Boss Babe Regrets Her Life Choices
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
189.40332
Summary
In this episode, we talk about regrets and how to deal with them. We talk about how we live with regrets and what we would do differently if we could go back in time. We also talk about what we have learned from regrets and the lessons we ve learned from them.
Transcript
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you give up for the right guy? What would I give up for the right guy? Yeah, because we all agree
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that you have to make sacrifices in relationships, right? So what sacrifices are you willing to make
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in a relationship? You know what? We just had the conversation before you came, and we were
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talking about if we see ourselves as modern woman and independent woman, and I made a transition.
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I used to think I was a Miss Independent, modern woman, but the recent years, I've made that
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transition, and I never thought I would give up my career, you know, just like being in a higher
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position. I was looking, when I was younger, I was always looking for status. I was looking to go up
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the career ladder, making money, but over time it has changed. I think now I'm getting older, and I'm
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like, hey, have I been wasting some years? Do you think you have? Now looking back, no. I don't like
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to think so, but if I were to go back and do some things different, I would, but I don't regret it
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because that has added to my experience now. What would you do different? Well, don't listen to
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songs like Neo, Miss Independent, first of all. And I think it's like this music culture, and yeah,
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society. I would have gone back and gone, spoke to my aunties more, spoke to my mom more from Sudan,
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and the traditions, because I see my parents are still married. My grandparents are still married,
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and I would have, I wanted to rebel against that when I was younger. Now I made that transition,
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and I'm thinking, I'm not that independent woman. I don't want to be an independent woman anymore.
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So I would, if it's the right man, I believe that the right man, we have aligned visions and missions.
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So I'm willing to give up everything I had in my career to go for what God has put us together as a
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mission together. I would do that. Yeah. So you would give up your career for a family, say?
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I would. If God wants me to do that, I would. Yeah. So one thing you said, you said you don't regret it?
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Or you do, like... If I were to go back, I would do some things different, but I am grateful for where
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I am at right now. So I'm grateful that I had this experience. Now I have a little niece.
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I can teach her those things, so she doesn't go the road that I went to. But...
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I just never understand when women say they don't regret it, if they would change it.
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I don't understand your question. Like, I've heard girls say that, and it doesn't compute to me.
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Because me, if I would change something, then I regret a certain decision.
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Well, it's... If you don't like the outcome, if you don't like the outcome, like, why don't you
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regret it? To be honest, Pearl, I don't... Again, like, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm very
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faith-driven, so I speak from that perspective. And regret is a very... It's a very bad feeling.
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And it's... I don't believe that we're meant to live with regret. So before, I was regretting it,
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for sure. I was feeling those regrets, and I was feeling those, oh, I shouldn't have done. But then,
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because I'm safe now, because I have a different life now, I don't carry those feelings anymore. I'm set
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free from that. So, yeah, if I... If I was... Why would anyone want to live with regret? And why would
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that be comfortable for anybody to live with regret? And why would you... Anybody see that?
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I don't mean it in, like, a way that... I don't mean it in a way that shames. But to me, like,
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when I hear that, it just sounds like the same thing. That was my question. Because if I would
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change something, then I regret it. Well, regret... If you're living in regret, it's like you're holding
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on to something. Then you can't, at the same time, be grateful for who you are now, what you've got.
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Oh, so it's kind of like just not living in, like, the shame of the decision, I see.
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It's like, okay, I did that. And, like, sorry, was it Carmen? Yeah. Yeah, she was saying it's
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what she's learned from it. So how can you regret that? It's like, wow, I've learned from it. If I
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didn't go through this path, I wouldn't even know. I could have... No, I mean, I could absolutely look
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at certain decisions that I've learned from and be like, well, I regret... Yeah, I wish I didn't do that.
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Yeah, 100%. There are things I've done... And I'm not saying you should wallow in it. You can't change it.
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Yeah. But, yeah, I get what you're saying. There are certain things that, yeah, I wish I did not do that. I did not
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need to learn in that way. I could have learned from other people, but...
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So, yeah. So you mentioned you went from being more modern to being more traditional.
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What did you do specifically to make that change? Yeah. So when I came here, when I went to Germany,
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I lived in Germany most of my life, and then I came to the UK. So I was more... The culture has changed.
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So I wasn't into very traditional. I wasn't so close to my Sudanese background. So I was more around
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people who were living a very modern life. And there's a lot of my friends who were with single
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parents. So in my culture, it's not... This is not happening. And that has shaped who I was becoming.
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So you didn't surround yourself with modern people? No, I did.
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I did. No, I'm saying now you chose to switch it to more traditional.
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Now I have empathy. Okay. Now I have, I can understand why they're living this way and why
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I rebelled against my roots and who I came from. But I made the transition. So, because I saw this,
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yeah, I saw, I saw this freedom. I saw this empowered woman. I can be everything. I can do everything.
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But that comes with a price. So... Could it be because you moved from your country to a more
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Western and more free country? Could it be that? Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Western country
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has definitely shaped me. And I have to be honest, not for the best way. How old were you when you
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came to the UK from Germany? Three years. Three years old? Three years, yeah. No, when I came from Sudan to
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Germany. No, no, but from Germany to the UK, how old was he? I think 18, 19. Okay. Yeah. So, I still
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don't understand what you did to become more traditional. Like, did you take cooking classes?
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I'm so sorry, I lost myself. No, I had, so I had examples, um, and I didn't see successful marriages.
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I didn't see successful relationships. So, uh, then I started to surround myself around Christian
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communities when I became a person of faith and I, um, I got baptized in 2019. That completely
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transitioned my life. So as a result, I started to see successful, healthy marriages. I didn't see
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that before. That's why I didn't even have the desire to be married. You didn't see it. I thought
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you said your parents and your grandparents were married. Yes, but that's the only example that I had.
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That's a very limited example, but I didn't, I did. Okay. They're married, but do I want to have
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their love life? No. Uh, they're still together. Their values are amazing when, when hard times hit.
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Yeah. They stick together, but I wanted more. So I didn't have those examples, but when I, I, I started
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to surround myself in the right environments and I started to see that I can have healthy relationships
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and healthy marriages and, um, yeah, with the right fire. So that has changed surrounding myself,
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the right people who I can see an example. All I needed was just an example and role models
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and I didn't see it. So, yeah. So this, it still doesn't make sense to me. And I hear this a lot,
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but like when I hear girls talk about how they were modern and then they became traditional,
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like, I don't hear anything that you actually did. Like I hear that I surrounded, I got baptized,
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which is great. You know, I'm, you know, pro faith here and, and, and like that you surrounded
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yourself with people that were married, but it's like, I can watch people that play basketball.
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That doesn't mean I learned to play. So I was just wondering like what specifically you did to
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become, because if, if women want to know you were modern before, then you became traditional,
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like what specifically did you do? Well, there's for something new to come in,
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the old has to go. My old self had to die. So that means my old belief. So because
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you said you, you, you know, of faith, right? Do you know something called the Holy Spirit?
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So when the Holy Spirit convicts someone on something, when, you know, you have a conviction,
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people call it intuition. We call it the Holy Spirit. So, but it's, it's stronger. It speaks so
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clearly. It's, it's like this thoughts feels wrong. The person, like, I remember the day,
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Pearl, this was crazy. I remember the day before I got baptized. This was crazy. I was with a
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atheist guy. Uh, I was dating an atheist guy and, um, I, I was like, yeah, I can change him, whatever.
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And the day after I got baptized and I had this inner conviction, I had to break up with this
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person, of course, for obvious reasons. But did someone from outside come and tell me this? No,
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it was an inner conviction. I knew that I had to let go of certain people, certain beliefs,
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because my faith is, is now the priority. I'm fully sold out. No. And I think faith is great.
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Right. I think, I think that's genuinely great for you, but faith, like getting baptized, being taken
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over with the Holy Spirit. Like I've been baptized. That didn't make me traditional. Yeah. Right.
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Yeah. So like, what did you physically do? Can you just define traditional? Maybe I don't understand.
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I mean, I would say traditional is like our grandmothers and our great grandmothers.
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Yes. That's, that's like what they traditionally did. Is there a hyper vision of that? Like,
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cause I, I don't see myself traditional, traditional, but I don't see myself modern.
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So is there like a middle definition or hybrid? Um, I, I don't, I don't really think so. Um,
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I think it's like a lot of, uh, no offense to you, but modern women pretending to be traditional
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and some of them don't really know they're not, but I think, I think once you like are around
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like a truly traditional woman, you just know it when you see it. I think there's differences
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because you can be around, like you're saying traditional and you can, you cannot be. And
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I think that per that individual person grows up to believe and do what they believe in their
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faith and whatever they choose. But, but you can like believe things and that's, that's great,
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but it's about what you, what you do. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I see a traditional woman,
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like would dress a certain way. Like yeah, models, you know, wouldn't show off and wouldn't go out
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party and drinking. Um, yeah, would be at home. I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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