Career Woman Gets SCHOOLED By This Trad Wife
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
187.7829
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the challenges of being a blended family and how we manage to stay on the middle ground between being a masculine and feminine wife. We also talk about what it was like growing up in the 80s and 90s and what it's like to grow up in a family of 9-5 workers.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Working out, but as the years go on, like I say that this is our eighth year into marriage
00:00:06.120
Sounds like you're going like that, that you used to it like that. That was you. Yeah, that was him. Yeah
00:00:10.880
I was somewhere. I wasn't there. I was somewhere, but we're making, we've made it to middle ground
00:00:16.940
And now we're just like maintaining it. Like sometimes I go left
00:00:21.420
Sometimes he goes left, but we know where our middle ground is and like we maintain it. It's an ongoing thing. It's a journey
00:00:30.000
It's not his destination. Marriage is hard work though. You need to work at it. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:00:35.160
And like commit. So there's times when my husband has not been working. There's times like when things have been hard
00:00:42.300
There's times when I have not been touched by him. Like there's, we've had everything that you can think of
00:00:50.080
And then obviously because we're a blended family, you've got that, them difficulties to iron through
00:00:58.780
Like we are committed. So I'm angry with you. I do not want to talk to you right now, but I'm not going anywhere
00:01:04.540
Yeah, have you got a big vehicle? You've got two vehicles. I've got a 7c. Oh, okay
00:01:09.100
Yeah, I'd like where is she putting all these kids? In the end, I would like her might like another vehicle, but yeah
00:01:14.820
Okay, we grew up with like a 16 passenger van who was like, yeah, it's like one of those big
00:01:19.820
If I get pregnant again, I'll need a van for sure. Yeah, we have to let go of the cars. Yeah
00:01:24.620
Yeah, you guys don't really have them as big of cars here. No, I think it goes it like the car vannies go up to like nine
00:01:32.060
Seaters. Yeah until you have to like minibus. Yeah, minibus
00:01:38.860
What about you what what kind of wife were you and what type of wife would you like to be?
00:01:56.860
So for context i'm the eldest. Sorry, I just I just want to say something before
00:02:07.100
Because I know that you're going to be struggling with what you're going to say about your husband
00:02:09.900
That's why I can see you're picking and choosing so I just wanted to let you flow with yeah
00:02:14.220
What your day-to-day life was like then and what your date and what you'd like it to be like because I know that you're gonna
00:02:20.940
Respect thing so I'd rather that you just stick rather than put yourself in it
00:02:26.700
What did you do like get up in the morning because you said you're doing everything so just tell us your day-to-day as as you were
00:02:37.340
Uh six months of marriage before I got pregnant
00:02:41.580
And then obviously nine months, so you know just over a year of just us
00:02:48.220
Does you wake up in the morning now before do you wake up?
00:02:50.540
I mean, I've always worked so ever since I turned 16 you get your ni number
00:02:55.020
I've always worked and I've studied and then I went into my career. So it was always a
00:03:10.140
And you know the usual single life you put your feet up you eat
00:03:14.540
I mean when you got married before you had the baby
00:03:17.500
What did you do then same because we were working different
00:03:22.780
Yeah, so he was doing shift work and I was the corporate nine to five
00:03:26.780
So there's days where I'm going to work in the morning and he's not there
00:03:36.780
But that's what I mean you didn't say anything you just made it sound as
00:03:39.100
I got off and I've done my stuff and I went to work and I come home
00:03:42.380
I was thinking at what time did you wake up and start cooking for your husband?
00:03:45.900
Because it just sounds like you just have separate lives
00:03:48.460
I would come home from work and on the weekends I would meal prep
00:03:52.140
So you know us Somalis we like to have like our you know um our big lambs and chickens and stuff
00:03:57.900
So I'd cook that on the weekend freeze it in like little pouches
00:04:02.060
So I know Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, this is what we're having
00:04:05.820
Um and so then all I've got to do is the rice and the pasta or whatever it is
00:04:10.700
Um and he would always come home and there's always food
00:04:14.060
Even if I'll go to sleep and he's finished at 11 or whatever
00:04:20.780
Microwave his cup drink next to it everything just set up for him
00:04:24.780
So when he comes in he can just eat shower and come to bed
00:04:27.260
Um there were days where we would spend time together so we'd end up coming home at the same time
00:04:33.180
And I'd we would both make it our duty to spend time together then
00:04:41.580
Because you know that we're still in our honeymoon period you know we're still getting we're happy
00:04:49.100
Not long after covid came so I still kept up with those duties and I essentially was a
00:04:53.980
Stay at home mum for a year for maternity leave so what that would look like is
00:04:59.180
Um whenever he's getting up to go to work I would make sure I have food ready for him
00:05:04.700
So his breakfast is ready um at the time you know I've got a three month old six month old
00:05:11.100
However older she was at the time but I'd always make sure that he left with his
00:05:16.060
Stomach full and would come home and his stomach is full
00:05:23.100
We'd spend time together as a family when he comes home from work
00:05:26.780
And then do it all again tomorrow so and I really enjoyed that part and I actually got to be
00:05:31.900
You know more feminine. I wasn't as stressed um
00:05:35.260
You know because when you come home from work, you don't want to be was that in the year
00:05:39.020
That you enjoyed you know the covid year did you enjoy because you obviously didn't go out
00:05:43.260
You didn't go out to work during covid no no this was pre-covid so 2019 so I had her in december 2018
00:05:50.060
So from december 2018 to december 2019 just before covid oh right I was a stay-at-home mum and I loved it
00:05:59.660
It you know it was the ideal life for me you know I would make sure that
00:06:03.900
His clothes are clean I'm ironing his clothes for him like I'm trying to keep him
00:06:09.420
As the man and like when he comes home from work, he's kind of you know
00:06:14.300
If I see that he's stressed out, I want to give him some of that some of my feminine energy because I had a lot to give at the time
00:06:21.340
Um and try and make his day a little bit better as much as I could
00:06:26.940
I'm just asking because sometimes men just want to come and just be left alone when they're feeling miserable
00:06:35.580
So I would gauge that like I'd see like if he wanted cuddles or you know obviously
00:06:47.420
That's what the leading part of the men that we don't really talk about so he'd come over to me
00:06:54.060
You know I'd go over to him if he sits still and he doesn't want me to
00:07:01.260
Me trying to cuddle up on him and all that he's just like men are built differently from us
00:07:09.420
Let him have his freedom and let him have his space do do what you've got to do
00:07:13.580
Would you have given up work to stay at home and be a housewife?
00:07:21.420
I really did you know I spent time with my baby I got to see her first steps
00:07:25.740
I got to hear her first work if I was at work and let you know in america
00:07:29.180
I think you guys go back to work a lot sooner than that
00:07:31.660
I would have missed all of that and you don't know what's happening with your child like you said, you know
00:07:36.140
You want your kid to go to nursery when they can form sentences
00:07:40.780
I wish I had that because I was really anxious. She was she was what?
00:07:46.540
Well covered here, so she was still at home with me
00:07:48.940
But I think she was really two years old when she went to nursery
00:07:51.980
Because some kids that's old you know that I know but for me that's my baby
00:07:57.820
So um would you have gone down in lifestyle in order to attain that?
00:08:03.820
So maybe like move to I don't know a house or an apartment half the size
00:08:07.740
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because we lived in a really small place
00:08:11.420
And then when I got pregnant we moved to a bigger place
00:08:14.140
So if it meant that I could still stay at home and you know
00:08:19.820
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. No problem at all. I mean me talking about earlier, you know having maids and all that's
00:08:25.420
Did you hear me? That's a dream, you know, and um
00:08:29.340
That's what my my parents have and the kind of life that I came from
00:08:34.460
But it's not the life that I had with him because I think I was kind of
00:08:39.180
Not only battling with age, but also thinking, you know, you know in muslim girls we get married young
00:08:50.140
You know, that's hard for a man. No, because I mean like
00:08:53.260
You've been in the career since you're 16. That's like
00:08:56.300
12 years of doing what you like and working your own
00:08:59.740
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and then to come in
00:09:03.100
Wow, yeah, so that you know those medals used to there was there was a lot that I had to
00:09:09.020
Change and I think that's what I see that this point in that I see career woman you see career woman
00:09:21.100
Um, I'm an assistant accountant in an investment bank, so yeah, okay, you really like that
00:09:28.140
Um, it's really hectic, but it's good money. Let me just put it that way. Yeah, you don't even seem to like it that much
00:09:35.180
I think it's it's long hours. It's not enjoyable when you work long
00:09:39.820
How many hours a week you work? Uh, definitely I think about
00:09:45.420
About maybe 45 hours a week. I'd say that's how long I work. Isn't that normal?
00:09:58.300
Yeah, I worked in sales before I just thought everyone worked like 40 to 50 and that was normal
00:10:03.340
Yeah, 40 hours is the average and then I thought you was I was expecting to say like 50 55
00:10:09.740
It could get to that, but I think right now that's the average that I work
00:10:16.220
Um, I only got into it quite recently, so I've been there for about two months now
00:10:21.420
Um, so it's com- it's a completely new industry that I'm in because where I was before was like more relaxed
00:10:27.340
Where I am now because it's like really intense because it's like the banking industry
00:10:31.500
You already know that that's what to expect. You're going to be working longer hours
00:10:34.940
So yeah, I think I'm just still getting used to that lifestyle
00:10:37.980
That's why like everything for me right now is very fast-paced and yeah
00:10:41.340
Yeah, so I'm still new to it still easing into that lifestyle, but it's it's a good experience to have especially
00:10:48.220
At the age that I'm at right now because I'm 24
00:10:53.180
But it's like you might have a completely different outlook in five years exactly you're tired. It's been two months
00:11:05.180
Which is it's fine. Yeah, yeah, I think because I'm new to everything
00:11:08.700
That's why it's a lot, but I think over a period of time definitely like take this
00:11:12.140
It kind of reminds me of my first sales job and it was like very intense, you know
00:11:16.860
And at first it was like exciting. I was like out with this corporate company. It's so fun
00:11:20.780
And then I was like two years later. I hated it. I hate it. I wanted to leave so bad
00:11:30.540
Do you think it would have been easier for you to both of you if you had?
00:11:37.660
Not had your professional life and you'd settle down earlier hundred percent. Yeah
00:11:43.100
I was just saying it to my sister the other day. Um, I wish I got married at around 18 19 20
00:11:51.260
Teenager, you know, it it just would have been a lot easier. I'm I've got a
00:11:56.540
You know a child that's just out of the toddler phase and I'm knackered
00:12:00.700
Because I find that nowadays what they're telling the women is like yeah work get your career
00:12:07.420
And then later when you can have a child and then when I come along and say but we want to have a child that late
00:12:12.540
I mean like why would you want to do that? Why not encourage the youth to
00:12:16.940
Settle down earlier, but now it just seems like
00:12:20.140
It's like all backwards now. It's a lifestyle that I wouldn't have felt like I was letting go of
00:12:25.820
Because I just grew up and then I got married of which I wanted to and that is where life began
00:12:32.620
Whereas before it's like I'm living this one lifestyle and it's about to like switch to a completely different one
00:12:38.540
So sometimes like you're you're living a bit double not double-minded
00:12:42.140
But like your mind is where it was and sometimes you're trying to merge the two or sometimes like you're kind of grieving what it used to be
00:12:51.020
So you can't really be present. It's just yeah, it's just a lot of
00:13:00.220
I've never heard of a muslim woman working so many years
00:13:05.020
You know, I mean well done to you because you studied and you worked in that
00:13:07.820
Yeah, but that's unusual for me and the people that the muslims I know that is really unusual. Yeah, so um
00:13:17.180
Yeah, um, I've always been headstrong like I'm the eldest and there's six of us
00:13:22.860
So I've always wanted to kind of set an example for my siblings and not only you know integrate into the western world
00:13:31.900
I had this independent woman mindset. I want to make my own money. Yeah, I want to do my own thing and
00:13:39.340
I wasn't paying attention to reality and reality for me and I'm not you know
00:13:45.500
Whoever has you know their opinions that's up to them
00:13:50.700
A family consists of a man and a woman and the man is the head of the family
00:14:05.580
Just make everyone feel better and just do what needs to be done. Just understand I need to click with him
00:14:10.620
You know, we both need to I need to know that and trust that he can take care of the hard stuff
00:14:18.860
So would you think that it would have been easier for you and your husband
00:14:23.020
If you'd met him when you was like say 17 before you had all the career and no
00:14:27.180
I would have gotten married to an older man with the mindset that i've got now
00:14:30.540
I would have gotten married to an older man who's already established and who is looking for a younger wife
00:14:37.980
Because the younger you are your fertility like you can have more kids you know
00:14:44.060
And you're more fertile sorry not have more kids
00:14:46.860
So I would have looked for an older man that can take care of me. Would you marry a guy that's 55 now?
00:14:54.540
I don't know because 50 some i mean i'm 35 so that's only 20 years right but
00:15:00.300
50 year olds nowadays they just i don't know like we've got two complete completely different mindsets and i just don't know
00:15:10.060
No, no, no, it's just it's interesting because you said you would have married older but
00:15:14.860
Now because i'm thinking at 35 like a 45 year old guy can go down to like 25 but a 55 year old guy like 35 is young to him
00:15:23.980
So I'm saying like you know, that's the equivalent now
00:15:26.220
I'm uh, so i'm in a different place in my life now, but had i have been 18 or 19 a 30
00:15:34.940
Something year old wouldn't have been as scary right right okay
00:15:39.580
Yeah, can I ask sorry something you said before i'm just
00:15:43.340
Intrigued about it. Why do you think the man should always have the last word?
00:15:48.060
What did you mean if he's if he's a masculine man who has been
00:15:56.860
What a woman's right is so in islam they teach you about what a woman's right is how you know what god it's how god expects you to treat that woman
00:16:07.260
Then I trust that whatever decision he's making is for my best interest and for our family's best interest
00:16:13.820
Not to say that I don't know what's good for us, but we're emotional creatures. Sometimes we think illogically
00:16:21.260
And they don't have you ever dated a guy that you could control
00:16:32.380
Yeah, and how did that end it ended did you like it no i'm saying no who broke up
00:16:46.940
I didn't i like to be put in my place. I love that. Yeah, I love that
00:16:56.780
You wouldn't even like a guy that wants you to have the last word
00:16:59.260
No, yeah, I wasn't one that can challenge me and put me in my place
00:17:01.980
But also appreciate when I have a good point to convey no, you can sit down and have a conversation
00:17:08.380
Live, okay, we will talk about it and you know, he will take my opinion into consideration
00:17:16.220
He is making that decision for our family and I know that and I understand that very well. All right. I'm with you. Yeah
00:17:22.220
Um, okay, I'm gonna read super chats and then I think we're gonna close out the show auntie
00:17:26.300
Did you have you just seemed like you wanted to say something? No, I was gonna do that. Oh, okay, okay
00:17:32.860
I'm gonna let you guys do final thoughts so you can plug any social media or you know anything you want to say
00:17:48.380
Um also update esther is banned from the show anyone was wondering
00:17:58.060
When you check out when you check a channel you'll find out
00:18:03.980
Question for the lady next to auntie in investment banking. How is money created and destroyed?
00:18:09.180
Nicholas nasty women used to earn safety fund over time in the form of gold silver and jewelry
00:18:15.660
The gifts used to have more meaning behind them wearing gold and silver was money still does some in some places in the world andrew luster
00:18:23.660
Came into the stream late, so I didn't catch names
00:18:25.580
But this lady in the black leather jacket is based af bless you for being a beacon of light on the podcast
00:18:38.700
It's me. Oh is indiscriminate verbal road rage a deal breaker
00:18:47.020
Yeah, it should be a deal breaker for men. Yeah, for both of both sexes
00:18:55.260
My ex got pissed at me once she was like wtf those are kids I'm despicable d
00:19:00.220
I wouldn't get married again, but the wife is I'd want would be respectful brings peace and intimacy and handles
00:19:07.020
Her end in the day today. It's not rocket science. So auntie. When will pearl see the dance floor?
00:19:14.380
She missed the class today because she she had a match yet
00:19:17.900
I had a class today a dance class. You said that you were doing volleyball. Oh, I did have a game today. Yeah, yeah, I did
00:19:25.740
Just wanted to say you look beautiful pearl. I love the way you did your hair
00:19:28.620
I'm a newlywed and watch to learn how to be a better wife
00:19:31.580
See Dumbledore pretend you're married describe your day me me me me me my kids me me me never once mentioned
00:19:38.220
About your atm machine also known as your husband dallas loans can long sleeved black shirt cook
00:19:43.900
Is that why dude got skinny? I'm sorry. That was
00:19:51.420
What's the incentive for a hiring man to be in a relationship with a modern woman?
00:19:55.500
Carlos acts regarding no corn men need to unload regularly to keep their head clear your girlfriend or your wife
00:20:01.500
Isn't always going to be available corn fills the gap
00:20:04.460
Maggie oh, I already did Maggie the substitute teacher
00:20:06.780
Um, also i'm gonna have a couple announcements after they they go so i'm gonna let you guys do any final thoughts you guys have
00:20:15.260
Try to keep it like 30 seconds or less and then any social media you want to plug
00:20:19.660
So then go here around and then second row go ahead. Um
00:20:26.940
That comment made me laugh about uh, it's me me me and my kids so
00:20:32.220
Um, that made me chuckle, but um, you can find me at splash of sean
00:20:42.940
I also really enjoyed the conversations today. I feel like i've learned a lot about
00:20:48.300
Different people and different walks of life which always opens my mind to new things
00:20:53.100
Uh, so definitely been educated today lovely to meet you all
00:20:56.380
My socials are alanya jaffa and i'm a nail tech my socials for that is alanya nails underscore
00:21:06.780
No, you're not you're next. Oh, yeah, we go around this way. My answer is yes
00:21:10.700
I can cook when I can be bothered. I'm gonna be honest about it. I'm not always
00:21:16.140
In the mind frame to do it. Um, and I did cook for him
00:21:23.100
My socials are natalie good official check out my ep that I dropped close to closure
00:21:27.580
Um, I just wanted to say a word for us all and people that are watching women
00:21:39.420
And I don't think it's bad to like hear from traditional wives
00:21:44.620
And women like more modern women today and then just kind of work out where you go
00:21:49.740
In the middle but um try like I think we should all try not to like curate our ideals
00:21:56.220
But like just look at the world today and then see what we can piece together from that
00:22:01.980
and um, yeah, my socials are instagram the stepmums club
00:22:07.340
Um, i'm a stepmom coach and I coach single moms and step parents
00:22:11.660
And i've just joined youtube so follow me at priscilla peening on youtube
00:22:26.140
I do have social media, but I only use it to lurk but I don't post pictures or great, but yeah
00:22:34.380
Um, yeah same nice to meet everybody really good engaging conversation today
00:22:39.020
um, my tick tock and instagram is lola amanda and um, yeah
00:22:49.180
Auntie jenny has a channel everyone go subscribe. It's in the description anyway. Oh, yeah, um auntie jenny on youtube
00:22:56.540
Yep, and um, and instagram you just hit 5 000 followers. Oh, yeah, and um auntie jenny says on
00:23:06.700
And auntie jenny uk on tick tock. That's this food and bargains and stuff. I haven't put the bargains up there lately
00:23:15.740
But um, yeah, well done. I hope to get invited to all the single ladies weddings
00:23:25.980
I need to get a hat but yeah, I'm looking forward to it
00:23:28.620
And let me know how you get on with the babysitting. I haven't forgotten you, you know
00:23:31.420
I haven't forgotten. How am I going to keep like oh, don't worry. I have people. I'm for wife school
00:23:36.700
I have people volunteering their children to me so I can just pass one on to you
00:23:40.780
I mean, that's serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll just
00:23:48.140
I'll give it back. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll give it back
00:23:54.700
One thank you for watching the show. This is the first. Well, I guess we had a show back, but I almost had an aneurysm that show
00:24:02.780
So, um, I really enjoyed the peaceful panel today. Thank you, Jesus
00:24:16.860
We are filming more wife school episodes and we also I also have a project I'm doing on the side where I am interviewing
00:24:25.980
Um, and I'm going to do like a how-to guide for women that talks about
00:24:32.700
So if if you are one feel free to message me on instagram and I will set up an interview with you
00:24:41.260
Also same with family court attorneys. I'm also doing a project with that. So
00:24:48.540
So please message me on instagram if you have any experience in the family court system that would be very helpful to me
00:24:55.740
Um, a couple announcements. Um, the first is that we are having our million party in june. Go subscribe to my
00:25:02.060
two, um, clips channels pearl daily and just pearly clips. Also guys if you want to see me freestyle rap, um
00:25:09.260
sign up for a ten dollar tier because you can see that on the ten dollar tier of our memberships also sign up for our
00:25:15.180
Memberships the highest tier you get a one-on-one call with me once a month. I really recommend this if you are trying to grow on youtube. I
00:25:21.260
Honestly can help you avoid a lot of problems that took me a lot of time that you guys can avoid
00:25:27.340
So I think that would be the most helpful out of all of my membership tiers like the video on your way out
00:25:31.740
Subscribe to the channel. Thank you for watching and I will talk to you next as many of you know
00:25:35.580
I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
00:25:42.780
If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below
00:25:46.540
Every donation helps and it helps make what we do possible