JustPearlyThings - April 22, 2023


Boss Babe Regrets Her Life Choices


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

189.40332

Word count

2,040

Sentence count

180

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about regrets and how to deal with them. We talk about how we live with regrets and what we would do differently if we could go back in time. We also talk about what we have learned from regrets and the lessons we ve learned from them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 you give up for the right guy? What would I give up for the right guy? Yeah, because we all agree
00:00:05.300 that you have to make sacrifices in relationships, right? So what sacrifices are you willing to make
00:00:09.340 in a relationship? You know what? We just had the conversation before you came, and we were
00:00:15.360 talking about if we see ourselves as modern woman and independent woman, and I made a transition.
00:00:19.920 I used to think I was a Miss Independent, modern woman, but the recent years, I've made that
00:00:27.420 transition, and I never thought I would give up my career, you know, just like being in a higher
00:00:36.080 position. I was looking, when I was younger, I was always looking for status. I was looking to go up
00:00:40.860 the career ladder, making money, but over time it has changed. I think now I'm getting older, and I'm
00:00:45.780 like, hey, have I been wasting some years? Do you think you have? Now looking back, no. I don't like
00:00:55.780 to think so, but if I were to go back and do some things different, I would, but I don't regret it
00:01:00.840 because that has added to my experience now. What would you do different? Well, don't listen to
00:01:05.620 songs like Neo, Miss Independent, first of all. And I think it's like this music culture, and yeah,
00:01:15.100 society. I would have gone back and gone, spoke to my aunties more, spoke to my mom more from Sudan,
00:01:22.780 and the traditions, because I see my parents are still married. My grandparents are still married,
00:01:27.480 and I would have, I wanted to rebel against that when I was younger. Now I made that transition,
00:01:34.360 and I'm thinking, I'm not that independent woman. I don't want to be an independent woman anymore.
00:01:39.560 So I would, if it's the right man, I believe that the right man, we have aligned visions and missions.
00:01:46.220 So I'm willing to give up everything I had in my career to go for what God has put us together as a
00:01:55.060 mission together. I would do that. Yeah. So you would give up your career for a family, say?
00:02:00.480 I would. If God wants me to do that, I would. Yeah. So one thing you said, you said you don't regret it?
00:02:07.040 Or you do, like... If I were to go back, I would do some things different, but I am grateful for where
00:02:12.440 I am at right now. So I'm grateful that I had this experience. Now I have a little niece.
00:02:17.260 I can teach her those things, so she doesn't go the road that I went to. But...
00:02:22.440 I just never understand when women say they don't regret it, if they would change it. 1.00
00:02:27.240 Because then wouldn't you regret it?
00:02:30.100 I don't understand your question. Like, I've heard girls say that, and it doesn't compute to me.
00:02:34.580 Because me, if I would change something, then I regret a certain decision.
00:02:37.640 Well, it's... If you don't like the outcome, if you don't like the outcome, like, why don't you
00:02:43.280 regret it? To be honest, Pearl, I don't... Again, like, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm very
00:02:51.060 faith-driven, so I speak from that perspective. And regret is a very... It's a very bad feeling.
00:02:58.440 And it's... I don't believe that we're meant to live with regret. So before, I was regretting it,
00:03:03.680 for sure. I was feeling those regrets, and I was feeling those, oh, I shouldn't have done. But then,
00:03:09.120 because I'm safe now, because I have a different life now, I don't carry those feelings anymore. I'm set
00:03:14.800 free from that. So, yeah, if I... If I was... Why would anyone want to live with regret? And why would
00:03:21.780 that be comfortable for anybody to live with regret? And why would you... Anybody see that?
00:03:27.240 I don't mean it in, like, a way that... I don't mean it in a way that shames. But to me, like,
00:03:32.320 when I hear that, it just sounds like the same thing. That was my question. Because if I would
00:03:36.600 change something, then I regret it. Well, regret... If you're living in regret, it's like you're holding
00:03:40.160 on to something. Then you can't, at the same time, be grateful for who you are now, what you've got.
00:03:45.560 Oh, so it's kind of like just not living in, like, the shame of the decision, I see.
00:03:48.700 It's like, okay, I did that. And, like, sorry, was it Carmen? Yeah. Yeah, she was saying it's
00:03:54.540 what she's learned from it. So how can you regret that? It's like, wow, I've learned from it. If I
00:03:59.060 didn't go through this path, I wouldn't even know. I could have... No, I mean, I could absolutely look
00:04:04.620 at certain decisions that I've learned from and be like, well, I regret... Yeah, I wish I didn't do that.
00:04:09.120 Yeah, 100%. There are things I've done... And I'm not saying you should wallow in it. You can't change it.
00:04:13.140 Yeah. But, yeah, I get what you're saying. There are certain things that, yeah, I wish I did not do that. I did not
00:04:17.920 need to learn in that way. I could have learned from other people, but...
00:04:20.800 So, yeah. So you mentioned you went from being more modern to being more traditional.
00:04:24.960 What did you do specifically to make that change? Yeah. So when I came here, when I went to Germany,
00:04:33.280 I lived in Germany most of my life, and then I came to the UK. So I was more... The culture has changed.
00:04:40.800 So I wasn't into very traditional. I wasn't so close to my Sudanese background. So I was more around
00:04:46.240 people who were living a very modern life. And there's a lot of my friends who were with single
00:04:52.160 parents. So in my culture, it's not... This is not happening. And that has shaped who I was becoming.
00:04:59.920 So you didn't surround yourself with modern people? No, I did.
00:05:03.120 I did. No, I'm saying now you chose to switch it to more traditional.
00:05:06.400 Now I have empathy. Okay. Now I have, I can understand why they're living this way and why
00:05:13.680 I rebelled against my roots and who I came from. But I made the transition. So, because I saw this,
00:05:21.200 yeah, I saw, I saw this freedom. I saw this empowered woman. I can be everything. I can do everything.
00:05:28.320 But that comes with a price. So... Could it be because you moved from your country to a more
00:05:34.960 Western and more free country? Could it be that? Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Western country
00:05:40.560 has definitely shaped me. And I have to be honest, not for the best way. How old were you when you
00:05:46.320 came to the UK from Germany? Three years. Three years old? Three years, yeah. No, when I came from Sudan to
00:05:52.880 Germany. No, no, but from Germany to the UK, how old was he? I think 18, 19. Okay. Yeah. So, I still
00:06:00.960 don't understand what you did to become more traditional. Like, did you take cooking classes?
00:06:06.720 I'm so sorry, I lost myself. No, I had, so I had examples, um, and I didn't see successful marriages.
00:06:13.440 I didn't see successful relationships. So, uh, then I started to surround myself around Christian
00:06:17.760 communities when I became a person of faith and I, um, I got baptized in 2019. That completely
00:06:23.920 transitioned my life. So as a result, I started to see successful, healthy marriages. I didn't see
00:06:30.080 that before. That's why I didn't even have the desire to be married. You didn't see it. I thought
00:06:33.680 you said your parents and your grandparents were married. Yes, but that's the only example that I had.
00:06:38.880 That's a very limited example, but I didn't, I did. Okay. They're married, but do I want to have
00:06:45.600 their love life? No. Uh, they're still together. Their values are amazing when, when hard times hit.
00:06:52.080 Yeah. They stick together, but I wanted more. So I didn't have those examples, but when I, I, I started
00:06:58.480 to surround myself in the right environments and I started to see that I can have healthy relationships
00:07:03.600 and healthy marriages and, um, yeah, with the right fire. So that has changed surrounding myself,
00:07:09.280 the right people who I can see an example. All I needed was just an example and role models
00:07:14.480 and I didn't see it. So, yeah. So this, it still doesn't make sense to me. And I hear this a lot,
00:07:20.800 but like when I hear girls talk about how they were modern and then they became traditional,
00:07:24.640 like, I don't hear anything that you actually did. Like I hear that I surrounded, I got baptized,
00:07:29.120 which is great. You know, I'm, you know, pro faith here and, and, and like that you surrounded
00:07:34.800 yourself with people that were married, but it's like, I can watch people that play basketball.
00:07:39.440 That doesn't mean I learned to play. So I was just wondering like what specifically you did to
00:07:43.600 become, because if, if women want to know you were modern before, then you became traditional,
00:07:48.080 like what specifically did you do? Well, there's for something new to come in,
00:07:53.040 the old has to go. My old self had to die. So that means my old belief. So because
00:07:59.040 you said you, you, you know, of faith, right? Do you know something called the Holy Spirit?
00:08:04.800 So when the Holy Spirit convicts someone on something, when, you know, you have a conviction,
00:08:10.080 people call it intuition. We call it the Holy Spirit. So, but it's, it's stronger. It speaks so
00:08:17.200 clearly. It's, it's like this thoughts feels wrong. The person, like, I remember the day,
00:08:23.280 Pearl, this was crazy. I remember the day before I got baptized. This was crazy. I was with a
00:08:27.600 atheist guy. Uh, I was dating an atheist guy and, um, I, I was like, yeah, I can change him, whatever.
00:08:36.080 And the day after I got baptized and I had this inner conviction, I had to break up with this
00:08:40.880 person, of course, for obvious reasons. But did someone from outside come and tell me this? No,
00:08:46.560 it was an inner conviction. I knew that I had to let go of certain people, certain beliefs,
00:08:52.160 because my faith is, is now the priority. I'm fully sold out. No. And I think faith is great.
00:08:57.680 Right. I think, I think that's genuinely great for you, but faith, like getting baptized, being taken
00:09:02.720 over with the Holy Spirit. Like I've been baptized. That didn't make me traditional. Yeah. Right.
00:09:07.280 Yeah. So like, what did you physically do? Can you just define traditional? Maybe I don't understand.
00:09:11.840 I mean, I would say traditional is like our grandmothers and our great grandmothers.
00:09:15.920 Yes. That's, that's like what they traditionally did. Is there a hyper vision of that? Like,
00:09:22.400 cause I, I don't see myself traditional, traditional, but I don't see myself modern.
00:09:26.160 So is there like a middle definition or hybrid? Um, I, I don't, I don't really think so. Um,
00:09:33.040 I think it's like a lot of, uh, no offense to you, but modern women pretending to be traditional 1.00
00:09:38.720 and some of them don't really know they're not, but I think, I think once you like are around
00:09:43.440 like a truly traditional woman, you just know it when you see it. I think there's differences 1.00
00:09:47.920 because you can be around, like you're saying traditional and you can, you cannot be. And
00:09:52.720 I think that per that individual person grows up to believe and do what they believe in their
00:09:57.920 faith and whatever they choose. But, but you can like believe things and that's, that's great,
00:10:02.640 but it's about what you, what you do. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I see a traditional woman, 1.00
00:10:07.360 like would dress a certain way. Like yeah, models, you know, wouldn't show off and wouldn't go out 1.00
00:10:14.320 party and drinking. Um, yeah, would be at home. I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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