Aunty Jenny's message to false accusers
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
219.3446
Summary
In this episode we discuss abuse in the public eye, social media and abuse in general. We also talk about abuse in relationships and how abuse is used as a form of social currency and how to deal with it.
Transcript
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i hear you auntie but um you get some people out there that they just won't go to the police either
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because um they feel like the police ain't gonna do nothing about it you know what i'm saying
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don't knock it till you've tried it i hear you but um there's this i'm just saying in general
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there's a lot of people you can't say that to everyone if you've been abused go repart to the
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police because not everybody's gonna do that some people don't even trust the police like some people
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might have like oh maybe say for some poor yeah the police killed my son or you know i mean they
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don't trust the police so everybody's not gonna go to the police i understand i understand what
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you're saying right but if they're not going to report it and you don't want to say nothing about
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it shut up about it don't go on social media and advertise it i agree shut up about it because i
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don't understand how somebody could be too scared too frightened to report it to a police but they're
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not too scared too frightened to go on a public platform and talk about it it don't make no sense
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it don't make no sense to me do you know what it is right you get some people right they feel like
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like if they announce it on the social media they feel like they're releasing their stress you know
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what i'm saying just from my experience i've seen this you know i'm saying in this generation right
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now back in the days in one of that but in this generation right now i've seen a lot of people
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when they're going through this that they feel like if they go on social media go on to life
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and then express their feelings because they just want the world to know where they're going
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from yeah but there's but there's therapists i hear that but a lot of people don't do that and there's friends
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and family like why are you going to on a pot like if if you're saying you're afraid if you're afraid of not
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being believed if that's that's what you're saying then how you're going to go talk to more people
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about it that doesn't like two plus two doesn't equal four it doesn't make sense but i'm just saying
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you get you get some people like that yeah but like why do you i don't believe it yeah i don't buy
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i i think it's a form of social currency now have you been abused yeah oh how was it did you report it
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no but then don't say you've been abused then same as me sorry no that's that's not how that works
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so so you don't you don't use your your experiences as a way to kind of prove a point but that doesn't
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mean you can't factually state that like you asked the question that so i'm going to answer your
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question factually anyway moving on um yeah i think it's a form of social currency i think because
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we've we see we see this a lot right whether they all come up here and they've all you know everyone's
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got their victim story and they're all noble victims like i just feel like they get a kick off it
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like it's it's cool to be like to be one of the downtrodden it's called to be a victim sorry i wouldn't say
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it's it's like cool to be a victim i went through it and i think maybe because time has passed like
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you said you you are now you are now able to vent about what happened but maybe when you're going
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through that and i'll say as someone who did go through that in two relationships there was no way
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i could speak about it because to me no one would believe me to me i just had a baby with him and
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you know you've given this this guy a son and you made your bed lying and to society especially to
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like latin american cultures portuguese okay uh you have to you have to like even though as stupid
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as it sounds okay you've had a child with someone okay make it look like you're doing well in life
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so you don't want to come out and say you know what i am being abused i am being mentally uh being
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abused i have to say mentally because it wasn't physical with this one right um so what happened
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the second time can i answer what happened the second time uh the second time was um it became
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physical but with this one it was both so i have to say that i was also i got i also got physical with
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him and there was a time that there was a time there was a time i headbutted him so hard in the mouth
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and he had a bustlet for a whole week did he call the police on you no no he didn't because he would
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always say i'll never call the police on you because that's not me i'm a man and i'll take it
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and in my and in my head auntie jenny i was like i'm i'm a piece of because even though he's
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tall and he's bigger than me i still hit him and i have no right to do that so i am abusing him
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even though he did that so it was just like you say it was it was it was an absolutely toxic
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relationship but now when i look back at it i'm like i i don't blame him i don't see him any i don't
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see him any less because i was just as bad as him like we were just as we were just as bad as
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each other i respect that you can admit that yeah i think it's definitely a lot of um strength it
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takes to come and kind of own up to your part in negative experiences i've noticed a lot of people
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who say these kind of things have this idea that like they're never they never had anything to do
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with it right i couldn't have solved my own problem for this that this that this that but they
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can come out and tell the whole world about it but when you ask them what did you do in the time
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i know people who are like staunch feminists and they're still dating guys and being abused and
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telling me about like it's some like oh i'm a victim i was like girl you've been reading all
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these like margot atwood books for time you still didn't know when you were being punched in the face
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that you should maybe leave and you can't you can't like you can't just be like i i hold the l
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you know i stayed in a bad situation too long i should have moved but you rarely get that it's
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normally everyone else's fault so i respect i respect your admittance thank you accountability is
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important in a relationship i guess everyone looking at of course it's who does more than the other
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but accountability is important i guess can't just say right i'm listening to you the young lady in
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the middle loose lucy loose yeah loose have you had any counseling or anything like that for what
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you've been through i uh with my first relationship no the whole thing because as far as i'm concerned
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i'm looking at you and it's still raw i have to say i have to say i am uh i am like a feisty little
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something um but yes i have i have had counseling and i'm and i'm still having it okay on on my anger
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and my um and my explosiveness which has calmed down a lot um but do you mean a lot relationship
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wise or you know i'm just glad that you're getting some kind of help i uh hands up for that i like i
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like that because you can tell in your face that the way you're talking about it like it happened yesterday
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and it still has that same effect on you that's why i just thought you look you look traumatized
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oh wow i didn't see that at all but don't forget i've been abused i've been abused as well and i
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can see why when she was talking it was like she was reliving it it was like me mine's all gone
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do you know i mean i just packed that away a long time ago got rid of it had counseling sorted it out
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but for her to me it was raw i expected her to burst out crying like to relive it all over again
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that's what i picked up from her that's why i asked and the fact that it's still ongoing
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that counseling is still ongoing i got listen i'm not that good in the backs of people's heads so
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maybe that's it you're right no i i am taking i am still taking counseling like in the relationship
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i am now it's very healthy though there are some things that that don't go right you know my the
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partner i have now he's like very smart and he tries to like outsmart me sometimes and i don't
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want him to outsmart me but i recognize that he is smarter than me so we have like we we clash sometimes
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um so for that reason i do take counseling but the counseling i have taken before has absolutely
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helped me control my anger because i would be one that if someone was beeping at me in the car i
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would come out and punch them i'd be on one whereas now whereas now yeah whereas now i i am not that
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person like let's say road rage has calmed down but i i can't say that i'm perfect no yes i guess i do
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take counseling and and i love it yeah and he he he the other day he was like here's here's 80
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pound for your counseling like a colombian lady back home and then he he's like i support that
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because we are going to do anything that that means for our relationship to be healthy we do we have to
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invest and put some money down hey ho why not but i'm i'm i'm all for that i'm not going to say okay i
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took some counseling i'm fine now no like i'm yeah i have a question so you said like you're the kind
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of person that something happens the road you get out of your car and you're ready to get into an
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altercation right i literally i did yeah do you think that played any part in like your past
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relationships because i could imagine at one point that would that would affect of course because
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even though you're in a relationship it gets to a point where when you're arguing with him you
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forget he's your boyfriend and the way you're seeing is oh you're squaring up to me so i'm going
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to square up to you this relationship and laughing goes out the window uh he's trying to prove a point
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but no this is the point that i think um so so yeah it absolutely it absolutely does go out the
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window and then all this the way i was brought up like in school i was in a school where i'd like
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loads of fights went on and and and i was always involved i got bullied in like year seven year eight
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and then in year nine i was like you know this is not happening and then i became i just like um
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developed like this shield i'm gonna say and then of course i reflect that in my relationships but
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so with the baby dad it was horrible it was like that then with the next partner i had he was he was
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lovely i'm not gonna say he wasn't but there was physical violence involved from him or both from
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both from both so in the relationship i am now that doesn't happen and here i am i'm like okay
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i need therapy and i'm taking it and you know this i'm going to do my absolute best and whatever it takes
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to make this one work why because i have a man that sees me the same way he knows my past
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he knows all the madness he even knows i've got a criminal record he knows that and he
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record yeah and he accepts me and he accepts me for that and he's like you know i'm going to work
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with you because i believe that that you can be this good person and he knows that that deep down
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i am and i and i you know i just want the best for both of us so all this all this bs that went on
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in the past relationships i'm like okay that that that and that that's not happening again
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you're showing that can i do you feel like because you're a woman um when it comes to like physical
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abuse that you get away with it more a hundred percent a hundred percent and we should we should
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test men respect 100 we do that because i'm i'm i consider myself a very feminine woman so if i have
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a guy that gets into a relationship with me i need to know you are that man that's gonna like
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hold me down because we do need that we do need that um assurance yeah we we do need that i'm gonna
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hold you down uh you're too feisty let me hold you down girl because you ain't going nowhere you know
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every now and then i'm going to tell you what's what and we like that but when we get a guy that
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doesn't do that let me test you and if one once twice three times and then we just take you guys
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i'm not gonna say for granted but we we we fuck about with you you know i think i i like i like
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what you're saying because i think it shows that like you you're aware of being a flawed person and
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so it's a it's a it's a way of speaking i i almost never hear i'm generally shocked did you say a
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fraud person yeah like like you're you're flawed like you're you know you're cool with saying listen
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i can be very physically kind of domineering i can be aggressive have you noticed when you hear
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people talk about these kind of women talk about these kind they never say anything that you know
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anything is on their part then the idea is that they're perfect human beings no no not not you but
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i'm saying like in general it's always that the man's the bad guy they're the victim can i just
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ask a question with all your experiences has it made you fear men has it made me fear men yeah do you
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fear men no okay she's aggressive you i don't i don't fear man you know i agree with you you gave
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me a different type of confidence and it's the thing where i know that if i know that if i'm going to
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fight a man he will he will me up but i'm still going to give you my all you know say it again girl
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say again but i know that biologically i can't take on a man if i was to go and find my boyfriend
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he'll pin me down and box me and knock me out but i and i'm kind of thankful for that because i
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now i don't like i don't see myself being like like a little squirrel and scared to speak no i don't see
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myself doing that so in a way it's good but sometimes i go overboard and then i just take it too far and
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then you know like all these problems i've had in the past okay that is good can i just say something
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i also don't fear men because of my situation because i feel like when you when you've already
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gone through so much like crazy stuff you look at it now and you've gone over it and you're now it's
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normal it's nothing so like i said i wouldn't girls you don't need to fear men obviously they are
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physically more uh they're stronger than you but what i always say is if someone if a man was coming
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coming to hit me i wouldn't even hit him back to show him like i want to hit you back
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if he hits me i'll just use my my fluidity to fall a little bit more and find ways to
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squirrel my way out of it you just don't be afraid just be smart i fear women more than i fear men
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me too i i i think women are much scarier than men absolutely that's why why are you looking at me like
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i'm crazy no you're not crazy i do i do i do street interviews all the time i've i've only been
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i'm like attacked or like had someone try to attack me and it's always been a woman oh wow
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yeah like i had a girl they were like holding her back she was trying to she was trying to throw
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a punch at me and like they were holding her back so she wouldn't yeah she knocked the mic on my out
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of my hand what did you say to her no they took it down off of youtube somehow she got it taken down
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but it's on jesse praise's channel go what did you tell her did you report it sorry that you
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experienced that but what did you do well well so well she is so okay okay this is what happened
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i was i was doing street interviews and basically like what what set her off was we were talking about
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how you're not entitled to safety and i feel like as women like it it's not smart to walk they
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always use the example like well i can't walk home alone at night and i'm like well neither can men
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like why are you walking home alone at night that sounds like a stupid idea down a dark alley yeah
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like why on earth like would you do that like i wouldn't do it as a dude either and so i just said
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like why are you entitled to security and safety like no one's ever had security and safety in all of
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history ever but you deserve it why and it'd be nice it would be it'd be a perk but like you want
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to live in a big city that you chose to anyway so this is why she got mad and so then she's like you
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effing slag and i didn't know what slag meant i didn't know what that meant but i knew i was being
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insulted i was like this is british she's like you're a slag i'll have you you slag and like yeah and then she
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like knocks the mic out of my hand she's coming at me my friend jesse's like pulling her away so
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because i brought a guy so like you know it's smart yeah and um yeah i did you know i called her a whale
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but like what i said was a fact she was okay yeah i mean like she was a heavyweight she was a drunken whale
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well she was she was drunk as well she was integrated out late at night and drunk
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yeah but i'm like then that's that's where the whales start yeah imagine though boys fight a lot
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as well girl on girl boy on boy i feel like the people feel like it's okay because it's same same
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gender so it's not as bad yeah that's why sport is divided in sexes yeah i don't think that's
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it's not good for anybody but why like okay if you went up to dwayne the rock johnson
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and you started something with him and you got hit back no one would really feel bad for you
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yeah why do we feel bad for women if you hit him and you start something and you get hit back
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you started it yeah whoever started it you started it that's your blame absolutely yeah
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i mean you never hit first you're never meant to hit first my mom taught me that in school
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never hit first but if you hit double yes that's how i'm on jerry
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but never never hit first honestly i've always followed the policy of equality so uh if a woman hits me
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then you've just signed a consent form to be hit back that's how my son was raised
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yeah i have i have no kind of i don't believe equality in that i'm curious from the men from
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your experience do you think men are abused more or women are abused more just from personal experience
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not social media not like just from people you know personally that you would believe and trust
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in my opinion um i think it's 50 50 do you know what i'm saying i can't just say yeah women abuse
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more for any ladies there's a lot of men out there don't um say nothing so i say 50 50 you know what
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i'm saying uh i would say well let's put it this way i know about three or four men who've been
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you know supposedly being abused and some one or two of them was really really bad and i've known a
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couple of i've known like one of the girls i've seen like six months ago was really badly abused like
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was anorexic because of it xyz um personally i i view it more as like a character like you have to
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be a certain kind of person it's always it's always people who just like have have like look they get
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into relationships too young they build their personality by being codependent on someone else
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it's always those kind of the guys who get abused are very like low-key emotional dudes
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because they'll be telling us somebody like bro you're like six two bro like what you like why can't
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like you know and he's like no i've got some deep feelings so it's a certain kind of person
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in my experience i haven't thought about it in terms of like gender i think don't you think it's
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like oh i'm sorry i'm gonna say i'm gonna say you know like you know like with the mandem
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just because they're mandem it doesn't mean they they don't go into a relationship and they fall in
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love and you know all this happens but i think it's so hard to say who's who's more because the men
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don't speak up like with like we're speaking here that's the annoying part as well you know
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the men don't speak up because they they don't want that sometimes they're even afraid to say okay
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babe i love you bye they're afraid to say i love you but to their girlfriends so imagine speaking about
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oh she she she hits me at home she scratches my face she tears up my clothes or you know something
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but do you know something right it all depends because if a man slapped a woman straight away that's abuse
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right but how many women out there and they're slapping the men regularly but nobody's seen
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it as abuse but if it was the other way around because i'm sure that somewhere everybody knows
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someone who like a woman say oh you know i slapped him in his face he was torn i slapped him in his face
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or i whacked him around the head or it's always something just like it's nothing when it comes to men
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but if only because maybe because she's a woman and it's weak so the way it sounds like oh i just
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slapped him but if it was a man now saying oh i just slapped her because he's a man and everyone's
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thinking about the force behind it and i and i believe that when it comes to abuse there's more
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men out there being abused but because they might say oh it's a slap or she's on a period or you know
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what i mean oh she's got trauma they don't they don't ever report it because they just seen it as
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a slap i think if a man just gives a woman a slap now because of the slap on the sides of his hand
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i don't know because of the strength everybody's gonna see as some major abuse i think i think men
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don't my honest opinions i think from my experience people i've seen in this situation men don't report
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it because and you can hate me if you want for saying this they know it's weak in it like like you
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you fully know that this is pathetic in it like you're literally getting abused by some by some
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five foot two latino thing and and you you caught feelings you caught feelings so deep that you can't
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leave and now you're really hurt and in six months you're going to be posting edgy facebook posts about
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you know love and whatever listen they know it's weak and that's why they don't really come up
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which is why i say i think it's a character thing the donnies i know who have this experience
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they're always like the west like it's like you can see it i've had guys say to me like um oh you
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know i'm in an abusive relationship but i can't leave i just like i can't override my emotions
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my dad's the same you know sometimes the women in our families and our genes like they just push it
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too far but you know the men in our family just like we just can't leave we just fall really deeply
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in love and xyz and i looked at him i felt really sorry for him because he was it was a good looking
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guy he was from like yorkshire somewhere like that some village and you know i kind of got it but
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it's a character in it and these there are people who haven't learned emotional resilience the
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people who haven't learned independence and they just they just give up any any kind
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of semblance of self-respect you know and decide that i'm not even gonna fight that but i'll just
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follow my feelings you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis
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