JustPearlyThings - October 26, 2023


Delusional Modern Admits She's Too Masculine And Gets Ridiculed


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

177.04123

Word count

1,606

Sentence count

161

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Have you ever been in a traditional relationship? Have you ever felt like you were the domineering one in a relationship, the one that led the family? Do you enjoy being in a more modern relationship or do you find it difficult?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Can modern relationships work?
00:00:04.420 So my question is, for the single people, have you ever been in a traditional relationship?
00:00:12.480 Or people in a relationship, sorry.
00:00:15.280 For the people in a relationship, are you in a traditional relationship?
00:00:18.180 And for the single people, have you ever been in a traditional relationship and how did
00:00:21.520 you like it?
00:00:22.520 Well, sorry.
00:00:23.820 What do you mean by traditional?
00:00:26.300 Just like what you think of when you think of like, the man pays for everything.
00:00:30.520 He leads, you follow, like that sort of thing.
00:00:33.180 Okay.
00:00:34.180 Do you want me to answer that?
00:00:36.180 Yes.
00:00:37.180 Well, yeah, why don't we start here and then go around, go ahead, sorry.
00:00:45.240 I guess yes, in some aspects, like he would lead and I would follow.
00:00:50.740 He paid, yeah, he paid for everything unless like I offered and said, oh, I've got it this
00:00:57.120 time.
00:00:58.120 Um, that's, I guess that's as traditional because we didn't live together and honestly, we weren't
00:01:03.500 married.
00:01:04.500 Okay.
00:01:05.500 Okay.
00:01:06.500 What about you?
00:01:07.500 I don't think I have been in a traditional relationship as such, but it was all very 50 50. 1.00
00:01:13.120 He didn't really lead much.
00:01:14.740 So yeah, I don't think I have, no.
00:01:17.500 Okay.
00:01:18.500 No.
00:01:19.500 Never been in a traditional relationship.
00:01:22.500 No.
00:01:23.500 Okay.
00:01:24.500 Um, yes.
00:01:25.660 So I'm married and I, um, I hesitate because we have a blended family.
00:01:32.100 So it's not traditional in a sense of like nuclear, uh, we got together and had babies.
00:01:36.620 Um, but we had children before we got together and got married and now we're a blended family,
00:01:42.860 but, um, in a sense of like roles.
00:01:45.800 Um, yes, I am, I am a traditional wife and yeah, I follow his lead and yeah, essentially
00:01:54.760 he leads the family.
00:01:56.420 Um, I've been married before, so I'm divorced, but I wasn't in a traditional marriage or relationship.
00:02:06.620 Um, what made it not traditional?
00:02:09.560 Um, I guess I was in my masculine energy and, uh, I was doing everything essentially.
00:02:22.120 And he was, um, not really the man that I, I want, um, that I now want, you know, after
00:02:31.900 some searching and understanding what my role is as a woman, what I would ideally like to
00:02:36.600 like from a man and what they want from women, more importantly. 0.96
00:02:40.020 Um, so yeah, that's what.
00:02:43.700 When you say in your masculine, what do you mean by that?
00:02:45.740 Um, so I made the decisions for the family, um, financially and more, um, just everything
00:02:55.840 really.
00:02:56.100 I just kind of felt like, uh, I don't want to be too disrespectful here cause you know, he's
00:03:01.600 the father of my kid and, um, there's certain boundaries that you don't talk about on air,
00:03:07.020 but I, I was in my masculine energy.
00:03:10.700 Okay.
00:03:11.700 Okay.
00:03:12.700 Go ahead.
00:03:13.700 Um, I think to an extent my relationship was quite traditional, but I think when it comes
00:03:19.020 when it comes to like personality and stuff, I think I was more of the domineering character
00:03:23.440 compared to him.
00:03:24.440 Mm-hmm.
00:03:24.700 So I would say in that sense, I kind of witnessed that I was more of the leader than he was.
00:03:29.520 Mm-hmm.
00:03:29.820 And I think that's probably why like things didn't really work out between us, but yeah.
00:03:33.480 Mm-hmm.
00:03:34.480 Ante?
00:03:35.480 I think, um, the relationship I'm in now, yeah, he leads, but I think previous relationship,
00:03:43.280 I've tried to make them lead and they've been able to, so I just had to go, just forcing
00:03:48.780 them to lead.
00:03:49.780 Mm-hmm.
00:03:50.780 Cause some men just don't want to lead.
00:03:51.780 Mm-hmm.
00:03:52.780 Some men just don't know how to lead.
00:03:53.780 Mm-hmm.
00:03:54.780 Or they can't.
00:03:55.780 Yeah.
00:03:56.780 The one that I've got now, he can, he does.
00:03:57.780 Mm-hmm.
00:03:58.780 So for the girls that said, cause I think you two said you've never been in a traditional
00:04:03.280 relationship.
00:04:04.280 Do you guys enjoy, did you enjoy being in a more modern relationship?
00:04:07.280 Do you want to answer that first?
00:04:11.280 Definitely not.
00:04:12.280 No, I'm very, I'm quite old school, even though I'm young, like I've got quite old soul and
00:04:17.780 I've always wanted, you know, just to be one man for my whole life.
00:04:21.280 And it just wasn't that he wasn't giving me that he wasn't really at the beginning.
00:04:26.280 He was putting in a lot of effort, but towards the end, it wasn't really there.
00:04:29.280 And that's why I probably ended.
00:04:31.280 Mm-hmm.
00:04:32.280 What was, what was the question again?
00:04:36.280 What was it like being in a modern relationship?
00:04:39.280 Did you enjoy it?
00:04:40.280 Um.
00:04:41.280 And is that something you'd want in the future?
00:04:43.280 Sorry.
00:04:44.280 I think of these questions.
00:04:45.280 It's such a broad question.
00:04:46.280 Elements of it I enjoyed.
00:04:48.280 However, I don't know.
00:04:51.280 I feel like, um, so my biggest fear, my biggest fear is financially depending on somebody.
00:04:59.280 Mm-hmm.
00:05:00.280 It's my, it terrifies me.
00:05:02.280 I never, ever, ever want to co-own a home with someone.
00:05:05.280 I never want to co-own a business with someone.
00:05:08.280 I never want to be financially tied to a man.
00:05:10.280 Because I've seen so many women in my life be absolutely dictated financially by men.
00:05:14.280 There's no hate on men.
00:05:15.280 Men are wonderful.
00:05:16.280 I know some amazing men.
00:05:17.280 But no one's ever made me feel safe enough to embrace my feminine side with a man.
00:05:24.280 Mm-hmm.
00:05:25.280 Which is why I've always had my own businesses.
00:05:28.280 I have my own car.
00:05:30.280 Getting a bit emotional.
00:05:32.280 Yeah, I can hear it.
00:05:33.280 Yeah.
00:05:34.280 I went through something really wild recently.
00:05:39.280 My ex committed identity theft fraud against me with his mum.
00:05:44.280 That's what my EP is about.
00:05:46.280 I'm not even using that as an excuse to plug myself.
00:05:49.280 I'm just being transparent.
00:05:50.280 Mm-hmm.
00:05:51.280 Because it justifies.
00:05:52.280 Mm-hmm.
00:05:53.280 I don't trust anyone to take care of me.
00:05:56.280 I got this.
00:05:57.280 Mm-hmm.
00:05:58.280 And until I meet someone that makes me feel safe enough emotionally, spiritually, and physically,
00:06:03.280 then I will consider being in a traditional relationship.
00:06:12.280 Oh, I'm good.
00:06:13.280 I'm not even crying.
00:06:14.280 Thank you.
00:06:15.280 Thank you though.
00:06:16.280 Thanks.
00:06:17.280 Do you think that's going to be hard for the next guy?
00:06:20.280 Yeah.
00:06:21.280 Because it's like he kind of has to deal with the mistakes of like your past in a way.
00:06:25.280 You know, it already has been hard for the next guy.
00:06:28.280 And the guy after that and the guy after that.
00:06:30.280 Not that I'm, you know, moving about in different ways, but you know, I go out a lot.
00:06:36.280 I have a very social job.
00:06:37.280 Like I perform for a living.
00:06:38.280 I sing.
00:06:39.280 So I meet a lot of people.
00:06:40.280 Mm-hmm.
00:06:41.280 And I've met some wonderful people.
00:06:42.280 But there's something within me that's just like, but can I trust you?
00:06:46.280 Have I known you long enough?
00:06:47.280 Because the guy that was with last time was one of my best friends.
00:06:51.280 And I knew him for a couple of years before I was with him.
00:06:54.280 And then to do that and other things which I can't discuss.
00:06:58.280 I'm like, well, who can I trust?
00:07:00.280 Yeah.
00:07:01.280 So can I ask a question?
00:07:02.280 Do you, at what point do you think you need to do some healing?
00:07:07.280 I, you know, the sad thing is...
00:07:09.280 And I don't mean that disrespectfully.
00:07:10.280 I hope you...
00:07:11.280 No, I don't take it disrespectfully.
00:07:13.280 The bad, the sad thing is I've already done so much healing.
00:07:16.280 With all due respect, it doesn't sound like it though.
00:07:19.280 I know.
00:07:20.280 I know.
00:07:21.280 What healing have you done?
00:07:22.280 Do you know, I ran to the other side of the world.
00:07:25.280 I just got back from Australia.
00:07:26.280 I spent six weeks traveling around Australia.
00:07:29.280 And this is because when I broke up with him after I found out about the fraud,
00:07:33.280 other women from his past were coming forward to me, messaging me.
00:07:38.280 And these are women that he smear campaign saying, 1.00
00:07:41.280 that one's used to beat me up. 1.00
00:07:43.280 She was a drug addict. 1.00
00:07:44.280 She was an alcoholic.
00:07:45.280 So I blocked them all thinking it was true.
00:07:47.280 And out of curiosity, I unblocked them because I knew they were trying to reach out to me.
00:07:51.280 And one by one, they slowly came forward to me with their screenshots and their truths
00:07:55.280 and their lovely, educated women.
00:07:58.280 And it frightened me because I was sharing a bed with this person.
00:08:01.280 You know, I was living with him.
00:08:03.280 I was running a business from his home.
00:08:05.280 And all of a sudden, I'm discovering all of these things I had no idea he was capable of.
00:08:10.280 And they're such nice women. 0.99
00:08:11.280 They're my friends now.
00:08:12.280 They help me.
00:08:13.280 You're friends with his ex?
00:08:14.280 I'm friends with them.
00:08:15.280 Yeah.
00:08:16.280 A couple of them.
00:08:17.280 But like, how do you heal if you're friends with his past?
00:08:20.280 I would say that's true.
00:08:21.280 Because they justify it.
00:08:22.280 I understand.
00:08:23.280 I think you're right.
00:08:24.280 However, they justified everything I went through was real.
00:08:26.280 Because you go through this thing called cognitive dissonance when you're trying to break a trauma
00:08:30.280 bond with someone.
00:08:31.280 And it's where you try and justify their behavior.
00:08:33.280 But they were really nice.
00:08:35.280 They were so good to me.
00:08:36.280 They validated my feelings.
00:08:38.280 But simultaneously, they're emotionally abusing you by doing other things.
00:08:42.280 Isolating you, lying to you. 0.95
00:08:43.280 I think that's what we do as women, though. 1.00
00:08:45.280 We come together and then we talk about, you know, he done this, she done that.
00:08:48.280 Yeah, of course.
00:08:49.280 And then there's no actual healing that's being done.
00:08:51.280 Yeah.
00:08:52.280 So whether it's spiritually, whether it's mentally, you know, talking to a therapist, talking
00:08:56.280 to someone that you trust, getting it out.
00:08:59.280 And then it won't be so hard on the next guy that comes along.
00:09:02.280 And it won't be hard on you.
00:09:03.280 And as...