Impaulsive with Logan Paul - E246 Andrew Schulz Is Uncancellable

00:00:00.160 Breaking story from Alpine News Network.

00:00:03.440 Homeowners Tony and Janet needed to consolidate their debt.

00:00:06.720 They called Alpine Credits.

00:00:08.740 In a flash, an Alpine Credits superhero appeared in their kitchen.

00:00:13.120 Using telekinesis, she consolidated their debt into one low monthly payment.

00:00:17.920 She then used her powers to make the dirty dishes disappear forever.

00:00:23.020 Own your home, need a loan, Alpine Credits can help.

00:00:26.460 Alpine Credits, where homeowners get approved.

00:00:30.900 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

00:00:33.460 We have a new podcast.

00:00:34.880 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

00:00:36.260 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

00:00:37.420 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

00:00:41.400 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

00:00:43.740 which means we have wildly different references,

00:00:46.000 occasionally different opinions.

00:00:47.240 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

00:00:50.080 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

00:00:52.880 Good Taste is my business.

00:00:55.300 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:00:58.200 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:00.000 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator,

00:01:05.480 and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

00:01:07.780 The true crime comedy podcast, all about robbery, fraud,

00:01:10.980 and those who practice it.

00:01:12.160 Each week I bring on an amazing guest.

00:01:14.060 Ooh, I scammed them.

00:01:15.240 What?

00:01:15.700 I could talk to you for an hour.

00:01:17.240 You're a generational yapper, like me.

00:01:19.240 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

00:01:21.000 And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

00:01:24.520 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

00:01:27.480 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:30.000 Hi, this is Kylie Brakeman, Angela Jaritana, Jeremy Colhane, Patrick McDonald, and we're

00:01:36.860 the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists podcast, the Improvised Character

00:01:41.280 Comedy podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft.

00:01:46.160 Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants.

00:01:49.240 And we do a little Halloween sometimes.

00:01:51.460 Does the Pope dress up?

00:01:52.780 He winks on Halloween.

00:01:55.080 He gets right up next to the microphone.

00:01:56.340 I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other.

00:01:59.740 You've never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween.

00:02:05.220 Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app,

00:02:09.720 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:02:12.700 People don't realize that, like, if you come back from drug addiction, there's a freedom.

00:02:16.820 Oh, my God.

00:02:17.200 It's like, that's how I feel with Corona.

00:02:19.960 Right, right, right.

00:02:21.100 Like, I'm good.

00:02:22.180 Like, I can't.

00:02:23.140 Like, who's coughing?

00:02:24.220 Like, let's go.

00:02:25.280 Like, nothing's stopping me right now.

00:02:29.740 just so you know mac is a phone call away man like we still talk to him every day we can get

00:02:38.400 him back we can get him back on you are you still doing your walks to starbucks

00:02:40.920 i can see it in your face is it helping not the drinks hey hey welcome back to impulsive

00:02:48.440 guys the number one podcast in the world i can't make this up uh i made it up i make it up every

00:02:54.080 episode but we're gonna get there one day hit that subscribe button if you're not subscribed

00:02:57.000 Guys, our guest today is returning to the show for the second time.

00:02:59.980 He's the purveyor of unsafe comedy and has a brand new Netflix special out now called

00:03:04.720 Schultz Saves America.

00:03:06.400 He's one of our favorites.

00:03:07.780 It's Andrew Schultz.

00:03:09.060 Yay.

00:03:11.720 Good to have you back.

00:03:12.740 What happened to the other guy?

00:03:14.480 We don't fucking talk about it.

00:03:16.140 All right?

00:03:16.700 And put that thumb down.

00:03:17.860 No, what happened to him?

00:03:18.580 He was on when you were on Spence.

00:03:19.860 He was vegan.

00:03:20.840 Yeah.

00:03:21.140 Yeah.

00:03:21.460 Who liked animals a lot.

00:03:22.540 Well, I like meat.

00:03:23.300 All right.

00:03:23.620 And I'm here.

00:03:24.920 You're good.

00:03:25.560 You're good.

00:03:26.100 Everything's fine.

00:03:26.720 I'm not saying we should have the other one back, but he was fun

00:03:28.760 like for banter. He moved to Michigan and remedied

00:03:30.960 student debt. What have you done this year?

00:03:33.200 Not that.

00:03:34.980 Did he really do that? That's what he did?

00:03:36.780 Yeah, he destroyed all of it. Really?

00:03:38.360 All he attempted to with a bus.

00:03:40.380 Yeah. No luck.

00:03:42.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:44.240 But he's editing a documentary

00:03:46.220 about reforming the education system.

00:03:48.620 Yeah, he did want to help. He seemed like he wanted

00:03:50.480 to help. And that's what annoyed me

00:03:52.220 about him. That fucking pissed me off

00:03:54.600 that kid. What did we argue about

00:03:56.280 sharks. He said he likes sharks.

00:03:58.100 Who the fuck likes sharks?

00:03:59.900 Can we call him? Don't

00:04:01.980 defend this. I liked you initially.

00:04:04.580 Don't defend this.

00:04:06.020 They sneak up on you.

00:04:07.540 They don't even tell you when they're coming.

00:04:09.960 This guy's got great eyebrows, this fucking guy.

00:04:12.060 Way better than Spencer. I don't even know if Spencer had

00:04:14.340 eyebrows. He's consistently

00:04:16.140 like this, worried about shit. Yeah, this guy's

00:04:18.140 intense. He's worried all the time. Like a fucking

00:04:20.180 Muppet, this guy right here.

00:04:22.040 Look at this guy, bro. Wow.

00:04:24.200 Thank you very much. Put

00:04:25.880 I'm leaning into what they thought

00:04:29.580 There was an ongoing joke

00:04:30.860 It's a joke or whatever

00:04:32.140 But it's okay if it's not

00:04:33.480 Take it up with Netflix

00:04:34.600 Alright

00:04:35.940 We got new Spencer over here

00:04:37.800 Full of fucking hair

00:04:39.240 Spencer had no body hair

00:04:40.940 That Spencer didn't he

00:04:42.160 He probably has less body hair

00:04:44.300 I grew it back

00:04:45.560 Because my friends make fun of me

00:04:46.500 He shaved his arms

00:04:47.420 I did

00:04:47.760 Because I was a swimmer

00:04:48.680 No you weren't

00:04:50.840 You look like a swimmer

00:04:52.500 Just got off Rogan

00:04:53.480 Literally just stepped out of Rogan

00:04:55.040 Yeah, we did Rogan yesterday.

00:04:56.040 Why are you here?

00:04:57.040 I just like you guys, man.

00:04:58.240 I was going to ask you.

00:04:59.080 It was cool to see you do a warm-up on a smaller show.

00:05:01.380 That's what I had to do.

00:05:02.340 That's what I had to do.

00:05:02.960 Yeah, I had to get the nerves out, bro.

00:05:05.000 How'd it go?

00:05:05.560 How'd it go?

00:05:06.020 Was it good?

00:05:06.400 It went fine.

00:05:07.120 Can we get to how I'm pissed off at Mike?

00:05:08.880 Sure.

00:05:09.280 Because he has no fucking etiquette in this group text.

00:05:11.700 You really suck.

00:05:14.240 Dude, you suck, man.

00:05:16.500 I texted both of you on purpose.

00:05:18.240 I have both of your numbers, okay?

00:05:19.860 I purposely start to generate a conversation.

00:05:23.000 I'll say something.

00:05:24.100 I don't know what it is.

00:05:25.040 And then Logan's back.

00:05:26.320 And then me and him are having this conversation that every once in a while, you just say some

00:05:29.160 random stupid shit and then you'll pop out.

00:05:31.600 If you notice, it's not even once in a while anymore.

00:05:33.660 He's barely text.

00:05:34.680 He's completely checked out of ours.

00:05:35.860 I like him more than you.

00:05:38.660 Fuck.

00:05:39.380 Come on, bro.

00:05:40.880 I just feel like it pisses me.

00:05:42.520 And then you come back east.

00:05:43.680 I always tell you to come hang out.

00:05:45.820 You never come hang out.

00:05:46.880 You just eat pizza in Connecticut.

00:05:49.160 They have better pizza.

00:05:50.240 They do have actually really good pizza.

00:05:51.740 They do have really good pizza.

00:05:52.560 I have

00:05:53.440 No you do

00:05:54.040 Don't do this

00:05:55.900 It's not just our group chat

00:05:57.900 He does that

00:05:58.920 But why

00:05:59.420 And he says it's Lana

00:06:00.960 Logan says it's Lana

00:06:02.500 You told him that

00:06:03.520 It was because

00:06:03.840 I have a girlfriend

00:06:04.760 And you would know

00:06:05.560 Because it was in the

00:06:06.180 Fucking group chat

00:06:06.960 But you didn't see that text

00:06:08.100 I don't know what it is

00:06:09.160 I just

00:06:09.480 I'm not very good

00:06:10.440 At texting back bro

00:06:11.620 Like I

00:06:12.220 This is bullshit

00:06:13.040 This is absolute bullshit

00:06:14.680 She would say it too

00:06:16.020 She'd say that

00:06:16.740 I don't text back

00:06:17.540 She'll see me

00:06:18.260 Like I'll go comment

00:06:19.420 On your Instagram

00:06:20.300 This horse shit

00:06:21.720 He's lying

00:06:22.040 This is bullshit

00:06:22.540 He doesn't sleep in this house anymore

00:06:24.020 Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:06:25.160 He doesn't sleep in this house

00:06:26.180 It's strictly an office for his Twitch streams

00:06:28.120 That's it

00:06:29.180 He comes here during the day

00:06:30.480 He goes to sleep

00:06:31.080 What's the deal with the Twitch thing?

00:06:32.440 What's the deal with that?

00:06:32.980 I just play video games

00:06:33.960 Talk to people

00:06:35.060 Mostly just talk about like Jake Paul drama

00:06:37.380 Which is a hot topic obviously

00:06:38.660 It's just another channel for me to go

00:06:40.460 And fucking whack off on camera

00:06:42.660 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:43.640 But it's quite lucrative

00:06:45.140 You should start one

00:06:47.020 But also the reason I sleep

00:06:48.660 I'm not saying you shouldn't do it

00:06:50.740 But I'm not going to do it

00:06:51.620 The reason I stayed at the girlfriend's house is because, as you know.

00:06:54.040 Are you guys still together, though?

00:06:54.980 Yeah.

00:06:55.220 Okay, good.

00:06:55.620 Happy wife.

00:06:56.580 Happy life.

00:06:57.240 Happy life.

00:06:57.560 And now you know better than anyone.

00:06:59.200 Yes.

00:06:59.580 Freshly engaged.

00:07:00.420 Yeah, I get it.

00:07:01.240 I threw it out.

00:07:02.320 I threw it out.

00:07:03.060 You did it.

00:07:03.340 I threw it out.

00:07:03.740 All the way.

00:07:04.340 I fucking did it.

00:07:04.700 All the way.

00:07:05.140 Okay.

00:07:05.600 I'm curious.

00:07:06.520 How did you propose?

00:07:08.020 Like, this Mexican restaurant.

00:07:12.040 Margarita.

00:07:12.380 That's it?

00:07:13.060 No, no.

00:07:13.980 No, it was this restaurant.

00:07:14.960 It was, like, the first time we went out to, like, a nice restaurant.

00:07:18.140 That was, like, no, back in the day.

00:07:20.360 Back in the day.

00:07:20.880 So it was like her favorite restaurant.

00:07:22.380 Yeah.

00:07:22.640 Outdoor, outdoor dining.

00:07:23.760 No, no, indoor, indoor.

00:07:25.140 Cuomo let you, gave you the special seating.

00:07:26.780 Fuck Cuomo, man.

00:07:28.100 You hate that motherfucker.

00:07:28.980 You know, actually, I don't know if I hate him, but it is annoying.

00:07:33.180 I mean, aren't you guys annoyed in LA?

00:07:34.580 Like everything's shut down.

00:07:35.560 Well, we got Newsome out here.

00:07:36.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:37.680 You got Cuomo, we got Newsome.

00:07:39.380 Yeah.

00:07:39.600 How do you feel about him?

00:07:41.240 I mean, it seems like they'll all close a winery to keep their own open, right?

00:07:44.620 I mean, you said it yourself.

00:07:45.700 Turn your fucking phone sideways, motherfucker, because I'm about to say something.

00:07:48.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:49.500 He creeps me out.

00:07:50.580 Yeah.

00:07:50.880 yeah heebie-jeebie vibes now do they holler at you smiling uh they all they try to like get you

00:07:56.700 guys involved right i don't think they can turn off our water and power if we talk shit about him

00:08:01.060 on a podcast if we throw a party ah then don't do right right right right you would never do that

00:08:07.940 no i actually wouldn't no we don't yeah really we just go to jake's parties instead then his power

00:08:13.280 gets shut off i didn't even go to is that what happened has he what have they done no repercussions

00:08:20.140 Yeah, but they're doing it

00:08:21.580 They threaten him, they say we don't like you

00:08:23.640 I just saw this Newsome character

00:08:25.520 Seriously, I just came across a video

00:08:27.700 Of

00:08:28.460 Man, the blatant, disgusting hypocrisy

00:08:32.100 A lot of hypocrisy

00:08:33.320 But if we really want to rile shit up

00:08:35.360 You gotta fight Newsome

00:08:38.180 Okay

00:08:39.280 That's the fight

00:08:41.180 Call him out right now, that's your prep

00:08:43.360 For Floyd

00:08:44.380 I think you should do it

00:08:47.620 You would be loved

00:08:48.880 now we're talking now we're creating something here you and mayweather whatever like the mayweather

00:08:55.480 thing it is what it is cash the check but newsom if you knocked out newsom make a lot of people

00:09:01.080 happy yes all right outside socially distance at his winery at the winery the deal here is unlike

00:09:09.480 new york our precincts and and uh districts basically say yo you could set whatever law

00:09:15.780 you want Newsome, we're just not going to enforce it.

00:09:17.940 Like the police department's all said, yo, we're not going to, he's like, he's like,

00:09:20.680 yo, like if you're seen, you know, if you're seen walking around after a curfew, you will

00:09:25.100 be sighted by police.

00:09:26.300 And the police are like, fuck you, bro, I'm not saying shit.

00:09:28.360 I love it.

00:09:28.740 Let the people go eat outside the, outside.

00:09:31.500 We can't even eat outside.

00:09:32.960 Bro, I know.

00:09:33.440 I'm at this hotel.

00:09:34.280 You, the, the, the food in the hotel is shut down.

00:09:36.520 You have to make a reservation to use the gym.

00:09:39.360 Oh no.

00:09:40.140 But if you want to use a bath, if you want to go to a bathroom sized art gallery right

00:09:44.820 how to buy a piece of art, it's fine.

00:09:46.500 Yeah, go for it.

00:09:48.000 Yeah, go in.

00:09:48.580 You can 10, 15 people in the bathroom

00:09:50.040 looking at art, but that's fine.

00:09:51.160 Just don't, just no food.

00:09:52.140 You got a hot take on the vaccine?

00:09:54.760 Yeah, take it.

00:09:56.400 Take the vaccine.

00:09:57.140 Yeah.

00:09:57.320 That's what I'm saying.

00:09:57.960 Yeah, just take it.

00:09:59.280 Or don't take it.

00:10:00.220 Like, I got it already.

00:10:00.960 Have you gotten corona?

00:10:02.220 No.

00:10:02.820 I don't know.

00:10:03.200 No.

00:10:04.700 Let's go, boy.

00:10:06.040 That's all I'm talking about.

00:10:07.780 That's all I'm fucking talking about.

00:10:09.240 When'd you get it?

00:10:11.060 I still can't smell.

00:10:12.480 I can't either.

00:10:13.280 but did you lose uh did you lose taste uh only for a day okay and then i came back with it do

00:10:18.540 you still you don't have any taste no no i got my taste back yeah but you can't smell shit i can't

00:10:22.540 smell anything you're not that sad about it right you realize that more shit smells bad yes than it

00:10:26.780 does good 100 like when you hang out with virgin people it smells great are you persian no no okay

00:10:32.240 my friend is but what are you eastern so we all spray cologne half bottle yeah i know we're good

00:10:36.920 but what are you what is like i understand what you are i'm a muppet remember we no no i know that

00:10:41.460 What type of Middle Eastern are you?

00:10:43.780 I'm a Syrian, the extinct kind

00:10:45.220 It's like Pangea

00:10:47.600 My first country was actually

00:10:49.420 The Garden of Eden

00:10:52.280 Is that true or not?

00:10:54.360 Yeah, but we're old as fuck

00:10:55.440 Like Tigris Euphrates shit

00:10:58.240 In our church, this is an honest to God truth

00:11:01.300 Oh, you're Christian?

00:11:02.220 Yeah

00:11:02.480 That's crazy, dude

00:11:04.540 That's a rare one, right?

00:11:06.620 What a letdown when you meet the Middle Eastern Christians

00:11:09.400 You think that Jesus was the last one, right?

00:11:12.140 It's like meeting somebody.

00:11:12.900 Did you learn a lesson?

00:11:13.920 Get the fuck out of there.

00:11:15.380 Hold on.

00:11:16.300 This is crazy.

00:11:17.240 So you guys are just holding it strong, even though you got no play in the beef whatsoever.

00:11:22.160 Just leave.

00:11:23.620 Go to fucking Glendale with the rest of the people you look like.

00:11:27.500 Why would you be in Syria still?

00:11:30.120 This is crazy.

00:11:31.820 They're surrounded on all sides.

00:11:33.420 This is nuts for nothing.

00:11:36.120 We're here.

00:11:36.780 I have to say I'm white

00:11:40.080 Because they just don't understand what I am

00:11:41.540 Yeah I'm still here man

00:11:43.280 What do they say when you say you're white

00:11:44.860 They just agree

00:11:46.720 They're like yeah it sounds good

00:11:47.880 You don't look white

00:11:50.440 You can't say that

00:11:51.340 Syrians look white though

00:11:54.660 You don't look white

00:11:56.080 You don't check Caucasian

00:11:58.760 The only time they don't believe me is when I'm at the TSA

00:12:01.180 That's fucked up

00:12:02.120 What is that called?

00:12:04.200 That's white face

00:12:04.920 You're using white face.

00:12:06.000 That's what you're using.

00:12:07.100 You're a racist.

00:12:08.040 Am I?

00:12:08.680 You're about to get canceled.

00:12:09.760 Yeah, you are.

00:12:10.680 Yeah.

00:12:11.140 You've got good teeth, this guy over here.

00:12:13.300 You're one step away from getting a Netflix special.

00:12:15.860 Hold on.

00:12:16.480 George?

00:12:17.020 Don't, don't.

00:12:17.760 We were just on the team.

00:12:18.800 He's trying to be white, bro.

00:12:20.520 That's, what is this?

00:12:22.620 There's no Georges in fucking Syria.

00:12:25.440 George?

00:12:26.280 They can't even pronounce George in Syria.

00:12:27.900 They don't even have those letters.

00:12:29.300 Come on, George.

00:12:31.300 There's no way.

00:12:32.920 That's like when Asians come here and they just name their daughter Sally.

00:12:36.060 It's like Sally didn't exist in Vietnam.

00:12:38.160 That's not what it is.

00:12:39.100 It's not real.

00:12:40.080 Sally?

00:12:40.940 Nancy?

00:12:42.300 Virginia?

00:12:43.120 My name is Virginia Pam.

00:12:46.760 George and the last name?

00:12:48.240 Janko.

00:12:48.920 Oh, Janko.

00:12:49.880 I guess that could be.

00:12:50.800 I mean, that's just weird enough.

00:12:51.700 That makes sense.

00:12:52.380 You could have just invented that name.

00:12:53.960 So you're taking off the Prada jacket.

00:12:55.420 I see you.

00:12:55.920 Dude, life is different now.

00:12:57.640 You know what I mean?

00:12:58.040 It's different now.

00:12:59.200 You're getting money.

00:13:00.860 Wow.

00:13:01.460 A lot of money.

00:13:02.160 Netflix special

00:13:03.020 I'll give a fuck

00:13:04.360 I'll throw it

00:13:05.160 It's nothing

00:13:06.140 It's nothing to me

00:13:07.740 Yo you

00:13:08.280 That dog

00:13:09.120 That's Ginger

00:13:09.960 Logan's ex-dog

00:13:10.980 He got rid of it

00:13:11.700 With a girl

00:13:12.540 Like the girl took it

00:13:13.840 No

00:13:14.440 It was violent

00:13:15.500 It was trying to kill everyone

00:13:16.520 Can I say

00:13:16.900 You're a wild boy

00:13:17.940 For saying that bro

00:13:18.860 Dude

00:13:19.360 You're a wild boy

00:13:20.640 That was another thing

00:13:21.240 I started to get

00:13:21.880 Going to our group chat

00:13:22.640 And you just fucking left it

00:13:23.740 And broke my heart

00:13:24.380 He's trying to just bro out

00:13:25.220 And you're leaving him

00:13:25.900 That's all I'm trying to do

00:13:26.780 I'm gonna do that

00:13:27.460 You and I both

00:13:28.740 Should know what this is like

00:13:29.620 Can I get a second chance

00:13:30.200 We have women that we're with

00:13:30.920 Yes

00:13:31.280 I'm gonna keep on going

00:13:32.340 I promise

00:13:32.980 Because I believe in you

00:13:33.700 Okay

00:13:33.940 Cool

00:13:34.260 Okay

00:13:35.080 But sometimes you wanna bro out

00:13:36.660 Yeah

00:13:36.920 And this fucking wild motherfucker over here

00:13:39.380 I'm tame

00:13:40.120 Smashing Cansecos

00:13:41.220 Dude that was crazy

00:13:42.600 Horrible

00:13:43.240 I thought you messaged him before

00:13:44.560 And asked if that was okay

00:13:45.480 I messaged Josie

00:13:47.140 And she said it was fine

00:13:48.160 She approved it

00:13:48.560 She approved it

00:13:49.080 Oh that's

00:13:49.460 Is that like some daddy issue shit

00:13:50.780 No

00:13:51.920 Is that some daddy issue shit

00:13:54.180 A little bit

00:13:54.580 I mean

00:13:54.980 Yo he's

00:13:55.900 I feel like we should just move on

00:13:57.000 Well no just to clarify

00:13:58.160 Like

00:13:58.540 You'd have to imagine

00:14:01.120 she's a bit annoyed that her

00:14:03.140 dad is going publicly trying to fight her

00:14:05.100 ex-boyfriend saying it was

00:14:07.100 because of some sort of bad breakup. There was no bad

00:14:09.120 breakup. Nothing but love. Yeah. Still friends

00:14:11.120 with her to this day. Talk

00:14:12.300 sometimes. There's no bad blood. He DM'd

00:14:15.320 me last night. Oh, God.

00:14:16.920 Yeah, he DM'd me. So Jose can say go.

00:14:19.140 What'd he say? Mike. Yeah, you looked at that

00:14:21.180 one. Want to know the best

00:14:23.240 part? Tell him the best

00:14:25.280 part. Tell him the best part.

00:14:27.280 I hate him. Watch this.

00:14:29.140 Just tell me the last part.

00:14:30.160 No response.

00:14:30.960 No!

00:14:31.140 It's just left unseen.

00:14:32.220 No response.

00:14:33.500 No, I opened it and just let it go.

00:14:35.700 Mike, I hope you're well.

00:14:37.400 I wanted to see if Greg Paul would be interested in a fight.

00:14:39.840 That's the dad.

00:14:40.640 Ah.

00:14:41.220 Not sure if OVO Ryan told you, oh, I probably shouldn't go into too much of this shit.

00:14:44.760 But I think this fight would be a hate.

00:14:45.880 He wants to fight Greg Paul.

00:14:47.640 Would your pops beat his ass or what?

00:14:51.260 It's tricky, huh?

00:14:52.320 I don't know, man.

00:14:52.940 I think so.

00:14:53.620 Okay, so me and Jake Paul, the little brother, talked about it this morning.

00:14:57.340 Not so little anymore, either.

00:14:58.600 Yeah.

00:14:58.780 talked about talked about it this morning greg paul if if you say yo greg paul you're you're

00:15:05.280 facing off against jose canseco kill this man he'd get it done he'd rip his face off with his

00:15:09.680 fucking street fight different than actual fight exactly but if you say yo you guys got to put

00:15:14.100 gloves on and use some sort of strategy when you say the word strategy to greg paul shorts out he

00:15:18.500 short circuits bro smoke comes out of his ears and he just tries to gnaw your face off anyways

00:15:23.080 but he'd kill you in a street fight sure that's the thing he told me one of the first times he

00:15:28.060 met me he said i've heard so much shit about you if i could rip your head off right now and shit

00:15:32.340 down your fucking throat i would that's his go-to really yeah he just wants to shit down people's

00:15:36.500 throats yeah what's his what's his job i almost let him do it just to see what the fuck yeah

00:15:41.480 that's some kinky shit he actually sent me the nicest messages like two days ago he'll do that

00:15:48.100 what did he say i have voice memos of him just kick you can hear the drink like like in the

00:15:53.660 Fucking voice memo.

00:15:55.180 Just like,

00:15:55.800 Joe J,

00:15:56.500 there's GP coming at you.

00:16:00.020 Then he just gives me

00:16:01.020 a two minute rant.

00:16:02.580 It was great.

00:16:03.800 That's funny.

00:16:04.540 Hey, it's because

00:16:04.880 he's at the ranch.

00:16:06.480 He calmed down.

00:16:07.380 He calmed down.

00:16:08.100 He's in the mountains,

00:16:08.880 in a mountain basin

00:16:09.800 with a woman.

00:16:11.060 Okay.

00:16:11.320 I think she kind of

00:16:12.520 balances out.

00:16:13.600 There's some equilibrium there.

00:16:14.720 Like he's a bit more tame now.

00:16:16.520 I don't know if that fight

00:16:17.260 would ever happen though.

00:16:19.440 Man, who knows?

00:16:20.740 I want to talk about

00:16:21.560 your shit, bro.

00:16:22.520 Fuck my shit.

00:16:23.260 We're just talking shit, man.

00:16:24.700 I just want to talk shit.

00:16:25.720 That's why I came up.

00:16:26.220 I was going to lead with your dad living at Timothy Leary's acid ranch.

00:16:30.400 He was going to ask you if you ever took acid before.

00:16:32.000 No, I can't fuck with the acid.

00:16:33.560 Really?

00:16:33.940 Yeah, I'm scared.

00:16:34.640 How do you know?

00:16:35.160 I think I got some crazy in me.

00:16:38.480 And I think sometimes, yeah, a little bit.

00:16:39.840 And I think that sometimes that kind of jump starts it a bit.

00:16:46.060 What's the outcome?

00:16:46.900 Are you the guy that thinks he can fly?

00:16:48.120 Or are you the guy that thinks he can stop a vehicle?

00:16:50.500 Like from going to like, you know what I'm saying?

00:16:52.240 like which one which guy are you i don't know that's actually that's actually interesting what

00:16:56.440 do i think what will happen if i go crazy crazy i just had like mushrooms once and i had kind of

00:17:00.460 like a real bad trip you really dude i was at burning man i did mushrooms and it was bad how

00:17:06.240 bad because i had a bad burning man trip too really really what year did you go had 2017

00:17:12.980 and 2018.

00:17:16.140 No, 2016, 2017.

00:17:17.560 I was there

00:17:18.840 2017, 2018.

00:17:20.900 How bad was the trip?

00:17:22.080 It was the weirdest. Do you guys remember

00:17:24.660 Enter the Dragon, that movie?

00:17:26.520 It was like a Bruce Lee movie or something like that.

00:17:28.740 Remember at the end when he has to fight the statues

00:17:31.180 but the statues represent these things

00:17:33.100 he's afraid of? That's what it was like

00:17:35.000 for me. But different things I was insecure

00:17:37.100 about were these statues.

00:17:39.160 Wait, the actual art structures though?

00:17:41.260 Bro, now I don't remember.

00:17:42.540 so i think they had like you were fighting no that's what i'm saying it's art structures that

00:17:46.300 you you fighting the art pieces yeah they were coming at me and then i'd like open my eyes and

00:17:50.140 be like come on stop it that's not crazy but every time i went to try to close my eyes to go to sleep

00:17:53.700 because i was like let me just sleep this off good luck it's over so it was like bird box you

00:17:57.080 kept imagining like your worst fear in life and you like that that's horror that's terrible yeah

00:18:02.740 yeah is that what the movie was about yeah it's fucked up you see the you see your biggest fear

00:18:06.860 what did you just kill yourself what did you just say did you like bird box yeah i thought it was

00:18:10.420 fun yeah mgk are we talking i i think he did a great job in there having sex yeah well no just

00:18:16.720 being an actor i think he impressed me you like that movie no i think it was so fucking cheap

00:18:20.640 that's just kind of like we can't show you but close your fucking eyes i thought that's the idea

00:18:26.360 it's called imagination i hate it because if i need an imagination i just go to you know syria

00:18:31.760 What would it be like

00:18:35.100 If these buildings were still here

00:18:36.640 It does suck though

00:18:41.020 That sucks for y'all

00:18:41.720 But we're gonna come in there

00:18:43.700 And like I don't know

00:18:44.460 Do they need freedom

00:18:45.280 Do you guys have enough oil

00:18:48.560 To need freedom

00:18:49.180 That's how it works for us

00:18:50.400 I think they're good

00:18:50.980 Are you guys good over there

00:18:52.000 What's going on

00:18:52.560 Nah it's Fox

00:18:53.120 Well no but he's not Syrian

00:18:54.440 He's a Syrian

00:18:55.760 It's like I said

00:18:57.420 Pangaea

00:18:58.380 It's Pangaea

00:18:59.420 It's the conjuring

00:19:00.460 That doesn't exist anymore

00:19:01.620 No add the A in front of it

00:19:02.860 It's Assyrian

00:19:03.540 Yeah we were the first

00:19:05.700 It's like

00:19:06.120 It's like

00:19:06.500 It's Turkey now

00:19:08.080 Right

00:19:08.680 Am I tripping

00:19:09.980 I

00:19:10.180 What language do you speak

00:19:12.400 Assyrian

00:19:12.920 Come on with that bro

00:19:14.140 So that's like Sanskrit

00:19:15.060 Come on with that

00:19:15.960 Like yo you know if

00:19:16.940 Come on with that

00:19:17.720 How many of them are there

00:19:19.120 Yeah yeah yeah

00:19:19.940 Like Sand Eskimos

00:19:21.100 Or something like that

00:19:21.840 Northern Iraq

00:19:22.820 And Southeastern Turkey

00:19:24.060 Okay

00:19:25.620 Assyria

00:19:25.900 Kingdom of Northern Mesopotamia

00:19:27.760 Yeah that's Tigris Euphrates

00:19:29.500 Wait so in a way

00:19:31.600 I said all this at the beginning of the podcast

00:19:34.600 Just say you're from Iraq

00:19:36.240 What is this, a serious shit?

00:19:36.900 I was just going to say that

00:19:37.760 So in a way, somebody named George

00:19:39.940 From the country you pretend to live in now

00:19:42.280 Could have invaded your actual homeland

00:19:44.340 In 2003

00:19:45.600 And they were just like, let's name our kids after those guys

00:19:47.860 I don't think anybody before Jesus was named George

00:19:50.300 Jesus was not named George

00:19:52.340 He's Christian though, dude

00:19:54.080 And that means they thugged it out for years

00:19:56.220 That's the thing

00:19:57.420 If you were Muslim, you could have got flipped

00:20:00.520 But Christianity came before Islam

00:20:02.780 So you've been Christian for a minute

00:20:04.680 See what I'm saying

00:20:05.640 He's one of the real ones

00:20:06.900 He's OG

00:20:08.980 You know who we are

00:20:11.660 You could be Jewish actually

00:20:13.600 We are, our language is the same exact

00:20:15.080 I knew it

00:20:15.720 Wow, he's smart

00:20:16.620 You guys know who Jonah is

00:20:20.480 Who got swallowed by the whale

00:20:21.780 Because he had to go save the people

00:20:23.420 He was going to save us

00:20:25.180 But we were such terrible people

00:20:27.000 He didn't want to save us

00:20:28.000 But God's like, nah, they're real, go get them

00:20:30.240 and he did it so he had i have to say something uh he didn't get swallowed by a whale what happened

00:20:35.260 uh it just that can't happen no he did i was in a he didn't i was in a youtube rabbit hole one day

00:20:40.820 we've all been there and i watched a video on whether or not a human can get swallowed by a

00:20:44.720 whale and they can't they can't the hole is too small you'd think it it's it's big enough they

00:20:48.480 can't what what hole which hole biologically impossible no but which hole gets swallowed

00:20:53.800 by a whale yeah can't get because don't they have like a plankton yeah they skim like a filter

00:21:00.180 and you couldn't fit through it.

00:21:01.380 Are you going to keep him in his mouth?

00:21:02.580 Watch this.

00:21:03.380 Watch this.

00:21:04.420 Can a human get swallowed by a whale?

00:21:09.160 Watch this.

00:21:10.520 What if you were swallowed by a whale?

00:21:11.760 13 million views.

00:21:12.620 I was one of those views.

00:21:13.940 And they say it would never happen.

00:21:16.280 You could get caught in its mouth, I think.

00:21:18.960 That one lady with a kayak, it just happened.

00:21:20.880 You seen that?

00:21:21.460 Yeah.

00:21:22.000 Yeah.

00:21:22.700 Up and over.

00:21:24.580 Video three is not real.

00:21:25.880 Can you delete get swallowed by a whale

00:21:27.620 and just keep it at get a human?

00:21:29.060 Can we go to Pornhub?

00:21:30.180 And then do this same search?

00:21:31.400 Just go to can a human

00:21:33.420 And look what it completes it with

00:21:35.080 It's fantastic

00:21:36.140 Can a human

00:21:37.420 Inhale a Domino's pizza

00:21:39.980 That was the most searched fucking term

00:21:42.940 Can a human being inhaled

00:21:45.020 Can a human have a baby with a dog?

00:21:47.580 Yeah that's a little wild

00:21:48.500 Can a human have a baby with a dog?

00:21:51.820 If that's possible then we can definitely

00:21:53.640 Why can't humans breed with animals?

00:21:55.060 I love YouTube

00:21:55.840 But if that search prominence

00:21:59.560 Is indicative of the health of America

00:22:01.360 It's pretty obvious

00:22:02.660 Farmer's pig gives birth to human baby

00:22:05.480 That is insane

00:22:07.160 We have to

00:22:08.720 Go back

00:22:10.220 We just got locked home

00:22:12.700 That was crazy

00:22:13.880 I still do think he was swallowed by a whale

00:22:17.760 Maybe

00:22:18.140 It's actually not

00:22:20.560 I said all that

00:22:22.000 Different whales

00:22:23.100 How much do you have to pay

00:22:27.800 To get a special on Netflix

00:22:29.540 um a lot this is you put sugar in here oh fuck did i ask for sugar no no no

00:22:35.320 no you did it yeah well you did it i've seen a ted talk yes you did a ted talk i did a ted

00:22:47.480 talk so interesting he's a ted thanks for coming my scientist too no like my buddy was the guy

00:22:52.480 producing it and he was like can you please come and do this ted talk everybody else is scared

00:22:56.000 or they're not funny or they're talking about

00:22:58.460 having cancer which sucks and shit but it just gets

00:23:00.460 really fucking four cancers in a row

00:23:02.780 you're just like ugh so lighten it up

00:23:04.240 and yeah I just went and I did it

00:23:06.860 and it was kind of fun and it kind of worked out

00:23:08.580 it was good and the clip I saw was you said

00:23:10.780 what did you say you were the snooze

00:23:13.420 oh yeah yeah yeah

00:23:14.860 that was the clip I saw and I liked it

00:23:16.540 because your bits on

00:23:19.000 Instagram anyways come in these really

00:23:20.920 short form digestible

00:23:22.640 super topical

00:23:23.900 yeah what side turn your phone sideways bro the biggest some of the biggest videos of the year

00:23:31.140 i mean you took instagram by storm this year we had a good year we had a good year it was very

00:23:35.000 fun it transitioned and parlayed into what the netflix show was exactly which i thought was

00:23:40.480 super cool yeah that was cool how that happened yeah yeah it's the same format right you're

00:23:44.380 literally sitting on the same set yeah yeah we just filmed it in the same studio we have a studio

00:23:48.440 in brooklyn and that's where we just you know do our podcast and shit and uh it was just dope

00:23:52.560 did you pitch it to them though i don't know exactly how it happened uh i just know that

00:23:57.260 like mark and i mark is over there so alex is over there so mark and i were writing them in

00:24:01.680 the beginning and alex has been directing them and editing them and uh we were just making them

00:24:05.440 i remember just telling mark i was like i think if we do this for four months straight we'll be

00:24:11.140 able to do it wherever we want if we do want to do it anywhere okay cool and then people started

00:24:16.060 reaching out and like different networks started offering and then uh there's one guy got involved

00:24:19.880 that i can't say his name anymore and then he spoke to the people at netflix and then um

00:24:23.680 then they were like yeah let's do something let's make something happen and then we made the project

00:24:27.880 and then like weirdly enough like two days ago or three days ago he called me after seeing it and he

00:24:32.660 was like i gotta take my name off this why and he was like you just you just destroy all my friends

00:24:38.740 oh like like kamal harris has been in my house right like i can't i can't just because you pull

00:24:44.160 no i mean bro listen you you went on a rampage this year yeah it was wow tackled every topic

00:24:48.700 that no one else would talk about and in a way that was generally speaking too far pretty much

00:24:54.840 every time you know and and i think that's your i think that's your fucking trademark yeah they

00:24:59.240 called me uh yesterday before it came out my lawyers called me yesterday and uh like we just

00:25:03.900 got off the phone netflix and they just wanted it it to be abundantly clear that like if they get

00:25:08.340 sued that's on you oh no yeah no we call that indemnification so so just one-sided andrew shows

00:25:17.620 what happened because we're talking about people who are like super litigious like all like the

00:25:21.820 pedophile motherfuckers you know what i mean they're like associated with the jeffrey epstein

00:25:25.740 and shit and those are most of the investors in netflix so they're just pissed off i don't even

00:25:29.100 know if they invest i don't even know if they invest it do they are they like plugged in like

00:25:32.700 that they might i don't even know well when they put out that show about the pageant kids that was

00:25:36.560 kind of so i didn't see the pageant shit we had a joke about it yeah cuties we had a joke in there

00:25:41.300 because i was like if we don't acknowledge this then we're fucking pussies and i told them that

00:25:44.640 and they were like yeah it's fine go for it but um they also put out that piece like about

00:25:48.860 epstein did you see that one the four-part miniseries yeah with james patterson or whatever

00:25:53.000 like that yeah yeah not not the epstein docu-series no no it was like the four-part miniseries it was

00:25:57.540 incredible yeah but it was also for me it seemed like it was kind of like a it was like yeah it

00:26:02.460 was like epstein was the only one and none of us had anything to do with it they almost went as

00:26:07.940 far as like clearing like bill clinton in it like they were like oh he was there but we're positive

00:26:12.560 so it almost was like

00:26:14.280 okay he's dead

00:26:15.220 so now we can blame

00:26:16.300 everything on that

00:26:17.120 motherfucker

00:26:17.560 it's the same thing

00:26:18.500 as the fire fest

00:26:19.860 you know what I mean

00:26:21.400 like that guy's in jail

00:26:22.560 so now it's all his fault

00:26:24.120 and everybody else

00:26:25.240 who was involved

00:26:25.820 like who was the company

00:26:26.840 that was supposed to do it

00:26:27.500 Mark

00:26:27.760 yeah I think like

00:26:29.560 fuck Jerry did all the PR

00:26:30.600 for it and then they had

00:26:31.600 nothing to do

00:26:32.340 back to making memes

00:26:34.520 and sponsored dude

00:26:35.300 would sign

00:26:35.720 what if

00:26:36.980 what if

00:26:38.440 shout out Seth

00:26:42.240 shout out

00:26:42.700 is the sponsor

00:26:43.400 doing the sign real

00:26:44.380 yeah

00:26:44.660 yes

00:26:45.080 why don't he just

00:26:45.760 photoshop it

00:26:46.600 why are you going out

00:26:47.400 every day

00:26:47.960 cause he's the real deal

00:26:48.960 bro

00:26:49.280 but just do one day

00:26:50.540 right

00:26:51.140 and seven different outfits

00:26:52.460 and then just photoshop it

00:26:53.760 maybe he does

00:26:54.400 he wants people

00:26:55.340 to come at him

00:26:55.900 and go

00:26:56.120 oh you're the guy

00:26:56.760 who's inside

00:26:57.340 no no he was popping

00:26:59.040 we went to a club

00:26:59.680 with him once

00:27:00.160 no

00:27:00.520 did he bring the

00:27:01.840 fucking sign

00:27:02.640 yes

00:27:03.460 no

00:27:04.360 no

00:27:05.140 no

00:27:05.800 no listen

00:27:06.340 listen

00:27:06.860 we went to

00:27:07.300 I hate him

00:27:08.240 listen we went to

00:27:08.980 marquee

00:27:09.600 I hate him

00:27:10.360 He made a sign for him to hold.

00:27:12.760 Oh, yeah, that was it.

00:27:13.620 That said, like, Logan Paul is actually a decent guy or some shit.

00:27:16.520 He held it up in the fucking crowd.

00:27:18.200 Remember?

00:27:18.620 I can find the picture of it.

00:27:20.140 I'm pretty sure.

00:27:20.460 I thought he looks around with a fucking sign.

00:27:22.360 I thought it was his birthday, and it said, like, happy birthday, do a sign, and then

00:27:26.320 in the bottom right corner, it said, plus LP.

00:27:29.100 Like, really small.

00:27:30.160 Yeah, and then he held it up.

00:27:31.100 That was it.

00:27:31.580 Right, right.

00:27:32.380 He's really good at holding signs.

00:27:33.880 Yeah, he's the man, that guy.

00:27:35.340 Let me stop hating.

00:27:36.420 Let me stop hating.

00:27:36.720 No, no, no.

00:27:37.200 His name's Seth.

00:27:38.140 He's great.

00:27:40.360 and he flips it he fucks with this he doesn't even talk at all like yeah baby and he flips it

00:27:44.480 yeah do you think that there could be a government conspiracy post epstein working directly with

00:27:53.560 netflix to further clear everyone else that was involved they're like yo if netflix does this for

00:27:59.240 us we'll give netflix a huge tax break all they have to do is clear everyone except for epstein

00:28:03.940 I don't think it goes like that

00:28:05.760 I think it goes

00:28:07.680 James Patterson

00:28:09.040 Who's like homies with the Clintons

00:28:11.020 Right

00:28:11.420 And they're basically like

00:28:13.840 Look

00:28:14.160 And I don't know what the fuck

00:28:15.000 The Clintons have done

00:28:15.760 Like we make a lot of jokes about it

00:28:17.080 Like who cares

00:28:17.540 But I think they're basically

00:28:18.300 Well Hillary's like a hit

00:28:18.940 Supposedly a hit man

00:28:19.800 Exactly

00:28:20.180 Like we bust balls about that

00:28:21.420 But I don't have any proof

00:28:22.140 That she's done it right

00:28:23.020 She has

00:28:23.440 Cause she fucking has it

00:28:24.560 She probably has

00:28:25.260 She probably has

00:28:26.380 No she's a murderer

00:28:27.340 She's a murderer

00:28:28.520 People are like

00:28:30.300 Shout out to you Hillary

00:28:31.100 You know what I mean

00:28:31.560 She's got like a 50

00:28:32.320 50 person

00:28:33.820 body count yeah exactly it's like tough to be friends with her and like stay around but like

00:28:38.020 but all i'm saying i don't have any proof of that so what i think it is is people going yo we got

00:28:43.720 to clear our names why don't you make something kind of dope and just put it on that guy you

00:28:47.900 know what i mean like everybody wants their name to be good like that's why barack's coming out

00:28:50.660 with a book right now he's coming out with a book which is basically like yo i would have done more

00:28:54.600 but i can't be that's how america's built right because he was at his lowest in terms of like

00:28:59.940 how appreciated he was do you see what i'm saying it was a marketing ploy the highest appreciation

00:29:04.920 you can get right now in politics is 50 of the country yeah it doesn't matter who you it doesn't

00:29:09.240 matter who you are it doesn't matter if you're the best person in the entire world and you're

00:29:12.100 giving out you know you've lowered taxes and everybody's rich yeah only up to 50 of the

00:29:18.100 country can like you at any time because you have a party attached to your name that's why it's

00:29:21.080 stupid like don't be in politics like do not it's just such a dumb thing it's like you're the guy

00:29:25.400 that lies for the next four years that's your job is to lie to people rich people pay you a lot of

00:29:30.320 money they're like hey go lie to people you're just an influencer you're a man with a sign

00:29:33.100 you're a mom that you're a fucking man with a sign you're a muppet that's all you this one's

00:29:37.380 like why am i listening to anything you say like the four of us here have way more influence over

00:29:41.680 like what people actually think and like what they're going to do with their lives than gavin

00:29:45.700 newsome he can shut down a restaurant but he can't change the way people think like he can't

00:29:49.920 like actually get people to go oh you know what i never thought about that you know oh yeah maybe

00:29:53.820 Being gay isn't wrong

00:29:54.900 You know what I'm saying

00:29:56.060 I don't think he has that influence

00:29:57.260 He can get people to hate him

00:29:58.860 That's all he can do

00:29:59.760 Really well

00:30:00.500 Because he's gonna lie

00:30:01.300 And eventually he's just fed up

00:30:02.420 Like that's the thing

00:30:02.980 Like you can lie to people

00:30:03.960 As long as there's like

00:30:04.720 Sports to watch

00:30:05.840 And like nightclubs

00:30:06.960 To go get pussy at and shit

00:30:08.120 Yeah

00:30:08.480 But the second you take away all that

00:30:09.880 Yeah

00:30:10.100 We have nothing to do

00:30:10.900 We just start going

00:30:11.700 Oh is this motherfucker a liar

00:30:12.700 Yeah

00:30:13.040 He's a liar

00:30:13.620 Cause everybody was so fucked up

00:30:15.740 Like on drugs and shit

00:30:16.880 Now you can't go buy drugs

00:30:17.960 Cause Newsom said no drugs

00:30:19.620 Cause of COVID

00:30:20.300 He said no drugs

00:30:21.060 Well I don't know

00:30:21.460 Probably something like that

00:30:22.560 Really?

00:30:23.040 I don't know

00:30:23.880 He just said, don't go out anywhere because of COVID.

00:30:25.640 You can't go out, so how are you going to buy drugs?

00:30:26.960 Are they going to drop them off?

00:30:28.320 No drugs?

00:30:29.780 Oregon said mojo drugs.

00:30:31.440 Oregon said hella drugs.

00:30:33.160 Whatever you want.

00:30:33.900 That's right.

00:30:34.620 Oregon's about that life, dude.

00:30:36.320 What do you think about that?

00:30:37.740 Portland is the worst city I've ever been to in my entire life.

00:30:40.880 And literally, when it was on fire, I was so happy.

00:30:43.440 People are mad.

00:30:43.900 I've been so happy.

00:30:45.200 People are so mad.

00:30:45.780 Every time.

00:30:46.820 I've never met more rude people in my entire life.

00:30:49.400 Oh, no.

00:30:49.940 Dude, I went.

00:30:50.680 We were at a fucking, the three of us, we were at a place.

00:30:52.780 we're doing shows important we're at a we're like i don't know something like restaurant i don't

00:30:55.600 know what the fuck it was probably a donut shop it was something i don't know maybe it was a

00:30:59.860 no no it was like a restaurant right and it didn't have any seating right so i go up to the lady and

00:31:04.480 i go excuse me miss um do you know a place that like uh has like uh some seating we have some

00:31:09.900 table service or like that and then uh she goes uh she goes yeah do you have your phone and i go

00:31:14.580 yeah she goes google that oh like on some smart shit on some like i almost i almost reached across

00:31:24.280 the counter and gave her a wedgie bro i've never felt that way towards a woman but i almost just

00:31:29.320 grabbed i walked out of there like a simp that's what i did yes i did i could not believe it went

00:31:34.800 outside and googled i couldn't believe it nothing i was like what is happening right now i couldn't

00:31:38.640 believe someone's be so rude to me what was your honest response oh yeah okay no no what was the

00:31:43.200 honest response i swear to god it was i swear to god it was like huh i just couldn't and you're

00:31:48.780 from new york like for you to think someone's rude that's a big fucking deal and you know

00:31:53.600 because it was like she gave me like an alley oop oh yeah because she set you up yes she set

00:31:58.060 you up she went she went do you have a phone bro i took out the phone like okay okay she got something

00:32:03.100 good she got something good for me right and i'm about to start typing she goes you should google

00:32:07.360 that wow i couldn't believe it was she young and attractive no there's no attractive people in all

00:32:12.720 Portland. They're disgusting. Every one of them

00:32:14.860 is disgusting. Disgusting

00:32:16.740 and pale. Every last

00:32:18.700 one of them. And just fucking like, you know that

00:32:20.500 Gorillaz song? I'm happy.

00:32:23.020 Remember the video for that?

00:32:24.480 The guy's just like slumping around. Everybody's got

00:32:26.600 the fucking posture of, what is it?

00:32:29.100 The guy who owns Scooby?

00:32:31.700 Shaggy. Shaggy.

00:32:32.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. His posture

00:32:34.820 sucks. And every

00:32:36.900 single person has. They suck in Portland.

00:32:39.140 They suck. Every person has that

00:32:40.880 hat on that george is wearing yes every single person yes and they're all i think is i think i

00:32:45.380 should tell you i'm born in port i'm from what it can't get worse it can't get worse it can't

00:32:50.000 get any worse this fucking guy this fucking guy no no no i hate you i mean even though you joked

00:32:54.840 around about it i still think you are a little bit of it and i don't like you now because how

00:32:59.300 much i hate portland that's too good it's the worst city so so you're it is it's it's white

00:33:05.480 people without god white people need a little god yeah and they have no god there and it's just it

00:33:10.480 is the strip club capital of the world there's non-stop strip clubs because they just are

00:33:13.820 searching for serotonin they don't know what to do with themselves like if you remove god from

00:33:17.640 white people i grew up with no religion i i don't i have any i don't know what the fuck is going on

00:33:21.060 but there's a little part of me it's like oh maybe there's you know god out there that'd be

00:33:23.980 pretty cool yeah these people have no god and they're just falling apart mean to you at a

00:33:28.220 restaurant well they put together that whole antifa is that them i think yeah right isn't

00:33:32.220 that where antifa is somebody's gotta fuck yeah i got some head nods coming out honestly i would

00:33:38.320 join it just so i could burn down the city well i would join antifa well it hasn't hasn't trump

00:33:42.920 and everybody been going at portland because the mayor basically said like yo this is an antifa

00:33:47.200 safe zone like y'all can found it in portland yeah y'all can do whatever you want have fun

00:33:51.300 let me tell you something there is a lot of people that were okay with them destroying that city

00:33:55.540 okay anybody who's visited portland has been completely okay with them destroying that city

00:34:00.540 they have good donuts they have great food no no they know they're great donuts and they have the

00:34:05.500 nike store dave the nike store and great donuts great donuts nike store but still if a nuke hit

00:34:10.460 it today you're you're cheering i'm not gonna okay a nuke is weird because there's like after

00:34:16.340 effects of that you know people could be like mutating a small meteor that takes out just

00:34:20.160 downtown portland 100 okay okay 100 okay got it 100 okay isn't netflix uh headquartered in portland

00:34:27.420 i'd be fine with that honestly i'll go to hulu next year it doesn't matter honestly it doesn't

00:34:33.400 matter at this point if i found out netflix was in portland i asked them to take down the special

00:34:37.860 myself that's how horrible portland is honestly dude it is the worst city it's so bad has anybody

00:34:44.060 else here been to portland i passed through once and i was hitchhiking you were hitchhiking it was

00:34:49.440 rainy it was cold all it does over but but the guy who picked me up was was it was nice i don't i

00:34:54.820 don't think i have an accurate representation of uh did the girl have her nose pierced like a

00:34:58.980 septum that's all they do it's it's a septum and they're just waiting to get fucking scooped out

00:35:03.320 The restaurant wasn't Dick's last resort

00:35:06.600 You weren't at some place where they were purposely

00:35:08.460 Mean to you

00:35:09.100 Is that the theme there

00:35:11.240 They have the best game room

00:35:15.460 So Nike game room donuts

00:35:17.720 Game room

00:35:18.420 Antifa

00:35:19.860 You're going to get pussy one day

00:35:23.180 It's going to happen

00:35:24.960 I promise

00:35:26.880 It's going to happen

00:35:29.000 You couldn't throw him something guys

00:35:30.920 Come on

00:35:32.060 This guy's good

00:35:33.620 He's good

00:35:34.580 He's got 917

00:35:36.980 We had a party once

00:35:39.380 Dylan got it in

00:35:41.020 Fingers up to the webbing

00:35:43.420 Are you carrying a fucking

00:35:45.960 He's holding an arrow

00:35:47.560 He's holding an arrow

00:35:48.760 He's a Sagittarius

00:35:52.640 And it wasn't in here

00:35:54.040 It was actually in the pool house

00:35:55.140 You smashed?

00:35:57.380 He fucked during a luau that we threw

00:35:59.900 The only issue though Andrew

00:36:01.360 was that Mike had fucked

00:36:03.260 the same girl two hours earlier.

00:36:04.900 That's what's up.

00:36:06.260 That was the only problem.

00:36:07.780 There you go.

00:36:08.840 He came up to me.

00:36:11.040 He goes, hey man, you know that girl?

00:36:14.840 He sounded like that.

00:36:15.860 He's like, yes, Dylan.

00:36:18.080 Yes, Dylan.

00:36:20.100 Nah.

00:36:22.420 He was hella proud.

00:36:23.700 He got her some fucking wet wipes

00:36:25.560 to clean up Mike's gum.

00:36:27.440 And when he told me, I was like, oh no.

00:36:29.500 But his hair is incredible.

00:36:30.540 He's got great head hair

00:36:32.120 You did teeth whitening?

00:36:34.200 You do teeth whitening

00:36:35.120 He's a great producer

00:36:37.000 Except I will say there's one thing on my notes list here

00:36:40.120 Well this one's weird

00:36:41.360 Sometimes I like to just read what he writes down

00:36:43.100 Random thoughts

00:36:44.340 Ever been caught whacking off?

00:36:46.880 Have I ever been caught whacking off?

00:36:50.600 That's a weird question

00:36:51.700 It's just like

00:36:53.460 I don't jerk off

00:36:54.160 I don't jerk off

00:36:57.620 I'm not against it

00:37:00.020 But I don't do it.

00:37:00.820 I don't either.

00:37:01.260 Can't remember the last time I whacked off.

00:37:01.920 Oh, but you got a girl.

00:37:02.600 You got a girl.

00:37:03.080 Yeah, I got a girl, and I got to save him for her.

00:37:04.480 I don't have, like, a crazy high sex ride.

00:37:05.740 Oh, that makes sense.

00:37:06.280 So, like, I need to save as much nuts as I can.

00:37:08.700 Does she get...

00:37:09.620 If you...

00:37:10.160 Yeah.

00:37:10.880 Same.

00:37:11.460 If you told her...

00:37:12.420 Oh, yeah.

00:37:12.440 Oh, yeah.

00:37:12.740 If you told her, you're like, hey, like, yo, it had been three days.

00:37:15.380 You've been on your period.

00:37:16.100 Like, I whacked her.

00:37:16.600 She's pissed, right?

00:37:17.500 Same.

00:37:17.920 Yeah.

00:37:18.120 Same.

00:37:18.520 What if you tell your girl that the porn you whacked off to was actually her porn?

00:37:30.020 at that low key that works that play but like like you got ad baby you got ad revenue yeah like

00:37:37.820 you won here i'm jerking off to you right and then if only if anything you're angry at her

00:37:44.080 because you're like why do you do that dude yo speaking of which you covered that topic

00:37:51.680 oh dude me and her topic like well like six months ago and i showed it to her and she was like that

00:37:56.040 was so mean you should you should text him i was like he didn't say anything mean i thought i was

00:38:00.400 supportive i thought so too you just said like big ups mike for like being able to hit well but

00:38:05.080 this is what i said i basically was like i was like listen there's this guy i was trying to

00:38:08.100 explain everything flagrant they probably know who you are but if they didn't i was like he's

00:38:10.940 super talented he's really funny on his podcast i really like this guy and no matter what he tweets

00:38:15.600 somebody responds to the tweet with a video of his girl like blowing some other guy right yeah

00:38:23.860 and it's just like

00:38:24.420 you'll tweet the most supportive thing

00:38:26.100 like we gotta help starving kids

00:38:27.480 and it's just like

00:38:28.260 this person ain't starving

00:38:29.700 you know what I'm saying

00:38:31.520 and it's just like

00:38:33.520 and I was like

00:38:34.220 it's so fucked up

00:38:35.540 and it's just fucked up

00:38:36.880 for you to have to go with it

00:38:38.200 but I was actually impressed

00:38:39.200 that you could

00:38:39.640 you know

00:38:39.940 handle that shit

00:38:40.620 I don't know why

00:38:41.100 I just never

00:38:41.840 no you're not phased

00:38:42.800 by that kind of stuff

00:38:43.760 I don't know

00:38:44.140 you've got like

00:38:44.600 I think after you smoke crack

00:38:45.800 for a while

00:38:46.320 like you just stop

00:38:47.340 like thinking about shit

00:38:48.780 like that

00:38:49.180 like you know

00:38:50.060 people don't realize that

00:38:51.260 like if you come back

00:38:52.240 from drug addiction

00:38:53.000 there's a freedom oh my god it's like that's how i feel with corona

00:38:57.280 like i'm good like i can't like who's coughing like let's go like nothing's stopping me right

00:39:04.900 now nothing right like i'm shameless mask off i got one better than you my parents got it so now

00:39:13.820 i don't even fucking worry about giving it to them i'm out it's easy everything right mask what i was

00:39:18.640 like future mask off the whole whole time dude yeah you know you just reset that because you

00:39:23.280 got so much shit the last time you said wait what about that do you know that what you got a lot of

00:39:27.340 shit for saying that joke on the last podcast and you just said anymore i don't give a fuck

00:39:31.420 that's why he said it that's why he made a future mask off joke but he said all second time the

00:39:38.440 wait wait they got mad at it the first no the first time you said no the first time why didn't

00:39:41.960 they like this is really fun no i got it reusing jokes is so funny no this is the least funny

00:39:46.080 because the first time he said it he said the mask off song by by offset you said it the wrong

00:39:53.640 one yeah i don't give a fuck i don't care the guy's from fucking bangea it doesn't exist anymore

00:39:59.680 he's like you think i got a problem with those comments how would you like it if your home

00:40:04.500 washed away detached from the rest of the world and sank into the ocean

00:40:09.860 has sunk into the bottom

00:40:13.640 of the ocean.

00:40:15.080 Do you think I care what the YouTube

00:40:17.160 comments say?

00:40:18.480 I care about tectonic plates

00:40:20.480 separating during supper.

00:40:25.420 That's what I care about.

00:40:27.280 Dude, you gotta be that guy.

00:40:28.800 You gotta lean into that guy.

00:40:30.220 No matter what anybody's going through,

00:40:32.080 you just make it worse.

00:40:33.000 people are complaining about like the house being a mess like at least you have a house

00:40:43.020 my home is sunk oh fuck man god bless you you a syrian fuck you pangean man yeah pangean is way

00:40:51.600 better remember the club in new york pangea there was a club called pangea yes it was on lafayette

00:40:56.720 street between like that sounds that sounds whack yeah it was it was it was wait is that les where

00:41:02.060 is that? No, it was on Lafayette between 4th and Astor.

00:41:04.160 That sounds like some vegan

00:41:06.140 shit. Who thought of that, Nate?

00:41:07.040 It was actually kind of like

00:41:09.040 the NoHo area. But it was kind of like a

00:41:11.960 pop in place. But we were young.

00:41:15.140 I'm a little older

00:41:15.920 than you guys. How are you my age?

00:41:17.720 37. Older, 35.

00:41:18.980 35, okay. So you would know that spot.

00:41:21.220 But I'm

00:41:22.220 from Connecticut. But you were coming down,

00:41:25.380 right? You're not getting drugs in Connecticut.

00:41:27.560 You want the good shit, you're coming to the city.

00:41:29.400 No, Bridgeport. Oh, that's right. There's some hood

00:41:31.260 people don't realize that

00:41:32.320 Connecticut

00:41:32.740 Connecticut is

00:41:33.680 two of the top five

00:41:35.100 most dangerous cities

00:41:35.860 for a while

00:41:36.180 New Haven and Bridgeport

00:41:37.020 those are my spots

00:41:38.780 they still got beepers

00:41:39.980 they have like

00:41:40.600 star pecks

00:41:41.240 no they moved to

00:41:42.160 Nexthales

00:41:42.600 when you call each other

00:41:45.920 they moved up a notch

00:41:47.660 New Haven is

00:41:48.580 bad

00:41:49.600 you don't have to

00:41:51.120 risk your life

00:41:51.580 to get a good slice of pizza

00:41:52.840 or to go to Yale

00:41:54.100 the only reason

00:41:54.980 that New Haven

00:41:55.480 still exists

00:41:56.520 and hasn't been

00:41:57.240 Pangea'd

00:41:57.920 is because of Yale

00:41:59.080 like literally

00:41:59.840 that's the only reason

00:42:00.900 That's all colleges are in the hood

00:42:03.660 USC's in the hood

00:42:04.920 It's cheap land

00:42:05.860 It's a lot of land

00:42:08.980 I'm trying to think

00:42:09.680 Temple's in Philly

00:42:12.120 Cincinnati

00:42:13.240 In Ohio

00:42:15.240 What's Cincinnati?

00:42:17.280 UC

00:42:17.720 Yeah I remember I applied there

00:42:20.180 They told me not to leave the campus if I want

00:42:21.760 It's almost like the Dominican Republic

00:42:23.700 Someone told me that

00:42:25.280 USC has a relationship

00:42:28.260 With the gangs in the area

00:42:30.320 and the relationship is basically like,

00:42:32.280 yo, don't touch anybody with a USC shirt.

00:42:35.120 They do that.

00:42:36.000 There's like an under-the-table agreement.

00:42:38.200 We work with a charitable organization

00:42:41.060 that has deemed their little campus

00:42:43.700 a no-go zone for the gang.

00:42:45.900 It's in Watts.

00:42:46.820 And they just respect it.

00:42:47.740 The gang's like, all right, cool.

00:42:48.680 Yo, can't touch that block.

00:42:50.060 Because you guys are doing good for the community

00:42:51.460 and they're like, that's kind of lit.

00:42:52.800 Isn't it strange like the moral code

00:42:56.140 that still exists in the underworld?

00:42:58.340 Like it's there.

00:42:59.080 I'm so fascinated by it.

00:43:00.040 Which was why I had so much trouble with 6ix9ine coming on the show.

00:43:04.320 Oh, interesting.

00:43:05.260 Because he made his way and built his whole life off of this gang mentality and running drugs, guns, and stuff.

00:43:11.860 And then did the only thing that you can't do in that life.

00:43:14.000 Snitch it up.

00:43:14.640 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:15.300 Yeah.

00:43:15.540 But then he came on the show and I realized this is a kid and he's smart.

00:43:21.180 Charismatic, huh?

00:43:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:22.940 I'm curious about him because I haven't met him.

00:43:24.880 Yeah.

00:43:25.140 Is he the type that when you meet them, you're like, oh, I get it now.

00:43:29.060 like I get why people are drawn to you

00:43:30.500 you're fun

00:43:31.140 yeah 100%

00:43:32.280 every single person that talked to me about that podcast

00:43:34.560 would be like you guys completely switched

00:43:36.660 oh yeah

00:43:37.420 he's not a dummy dude

00:43:40.140 no I knew he was sharp

00:43:41.380 he knew what he was doing

00:43:42.160 sorry to cut you but I'll keep on doing that

00:43:45.240 low key I think that like

00:43:48.340 what he did with hip hop

00:43:49.700 I think that you guys

00:43:51.740 are doing with boxing

00:43:53.780 snitching?

00:43:55.040 no calling out motherfuckers

00:43:57.320 right like calling out motherfuckers that won't

00:43:59.600 fight you like when he was calling out

00:44:01.620 all these like gang bangers and shit like that like

00:44:03.240 these like real hood ass

00:44:05.400 like rappers and stuff like that he

00:44:07.060 knows on some level like they're not going to jail

00:44:09.480 to kill me so I'm going to call them out

00:44:11.540 as much as I can I'm going to call their card I'm going to pull

00:44:13.500 that shit and they're not going to do anything about it

00:44:15.460 he said that on our show he said he goes

00:44:17.220 yeah I thought rap was real I thought you know

00:44:19.480 and then he started calling them out he's like oh everybody's

00:44:21.480 faking it

00:44:21.960 except I wonder if you could look at

00:44:25.180 the people he missed

00:44:27.100 Firing shots at

00:44:29.220 As potentially the people

00:44:30.320 Who he didn't think

00:44:31.760 Like who

00:44:32.560 I don't know

00:44:33.560 Like who didn't he take shots at

00:44:35.120 You'd have to go back

00:44:36.240 Get back and inspect

00:44:37.280 Yeah he didn't fuck with Drake

00:44:37.980 Did he fire shots

00:44:38.760 Did he fire shots

00:44:39.940 Like YG and shit

00:44:41.360 Yeah

00:44:41.960 Well yeah

00:44:42.360 Cause YG made that song right

00:44:43.940 Big time

00:44:44.520 About him

00:44:45.140 And he was trashing on his album

00:44:46.740 And it was like

00:44:47.560 Yeah he really went after him

00:44:48.640 All I'm saying is

00:44:49.320 It's like it's a really cool

00:44:50.340 When you're willing to go there

00:44:52.220 I don't know if he was willing

00:44:53.040 To go there or not

00:44:53.520 But like what you guys are doing

00:44:54.700 At least with boxing

00:44:55.740 Which I really like

00:44:56.480 is like if you're willing to get in the ring most people are not right they're just not willing to

00:45:00.620 get in the ring most people are not willing to fight and a street fight is different if they

00:45:03.440 got to throw down they will yeah but like put themselves out in front of people to get potentially

00:45:06.700 knock the fuck out that's a lot scary bro yeah so you get to call out all these people and this

00:45:11.800 is what we were texting about and it was like you call on all these motherfuckers that call

00:45:14.920 themselves tough they call themselves masculine to do all this shit and you just call them out

00:45:18.480 and they're gonna wilt and then you get to take all that clout or whatever it is that you get to

00:45:22.860 To suck up from that

00:45:24.260 I just think it's a really

00:45:25.040 Interesting way of going through

00:45:26.620 Yeah a lot of people

00:45:28.520 A lot of people wilt under the pressure

00:45:29.900 Yeah my brother called out

00:45:31.020 Man

00:45:31.600 Paris Hilton

00:45:33.260 Kanye

00:45:34.220 Joe Biden

00:45:34.820 Kanye

00:45:35.360 Yeah he was going for

00:45:37.060 LeBron James

00:45:38.740 Gronk

00:45:39.860 Rob Gronkowski

00:45:41.140 Yeah Gronk is interesting

00:45:42.500 Gronk is interesting

00:45:43.600 Just cause of the reach and shit

00:45:44.640 I don't

00:45:45.020 Someone mentioned him

00:45:46.560 For a potential fight

00:45:47.900 Yeah

00:45:48.240 With me

00:45:48.560 That seems dumb

00:45:50.000 It's just the reach

00:45:51.060 He's fucking huge dude

00:45:52.440 Yeah

00:45:52.600 He's huge

00:45:53.280 And he's fired up

00:45:55.000 And not

00:45:55.600 You know what I'm saying

00:45:56.420 I'll be honest

00:45:57.280 If

00:45:58.560 In two years

00:46:00.100 I would take that fight

00:46:01.460 Gronk

00:46:02.180 Yeah

00:46:02.440 More experience

00:46:03.240 I would do it

00:46:03.980 I would do it

00:46:04.500 You can do it

00:46:05.240 But the thing is

00:46:05.940 Is it going to be as exciting

00:46:07.260 Because when you have a guy

00:46:08.440 That has reach like that

00:46:09.400 Right

00:46:09.680 What happens is

00:46:10.760 It's really hard to land

00:46:12.620 The type of shots

00:46:13.340 That like Jake was landing on Nate

00:46:14.600 Right

00:46:15.040 You're not going to land

00:46:15.740 An overhand right

00:46:16.540 No

00:46:16.880 I don't box like that

00:46:18.560 Yeah

00:46:18.780 You like

00:46:19.600 You a little stick and move

00:46:20.700 And stuff like that

00:46:21.240 Yeah

00:46:21.480 so you you might have that oh gronk gronk versus lp two three years from now i like it here's my

00:46:28.700 here's my question though you know when people say when keeping it real goes wrong what happens

00:46:35.260 if uh because because i think a lot of the his uh jake for example's uh jet propulsion his fuel

00:46:41.920 right now is the fact that he's been winning you know he knocked the last recency bias you know

00:46:45.700 I'm saying especially with sports recency bias yeah because he's hot it's like uh psychological

00:46:50.280 especially with fight sports and like and also sentiment from fans and so on and so forth but

00:46:54.140 like so he's been winning my question is this what happens if he gets one of these fights like

00:47:00.340 what happens if one of these motherfuckers actually says all right jake paul let's go to the ring cash

00:47:03.520 out so that's the last fight that's what I'm assuming that's what it is like if you can get

00:47:07.500 50 mil right if you can get 50 mil smart you might as well most people would fight anybody

00:47:12.320 For 50 mil

00:47:12.980 Think about that

00:47:13.560 I bet 99% of human beings

00:47:15.140 Would fight anybody

00:47:15.860 For 50 mil

00:47:16.040 Because a couple of the guys

00:47:18.000 Like once he walks in

00:47:18.960 With Diaz or McGregor

00:47:20.480 The fight streak ends

00:47:21.700 The win streak ends

00:47:22.440 Yeah

00:47:22.600 I don't think

00:47:23.400 I really don't think

00:47:24.500 That he's gonna outbox

00:47:26.180 McGregor or even Nate

00:47:28.240 But here's the thing

00:47:28.760 He can fight

00:47:30.380 For sure

00:47:31.220 Oh I'm not saying he can't

00:47:32.460 The kid can fight

00:47:33.080 I was very surprised

00:47:34.800 And I heard he could fight

00:47:37.120 I remember I texted you guys

00:47:38.280 I was like

00:47:38.620 Cause a couple of my homies

00:47:39.900 Are boxers in LA

00:47:41.500 and uh one of them hit me up and he was like um yo no shit jake paul is gonna knock nate robinson

00:47:47.240 out i go what he goes he goes he was in the gym and there and he beat the fucking shit out of my

00:47:53.920 boy that like i spar with and is legit and i was like no way okay and i didn't put any money or

00:47:59.300 anything on the fight but when he said i was like okay it might have been legit yeah all i'm saying

00:48:03.120 it's a smart thing to do but you're gonna get to a level where you're gonna have to cash out and

00:48:07.780 make sure you cash out on the loss right until you hit the loss knock everybody out yeah it

00:48:13.320 doesn't make sense a big one should be a little bit out of your reach but he was watching i was

00:48:17.840 watching him sparte the dude the dude is a boxer he really can hit very hard and is good structural

00:48:23.660 yeah no no there's no question i asked i was talking to rogan i was like you should fight

00:48:27.580 jake paul and uh brogan goes i don't know he probably kicked my ass he just said i was like

00:48:32.680 oh that was i was like it was such an honest moment like rogan's been fighting his whole life

00:48:36.020 He goes, dude, I'm old.

00:48:37.520 You know what I mean?

00:48:37.740 Even if we kickbox, I throw one leg kick, my legs start aching and shit like that.

00:48:41.560 His leg kicks are crazy.

00:48:43.260 Now that I can kick.

00:48:44.440 Speaking of somebody that cashed out, I mean, like, who does he want to fight right now?

00:48:48.600 You don't need any money.

00:48:49.940 Yeah.

00:48:50.320 The last time I saw him in person, he was just lounging at the fucking Four Seasons, bro.

00:48:55.160 You flew to Texas?

00:48:56.480 Yeah.

00:48:56.820 Yeah.

00:48:57.100 Yeah.

00:48:57.700 Did he say if that's affecting, probably not because he's Joe Rogan, but his ability to get guests?

00:49:03.240 Like, is it tough to get people down there?

00:49:04.440 You know what?

00:49:04.880 he said he was flying in like two to three guests a week anyway okay so he flies him in i think

00:49:10.260 certain ones not me if i was a scientist maybe i got these dick jokes i'm slanging so i made my

00:49:21.080 way out there but like yeah he was having to come out and like he's just got so much gravity that

00:49:25.840 like people are going i will come sure do because think about you go on that podcast and like let's

00:49:30.700 say you got a book coming out or something like that you're gonna sell copies so it's worth it

00:49:34.640 for you to spend $300 to fly to Austin.

00:49:37.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:37.700 You like his new set?

00:49:39.400 It's all right.

00:49:39.940 I mean, like, they got to switch it up a bit.

00:49:41.740 Why did he do that?

00:49:43.120 I think it's just a part of this, like, bigger...

00:49:45.560 I mean, I can't speak too much about it,

00:49:46.840 but, like, it's part of a bigger thing.

00:49:48.080 Okay, okay.

00:49:48.800 Is he going to try to go to Mars?

00:49:50.020 Yeah, I think they're going to redo a different...

00:49:51.780 I hate this set.

00:49:52.960 Oh, the Mars thing?

00:49:54.000 Well, I don't even know there was a thing.

00:49:55.640 I just said that.

00:49:56.320 Like, is he trying to build his next studio on Mars?

00:49:58.380 Because, like, he has $100 million.

00:50:00.220 I mean, why not?

00:50:01.420 Yeah, I don't know.

00:50:02.340 Maybe.

00:50:02.620 but I mean he's about the space exploration

00:50:05.320 shit but I don't think he's going

00:50:06.420 well he's already been going just not but

00:50:08.740 well here on DMT

00:50:10.320 have you guys done that shit

00:50:12.900 nah

00:50:13.280 I explain to people all the time

00:50:17.020 everybody's scared of acid

00:50:18.580 DMT is like yo 50 acid trips

00:50:20.860 at one time and it's all condensed into

00:50:22.840 5 fucking minutes bro or 10 minutes

00:50:25.080 I just did Mike Tyson's podcast

00:50:27.100 before this I saw that it's why I'm quiet

00:50:28.920 I think I'm a contact high seriously

00:50:30.780 because he was smoking the whole time the whole time he faced like three joints during the podcast

00:50:34.620 and halfway through i told him this halfway through he took an entire handful of mushrooms

00:50:42.040 and then no no no an entire handful i'm talking six mushrooms caps stems all of them downs them

00:50:49.460 in the middle of the podcast full on full on he said i do this every day like bowls of cereal

00:50:55.880 worth of drugs psychedelics he's the sid the sid barrett of the boss i go i think i'm like

00:51:03.060 yo the mushrooms kick in he goes yeah it's done if you're a little bud

00:51:06.940 that's crazy that's crazy now did he did he push you on stuff because he'll kind of go in

00:51:16.220 he did not go in i've seen him i've seen him yeah i've seen him push people he didn't uh

00:51:21.740 Would you say he didn't want that smoke with you or

00:51:25.100 There it is

00:51:26.360 Hype it up

00:51:27.360 Coming to you guys soon

00:51:29.680 Him and his boy

00:51:31.800 They pushed me to do mushrooms

00:51:33.740 And he did

00:51:34.580 I know

00:51:34.940 I did a PSA

00:51:36.400 I said hey this is what peer pressure looks like

00:51:38.600 Kids watch this

00:51:40.000 I don't want your drugs

00:51:41.620 And how'd they react

00:51:43.500 Yeah I know it was cool

00:51:44.800 Dude come up

00:51:45.800 No one can be upset when you don't take their drugs

00:51:48.160 I had this conversation

00:51:49.740 Everyone in LA wants you to do their drugs

00:51:52.480 Dude I've been at so many parties

00:51:54.300 And some random person

00:51:57.040 Will come up to me

00:51:57.660 Yo you want coke?

00:51:59.400 Why me?

00:52:00.260 Where did you come from?

00:52:01.180 Where did you

00:52:01.620 You're in a one person bathroom

00:52:04.400 You conjured from a wall

00:52:05.020 It just comes out from under the garbage can

00:52:06.720 Sir I'm urinating dude

00:52:08.040 Where did you

00:52:09.160 And also why me?

00:52:10.980 Why?

00:52:11.380 It's always

00:52:11.680 And is he doing this to everyone?

00:52:13.460 No

00:52:13.680 Does he want to get rid of this guy?

00:52:15.240 No they want to do coke with you

00:52:15.660 Is it just

00:52:16.480 No it's anybody with more than 10 million on Instagram

00:52:18.620 If you got more than 10 million

00:52:19.460 So they want to do coke.

00:52:20.560 They want to do coke.

00:52:21.360 Yeah.

00:52:22.160 Do I look like I do?

00:52:24.160 But usually people don't want to show it.

00:52:26.260 I think a lot of people think you do.

00:52:28.640 I see it sometimes.

00:52:29.680 Can't do coke.

00:52:30.100 Can't do coke.

00:52:31.020 No, I don't think so.

00:52:32.420 Maybe Addie's, but not coke.

00:52:34.340 Can't fuck with those.

00:52:35.120 I don't do drugs.

00:52:36.200 Really?

00:52:36.380 I don't mix with drugs.

00:52:37.200 You never have fun in Portnoy.

00:52:38.160 Try Adderall, dude.

00:52:39.100 Adderall's fucking incredible.

00:52:40.100 No, no, no.

00:52:40.800 You're not the first guest that said it.

00:52:42.340 I've only had it.

00:52:43.000 Portnoy is a massive Adderall fan.

00:52:44.560 Yeah, I could see that.

00:52:45.360 I could see that.

00:52:46.040 Fucks me up.

00:52:46.460 Yeah, I've only had it a few times.

00:52:48.020 I did a Burning Man to stay up.

00:52:49.780 That's how old I am.

00:52:50.780 That's tricky.

00:52:52.860 Well, no, you take the Adderall to stay up to do other drugs.

00:52:56.920 Well, not even.

00:52:57.400 I don't do drugs, really.

00:52:58.940 Smoke weed, and then I had Adderall.

00:53:00.760 And then we were doing Adderall to stay up when we were working on the Netflix thing.

00:53:04.800 You know, Adderall is the cheap man's Coke.

00:53:06.640 That's what they call it.

00:53:07.160 Is it Coke or meth?

00:53:08.320 Some people say it's a Coke.

00:53:11.080 It's just a stimulant.

00:53:12.380 But they call it the cheap man's.

00:53:13.380 you'll be able to afford actual coke now

00:53:15.460 because of the Netflix special

00:53:16.540 but I don't want to do coke

00:53:18.300 well you wouldn't even be able to smell it anyways

00:53:19.980 is this good shit

00:53:21.900 I haven't smelled anything since 1996

00:53:25.000 it's true I'm never going to smell again

00:53:27.180 how fucked up is that

00:53:29.120 I'm okay with it

00:53:31.160 if everything went to shit you could start cleaning

00:53:33.200 porta potties and it wouldn't bother you

00:53:34.640 that could be the job

00:53:35.780 there are different ways I could take advantage of this

00:53:37.980 you know how I found out that I couldn't smell

00:53:40.480 I was itching

00:53:43.020 my ass right like i see this a lot like i'm very hairy ass so like i'll i'll just scratch it it

00:53:47.180 gets itchy and you always sniff it after and i sniff it after and i couldn't smell anything it

00:53:50.760 was actually my left hand so i'm itching my ass and then i smelled it and i smelled nothing and

00:53:54.740 then i spooned my girlfriend and then she went you made her i didn't make her do anything i

00:54:00.400 thought it was clean because i went i didn't smell anything and i spoon and then she just goes

00:54:03.600 get off of me what is that she goes your hand smells like shit and i smelled my own hand and

00:54:10.640 I just smelled nothing.

00:54:11.680 This is fucked up.

00:54:12.580 I literally gave her Dirty Sanchez.

00:54:14.460 I gave her by accident.

00:54:15.860 I had no clue.

00:54:16.580 Your own wife.

00:54:17.400 Unbelievable.

00:54:18.860 Unbelievable, dude.

00:54:20.060 Yo, what the fuck?

00:54:21.740 Unbelievable.

00:54:23.120 What was your first thought when you smelled those?

00:54:25.700 You were really getting in there, though, then.

00:54:27.600 Where the fuck is he going, dude?

00:54:28.700 He's pissed, bro.

00:54:30.460 Oh, there you go.

00:54:31.160 Nice.

00:54:31.460 That was like three weeks ago.

00:54:32.600 Give me some of that.

00:54:33.060 Give me some of that.

00:54:33.640 Damn, how do you make it on all those cameras?

00:54:35.260 I would have tripped over all of them.

00:54:36.500 Are you fucking kidding me?

00:54:37.640 That's crazy.

00:54:38.180 That's crazy.

00:54:38.760 I didn't know you get in there like that, though.

00:54:40.380 Well, why would you not go over your underwear?

00:54:42.700 I actually go in.

00:54:43.600 I penetrate the hole a little bit.

00:54:45.060 Swear to God in my life.

00:54:45.960 Swear to God in my life.

00:54:47.260 There's toilet paper in there.

00:54:48.540 Yeah, he wants to pull it out.

00:54:49.060 There's dingleberries.

00:54:49.660 Yeah, I get the dingles out.

00:54:50.780 What the fuck?

00:54:51.860 Dude, I have testosterone, bro.

00:54:53.100 No, but go over your underwear.

00:54:56.560 Nah, sometimes you got to go through.

00:54:57.860 Do you know what it is?

00:54:58.540 What?

00:54:58.940 Neither of them from the East Coast.

00:55:00.320 That's it.

00:55:00.780 Okay, bro, bro.

00:55:01.520 You know how many times I just not wanted to go to the bathroom and just pee in a garbage can?

00:55:04.600 That's it.

00:55:05.280 You don't have to worry about it.

00:55:06.660 I've done that.

00:55:07.680 We're talking about two very different things.

00:55:09.420 No, it's the same thing

00:55:10.820 I take my fingers and I scratch my asshole

00:55:14.240 And then sometimes it gets a little red

00:55:16.660 Sometimes it gets a little red, dude

00:55:19.500 Sometimes it gets so scratched it's a little red

00:55:21.620 And wet

00:55:22.560 Yo, I don't like this

00:55:24.300 I don't like this at all

00:55:26.400 And what I don't like about it the most

00:55:28.360 Is that you're so confident while saying it

00:55:30.160 That I'm like, yeah, this makes sense

00:55:31.380 Because what are you, you don't scratch your asshole?

00:55:32.980 I mean, I don't admit it

00:55:34.040 I don't admit that I scratch it all

00:55:35.580 Well, now you just did

00:55:36.280 And you look like a pussy, dude

00:55:39.080 You know it looks like a pussy

00:55:39.920 Like you sit there

00:55:40.660 And rub your butt against the chair

00:55:42.100 Instead of just getting down there

00:55:43.240 Like a man with your fingers

00:55:44.220 And digging in your asshole

00:55:45.340 I feel bad for your wife

00:55:46.900 And by the way

00:55:47.740 I just googled her

00:55:48.960 Oh you got her?

00:55:50.020 I don't

00:55:50.660 Wait do you show?

00:55:51.720 No because tell me when to stop

00:55:52.740 No he doesn't

00:55:53.120 Wait I don't think he shows

00:55:53.920 Don't show her

00:55:54.420 Don't show her

00:55:55.060 Yeah he doesn't

00:55:55.720 At all

00:55:55.940 Cause I would never stop

00:55:57.540 She didn't ask for this

00:55:58.520 You know what I'm saying

00:55:59.260 Like she didn't want to be

00:56:00.640 Like she has a private Instagram

00:56:01.700 She doesn't write any of the

00:56:03.140 Probably didn't ask for the

00:56:04.100 Fucking shit figure

00:56:05.440 No but look at the

00:56:06.040 That also is true

00:56:07.340 She did not ask for that at all

00:56:08.920 i didn't know i couldn't smell anything what was your first thought when you smelled your hand and

00:56:13.700 there was no smell like did you think your smell was gone or did you think your asshole was clean

00:56:17.440 you guys are gonna think i'm making this up i swear to god i'm not making any of this up

00:56:19.720 my taste went first and literally it happened on please don't tell me you found out your taste was

00:56:24.480 gone because you ate your shit no like you put your hand in your mouth no i literally i literally

00:56:30.960 i swear to god this sounds like a hack joke it is not a hack joke i was so stressed with the

00:56:36.060 fucking special right we were working like 100 fucking 10 hours away it was insane and i felt

00:56:40.820 horrible because i wasn't like satisfying my girl you know i mean i was like so stressed i couldn't

00:56:44.720 even like be sexual at all so i'm just like i need to satisfy this woman right now i'm going down on

00:56:51.640 her i'm going to work this is thanksgiving morning or the day before thanksgiving and um i went down

00:56:57.820 on her and i and i tasted nothing and you know there's like a flavor you like you oh you love

00:57:03.880 your girl's flavor you know and there wasn't anything there and i was like this is weird like

00:57:07.820 did she like did she just i don't know like shower or something like i didn't understand

00:57:12.740 what was going on and um then it hit me i was like oh fuck can i not taste oh shit the while

00:57:18.440 you were yeah i was just licking and i tasted nothing and i go oh fuck and i ran into the

00:57:24.700 kitchen and i grabbed some dried cherries and i started eating those nothing i grabbed an olive

00:57:29.200 Nothing

00:57:29.900 And that's how I find out

00:57:31.300 Did you go back

00:57:32.780 Did you go back

00:57:33.460 And finish the job

00:57:34.160 100% no

00:57:35.060 Question number two

00:57:36.360 What an excuse babe

00:57:37.220 I got COVID

00:57:37.760 Yeah I can't

00:57:38.660 I can't risk giving you COVID

00:57:39.920 Can you give someone

00:57:41.360 Yeah I put a mask on

00:57:42.560 Oral to vaginal

00:57:43.280 COVID

00:57:44.180 No

00:57:44.600 Dude I'm such a fuck

00:57:45.980 None of us

00:57:46.840 All three of us got corona

00:57:48.040 None of us could give it to our girls

00:57:49.480 I'm sorry

00:57:51.100 All three of us got corona

00:57:53.060 Right

00:57:53.520 Yeah

00:57:54.140 None of

00:57:54.680 We all live with our girls

00:57:55.980 Wives

00:57:56.400 Fiances right

00:57:57.080 None of us could give it to

00:57:58.880 our girls like you were trying yes let's knock this out do you know i mean then we could travel

00:58:03.440 we can have fun like i can't wait to get over go to croatia whatever croatia that was the only

00:58:07.560 place open it really is it still is croatia and mexico and florida and miami that's it one of

00:58:14.840 those things dude miami i swear we talked about arizona arizona currently doesn't believe in

00:58:19.660 covid miami never never did never did even when they were like today we are at the height of the

00:58:24.560 they were like fuck no we're not live is open yeah let's go out on gruntman's boat

00:58:29.000 meet up with purple and mr miami fuck some hookers that fucking story go to space after

00:58:34.440 till 8 p.m they didn't give a shit covid never hit miami just never never made it dude

00:58:39.560 yeah so that was it man i just fucking couldn't give it to her and then um and then yeah then we

00:58:46.200 just we actually shut down the special for almost two weeks i was gonna say what you're saying you

00:58:50.800 worked uh 10 hour days and oh no we were working we were doing we were getting in there like seven

00:58:56.000 and then we were leaving at like four and i don't i don't mean to be a dick but it seems like a

00:59:02.280 pretty uh simple show right you write it it's right it seems like it yeah i know it does seem

00:59:07.480 like that but the way that we write the pieces like they're so joke dense that like we actually

00:59:12.820 this is really boring but like we write a term paper first so like we write out an actual term

00:59:17.860 paper that is 15 minutes long. Oh, you guys are

00:59:19.620 funny. You're just nerds. Nerds. Complete nerds.

00:59:21.780 Nerds. Science.

00:59:22.840 It's all science. Dude, if people knew

00:59:25.660 how fucking nerdy the show was,

00:59:27.560 we literally highlight the jokes

00:59:29.580 in different colors. No.

00:59:31.380 You color code? 100%. Color code.

00:59:33.440 There's that one girl in history class? That's

00:59:35.600 color coding? That's us. That's you?

00:59:37.440 I'm scratching my ass and color coding lines, dude.

00:59:39.700 That's what I do. He's like, Andrew,

00:59:41.600 you got any more of the brown crayon that you've been using

00:59:43.580 on your paper

00:59:45.680 so much? Dude. Wait,

00:59:47.480 okay so then i almost said something really gross but i'm not doing it i'm not gonna do it i'm not

00:59:53.300 gonna do it i can't do it i'm not gonna do it no white undies when i watch that show

00:59:57.680 no white undies out of respect to my girl when i watch your when i watch the instagrams sorry

01:00:05.480 yeah you're sitting there i always ask myself how does there were some segments where you would go

01:00:11.700 so long without fucking up yeah like you like and and i and i studied your your thing i really did

01:00:18.400 because but these were incredible i shared every single one of them we all watched all of them i

01:00:23.040 i've never turned my phone sideways so many fucking times incredible series of events this

01:00:26.620 year thank you but i would always i studied it i noticed how do they make it so seamless with

01:00:31.380 these long segments and i noticed your fuck-ups equal a change of camera correct alex

01:00:36.320 amazing yes amazing yeah that's exactly and you fucking crushed because i would run out of breath

01:00:43.000 because we were doing like the netflix one is slower because i assume people are like sitting

01:00:46.680 down at home and they're taking some time but you guys know like youtube instagram like you

01:00:50.420 might pop that up for two minutes while you're on the bus you know what i mean like you're just in

01:00:54.820 and out so we wanted to just lock in and then go so we would do it super fast and i would literally

01:01:00.420 have to take a deep breath and i'd just get as much as i could and then we'd stop and then do

01:01:04.460 the next section can we show i wish we had one well he he sent uh oh yeah you guys got to see

01:01:10.860 it yeah so we yeah we did we didn't watch it no no no no no i'm talking about his instagram

01:01:15.480 talking about his instagram no but he sent us him i sent you guys the special there are two people i

01:01:19.780 sent the special to you guys is in the tech is in the group chat yeah you piece of shit he asked

01:01:25.840 for our emails you piece of shit it was you guys and rogan got to see it ahead of time did he watch

01:01:30.520 I bet he did

01:01:31.080 I put my phone down

01:01:32.780 That's why he's Joe Rogan

01:01:34.360 We all get texts Mike

01:01:36.680 We all get texts

01:01:37.560 You all text back

01:01:38.940 Because we're good fucking human beings

01:01:41.240 Fucking Rogan watched it

01:01:45.380 That's why he made

01:01:46.960 So many

01:01:49.040 So many more texts

01:01:51.420 That was the other hand

01:01:52.980 I go lefty

01:01:54.120 But yeah you guys will see it when you see it

01:01:56.920 I'm sorry

01:01:58.300 That really hurt my feelings

01:01:59.500 What about tonight?

01:02:01.180 You want to watch it tonight?

01:02:02.160 Yeah, I do actually

01:02:02.700 Yeah

01:02:03.040 Let's just watch it tonight

01:02:03.900 Yeah

01:02:04.400 No, no, no, no, no

01:02:05.920 I mean, technically all four

01:02:06.960 No, no, no, no, no, no

01:02:08.740 Technically all four of us

01:02:09.560 Who watch it

01:02:10.020 It's out

01:02:10.660 You guys don't need the link

01:02:11.660 It's on Netflix

01:02:13.020 Wait, hold up

01:02:13.720 You said it's the link

01:02:14.500 I gave it to you a few hours early

01:02:16.540 Oh, that's okay

01:02:17.540 Fuck you

01:02:18.160 Fuck you

01:02:18.800 I'm rooting for Floyd

01:02:19.780 I don't know about you

01:02:20.720 But I'm rooting for Floyd

01:02:21.740 And I hope he knocks you the fuck out

01:02:23.400 Everyone is

01:02:23.980 It is when I was on your side

01:02:25.940 I was with you

01:02:27.120 And I'm like, yo

01:02:27.960 Logan's gonna do this

01:02:29.220 We're going to make it happen

01:02:29.920 Hold on

01:02:30.300 Floyd's got a fake beard

01:02:31.240 That you haven't even

01:02:31.860 Made fun of yet

01:02:32.500 I know

01:02:32.900 I know

01:02:33.200 How have you not

01:02:33.860 Made fun of that yet

01:02:34.740 I've been wondering

01:02:35.140 What's going on

01:02:35.620 The guy's got a fake beard

01:02:36.620 What's happening

01:02:37.240 What's happening

01:02:37.920 Get the picture up please

01:02:39.140 This is hysterical

01:02:40.320 Why does he have a fake

01:02:40.980 He got implants

01:02:42.320 He did right

01:02:43.280 You haven't seen this

01:02:44.060 Yeah no I was wondering

01:02:44.920 What's going on

01:02:45.000 He posted on Instagram

01:02:45.380 And turned off comments

01:02:46.280 Because people were destroying him

01:02:47.500 Oh is that what the

01:02:48.140 Yes

01:02:48.760 Oh is that why

01:02:50.620 He turned off comments

01:02:51.400 Yes

01:02:51.820 It's this one

01:02:52.440 It's a fake beard

01:02:53.040 It's this one

01:02:53.800 If you zoom in

01:02:54.840 You'll see it

01:02:55.600 Oh

01:02:55.960 No, no, but look at the hairline

01:02:57.860 He hasn't had hair since he's 20 years old

01:02:59.340 Fake hairline, fake beard

01:03:01.080 Well, hold on a second

01:03:02.120 I'm gonna fucking do that too

01:03:04.400 And rightfully you should too

01:03:05.640 Oh, absolutely

01:03:06.080 I've been snoring finasteride for the last 10 years

01:03:09.200 What are you talking about?

01:03:10.340 I'm all about the supplements

01:03:11.760 Don't do breast conferences

01:03:13.260 I just need material

01:03:14.940 This is great

01:03:15.740 You gotta go at it

01:03:16.960 Yeah, I will

01:03:17.400 This is without a doubt

01:03:18.780 It's gonna be gnarly

01:03:19.500 Oh, turned off comments

01:03:20.460 I noticed that

01:03:21.300 Because I was gonna say some dumb shit

01:03:22.500 No, no, no

01:03:23.180 Completely unrelated

01:03:24.060 Looks like an aerated green at the golf course.

01:03:27.240 Like when nobody plays golf here.

01:03:28.860 You went too bougie on us, bro.

01:03:31.240 You went way too bougie.

01:03:33.260 Yeah, look at that beard.

01:03:34.900 You like that shit, George?

01:03:36.320 I do.

01:03:39.020 Hairy motherfuckers.

01:03:39.940 Why are you guys so hairy?

01:03:40.780 It's hot.

01:03:41.800 I don't know, man.

01:03:42.900 I don't know, but it's kind of funny because I came out the room like that.

01:03:45.320 I'm telling you he's not.

01:03:46.380 What do you mean?

01:03:46.820 He's not.

01:03:47.280 He shaves his legs and his face.

01:03:48.440 But his natural disposition is hairy.

01:03:50.100 I'm actually not that hairy.

01:03:51.320 I thought I was because I've been shaving since the sixth grade.

01:03:53.360 Yeah this is the most

01:03:54.220 I can grow my chest hair

01:03:55.160 That's a lot of chest hair

01:03:56.540 Still you're growing it

01:03:57.220 Up to your shoulders

01:03:57.660 I mean bro

01:03:58.220 Yeah

01:03:58.900 You can't even connect over here

01:04:00.580 I have no hair on my face

01:04:01.700 It's all my ass

01:04:02.320 Yeah

01:04:02.840 The Italian

01:04:04.360 It's all over my ass

01:04:04.980 Italian

01:04:05.340 Greek

01:04:06.020 Scottish

01:04:06.500 And my dad is Irish and German

01:04:08.680 So white

01:04:10.220 You're Jewish though yeah

01:04:11.640 No

01:04:11.940 You're not Jewish right

01:04:13.260 That's what I said

01:04:14.400 Most people assume I'm Jewish

01:04:16.380 How do you think

01:04:16.820 How do you think you get away

01:04:17.280 With saying everything

01:04:18.400 That you say

01:04:19.040 That's a good question

01:04:19.980 Pretty edgy

01:04:20.680 Not once have I seen

01:04:22.760 Hashtag cancel Andrew Schultz

01:04:24.780 They've tried

01:04:25.400 They've tried a lot

01:04:26.540 But then eventually

01:04:27.240 You just kind of like stop

01:04:28.240 Because you're like

01:04:28.800 We're not going to get him out of here

01:04:29.760 I also don't have like

01:04:30.880 This is the first time in a while

01:04:32.000 I've done anything with a network

01:04:33.120 So it's like the first time

01:04:33.980 That you could like

01:04:34.420 Put pressure on a network

01:04:35.560 To get rid of me

01:04:36.320 Like when you're putting out

01:04:37.760 Your own stuff

01:04:38.260 Like you're your own boss

01:04:39.180 Like you can't say cancel me

01:04:40.660 And then I don't

01:04:41.560 Put what's on YouTube

01:04:42.420 Or something like that

01:04:42.980 Like that's what I'm going to do

01:04:43.820 But yeah

01:04:45.540 And also I think

01:04:46.160 We just go at everybody

01:04:46.940 Like they start to get it

01:04:47.960 You know like

01:04:48.500 I don't think that we're unfair

01:04:50.140 Like I'll literally

01:04:50.920 Just make fun of anybody

01:04:52.260 you also never you also never apologize yeah because that's the easiest way to get canceled

01:04:57.900 yeah because yeah like why would you apologize if you're really what if you're really sorry

01:05:02.280 now that's the reason i would apologize right yeah but what if people tell you you should be

01:05:05.500 sorry no no because it's like everybody's gonna be a little offended by something right you know

01:05:09.660 what i mean like if you make a joke about i'm trying to think like animals or whatever like

01:05:12.980 your buddy that was here right like spencer probably doesn't like those jokes about animals

01:05:16.260 because he loves sharks because he loves sharks that was weird can we call him i saw i saw him

01:05:21.640 the other day you look healthy i know you're gonna that was a perfect all right well no just

01:05:25.320 like uh they made a list this is funny they made a list vulture.com of the best fake is the most

01:05:30.700 teary influencer apologies of 2020 look at this what's this they like they like broke them down

01:05:36.300 i haven't seen all these but there's that guy in the middle that's shane dawson what's up with

01:05:40.060 his face so he what he what did he do was he like snowboarding or something no what did he kind of

01:05:44.700 looks like he looks like windburn he did so he made some he made some pretty sick comments it

01:05:48.900 It had to do with pedophilia

01:05:50.220 and Smith's daughter.

01:05:53.480 Okay, this one's

01:05:54.260 least concern in their eyes.

01:05:57.180 Oh, it's superlatives?

01:05:58.760 Yeah, I don't think I've...

01:06:00.500 I kind of want to see this, actually.

01:06:02.080 A friend made a video that I posted.

01:06:04.200 She's a child. Keep going.

01:06:05.620 She's six.

01:06:07.800 Most organized receipt folder.

01:06:09.540 That looks like George. Go back to that.

01:06:12.980 That's George, bro.

01:06:13.980 Perfect doctor.

01:06:14.840 That's George. That's a face.

01:06:16.180 I'm addressing everything.

01:06:17.360 Best washing detergent

01:06:19.400 Oh they're just hella clean

01:06:20.440 Mr. Clean and his clean life

01:06:22.560 And clean sheets

01:06:23.320 Yeah this is weird

01:06:25.600 Most genuine Jenna Marbles

01:06:27.580 That makes sense

01:06:28.140 Least accountability test

01:06:29.420 You see that's Shane

01:06:30.060 Yeah cause

01:06:31.160 Yeah he needs to put on a turtleneck bro

01:06:33.300 Yeah

01:06:33.960 Yeah

01:06:34.700 Well he just stopped making

01:06:36.540 He just no he doesn't even

01:06:37.640 He didn't put on a turtleneck

01:06:38.500 He just went away

01:06:39.240 He don't even

01:06:40.220 He went

01:06:41.100 He went and visited Pangea

01:06:43.140 Is that what he did on

01:06:44.160 He just said no one

01:06:45.500 He's underwater now

01:06:46.260 Jeffries what worst least fucks given what's this I don't know that dude I I haven't watched any of

01:06:54.700 these but what is this their apology videos what is this fucked up that's a guy or a girl

01:06:58.880 it's uh I will not answer this question I refuse to attempt to answer this question

01:07:05.000 what is it it's both yes is the only answer anyone in this room will feel comfortable

01:07:14.120 giving. Come on with this.

01:07:16.580 What is it?

01:07:18.280 Does it have a penis or no?

01:07:20.140 It has a penis, but it identifies

01:07:22.200 as not having a penis.

01:07:25.160 Seems like a good time

01:07:26.080 to put hand sanitizer on.

01:07:27.620 Could you give me something to put him in his mouth?

01:07:30.080 Hey, open up real quick.

01:07:30.980 Speaking of sniffing shit.

01:07:32.440 There's a lot of sass, right?

01:07:34.120 There's a lot of sass. Look, I kind of want to see this.

01:07:36.580 What if I told you that she's worth more?

01:07:38.500 What's up, everybody? Welcome back to my channel.

01:07:40.720 Now, I've been silent

01:07:42.380 for a very long time.

01:07:43.860 I know that's very rare for me.

01:07:45.540 I've taken a lot of time

01:07:46.780 to do a lot of self-help.

01:07:48.180 But I don't understand.

01:07:49.180 She identifies as she?

01:07:50.600 He.

01:07:51.000 He identifies as he.

01:07:52.240 Well, there is an answer here

01:07:53.080 that doesn't affect you in any way

01:07:54.280 if you just answer it properly.

01:07:56.360 Jeffrey,

01:07:56.960 what is the proper answer?

01:07:58.940 Fucking fuck.

01:08:00.140 Someone give me the fucking answer.

01:08:01.140 See how confusing it is?

01:08:02.700 It's not hateful.

01:08:03.800 None of us hate him or her.

01:08:05.260 Is it a they-them thing?

01:08:07.880 Is it a they-them thing?

01:08:08.880 We're not doing this with the they-them.

01:08:10.520 We're not doing this.

01:08:11.180 What does he want to be?

01:08:12.380 I'll call him whatever he wants

01:08:14.000 He? That's a fine ass dude

01:08:16.240 Yes, that's perfect

01:08:17.520 As far as dudes go, pretty fine

01:08:21.360 Is that all correct?

01:08:23.740 Why is everybody scared here?

01:08:26.420 I'm not, I'm just trying to make sure I get it right

01:08:28.400 You can't get cancelled if you don't know

01:08:29.940 What if I told you that he

01:08:32.040 Identifies as she?

01:08:33.300 Is worth more than Rogan

01:08:34.520 For what?

01:08:37.080 For what? What does he do?

01:08:38.960 What does he do?

01:08:40.700 Makeup

01:08:41.180 Makeup

01:08:42.820 You see how confusing this shit is bro

01:08:46.000 Bro we

01:08:46.460 We might need to go to that

01:08:49.040 We don't have Netflix specials yet

01:08:51.520 I didn't know it was like this

01:08:53.700 Wow

01:08:54.660 200 million

01:08:57.020 The same one says Schultz's worth 200 grand

01:08:59.880 Rogan got that

01:09:01.160 Yeah Rogan probably got that

01:09:03.480 So what's up she sells makeup

01:09:05.560 He sells makeup

01:09:06.940 You have to get the pronouns right

01:09:08.340 Can I say something

01:09:09.940 can i say something that to me is branding right if you're a he and you do makeup good enough to be

01:09:16.480 a she right ugly chicks are gonna go well imagine what i could do with that so you see what i'm

01:09:24.080 saying like if a dude could become a like a bad it is do you know how bad it is just imagine it

01:09:30.440 you're some fucking ugly girl and you're seeing a guy become a hot girl you're like holy shit

01:09:37.080 That's way further than me becoming a hot girl

01:09:39.580 Because guy to hot girl

01:09:41.740 Is this far

01:09:42.880 Right

01:09:43.800 Ugly girl to hot girl is this far

01:09:46.580 You know how far he's got to go

01:09:48.700 He's a guy

01:09:50.340 And then sometimes you look at him and he's like

01:09:53.060 Alright

01:09:53.420 What's your little fine ass

01:09:55.320 I feel like this is okay

01:09:57.560 I feel like this is okay

01:09:59.740 George get back here

01:10:01.200 Yo 2020 this is me

01:10:02.440 Can I laugh at this

01:10:04.780 Why can't you laugh at it

01:10:06.700 He's wearing all the makeup he's got

01:10:08.800 He's trying to trick us

01:10:09.840 He knows what he's doing

01:10:11.580 If I wear a Yankee hat

01:10:13.380 Are you like

01:10:14.320 Do you like the Red Sox?

01:10:15.940 No

01:10:16.260 No you know who I like

01:10:17.840 Right?

01:10:18.780 I like the fucking Yankees

01:10:19.960 So he's dressed

01:10:21.140 Do you know what I mean?

01:10:23.200 He's dressed in a way that makes you go

01:10:25.360 You like dicks or not buddy?

01:10:28.000 Like what's the deal?

01:10:30.120 Like he is being misleading

01:10:31.880 If he's still a he

01:10:33.740 I'm wrong

01:10:35.960 I'm wrong to walk up

01:10:38.540 You look like a fine ass chick

01:10:40.720 Right

01:10:41.540 I'm wrong to come up to you like yo

01:10:43.400 Okay so let me just pull us back a little bit

01:10:46.440 From that person

01:10:47.900 The fuck is going on over here

01:10:49.980 No because the question you're asking

01:10:51.280 You walk around with boxing clubs

01:10:53.320 People are going to assume you're boxing

01:10:54.360 And you can't be like

01:10:55.720 I don't fucking think I'm going boxing

01:10:57.320 It's the stupidest thing ever

01:11:00.940 And then we gotta be upset about that

01:11:02.340 The question you're asking

01:11:04.660 Assuming gender

01:11:05.840 99.9% in life, you're right.

01:11:08.940 99.9.

01:11:10.720 Literally, I'm going to walk around this room

01:11:12.120 and I'm going to assume people's gender and I'm going to be right.

01:11:14.680 Chick!

01:11:17.200 Dude!

01:11:17.860 That's what certain people are trying to stop.

01:11:19.620 Dude!

01:11:22.060 Cat!

01:11:28.840 This is the best laugh I've ever been a part of.

01:11:31.320 I just don't understand why it's hateful.

01:11:33.180 Why do we jump to hate?

01:11:34.620 There's no confusion?

01:11:35.760 There's no room for confusion.

01:11:36.960 Okay.

01:11:37.540 I think that's the, I honestly think that's a problem.

01:11:39.720 That's why I'm so excited.

01:11:40.940 The guy's wearing blush.

01:11:42.240 Because I've been confused before and I got in trouble for it.

01:11:44.920 You're allowed to be confused.

01:11:46.140 No, I'm not.

01:11:47.120 Okay, hold on.

01:11:47.640 I'm going to give you the answer and I don't want to.

01:11:50.220 I just gave you the answer.

01:11:50.740 No, stop.

01:11:51.320 I'm confused.

01:11:51.800 Schulte, listen to me.

01:11:52.600 You got me confused.

01:11:53.820 Good on you.

01:11:54.580 No, stop it.

01:11:55.440 Good on you.

01:11:56.160 That's what you were doing with the makeup.

01:11:57.700 Listen to me.

01:11:58.380 Go.

01:11:58.600 The difference here.

01:12:00.100 You got me charged up.

01:12:00.880 Because you're right.

01:12:01.440 But the difference here is we know these people's pronouns.

01:12:06.540 You do.

01:12:07.140 Right.

01:12:07.700 I don't.

01:12:09.160 Right.

01:12:09.700 I don't know.

01:12:10.380 I'm asking you.

01:12:11.380 Everybody here is speaking your language, right?

01:12:15.300 It feels such a...

01:12:16.480 I understood what he said.

01:12:17.960 He said, what's going on?

01:12:19.540 I understood it.

01:12:20.700 I ordered a fucking falafel platter in a Syrian.

01:12:29.240 I'm just saying.

01:12:30.160 Are you laughing or throwing up?

01:12:31.520 I don't know, bro.

01:12:32.540 It is what it is.

01:12:33.460 We're just rolling with it, okay?

01:12:35.480 I'm just saying it is what it is, okay?

01:12:37.380 We're confused.

01:12:38.160 You're allowed to be confused.

01:12:39.340 That should be the biggest compliment.

01:12:40.720 Have you tricked me?

01:12:41.760 But, but, so, but listen, but taking it back from-

01:12:44.320 That's a compliment.

01:12:44.980 That's a compliment.

01:12:45.700 That's a high five.

01:12:46.620 But taking it back from comedy, what certain groups of people are trying to do now, and

01:12:52.600 I'm not saying this is right, is to create terminology that can be used cross-

01:12:56.780 That's Zephyr.

01:12:58.260 Zem and Zer.

01:12:58.540 I don't know what to call that.

01:12:59.480 Zim and Zer.

01:13:00.800 Yeah, Z, Z, Gen Z.

01:13:02.800 Gen Z.

01:13:03.600 Z, Zim and Zer.

01:13:05.200 Like Zim is for if you're a dude.

01:13:07.260 I think Zer is for if you're a girl.

01:13:08.740 And there's one that's, I think, Ziz.

01:13:10.980 Ziz.

01:13:11.900 I think that might be the sound you make if you get electrocuted.

01:13:14.580 I'm so sorry.

01:13:15.460 I fucked that up.

01:13:16.740 I'm so sorry.

01:13:17.140 It's so much.

01:13:17.920 Like, whenever you want me to call you, I'll fucking call you.

01:13:19.660 I don't care, but you gotta let me make the mistake.

01:13:21.520 Let me make one mistake.

01:13:22.860 If I keep calling you after the mistake, then I'm fucked up.

01:13:25.540 But at first, that's your face.

01:13:27.580 Okay, so what do you think about Ben Shapiro?

01:13:29.480 who won't stop calling.

01:13:30.200 He's a nerd.

01:13:32.340 First of all,

01:13:33.100 Ben is the most hilarious nerd.

01:13:35.200 Yes, for sure.

01:13:35.920 Facts, no feelings.

01:13:36.960 Facts, no feelings.

01:13:37.500 You have a yarmulke on your head.

01:13:40.140 Facts, no feelings.

01:13:41.400 Facts, no feelings.

01:13:42.600 Wait, is this facts right here?

01:13:44.400 Is this facts?

01:13:45.700 Did the candle stay lit for eight days, Ben?

01:13:48.220 Facts, no feelings?

01:13:49.340 Bro, he could out...

01:13:51.180 You want everyone to hate you.

01:13:52.620 He could out talk...

01:13:53.500 No, it's bullshit.

01:13:54.720 The guy's bullshit.

01:13:55.980 He could talk faster than you.

01:13:57.100 He could talk faster about one topic.

01:13:59.180 He started talking about pussy, and he's like, oh, well, it doesn't actually get wet.

01:14:03.640 What's the free market say about pussy?

01:14:06.320 He's a nerd.

01:14:07.480 Shut up, Ben.

01:14:08.720 He just goes to colleges and beats up one fucking 19-year-old that just learned about Marxism.

01:14:13.040 You're not smart.

01:14:14.500 Right?

01:14:14.940 He went on one legit talk show with the BBC and got smoked.

01:14:19.920 Did you guys see that?

01:14:20.720 When he got smoked by that Scottish dude?

01:14:23.380 Literally, he got in his feelings then, right?

01:14:26.220 I'm getting out of here.

01:14:27.240 I don't have any more.

01:14:27.960 He left, right?

01:14:28.740 Yeah, of course he left.

01:14:30.920 Who was the host?

01:14:32.100 Oh, yeah, it was the British dude.

01:14:33.500 The British guy.

01:14:34.680 It's unbelievable.

01:14:35.660 Anyway, that's fine.

01:14:36.720 Shouts to Ben.

01:14:37.160 Have you had him over here?

01:14:38.100 Yeah.

01:14:39.160 Yeah, he's been on.

01:14:40.000 Shouts to Ben.

01:14:40.640 Good for you, Ben.

01:14:41.360 You figured it out.

01:14:42.420 Thug life or whatever.

01:14:43.880 Facts, not feelings life.

01:14:44.860 Yeah.

01:14:46.400 Where do you go?

01:14:47.660 This is funny.

01:14:48.980 Bro, listen.

01:14:50.200 It is what it is.

01:14:51.020 I'm allowed one mistake.

01:14:52.780 No, you're not.

01:14:53.520 I am.

01:14:53.880 You are allowed one mistake.

01:14:54.940 You are allowed as many mistakes as you want.

01:14:56.800 You're right about that.

01:14:57.520 But I'm also allowed one

01:14:58.860 One is part of that

01:15:00.580 If I see you and it's like what's up bro

01:15:02.300 You know what I mean

01:15:03.400 That's what it is

01:15:04.340 If I see you and you look Spanish

01:15:06.560 I start speaking Spanish to you

01:15:07.720 And then you don't speak Spanish

01:15:08.840 Okay that's my one

01:15:09.900 Also quickly I don't like what has happened to me

01:15:13.180 I don't like that I have to look around before I laugh at shit

01:15:15.700 I hate that

01:15:16.480 Don't do it

01:15:17.840 It's the world I live in now

01:15:20.980 We decide what the world is

01:15:23.060 We decide that

01:15:24.560 Nobody else decides

01:15:25.980 I guess my sponsors

01:15:26.880 Are just dick pills anyways

01:15:28.080 I don't think they're really

01:15:28.800 Going to get mad

01:15:29.480 They won't get mad

01:15:30.640 Matter of fact

01:15:31.240 They love the fact

01:15:31.960 That there's more people

01:15:33.040 In the world with dicks

01:15:34.180 That have both genders

01:15:36.040 So I can sell more dick pills

01:15:37.580 That's more business

01:15:37.900 Yeah

01:15:38.460 You can sell dick pills

01:15:40.440 To men and women

01:15:41.520 Holy shit

01:15:42.300 This is amazing

01:15:43.040 We're about to corner the market

01:15:43.980 Yes

01:15:44.520 It's not male enhancement

01:15:46.660 Dick pills

01:15:47.240 It's just enhancement

01:15:48.240 Enhancement pills

01:15:48.940 It's clit enhancement too

01:15:50.160 Get that clit heart

01:15:51.700 He just said

01:15:52.240 Sweetheart

01:15:52.820 Corner of the market

01:15:53.900 corner of the market

01:15:55.300 Michael

01:15:55.780 yeah

01:15:56.280 Michael

01:15:57.020 how long we've been going

01:15:59.200 I'm so fucking hungry

01:16:02.420 shut the fuck up

01:16:03.500 I'm so hungry

01:16:04.380 bro you did Alex Jones

01:16:05.440 for three hours

01:16:06.060 45 minutes

01:16:06.780 did you have Alex here

01:16:07.920 oh dude

01:16:09.020 that guy's a wild boy

01:16:09.940 that was crazy

01:16:10.420 that's a wild boy

01:16:11.300 yo

01:16:11.480 cause he believes it yo

01:16:12.620 he really does

01:16:13.360 that's the thing

01:16:13.960 it's like

01:16:14.380 some people don't believe

01:16:15.260 that's one thing I respect

01:16:16.080 about Ben

01:16:16.440 is that he believes it

01:16:17.360 like Ben

01:16:17.940 he says a lot of goofy shit

01:16:19.080 and he's like

01:16:19.440 really strict about it

01:16:20.320 and he's probably like

01:16:21.340 autistic or something like that

01:16:22.380 but like

01:16:22.740 he believes it

01:16:23.680 and like

01:16:24.680 Alex Jones believes it

01:16:27.080 more

01:16:27.440 they both believe it

01:16:28.940 like they believe

01:16:29.640 their shit to the core

01:16:30.640 so I respect you

01:16:31.780 because you believe

01:16:32.600 your shit

01:16:33.080 the thing that we had

01:16:34.380 that a lot of other

01:16:35.040 Alex Jones shows didn't

01:16:36.840 was a lot of alcohol

01:16:38.380 I mean unlimited

01:16:39.480 but you're not drinking?

01:16:40.660 I was at the time

01:16:42.000 we got fucked up

01:16:43.380 this motherfucker

01:16:45.020 goes in

01:16:45.660 goes ham bro

01:16:47.740 see how you're drinking

01:16:48.740 that water?

01:16:49.420 he was drinking

01:16:49.860 whole glasses of vodka

01:16:50.820 like that

01:16:51.140 and eating pizza

01:16:52.220 we got dominoes

01:16:53.540 Interesting.

01:16:54.460 I told him that I talked to a Sandy Hook parent

01:16:57.020 before the show started.

01:16:58.060 They offered me 100K to punch him in the face on the show.

01:17:00.520 And did he take it?

01:17:01.220 He walked over to me and said,

01:17:02.260 punch me in the fucking face.

01:17:03.400 Yeah, I love this.

01:17:03.960 Go ahead, punch me in the fucking face, please.

01:17:05.840 And then he said, oh, you won't do it?

01:17:07.140 And he started smashing his head on the counter.

01:17:08.800 He's a wild motherfucker, dude.

01:17:10.700 He's an intense wild motherfucker.

01:17:11.660 Did you hear what he said this past week?

01:17:13.680 We're going to get Biden out of the White House

01:17:15.340 one way or the other.

01:17:16.920 Yeah, that's a little wild.

01:17:17.820 What do you think about that?

01:17:19.080 About killing the president?

01:17:20.440 Yeah.

01:17:23.540 This might be a hot take.

01:17:25.920 Don't do it.

01:17:29.900 Kind of against kill the president, Mike.

01:17:32.760 I just didn't know how far you go, Shelty.

01:17:35.740 No, you can't kill the president, you know?

01:17:37.540 Right, right.

01:17:38.380 That's illegal as fuck.

01:17:40.060 Is that the only reason?

01:17:41.840 Yeah, right?

01:17:42.880 Like, it's super illegal, right?

01:17:44.520 And, like, I don't know.

01:17:46.460 Now you got me, ah, such this comedian brain, like, you've given me a problem that can't be solved, so now I'm trying to solve it.

01:17:53.120 Right.

01:17:53.400 Like now all I'm thinking about is like, when can you, you know, well, you can't, it's illegal to do it.

01:17:59.460 But the, the powers that be might handle it.

01:18:01.720 If we have a president that becomes like a tyrant.

01:18:03.580 Well, that's what I'm like.

01:18:04.280 If the president, if the president is like, they did kill JFK.

01:18:08.060 You think they did?

01:18:09.000 Of course they did.

01:18:09.700 Well, obviously they did.

01:18:10.860 Who are you talking about?

01:18:11.620 The Lulu?

01:18:12.180 He's dead, right?

01:18:13.480 Yeah, but the question is who's who?

01:18:15.380 Oh, who's, who killed him?

01:18:16.380 Who's who?

01:18:16.660 Yeah.

01:18:18.600 You think so?

01:18:19.500 Cause he promised the mafia shit and then he didn't even come through.

01:18:21.880 His brother was shaking shit up in Chicago

01:18:23.640 And he got killed too

01:18:24.700 He did get marked

01:18:26.060 He got killed too

01:18:26.620 Yeah he could have just done the right thing

01:18:28.020 Kennedy family curse is real bro

01:18:28.920 Yeah

01:18:29.440 Kennedy family curse is real

01:18:30.580 Yeah

01:18:30.780 Even if you made it out the shootings

01:18:31.940 You crashed your plane at Martha's

01:18:33.060 You know what I'm saying

01:18:33.600 Like oh bro it just keeps going

01:18:35.040 Yeah

01:18:35.700 But why do you think that is

01:18:36.960 Because they made their money in the drug trade

01:18:38.360 You think that's why it's like karma coming back

01:18:40.040 I don't

01:18:40.980 Because they made their money selling drugs bro

01:18:43.020 Really

01:18:43.620 Yeah I think they were part of like the opium trade

01:18:45.260 Or something like that

01:18:45.900 Oh it was alcohol

01:18:48.180 Yeah

01:18:48.620 But still they did it off some illegal shit

01:18:50.240 Yeah I don't know

01:18:51.600 because it could have been

01:18:52.400 he was a thug

01:18:54.020 JFK

01:18:56.100 no he's Pops

01:18:57.380 and then they were like

01:18:58.980 and then they were like

01:18:59.520 it doesn't matter

01:19:00.180 you know

01:19:00.560 we finally got the guy

01:19:01.740 who pulled the trigger

01:19:02.780 no

01:19:03.440 because he's dead dude

01:19:04.660 he got shot

01:19:05.340 that's what we were saying

01:19:06.260 if they're dead

01:19:06.820 you blame everything on him

01:19:07.900 he didn't even get it

01:19:08.760 he didn't even get it

01:19:09.580 he didn't even get a Netflix special

01:19:11.080 a dead scapegoat

01:19:11.820 they didn't even give him a 4

01:19:12.780 a dead scapegoat

01:19:13.800 tells no stories

01:19:14.580 dead scapegoat is the best

01:19:15.220 what do they call it

01:19:15.820 Patsy or something like that

01:19:16.860 wow

01:19:17.160 yeah that's the best scapegoat

01:19:18.340 you put it all on him

01:19:19.140 I think it was Castro

01:19:20.280 you think

01:19:21.220 Yo he's dead though right

01:19:23.920 Castro's done

01:19:24.600 What's going on in Cuba

01:19:26.340 Chill we can go party there

01:19:28.360 Let's get it back

01:19:29.820 No we're cool everybody's cool

01:19:32.160 You can't go to because of COVID

01:19:33.360 You can only go to Croatia and Mexico

01:19:34.860 Are they still really rocking with the communism

01:19:38.120 Or do they want to start

01:19:39.220 I think it's like diet communism

01:19:41.260 Get out of here with that

01:19:43.420 I understand you guys really thugged it out

01:19:45.940 It was cool

01:19:46.480 But I just don't understand why communist countries

01:19:49.460 Don't get a good leader

01:19:51.100 Because at the end of the day

01:19:52.360 Communism could be cool

01:19:53.740 If the dude leading the country is dope as fuck

01:19:55.520 You know what I'm saying

01:19:56.640 If LP was the fucking leader

01:19:58.680 And every year was just good

01:20:01.560 You call him LP

01:20:02.480 Yeah I'll shorten his name to two letters

01:20:04.800 LP is also from Run the Jewels isn't he

01:20:08.060 Yeah but he don't have like 18 million on Instagram

01:20:10.140 That's what I'm saying

01:20:10.760 So what's the worth

01:20:13.300 I thought you knew like a prime minister

01:20:15.720 Or some shit that I didn't know

01:20:16.820 When you said LP

01:20:18.260 Churchill

01:20:18.800 Churchill's LP. That's a wild

01:20:21.180 boy, Churchill. He was the man. That's a wild

01:20:23.280 ass boy right there. You ever been in his

01:20:24.640 lair? His lair?

01:20:27.180 Yeah. No.

01:20:28.120 His war rooms,

01:20:31.280 Churchill's war rooms, are still there

01:20:33.280 in London. You can go visit them.

01:20:35.100 The real pencils he used are still

01:20:37.180 there behind glass where they went when the

01:20:39.040 bombings were had, when the Nazis were bombing.

01:20:41.100 With the Luftwanzer.

01:20:42.840 Yeah, the Luftwanzer.

01:20:45.360 Yeah, we really fucked the Nazis

01:20:47.040 up, huh? Smashed them. That was so lit.

01:20:49.580 Bomb the fuck out of them, bro. Super lit,

01:20:51.480 right? Just fucking up Nazis, dude?

01:20:53.340 Bro, how could you not? But that's like the last

01:20:55.300 war, like, that was the last

01:20:57.100 war that we were probably in where there was like

01:20:59.200 a definite bad guy. Yes.

01:21:01.520 Do you know what I'm saying? Like, every other war now

01:21:03.320 is like a little murky. It's like Vietnam's like, yeah,

01:21:05.180 we're going to give you freedom, but are we?

01:21:07.140 You know what I'm saying? When you look back,

01:21:09.040 except for that one, World War II,

01:21:11.500 when you look back at Korea, Vietnam,

01:21:13.640 I look at them like, damn, we

01:21:15.240 We were being bullies.

01:21:16.240 What's going on here?

01:21:16.740 These motherfuckers weren't even doing no crazy shit.

01:21:19.360 We were just, and then the next one was like,

01:21:21.360 damn, we just wanted all that oil?

01:21:22.660 Yeah.

01:21:23.460 Wait, I looked the other way at that

01:21:24.580 because it's home team.

01:21:25.940 Yeah.

01:21:26.420 Yeah.

01:21:27.080 Well, because it, not because it's the boys.

01:21:30.120 Of course.

01:21:30.920 If we need some oil, then that's what it is.

01:21:35.040 You ain't trying to pay $5 a gallon.

01:21:36.880 $5 a gallon?

01:21:37.960 Fuck that shit.

01:21:38.420 Fuck 89.

01:21:39.460 Let's go.

01:21:40.300 Treat your women better, Middle East.

01:21:42.840 Why do you think we did that to pay?

01:21:44.220 Why do you think we did what we did to Pangea, bro?

01:21:47.140 That's literally what we do.

01:21:48.460 We're like, yo, oil's getting expensive.

01:21:49.660 Who's treating women bad in the Middle East?

01:21:52.420 That's how it works, right?

01:21:54.320 We ain't shit.

01:21:55.780 But with the Nazis, they were bad.

01:21:57.620 And we went in there, we were just murking them.

01:21:59.320 Yeah, fucked them up.

01:22:00.040 And their homies, too, the Japanese.

01:22:02.660 They tried to join up and become friends and shit, bro.

01:22:06.320 Yeah, that was just wild, man.

01:22:08.020 Japan's a wild place.

01:22:09.160 Y'all been to Japan?

01:22:09.740 Oh, you know.

01:22:14.220 so look guys

01:22:16.060 yeah you really can't

01:22:17.520 George

01:22:18.140 it is what it is

01:22:19.380 George

01:22:19.700 we're gonna figure

01:22:20.840 your whole shit out

01:22:21.700 um

01:22:23.060 Mike

01:22:23.440 if you're not active

01:22:24.480 on the fucking group text

01:22:25.580 I'm gonna be really upset

01:22:26.320 I'm back after today

01:22:27.280 Logan

01:22:28.260 um

01:22:29.420 I'm rooting for you

01:22:30.660 thanks

01:22:30.960 with this Floyd fight

01:22:31.860 thanks man

01:22:32.340 I am rooting for you

01:22:33.220 Floyd's my favorite fighter

01:22:34.140 of all time

01:22:34.600 why would you be rooting

01:22:35.300 for me then

01:22:35.800 I just like you

01:22:36.560 okay

01:22:37.000 and I do wanna see you win

01:22:39.060 thanks man

01:22:39.720 um

01:22:40.700 it is gonna require

01:22:42.320 a lot of uh

01:22:43.940 outside sources,

01:22:45.740 you know what I mean?

01:22:46.120 Or forces or whatever that is.

01:22:47.560 Steroids.

01:22:49.620 Steroids,

01:22:50.180 an injury to Floyd or something.

01:22:51.440 Like we have to really get in there.

01:22:52.960 A weapon maybe,

01:22:53.680 a weapon.

01:22:54.180 A weapon,

01:22:54.880 Corona.

01:22:56.500 We got to find a way.

01:22:57.880 We need to call that ice skater,

01:23:00.920 that figure skater.

01:23:01.840 Oh,

01:23:02.060 that took out Nancy Kerrigan.

01:23:04.060 No,

01:23:04.560 no.

01:23:04.700 Tanya Harding.

01:23:06.120 We need to do some shit like that.

01:23:08.140 She did it to Nancy Kerrigan.

01:23:09.080 Yeah,

01:23:09.280 Tanya did it to Nancy.

01:23:10.680 Yeah.

01:23:11.240 But in that situation,

01:23:12.260 she did it to the better skater we have we have to take down oh yeah same thing yeah you're right

01:23:17.340 yeah dude you know what's weird have you have you ever had like an interview with nancy kerrigan

01:23:22.420 have you ever like seen like her be interviewed oh the one who got hit yeah uh-uh kind of a twat

01:23:28.020 really like like like low-key deserved it maybe not deserved it but you're almost like oops you

01:23:33.020 know like i don't know like i remember seeing a documentary about she's like super salty about

01:23:37.580 Get her knee all fucked up

01:23:38.860 I mean, bro

01:23:40.280 She spent her whole life

01:23:41.300 Trying to do this

01:23:42.060 Go again

01:23:43.220 Go next four years

01:23:45.880 It's just four years

01:23:46.780 It's not like the Olympics

01:23:47.480 Every 24 years

01:23:48.440 No, but you got a small window

01:23:50.340 When it comes to that shit

01:23:51.420 For ice skating?

01:23:52.540 Yeah, I think you get

01:23:52.940 Like one shot

01:23:53.420 It's spinning in a circle

01:23:54.780 I know, but you remember

01:23:55.600 But a lot of times

01:23:56.620 Let me ask you a question

01:23:57.380 How much harder has spinning got

01:23:59.280 As you've gotten older?

01:24:00.240 Dude, spinning, I can't do that

01:24:01.180 That's what I'm getting at

01:24:01.880 And milk, I can't do that

01:24:02.980 That's what I'm saying

01:24:03.600 When you were younger, dude

01:24:05.120 All you would do is drink milk

01:24:06.260 And spin all day

01:24:06.960 Now you can't do either

01:24:07.720 You're so right about that

01:24:08.980 Fuck

01:24:09.620 Okay now I feel bad

01:24:10.960 She shouldn't have done that

01:24:11.820 You only had one fuck up

01:24:12.940 And that's your only one

01:24:13.920 So

01:24:14.160 Yeah

01:24:15.260 What if I told you

01:24:16.180 The guy that did that

01:24:17.040 To Kerrigan

01:24:18.020 The same guy that killed JFK

01:24:19.140 It was a girl though

01:24:20.360 No

01:24:21.060 No no no

01:24:21.740 She got goons

01:24:22.960 Oh that's fucked up

01:24:24.080 I thought that she did it herself

01:24:25.600 No

01:24:26.120 No you didn't know

01:24:26.940 No guys can't be beating up women

01:24:28.580 That's what happened

01:24:29.220 She got two dumb asses

01:24:31.560 Two crazy goons

01:24:32.060 Some fucking dumb asses

01:24:33.580 The same dude that killed

01:24:34.600 Carole Baskin's husband

01:24:36.340 Yeah

01:24:36.660 Is that right?

01:24:37.340 Yeah

01:24:37.500 The same type

01:24:39.140 Like the random goon

01:24:41.720 You pay a couple thousand dollars

01:24:42.980 To go kill someone

01:24:44.640 Doesn't pull it off

01:24:45.760 Like pulls it off

01:24:46.880 But gets caught

01:24:47.540 You get fucking

01:24:48.400 You know

01:24:49.180 Involved somehow

01:24:50.560 Yeah

01:24:50.940 I gotta eat

01:24:52.640 I gotta eat guys

01:24:53.480 Alright let's go

01:24:53.940 I gotta eat

01:24:54.340 That's it

01:24:54.660 That's all we got

01:24:55.540 Andrew

01:24:56.020 Thanks for coming on

01:24:56.880 Impulsive

01:24:57.260 Number one podcast

01:24:57.940 God bless you

01:24:58.320 Love you guys

01:24:59.220 Love you guys

01:24:59.840 Go watch Andrew Schultz

01:25:01.020 Save America

01:25:01.840 On Netflix

01:25:02.560 Check it out

01:25:03.400 Hit that subscribe button

01:25:04.540 That's it

01:25:06.120 I gotta go eat.

01:25:07.560 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

01:25:10.080 We have a new podcast.

01:25:11.460 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

01:25:12.840 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

01:25:14.020 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

01:25:17.940 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

01:25:20.140 which means we have wildly different references,

01:25:22.560 occasionally different opinions.

01:25:24.000 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

01:25:26.820 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

01:25:29.700 Good Taste is my business.

01:25:31.900 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

01:25:34.140 or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:26:04.140 You can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other.

01:26:06.320 You've never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween.

01:26:11.640 Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app,

01:26:16.140 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:26:19.120 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast,

01:26:24.780 the true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it.

01:26:29.160 Each week I bring on an amazing guest.

01:26:31.060 Ooh, I scammed them.

01:26:32.240 What?

01:26:32.500 I could talk to you for an hour.

01:26:34.280 You're a generational yapper, like me.

01:26:36.240 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

01:26:38.260 And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

01:26:41.500 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

01:26:44.480 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:26:47.460 Scam Goddess!

01:26:49.340 I'm Hamza.

01:26:50.100 And I'm Martin.

01:26:50.760 And we're the hosts of Out of Character,

01:26:52.240 the best podcast in the world, is what they said.

01:26:54.960 Wait, they said that?

01:26:55.960 Yeah, yeah, they said that.

01:26:57.260 The best podcast with two best friends

01:26:59.400 who jabber and talk about topical, trendy, funny stuff,

01:27:02.820 give our input on it.

01:27:03.940 That's what you've needed, I think, up until now, listener.

01:27:06.440 Listen out of character on the iHeartRadio app,

01:27:08.940 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:27:11.660 Sometimes I just feel like a burden.

01:27:13.300 You're a bird.

01:27:14.060 You fly.

01:27:14.740 You're a martin.

01:27:15.420 And we are out of character.

01:27:16.620 Character podcast.

01:27:17.660 Dude, you messed up the clip.

Impaulsive with Logan Paul - December 24, 2020

E246 Andrew Schulz Is Uncancellable

Episode Stats

Transcript