JustPearlyThings - April 15, 2023


Dating Coach REVEALS Why Most Men Are S3xless


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

233.14114

Word count

2,480

Sentence count

138

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode we discuss a recent study that suggests that men in their late 20s and early 30s are the most likely to be sexless. We discuss why this may be happening and how this could be a problem. We also discuss the impact of social media and social media on men's perception of their worth.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 The absence of a father figure plays a massive part and then these men are raised by women 0.99
00:00:08.120 and the women are a bit angry, you know, and they're just like raising them to be scared. 0.82
00:00:14.940 You know, they're not raising them to be, you know, men, you know, they're raising them
00:00:19.060 from a woman point of view that she's been used and abused by men. 1.00
00:00:23.320 So he's kind of lost his identity.
00:00:27.080 That's playing a massive part.
00:00:29.080 The survey, is it speaking about a specific age group?
00:00:34.400 Young men mostly, like up to 29.
00:00:37.120 Okay.
00:00:38.120 Because I totally agree with what you guys are saying with the younger guys, but something
00:00:42.300 that I've personally noticed out on the street is that the older guys that now have families
00:00:46.980 and have children, they're the ones you see during the day, pushing the buggies and with
00:00:50.600 two, three kids on the street.
00:00:52.300 So where roles are reversed, maybe now the men are tired spending all day with the kids
00:00:57.480 and then during the night when the wife comes home or both of them are at home, they're
00:01:01.800 like, do you know what?
00:01:02.800 I'm really tired.
00:01:03.800 I just don't want to have any sex.
00:01:04.800 The men say that?
00:01:05.800 The men.
00:01:06.800 I'm really tired of seeing on the streets.
00:01:08.120 Maybe the roles have been reversed where usually would be the woman. 0.99
00:01:11.120 I gotta, I gotta vehemently disagree with this.
00:01:14.120 I don't know if men are tired to have sex.
00:01:16.120 Just after even speaking to like divorce attorneys.
00:01:19.120 Um, like the, a common complaint is that men, um, they have two kids and then the wife stops
00:01:23.500 sleeping with them.
00:01:24.500 Mm-hmm.
00:01:25.500 I've talked to like different attorneys in the U S cause I'm doing a documentary on the
00:01:28.460 court system here and I've talked to different, um, divorce attorneys in the U S and the UK
00:01:32.820 and it's the same problem.
00:01:33.820 That sounds more realistic because like the women are like, my body's not the same. 1.00
00:01:39.660 He probably doesn't see me the same and they just let go.
00:01:42.560 But guys know they actually, they want that.
00:01:45.480 They want to sleep with you after you've had kids cause you're the person that they married 1.00
00:01:49.680 and all those things.
00:01:50.680 But I think women just think cause I've given him kids, he's not going to want anything else. 0.95
00:01:55.760 Do you think that's unfair to men?
00:01:57.240 A hundred percent.
00:01:58.240 Yeah.
00:01:59.240 A hundred percent.
00:02:00.240 Because at the end of the day, men need it more, you know?
00:02:04.240 Yeah.
00:02:05.240 Yeah.
00:02:06.240 Yeah.
00:02:07.240 What do you guys think?
00:02:08.240 Why, um, are so many more men sexless?
00:02:09.560 So like I've been coaching this stuff now for 10 years and I see a lot of guys, they go
00:02:13.000 and try to get better with this stuff and a lot of the pickup artists teachings are misleading
00:02:17.080 and they don't work.
00:02:18.080 And then they just fall into some kind of victim ideology, right?
00:02:20.600 Or they think, okay, I'm going to just fall into red pill and resent women and hate women
00:02:24.520 and women are the enemy. 1.00
00:02:25.820 Or they think, well, I don't look like a model.
00:02:27.740 So that's why I can't get girls like the whole black pill stuff. 1.00
00:02:30.460 Or they go to MGTOW and they say, I'm not going to even bother dating.
00:02:33.240 And a lot of guys are already self-conscious about their height or about how old they are,
00:02:37.800 about how much money they have.
00:02:39.040 And we were talking before the show, like we both coached a lot of guys, guys come in
00:02:43.460 to interactions, just assuming like they're not good enough for, for whatever reasons.
00:02:47.740 And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they have a negative mindset and they
00:02:51.400 go down this kind of negative spiral and then they give up because they don't have any other
00:02:55.040 options.
00:02:55.680 There's no like light at the end of the tunnel and they try to do these things.
00:02:59.540 And there's also this unrealistic standard, like on Instagram and stuff like that, where
00:03:03.260 you just see people like, this is all perfect and this and that.
00:03:06.660 And so guys are trying to compare themselves to that.
00:03:08.340 And they're like, well, this isn't for me.
00:03:10.080 So a lot of guys just become more and more on the sidelines, just spectating other guys.
00:03:14.460 Right.
00:03:15.220 And so it's kind of like feast or famine.
00:03:16.880 Like once I teach a guy how to, how to get a proper mindset and do all the system properly,
00:03:20.900 what mindset do you teach them?
00:03:22.800 I tell them to think that they're at a hundred out of a hundred at all times.
00:03:25.620 And there's a brick wall between them and the external things that happen.
00:03:29.980 So if they get rejected or they get insulted or anything like that, their value stays at
00:03:34.060 a hundred out of a hundred because they're deriving it from internally.
00:03:36.540 They're not letting people's reactions and people's responses define their worth.
00:03:41.080 And then also I tell them to assume they got the girl before they go approach, like in 0.85
00:03:45.020 public.
00:03:45.620 And that makes a huge, huge difference.
00:03:47.240 Like he was saying, he focuses really heavily on the mindset.
00:03:49.900 That's like most of the battle, right?
00:03:51.560 There's still tons of strategic elements, but if the guy is thinking that he's not good
00:03:55.780 enough and he's trying to win the girl over, he's already coming at it from the wrong angle
00:03:59.420 and girls pick up on that right away. 1.00
00:04:00.640 And they think, okay, this guy is low value because he thinks that I'm way above him.
00:04:04.800 So I'm not, I don't teach guys to think they're better than the girls.
00:04:07.420 I just think they're good enough for any girl and still keep working on themselves and better 0.98
00:04:10.400 themselves as much as possible, but that's an empowering message.
00:04:13.380 And we usually get clients that are, that are virgins or divorcees or anything like that. 0.77
00:04:17.360 We get them late, like in the first week and you saw on the, on the bootcamp, like a lot
00:04:20.780 of those guys had never taken girls home before.
00:04:23.420 And part of it is getting them to believe in themselves.
00:04:25.520 But the other part of it is giving them the proper strategy to know how to navigate through
00:04:29.280 the whole system, because there can be bottlenecks any step of the way.
00:04:32.380 Like if guys are using random Tinder pictures, they're not going to get many matches.
00:04:35.860 If they get a match, they're going to send wrong messages.
00:04:37.660 If they get a phone number, they're going to send the wrong texts.
00:04:40.320 And so it's very hard for them to make it through the whole process and they get deflated and
00:04:44.760 then they just give up.
00:04:45.840 And then they just go to these other side movements and they just all like sit on these
00:04:49.980 forums and watch these creators that just victimize everyone. 1.00
00:04:53.060 I think that's very sad because a lot of these guys just need proper coaching.
00:04:57.220 Like you saw, like a lot of the, a lot of clients that I get bounced from coach to coach and
00:05:01.260 they didn't get anywhere, but they weren't being given the proper mindset, the proper system.
00:05:05.040 And then when you give them that, the results are just almost instant.
00:05:08.980 What do you think starts the problem though?
00:05:11.620 So it's like if, if they went to these forums or to these YouTube channels or whatever, like
00:05:15.660 something had to start it where it's different today than it was 50 years ago.
00:05:18.880 What do you think that is?
00:05:20.000 I think, you know, just with, with the advent of, of social media and stuff like that.
00:05:23.620 And there's, there's just so much like, like this Tinder statistics, right?
00:05:27.840 It's like if guys aren't using professional pictures, like the first thing we do when a
00:05:30.580 guy signs up for my, my eight week program is we get in professional pictures.
00:05:33.280 And then Liz and some other girls on the team pick the top five and then we apply face app.
00:05:37.960 So they're going from like average photos to pro photos to the best five pro photos to
00:05:41.940 the face app versions.
00:05:43.520 And now they're getting like a night and day difference in the quantity and quality of
00:05:46.860 matches.
00:05:47.880 Whereas, you know, before they might've just put up whatever pictures didn't get the
00:05:52.040 result.
00:05:52.660 And then they see their friend, maybe like, you know, one of their cool guy friends, he's
00:05:56.260 getting a lot of girls, but they don't know how to navigate that properly. 0.92
00:05:59.740 But then when they look on social media, they see, you know, all these perfect looking
00:06:03.140 people and they say, well, I'm not perfect looking, right?
00:06:05.660 And I have these flaws and people have these different handicaps.
00:06:09.080 They place on themselves where they are cognizant of all these different flaws they have.
00:06:13.480 And then they think that that's makes them not good enough for the girls.
00:06:16.580 And then that causes the rejection and then that like reinforces the belief.
00:06:20.600 And then it just continues in a cycle.
00:06:22.740 Right.
00:06:23.220 And people are, you know, not many people are cold approaching anyways, like even, even
00:06:27.640 in your generation, stuff like that.
00:06:29.100 No, but it's gotten even less common now.
00:06:31.440 Much less.
00:06:32.040 And with COVID and stuff like this, you know, not many people were going out.
00:06:35.200 And I think that even once like night venues and stuff reopened, not as many people go
00:06:40.560 out anymore.
00:06:41.340 And a lot of clients I work with, their ego is like very tied to approaching a female in
00:06:46.140 public.
00:06:46.400 So if that girl rejects them, they feel horrible about themselves and it's, it's tough for
00:06:51.460 them to go back in and try again.
00:06:53.040 And then if that rejection happens again, it keeps, it's like a, it's like a negative momentum.
00:06:57.940 And then they, they just usually give up.
00:07:00.600 So my job is to, to show them like, look, you, you can totally do this and show them real
00:07:05.320 tangible results.
00:07:05.980 And that starts a positive momentum and then they end up with a place of options and they
00:07:10.140 can pick the best one for the girlfriend or something like this.
00:07:12.420 What do you, what do you think about the men that say they're afraid to approach because
00:07:15.800 of the me too movement?
00:07:17.640 I mean, that's a very real thing.
00:07:18.920 Like I live in Brazil, that stuff's not really going on over there yet, but in the Western
00:07:23.000 nations, it's, it's a really bad thing.
00:07:24.480 Like I just did a video on my channel about like in Scotland, if you're talking about like
00:07:28.000 a sexual conquest and a woman overhears, you can be sent to jail.
00:07:31.720 You can be sent to jail?
00:07:32.900 Yeah.
00:07:33.340 It's like a new thing.
00:07:34.640 What?
00:07:35.300 Yeah.
00:07:35.760 And in England too, like I, I, correct me if I'm wrong, but like if you like cat call
00:07:40.780 girl on the street, you can get in trouble now. 1.00
00:07:42.340 You can Google it.
00:07:43.420 I don't know.
00:07:43.860 I'm pretty sure that like, yeah.
00:07:44.860 I think you can, but it depends.
00:07:46.060 Like it'll have to be something like, I don't know.
00:07:49.460 It depends.
00:07:50.440 They won't arrest you.
00:07:51.660 It's not an arrestable offense.
00:07:53.200 No, it does.
00:07:53.960 It does.
00:07:54.360 It says this legislation will, this legislation, wait, this leg, this legislation will criminal,
00:07:59.880 criminalize acts, including cat calling and making offensive gestures and walking too
00:08:05.300 closely behind someone at night.
00:08:07.720 Yes.
00:08:08.180 It's ridiculous.
00:08:08.880 And same, like the Scotland thing, it's if you brush up against someone and I've been
00:08:13.060 in tons of nightclubs, right?
00:08:14.080 And so I spent a lot of my time in my life for better or worse, but you know, inadvertently
00:08:18.420 you're going to be brushing up against people when you're packed in into a club and that's,
00:08:22.760 I can put you in jail now in Scotland if you brush up against someone.
00:08:26.100 So what do you say to guys that are in countries with laws like that?
00:08:28.880 Do you tell them not to approach or what's your, what's your solution as a dating coach?
00:08:32.320 I mean, if they, I tell them to move if they can, I mean, that's pretty extreme, but like
00:08:36.340 in Australia, for instance, like they have a new thing where, where women can change their 1.00
00:08:40.000 mind about consent during sex.
00:08:42.160 And that's, you know, I have Australian clients and they're just terrified.
00:08:46.240 They don't even want to get in a sexual situation because there's no one there to witness that.
00:08:51.020 So it's just, he said, she said, right.
00:08:52.880 And they're going to take the side of the girl in a lot of the cases.
00:08:54.740 I'm not saying that like bad stuff doesn't happen, but it makes guys very apprehensive.
00:08:58.600 Same with the Scotland stuff, guys were already afraid to go to approach and now they're,
00:09:02.780 they don't want to have legal trouble.
00:09:04.760 Right.
00:09:05.240 So as these countries and what they're trying to do is combat harassment of women. 1.00
00:09:09.160 These are real problems, but when they impose these very strict kind of locked on measures,
00:09:14.060 then it turns men away from speaking and leads to the statistics.
00:09:19.420 I'm curious because you've lived like everywhere.
00:09:22.420 Yeah.
00:09:22.780 What, what is your experience dating in different countries?
00:09:25.280 So I lived in Poland in Ukraine and I often talk on my channel that the,
00:09:29.600 the women are just much more family oriented. 1.00
00:09:31.940 It's almost like the U S like 50 years ago.
00:09:34.500 So it's like, they're more like feminine, elegant, um, kind of stronger moral system,
00:09:39.000 looking for kind of family, stuff like that.
00:09:41.900 On the flip side of the coin, they take longer to hook up with, which was annoying, right?
00:09:45.800 Like in Ukraine, it would take like two to five dates to actually hook up with a girl.
00:09:49.300 I added situations where I'd be on a fourth date in public and they weren't ready to kiss yet,
00:09:52.740 which I've never encountered anywhere else.
00:09:54.560 But there's not a lot of this, you know, um, kind of me too stuff that's happening in the U S and
00:10:00.640 happening in, in the UK and stuff like that.
00:10:02.720 But again, these are very real problems that need to be addressed.
00:10:05.440 But when they say that you can't speak about, you know, hooking up with a girl within earshot
00:10:10.580 of another woman, or you can't brush up against someone, even if it was an accident or stuff
00:10:14.620 like this, it starts to blur the line between, you know, guys just living their life versus
00:10:20.400 potentially encountering trouble.
00:10:21.800 And they, and guys want to err on the side of caution in a lot of cases and the things
00:10:25.460 we've already discussed about how guys are already apprehensive that adds to it.
00:10:29.240 And they just figure, you know, I'm not going to even bother with that.
00:10:31.900 I'm just going to watch corn, I guess, or stuff like this.
00:10:36.240 That was interesting.
00:10:37.240 That was interesting.