Boss Babe Accuses Men Of This
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
201.62811
Summary
In this episode, I speak with my good friend and mentor, Mrs. Adebanjo Ogunlesi. She is a mother of two, a lawyer, a wife and a mother-in-law. She has been married to her husband for over 20 years and they have two daughters together. In this episode we talk about what it was like growing up in a Nigerian household and how that affected her relationship with her husband. We also talk about why women should or shouldn t settle for less than 30% of what their husbands make.
Transcript
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But I think that's like what we have confused as women is we're in it for love.
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It's about what works long term and building family.
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And I hear you and I hear you and I hear what you're saying.
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And for my my beautiful daughters, I did stay a lot, lot, lot longer than I should have a lot longer.
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But when they got to a certain age and maturity and I realized that this was actually affecting them because I didn't want.
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What I realized is I thought was acceptable because I'd seen my parents do similar things.
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I've never I'd never seen a nurturing relationship.
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I'm not sure you don't have to say what was an acceptable.
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I think sometimes we rerun our parents relationships.
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No, no, I said no, because you're not allowed to say that word.
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I just felt like I thought it was acceptable because I grew up seeing it.
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So therefore, I didn't want them to think that was acceptable.
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That was how relationships were supposed to be.
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And when you said to me, 18 years, you should have stayed.
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I believe in if if it's unhappy, it affects your kids worse.
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But I think that's more of the exception rather than the rule.
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Because women leave 70 to 80 percent of the time, 90 percent if we're college educated.
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And one of the number one predictors of if you're going to get a divorce is if you out earn your husband.
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Do you think that's because of the women or because of the men?
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I think it's because women are hypergamous and it's hard for a woman to be attracted to a guy she makes more than.
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Really, because in my personal circumstances, the issue I've always had is a man not being secure enough to accept the fact that I've done better than them.
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But yeah, that's that's the problem is like women and it kind of shows in the way you talk respectfully.
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Like it sounds like it like yeah, it sounds like you're acting like you're better than them.
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Yeah, but I'm saying a lot of like women unintentionally act like they're better than the guy and then it makes him insecure.
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But the way you look is like for me personally, obviously everyone's different.
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But for me personally, when I'm looking for a guy, I care about if what they're doing, they have passion for what they're doing.
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They have drive for what they're doing, regardless of how they are financially, because when you're with somebody, you're a couple, right?
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It matters if they can provide you with that emotional support and that stability.
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Well, and I think that sounds nice, but that's just not women what women pick.
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And I think when we say things like that, it's dishonest.
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No, because women when you survey women where they're not in front of them on camera with mics in their faces.
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They say they want a guy that makes at least 30% more than them.
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As a horse, I've never dated a guy that's kind of more than I have.
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But I think it even kind of aligns with my experience.
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So Nigerian background, the last generation of Nigerians were very, like, you know, pioneers.
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Goldman Sachs and all the women, especially the women who did really well, are, like, found it extremely hard to settle down because of that reason.
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They all said, oh, I need someone who's, like, better than me, who, like, earns more than me.
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They had all the physical assets that men liked.
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And I think some of them still aren't married now because, and, you know, Nigerians are very vocal.
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So you go into family, you know, reunions and weddings, and they weren't shy of saying, yeah, like, if you don't earn,
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and if you can't compete with me earnings-wise, I've got a twin sister.
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And, you know, even then, you kind of hear those kind of sentiments or this idea that, like, if you settle for someone who, you know,
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doesn't earn as much or isn't as successful as you are, that you're, like, settling.
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And this could be, like, a six-foot-four, muscle-bound, uni-educated.
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Women always, I mean, why do we know the phrase?
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We know this phrase when I say, oh, I want a man on my level.
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You don't hear men saying, oh, I want a woman on my level.
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I think it's because women are hypergamous, and men aren't.
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I actually agree with that phrase, I want a guy on my level, but that doesn't come down to a monetary value.
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Do you not think that sounds very kind of shallow in terms of the way you look at things?
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Like, I think it depends on what you need as a person, because your circumstances, your upbringing, your life is going to determine what you need from someone else.
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There's individual differences, but when you survey women and ask them, like, from the horse's mouth, at large, what they want in a guy, it's money, muscles, frame, game.
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And I will say, when you said it's also what you need personally from a woman.
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You know, we've all been there where, like, you meet someone at a time where they need a certain kind of guy.
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Maybe she's been dumped by some, you know, some player, and she needs a nice guy for a bit.
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But after those needs have been met, it's money, frames, and games, baby.
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I was going to say, why is it about what you need?
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Like, I don't think a man goes into a relationship saying, what do I need from a woman?
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It's like, no, like, what can I provide for her?
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If a man says he wants something from you, you'd think he's a weirdo.
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Say, for example, you've got a friend where the guy's, she's constantly paying for,
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or she's constantly doing the things that you would typically consider a man doing, yeah?
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You would tell her, you'd be like, later, why are you with that guy?
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Right, so that's what I'm talking about when I say in terms of what you need from him.
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I think with, I don't know if it's with age, but money genuinely doesn't come into it for me.
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And the other one said, do you want to go out Monday?
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Yeah, we'll check train times and I'll meet you there.
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I probably will go for the one that's going to pick me up.
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And what if I told you the train guy has 35 million in his bank account?
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And the reason why he's not taking car and dropping you is because it's in the garage.
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Would you still go with the guy that's picking you up in the car?
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I think a man just needs to be able to look after himself.
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I just feel like you've kind of got your stuff to.
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But the point is, if there's guy A and guy B and one has money and one doesn't.
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You're telling me you wouldn't pick the guy with money.
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I mean, if they're exactly the same comparison, if they're exactly the same, but just one has money.
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Of course you're going to pick the one with the money.
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Of course you're going to pick the one with the money.
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Because then you're not going to put your stuff onto me.
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But the point is that plays into it where men don't care.
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And a lot of times girls will come out and they'll say, oh, I have my own bag and think that's attractive to a guy.
00:08:04.720
But if you have the exact same comparison, though, and you say to a guy, okay, here's women A and women B who are exactly the same.
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And the only thing, how would you pick between the two then?
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And the reason why I wouldn't care about money is purely because I'm going to judge them.
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Like, let's say girl A, they're exactly the same.
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And then girl B, exactly the same, understands what a man needs, is submissive in certain
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ways that shows me respect and loyalty, which is what I value.
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So then being exactly the same, money doesn't matter.
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You said as a minute ago, you said they don't understand what I need.
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Now, when I said looking at what you'd look at, what you need from a man, you picked up
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on that and said, why does it matter what the woman needs?
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And assumed it was a monetary value thing where I was talking about emotionally and mentally.
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But when you've said that, nobody said anything.
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He's talking about the man's needs in terms of a man's needs.
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When you're coming into a relationship, you're probably coming with university debt.
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You're probably coming with problems from your ex-relationship.
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You're holding a lot of feelings away for women.
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Emotional needs, you will seek a man to help you with that.
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Whereas I, as a man, if I've got emotional needs, I will not come to you with those emotional
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And the reason being is that you, as a woman, will not understand the struggle as a man
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So, it's very difficult for you to comprehend and give me advice on how to deal with my emotional
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I, as a man, will probably be best off going to seek advice from other males that I could
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call friends, maybe counsellors in that kind of realm in order to get advice on how to
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You don't think women could do the same, though.
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I think women, Pearl says it best, women are chemically different on a day-to-day basis.
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And so, the idea that I could say, all right, guys, I'm going through these problems, you
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may see it from a woman's perspective and you'll go, oh, well, you can do this, this,
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As a man, if I take that advice, I do those things, I will find the results are not suitable
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or what I'm looking for, because you, as a woman, women tend to be multicolored in today's
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Men, if you do something, you will know about it.
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Society will tell you that this can't run and you can't do it.
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So, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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