EPISODE 462： DO WOMEN EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT？
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
184.05208
Summary
Libby Emmons, editor of the Postmillennial and the editor of The Postmillennials, joins me to talk about what's wrong with American women and why they have no children. She also talks about why American women are childless and why this is a problem.
Transcript
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ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard today's edition of human events daily powered by
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turning point usa uh today we have on libby emmons the editor of the postmillennial the editor of
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humanevents.com my boss at humanevents.com libby i have a question for you not as a boss you know but
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more of as a friend and someone who i think is is knowledgeable about certain things and maybe
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that's my mistake for thinking that but um you know i look at these stories about the decline in
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relationships birth rates are down dissatisfaction um in in youth the dating scene just seems like an
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absolute mess here's my question here's my thing what is wrong with american women what is going on
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explain this to me oh my goodness that is quite that is quite the question what is wrong with american
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and there's certainly plenty wrong with american men uh i will say that as well so i do think that
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there's a too much gambling way too much porn i think i think porn is a big problem um and i think
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we've we've seen that so what is wrong with american women i think american women have absolutely no idea
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what they want in life i think they don't know what they want in relationships and i think that they
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are holding themselves to conflicting expectations and do not know which master to serve what do you
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mean by conflicting expectations conflicting expectations so you have the expectations that
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were laid out primarily by the feminist movement and the cosmo girl of the 1980s and the careerist of
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the 90s and then the follow your dreams bliss of the early 2000s so we look at all of this and what does
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that tell you that tells you that you are supposed to be powerful and strong and independent and
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imaginative and dreamy all rolled into one and then you also have the expectations of creating a family
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and being a mother and securing your home and providing security and having love and a foundation to build
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a family on these two things are in direct conflict i have not yet met a woman who has been able to achieve
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both though most women that i meet tell you that you can do it all i do not think that you can do it
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all at all i don't think that's even remotely possible i saw an interview several years ago with
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condoleezza rice who was the secretary of state under um george bush and who i think is actually a pretty
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amazing woman and she was talking about her relationship with her students um when she was a professor at
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stanford and she told her students that there are phases to life and you can have everything but
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you can't have everything all at once and i thought that that was interesting as well um this idea that
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you can have a career but you can't have a career and be a mother at the same time and valerie jarrett who
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worked in the obama administration was also on that program and was talking about how she would not have
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been able to have her career um in the white house while she had young children and that she was only
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really able to have that career when she was older when her children had had grown up but but condoleezza
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rice never married and had no kids that's correct that's why you have to take what she says with a
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little bit of extra salt just so maybe even some msg right and well maybe and to be i'll be charitable
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here maybe she was in in a sense trying to say um i i went all in too much and didn't set up see my life
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as phases and i tried to just take one thing and put all of my emphasis into that and did not try to
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balance it out to the point where there is a time for career and there is a time for family life she
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completely obviously as we know and and for a lot of women of that generation i think as well just
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completely eschewed family life whatsoever and you you see this um many of these these childless leaders
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um that are around even today um who in many cases i'm trying to look up when was she born
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she was born in 54 she knew some of the girls that died in the birmingham church bombing that's right
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that's exactly right and she talks about that a lot that because she was she's from birmingham
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um and that uh kamala harris is someone who okay so she you know she got married to someone who had
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his his children but she has no children of her own um you can see you can see this in a variety of
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examples hillary clinton just has one child hillary clinton has one child and so there is this this
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sort of sense that the these the feminist movement and even even when you look at some of the the
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biggest names that are associated with it they themselves do not have families and i think that
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that's something where and and by the way i i say it on the show all the time and so for all the
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ladies out there listening men are in an absolute state of shock right now a state of decline uh men
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are totally messed up but that's not what we're talking about today because you know we spend an awful
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lot of time these days talking about women's rights but we don't talk a lot about women's wrongs
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you know what i'm saying what i'm saying i could i could give you a um an example from my life that
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i've always found to be rather interesting my mother and my father split up before i was one year old
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and i grew up with my father i lived with my father he was my primary caregiver i visited with my mom
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i saw her um when they lived in the same city when we all lived in dc i saw her on weekends and
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things like that i don't quite remember what their custody arrangement was but um my dad and i moved
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to massachusetts where his family was from and my mom moved to new york city which began my um love of
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that city but i only saw my mom on school holidays i saw her on summer breaks i saw her on alternating
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christmas and thanksgiving holidays um and that's the only time i saw her family as well my grandma
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my great-grandma um you know my cousins and stuff in brooklyn and my dad remarried when i was
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six years old six years old something like that yeah so my mom was an attorney she had this amazing
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career she had worked for the sec uh she's really quite brilliant and had uh you know worked in law for
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her whole career my father remarried when i was six years old and remarried a woman who was
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um the receptionist at his law firm uh fell in love with her and she was substantially younger she
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was like 10 years younger than him and she really wanted to have a family all she wanted was to be a
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mom she had wanted to be a mom her whole life uh she had you know i was around she took to raising me
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she's the one who i can thank for uh making sure that i was catholic i was baptized catholic when i was
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seven under her direction um and i was able to yeah take part in the church in a life uh a life of
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sacraments which i'm extremely grateful for um my mom was in new york she was pursuing relationships
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she had um not a ton of boyfriends but she had a couple boyfriends that i remember specifically
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um and my stepmom it turned out was unable to have children so the woman in my life who most wanted
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to be a mother was unable to have natural children the woman in my life who was a mother
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eschewed motherhood i didn't really seem to want any part of it eventually she and my dad adopted my
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brother um which i'm of course very grateful for and has informed my view on abortion a hundred percent
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because i'm so grateful to my brother's mother but both of these women in my life considered
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themselves to be feminists my mom and my stepmom they both thought that uh they were both relatively
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leftist which in the 80s was fairly conservative anyway you know it's not necessarily like the
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progressivism of today for sure but my stepmother fully resented my mom for having been able to birth
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a child and then not raising the child and my mom eventually i think to a certain extent resented
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my stepmom for taking the place of a mother um and there was definitely a conflict between what
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these women wanted and what these women sought and they both looked at the other with a mix of
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resentment and envy so looking at that as i was growing up i was proud of my mom and her accomplishments
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you know she's this career woman she lives in new york it's like all of this wonderful you know she had
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money and it wasn't until i had my own son um later in life i think i was 35 when he was born but it
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wasn't until i had my own son that i realized what my mother had given up and how much i wish she hadn't
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given that up and i started to have my own resentment about that which i don't think i had prior to that i mean
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if you asked my playwriting professor from columbia he would say yes you were fully resentful of your mom
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because he was always telling me that but anyway i didn't realize it
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when you become a parent for the first time you you you look on your childhood a lot differently
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and you you suddenly you see your parents in this whole other light where you know your whole life
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you've been thinking of them as the people that are constantly boxing you in the people are constantly
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telling you no the people who are saying you know why are you out so late etc etc and then you
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realized that it was because they love you that much through that love that should anything bad
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happen to you it would absolutely devastate and crush them oh it's yeah i could not it's horribly
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destructive you think about on an absolutely frequent basis of something bad happening to your children
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we have a obviously a biological and spiritual imperative to protect our children and so
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you know i i remember like i actually i actually went to after after my first son was born i actually
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was having just just those feelings and and was rethinking a lot of things and i went to my parents
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and i said i just want to clear the air on some of these things and at times where i got mad at you
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or times when you know i talked back when i was a teenager etc i'm sorry i'm so sorry
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that and that's life right you don't you can't know you can't you know you can't know when you're
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in the moment and you want to be rebellious and you know my you know me being rebellious is like
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growing my hair out and um you know going to concerts in philly like that's you know probably
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probably the grand scheme of things is not that much of a rebellion to be honest um it's actually a
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commodity these days but you know it's it's and i've generally always had a pretty good relationship
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my parents but it was definitely something that i went back and looked at and said you know what
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i i get it now i i get it you know and um my mom said something once where she said
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that uh i was like i can't believe you know jack jack's walking i can't believe you know i blew my
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mind that you know this this this infant who used to just like sit in whatever spot you left him in
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it was now mobile it had the ability to walk right it just blew my mind it was like super power
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and then she said you think that's good wait till he starts driving
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right and then and then it made me think it's like oh i see now so every time i got behind the wheel
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you were you were scared something might happen to me and i yeah my son is 13 now you know it may
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have come across as as anger but now i realize that it was it was no it's just you're like your
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parents love you that much your mom loved you my mom loved me and it and it and she was worried about
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me that's that's all it was yeah i mean and you're talking about something too where your mom had to
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trust you right to do the right thing and had to trust that her parenting had been enough had given
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you the tools that you need um to go out there and live your life and to make responsible choices
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and i think when we talk about what's going on with relationships today we are missing a huge trust
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factor that's so important and what we need is you know when you fall in love if you're going to fall
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in love if you're going to fall in love and raise a family you need to trust that you are falling in
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love with someone who is going to value your heart value your person value your offspring together
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uh help you create a secure lifestyle in which to raise those children value your opinion all of
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these things and i think also we have moved so far away from the concept of a traditional family
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and this is someone you know i come from generations of divorce uh and i look at my life and i say
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you know no wonder you're divorced like you come from generations of divorce how do you even know
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how to put together a stable family my son asked me once how am i going to have a stable marriage if i
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if everyone's been divorced in my life and i said well we're you know we'll work on it because i would
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like that for you what you need when you fall in love like you need to trust someone to you need to
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trust and we don't have a lot of trust among each other now and there's this constant idea that you
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can just like uh spin off your desire and just oh i desire something else now you know let me go
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pursue that it's so and that's exactly the wrong perspective we have disposable relationships and what
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we'll do is we'll use these these words that i feel like we we never should have even started saying
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these words in the first place words like gaslighting words like narcissism because every
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single time i hear this i'll hear i'll say i hear this all the time oh my well he was a narcissist oh
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well uh he was gaslighting me oh well you know he was this he was that it's like no i'm sorry not
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every guy is doing that right but in many cases what you're doing is you're creating a false
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justification in your mind so that your own decisions in retrospect your own decisions and your
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own actions weren't actually the causes of the relationship to fall apart or whatever argument
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that led to the race you know etc etc it's it's no it's it's it goes back to what you're just saying
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right here it goes back to an underlying lack of trust and a lack of being willing to actually commit
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to something because you look at what the words we use today for relationship that if you
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i mean and everything right if you if you show earnestness at all in something either you're
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either either you're being cringe or you're being a simp so and if you say i would say well i think
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that's great i really like that oh you're such a you're such a simp oh that's so cringe right you
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know and it's like well how do you have a relationship if everything is simp and cringe
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the other thing is how do you have a relationship if you don't care about your promises
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right so when you make a promise when you stand there before god and everyone and you say you
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know i'm going to be with you this whole time if your promise comes to nothing and if you're willing
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to let your promise come to nothing if you if you undertake that promise with the idea that you can
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throw it away um as soon as your you know whim changes then that's not a promise um and that's a
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you know that's a real that's a real tragedy i think the decline in marriage is a real tragedy
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the decline in two-parent households i think is a real tragedy the decline in men feeling like they
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need to lead a family and i think this is a mistake um we talk a lot about this in our culture we're so
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advanced and whatever else they they shouldn't lead families men have been told they shouldn't be
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they have and that is that's that's really such a mistake um i think families probably work best
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when there is trust uh mutual caring when the promises are valued and when each person in the
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family knows what their job is right like you can't go into work if you're not the boss and suddenly start
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telling everyone what to do if you're not the secretary or whatever you can't go into work and start you
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know mucking around at that person's desk everybody has a role to do everyone has a role to play
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and i think that a man needs to be the spiritual leader of the family and needs to make sure that
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his wife feels secure and safe and cared for so that she can take care of him take care of the home
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and take care of the children without feeling like the bottom is going to just drop out underneath her
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at any moment how can you raise a stable family how can you make sure that your home is tidy and cared
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for if you're worried that the man hasn't been paying the mortgage but is telling you that he has been
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or if you're worried that the man has been you know telling you he's going to work but really he
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lost his job six months ago and he hasn't been to the office since or if you're worried that this man
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who you have put all your trust in is actually you know getting it on with somebody else and
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potentially bringing diseases home or fathering children elsewhere uh squandering your money squandering
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your trust a man needs to lead the family and be strong uh man needs to make sure that his family
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gets to church and in this way what he is doing is he is giving strength to his equal partner who is
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the woman who has a different job right um and the man needs to provide that strength so that the woman
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can provide strength for him as well women i would say you know i'm sure i would get canceled for this or
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whatever but women want to take care of their man they want to take care of their children they want
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to feel valued in that way and the way that you can do that best is when you know that the man is
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taking care of you right when you know that things are stable when you have an understanding of what's
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going on um i think that's really important and i think it's overlooked in our culture and i think that
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you know i think that that's sad and i think it leads to decline go back to go back to what you were
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like you were saying it is discouraged it is the strong independent woman the career the career
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girl the girl boss that entire personality narrative gimmick agenda is is pushed because
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at the end of the day you're not being independent and um and and career-minded what you're doing is
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you're becoming you're going into servitude for a company you're going into servitude for another
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organization and organization but here's the biggest difference and and someone said this to
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me when i was when i was just going to actually said to me in guantanamo bay believe it or not
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senior chief i had done there he said he said you know something one day the navy will just replace
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you you will you will you'll work as many years or serve as many years you do in the navy
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and you'll you'll have whatever great war stories and and different you know missions and and things
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that that happen and uh you know got some good ones and that at the but at the end of the day
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they'll give you a gold watch they'll give you a nice lunch and then they'll and then you'll walk
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away and they'll find someone else to warm your seat and what does it say that we have replaced the
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terms husband and wife with the term partner and instead we're like it's a law firm opposite right
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and but we're also not encouraging a partnership we're encouraging two people to walk parallel next
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to each other that's right as if it's interchangeable and it's not interchangeable at all no your family
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family is what is there for you at the end of day at the end of your life your family is what is there
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for you to to tuck you in to be with you in the morning to be with you in the small hours to
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through thick and thin and if you so believe as i know you and i do that in in the afterlife your
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family is what you take with you it's not your money it's not your possessions not your material goods
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it is it is the people and the love that you that you make in this world and specifically your family
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really only your family uh and and hopefully and as as a dad you know i think as well not only do
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i have to get my kids through this world i have to get into the next one and well my family get my
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whole family into the next one so it's it's it's you know it's a lot it's a lot but at the same time
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if you if you run away from that if you run away from it you you're losing something and that's why
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i don't know we're sort of at the end here but we had that story recently where there was that dad
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down in north carolina with there were this crazy crazy guy down the street started opening fire at
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his family and the little girl poor little girl six years she was i guess a piece of a bullet fragment
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i guess grazed her cheek so she had to get stitches there the mom i think something in her arm but what
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the mother had said was that the dad ran down the street and put himself this is william white is his
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name and is we've we've been sharing out his gofundme i did verify with the family that this is real
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he ran down the street put himself in the line of fire used his body as a shield and took
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it's unclear it was one or two shots in the back that were intended for his daughter no one forced him
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to do that nobody was was you know hey hey bill you got to go do that no no you know what you have
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to do yeah i have mad respect for that guy that's what dad they're supposed to do you know what they
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say um gene hackman has an old quote he said uh what's what's the difference between a hero and a coward
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one step sideways oh ouch and that's an old quote but it literally applies in this case
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that a coward one step sideways you took that one step sideways your your daughter
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she's gone yeah and then how do you live with yourself you can't live with yourself after that
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no no so i mean uh you know i've said it before i'll say it again that when it comes to your family
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it says women women must must follow their husbands right so it says that men is the leader
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but then it also says that men love men must love their their their wives leave their families and
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cleave to their wives and then love the families as jesus loved the church and what did jesus do
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sacrifice himself yeah whole mass all of it it's all sacrifice and so what it was telling fathers is
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that hey this is part of the deal that if that check comes one day this is part of the deal
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libby emmons final words before we sign off on this fantastic episode
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despite all the madness trust vulnerability partnership and marriage and raising a family
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amen libby emmons of the postmillennial human events.com make sure you go follow her sign up for
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the ad free option it's only a couple of bucks a month after you have subscribed to human events
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daily here on apple spotify rumble wherever you get your podcasts ladies and gentlemen as always you