00:00:28.440it's johnny menzel you were living the lifestyle of a rock star played football sitting in the back
00:00:35.100of a rolls royce smoking with drake 18 years old and i'm like this is what it's about the night
00:00:40.320before the browns final game in 2015 can we talk about this you're allegedly spotted in las vegas
00:00:45.480wearing a blonde wig a fake mustache checking into the cosmopolitan under the alias billy
00:00:49.800how much money do you think you lost probably figures damn you know i had a lot of talent a0.87
00:00:56.060lot of ability. I just didn't work on it the way that I needed to, to really take it to that next0.84
00:01:00.680level, you know? And to be honest, man, I hated Cleveland. I got to ask you about draft day,
00:01:06.500bro. You might be the only person that has like a Drake song really based on it. He called me in
00:01:10.860the middle of the night, listening to him playing. I'm like, holy that's crazy. You know, there's
00:01:15.020still times where I'm super depressed. You pulled the trigger of this gun and it didn't fire. Do
00:01:20.820you feel like that was god boys stop it johnny johnny don't entertain this kid because he'll
00:01:37.180he'll he'll just keep pushing all the rapid rehydration sticks i'm dying dude how do you
00:01:42.180do it how do you party so hard no yeah we did we did we had a long johnny he does he does once a
00:01:48.520lean back put your headphones on get your head in the game this is a big show we've been trying
00:01:53.380to do this show for four years now i will say i will i will say yes this is for johnny i will say
00:01:59.940it's part of the first time i didn't correct i was gonna say we've had some trouble getting
00:02:06.740johnny on the show this is a new this is a new johnny manzel his head is in the game he's ready
00:02:11.980for action he's been shooting content and here he is that's what happens when uh you do podcast
00:02:16.400episodes in miami i guess bro it was our that was our fault yeah that was all we're doing it there
00:02:22.680i don't know like what we expected but dude you're here now thank you for joining us uh ladies and
00:02:28.340gentlemen it's johnny manziel johnny foosball johnny football you still like that name yeah0.98
00:02:35.180it's all right i mean it's following me up for the rest of my life probably so fuck it for sure0.98
00:02:39.620you monetize it a little bit yeah you should get on it well there's well hold on dude there's a0.96
00:02:44.040whole story there well you do you monetize it still a little bit probably not as much as i did
00:02:49.740no you should what what was what was the deal there so basically you you you coined that name
00:02:56.660and the ncaa didn't want you using it for marketing correct you can't use at that point
00:03:01.380in time you couldn't use anything for marketing anything name image likeness nothing back then
00:03:06.940but now we're in a different day and age so it seems a little seems a little predatory no i've
00:03:11.460always i've always felt those predatory i think my story and kind of what happened with me coming
00:03:16.060up in college definitely led us to where we are now with the ncaa rules and stuff so i mean you
00:03:23.140look back on it and you can be pissed about it or whatever but i still got to make a little bit of
00:03:26.520money in college and now guys are definitely eating off of it how how much money did you
00:03:30.880do you think you lost if you had come up during the nil days how much money would you you're
00:03:36.220looking at guys now who are asked getting offered to transfer and go places it's eight nine ten
00:03:41.140million dollars they're getting offered to do that so i mean i feel like it's probably you know
00:03:45.600seven eight figures eight figures for sure they don't have the same like brand that you i mean0.87
00:03:50.840dude you had the most no i mean i think i think merch and even like shit you could have done back
00:03:55.360then is a two three four million dollar a year thing in its own wrong place wrong time johnny
00:04:00.460i'm just a little early just premature do you think do you think that would have changed the
00:04:04.540outcome of your life i think i would have stayed in college i think i would have taken a pay cut
00:04:08.820to go to the nfl all right do you do you think you still would have potentially fallen into the
00:04:17.000dark path that you did oh 100 you just would have more money i would have just had more money to0.98
00:04:22.400miss more practice and to travel around the world fucking around bro it's really hard to even pick0.94
00:04:28.300a direction for the show because there's football there's party and there's celebrity i mean i guess0.90
00:04:32.480like right off the rip i could ask you like do you regret anything you know i think back about it
00:04:39.620you know i guess there is regrets because you know i was i sit here today and i didn't get to
00:04:45.020reach the like full maximum potential of what i was as a football player you know i look back it
00:04:50.460happened so quick and as fast as the rise happened the downfall was equally as quick but there was
00:04:57.460also a certain point in me just because i think of everything that i went through from you know
00:05:01.820the rise through the fame through the media scrutiny through everything that i just felt like
00:05:05.860i wasn't enjoying playing football anymore so at that point in time the way that i felt
00:05:09.900in 2016 i wasn't i wasn't enjoying playing football when i got cut in cleveland i wasn't
00:05:15.040eager to go try and sign with a new team or get back into the swing of things i was like completely
00:05:20.560you know exhausted with it and i was ready for a break from it when you lose that spark it can be
00:05:25.440really hard to continue doing something yeah for i mean for sure i didn't feel the same way going
00:05:30.920out onto a practice field or like having that joy and excitement as I did on Saturdays I never felt
00:05:36.320that way on a Sunday in the NFL and you know maybe it was where I was maybe it was my situation but
00:05:42.100you know I feel like you know I just didn't have the same spark and it's tough to continue to go
00:05:48.100through that and whenever I did get cut I was almost more excited about it than anything than
00:05:52.240heartbroken or torn up about it what was the moment you feel like or you felt like the the
00:05:58.120spark and the light went out like was it was there like a specific moment in time where you're just0.73
00:06:02.860like fuck this dude i want to do this no more no i feel like everything just happened so quick from0.63
00:06:07.020the time of deciding i was going to go to the nfl through the training process to the draft it was0.99
00:06:11.300just like one thing after another and just with how much stuff you get into you know business wise
00:06:16.840and everything else in between that i almost never felt like i really got a break not that i
00:06:20.560you know should have got one with what everybody else was going through and stuff but i never felt
00:06:25.500like i got a chance to turn it off for a minute and it just it just consumed me and then when i
00:06:29.820got into the nfl you're not going out and performing the way that you're used to in
00:06:34.260practice and you're you're struggling a little bit i think your confidence is is affected more
00:06:38.600than anything else so dude i'm from cleveland i was a junior in high school when you won the
00:06:43.880heisman trophy and man we bro we loved you i still love you bro you're that guy you're johnny
00:06:49.260football and then you came to the browns we were stoked about that we were stoked to have you man
00:06:53.920um but how did you how did you balance that lifestyle of work and play for so long
00:07:03.000effectively at the highest level did he balance it effectively i think i think you did no i think
00:07:08.320you did because you said you've said that i think i did in college like i think i did in college and
00:07:12.800then when i got to cleveland i i don't think i did i never put in the same amount of work
00:07:17.620when i was in cleveland as i did throughout those first couple years as i was in college
00:07:21.580at Texas A&M I just you know I felt like I was just almost just I enjoyed the partying more than
00:07:28.740I did you know the Sundays what's your favorite part about the party I think you just get a rush
00:07:34.620from and I think at that point in time at 22 going into new places new cities meeting new people
00:07:39.760you know you know everything about it I think there was a there was a rush you know you come to0.99
00:07:44.520fucking New York City you meet John Schwartz for the first time and your doors get open to fucking0.98
00:07:48.920shout out johnson orders we're gonna be with him in about two hours after a whole new lifestyle1.00
00:07:55.980like fuck maybe this is maybe this oh it's hot bro listen i see the comments on on the post like0.98
00:08:01.520he threw it all away and i want to ask you about that like they simplify it so much he threw it0.99
00:08:05.740all away but like until you're in that position and and and listen a lot of people come in
00:08:10.260and and don't take the bait right and they don't go for the cheese in the in the mousetrap right
00:08:15.340But until you're in the position to, like, have that type of access and be around those type of people and be in the rooms that you were in with Drake and, you know, partying at that level.
00:08:27.460Sure, addiction plays into it, but it's hard, bro.
00:08:29.960It's really hard to say no to a life that you never imagined you would have access to.
00:09:05.500You know, I think the thing that I think about most now is just that I wish it was longer.
00:09:10.240And I think for me, you know, I had been able to, you know, for two years be really successful with living a lifestyle that way, you know, with going out three or four nights a week in college and, you know, having that kind of lifestyle.
00:09:22.600And then as you get to the next level in the NFL, you know, I didn't start until probably 12 or 13 weeks into our into my rookie season until that first game where, you know, I still had all the confidence in the world going into week 13 or 14 that I'm like, OK, I'm finally getting a chance to play and start.
00:09:40.240even though i haven't been living right and doing the right things i'm still going to go out here
00:09:43.900and be able to play well at a high level and be able to figure it out because i always have and
00:09:48.180then we play the bingles and we don't score a point we get beat 30 to nothing and then you have0.95
00:09:53.980a whole fucking you know city of cleveland that's been behind you waiting for this opportunity0.98
00:09:58.840waiting for this moment for you to get a chance on the field and you go and lay an egg and you1.00
00:10:02.580get back to your house at the end of that day and it's kind of like oh fuck that did not go the way0.95
00:10:06.580that i expected at all and for the first time you know i had to deal with some real repercussions0.91
00:10:11.340of of not doing the shit that i was supposed to do there's no comparison whatsoever because
00:10:15.800you're actually like physically going out on a football field but like for us i would liken it0.90
00:10:19.620to like if we're gonna go sit down with nelk you know what i'm saying or like somebody like that
00:10:24.400we can go to shea margot we can go to socialist after till 4 a.m show up sit have a good show and
00:10:29.360banter but the night before we did trump we were hunkered down bro we were in lockdown you know
00:10:36.180what i'm saying we locked in we studied we so i guess like for you do you feel like you were never
00:10:41.200able to like moderate and pick the day as well and like kind of like really like what would you
00:10:45.800say it was more addiction than than lost for life probably i think it was just living that living
00:10:52.400the same like i thought that lifestyle was like what it was i thought i was one of these outliers0.85
00:10:56.700that could like party is like a preparation for a fucking physically athletic thing that you were0.75
00:11:02.920supposed to do you you were you were living the lifestyle of a rock star but you were playing0.94
00:11:07.900football for two years in college i went out and performed at the highest level and at that point
00:11:13.680in time you know i go back now and watch like my second year in college you know i'm sitting there
00:11:18.300i'm smoking an ounce of weed every single week i'm going to the bars it's t-shirt tuesday no
00:11:23.360whatever one day talk about that's crazy because in my mind bro when i think about bro when i think
00:11:28.560about college like when you because i didn't go to college i smoked crack but when but when i think
00:11:34.300about like the college experience like the most elite college experience he probably has oh yeah
00:11:39.120the most number one hands down without a single person that could ever even raise a hand to
00:11:44.040compete with the elite college experience in history in the history of the world or at least
00:11:48.960the united states no no no no no bronc i get the comparison but dude johnny football
00:11:54.660you got to talk about that feeling when you first started becoming like the most talked about name
00:12:00.360in college sports and like a moment when you were at a party and you felt that first like rush like
00:12:05.680oh i'm him bro like for real like probably right after winning the heisman you know i had been the
00:12:11.660biggest drake fan ever and to have him like have his team like reach out and be like yo come to0.92
00:12:17.000toronto anytime you want i was like i'm on my fucking computer that next day it didn't matter0.98
00:12:21.180class or practice or nothing like the second i got to go do that i was fucking gone i'm sitting0.98
00:12:26.200in the back of a fucking rolls royce smoking a joint with drake at 18 years old and i'm like this0.96
00:12:31.940is what it's about my mom's calling me like where are you like i'm in a completely different country0.98
00:12:36.640in the middle of the week fucking gone and then that lifestyle just kind of took over you know0.90
00:12:42.160you go on tour that next year i'm hitting every show in texas and then i'm just doing this with0.98
00:12:46.500different people going to sporting events like living that lifestyle that you know that you want
00:12:51.800to live whenever you're in college and for a while like you know I go into my second year
00:12:56.180and you know I look back at it now and I'm like man I'm so much I look at year one highlights and
00:13:02.700then go look at year two I'm like even though my numbers were better I'm supposed to be a first
00:13:07.080round pick everything on paper like looks like it's better and I'm better than I was the year
00:13:11.920before i was so much slower so much more like just delayed with everything that you watch from
00:13:17.440like a quarterback standpoint so like it almost it was almost like i had everyone fooled that
00:13:22.200like everything was going in the right direction my numbers were better through for more touchdowns
00:13:26.000all this shit but if i look back at it like objectively now i'm like everything had just
00:13:31.560like spiraled over and that hard work and everything you need to do to be a top level athlete0.98
00:13:36.380it just it wasn't there let me ask you something did you know at that time deep down that you were0.92
00:13:44.420fooling people fuck no at that point in time i think i was fooling myself like i was still going0.97
00:13:49.600out on saturday and throwing for five touchdowns we were winning games we were competitive in games0.99
00:13:54.600we were good um you know for me being a six foot quarterback you know a guy who felt was lucky to
00:14:02.180win the job the year before i never thought in a million years i would be able to go to the nfl and
00:14:06.120two years you know i left two years of eligibility on the table you know i'd still had two years to
00:14:11.700be able to come back and play college football but just with what i was doing off the field0.78
00:14:17.060you know barely fucking going to class doing all this shit i didn't really leave myself much of an0.74
00:14:22.880option to be able to go back and even come back for my junior year it like wasn't really an option0.99
00:14:27.740yeah was what was the moment for you that uh that you were like i'm in i'm in deep shit like like
00:14:35.740even prior to the nfl like was there a moment where because dude you had some you had some0.78
00:14:39.980pretty high profile like legal battles put it like that some pretty high profile scandals like0.99
00:14:47.880was there a moment for you where you were just like fuck i'm like really in over my head you0.89
00:14:51.680know maybe with the ncaa stuff a little bit like you know after my first year you know travel0.98
00:14:56.760you've heard the chaos now you can see it oh my god watch all your favorite podcasts from start
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00:17:11.860i'm going around doing all this shit like it was getting really hard back then to be like
00:17:16.860how are you sitting in twenty thousand dollar seats at a mavericks or a rockets game when0.99
00:17:22.400you're in fucking college and you're not supposed to be taking any benefits or anything0.95
00:17:26.600but you know after the ncaa stuff happened and they decided to spend me to spend me for half a0.99
00:17:31.940game you know it was one of those things like okay i got away with it you're not getting a lot
00:17:35.860of repercussions from a half a game suspension against the team we were going to beat by 50
00:17:40.620points you know i didn't really feel like you know the weight of everything was like cracking
00:17:45.280down on me until after like my first year in cleveland and that was really like just personal
00:17:52.800just like disappointment from being like so eager to get to this point in your life where you're
00:17:57.740have a dream reach this is the start of your career and then it just goes the way it did i
00:18:02.360think it really made me kind of you know have to figure some things out dude we we read one of the
00:18:08.340stories on here and we were we were laughing on the way over here the night before the browns
00:18:13.780final game in 2015 can we talk about this you're allegedly allegedly spotted in las vegas wearing
00:18:20.440a blonde wig a fake mustache sunglasses and a hoodie checking into the cosmopolitan under the
00:18:25.780alias billy used a fake name at the hotel tab and was seen gambling and drinking well listed uh in
00:18:32.200as in concussion protocol is that an accurate uh statement some of it is for sure um 2015 was a
00:18:40.280tough year for the cleveland browns i think we were two and 13 going into uh into that week 17
00:18:47.980game i was in concussion protocol um i think that like wednesday or thursday i decided to hop on
00:18:55.120probably the only flight from cleveland to vegas i went i think i was at like i was at some hotel
00:19:02.380i'm not usually at like somewhere in like the middle of the strip maybe like caesars or something
00:19:05.900i sat down at a blackjack table and had a hat like way down and then didn't even make it maybe
00:19:12.860five or ten minutes and somebody recognized me and i was like fuck um so i went to a place off the0.94
00:19:19.200strip um and i got a full wig like full mustache there's a place for that full glasses the whole0.98
00:19:28.680deal um went to a hawk's on dinner that night everything was going well i was really flying
00:19:33.860under the radar and uh you know even went to hawk's on that night had a great time went to
00:19:38.800the club i paid with my credit card though and that was what really kind of put a paper trail
00:19:43.940put a paper trail down um but initially i think that first person that like spotted me at that
00:19:50.040blackjack table like sent a tweet out kind of started to go a little viral i that night i
00:19:55.900think like posted a picture with my dog and with a geotag in cleveland to try and throw everybody
00:20:02.360off the scent and you know at the time you know i wasn't flying private or didn't like have0.95
00:20:08.700you know looking back now i'm like just get the fucking private plane get out of there get back0.95
00:20:13.120to cleveland no problem you can get away with it but at that point in time i was probably flying0.96
00:20:17.940fucking southwest and uh you know went out that night got back to the room maybe like four or0.67
00:20:25.140five in the morning i just took my phone turned it off and like threw it in the drawer next to0.98
00:20:28.700the bed and i was like whatever i'm gonna ride ride this weekend out so okay because i want to
00:20:33.780ask you a question about that and like tail it into something else but so coming off of that
00:20:37.960night when you wake up the next morning right and i want i want you to apply this to a lot of
00:20:42.840mornings you would wake up what is what is your because i have my own he's got his own what is
00:20:48.720your like survival mode look like when you wake up after two hours of sleep you were at the club
00:20:54.480you went to afters at dre's till 6 a.m you were at the wind you know till 8 a.m whatever right
00:20:59.840what does it look like when you wake up and and what do you do first at that point in time i think
00:21:04.720i would have probably just woke up and been like damn i've already like pushed this to the max i'm0.77
00:21:08.500already going to be in deep shit so let's like get a wire sent go to high limit and have some0.98
00:21:13.400breakfast and start drinking again like just push through it like there's not a flight out until0.98
00:21:19.020god knows when do i even need to be am i even on the team like at this point have i already been
00:21:23.640like written off or cut or whatever so i think i just went and just probably got some more money
00:21:28.800sent in and see that's gambling that seems like the like for me when i wake up after like no sleep
00:21:33.260and i've been out like i go the opposite direction like i want to try to get to the gym hit the sauna
00:21:37.240have some water you you always have been the opposite dude because you'll always take you
00:21:41.860would text me after we'd go out and you'd be like yo i'm going to be dusting right now it's like
00:21:45.90011 a.m i'm like bro you need to sleep bro i'm definitely not that way anymore but at that
00:21:50.620point in time like in those circumstances i for sure would have doubled down and just kept it
00:21:55.520rolling if you could go back right now and poindexter your way through your whole college
00:22:01.640career nose in the books play the game go to the nfl play at the level that you were born to play
00:22:08.280at give up draft day johnny manziel which i want to talk about the song in a minute give it all up
00:22:14.000and be straight up poindexter johnny football would you do it yeah i would i mean i think as
00:22:19.180much like legend and like lore that i get from like the things that i did and the way that i
00:22:24.820live my life like as much as i do at some points have like no regret i still do have that like
00:22:29.860point in time where it did like completely shift for me and i like went to like a different direction
00:22:35.360and like a different path like that first year that i was like partying in college and playing
00:22:39.300well and ended up winning the heisman like that almost gave me like a super power type of like
00:22:43.660feeling when in reality it was all just i mean not sustainable like you know to go back to a moment
00:22:50.620like we win the cotton bowl and uh after my heisman year it's kind of end our season you know
00:22:58.38012 and 2 our best season in school history in a while and like the first thing that i was doing
00:23:02.860was like going out go to a club and that was like the first time that i really got like pictured
00:23:07.660photographed and after there it just kind of like took off and the party and took a life of its own
00:23:12.220So if I had like a point in time to go back and like really that I pinpoint on that, I wish I could change things like I never looked at it as like, man, I've done such amazing things as a freshman in college, things that have never been done in the history of college football.
00:23:25.720Let's take this to a next level and maybe try and come back and win a national championship or like a Heisman again the next year.
00:23:31.580like that like grind to go and do that was never really there it was always like damn more fun
00:23:38.040more this who are we going to meet this lifestyle was just more enticing than the than the buckle0.97
00:23:43.880down and like do shit the right way how do you take what you've learned and the experience that0.66
00:23:51.420you've had in your life and teach it or like if you ever wanted to have kids if they were in a0.97
00:23:59.460similar uh path that you were have you ever thought about how you would get them to maybe
00:24:05.980not make the same mistakes so they wouldn't have regrets that you maybe have yeah i think you know0.94
00:24:11.540i'm one of those like perfect perfect examples like learn from the shit that that i did i put0.77
00:24:16.800it all out on a blueprint of like what not to do like i sit and go back to texas a&m and i'll have0.95
00:24:22.880like guys back yo we're going out with you tonight or this or that and i very like blatantly and0.87
00:24:28.860bluntly like tell them like just make sure you're doing the shit you need to do like this lifestyle0.92
00:24:33.420is great but if your goals are to go to the nfl and do this and do that there's guys that you look0.99
00:24:39.700at who you should emulate like the way kobe lived his fucking life and the way that he attacked0.90
00:24:45.720trying to be the greatest fucking basketball player ever that's how you should attack your0.99
00:24:50.540career your life if that's really what your goals are and what you're trying to do this other shit0.99
00:24:55.620will always be there like the partying and everything else would have been there for me0.50
00:24:59.760at 35 it would have been there for me down the road at any point in time you know i just want0.88
00:25:04.700to do it all within the fucking two or three year spam i feel like you're one of those people that0.81
00:25:08.700probably has to touch the stove though always you know and it's it's hard to tell someone with that0.94
00:25:13.960mentality like hey here's what here's what you should do here's my advice because a lot of like
00:25:19.120i've i've received advice from smart people and i like most of the time i'm like i'm i'm good
00:25:25.380yeah i'll figure it out right um so yeah it's it's interesting i uh i watched the the untold
00:25:32.740documentary on on netflix and i was really excited to to see that series with you in it because i
00:25:40.000think your story is crazy like i think there's two ways to look at your story like one is is
00:25:43.440like the comment section like he threw it all away and the other is a guy who is a human being
00:25:50.040who is just living his life and like being fully himself and now actually like has a really
00:25:55.620significant story like you use the word lore like it's lord like you're johnny menzel and you have
00:26:00.240this crazy story that a lot of people can learn from and like talk about be even entertained by
00:26:04.320like we're talking about it to this day got the netflix untold documentary were you nervous to
00:26:09.060finally put it all out there in such an in-depth way no i don't think so i think i was more just
00:26:13.940like you know i still had so many people coming up to me even i hadn't been playing football for
00:26:18.220four or five years and people still being like asking about football or this you coming back
00:26:22.520or that so i feel like untold was just a chance for me to like tell my story kind of close that
00:26:28.300chapter on like what it was and just like also let people into like you know we're in this nil age
00:26:33.920of college football and stuff so to be able to tell that side of like what really happened back
00:26:38.840then and like just how crazy like the whole thing of it was i think people knew a little bit but0.92
00:26:44.040didn't know to like the depths of like just how insane those fucking couple years were were you
00:26:48.980happy with how it turned out yeah i thought it was great i loved uh i love the producer the guy0.73
00:26:53.300who did everything on it i i thought it was you know i thought it was i thought it was great you
00:26:58.120know i thought it was exactly what it probably needed to be i thought it was i thought it was
00:27:01.860extremely well done as well they're they're very good that untold yeah i love that series i remember
00:27:05.920watching there's a tennis player named marty fish and i remember seeing when he did his own told for
00:27:10.100the first time i'm like i'm really fucked with this series i really like it you know a lot of0.57
00:27:14.000people were like you know maybe you should have done a one-off by yourself or this or that but0.80
00:27:18.260you know i thought it was uh i thought it was kind of the way that i wanted to do it at the
00:27:22.460right time to do it they do a few of those uh like recurring series there's untold i don't know if0.67
00:27:27.960you've seen uh american manhunt um they just did one uh osama bin laden was fucking fascinating
00:27:34.340uh train wreck is another one but netflix is they produce such high quality content but there's a
00:27:39.440so does max too so does max yeah max produces good luck on that good luck on that second season
00:27:45.320man it's great bro it's a win-win world uh i wanted to ask about a part in that in that
00:27:54.060untold documentary that i i found like pretty shocking and i i think you know you know what
00:27:59.120it is but and i and i you like touched on it and it was like really glanced over but uh
00:28:04.380and not to pry but there was a part in the documentary where you talked about
00:28:09.740taking your own life and that you tried to actually do it was that real oh 100 you know
00:28:18.160i think after after i got cut you know i went straight to just like traveling around you know
00:28:26.080i had all this money i had you know freedom for the first time to kind of be able to do whatever
00:28:30.180i want and i ended up in la and i ended up at a house in hollywood hills bouncing around and0.67
00:28:35.780started to live that la lifestyle that like you guys know what the fuck that that can turn into0.50
00:28:40.680like you've all seen it you've seen people go from you know looking one way and then look a0.99
00:28:45.240year later and you're like damn you're a completely different person you know i think
00:28:48.560you know for me and man i still to this day have you know extreme up and down of like mental0.98
00:28:55.320struggles and mental battles like this isn't something that like you know i spoke about it
00:28:59.160obviously, um, in the doc, but something that I still think coming comes and goes at points in
00:29:06.660time in my life. Like, you know, there's a way to look at my story or a way to, you know, feel like
00:29:12.660I do in my shoes at times where I'm like, man, I was so gifted at something and never gave it a
00:29:19.460chance to really get off the ground. You know, I sit here every day and I'm recognized as that
00:29:24.100person but I'm so far away from that life and from you know being that person I feel like at
00:29:29.500times so you know there's still times where I'm super depressed still super down times won't leave
00:29:35.720my room for a month at a time and then I'll crawl my way out of it for a little bit and then
00:29:40.220something will happen in my life where um you know I go back into that so I've very much been at a
00:29:47.120point probably over the last four or five months where I'm like having to really be on myself to
00:29:51.680get out of that hole and probably been in like, you know, a similar hole recently as I was at
00:29:57.540that point in time in my life. And I think it's just, um, you know, it's a hard thing to work
00:30:03.560through your own personal shame and your own personal trauma and a lot of things that you've
00:30:09.540impacted on yourself. Like I sit back and can say, you know, what if I didn't, what if I was
00:30:15.580this situation or these people are out around me, but I'm at a point now where I put a lot of the
00:30:19.700blame on myself you know i am the one that caused a lot of my problems a lot of the things
00:30:24.640um that went on in my life so it's just like you know learning to live with that and to continue
00:30:30.140on into whatever is next in life for me and i think that's something for me that kind of gets
00:30:35.980me stuck at some points in time where i'm like what is what is that next thing that's going to
00:30:41.940give me a spark in any similar way that football did and for me i haven't found that you tried
00:30:47.560pickleball no is that it pickleball is pretty sick dude i don't think it's gonna be pickleball i
00:30:53.240don't know maybe give it a shot or uh he's collect cards or something he's doing you're doing shows
00:30:57.820and and just to touch on like the mental outside like johnny you're like we're in the same circle
00:31:03.560and when when johnny goes dark it everybody gets upset about it you know what i'm saying we haven't
00:31:08.500talked to him we haven't seen him i hit up this person i have this person i shoot you text yeah
00:31:12.180your number it'll go green i'm like oh numbers changed again i've got 15 johnny mansells in my
00:31:17.700phone new absolute newest so i know when that happens you know what i'm saying and everybody's
00:31:24.540you know it's it's it's a personal struggle and the thing about it is like i can relate to it
00:31:28.880obviously and like it's very hard for people to understand and to put themselves in that position
00:31:34.460to truly understand the way another man's or another human's mind works and why they make
00:31:39.940the decisions they do and what parts of it are nature versus nurture what parts of it were
00:31:43.880genetically given to you pass down and and there's a lot of factors that that uh that create what you
00:31:50.920have which has really become this cautionary tale you know for for for other athletes you brought
00:31:55.480up kids but i think for other athletes as someone who's who's out you know they're a lot there's
00:32:02.140more johnny manziel's than there are kobe's in the in the athletic world you know what i'm saying
00:32:06.200I mean, there's a lot of these guys playing at the ultimate elite level that are very close and teetering that line in survival mode in the NBA, in the NFL.
00:32:36.200hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing right on your screen
00:32:40.860open the free iHeartRadio app search video podcasts and tap watch I'm Hamza and I'm Martin
00:32:48.100and we're the hosts of Out of Character it's a podcast I know there's a lot of them to listen
00:32:52.720to these days how are you gonna get to us well there's a specific reason why you should listen
00:32:56.760to us we are the best podcast in the entire world I swear I know bold but why don't we list some of
00:33:03.340the things we might talk about on a regular episode. So sometimes we'll talk about, I don't
00:33:07.800know, the Uber driver we just had and how nice they were or if we tip them or not. Come and find
00:33:13.100out. Sometimes we'll talk about that weird news story from last week. It's the one you're thinking
00:33:17.920about. Trust me. Or maybe we'll talk about music and what's happening in the underground or drama
00:33:23.260and music or TV shows or the Met Gala and what the actors wore. What we're saying is we're not
00:33:29.080afraid to talk about everything under the sun. And if you want to see what that's like, come join
00:33:33.180us it's a place where everyone can hang out anyone wherever you're from whatever you're like
00:33:38.860you're welcome listen out of character from will ferrell's big money players network on the iheart
00:33:43.820radio app apple pods or wherever you get your podcasts hey what's up i'm tony gonzalez and i'm
00:33:48.620october gonzalez but you can call me toby we want you to join us on our new podcast no safe words
00:33:54.160with october and tony gonzalez we get real about marriage parenthood sex divorce and all the
00:33:59.960nitty gritty stuff we all think about but just don't say out loud i hate that job you're probably
00:34:04.100just gonna meet for some rich guy and he's gonna whisk you away and i'll never see you again and
00:34:07.780would you say a d-list actor d i don't even know there's this thing is d no no no i mean like i
00:34:17.520can't even get on the c-list like i'm not even average i'm not even passing i'm failing listen
00:34:21.260to no safe words with october and tony gonzalez part of my culture podcast network available on
00:34:26.920the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. All sports, right? And men
00:34:34.680and women, right? And so I think your story becomes a cautionary tale for people. And probably
00:34:40.380how do you think it's affected protocols at the college and collegiate and pro level? Have they
00:34:45.920put in a Johnny Manziel protocol for people? I think the college kids, just with the way it is
00:34:52.760now and the way these athletic departments are, they probably get a little bit more help than we
00:34:56.160were getting back then i think mental health in itself has changed a lot over the last 10 12 like
00:35:01.76014 years i think uh people are a lot more like social media was really new back then i think
00:35:08.120there's a lot more protocols in place to be able to help like you know people navigate social media
00:35:14.060what it is online like you know back then like it was the wild fucking west and and you know0.83
00:35:20.460being a kid in college to have millions of followers and all this shit like it was it was0.81
00:35:25.480a lot of power that came with it too i uh i don't mean to like uh degrade um your mental health or
00:35:35.400anything by saying was that real because i think i think you opening up about it and i i fully
00:35:40.640believe that story uh uh and and i think what you're doing is amazing because like i said
00:35:45.840a lot of people can learn from your life um and take and take whatever from it i guess i was more
00:35:52.600so talking about the specificity of what happened with you said on the show you pulled the trigger0.97
00:36:01.240of this gun and it didn't fire yeah which is fucking crazy do you feel like that was god0.66
00:36:08.480yeah i feel like obviously you know that's something whenever you're in that situation0.96
00:36:12.980like as blurry as the time is like it is like you expect that to be the end of it you don't expect
00:36:18.680to fucking have something like that go off a misfire or act of fate or god or whatever it is0.57
00:36:25.240like you truly expect that when you pull that trigger that like that will be the end of it so0.99
00:36:30.140yeah it's it's something that's out of you know my control out of you know anybody's control and
00:36:35.360it really is probably more so than anything as i look back now like an act of god uh you know i
00:36:40.020have more of a purpose to be here and and be in this earth that's crazy man like that's that's
00:36:46.300really fucking powerful to me little way little wayne raps about that too when he shot himself
00:36:51.560in that song let it all work out which is one of his best songs it's uh it's it's got it's a major0.97
00:36:57.020moment i mean for a lot of people like those real like rock bottom moments whether it's like
00:37:00.660overdose an icu visit a felony arrest whatever where or or even more so a pattern of surviving
00:37:07.780those type of things like for me it was a hundred things that should have taken my life and at some
00:37:11.780point you got to tell it like you got to think to yourself like who am i supposed to be helping
00:37:16.180you know like what is my purpose here who am i supposed to be writing a book for or talking to
00:37:20.760on a podcast like bro you you know people come up to you i'm sure and are so appreciative of of
00:37:26.540a man talking about the mental health side and talking about stuff that that they're not used
00:37:32.760to hearing someone that they look up to talk about it's it's extremely powerful and i know
00:37:36.560you're doing it now i know i've seen you you're back you're doing shows so you're feeling better
00:37:41.060Or what did you change recently to get back into a better state of mind?
00:37:44.420I think I just tried to, like, keep myself, like, really, really busy for the most part.
00:37:48.480Like, and just, you know, one thing after another and just, you know, try and keep my schedule busy, keep me around good people that, like, I feel like I know I need to be around friends.
00:37:57.180Like, you know, it's there's something to be said.
00:38:00.520Like, when you get into those dark places and those dark mindset, like, it's such a battle to try and climb and, like, crawl your way out of it.