JustPearlyThings - May 09, 2023


Delusional Modern Woman Claims to be the Table


Episode Stats


Length

14 minutes

Words per minute

207.15422

Word count

2,994

Sentence count

296

Harmful content

Misogyny

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about what it means to be an above average woman and what it takes to be a good wife and mother. We also discuss what we are looking for in a man and what we want to improve on in our relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Do you think you're above average and what would you bring to an above average man?
00:00:04.220 I would say I'm currently average because I have a lot of improvement that needs to happen.
00:00:10.220 My man is above average.
00:00:13.220 And what I bring to the table, as a sense, is same thing you said, babe.
00:00:21.820 I am very nurturing.
00:00:23.540 The job that I have allows me to, you know, I feel like I'm going to be a very good mum.
00:00:30.000 I feel like I'm very caring.
00:00:34.100 Money-wise, I'm able to take care of certain things as well.
00:00:37.180 So the pressure isn't all on him.
00:00:39.280 I know a lot of people think, oh, you know, it should be because he's the man.
00:00:42.420 Absolutely, I agree with that.
00:00:43.900 But I want to help.
00:00:45.480 I don't want to feel useless in the household.
00:00:48.700 Even if I'm just providing groceries, do you know what I mean?
00:00:51.220 A little bit of something.
00:00:53.080 Very understanding.
00:00:54.360 I listen to a lot of things.
00:00:56.360 My ears are open.
00:00:57.140 And, yeah, I think that it's important.
00:01:01.860 I don't go clubbing a lot.
00:01:03.900 There's, you know, I haven't been with a lot of people before him.
00:01:07.520 There's a lot of things that would make me worthy, perhaps, of being with someone like that.
00:01:14.580 If you're attracted in an above average man, wouldn't you say you like you're above average?
00:01:19.260 Because you kind of are what you attract.
00:01:20.640 So he's older than me, and at the moment, I think as humans, we'd be silly to think that we don't have a lot of growth.
00:01:32.020 There's always room for improvement.
00:01:33.740 I'm not going to sit here and be like, oh, yeah, I'm above average.
00:01:35.860 No, babe.
00:01:36.580 I've got shit to work on.
00:01:38.900 Do you know what I mean?
00:01:39.240 I think it isn't a negative thing.
00:01:40.740 No, no, no, no.
00:01:41.780 And honestly, it shows humility that you're saying that, to be honest, which I think is something men look for.
00:01:48.500 Yeah, perhaps.
00:01:49.920 But, yeah, even for myself, I know that I've got a lot of growth that needs to happen.
00:01:54.280 So, yeah.
00:01:55.300 What are you looking to improve on?
00:01:59.340 Work-wise, I can make a lot more money.
00:02:02.380 I can improve in that area.
00:02:04.220 My body can be a lot better.
00:02:07.000 My hair can be a lot more.
00:02:08.100 Do you know men don't care about money? 0.97
00:02:10.560 Yeah, exactly.
00:02:12.640 Some do.
00:02:14.260 The bums.
00:02:15.460 Yeah.
00:02:16.120 Not men that make money.
00:02:17.660 But it's just nice if the person that you're with has got ambition, at least.
00:02:20.980 Do you know what I mean?
00:02:21.800 For women, no. 1.00
00:02:22.960 With the person that I'm with, he doesn't really care about money, but he cares.
00:02:27.160 Where are you going in life?
00:02:29.240 Otherwise, I can get with any woman. 1.00
00:02:30.800 What are you bringing?
00:02:31.740 What makes you different?
00:02:33.440 So, I've got ambition.
00:02:35.680 You know, what is that I do in life?
00:02:37.740 That's what intrigues him.
00:02:40.320 Okay, what else?
00:02:42.160 What do you mean?
00:02:42.880 Are you looking to improve on?
00:02:44.020 So, you said money, fitness.
00:02:45.760 Yeah.
00:02:46.460 It's okay if it's just that.
00:02:47.440 I was just curious if there's more.
00:02:48.760 Yeah, money, fitness, mental health as well.
00:02:51.740 I think that's very important.
00:02:53.680 I've still got a lot of growth to do in that area.
00:02:56.540 I think we all do our money 24, so I have a lot more work to do.
00:03:00.500 But, yeah, I think.
00:03:03.160 Oh, and also being more calm, listening to him, because I've also been very dominant in the past.
00:03:09.360 He's told me that, so I'm trying to be a bit more submissive.
00:03:12.700 Feminine.
00:03:12.840 Yeah, a bit more feminine.
00:03:14.420 That's it.
00:03:15.600 Where do you, like, why do you think you've been more dominant in the past?
00:03:19.040 Like, where does that come from?
00:03:20.200 Is that something you saw modeled growing up, or is that just a trait about you?
00:03:23.420 So, I didn't really have a dad growing up, so therefore, I've naturally had to be a bit more masculine.
00:03:30.400 I've had to fend for myself.
00:03:31.840 I also grew up in a bit of a hood area, you could say.
00:03:35.480 So, yeah, I came from a bit of a rough background in a sense, but I feel like I'm dragging myself out of it and bettering myself.
00:03:43.520 How do you, because I've always wondered, how, if you didn't grow up in that environment, how do you learn to be, like, a wife or more feminine?
00:03:50.840 Like, where do you go?
00:03:53.380 He has taught me a lot.
00:03:55.700 What I've seen, a lot of my family members and friends have also taught me.
00:04:00.020 And if you're not willing to learn and change, you're never going to.
00:04:02.700 You have to be able to do that yourself.
00:04:04.860 It doesn't matter what background you've come from, you have to be willing to learn and to change, and then you're going to.
00:04:10.960 It's that simple.
00:04:13.020 And what about you?
00:04:13.920 I think that if I don't say I'm above average, then who else is going to say it?
00:04:21.160 Do you know what I mean?
00:04:22.200 If I don't back myself first, then I don't think I'll ever become above average.
00:04:26.060 I think, you know, your mind is the most powerful thing, and you kind of are what you think, kind of the same as you are what you eat type vibe.
00:04:35.180 So if I don't think I'm above average and not what I bring to the table, then I am the fucking table.
00:04:42.260 I'm the table.
00:04:43.100 Do you know what I mean?
00:04:43.780 And I might not be your table, but he might like the oak table with a wonky leg and, you know, and a crochet doily on top, right?
00:04:52.640 And he over there might want a marble table, but I will be somebody's table.
00:04:57.900 So what are you, what's on the table?
00:05:00.840 What's on the table?
00:05:02.360 What's on the table?
00:05:03.380 Okay, what's on the table?
00:05:05.200 Well, I think I can have a laugh.
00:05:07.980 I'm funny.
00:05:10.140 Again, I'm very nurturing.
00:05:11.720 I'm a big heart.
00:05:12.620 But I've been through a lot, so I tend to have, you know, a lot in common with, you know, I usually find more so, like, men that I've been around or now my now partner has been through a lot.
00:05:30.200 And I think as a female, I've gone through quite a lot that, you know, not always some females have been through just because, you know, I've been around a lot of boys and where I was gay, I was always hanging out with boys.
00:05:42.160 So now when I sit with my man now is that we've got quite a lot in common, which is great.
00:05:49.220 I can cook, sort of.
00:05:51.100 Like, he's probably laughing at me right now, but I can cook.
00:05:54.420 How often do you cook for him?
00:05:55.760 How often do I cook for him?
00:05:57.080 It depends because we don't live together.
00:05:58.480 Like this week, how many times have you cooked?
00:05:59.920 I've cooked, like, twice, three times.
00:06:02.520 I love cooking breakfast.
00:06:03.460 He always gets breakfast, he always gets breakfast of me.
00:06:06.160 But, you know, it's a learning curve.
00:06:08.100 I just, you know, and, you know, if you don't like that I'm not cooking for him, I'm sorry.
00:06:13.640 I didn't, I didn't, I didn't say anything.
00:06:18.260 That's kind of like the vibe that I like.
00:06:20.400 I'm not coming with what I'm bringing to the table.
00:06:22.760 It's that I am the table in whatever shape or form.
00:06:25.280 And, you know, and the table might get a lick of paint and it might get new legs or something like that.
00:06:32.060 But I am the table.
00:06:33.000 It's not what's on the table.
00:06:34.180 I am what's holding everything up.
00:06:36.480 Can I ask you a question?
00:06:37.340 You mentioned how, like, you know, the mind is powerful and what you think of yourself.
00:06:42.840 But do you also feel like there's a point where you can also be realistic about where you are presently?
00:06:47.360 Yeah, no, for sure.
00:06:48.280 I think I've learned to be very determined because I've lost five stone, which was a massive thing.
00:06:55.660 So for a long time, I didn't think I brought anything to the table, let alone being the table, let alone thinking I was above average.
00:07:02.420 I spent a lot of my youth thinking I was well below average, especially being a big...
00:07:08.620 Were you when you were overweight?
00:07:10.320 When I was overweight, struggling with being gay.
00:07:12.660 Well, you are below average if you're overweight.
00:07:15.500 Yeah, so, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:17.300 Yeah, no, no, it's true.
00:07:18.420 It's true, yeah, yeah.
00:07:19.500 I mean, I'm sure you can see the level of attention you get now from when you're overweight.
00:07:23.120 A million percent, a million percent.
00:07:25.660 I was a fat kid too, so...
00:07:27.280 Yeah.
00:07:28.340 No, no, no, so I like it.
00:07:29.460 So I really have, like, when I show people pictures of what I used to look like, they go, wow, that can't be you.
00:07:34.320 I can't imagine.
00:07:35.140 So I've had to back myself.
00:07:39.400 I've had to say that I am the table.
00:07:42.000 I bring everything to the table.
00:07:43.420 And I think that's what makes me essentially do it because I'm saying, I kind of embody that.
00:07:49.320 But it's just like, because I almost think of this as like a job, right?
00:07:53.540 Because I personally, I think like being a wife is like applying for a job. 0.80
00:07:56.760 If you want to be married, I know not everyone does.
00:07:59.500 But it's like when you come to a job interview and you just say, well, I am the job.
00:08:04.720 I'm sick, girls.
00:08:05.900 Might try that next time.
00:08:07.820 And it's like, no, no, what do you do?
00:08:10.440 Like, what if you're in this job, like, what can you do for me?
00:08:13.460 I'm kind.
00:08:14.280 I'm kind.
00:08:14.960 I'm kind.
00:08:15.340 That for me is what I bring to the table.
00:08:18.680 I'm a kind person.
00:08:19.640 And if you don't like that, then there's the door.
00:08:21.800 But that is essentially the bare minimum that I bring to the table is that I think I'm a kind soul.
00:08:27.600 And I love fully with my whole heart.
00:08:29.620 And I think that's the biggest thing that me personally, I can bring to the table.
00:08:33.740 That's interesting.
00:08:34.600 Nobody said like, I want to have kids.
00:08:36.560 Oh, I want to have kids.
00:08:37.300 Do you know what?
00:08:37.980 There was so much more that I wanted to get to.
00:08:40.180 I can cook for a family of this many, like, you know, I don't want to have kids.
00:08:45.640 I don't want to have kids.
00:08:47.240 Okay.
00:08:47.800 Or would you, if you found a guy tomorrow that you really liked, would you have kids?
00:08:51.940 Like, you're ready to go?
00:08:53.200 Me?
00:08:53.600 Yeah.
00:08:54.440 But I got a boyfriend.
00:08:55.500 Okay.
00:08:55.900 So would you, if he said tomorrow, I'm ready to get married.
00:08:58.840 And have kids.
00:08:59.460 Yeah.
00:08:59.640 Like right now.
00:09:00.500 So let's start.
00:09:01.700 I mean, I would try and negotiate and try and get him to extend this.
00:09:04.920 But I mean, if he's like dead on it.
00:09:08.080 Yeah.
00:09:08.920 Yes.
00:09:09.320 Yeah.
00:09:10.240 So no.
00:09:11.520 So no.
00:09:12.200 I mean, I wouldn't be happy.
00:09:13.320 I wouldn't be happy about it.
00:09:15.280 So just say no.
00:09:16.680 Because no guy's going to want to like force you to have his child.
00:09:19.280 Do you know what?
00:09:19.980 Yeah.
00:09:20.200 But it's like what you said.
00:09:21.480 I feel like because every other box is ticked.
00:09:24.000 I feel secure.
00:09:25.280 I feel like you'll be a good dad.
00:09:28.120 You're in a good position.
00:09:29.560 We can financially handle it.
00:09:31.420 Like, it's fine.
00:09:32.940 I just feel like the only part is the selfish aspect of me not wanting to have kids.
00:09:36.860 It's because I feel like I just want to live my life.
00:09:38.500 That's the only element.
00:09:40.160 25.
00:09:40.960 What age would you want to have children? 1.00
00:09:43.220 I'm going to rethink it around 28.
00:09:46.000 28.
00:09:46.540 Do you feel like you're not ready to have children yet?
00:09:49.360 I don't feel ready.
00:09:50.640 No.
00:09:50.800 But like you said, I probably am if it happened.
00:09:54.320 Are you more of like, sorry, are you more of like a career person?
00:09:56.860 That's your focus?
00:09:58.020 I am quite career driven, yes.
00:10:00.360 What do you think like will make you happier in the future?
00:10:02.520 Your career or like having children?
00:10:05.440 I think having kids and a family and a husband.
00:10:08.020 Oh, yeah.
00:10:08.640 100% over the career.
00:10:10.460 100%.
00:10:10.820 And I want to be a housewife for a period of my life as well.
00:10:13.580 So I'm curious, like why not go for that first then?
00:10:18.640 Because women in my industry, the time is ticking. 1.00
00:10:21.980 What's your industry?
00:10:23.200 Media and presenting.
00:10:25.280 So I can't.
00:10:26.220 I don't know.
00:10:26.860 I got a lady that was 55, like 50,000 subs in three months. 1.00
00:10:30.920 Oh, yeah.
00:10:31.560 Auntie.
00:10:32.100 Yeah.
00:10:32.460 Yeah.
00:10:33.220 No, it's true.
00:10:34.240 And maybe it's society pushing its own standards on me maybe.
00:10:38.360 And it's scaring me.
00:10:39.480 Yeah.
00:10:39.720 I'll admit to it.
00:10:40.360 It scares me.
00:10:40.900 Being young and beautiful, there is an advantage.
00:10:43.420 I'm not going to deny that.
00:10:44.920 It's not like you can't have a media career when you're older.
00:10:47.180 It's true.
00:10:47.760 It's true.
00:10:48.340 But I feel like I still got a bit of time to play with currently for the kids thing.
00:10:53.040 We're running out of time with the kids.
00:10:54.680 We are.
00:10:55.320 How many kids do you want? 1.00
00:10:57.520 About maybe just one.
00:10:59.720 Oh, you just want one kid? 0.77
00:11:01.380 Maybe.
00:11:02.220 One or two.
00:11:02.880 One or two.
00:11:03.280 Two, two, two, two, two.
00:11:05.180 Two.
00:11:05.840 Okay.
00:11:06.600 Yeah, I guess.
00:11:07.340 Not too many.
00:11:08.120 Not too many.
00:11:08.980 Yeah, just don't play with fire.
00:11:11.160 It's true.
00:11:12.200 Do fertility tests work and stuff? 0.96
00:11:14.580 Like, do they really show you how?
00:11:16.060 Yeah, I think so.
00:11:17.160 Well, isn't that something we can actively practice then?
00:11:20.020 What, fertility tests?
00:11:20.920 Yeah, to see how fertile we are.
00:11:22.880 Yeah.
00:11:23.400 To just know.
00:11:24.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:24.920 I know girls. 1.00
00:11:25.300 Because I want to do one.
00:11:26.220 I know girls that got to like 28 and then they couldn't have kids. 0.97
00:11:30.800 So this is why I'm going to do it like I said.
00:11:32.040 You have to go to the doctors.
00:11:32.420 Especially, like, have you been on birth control at all?
00:11:34.880 No.
00:11:35.360 Okay, no.
00:11:35.860 That's good.
00:11:36.560 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I came off birth control.
00:11:39.020 Because of the fertility situation.
00:11:40.080 I just said, have you ever been on birth control?
00:11:43.380 And you said no.
00:11:44.180 And then you said that's fine.
00:11:44.920 No, no, no.
00:11:45.460 As in, I haven't been on it for a very long time.
00:11:47.680 So that's one of the reasons.
00:11:49.140 Like, as in ages.
00:11:51.560 So.
00:11:52.100 Yeah.
00:11:52.400 Okay.
00:11:53.840 Do you feel like you're above average?
00:11:56.340 And what do you bring to an above average woman? 1.00
00:11:58.340 Oh, see, I think it's super arrogant to say about, you know, for like the average male in 2023, it's not hard to be above average.
00:12:07.580 Like, if you break it to categories like physically, spiritually, career-wise, friendship, relationship with family.
00:12:12.940 I feel like physically, I train every day.
00:12:16.060 So in that sense, I feel like I'm above average.
00:12:19.820 You said the statistic earlier about being over six foot.
00:12:21.940 Luckily, I'm 6'1".
00:12:22.780 So that's another thing above average.
00:12:24.240 Okay.
00:12:24.520 In terms of career, like, I've had a mad career.
00:12:27.120 I've achieved a lot.
00:12:27.980 I've got a degree for my mom in case anything else failed.
00:12:32.080 I've achieved all my goals I set out in the modeling world.
00:12:34.940 Oh, you're a model?
00:12:35.760 Yeah, model and actor.
00:12:36.700 So I've achieved, it took me like six years to achieve all of them goals.
00:12:39.540 What did you do?
00:12:40.820 For the, for the, all the goals in the modeling.
00:12:42.620 So like, for example, like when I was 24, I used to stand in like Birmingham City Center and look at a billboard.
00:12:47.160 And before I ever did a photo shoot my whole life and say, one day I'm going to be on there.
00:12:50.060 Then it'd be like international bookings.
00:12:51.480 Then it'll be stores in London.
00:12:52.780 Then it'll be certain brands I'd want to shoot for, this and that.
00:12:55.840 And then, yeah, I did them all.
00:12:57.240 And they were all very like clearly written out next to my bed.
00:13:00.420 I ticked them all off as I go along.
00:13:02.120 And then showed so much gratitude along the way as well.
00:13:05.140 So it's just like, because you know, when you come from nothing, like when you have something, it's like the best feeling ever.
00:13:09.460 So yeah, in that sense, I feel like I do in terms of like spiritually, I've been on my spiritual journey, found peace within myself.
00:13:15.380 I've revisited old stuff.
00:13:17.160 My communications, A1 in relationships, things like this.
00:13:20.200 So I think I bring a lot.
00:13:21.660 And the question you asked earlier about when I'm like, when I speak to a female, I ask them questions.
00:13:25.940 And I say like, what do you bring to the table?
00:13:27.740 Because I'm bringing X, Y, Z.
00:13:30.500 But yeah, now I'm like, I've kind of like bulletproof my philosophies in regards to what I want in a relationship.
00:13:37.260 So I very much know if this person's going to be the one for me.
00:13:41.000 I feel like that's the stage I'm right now.
00:13:42.360 You know, it's funny, like everything you said was like results oriented.
00:13:45.400 So you said you're above average in looks, but if you model your top 20 percent, it looks roughly because you wouldn't get a modeling contract if you weren't.
00:13:53.080 Yeah.
00:13:53.460 I think that's like, is it subjective?
00:13:55.640 And it's what society dictates as well.
00:13:57.220 What's like popping at the time?
00:13:58.180 It's really not subjective.
00:13:58.800 No, no.
00:14:00.280 Like if you look at dating app data, people tend to find the same types of people attractive.
00:14:04.560 But there's some people that would like hate tattoos or some people that would hate.
00:14:07.060 I mean, there's like a little bit of subjectivity to it, but not really like.
00:14:12.040 Not a lot.
00:14:12.880 No.
00:14:13.540 Okay.
00:14:14.080 Yeah.
00:14:14.880 But yeah, in that sense.
00:14:15.500 And then when you say like, I had this in my career, like you listed the accomplishment.
00:14:19.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:19.820 No, it's just interesting because when men answer, they usually answer more like results where it's like girls, it's more like feelings.
00:14:25.160 Yeah.
00:14:25.620 Yeah.
00:14:26.380 I feel that.