dude.
01:16:54.000 Hey man. Are you busy right now?
01:16:57.000 Can you grab a coffee or something? Zoom out so people can watch this.
01:16:59.000 We're not going to watch the whole thing. But Jonah Hill starts dating Andy's dad.
01:17:03.000 Andy Samberg, that's it.
01:17:05.000 And I'm watching and I'm like, wait a minute, this is fucking hilarious.
01:17:09.000 It's a great concept too.
01:17:11.000 Your buddy starts dating your dad.
01:17:12.000 He's not gay. And then I see who the dad is.
01:17:18.000 It's Jim Downey, who's a conservative, by the way.
01:17:23.000 And guess who he is?
01:17:26.000 Remember Black Like Me, where Eddie Murphy's a white guy?
01:17:28.000 He wrote that.
01:17:29.000 He wrote Change Bank.
01:17:31.000 He wrote Caveman Lawyer.
01:17:35.000 He's the, I award you no points and we're all dumber for having heard that.
01:17:39.000 Yeah, we're all dumber for having listened to it.
01:17:40.000 That's him too. Great fucking guy.
01:17:44.000 May God have mercy on your soul.
01:17:49.000 That really is one of the funniest things.
01:17:50.000 I texted him about this. I go, I knew something was up when I saw an SNL sketch that's actually funny.
01:17:54.000 And he goes, you must believe me, making it funny was never my intention.
01:17:59.000 But keep going. They have a scene where they make out.
01:18:03.000 Truth be told, he is one of the most fascinating people I've had.
01:18:07.000 There it is.
01:18:10.000 Extraordinarily physical. I mean, take that.
01:18:13.000 Oh my goodness.
01:18:15.000 He's using his tongue.
01:18:21.000 Like, Lauryn Hill contacts Jim Downey once in a while and goes,
01:18:30.000 Can you give us some funny?
01:18:32.000 And Jim will just write a masterpiece like that.
01:18:34.000 And then check it out at the very end.
01:18:36.000 He throws it back in dude's face.
01:18:42.000 How do you guys know Ben?
01:18:43.000 He's my dad.
01:18:46.000 No, no. You had it.
01:18:48.000 He's my dad. Andy, I've been meaning to tell you.
01:18:52.000 Jonah and I are dating.
01:18:54.000 I'm sorry, I told him already.
01:18:56.000 Blabbermouth? I know, I'm the worst.
01:18:59.000 Hey Ben, ready to go.
01:19:01.000 Andy, Jonah. How do you guys know Ben?
01:19:04.000 He's my dad.
01:19:06.000 Small world!
01:19:07.000 We've been f***ing! It was created by Lorne Michaels just as a fuck you to him.
01:19:16.000 Him with the Conan Epstein thing is...
01:19:18.000 I watch that every now and then.
01:19:19.000 Oh, that was great.
01:19:20.000 Yeah, where he pretends he doesn't know who Jeffrey Epstein is.
01:19:24.000 Jeffrey Epstein's his friend and he hasn't checked the news lately, but what's been happening?
01:19:28.000 What is it? I forgot what he nicknamed him.
01:19:30.000 Jeff. They're like, yeah, he killed himself in prison.
01:19:33.000 What, Jeff? And yet they seemed exempt from criticism.
01:19:37.000 You know, Jeffrey Epstein.
01:19:40.000 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
01:19:42.000 No, no, let me finish. He's talking about all the flawless friends he has that have never done anything wrong.
01:19:47.000 Epstein, the New York financier.
01:19:51.000 Yes! We're talking about the same Jeff Epstein.
01:19:55.000 No. Yes. No. Yes.
01:19:56.000 I, what? I never, I never heard.
01:19:59.000 Oh, it was a big story in the news.
01:20:01.000 Huge. No. Yes, for you to say, no one ever said- Jeff Epstein.
01:20:05.000 Yes. Jeff Epstein.
01:20:06.000 Yes, financier. The island. Yes, he had an island that I've never been to.
01:20:11.000 Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure, with respect, if there was some news about Jeff Epstein, I would have heard.
01:20:20.000 No, I don't know where you rocked.
01:20:22.000 This is like that Nate Bragazzi thing where he convinced his midget friend that he had never heard of Tonya Harding and the whole kneecapping thing with whatever the other victim's name was, Kathleen Sheridan or something.
01:20:34.000 And he's like, I'm pretty sure if that happened, there'd be a documentary about it or a made-for-TV movie.
01:20:39.000 And he's like, there was! There was!
01:20:43.000 But this one was interesting.
01:20:44.000 Horny Little Dork.
01:20:47.000 When comedy...
01:20:49.000 This is why art is so important because it reveals so much about society.
01:20:53.000 Society. So, you and Dylan are coming up on five years, right?
01:20:58.000 Yeah. Aw, he's such a sweet guy.
01:21:03.000 Shannon? Yeah.
01:21:06.000 Dylan's great. It's just that sometimes he's...
01:21:11.000 Not himself. What do you mean?
01:21:13.000 Well, everything will be normal and then he'll, like, catch a glimpse of me getting out of the shower and...
01:21:18.000 he becomes...
01:21:21.000 He becomes what?
01:21:23.000 A horny little dork.
01:21:26.000 I saw your bluebies.
01:21:30.000 I have to go to work. Stop.
01:21:32.000 No time for sissy time.
01:21:34.000 Horny little dork.
01:21:36.000 From the masters of horror at Blumhouse Studios comes a terrifying look at what awaits...
01:21:40.000 Do you promise you don't do this, Ryan?
01:21:42.000 I irritate my wife all sorts of ways.
01:21:44.000 I've probably done this. No, but that sex is off the books.
01:21:48.000 Are you a horny little dork?
01:21:49.000 I haven't... Okay, well, I've never done that, meaning to actually have it go to a serious thing, but in public, I'll be like, yeah, I'll do a horny dork for her.
01:22:00.000 After 25 years of marriage or whatever I'm at now, I just sort of stare, and she'll be like, what?
01:22:06.000 And then I'll keep staring.
01:22:09.000 I have a headache.
01:22:10.000 I gotta go to the gym and I'll be like and then walk away mad.
01:22:14.000 I like to kiss the neck of my lover.
01:22:17.000 Let her know that I'm not in it for me.
01:22:21.000 It's about her. It's about sharing pleasure.
01:22:24.000 A reminder that our union is one body, one flesh.
01:22:30.000 That's beautiful. Yes, it's about much more than this bedtime rowdiness.
01:22:37.000 It's about love. That was beautiful.
01:22:39.000 Anyway, scroll through that.
01:22:40.000 They all have the horny little dork problems.
01:22:43.000 I'll have a workout. It will only be about ten minutes, Millie.
01:22:46.000 Stop talking like a bottle.
01:22:50.000 Mitch does...
01:22:51.000 It's a robot.
01:23:05.000 It's a joke.
01:23:07.000 It's funny. It's a good sketch, by the way.
01:23:10.000 We talked about this before.
01:23:12.000 Women are on birth control.
01:23:14.000 Birth control makes you think that you're pregnant.
01:23:17.000 When you're pregnant, you want a man around to protect you that's not going to fuck you.
01:23:22.000 Like a brother. So, you end up with a beta male.
01:23:27.000 Like, I believe this happened with the Huffington Post's Andy Campbell and his British dead ovaries wife.
01:23:35.000 She went off birth control after they got married and then she realized that she married her brother.
01:23:41.000 And these women then become repulsed By the guy they hired.
01:23:47.000 They got. And this is a real phenomenon.
01:23:51.000 And it's a woman getting off birth control.
01:23:53.000 And they talk about how he smells different.
01:23:56.000 And the reason they're making this a comedy sketch is they assume it's across the board.
01:23:59.000 No. This is a phenomenon.
01:24:02.000 Where women are marrying guys they're not attracted to.
01:24:05.000 And when they go off their drugs, it hits them.
01:24:09.000 Maybe that's why the divorce rate is still so bad.
01:24:12.000 It's not as bad as boomers, but it's still pretty bad.
01:24:15.000 So that's a fascinating foray into this bizarre chemical weapon that we are using inadvertently or maybe purposefully to destroy marriage and wreck love.
01:24:31.000 Speaking of sprinkles, the Muslims are often great at making us laugh.
01:24:40.000 Here is Muslim medicine.
01:24:45.000 And they're not trying to be funny, but they are.
01:24:48.000 You have to urinate and after you finish urinating without squeezing or contracting your muscles or touching your private part, if nothing comes out, overwhelm it with water, sprinkle water inside your underwear, lift up your trousers and move on.
01:25:03.000 Whatever feeling you get that, oh, I must have dropped something, something might have come out, ignore it.
01:25:09.000 Inshallah, in four to five days, this feeling would go away and all of your prayers are valid and these are all negligible, inshallah.
01:25:16.000 You have to Pretty handy, huh?
01:25:20.000 That's the worst of being an old drunk is having, no matter how you shake your peg, the last weed drop runs down your leg.
01:25:25.000 This guy is advocating for making it feel like you just pissed your pants.
01:25:31.000 You sprinkle water on your dick after you're done pissing.
01:25:33.000 Pretty smart. So he doesn't drink, obviously, if he's a devout Muslim.
01:25:40.000 So it's the worst of both worlds, being a drunk without the buzz.
01:25:44.000 And then I thought this was funny.
01:25:47.000 It was how to deal with a knife-toting Muslim if you're in Germany.
01:25:53.000 You obviously do what everyone should do, which is obviously this.
01:25:57.000 Und ich schlage zum Kopf.
01:26:02.000 Look, she can't stab him.
01:26:06.000 Best of luck with that, Klaus.
01:26:10.000 All right, very long episode here.
01:26:12.000 And we're supposed to make the free episodes.
01:26:15.000 We only do it free for the first half hour.
01:26:17.000 But for fun, I thought, let's just do a big, long one.
01:26:20.000 And let's see what God chooses for the next subject.
01:26:26.000 You ready, Rye guy?
01:26:28.000 Oh yeah!
01:26:30.000 Kamala Harris!
01:26:38.000 We used to call this my pet Biden, but Biden was told to leave by Barack Obama, so he left.
01:26:44.000 Probably was threatened with some child molestation footage that was going to destroy him anyway.
01:26:52.000 So let's do Hawk to a Harris.
01:26:57.000 It's time for Hawk to a Harris.
01:27:02.000 Hawk to a Harris.
01:27:03.000 This is Going Around.
01:27:19.000 Anthony had this on his show.
01:27:21.000 By the way, if you are not subscribed to Compound Censored, go to censored.tv now and sign up using promo code GAVIN. You get Anthony Cumia.
01:27:32.000 He merged with us.
01:27:34.000 So we are both co-owners of this new site.
01:27:37.000 That's why it has such a weird name, Compound Censored.
01:27:39.000 It's Compound Media and Censored.tv merging.
01:27:43.000 He does a show every day.
01:27:44.000 Well, Monday to Thursday. It's my cup of joe.
01:27:48.000 While I'm getting ready, styling my hair and brushing my teeth, I put on Ant in the morning.
01:27:54.000 And it's fucking hilarious.
01:27:55.000 So he already featured this, but we have to show it.
01:27:58.000 As I keep explaining, this show is for your entertainment.
01:28:01.000 It's to make you feel sane in a world gone mad.
01:28:03.000 It's also to try to help Trump get re-elected.
01:28:05.000 I'm not going to lie about that.
01:28:07.000 I think that this is the last real election.
01:28:09.000 And if Kamala wins, this country and the Western world subsequently are doomed.
01:28:14.000 So that's why it exists, but it's also a time capsule.
01:28:18.000 And, you know, I want my kids to have these terabytes after I'm gone, and I want them to see what life was like in 2024, and that includes this stupid bitch trying to use a shovel.
01:28:33.000 Look at her go. Look how close her hands are.
01:28:37.000 It's a lever, my dear.
01:28:39.000 He's pretty bad too, but at least he gets the concept.
01:28:42.000 But she doesn't understand how a shovel works.
01:28:45.000 Imagine having never used a shovel ever.
01:28:48.000 You know what they're really comfortable at doing?
01:28:50.000 What? Handing off their shit to the help without acknowledging them at all.
01:28:54.000 That was done with dexterity.
01:28:55.000 Look at this ease. Get this out of here, please.
01:28:59.000 That was pro.
01:29:01.000 By the way, you know how my tattoo got infected?
01:29:03.000 I had to take antibiotics?
01:29:05.000 I just put this aquaphor itch relief on it and it's burning.
01:29:10.000 Oof. This is the shit that gave me my infection.
01:29:12.000 That means you know that's how it works.
01:29:16.000 Yeah, don't...
01:29:17.000 I don't want to get sued, but that's been my experience.
01:29:21.000 I feel it hot now.
01:29:26.000 You know what's funny? I sent you a video.
01:29:27.000 I was watching. You fuckers, you baby monsters told me to watch Bad Monkey with Vince Vaughn.
01:29:32.000 I watched the first episode.
01:29:34.000 It's okay. Very acty.
01:29:36.000 I hate when I'm watching a show and I can see the script.
01:29:39.000 Vince Vaughn is really good at not making you think of the script, but everyone else overacts.
01:29:45.000 There's a lot of blackting in it.
01:29:48.000 But there was a scene where they're at this dead guy's funeral, and I'm looking at the extras in the background shoveling dirt, and I finally saw who taught Kamala Harris how to use a shovel.
01:30:01.000 Now, I texted this to you separately, Ryan, and you can tell the editors tried to cut it out as much as possible, but it's there.
01:30:09.000 Just go full screen and take me out of this, because I narrate it.
01:30:16.000 So some baby monster told me to watch this show, Bad Monkey.
01:30:21.000 It's very acty, but look at this guy shoveling.
01:30:26.000 It's Kamala. That's good shoveling.
01:30:29.000 That's when he shoveled before.
01:30:31.000 But what is happening here?
01:30:34.000 What is happening there?
01:30:38.000 What the fuck? You're Mexican.
01:30:40.000 You never touched a shovel before?
01:30:42.000 Are you from Barcelona?
01:30:44.000 Look at that. I got the wrong kind of Spanish guy.
01:30:51.000 Fucking hilarious.
01:30:58.000 What am I doing here? What am I doing?
01:31:00.000 Sorry folks. Camila.
01:31:02.000 Oh yeah, so she did Call Her Daddy, which is just, it's Jebediah when she was a porn star.
01:31:07.000 No, she wasn't a porn star, when she was a horny broad.
01:31:10.000 It's just disgusting. They talk about blowjobs and she's childless.
01:31:14.000 She's really, Call Her Daddy is not benign.
01:31:16.000 I think it's really bad for society.
01:31:18.000 I'm not a prude, but just like Sex and the City, when you constantly promote being a dumb whore who doesn't, who is more interested in threesomes than marriage, You end up drying out ovaries.
01:31:31.000 And that's genocide.
01:31:34.000 Sex in the city prevented the birth of millions of babies.
01:31:39.000 Sex in the city killed more babies than abortion.
01:31:43.000 And Call Her Daddy's doing the same shit.
01:31:45.000 But luckily, there's some sane, funny broads out there who have the sprinkles.
01:31:49.000 And this was really well done.
01:31:52.000 I'm kind of ruining it with that setup.
01:31:54.000 But anyway, here she is on Call Her.
01:31:56.000 I wanted to have you here today to talk about your positions, not only in politics, but also in the bedroom.
01:32:04.000 Oh my god, thank you, Alex.
01:32:05.000 I'm so happy to be here. I love Collar Danny.
01:32:07.000 Do you know what the strongest weapon a woman has in this world?
01:32:10.000 The Gluck Gluck 9000.
01:32:11.000 Their voice. But I do carry a Glock.
01:32:14.000 It's... People want to talk fracking.
01:32:17.000 I want to talk f***ing.
01:32:19.000 Just to let the daddy gang know.
01:32:21.000 I relate to you. You know, I deal with the same problems you deal with.
01:32:24.000 You know, we're all horny girl bosses just trying to get to the top, you know?
01:32:29.000 And being middle class...
01:32:31.000 Are you into bondage?
01:32:36.000 Oh my god, Alex, you know.
01:32:38.000 When I was a prosecutor, I put a lot of...
01:32:41.000 It's so perfect! The hands, yeah.
01:32:42.000 Let's talk Donald Trump.
01:32:44.000 Let me be clear, you know.
01:32:46.000 Donald Trump is neither mindful, nor demure, nor brat.
01:32:51.000 Okay, when I'm elected...
01:32:52.000 That's a real line. They talk about demure.
01:32:55.000 Like it's a good thing.
01:32:57.000 Who uses the word demure?
01:32:59.000 When I think of demure, I don't know.
01:33:00.000 I think of lingerie or something.
01:33:02.000 It's such a gay word.
01:33:04.000 Demure. Yeah, I know what I saw it in.
01:33:08.000 It was in a, I think it's in our cop emails.
01:33:12.000 It'd be tough to find, but it's this super gay cop propaganda video from some, I don't know, Arizona sheriff.
01:33:20.000 And they talk about how when I approach a situation, I am calm, cool, and collected.
01:33:25.000 Always demure.
01:33:28.000 And they have like seven different cops doing it.
01:33:31.000 We don't have to find it.
01:33:32.000 I just explained it. But what a weird...
01:33:35.000 What does demure mean?
01:33:36.000 It means like coy and reserved, modest, and shy.
01:33:41.000 Typically used of a woman. Yeah.
01:33:43.000 It's like a sexy girl going...
01:33:44.000 Do you do any female imitations?
01:33:49.000 No, not really.
01:33:51.000 You should work on a Kamala Harris.
01:33:52.000 It looks attainable.
01:33:55.000 Okay. Okay. What we have to do.
01:34:05.000 Okay. That sounds Jewish.
01:34:09.000 This one's going around.
01:34:11.000 I've been sent this a thousand times, but we got to put it in the time capsule.
01:34:15.000 Men being men. And you can tell they're all beta males too, especially the fat Hispanic.
01:34:19.000 But these are all tough guys.
01:34:23.000 Resizing, showing.
01:34:26.000 I'm a man. No, you're not.
01:34:28.000 I'm a man. Yes, you are. I'm a man, man.
01:34:29.000 Yes, you are. I'm man enough.
01:34:31.000 No, you're not. I'm man enough to enjoy a barrel-proof bourbon.
01:34:33.000 Neat. Ooh! I'm going to cook my steak rare.
01:34:36.000 Why are you sitting like that?
01:34:38.000 Yeah, why are you sitting like a hot chick?
01:34:40.000 And why are you wearing...
01:34:43.000 That looks like a Ken Dolls shirt.
01:34:46.000 That is literally a third-grader school photo stance.
01:34:49.000 What is with your hat, too?
01:34:51.000 You look like a penis. You're a dickhead.
01:34:55.000 Is he sitting on his barbecue?
01:34:57.000 It's a tailgate. Oh, I see.
01:35:00.000 Yeah, with some hay on it.
01:35:02.000 Yeah, farmers don't wear those kind of fucking gross Costco shirts that are all flimsy.
01:35:08.000 The only thing worse than that shirt is when a sweatshirt is that material and the hood is all thin and soft.
01:35:15.000 Yuck. What's with the straw behind your ass, homeboy?
01:35:19.000 You looking like the scarecrow shotted and shit.
01:35:22.000 Yeah. Yeah, that's not a good thing.
01:35:34.000 You're not supposed to do that. Well, you should be scared of brown bears, but yeah, black bears are just pests.
01:35:41.000 You can kick them in the head. Ooh, you spore.
01:35:45.000 I'm not afraid of women.
01:35:47.000 I'm not afraid of women.
01:35:48.000 They want to control their bodies?
01:35:49.000 I say, go for it.
01:35:51.000 Stop. How many times have you heard a biker say that?
01:35:53.000 Hey, man, you want to control your body?
01:35:56.000 I say, yeah, of course you're pro-choice.
01:35:57.000 You fuck sluts all day.
01:36:00.000 We have to start a family? I'm not afraid of families.
01:36:04.000 I'm not afraid of families.
01:36:06.000 Are we afraid of families?
01:36:08.000 You are afraid of families, by the way, DNC, radical left.
01:36:13.000 How many articles can we pull up saying that kids are a burden and they're bad for society, they're bad for the environment?
01:36:20.000 It's neglectful, it's harmful, it's negligent to breed because our population is so high.
01:36:25.000 How many times have you heard that? Retarded argument.
01:36:27.000 That's a war on family.
01:36:29.000 What is welfare? Shattered the black family.
01:36:32.000 It's a war on family. If you have a picture, say the front cover of Time was an all-white family by a fireplace during Christmas, you know how mad people would get?
01:36:42.000 It would be considered racist.
01:36:55.000 Wait, stop.
01:37:08.000 Did you know that, that we want to ban the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?
01:37:12.000 I don't recall that being an issue.
01:37:14.000 We want to ban genderqueer, which is a graphic novel that depicts various oral sex techniques, and we don't want prepubescent children to read those.
01:37:25.000 I apologize. I guess I'm a scaredy cat.
01:37:29.000 The raw dog of flight.
01:37:31.000 It sucked. Not worth it.
01:37:33.000 I'm man enough to be emotional in front of my wife.
01:37:35.000 In front of my kids. In front of my horse.
01:37:39.000 I'm man enough to tell you that I cry at Love Actually.
01:37:41.000 Goodwill hunting. West Side Story.
01:37:43.000 Stop, stop. You blew it.
01:37:45.000 You were trying to appeal to regular guys, because you know you already have the female vote, and then you say you cried at Love Actually.
01:37:52.000 Well, if I was on the fence, I'm out now.
01:37:57.000 To tell you that I cry at Love Actually.
01:37:59.000 Good Will Hunting. West Side Story.
01:38:01.000 And Predator. And I'm sick of so-called...
01:38:04.000 And Predator? You cried at a musical?
01:38:06.000 And Predator's a happy action movie that get the guy at the end.
01:38:11.000 We called men domineering, belittling, and controlling women just so they can feel more powerful.
01:38:17.000 That's not how my mama raised me.
01:38:18.000 I love women. I love women who support their families.
01:38:21.000 Women who decide not to have families.
01:38:23.000 Women who take charge. Can you find some actual farmers who are Democrats?
01:38:29.000 I guess they wouldn't be good actors.
01:38:30.000 So that's unbelievably embarrassing.
01:38:32.000 I can't believe how bad they are at their job.
01:38:35.000 But they are retarded.
01:38:36.000 I know a lot of you think it's all a big plan.
01:38:39.000 It's run by Klaus Schwab.
01:38:41.000 And I tend to not give them that much credit.
01:38:44.000 I think they're fucking retarded.
01:38:45.000 Look at the level of retardation they are capable of in one day.
01:38:51.000 This is a feat.
01:38:54.000 Click on those picture by picture here.
01:38:58.000 So, picture by picture.
01:39:01.000 Biden tells Trump to get a life, man.
01:39:03.000 Help these people. President Trump visited North Carolina and Georgia and raised millions of dollars for the victims, even though he is not the one currently in charge of the government.
01:39:12.000 Yeah, Trump did all this.
01:39:15.000 And Biden tells him to get a life and help these people.
01:39:20.000 Then we have the Jewish Greek man, Mayorkas, who says hate speech and deplorable speech is ruining hurricane recovery efforts.
01:39:29.000 We're unable to get you food because you're a MAGA guy.
01:39:36.000 Hate speech.
01:39:37.000 Tim Wall's wife is spending her time on the campaign trail reading gay books to kids about gay dads taking care of their cats, in case you were wondering.
01:39:47.000 And finally, Karine Jean-Pierre is asked, she refused to comment on this, but she's asked, zoom out, I can't read it.
01:39:58.000 Does the administration believe there was adequate vetting considering the Afghan national they imported into the country was plotting a terrorist attack and it was a security guard for the CIA? Karine does what she does best and that's avoid the question.
01:40:12.000 That's a day. Here's another raging example of their retardation.
01:40:18.000 And it's the end of the show.
01:40:19.000 Oh no, almost the end of the show.
01:40:22.000 One more after this. What the living fuck is this?
01:40:31.000 By the way, they're both smoke shows.
01:40:35.000 So, we were making fun of Kamala because she talked about eating a bag of Doritos.
01:40:41.000 And so I guess they're owning that by loving Doritos?
01:40:45.000 Okay, I get that. If it was just Whitmer eating Doritos, right?
01:40:49.000 Then I'd get it. And she was like, these are delicious.
01:40:51.000 I'd get that bit. But I don't get the S&M subservient les.
01:40:56.000 I think it's like a fake communion.
01:40:59.000 Oh, right. They're mocking communion.
01:41:01.000 But you don't get down on your knees.
01:41:02.000 I do, yeah. The kneeler.
01:41:04.000 It depends on what...
01:41:06.000 At my church, you just get in a line, you walk up to the guy and he throws some food in your face.
01:41:11.000 Yeah. Some people receive in the hand, and some people receive with Eucharistic ministers.
01:41:16.000 Ours is not that.
01:41:17.000 We have a kneeler, like a rail?
01:41:19.000 What is it called? Oh, right. What do you say?
01:41:21.000 Do you say, God bless?
01:41:22.000 We don't say anything for the Latin right.
01:41:25.000 In the Novus Ordo, you say, Amen.
01:41:27.000 Amen. I'm a real man.
01:41:29.000 I like sacrilegious seed oils in my administration.
01:41:33.000 So is she saying fuck you Catholics?
01:41:35.000 I think they're just like, I don't know, maybe the symbolism of receiving the, that is their Eucharist.
01:41:43.000 But it's a fuck you to Catholics. I don't know if they, well she's a witch apparently.
01:41:49.000 So they're saying we have a new religion now and it's Kamala.
01:41:53.000 Governor Whitmer. But outside of being a Catholic and being offended, that just seems like a terrible strategy to mock one of the most popular religions in the country.
01:42:04.000 Like, don't you want Catholics? Irish Catholics fucking love the Dems.
01:42:08.000 So you have a card there you're just taking a crap on.
01:42:12.000 It seems like you might be referring to conspiracy theory or misinformation regarding Whitmer.
01:42:16.000 There have been various unfounded claims and controversies around her, particularly during the pandemic, if she has an aspect of Okay, thanks for helping, robots.
01:42:23.000 You did a good job. All right, last thing, speaking of this administration, if you sign up to the Tucker Network, it's $6 a month.
01:42:32.000 I'm giving it free promo here.
01:42:33.000 You could try it and then quit.
01:42:35.000 But one of the things you get when you sign up is this cool new movie that James O'Keefe just put out yesterday.
01:42:43.000 About the border.
01:42:45.000 And he's a real journalist, which means he doesn't just Google shit.
01:42:48.000 He actually goes down there and examines it.
01:42:51.000 And he went to the border.
01:42:54.000 He, with a Mexican looking dude, the guy got, not only did he get free American citizenship right away, but he was able to sign up just random people like Gavin McInnes, Ryan Rivera.
01:43:06.000 We get citizenship, boom.
01:43:07.000 We're not even there. And he signs us up on a form.
01:43:11.000 You're gonna be clicking on this?
01:43:12.000 Yeah. But I can give him my name.
01:43:15.000 At St. Paul's Episcopal Church, affiliated with an NGO called La Hornada, an immigrant can claim they were homeless and if they could get proof they had resided somewhere, like a homeless shelter for 15 days, they could receive New York residency documents.
01:43:30.000 If I pay for my friends, can I get...
01:43:33.000 Okay, so not citizenship, New York residence.
01:43:35.000 How far could we push the envelope?
01:43:36.000 The workers at La Jornada were asked if we could procure residency for people who weren't even there.
01:43:42.000 Is there names? Okay.
01:43:47.000 we wrote down four names, including yours truly.
01:43:51.000 What do you think?
01:43:55.000 Four. How much?
01:43:57.000 Forty.
01:43:58.000 Forty bucks.
01:43:59.000 Four fingers.
01:44:01.000 Here's a cleaver. Cool way to get a fake fake ID. You know?
01:44:06.000 That's why this is the last election.
01:44:08.000 If we don't have borders, we don't have a country.
01:44:10.000 If we don't have elections, we don't have a democracy.
01:44:13.000 The DNC is attacking both of those things and then you just cease to be.
01:44:20.000 A man without a job is not a man.
01:44:22.000 A country without a border is not a country.
01:44:25.000 A democracy without elections is no longer a democracy.
01:44:29.000 It is a bizarre globalist cesspool dictatorship run by retards.
01:44:36.000 And that's going to do irrevocable damage that we cannot come back from.
01:44:42.000 So it's all in or nothing.
01:44:45.000 You go the Elon Musk route and jump in with both feet or you lose this country.
01:44:50.000 And we are the spearhead of the West.
01:44:53.000 Without us at the helm, the entire Western world begins to collapse.
01:44:59.000 We are the place that people want to get to.
01:45:02.000 And if there's nowhere to go, then you're stuck in China, you're stuck in Russia, you're stuck in hell.
01:45:08.000 We're supposed to be the goal to legally immigrate to.
01:45:12.000 Or just legally do business with.
01:45:15.000 I mean, 80% of Canada's economy is contingent on American business.
01:45:19.000 If America's down the hole, then Canada has no one to sell lumber to and then Canada's toast.
01:45:25.000 And so it goes until we're all fucking Cuba.
01:45:29.000 I don't want to be Cuban.
01:45:31.000 It sucks there. All right, Ryan, I was going to get to the mailbag unless you wanted to add any sort of last minute things.
01:45:38.000 Look, they say that Kamala's over.
01:45:42.000 Dem's panic is Cam falters and Trump pulls ahead.
01:45:46.000 I think we got this, boys.
01:45:48.000 I'm ahead. Okay.
01:45:51.000 Oh. Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
01:45:57.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
01:46:02.000 Let me touch it. Seriously, Ryan, fuck you, it says.
01:46:13.000 I was watching Tuesday's episode today and got to the State Trooper part while I was watching it.
01:46:18.000 I was eating my spaghetti.
01:46:20.000 Due to you being a complete and actual retard, I laughed the hardest I've laughed since the Marty spit take about salt.
01:46:26.000 Does he mean Matty? I started choking on my own spaghetti.
01:46:31.000 I coughed it up all over my keyboard, so now I have spaghetti in my sinus and a buttery keyboard.
01:46:36.000 That legitimately was one of the funniest bits I've seen on the show in a long-ass time, he says.
01:46:43.000 Spaghetti in my sinus.
01:46:45.000 For those of you not familiar with the show, this gentleman is referring to Ryan.
01:46:52.000 We were mocking the black woman who were suing the state troopers for the test being too hard, and they won $2.7 million.
01:46:58.000 We looked up the test. It was incredibly easy, but Ryan took about 30 minutes to get one of the multiple choice questions correct.
01:47:05.000 Now I showed on, or Eric Adams showed on his show, Celebrity Mailbag, that Anthony had a little bit of trouble with the same thing.
01:47:13.000 More the reading comprehension than the math.
01:47:15.000 Well it is, in your defense, it is fucking weird doing math when a camera's pointing at you.
01:47:23.000 It's true. And remembering names is also really weird.
01:47:25.000 You'll forget like Robert De Niro.
01:47:28.000 You'd be an Italian guy, gay dad, theater kid.
01:47:32.000 You're going to show Anthony fucking it up?
01:47:34.000 I think I fucked it up too.
01:47:36.000 Problem. Go back.
01:47:38.000 Let's see. Alright, we don't have time to watch all that.
01:47:42.000 We get it. He got it wrong.
01:47:45.000 Hi Gavin, I'm Justin.
01:47:46.000 I don't know about white boy Tom.
01:47:48.000 I just blah blah blah. First off, I don't respect you enough to properly capitalize or punctuate my sentences.
01:47:53.000 Your beard is terrible.
01:47:56.000 You look like you truly believe 1912 was the best year in human history.
01:48:02.000 Sorry. Something else happened there.
01:48:04.000 You are a complete faggot and the crazy thing is I'm not a liberal.
01:48:08.000 I'm on your side. You give a terrible reputation to conservatives everywhere and I wish you and Ben Shapiro would just enter a homosexual relationship already.
01:48:16.000 I hope, and I'm sure, that you're living a good life, but I can't spare any sympathy for you, you hipster bearded little man fucking faggot.
01:48:24.000 What the frick?
01:48:26.000 I would be extremely delighted if I found out you killed yourself and am completely unbothered by any litigation that may come from me suggesting you kill yourself.
01:48:34.000 Therefore, I suggest you kill yourself.
01:48:36.000 The world would be a little less gay without you, Gavin.
01:48:39.000 Why'd you name the Proud Boys that anyway?
01:48:41.000 I bet you're full of pride, huh, faggot?
01:48:43.000 Best wishes, please kill yourself That wasn't nice at all
01:48:54.000 Thanks for watching!
01:49:00.000 What are you doing?
01:49:04.000 Putting the computer away?
01:49:05.000 Sure we need the computer for the mailbag.
01:49:12.000 Gav.
01:49:14.000 We need the computer for the mailbag.
01:49:16.000 Bye.
01:49:16.000 Thank you.
01:49:18.000 Or I could read the...
01:49:19.000 I could read them.
01:49:21.000 I'll read them. Let's see.
01:49:25.000 Josh writes in.
01:49:28.000 Loved the cops episode.
01:49:30.000 I had a question on the legality of traveling through different states with illegal substances.
01:49:37.000 Do they charge you based on the origin of the drug, or do they charge you with the state that you're in?
01:49:44.000 Good question! We don't have the cops here today, but...
01:49:48.000 Gavin. Show's over here.
01:49:52.000 Show's over here, Gavin.
01:49:55.000 Thank you. Were you like erecting yourself?
01:50:40.000 Like, were you getting the vertebrae erect?
01:50:42.000 Yeah, I was getting the vertebrae erect.
01:50:45.000 You are five foot five and a half.
01:50:51.000 That is shortest can be.
01:50:57.000 It's the shortest thing in the world.