JustPearlyThings - May 17, 2023


Boss Babe Gets TRIGGERED By This Question


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

225.42473

Word count

2,667

Sentence count

239

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about what it means to be a woman in today's society and why it's important to have a husband who can provide for you and your family. We also talk about how important it is for a woman to be able to support herself and her family, and why she doesn't want to settle for a man who doesn't provide for them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Don't make more money.
00:00:01.140 And I feel like a man is meant to be, well, if you're married, a provider.
00:00:05.780 Well, not a sole provider, but a provider.
00:00:08.600 And I don't feel like if you're not earning more than me, you could provide for me, like, fully.
00:00:14.300 And if we're buying a house together and I don't like it, I'm not going to, and I am providing basically more, it's going to be more my decision.
00:00:20.280 I think it would be hard for me to submit to someone who isn't basically being able to lead me.
00:00:24.980 You're going to have to be able to lead me.
00:00:26.440 And if you're not earning more than me, it's going to be harder for me to agree or listen to you.
00:00:31.460 It might sound, oh, that's not nice, but that's how I feel.
00:00:34.020 I can't listen to someone that isn't earning more than me.
00:00:37.560 But why is that, though?
00:00:38.500 I'm the opposite.
00:00:39.440 I just feel like it's just because of the way I've been raised.
00:00:42.200 If I, for example, I use my dad, he's always earned, he's always been an earner.
00:00:45.360 He's always been able to look after me and his family.
00:00:47.520 So that's what I see my future husband doing.
00:00:50.660 And if you're not earning more than me, maybe if it's a short period of time, you've lost money or you're down.
00:00:55.220 But I couldn't marry someone that earns less than me.
00:00:58.240 I just couldn't.
00:00:59.160 Because how I see the role of a man in a household, you're meant to be a leader, provider.
00:01:03.680 I just couldn't.
00:01:04.440 I don't understand.
00:01:05.160 But sometimes there's a come up, so they might be low in the beginning.
00:01:08.840 Could you stick by someone that has a good heart and be with them through the come up?
00:01:14.440 To be honest with you, I feel maybe because of my past experiences, where I am now,
00:01:20.420 I don't want to be with someone that's on a come up.
00:01:23.460 I feel like, especially because I have a child and where I want to be in life,
00:01:28.480 I don't want someone that's on the come up.
00:01:30.220 Maybe a few years ago, it was fine.
00:01:32.360 But where I am now, I want you to be at least a certain level earning a certain amount of money consistently.
00:01:37.340 I don't want to have to raise you or support you consistently.
00:01:41.140 How much money is it?
00:01:42.560 How much money?
00:01:43.100 Do you know what?
00:01:43.720 It doesn't have to be a large amount of money because I'm not like, what's the word?
00:01:48.280 High maintenance or.
00:01:49.480 Let me Google, hold on.
00:01:50.500 Yeah.
00:01:51.340 It just.
00:01:52.140 Average, average salary UK.
00:01:56.040 Okay.
00:01:56.820 I feel like someone just be able to live, maintain, be able to go out on events and do things.
00:02:02.260 It doesn't have to be crazy, but as long as you're.
00:02:04.200 London, £41,000.
00:02:06.280 If he earns that.
00:02:07.400 Yeah, that's the average.
00:02:08.140 It says the average yearly wage for full-time workers in London in 2022, according to status.
00:02:14.400 Yeah, I think that would be fine for me.
00:02:15.780 I don't, you don't have to be a millionaire or a billionaire.
00:02:17.780 No way.
00:02:18.560 You just have to be able to support yourself so that we can rise together.
00:02:22.680 I don't want someone that's down and then I have to pull you up because I've got a child.
00:02:25.680 I don't have time to be pulling up everyone.
00:02:27.160 Then there's rebuttal is what are you bringing to the table?
00:02:30.040 What am I bringing to the table?
00:02:31.280 Why?
00:02:31.760 I don't get what it's all.
00:02:33.540 Well, I'm bringing myself.
00:02:36.080 I'm bringing everything I can do.
00:02:37.960 Yeah, but yeah, I bring a lot to the table.
00:02:39.980 Why do you hate the question?
00:02:41.160 I hate that question.
00:02:42.240 You don't think if you're interviewing for a job, you have to show them your resume and your money experience?
00:02:47.540 Yeah, of course.
00:02:48.420 But I feel like when men ask that question, I feel like we should be asking you, what are you bringing to the table?
00:02:57.700 Money.
00:02:57.980 Because I've...
00:02:59.180 41 bags.
00:03:00.380 You know what's crazy?
00:03:01.080 Yeah, but you're forgetting, a woman is going to, first of all, she's going to make your house a home. 1.00
00:03:09.260 She is going to raise your kids. 0.93
00:03:11.540 Do you think most modern women can make a house a home? 1.00
00:03:14.280 Do most modern women have recipes from scratch? 1.00
00:03:16.760 No.
00:03:17.380 Modern women that have old school morals. 1.00
00:03:19.300 Tick-tock.
00:03:20.980 Not necessarily.
00:03:23.520 Not necessarily, but what I mean is she is going to make your house feel like a home.
00:03:28.680 She is going to be there for you.
00:03:30.360 How does she do that specifically? 1.00
00:03:32.100 Well, you would do duties around the house, would you not?
00:03:34.900 But a maid can do that. 1.00
00:03:35.440 But not every woman does that now. 1.00
00:03:37.400 It's a certain type of woman you're talking about. 1.00
00:03:38.860 So, like, what does she bring to the table that a hooker, a cook, and a cleaner can't do? 1.00
00:03:43.540 But she's going to be providing you with support, emotional support.
00:03:47.040 But I just think when men hear this, it's like we're saying nothing.
00:03:50.680 Oh, okay.
00:03:51.240 It's like not specific as, I can do this, I have this skill, this, this, and this.
00:03:56.420 My mama can do that. 1.00
00:03:57.960 Do you know what it is?
00:03:58.940 Obviously, you know my sexuality.
00:04:01.420 And my role is basically like the male role.
00:04:03.900 So, that's why I'm just asking these little ones and twos to throw you off.
00:04:08.220 But also to get a better understanding.
00:04:11.240 But I'm not really hearing, it's not matching up to the 41 grand that I'm bringing to the table.
00:04:15.680 I don't get why everything's always centred around finances.
00:04:18.820 I understand you need money to survive.
00:04:20.620 But I don't understand where women have the high expectations of expecting a man to have so much money to get with him. 0.99
00:04:26.360 Like, how can, I thought, like, if you love someone, it's based on love.
00:04:29.920 Like, not just based on what you can pick.
00:04:32.560 Like, it's like you can tick all these boxes.
00:04:34.440 But where's the love in that?
00:04:35.980 Don't get it?
00:04:36.400 One thing I realised from being in a relationship, love is not enough.
00:04:39.120 Love is not enough.
00:04:39.520 So, you can have love.
00:04:40.240 Love is not enough.
00:04:42.020 It's great to be in love.
00:04:43.420 But it's not enough.
00:04:43.980 I disagree.
00:04:44.120 Love is everything.
00:04:44.940 Peace and love is life.
00:04:47.080 Okay.
00:04:47.620 We can say that.
00:04:48.280 A man wants peace.
00:04:49.460 When you think about it.
00:04:49.960 And he wants love.
00:04:50.620 You can be in love with someone.
00:04:51.640 Love them dearly.
00:04:52.500 But when the bills come, is that love going to pay the bills?
00:04:54.720 You need to lower your maintenance then?
00:04:56.520 Yeah, you can lower your maintenance.
00:04:57.580 Because you've got high expectations.
00:04:58.440 You should be providing for yourself then.
00:05:00.600 You can't expect the man to do that.
00:05:01.960 For example, okay, you live together.
00:05:05.580 There are certain things that a woman may pay. 1.00
00:05:07.580 And there are certain things that a man may pay.
00:05:09.760 You both work.
00:05:11.300 Love is not going to pay those bills.
00:05:12.660 Love is not going to keep you warm at night.
00:05:14.000 But you endure when you survive the life of a household together.
00:05:17.020 You survive.
00:05:17.700 That's how it works.
00:05:18.280 And you become accustomed to the wealth that you make in your household.
00:05:20.800 I get that.
00:05:21.760 But that's not the way I would want to live my life.
00:05:24.220 I want to be able to enjoy.
00:05:26.400 I want to be in love and be able to say, okay.
00:05:28.900 So if your man makes more than you, why is he expected to make more and you make less and you both live the same life?
00:05:35.960 He doesn't have to make more.
00:05:37.140 You just said he has to make more, didn't you?
00:05:39.060 No, no, no.
00:05:39.460 I didn't say he has to make more.
00:05:40.400 I said if I made more, I wouldn't be able to submit to him.
00:05:43.760 So that means he's going to make more.
00:05:44.800 So he has to make more?
00:05:45.960 We could make the same amount.
00:05:47.200 We'd be happy with the same amount.
00:05:48.320 Yeah, I would be happy with the same amount, but I find, I know if he makes less than me, it would be harder for me to submit.
00:05:54.800 Why is that?
00:05:55.320 Because I just, that's how I see it.
00:05:57.480 I can't even put a nail on it, but I know if a man made less than me.
00:06:00.300 Do you think society has a role to play in that?
00:06:02.280 That finance has taken its toll?
00:06:03.880 100%.
00:06:04.280 100%.
00:06:05.360 I'm probably by the way I've been raised.
00:06:06.940 Yeah.
00:06:07.260 Pardon me?
00:06:07.840 Do you think society has taken a toll on how you love someone?
00:06:11.840 Because it's supposed to be love.
00:06:13.120 Yeah.
00:06:13.640 No, I think it's just the way I see love.
00:06:16.080 I feel like love is not enough.
00:06:17.720 Maybe my past relationship.
00:06:18.560 So you think love is based on material then basically?
00:06:20.120 No, what I think love is, is you can love someone, but maybe, what can I say?
00:06:24.560 So say you was with a man and he was rich and then he went broke, would you stay with him?
00:06:28.920 100%.
00:06:29.320 What's the difference then if the roles are reversed?
00:06:31.880 The difference is because you've gone broke.
00:06:33.960 I didn't meet you broke.
00:06:34.680 So why can't you help somebody get rich if you can help them stay broke?
00:06:37.660 Because it's a mentality thing.
00:06:39.500 If he could get rich in the first place, then I know in my heart he can get rich again.
00:06:43.700 I believe, I believe a good person, I believe in his mentality.
00:06:46.920 Do you know what it is?
00:06:47.560 Personally, I get what you're trying to say.
00:06:48.860 A good person can see potential in somebody if I'm nothing.
00:06:51.560 The problem is if I speak from my personal experiences, I'm always the one seeing potential in people.
00:06:56.120 And always trying to stick by them.
00:06:56.820 Maybe there's something that you should look within yourself that might need fixing and choosing a partner then.
00:07:00.800 Maybe it's not the man.
00:07:01.760 Do you know what it is?
00:07:02.440 Maybe it is.
00:07:03.480 But that's why I've made a decision to say I'm not looking, I'm not going to go with somebody that is.
00:07:07.720 I'm not going to look at anyone's potential anymore because we can see potential for days.
00:07:11.020 It doesn't mean that they're going to reach that.
00:07:12.460 So what I've learned is I now want to be with someone or get to date someone that is at a certain stage that I can say,
00:07:18.460 okay, you're not at your pulling up stage.
00:07:20.100 I don't have to pull you up.
00:07:21.180 I think that's very unfair on men.
00:07:23.220 Well, maybe that is.
00:07:24.560 But that's my opinion.
00:07:25.440 That's where I am now.
00:07:26.260 I've given people chances, pulled them up.
00:07:28.880 So you want a high value man, basically?
00:07:31.000 I wouldn't say high value, but someone that is at a...
00:07:33.000 Yeah, high value.
00:07:33.800 Oh, yeah, we could say high value.
00:07:34.940 Yes, it's a high value.
00:07:35.740 Well, you've got a child as well, then, you know?
00:07:37.620 Just so you guys know.
00:07:38.320 A child as well.
00:07:39.700 If we're going to use that term, it's 10K a month.
00:07:41.780 That's high value.
00:07:42.800 I'm just saying.
00:07:43.860 Well, I wouldn't say high value.
00:07:45.200 I just want someone that is able to pay their bills, feed themselves.
00:07:49.040 Okay, so what if a guy ticked all them boxes and emotionally you don't feel nothing,
00:07:53.640 but besides that, he's absolutely perfect.
00:07:55.940 Would you stay with him?
00:07:56.380 I don't like him.
00:07:57.380 There's no emotional connection.
00:07:58.460 There's no love there.
00:07:59.120 You said love isn't what it used to be.
00:08:01.100 No, I said love isn't enough.
00:08:02.520 So I can love someone, but everything else has to be respectful.
00:08:05.740 You have to have family values.
00:08:07.000 Just say you ticked all them boxes, but you love them a little bit.
00:08:11.820 Love is important.
00:08:13.560 If you ticked all them boxes, what?
00:08:14.840 Say that question one more time.
00:08:16.140 If a man ticked all the boxes and you loved him a little bit, is that good enough?
00:08:22.340 No.
00:08:23.360 Okay.
00:08:23.720 No, it's not.
00:08:24.760 I agree with you.
00:08:26.280 Sorry.
00:08:26.960 Do you think there's a minimum?
00:08:28.680 Like a guy has to have a job, right?
00:08:30.760 Okay, yeah.
00:08:31.540 Yeah.
00:08:31.780 I mean, I think it's dishonest when we say it's all about love.
00:08:35.140 Because I think at some point, if a guy's unemployed for five years, you're probably going to leave.
00:08:39.740 I think it's about the mentality of a person.
00:08:42.080 So like if somebody's broke, say I met someone and he's broke, but he's got the right mentality to conquer the world.
00:08:48.700 Then by all means, I can support him and I can help him.
00:08:51.020 I'm happy to do that.
00:08:52.500 No, I agree with you.
00:08:53.660 It's about mentality.
00:08:54.640 But I just think when we're asking these questions, it's like, what is the minimum?
00:08:58.700 I don't have a minimum.
00:08:59.600 If I like somebody and I believe in them, then they've got my support.
00:09:04.020 But how long are you believing in them until they like?
00:09:07.420 As long as I think it's difficult.
00:09:09.400 Say I have money and the man doesn't have any money.
00:09:12.320 If he can respect my values and believe that I'm putting him in positions to help him, then I'll support him.
00:09:18.020 But for how long?
00:09:18.280 If he's getting up every day at six in the morning and he's trying and trying, you can't fault somebody like that.
00:09:24.160 Because we're all from different places.
00:09:25.300 But for how long?
00:09:26.880 And there's no job five years later.
00:09:28.880 But I think I've got a whole different perspective of life because of my lifestyle and how I've been brought up.
00:09:35.660 What's different about your lifestyle?
00:09:37.460 Everything.
00:09:38.160 I think my life's upbringing experience is completely different to a lot of people.
00:09:42.840 How so?
00:09:43.680 I don't really want to dig too deep on here, if I'm being honest.
00:09:46.240 But I just do believe that my circumstances are quite unique.
00:09:50.920 I just don't think money is everything.
00:09:52.720 So what would it take for you not to believe in him anymore?
00:09:55.200 For you to say, okay, cool.
00:09:56.220 My first perspective of this man was wrong.
00:09:59.640 And he's actually like, not a bum, sorry. 0.98
00:10:03.620 If he's behaving like a bum, then obviously that's a huge red flag that he doesn't really want to change his life. 0.99
00:10:09.320 He's quite happy being mediocre.
00:10:11.120 So, yeah.
00:10:12.100 So that's when you'll leave, when you realise his true mentality.
00:10:15.700 Yeah, but I haven't ever encountered a situation like that to say I'm going like I'd...
00:10:21.400 Okay.
00:10:22.440 What were you going to say?
00:10:23.680 You had something to say earlier.
00:10:24.680 Yeah, I just agree with you.
00:10:27.700 Sorry, I forgot your lovely name.
00:10:29.160 Jenae.
00:10:29.700 I agree with you.
00:10:31.020 And I feel like what you were trying to say was, yes, your love is...
00:10:36.120 You love someone, but it's, as a woman, it's conditional. 1.00
00:10:40.740 And I'm going to be honest, as a woman, like my love is conditional.
00:10:44.620 Yes, I can love you.
00:10:45.920 And yes, I can have these amazing, beautiful memories with you.
00:10:49.300 But if you are not bringing those qualities that I want and you are not going to contribute to the life that I want for myself, then that love is not enough for me.
00:11:02.780 It's not enough for me.
00:11:04.380 And if I'm honest with you, I'm not really looking to be with someone and do the whole struggle love thing.
00:11:10.420 I'll be honest, I'm not.
00:11:12.260 I'll agree.
00:11:12.760 Yes, you have dreams, but it's not my job to sit here and motivate you and be holding your hand.
00:11:18.940 While you're doing it, I'm not looking for a project.
00:11:21.580 I'm looking for someone who is established because I feel like as a high value woman, I am allowed to seek a high value man, especially because I know what I bring to the table. 0.60
00:11:31.660 So I want someone to match that.
00:11:33.700 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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