Dating Coach On Why Men Are S3XLESS
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
232.42113
Summary
In this episode, we discuss a new survey that has been out for a few months now, and it shows that men are becoming sexless. We discuss why this is happening, and how this could be a problem. We also discuss why women are tired of sex after having kids, and why men need it more than they do.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Also, the absence of a father figure plays a massive part and then these men are raised
00:00:07.620
by women and the women are a bit angry, you know, and they're just like raising them to
00:00:15.300
You know, they're not raising them to be, you know, men, you know, they're raising them
00:00:19.420
from a woman point of view that she's been used and abused by men.
00:00:29.420
The survey, is it speaking about a specific age group?
00:00:38.460
Because I totally agree with what you guys are saying with the younger guys, but something
00:00:42.580
that I've personally noticed out on the street is that the older guys that now have families
00:00:47.300
and have children, they're the ones you see during the day pushing the buggies and with
00:00:52.620
So where roles are reversed, maybe now the men are tired spending all day with the kids
00:00:57.800
and then during the night when the wife comes home or both of them are at home, they're
00:01:09.120
Maybe the roles have been reversed where usually it would be the women.
00:01:16.440
Just after even speaking to like divorce attorneys, like a common complaint is that men, they have
00:01:22.400
two kids and then the wife stops sleeping with them.
00:01:24.680
And I've talked to like different attorneys in the U.S.
00:01:27.680
because I'm doing a documentary on the court system here and I've talked to different divorce
00:01:31.680
attorneys in the U.S. and the UK and it's the same problem.
00:01:34.440
That sounds more realistic because like the women are like, my body's not the same.
00:01:40.000
He probably doesn't see me the same and they just let go.
00:01:45.820
They want to sleep with you after you've had kids because you're the person that they married
00:01:51.020
But I think women just think because I've given him kids, he's not going to want anything
00:01:57.680
A hundred percent, a hundred percent, because at the end of the day, men need it more, you
00:02:09.300
So, like I've been coaching this stuff now for 10 years and I see a lot of guys, they
00:02:14.680
A lot of the pickup artist teachings are misleading and they don't work and then they just fall
00:02:20.920
So they think, okay, I'm going to just fall into red pill and resent women and hate women
00:02:26.460
Or they think, well, I don't look like a model.
00:02:28.380
So that's why I can't get girls, like the whole black pill stuff.
00:02:31.120
Or they go to MGTOW and they say, I'm not going to even bother dating.
00:02:33.900
And a lot of guys are already self-conscious about their height or about how old they are,
00:02:39.220
And we were talking before the show, like we both coached a lot of guys, guys come in
00:02:44.100
to interactions, just assuming like they're not good enough for whatever reasons.
00:02:48.640
And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they have a negative mindset and they
00:02:51.740
go down this kind of negative spiral and then they give up because they don't have any
00:02:59.920
And there's also this unrealistic standard, like on Instagram and stuff like that, where
00:03:03.600
you just see people like, this is all perfect and this and that.
00:03:07.020
And so guys are trying to compare themselves to that.
00:03:10.420
So a lot of guys just become more and more on the sidelines, just spectating other guys.
00:03:16.980
Like once I teach a guy how to get a proper mindset and do all the system properly.
00:03:23.320
I tell them to think that they're at a hundred out of a hundred at all times.
00:03:26.180
And there's a brick wall between them and the external things that happen.
00:03:30.400
So if they get rejected or they get insulted or anything like that, their value stays at
00:03:34.400
a hundred out of a hundred because they're deriving it from internally.
00:03:36.860
They're not letting people's reactions and people's responses define their worth.
00:03:41.860
And then also I tell them to assume they got the girl before they go approach like in
00:03:47.580
Like he was saying, he focuses really heavily on the mindset.
00:03:51.900
There's still tons of strategic elements, but if the guy is thinking that he's not good
00:03:56.120
enough and he's trying to win the girl over, he's already coming at it from the wrong angle
00:04:00.980
And they think, okay, this guy is low value because he thinks that I'm way above him.
00:04:05.140
So I'm not, I don't teach guys to think they're better than the girls, just think they're good
00:04:08.320
enough for any girl and still keep working on themselves and better themselves as much
00:04:13.720
And we usually get clients that are, that are virgins or divorcees or anything like
00:04:17.680
We get them late, like in the first week and you saw on the, on the bootcamp, like a
00:04:21.060
lot of those guys had never taken girls home before.
00:04:23.760
And part of it is getting them to believe in themselves.
00:04:25.860
But the other part of it is giving them the proper strategy to know how to navigate through
00:04:29.620
the whole system because there can be bottlenecks any step of the way.
00:04:32.720
Like if guys are using random Tinder pictures, they're not going to get many matches.
00:04:36.220
If they get a match, they're going to send wrong messages.
00:04:38.280
If they get a phone number, they're going to send the wrong texts.
00:04:40.260
And so it's very hard for them to make it through the whole process and they get deflated and
00:04:45.100
then they just give up and then they just go to these other side movements and they just
00:04:49.280
all like sit on these forums and watch these creators that just victimize everyone.
00:04:53.400
I think that's very sad because a lot of these guys just need proper coaching.
00:04:57.560
Like you saw, like a lot of the, a lot of clients that I get bounce from coach to coach
00:05:01.500
and they didn't get anywhere, but they weren't being given the proper mindset, the proper
00:05:05.380
Um, and then when you give them that, the results are just almost instant.
00:05:11.960
So it's like if, if they went to these forums or to these YouTube channels or whatever, like
00:05:16.000
something had to start it where it's different today than it was 50 years ago.
00:05:20.340
I think, you know, just with, with the advent of, of social media and stuff like that.
00:05:23.960
And there's, there's just so much like, like this Tinder statistics, right?
00:05:28.080
It's like if guys aren't using professional pictures, like the first thing we do when
00:05:30.840
a guy signs up for my, my eight week program is we get in professional pictures and then
00:05:34.480
Liz and some other girls on the team pick the top five and then we apply face app.
00:05:38.300
So they're going from like average photos to pro photos to the best five pro photos to
00:05:43.900
And now they're getting like a night and day difference in the quantity and quality of matches.
00:05:48.260
Whereas, you know, before they might've just put up whatever pictures didn't get the
00:05:52.380
result and then they see their friend, maybe like, you know, one of their cool guy friends,
00:05:56.460
he's getting a lot of girls, but they don't know how to navigate that properly.
00:06:00.280
But then when they look on social media, they see, you know, all these perfect looking people
00:06:03.900
and they say, well, I'm not perfect looking, right?
00:06:06.000
And I have these flaws and people have these different handicaps they place on themselves
00:06:10.240
where they are cognizant of all these different flaws they have.
00:06:13.800
And then they think that that makes them not good enough for the girls.
00:06:16.920
And then that causes the rejection and then that like reinforces the belief.
00:06:23.540
And people are, you know, not many people are cold approaching anyways, like even, even
00:06:32.380
And with COVID and stuff like this, you know, not many people were going out.
00:06:35.580
And I think that even once like night venues and stuff reopened, not as many people go
00:06:41.680
And a lot of clients I work with, their ego is like very tied to approaching a female in
00:06:46.740
So if that girl rejects them, they feel horrible about themselves and it's, it's tough for
00:06:53.400
And then if that rejection happens again, it keeps, it's like a, it's like a negative momentum
00:07:00.960
So my job is to, to show them like, look, you, you can totally do this and show them real
00:07:06.320
And that starts a positive momentum and then they end up with a place of options and they
00:07:10.480
can pick the best one for the girlfriend or something like this.
00:07:12.540
What do you, what do you think about the men that say they're afraid to approach because
00:07:19.260
Like, I live in Brazil, that stuff's not really going on over there yet, but in the Western
00:07:24.800
Like I just did a video on my channel about like in Scotland, if you're talking about like
00:07:28.340
a sexual conquest and a woman overhears, you can be sent to jail.
00:07:36.100
And in England too, like I, I, I, correct me if I'm wrong, but like, if you like cat
00:07:40.920
call a girl on the street, you can get in trouble now, right?
00:07:46.420
Like it'll have to be something like, I don't know.
00:07:54.680
It says this legislation will, this legislation, wait, this, this legislation will criminalize
00:08:00.820
acts, including cat calling and making offensive gestures and walking too closely behind someone
00:08:10.540
It's if you brush up against someone and I've been in tons of nightclubs, right?
00:08:14.420
And so I spent a lot of my time in my life for better or worse, but you know, inadvertently
00:08:18.760
you're going to be brushing up against people when you're packed in into a club and that's
00:08:22.920
I can put you in jail now in Scotland if you brush up against someone.
00:08:26.420
So what do you say to guys that are in countries with laws like that?
00:08:29.160
Do you tell them not to approach or what's your, what's your solution as a dating coach?
00:08:33.180
I mean, if they, I tell them to move if they can, I mean, that's pretty extreme, but like
00:08:36.680
in Australia, for instance, like they have a new thing where, where women can change their
00:08:42.520
And that's, you know, I have Australian clients and they're just terrified.
00:08:46.580
They don't even want to get in a sexual situation because there's no one there to witness
00:08:53.220
And they're going to take the side of the girl in a lot of the cases.
00:08:55.000
I'm not saying that like bad stuff doesn't happen, but it makes guys very apprehensive.
00:09:00.460
Guys were already afraid to go to approach and now they're, they don't want to have legal
00:09:05.560
So as these countries and what they're trying to do is combat harassment of women.
00:09:10.720
But when they impose these very strict kind of locked on measures, then it turns men away
00:09:20.100
I'm curious because you've lived like everywhere.
00:09:22.960
What, what is your experience dating in different countries?
00:09:26.140
So I lived in Poland and Ukraine and I often talk on my channel that the, the women are
00:09:34.840
So it's like, they're more like feminine, elegant, um, kind of stronger moral system, looking
00:09:42.240
On the flip side of the coin, they take longer to hook up with, which was annoying, right?
00:09:46.160
Like in Ukraine, it would take like two to five dates to actually hook up with a girl.
00:09:49.440
So I added situations where I'd be on a fourth date in public and they weren't ready to kiss
00:09:52.720
yet, which I've never encountered anywhere else.
00:09:55.320
But there's not a lot of this, you know, um, kind of me too stuff that's happening in
00:10:00.480
the U S and happening in, in the UK and stuff like that.
00:10:03.060
But again, these are very real problems that need to be addressed.
00:10:05.780
But when they say that you can't speak about, you know, hooking up with a girl within earshot
00:10:10.920
of another woman, or you can't brush up against someone, even if it was an accident or stuff
00:10:14.960
like this, it starts to blur the line between, you know, guys just living their life versus
00:10:22.140
And they, and guys want to err on the side of caution in a lot of cases and the things
00:10:25.800
we've already discussed about how guys are already apprehensive that adds to it.
00:10:29.560
And they just figure, you know, I'm not going to even bother with that.
00:10:32.440
I'm just going to watch corn, I guess, or stuff like this.
00:10:37.360
So you really think that the me too movement has contributed to male sexlessness, sexlessness
00:10:44.640
Cause I, cause I have access to like thousands of clients and I hear these, these things
00:10:48.200
And like, you know, the guys in Australia, a lot of them couldn't even leave because of
00:10:52.040
the, you know, during the pandemic, but they're really terrified about getting in a situation
00:10:55.640
where a girl later says, Hey, I changed my mind about consent.
00:11:00.900
Or, or a guy, you know, approaching a girl and she doesn't like it.
00:11:04.100
Maybe in the UK, is he now going to get in trouble?
00:11:07.520
So as we said, not many people were called approaching to begin with, but when you put these kind
00:11:12.060
of restrictions on guys are, are even more intimidated, right?
00:11:16.100
Because now there's not just rejection, there's also legal consequences.