JustPearlyThings - Dating Coach On Why Men Are S3XLESS

00:00:00.000 Also, the absence of a father figure plays a massive part and then these men are raised

00:00:07.620 by women and the women are a bit angry, you know, and they're just like raising them to 1.00

00:00:13.360 be scared.

00:00:15.300 You know, they're not raising them to be, you know, men, you know, they're raising them

00:00:19.420 from a woman point of view that she's been used and abused by men. 1.00

00:00:23.660 So he's kind of lost his identity.

00:00:27.420 That's playing a massive part.

00:00:29.420 The survey, is it speaking about a specific age group?

00:00:34.740 Young men mostly, like up to 29.

00:00:37.460 Okay.

00:00:38.460 Because I totally agree with what you guys are saying with the younger guys, but something

00:00:42.580 that I've personally noticed out on the street is that the older guys that now have families

00:00:47.300 and have children, they're the ones you see during the day pushing the buggies and with

00:00:50.920 two, three kids on the street.

00:00:52.620 So where roles are reversed, maybe now the men are tired spending all day with the kids

00:00:57.800 and then during the night when the wife comes home or both of them are at home, they're

00:01:02.120 like, do you know what?

00:01:03.120 I'm really tired.

00:01:04.120 I don't want to have any sex.

00:01:06.120 The men say that? 0.94

00:01:07.120 The men.

00:01:08.120 That's what I'm seeing on the streets.

00:01:09.120 Maybe the roles have been reversed where usually it would be the women. 1.00

00:01:11.440 I got to vehemently disagree with this. 0.90

00:01:13.440 I don't know if men are tired to have sex.

00:01:16.440 Just after even speaking to like divorce attorneys, like a common complaint is that men, they have

00:01:22.400 two kids and then the wife stops sleeping with them. 0.71

00:01:24.680 And I've talked to like different attorneys in the U.S.

00:01:27.680 because I'm doing a documentary on the court system here and I've talked to different divorce

00:01:31.680 attorneys in the U.S. and the UK and it's the same problem.

00:01:34.440 That sounds more realistic because like the women are like, my body's not the same. 1.00

00:01:40.000 He probably doesn't see me the same and they just let go.

00:01:42.900 But guys, no, they actually, they want that.

00:01:45.820 They want to sleep with you after you've had kids because you're the person that they married 1.00

00:01:50.020 and all those things.

00:01:51.020 But I think women just think because I've given him kids, he's not going to want anything 0.98

00:01:55.680 else.

00:01:56.680 Do you think that's unfair to men?

00:01:57.680 A hundred percent, a hundred percent, because at the end of the day, men need it more, you

00:02:04.300 know?

00:02:05.300 Yeah.

00:02:06.300 Yeah.

00:02:07.300 What do you guys think?

00:02:08.300 Why aren't so many more men sexless? 0.92

00:02:09.300 So, like I've been coaching this stuff now for 10 years and I see a lot of guys, they

00:02:13.180 go and try to get better with this stuff.

00:02:14.680 A lot of the pickup artist teachings are misleading and they don't work and then they just fall

00:02:18.980 into some kind of victim ideology, right?

00:02:20.920 So they think, okay, I'm going to just fall into red pill and resent women and hate women 0.94

00:02:24.840 and women are the enemy. 1.00

00:02:26.460 Or they think, well, I don't look like a model. 0.93

00:02:28.380 So that's why I can't get girls, like the whole black pill stuff. 1.00

00:02:31.120 Or they go to MGTOW and they say, I'm not going to even bother dating.

00:02:33.900 And a lot of guys are already self-conscious about their height or about how old they are,

00:02:38.220 about how much money they have.

00:02:39.220 And we were talking before the show, like we both coached a lot of guys, guys come in

00:02:44.100 to interactions, just assuming like they're not good enough for whatever reasons.

00:02:48.640 And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they have a negative mindset and they

00:02:51.740 go down this kind of negative spiral and then they give up because they don't have any

00:02:55.140 other options.

00:02:56.140 There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

00:02:58.060 And they try to do these things.

00:02:59.920 And there's also this unrealistic standard, like on Instagram and stuff like that, where

00:03:03.600 you just see people like, this is all perfect and this and that.

00:03:07.020 And so guys are trying to compare themselves to that.

00:03:08.700 And they're like, well, this isn't for me.

00:03:10.420 So a lot of guys just become more and more on the sidelines, just spectating other guys.

00:03:15.280 Right.

00:03:15.580 And so it's kind of like feast or famine.

00:03:16.980 Like once I teach a guy how to get a proper mindset and do all the system properly.

00:03:21.240 What mindset do you teach them?

00:03:23.320 I tell them to think that they're at a hundred out of a hundred at all times.

00:03:26.180 And there's a brick wall between them and the external things that happen.

00:03:30.400 So if they get rejected or they get insulted or anything like that, their value stays at

00:03:34.400 a hundred out of a hundred because they're deriving it from internally.

00:03:36.860 They're not letting people's reactions and people's responses define their worth.

00:03:41.860 And then also I tell them to assume they got the girl before they go approach like in 0.61

00:03:45.360 public.

00:03:45.960 And that makes a huge, huge difference.

00:03:47.580 Like he was saying, he focuses really heavily on the mindset.

00:03:50.240 That's like most of the battle, right?

00:03:51.900 There's still tons of strategic elements, but if the guy is thinking that he's not good

00:03:56.120 enough and he's trying to win the girl over, he's already coming at it from the wrong angle

00:03:59.760 and girls pick up on that right away. 1.00

00:04:00.980 And they think, okay, this guy is low value because he thinks that I'm way above him.

00:04:05.140 So I'm not, I don't teach guys to think they're better than the girls, just think they're good

00:04:08.320 enough for any girl and still keep working on themselves and better themselves as much

00:04:11.280 as possible.

00:04:11.960 But that's an empowering message.

00:04:13.720 And we usually get clients that are, that are virgins or divorcees or anything like

00:04:17.480 that.

00:04:17.680 We get them late, like in the first week and you saw on the, on the bootcamp, like a

00:04:21.060 lot of those guys had never taken girls home before.

00:04:23.760 And part of it is getting them to believe in themselves.

00:04:25.860 But the other part of it is giving them the proper strategy to know how to navigate through

00:04:29.620 the whole system because there can be bottlenecks any step of the way.

00:04:32.720 Like if guys are using random Tinder pictures, they're not going to get many matches.

00:04:36.220 If they get a match, they're going to send wrong messages.

00:04:38.280 If they get a phone number, they're going to send the wrong texts.

00:04:40.260 And so it's very hard for them to make it through the whole process and they get deflated and

00:04:45.100 then they just give up and then they just go to these other side movements and they just

00:04:49.280 all like sit on these forums and watch these creators that just victimize everyone.

00:04:53.400 I think that's very sad because a lot of these guys just need proper coaching.

00:04:57.560 Like you saw, like a lot of the, a lot of clients that I get bounce from coach to coach

00:05:01.500 and they didn't get anywhere, but they weren't being given the proper mindset, the proper

00:05:04.960 system.

00:05:05.380 Um, and then when you give them that, the results are just almost instant.

00:05:09.060 What do you think starts the problem though?

00:05:11.960 So it's like if, if they went to these forums or to these YouTube channels or whatever, like

00:05:16.000 something had to start it where it's different today than it was 50 years ago.

00:05:19.180 What do you think that is?

00:05:20.340 I think, you know, just with, with the advent of, of social media and stuff like that.

00:05:23.960 And there's, there's just so much like, like this Tinder statistics, right?

00:05:28.080 It's like if guys aren't using professional pictures, like the first thing we do when

00:05:30.840 a guy signs up for my, my eight week program is we get in professional pictures and then

00:05:34.480 Liz and some other girls on the team pick the top five and then we apply face app.

00:05:38.300 So they're going from like average photos to pro photos to the best five pro photos to

00:05:42.280 the face app versions.

00:05:43.900 And now they're getting like a night and day difference in the quantity and quality of matches.

00:05:48.260 Whereas, you know, before they might've just put up whatever pictures didn't get the

00:05:52.380 result and then they see their friend, maybe like, you know, one of their cool guy friends,

00:05:56.460 he's getting a lot of girls, but they don't know how to navigate that properly. 1.00

00:06:00.280 But then when they look on social media, they see, you know, all these perfect looking people

00:06:03.900 and they say, well, I'm not perfect looking, right?

00:06:06.000 And I have these flaws and people have these different handicaps they place on themselves

00:06:10.240 where they are cognizant of all these different flaws they have.

00:06:13.800 And then they think that that makes them not good enough for the girls.

00:06:16.920 And then that causes the rejection and then that like reinforces the belief.

00:06:20.940 And then it just continues in a cycle.

00:06:23.080 Right.

00:06:23.540 And people are, you know, not many people are cold approaching anyways, like even, even

00:06:27.980 in your generation, stuff like that.

00:06:29.420 No, but it's gotten even less common now.

00:06:31.780 Much less.

00:06:32.380 And with COVID and stuff like this, you know, not many people were going out.

00:06:35.580 And I think that even once like night venues and stuff reopened, not as many people go

00:06:40.900 out anymore.

00:06:41.680 And a lot of clients I work with, their ego is like very tied to approaching a female in

00:06:46.480 public.

00:06:46.740 So if that girl rejects them, they feel horrible about themselves and it's, it's tough for

00:06:51.800 them to go back in and try again.

00:06:53.400 And then if that rejection happens again, it keeps, it's like a, it's like a negative momentum

00:06:57.760 and then they, they just usually give up.

00:07:00.960 So my job is to, to show them like, look, you, you can totally do this and show them real

00:07:05.660 tangible results.

00:07:06.320 And that starts a positive momentum and then they end up with a place of options and they

00:07:10.480 can pick the best one for the girlfriend or something like this.

00:07:12.540 What do you, what do you think about the men that say they're afraid to approach because

00:07:16.140 of the Me Too movement?

00:07:17.920 I mean, that's a very real thing.

00:07:19.260 Like, I live in Brazil, that stuff's not really going on over there yet, but in the Western

00:07:23.340 nations, it's, it's a really bad thing.

00:07:24.800 Like I just did a video on my channel about like in Scotland, if you're talking about like

00:07:28.340 a sexual conquest and a woman overhears, you can be sent to jail.

00:07:32.040 You can be sent to jail?

00:07:33.240 Yeah.

00:07:33.680 It's like a new thing.

00:07:35.020 What?

00:07:35.300 Yeah.

00:07:36.100 And in England too, like I, I, I, correct me if I'm wrong, but like, if you like cat

00:07:40.920 call a girl on the street, you can get in trouble now, right?

00:07:42.880 You can Google it.

00:07:43.760 I don't know.

00:07:44.200 I'm pretty sure that like.

00:07:45.180 Yeah, I think you can, but it depends.

00:07:46.420 Like it'll have to be something like, I don't know.

00:07:49.800 It depends.

00:07:50.780 They won't arrest you.

00:07:52.000 It's not an arrestable offense.

00:07:53.580 No, it does.

00:07:54.320 It does.

00:07:54.680 It says this legislation will, this legislation, wait, this, this legislation will criminalize

00:08:00.820 acts, including cat calling and making offensive gestures and walking too closely behind someone

00:08:07.000 at night.

00:08:08.080 Yes. 0.98

00:08:08.540 It's ridiculous. 0.99

00:08:09.220 And same like the Scotland thing. 0.97

00:08:10.540 It's if you brush up against someone and I've been in tons of nightclubs, right?

00:08:14.420 And so I spent a lot of my time in my life for better or worse, but you know, inadvertently

00:08:18.760 you're going to be brushing up against people when you're packed in into a club and that's

00:08:22.920 I can put you in jail now in Scotland if you brush up against someone.

00:08:26.420 So what do you say to guys that are in countries with laws like that?

00:08:29.160 Do you tell them not to approach or what's your, what's your solution as a dating coach?

00:08:33.180 I mean, if they, I tell them to move if they can, I mean, that's pretty extreme, but like

00:08:36.680 in Australia, for instance, like they have a new thing where, where women can change their 1.00

00:08:40.340 mind about consent during sex.

00:08:42.520 And that's, you know, I have Australian clients and they're just terrified.

00:08:46.580 They don't even want to get in a sexual situation because there's no one there to witness

00:08:50.560 that.

00:08:51.380 So it's just, he said, she said, right.

00:08:53.220 And they're going to take the side of the girl in a lot of the cases.

00:08:55.000 I'm not saying that like bad stuff doesn't happen, but it makes guys very apprehensive.

00:08:58.940 Same with the Scotland stuff.

00:09:00.460 Guys were already afraid to go to approach and now they're, they don't want to have legal

00:09:04.300 trouble.

00:09:05.100 Right.

00:09:05.560 So as these countries and what they're trying to do is combat harassment of women. 1.00

00:09:09.500 These are real problems.

00:09:10.720 But when they impose these very strict kind of locked on measures, then it turns men away

00:09:16.200 from speaking and leads to the statistic.

00:09:18.500 It's a pendulum swinging too far.

00:09:20.100 I'm curious because you've lived like everywhere.

00:09:22.740 Yeah.

00:09:22.960 What, what is your experience dating in different countries?

00:09:26.140 So I lived in Poland and Ukraine and I often talk on my channel that the, the women are 1.00

00:09:30.480 just much more family oriented.

00:09:32.280 It's almost like the U S like 50 years ago.

00:09:34.840 So it's like, they're more like feminine, elegant, um, kind of stronger moral system, looking

00:09:39.600 for kind of family, stuff like that.

00:09:42.240 On the flip side of the coin, they take longer to hook up with, which was annoying, right?

00:09:46.160 Like in Ukraine, it would take like two to five dates to actually hook up with a girl.

00:09:49.440 So I added situations where I'd be on a fourth date in public and they weren't ready to kiss

00:09:52.720 yet, which I've never encountered anywhere else.

00:09:55.320 But there's not a lot of this, you know, um, kind of me too stuff that's happening in

00:10:00.480 the U S and happening in, in the UK and stuff like that.

00:10:03.060 But again, these are very real problems that need to be addressed.

00:10:05.780 But when they say that you can't speak about, you know, hooking up with a girl within earshot

00:10:10.920 of another woman, or you can't brush up against someone, even if it was an accident or stuff

00:10:14.960 like this, it starts to blur the line between, you know, guys just living their life versus

00:10:20.900 potentially encountering trouble.

00:10:22.140 And they, and guys want to err on the side of caution in a lot of cases and the things

00:10:25.800 we've already discussed about how guys are already apprehensive that adds to it.

00:10:29.560 And they just figure, you know, I'm not going to even bother with that.

00:10:32.440 I'm just going to watch corn, I guess, or stuff like this.

00:10:36.700 That was interesting.

00:10:37.360 So you really think that the me too movement has contributed to male sexlessness, sexlessness

00:10:42.120 because they, they don't want the rest.

00:10:44.480 Yeah.

00:10:44.640 Cause I, cause I have access to like thousands of clients and I hear these, these things

00:10:47.720 all the time.

00:10:48.200 And like, you know, the guys in Australia, a lot of them couldn't even leave because of

00:10:52.040 the, you know, during the pandemic, but they're really terrified about getting in a situation

00:10:55.640 where a girl later says, Hey, I changed my mind about consent.

00:10:58.500 And then what happens from there?

00:11:00.580 Right.

00:11:00.900 Or, or a guy, you know, approaching a girl and she doesn't like it.

00:11:04.100 Maybe in the UK, is he now going to get in trouble?

00:11:07.120 Right.

00:11:07.520 So as we said, not many people were called approaching to begin with, but when you put these kind

00:11:12.060 of restrictions on guys are, are even more intimidated, right?

00:11:16.100 Because now there's not just rejection, there's also legal consequences.

JustPearlyThings - July 21, 2023

Dating Coach On Why Men Are S3XLESS

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