JustPearlyThings - @AuntyJenny Delivers The Best Piece Of Marriage Advice

00:00:00.000 do you think that marriage slash relationships are about happiness

00:00:07.040 um i think they're more about compromise and with compromise comes happiness

00:00:11.760 and kind of i guess understanding having that connection having that empathy having that

00:00:18.480 chemistry is all ingredients towards happiness but yeah it's a it's a work in progress it's a

00:00:23.200 journey that's how i feel um a relationship to some degree a marriage specifically

00:00:32.000 actually no i think that happiness is a part it's a component and it's obviously a byproduct of a

00:00:39.680 happy and healthy marriage but i think if the primary goal of a marriage is just based around

00:00:45.440 happiness emotions are fleeting so if the only thing holding your marriage or long-term relationship

00:00:52.320 together is both people feeling happy all the time then that marriage is going to fail because

00:00:58.720 it's not a realistic goal and i think it's actually a very childish way to go into it

00:01:04.800 i think if you have a good happy healthy marriage then of course you will overall be happy and be

00:01:10.080 content but i don't think it should be set up with the intention that that is going to be the goal

00:01:15.520 all the time or you're going to fall short of that because no one can be happy all the time

00:01:19.520 yeah i agree i don't think the primary goal is happiness um i think it's more about you know how

00:01:27.600 you develop independently and then how you develop together as a unit um you're never going to be 100

00:01:34.400 happy i mean that's the one person that's going to annoy the out of you like no one

00:01:40.640 else that's going to push your buttons but how you come back from that is basically what's going to

00:01:45.920 bring that happiness you know like you know makeup sex and stuff like that you know so i don't think

00:01:52.560 yeah like you said if if you're striving for 100 happiness i just think that's fake that's a fake

00:01:57.840 marriage so i just think that's not idealistic at all to me happiness is peace of mind so a marriage

00:02:05.840 is for you to be in a partnership that no matter how difficult or how amazing things are you always

00:02:11.840 have that peace of mind if things are bad you're going to work together to make them better if

00:02:16.320 things are happy and good and positive you enjoy them together but happiness doesn't necessarily

00:02:21.120 mean you need to have positive things all the time it's just how you look at things so my husband

00:02:25.440 baby support me into feeling positive about most things even when things are bad

00:02:29.520 is marriage um is marriage slash relationships about happiness because nowadays people don't

00:02:43.520 even get married it's about duty okay you know what i'm saying because obviously when you get married

00:02:48.240 yeah like obviously it's basically a business transaction when you think about it like people

00:02:52.320 get gassed about love love love bro like bro love is is not unconditional but there's conditions to that

00:02:57.920 bro like everyone has to play their position do you know what i'm saying if you mess up whether it's

00:03:02.720 the man or the woman brother someone's gonna should hold you accountable like you know i'm saying like

00:03:07.600 bro like this is not what i signed up for yeah then especially if you have children involved but

00:03:12.480 there's even a larger amount of duty involved do you get what i'm saying a lot of us we didn't even

00:03:18.960 come from families where we come from marriage you know i'm saying like i know me personally and most of

00:03:25.200 my friends didn't come from no home where we had our mom and our dad most of us was just like our mom

00:03:29.760 you know saying like so a lot of us don't even know what it looks like we've not experienced it so

00:03:36.240 like not to not to be funny but like when i hear people's um like idea of what it is like most of us

00:03:43.360 don't even really know we're just we're just saying what we think in it like but is that really what it

00:03:47.840 is because um if you ask people from the 1950s they probably have something different to say

00:03:53.200 you know what i'm saying so like that's just realistically i'm not married i haven't been

00:03:57.760 married i don't have kids so i don't know you know i'm saying like i just got an idea of what

00:04:01.840 it may look like but when i get into it if i ever get into that yeah it might it might be something

00:04:07.520 else like you know i mean but i think more than anything is duty in it like you know what i'm saying

00:04:11.520 if you have that mindset if it's duty you're more inclined to stick with it you get what i'm saying

00:04:16.160 so that's what i think i just think that when two people get together

00:04:23.520 but when they go into marriage i just believe that a man can't make you happy you're supposed

00:04:27.920 to be happy and he's supposed to make you happier same thing goes the other way around because a lot

00:04:33.920 of people go into relationships or marriage thinking oh he or she's gonna make me happy

00:04:39.600 and they're not happy to start with so i just think in relationships happiness is a bonus

00:04:45.120 it's something that you grow to have but you've got to be happy before you enter relationship

00:04:51.040 and then the person make you happier like me i was always happy my man makes me happier if i wasn't

00:04:56.560 with him i'd still be happy but just not as happy as i am when i'm with him

00:05:02.560 like anty said you have to like and love yourself before you can like and love others in it so if

00:05:06.720 you're going into a relationship like she said it's a bonus so they're added to your bonus you're not

00:05:10.640 going in there like expecting them to make you happy you should be happy in yourself however that

00:05:15.360 person you meet you have to understand the uncompromisables and stuff you compromise on

00:05:19.280 so when you get into a relationship you have to understand that i will compromise with this i

00:05:22.640 won't compromise on that that's the reason you get into relationship knowing that they're good

00:05:25.520 they're bad and they're uglies if you're getting there naked and you go in there blindsided you're

00:05:29.840 going to be oh my god i can't believe this person like that but when you get into a relationship

00:05:33.680 again some brother said it's a it's a financial commitment it's a partnership commitment it's all

00:05:39.040 these things mixed in one to get to where you need to get to and that happiness comes from yourself

00:05:43.920 but when they're together and you understand what they're like that's an added bonus to yourself

00:05:47.520 that's my opinion on it anyway yeah well just touching up on what he said and what auntie said

00:05:53.280 literally like if you're not happy within yourself wait it's going to be very hard to make yourself

00:05:58.400 happy you know what i'm saying and if you rely on someone else for the happiness you've already

00:06:02.160 felt so a lot of people they don't see that a relationship is they have their self

00:06:09.040 and then they've got the relationship you get me so it's like when you come into a relationship

00:06:13.760 you should both be complementing each other in different ways and you should understand and no

00:06:16.960 one's perfect you get me some people got everyone's got flaws but you need to understand

00:06:21.920 the flaws that you can tolerate you know what i'm saying because you can't just be like oh

00:06:26.080 from the start in the first three months it was all good everything did it do it's always

00:06:29.520 it's always good at the start you get me you know delve into stuff you see true people's

00:06:34.080 colors and stuff like that you now have to understand like yo boom this is the

00:06:38.720 flaws this is the good you put that together that's what makes the person the person you

00:06:43.120 get me you can't pick and choose what you like from someone and then have an ideology of someone

00:06:47.840 that's where it just starts getting into that you're never going to be happy if you're chasing

00:06:50.800 happiness it's like i'm sorry for the swearing but it's like people that take them mad drugs heroin

00:06:56.480 and they always say like the first time the mad and they chase the hit if you're going to get happy

00:07:00.320 from the first time you butt that person and then you're just chasing the happiness all the time

00:07:04.000 you ain't ever going to be happy so you just got to make sure you're happy from the start

00:07:10.320 um for me the main thing is really is like it's more of a conscious effort to make your partner

00:07:18.080 happy you know what i mean so there might be things that you don't want to do but you do it anyway

00:07:23.200 because you're not going to make the person you live happy so that's the main thing

00:07:27.680 i um do not like the word compromise because compromise means one if not both members of

00:07:36.800 the party do is not happy with the agreement i prefer cooperation right you have to cooperate

00:07:42.400 to get to an end goal of what you want you know what i mean so i removed that from it as a quick

00:07:47.280 little story i had an uber driver one time who he i asked him he was driving and he was missing his

00:07:53.680 thumb i said what happened to your thumb just tell me what happened to your thumb so we can do this drive

00:07:57.280 because i'm an and uh he was like oh i got cut off when i met my wife i said what happened he said

00:08:03.520 oh a dude she was dating cut my thumb off at a bar fight he's from saudi arabia or somewhere

00:08:08.960 um i don't remember because i don't pay attention to where people are from i don't care and um

00:08:14.640 so he got his finger cut off and he was 14 when he met this woman she was 14. the guy she was dating

00:08:19.520 was 20 uh but you know r kelly and so uh it is what it is and uh he was like 60 at this point

00:08:27.120 and i said well what did you do he goes you know we got this thing it was a whole thing eventually

00:08:31.280 long story short she saved my finger she took my finger to the hospital where i was they tried to

00:08:35.840 sew it back on but where i'm from the medicine was not where it should be and i said so how long have

00:08:41.680 you been married he said i've been married 50 years and i go how did you not cheat he goes what do

00:08:46.640 he mean i go i mean how did you not cheat or leave like 50 years a long time to not put your 0.99

00:08:50.640 penis somewhere else no offense ladies uh i'm sure it's the same for you but it's a long time to get 1.00

00:08:55.840 along he said oh i don't compromise my wife we cooperate and it's my duty is what he said and he

00:09:01.760 said the other thing is there's not happiness there's not love every day i don't love her every

00:09:06.880 day i'm not happy with her every day but i respect her every day he goes if you don't respect the

00:09:13.280 person that you meet and that you marry and that you're with forever it'll never work he was like

00:09:18.080 some days i want to throw her through a wall because i don't like her i don't love her she said

00:09:23.520 something she pissed me off she pressed me and i'm over it he goes but you know what she's the mother 0.70

00:09:28.160 of my children she's been with me for 50 years she took my finger to the hospital to try to get it 0.66

00:09:34.560 sewn back on i respect this person he goes so that's why i'm with it and that's why i'm together with

00:09:41.280 her i forgot 0.92

JustPearlyThings - June 08, 2023

@AuntyJenny Delivers The Best Piece Of Marriage Advice

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