Debate on FEMINISM and Women HIGH STANDARD
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about beauty standards and why modern women don't care as much about them as they do about our money. We also talk about the differences between beauty standards in Italy and the US, and why they are more competitive than they are in America.
Transcript
00:00:00.940
With feminism, women are like, oh, I can do whatever I want, when I want, how I want.
00:00:11.640
But it's interesting because feminists complain the most about beauty standards.
00:00:15.360
But it just seems like they care the least about them.
00:00:19.480
It's so hard for women because of the beauty standards Instagram.
00:00:24.320
It's like if we really cared, wouldn't we be more put together and way less?
00:00:29.820
One out of three men are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year.
00:00:40.220
So you don't think men like women that are boss babes?
00:00:46.000
It's like, okay, if this guy ever told you about a shoe collection and you're like, oh, that's cool, but you don't really care.
00:00:52.140
Today's topic is that modern women don't care about beauty standards.
00:00:58.840
So I, my first question is what are beauty standards?
00:01:06.520
For me, I think, you know, due to the nature of my job, I do singing, you know, I perform a lot, you know, in the public eyes.
00:01:14.780
So I think beauty is important in a way that you need to be confident enough for people to, you know, to see your talent eventually.
00:01:27.280
So as you probably can imagine, maybe the beauty standards over there are just a little bit different.
00:01:34.240
Who is someone that is the Italian beauty standard?
00:01:40.320
No, I would just say like someone you could think of.
00:01:52.620
I'm going to look it up here just while he's doing it so I can see.
00:01:57.080
She's tall, brown hair, you know, the typical Mediterranean type of vibe.
00:02:05.700
I don't know if you consider that as a beautiful, I think she's beautiful.
00:02:09.540
But I think for, I would lie if I would say like, no, beauty doesn't matter at all.
00:02:16.220
I mean, it's, that's, I think it's a lie to me personally speaking.
00:02:21.120
But at the same time, I wouldn't generalize, you know, for different people, beauty can
00:02:25.940
I, for me, for example, I try and like to look nice without always being so up there,
00:02:34.600
So that can be beautiful because you can, you know, let men guess what's behind.
00:02:43.220
I try, you know, I knew that I was coming here.
00:02:45.960
So I was like, I need to be in a decent standout.
00:02:49.000
Do you think that British women, have you been to America too?
00:02:54.200
What would you say, who is more put together usually when they go out?
00:02:58.280
American women, British women or Italian women?
00:03:02.380
Yes, because, you know, we are, this is why, you know, I say from the beginning, I come
00:03:08.620
from a country where like, you know, being nice and looking nice is quite important.
00:03:13.960
But at the same time, I feel like my beauty standards are not necessarily what the modern
00:03:19.940
women, they want to, you know, say like, oh yes, let's put, you know, boobs out, everything
00:03:26.400
I kind of like, like to people guess more what's behind, you know, the surface.
00:03:32.500
Would you say in Italy that, that like beauty standards are higher there or lower?
00:03:45.100
Like from TV, you know, anything, you know, you can see if you're not in a certain type of
00:03:50.700
body shape sometimes can be, I mean, it's changing, it's changing, but I feel like that
00:03:58.240
And what would you say about like promiscuous clothes?
00:04:02.540
Is that more, I'm just curious because we don't always get people from Italy on the show.
00:04:07.780
So would you say that that's more frowned upon in Italy or is it more open there?
00:04:15.200
The thing is, you know, with the younger generations is really changing because they're quite more
00:04:20.220
into this Western world, you know, they're bombarded with social media and images and
00:04:25.840
So it's changing a little bit, but I would say, and you know, people like myself or, you
00:04:30.540
know, other friends or acquaintances, you know, we like to think that that are also part of
00:04:36.320
women that still like to not impress just, you know, by I'm going to be naked tonight and
00:04:44.240
There is sexiness isn't being absolutely fully covered, I believe.
00:04:51.380
Um, beauty to me, it's, I feel like it's within, to be honest with you, but I'm also half
00:04:57.280
Asian, so in the Asian community, beauty is being revealing and like, and the, you're
00:05:09.180
Um, so we usually are quite, you know, revealing and nails done, hair, makeup, sort of thing.
00:05:18.120
Um, but yeah, as I said, beauty to me is, is within.
00:05:23.060
And you can't tell if one girl is more attractive than the other.
00:05:31.960
Like I might think this person doesn't look so good, um, where to others, someone else,
00:05:49.840
Like you think it's different for every person?
00:05:51.520
Or do you think that in general, we can kind of tell who's the most attractive and who's
00:06:03.580
But when you say society, like who would you, who is society?
00:06:09.260
So you would say that people can tell who's more attractive and less attractive.
00:06:13.740
Um, cause you like, that's when you say society, it's people, right?
00:06:18.020
It's people, it's people in the UK, but I think it's different all over.
00:06:20.980
As I said, like in Barbados, they would say Rihanna is what you call.
00:06:30.800
I mean, I think they'd say that in America too.
00:06:48.920
You know, like, I feel like there's like preferences, like some people like might think one celebrity
00:06:58.480
So that's why I just never understand what people say.
00:07:01.000
I, like, if I look, I, if I look at Beyonce, I don't think she's in comparison to, um, you
00:07:07.180
I think Rihanna is more beautiful to me than Beyonce.
00:07:10.820
I mean, just being honest, my opinion depends when I don't know, because Beyonce is a bit
00:07:34.940
I do not get that with it, like we're not blind, we're not blind.
00:07:42.940
You could find someone so attractive, but they have the most shittiest personality.
00:07:46.940
But we're, I'm just talking, I'm just talking, I'm just talking physical.
00:07:50.940
Even if Beyonce came in, you might say Rihanna's hotter, but Beyonce's still hot.
00:07:59.940
She's pretty, but like everyone has their own preferences.
00:08:06.940
Do you think men look at women and say the same thing that beauty comes from within?
00:08:15.940
But I feel like the ones that have been hurt, maybe they start looking at beauty within,
00:08:32.940
But you would say in general, men do look at beauty.
00:08:36.940
I definitely, sometimes don't think men look at anything, but.
00:08:45.940
So when we talk about beauty standards, it's all about, to you, it's all about what comes
00:09:01.940
What does that have to do with the beauty standards?
00:09:19.940
That's like in a border right next to Pakistan.
00:09:27.940
Cause I went to Abu Dhabi or not, not, not sorry.
00:09:42.940
I was, I barely can remember the name, obviously.
00:09:45.940
Cause we're from a village and we just like, we, women always do their hair, but they're
00:09:52.940
They just put their clothes on to have their hair done.
00:09:58.940
So when I look at that and I'm like, beauty is from within.
00:10:07.940
I mean, I kind of have to disagree with the ladies to my left because I feel like it's
00:10:13.940
I feel like everybody knows who like a beautiful person is.
00:10:17.940
I feel like if a woman walks in the room, you'll know that a woman will be classified
00:10:22.940
If she has her nails done, her hair's done, her eyelashes, her eyebrows, everything is
00:10:28.940
I feel like if another woman was to walk in and she doesn't have that, I don't feel
00:10:32.940
I just feel like people will be more attracted and will look to the woman who has everything
00:10:40.940
So I feel like, and to ask your question about men, I feel like men, that's the first thing
00:10:44.940
they look at beauty before they look at anything else.
00:10:47.940
And yeah, I definitely feel like there is a high beauty standard in the UK.
00:10:57.940
For me, I am going to say that it does come from within.
00:11:02.940
However, I'd be lying if I would say that you don't look at beauty.
00:11:06.940
Like you can tell in the UK who is attractive and who isn't.
00:11:12.940
So to say that it comes from within, I think, yes, that's the general statement for anyone
00:11:17.940
to make because nobody wants to sound like, oh, they're being shallow.
00:11:20.940
But realistically speaking, the majority of society are shallow.
00:11:31.940
What metrics would you use to measure someone's beauty?
00:11:43.940
It would, for me, I look at a woman's, if I can strip back everything in terms of like
00:11:47.940
the makeup, the hair, the nails, and to me, I can see her as beautiful, then she's beautiful.
00:11:59.940
I mean, look, I think it's entirely physical, to be honest.
00:12:03.940
I don't want to sound cynical here, but I think that's what people look at.
00:12:13.940
The dating marketplace, it's kind of a jungle out there, right?
00:12:20.940
Now, that's not to say that you meet somebody and maybe they have a really obnoxious personality
00:12:26.940
and you think, actually, I'm put off from that.
00:12:28.940
Or they've got something about them that's really great and you guys click.
00:12:36.940
There are aesthetic standards and that's what people mean when they're talking about beauty.
00:12:42.940
I don't think the standards are particularly high in the UK, but that's just me though, guys.
00:12:57.940
Yeah, if you go to Miami, you get humbled real quick.
00:13:00.940
Well, Miami, but also like Latin America, I mean, Eastern Europe, all those places.
00:13:08.940
It was like, all the girls were like literally stunning.
00:13:18.940
I feel like, as she mentioned, if a woman's got her nails done, hair done, you've got yourself
00:13:27.940
A man, especially a regular man in the UK, I don't feel like they would go for just a
00:13:34.940
They would go for a woman who's, you know, got themselves put together, got their nails
00:13:40.940
And yeah, I don't really agree when they said that.
00:13:45.940
I feel like if someone looks good, then that's what attracts, attracts men as well.
00:13:56.940
I definitely feel as though beauty is an attraction.
00:14:02.940
I feel like if someone's attracted to you, they're going to think you're beautiful regardless.
00:14:07.940
However, I do not agree that just because you're well done up, that then implicates that
00:14:22.940
Um, I think, um, yeah, I don't need makeup to define my beauty.
00:14:27.940
However, you know, I do definitely feel like you have to be attracted to someone in order
00:14:35.940
Do you guys think that beauty standards are higher, were higher a hundred years ago or today?
00:14:46.940
Is there anyone that thinks they were higher a hundred years ago?
00:14:49.940
No, because if you look back at old black and white photographs from the Victorian era,
00:14:52.940
and then you look at, you just do a scroll through Instagram now.
00:14:54.940
I mean, I mean like it's night and day in terms of, in terms of hotness.
00:15:01.940
It's to do with the fact that we're all encouraged to work out now, uh, makeup, you know, clothing.
00:15:06.940
There's so many different things, bits of surgery and procedures and stuff.
00:15:10.940
I mean, there's so many different things that come into it.
00:15:12.940
But yeah, definitely overall, you know, people are more aesthetically pleasing now.
00:15:17.940
It was probably only the rich people that were super hot back in the-
00:15:21.940
I was going to say, I feel like, um, things are more accessible now.
00:15:24.940
So makeup is like, it's, you know, less, I don't know about pricing, but I feel like surgery is more accessible to people and stuff like that.
00:15:31.940
And I feel like that's probably why the standards are a little bit higher.
00:15:35.940
Do women respond when beauty standards go higher?
00:15:38.940
Do you think that women like, do you feel like we like step up to the plate?
00:15:52.940
So like the BBL trend that's happening at the moment.
00:15:55.940
I feel like it's going down now, but, um, yeah, I guess we just followed the trend.
00:16:07.940
I disagree a little bit because I don't follow like all the latest trends all the time.
00:16:16.940
And obviously we live in this society where social media is like, it's everything.
00:16:21.940
So everyone is bombarded with all these images, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to follow any single trend that's up there because it's overwhelming.
00:16:40.940
I feel like, um, I feel like all shapes and sizes right now, I might be wrong, are accepted.
00:16:46.940
So, um, I just feel like for me personally, it's based on how well, how well you keep yourself and how put together you look, not about your size.
00:17:06.940
So we could talk about in general, would you say men care or they don't care about weight?
00:17:22.940
Do you think women are more put together today than a hundred years ago?
00:17:32.940
You look at some of these old pictures though, seriously, like these dusty old like photographs
00:17:36.940
sometimes you see, I mean, they're not looking good.
00:17:38.940
You know, the ladies weren't representing back then.
00:17:48.940
Those days were like, oh yeah, they're beautiful.
00:17:59.940
It was like, you know, beauty is like today's like, oh, you need to be the perfect, the perfect
00:18:04.940
But don't you think that one thing I've observed like here and also in the States a little bit as
00:18:08.940
that a lot of there's a seems to be this fashion now for women wearing quite baggy clothes.
00:18:12.940
Have you noticed like if you go to a shopping mall or something like that during the daytime,
00:18:15.940
a lot of the women are wearing like quite baggy jeans, quite baggy and maybe less makeup and stuff,
00:18:20.940
which sort of goes counter to that Instagram thing in a way, doesn't it?
00:18:23.940
Because I think just looking around the streets, I think a lot of women are dressing up sort of a bit less,
00:18:30.940
But then if you go to say Poland or if you go to Ukraine or something prior to the, you know, the war,
00:18:39.940
So I think in the West, it feels like, I don't want to say standards are falling, but it seems
00:18:44.940
like a more casualness is sort of accepted into the women.
00:18:49.940
I would say I see more yoga pants and sweats than I did like 10 years ago.
00:18:53.940
Let's say when I was 26, when I was 16, you know, it was like, I don't know,
00:18:58.940
because you guys are different about yoga pants a little bit, but in the US they're like super common.
00:19:02.940
But I remember it was like a fight on Facebook about if yoga pants were acceptable in public.
00:19:07.940
I don't know if you guys have that here, if that was just an American fight.
00:19:12.940
I was in LA recently and I saw there was a lot of yoga pants going on down in sort of Venice and Venice Beach
00:19:20.940
Yeah. So my question is if beauty standards are higher and women respond to beauty standards,
00:19:25.940
why are women more overweight today and we dress up less?
00:19:33.940
Yeah, in the 19, I mean, there's no stat on dressing up.
00:19:39.940
But when it comes to weight, only 10% of women were overweight in the 40s,
00:19:46.940
You got to remember back in the olden days, they had this thing where they used to wear corsets
00:19:52.940
So they had this, that was their trend, you know, that isn't the trend here.
00:19:57.940
So you got to understand that as times, as society changes, so does the trends, I guess.
00:20:02.940
Yeah, but my question is more like if women respond to beauty standards
00:20:06.940
and women actually cared about beauty standards, like why are we more overweight and we dress up less?
00:20:12.940
Right, but that kind of indicates that we don't care as much as we say we do.
00:20:16.940
Like, because we're supposed to be under this immense pressure, right, from society,
00:20:20.940
but it doesn't seem like our looks are getting better as a whole.
00:20:24.940
I think again, if you compare other societies, because like before the, you know, the current...
00:20:31.940
So when, like in 2021, I was in, spent quite a lot of time in Russia
00:20:35.940
and then also in Ukraine prior to what's happening now.
00:20:40.940
You do get a lot of women who are very elegant.
00:20:42.940
They're still wearing, you know, maybe peels slightly less during the daytime,
00:20:48.940
Very, very elegant, wearing dresses all the time.
00:20:49.940
Very, very feminine in a way that you don't see so much here.
00:20:54.940
And I think that's got something to do with feminism, to be honest,
00:21:02.940
Because society is telling women you don't have to make...
00:21:07.940
It sounds very crude, but you don't have to make an effort for men, right?
00:21:14.940
And I think that's got something to do with it, to be honest.
00:21:19.940
And I'm not saying society should be compelling women to do that,
00:21:23.940
Whereas I think in some of those other countries
00:21:25.940
that are arguably a little bit more patriarchal, let's say,
00:21:31.940
And also they have to compete with one another because otherwise
00:21:34.940
if you're the girl who's, you know, just not bothering
00:21:37.940
and everyone else is, then you're going to kind of get left to the side, aren't you?
00:21:41.940
Yeah, I think it just actually, you know, you raised a very good point
00:21:44.940
because feminism, you know, with feminism, women are like,
00:21:47.940
Oh, I can do whatever I want, when I want, how I want.
00:21:56.940
But it's interesting because feminists complain the most about beauty standards,
00:22:00.940
but it just seems like they care the least about them.
00:22:02.940
Well, wouldn't their view just be like, well, I don't have to bother
00:22:06.940
because why would I let a man dictate how I look?
00:22:11.940
Yeah, they'll say, they'll say, oh, women have such high beauty standards.
00:22:15.940
It's so hard for women because of the beauty standards Instagram.
00:22:20.940
It's like, if we really cared, wouldn't we be more put together and weigh less?
00:22:27.940
I think it's because there's a lot of activists now and feminism,
00:22:33.940
They feel like all women do what they do for men,
00:22:39.940
But because there's that lining of doing things for men,
00:22:43.940
a lot of feminisms now are like, they don't want to do it
00:22:47.940
just because they feel like it's doing it for a man.
00:22:50.940
Is it even such a bad thing even if they were doing it for men though?
00:22:53.940
Because you get guys who work out because they want to look ripped for women.
00:23:01.940
Yeah, it wouldn't be that terrible, to be honest.
00:23:06.940
It's like, if you like someone and you want to wear something
00:23:13.940
You want to feel good, but you also want to be nice for other people.
00:23:19.940
Who's beauty standards are higher, men or women?
00:23:40.940
I think maybe men have higher beauty standards.
00:23:47.940
They see a lot of women and they now begin to compare, make comparisons between different
00:23:52.940
And it's like when they see a particular woman, look in a particular way, is they would compare
00:23:59.940
But you think that men have higher standards for women, not that the men have the higher
00:24:08.940
So like the women have higher beauty standards to me.
00:24:11.940
And that's what's making women feel like they need to comply with these standards.
00:24:24.940
What percent of the time do you think men swipe right on dating apps?
00:24:34.940
What percent of the time do you think women swipe right on dating apps?
00:24:47.940
Do you think men are very like, if they've got a certain standard, they're more rigid than women.
00:24:58.940
What percent of the time do you think men swipe right on dating apps?
00:25:06.940
So men swipe right 60 to 70% of the time where women, what percent of the time do you think
00:25:21.940
What percent of the time do you think women swipe right?
00:25:38.940
I was actually, I thought the male one was actually going to be a bit higher.
00:25:43.940
Because a lot of guys, well not a lot of guys, but guys sometimes have this strategy before
00:25:46.940
the algorithm started clamping down that they would just swipe on everything and then
00:25:53.940
But how could you say that women are, that men are pickier if women only swipe right 5%
00:25:59.940
Because they're talking about the, they're talking about the top 1% men, aren't they?
00:26:02.940
Those top 1% men, those chads, they're really picky.
00:26:06.940
They're not bothered about the other guys who aren't getting a look at anyway.
00:26:11.940
What, what percent of men do you guys think are sexually active?
00:26:18.940
I feel like it's not that much of a high percentage.
00:26:25.940
I don't know the percentage though, but I feel like it's lower than women's.
00:26:28.940
What percent of men do you think are sexually active?
00:26:46.940
God, I'm being very bad manners for a person, aren't I?
00:26:53.940
Can you tell them a little bit about your experience like coaching men in dating?
00:26:58.940
I mean, I create content, I write, but I coach guys to get traction in terms of dating.
00:27:04.940
And the dating marketplace is very tough out there now for everybody.
00:27:07.940
But, you know, a lot of guys, they just really don't get a look at, you know?
00:27:13.940
A lot of women think, oh, men are just, you know, that it comes as easily to men as it does to women.
00:27:22.940
Because a woman basically, unless she's irredeemably unattractive for some reason, can pretty much go out and probably attract somebody that night.
00:27:34.940
Unless they happen to be either, you know, top whatever percentile in terms of looks or they have social status or they're famous, you know?
00:27:40.940
So a lot of guys sort of who fall below that find it very, very hard to break through.
00:27:45.940
And then when you add on top of that a sort of a lack of social skills or a lack of confidence, a lack of ability to sort of overcome some of the other difficulties they might have.
00:27:54.940
You know, there are guys who are really, really finding it very tough.
00:27:57.940
And we seem to be coming into this environment now where, you know, the rich get richer, the poor get poorer in terms of dating.
00:28:03.940
So the guys who are at the top who are getting traction, they're getting more and more market share, if you like.
00:28:09.940
And then the guys at the bottom are getting less and less.
00:28:11.940
And that's why we've got this issue of guys who are frustrated.
00:28:14.940
And there's, you know, there's sort of the insult thing online and everything like that, you know?
00:28:18.940
So I think it's pretty tough out there for a lot of average sort of dudes, I think.
00:28:23.940
Yeah, one out of three men are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year.
00:28:32.940
But so it's funny because a lot of girls like think that men are pickier than women, but it's actually the opposite.
00:28:51.940
I mean, think about out of every 10 men, how many are you really attracted to?
00:28:55.940
Would you anyone here say that they're not picky?
00:29:04.940
So then wouldn't you say that men have higher beauty standards they have to live up to?
00:29:09.940
Haven't you heard women say they won't date short men?
00:29:16.940
I feel like I'm not quite short as it is, so if I'm shorter than me, then no.
00:29:21.940
So two inches shorter than you, any of you doing it?
00:29:24.940
And I like to wear heels, so it's not going to work out.
00:29:33.940
I think looks-wise it has got tougher for guys.
00:29:35.940
And I think, you know, maybe you could say, well, we've had it coming because the guys
00:29:38.940
were sort of like for a long time, the looks focus was very much on women.
00:29:46.940
You know, again, look through Instagram, dudes with six packs, chiseled, you know, features,
00:29:52.940
And the way that social media has worked and the way that the dating apps has worked has
00:29:58.940
meant that women are now looking at these apps and they're looking at all these like top
00:30:00.940
guys, you know, top percentile guys are like, oh, that guy's super hot.
00:30:04.940
And then the bloke who doesn't have those attributes doesn't measure up.
00:30:10.940
So now guys being encouraged to level up, you know, which is not altogether a bad thing.
00:30:16.940
Because self-improvement is good for everybody.
00:30:17.940
You know, we should all be doing what we can do to improve ourselves every day.
00:30:21.940
But at the same time, I think it has got tougher for guys.
00:30:23.940
And then in a society like here, like in the UK, there's a lot of guys who are very thirsty
00:30:28.940
and they, you know, and they will, they, they will drop their standards.
00:30:38.940
So do you ever teach guys to like cold approach women?
00:30:44.940
And what percent of women are receptive would you say to, I mean, like you've been doing this
00:30:48.940
forever, but there's someone that has it, like he has to go through how many girls to
00:30:58.940
You know, there are certain places, like if you're in like Latin America, it's a lot
00:31:05.940
I don't, I maybe not, but you know, Latin culture is a bit more like open.
00:31:09.940
They play the card, like, you know, Latin lover.
00:31:15.940
But to answer the question, you have to be prepared to go through a lot of rejection.
00:31:20.940
You know, like if you're an average guy and you're, you're going to talk to a woman in
00:31:24.940
a coffee shop or, you know, a bar or bookstore or the grocery store, whatever it is, you know,
00:31:29.940
you are going to go through, through rejection.
00:31:32.940
In fact, rejection is, is the rule and the exception really is to get, is to get accepted,
00:31:38.940
You know, it's a question of accepting that, being okay with that, being confident and working
00:31:43.940
on yourself every day in order to be the best possible man that you can be.
00:31:47.940
But yeah, a lot of rejection for sure for people.
00:31:50.940
I was going to say, well, at least a man has options.
00:31:53.940
I feel like women, we are, our options are very, very limited.
00:31:56.940
So even if, even if a man is getting rejected, at least he knows, okay, fine.
00:31:59.940
I can find another woman who is maybe like a woman that I'm interested in.
00:32:05.940
I feel like the options for men are very, very low in the UK.
00:32:12.940
It's true, but it's like, for me, it's not going to be a guy that I want.
00:32:21.940
I'm not selling it for anybody that I'm not attracted to or I don't want.
00:32:27.940
So yeah, I think you should keep coaching men to level up.
00:32:30.940
But then why don't you think the women need to level up?
00:32:39.940
What percent of women really work with kids and can be good mothers?
00:32:42.940
But there's percentage, but you just have to find your percentage.
00:32:57.940
There are some men that like boss babes who have businesses.
00:33:12.940
So you don't think men like women that are boss babes?
00:33:18.940
It's like, okay, if this guy ever told you about a shoe collection and you're like,
00:33:26.940
You proved the point what you said just now though, because what you're saying is that
00:33:29.940
you could walk out theoretically, you know, hypothetically, you could walk out and get
00:33:32.940
some guy, maybe come and chat you up or whatever, but you're looking for a certain percentile
00:33:38.940
So you're basically saying, oh, you know, this group of guys who might hit on me randomly
00:33:42.940
in West London, I don't care about them because I want this top tier.
00:33:48.940
I mean, that's absolutely everyone's prerogative.
00:33:50.940
But at the same time, I think a lot of guys are finding it increasingly difficult in this
00:33:55.940
dating marketplace, you know, because women are the gatekeepers basically, you know.
00:34:02.940
Like I'm not going to get a guy that's not on my level or is that what you said?
00:34:07.940
I just don't want to be of a guy that's just not up to the standard that I want.
00:34:11.940
So when as women do we lower our standards and decide that they're too high?
00:34:15.940
If we don't, if all the guys we're talking to don't live up to the standards that we want,
00:34:20.940
When you're getting old and there's no more time.
00:34:22.940
When your body clock is giving up and you can't have children.
00:34:29.940
So at what age would you say that women should start lowering their standards?
00:34:41.940
So I think a lot of times like women, we think our biological clock is a lot longer than it really is.
00:34:51.940
But I can't remember the stat off the top of my head, but it doesn't work out for a lot of women.
00:34:59.940
I wish I could remember what percent of women actually get pregnant, but it's not as high as you think after geriatric pregnancy.
00:35:08.940
I think the other way round, it's only about 50% if a guy freezes his sperm.
00:35:13.940
It's quite, you know, it's like a 50-50 shot, basically, whether it's going to work or not.
00:35:30.940
I mean, you can't say to somebody, well, you know, it's very hard to say to somebody, look, you should lower your standards.
00:35:38.940
Because we are attracted to who we're attracted to, and that's just the reality of it, isn't it?
00:35:43.940
Would you guys rather be, like, so at 60, 65, would you rather be by yourself or be with someone you're not attracted to?
00:35:57.940
Because to me, it's like, I'd rather be with someone I'm not attracted to than not have children.
00:36:03.940
I would feel like my life was, like, a failure if I didn't have kids.
00:36:17.940
So I'm asking if you had the two options and you would still pick by yourself.
00:36:25.940
No, but I'm saying, so in one scenario at 65, you have a husband you're not attracted to and children and a family.
00:36:32.940
So I'm saying, like, as women, we keep saying we need our standards to be on a certain level, right?
00:36:38.940
So it's like, but when do we start lowering them if the men aren't meeting them?
00:36:47.940
That dog ain't giving you kids, I'll tell you that.
00:36:51.940
I think that's where it goes with the beauty beyond the eye.
00:36:57.940
You don't find him attractive first and you really start liking him after.
00:37:03.940
I think that men have higher beauty standards than women, like that they have to live up to.
00:37:09.940
Because it's such a small percentage of men that we're even attracted to.
00:37:13.940
But don't you feel like it happened to us first as women?
00:37:17.940
We had to level ourselves up to be a certain way.
00:37:21.940
When do you think we had to level ourselves up?
00:37:28.940
I feel like we've gotten worse in the last 20 to 30 years.
00:37:40.940
But I think probably from my perspective, I reckon what happened was that there was that pressure on women.
00:37:45.940
To be, you know, you've got to look amazing all the time.
00:37:48.940
And blokes, like back in the sort of the 80s and early 90s and stuff, guys didn't really have to make an effort.
00:37:54.940
It was like, you could have a beer gun and just like, whatever, football shirt on and she's like, oh yeah, she's nice.
00:38:01.940
I've seen pictures of guys from like the, I saw beach pictures from like the, before the 60s.
00:38:11.940
The men and the women, they were, I feel like something switched in the food or something.
00:38:16.940
But maybe, maybe just in England then, but no, I know what you mean.
00:38:19.940
Cause I've seen in pictures in like Brazilian stuff, like from the 70s.
00:38:22.940
No, I'm talking the U S like California pictures.
00:38:29.940
Well, from my perspective, what I've seen, I think that standards for men have got higher in the last sort of 10, 15, 20 years.
00:38:38.940
And maybe women's had to have been higher in the past, but it like, I dunno, it doesn't really help anybody, does it?
00:38:46.940
Like, like I think, I think now because of the thirstiness of guys and the fact that as you, as we've said, I mean, guys are less selected than, than women.
00:38:54.940
I think guys are now more, less picky than they were.
00:38:58.940
I think, I think there are many guys who will take a woman who's perhaps less attractive than he would have preferred because he thinks that's his only option.
00:39:06.940
I think ultimately is finding someone you're compatible with.
00:39:10.940
So all these standards, standards, standards, it's like, what is a standard?
00:39:14.940
If he's a good guy, if he's a good girl and it's like, you know, it's compatible to you.
00:39:18.940
It's got the same values, same, you know, principles and you get along well and you have the same, you know, goals in life.
00:39:24.940
I think that's what can be defined as a, you know.
00:39:30.940
Like, what, what do you guys look for in a guy?
00:39:35.940
I think like, uh, lots of women, no, because it's like...
00:39:43.940
No, because I, I know that lots of women, they look at just, you know, how much money my man is making, how much, you know, good, good life you have.
00:39:56.940
Uh, for me, it's like having emotional support, most of everything.
00:40:01.940
And, you know, having someone that, you know, understands my needs, you know, on a mental level.
00:40:05.940
Obviously, you know, we need to, you know, do life together and navigate, you know, challenges and everything.
00:40:11.940
But ultimately, for me, it's about finding that compatible person, which is very difficult to do because, you know, you're going to have always something, you know, that as, um, some character traits that are not really, you know, men and women are just different.
00:40:25.940
And as much as we want to play this card, oh, I want to be like a man.
00:40:33.940
So don't you think that asking him to understand your emotional needs is asking a man to be a woman when he's not a woman?
00:40:45.940
But at the same time, I don't want to call the person, you know, in front of me.
00:40:48.940
No, you know, I want to have someone that is kind of empathic enough, you know, got a little bit of warmness.
00:40:54.940
It doesn't sound too hard to find a warm, a nice guy.
00:41:08.940
There's going to be loads of guys in the chat now.
00:41:15.940
I mean, I mean, I want to, you know, I want to say this, like, there are lots of great guys out there.
00:41:22.940
It's just, I find that this particular time that we're living, guys are like finding very difficult in committing on the long term.
00:41:30.940
Because, you know, a lot of pressure there is in this society.
00:41:32.940
So it's like, I can't provide to my woman because, you know, the bills are going high.
00:41:36.940
You know, the society is crazy at the moment, you know, and women wants always more, more, more.
00:41:40.940
The last clothes, the last, you know, trend that is there, you know, I need to satisfy that.
00:41:50.940
Maybe we can lower a little bit our standards and try trying to be more realistic with what we really, you know, we're going to get.
00:42:13.940
It has to be like, you know, mature enough for me to, you know, for me to get deep conversations
00:42:18.940
without like, Oh, what are you talking about without scaring him.
00:42:21.940
And I think like when you're 21, you still need to figure out a lot of things.
00:42:25.940
I'm not saying that by 38, you're going to have everything.
00:42:45.940
So he just has to be emotionally available under the age of 45.
00:43:00.940
Um, just, as I said, like for me, the emotional support without being too,
00:43:07.940
And to be able to, you know, understand like that, trying to understand us, because as
00:43:14.940
we, as women, we're trying to understand men and we're trying to get into that masculine
00:43:23.940
And at the same time, I would love, you know, that the men trying to be a little bit more
00:43:26.940
empathetic and trying to understand without becoming a woman.
00:43:31.940
Um, have you dated guys that weren't emotionally available before or emotional?
00:43:36.940
I forgot what words you said exactly, but something like that.
00:43:42.940
I think there are lots of emotionally unavailable men out there because, um, it's everything has
00:43:48.940
to do with, I think, traumas and things that they've been experiencing in life.
00:43:52.940
So if a man is, um, emotionally unavailable, it's just because it went maybe through something
00:43:58.940
that is not capable of, you might feel something, but it's just not capable to just put everything
00:44:04.940
Um, not saying that everyone is like that, but I think a lot of people, I mean, again, talking
00:44:10.940
with a lot of friends and people that are all saying men, they don't want to commit, you know, they
00:44:16.940
They always, but I feel also like maybe we need to look at ourselves and say, like, what's
00:44:22.940
Why is this is not working and trying to fix, you know, things.
00:44:31.940
Um, ambition, again, emotional support as well.
00:44:34.940
Cause I feel like a lot of men do not know how to give emotional support.
00:44:38.940
And when you do question it, they end up arguing with you or backing away.
00:44:43.940
Um, again, like she said, because of traumas and stuff that goes like wrong in their life.
00:44:50.940
And then they bring it into the relationship for, from past experiences or being cheated
00:44:56.940
Um, so I think it is, it's very tough to find that.
00:45:17.940
Um, my age and I would say up to the age of 40.
00:45:26.940
Um, I just think he just needs to be able to be a provider.
00:45:32.940
Um, especially if you're going into relationship, you, cause I'm quite old school.
00:45:36.940
So I think a woman should play their role and a man should play their role.
00:45:40.940
Um, so if you're able to provide and, you know, pay, um, sorry, run the household, then,
00:45:54.940
You could be living outside of London, inside of London.
00:46:32.940
So you need to be, be able to support me emotionally as well.
00:46:36.940
Um, again, you need to, you know, have some sort of attraction there.
00:46:47.940
Oh, you need to be, you need to be, you need to be taller then.
00:47:11.940
I just feel like, yeah, a lot of guys are just not there anymore.
00:47:15.940
They're just very, they, you know, minds elsewhere, to be honest.
00:47:21.940
40, like, you said you, you're old school, right?
00:47:27.940
Do you think that women should be virgins the same way that men should be providers?
00:47:35.940
Because if we expect them to be traditional providers, shouldn't we be traditional virgins?
00:47:41.940
But again, I am old school, but you have to know that this is the modern world as well.
00:47:48.940
So wouldn't you say the same thing with that provider guy?
00:48:01.940
A man that can support me like I can support him.
00:48:06.940
I'm talking about generally in stuff that I like to do, support me in what I like to do.
00:48:14.940
Like, I love to give them the encouragement and be their cheerleader.
00:48:22.940
And being able to see a future with that person and us having the same goals, which means a family,
00:48:44.940
Because I'm not having a man that doesn't work.
00:48:50.940
I'm not really bothered about, I'm happy to go 50-50.
00:48:58.940
I mean, you can pay the mortgage and I could pay for the gas and electric.
00:49:05.940
And emotional support, yeah, we do need emotional support.
00:49:08.940
Because a lot of men these days, which you don't realize, they need emotional support.
00:49:18.940
I would have said women before, but I feel like, well, maybe.
00:49:40.940
Yeah, men don't really like to show how they're feeling compared to women.
00:49:41.940
But don't you think that's just how men process emotions?
00:49:42.940
Like they process emotions differently than women?
00:49:47.940
Because we always make it sound like a bad thing that men don't like talk to each other
00:50:02.940
I just think they process emotions differently.
00:50:06.940
But it's like, sometimes we try to make them into women by being like, process the emotions.
00:50:10.940
Because there is a lot of men that have mental health at the moment.
00:50:11.940
So I think they do need to be able to talk about their feelings.
00:50:30.940
Honestly, because women throw stuff in your face later.
00:50:35.940
And then what they do is they'll throw something in your face and then they'll add lies to it.
00:50:40.940
So it'll be kind of true, but kind of not true.
00:50:46.940
I mean, I didn't say a hundred percent of women, but I'm just saying if I had a balance
00:50:48.940
of probabilities and I had 10 guys and 10 girls, I would say that women are more