Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 03, 2024


S6E59 - GIRAFFE LESBIANS (FREE SHIT)


Episode Stats

Length

39 minutes

Words per Minute

151.14658

Word Count

5,998

Sentence Count

670

Misogynist Sentences

29

Hate Speech Sentences

24


Summary

Aisha Madone's ode to Michelle Obama is a love song about Michelle Obama. Gavin McInnes thinks it's a feminist anthem based on a quote: "When they go low, we go high." Gavin also talks about mice.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
00:00:20.000 Music playing.
00:00:48.000 That was day two of our terrible intro songs.
00:00:51.000 That's an ode to Michelle Obama, if you can believe that.
00:00:56.000 What's it called?
00:00:59.000 Michelle Obama?
00:01:02.000 It's called Michelle Obama by Aisha Madone.
00:01:07.000 Aisha?
00:01:09.000 Like, I was listening to the lyrics.
00:01:11.000 They don't seem very Michelle Obama-y.
00:01:15.000 She's not talking about traps or lats.
00:01:18.000 Yeah, don't want to waste my time watching you waste mine.
00:01:20.000 Let me hug you as I leave, holding my head high.
00:01:22.000 Thanks for the good times.
00:01:24.000 Anyway, if you need to hate me, then I'm sorry, baby.
00:01:27.000 I'm really not one to fight.
00:01:28.000 What?
00:01:30.000 It's a love song about Michelle Obama?
00:01:34.000 That's beyond retarded.
00:01:37.000 Just because I forgive you doesn't mean I need you in my life.
00:01:40.000 Did you want the satisfaction?
00:01:41.000 Do you wish that I had set your house alight?
00:01:45.000 The White House?
00:01:47.000 Don't want to waste time...
00:01:49.000 What the fuck is this?
00:01:52.000 I don't understand.
00:01:55.000 Why did she...
00:01:56.000 Why?
00:01:58.000 I guess I should know that before I come on the show, right?
00:02:01.000 I'm supposed to have done my research.
00:02:03.000 Get that out of here.
00:02:06.000 Uh...
00:02:09.000 This is my favorite song I've put out so far.
00:02:12.000 To me, it represents something good.
00:02:15.000 Okay, let's check her Instagram.
00:02:18.000 Michelle Obama's not known.
00:02:19.000 This is my favorite song I've put out so far.
00:02:20.000 To me, it represents making something good of a hard situation.
00:02:23.000 Hope you dance or cry or heal to it.
00:02:27.000 Why did you name it Michelle Obama, you weirdo?
00:02:33.000 I think she's a relatively successful artist.
00:02:36.000 Guys, Michelle Obama's out tomorrow.
00:02:37.000 The song is about taking a high road in the face of disrespect and heartbreak.
00:02:43.000 Because we know there's a lot of assholes in this world.
00:02:46.000 I wanted this song to be a feminist anthem after my mom, Michelle Obama.
00:02:51.000 It's based around a quote.
00:02:53.000 Oh, this is...
00:02:53.000 When they go low, we go high.
00:02:57.000 And I was really inspired by that.
00:02:59.000 Wait, wait, wait.
00:03:00.000 That's not Michelle Obama's daughter.
00:03:03.000 Does she mean mom?
00:03:05.000 Probably, like zaddy, daddy, mom, mom, maybe?
00:03:09.000 Yeah, her kids are fucking hideous.
00:03:13.000 She's an Australian actress and singer.
00:03:17.000 Alright, I'm powerfully confused.
00:03:19.000 My mom.
00:03:20.000 Do you like my new suit?
00:03:22.000 Oh wow, nice.
00:03:23.000 I used to say I can't get a suit with a dense pattern because it has a moire and then I thought, I like that.
00:03:29.000 Makes you look electric.
00:03:30.000 If we have these distracting us, why not have a weird pattern?
00:03:33.000 You look like an electric man.
00:03:35.000 Yeah, why not?
00:03:36.000 It's more information.
00:03:38.000 And I learned in my many years of suits that no one ever sees the inside of your suit, so why not have strippers?
00:03:46.000 So I've got strippers all over the inside of my suit.
00:03:48.000 They say more is more.
00:03:50.000 Yeah.
00:03:50.000 More is the new less.
00:03:51.000 Check this out, though.
00:03:53.000 Shall I go up to the camera?
00:03:54.000 I could zoom in for you.
00:03:56.000 Where?
00:03:57.000 With this?
00:03:58.000 With this cam here.
00:04:01.000 Does it autofocus?
00:04:02.000 No, but this does.
00:04:03.000 So if you step up to here.
00:04:07.000 I have a new logo.
00:04:09.000 He has a new logo, he says.
00:04:14.000 So, fun interior.
00:04:16.000 Then these fun pants.
00:04:21.000 Socks aren't great.
00:04:22.000 Socks are my Budweiser socks, but...
00:04:27.000 It's laundry day, and I have some extra socks at the office, but I couldn't use those because they've been nested in.
00:04:34.000 The mice have been nesting in my Socky Lockies.
00:04:38.000 And yesterday, I was looking through there, right?
00:04:42.000 And I itched my eye, and I'm very allergic to mice, especially mice droppings, and my eye fell off.
00:04:51.000 My eye broke yesterday.
00:04:54.000 The top of my mouth was sort of like puffy and I was having trouble breathing.
00:04:58.000 I'm like, I need a fucking EpiPen.
00:05:00.000 I'm going to have to go to the hospital.
00:05:02.000 I took some pictures of it.
00:05:03.000 It was a horror movie.
00:05:05.000 It looks horrific.
00:05:06.000 It's still bad.
00:05:07.000 It's still not perfect now.
00:05:08.000 It's still kind of puffy now.
00:05:13.000 But that was one of them.
00:05:16.000 Complete with eyebrow dandruff.
00:05:18.000 But there's more.
00:05:20.000 Look at that.
00:05:23.000 And I think there's a worse one.
00:05:25.000 Yeah, those are not doing it justice.
00:05:27.000 I was a circus freak all night.
00:05:30.000 We could boost up the contrast to make it, or the saturation.
00:05:35.000 So this is what you get when you order stuff from Nita Fashions.
00:05:38.000 Wait, there's a good thumbnail.
00:05:42.000 Free...
00:05:44.000 Today's the free show, I guess.
00:05:48.000 This is my new thing I've been getting.
00:05:50.000 A red inner collar.
00:05:52.000 And they do it on the cuffs, too.
00:05:54.000 You see that?
00:05:58.000 And you'd think when they come, they're going to be all crumpled up.
00:06:01.000 And I'll have to take them to the dry cleaner.
00:06:04.000 It's surprising how unwrinkled they are.
00:06:06.000 I don't know.
00:06:06.000 They've got some great folding techniques.
00:06:10.000 So you should give them a little bit of...
00:06:11.000 I have a steamer at home, so I just give a little steam blast.
00:06:15.000 But then I got these.
00:06:16.000 What are those, Gavin?
00:06:17.000 That's a suit I already have.
00:06:19.000 Yeah.
00:06:19.000 But I got it boot cut for my cowboy boots.
00:06:23.000 So I said, I already like this suit.
00:06:26.000 I don't have a whole suit just for cowboy boots.
00:06:28.000 So one of my suits now has normal sort of tapered legs like I like, like the mods.
00:06:34.000 And then a boot cut for when I want to wear my boots.
00:06:38.000 Isn't that exciting?
00:06:40.000 I'm thrilled.
00:06:41.000 So you go to nidafashions.com.
00:06:44.000 Type in whatever you want.
00:06:47.000 No, contact us.
00:06:49.000 You go to their Instagram page.
00:06:50.000 It's usually how most of you young people like getting a hold of them.
00:06:53.000 Set up a fitting.
00:06:55.000 And they can do it online.
00:06:57.000 I don't think they're going to be touring for a little bit.
00:06:59.000 So you can wait for that.
00:07:01.000 Those are the two dudes.
00:07:03.000 Peter and Neil.
00:07:06.000 Uh...
00:07:08.000 And, you know, everyone should have a suit.
00:07:10.000 You go to weddings, you go to funerals, and there's nothing like a tailored suit.
00:07:13.000 It's like flying first class.
00:07:15.000 Once you do it, you can't go back.
00:07:16.000 Oh, I forgot one thing.
00:07:18.000 The cuffs are kind of folded when you get them.
00:07:21.000 You gotta iron those out.
00:07:23.000 One flaw.
00:07:24.000 I forgot.
00:07:25.000 That's my bad.
00:07:26.000 That's my bad.
00:07:26.000 Don't blame that on Nina fashions.
00:07:30.000 Boy, I'm in the doghouse in a pretty bad way at home.
00:07:35.000 That yelling at the gypsy cab drivers did not impress my wife.
00:07:40.000 Because she goes, they're clearly criminals, they're gypsy cabs.
00:07:43.000 One of the guys was this giant, she said Jamaican, but I think she meant black.
00:07:47.000 And, you know, those guys could have stabbed her and hurt the kids.
00:07:52.000 So she goes, don't go picking fights with criminals when we're with the kids.
00:07:56.000 Or even when I'm there.
00:07:59.000 I said, okay.
00:08:00.000 My defense was, it's an airport.
00:08:02.000 It's full of police.
00:08:03.000 It's one of the safest places there is.
00:08:05.000 But her point was, I didn't see any police.
00:08:08.000 So, I was a bad boy.
00:08:11.000 I think I'm kind of out of the doghouse now.
00:08:13.000 The fact that she's converted from liberalism to Trump has really helped our relationship.
00:08:18.000 Because when we're in a fight, I just bring out something like, Oh, can you believe they're doing this with Hunter Biden now?
00:08:24.000 They're calling it the insanity defense?
00:08:26.000 And cringe Jean-Pierre.
00:08:28.000 She's blaming war politics for Biden's need to be pardoned.
00:08:33.000 Hunter's need to be pardoned.
00:08:35.000 It's like, what the fuck?
00:08:37.000 Yeah, honey, isn't it crazy?
00:08:38.000 I think it's a great sign that it's not like, honey, leave that guy alone.
00:08:42.000 That poor immigrant's trying to make a living.
00:08:45.000 He's a violent criminal.
00:08:46.000 We have to be careful.
00:08:47.000 I don't want to be involved in your imminent stabbing.
00:08:50.000 Right.
00:08:51.000 That's a plus.
00:08:53.000 Now this is going to bother me the whole show.
00:08:55.000 I didn't notice it until you said it, but yes, now it is bothering me.
00:08:58.000 We should probably just stop.
00:09:02.000 Okay.
00:09:03.000 Okay.
00:09:04.000 You know what else is cool about these shirts is you can fold them up like that.
00:09:32.000 you're not going to be able to do it.
00:09:34.000 Isn't that fun?
00:09:36.000 I didn't do it a hundred percent.
00:09:40.000 Okay, while I get redressed, let's cut to the most annoying thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:09:48.000 I can't believe this exists.
00:09:51.000 I... Understand serial killers now.
00:09:54.000 Yesterday we were talking about murdering everyone who goes to see Coffee House Folk.
00:09:59.000 Is that what it's called?
00:10:01.000 Coffee House Pop?
00:10:02.000 Whatever the fuck it's called.
00:10:05.000 This also justifies mass killings.
00:10:08.000 Can you imagine if you were here?
00:10:10.000 Let me tell you what's happening.
00:10:12.000 It's very simple.
00:10:14.000 There's a fire on the plane.
00:10:16.000 All right?
00:10:17.000 So just let's all leave in single file.
00:10:20.000 We don't want anyone to die of smoke inhalation.
00:10:23.000 Then we'll go out.
00:10:24.000 We'll wait.
00:10:25.000 We'll put out the fire.
00:10:26.000 It's probably not a big deal.
00:10:27.000 You don't have a lot of towering infernos on a plane.
00:10:29.000 It's probably some coffee pot thing.
00:10:32.000 We'll make sure that's out.
00:10:33.000 Whew!
00:10:34.000 We'll clear out the plane, double check to make sure there wasn't anything more serious, then you can come the fuck back on.
00:10:41.000 So, leave all your shit on the plane.
00:10:43.000 Pretty simple, right?
00:10:45.000 How fast did I just make it out of here when I decided to fix my coughs?
00:10:49.000 I think it was a nanosecond.
00:10:51.000 Check out how many people have decided not to exit the fucking plane.
00:10:57.000 Out!
00:11:02.000 Go out!
00:11:04.000 Go out.
00:11:05.000 Go forward.
00:11:06.000 Go forward.
00:11:07.000 Do not take your back.
00:11:09.000 Go forward.
00:11:10.000 Go forward.
00:11:11.000 Do not take your bags!
00:11:13.000 It's just this fucking thing!
00:11:14.000 It's out!
00:11:15.000 It's outside!
00:11:16.000 Go forward!
00:11:17.000 Do not take your bags!
00:11:19.000 Go forward!
00:11:20.000 Do not take your bags!
00:11:22.000 Go forward, do not take your bags!
00:11:25.000 How many times does she have to say this?
00:11:28.000 Look at these Germans.
00:11:35.000 Watch, we have to get the thing out of the stuff.
00:11:39.000 What's happening?
00:11:40.000 Go!
00:11:41.000 Leave your fucking bags!
00:11:45.000 Get the fuck out!
00:11:50.000 Look, now the electricity's out.
00:11:52.000 Look at him just standing there.
00:11:54.000 They all are.
00:11:55.000 They're messing with, like, bathroom bags.
00:11:57.000 Okay, well, if we're leaving, I should probably get my contact lens.
00:12:02.000 And then there's these kids just standing there.
00:12:04.000 Look at this Arab guy.
00:12:05.000 He wants to go back.
00:12:07.000 Can I just grab that?
00:12:09.000 No!
00:12:10.000 Okay, I'm just going to grab this.
00:12:12.000 Why?
00:12:13.000 It's not like everything's going to be consumed in flames and you'll never see it again.
00:12:18.000 Look at this stewardess.
00:12:19.000 She's like, I can't even right now.
00:12:25.000 Now the pilot is coming up.
00:12:27.000 Get out of the plane!
00:12:31.000 Why are you looking back at me?
00:12:33.000 The exit is that way.
00:12:36.000 This white dude, the German, he's the worst of the group.
00:12:42.000 They're all real bad though.
00:12:46.000 Look at the Arab with his sideways baseball hat.
00:12:48.000 It's like he's checking every seat as he leaves.
00:12:58.000 What was so important that was there?
00:13:03.000 Still not going, folks.
00:13:06.000 Still not fucking moving.
00:13:08.000 This is slower than when it's not a fire.
00:13:19.000 Look at this guy.
00:13:20.000 That's the guy.
00:13:21.000 That's the fuck.
00:13:22.000 I want to find him.
00:13:24.000 He's yelling back at the flight attendants.
00:13:26.000 What would you like her to do?
00:13:28.000 Put the fire out?
00:13:31.000 Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?
00:13:36.000 No, that was very irritating.
00:13:41.000 Oh, Kurt Cobain.
00:13:43.000 I thought you were Harmony Corrine.
00:13:45.000 Nope.
00:13:46.000 I'm so mad.
00:13:50.000 This episode is also brought to you by Purple Works Nutrition.
00:13:54.000 I didn't take it today.
00:13:56.000 I did five days of booze and it was hair on the dog, so you don't really eat.
00:14:01.000 And today at lunch I took a piss and it was dark yellow, like orange.
00:14:05.000 And that's because I'm not in shape.
00:14:07.000 I was on a bender because of the Feast of the Haggis, and the Chicago Scots dinner, and Thanksgiving, and Scottie Pippen's house.
00:14:18.000 And I was seeing my dad for the first time in a long time.
00:14:21.000 So every day, you'd have maybe a coffee, maybe not, and a bit of bread, and then it was back to the booze.
00:14:28.000 So that takes its toll.
00:14:30.000 You have to have a couple nights of 12 hours sleep.
00:14:34.000 And it's the sweats and the shaking and fucking...
00:14:37.000 Destiny's blowjob was going through my head.
00:14:42.000 Proud Boys were trying to kill me.
00:14:43.000 No, what?
00:14:45.000 It was just a fucking evil night.
00:14:49.000 And I finally made it through after 12 hours of sleep.
00:14:55.000 And...
00:14:58.000 Purple Works was nowhere to be found.
00:14:59.000 In any of this self-abuse, there was no Purple Works.
00:15:03.000 Because Purple Works is about the opposite.
00:15:05.000 It's about self-care and wellness and getting back in shape and building muscle and losing fat and feeling good about yourself.
00:15:12.000 I don't really work out for my body.
00:15:14.000 You've seen my body.
00:15:15.000 It's not great.
00:15:15.000 I work out for mental health.
00:15:18.000 And nothing gets you off your ass like Purple Works Nutrition.
00:15:22.000 Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, promo code Gavin.
00:15:26.000 Get some of this Invictus.
00:15:27.000 I'll be on it tomorrow.
00:15:29.000 You'll see when I talk to Anthony how much fitter and happier I am after getting out there and getting pumped.
00:15:36.000 My son knows I'm trying to catch up to his chest pressing 195, bench pressing 195. So I can hear him late at night.
00:15:44.000 Literally like 11 p.m.
00:15:45.000 I hear gong gong of the weight set in the garage.
00:15:50.000 So he might be up to 210. I don't know if that's possible for the G. That's a lot of fucking weight.
00:15:57.000 But that's my goal, is to be stronger than my 16-year-old son.
00:16:03.000 And Purple Works is going to get me there.
00:16:06.000 All right.
00:16:07.000 That's why we're free today.
00:16:09.000 I don't know how long we'll be free.
00:16:10.000 We may go through behind the paywall shortly.
00:16:12.000 I don't like to be too controversial on these free podcasts, and we have some pretty controversial stuff.
00:16:18.000 We have a segment on useless black female politicians, which I'm not happy about.
00:16:23.000 Ryan insisted we do that because he's a racist.
00:16:26.000 Yes.
00:16:27.000 And I begged him not to, but he threatened to cut himself.
00:16:31.000 Yeah.
00:16:32.000 It's the Kurt Cobain sort of mode that I'm in lately.
00:16:37.000 Yeah, you're very self-harmy.
00:16:39.000 Yeah, self-harmony, Corinne.
00:16:41.000 Oh, a pun!
00:16:42.000 That's a good idea.
00:16:43.000 But it's a callback to who you thought I was before.
00:16:46.000 Oh, so it's not a pun.
00:16:48.000 It's a wordplay, but you set the parameters and set the substrate for it to be acted upon.
00:16:53.000 Blame yourself.
00:16:55.000 Okay.
00:16:56.000 Otherwise, you might be wrong, which is not possible.
00:16:59.000 Nope.
00:17:01.000 Robots...
00:17:02.000 Is a common subject on this show next to plain etiquette.
00:17:07.000 I am not denying automation is imminent and prevalent and always changing.
00:17:15.000 You go to McDonald's now, you gotta type it in.
00:17:17.000 Alright, that's one thing.
00:17:18.000 There's some other things.
00:17:20.000 Everything is going to be automated.
00:17:22.000 No.
00:17:23.000 If a third world person can do it, it's going to be done by them.
00:17:30.000 Okay?
00:17:30.000 Go to New Jersey and get gas.
00:17:32.000 It's all Pakistanis, Bangladeshis.
00:17:34.000 It's all Pajits.
00:17:36.000 Because they'll work for nothing.
00:17:38.000 Literally nothing.
00:17:38.000 Like in a subway, they'll have one Indian with some money.
00:17:41.000 He'll buy a subway and then his entire family will come over and work at the subway for free.
00:17:46.000 Not easy to compete with that, by the way.
00:17:50.000 So, you know that I fucking hate the concept of a real robot like, hello Gavin, can I get you a bud?
00:17:57.000 And then walking to the fridge and getting me a beer.
00:18:00.000 I mean, we'll just have servants before we would ever do that.
00:18:03.000 But even within the parameters of automation, there's a lot of annoying shit, like electric cars.
00:18:09.000 Or check out this incredible upgrade on going to get gas.
00:18:14.000 You just go there and a robot does it.
00:18:16.000 Boom!
00:18:16.000 All you have to do is sense where the thing is and then change from sensor to vacuum.
00:18:26.000 So then he pulls it open, which you know that thing is going to get all damaged and fall apart and not work after a while.
00:18:32.000 Then all I have to do is analyze your hole.
00:18:37.000 They should do this with gynecologists.
00:18:39.000 You just sit there in the stirrups.
00:18:41.000 Then it, I don't know, checks the labia.
00:18:44.000 It checks the anal lips of your gas thing.
00:18:48.000 Gets the right size and location.
00:18:51.000 Then the pump comes along.
00:18:52.000 It also needs its own blue guide.
00:18:56.000 Okay, then it gets in there, and boom, within two minutes we're already pumping gas.
00:19:03.000 And what does that cost?
00:19:04.000 It's probably only $150,000 to have one of those.
00:19:08.000 So, you can easily make back all your money with salaries in like seven years.
00:19:14.000 If you ignore, of course, the unbelievable cost of repairs, or even trying to find someone who can fix one of these fucking things.
00:19:24.000 We're giving people with robot degrees too much time and then boom it's closed and you're good to go.
00:19:32.000 Wait a minute.
00:19:33.000 What if you have a car from 2000 with a screw top?
00:19:37.000 Can it handle that?
00:19:39.000 We don't know.
00:19:40.000 Guaranteed it breaks.
00:19:41.000 Guaranteed someone sues the guy.
00:19:44.000 So you've spent...
00:19:45.000 Maybe I was a little old.
00:19:47.000 Let's say $210.
00:19:48.000 That cost $210,000.
00:19:49.000 Now you're getting sued because you scratched someone's car.
00:19:53.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:19:55.000 This is dumb.
00:19:56.000 It's just a dumb waste of time.
00:20:00.000 Speaking of a dumb waste of time, Wakanda had a skateboard competition, which I thought was pretty good.
00:20:05.000 May even go under sprinkles.
00:20:07.000 We've got some sprinkles to deal with in a second.
00:20:09.000 This was fascinating.
00:20:10.000 Tricks are different in Africa, I've noticed.
00:20:13.000 This is called the...
00:20:14.000 That's called the nail toe kiss dismount.
00:20:19.000 What's this one called?
00:20:21.000 See, we do different tricks on skateboards here.
00:20:23.000 This one is called the Slammer.
00:20:26.000 And you just...
00:20:27.000 Yeah, it's kind of a boneless one.
00:20:29.000 Very 90s, 80s skateboarding there.
00:20:33.000 Got some Neil Blender vibes.
00:20:35.000 And then, what do we got here?
00:20:37.000 You go up and you smash your thighs and you laugh.
00:20:40.000 Grab the board and get out of there.
00:20:42.000 No second chances, you'll notice.
00:20:46.000 I've always said girls can't skate, but African black girls really knocked that out of the park.
00:20:52.000 Look at everyone laughing.
00:20:54.000 Is there no standards in this country?
00:20:57.000 Continent?
00:20:59.000 Everyone just laughs.
00:21:01.000 There's no meritocracy.
00:21:04.000 There's no good or bad.
00:21:06.000 Yay!
00:21:08.000 That was one of the better ones, actually.
00:21:12.000 Something really uneventful about walking in the same way that you rolled in?
00:21:16.000 Yeah.
00:21:16.000 That seems like, ah, fucked up.
00:21:18.000 Go forward.
00:21:20.000 I've been practicing skateboarding for over one hour.
00:21:24.000 And this is what I came up with.
00:21:26.000 Yesterday, of course, we covered Wicked.
00:21:28.000 And all the cringe interviews they did, I didn't get to this.
00:21:33.000 It was sent in to us, apparently, British Film Board, maybe BBC, I don't know.
00:21:39.000 They have instituted a trigger warning because it's racist to criticize green people.
00:21:48.000 You remember the old saying, I don't care if you're black, red, white, green, purple?
00:21:53.000 Well, apparently, some people do care if you're green.
00:21:56.000 The Wicked movie is everywhere right now.
00:21:58.000 In fact, it's a huge moneymaker.
00:22:00.000 Moviegoers just can't get enough of it.
00:22:02.000 But in Europe, the musical is getting hit with trigger warnings.
00:22:06.000 The British Board of Film Classification is advising audiences about potentially triggering moments of so-called discrimination.
00:22:13.000 The board warns a green-skinned woman is mocked, bullied, and humiliated because of her skin color, and talking animals are persecuted in a fantastical society.
00:22:25.000 Critics on social media had a field day with that.
00:22:27.000 One called it peak absurdity.
00:22:29.000 Another said, this is how they are brainwashing your kids.
00:22:32.000 Someone else wrote, even fantasy is dangerous to the censors or maybe especially.
00:22:37.000 What about Shrek?
00:22:39.000 He was green, no one cared.
00:22:41.000 He was green, no one cared.
00:22:44.000 She's funny, isn't she?
00:22:45.000 I hate her.
00:22:46.000 I think she's dumb.
00:22:49.000 She got a friend of mine banned from Fox Forever for giving her a bear hug.
00:22:55.000 And then some cute toy company came out with one little...
00:22:58.000 It wasn't a monkey or anything.
00:23:00.000 It was like a bird.
00:23:01.000 They called it the Faulkner and she made them cease and desist.
00:23:05.000 You're dead to me.
00:23:06.000 Bye-bye.
00:23:07.000 By the way, that was very funny, what she just did.
00:23:10.000 And it reminded me of Sprinkles.
00:23:13.000 Let's open up the Sprinkles segment, Ryan.
00:23:15.000 Here it is, by the way.
00:23:17.000 Yeah.
00:23:18.000 Like, imagine...
00:23:19.000 She's making fun of Wicked for finding things offensive.
00:23:23.000 And she found that offensive.
00:23:25.000 I don't like the way I'm depicted.
00:23:27.000 I'm not cute enough.
00:23:30.000 I should be 10...
00:23:31.000 My eyes should be 10 times bigger.
00:23:33.000 Okay, I don't know if we can fit them in a toy box.
00:23:35.000 But yeah, let's cue the sprinkle segment Okay, I've never heard of this before but there's like a comedy troupe that It's kind of what we do.
00:24:04.000 They take the news, and they put a spin on it, and they use it for comedy.
00:24:09.000 I mean, Jon Stewart comes from a long line of funny men and women, and these guys...
00:24:16.000 I'm sorry.
00:24:19.000 I don't know what it is, but they have it.
00:24:23.000 And they regularly do the news.
00:24:26.000 They do funny segments about bananas.
00:24:28.000 And this is a segment wherein they have a time machine.
00:24:36.000 You're not going to believe this.
00:24:38.000 Oh my god.
00:24:41.000 Even her face is funny.
00:24:44.000 Previously, we do have a time machine, and our chief future correspondent, Jen Haston, is here to give us an update from about a year from now.
00:24:52.000 And Jen, I understand that you have good news?
00:24:54.000 That's right, Andrea.
00:24:55.000 All those cabinet picks that you folks have been stressing about have been fired.
00:25:00.000 Turns out Trump still can't keep an employee for longer than a few months.
00:25:03.000 Stop.
00:25:05.000 Just know it's okay to be reading your jokes, especially if we can see your eyes going like this.
00:25:11.000 That does not impede the bit at all.
00:25:13.000 This guy's fun, too.
00:25:15.000 He's wearing their logo.
00:25:16.000 What are they called?
00:25:17.000 The Faux News Network or something?
00:25:19.000 Phoenix News Network.
00:25:20.000 Phoenix.
00:25:21.000 F-E-N-I-X. F-N-N for short.
00:25:25.000 Heck yeah!
00:25:26.000 Well, that's great news!
00:25:28.000 Well, it was.
00:25:30.000 What do you mean?
00:25:31.000 Also, different audio, like, video qualities.
00:25:33.000 That really helps, too, because it's like, whoa!
00:25:35.000 Well, it helps separate the different comedians from their excellent comic timing.
00:25:40.000 True.
00:25:41.000 Well, after all those people got fired, he had to hire new ones.
00:25:45.000 Oh.
00:25:45.000 Are they worse?
00:25:47.000 Well, Chef Boyardee is running the FDA now.
00:25:50.000 Is that even a real guy?
00:25:52.000 No.
00:25:52.000 No, but that hasn't stopped him.
00:25:54.000 And Jared from Subway is running the Bureau of Children's Health, while Harvey Weinstein is in charge of the Department of Women's Health.
00:26:02.000 Dear God!
00:26:04.000 Also, Gislin Maxwell is running the FAA now.
00:26:08.000 Jesus Christ!
00:26:09.000 As we mentioned previously, we do.
00:26:11.000 Nice.
00:26:12.000 That's it.
00:26:13.000 Great punchlines.
00:26:14.000 That's the entire end of the bit is Jesus Christ.
00:26:19.000 How about that for an ending?
00:26:21.000 Underwritten.
00:26:22.000 Okay, click on the banana one.
00:26:23.000 The banana one is unbelievable.
00:26:26.000 He makes a bizarre, horny cock joke.
00:26:30.000 And then, well, I'll let him.
00:26:31.000 Nice neck, freak.
00:26:34.000 Sorry.
00:26:34.000 These emails have revealed the extent of a Swedish minister's banana phobia.
00:26:40.000 I don't get it.
00:26:41.000 How can you be afraid of bananas with their, uh, peeling yellow color and their lack of, uh, visible veins?
00:26:48.000 I mean, the only thing they're missing is a flared base.
00:26:51.000 Like for holding on to it while you eat it?
00:26:54.000 I guess you could say that.
00:26:56.000 Yeah.
00:26:57.000 What?
00:26:57.000 Oh, oh, come on, man.
00:26:59.000 No, I told you to stay out.
00:27:01.000 Come on!
00:27:04.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:27:07.000 Wow.
00:27:10.000 Wow.
00:27:11.000 Talk about unsprinkles.
00:27:13.000 I mean, like, the idea that there's more than one of these type of people, like, what is the chance?
00:27:19.000 It's the Hiroshima of comedy.
00:27:22.000 I feel like I'm just looking out at a giant cavern where Nagasaki used to be, and I'm seeing a few children just at their last breaths going, Horakusa!
00:27:35.000 What the fuck?
00:27:37.000 It is the comedic equivalent of the picture with the chick with the napalm.
00:27:42.000 It's the comedic equivalent of that picture of Kurt Cobain with a gun in his mouth.
00:27:45.000 I don't think there was a picture of that.
00:27:48.000 There was, dude.
00:27:49.000 We all saw you.
00:27:50.000 Did Courtney kill you?
00:27:53.000 I don't know, dude.
00:27:54.000 I'm dead.
00:27:55.000 Let's just randomly click on a different one.
00:27:57.000 Comedy comes in threes, right?
00:27:59.000 Wait, uh...
00:28:01.000 Do you think it's, like, the high school they came from?
00:28:03.000 Like, why are they all the same?
00:28:05.000 Why do they all think this is good?
00:28:06.000 Like, first you think it's some, like, puritanical Christian thing, but they end it with Jesus Christ and they make blowjob jokes, so I guess it's hyper-liberal because they hate Trump, but, like...
00:28:19.000 Chef Boyardee?
00:28:20.000 So then you go, oh, it's for kids.
00:28:21.000 No, there's blowjob jokes.
00:28:23.000 So who is their inspiration?
00:28:24.000 Like, it's not SNL. It's like the Wiggles?
00:28:29.000 Is there comments?
00:28:31.000 It must be retarded seniors.
00:28:35.000 Yeah, that dude is crazy.
00:28:36.000 Thank you.
00:28:37.000 In God we trust the only reason why this country hasn't gone fully to hell.
00:28:40.000 What's the bottom one?
00:28:41.000 Trump24 and don't forget Crisis King.
00:28:43.000 What am I watching?
00:28:44.000 You really spent time doing this.
00:28:46.000 Yeah, okay.
00:28:47.000 Let's see this.
00:28:48.000 State Attorney General has said that the state's school children are not required to listen to the state superintendent pray at them.
00:28:55.000 The superintendent has responded by working on improving Oklahoma's school system, which is ranked 49th in the nation.
00:29:03.000 Well, that's good!
00:29:04.000 I mean, it sounds like he definitely has...
00:29:06.000 I'm just kidding!
00:29:07.000 He ignored all that and went on a Bible-thumping spree on cable news.
00:29:11.000 And, if he keeps at it, maybe Oklahoma can be 50th next year!
00:29:17.000 The Oklahoma State...
00:29:18.000 Oh, that was it.
00:29:19.000 Okay.
00:29:19.000 So, what does that guy do?
00:29:22.000 What's that guy's role?
00:29:25.000 He just sits there praying, I guess?
00:29:30.000 Wow.
00:29:33.000 Why is it ranked 49th in the nation?
00:29:37.000 Oklahoma?
00:29:38.000 Are Native Americans to blame?
00:29:39.000 Who's skewing your stats?
00:29:45.000 Oh, they might be married?
00:29:47.000 It's like a Trump-hating pack.
00:29:51.000 I'm tired.
00:29:53.000 We have to stop.
00:29:53.000 I literally got a headache from that.
00:29:56.000 I got depressed from it.
00:29:59.000 Wow!
00:30:02.000 Alright, I think we're ready to start the show.
00:30:05.000 Why don't we do...
00:30:06.000 You know what?
00:30:07.000 Why don't we go behind a paywall?
00:30:09.000 Okay.
00:30:10.000 No!
00:30:12.000 No, let's do a couple things more.
00:30:14.000 A couple little silly things.
00:30:16.000 We were talking yesterday about Matt Walsh and how he keeps stealing my shit.
00:30:20.000 And someone mentioned he also does the whole, can you imagine if the races were reversed?
00:30:25.000 I think we're going a little far here.
00:30:27.000 I like the idea that someone successful steals my ideas.
00:30:33.000 But...
00:30:35.000 Races were reversed.
00:30:36.000 It's hard for me to put a copyright on that.
00:30:39.000 And also, I stole it from Roger Ailes.
00:30:42.000 Roger Ailes, a long time ago, when I started at Fox, he didn't tell me this.
00:30:45.000 I never spoke to him.
00:30:46.000 But I was told, I think by Greg Gutfeld, that Ailes loves reversing races.
00:30:51.000 So you see a scene where some woman didn't get this or didn't get that.
00:30:53.000 He goes, imagine it was a white woman not getting it and black people denying her.
00:30:56.000 What would that be like?
00:30:58.000 And I stole that.
00:31:00.000 So...
00:31:02.000 This, you got to look at the caption where he says, this almost never happens where the races are reversed.
00:31:10.000 A big group of white people beating up a black person.
00:31:13.000 So, with the races reversed, I think we're getting a little greedy here.
00:31:19.000 Agreed?
00:31:20.000 Yeah.
00:31:20.000 That seems like a kind of parallel thinking there.
00:31:23.000 Yeah.
00:31:24.000 I can't have copyrights on thoughts like that.
00:31:29.000 I saw an interesting thing here, a bit of God stuff before we go behind the paywall and get much more offensive.
00:31:36.000 Islam.
00:31:37.000 This guy talking about why Islam is better.
00:31:39.000 And he actually makes a great argument for Judaism.
00:31:44.000 Islam versus Christianity.
00:31:46.000 Why did I pick Islam?
00:31:47.000 Alright, let's hear it.
00:31:50.000 Right off the bat, this is a bad reason.
00:31:55.000 Because Christians also believe in one God.
00:31:58.000 I personally cannot comprehend worshipping a man.
00:32:00.000 This just does not make sense.
00:32:02.000 Christians don't just worship a random man.
00:32:04.000 We only worship one man because that man is also truly God.
00:32:08.000 Does your God not have enough power to do that?
00:32:10.000 Or is it not befitting of his majesty because he is too arrogant or insecure to walk among us?
00:32:15.000 God can and did humble himself to walk among us to give up his life to save us.
00:32:19.000 Christianity is founded on love.
00:32:21.000 How could you be against that?
00:32:22.000 Next.
00:32:23.000 Sects of Christianity, you must go to a priest in order for them to speak directly to God and cleanse your sins.
00:32:28.000 That just doesn't feel right to me.
00:32:30.000 You don't even understand Christianity, so why would you reject it?
00:32:33.000 A Christian believes you cannot pray directly to God yourself.
00:32:35.000 The only difference is some Christians believe that we can pray to others as well.
00:32:39.000 And by pray to, that usually means asking a saint to pray for you.
00:32:43.000 Regardless, that's an argument against a specific belief, not Christianity.
00:32:46.000 And wait a minute, isn't that mostly Catholicism?
00:32:49.000 Like, Protestants are very direct-to-God kind of people, are they not?
00:32:54.000 Well, I think the sacrament of confession exists in the Lutheran Church, but in an open confession that they do before.
00:32:59.000 Like, it's not a private confession sort of thing.
00:33:02.000 It's weird to have the sprinkles background for this.
00:33:04.000 Right.
00:33:05.000 Also, it's like Islam says that the Bible is true, and the Word of God, it's canonical or whatever, and it cannot be altered, but they claim that it was altered.
00:33:15.000 And confession is in the Bible, so confess your sins to one another.
00:33:20.000 So...
00:33:21.000 I'm always surprised by how few people know what immaculate conception means.
00:33:24.000 Right.
00:33:25.000 What does it mean?
00:33:26.000 It refers to Mary.
00:33:28.000 She's the immaculate conception.
00:33:29.000 Right, right, right.
00:33:30.000 Everyone thinks it's she had a baby without having sex.
00:33:34.000 No, it's she was born without sin.
00:33:36.000 Right.
00:33:38.000 All right, get rid of this background.
00:33:39.000 It's blasphemous.
00:33:40.000 We're going to hell.
00:33:41.000 Okay, oops.
00:33:42.000 I don't want that to happen.
00:33:44.000 Let's see.
00:33:49.000 Qur'an.
00:33:51.000 I have never read something so beautiful in all of my life.
00:33:53.000 How do you say that?
00:33:54.000 I mean, it's not like it says you can put your hands on your wife, that you should fight or tax unbelievers, or that you can marry little girls.
00:34:00.000 Anyways, next.
00:34:01.000 That the Bible has been heavily, heavily corrupted over the years.
00:34:05.000 Sure, buddy.
00:34:06.000 Prove it.
00:34:07.000 Qur'an, dated at the time of the Prophet ï·º, is still unchanged.
00:34:13.000 Did you just hear a chirp?
00:34:14.000 Oh, I did.
00:34:16.000 Oh, wow, he really is assimilating to his new culture.
00:34:20.000 Was he a black Hebrew Israelite just two days ago?
00:34:24.000 Variations in your manuscripts and early sources on variations would like to have a word with you.
00:34:28.000 God bless.
00:34:30.000 That was fun.
00:34:31.000 And then, last God thing.
00:34:34.000 I was so out of it.
00:34:36.000 I think I was still drunk yesterday.
00:34:37.000 But we spent all that time trying to find that God marriage guy.
00:34:41.000 It was in my fucking notes, bro.
00:34:44.000 Oh my me.
00:34:45.000 Oh my me.
00:34:46.000 Sam Hades?
00:34:49.000 So we were talking yesterday about how important it is to be married and how much that helps the children.
00:34:57.000 Gen Xers, boomers, even some millennials always talk about how good divorce is for them and their mental health or whatever.
00:35:04.000 They never talk about the kids.
00:35:05.000 These fucking polyamorous couples with sister wives in the fundamentalist Mormon camp, they always get divorced and then the kids are left wondering what the fuck all that was about.
00:35:16.000 So it's very hard on kids to not be married.
00:35:20.000 And if you're a Brady Bunch scenario, like we discussed yesterday, I talked to one of them, and he had recently gotten married, despite thinking of it as just a piece of paper, and he said, the kids just, it changed everything for the kids, because they knew our relationship wasn't a fling.
00:35:37.000 This is the tragedy of attacking marriage in our society.
00:35:42.000 What we're really doing is we're shattering marriage.
00:35:45.000 Our relationship to God.
00:35:47.000 And we're teaching children who are growing up in broken families not to believe in the love of God.
00:35:52.000 Because the earthly expression of that love is supposed to be the unbreakable fidelity of a husband and a wife.
00:35:58.000 The willingness of each to forgive each other, to cover over each other's sins, and to endure in the relationship.
00:36:03.000 When you see that broken down in the most important relationship, it's very hard for a young person to believe that God is faithful.
00:36:10.000 That God's love is hot, and even when I sin, He's not going to cast me off.
00:36:15.000 You wonder why there's so much depression in our culture, right?
00:36:18.000 Depression is going like this as divorce is skyrocketing and marriage fidelity is going down.
00:36:23.000 They're very interconnected.
00:36:24.000 The earthly intent of God to...
00:36:28.000 Birth hope in people through their own families is being destroyed.
00:36:34.000 And they don't have any witness to perpetual faithfulness and hope.
00:36:38.000 This is why it's so important for us to listen carefully to the scriptures, to the fathers, to those who have concepts that are directly from God and are not from our culture because our culture has nothing good to say about marriage.
00:36:55.000 Yeah, especially commercials.
00:37:00.000 All right, let's end the show here.
00:37:02.000 We're going to go behind the paywall now in our new suits and talk about much more controversial things.
00:37:09.000 If you're a freeloader, we highly recommend you check out Compound Sensor, which is at sensor.tv or compoundmedia.com.
00:37:16.000 Just double-check that, Ryan.
00:37:18.000 Compoundmedia.com.
00:37:19.000 If you go to it, does it take you there?
00:37:21.000 Let's see here.
00:37:22.000 Better bounce.
00:37:23.000 It better fucking bounce.
00:37:25.000 New content every day, more content that you can shake a stick at, and it's funny.
00:37:29.000 It's stupid.
00:37:30.000 It's just a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
00:37:36.000 Everyone is so gone right now, especially the left.
00:37:39.000 I don't think they've ever been more feckless, grasping at straws like, Pete Hegseth is a Fox News host.
00:37:46.000 He doesn't have any military experience.
00:37:49.000 They're just rudderless right now.
00:37:50.000 So it's especially fun to make fun of them.
00:37:53.000 Them, Britain worrying about the color green is the least of the problems here in the West.
00:37:58.000 So they've never been more mockable.
00:38:00.000 And look, we've got atheism is unstoppable here.
00:38:04.000 This guy fucking hates God.
00:38:06.000 That's the thing about the new right.
00:38:08.000 We're open to other ideas.
00:38:10.000 I don't care if you're a Holocaust denier.
00:38:12.000 I deny it.
00:38:14.000 I disagree with you, but we can argue about it.
00:38:17.000 It's fun to argue.
00:38:18.000 And then every Wednesday we've got Anthony Kumi and I. Anthony has a show.
00:38:22.000 We've merged.
00:38:22.000 That's why it's called Compound Censored.
00:38:24.000 So, Anthony Cumia of Opie and Anthony has a show, as well as the show we do together every Wednesday, which is always a blast.
00:38:32.000 No need for notes when it's Ant.
00:38:34.000 There's Primetime99, Alex Stein, there's Lily.
00:38:38.000 So, check it out.
00:38:39.000 Censored.tv.
00:38:41.000 $10 a month, or whatever it is, $12, $10 with the rebate.
00:38:45.000 Yeah, promo code GAVIN for 20% off.
00:38:50.000 Whoa, promo code GAVIN, 20% off.
00:38:52.000 That's too much.
00:38:54.000 And compoundmedia.com does bounce to Sensor.tv.
00:38:58.000 Oh, good.
00:38:59.000 All right.
00:39:00.000 And then we've also...
00:39:01.000 Have we loaded up all the old compound media shows?
00:39:04.000 I think it's almost all up besides Shane Gillis' show for, I think, legal reasons.
00:39:10.000 Ooh, juicy.
00:39:11.000 I don't know if it's legal, but it's tied up somehow.
00:39:13.000 But everything else is on the back end where...
00:39:16.000 Shane Gillis had his own show?
00:39:18.000 Yes.
00:39:21.000 Huh.
00:39:21.000 And he doesn't want to be associated with us.
00:39:23.000 I don't think that's the case.
00:39:24.000 I just think that since he is a big deal, maybe there's some process to clearing whether or not it's our property or his.
00:39:32.000 I'm not sure.
00:39:33.000 I think it's ours.
00:39:34.000 Me too.
00:39:35.000 I think it's ours.
00:39:36.000 Anyway, folks, so sign up.
00:39:38.000 You're making a mistake, just freeloading.
00:39:40.000 Every day we got great stuff.