JustPearlyThings - April 06, 2023


Aunty Jenny Got CHEATED On and She Did This...


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

232.56445

Word Count

2,571

Sentence Count

261

Misogynist Sentences

19

Hate Speech Sentences

10


Summary

In this episode, we talk about lying, cheating, cheating and how to deal with it. We also talk about how to handle the truth and what to do when you find out that your partner has been lying to you.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 But the thing is with men, if you look for it, you'll find it.
00:00:02.700 If you want to, you'll find it.
00:00:04.520 Talking to your...
00:00:05.160 Oh, yeah, same problem.
00:00:07.940 Yeah, I don't look for that kind of thing.
00:00:09.800 So, yeah, as far as I know, no, but maybe.
00:00:13.060 Okay, let's start here.
00:00:15.300 Yeah, I reckon I have.
00:00:17.180 I never really saw anything in particular,
00:00:20.600 but I had very strong convictions that I was.
00:00:24.240 And then, you know, like when this is why I say sometimes men lie unprovoked.
00:00:27.020 Talk to your mic.
00:00:27.700 Sorry, yeah, men lie unprovoked.
00:00:30.000 Because I knew, but then I'd ask him.
00:00:33.820 And then sometimes he'd say no.
00:00:35.840 And then other times he'd be like, okay, yeah.
00:00:37.800 Because, you know, when I make him feel safe, I'm like, no, just tell me the truth.
00:00:40.640 It's fine.
00:00:42.740 And then he's like, okay, yeah.
00:00:46.460 And then other times when I do bring up, he's like, I didn't say that.
00:00:49.680 I'm like, yeah, you did.
00:00:50.540 So I never really found anything properly, but I just, I really need.
00:00:55.040 You think you want to know, you don't.
00:00:56.760 No, do you know what?
00:00:58.500 I can handle the truth.
00:00:59.500 I never ask questions if I can't handle the answer.
00:01:02.360 Like I will be ignorant.
00:01:03.480 I will happily live ignorantly.
00:01:05.080 But I would ask a question when I know that I can handle the truth.
00:01:07.860 And I think it doesn't matter what it is.
00:01:09.940 It doesn't matter how bad it is.
00:01:11.860 Please always tell me the truth.
00:01:12.860 Yeah.
00:01:13.020 I don't care how bad it is, but yeah.
00:01:14.880 It's easier just to be truthful.
00:01:16.980 Don't waste anybody's time.
00:01:18.460 And I hate it when men are like, oh, you can't handle the truth.
00:01:20.940 And it's like, no, I can handle the truth a lot better than you're lying.
00:01:24.520 I think sometimes women say you can handle the truth, but you actually can't.
00:01:31.800 Because I think, and I think that's why a lot of guys would then lie even after you tell
00:01:35.600 them.
00:01:35.840 Because a lot of women would be like, do you know, just tell me and we'll talk about it.
00:01:39.740 But when he then tells you the truth, it's now a whole, it's a whole thing.
00:01:42.780 You can't, you don't, you don't have a proper conversation about it, which is why a lot
00:01:45.820 of them lie about it.
00:01:46.500 Do you know where a lot of girls go wrong?
00:01:48.260 Men will test whether they can be truthful with you throughout the relationship.
00:01:51.420 Yeah.
00:01:51.700 And you don't clock those little tests where you might say something and see how you respond
00:01:54.440 to it.
00:01:54.800 It might not be a big thing, but that response tells us a lot about how you behave.
00:01:57.700 So when it comes to the big things, there's no way they're going to tell you anything.
00:02:00.600 No, but you know what it is?
00:02:01.560 The response she gives you when she first finds out, when she says she can handle the truth
00:02:04.860 is going to be far better than when she finds out you've lied to her.
00:02:08.780 Because that's when she's vandalizing your car.
00:02:10.760 Do you get what I mean?
00:02:11.640 If he gets caught.
00:02:12.680 If he gets caught, the reactions are far worse.
00:02:15.280 So even if she says she can handle it and she reacts, it's going to be a lot more better
00:02:19.360 than when she finds out that you've lied on top of that.
00:02:21.780 I've seen women with the same energy.
00:02:24.500 Can't never lie to you.
00:02:25.200 I'm like, I get why the guy was scared.
00:02:27.420 Well, you should have cheated in the first place.
00:02:29.080 Definitely.
00:02:29.720 That is the biggest lesson.
00:02:30.660 I don't think guys can handle the truth any better.
00:02:33.780 No, they can't.
00:02:34.480 They definitely can't.
00:02:35.260 I will die.
00:02:36.660 I will die on the spot.
00:02:37.580 Your egos get so bruised.
00:02:38.940 My immune system will shut down.
00:02:40.120 I'll say this at the same time.
00:02:40.820 I will die on the spot.
00:02:41.880 If we told you the truth about all the things that we thought when you asked for our opinion,
00:02:45.660 we're dead.
00:02:46.540 Yeah.
00:02:47.420 I'm honest.
00:02:48.020 I'll die.
00:02:48.700 Don't do it.
00:02:49.460 I'll end up in hospital.
00:02:51.440 I'm glad that you admit that.
00:02:52.860 100%.
00:02:53.740 Ego's fragile.
00:02:55.240 Serious.
00:02:55.680 What about you, Auntie?
00:02:59.060 Yeah, a few times.
00:03:00.420 A few times.
00:03:01.760 I can think of two different times.
00:03:06.640 And once, boyfriend at the time was supposed to go out.
00:03:11.100 He didn't turn up.
00:03:12.060 So I went to his house and the young lady answered the door.
00:03:15.260 Oh, wow.
00:03:16.180 Yeah, that's rich.
00:03:17.420 I just said, hi.
00:03:18.940 I asked for him.
00:03:22.260 And I said, you know.
00:03:25.100 And she goes, oh, he's upstairs.
00:03:26.400 I said, oh, I'll come up.
00:03:30.580 And he was in bed.
00:03:32.020 He's saying, freezing.
00:03:32.540 And he just looked like, freezing.
00:03:34.700 He likes to have a heart attack.
00:03:36.020 Like, you just see all the color just drained out of his face.
00:03:40.100 And I just said, hi.
00:03:42.640 And she said, would you like a cup of coffee?
00:03:44.400 I said, yes, please.
00:03:46.120 And she went downstairs to get the coffee.
00:03:48.600 And he looked at me.
00:03:49.620 And I said, what do you want me to say?
00:03:51.480 Do you want me to freak out?
00:03:52.860 I said, nah, I'm not going to do that.
00:03:54.600 I said, the poor girl.
00:03:55.400 I said, she don't know any different.
00:03:56.840 And she's come up and she was just like, hi.
00:03:58.960 And she's trying to cuddle him in bed.
00:04:01.240 Because they were in bed.
00:04:02.340 And he's sort of like, and I'm saying to her, is that your man?
00:04:05.260 And she said, yeah.
00:04:06.040 I said, hug him up, girl.
00:04:09.580 So were you the main chick or the side chick?
00:04:12.660 I was the main.
00:04:13.580 You were the main?
00:04:14.240 Yeah, but that was it.
00:04:15.060 But after that, I just terrorized him nicely.
00:04:18.280 Who did she think you were?
00:04:19.140 You did the right thing to talk to me.
00:04:20.060 She thought I was his friend.
00:04:22.420 Oh, but why would you?
00:04:23.780 She thought I was his friend.
00:04:25.500 Because I've got a lot of male friends.
00:04:27.820 And she always saw us with a lot of men together.
00:04:30.500 But obviously, the energy you came with as well
00:04:32.080 wouldn't be someone that you would assume was a big guy.
00:04:35.160 Because he's very calm and collective.
00:04:36.460 What am I supposed to do?
00:04:37.120 It's not her fault.
00:04:37.740 No, but as I say, most girls,
00:04:39.000 the instant response would be to run upstairs.
00:04:40.480 They've been trying to grab a plate and do something.
00:04:43.580 That's my time.
00:04:44.260 I was like, hi, I'm here, I'm coming.
00:04:45.900 You wanted to talk to him.
00:04:47.200 You wanted to talk to him.
00:04:48.280 Yeah, as you should.
00:04:49.260 Listen, right, as far as she was concerned,
00:04:50.740 I was his friend.
00:04:51.560 I became her friend, too.
00:04:54.280 She was throwing me up.
00:04:55.520 I'd pop round there when I was talking to the guys
00:04:57.960 because we'd all hang out round there.
00:04:59.140 So I'd pop round.
00:04:59.900 She said, oh, he's not in, you know.
00:05:01.340 I'm just cooking.
00:05:02.440 I've got to pop round to the shop to get some.
00:05:04.000 I found him.
00:05:04.380 I said, this is what you're having for dinner, right?
00:05:07.480 This is what you're having for dinner.
00:05:09.260 Yeah, he used to want to play at parties for me.
00:05:11.880 And then he wouldn't invite her.
00:05:12.880 I'm like, what do you mean you're not coming?
00:05:14.700 Tell him I invited you.
00:05:16.420 It's my party.
00:05:17.200 He's playing that.
00:05:17.820 He's not making us more psycho.
00:05:19.300 And then, no, and then I just left it at that.
00:05:22.520 But I think he cheated on her
00:05:24.120 because another time I just saw
00:05:25.540 all of his car had all paint all over it.
00:05:27.680 Oh, damn.
00:05:28.340 And I was just like,
00:05:29.420 what happened to your car?
00:05:30.460 Like, it wasn't me.
00:05:33.500 That became a drama for you.
00:05:34.340 No, he knew I wouldn't do that.
00:05:35.340 I wouldn't do that.
00:05:36.040 I wouldn't do that.
00:05:36.340 It's not worth it.
00:05:37.200 When am I going to argue with us?
00:05:38.620 When was I supposed to do it?
00:05:39.960 It's not her fault.
00:05:41.240 So moral of the story is pull up.
00:05:44.220 No, don't ever come to the house.
00:05:47.280 And catch him out.
00:05:48.180 It's more insane to like,
00:05:49.080 torture him over like time
00:05:51.080 than just like go ham on him.
00:05:52.880 Because you could have easily
00:05:53.560 just taken their jaw off
00:05:54.580 and then that'd be it.
00:05:55.280 Over, done with.
00:05:56.320 No, you're not actually.
00:05:56.780 Taking whose jaw off?
00:05:58.040 Whose jaw?
00:05:58.420 The guys.
00:05:59.020 Not the girls.
00:05:59.520 No, take his jaw off
00:06:01.340 and then walk around
00:06:02.180 and just forget about it.
00:06:02.960 I hurt my hands.
00:06:03.860 It breaks a little kind of back.
00:06:06.320 I could never hit a man
00:06:07.920 because if he hit me back,
00:06:09.040 it'll hurt.
00:06:09.740 I agree with that.
00:06:10.620 If I hit a man,
00:06:11.500 I'd expect him to hit me back.
00:06:12.700 But that's what I'm saying.
00:06:13.440 That's why I don't hit men.
00:06:14.320 Mine's not stupid.
00:06:15.420 I'm not going to hit a man
00:06:16.280 knowing that he's going to hit me back.
00:06:18.280 No way.
00:06:19.800 Because I believe that
00:06:20.840 if you hit somebody,
00:06:21.680 they've got to hit you back.
00:06:22.840 I'm not hitting anyone.
00:06:24.360 And another time
00:06:25.460 I got cheated on,
00:06:27.360 I was a supervisor
00:06:28.540 in a bus carriage.
00:06:30.240 And I got a phone call.
00:06:31.780 My boyfriend was a night bus driver.
00:06:34.060 And I got a phone call
00:06:35.120 and I passed a message
00:06:37.040 on to this person.
00:06:38.640 And I said,
00:06:39.100 yeah, can I ask you to speak?
00:06:40.120 And she said,
00:06:40.540 his girlfriend.
00:06:41.700 I said, okay then.
00:06:43.080 And I'd been seeing him
00:06:43.780 for a couple of years.
00:06:45.440 And when he was on his break,
00:06:46.800 I said, oh, can I have a word?
00:06:48.040 He said, yeah, no problem.
00:06:49.400 I said, your girlfriend phoned.
00:06:51.000 She wants you to phone her back.
00:06:52.980 He flipped out.
00:06:54.240 I was so calm.
00:06:55.180 He freaked out.
00:06:57.020 I said to the manager,
00:06:58.000 I said, you're going to need
00:06:58.600 a new driver in a couple of months.
00:06:59.920 Within a couple of months,
00:07:00.600 he was gone.
00:07:01.700 He was gone.
00:07:02.940 That was it.
00:07:04.320 And that was one.
00:07:05.380 And the thing is,
00:07:06.060 I made him,
00:07:06.680 we had like this relationship contract
00:07:08.700 that I'd signed
00:07:09.500 and laminated
00:07:10.140 and got him to sign.
00:07:12.000 And it was like,
00:07:12.740 you're telling me
00:07:13.300 because they were fine
00:07:13.840 that you're cheap.
00:07:14.540 That's it.
00:07:15.220 Yeah, no, I hear that.
00:07:15.980 So he just flipped out.
00:07:17.300 Was it a personal contract
00:07:18.240 you wrote up?
00:07:19.300 Yeah, typed it and everything.
00:07:21.060 Oh, wow.
00:07:22.060 Laminated it,
00:07:22.680 got to sign it,
00:07:23.580 of what I expected.
00:07:24.720 And you break any one of them,
00:07:25.820 that's it.
00:07:26.400 Did you do that
00:07:26.700 with your boyfriend?
00:07:28.260 No, but I feel that
00:07:29.040 I needed it to do with him, yeah.
00:07:31.440 I feel like I need to start doing that.
00:07:32.980 Why didn't you freak out?
00:07:34.660 Like so many girls
00:07:35.440 when that happens,
00:07:37.060 I think a lot of times
00:07:38.200 we have a hard time
00:07:38.960 like remaining calm.
00:07:40.680 How were you able
00:07:41.520 to control your emotions?
00:07:42.600 I didn't take it personally.
00:07:43.660 He's just a man
00:07:44.320 and he's just,
00:07:45.300 it was there available
00:07:46.220 and he just,
00:07:46.980 it happens, isn't it?
00:07:47.800 Take notes.
00:07:48.760 So, you know,
00:07:49.340 I didn't take it personally.
00:07:50.840 I mean, I didn't think,
00:07:51.640 yeah, oh my God,
00:07:52.260 she's sexier than me
00:07:53.260 or she can do this.
00:07:54.400 I just thought
00:07:54.880 the opportunity came up
00:07:56.120 because as far as I'm concerned,
00:07:57.920 you got a few more friends,
00:07:59.080 go ahead
00:07:59.500 because it could be
00:08:00.260 a few more friends
00:08:00.940 you're going to sleep with.
00:08:01.680 It could be a woman
00:08:02.280 down the road
00:08:02.840 that you meet up.
00:08:03.860 So it don't really matter.
00:08:04.780 So I'm not going to say
00:08:05.300 you can't have female friends.
00:08:06.940 So he had female friends
00:08:08.040 and that was one of them.
00:08:09.300 So did you break up
00:08:11.200 with him after that?
00:08:11.840 Oh, instantly.
00:08:12.700 He knew it was over
00:08:13.540 because he signed the contract.
00:08:14.880 Yeah.
00:08:15.040 And what about the other one?
00:08:16.620 Instantly.
00:08:17.220 Instantly.
00:08:17.620 Yeah.
00:08:18.000 What do you think of girls
00:08:19.000 that stay in those situations?
00:08:20.640 Do you think that's good or bad?
00:08:23.040 Then they're going to start
00:08:23.660 talking about trauma after that.
00:08:27.340 It's up to them.
00:08:28.580 But whatever you get,
00:08:29.520 I mean, if it can happen once,
00:08:30.800 I mean, you can accept it
00:08:31.720 if you want to accept it,
00:08:32.760 but if you accept it,
00:08:35.500 then put up with it in it.
00:08:36.660 Don't say nothing.
00:08:37.760 Yeah, because a lot of times
00:08:38.940 like we accept it
00:08:39.860 and then complain about trauma later,
00:08:41.440 but like we accepted it.
00:08:42.860 Yeah.
00:08:43.280 We put ourselves through it.
00:08:44.540 Yeah.
00:08:45.000 I'll give that.
00:08:45.560 I mean, you got to think to yourself
00:08:46.720 what value you're putting on yourself
00:08:48.320 that you're staying.
00:08:49.540 I think a lot of women
00:08:51.440 stay with men.
00:08:52.640 I think young,
00:08:53.580 like when I was younger,
00:08:54.420 I was like,
00:08:54.720 no, I'd never tolerate a man cheating
00:08:55.880 or whatever,
00:08:56.320 but it's harder
00:08:57.200 when you're in a relationship,
00:08:58.340 especially when you're
00:08:59.220 emotionally involved
00:09:00.180 for you to just up and leave.
00:09:01.560 I think modern women
00:09:02.500 like being cheated on.
00:09:04.280 Do you think?
00:09:04.680 But that's because
00:09:05.780 modern women
00:09:06.960 think men are monogamous.
00:09:09.000 Modern women are stupid though.
00:09:10.220 No, I think.
00:09:10.940 No, because the men
00:09:11.900 are saying they're not monogamous.
00:09:12.520 No, I'm just saying
00:09:13.360 only one out of three men
00:09:14.660 are either virgins
00:09:15.340 or haven't had sex
00:09:16.060 in the past year.
00:09:16.680 If you wanted a man
00:09:17.400 that didn't cheat,
00:09:18.020 you could find one pretty easy.
00:09:19.400 Yeah, but they're the ones
00:09:19.940 that you're not attracted to.
00:09:21.280 You, what?
00:09:22.960 Monogamous men
00:09:23.580 that often might not cheat on you
00:09:25.260 aren't the ones
00:09:25.880 that women are attracted to
00:09:26.880 because women like men
00:09:28.340 that are like alpha or...
00:09:29.680 Well, women find 80%
00:09:30.740 of men unattractive.
00:09:31.740 So most women
00:09:32.320 are sleeping out of their league
00:09:33.320 or dating out of their league.
00:09:34.600 And so if you choose to do that,
00:09:36.480 that's what comes with it.
00:09:37.600 Yeah, and most of them guys
00:09:39.120 that everyone goes for
00:09:40.080 is going to be a select pack.
00:09:41.980 Yeah, yeah.
00:09:42.580 But that's the thing.
00:09:43.620 So the maths is not...
00:09:44.440 Yeah, so I'm saying like
00:09:45.220 if we like those guys,
00:09:46.480 how can we be mad
00:09:47.560 that they cheat?
00:09:48.400 Because there's lots of guys
00:09:49.260 that don't.
00:09:50.000 And I think this is the problem
00:09:50.900 is because in society now
00:09:52.220 where we don't allow men
00:09:53.840 to be polygamous,
00:09:55.260 especially in the Western countries,
00:09:56.960 and then that's the men
00:09:57.820 that are often caught in cheating
00:09:58.920 and families are breaking.
00:10:00.200 Whereas like parts of Asia and Africa
00:10:01.700 where polygamy is a lot more accepted,
00:10:03.340 men have their children,
00:10:05.000 multiple wives,
00:10:05.620 and they raise them
00:10:06.300 and their society is a lot more stable.
00:10:09.080 But don't you think
00:10:09.560 that the onus should be on the men
00:10:10.980 to know what they can
00:10:12.080 and cannot do?
00:10:12.840 So for me,
00:10:13.420 if you know that you're a man
00:10:15.620 who wants to have multiple women,
00:10:17.600 you should know what you want
00:10:18.520 and you should make that clear.
00:10:19.820 100%.
00:10:20.180 So I'm not here for you
00:10:22.580 being in a monogamous relationship.
00:10:24.200 Because I've had guys say that
00:10:25.080 where they're in a monogamous relationship,
00:10:27.420 they cheat,
00:10:27.960 and then they come and tell me,
00:10:29.380 well, by nature,
00:10:31.100 our men are not men.
00:10:31.680 Yeah.
00:10:32.420 Babes, then you should have known that.
00:10:33.740 You should not be in a monogamous relationship.
00:10:34.660 You know, a caveat,
00:10:35.660 a caveat though,
00:10:36.860 I think most of the modern men
00:10:38.920 don't want a second wife.
00:10:40.780 They want a side piece.
00:10:43.360 So they want to remain monogamous
00:10:45.020 to the one that they love,
00:10:46.040 but then have a little...
00:10:47.120 As many of you know,
00:10:48.180 I was just banned on TikTok
00:10:50.220 and we are demonetized
00:10:51.940 on a daily basis
00:10:53.200 on this platform.
00:10:55.020 If you want to help,
00:10:56.480 please consider sending
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