@AuntyJenny Delivers The Best Piece Of Marriage Advice
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Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the and talk about what it means to be a married man and a woman. They discuss what it is like being a married, what it s like being in a long term relationship, and what it looks like to be in a healthy marriage.
Transcript
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do you think that marriage slash relationships are about happiness
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um i think they're more about compromise and with compromise comes happiness
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and kind of i guess understanding having that connection having that empathy having that
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chemistry is all ingredients towards happiness but yeah it's a it's a work in progress it's a
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journey that's how i feel um a relationship to some degree a marriage specifically
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actually no i think that happiness is a part it's a component and it's obviously a byproduct of a
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happy and healthy marriage but i think if the primary goal of a marriage is just based around
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happiness emotions are fleeting so if the only thing holding your marriage or long-term relationship
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together is both people feeling happy all the time then that marriage is going to fail because
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it's not a realistic goal and i think it's actually a very childish way to go into it
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i think if you have a good happy healthy marriage then of course you will overall be happy and be
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content but i don't think it should be set up with the intention that that is going to be the goal
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all the time or you're going to fall short of that because no one can be happy all the time
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yeah i agree i don't think the primary goal is happiness um i think it's more about you know how
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you develop independently and then how you develop together as a unit um you're never going to be 100
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happy i mean that's the one person that's going to annoy the out of you like no one
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else that's going to push your buttons but how you come back from that is basically what's going to
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bring that happiness you know like you know makeup sex and stuff like that you know so i don't think
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yeah like you said if if you're striving for 100 happiness i just think that's fake that's a fake
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marriage so i just think that's not idealistic at all to me happiness is peace of mind so a marriage
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is for you to be in a partnership that no matter how difficult or how amazing things are you always
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have that peace of mind if things are bad you're going to work together to make them better if
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things are happy and good and positive you enjoy them together but happiness doesn't necessarily
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mean you need to have positive things all the time it's just how you look at things so my husband
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baby support me into feeling positive about most things even when things are bad
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is marriage um is marriage slash relationships about happiness because nowadays people don't
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even get married it's about duty okay you know what i'm saying because obviously when you get married
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yeah like obviously it's basically a business transaction when you think about it like people
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get gassed about love love love bro like bro love is is not unconditional but there's conditions to that
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bro like everyone has to play their position do you know what i'm saying if you mess up whether it's
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the man or the woman brother someone's gonna should hold you accountable like you know i'm saying like
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bro like this is not what i signed up for yeah then especially if you have children involved but
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there's even a larger amount of duty involved do you get what i'm saying a lot of us we didn't even
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come from families where we come from marriage you know i'm saying like i know me personally and most of
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my friends didn't come from no home where we had our mom and our dad most of us was just like our mom
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you know saying like so a lot of us don't even know what it looks like we've not experienced it so
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like not to not to be funny but like when i hear people's um like idea of what it is like most of us
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don't even really know we're just we're just saying what we think in it like but is that really what it
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is because um if you ask people from the 1950s they probably have something different to say
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you know what i'm saying so like that's just realistically i'm not married i haven't been
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married i don't have kids so i don't know you know i'm saying like i just got an idea of what
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it may look like but when i get into it if i ever get into that yeah it might it might be something
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else like you know i mean but i think more than anything is duty in it like you know what i'm saying
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if you have that mindset if it's duty you're more inclined to stick with it you get what i'm saying
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so that's what i think i just think that when two people get together
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but when they go into marriage i just believe that a man can't make you happy you're supposed
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to be happy and he's supposed to make you happier same thing goes the other way around because a lot
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of people go into relationships or marriage thinking oh he or she's gonna make me happy
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and they're not happy to start with so i just think in relationships happiness is a bonus
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it's something that you grow to have but you've got to be happy before you enter relationship
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and then the person make you happier like me i was always happy my man makes me happier if i wasn't
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with him i'd still be happy but just not as happy as i am when i'm with him
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like anty said you have to like and love yourself before you can like and love others in it so if
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you're going into a relationship like she said it's a bonus so they're added to your bonus you're not
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going in there like expecting them to make you happy you should be happy in yourself however that
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person you meet you have to understand the uncompromisables and stuff you compromise on
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so when you get into a relationship you have to understand that i will compromise with this i
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won't compromise on that that's the reason you get into relationship knowing that they're good
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they're bad and they're uglies if you're getting there naked and you go in there blindsided you're
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going to be oh my god i can't believe this person like that but when you get into a relationship
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again some brother said it's a it's a financial commitment it's a partnership commitment it's all
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these things mixed in one to get to where you need to get to and that happiness comes from yourself
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but when they're together and you understand what they're like that's an added bonus to yourself
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that's my opinion on it anyway yeah well just touching up on what he said and what auntie said
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literally like if you're not happy within yourself wait it's going to be very hard to make yourself
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happy you know what i'm saying and if you rely on someone else for the happiness you've already
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felt so a lot of people they don't see that a relationship is they have their self
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and then they've got the relationship you get me so it's like when you come into a relationship
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you should both be complementing each other in different ways and you should understand and no
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one's perfect you get me some people got everyone's got flaws but you need to understand
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the flaws that you can tolerate you know what i'm saying because you can't just be like oh
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from the start in the first three months it was all good everything did it do it's always
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it's always good at the start you get me you know delve into stuff you see true people's
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colors and stuff like that you now have to understand like yo boom this is the
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flaws this is the good you put that together that's what makes the person the person you
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get me you can't pick and choose what you like from someone and then have an ideology of someone
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that's where it just starts getting into that you're never going to be happy if you're chasing
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happiness it's like i'm sorry for the swearing but it's like people that take them mad drugs heroin
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and they always say like the first time the mad and they chase the hit if you're going to get happy
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from the first time you butt that person and then you're just chasing the happiness all the time
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you ain't ever going to be happy so you just got to make sure you're happy from the start
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um for me the main thing is really is like it's more of a conscious effort to make your partner
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happy you know what i mean so there might be things that you don't want to do but you do it anyway
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because you're not going to make the person you live happy so that's the main thing
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i um do not like the word compromise because compromise means one if not both members of
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the party do is not happy with the agreement i prefer cooperation right you have to cooperate
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to get to an end goal of what you want you know what i mean so i removed that from it as a quick
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little story i had an uber driver one time who he i asked him he was driving and he was missing his
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thumb i said what happened to your thumb just tell me what happened to your thumb so we can do this drive
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because i'm an and uh he was like oh i got cut off when i met my wife i said what happened he said
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oh a dude she was dating cut my thumb off at a bar fight he's from saudi arabia or somewhere
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um i don't remember because i don't pay attention to where people are from i don't care and um
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so he got his finger cut off and he was 14 when he met this woman she was 14. the guy she was dating
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was 20 uh but you know r kelly and so uh it is what it is and uh he was like 60 at this point
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and i said well what did you do he goes you know we got this thing it was a whole thing eventually
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long story short she saved my finger she took my finger to the hospital where i was they tried to
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sew it back on but where i'm from the medicine was not where it should be and i said so how long have
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you been married he said i've been married 50 years and i go how did you not cheat he goes what do
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he mean i go i mean how did you not cheat or leave like 50 years a long time to not put your
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penis somewhere else no offense ladies uh i'm sure it's the same for you but it's a long time to get
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along he said oh i don't compromise my wife we cooperate and it's my duty is what he said and he
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said the other thing is there's not happiness there's not love every day i don't love her every
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day i'm not happy with her every day but i respect her every day he goes if you don't respect the
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person that you meet and that you marry and that you're with forever it'll never work he was like
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some days i want to throw her through a wall because i don't like her i don't love her she said
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something she pissed me off she pressed me and i'm over it he goes but you know what she's the mother
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of my children she's been with me for 50 years she took my finger to the hospital to try to get it
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sewn back on i respect this person he goes so that's why i'm with it and that's why i'm together with