JustPearlyThings - April 04, 2023


Boss Babe Accuses Men Of This

Topics
money
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Pearl
She Tried To DEFEND Sex Workers And THIS HAPPENED The Modern Woman Got RED PILLED

Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

201.63

Word count

2,353

Sentence count

223

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

18

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak with my good friend and mentor, Mrs. Adebanjo Ogunlesi. She is a mother of two, a lawyer, a wife and a mother-in-law. She has been married to her husband for over 20 years and they have two daughters together. In this episode we talk about what it was like growing up in a Nigerian household and how that affected her relationship with her husband. We also talk about why women should or shouldn t settle for less than 30% of what their husbands make.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 But I think that's like what we have confused as women is we're in it for love.
00:00:04.920 But it's not about love.
00:00:06.120 It's about what works long term and building family.
00:00:08.300 And I hear you and I hear you and I hear what you're saying.
00:00:10.680 And for my my beautiful daughters, I did stay a lot, lot, lot longer than I should have a lot longer.
00:00:20.180 But when they got to a certain age and maturity and I realized that this was actually affecting them because I didn't want.
00:00:27.720 What I realized is I thought was acceptable because I'd seen my parents do similar things.
00:00:34.280 So I thought that was acceptable.
00:00:36.580 I'd never seen.
00:00:37.640 I've never I'd never seen a nurturing relationship.
00:00:41.120 I'm not sure you don't have to say what was an acceptable.
00:00:47.400 Yeah, it's not acceptable.
00:00:50.320 So I didn't want my daughters to then.
00:00:52.960 I think sometimes we rerun our parents relationships.
00:00:56.040 No, no, I said no, because you're not allowed to say that word.
00:00:58.020 Oh, you're not.
00:00:58.840 OK, yeah.
00:00:59.440 So I just felt like I'd see.
00:01:02.160 I just felt like I thought it was acceptable because I grew up seeing it.
00:01:06.200 So therefore, I didn't want them to think that was acceptable.
00:01:09.320 That was how relationships were supposed to be.
00:01:11.620 So I decided not to do it.
00:01:13.040 And when you said to me, 18 years, you should have stayed.
00:01:15.760 No way.
00:01:16.900 I believe in if if it's unhappy, it affects your kids worse.
00:01:20.360 In the case of abuse, I would agree with you.
00:01:24.600 Yeah.
00:01:24.780 Yeah.
00:01:24.940 In abuse.
00:01:25.500 But I think that's more of the exception rather than the rule.
00:01:29.160 Because women leave 70 to 80 percent of the time, 90 percent if we're college educated. 1.00
00:01:34.000 And one of the number one predictors of if you're going to get a divorce is if you out earn your husband.
00:01:40.040 Do you think that's because of the women or because of the men?
00:01:42.500 I think it's because women are hypergamous and it's hard for a woman to be attracted to a guy she makes more than. 1.00
00:01:49.420 Really, because in my personal circumstances, the issue I've always had is a man not being secure enough to accept the fact that I've done better than them.
00:01:58.700 I think I think the problem usually.
00:02:00.100 You think you've done better than them.
00:02:01.040 But yeah, that's that's the problem is like women and it kind of shows in the way you talk respectfully. 1.00
00:02:06.480 Like it sounds like it like yeah, it sounds like you're acting like you're better than them.
00:02:10.160 That's not what I meant.
00:02:11.140 Yeah, but I'm saying a lot of like women unintentionally act like they're better than the guy and then it makes him insecure. 1.00
00:02:17.380 But the way you look is like for me personally, obviously everyone's different.
00:02:21.760 But for me personally, when I'm looking for a guy, I care about if what they're doing, they have passion for what they're doing.
00:02:28.940 They have drive for what they're doing, regardless of how they are financially, because when you're with somebody, you're a couple, right?
00:02:35.100 You're a team in that.
00:02:36.340 So it doesn't matter who the higher earner is.
00:02:38.140 It matters if they can provide you with that emotional support and that stability.
00:02:42.020 Well, and I think that sounds nice, but that's just not women what women pick. 1.00
00:02:45.860 And I think when we say things like that, it's dishonest.
00:02:48.680 But it's not because that is what happens.
00:02:51.340 No, because women when you survey women where they're not in front of them on camera with mics in their faces. 1.00
00:02:57.220 They say they want a guy that makes at least 30% more than them.
00:03:01.520 They say this.
00:03:02.240 This is from the horse's mouth.
00:03:04.060 Okay.
00:03:04.520 As a horse, I've never dated a guy that's kind of more than I have.
00:03:10.580 Well, I mean, you also aren't married, though.
00:03:12.400 So you didn't stay with one.
00:03:15.100 But they left me.
00:03:15.880 But I think it even kind of aligns with my experience.
00:03:21.620 So Nigerian background, the last generation of Nigerians were very, like, you know, pioneers.
00:03:26.020 They did very, very well.
00:03:27.040 Goldman Sachs and all the women, especially the women who did really well, are, like, found it extremely hard to settle down because of that reason.
00:03:35.660 They all said, oh, I need someone who's, like, better than me, who, like, earns more than me.
00:03:41.240 And these women were, like, top lawyers. 1.00
00:03:43.100 Like, they were, like, killing it.
00:03:44.540 And there were all these guys.
00:03:45.640 They had all the options.
00:03:46.440 They had the looks.
00:03:47.560 They had all the physical assets that men liked.
00:03:50.560 And they struggled for decades in some cases.
00:03:53.800 And I think some of them still aren't married now because, and, you know, Nigerians are very vocal.
00:03:57.620 So you go into family, you know, reunions and weddings, and they weren't shy of saying, yeah, like, if you don't earn,
00:04:04.680 and if you can't compete with me earnings-wise, I've got a twin sister.
00:04:07.780 And, you know, even then, you kind of hear those kind of sentiments or this idea that, like, if you settle for someone who, you know,
00:04:15.320 doesn't earn as much or isn't as successful as you are, that you're, like, settling.
00:04:19.140 And this could be, like, a six-foot-four, muscle-bound, uni-educated.
00:04:23.520 Women always, I mean, why do we know the phrase? 1.00
00:04:25.240 We know this phrase when I say, oh, I want a man on my level.
00:04:28.360 Women say that all the time. 1.00
00:04:29.600 You don't hear men saying, oh, I want a woman on my level.
00:04:32.360 Do you think that's because?
00:04:33.280 I think it's because women are hypergamous, and men aren't. 0.88
00:04:37.940 Women want a guy that they can look up to. 1.00
00:04:40.000 I don't think it's a bad thing.
00:04:41.040 That's okay.
00:04:41.600 I think it's okay.
00:04:42.820 I actually agree with that phrase, I want a guy on my level, but that doesn't come down to a monetary value.
00:04:49.220 Alone.
00:04:50.420 Money, muscles, frame, and game.
00:04:52.400 Really?
00:04:52.880 Do you not think that sounds very kind of shallow in terms of the way you look at things?
00:04:57.660 Like, I think it depends on what you need as a person, because your circumstances, your upbringing, your life is going to determine what you need from someone else.
00:05:07.520 You're right.
00:05:07.780 There's individual differences, but when you survey women and ask them, like, from the horse's mouth, at large, what they want in a guy, it's money, muscles, frame, game.
00:05:17.140 What do you mean by frame, sorry?
00:05:18.760 Frame is, like, masculinity, basically.
00:05:20.880 Muscles.
00:05:21.700 And I will say, when you said it's also what you need personally from a woman.
00:05:25.240 I was going to point onto that.
00:05:26.900 You know, we've all been there where, like, you meet someone at a time where they need a certain kind of guy.
00:05:31.900 Maybe she's been dumped by some, you know, some player, and she needs a nice guy for a bit. 1.00
00:05:35.680 But after those needs have been met, it's money, frames, and games, baby.
00:05:40.180 I wasn't going to go to that point.
00:05:41.780 I was going to say, why is it about what you need?
00:05:44.080 Like, I don't think a man goes into a relationship saying, what do I need from a woman? 0.71
00:05:48.760 It's like, no, like, what can I provide for her?
00:05:50.940 What can our family do together?
00:05:52.400 Like, I promise you, I'm not like, what?
00:05:55.280 If a man says he wants something from you, you'd think he's a weirdo.
00:05:58.100 You'd be like, rah, he's like. 0.99
00:05:59.260 Well, no, it's not going to be equal.
00:06:00.240 So why does he want something from me?
00:06:01.540 Like, no, you tell your brethren.
00:06:02.880 Say, for example, you've got a friend where the guy's, she's constantly paying for,
00:06:09.260 or she's constantly doing the things that you would typically consider a man doing, yeah?
00:06:14.460 You would tell her, you'd be like, later, why are you with that guy?
00:06:17.380 Like, he's trying to take advantage of you.
00:06:20.980 You see, there we go.
00:06:22.120 I've heard that being said.
00:06:24.960 Right, so that's what I'm talking about when I say in terms of what you need from him.
00:06:28.160 I think with, I don't know if it's with age, but money genuinely doesn't come into it for me.
00:06:36.920 Don't get me wrong.
00:06:38.060 Don't get me wrong.
00:06:38.900 I'm not going to lie.
00:06:40.200 I will sit here and I'll be honest.
00:06:42.520 If I met two guys, if I met two guys.
00:06:46.060 Exact same guy.
00:06:46.740 And one said, yeah, exact same guy.
00:06:48.140 And one said, do you want to go out on Monday?
00:06:52.240 I'm going to pick you up.
00:06:53.680 And the other one said, do you want to go out Monday?
00:06:56.360 Yeah, we'll check train times and I'll meet you there.
00:06:59.820 I'm not going to lie.
00:07:01.540 I probably will go for the one that's going to pick me up.
00:07:04.240 Right.
00:07:04.420 And what if I told you the train guy has 35 million in his bank account?
00:07:08.140 I hear you.
00:07:08.660 And the reason why, wait, wait, wait.
00:07:09.740 And the reason why he's not taking car and dropping you is because it's in the garage.
00:07:13.200 Would you still go with the guy that's picking you up in the car?
00:07:16.440 Yeah.
00:07:17.180 No.
00:07:17.620 I don't know that.
00:07:18.500 I'm confused.
00:07:19.320 Now you've confused me.
00:07:20.340 Stop it.
00:07:20.900 You confuse yourself.
00:07:22.420 You don't know what you want.
00:07:23.220 No, I'm not confused.
00:07:23.880 I think a man just needs to be able to look after himself.
00:07:27.240 Yeah.
00:07:27.760 I just feel like you've kind of got your stuff to.
00:07:29.720 But the point is, if there's guy A and guy B and one has money and one doesn't.
00:07:35.140 Yeah.
00:07:35.340 You're telling me you wouldn't pick the guy with money.
00:07:37.120 If they're exactly the same.
00:07:38.200 Exactly the same.
00:07:39.100 Yeah, you probably would.
00:07:40.340 Yeah.
00:07:40.660 Yeah.
00:07:41.280 I mean, if they're exactly the same comparison, if they're exactly the same, but just one has money.
00:07:45.240 Of course you're going to pick the one with the money.
00:07:47.040 Of course you're going to pick the one with the money.
00:07:47.760 Because then you're not going to put your stuff onto me.
00:07:50.500 But the point is that plays into it where men don't care.
00:07:53.840 Exactly.
00:07:54.160 Men don't care all about a woman's money. 1.00
00:07:57.300 And a lot of times girls will come out and they'll say, oh, I have my own bag and think that's attractive to a guy.
00:08:01.780 But it's only attractive to broke man.
00:08:03.940 Yeah, of course.
00:08:04.720 But if you have the exact same comparison, though, and you say to a guy, okay, here's women A and women B who are exactly the same.
00:08:13.620 And the only thing, how would you pick between the two then?
00:08:16.100 Yeah.
00:08:16.380 With money?
00:08:16.900 It wouldn't be money.
00:08:18.340 It comes down to you.
00:08:19.240 What would it be?
00:08:19.860 But for us, you're assuming gets a money.
00:08:21.540 I know it is.
00:08:23.280 Ish, can you answer this question?
00:08:25.280 Okay, so just rephrase the question for me.
00:08:29.500 So girl A, girl B, one has money, one doesn't.
00:08:32.100 One makes 500k a year, one makes 45.
00:08:34.600 But they're exactly the same.
00:08:35.660 And they're exactly the same.
00:08:37.140 Money won't, I wouldn't care about money.
00:08:39.160 And the reason why I wouldn't care about money is purely because I'm going to judge them.
00:08:43.040 Like, let's say girl A, they're exactly the same. 1.00
00:08:46.860 But girl A is like hella disrespectful. 1.00
00:08:50.300 She doesn't understand what I as a man need.
00:08:53.880 And then girl B, exactly the same, understands what a man needs, is submissive in certain 0.98
00:09:00.580 ways that shows me respect and loyalty, which is what I value.
00:09:05.120 I'm picking girl B. 1.00
00:09:06.340 We didn't.
00:09:06.980 We're saying they're exactly the same.
00:09:11.200 So then being exactly the same, money doesn't matter.
00:09:16.080 Can I actually pick up on that?
00:09:17.560 I'd probably flip a coin.
00:09:19.100 You said as a minute ago, you said they don't understand what I need.
00:09:24.200 Now, when I said looking at what you'd look at, what you need from a man, you picked up 0.98
00:09:29.520 on that and said, why does it matter what the woman needs? 1.00
00:09:32.360 And assumed it was a monetary value thing where I was talking about emotionally and mentally.
00:09:36.680 But when you've said that, nobody said anything.
00:09:39.300 That's not what I'm talking about.
00:09:40.200 He's talking about the man's needs in terms of a man's needs.
00:09:43.580 I could fulfill my own needs.
00:09:45.060 When you're coming into a relationship, you're probably coming with university debt.
00:09:48.100 You're probably coming with problems from your ex-relationship.
00:09:50.180 You're probably coming with past issues.
00:09:52.600 I'm talking about emotional needs.
00:09:53.400 You're holding a lot of feelings away for women. 1.00
00:09:55.520 So, here's the difference.
00:10:03.520 Emotional needs, you will seek a man to help you with that.
00:10:08.080 Whereas I, as a man, if I've got emotional needs, I will not come to you with those emotional
00:10:13.480 needs.
00:10:13.900 And the reason being is that you, as a woman, will not understand the struggle as a man 1.00
00:10:18.480 that I go through on a daily basis.
00:10:20.620 So, it's very difficult for you to comprehend and give me advice on how to deal with my emotional
00:10:27.000 problems.
00:10:27.480 I, as a man, will probably be best off going to seek advice from other males that I could
00:10:34.940 call friends, maybe counsellors in that kind of realm in order to get advice on how to
00:10:41.080 go about my emotional problems.
00:10:43.160 Yeah.
00:10:44.060 You don't think women could do the same, though. 1.00
00:10:45.900 I think women, Pearl says it best, women are chemically different on a day-to-day basis. 1.00
00:10:52.260 And so, the idea that I could say, all right, guys, I'm going through these problems, you
00:10:58.020 may see it from a woman's perspective and you'll go, oh, well, you can do this, this,
00:11:01.540 and this.
00:11:02.340 As a man, if I take that advice, I do those things, I will find the results are not suitable
00:11:09.380 or what I'm looking for, because you, as a woman, women tend to be multicolored in today's 1.00
00:11:16.660 society.
00:11:17.620 Men, if you do something, you will know about it.
00:11:21.180 Society will tell you that this can't run and you can't do it.
00:11:24.880 So, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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