Communities of Families Turned Into Communities of Hobbies
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 8 minutes
Words per Minute
64.44452
Summary
In this episode, I talk about the problems I see in the church and why I left my first wife after a year of marriage. I also talk about why women are leaving the church because of the influence of feminism.
Transcript
00:40:09.900
so that is the most male-dominated religion, except for Muslim, which is 65 percent.
00:40:16.280
Orthodox Christian is slightly more male than female at 56 percent. Mormon is 54 percent female,
00:40:24.000
mostly women. Jewish, 52 percent male. Evangelical Protestant is 55 percent female.
00:40:32.540
And if I had to guess, I think that young women, if you look at the church attendance by women
00:40:39.260
under 40, it's going to be mostly women. Men are leaving the church because of the feminism
00:40:48.740
influence. Pastors preach a word that is against traditional values and masculinity.
00:40:56.040
There was a pastor that had to say to his congregation that you should not use
00:41:02.480
the words against your husband, meaning that women were weaponizing scripture to criticize
00:41:11.760
their husband's behavior. The average American lives in their house for eight years, meaning
00:41:21.480
that, sorry, let me backtrack a second. So what I've also noticed is that people move around
00:41:32.460
a lot more than when I was a kid. I'm 28 years old. And when I think back to when I was eight to
00:41:40.540
maybe like 12 and under, most of my grades stayed the same. So between like four, five, six, seven,
00:41:48.060
eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, between, and that's about eight years, which matches up with the average
00:41:55.420
length of marriage. The average person lives in their house for eight years and the average person lives
00:42:01.860
in an apartment for two and a half years. The average relationship length is two years and nine months.
00:42:10.620
Now, I need to go switch the screen because I don't have a producer today and I can't, but I want to
00:42:17.360
show you guys a video I saw that I thought depicted very well the problems that we see in church.
00:42:49.520
Okay, I'm going to see if this works. Can you guys see the screen now?
00:43:19.520
So this guy is talking about why I left my Colombian wife after one year of marriage.
00:43:25.560
On her side. And it wasn't until after the proposal where things started going downhill.
00:43:30.440
So I remember two months before the wedding, we were fighting quite a bit. I felt that I was dating
00:43:34.960
the church more than I was dating her. She would always prioritize the opinions of the people of
00:43:39.900
the church and what the church thought over my needs and wants as the boyfriend and the husband
00:43:45.560
in my marriage. For example, I could not go out to any bars or clubs because if I were seen there,
00:43:51.100
it would reflect poorly. Okay. So what I see happen is the women submit to the church and they pick the
00:43:59.320
community of the church over the community of their family. So where church used to be a moral code and
00:44:06.640
something you did with your family. Now, it is used as a tool by women to control the men that they're with.
00:44:13.540
On her and the people at church would say something. I could not go attend other church services because
00:44:20.440
she was a leader at her church. And if somebody caught me at another church, it would make her
00:44:25.940
look bad. And it got to the point where when I was by myself going to the gym, I was fearful of
00:44:30.760
interacting with any woman whatsoever for fear of if somebody saw me, what would they tell my wife or,
00:44:36.260
you know, how would this come back to me? I just wanted to avoid as many problems as possible.
00:44:40.260
We decided to sit down with the pastor for marriage counseling right before we got married.
00:44:45.080
We actually did that several times before we got married. I think we did it starting from six months
00:44:49.780
before the wedding. Every single month we would meet with the pastor and I would have meetings with
00:44:53.860
the pastor by myself as well. After we told him the situation, he told us that it's apparent that love
00:44:59.660
is here and we care about each other. But if we continue down this path, the marriage is not going
00:45:04.660
to work. Me, Wes, I have to fully agree and be on board with everything that they teach
00:45:10.160
at the church. If not, that's okay. I should walk away. But by marrying my wife, I am accepting
00:45:17.040
that this is the path that I want to take. And I guess looking back, this is probably the point
00:45:21.140
where I should have walked away. I can admit that this was maybe cowardly behavior on my part,
00:45:26.900
but it was very difficult because I had so many things on my mind. Being in a foreign country with
00:45:31.240
no family, not knowing the language, not having any stability. I had the potential of losing all the
00:45:36.960
stability and community that I built in Manizales. I would have everybody in the church turn on me,
00:45:41.740
which going through the divorce now has clearly shown me. If you ever gone to a new place and set
00:45:46.220
up roots, you understand how daunting and exhausting it is. Finally, when I found like a good area of
00:45:52.760
stability and people who I felt loved me, it was really hard to give that up. Plus the pressure of
00:45:58.460
what everybody in the church was going to think and the fact that my family, all of them bought tickets
00:46:03.260
already to come to the wedding. There was just a lot of things going through my head. So my wife and
00:46:06.960
I, we talked about it and we came to the conclusion that because of love, we're going to fight through
00:46:11.660
it and we're going to try to negotiate everything as the marriage progressed, right? Because we love
00:46:16.420
each other. I've never said this openly in my channel, but when I was courting my wife,
00:46:19.900
there was another man who I guess is like another one of her father figures. This guy, he went to jail
00:46:24.840
in the U.S. for narco trafficking. Now he's a reformed Christian and everything. He came up to me one day
00:46:29.720
and just took me aside and is like, hey, look, like if anything bad were to happen to Anna, he gave me
00:46:34.100
like the gun fingers and he put it on my chest. He's like, I'm going to kill you. He may have said it
00:46:38.140
as a joke. He may have not, but well, this guy went to jail for it, right? He could very easily do
00:46:43.060
something like that again. Ultimately, I decided that I think I should go through with the marriage.
00:46:46.560
I just had too much to lose. It does look like a bad decision, but I did what I believed was the best
00:46:51.020
thing to do at the time. People get unhappy in marriages the way that people go bankrupt, which is very
00:46:56.360
slowly and then all at once. So the first six months of our marriage were very interesting.
00:47:01.100
It was the first time that either of us have ever lived with a partner before. Our co-living
00:47:05.300
situation actually was pretty good. We didn't have a ton of issues. I'm firmly against yelling at my
00:47:11.120
partner. I know what it's like being on the other side of that and how crappy it feels coming from
00:47:15.400
somebody you love. She never raised her voice at me either. It was all very cordial. But the same
00:47:19.480
topic kept coming up again. Am I dating her or am I dating the church? It just always seemed that she put
00:47:25.460
the needs of the church and the opinions of the people of the church over my needs as a husband
00:47:30.400
and what I wanted out of the marriage. She expected me to fit neatly into her life and she wasn't
00:47:36.020
willing to compromise any of the time that she spent at the church. So the first eight months of
00:47:40.780
the relationship, she was working a full-time job. She was an accountant at the local hospital. So from
00:47:45.960
Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturdays, she would leave at seven in the morning and come back
00:47:50.580
at generally around 6 p.m. But a lot of times at 8 p.m., sometimes at midnight, at 1, 2 in the morning
00:47:57.440
because she had to work. For me, it just didn't make a lot of sense because I'm like, why are you
00:48:01.580
working so hard when I'm paying most of the bills? I'm paying for like 80% of everything and I don't
00:48:06.180
get to see my wife. It didn't really make sense. And then Saturdays, she would volunteer at the church
00:48:11.220
because that was important to her. And then Sundays were mandatory church going days. And then afterwards,
00:48:16.220
we would eat with her family or with her mom or something like that. So we didn't really have any
00:48:20.300
time dedicated to us or developing a relationship as a couple. And I also had a problem like
00:48:25.740
volunteering from the church, being at the church, being at those services, but she never really put
00:48:30.800
our relationship as a priority. Even the honeymoon, right? We were gone for a month and I paid and
00:48:37.100
planned for every single detail on that honeymoon, where we would go, her visa situation, all of the
00:48:41.880
plane tickets, all the Airbnbs, the tours, everything. I did everything. When I'd be waiting
00:48:46.420
at home for her to come back, I'm like, what do I do? Do I go out and try to meet people? But if I'm
00:48:51.760
not hanging out with people from the church, I'm going to get shit from my wife and she's going to
00:48:55.220
have a problem with that. You know, I want to go out and go dancing, but then I know she'll have a
00:48:59.900
problem with that as well. Just to avoid having more issues with my wife, I just decided to stay home.
00:49:05.220
And this is why I started smoking weed again, because I was at home and I'm like, well, I don't know what
00:49:08.940
time. My wife's going to come home. I can't really go out. So what am I going to do? I'm just going to
00:49:12.420
smoke weed and play video games because I have no other way to de-stress. So if she had to work in
00:49:17.440
order for us to pay the bills, I think it would have been a different story. So this is why I
00:49:21.060
eventually asked her to quit her job because I was like, if the church is something that you're not
00:49:25.080
going to negotiate, then I would rather you get a part-time job so I can actually see my wife and
00:49:30.340
spend more time with her. Because a lot of times it doesn't even really feel like I have a wife.
00:49:34.020
And I started noticing that when we would have disagreements, we would talk about the things that we
00:49:38.840
would need and want in a relationship. So she'll tell me that as a Christian woman, these are the
00:49:43.140
things that I need in my relationship. You know, I need you to spend time with my family, go to the
00:49:47.440
church once or twice a week, because that's important to me. I need you to show me love this
00:49:51.320
way. I want you to be the provider of the household. I'm shy. I'm a very timid person. So you need to
00:49:57.540
respect my boundaries. And I'm like, okay, that's totally cool. But then every time I would try to ask
00:50:01.680
something from my point of view, things that I would like as a man or things I would like for my
00:50:05.440
culture, right? As soon as she disagreed with it, she would use religion as her argument for her not
00:50:11.180
wanting to do it. So for example, when I told her that some Sundays I don't want to go to church
00:50:15.460
because we work all week and I never get to see my wife, I would like some Sundays for us to be able
00:50:20.600
to spend some time just her and me. And she'd be like, okay, well, it's important that we go to
00:50:25.560
church at least once a week. So if we don't go on Sunday, can we go Wednesday nights or Thursday nights?
00:50:29.580
Yeah. So again, the church becomes a hobby to women and a community to women. And I was in a
00:50:46.460
non-denominational Protestant church for a couple of years. And the thing that made me leave was I
00:50:53.460
went on this church retreat. I mean, I was there like, I don't know, two years. I went on this church
00:50:59.020
retreat. And it was all 27, 28 plus single women. And I just thought this is what the rest of their
00:51:12.840
lives are going to be. Wasting time in this church. Say if she didn't go rather than what I was truly
00:51:20.940
asking her, which was just, I wanted to spend more time with my wife. I also found that there was an
00:51:25.100
unequal effort being made to understand the other person's culture. This whole entire time I was in
00:51:29.760
Columbia, I had to learn a new language, adapt to a new culture, adopt a whole entire new religion,
00:51:35.100
and accept all of her family as they were. And it makes me sad that in our two and a half years
00:51:39.440
together, she has still not had one conversation with my dad or my sister, because she always says
00:51:45.540
that her English isn't good enough. And she never learned how to make a Chinese dish. And I'm not
00:51:49.620
saying that she has to be the best of cooks or that she has to be fluent. But after two and a half
00:51:53.440
years, I'm just like, if you were truly making an effort, you would have something to show for
00:51:57.760
it. Remember one week before I went to Medellin for a business trip, my wife and I were fighting
00:52:02.260
a lot. One evening, I received a text from a man from the church who was like a father figure to
00:52:08.240
her and I. Wes, tonight I feel the need to write to you because you and I need to have a conversation.
00:52:12.580
I need to remind you that she isn't alone and that I'm here to care for her and defend her against
00:52:16.820
anyone who harms her, not only physically, but mentally as well. When you decided to be with
00:52:21.000
her, nobody forced you. Supposedly, as a mature person, you promised to be with her and not bring
00:52:25.480
her to a life of sadness or contempt. You did it for love. And this love doesn't mean that she has
00:52:30.220
to give up her values that she had since she's known you. I don't. Okay, let me. I need to.
00:53:08.100
Is she submitting to him or is she submitting to the pastor? By the way, guys,
00:53:14.060
you already know chalk. Oh my gosh. I have a cup up here. I really. All right. This is the ad. I
00:53:25.080
usually read it during the show, but my iPad died. Um, I actually do like this stuff. It's pre-workout.
00:53:33.420
I drank it before my marathon. See, it's nice and blue. It raises your testosterone, which I think
00:53:39.960
is good for men and for women. Cause there's been research that's shown women's testosterone drops
00:53:45.660
too. I know I always have to read the ad. It's like the sympademic one, but I actually do like
00:53:50.160
the stuff and it helps the show if you get it. So, you know, the discount count, the discount code
00:53:55.820
is Pearl. You get like 15% off. And I like the taste. It's like a blueberry. So.
00:54:04.280
Um, and the owner's really nice too. Good guy. So, you know, if you like, um, pre-workout,
00:54:14.660
it's lemon maple cherry. Oh, I thought it was blueberry. That's kind of what it tastes like,
00:54:18.580
but, um, you know, get the adrenaline, et cetera, take it or leave it, whatever, but
00:54:28.500
Okay. This. So again, when churches are like that and what you have is pastors enforcing what
00:54:43.200
the woman want on husbands and the husband having no authority over his own home, what do you get?
00:54:58.500
Now the other trend that I've seen is an increase in online communities. And I have to say, I'm part
00:55:06.800
of this. The last four years I have made good friends that I met online. I met my boyfriend online
00:55:13.580
and that just seems to be the way that the world is going. So 40 stats you should know about online
00:55:26.300
communities in 2024. Online communities have stolen the spotlight and online community can be anything
00:55:33.220
from a sports group to a financial literacy course. Whatever the scenario, these communities
00:55:40.100
help people feel supported and tied together to a greater cause. Thus driving the user engagement
00:55:46.980
and retention. 76% of internet users participate in some sort of online community. One study found that
00:55:58.500
people in online communities that include blogs, forums, and or vlogs across all devices. These
00:56:06.240
communities can be seen in many platforms such as Reddit, which is home to more than 130,000 active
00:56:12.500
communities. Facebook is another popular platform. Um, 60% of businesses own a branded online community
00:56:21.600
participants. And a recent study indicate that over 30% of their resin res revenue is influenced by
00:56:29.080
branded online communities. On average, larger companies are more likely to have online communities
00:56:35.640
than smaller. Only 40% of communities of small companies have an online community. Finally,
00:56:41.420
making connections with people who have similar interests. 66%. This is the way the world's going, guys.
00:56:50.380
There's an increase in people moving around. And, you know, parents that made bad choices
00:56:58.680
left kids with no other options. What do you do when you're raised by a single mother
00:57:18.500
or join hobbies. What other choice do you have?
00:57:25.720
Um, the average American has three to five close friends and some studies suggest that it takes 40 to 60
00:57:34.960
hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to a hundred hours to transition to being a good friend and more
00:57:40.780
than 200 hours to become work and shared interests can play a big role where people meet their best
00:57:45.920
friends. People lose touch with almost half of their friends in their lifetime. And according to recent
00:57:51.600
trends, Gen Z tends to go out significantly less than previous generations, with many reports suggesting
00:57:58.160
that they might only go out once or twice a week at most.
00:58:03.580
So what trends do we have? The increase in digital, the increase in hobby communities, the decline of religion,
00:58:11.020
and the sex is going further and further apart and more online.
00:58:15.320
Let me switch the screen really quick. I think I found a way to do it on my laptop, but I'm not sure.
00:58:53.740
Look at that. I wanted to show you guys an Instagram reel. I wanted to make sure it worked.
00:59:40.080
so this is why we say conservatives are playing pretend when they talk about traditionalism
01:00:00.620
40% of couples they met online 60% in 2024 and even if we start this over
01:00:30.620
19% was friends when did family become not the norm let's see family 40s
01:01:00.940
yeah and this is why you know it's easy to virtue signal and say guys guys don't go online don't
01:01:13.740
but the way I see it is I don't control the trends
01:01:17.860
I you know yesterday at this volleyball tournament I went to three people told me they don't go out
01:01:25.400
in Chicago anymore because there's so much crime and they know people personally that got robbed and
01:01:31.520
they're just not going to do it yeah that's why I say you know women that want to meet men in real
01:01:38.540
life you're either approaching or it's not going to happen you might get lucky but on average people
01:01:47.000
don't really talk to each other anymore not like they used to
01:01:49.680
um okay the average relationship length is two and a half years so once you get into a relationship
01:02:00.140
with someone on average it lasts two and a half years the average marriage is seven to eight years
01:02:05.940
which lines up with the average length people stay in an apartment in a house
01:02:10.840
um and it also lines up with the theory that women move when they get their heart broken
01:02:22.440
and my conclusion really is to go with the times or be left behind there's a lot of people that protested
01:02:30.240
the smartphone there's a lot of people that protested youtube and if you don't adapt you get left
01:02:37.720
behind the trads that say and this is why I say traditional dating advice is awful they do not
01:02:45.240
understand the real world because they have never dated in the online age for the most part unless you
01:02:52.860
are a unicorn if you want to be married or in a relationship you will most likely meet them online
01:02:59.220
or through a hobby community or both that is how people are meeting
01:03:06.060
that's how people are meeting so you can either take this information and use it to get the best
01:03:15.120
outcome or say no I want to do with the old way well I can't so the
01:03:23.660
um these are the conclusions that I've made by looking at the chessboard
01:03:31.180
I'm only dating only fans girls in my church look I mean this is I see it as a chessboard okay if we
01:03:39.840
know there's an increase in hobby communities there's a decrease in religion there's an increase
01:03:46.440
in online dating and what was second the second way uh wait hold on let's get back to the end
01:04:23.280
you're an idiot sorry jazzy I mean you're a woman so
01:04:28.340
you have no idea you know you know what the success rate is of approaching women it's like
01:04:41.640
their lives are a quest for hobbies made of no accountability or responsibility till it's too
01:04:50.120
late that's true you know the problem with workout classes is female workout classes if they're too
01:04:56.480
hard someone complains and then they stop signing up
01:05:07.180
it's just you know I'm not saying it's not bad to get social skills but
01:05:15.900
ROI wise are you likely gonna meet your girlfriend or wife that way
01:05:22.120
um you could go to the bars and going out but they're literally going out of business
01:05:34.200
women are not cannot and will not be finding long-lasting relationships with the men that
01:05:41.720
they want this part perpetuates the 80-20 rule and all of the toxic aspects of online dating
01:05:50.340
height looks and status will be the norm for modern women going forward
01:05:58.920
expect to be a single parent people don't like it when I say this
01:06:21.080
I don't I don't I don't think it's you know hope for the best but prepare for the worst
01:06:28.760
or you know you can option a is go with the times or option b is fight it
01:06:36.940
you know put your wife in a flower dress and make bread
01:06:40.940
um join a church where the people leave every three years
01:06:45.180
then expect your wife not to leave because she promised to that she wouldn't go to bars that are
01:06:53.080
expect things to change and try to form a community where you live with people you have nothing in
01:07:00.460
immigrated a million people that we have nothing in common with
01:07:17.880
thank you for bearing with me through my technical difficulties
01:07:29.980
I'm so jealous of a woman that has a video of her getting tag teamed online for the rest of her life
01:07:41.420
okay guys um I gotta go figure out how to turn this stuff off so give me a second
01:07:50.300
love you guys and I'm gonna be on I'm gonna be live tomorrow because I didn't end up going to the inauguration but