JustPearlyThings - April 17, 2023


Achraf Hakimi's EX Wife Exposes Modern Women in Real Time


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

198.28452

Word count

2,173

Sentence count

37

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the recent divorce of a football player and his ex-wife, the benefits and drawbacks of being in a non-traditional family unit, and whether or not divorce is a good or bad thing in the eyes of society.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Wasn't he significantly younger than her as well even better? Yeah
00:00:03.660 I also read that she now on paper is more wealthy than him
00:00:07.680 So he is entitled to 50% of hers in the divorce
00:00:16.520 Because she's gone because he's got no money on paper
00:00:19.280 She's wealthier than he is so he's actually entitled to like some of her money. That's what I read today
00:00:25.860 Can I get back to that point now?
00:00:27.860 Let me land a little bit because it's not like it's not that she's more 0.76
00:00:30.960 Appealing because she the kids are with the father. It's necessarily my resources are less
00:00:37.080 Wasted I want to say because okay, say for example, I get connected to the kids
00:00:42.700 She she could leave and take her kids because they're not my kids 1.00
00:00:45.120 But i've invested my time my money into the kids that we're looking after if the kids are not dead
00:00:50.760 And I don't need to invest no time into them. I'm not spending no money on them
00:00:53.560 So like I don't see how i'm losing by being with her. Do you understand what i'm trying to say?
00:00:57.860 I'm not saying she's more valuable. I'm just saying it's less money. I'm coming out of my pocket. Yeah
00:01:04.960 Do you have anything to be sure?
00:01:06.960 Um, what do you what do you what do you think? What do you think of the situation?
00:01:11.080 Uh smart, but obviously it depends on your relationship with your mom. Do you know what I mean?
00:01:15.640 Otherwise more footballers would do it
00:01:17.640 Do you know what I find really so it could be great like controlling if your money's you have to ask to do things
00:01:22.960 You know what I mean? The relationship's gotta be on a certain level
00:01:26.300 Something is so sus about that chick 1.00
00:01:29.600 Going to his house
00:01:31.600 And then um
00:01:34.000 I don't think so necessarily because I don't think it's like outlandish to
00:01:39.200 For a footballer to have an affair
00:01:41.780 For the fact that the chick is um 0.70
00:01:44.240 Claiming grape
00:01:44.980 Yeah, that happens all the time to footballers isn't it? It's like so I feel I generally feel bad for the guy
00:01:50.820 Yeah
00:01:51.620 Well, and the problem is in in family court. You don't need evidence to accuse a guy of that
00:01:56.900 So so yeah, it's based on a balance balance of probabilities. Not it's not it's based on a balance of probabilities. It's not based on evidence
00:02:05.220 So essentially like girls can accuse men of assault in family court and there's no consequence for it
00:02:10.660 Yeah, and and and they can lose the kids like based on this and they're they don't even get a judge a jury a trial
00:02:15.940 Yeah, that's so messed up
00:02:18.580 Um, do you guys believe in divorce if so for what reasons?
00:02:24.260 I love how you're just looking at me
00:02:26.340 I know i'm ready
00:02:28.420 I mean, I
00:02:30.100 Do believe in divorce like I don't necessarily believe that divorce is an inherently bad thing
00:02:36.020 And I do think it's for the the greater good sometimes. Okay. What how like in what instances? Yeah
00:02:43.620 I mean if you're not
00:02:45.780 I mean
00:02:47.220 If you're not happy
00:02:49.460 You're not being respected. I just feel like I'm not happy. I was waiting for the happy don't you think don't you think happiness comes and goes
00:02:56.180 Hmm
00:02:58.420 To an extent of course happiness comes and goes but if you're in a relationship and that relationship is causing you unhappiness for
00:03:05.300 The majority of time that you've been in it then do you think happiness isn't happiness a choice?
00:03:12.100 Yeah, that's why that's why you can choose to be in the relationship or not if the relationship's not making you happy
00:03:17.540 You choose but do you go to a relationship to make you happy or shouldn't or should you look for happiness within?
00:03:22.660 I mean, you can do both simultaneously. I don't think they're
00:03:26.820 They're completely separate. I believe you can be happy in yourself and at the same time not happy in the relationship that you're in
00:03:33.060 So should the marriage vow switch to for richer for poorer until i'm happy
00:03:41.700 And sickness and in health and if i'm not happy
00:03:45.220 Not necessarily but I just I don't understand why you guys truly believe that you should stay in a relationship that's causing you unhappiness
00:03:52.660 Because i'll tell you why because i think once you have kids it's not about you anymore
00:03:56.260 And once you start a family unit it's not about you
00:03:58.180 You know, i talked to a guy down the street. He runs um a homeless shelter
00:04:01.940 He's been in a homeless shelter for 40 years working with the people and i asked him what's the number one cause of of um
00:04:08.180 Of homelessness like why why does this happen he tells me single mother homes
00:04:12.900 So a lot of times like women make choices for themselves and for their happiness 1.00
00:04:17.140 But there's effects in society that happen because of the choice they made where it's like yeah, okay
00:04:22.900 You you you might be happy
00:04:24.260 But how is your child going to feel when he gets to see his dad six days a month?
00:04:28.180 Yeah, but how does the child feel when you're when they're stuck in a home with two parents that are arguing non-stop constantly all day?
00:04:34.980 I don't think necessarily that staying in a relationship
00:04:38.100 Just to make the kids happy is the best decision for the kids
00:04:41.540 Wouldn't wouldn't a better solution be figure out how to get along with your husband?
00:04:45.940 You can do that in separate houses as long as you co-parent perfectly. I think it could I know it can work because that's exactly what I do
00:04:52.020 But wouldn't it be better to do it in the same 100% if it could have worked then the ideal would be
00:04:59.700 What couldn't work explain to me? So what what couldn't work with your you said you did that?
00:05:03.620 So what what couldn't work serial cheating?
00:05:05.700 I'm not gonna put up with serial cheating. So for me, it wasn't the dynamic
00:05:11.540 Um, yes, and you were a hundred percent you never cheated ever 100%
00:05:18.500 And I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him and so before the relationship you never caught him cheating you had no inkling
00:05:25.460 We yeah, what do you mean before I'm sorry before the child sorry. Oh, yeah
00:05:29.060 100% and when I fell pregnant with my son, it wasn't like we didn't plan to have um and
00:05:35.780 um, We were engaged so in my naive young mind
00:05:41.380 Oh, so you had the kid before you got married. Oh, yeah, I got engaged then I had my son
00:05:46.580 Um in my mind naively I thought
00:05:49.780 The fact that he had proposed and we were having a baby that was him
00:05:53.780 So there was like a change or a shift somehow obviously it was incorrect. How did you find out about him cheating?
00:06:00.500 um
00:06:02.500 It was a relationship that happened so I don't want to go into details because obviously it's his business as well as mine
00:06:10.020 Um, but she was crying down the phone to me. So, oh, she called you. Yeah, how did you know she was telling the truth?
00:06:17.140 Um, well, he didn't deny it. He was stood in front of me
00:06:22.660 He didn't deny it and so yeah, she was upset and I felt sorry for her because she didn't know that we were still together and so
00:06:31.700 Um, but I don't we were both really young like when I look back he we were I was 19
00:06:37.860 He was 21 when we met we were both in the military
00:06:40.980 So it wasn't like we were around each other all the time
00:06:43.060 So the dynamic was very different than I guess people that are living in the same house every day
00:06:47.940 And are you said you're single now, right? Do you think you're in a better situation now?
00:06:53.060 For my son, us two together. No, I mean like personally. Yeah, yeah, yeah 100%
00:06:57.140 Well, what is what does life look like after 55 if you're by yourself?
00:07:01.860 I'm not gonna be by myself by the time i'm 55
00:07:04.980 I don't know because i'm not there. I don't know but no, but that's what i'm saying
00:07:08.740 A lot of times like we think we can like we do better like what if what if you don't well if I that would that's
00:07:14.500 Would that decision still be the right one in hindsight?
00:07:17.940 Um, yeah
00:07:19.380 You'd rather be by yourself?
00:07:20.660 Uh, well, there's lots of things out there that I can do to be of service to there's many places and
00:07:26.980 Um spaces that I can serve
00:07:29.780 Without it being oh, I feel like i've given up my life fully because i've got an amazing son
00:07:34.980 We co-parent amazingly and so
00:07:38.100 Like it was a choice that I made so I have to just hold that and hold the L
00:07:42.900 It does but but from what you're saying it's not an L
00:07:45.620 Well, no it I mean in hindsight maybe when I get to 55
00:07:48.820 But i'm not there at the moment in this present time
00:07:51.780 I don't feel like it's an L but if I get to 55 and i'm like, oh damn it i'm here with my
00:07:57.940 Cat or my elephant maybe i'll have an elephant maybe i live in thailand
00:08:02.260 Do you do you think you'd have enough money to save for like retirement at that age?
00:08:06.820 Okay, you'll be okay. Yeah, because I I think you need like what do they say 1.5 million to serve to retire?
00:08:12.820 I don't think i'll retire at 55. I'm there 65 even
00:08:15.940 I don't even think it's 60. My gran was working right up until she had her own little shop
00:08:19.460 Yeah, but you don't know if you get sick you don't know if something will happen insurance for all of that
00:08:24.180 Okay, okay
00:08:24.900 Have you had a question truly fully insured you mentioned about the ages though
00:08:28.020 Do you think this is part of the problem because like the way you're describing it?
00:08:31.060 You weren't like he was 21 you were 19 when you guys got married because I think I think we weren't married
00:08:35.460 But when we got to what you got to oh, you weren't married. No, no, no, we got engaged. No, I didn't get
00:08:40.260 Oh, okay, that affects it then because like I think a point pearl often makes is that if you look at the marriage vows
00:08:46.660 What are the marriage vows, you know for rich?
00:08:48.500 You know, I wouldn't have got divorced if I had got married 0.81
00:08:52.180 Yeah, there would have been no divorce. We would have just been stuck with each other
00:08:55.780 I guess I guess it was easier because we hadn't got married yet
00:08:59.300 But um, I think because when my when I had my son, I had only just had him when I found out and I was like
00:09:06.980 I just was like, I'm not doing this anymore
00:09:08.740 I'm not gonna have this some woman calling me again next year crying down the phone and it was just too much of that 1.00
00:09:15.380 I was like, I'm done
00:09:16.340 Is that part of the problem though because people get married
00:09:19.220 Kind of well, actually, they don't even get married that young anymore
00:09:22.100 That's the thing
00:09:23.220 And even if they did also you could argue, but they still sign up for those for those vows
00:09:27.460 Is he is he still a cheater to this day?
00:09:30.660 It's not my business to
00:09:32.260 Do you know what?
00:09:33.140 It's not your problem at all
00:09:35.380 You know you're my goal, right?
00:09:36.420 Well, it's mad to me because it's like
00:09:39.540 How quickly girls are prepared to have a child without having marriage and are willing to leave a relationship with a child 0.99
00:09:47.780 But you would stay with a relationship if you're married
00:09:49.860 I was already a single mom, so I didn't fight
00:09:52.980 I was already a professional at that
00:09:56.420 So it wasn't a scary prospect for me because I was already a single mother from the age of 17
00:10:01.460 So I think the idea of
00:10:04.020 Wait, what?
00:10:04.580 Like so the one the relationship you're in he's not the baby father
00:10:08.900 He's not the father of my child
00:10:10.340 So I've got a 19 year old adult daughter
00:10:13.220 And then I've got a 10 year old son
00:10:15.460 And he's not the father because I don't use that term
00:10:19.700 He's not the father of my daughter, no
00:10:21.860 He's the father of my son
00:10:23.060 Okay, okay, okay
00:10:24.180 I was so confused
00:10:25.460 Well, it's not really
00:10:26.180 It's quite simple
00:10:27.140 It's like one child, another child, two fathers 0.98
00:10:30.180 Yeah
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00:10:34.260 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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