Delusional Bimbo Was caught lying through Her Teeth
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
216.77489
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the modern woman and her relationship with her husband, the modern marriage and the modern motherhood. We discuss the role of a modern mother in raising her children and the role that a modern woman should play in that role.
Transcript
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a clash of cultures so I am very you know obviously I'm Bangladeshi British Muslim and I
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think the modern side is what is me what I'm fighting against does that make sense so the
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more I'm realizing actually I'm not this modern woman is the more comfortable I'm getting in who
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I am I don't I don't think you can really go back like I don't think you can really claim
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traditional if you're separated from your like your husband it's no when I say traditional I
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say traditional in my values in my morals not that I'm I'm I'm gonna stick in a marriage that I'm
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unhappy in because I'm a traditional woman it's more I know what I want for myself and I know that
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this right but like that rhetoric right there that sounds very modern well can I just say again
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all I'm hearing is I I I I not and I'm not trying to personalize it to you it's just that you're
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speaking and a lot of the things that have been said today are I based and in relationships in
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marriage it's about partnership working together and we're not nobody's perfect sometimes sometimes
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you make mistakes and you have to work through it and with I'm I'm not married I've never been
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married and I think it's easy for me to talk on it you know from a perspective but when you've got
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a child involved your feelings involved you know finances involved whatever it might be work involved
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your friends involved you you have to kind of peel back on all of the factors that influence you
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and look at the bare bones of the relationship which is you your child and your partner and
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literally zone in on that and make that your priority wait I've got a question quickly I've got a question
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quickly just a kind of caveat of it yeah yeah so on that note because you're talking about I I do you
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would you say that the modern woman is is selfish then yes because it because society allows that to be
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the case because it's about what you want is it what the woman wants I don't think that's the case
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to every woman yeah no no because I've been very selfless in relationships I've got nothing back
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right exactly so but how can I be selfish no no no but when kids are involved you kind of have to be
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selfish I'm sorry to cut you off yeah that's all right selfish like how though when kids are involved
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well like your kids are your priority so it's like regardless of what how anybody feels like
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your child is your priority isn't the priority to stay in that relationship with two parents
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my priority is to take care of my child yeah yeah so that's but that's that's being selfless like
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when you have a kid it's not supposed to be about you anymore it's about your kid fuck your happiness
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but that's exactly unless you're in like extenuating circumstances where you are getting abused or
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yeah I'm with you I'm with you if your child if your child's in danger yeah I I agree yeah but
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that's not that's not the majority of cases if the child's not in danger you need to try work out
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you know but that's exactly what like for example my daughter doesn't know we're separate my daughter
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hasn't experienced anything different when she sees us she sees us very amicable and she she doesn't
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know anything different do you live in the same house no we don't live in the same house okay but when I
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say that when I say I'm putting my daughter first that's the reason why I'm not chasing another man
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or chasing another relationship because the most beneficial one is me and her father but like so
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you keep kind of contradicting yourself and you did it again just here there because you said
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your daughter you don't live in the same house but your daughter doesn't know anything's up yeah she
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may not at five but she will yeah and when and so and so she might not understand it but you you can't
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say that it's like she's not going to notice that her dad or her mom isn't in the home no but I'm not
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saying there's my my dad used to work here while my family were back home my dad wasn't present in
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their lives every single day and I think that's another big misconception that a parent or a dad
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has to be at home every single day it's a cultural thing yeah exactly did it affect you and not having
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him there all the time no no not at all I love my dad like my dad was an amazing man an amazing father
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figure amazing that's why I can't trash men because I have so much respect for my mom you don't think
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it would have been better if your dad was there a bit often you spent more time no I feel like my
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I'm just I'm just thinking about pearl no dad no no yeah my dad my dad was gone my dad was gone a lot
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too and I'd say like it did affect me like I yeah I mean I would have been better if he was there I
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still love him and I respect him more than anything but like I think it would be dumb to say I didn't
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want my dad around more do you think it would have changed your perspective on you because you said
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that you battle being traditional western do you think if your dad was there more that you'd be
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a lot more traditional than western no I think the problem with me was when I went to uni and I came
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out of my traditional or my culture bubble the bubble so I think that bubble protected me for so
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long and I wish I stayed in it a bit longer because the trauma only came when I thought oh let me
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experience a bit of life can I just say this do you think your dad being present in your life
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when you were growing up would help you manage your situation right now with your husband better
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because he would have been able to advise you or even now I don't know what your relationship is
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like now but he would be able to guide you or even have an impact on you in a way that would allow you
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to manage the situation better I don't I feel like I'm managing the situation well compared to what
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society will tell me because there's a lot of people that will tell me why are you even investing any more
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time or why are you even allowing this dynamics because a lot of people say oh close book and
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rush out that's why girls give the worst advice I don't I don't think you could say you're managing
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it well unless you're still with him can I just know it's it's not you can't it's like when I say
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that's like that's like that's like like failing a test and saying you got no when I say managing it
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well I'm saying about I'm respecting his values or views in where he is in life I'm respecting that he's
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not ready to commit to the marriage and children yet because he feels like he can't be that
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responsible why did you get married no wait wait before before all of that before all of that
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it's all right I'm so proud of you like we can all see how much like you love your daughter how
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much you're trying to make this work like his life is hard you know like no no no no wait wait wait
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she only got here she only got here because she she because before we said yeah that ah women women
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said they like the truth in it your husband told you the truth saying that I may potentially want
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to step out on you yeah and that's what started this whole debacle of problems of relationship so
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him being honest is kind of why you're here isn't it initially it was the my ex cheating that was the
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issue but you said you had help for that trauma you said you had that trauma no no no that's something
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I've gone in later like I say within the last year because it seems to me like you and your
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husband split because of something that he might do in the future yeah and that was me looking back
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at myself saying I was the fault of that so that was me taking accountability are you now saying that
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as a young woman that traditional is the way to go 100% thank you 100% I'm I will I believe in
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traditional roles I believe I just believe that this society doesn't enable that and a lot of my anger
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as well even in my relationship was the fact that I had to work and I had to do things that a woman
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shouldn't necessarily do because society now is too expensive I don't think can I just say that
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can I just say that traditional women always work they did yeah they always work no no no no you
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asked your mum how she worked just because she didn't need the house yeah yeah exactly so we're doing
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the housework and then more she's talking about career I'm talking about career no but I'm saying that
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it all depends on how you see it no 100% and also if you and your husband wouldn't it be better if
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you both got a flat with three bedrooms and worked it out two separate rooms that's the thing money is
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the issue so if money wasn't an issue of course we could have a mansion and we could no I'm just saying
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is it is it there to live apart than to live together yeah uh yes
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it's just easier for now because obviously where we're not financially not easier I'm talking about
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cheaper is it cheaper to live separately or is it would it be cheaper to live together it's just not
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a position we're at now because we're only I've only just healed could you just answer that yes or no
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is it cheaper to live apart it's probably it's cheaper to live together it's cheaper to live together
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but obviously if I'm not like I've only gone through my counseling and having to learn about
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myself in the last year and a half that time I was alone if that makes sense if I'd never done that
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I would never have gone through counseling or learn about myself and what and I've learned and I think
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the thing is I had an amazing father figure I had an amazing childhood with my dad and my dad not
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being there he was there you know him not being there for parts isn't impacted me at all my relationship
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was amazing there was other things that happened when I was a child that made it more difficult
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if that makes sense in me in my longer lifelong marriage and I think once I then went counseling
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for that I then realized actually there was a lot of me that had to heal before I even took that step
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can I just give you a bit of advice traditional women don't listen to their female friends
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traditional women don't listen to social media and traditional women don't get easily influenced by
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outside forces and I think that's what you're struggling with so you can't balance the two
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because I know you're saying that you're modern and that you want to be traditional but yet you're saying
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that these are what your friends are telling you to do and this is what this person is telling you to do
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and this is what the internet is telling you to do and this is where your struggle is against your
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traditional and your modern but you said that traditional is the way to go so so can I have a
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bit easier just to fade out all the modern but I feel like so I'm sorry I feel like okay listening to
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you I think that it's admirable that you've been for what you've been through and you worked on
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yourself to know where it is that you went wrong I feel like the social media stuff the friend stuff
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for me I'm hearing her tell me that that is the past that's what she did that got her in this
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position now and I'm in my mind or what I believe is that moving forward you've you've learned a lot
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from how what you did wrong that I reckon that when even if it's this guy if it's another guy
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you're going to be a better partner than you were before because now what you what you believed what
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you knew of relationships before was from social media was from friends or whatever but now you've
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experienced something different so now you're more realistic about your expectations I think that is
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where the whole traditional thing comes from because when I hear tradition for me because I'm
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Nigerian like I think culture that's why I understand you saying that you know your dad not been in the
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house didn't really affect because that is what this happens my cousins are the same thing like
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it's what if it's if it's what you're around if it's if that's what you're socializing to if that's
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the norm yeah it's nothing that's it's not odd to you I mean I'm just going to tell you how it
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sounds it just sounds like a lot of excuses to me like it's just like this is right this is why this is why
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this is why because like like when you're saying oh it's social media it's the culture it's this
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it's that it's that it's like oh that's that's why I did what I did it's like it's it kind of
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takes away from accountability when you're just blaming all these things can I just ask her
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question because I know she's saying it's admirable that you've got rid of it and that
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was in the past and whatever I came late I apologize for coming late what year did you go
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carnival that is 2018 like that was I wasn't here okay by the way I went carnival only because I lived
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on Ladbrook Grove so I moved on to Ladbrook Grove 2017 but wait let me just finish this carnival PR
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I've let you talk a lot like this is it's just like this is instead of just saying instead of
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just saying being accountable and you know what I wanted to go it was fun like it's like oh I lived
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on this road no no no no it's like no okay so again I don't see where the issue with carnival is
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again maybe because listen to what I'm saying when I came here late I didn't know when you went carnival
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so all I'm heard from you is that you've had the counts in a year and a half so that's what I'm asking
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you when did you go carnival because I wasn't here so I didn't know right and even when I went
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carnival I'm a very standoffish person no one will chat to me because my demeanor is very like
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so even me going carnival I dance if I dance with my friends it's my girlfriends I'm dancing with
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no one I still feel like guys if I'm going carnival I'm going for man I'll tell you that right
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I'm not going there to see the food and see the culture I'm going to
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this whole show you've been camping this whole show so wait so wait if you went to carnival this summer
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yeah can someone explain to me why that would be a bad thing exactly this is what I also also I
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understand you go I understand you go to carnival for man but we're all not the same people people
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are different can I just say something as a traditional single parent with a child under
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the age of five that's not looking no man that wants to stay away from outside influences that
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don't want to get influenced by social media she shouldn't be at carnival no I'm just going by
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what she said that she is no and by what she said I can only go by what she said that's why Pearl's
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talking about the contradiction because as far as I'm concerned if I was a single parent with a
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five-year-old child the only time I'm going carnival is with my child on a Sunday and we're going to be
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home by like six o'clock in the evening I would not as a single parent go carnival without my child
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with a group of friends carnival's not the place to have a break no no but I'm struggling with you
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can't tell someone what to do we're not telling her what to do she's contradicting let's stop
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interrupting me it's like she's contradicting herself the whole show and so you say one thing
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and then you say another thing I don't I really wasn't even probing like honestly I'll ask you wait let
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be I'll I'll ask you a question you'll tell a really long story and like it which is fine it's
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a podcast that's fine but when you contradict yourself like five times in the story and people
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start asking questions like then you get defensive and I wasn't telling them what to do I said as a
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single parent I would have gone carnival I would have gone carnival I would take my child is what
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I've done that's why that's what I said we're in different and I was a younger single parent than you
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were yeah we're in different eras obviously social media came when I was about 16 even
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this is an excuse again like it's like oh but it's the time like like this is like your immediate
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response with anything is like oh this is the excuse it's like no I'm not making excuses I'm
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saying I was battling what I was battling then I'm still learning I'm still like even now when I tell
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my friends oh do you know what polygyny I don't mind it a lot of my friends will be like oh my god
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what are you talking about some of them will be like actually I get what you mean because a lot of
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them have gone through the cheating back and forth and all of that and they're like do you know what
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I it's changed my mindset so what I'm saying is where I am now even now I'm still not who I want
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to be fully because the more days pass the more I do things even being a mother even just working
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even everything else the more I'm learning how much better is being a traditional woman it's taken
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me a lot longer only because I'm having to learn that my mom's life was happier than what I am
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how are you learning just doing every single day the difficulties of being a woman in the 21st
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century how does that make you more traditional living modern I'm not living more modern I'm
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accepting that modern isn't the way forward yeah but I want a man who is going to be a traditional
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gender role where he does the breadwinner yeah but I mean we can want what we want but only one in
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four men only one in four women really get that traditional role like most women most women work
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so like the majority of women don't get that like that's say like saying I want to be a millionaire
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okay yeah like how does how does that make you more traditional no like what actionable it's more me
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realizing how much the right-wing feminism shall I say or just that movement itself has hindered women
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because I feel like I want to now engage in my feminine energy more and the more I'm engaging in my
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feminine energy and the more I'm realizing actually I don't care if a man sleeps with 10 girls I don't
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want to sleep with 10 guys like the more I'm realizing I'm not the same as a man in that sense
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the more I'm happy I'm getting my rebuttal when I was younger was more because it was like oh what if
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he could do it why can't I if he does this why can't I now I'm actually like no I'm being a feminine
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woman have you have you practiced that in a relationship like doing the polygyny thing
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uh not yet not yet yeah so so it's just like that's not really that's saying like I would
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accept it isn't really like no it's because okay for example like my husband now my ex or partner if
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he was to approach me and say you know what I'm ready to settle down but that is an option I will
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100% accept it as many as you know I was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis
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