JustPearlyThings - Communities of Families Turned Into Communities of Hobbies

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00:22:59.920 Welcome to the

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00:39:30.900 You're going to see you.

00:39:31.900 You're going to see the division.

00:40:01.900 you're going to see you.

00:40:02.900 You're going to see you.

00:40:03.900 And you're going to see you.

00:40:04.900 And you're going to see you.

00:40:05.900 You're going to see you.

00:40:06.900 You're going to see you.

00:40:07.900 You're going to see you.

00:40:08.900 You're going to see you.

00:40:09.900 so that is the most male-dominated religion, except for Muslim, which is 65 percent.

00:40:16.280 Orthodox Christian is slightly more male than female at 56 percent. Mormon is 54 percent female,

00:40:24.000 mostly women. Jewish, 52 percent male. Evangelical Protestant is 55 percent female.

00:40:32.540 And if I had to guess, I think that young women, if you look at the church attendance by women

00:40:39.260 under 40, it's going to be mostly women. Men are leaving the church because of the feminism 0.73

00:40:48.740 influence. Pastors preach a word that is against traditional values and masculinity.

00:40:56.040 There was a pastor that had to say to his congregation that you should not use

00:41:02.480 the words against your husband, meaning that women were weaponizing scripture to criticize 1.00

00:41:11.760 their husband's behavior. The average American lives in their house for eight years, meaning

00:41:21.480 that, sorry, let me backtrack a second. So what I've also noticed is that people move around

00:41:32.460 a lot more than when I was a kid. I'm 28 years old. And when I think back to when I was eight to

00:41:40.540 maybe like 12 and under, most of my grades stayed the same. So between like four, five, six, seven,

00:41:48.060 eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, between, and that's about eight years, which matches up with the average

00:41:55.420 length of marriage. The average person lives in their house for eight years and the average person lives

00:42:01.860 in an apartment for two and a half years. The average relationship length is two years and nine months.

00:42:10.620 Now, I need to go switch the screen because I don't have a producer today and I can't, but I want to

00:42:17.360 show you guys a video I saw that I thought depicted very well the problems that we see in church.

00:42:23.080 Give me one second.

00:42:48.960 Okay.

00:42:49.520 Okay, I'm going to see if this works. Can you guys see the screen now?

00:43:13.340 Yeah, you can. Okay. Cool.

00:43:16.740 Cool.

00:43:19.520 So this guy is talking about why I left my Colombian wife after one year of marriage.

00:43:25.560 On her side. And it wasn't until after the proposal where things started going downhill.

00:43:30.440 So I remember two months before the wedding, we were fighting quite a bit. I felt that I was dating

00:43:34.960 the church more than I was dating her. She would always prioritize the opinions of the people of

00:43:39.900 the church and what the church thought over my needs and wants as the boyfriend and the husband

00:43:45.560 in my marriage. For example, I could not go out to any bars or clubs because if I were seen there,

00:43:51.100 it would reflect poorly. Okay. So what I see happen is the women submit to the church and they pick the 1.00

00:43:59.320 community of the church over the community of their family. So where church used to be a moral code and

00:44:06.640 something you did with your family. Now, it is used as a tool by women to control the men that they're with. 1.00

00:44:13.540 On her and the people at church would say something. I could not go attend other church services because

00:44:20.440 she was a leader at her church. And if somebody caught me at another church, it would make her

00:44:25.940 look bad. And it got to the point where when I was by myself going to the gym, I was fearful of

00:44:30.760 interacting with any woman whatsoever for fear of if somebody saw me, what would they tell my wife or,

00:44:36.260 you know, how would this come back to me? I just wanted to avoid as many problems as possible.

00:44:40.260 We decided to sit down with the pastor for marriage counseling right before we got married.

00:44:45.080 We actually did that several times before we got married. I think we did it starting from six months

00:44:49.780 before the wedding. Every single month we would meet with the pastor and I would have meetings with

00:44:53.860 the pastor by myself as well. After we told him the situation, he told us that it's apparent that love

00:44:59.660 is here and we care about each other. But if we continue down this path, the marriage is not going

00:45:04.660 to work. Me, Wes, I have to fully agree and be on board with everything that they teach

00:45:10.160 at the church. If not, that's okay. I should walk away. But by marrying my wife, I am accepting

00:45:17.040 that this is the path that I want to take. And I guess looking back, this is probably the point

00:45:21.140 where I should have walked away. I can admit that this was maybe cowardly behavior on my part,

00:45:26.900 but it was very difficult because I had so many things on my mind. Being in a foreign country with

00:45:31.240 no family, not knowing the language, not having any stability. I had the potential of losing all the

00:45:36.960 stability and community that I built in Manizales. I would have everybody in the church turn on me,

00:45:41.740 which going through the divorce now has clearly shown me. If you ever gone to a new place and set

00:45:46.220 up roots, you understand how daunting and exhausting it is. Finally, when I found like a good area of

00:45:52.760 stability and people who I felt loved me, it was really hard to give that up. Plus the pressure of

00:45:58.460 what everybody in the church was going to think and the fact that my family, all of them bought tickets

00:46:03.260 already to come to the wedding. There was just a lot of things going through my head. So my wife and

00:46:06.960 I, we talked about it and we came to the conclusion that because of love, we're going to fight through

00:46:11.660 it and we're going to try to negotiate everything as the marriage progressed, right? Because we love

00:46:16.420 each other. I've never said this openly in my channel, but when I was courting my wife,

00:46:19.900 there was another man who I guess is like another one of her father figures. This guy, he went to jail

00:46:24.840 in the U.S. for narco trafficking. Now he's a reformed Christian and everything. He came up to me one day

00:46:29.720 and just took me aside and is like, hey, look, like if anything bad were to happen to Anna, he gave me

00:46:34.100 like the gun fingers and he put it on my chest. He's like, I'm going to kill you. He may have said it

00:46:38.140 as a joke. He may have not, but well, this guy went to jail for it, right? He could very easily do

00:46:43.060 something like that again. Ultimately, I decided that I think I should go through with the marriage.

00:46:46.560 I just had too much to lose. It does look like a bad decision, but I did what I believed was the best

00:46:51.020 thing to do at the time. People get unhappy in marriages the way that people go bankrupt, which is very

00:46:56.360 slowly and then all at once. So the first six months of our marriage were very interesting.

00:47:01.100 It was the first time that either of us have ever lived with a partner before. Our co-living

00:47:05.300 situation actually was pretty good. We didn't have a ton of issues. I'm firmly against yelling at my

00:47:11.120 partner. I know what it's like being on the other side of that and how crappy it feels coming from

00:47:15.400 somebody you love. She never raised her voice at me either. It was all very cordial. But the same

00:47:19.480 topic kept coming up again. Am I dating her or am I dating the church? It just always seemed that she put

00:47:25.460 the needs of the church and the opinions of the people of the church over my needs as a husband

00:47:30.400 and what I wanted out of the marriage. She expected me to fit neatly into her life and she wasn't

00:47:36.020 willing to compromise any of the time that she spent at the church. So the first eight months of

00:47:40.780 the relationship, she was working a full-time job. She was an accountant at the local hospital. So from

00:47:45.960 Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturdays, she would leave at seven in the morning and come back

00:47:50.580 at generally around 6 p.m. But a lot of times at 8 p.m., sometimes at midnight, at 1, 2 in the morning

00:47:57.440 because she had to work. For me, it just didn't make a lot of sense because I'm like, why are you

00:48:01.580 working so hard when I'm paying most of the bills? I'm paying for like 80% of everything and I don't

00:48:06.180 get to see my wife. It didn't really make sense. And then Saturdays, she would volunteer at the church

00:48:11.220 because that was important to her. And then Sundays were mandatory church going days. And then afterwards,

00:48:16.220 we would eat with her family or with her mom or something like that. So we didn't really have any

00:48:20.300 time dedicated to us or developing a relationship as a couple. And I also had a problem like

00:48:25.740 volunteering from the church, being at the church, being at those services, but she never really put

00:48:30.800 our relationship as a priority. Even the honeymoon, right? We were gone for a month and I paid and

00:48:37.100 planned for every single detail on that honeymoon, where we would go, her visa situation, all of the

00:48:41.880 plane tickets, all the Airbnbs, the tours, everything. I did everything. When I'd be waiting

00:48:46.420 at home for her to come back, I'm like, what do I do? Do I go out and try to meet people? But if I'm

00:48:51.760 not hanging out with people from the church, I'm going to get shit from my wife and she's going to 0.99

00:48:55.220 have a problem with that. You know, I want to go out and go dancing, but then I know she'll have a 1.00

00:48:59.900 problem with that as well. Just to avoid having more issues with my wife, I just decided to stay home.

00:49:05.220 And this is why I started smoking weed again, because I was at home and I'm like, well, I don't know what

00:49:08.940 time. My wife's going to come home. I can't really go out. So what am I going to do? I'm just going to

00:49:12.420 smoke weed and play video games because I have no other way to de-stress. So if she had to work in 0.99

00:49:17.440 order for us to pay the bills, I think it would have been a different story. So this is why I

00:49:21.060 eventually asked her to quit her job because I was like, if the church is something that you're not

00:49:25.080 going to negotiate, then I would rather you get a part-time job so I can actually see my wife and 1.00

00:49:30.340 spend more time with her. Because a lot of times it doesn't even really feel like I have a wife.

00:49:34.020 And I started noticing that when we would have disagreements, we would talk about the things that we

00:49:38.840 would need and want in a relationship. So she'll tell me that as a Christian woman, these are the

00:49:43.140 things that I need in my relationship. You know, I need you to spend time with my family, go to the

00:49:47.440 church once or twice a week, because that's important to me. I need you to show me love this

00:49:51.320 way. I want you to be the provider of the household. I'm shy. I'm a very timid person. So you need to

00:49:57.540 respect my boundaries. And I'm like, okay, that's totally cool. But then every time I would try to ask

00:50:01.680 something from my point of view, things that I would like as a man or things I would like for my

00:50:05.440 culture, right? As soon as she disagreed with it, she would use religion as her argument for her not

00:50:11.180 wanting to do it. So for example, when I told her that some Sundays I don't want to go to church

00:50:15.460 because we work all week and I never get to see my wife, I would like some Sundays for us to be able

00:50:20.600 to spend some time just her and me. And she'd be like, okay, well, it's important that we go to

00:50:25.560 church at least once a week. So if we don't go on Sunday, can we go Wednesday nights or Thursday nights?

00:50:29.580 Yeah. So again, the church becomes a hobby to women and a community to women. And I was in a

00:50:46.460 non-denominational Protestant church for a couple of years. And the thing that made me leave was I

00:50:53.460 went on this church retreat. I mean, I was there like, I don't know, two years. I went on this church

00:50:59.020 retreat. And it was all 27, 28 plus single women. And I just thought this is what the rest of their 0.99

00:51:12.840 lives are going to be. Wasting time in this church. Say if she didn't go rather than what I was truly

00:51:20.940 asking her, which was just, I wanted to spend more time with my wife. I also found that there was an

00:51:25.100 unequal effort being made to understand the other person's culture. This whole entire time I was in

00:51:29.760 Columbia, I had to learn a new language, adapt to a new culture, adopt a whole entire new religion,

00:51:35.100 and accept all of her family as they were. And it makes me sad that in our two and a half years

00:51:39.440 together, she has still not had one conversation with my dad or my sister, because she always says

00:51:45.540 that her English isn't good enough. And she never learned how to make a Chinese dish. And I'm not

00:51:49.620 saying that she has to be the best of cooks or that she has to be fluent. But after two and a half

00:51:53.440 years, I'm just like, if you were truly making an effort, you would have something to show for

00:51:57.760 it. Remember one week before I went to Medellin for a business trip, my wife and I were fighting

00:52:02.260 a lot. One evening, I received a text from a man from the church who was like a father figure to

00:52:08.240 her and I. Wes, tonight I feel the need to write to you because you and I need to have a conversation.

00:52:12.580 I need to remind you that she isn't alone and that I'm here to care for her and defend her against

00:52:16.820 anyone who harms her, not only physically, but mentally as well. When you decided to be with

00:52:21.000 her, nobody forced you. Supposedly, as a mature person, you promised to be with her and not bring

00:52:25.480 her to a life of sadness or contempt. You did it for love. And this love doesn't mean that she has

00:52:30.220 to give up her values that she had since she's known you. I don't. Okay, let me. I need to.

00:52:35.460 I need to turn this off one second.

00:52:44.060 Okay.

00:52:51.000 So again, does he get a wife?

00:53:08.100 Is she submitting to him or is she submitting to the pastor? By the way, guys,

00:53:14.060 you already know chalk. Oh my gosh. I have a cup up here. I really. All right. This is the ad. I

00:53:25.080 usually read it during the show, but my iPad died. Um, I actually do like this stuff. It's pre-workout.

00:53:33.420 I drank it before my marathon. See, it's nice and blue. It raises your testosterone, which I think

00:53:39.960 is good for men and for women. Cause there's been research that's shown women's testosterone drops 0.67

00:53:45.660 too. I know I always have to read the ad. It's like the sympademic one, but I actually do like

00:53:50.160 the stuff and it helps the show if you get it. So, you know, the discount count, the discount code

00:53:55.820 is Pearl. You get like 15% off. And I like the taste. It's like a blueberry. So.

00:54:04.280 Um, and the owner's really nice too. Good guy. So, you know, if you like, um, pre-workout,

00:54:14.660 it's lemon maple cherry. Oh, I thought it was blueberry. That's kind of what it tastes like,

00:54:18.580 but, um, you know, get the adrenaline, et cetera, take it or leave it, whatever, but

00:54:25.120 helps the show. Feel free to get it. Okay.

00:54:28.500 Okay. This. So again, when churches are like that and what you have is pastors enforcing what

00:54:43.200 the woman want on husbands and the husband having no authority over his own home, what do you get? 1.00

00:54:52.900 You get men leaving the church.

00:54:58.500 Now the other trend that I've seen is an increase in online communities. And I have to say, I'm part

00:55:06.800 of this. The last four years I have made good friends that I met online. I met my boyfriend online

00:55:13.580 and that just seems to be the way that the world is going. So 40 stats you should know about online

00:55:26.300 communities in 2024. Online communities have stolen the spotlight and online community can be anything

00:55:33.220 from a sports group to a financial literacy course. Whatever the scenario, these communities

00:55:40.100 help people feel supported and tied together to a greater cause. Thus driving the user engagement

00:55:46.980 and retention. 76% of internet users participate in some sort of online community. One study found that

00:55:58.500 people in online communities that include blogs, forums, and or vlogs across all devices. These

00:56:06.240 communities can be seen in many platforms such as Reddit, which is home to more than 130,000 active

00:56:12.500 communities. Facebook is another popular platform. Um, 60% of businesses own a branded online community

00:56:21.600 participants. And a recent study indicate that over 30% of their resin res revenue is influenced by

00:56:29.080 branded online communities. On average, larger companies are more likely to have online communities

00:56:35.640 than smaller. Only 40% of communities of small companies have an online community. Finally,

00:56:41.420 making connections with people who have similar interests. 66%. This is the way the world's going, guys.

00:56:50.380 There's an increase in people moving around. And, you know, parents that made bad choices

00:56:58.680 left kids with no other options. What do you do when you're raised by a single mother 0.63

00:57:05.640 with no community around you and no siblings?

00:57:16.100 They're forced to go online

00:57:18.500 or join hobbies. What other choice do you have?

00:57:25.720 Um, the average American has three to five close friends and some studies suggest that it takes 40 to 60

00:57:34.960 hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to a hundred hours to transition to being a good friend and more

00:57:40.780 than 200 hours to become work and shared interests can play a big role where people meet their best

00:57:45.920 friends. People lose touch with almost half of their friends in their lifetime. And according to recent

00:57:51.600 trends, Gen Z tends to go out significantly less than previous generations, with many reports suggesting

00:57:58.160 that they might only go out once or twice a week at most.

00:58:03.580 So what trends do we have? The increase in digital, the increase in hobby communities, the decline of religion,

00:58:11.020 and the sex is going further and further apart and more online.

00:58:15.320 Let me switch the screen really quick. I think I found a way to do it on my laptop, but I'm not sure.

00:58:32.360 Let me see if I can do this.

00:58:35.540 Let's see if this works.

00:58:36.780 Let's see if this works.

00:58:45.320 Okay. Oh, yeah, this is working.

00:58:49.860 Okay.

00:58:51.880 Oh, hey.

00:58:53.740 Look at that. I wanted to show you guys an Instagram reel. I wanted to make sure it worked.

00:58:58.480 Okay, so how couples met

00:59:01.200 in the last hundred years.

00:59:04.700 I'm going to go here.

00:59:06.500 Oh, hell yeah.

00:59:08.560 Hell yeah. Can you guys see that?

00:59:10.640 Heck yeah.

00:59:15.320 Thank you.

00:59:36.320 Thank you.

00:59:40.080 so this is why we say conservatives are playing pretend when they talk about traditionalism

01:00:00.620 40% of couples they met online 60% in 2024 and even if we start this over

01:00:13.200 so 1930 22% was family 22% was school

01:00:30.620 19% was friends when did family become not the norm let's see family 40s

01:00:38.540 since the 80s it's been four

01:01:00.940 yeah and this is why you know it's easy to virtue signal and say guys guys don't go online don't

01:01:13.740 but the way I see it is I don't control the trends

01:01:17.860 I you know yesterday at this volleyball tournament I went to three people told me they don't go out

01:01:25.400 in Chicago anymore because there's so much crime and they know people personally that got robbed and

01:01:31.520 they're just not going to do it yeah that's why I say you know women that want to meet men in real

01:01:38.540 life you're either approaching or it's not going to happen you might get lucky but on average people

01:01:47.000 don't really talk to each other anymore not like they used to

01:01:49.680 um okay the average relationship length is two and a half years so once you get into a relationship

01:02:00.140 with someone on average it lasts two and a half years the average marriage is seven to eight years

01:02:05.940 which lines up with the average length people stay in an apartment in a house

01:02:10.840 um and it also lines up with the theory that women move when they get their heart broken

01:02:17.800 um

01:02:22.440 and my conclusion really is to go with the times or be left behind there's a lot of people that protested

01:02:30.240 the smartphone there's a lot of people that protested youtube and if you don't adapt you get left

01:02:37.720 behind the trads that say and this is why I say traditional dating advice is awful they do not

01:02:45.240 understand the real world because they have never dated in the online age for the most part unless you

01:02:52.860 are a unicorn if you want to be married or in a relationship you will most likely meet them online

01:02:59.220 or through a hobby community or both that is how people are meeting

01:03:06.060 that's how people are meeting so you can either take this information and use it to get the best

01:03:15.120 outcome or say no I want to do with the old way well I can't so the

01:03:23.660 um these are the conclusions that I've made by looking at the chessboard

01:03:31.180 I'm only dating only fans girls in my church look I mean this is I see it as a chessboard okay if we

01:03:39.840 know there's an increase in hobby communities there's a decrease in religion there's an increase

01:03:46.440 in online dating and what was second the second way uh wait hold on let's get back to the end

01:03:55.760 I'm gonna wait till it goes

01:03:59.960 what was second I gotta look

01:04:03.780 oh and second is friends

01:04:13.780 so mutual friends third is co-workers

01:04:19.040 jazzy it's the approach don't be creepy

01:04:23.280 you're an idiot sorry jazzy I mean you're a woman so 1.00

01:04:28.340 you have no idea you know you know what the success rate is of approaching women it's like

01:04:33.860 one percent you have no idea online

01:04:38.380 that's the way to go

01:04:41.640 their lives are a quest for hobbies made of no accountability or responsibility till it's too

01:04:50.120 late that's true you know the problem with workout classes is female workout classes if they're too 1.00

01:04:56.480 hard someone complains and then they stop signing up

01:04:59.840 sorry jazzy I know you subscribe but

01:05:07.180 it's just you know I'm not saying it's not bad to get social skills but

01:05:15.900 ROI wise are you likely gonna meet your girlfriend or wife that way

01:05:20.400 probably not

01:05:22.120 um you could go to the bars and going out but they're literally going out of business

01:05:29.560 so

01:05:34.200 women are not cannot and will not be finding long-lasting relationships with the men that 0.66

01:05:41.720 they want this part perpetuates the 80-20 rule and all of the toxic aspects of online dating

01:05:48.460 um

01:05:50.340 height looks and status will be the norm for modern women going forward 1.00

01:05:58.920 expect to be a single parent people don't like it when I say this

01:06:08.680 I say expect it ladies 1.00

01:06:11.640 I have seen women 1.00

01:06:14.400 more moral than you get divorced

01:06:16.980 yep

01:06:17.980 have a plan expect it

01:06:21.080 I don't I don't I don't think it's you know hope for the best but prepare for the worst

01:06:28.760 or you know you can option a is go with the times or option b is fight it

01:06:36.940 you know put your wife in a flower dress and make bread 0.98

01:06:40.940 um join a church where the people leave every three years

01:06:45.180 then expect your wife not to leave because she promised to that she wouldn't go to bars that are

01:06:51.820 becoming more and more empty

01:06:53.080 expect things to change and try to form a community where you live with people you have nothing in

01:06:59.000 common with because they have

01:07:00.460 immigrated a million people that we have nothing in common with 1.00

01:07:06.940 or go to the parks that are empty

01:07:09.960 anyways guys

01:07:15.520 that's all I got for you

01:07:17.880 thank you for bearing with me through my technical difficulties

01:07:22.100 um

01:07:22.800 said Pearl is just jealous of women like Nala 1.00

01:07:28.380 oh

01:07:29.980 I'm so jealous of a woman that has a video of her getting tag teamed online for the rest of her life 1.00

01:07:36.360 damn

01:07:39.380 I just wanted to be her

01:07:41.420 okay guys um I gotta go figure out how to turn this stuff off so give me a second

01:07:48.000 thanks for tuning in

01:07:50.300 love you guys and I'm gonna be on I'm gonna be live tomorrow because I didn't end up going to the inauguration but

01:07:57.940 Trump 2024 baby

01:08:02.340 easy

01:08:03.080 Kind of

01:08:05.360 happy

01:08:06.360 you

01:08:06.980 little

01:08:07.560 you

01:08:09.000 you

01:08:09.980 you

01:08:11.380 you

01:08:11.540 you

01:08:17.340 you

JustPearlyThings - January 19, 2025

Communities of Families Turned Into Communities of Hobbies

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