JustPearlyThings - June 30, 2023


Boss Babe Gets DEBUNKED After Saying This


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

229.89276

Word count

2,744

Sentence count

251

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

13

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the importance of opening up to your partner and why it's important to do so. We also talk about why women like it when their partners open up to them and how to deal with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So, yeah, they appreciate when men open up.
00:00:02.540 I don't think so.
00:00:03.860 I was going to.
00:00:04.460 No.
00:00:04.940 I knew so.
00:00:05.960 No.
00:00:06.680 I don't.
00:00:07.080 There's studies that show that, like, women like their husbands less when they open up or cry to them.
00:00:13.160 And I hear guys telling me all the time that, like, they'll open up to, like, this is women.
00:00:17.500 What we kind of do is we kind of, like, we don't realize we're doing it, but we start to psychoanalyze men and it pisses them off.
00:00:23.460 So, like, they'll say, oh, this happened in my childhood or whatever.
00:00:26.200 They'll open up to us.
00:00:27.160 And then we'll be, like, every time we're in an argument, well, it's because of his childhood.
00:00:31.280 And it's, like, throwing it in their face.
00:00:33.720 That's women leading from a different angle. 1.00
00:00:37.320 There's this thing about listen to understand rather than listen to respond.
00:00:41.140 And people who, that's basically you're throwing something back in someone's face.
00:00:45.240 So, there's women like that because they're not. 1.00
00:00:47.700 I think it's common, though.
00:00:49.240 It is.
00:00:49.800 I don't even think it always comes out of, like, a place of maliciousness.
00:00:54.200 Actually, I think so.
00:00:55.300 No.
00:00:55.620 Well, I mean, for some women, yeah. 1.00
00:00:57.380 But I've heard girls do it and it's more of, like, them explaining, like, why he's doing it.
00:01:01.260 But guys don't want to hear that.
00:01:02.400 Oh, they're trying to correct him, basically.
00:01:04.040 Yeah.
00:01:04.520 Yeah.
00:01:05.160 Yeah.
00:01:05.940 But I genuinely think that telling men to, like, open up to women is bad advice overall. 0.71
00:01:10.860 I don't think, like, you're telling them to open, but, like.
00:01:13.880 I think they should open up to other men.
00:01:15.700 Do you think so?
00:01:16.600 I agree.
00:01:16.940 Because I don't, I don't want, I look at a guy, I want him to be my rock.
00:01:20.200 Yeah.
00:01:20.520 I don't, I don't want a guy that's more emotional than me.
00:01:22.880 But when he crumbles, all of a sudden, it's like, who's this person?
00:01:26.760 How do I deal with it?
00:01:27.600 Because I've never seen this side or I never saw it coming.
00:01:30.440 And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:01:32.280 Now he's really soft.
00:01:33.940 And who is this?
00:01:34.580 I'm not saying leave him the second you see any emotion.
00:01:38.160 But I think, by and large, like, the more he does it, the more likely you will leave.
00:01:43.020 Because you don't, like, do women want weak men or do they want strong men?
00:01:46.340 It doesn't make you weak to open up, I don't think.
00:01:49.500 I think there's a time and place.
00:01:50.900 And I think, I think, as you said, it depends on what the woman's there for.
00:01:55.180 I think that also plays a part.
00:01:56.440 Because sometimes, you know, when you're in a girl chat or, I feel like sometimes it does stem from,
00:02:01.380 I wouldn't say actually it stems from any age range of women or anything.
00:02:04.680 I think it's off a perspective and how, like you said, you want your man to be.
00:02:07.940 But nine times out of ten, I do feel like if a man opens up or he gets emotional,
00:02:12.660 I feel like if you've not been together for a very long period of time or it's quite new,
00:02:16.260 women tend to go, yeah, but I don't actually know why he opened up to me.
00:02:19.800 Like, why is he acting bare soft?
00:02:21.340 Or, like, it's just a bit, like, what do I do?
00:02:24.040 Do you know what I mean?
00:02:24.620 A lot of women do get turned off by that kind of stuff. 1.00
00:02:26.760 Yeah, of course.
00:02:27.440 Yeah, I've heard it.
00:02:27.540 That's why it is always better to open up with your boys.
00:02:30.660 Yeah.
00:02:31.380 But sometimes your boys just can't support you like that.
00:02:34.720 Yeah, not always.
00:02:35.520 Or even reach out to a coach or a mentor, an expert in that field.
00:02:39.640 I'm not even just saying that.
00:02:41.360 No, but that's actually the reason why I got into it.
00:02:43.460 But, like, yeah, unfortunately, let's admit that your words do get used against you in an argument.
00:02:50.060 And women do sometimes tend to go to that, when they want to get a reaction out of you. 1.00
00:02:55.140 They want to see some emotion.
00:02:56.520 They will go to that soft place.
00:02:57.780 So I always tell men just, yeah, not to open up and poke your girl.
00:03:02.160 And I think it goes back to, like, all them, like, old-time saying, you know, like, you treat them mean, keep them keen.
00:03:10.100 So it's like, that's what women like, kind of sometimes that chase and that play with men. 1.00
00:03:14.700 I feel like they don't always like what they want.
00:03:16.980 Sometimes they like to be put in their place.
00:03:18.960 They like a man to be able to know he can do that.
00:03:20.780 Well, and I think it also goes back to, like, women reproduce with aggressive men.
00:03:25.360 You know that violent felons have more children than people that don't have a criminal history.
00:03:32.180 Wow.
00:03:32.740 Really?
00:03:33.340 Is that not to do with grape, though?
00:03:35.340 I mean, that sounds a little sus, that they have a violent history and then they have more children.
00:03:39.600 Look at what happened to Ted Bundy when he was in prison.
00:03:43.080 I know, but I feel like that's a wild exception in general.
00:03:46.080 No, it's not an exception.
00:03:47.420 If you look at, if you take the percentage of men that reproduce that are violent felons, they reproduce more than people without a criminal history.
00:03:54.900 And there's even, like, a trend of women falling in love with their captors or pursuing those men when they're in prison.
00:04:01.660 That's trauma, though.
00:04:03.360 It's Stockholm Syndrome.
00:04:04.320 It's like pursuing your captor.
00:04:05.760 No, I don't think it is.
00:04:06.860 I think it's biology.
00:04:07.720 I mean, I'm not saying it's, like, a good thing.
00:04:10.480 But why?
00:04:11.360 Why?
00:04:11.480 Because historically, what happened?
00:04:13.920 We were in tribes, right?
00:04:15.720 And what would happen?
00:04:17.040 You would be with the strongest man because they would kill your man and they would take you.
00:04:20.660 I don't know.
00:04:20.980 So you had to, like, learn how to fall in love with the person that captured you if you wanted to survive and reproduce.
00:04:27.900 Just, like, an anomaly here.
00:04:29.260 But, like, I could not be with a man if he didn't open up to me, if he didn't have a soft side.
00:04:33.620 And, like, if someone opens up to me early on, I take that as a positive sign that I've made them feel comfortable.
00:04:37.520 I've never, ever, ever judged someone for that.
00:04:40.280 And I don't think that men should be trying to be with the kind of women that would judge them for that.
00:04:44.060 Agreed.
00:04:44.440 Like, I would never encourage my male friends to be with a girl who would, like, sneer at him for crying.
00:04:50.120 Yeah, but I think, by and large, like, women lose respect for men the more that they open up. 0.99
00:04:55.520 So I think it's, like, from a feminine point of view where, like, this is why they say women give bad dating advice because across the board women don't respect men that open up more.
00:05:04.200 I think it depends on a lot of factors like age and stuff like that because I think maybe at 23 I would have been like, ooh, but you meet a man at 45, he's had children, he's had trauma.
00:05:15.460 Like, you're going to have people come with more stuff.
00:05:18.120 And I'm more, like, 360 now and I would be able to deal with it much more now than I would be able.
00:05:23.520 I wouldn't judge a man for opening up to me now.
00:05:25.680 I mean, yeah, you might not think you would.
00:05:28.500 No, I really don't think I would.
00:05:29.480 No, but there's studies that show that women lose respect for men the more they cry. 0.87
00:05:33.920 The more they, like, that's one way that men open up is to cry in front of you.
00:05:36.540 But it's still only a segment of society, right?
00:05:37.820 What?
00:05:37.960 It's still only a segment of society.
00:05:38.840 It's across the board.
00:05:40.100 They've done multiple studies with multiple different women in multiple regions. 0.98
00:05:44.200 Because think about it.
00:05:44.960 Like, you don't want a guy that's crying every day.
00:05:47.400 Not every day, but, like, something traumatic's happened to him.
00:05:50.060 His dad's died.
00:05:50.720 You want him crying.
00:05:51.400 Right, but see, this is the thing, though.
00:05:53.360 Like, every time I bring up this example, that's always what women say. 1.00
00:05:56.500 It's like, when his dad died.
00:05:57.620 That's extreme.
00:05:59.240 Yeah, but when you're talking about every day.
00:06:00.520 But overall, you still want a strong man.
00:06:03.040 You don't want a guy that's crying every day.
00:06:05.120 You can cry at all.
00:06:06.000 Every day.
00:06:06.400 And we're doing, like, once, like, there's a, again, there's a spectrum.
00:06:09.740 Okay, so how often can he cry?
00:06:11.820 Like, when, how often are I, when something traumatic happens.
00:06:14.520 Okay, so how often?
00:06:15.440 What if it's once a week?
00:06:16.840 You staying?
00:06:17.860 No.
00:06:18.560 Okay.
00:06:19.060 I would stay.
00:06:19.940 I mean, if it was going through a bad patch or something and he's got depression,
00:06:23.440 and, like, then, again, there's different circumstances.
00:06:25.340 Okay, so three years, he's depressed.
00:06:27.280 Every week, he's crying.
00:06:28.480 That's going to be tough.
00:06:29.580 See, that's my point.
00:06:31.260 But if I was crying every day for three years, that's going to be tough?
00:06:34.120 I don't know.
00:06:34.780 But girls cry once a month, if you know what I mean.
00:06:37.160 Yeah, but that's not every day for three years.
00:06:40.940 It depends on your preference now.
00:06:42.760 You're right.
00:06:43.300 There's some women that put up with more, and there's some that put up with less. 1.00
00:06:46.480 But if you're advising men, why would you tell them to do something that most women don't like?
00:06:51.120 Because I wouldn't want them to be with most women, though. 1.00
00:06:53.060 I'd want them to be with someone who's going to emotionally support them and love them, like, unconditionally.
00:06:56.980 And if that means I'm crying every week.
00:06:58.620 Women don't love unconditionally. 1.00
00:07:00.560 They love under conditions.
00:07:01.520 I love unconditionally.
00:07:02.080 100%.
00:07:02.480 Yeah.
00:07:03.280 Come on.
00:07:03.800 If your guy was unemployed for 10 years, you're staying, not working, sitting on the couch.
00:07:08.780 Obviously, it's situational when you get with somebody.
00:07:11.080 But that's the point.
00:07:12.200 See, you wouldn't.
00:07:13.800 But you would.
00:07:14.760 Like, if something happened to my boyfriend, if my boyfriend got cancer and couldn't work,
00:07:18.620 and he was ill for 10 years, would I leave him?
00:07:21.380 Absolutely not.
00:07:22.000 Not in a million years.
00:07:22.920 I would stay and I'd support him.
00:07:23.880 It's actually men who leave in that situation.
00:07:25.100 But I wasn't talking about the exception.
00:07:26.860 I'm talking about the rule.
00:07:27.800 And one of the number one indicators of divorce is financial.
00:07:31.240 Yeah, because you're financially out.
00:07:31.960 And women. 0.98
00:07:32.300 And actually, one out of six divorces, women are spiteful and wreck men in court. 1.00
00:07:37.300 What does that mean?
00:07:38.440 Financially wrecked.
00:07:39.080 That means they don't give them access to the children, and they also financially ruin them.
00:07:42.600 One out of every six divorces.
00:07:44.400 Yeah, but most men don't.
00:07:45.400 It's only like 20% of men try to get access to their children.
00:07:49.140 Why?
00:07:49.640 I don't know.
00:07:50.220 Why?
00:07:50.880 Because they feel like it's not a fair fight, so they just don't bother.
00:07:53.220 But why would you not fight?
00:07:54.340 If I had lost control, I don't have children, but if I lost my children, I would fight for them.
00:07:58.380 I wouldn't be like 80% more.
00:07:59.820 I'll tell you.
00:08:00.380 I'll tell you.
00:08:01.180 I'll tell you why they don't fight.
00:08:02.520 So I interviewed, and I'm doing a documentary on this.
00:08:05.180 Okay.
00:08:05.540 So I actually have spoken.
00:08:06.940 Like, I just did one today.
00:08:09.860 So basically, what a girl can do is she can put, it's a restraining order. 1.00
00:08:14.560 I forgot what you, you guys, a non-molestation order.
00:08:16.960 Yeah, non-mol.
00:08:17.460 So one call, right?
00:08:19.400 She can put in a non-molestation order and say he abused her. 1.00
00:08:22.360 And by the way, she's incentivized to say this.
00:08:24.320 So she gets free housing if she says that he abused her and free lawyers.
00:08:29.600 So one call, he's out of his house because he can't stay in the house.
00:08:32.740 He still has to pay the mortgage on.
00:08:34.700 And now he doesn't get a court date for a year.
00:08:36.660 So it takes him a year, six months to a year to even see his kid that she's not letting him see.
00:08:41.820 And he can't even legally go and try to see the kid.
00:08:44.940 Okay.
00:08:45.760 Then if he wants to, so she gets free lawyers. 0.68
00:08:48.480 And by the way, these women's shelters, they know exactly what to say.
00:08:51.780 So he cannot get access to the kids.
00:08:53.960 Okay.
00:08:55.260 And so on top of that, and this is, women can do this too, or men can do this too, but they're not typically the first ones who file.
00:09:01.660 Women file 80% of the time, 90% if they're college educated. 0.97
00:09:04.420 So on top of that, if he wants to fight in court, he has to spend $20,000 to $30,000 or pounds here.
00:09:11.160 Would your children not be worth $20,000?
00:09:12.500 Okay.
00:09:12.840 Okay.
00:09:13.160 Okay.
00:09:13.360 I'll get to it.
00:09:15.220 So the average guy makes what?
00:09:16.520 35,000 pounds.
00:09:18.000 So now he's in all this debt trying to get his kids.
00:09:20.980 Okay.
00:09:21.660 So he goes to court and there's only a 10% chance of him winning.
00:09:25.620 10% of the time.
00:09:26.820 So now he's just, and on top of that, he's still paying the mortgage on his house.
00:09:30.700 And on top of that, he's now on child support.
00:09:33.380 So he's probably paying like three, 400 bucks a month on top of maybe a $1,500 a month mortgage.
00:09:40.200 So that's almost two grand.
00:09:42.040 Okay.
00:09:42.380 He's paying a month and then he's got the court fees.
00:09:44.860 This is where a lot of men kill themselves because they can't see their kids.
00:09:48.700 There's only a 10% chance they'll get primary custody.
00:09:51.280 He could go through the whole thing and probably, and if he's lucky, he gets six days a month with his kid and she can do it all over again with one call.
00:10:00.320 But if you take that back to the beginning, to get a non-moll in the first place, you need probable cause that he was violent. 0.89
00:10:06.400 No, you don't.
00:10:07.420 To get a non-moll. 0.94
00:10:08.100 No, you don't.
00:10:09.220 What do you need?
00:10:10.100 You don't need any evidence.
00:10:11.740 I know a girl that got free housing and there was no man that did anything.
00:10:16.180 Like she didn't have a boyfriend.
00:10:17.480 That's ridiculous.
00:10:18.040 And she just said that you don't need any evidence or proof because the differences in family court, it's not based off of evidence.
00:10:24.120 It's based off of a balance of probabilities.
00:10:26.680 And typically when women cry and say they were abused, the judge is just going to believe her. 1.00
00:10:30.940 Because again, in family court, you don't need evidence where in criminal court, you do.
00:10:34.880 So the question is, why aren't these women in criminal court? 1.00
00:10:38.180 Now, what percent of cases did the women actually in the women's shelters, what percent of cases did the women actually file criminal court? 0.99
00:10:46.360 Where like a man actually got a jury, a trial, all of that.
00:10:48.920 What percent of cases do you think there is?
00:10:50.980 Well, clearly, if that system is allowing them to lie, then they won't bother going for criminal.
00:10:56.680 Right.
00:10:56.900 But I'm saying so, like if someone punches you in the face, most likely you're going to go to court.
00:11:01.360 Right.
00:11:01.660 Yeah.
00:11:02.160 Right.
00:11:02.440 You would think.
00:11:03.020 Right.
00:11:03.380 So what percent out of 10 women in these women's shelters, what percent of them actually went to criminal court?
00:11:09.860 Maybe like five.
00:11:11.080 I think it's like under one.
00:11:12.520 Yeah.
00:11:13.020 Under one.
00:11:13.880 It's higher than you say.
00:11:14.980 It's like 15 to 20 percent.
00:11:16.440 So 80 percent of cases, there's no evidence.
00:11:19.180 And with one phone call, she takes away his kids and financially ruins him. 0.98
00:11:23.120 And now he's saying on top of the child support he's paying, on top of the the restraining order, on top of all of these fees, on top of arguing with the mother for a year, he needs to fight for his kids and pay 20 to 30 thousand pounds for a 10 percent outcome.
00:11:37.600 Do you know what?
00:11:38.280 If I was a guy, I wouldn't do it.
00:11:40.240 I wouldn't.
00:11:40.580 I think there's men that would go to the ends of the earth for their children, but I think there's a lot of men that don't.
00:11:46.400 I think that's easy to say in a place of privilege.
00:11:49.340 But if you're making it at this point, most of the men are homeless.
00:11:52.200 And on top of that, their entire community thinks they're an abuser.
00:11:55.780 Yeah.