JustPearlyThings - A Delusional Single Mother

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.940 I am not average.

00:00:02.240 I'm going to let you know right now.

00:00:03.340 What makes you not average?

00:00:04.700 Because if I look at my age mates,

00:00:06.940 my successes, my achievements,

00:00:09.020 my personality, my drive,

00:00:10.880 my motivation is unmatched.

00:00:13.260 Can I just say something for once?

00:00:15.660 Are you a single parent?

00:00:17.380 I am a single parent.

00:00:17.980 You're average.

00:00:18.520 I'm average.

00:00:19.180 You're average.

00:00:19.920 Can you ask me why I was a single parent?

00:00:23.300 Can you ask me why I'm a single parent?

00:00:25.280 I'm a divorcee first.

00:00:26.680 I'm a divorcee from a mat.

00:00:28.640 I was a single parent.

00:00:30.000 But you assume why I'm a single parent.

00:00:31.500 You think I just woke up and I bred and I'm a single mum.

00:00:34.960 That's not how it happened.

00:00:35.620 I did all that.

00:00:36.880 I did all that.

00:00:37.460 I had my child in wedlock.

00:00:39.280 I did all that.

00:00:40.480 I really hate how being a single mother

00:00:43.280 diminishes your value as a human being.

00:00:46.560 How you can go from a 10,

00:00:48.520 suddenly everyone's like,

00:00:49.400 oh, now you're a 5 because you're a single mother.

00:00:50.820 That says nothing about who you are as a person.

00:00:53.020 That says nothing about your mastery,

00:00:54.380 about your talent,

00:00:55.360 about the discipline it takes to get you there.

00:00:56.720 But now there's somebody.

00:00:58.080 That don't matter, bro.

00:00:59.020 Because somebody now has differences.

00:01:00.700 That don't matter, bro.

00:01:01.260 Now something has happened in her life.

00:01:02.360 That don't matter, bro.

00:01:03.060 That's such a shallow way to let her life.

00:01:05.740 Listen, listen, listen, listen.

00:01:06.960 It's so shallow.

00:01:08.620 At the end of the day, yeah,

00:01:10.320 you have to just respect what the market wants.

00:01:12.680 I chose to be a single divorcee

00:01:14.920 because of an individual's choice to be violent.

00:01:18.820 Is that what you're saying?

00:01:19.520 It was your choice to get in a relationship with him.

00:01:21.460 Oh, because I did what she was saying.

00:01:23.180 It's like life turns out better

00:01:25.320 if you take accountability for your choices.

00:01:27.800 Okay, so today's topic is

00:01:30.040 has feminism done more harm than good?

00:01:33.500 So I'd like to hear from everybody.

00:01:35.460 Would you consider yourself a feminist?

00:01:37.100 Yes or no?

00:01:38.080 Okay, so I think that feminism is very important,

00:01:43.020 but I feel like the way it has manifested

00:01:45.800 in the West in particular

00:01:47.240 is now causing a net negative.

00:01:49.480 And I feel like that's why conversations right now

00:01:51.920 are going to be really important

00:01:52.780 to kind of hold back that sort of chaos.

00:01:57.340 So I'd say that I'm a feminist

00:01:59.100 in the aspect of women's rights.

00:02:04.340 However, I'm not a feminist.

00:02:09.060 The women who go too far with feminism,

00:02:12.060 I think with a lot of women,

00:02:14.440 they've been given an inch

00:02:15.800 and now they want to take the mile.

00:02:16.820 So that's my perception on it.

00:02:22.500 I would say I'm a feminist.

00:02:24.900 And that's because if not for feminism,

00:02:27.700 I wouldn't be here right now

00:02:29.040 because I'm here because my mum's able to work

00:02:32.220 as a nurse, bring us from Nigeria

00:02:34.580 and create a life for us.

00:02:37.780 So I'm grateful to feminism for my life, basically.

00:02:41.540 I wouldn't say I'm like,

00:02:44.580 in terms of the new age feminism,

00:02:46.480 I do think certain women go a bit too far.

00:02:50.120 Like in terms of promiscuity,

00:02:52.520 I don't feel like they should use feminism

00:02:55.460 like to justify promiscuity.

00:02:58.020 But I think a lot of women now,

00:02:59.400 they're using feminism

00:03:01.280 as a way of justifying bad behaviour.

00:03:05.060 But feminism as a whole,

00:03:07.740 I can't even say it,

00:03:08.720 feminism as a whole,

00:03:10.220 I think is very important

00:03:11.620 and it's helped a lot of women

00:03:13.060 come out of abusive situations

00:03:15.200 and just empower women generally.

00:03:19.280 Yeah, I'd call myself a feminist.

00:03:20.760 I think feminism has done

00:03:22.140 overwhelmingly like net good.

00:03:24.180 There might be a couple of crazy people today

00:03:25.480 on like Twitter and social media,

00:03:27.100 but I don't think we should let that

00:03:28.000 taint the entire movement.

00:03:28.940 I think it's important to keep moving

00:03:30.360 in a positive direction forward

00:03:31.360 while calling out the crazy people

00:03:32.920 that kind of try to hold things back.

00:03:35.140 Okay, Auntie.

00:03:36.500 I'm an old school feminist.

00:03:38.580 Women that know their place.

00:03:40.960 Got their rights and know their place.

00:03:44.300 I don't want to be a man.

00:03:46.120 I don't want to be equal to a man.

00:03:48.680 And feminism in the old school days

00:03:51.000 was nothing like the feminist now.

00:03:54.580 So if I was going to say

00:03:55.600 that I'm a feminist,

00:03:56.340 I would say I'm an old school feminist

00:03:59.420 and that these young people

00:04:01.580 who now claim they're feminists,

00:04:04.700 they're not feminists.

00:04:05.680 They want to be men.

00:04:06.840 Yeah, I agree.

00:04:08.000 What's changed from then to now?

00:04:10.800 What's changed is that

00:04:11.780 like the lady said,

00:04:13.380 she said a mile,

00:04:14.400 but I'm speaking like as a dressmaker.

00:04:16.180 They gave us an inch

00:04:17.140 and everyone took a yard.

00:04:19.800 And it's not helping us.

00:04:22.380 It's not helping us.

00:04:23.960 And we've gone from being able to work,

00:04:25.680 being able to vote,

00:04:26.620 to I'm the same as a man.

00:04:27.840 I'm not the same as a man.

00:04:29.000 I can't do the same as a man.

00:04:31.120 I need men.

00:04:31.680 I don't need men.

00:04:32.980 I need men.

00:04:35.740 I will say that is make his day.

00:04:37.620 I need my man

00:04:38.640 just as much as he needs me,

00:04:40.960 if not more.

00:04:41.920 But that's what's changed

00:04:44.000 is that nowadays

00:04:44.980 the feminists think that they need,

00:04:49.420 that they don't need men.

00:04:51.400 But if they didn't need men,

00:04:53.940 where would we be?

00:04:56.080 So I'm a feminist that

00:04:57.320 in the old school days,

00:04:59.600 I like what I've been given.

00:05:01.040 I've been given an inch.

00:05:02.160 I'm happy with an inch.

00:05:03.200 I don't want the yard.

00:05:04.020 I can't handle the yard.

00:05:05.600 So me, I'm okay working,

00:05:07.920 taking care of my man

00:05:08.960 and being feminine.

00:05:11.540 And I think the feminists

00:05:13.680 have taken feminism

00:05:16.380 out of the word feminist.

00:05:19.180 It's to do with

00:05:20.580 being an empowered woman,

00:05:23.300 not being

00:05:24.080 an empowered masculine woman.

00:05:27.900 And I think that

00:05:28.500 most of the feminists nowadays,

00:05:30.440 they're butch,

00:05:31.640 they're masculine.

00:05:32.740 Even if they look feminine

00:05:34.040 and they think

00:05:34.840 they're feminists,

00:05:36.500 they've got this underlying

00:05:38.180 I'm the same as men or equal

00:05:39.960 and you're not.

00:05:40.800 You know what, women?

00:05:41.920 Hold back.

00:05:42.740 Know your place.

00:05:43.740 Hold your corner.

00:05:45.020 That's my view.

00:05:46.540 100%.

00:05:46.980 Thank you.

00:05:48.360 All right, cool.

00:05:49.840 So the whole feminism thing,

00:05:51.340 I wouldn't call myself a feminist.

00:05:53.140 I would say that

00:05:54.020 I believe in equal opportunities.

00:05:56.520 But if you really want

00:05:58.120 equal opportunities,

00:05:59.020 it has to be full time,

00:06:00.740 not just when it suits you.

00:06:02.380 I think a lot of,

00:06:03.800 a lot of the ideology

00:06:05.260 of feminism

00:06:06.420 is kind of just like

00:06:07.920 catered to empowering women.

00:06:09.500 And like at the end of the day,

00:06:11.700 a lot of,

00:06:12.300 a lot of times in reality,

00:06:14.180 women don't even want to be

00:06:16.180 on the same equal playing field

00:06:17.960 as men because

00:06:18.600 they don't want to take on

00:06:19.560 certain responsibilities

00:06:20.580 that men take on.

00:06:22.260 So do I think,

00:06:23.700 you know,

00:06:24.620 people should be paid

00:06:25.680 the same money

00:06:26.380 if they do the same job?

00:06:27.660 Of course.

00:06:28.580 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:06:29.300 And everybody should have

00:06:30.420 the same equal rights

00:06:31.520 as human beings.

00:06:32.560 But it has to be

00:06:33.800 in all aspects of life,

00:06:35.340 not just when it suits you.

00:06:36.560 So no,

00:06:36.980 I wouldn't say I'm a feminist,

00:06:38.300 but I do believe in equality

00:06:39.820 between races.

00:06:40.860 Races or sexes?

00:06:44.780 I think sexes.

00:06:46.060 Oh, I said races.

00:06:47.680 Yeah, races and sexes.

00:06:49.880 I've got,

00:06:50.220 I've got a lot of things

00:06:51.100 going on in my mind

00:06:51.980 at the same time.

00:06:52.580 I can see you're getting

00:06:53.220 feminism and racism mixed up.

00:06:55.360 Yeah, sexes, genders,

00:06:57.240 everything.

00:06:58.480 I think we need to have

00:07:00.320 the 2023 version

00:07:01.960 of the dictionary,

00:07:03.780 what is feminism?

00:07:04.960 Because I think opinions

00:07:06.320 and positions come into

00:07:08.600 what we believe

00:07:09.720 feminism to be.

00:07:11.040 Because as you said,

00:07:11.800 it's different from

00:07:12.380 the old school

00:07:12.800 to the new school.

00:07:13.880 I would say,

00:07:15.360 am I a feminist?

00:07:18.000 Not by choice.

00:07:19.680 I'd say that I have to do

00:07:22.640 what I have to do

00:07:23.400 and I have to get by

00:07:24.520 and I can't necessarily

00:07:26.640 stay in my lane

00:07:28.620 and I can't necessarily

00:07:29.760 not take up a masculine role

00:07:31.420 because there is no man

00:07:32.800 in my life

00:07:33.320 to take up that masculine role.

00:07:35.160 So sometimes

00:07:36.000 I have to step out

00:07:36.840 of my femininity

00:07:38.020 and adopt some masculinity

00:07:39.960 in order to get by.

00:07:41.760 So does that mean

00:07:42.740 that I sabotage my femininity?

00:07:44.860 Does that mean

00:07:45.320 that I'm not a feminist

00:07:46.200 because I have to do things

00:07:47.680 outside of what technically

00:07:49.400 is a feminist?

00:07:50.680 I ain't sure.

00:07:51.700 So I think I'm on the fence

00:07:53.260 right now.

00:07:54.080 So I'm a bit confused.

00:07:55.800 You said you step

00:07:56.640 into your masculinity

00:07:57.440 because you don't have

00:07:59.060 a man in your life?

00:08:00.640 Because if we're going

00:08:01.400 to go for old school,

00:08:02.640 look after your man

00:08:03.560 and he does the manly roles,

00:08:05.580 and he does the car

00:08:06.800 and he takes out the bins

00:08:08.060 and he does all the masculine

00:08:09.480 things that the old school

00:08:10.720 feminists might say.

00:08:12.820 If that person is,

00:08:13.860 because old school,

00:08:15.020 there was, you know,

00:08:16.020 husband and wife.

00:08:16.760 There was not so many

00:08:17.640 single women like myself

00:08:19.300 running households,

00:08:21.320 running businesses,

00:08:22.320 paying for cars,

00:08:23.540 getting under the bonnet,

00:08:24.300 all of those things.

00:08:25.600 What I'm saying is sometimes

00:08:26.760 if I were to stick to

00:08:28.280 old school feminine ways,

00:08:29.720 I wouldn't get by.

00:08:31.940 Okay.

00:08:32.400 Okay.

00:08:32.840 That's what I'm trying to say.

00:08:34.780 Auntie, did you have

00:08:35.500 something to say?

00:08:36.280 I don't understand

00:08:36.920 where she's coming from.

00:08:38.020 So, okay.

00:08:38.780 So you were saying that

00:08:39.840 old school,

00:08:40.340 you look after a man

00:08:41.080 and you know your place.

00:08:43.060 Yeah.

00:08:43.640 But in your place,

00:08:44.700 what's the limits

00:08:45.440 of that place?

00:08:46.800 There's no limits.

00:08:48.400 It's just that

00:08:48.820 you make it decide

00:08:49.620 in fact that...

00:08:49.940 A place is a position

00:08:50.740 that you're holding.

00:08:51.820 Yeah.

00:08:52.100 You're holding that stance.

00:08:53.600 I'm a woman.

00:08:54.260 That's my place.

00:08:55.180 Right.

00:08:55.960 So, okay.

00:08:56.540 So what do you...

00:08:56.960 Okay.

00:08:57.240 Maybe I need to understand then.

00:08:58.460 What's a man's place?

00:09:00.160 A man's place is to

00:09:01.300 look after me,

00:09:03.020 make sure he's got

00:09:03.580 my best interests at heart

00:09:04.880 and he has to make

00:09:05.920 the final decision

00:09:06.920 which improves both of us.

00:09:09.840 His final decision

00:09:11.040 will always be in my benefit.

00:09:13.180 So when he's not there

00:09:14.560 to look after you,

00:09:15.220 who's looking after you?

00:09:16.480 I make sure...

00:09:18.040 I've got a man.

00:09:19.040 So any decision I make,

00:09:20.400 even me,

00:09:20.960 for me being on the podcast,

00:09:22.380 I wouldn't be here

00:09:23.320 if it wasn't for him

00:09:24.320 because before I decided

00:09:27.020 to come on the podcast,

00:09:28.400 I asked his permission.

00:09:30.520 People might think

00:09:30.900 that's really strange.

00:09:31.680 I said,

00:09:32.180 what is your permission?

00:09:33.760 What do you think about it?

00:09:35.240 This is what I'm going to do.

00:09:36.800 And there's certain things

00:09:37.760 he didn't like.

00:09:38.900 So I told Pearl,

00:09:40.300 you know what?

00:09:40.780 I can't do this.

00:09:41.840 I can't do that.

00:09:42.800 I can't do whatever.

00:09:44.040 And then we came

00:09:45.220 to a conclusion.

00:09:46.160 But the final decision

00:09:47.460 is always his

00:09:48.320 and I trust him with it

00:09:49.700 because he'll always have

00:09:50.440 my best interests at heart.

00:09:52.200 And I'm a trained mechanic.

00:09:53.280 And maybe that's

00:09:54.020 because you've got a good man.

00:09:55.120 Yeah.

00:09:55.800 Wait, hold on.

00:09:56.620 Even if you're a good man,

00:09:57.400 that sounds ridiculous.

00:09:58.100 Yeah, maybe because

00:09:58.780 I can't do what you just said.

00:10:01.660 I can't.

00:10:02.500 Because that's you

00:10:03.080 putting all the trust.

00:10:04.140 Yeah, I want to hear why.

00:10:05.440 Because why would you need permit?

00:10:06.840 Like, there might be boundaries

00:10:08.160 within the relationship.

00:10:09.520 So for instance,

00:10:10.200 like, I don't want you to do

00:10:11.420 like a Pearl,

00:10:12.540 like, strip show dance thing

00:10:14.120 with like male strippers.

00:10:15.040 Like, I can understand that

00:10:15.900 because that's like

00:10:16.400 boundaries of the relationship.

00:10:17.840 But in terms of like,

00:10:18.940 I need your permission

00:10:19.920 to do a show

00:10:20.860 because like,

00:10:22.060 if your boyfriend

00:10:23.100 or husband or whatever,

00:10:24.000 if he's not like in this world,

00:10:25.200 you probably know better

00:10:25.900 than he does.

00:10:26.480 Like, what's better for you

00:10:27.420 I'd imagine.

00:10:28.060 But the thing is,

00:10:28.640 we're both not in this world.

00:10:29.640 We both don't know

00:10:30.220 about social media.

00:10:31.380 He didn't.

00:10:31.960 And it's blown up.

00:10:33.020 But you're in this world now, right?

00:10:34.320 Right.

00:10:34.480 Yeah, but I still had his permission.

00:10:36.360 So there might be certain things

00:10:37.460 that have developed

00:10:38.260 since me being on the podcast

00:10:40.220 that he doesn't agree with.

00:10:42.260 So I will cut them back.

00:10:43.480 But how do you know

00:10:43.500 he's got your best interest at heart?

00:10:44.440 I mean, if you pick a good guy,

00:10:46.120 I mean...

00:10:46.320 He's a good guy.

00:10:46.980 Yeah.

00:10:47.420 But imagine if he didn't have a good guy.

00:10:49.160 Yeah, this is what I'm trying to say.

00:10:50.940 Well, and also,

00:10:51.440 you never know if you have a good guy

00:10:52.300 until you don't.

00:10:53.400 And can I just say,

00:10:55.100 don't you know yourself

00:10:56.380 better than anyone?

00:10:57.840 No, not necessarily

00:10:58.820 because I'm human.

00:11:00.520 I've got bad things

00:11:01.420 and I've got good things.

00:11:02.240 I'm just as bad as anybody else.

00:11:03.640 And I will always take

00:11:04.640 other people's opinions.

00:11:06.200 And then when he says stuff,

00:11:07.460 I don't always take it

00:11:08.540 as hard as Pearl knows

00:11:09.360 because thanks to Pearl,

00:11:10.920 you know,

00:11:11.180 I've sorted out a few pilgrims

00:11:12.060 where I've had to like,

00:11:13.260 you know,

00:11:13.720 stop like being stubborn.

00:11:16.020 But you've given

00:11:16.640 another human authority

00:11:18.020 over your decision-making in life.

00:11:19.960 Sorry, can I just...

00:11:21.320 You've given someone else that power.

00:11:21.800 Can I add something onto that?

00:11:22.760 Auntie, what you said

00:11:23.720 is the exact same situation with me.

00:11:25.740 I have a fiancé

00:11:26.520 and I would not come up here

00:11:28.020 unless I've spoken to him about it

00:11:29.700 and he's actually agreed with it.

00:11:31.560 So the only reason

00:11:32.080 why I'm sitting here

00:11:32.860 is because my fiancé

00:11:33.960 doesn't have a problem

00:11:34.620 with me sitting here.

00:11:35.300 But can I ask you something, right?

00:11:36.780 When you go out on the street,

00:11:38.060 which a lot of people

00:11:38.620 don't recognise,

00:11:39.800 when you go out

00:11:40.620 and you dress

00:11:41.200 and you speak,

00:11:42.180 who do you represent

00:11:43.080 when you go out

00:11:43.760 as a woman in a relationship?

00:11:45.280 Your man, your husband.

00:11:46.180 Right.

00:11:46.580 So when you're at school

00:11:47.820 and you're in uniform,

00:11:48.900 you represent the school.

00:11:49.800 When you go out as a child,

00:11:51.320 you represent your parents.

00:11:52.580 If you have a man,

00:11:53.900 you represent your man.

00:11:55.380 You're a couple.

00:11:56.080 So people are going to know

00:11:57.300 that if he sees you

00:11:58.260 on a podcast

00:11:59.900 and you're doing God knows what,

00:12:02.640 you're going to represent him.

00:12:03.800 People are going to know

00:12:04.320 that's so-and-so's woman.

00:12:05.760 So you have to listen to him.

00:12:07.780 He doesn't tell me what to do,

00:12:10.220 but I have to take his feelings

00:12:11.580 into account.

00:12:12.420 Wait, wait.

00:12:12.840 Do you flip that?

00:12:14.900 Do you flip that

00:12:15.560 and just say,

00:12:16.040 does he represent you as well

00:12:17.080 when he's doing stuff?

00:12:18.020 Yeah, of course.

00:12:18.600 Well, then do you have authority

00:12:19.860 over him to give him permission

00:12:20.840 to do stuff or not?

00:12:21.740 Yeah, certainly.

00:12:22.360 He won't do anything.

00:12:23.020 We discuss everything.

00:12:24.520 It works both ways.

00:12:25.840 But he has the final decision.

00:12:28.520 It's not equal.

00:12:29.080 He has the final decision.

00:12:30.440 Guys, guys, guys, guys.

00:12:31.100 We need one other time.

00:12:32.000 Angie, finish your point.

00:12:32.980 Yeah, he has the final decision.

00:12:34.740 If he's going to do something

00:12:36.000 and he says,

00:12:36.540 oh, I'm going to do that,

00:12:37.660 and I'm like,

00:12:38.120 do you know what?

00:12:39.020 I don't agree with that.

00:12:40.060 Because it's been so long,

00:12:41.460 32 years and counting,

00:12:42.900 because it's been so long,

00:12:44.520 he will know that

00:12:46.000 there must be a reason behind it

00:12:48.120 that I don't agree with him.

00:12:49.920 Now, he will either listen to me

00:12:51.500 as I would do him,

00:12:52.680 because I don't have to

00:12:53.380 take everything he says

00:12:54.820 as gospel.

00:12:55.660 It's up to me

00:12:56.580 whether to take it or not.

00:12:58.180 And nine times out of ten,

00:12:59.800 I will listen to him

00:13:01.120 rather than listen to my friends.

00:13:02.700 Because women will finally

00:13:03.920 listen to their friends.

00:13:04.980 What about most of us

00:13:05.560 that haven't had 32 years?

00:13:06.980 And so are you saying

00:13:07.840 that I've been with my man

00:13:09.100 two years

00:13:09.660 and I must,

00:13:10.640 what he says goes?

00:13:11.620 This is what my struggle is.

00:13:12.900 What I'm trying to say is that

00:13:13.780 you've been able to build that trust.

00:13:15.240 You've been able to know

00:13:16.040 that he's got your best interest at heart.

00:13:17.360 You've been able to know

00:13:18.340 that he has

00:13:18.920 your right intentions.

00:13:21.740 But most of us

00:13:22.620 haven't had 32 years

00:13:23.920 to practice all that.

00:13:24.920 So I can't adopt your position.

00:13:26.780 Can I say something?

00:13:27.460 Do you know something, right?

00:13:28.200 Yep.

00:13:28.740 You as a woman

00:13:29.700 would know

00:13:30.660 within the first six months

00:13:32.160 whether that man is for you.

00:13:34.360 I can't say that.

00:13:35.380 I married a man

00:13:36.000 that didn't end up

00:13:37.220 being the same man.

00:13:37.840 Me personally,

00:13:38.560 I would know.

00:13:38.920 I was a single parent

00:13:39.700 just like you.

00:13:40.240 I was a single parent.

00:13:41.320 And we split up.

00:13:42.140 But when I met him back,

00:13:42.960 he was a single parent.

00:13:44.980 So I know that

00:13:45.960 anything he says,

00:13:47.500 if it jars in my heart,

00:13:49.240 I have to think to myself,

00:13:50.120 you know what?

00:13:50.500 That don't feel right.

00:13:51.240 Let me discuss it.

00:13:52.580 But if I think to myself,

00:13:53.940 I am not going to be

00:13:55.120 at a detriment,

00:13:56.160 then I'll go with it.

00:13:58.680 Because it's not harming me.

00:14:00.860 So if I think in my head

00:14:02.620 as a woman

00:14:03.440 that what he's saying

00:14:04.900 doesn't benefit me

00:14:06.820 or harms me,

00:14:08.120 I will discuss it.

00:14:10.020 And then,

00:14:10.540 because it's not the fact that

00:14:11.520 oh, what he says goes.

00:14:13.440 I will discuss it with him.

00:14:14.940 And I want to hear

00:14:15.520 where he's coming from.

00:14:17.020 Because,

00:14:17.420 all right then,

00:14:17.820 for instance,

00:14:18.480 you've got a man

00:14:19.360 and you,

00:14:20.860 both of you

00:14:21.260 have a favourite artist.

00:14:23.240 And the favourite artist

00:14:24.420 gives you

00:14:24.860 two free tickets to go.

00:14:27.400 And then your man

00:14:28.300 looks at a ticket

00:14:28.820 and says,

00:14:29.080 you know what?

00:14:29.760 You're not going.

00:14:30.460 What would you do?

00:14:32.320 This conversation

00:14:33.060 just couldn't happen

00:14:33.520 with my man anyway.

00:14:34.760 Honestly,

00:14:35.500 I think the modern relationship

00:14:37.380 is way too,

00:14:40.320 no,

00:14:41.160 let me say

00:14:41.460 the modern relationship

00:14:42.040 that I'm looking for

00:14:42.880 is way too equal

00:14:44.240 in terms of opinion

00:14:45.040 and position.

00:14:46.220 There's a conversation.

00:14:47.680 It's about what's making me happy.

00:14:49.140 And if it's taking

00:14:49.780 my best friend

00:14:50.460 to that concert,

00:14:51.380 he wants to see me smile

00:14:52.560 and he wants to see me happy.

00:14:53.880 That's what's going to happen

00:14:54.620 in that concert.

00:14:55.280 But you didn't answer the question.

00:14:56.820 So the question was,

00:14:57.700 I asked you,

00:14:58.160 what would you do?

00:14:58.720 The whole point is

00:14:58.900 like when he asks you

00:14:59.980 to do something

00:15:00.480 that you don't want to do.

00:15:02.180 Or to not go somewhere

00:15:03.920 that you want to go to.

00:15:04.840 I will consider his feelings,

00:15:05.700 but if it's in my best interest,

00:15:06.680 I cannot put myself,

00:15:07.900 the only man

00:15:08.580 or the only being

00:15:09.900 is God

00:15:10.500 that can tell me

00:15:11.800 by speech,

00:15:13.800 by prayer,

00:15:14.820 by whatever,

00:15:15.780 by message.

00:15:16.560 God says,

00:15:17.060 obey your husband.

00:15:18.240 The man's ahead.

00:15:18.800 He's my husband.

00:15:19.240 He's my man.

00:15:21.220 He can put a ring on it.

00:15:22.200 You should be with him

00:15:24.000 until he puts a ring on it.

00:15:25.060 Right,

00:15:25.280 but what I'm trying to say is

00:15:26.380 if I'm a feminist,

00:15:27.980 what does it mean for me

00:15:28.780 as a single woman?

00:15:29.620 That's what I'm trying

00:15:29.980 to understand

00:15:30.320 from this conversation.

00:15:31.120 Okay,

00:15:31.240 so can I try to add

00:15:32.120 a little bit of context on it?

00:15:33.480 Because it's like a,

00:15:34.480 okay,

00:15:34.620 so basically,

00:15:35.580 what they're saying is,

00:15:37.160 okay,

00:15:37.500 so yes,

00:15:38.620 working,

00:15:39.740 taking out the rubbish,

00:15:40.880 doing all of these things

00:15:41.680 are seen as masculinity,

00:15:43.660 right?

00:15:44.200 However,

00:15:44.820 I don't think we're speaking

00:15:45.840 in that regard

00:15:46.600 because obviously,

00:15:47.360 these are things

00:15:47.980 that have to be done.

00:15:49.200 You have to take out the rubbish.

00:15:50.540 You have to work.

00:15:51.580 You have to do these things.

00:15:52.540 But I think we're,

00:15:54.160 especially as a single person,

00:15:55.800 however,

00:15:56.640 we're basically saying,

00:15:57.520 but you're still a feminine.

00:15:58.820 That doesn't make you masculine.

00:16:00.360 What makes you masculine

00:16:01.300 is when you're like,

00:16:02.920 so let's put everything

00:16:03.860 in context now.

00:16:04.700 So I said,

00:16:05.680 I made the same statement

00:16:06.700 as auntie,

00:16:07.260 right?

00:16:08.060 So I'm going to put things

00:16:08.880 into context.

00:16:09.660 If I wanted to go shopping

00:16:11.000 in Tesco's,

00:16:11.740 for example,

00:16:12.460 I don't need his permission

00:16:13.600 because I'm going Tesco's

00:16:15.460 and I'm doing food shopping.

00:16:16.800 If somebody invites me

00:16:18.080 to a club

00:16:18.780 or some kind of event,

00:16:21.920 then I need to sit down

00:16:23.460 and speak to him

00:16:24.020 and explain to him

00:16:24.600 where I'm going,

00:16:25.020 what type of event is,

00:16:25.820 what kind of people are there.

00:16:27.420 All right,

00:16:27.620 let's say for example,

00:16:28.740 I put an outfit on

00:16:29.640 and I put on a short dress

00:16:31.360 and my breasts are revealing.

00:16:34.460 Okay.

00:16:35.160 Now,

00:16:35.940 if he says to me,

00:16:37.740 you look nice, babe,

00:16:39.580 go out and have a good time.

00:16:41.420 As soon as he's finished

00:16:42.400 that sentence,

00:16:43.540 me and him are done

00:16:44.160 because me,

00:16:45.180 I can't be with a guy like that.

00:16:46.140 To me,

00:16:46.360 that's a simp.

00:16:47.380 Okay.

00:16:47.820 So if my man

00:16:49.360 or my husband says to me,

00:16:51.060 you need to go back

00:16:52.120 and you need to change

00:16:53.120 because what you're wearing

00:16:54.360 is inappropriate.

00:16:56.520 Now,

00:16:56.620 look,

00:16:57.060 a lot of people will be like,

00:16:58.260 no,

00:16:58.920 why?

00:16:59.240 Why?

00:16:59.460 I can wear what I want

00:17:00.200 if I want to wear,

00:17:00.900 but you're not,

00:17:01.540 you're not thinking

00:17:02.300 because if you're going out

00:17:03.740 with your husband,

00:17:04.520 right,

00:17:05.200 and you go to a club

00:17:06.100 or a place

00:17:06.600 and you're wearing

00:17:07.080 a short skirt

00:17:07.740 and your breasts are out,

00:17:09.500 there's a huge possibility

00:17:10.760 that you're going to put

00:17:11.560 your husband in a situation.

00:17:13.100 No,

00:17:13.200 but he's next to me.

00:17:14.180 My man is next to me.

00:17:14.940 Okay,

00:17:15.040 wait,

00:17:15.180 let me land.

00:17:16.180 One sec,

00:17:16.540 one sec,

00:17:17.420 let me land.

00:17:18.080 Let me land.

00:17:18.660 Okay.

00:17:18.900 So,

00:17:19.480 for example,

00:17:19.960 my fiance,

00:17:20.740 right,

00:17:21.520 if me and him

00:17:22.180 went out to a place

00:17:23.060 and he wouldn't let me

00:17:24.180 wear that anyway

00:17:24.840 in the first place,

00:17:25.540 but let's say he did

00:17:26.320 and we went out to a place,

00:17:27.960 right,

00:17:28.200 and a guy comes

00:17:29.160 and taps my bum.

00:17:31.240 Why would he do that?

00:17:31.980 Because they do that.

00:17:32.780 Well,

00:17:32.900 because I'm wearing

00:17:33.300 a short skirt.

00:17:33.660 Yes,

00:17:34.080 I've seen that many times.

00:17:36.320 But you can also do that

00:17:37.340 in jeans too,

00:17:38.160 right?

00:17:38.740 Yeah,

00:17:38.880 but still,

00:17:40.060 it's less likely,

00:17:41.420 right,

00:17:41.640 and if he does do that.

00:17:42.680 If I had a BBL,

00:17:43.620 you would tap my ass.

00:17:44.740 Not necessarily,

00:17:45.800 but look,

00:17:46.220 look,

00:17:46.480 we have to go by intentions.

00:17:48.680 If I come to a place

00:17:49.740 and I'm properly covered up,

00:17:51.240 jeans,

00:17:51.580 and a guy does that,

00:17:52.420 he's getting smoked,

00:17:54.080 right?

00:17:54.840 There's no ifs or buts

00:17:55.840 about it

00:17:56.100 because this girl

00:17:56.820 is respecting herself,

00:17:58.280 she's dressed up nice

00:17:59.040 and you've come out

00:17:59.780 of your way,

00:18:00.760 yeah,

00:18:01.100 and you've slapped her ass.

00:18:02.880 Now,

00:18:03.220 my fiance,

00:18:04.080 if he was with me,

00:18:05.200 right,

00:18:05.440 and somebody did that,

00:18:07.280 there's a huge possibility

00:18:08.460 he's going to jail for life.

00:18:09.700 But then you're wearing

00:18:10.200 tight jeans,

00:18:10.800 why not wear this

00:18:11.320 on long skirt, innit?

00:18:12.860 If you're going to do modests,

00:18:14.300 if you're going to do what modests,

00:18:15.240 do what modests did.

00:18:16.300 Yeah,

00:18:16.520 you can do it.

00:18:16.900 No curves,

00:18:17.640 no nothing.

00:18:18.440 That's what you should do then

00:18:19.580 because you're calling for it

00:18:21.000 also with the little tightness

00:18:22.220 in the book.

00:18:22.600 Okay,

00:18:22.780 wait,

00:18:22.940 getting away from the clothes,

00:18:24.120 hold on,

00:18:24.400 getting away from the clothes.

00:18:25.140 You guys,

00:18:25.740 this is what I'm so confused about.

00:18:26.680 Auntie,

00:18:27.060 you kind of did it

00:18:27.680 and then walked to

00:18:28.320 a more agreeable area.

00:18:29.680 You guys talk about things

00:18:30.640 that are basic relationship norms,

00:18:32.680 but you like frame them

00:18:33.440 in the most toxic way possible.

00:18:34.620 I don't understand.

00:18:35.380 So you talk about like

00:18:36.080 if I'm going to wear something

00:18:36.900 and go out to a club,

00:18:37.820 my boyfriend,

00:18:39.580 my husband,

00:18:39.980 whatever,

00:18:40.400 is going to approve of it,

00:18:41.820 which to some extent

00:18:43.540 like can make sense

00:18:44.440 in a relationship context,

00:18:45.640 but if you flip that around,

00:18:47.160 if your boyfriend or husband

00:18:48.600 says I'm going to go out

00:18:49.640 to party,

00:18:50.520 you know,

00:18:50.720 and there's like,

00:18:51.460 you know,

00:18:51.800 10 girls there

00:18:52.460 and like two guys,

00:18:53.400 I imagine you'd have to

00:18:54.360 okay that,

00:18:54.980 right?

00:18:55.140 You'd have to tell him

00:18:55.820 whether or not

00:18:56.140 you'd give him permission

00:18:56.760 to do that,

00:18:57.280 no?

00:18:57.640 Yes.

00:18:58.240 Okay,

00:18:58.700 so you guys frame these things

00:18:59.940 like my husband

00:19:00.860 is the ultimate authority

00:19:01.660 and blah, blah, blah,

00:19:02.080 but that's not true.

00:19:02.800 For all of you guys,

00:19:03.580 it's a back and forth.

00:19:04.840 Like you're going to be

00:19:05.700 okaying what he does,

00:19:06.540 he's going to be okaying

00:19:07.060 what you do.

00:19:07.460 That has nothing to do

00:19:08.340 with masculinity

00:19:09.200 or femininity

00:19:09.920 or anything like that.

00:19:10.560 That's just like

00:19:11.000 two adults

00:19:11.760 having a relationship

00:19:12.680 figuring out

00:19:13.180 what the boundaries are.

00:19:14.020 Thank you.

00:19:14.720 Yeah,

00:19:14.920 so what do you mean

00:19:15.760 by your place

00:19:16.440 when you say

00:19:16.940 auntie?

00:19:18.340 Because what that's

00:19:19.400 you're saying

00:19:19.680 that it is an equal

00:19:20.760 exchange of

00:19:21.800 looking out for each other.

00:19:23.940 No,

00:19:24.180 I think

00:19:24.460 when I'm with me,

00:19:26.600 I'm different

00:19:27.200 because if I'm going

00:19:28.420 to wear a short skirt

00:19:29.740 and something sexy,

00:19:31.020 I'm always going to

00:19:31.660 wear it with my man.

00:19:33.760 Mostly I wear it at home

00:19:34.960 but if I want to go out

00:19:37.260 and I say to him,

00:19:38.260 what do you think about this?

00:19:39.660 And do you know what?

00:19:41.540 What Destiny said?

00:19:42.820 What we've been saying

00:19:45.420 is just normal.

00:19:47.620 Normal respect

00:19:48.440 for each other.

00:19:50.160 And I respect him

00:19:51.720 and his decisions

00:19:52.740 and his opinions

00:19:54.340 and he will respect mine.

00:19:56.560 So it's not like

00:19:57.340 I'm blindly following

00:19:58.660 where he wants to go

00:19:59.960 because if he wanted

00:20:01.480 to go somewhere

00:20:02.340 or talk to certain people,

00:20:03.740 I've said to him in the past,

00:20:04.840 you know what?

00:20:05.620 I don't like your friends.

00:20:07.480 And as a man,

00:20:08.160 I will say,

00:20:08.680 you know,

00:20:08.840 I'm not going to say

00:20:09.300 don't go out of them.

00:20:10.080 I'm saying this,

00:20:10.920 watch out for this.

00:20:11.720 This is what I spotted.

00:20:12.800 This, this, this and this.

00:20:14.400 And I let him go ahead

00:20:15.360 and eventually

00:20:16.200 he will not,

00:20:17.060 you know what?

00:20:17.440 You were right.

00:20:18.540 So it's just about respect

00:20:19.860 but I find that

00:20:20.480 these modern people now,

00:20:22.420 they don't have

00:20:23.360 the basic respect

00:20:24.860 for each other

00:20:25.460 in the relationship.

00:20:26.680 So what happens

00:20:27.160 in a lesbian relationship then?

00:20:30.080 I don't know.

00:20:31.560 Well again,

00:20:32.040 I think to be clear,

00:20:33.180 everything that was said

00:20:33.940 is fine for relationships.

00:20:37.180 There's not like

00:20:38.180 a masculine feminine.

00:20:39.060 Like what you started talking about,

00:20:39.980 you're going to talk

00:20:40.480 to your partner,

00:20:41.020 you're going to make sure

00:20:41.480 that they understand

00:20:41.900 where you're coming from.

00:20:42.620 Hopefully you love each other

00:20:43.540 and you know each other.

00:20:44.400 Hopefully you both

00:20:44.960 have each other's

00:20:45.500 best interests at heart

00:20:46.360 and then you advise on that.

00:20:47.260 But I just think

00:20:47.600 at the end of the day,

00:20:48.220 someone wears the pants.

00:20:49.300 Like someone's leading

00:20:49.940 and someone's following.

00:20:50.900 It's like,

00:20:51.640 no, no, no, no.

00:20:52.040 Sometimes it's reverse,

00:20:54.900 but at some point,

00:20:56.100 like you have to trust

00:20:56.760 someone's leadership.

00:20:58.020 It's going to depend

00:20:58.820 on the domain

00:20:59.540 that you guys are experts in,

00:21:00.960 right?

00:21:01.120 So you said

00:21:01.600 you were a mechanic,

00:21:02.520 right?

00:21:03.300 So I'm guessing

00:21:04.000 that traditionally

00:21:05.200 men are going to have

00:21:06.080 the say over the car

00:21:06.760 because men tend to know,

00:21:07.740 but I'm guessing

00:21:08.200 you probably know

00:21:08.740 more than your husband

00:21:09.300 does, right?

00:21:09.920 If he comes back

00:21:10.700 with a 50-pound bill

00:21:11.720 for blinker fluid,

00:21:12.620 you're probably going to

00:21:13.460 make fun of him, right?

00:21:15.740 But you know something,

00:21:16.580 right?

00:21:17.500 As Pearl knows,

00:21:19.300 and as you most probably know,

00:21:20.800 yes,

00:21:21.080 I'm a mechanic,

00:21:21.720 but he's more stable-minded

00:21:25.600 than me

00:21:26.240 and as you know

00:21:27.580 from the shit car

00:21:28.680 that I picked you up in,

00:21:30.240 right?

00:21:31.000 Because I must have been

00:21:32.380 having a blind,

00:21:33.600 non-mechanic,

00:21:34.640 feminine moment

00:21:35.840 where I just went in

00:21:37.320 and asked for

00:21:37.880 the cheapest car

00:21:38.800 with four doors

00:21:39.460 and you saw it.

00:21:40.500 The car's a piece of shit.

00:21:41.760 It's for somebody single.

00:21:43.000 It's not for somebody

00:21:43.580 that's got three grandchildren

00:21:44.500 because three grandchildren

00:21:45.540 in me fills the car.

00:21:46.980 But whereas,

00:21:47.800 he hasn't seen the car yet

00:21:48.920 because I didn't discuss it

00:21:49.980 with him

00:21:50.320 and he's going to look at me

00:21:51.560 and say,

00:21:52.080 why did you get that car?

00:21:54.480 Yes,

00:21:54.820 I could take it back,

00:21:56.280 but I've decided

00:21:57.080 to punish myself

00:21:58.040 for being such a stupid woman

00:21:59.680 and choosing such a stupid car

00:22:01.940 when I was feeling

00:22:03.140 in my most feminine moment.

00:22:06.960 So yeah,

00:22:07.600 I can do that,

00:22:08.460 but whereas,

00:22:09.640 even though I'm a trained mechanic

00:22:11.520 and I'm on my nails

00:22:13.440 and there's certain things

00:22:14.820 that he will do in the car,

00:22:16.380 no,

00:22:16.640 I won't say that,

00:22:17.160 most of the things he will do.

00:22:18.160 I always say your brake light

00:22:19.240 needs to do it,

00:22:19.760 but he expects me

00:22:20.720 to do the brake light

00:22:21.460 because I'm trying to do

00:22:22.620 just the brake light.

00:22:23.580 I'm just saying that

00:22:24.200 in every relationship,

00:22:25.540 both sides are going to know

00:22:26.800 more things than the other side.

00:22:28.600 So there are going to be

00:22:29.380 some things where

00:22:29.980 the husband is going to have

00:22:31.040 the grand authority,

00:22:32.160 but not because he's the man,

00:22:33.740 but just because that's

00:22:34.360 the stuff that he knows about.

00:22:35.500 Because the husband

00:22:36.800 has the authority

00:22:37.620 because she knows about.

00:22:38.360 I agree with you,

00:22:39.420 but the last decision,

00:22:40.940 you see with me,

00:22:41.980 we would discuss stuff.

00:22:45.520 And I will say this

00:22:46.960 and he will say that

00:22:48.140 and then I might be right

00:22:51.040 and he'll say,

00:22:51.680 you know what,

00:22:52.080 go with you.

00:22:53.040 Or he might be right

00:22:54.620 and I'll say,

00:22:55.160 go with you.

00:22:56.020 But if we come to a stalemate,

00:22:58.420 me,

00:22:58.680 I will say,

00:22:59.200 you know what,

00:22:59.940 we're going to go with you

00:23:00.940 because the decision is all yours.

00:23:02.520 Because if the shit hits the fan,

00:23:04.420 me as a bitch woman,

00:23:05.420 I will say,

00:23:05.920 you know what,

00:23:06.120 you made that decision.

00:23:06.880 So the final decision

00:23:09.400 is always his.

00:23:10.760 Whether he agrees with me

00:23:12.160 or whether I agree with him,

00:23:14.880 I prefer the final decision

00:23:17.320 to be his

00:23:18.480 because he has to deal with it.

00:23:21.740 I just think personally

00:23:22.940 the ideal situation

00:23:24.100 is when you're with a guy

00:23:24.980 that you can trust

00:23:25.640 his decision making.

00:23:26.980 And the girls that I see

00:23:28.780 where they wear the pants

00:23:29.660 in the relationship,

00:23:30.520 they're miserable.

00:23:31.920 Oh my God,

00:23:32.660 they're miserable.

00:23:32.940 It just depends on the thing.

00:23:34.420 There are plenty of women

00:23:35.820 where guys wear the pants

00:23:36.860 and they're miserable too.

00:23:38.140 There are lots of people

00:23:38.940 in miserable relationships.

00:23:40.600 Does it happen both ways?

00:23:42.060 Sure.

00:23:42.460 At times.

00:23:43.040 I've just seen,

00:23:44.200 I think that when women

00:23:45.300 wear the pants,

00:23:45.980 they're miserable.

00:23:47.660 Can I just say,

00:23:50.220 why does someone

00:23:51.100 have to wear the pants?

00:23:52.880 Why can't we

00:23:53.480 make decisions together?

00:23:55.460 Why can't we

00:23:56.120 make decisions together?

00:23:58.960 Like he said,

00:23:59.640 if you have more expertise

00:24:01.560 in that field,

00:24:03.040 say, okay,

00:24:03.540 like if I'm trying

00:24:05.300 to make a decision

00:24:05.980 with my man now,

00:24:08.040 I know about properties,

00:24:09.420 right?

00:24:10.040 Say he doesn't know

00:24:10.900 anything about properties.

00:24:12.020 I'm going to be like,

00:24:12.500 oh babe,

00:24:13.040 because I bought a property,

00:24:14.400 this is what I'm going

00:24:15.120 to tell you.

00:24:16.060 And because he's probably

00:24:17.100 like men know more

00:24:18.220 about cars.

00:24:18.860 I don't know about cars.

00:24:19.920 I will never tell my man

00:24:22.680 anything about cars

00:24:23.940 because I assume

00:24:25.340 because men seem

00:24:26.640 to know more about cars

00:24:27.620 and if he has a nice car,

00:24:29.480 he's been driving

00:24:30.720 for a long time,

00:24:31.380 I'm going to think,

00:24:32.000 you know what?

00:24:32.640 That's his field.

00:24:33.820 Why does it have to be

00:24:34.900 someone wear the pants?

00:24:36.440 Do you know something,

00:24:37.080 right?

00:24:37.260 That's what women

00:24:37.980 fail to understand.

00:24:39.760 When they hear about

00:24:40.900 a submissive woman,

00:24:42.600 do I look like a woman

00:24:44.060 that just does

00:24:44.840 what her man says?

00:24:46.440 No.

00:24:47.360 I want to take,

00:24:48.120 for instance,

00:24:48.660 you.

00:24:49.380 My man is a saver.

00:24:51.760 I like to invest

00:24:53.100 in property.

00:24:54.340 He has got more money

00:24:55.820 in the bank than me.

00:24:57.080 I have got more properties

00:24:58.680 than him.

00:24:59.920 And even when it comes

00:25:00.960 to getting properties,

00:25:02.600 he was a saver.

00:25:03.520 He was like,

00:25:03.880 no,

00:25:04.020 we need to save money

00:25:04.620 or whatever.

00:25:04.940 And I was like,

00:25:05.340 this is what I think.

00:25:06.060 You know what he said?

00:25:06.620 Go with it.

00:25:07.860 Do you know what?

00:25:08.360 I was right.

00:25:09.780 It doesn't make a difference

00:25:11.040 because he made

00:25:12.860 the final decision

00:25:13.880 because a selfish man,

00:25:16.480 a man that just wants

00:25:17.560 to feel all full of himself

00:25:18.800 would just go with

00:25:19.620 what he wants.

00:25:21.080 And we're not talking

00:25:21.940 about the lady

00:25:22.380 in the red coat.

00:25:22.900 I'm sorry.

00:25:23.420 We're not talking

00:25:24.040 about that.

00:25:24.800 We're talking about

00:25:25.740 where you've got

00:25:26.700 a man that leads

00:25:27.740 and a proper man.

00:25:29.360 When you've got a man

00:25:30.040 that you can trust,

00:25:31.300 he will take into account

00:25:32.440 what you said.

00:25:33.580 He will take into account

00:25:34.660 what he says

00:25:35.520 and he will weigh up

00:25:36.560 the pros and cons

00:25:37.540 and he will come out

00:25:38.600 with the best decision

00:25:39.720 for you.

00:25:40.620 Whether it means

00:25:41.460 you side with him

00:25:42.700 or whether it means

00:25:43.980 it sides with you.

00:25:45.300 And if he's not sure,

00:25:47.160 he will either say,

00:25:48.080 you know what?

00:25:48.560 If he's a stubborn,

00:25:49.860 big-headed,

00:25:50.480 bullish man,

00:25:51.100 he will say,

00:25:51.440 you know what?

00:25:51.760 My name rules,

00:25:52.860 so I'm going to go.

00:25:53.820 No.

00:25:54.320 When I was talking

00:25:54.920 about buying a property,

00:25:55.920 my man didn't agree with me.

00:25:57.460 And I explained,

00:25:58.160 you know what?

00:25:58.520 This, this, this, this, this.

00:25:59.680 But it seemed like

00:26:00.320 an impossibility to him

00:26:01.780 in his mind

00:26:02.360 as a natural saver.

00:26:04.280 But he was like,

00:26:05.160 do you know what?

00:26:05.980 Go for it.

00:26:07.100 Now we've got the properties,

00:26:08.680 he's got the money.

00:26:09.460 I haven't got no money.

00:26:10.820 If I need money,

00:26:11.480 I'll go to him.

00:26:12.660 But on paper,

00:26:13.940 I've got more money.

00:26:15.480 But in reality,

00:26:16.520 he's got more cash.

00:26:18.060 So you just don't go

00:26:19.200 with a man just because.

00:26:20.640 Because a lot of women

00:26:21.740 think that,

00:26:22.360 oh, I might know more

00:26:23.540 about this,

00:26:24.100 but he's the man,

00:26:24.860 so he has to make

00:26:25.380 the final decision.

00:26:26.300 That's like a respect.

00:26:27.760 If a man respects you,

00:26:29.100 he will take into account

00:26:30.740 your decisions,

00:26:32.500 your research,

00:26:33.840 your qualifications,

00:26:35.260 before he makes

00:26:36.520 the final decision.

00:26:37.840 And if a man

00:26:38.680 is going to go

00:26:39.540 with all your knowledge,

00:26:40.660 all your experience,

00:26:41.840 all your decision making,

00:26:43.360 and what you've been doing

00:26:44.640 for a lifetime,

00:26:45.520 and go against it,

00:26:46.520 it's the right man.

00:26:47.920 Don't you think

00:26:48.440 you're talking about

00:26:48.900 skills in a man

00:26:49.740 that is a man

00:26:50.980 that has lived,

00:26:51.720 a man that's matured,

00:26:52.880 a man that has had

00:26:53.480 relationships,

00:26:54.520 learned about himself

00:26:55.380 and others.

00:26:56.200 We're talking about

00:26:57.000 men in their 20s

00:26:58.180 and 30s

00:26:58.780 that have yet to become.

00:27:00.340 Exactly.

00:27:00.820 And I think it's...

00:27:01.100 We cannot have

00:27:02.420 the same attitude at all.

00:27:04.420 You're talking

00:27:04.760 generationally

00:27:05.640 completely different.

00:27:06.740 The value base

00:27:07.620 is completely different.

00:27:08.920 The way that they are

00:27:09.540 raised are different.

00:27:10.820 Your expectations

00:27:11.900 for our 20, 23 men

00:27:13.800 that have been raised

00:27:15.060 with sometimes

00:27:15.920 very little foundation,

00:27:18.020 you're expecting

00:27:18.920 so much for them

00:27:19.920 to have all of these

00:27:21.000 qualities that your man

00:27:22.100 of X years

00:27:23.160 and X age

00:27:24.500 and big, big age

00:27:25.680 are having.

00:27:26.420 I don't think

00:27:26.780 they can be compared.

00:27:27.800 I think the point

00:27:28.300 is to pick a good man

00:27:29.260 that you can use

00:27:29.900 to live in.

00:27:30.440 But I'm talking about

00:27:31.360 we're here now.

00:27:32.420 We're here trying

00:27:33.320 to find this good man.

00:27:34.720 But in the Mecca,

00:27:36.200 we're like,

00:27:36.700 oh no,

00:27:37.720 the nonsense is happening.

00:27:39.040 I want to ask a question.

00:27:40.400 Listen, listen, listen.

00:27:41.280 Do you want to

00:27:41.540 watch a good man

00:27:42.240 as the question?

00:27:42.420 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:27:43.680 I've been listening to...

00:27:45.260 I haven't even said

00:27:46.120 nothing for ages.

00:27:47.400 At the end of the day,

00:27:48.600 it comes down to

00:27:49.280 who you pick.

00:27:50.140 Yeah.

00:27:50.500 It comes down to

00:27:51.480 who you pick

00:27:51.880 because you can say

00:27:52.620 all of this,

00:27:53.240 oh yeah,

00:27:54.240 we're trying to find

00:27:55.320 these good men.

00:27:56.060 At what age are you

00:27:56.840 trying to find

00:27:57.300 these good men?

00:27:57.660 And where are you

00:27:58.820 trying to find them as well?

00:27:59.300 Can I just say something,

00:28:00.280 King Riches?

00:28:00.820 Yeah.

00:28:01.600 Right?

00:28:02.900 You're saying

00:28:03.700 about picking.

00:28:05.140 The problem I find

00:28:06.380 nowadays is that

00:28:07.200 the women's picking.

00:28:08.260 Don't let the women pick.

00:28:09.360 The men's supposed to pick.

00:28:10.840 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:28:11.620 Hold on.

00:28:12.180 The men's supposed to pick.

00:28:13.420 It's what,

00:28:14.000 Camilla?

00:28:14.880 Yeah.

00:28:15.200 The problem is

00:28:16.020 at 25,

00:28:17.160 there are no men like this.

00:28:18.280 Okay?

00:28:18.680 If you're a 22-year-old woman,

00:28:20.060 you're not going to find

00:28:20.500 a 25-year-old guy

00:28:21.480 that's ready to take charge

00:28:22.420 and lead everything.

00:28:23.140 That's not true.

00:28:23.720 No, that is

00:28:24.460 absolutely true.

00:28:26.480 That's absolutely true.

00:28:27.740 I'm so sorry.

00:28:28.620 I know there are a lot

00:28:29.440 of children on those panels,

00:28:30.600 but you're not going to find

00:28:31.260 a 25-year-old guy

00:28:32.340 that has all of it.

00:28:33.160 When the average kid

00:28:33.920 gets out of school today

00:28:34.720 at like 22, 23 years old.

00:28:36.400 Not in England.

00:28:36.900 You're thinking,

00:28:37.440 when in England

00:28:38.340 do you finish college?

00:28:39.880 18?

00:28:40.760 No, you don't.

00:28:41.620 University?

00:28:42.220 University 25.

00:28:43.340 University, I'm sorry.

00:28:44.160 We call it different things in America.

00:28:45.280 Yeah, if in university,

00:28:46.220 if you finish that at 22, 23,

00:28:47.400 there is no way.

00:28:48.400 21.

00:28:48.520 21.

00:28:49.020 21.

00:28:49.800 21.

00:28:50.120 That's if you do

00:28:50.420 a full degree.

00:28:51.240 There is no way.

00:28:51.940 At 24, 25, as a man,

00:28:55.260 you are not going to have

00:28:55.980 all the faculty that you will

00:28:57.060 when you reach 30, 35.

00:28:58.340 You don't have that

00:28:59.020 lived experience yet

00:28:59.960 to know what it's like

00:29:00.800 to lead a household,

00:29:01.720 to live a life,

00:29:02.620 to exist in like the world

00:29:03.820 and to navigate it

00:29:05.200 in a responsible way.

00:29:05.800 I'm sorry.

00:29:05.940 I disagree.

00:29:06.340 I think it's so funny

00:29:07.400 that you guys are the first ones

00:29:08.900 to say that we have

00:29:09.880 two high expectations

00:29:10.900 and then come and tell us

00:29:12.240 that we're not picking

00:29:12.860 the right men

00:29:13.360 and that we're just

00:29:13.800 picking irresponsible men.

00:29:15.080 You can date an older guy.

00:29:17.680 If you think that you need

00:29:18.760 a 35-year-old guy

00:29:19.720 to date one, you could.

00:29:21.020 That's a quick fix.

00:29:21.720 Nah, I'm all right.

00:29:22.480 Come on, man.

00:29:22.860 But what if we're not

00:29:23.480 attracted to older men?

00:29:24.180 What did you say?

00:29:24.940 What did you say?

00:29:25.460 I want a young man

00:29:28.780 just like myself

00:29:29.700 so we can relate together.

00:29:31.980 Again, I don't want a leader.

00:29:33.440 So relate in struggle then.

00:29:34.700 You guys keep talking

00:29:36.580 about how you need

00:29:37.420 a man to lead.

00:29:38.500 I already know myself.

00:29:40.280 I'm an adult.

00:29:41.500 You know, I've spent

00:29:42.340 a lot of time with myself.

00:29:44.060 I am in tune with myself.

00:29:46.340 What I want is partnership.

00:29:47.980 Yes, my lord.

00:29:48.600 I want a man

00:29:49.780 that we can actually

00:29:51.140 share experiences together

00:29:53.200 rather than a leader.

00:29:55.040 Yeah, I think the problem

00:29:55.840 is when I listen to Pearl

00:29:56.700 and Rich is an auntie,

00:29:57.760 a little bit,

00:29:58.300 mainly you two guys,

00:29:59.160 it feels like you guys

00:29:59.900 are saying that women

00:30:00.480 need to look for fathers.

00:30:01.740 That's what I'm saying.

00:30:02.220 I ain't looking for no daddy.

00:30:03.620 Can I say something?

00:30:04.700 Can I just say something?

00:30:09.920 When I met my man,

00:30:11.660 we were both in our 20s.

00:30:12.900 Thank you.

00:30:13.380 But in the 80s.

00:30:14.060 We were both in our 20s.

00:30:15.600 In the 80s.

00:30:16.040 And the thing is,

00:30:16.920 it's in the 80s,

00:30:17.860 but if you had

00:30:18.420 the same standards now,

00:30:20.520 which I have met

00:30:21.800 some really good young men

00:30:24.380 that had the same standards

00:30:26.220 as my man have,

00:30:27.420 but you know what?

00:30:28.180 The women don't want them

00:30:28.960 because they're average men.

00:30:30.480 Well, all your videos,

00:30:31.860 everybody's videos,

00:30:32.660 the women want above average.

00:30:34.380 Auntie, can I add something?

00:30:35.300 So what is it?

00:30:36.240 When I met my man,

00:30:38.280 I was average.

00:30:39.140 He was average.

00:30:39.980 He was sexy as hell

00:30:41.100 and all the young girls

00:30:41.720 wanted him.

00:30:42.520 Do you know what I mean?

00:30:43.040 But we were both average people

00:30:45.860 and he was always sensible

00:30:48.240 from young.

00:30:49.120 But you're sounding like

00:30:49.140 I need to settle.

00:30:49.660 Why can't I want amazing?

00:30:51.780 Why do I not deserve it?

00:30:53.020 This is the thing.

00:30:53.680 This is the thing.

00:30:54.280 Why do I not deserve it?

00:30:55.360 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:30:56.180 You can want what you want,

00:30:57.420 but can you get it?

00:30:58.320 It's the question.

00:30:58.680 Can I tell you something, right?

00:30:59.420 My man is amazing.

00:31:01.100 He's always been amazing.

00:31:02.720 He was amazing when

00:31:03.800 I'm older than him.

00:31:05.520 He was amazing when he was young.

00:31:06.920 That was a bit shady, pal.

00:31:07.820 And he was amazing old.

00:31:09.320 It's not shady.

00:31:09.840 It's like,

00:31:10.180 why aren't they perfect?

00:31:13.660 It's like,

00:31:13.880 I think they're perfect,

00:31:14.820 but it's like everybody's saying

00:31:15.700 I need to have it as average,

00:31:17.180 as average.

00:31:17.560 Why?

00:31:18.120 I ain't average.

00:31:19.200 I am not average.

00:31:20.720 I'm going to let you know right now.

00:31:21.840 What makes you not average?

00:31:23.160 Because if I look at my age mates,

00:31:25.440 my successes,

00:31:26.420 my achievements,

00:31:27.500 my personality,

00:31:28.480 my drive,

00:31:29.380 my motivation

00:31:30.100 is un-matched.

00:31:31.780 Can I just say something for once?

00:31:34.160 Are you a single parent?

00:31:35.900 I am a single parent.

00:31:36.480 You're average.

00:31:37.020 I'm average.

00:31:37.700 You're average.

00:31:38.440 Can you ask me

00:31:39.760 why I was a single parent?

00:31:41.800 Can you ask me

00:31:42.540 why I'm a single parent?

00:31:43.780 I'm a divorcee first.

00:31:45.160 I'm a divorcee

00:31:46.040 from a mat.

00:31:46.740 I was a single parent.

00:31:48.460 But you assume

00:31:49.020 why I'm a single parent.

00:31:50.160 You think I just woke up

00:31:51.540 and I bred

00:31:52.180 and I'm a single mum.

00:31:53.460 That's not how it happened.

00:31:54.120 I'm not assuming that.

00:31:54.620 I did all that.

00:31:55.360 I did all that.

00:31:55.960 I had my child in wedlock.

00:31:58.140 I did all that.

00:31:58.640 It's just that

00:31:59.760 because sometimes

00:32:00.880 as a single parent,

00:32:01.720 because you've been in a relationship

00:32:02.740 and you've been there before,

00:32:04.080 you've got different expectations.

00:32:05.640 No, I'm saying

00:32:05.960 I didn't start as a single parent.

00:32:07.620 I met my husband

00:32:08.480 and I had a child.

00:32:09.520 Nobody meets as a single parent.

00:32:11.440 I really don't like

00:32:12.380 the way you guys

00:32:13.000 assume things about single parents.

00:32:13.960 My man was a single parent.

00:32:15.800 I'm not just going against the women.

00:32:17.740 My man was a single parent too.

00:32:20.160 My man was also a single parent.

00:32:21.240 So does that make her average

00:32:22.320 because she's a single parent?

00:32:23.440 Guys, why is average an insult?

00:32:25.620 What is wrong with average?

00:32:27.040 I ain't here to be average.

00:32:28.360 Can I add something on?

00:32:31.160 Wait, wait, wait.

00:32:31.480 There's how many people in here?

00:32:33.220 Wait, eight?

00:32:34.460 Most of us are average.

00:32:35.540 Most people are average.

00:32:36.840 Can I say something?

00:32:37.380 And when you talk about drive,

00:32:38.980 that's not things that men look for.

00:32:40.760 I'm not looking for what men are looking for.

00:32:41.940 I'm looking for what I'm looking for.

00:32:43.240 This is the problem.

00:32:43.820 Okay, so when you speak about average, right?

00:32:45.920 Because remember,

00:32:46.480 everything we speak about

00:32:47.340 needs to be within context.

00:32:48.480 Definitely.

00:32:48.660 Okay, so when you spoke,

00:32:49.960 you said compared to my peers, right?

00:32:51.580 Yeah.

00:32:51.900 So maybe compared to your peers,

00:32:55.020 you may not be average.

00:32:56.120 That was my evidence

00:32:57.300 of why I'm not average.

00:32:58.160 However, if we go to another context,

00:33:00.560 right,

00:33:00.860 and then we compare you to people like

00:33:03.300 Rihanna,

00:33:05.420 Beyonce,

00:33:05.840 who are one in nine billion.

00:33:08.020 Hang on, right?

00:33:09.720 Because you're not...

00:33:10.380 I can't compare.

00:33:11.700 One second, you can.

00:33:12.800 How?

00:33:13.220 I'll tell you why.

00:33:14.160 Let me explain why, right?

00:33:15.460 When you meet a guy, right,

00:33:17.040 you can be very pretty,

00:33:18.380 you could be very attractive,

00:33:19.380 you could be like all of these things, right?

00:33:21.300 But he will still look at you as average

00:33:24.140 because if he can...

00:33:26.860 Look, there's always...

00:33:28.260 It depends what you compare the average with.

00:33:31.200 Okay, so like you said with your peers,

00:33:32.480 you can apply that to that.

00:33:33.500 But if you apply average on a larger scale,

00:33:36.220 okay,

00:33:36.440 where people are millionaires,

00:33:38.060 people are mad famous,

00:33:39.760 millions of followers,

00:33:40.720 they all look at you as average

00:33:42.060 compared to that person.

00:33:43.520 Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

00:33:44.340 We're looking at percentages, though.

00:33:45.100 No, but we have to look overall

00:33:46.600 because you've got to remember,

00:33:47.800 people are being brainwashed out here.

00:33:49.260 They're looking at Rihanna,

00:33:50.460 they're looking at Beyonce,

00:33:51.640 they're looking at all of these people.

00:33:53.180 Do you know what the problem is with this?

00:33:53.800 The whole thing is...

00:33:54.500 If you don't mind,

00:33:56.060 can I just finish what I was saying?

00:33:57.800 So that's the first thing I was going to say,

00:33:59.700 it's in context, right?

00:34:01.360 Who you're comparing yourself to

00:34:02.840 because nowadays,

00:34:04.540 guys are looking for girls,

00:34:05.740 the majority of guys,

00:34:06.660 because look,

00:34:07.240 I'm a woman, right?

00:34:08.640 But all my life,

00:34:09.780 I'm road,

00:34:10.820 I'm hood.

00:34:11.420 All my friends are savages,

00:34:13.200 they're all road men.

00:34:14.200 I don't chill with girls.

00:34:15.560 I've got one female that's my friend.

00:34:16.960 All my friends are males,

00:34:18.380 so I hear them when they speak.

00:34:20.140 This younger generation,

00:34:21.300 a lot of them are actually looking for girls with money.

00:34:23.760 That's what they want,

00:34:24.300 girls with money,

00:34:25.160 girls with cars,

00:34:25.860 girls with...

00:34:26.740 That's how they're thinking now.

00:34:28.640 Their thinking is completely different.

00:34:29.960 So a normal basic nine to five working person

00:34:32.600 or working class or whatever,

00:34:35.080 it's average to them.

00:34:36.280 It's average

00:34:36.780 because they're seeing these things every day.

00:34:39.160 So that's the first point I wanted to make, right?

00:34:40.860 The second point I wanted to make is

00:34:42.020 people are like,

00:34:42.920 oh, you know,

00:34:43.340 the man should be in control.

00:34:44.780 The man's...

00:34:45.660 You have to listen to the man

00:34:47.260 and the man's got the power.

00:34:48.180 But really and truly, right,

00:34:49.480 if you're married, right,

00:34:50.580 or you're in a serious relationship with a man,

00:34:52.640 you're the one that's in control.

00:34:54.240 You're the one that's in power.

00:34:55.220 And I'll tell you why,

00:34:55.920 because when your husband respects you, right,

00:34:58.700 he'll do anything for you.

00:35:00.080 You ring him and say to him,

00:35:00.940 look, I need milk.

00:35:01.680 He's dropping everything

00:35:02.440 and he's coming,

00:35:02.960 he's bringing milk.

00:35:03.780 If you ring him and say to him,

00:35:04.800 I need this or something's happened

00:35:06.060 or he's coming,

00:35:07.060 he's coming running straight for you.

00:35:08.220 So really,

00:35:09.140 you're actually in control.

00:35:10.500 As long as there's respect there,

00:35:12.460 right,

00:35:12.700 and there's the love there

00:35:13.560 and you're playing your role

00:35:14.460 and he's playing his role.

00:35:15.940 They say that a woman

00:35:17.320 is the neck to a man's head.

00:35:19.260 So you can turn his head

00:35:20.820 whichever way you want to turn his head,

00:35:22.400 you just got to know how to.

00:35:24.340 What were you going to say?

00:35:25.220 You want to say something?

00:35:25.800 I really hate how

00:35:27.400 being a single mother

00:35:28.620 diminishes your value

00:35:30.340 as a human being.

00:35:31.860 How you can go from a 10

00:35:33.780 suddenly everyone's like,

00:35:34.740 oh, now you're a five

00:35:35.480 because you're a single mother.

00:35:36.140 That says nothing about

00:35:37.160 who you are as a person.

00:35:38.340 That says nothing about your mastery,

00:35:39.680 about your talent,

00:35:40.660 about the discipline

00:35:41.260 that it takes to get you there.

00:35:42.060 But now because somebody...

00:35:43.400 That don't matter, bro.

00:35:44.400 That don't matter.

00:35:45.020 That's such a shallow way

00:35:51.080 to look at life.

00:35:51.720 Listen, listen, listen, listen.

00:35:52.260 It's so shallow.

00:35:52.740 Listen, at the end of the day,

00:35:53.640 at the end of the day, yeah,

00:35:55.320 you have to just respect

00:35:56.720 what the market wants.

00:35:58.000 What?

00:35:58.520 At the end of the day...

00:35:59.340 Do you know how much man

00:35:59.780 want a single mom?

00:36:00.480 Bro, let me just finish my...

00:36:01.660 because I'll let you lot talk.

00:36:03.220 Do your thing.

00:36:04.100 I will do my thing, yeah?

00:36:05.980 At the end of the day,

00:36:06.960 if you don't care

00:36:07.880 what the market wants

00:36:08.980 and you talk

00:36:09.860 and you tell yourself,

00:36:10.880 oh, I'm not average,

00:36:11.700 I'm not average, bro.

00:36:12.660 Like, you're just going to

00:36:13.360 continue losing, bruv.

00:36:15.020 You should maybe

00:36:15.840 understand the market.

00:36:17.100 Guess what?

00:36:17.460 Coca-Cola understands its market.

00:36:19.320 That's why Coca-Cola

00:36:20.780 is successful, bro.

00:36:22.680 So you can be deluded

00:36:24.500 and think,

00:36:25.100 I'm a 10 and this

00:36:26.160 because I've got money

00:36:27.560 and I went to this school

00:36:28.960 and blah, blah, blah.

00:36:30.200 Like, bro,

00:36:31.100 I do these podcasts,

00:36:32.060 the same thing.

00:36:33.280 And these women come

00:36:34.100 and say the same thing

00:36:34.920 because I went to this school

00:36:35.940 and I've got money,

00:36:36.900 but the market does not

00:36:38.100 care about that.

00:36:39.280 And I'm sorry to say,

00:36:40.960 I'm sorry to say,

00:36:42.060 like, you're saying,

00:36:42.880 oh, but, you know,

00:36:43.880 a single mother

00:36:44.680 diminishing who you are

00:36:45.760 as a person.

00:36:46.340 No, you could be

00:36:46.840 a great person

00:36:47.500 and be a single mother.

00:36:48.240 You could be

00:36:48.540 an excellent person,

00:36:49.420 but at the end of the day,

00:36:50.600 the market,

00:36:51.440 for the most part,

00:36:52.300 is not going to want

00:36:53.360 to couple up.

00:36:53.920 So what market?

00:36:54.700 It depends.

00:36:55.300 Bro, what do you mean

00:36:56.020 the market?

00:36:56.640 Men is the market.

00:36:58.600 What's the market?

00:36:59.740 You're not my market.

00:37:01.040 The man in his 40s.

00:37:02.280 Men, I said men.

00:37:03.140 He's not my market.

00:37:03.620 I said men.

00:37:04.460 I said men.

00:37:05.380 Stop.

00:37:05.620 Guys, wrong conversation.

00:37:07.160 Thank you.

00:37:07.420 And it says something

00:37:08.480 about your decision-making

00:37:10.380 if you become

00:37:11.100 a single mother.

00:37:12.900 Are you all right?

00:37:14.300 Do you know why

00:37:15.300 I became a single mother?

00:37:17.400 That's uncalled for.

00:37:19.500 You don't know

00:37:19.780 what I experienced.

00:37:20.660 You don't know

00:37:21.320 what I experienced

00:37:21.720 as a married woman

00:37:22.680 to make a choice

00:37:23.880 to be a single mother.

00:37:25.800 It's either you don't

00:37:26.980 pick the right guys.

00:37:29.020 That's something

00:37:29.780 about your decision-making.

00:37:31.080 Maybe you don't

00:37:31.560 pick the right guys.

00:37:32.500 So abusive women

00:37:33.340 that choose

00:37:34.500 lovely, amazing men

00:37:35.660 that just decide

00:37:36.840 to be physically abusive

00:37:38.560 because I chose that.

00:37:40.420 Yeah.

00:37:40.880 Is that what you're saying?

00:37:41.900 Say that again.

00:37:42.320 So I chose to be

00:37:43.200 a single divorcee

00:37:44.560 because of an individual's

00:37:47.240 choice to be violent.

00:37:48.480 Is that what you're saying?

00:37:49.140 It was your choice

00:37:49.620 to get in a relationship

00:37:50.600 with him.

00:37:51.120 Oh, because I didn't

00:37:51.980 want to see his psyche.

00:37:53.240 It's like life turns out

00:37:54.760 better if you take

00:37:55.380 accountability for your choices.

00:37:57.020 Sometimes...

00:37:57.320 No, but more accountability

00:37:58.340 is how we're kidding

00:37:59.040 on the man.

00:37:59.720 I disagree.

00:38:00.440 The man, the abusive

00:38:02.280 man made her

00:38:03.580 the single mother.

00:38:04.440 So where is the

00:38:05.140 accountability for him?

00:38:05.880 An abusive man,

00:38:07.480 he's wrong.

00:38:08.420 I agree with you.

00:38:09.580 But where do we take

00:38:10.600 accountability for the fact

00:38:13.100 that you pick the men?

00:38:14.780 People change, Pearl.

00:38:15.320 People change.

00:38:16.060 Sorry, Pearl.

00:38:17.100 Can I just...

00:38:17.640 I have to say

00:38:18.140 I disagree with you there.

00:38:19.740 I definitely disagree

00:38:21.040 with you there.

00:38:21.380 And I'll tell you why.

00:38:22.020 Look, I'm 38.

00:38:22.920 I'm not a young girl.

00:38:23.620 I've been married

00:38:23.960 and I've been divorced.

00:38:24.840 I've got experience.

00:38:25.740 I've had a kid.

00:38:26.700 You know, I've been there.

00:38:27.620 I've done that.

00:38:27.940 So if somebody gets married

00:38:29.480 at a young age, right?

00:38:30.800 They're young.

00:38:32.280 Right?

00:38:32.940 So they're not that clued.

00:38:34.540 Right, look.

00:38:34.920 Let me start from the...

00:38:35.680 We always talk about a problem

00:38:37.500 but we never ever get to the core

00:38:38.800 of why that problem occurs.

00:38:40.180 But everybody's young.

00:38:40.900 Everyone's young.

00:38:41.740 No, no, no, wait.

00:38:42.260 As a young girl,

00:38:43.280 I'm sure you'll all agree with me, okay?

00:38:45.120 As a young girl,

00:38:46.260 we are brainwashed.

00:38:47.860 We are sold a fairy tale.

00:38:49.340 Right?

00:38:49.740 We are all thinking,

00:38:50.500 oh, we're going to wear this white dress

00:38:51.640 and we're going to get married

00:38:52.300 and we're going to be in love.

00:38:53.500 No.

00:38:54.080 We shouldn't have been taught that.

00:38:55.560 We should have been taught the realness.

00:38:57.080 Marriage is very hard.

00:38:58.240 It's a struggle.

00:38:58.840 You've got to make sure

00:38:59.720 you know who you're marrying.

00:39:00.480 Look, and also,

00:39:01.380 people change over time.

00:39:03.180 Somebody, you can marry them

00:39:04.180 and when you married them,

00:39:04.980 they were okay

00:39:05.460 and over time, gradually,

00:39:06.800 they got mental breakdown.

00:39:08.200 They became a psychopath.

00:39:09.440 They became anti-social.

00:39:11.760 But again,

00:39:12.220 we all grew up in the same society

00:39:13.620 and people have different outcomes

00:39:14.760 based on their choices.

00:39:15.880 So if you make a choice...

00:39:16.880 Sorry, can I finish what I'm saying?

00:39:18.240 I think what you're saying,

00:39:19.640 everything that we say

00:39:20.460 has to be within context.

00:39:21.940 You know,

00:39:22.160 some people might get married

00:39:23.020 and their husband dies

00:39:23.720 and they become a single mother.

00:39:25.220 But we're not talking about exceptions.

00:39:27.720 We're talking about the rule.

00:39:28.880 Are the majority of single mothers widows?

00:39:30.620 No.

00:39:31.360 But does it go the other way?

00:39:32.500 Does men's value diminish

00:39:34.500 when they become...

00:39:35.780 No, it doesn't.

00:39:37.340 No, because they can just get up

00:39:38.660 and they can go and remarry.

00:39:40.480 Personally, for me personally,

00:39:42.360 I'm not into the guys with kids.

00:39:44.160 That's not my thing.

00:39:44.880 But in general, no.

00:39:45.920 I mean, most guys I know

00:39:46.780 that have kids say it helps them in dating.

00:39:48.540 Girls like it.

00:39:50.300 Yeah, no.

00:39:50.920 A guy can just get up

00:39:51.720 and start all over again.

00:39:52.660 He can literally...

00:39:52.960 So there's no less so about

00:39:54.000 accountability when it comes to...

00:39:55.200 It's not about accountability.

00:39:57.420 It's about outcomes.

00:39:58.640 Like what outcomes do you get?

00:39:59.980 And the outcome is that

00:40:01.640 single mothers have a harder time

00:40:02.900 in dating than single women.

00:40:04.340 Yes, that's facts.

00:40:04.660 Yes, that's facts.

00:40:05.260 That's facts.

00:40:05.820 And the outcome for men

00:40:07.260 is oftentimes when men...

00:40:08.500 Not always,

00:40:09.240 but oftentimes when men have kids,

00:40:11.180 their outcomes are better.

00:40:12.520 They get more girls

00:40:13.160 because women like to see...

00:40:14.540 Women like to see a guy

00:40:15.800 that can take care of a kid.

00:40:17.060 It signals to us that like...

00:40:18.880 You know, again,

00:40:19.320 it's not my thing personally.

00:40:20.640 Can I add on to that?

00:40:21.380 Because I am...

00:40:22.500 Well, I'm single mother

00:40:23.420 but I'm engaged.

00:40:24.300 I'm getting married.

00:40:24.720 However, before I got engaged

00:40:26.240 and it was me and my child,

00:40:29.200 it is...

00:40:29.880 So the guy,

00:40:31.180 he can just literally leave

00:40:32.600 and go and start a whole new life.

00:40:34.220 Remarry, have a kid.

00:40:35.420 You, however,

00:40:36.200 he's not going to take that kid with him.

00:40:38.000 That woman doesn't have to worry

00:40:39.540 about that child.

00:40:40.420 You're the one

00:40:40.980 who's going to keep that child

00:40:41.800 with you 24-7.

00:40:43.640 So if you try to decide to date,

00:40:45.500 right,

00:40:45.940 it's not as simple...

00:40:46.760 You can't just go out and date.

00:40:47.980 You've got to think about your child,

00:40:49.040 especially if it's a little girl

00:40:49.980 or a boy.

00:40:50.980 You've got to know

00:40:51.340 who you're bringing to your house.

00:40:52.240 You've got to know

00:40:52.500 who you're bringing around your child.

00:40:53.460 And then, like,

00:40:54.120 say, for example,

00:40:54.780 even when you're married,

00:40:56.620 it's the child's own father.

00:40:58.500 He starts to get jealous of that child.

00:41:00.200 He'll start telling you,

00:41:01.180 oh, I'm not getting any time anymore.

00:41:02.540 So how do you think a guy

00:41:03.680 who's not even the father of that child

00:41:05.360 is going to feel?

00:41:06.420 Would you want your brother

00:41:07.880 to date a single mother

00:41:09.100 over a single woman?

00:41:11.400 Okay, hold on.

00:41:12.100 All else equal.

00:41:13.000 Everybody wants a person

00:41:14.060 without a child

00:41:14.640 versus a person with a child.

00:41:16.020 That's going to be true

00:41:16.660 all else equal.

00:41:17.560 The reason why men tend to get away

00:41:18.700 with it more than women

00:41:19.380 is because women are often

00:41:20.180 the ones taking care of the kid.

00:41:21.340 Now, you might think in your mind,

00:41:22.860 well, I know some single dads

00:41:23.860 are really successful,

00:41:24.820 but single dads

00:41:25.920 that fight for custody

00:41:26.980 is already a minority of a minority.

00:41:28.760 So you're already probably selecting

00:41:29.700 for pretty successful guys.

00:41:31.660 So I think the real-

00:41:32.500 Single dads,

00:41:32.940 say that again?

00:41:33.800 Single dads

00:41:34.560 that are fighting for custody of kids

00:41:35.740 or can take care of their kids.

00:41:36.500 You're already selecting

00:41:37.200 for a pretty rare guy.

00:41:38.420 Yeah, right,

00:41:38.780 because they can't,

00:41:39.720 they don't typically win.

00:41:41.040 No, because they don't typically fight for it.

00:41:42.480 They usually just cut and run.

00:41:43.480 But the reason is,

00:41:44.360 like I've talked to different attorneys

00:41:45.540 about this,

00:41:46.160 and the reason,

00:41:46.580 most attorneys will tell guys

00:41:47.720 not to fight for custody

00:41:48.780 because it's so expensive.

00:41:50.580 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:41:52.360 I've talked to the lead attorney, too.

00:41:53.520 No, no, no.

00:41:53.760 They tell them not to fight

00:41:54.920 because oftentimes they won't win

00:41:56.000 because when a court is trying

00:41:57.440 to figure out

00:41:57.960 who's going to get custody of the kid,

00:41:59.960 It's very expensive.

00:42:02.060 No, no, no, no, no.

00:42:02.680 And a lot of times it's like,

00:42:03.200 do you want to waste your life savings

00:42:04.500 when you're most likely

00:42:05.300 are not going to win?

00:42:06.260 No, no, no, no.

00:42:07.340 None of this is true.

00:42:08.420 And the UK is 275 pounds.

00:42:09.060 You can look up all the numbers

00:42:11.280 and all the stats if you want.

00:42:12.080 The reason why men typically

00:42:12.940 don't fight is because,

00:42:14.220 one, they don't,

00:42:14.980 because if they fight

00:42:16.260 and they're in a bad place to win

00:42:17.540 because they haven't been

00:42:17.980 taking care of the kid,

00:42:19.080 they're not going to have

00:42:19.600 a good outcome from the judge.

00:42:20.400 When the judge is looking,

00:42:21.140 when the judge,

00:42:21.540 let me finish,

00:42:22.220 let me finish this one.

00:42:22.960 I've finished this one yet.

00:42:23.600 When the judge is looking

00:42:24.520 at who gets custody,

00:42:25.600 it's not about who puts up

00:42:26.560 the better defense in court,

00:42:27.580 who's got the more expensive lawyer,

00:42:28.440 it's who spent most time

00:42:29.540 with the child.

00:42:30.340 So if the mom has spent

00:42:31.120 95% of the time with the kid,

00:42:32.700 it doesn't matter how much

00:42:33.140 you pay to a lawyer,

00:42:33.700 you're not going to win custody.

00:42:34.440 She's a housewife.

00:42:35.600 When men do fight for custody,

00:42:37.140 they win 60% of the time.

00:42:38.440 But the problem,

00:42:39.540 the problem is,

00:42:41.200 like, women can make it

00:42:43.080 so the dad doesn't even see the kid

00:42:44.340 and then go to court

00:42:45.100 and then say.

00:42:45.940 Whose fault is that?

00:42:46.840 Wait, hold on.

00:42:47.440 Wait, wait, no, no, no,

00:42:48.020 wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:42:49.600 Hold on.

00:42:49.860 You just went on a whole spiel

00:42:51.120 about take accountability

00:42:52.340 for your decisions, blah, blah, blah,

00:42:53.540 and now you're saying what?

00:42:54.340 Is the mom playing hide-and-go-seek

00:42:55.360 with the kid?

00:42:56.640 What do you mean?

00:42:57.140 Take accountability.

00:42:58.000 What do you mean when you say

00:42:59.180 the wife has made it

00:43:00.140 so the husband

00:43:00.660 can't take care of the kid?

00:43:01.700 Well, you've never heard of cases

00:43:03.360 where women don't let the dad

00:43:04.380 see the kid.

00:43:05.320 Hold on, hold on.

00:43:06.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:43:06.600 Earlier, you said

00:43:07.300 we weren't going to talk

00:43:07.960 about exceptions.

00:43:09.020 You want to talk about the rules.

00:43:09.940 So don't give me the hide-and-go-seek

00:43:11.140 with the kid.

00:43:11.820 It's more common than you think.

00:43:13.560 You're still being snaky there

00:43:15.660 when you say that?

00:43:16.200 It's more common than you think?

00:43:17.280 How often do you think

00:43:17.960 a mom is hiding the kid

00:43:19.080 from the husband?

00:43:19.900 Give me a percentage.

00:43:20.660 Give me a percentage.

00:43:21.200 What percentage?

00:43:22.060 That's a good question.

00:43:24.420 I don't know.

00:43:25.400 Because in the UK,

00:43:26.320 if that be the case,

00:43:27.500 and I work in the industry,

00:43:30.140 a C-101 application

00:43:31.460 to go to the court

00:43:32.620 for contact for your child,

00:43:34.060 it isn't what it is in America.

00:43:35.860 It's very easy.

00:43:37.180 I can go out

00:43:37.940 and do a bottle for 275.

00:43:39.420 So I don't want to hear that excuse

00:43:40.980 because I can go to court

00:43:42.120 and police can turn up at my door

00:43:43.660 if I go against that order.

00:43:45.340 That's what I'm trying to say.

00:43:46.460 It's all this expensive thing.

00:43:47.520 What is the most expensive?

00:43:49.260 That's child custody.

00:43:50.760 The most expensive thing

00:43:51.660 is taking care of the kid.

00:43:55.660 You've got to talk in the UK.

00:43:56.580 This is where we are.

00:43:57.100 That's the most expensive thing.

00:43:58.100 Can I just say something?

00:43:58.780 Can I say something?

00:43:59.480 I think Auntie's been wanting

00:44:00.740 to talk for a second.

00:44:01.460 I've had my hand up

00:44:02.460 for so long.

00:44:02.960 Go ahead.

00:44:04.140 Right?

00:44:05.080 And I just want to say

00:44:06.640 a few things.

00:44:10.200 I was picked.

00:44:12.640 I was in a relationship.

00:44:14.280 It was abusive.

00:44:16.400 And nobody can't tell me that.

00:44:18.480 With hindsight,

00:44:19.660 you can't see

00:44:20.540 that there's loads of red flags.

00:44:22.900 So when he asked me to marry him

00:44:25.500 and I said,

00:44:26.680 no,

00:44:27.480 if he was the last man on earth,

00:44:29.000 I wouldn't marry you.

00:44:30.560 I saved myself

00:44:31.860 from getting married

00:44:32.660 and getting stuck

00:44:33.540 in a relationship.

00:44:34.840 So yes,

00:44:35.440 I was a single parent

00:44:36.900 whose dad,

00:44:38.640 the child's dad

00:44:39.140 asked me to marry him.

00:44:40.480 And I thought about it

00:44:41.560 and I thought,

00:44:42.360 not on your life.

00:44:43.740 And actually said,

00:44:44.800 if you were the last man on earth,

00:44:46.360 I wouldn't marry you.

00:44:47.760 That's the last thing I remember.

00:44:49.020 That was that cold on the floor.

00:44:50.680 You know why?

00:44:51.560 Because I couldn't imagine myself.

00:44:53.480 My mum and dad were married

00:44:54.560 and I thought to myself,

00:44:56.100 this guy,

00:44:57.240 I got into it.

00:44:57.940 This guy picked me.

00:44:58.660 I never picked him.

00:44:59.300 This guy picked me.

00:45:00.420 I fell in love,

00:45:01.920 got into a relationship.

00:45:03.000 It was abusive.

00:45:04.300 And I thought to myself,

00:45:06.720 the last thing I need

00:45:07.920 is to get married

00:45:09.060 and tied to this man forever.

00:45:12.640 So if I knew that

00:45:14.440 there were red flags before,

00:45:17.020 when he,

00:45:17.760 I could have turned around

00:45:18.560 and said,

00:45:18.880 oh yeah,

00:45:19.200 you know what I mean?

00:45:20.340 I want to get married.

00:45:21.260 He proposed to me,

00:45:22.220 had the ring,

00:45:22.920 one knee,

00:45:23.380 everything.

00:45:23.720 I could have said,

00:45:24.240 yeah.

00:45:25.580 Then I would have been stuck

00:45:26.580 in an abusive relationship

00:45:28.620 as a married woman.

00:45:30.340 And then I would have got divorced

00:45:31.700 and still been a single woman.

00:45:35.240 We'd been married before

00:45:36.540 in an abusive relationship.

00:45:38.320 But I decided no.

00:45:40.020 So too many women out there,

00:45:42.040 they think,

00:45:42.740 you know what?

00:45:43.500 That will go by.

00:45:44.380 They see a red flag,

00:45:45.400 oh, that's nothing.

00:45:46.120 They see this,

00:45:46.800 that was nothing.

00:45:47.760 And then they go along

00:45:48.760 with the,

00:45:49.120 oh yeah,

00:45:49.440 let's get married.

00:45:50.160 Now,

00:45:50.260 I could have gone along with it.

00:45:51.180 Everybody was like,

00:45:51.840 yeah,

00:45:52.080 on the outside,

00:45:52.920 you used to are together.

00:45:54.060 It's working.

00:45:55.160 He drops you shopping.

00:45:56.280 He picks you up.

00:45:57.120 He takes you here.

00:45:58.020 He takes you there.

00:46:00.220 But I knew in my heart

00:46:01.660 that he was abusive.

00:46:03.160 Nobody couldn't see it.

00:46:04.540 And I decided that

00:46:05.480 rather than get caught up

00:46:06.620 in the great big wedding thing,

00:46:08.340 knock it on its head.

00:46:10.020 So when women are talking about

00:46:11.340 they're not average,

00:46:12.360 as a single parent,

00:46:13.840 I had to be different.

00:46:15.420 I had to stop going out there

00:46:17.120 and thinking to yourself,

00:46:18.460 you know what?

00:46:18.960 I need a man.

00:46:20.000 I didn't need a man.

00:46:21.000 I know what I needed to do.

00:46:22.020 I made the choice.

00:46:23.200 I needed to look after my child.

00:46:25.220 I needed to make sure

00:46:26.160 I didn't have any more children.

00:46:27.880 I needed to make sure

00:46:28.820 that I become a positive role model

00:46:30.680 for him

00:46:31.180 and make sure that he had

00:46:32.120 male mentors out there.

00:46:34.460 So much so that eventually

00:46:35.940 when I got back to the first man

00:46:37.260 that I was in love with,

00:46:38.180 by the time we got back together again,

00:46:39.660 he was a single parent.

00:46:41.980 He was willing to take me

00:46:43.120 as a single parent.

00:46:44.920 And I took him as a single parent.

00:46:48.260 So as far as I'm concerned,

00:46:50.300 don't go out.

00:46:50.800 If you're a single parent,

00:46:52.160 look for other single parents.

00:46:54.200 If you can't find no one

00:46:55.820 that you trust,

00:46:56.960 that you can hang over to,

00:46:59.480 single parents unite.

00:47:01.420 Single men who are parents,

00:47:02.960 go out with single women

00:47:04.260 who are parents.

00:47:05.520 Because the women

00:47:06.480 who are out there now,

00:47:07.800 nobody wants to be average.

00:47:10.020 Everybody wants to be above average.

00:47:12.300 But you know what?

00:47:13.620 I'm average.

00:47:14.940 This is who I am.

00:47:16.660 I've met somebody average.

00:47:18.620 We got on great

00:47:19.660 and it works.

00:47:21.260 I don't want to find

00:47:22.220 someone with a fancy car.

00:47:23.880 When I met him,

00:47:24.400 he never wasn't even driving.

00:47:25.800 Eventually got a fancy car

00:47:27.060 and I got it to drive.

00:47:28.400 He gave it to me.

00:47:30.240 But don't hang your hat too high.

00:47:32.040 Women are out there

00:47:33.160 and they're average.

00:47:34.540 Makeup don't make you

00:47:35.440 more than average.

00:47:36.760 Intelligence don't make you

00:47:37.800 more than average.

00:47:39.060 Education don't make you

00:47:40.020 more than average.

00:47:40.760 The clothes that you wear

00:47:41.880 don't make you

00:47:42.400 more than average.

00:47:43.340 The podcast you go on to

00:47:45.020 do not make you

00:47:46.020 more than average.

00:47:47.080 It makes you popular.

00:47:48.100 i'm talking let me finish let me finish let me finish let me expand on it let me finish i can't

00:47:56.380 expand if i don't finish talking because i'm english i'm caribbean i'm not africa so shut up

00:48:02.740 and let me finish when i finish talking i've been sitting here africans are the best my ass

00:48:07.160 you're gonna get high blood pressure because if africans were the best they wouldn't be on here

00:48:10.400 talking bullshit speak for yourself say that you are the best

00:48:13.340 okay 30 seconds then michael you can go i'm talking she's talking look at me and look at her

00:48:41.540 you're gonna tell me africans are the best come on okay okay come on me come on okay

00:48:48.780 okay okay okay so you said look at you as in you and then look at me as a meme you're saying single

00:48:56.600 moms are average right and then you're a single mom and you're a lot older than me and you're saying

00:49:02.960 look at you and look at me seriously auntie are we gonna be realistic right now africans are the best

00:49:08.980 right africans are the best right you're gonna put yourself up against me now i was asking richie

00:49:19.480 hang on i was asking richie king riches sorry i don't know say it properly king richard the african

00:49:26.440 man astor astor wait wait okay that's a violation don't disrespect african people

00:49:31.940 no one has never disrespected african people no i'm not you did you are disrespecting african people

00:49:38.140 i'm not disrespecting african people he is here saying he is here saying that african people are

00:49:44.300 the best right i'm not disputing his point of view i'm going about what's on the stage and i'm saying

00:49:49.320 look at you right with your knowledge and your africanness and look at me and you're gonna tell me

00:49:56.160 that africans are the best i'm not saying that what he's saying is wrong i'm saying that talk about what

00:50:00.440 we've got here okay talk about the sense talk about the brain work talk about the educational

00:50:05.160 and the professional speaking okay we have head we have okay

JustPearlyThings - July 14, 2023

A Delusional Single Mother

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