JustPearlyThings - July 21, 2023


Dating Coach On Why Men Are S3XLESS


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

232.42113

Word Count

2,630

Sentence Count

143

Misogynist Sentences

14

Hate Speech Sentences

8


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Also, the absence of a father figure plays a massive part and then these men are raised
00:00:07.620 by women and the women are a bit angry, you know, and they're just like raising them to
00:00:13.360 be scared.
00:00:15.300 You know, they're not raising them to be, you know, men, you know, they're raising them
00:00:19.420 from a woman point of view that she's been used and abused by men.
00:00:23.660 So he's kind of lost his identity.
00:00:27.420 That's playing a massive part.
00:00:29.420 The survey, is it speaking about a specific age group?
00:00:34.740 Young men mostly, like up to 29.
00:00:37.460 Okay.
00:00:38.460 Because I totally agree with what you guys are saying with the younger guys, but something
00:00:42.580 that I've personally noticed out on the street is that the older guys that now have families
00:00:47.300 and have children, they're the ones you see during the day pushing the buggies and with
00:00:50.920 two, three kids on the street.
00:00:52.620 So where roles are reversed, maybe now the men are tired spending all day with the kids
00:00:57.800 and then during the night when the wife comes home or both of them are at home, they're
00:01:02.120 like, do you know what?
00:01:03.120 I'm really tired.
00:01:04.120 I don't want to have any sex.
00:01:06.120 The men say that?
00:01:07.120 The men.
00:01:08.120 That's what I'm seeing on the streets.
00:01:09.120 Maybe the roles have been reversed where usually it would be the women.
00:01:11.440 I got to vehemently disagree with this.
00:01:13.440 I don't know if men are tired to have sex.
00:01:16.440 Just after even speaking to like divorce attorneys, like a common complaint is that men, they have
00:01:22.400 two kids and then the wife stops sleeping with them.
00:01:24.680 And I've talked to like different attorneys in the U.S.
00:01:27.680 because I'm doing a documentary on the court system here and I've talked to different divorce
00:01:31.680 attorneys in the U.S. and the UK and it's the same problem.
00:01:34.440 That sounds more realistic because like the women are like, my body's not the same.
00:01:40.000 He probably doesn't see me the same and they just let go.
00:01:42.900 But guys, no, they actually, they want that.
00:01:45.820 They want to sleep with you after you've had kids because you're the person that they married
00:01:50.020 and all those things.
00:01:51.020 But I think women just think because I've given him kids, he's not going to want anything
00:01:55.680 else.
00:01:56.680 Do you think that's unfair to men?
00:01:57.680 A hundred percent, a hundred percent, because at the end of the day, men need it more, you
00:02:04.300 know?
00:02:05.300 Yeah.
00:02:06.300 Yeah.
00:02:07.300 What do you guys think?
00:02:08.300 Why aren't so many more men sexless?
00:02:09.300 So, like I've been coaching this stuff now for 10 years and I see a lot of guys, they
00:02:13.180 go and try to get better with this stuff.
00:02:14.680 A lot of the pickup artist teachings are misleading and they don't work and then they just fall
00:02:18.980 into some kind of victim ideology, right?
00:02:20.920 So they think, okay, I'm going to just fall into red pill and resent women and hate women
00:02:24.840 and women are the enemy.
00:02:26.460 Or they think, well, I don't look like a model.
00:02:28.380 So that's why I can't get girls, like the whole black pill stuff.
00:02:31.120 Or they go to MGTOW and they say, I'm not going to even bother dating.
00:02:33.900 And a lot of guys are already self-conscious about their height or about how old they are,
00:02:38.220 about how much money they have.
00:02:39.220 And we were talking before the show, like we both coached a lot of guys, guys come in
00:02:44.100 to interactions, just assuming like they're not good enough for whatever reasons.
00:02:48.640 And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they have a negative mindset and they
00:02:51.740 go down this kind of negative spiral and then they give up because they don't have any
00:02:55.140 other options.
00:02:56.140 There's no light at the end of the tunnel.
00:02:58.060 And they try to do these things.
00:02:59.920 And there's also this unrealistic standard, like on Instagram and stuff like that, where
00:03:03.600 you just see people like, this is all perfect and this and that.
00:03:07.020 And so guys are trying to compare themselves to that.
00:03:08.700 And they're like, well, this isn't for me.
00:03:10.420 So a lot of guys just become more and more on the sidelines, just spectating other guys.
00:03:15.280 Right.
00:03:15.580 And so it's kind of like feast or famine.
00:03:16.980 Like once I teach a guy how to get a proper mindset and do all the system properly.
00:03:21.240 What mindset do you teach them?
00:03:23.320 I tell them to think that they're at a hundred out of a hundred at all times.
00:03:26.180 And there's a brick wall between them and the external things that happen.
00:03:30.400 So if they get rejected or they get insulted or anything like that, their value stays at
00:03:34.400 a hundred out of a hundred because they're deriving it from internally.
00:03:36.860 They're not letting people's reactions and people's responses define their worth.
00:03:41.860 And then also I tell them to assume they got the girl before they go approach like in
00:03:45.360 public.
00:03:45.960 And that makes a huge, huge difference.
00:03:47.580 Like he was saying, he focuses really heavily on the mindset.
00:03:50.240 That's like most of the battle, right?
00:03:51.900 There's still tons of strategic elements, but if the guy is thinking that he's not good
00:03:56.120 enough and he's trying to win the girl over, he's already coming at it from the wrong angle
00:03:59.760 and girls pick up on that right away.
00:04:00.980 And they think, okay, this guy is low value because he thinks that I'm way above him.
00:04:05.140 So I'm not, I don't teach guys to think they're better than the girls, just think they're good
00:04:08.320 enough for any girl and still keep working on themselves and better themselves as much
00:04:11.280 as possible.
00:04:11.960 But that's an empowering message.
00:04:13.720 And we usually get clients that are, that are virgins or divorcees or anything like
00:04:17.480 that.
00:04:17.680 We get them late, like in the first week and you saw on the, on the bootcamp, like a
00:04:21.060 lot of those guys had never taken girls home before.
00:04:23.760 And part of it is getting them to believe in themselves.
00:04:25.860 But the other part of it is giving them the proper strategy to know how to navigate through
00:04:29.620 the whole system because there can be bottlenecks any step of the way.
00:04:32.720 Like if guys are using random Tinder pictures, they're not going to get many matches.
00:04:36.220 If they get a match, they're going to send wrong messages.
00:04:38.280 If they get a phone number, they're going to send the wrong texts.
00:04:40.260 And so it's very hard for them to make it through the whole process and they get deflated and
00:04:45.100 then they just give up and then they just go to these other side movements and they just
00:04:49.280 all like sit on these forums and watch these creators that just victimize everyone.
00:04:53.400 I think that's very sad because a lot of these guys just need proper coaching.
00:04:57.560 Like you saw, like a lot of the, a lot of clients that I get bounce from coach to coach
00:05:01.500 and they didn't get anywhere, but they weren't being given the proper mindset, the proper
00:05:04.960 system.
00:05:05.380 Um, and then when you give them that, the results are just almost instant.
00:05:09.060 What do you think starts the problem though?
00:05:11.960 So it's like if, if they went to these forums or to these YouTube channels or whatever, like
00:05:16.000 something had to start it where it's different today than it was 50 years ago.
00:05:19.180 What do you think that is?
00:05:20.340 I think, you know, just with, with the advent of, of social media and stuff like that.
00:05:23.960 And there's, there's just so much like, like this Tinder statistics, right?
00:05:28.080 It's like if guys aren't using professional pictures, like the first thing we do when
00:05:30.840 a guy signs up for my, my eight week program is we get in professional pictures and then
00:05:34.480 Liz and some other girls on the team pick the top five and then we apply face app.
00:05:38.300 So they're going from like average photos to pro photos to the best five pro photos to
00:05:42.280 the face app versions.
00:05:43.900 And now they're getting like a night and day difference in the quantity and quality of matches.
00:05:48.260 Whereas, you know, before they might've just put up whatever pictures didn't get the
00:05:52.380 result and then they see their friend, maybe like, you know, one of their cool guy friends,
00:05:56.460 he's getting a lot of girls, but they don't know how to navigate that properly.
00:06:00.280 But then when they look on social media, they see, you know, all these perfect looking people
00:06:03.900 and they say, well, I'm not perfect looking, right?
00:06:06.000 And I have these flaws and people have these different handicaps they place on themselves
00:06:10.240 where they are cognizant of all these different flaws they have.
00:06:13.800 And then they think that that makes them not good enough for the girls.
00:06:16.920 And then that causes the rejection and then that like reinforces the belief.
00:06:20.940 And then it just continues in a cycle.
00:06:23.080 Right.
00:06:23.540 And people are, you know, not many people are cold approaching anyways, like even, even
00:06:27.980 in your generation, stuff like that.
00:06:29.420 No, but it's gotten even less common now.
00:06:31.780 Much less.
00:06:32.380 And with COVID and stuff like this, you know, not many people were going out.
00:06:35.580 And I think that even once like night venues and stuff reopened, not as many people go
00:06:40.900 out anymore.
00:06:41.680 And a lot of clients I work with, their ego is like very tied to approaching a female in
00:06:46.480 public.
00:06:46.740 So if that girl rejects them, they feel horrible about themselves and it's, it's tough for
00:06:51.800 them to go back in and try again.
00:06:53.400 And then if that rejection happens again, it keeps, it's like a, it's like a negative momentum
00:06:57.760 and then they, they just usually give up.
00:07:00.960 So my job is to, to show them like, look, you, you can totally do this and show them real
00:07:05.660 tangible results.
00:07:06.320 And that starts a positive momentum and then they end up with a place of options and they
00:07:10.480 can pick the best one for the girlfriend or something like this.
00:07:12.540 What do you, what do you think about the men that say they're afraid to approach because
00:07:16.140 of the Me Too movement?
00:07:17.920 I mean, that's a very real thing.
00:07:19.260 Like, I live in Brazil, that stuff's not really going on over there yet, but in the Western
00:07:23.340 nations, it's, it's a really bad thing.
00:07:24.800 Like I just did a video on my channel about like in Scotland, if you're talking about like
00:07:28.340 a sexual conquest and a woman overhears, you can be sent to jail.
00:07:32.040 You can be sent to jail?
00:07:33.240 Yeah.
00:07:33.680 It's like a new thing.
00:07:35.020 What?
00:07:35.300 Yeah.
00:07:36.100 And in England too, like I, I, I, correct me if I'm wrong, but like, if you like cat
00:07:40.920 call a girl on the street, you can get in trouble now, right?
00:07:42.880 You can Google it.
00:07:43.760 I don't know.
00:07:44.200 I'm pretty sure that like.
00:07:45.180 Yeah, I think you can, but it depends.
00:07:46.420 Like it'll have to be something like, I don't know.
00:07:49.800 It depends.
00:07:50.780 They won't arrest you.
00:07:52.000 It's not an arrestable offense.
00:07:53.580 No, it does.
00:07:54.320 It does.
00:07:54.680 It says this legislation will, this legislation, wait, this, this legislation will criminalize
00:08:00.820 acts, including cat calling and making offensive gestures and walking too closely behind someone
00:08:07.000 at night.
00:08:08.080 Yes.
00:08:08.540 It's ridiculous.
00:08:09.220 And same like the Scotland thing.
00:08:10.540 It's if you brush up against someone and I've been in tons of nightclubs, right?
00:08:14.420 And so I spent a lot of my time in my life for better or worse, but you know, inadvertently
00:08:18.760 you're going to be brushing up against people when you're packed in into a club and that's
00:08:22.920 I can put you in jail now in Scotland if you brush up against someone.
00:08:26.420 So what do you say to guys that are in countries with laws like that?
00:08:29.160 Do you tell them not to approach or what's your, what's your solution as a dating coach?
00:08:33.180 I mean, if they, I tell them to move if they can, I mean, that's pretty extreme, but like
00:08:36.680 in Australia, for instance, like they have a new thing where, where women can change their
00:08:40.340 mind about consent during sex.
00:08:42.520 And that's, you know, I have Australian clients and they're just terrified.
00:08:46.580 They don't even want to get in a sexual situation because there's no one there to witness
00:08:50.560 that.
00:08:51.380 So it's just, he said, she said, right.
00:08:53.220 And they're going to take the side of the girl in a lot of the cases.
00:08:55.000 I'm not saying that like bad stuff doesn't happen, but it makes guys very apprehensive.
00:08:58.940 Same with the Scotland stuff.
00:09:00.460 Guys were already afraid to go to approach and now they're, they don't want to have legal
00:09:04.300 trouble.
00:09:05.100 Right.
00:09:05.560 So as these countries and what they're trying to do is combat harassment of women.
00:09:09.500 These are real problems.
00:09:10.720 But when they impose these very strict kind of locked on measures, then it turns men away
00:09:16.200 from speaking and leads to the statistic.
00:09:18.500 It's a pendulum swinging too far.
00:09:20.100 I'm curious because you've lived like everywhere.
00:09:22.740 Yeah.
00:09:22.960 What, what is your experience dating in different countries?
00:09:26.140 So I lived in Poland and Ukraine and I often talk on my channel that the, the women are
00:09:30.480 just much more family oriented.
00:09:32.280 It's almost like the U S like 50 years ago.
00:09:34.840 So it's like, they're more like feminine, elegant, um, kind of stronger moral system, looking
00:09:39.600 for kind of family, stuff like that.
00:09:42.240 On the flip side of the coin, they take longer to hook up with, which was annoying, right?
00:09:46.160 Like in Ukraine, it would take like two to five dates to actually hook up with a girl.
00:09:49.440 So I added situations where I'd be on a fourth date in public and they weren't ready to kiss
00:09:52.720 yet, which I've never encountered anywhere else.
00:09:55.320 But there's not a lot of this, you know, um, kind of me too stuff that's happening in
00:10:00.480 the U S and happening in, in the UK and stuff like that.
00:10:03.060 But again, these are very real problems that need to be addressed.
00:10:05.780 But when they say that you can't speak about, you know, hooking up with a girl within earshot
00:10:10.920 of another woman, or you can't brush up against someone, even if it was an accident or stuff
00:10:14.960 like this, it starts to blur the line between, you know, guys just living their life versus
00:10:20.900 potentially encountering trouble.
00:10:22.140 And they, and guys want to err on the side of caution in a lot of cases and the things
00:10:25.800 we've already discussed about how guys are already apprehensive that adds to it.
00:10:29.560 And they just figure, you know, I'm not going to even bother with that.
00:10:32.440 I'm just going to watch corn, I guess, or stuff like this.
00:10:36.700 That was interesting.
00:10:37.360 So you really think that the me too movement has contributed to male sexlessness, sexlessness
00:10:42.120 because they, they don't want the rest.
00:10:44.480 Yeah.
00:10:44.640 Cause I, cause I have access to like thousands of clients and I hear these, these things
00:10:47.720 all the time.
00:10:48.200 And like, you know, the guys in Australia, a lot of them couldn't even leave because of
00:10:52.040 the, you know, during the pandemic, but they're really terrified about getting in a situation
00:10:55.640 where a girl later says, Hey, I changed my mind about consent.
00:10:58.500 And then what happens from there?
00:11:00.580 Right.
00:11:00.900 Or, or a guy, you know, approaching a girl and she doesn't like it.
00:11:04.100 Maybe in the UK, is he now going to get in trouble?
00:11:07.120 Right.
00:11:07.520 So as we said, not many people were called approaching to begin with, but when you put these kind
00:11:12.060 of restrictions on guys are, are even more intimidated, right?
00:11:16.100 Because now there's not just rejection, there's also legal consequences.