JustPearlyThings - Daughter Confronts Mother for LEAVING DAD

00:00:00.000 I do think I do think people should try to work out cheating though like I like I think like it's about the kids

00:00:05.640 It's not about you. You should try to work it out

00:00:09.640 No offense people watching this but like

00:00:11.640 My mom and dad got divorced I when I was four and it was because my dad cheated on her and I don't think anyone should

00:00:17.680 You know, I think cheating. I don't inherently think cheating is a good thing

00:00:20.780 But I think I sometimes wonder what would my life have looked like had they been together

00:00:25.620 I wonder that every day. How would I have been? You know, I'm I'm I'm grateful I know I am the way I am now

00:00:30.180 but I'm just saying like I know there's a lot of girls out there who have

00:00:34.180 Dysfunctional families and don't have a father mother that are together and I've seen people with who have their mother and father together

00:00:39.220 And they're very different people the way they approach themselves the way they talk to people the way they react to situations

00:00:45.220 They're just different people and I think that's beautiful

00:00:47.220 And so like that's even like a reason like I want I wish more people more women and men would see oh, I want to have a healthy family

00:00:53.180 I want to break the generational trauma the generational disrupt, you know, the generational problems

00:00:59.800 Do you ever wish you stayed?

00:01:01.800 Absolutely. Really? Yeah. Well, I wish we could have worked it out. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So what what made you guys get divorced?

00:01:08.360 If you don't mind me asking

00:01:09.980 Well, I I came to him and I gave him the very clear parameters. I was like, listen, I figured this is happening

00:01:16.420 There's not deniable. We can't deny this is happening. So let's just save our marriage and save our life

00:01:21.460 We have a great life and so I said, you know, I need these three things to happen and not only did they not happen

00:01:26.800 But it got much much worse and then it got dangerous and then it got violent and then it got scary

00:01:30.700 And then I you know, then I just felt like I didn't have a choice because things got so violent dangerous and scary

00:01:37.080 So it weren't directly because of cheating then?

00:01:40.440 Well, no initially I

00:01:42.080 It started off that way because there's just so much lies and deceit and can I trust this person and then but I really really wanted to

00:01:49.080 To make it work. I was like, why don't we we'll just have an open marriage

00:01:51.840 Which I knew would probably kill me inside, but I was like, yeah, I even offered it, you know, I was like

00:01:55.500 That's really really really wanted it. I even gave him a contract for a second child

00:01:59.320 I said, you know, you don't have to pay for the child

00:02:01.360 Like I just I really wanted the marriage stay together, but I just got scared

00:02:05.660 So if it was just strictly cheating you think it would have worked out and it would have been all right now

00:02:11.460 Well, I needed certain things to change I needed some securities that weren't that weren't that weren't there

00:02:17.320 because I think what do you mean securities do you mind saying or no well when I

00:02:21.380 Found out that he was cheating. I also looked into like our life a little bit more deeply and I realized that absolutely nothing was in my name

00:02:28.140 I had nothing mm-hmm and I was like, oh my gosh

00:02:31.500 I'm in a really vulnerable position here because I never even thought about it

00:02:35.220 And so then I was like, listen, I need to have some stake in our lives

00:02:40.340 Yeah, and it was a protection protective mechanism clearly and he was like, no

00:02:45.040 No, no way

00:02:47.040 Can I ask a question?

00:02:49.040 Did you did you put yourself in that situation where you wanted to make it work?

00:02:53.760 For Penelope for sure only or because you loved him. So do also I still love him today and why do you right now?

00:03:00.380 I mean, I was hoping he would come to London yesterday and have lunch with us

00:03:03.180 I mean, is he still single?

00:03:05.600 Yeah, he's in a situation ship

00:03:07.600 He's in a situation ship

00:03:09.600 Okay, so nothing real

00:03:11.600 Would you ever get back with him?

00:03:13.600 If I mean I would consider it Penelope thinks I'm crazy, but I talk about it all the time

00:03:17.600 My dad would never get back with her so it's like

00:03:19.600 Why? I don't know

00:03:21.600 Can I ask him right now

00:03:23.600 Can I ask him right now on camera?

00:03:25.600 No, don't do that, but can I ask a question?

00:03:27.600 But why wouldn't you? I know you said you would you would you're doing it for Penelope and I understand that absolutely

00:03:31.600 You can do anything to keep

00:03:33.600 I think people would do anything for their children, but

00:03:37.600 Don't you think that you should love yourself more instead of after what he's done?

00:03:42.600 And I feel like you can you deserve better and you don't deserve to be treated like that

00:03:45.600 I just terrified what being a single parent was going to look like

00:03:49.600 And it was crazy because I had a single mom so I should have known better

00:03:53.600 But honestly, I think it's modern-day child abuse

00:03:57.600 It is and I watched her and I watched her in my I watched her growing up struggle so much as one person to do all the work at home

00:04:05.600 Like just one person no support. I mean it was so hard for you like you were I'm really nice

00:04:09.600 You were like crying and it also struck a strong heart in my and for me

00:04:14.600 It was like I never want to have that

00:04:16.600 And I will do any anything and everything my power to never create that for my future family because that is so it was so painful

00:04:23.600 I don't wish that pain on anyone

00:04:25.600 So if your man cheats you're staying then

00:04:27.600 Yeah, because if I have a family I made a I make a vow I make a vow

00:04:32.600 I make a vow to God to higher power that I will stick with this person for the rest of my life

00:04:37.600 Of course

00:04:38.600 I thought that I did that with your father too, but you know it happened

00:04:41.600 But I can never make up for that for you not having a dad

00:04:43.600 And there was a spiritual this like there was a spiritual disconnection there

00:04:47.600 Well, our values were different. I thought we were in a monogamous relationship, but I you know found out otherwise

00:04:53.600 And maybe it was a phase. I don't know. Maybe you can't change people. I don't know

00:04:57.600 But you know it's sad

00:04:59.600 I mean guys he still admits to this day. He regrets what he did

00:05:01.600 He wish he didn't do what he did and he and he and he wishes he could have changed certain things

00:05:05.600 So he's not like doesn't have any remorse

00:05:07.600 Cause I just feel like majority not all majority of men do at some point in their life will cheat

00:05:15.600 In a relationship

00:05:16.600 They will

00:05:17.600 And if every woman leaves a man for cheating 1.00

00:05:19.600 Then you have all these you know motherless and fatherless families

00:05:23.600 But I think that's the thing we're never like we're never as women were never told like how men are naturally

00:05:29.600 And like men just want to screw everything 0.99

00:05:31.600 So it's like we've kind of been told that if we get cheated on it's the worst thing ever and it can't be worked through

00:05:36.600 Is that because the man isn't in the house? There's a lot of fatherless women 1.00

00:05:40.600 Yeah, I think that most of society's problem really like come back to single mother homes to be honest 1.00

00:05:47.600 Like if you look at the prison population, it's like 80% single mother homes

00:05:50.600 If you look at youth suicides, you're way more likely to be abused as a child

00:05:55.600 You're way more like every big I spoke to a homeless shelter director down the street

00:06:01.600 And I said why why like are these people homeless like because he has like the worst type of homeless

00:06:06.600 Which is like the street sleepers because there's different like levels of people living in cars. There's whatever

00:06:10.600 And he told me that he that most of these people

00:06:17.600 Came from single mother homes, especially with like multiple baby daddies or like whatever 1.00

00:06:22.600 And they the kids I got ended up getting taken and like put in the system and they've never they don't know any sense of stability or function

00:06:29.600 And so if you look at all the like major issues in society a lot are linked to single mother homes and single father homes don't have the same outcomes 0.89

00:06:36.600 It's not as bad

00:06:37.600 If you're seeing a lot of if you grow up in a single household

00:06:40.600 When you see a breakup then in your head it might seem like right like what you're saying with your mom

00:06:46.600 You can you can do this because your mom will grow up in a single home 1.00

00:06:49.600 So you might see it as I this is something it's not easy by something I can do

00:06:54.600 And then when only when you go through it you realize that right this is mad

00:06:57.600 But if we have a lot more family units in the house and working at things

00:07:02.600 Then the children get to see like okay my mom and dad went through this

00:07:06.600 But they managed to go through this route to to help and because I've been through my inner relationship

00:07:12.600 Where I've gone therapy and I've gone places to to fix things you get on saying

00:07:16.600 And even when you talk about therapy earlier I don't think therapy is there to fix things

00:07:20.600 It's just there to for you to help not not not I don't think therapy is there to fix

00:07:25.600 I think it's there to help you understand triggers and understand certain things for you to maneuver

00:07:30.600 It can never hit therapy can never fix nothing

00:07:33.600 Honestly to be very honest after going to therapy for eight years maybe twelve

00:07:38.600 Yeah, I don't believe in therapy. I had other ways to fix your problems and you can also just really get over yourself

00:07:44.600 Honestly, I just decided to get over myself and that's basically how I think I think that therapy like it's outsourcing families

00:07:51.600 It is

00:07:53.600 Because like usually you would go to your siblings or you go to because your mother is gonna have a completely different take

00:07:58.600 Like if you're let's say if you're in an argument with your boyfriend

00:08:00.600 She's gonna have a completely different take on the situation because she knows you and she knows your positive and your negative traits

00:08:07.600 So it's like if I tell my mom like oh this person reacted to me this way mom's gonna be like well

00:08:12.600 Maybe you did this

00:08:14.600 People are scared of that real truth

00:08:18.600 No, I just think that the therapist doesn't have that information they didn't grow up with you

00:08:23.600 But like you who knows your daughter better than you

00:08:25.600 But that's what I'm saying she might be scared to go to her mom because you're gonna get that harsh reality

00:08:29.600 And sometimes people don't want the harsh reality

00:08:31.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:32.600 No, I love it. She raised me that way though

00:08:34.600 Yeah

00:08:35.600 The way people raise their children dictates also relationships

00:08:38.600 It dictates how people react and so she raised me giving me the hard truth since I was little

00:08:41.600 And I hated it. I mean I would scream at you and cry

00:08:44.600 I used to hate her with my whole being

00:08:46.600 But that's what I'm saying you hate you no one likes the truth

00:08:47.600 No, I used to hate her 0.76

00:08:48.600 Yeah

00:08:49.600 But now I love her and I give her like all the props to being honest with me when I didn't want to hear it

00:08:53.600 Yeah

00:08:54.600 She told me I was fat

00:08:55.600 She was like you need to get up and go work out like she reminded me of that every day

00:08:58.600 I love that

00:08:59.600 That's good

00:09:00.600 That's so funny. I used to get mad at my mom

00:09:02.600 I wasn't I wasn't that big but I was like a pretty pretty chunky and my mom would always be like on me because I was just this die-hard like tomboy

00:09:09.600 And I just didn't want to like look that and I still struggle with it to this day, but I'm like

00:09:14.600 Oh my god, I would be so much worse if my mom wasn't like on me all the time because when you're a kid 1.00

00:09:19.600 You're just like mom like I don't wanna

00:09:21.600 I know I just listen to her and she's like this she has her master's in nutrition

00:09:24.600 She's trained thousands of people and I'm like I don't want you to tell me what to eat

00:09:27.600 Like I don't want you to tell me how to live how to work out

00:09:29.600 But I would sit in my room like obese fat, you know crying

00:09:32.600 I was depressed in my dark room all day and she'd be like open the curtains rip the curtains open 0.98

00:09:37.600 I'm gonna take your phone away and I was like it was like really intense

00:09:43.600 But those are the kind of parents that you need

00:09:45.600 But I needed that because this world is cruel

00:09:48.600 And I've been through some bad things and and having that her mentality that she raised me with being honest and saying Penelope you need to get up 0.92

00:09:55.600 No Penelope this is not true, you know men there are men and women like these are important things she taught me

00:09:59.600 It's kind of funny like the day you realize your parents were right about everything

00:10:02.600 Like it's like it's like you just wake up one day and you're like

00:10:05.600 I was like around 21 or 22 for me I was like oh my gosh my mom and dad

00:10:12.600 Raised me so well and they were right about everything they told me

00:10:16.600 We never we never listen through our teenager years except for relationships

00:10:21.600 Oh, yeah, I'm not listening to them for relationship

00:10:23.600 I've got no relationship

00:10:24.600 I'm in the best relationship compared to those two

00:10:26.600 Yeah, well do you like the guy she's dating?

00:10:29.600 Very much

00:10:30.600 Yeah, I mean I think that I think that mothers like actually we should ask our parents about those like people we date

00:10:36.600 Yeah, and I actually he met my mom and my dad and I would I wouldn't have been with him if they didn't like him

00:10:40.600 Yeah period because that's just how that's just how it should be 0.97

00:10:44.600 But man like that as well because even the girl that I'm seeing now her family unit is strong

00:10:47.600 And I feel like it wouldn't have worked if her if her mom or things didn't like man, do you get what I'm saying?

00:10:53.600 Totally and my family is like my most important thing to be

00:10:55.600 But man respect that once the family is important to you

00:10:58.600 Totally

00:10:59.600 And close to you like I feel like I feel like men respect women more when they have that family dynamic

00:11:05.600 Whether the even if the dad's not there if the dad's there obviously he's gonna respect you

00:11:09.600 a lot more in it because he's gonna come differently

00:11:12.600 But if if he knows you have a strong support unit with mom cousins aunties whatever yeah

00:11:18.600 He is gonna respect you a lot more than if a girl doesn't really have the same kind of support

00:11:23.600 We're asking how you find a good woman and I also find it really challenging to know when you find a good man

00:11:28.600 I mean, I think by now at 47, you know, it's challenging to find a good man

00:11:32.600 I think I found one whose values align, but it's not that easy. It's not easy

00:11:38.600 As many of you know, I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform

00:11:47.600 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below

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JustPearlyThings - May 17, 2023

Daughter Confronts Mother for LEAVING DAD

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