JustPearlyThings - Delusional Bimbo Claims that she is Wife Material

00:00:00.000 when the women that got cheated on how did you feel did you take it personally because i think

00:00:06.880 you might have taken it more personally than he did but how did it make you feel knowing that he

00:00:12.180 cheated it is personal i think with me the problem was i came from a polygamous household so my dad

00:00:18.860 had two wives and he's got 14 kids so my mom has nine my dad my other mom has five so i've come

00:00:24.060 from a very um honest and transparent relationship the reason i felt disrespected is because

00:00:29.700 this person obviously didn't want to tell me even till this day he would lie right now the reason

00:00:34.580 that i'm single i'm not actively searching is because no man is honest and will say to me

00:00:39.840 actually i am i do want multiple women because when i ask them they will just say no i'm cool 0.99

00:00:46.500 so if they did say like if they said it i'll respect it would you be with them 100 way more but you know

00:00:52.360 what you have to remember in this situation you're the exception to the rule because women often fall 1.00

00:00:56.080 in love with what they hear not men fall in love with what they see and that's the thing i think

00:01:00.040 i'm still quite a traditional woman so i i don't i haven't done the dating scene traditional women

00:01:04.420 get married before the age of 25 i was married i am well that's why traditional women don't get 1.00

00:01:09.700 divorced well you can't be you can't be a traditional no no i'm i'm not divorced yet so i'm not divorced

00:01:15.120 yet so i thought you said you were single well i'm it's complicated so i'm not divorced yet okay

00:01:20.140 i'm separated but obviously the reason why like um like esther said the reason why i'm not pushing

00:01:25.920 for the divorce or whatever is because in within my situation i'm weighing out what's beneficial to

00:01:31.700 me if it's better for me to stay or better for me to be ending up in the streets and in the streets

00:01:36.420 of london it's not for me it's the ghetto girl yeah so why do you why do you want to leave because 1.00

00:01:41.740 was he the one that cheated no no so this with my with my marriage what happened is we were a lot

00:01:46.740 younger and because i was conforming to like just say the western ideologies and social media

00:01:51.560 put a big pressure on what i expected from the relationship so i wanted like you said flowers and

00:01:57.320 all of this and blah blah and i put importance on that instead of me actually looking and growing

00:02:01.900 with the person and you know figuring out our own lives and we were a lot younger he obviously wasn't

00:02:06.800 where he wanted to be and i think it just put a lot of strain on us so we have separated but it for

00:02:13.280 me give it i probably will end up back with him just because it's it wasn't a toxic relationship

00:02:18.620 it was a good relationship we just weren't the right people so do you think women by that women 1.00

00:02:22.800 leave nice guys because you stayed with the guy who cheated but the guy who didn't stay with the guy

00:02:27.600 who cheated because i didn't know for sure okay even with that situation again that was like my first

00:02:35.160 full-on relationship because where obviously i am also religious like i do believe in god yeah and i

00:02:40.340 and i believe fornication is a sin so with me if it's a big thing for me to even try fornicate

00:02:45.700 i rather not um in that first relationship i was staying with him because my intention was marriage

00:02:50.700 and we were planning to get married right and it was a lot more secure yeah investment wouldn't it be

00:02:55.720 more secure in the second because you are married well no that's what i mean so the second when it

00:02:59.540 happened okay the reason why i'm not leaving is because he's it's not that he's he's uh he's not a

00:03:05.760 uh he's a good and or amazing guy it's more it was a it's the right person wrong time so why do you

00:03:12.500 know it's going to work in three years time why the three years because it sounds like you've got

00:03:16.220 it all figured out now that you know what a great guy he is and what you both need to work on it sounds

00:03:21.340 like a backup plan yeah because why the three years i don't think i don't think it's i don't think he's

00:03:26.340 an amazing guy i think with time he will also it i feel like we need time to figure ourselves out

00:03:31.660 and when i say that i mean i feel like he's not ready to i feel like a man's a man's under a lot

00:03:39.140 of pressure he feels like he has to have x amount of money he needs to make sure he can keep a woman

00:03:43.080 because i feel like men feel like women will cheat on them if they're not doing certain things

00:03:47.480 and i think he feels like if he doesn't provide me with a million roses and all of that i'm not

00:03:52.720 going to stay loyal to him he doesn't realize that i'm a religious person that's not going to be a

00:03:56.900 problem if that makes sense i just think that you need to get it sorted sooner or later and have a

00:04:02.160 conversation because you can both work it out together and grow together rather than three

00:04:08.060 years time you could you you can both be in separate places in three years yeah you might as well do it

00:04:12.780 together you know what you want you sound like you know what you want you sound quite sensible and

00:04:16.720 reasonable so why not do it now and see where you both are in three years rather than wait three

00:04:22.700 years is to jump in there's a lot that can happen in three years well you can get there together you

00:04:27.680 know he's not there yet you know what he needs and you can be there to support him i think there's

00:04:32.460 such i'm so sorry i think there's certain things that you need to work i get where you're coming

00:04:35.260 from i think there's because you guys got married when you were younger i think there's certain things

00:04:39.140 where you have to work on by yourself to then be able to come together with someone so i get the

00:04:44.760 three years thing because clearly you've got stuff that you want to work on and grow and whatever and he's got

00:04:48.820 his own issues and i think if you guys get back you guys get back together that pressure is still

00:04:54.260 going to be there because you haven't worked on your individual selves that's why i always say

00:04:57.540 even with marriages and because i desire to get married and stuff but i know that i'm not ready

00:05:01.740 to get married now because there's stuff that i need to figure out and these are things i need to

00:05:05.420 figure out by myself before i can then come together to figure that to figure that that part of my life

00:05:10.980 i still think you want to go carnival that's what i want you know when you get when guys hear that

00:05:20.120 you're figuring yourself out they just think you're sleeping and honestly that's what it sounds like

00:05:26.660 because i don't understand what are you it's not that can i ask you can i ask you how how long it's

00:05:31.440 been since you both separated like how long have you been figuring it out um i'll say it was the start

00:05:36.860 of the pandemic but it's not that we're figuring it out i think it was just that we were two different

00:05:41.400 people coming together and the pressures of the pandemic obviously put a lot more strain on us

00:05:46.120 and i feel like also this concept like for example we people believe that if you're married you have to

00:05:52.960 sleep in the same bed every single night whereas some people's relationships aren't like that i didn't

00:05:57.900 understand that when i was younger that actually some people genuinely don't want to be in a bed with

00:06:02.260 someone else every single night and that's something that i'm only coming to terms with now if that

00:06:06.540 makes sense so i think more the more that i'm growing as a person i'm learning a lot about

00:06:11.380 myself and i'm accepting as well that you don't have to have what social media show as a as a

00:06:16.220 traditional marriage you can have your own version yeah and i'll ask you a question though do you think

00:06:22.020 you and your partner have the same core values yes and i think that's the reason why we're i can see

00:06:28.820 me being compatible with him because so what's like the real like i don't understand what what's not

00:06:34.300 there then it seems like he's a great guy yeah no i think i think no no i think it's not that he's a

00:06:40.980 great guy it's i've made a choice and i feel like i will do whatever i can to make sure it works okay if

00:06:47.200 that makes sense because i think especially with marriage it's a big commitment and you know you do

00:06:51.860 it through thick and thin yeah um i think it's more um i didn't understand like when he did mention if

00:06:58.800 he did mention multiple partners or having other partners for me that was like what do you mean but

00:07:04.580 i then had to like recheck myself and actually say that's not something i'm not used to or i'm abnormal

00:07:09.940 or that isn't the norm um so i think when i initially reacted and again that was the trauma from the first

00:07:16.460 relationship coming through that i had to unlearn it was almost like oh that means you must be cheating

00:07:21.380 every day when actually he wasn't so it made us very toxic for no reason so it kind of goes back to

00:07:26.720 like women can't handle the truth well i've separated and like revisiting what i actually want

00:07:31.700 in life and how it impacts me i've realized that actually it's not i can't handle the to mature if

00:07:37.660 that makes sense then i wouldn't be able to but as i've now learned a lot more about myself i'm like

00:07:41.940 yeah have you have you had help for your trauma i guess it was more professional help yeah well i've

00:07:47.740 done i've done counseling and stuff it's not i would yeah i've done counseling and stuff i don't

00:07:52.740 think i think it's just time so sometimes you don't even counseling doesn't help it's just

00:07:56.300 just maturing i think as well it's about emotional management so imagine your emotions

00:08:01.620 um in line with what's going on because often we we have emotional responses to things that are

00:08:08.460 happening at that time yeah we've thought about them we've we've and i'm and i know someone's

00:08:13.860 gonna say oh you're saying we're crazy no we think about things that could happen we think about

00:08:19.860 those things think about it and the moment we're confronted with the situation at hand

00:08:23.740 we respond to the see do you know what because of your background i think you're quite sensible

00:08:28.400 but what i would say is that for most women the way you're handling it wouldn't be good advice

00:08:33.780 because for most women taking time away and pushing it to the future just means racking up bodies 1.00

00:08:39.380 racking up more trauma and expecting a guy to come and take hold of it in the in the future

00:08:44.000 and i think that's where like obviously like my faith faith comes in if that makes sense because

00:08:48.620 obviously that's what will keep me in check in that sense because i i don't believe in sort of

00:08:53.660 committing fornication like that to me it protects me a bit more from that um obviously women who might 1.00

00:09:00.260 not share my same background might be a bit yeah maybe they might you know because them healing is

00:09:04.800 taking more willy yeah but but are you actually this is the question i would ask is are you actually

00:09:10.600 dealing with the issues at hand because so so you're working on them separately but you're not working on them

00:09:17.280 together and that issue so when you come back you're going to be a different woman and he's going

00:09:22.060 to be a different man and then there's going to be other issues because you're not working together

00:09:26.100 so i think what's happening is i'm growing into who i am and he's growing into who he is and if it

00:09:31.680 matches this is why i say i'll give it time because if it is the that we work out we work out if not

00:09:36.400 we're just getting better at just say like because i've got a five-year-old we're getting better at

00:09:40.880 co-parenting do you get what i mean so we've got we're getting better in our relationship

00:09:45.660 what's the separation his choice or yours

00:09:48.220 it was i guess both i come on someone someone started the conversation it wasn't who started

00:09:59.920 let's put it this way it wasn't a nice separation yeah it was very it was a very um abrupt and sort

00:10:05.760 of not great yeah but who started the like someone it's dishonest to say that it was a mutual thing

00:10:12.180 like someone has to start the conversation um someone has to say this isn't moving out or i'm

00:10:20.000 moving out or we're we're this isn't working let's take some time apart i guess the guy would

00:10:25.920 he would say it more than i would but then it's it's more because i would yeah i guess he would say

00:10:32.840 it so you say it as i can't take it so it was his choice yeah okay yeah that's abnormal usually it's

00:10:39.940 like the other way around yeah no no i guess it was his choice but it's more i think um obviously

00:10:44.700 where we had a child involved it was a lot harder um because we couldn't get the right grieving or

00:10:49.800 time apart that we would have had to because it's almost like we had an argument the day before

00:10:53.880 and then because of my daughter we'll have to now stay in communication um i think the time the

00:10:58.900 covid time really helped sort of put that aside do you think like if you called him tomorrow and said

00:11:03.780 like i want to work this out let's move back in together he would do it not yet not yet i think

00:11:09.020 and he's also agreed in a few years potentially it's more likely whereas i think he isn't where

00:11:14.940 he wants to be and he knows that i'm not where i want to be and i think one of the biggest thing is

00:11:18.880 because when we did break up i never had a hot girl summer let's say like i've never experienced

00:11:23.560 that i came from a culture where we didn't really go out the house i'm not trying to be rude yeah but

00:11:27.480 didn't you just say you were at carnival yeah yeah yeah no so so that's what i mean okay so i

00:11:33.320 never really experienced i never experienced that sort of dating or casual dating or even like

00:11:38.420 you know so when i first came out of the pan um the relationship i was like okay yeah let me explore

00:11:43.820 this i tried online yeah i tried online dating it was horrendous i tried you know meeting people in

00:11:50.560 real life it was it was a joke so yeah like i now get to go carnival as a single person i guess with my

00:11:56.540 friends but again it's not it's just for fun for me it's nothing like nothing there's no guys you

00:12:01.800 know i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform

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JustPearlyThings - April 06, 2023

Delusional Bimbo Claims that she is Wife Material

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