JustPearlyThings - June 02, 2023


Divorced Man EXPOSES The Family Court System


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

162.02725

Word count

1,558

Sentence count

140

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about domestic abuse in the court system and how the system is designed to make sure the court only hears the most severe cases and not the most extreme ones. We also talk about Women s Aid and how they use a spectrum of DA to determine the severity of a domestic abuse relationship.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.500 So effectively, all the information that gets put in the court is to try and hit a spectrum of DA.
00:00:10.280 It's like a point system.
00:00:14.940 So if you imagine it's like pillars.
00:00:17.780 Part of domestic abuse, you've got financial abuse, you've got emotional abuse, you've got coercive behaviour, financial control.
00:00:23.620 So there's financial abuse?
00:00:24.960 Financial control, you've got coercive control, you've got emotional abuse, you've got all sorts.
00:00:33.620 Okay, so imagine they're all the pillars.
00:00:35.400 Okay.
00:00:35.740 And then you've got a point system where it all starts at one.
00:00:39.900 Okay, so let's say these are the pillars.
00:00:42.140 That's it.
00:00:43.140 Now when women's aid... 1.00
00:00:45.780 Like this?
00:00:47.180 Yes, yes.
00:00:47.860 And then the 10, like 1 to 10 maybe?
00:00:50.080 Down the side.
00:00:50.920 That's it.
00:00:51.340 Okay, so 10, 1 is the bottom.
00:00:53.480 That's it, yeah.
00:00:54.140 So 10 being the highest number, obviously working it down the system, of severity.
00:01:00.120 Now being a spectrum, like any other spectrums we know of, everybody's always on a spectrum, because otherwise it wouldn't be a spectrum.
00:01:06.760 That's how you measure.
00:01:07.720 Right.
00:01:08.700 When they sold it to the government, they sold it to the government that only if you hit a certain number...
00:01:14.180 So let's say 5.
00:01:15.360 Yeah, 5, maybe 6.
00:01:17.120 Okay.
00:01:17.440 And that's an abusive relationship within that pillar.
00:01:19.640 Okay.
00:01:20.220 Okay?
00:01:21.140 With it, yeah.
00:01:21.660 Now that's how they sold it to the government.
00:01:25.460 It has to equal 5.
00:01:26.360 When it got...
00:01:28.040 When it was suddenly put into government, they then used the car salesman tactic of suddenly stacking it.
00:01:34.840 So if I've got one here, one there, one here, one there, that equals 6.
00:01:38.600 So if you...
00:01:39.780 So it basically means every...
00:01:41.040 Oh.
00:01:41.380 Every person's relationship is known as domestically abusive, because we're all somewhere...
00:01:47.060 Did I do the accounts?
00:01:48.820 Yes, I managed to join the accounts to make sure food was on the table.
00:01:51.820 Oh.
00:01:52.180 But I was told I was financially abusive for doing that.
00:01:54.120 And then, and so she could say maybe he yelled at me the one time, and so then they put a
00:02:00.240 2 on this pillar, and then they put a 1 on, like maybe you told her you can't go to a
00:02:06.060 club, and then that's another one.
00:02:08.340 Yes.
00:02:08.920 Okay.
00:02:09.200 And so it's like car, you know, like when you go and buy a car, you get your finance
00:02:13.700 deals, your loans, and you start off with a basic package, and they go, oh, do you want
00:02:17.940 this extra package, and that's an extra £12 a month, and that's an extra £6 a month.
00:02:22.460 And before you know it, you've spent another £100 or $100 more than you wanted to spend.
00:02:27.120 It's called stacking.
00:02:28.100 It's basically so you don't see what's going on.
00:02:30.580 So they use that mentality, that technique of stacking it.
00:02:33.920 And who is they?
00:02:35.120 That's Women's Aid. 1.00
00:02:35.700 So Women's Aid, and Women's Aid brings this to the court. 1.00
00:02:40.560 So Women's Aid put that to government. 1.00
00:02:42.940 So it means the court have to go off that spectrum.
00:02:47.440 Okay, so Women's Aid pitched this to the government, and the government bought it. 1.00
00:02:52.220 But when initially it was more about, they would only have to get a 5 at 1, but then the
00:02:59.240 sneaky way they went around it was letting them stack.
00:03:01.820 Yep.
00:03:02.040 Okay, and then basically anyone could say they're in a domestically abusive relationship.
00:03:06.000 Anybody.
00:03:06.820 Basically anybody.
00:03:08.360 If you look at it, if everybody, if you've had one argument, if you, one of you, because
00:03:12.160 usually we take roles in a relationship, so I'm not the best to cook, so she might do 0.97
00:03:17.120 the cooking, for example.
00:03:18.320 That would be, I was told I made her to cook. 1.00
00:03:20.260 I made her cook.
00:03:21.220 I was under my control, emotional control.
00:03:23.680 I managed the accounts to make sure food was on the table.
00:03:28.220 I'm now financially controlling.
00:03:29.780 I had money in a savings account, my own personal savings account.
00:03:32.820 That was financially abusive, because it should have been a joint account, but she could freely
00:03:36.300 get it.
00:03:38.900 Okay.
00:03:39.480 So you go to court, and she starts putting these against you.
00:03:43.960 Yes.
00:03:44.620 Okay.
00:03:45.080 And so what happens?
00:03:47.140 So to be fair to the judge, first thing off, he said, I've never done this before, but
00:03:52.420 I'm going to go right down the middle on everything.
00:03:54.460 So you can get once a fortnight.
00:03:56.640 You can get a day on the previous weeks.
00:03:59.940 He's seeing Ernie every single week.
00:04:01.600 So that's my son's name.
00:04:02.300 I was trying to get a video call with him once a week as well, only on the week that
00:04:17.600 I didn't see him in the week.
00:04:19.040 So I wasn't fortunately successful in doing that.
00:04:24.440 But I was also on target to get 50-50 responsibility.
00:04:31.880 Custody.
00:04:32.300 Yeah.
00:04:32.880 Literally on target to get it.
00:04:35.160 And unfortunately, I then lost it because of the ex-wife. 1.00
00:04:39.400 There's a few.
00:04:40.140 So she broke the court order five times.
00:04:43.200 So it was a three.
00:04:43.740 It was in what's called an intermediary order, because usually there's two sets of, you get
00:04:52.340 a directions hearing, and then you get the final hearing.
00:04:56.400 And within that period of time, they give you an intermediary order.
00:05:01.760 So it's an opportunity to show to the court that you're a good parent.
00:05:06.660 So it's dot every I, cross every T.
00:05:12.260 And she broke the order five times. 0.98
00:05:14.140 Or she wouldn't let you see the kid, your son.
00:05:17.820 So she made it, so she actually, this is where it gets more complex and toxic.
00:05:24.720 She actually turned my family against me. 0.90
00:05:26.120 Okay.
00:05:27.520 So she used my mother to break the court order. 1.00
00:05:30.780 How?
00:05:31.220 So my mother would suddenly have an issue with picking him up, because he was, because I,
00:05:40.520 when I was in court, let's go back to the days when I'm in court, I do apologize, I'm jumping
00:05:43.520 around a little bit.
00:05:44.260 There's a company called CAF-CAS.
00:05:48.280 Okay.
00:05:48.600 And they're supposed to be the court advisory or responsibility, if you like, of the child
00:05:55.100 and do what's the best interest for that child.
00:05:59.720 They're nowhere near.
00:06:02.600 CAF-CAS?
00:06:03.200 CAF-CAS.
00:06:03.680 CAF.
00:06:05.180 C-A-S. 1.00
00:06:06.120 Okay.
00:06:06.400 Now they're supposed to meet with both parents, so if you imagine my first hearing, they spent
00:06:14.800 45 minutes with my ex-wife and less than 10 minutes with me, of which I was told that
00:06:23.360 because the police were in that time, I forgot to say, the police arranged for me to see them
00:06:29.240 for 24, my son for 24 hours.
00:06:32.320 And when I went to give him back, her parents ripped Bernie out of my arms, and he was then
00:06:37.980 crying down the car park.
00:06:42.100 And I was, she told me it was my fault, and I shouldn't have shown emotion.
00:06:50.080 And she was putting that against me.
00:06:52.620 Because you were, you were crying or you were?
00:06:54.980 I had a tear going down my arm.
00:06:56.020 Oh, you were crying because they ripped your son from you?
00:06:57.760 My son was crawling up me.
00:06:59.720 Oh.
00:07:00.420 Didn't want to leave me.
00:07:01.640 So she went down, her mother went down between my arms, grabbed him and ran away. 1.00
00:07:07.060 And how, so I still, how did your mom, so your mom had an issue picking him up from?
00:07:12.080 So in CAF, so at the court, I said to CAF, I am primary handover.
00:07:19.240 If there's an issue, my mother's secondary handover.
00:07:21.460 But when she went to court, when she went into the court hearing, she said that I agreed
00:07:29.740 to her being, my mother being primary.
00:07:33.000 I said, oh sorry, you know, it was, oh yeah, yeah, he agreed for his mother to be primary
00:07:39.060 and him to be secondary.
00:07:40.220 And then said, oh, there's something else I forgot.
00:07:44.220 We're going to put a communication book in place as well.
00:07:49.640 So the only communication I had with his mother was via a book.
00:07:53.720 Via a book?
00:07:54.880 What do you mean a book?
00:07:55.820 So like a little writing book.
00:07:57.600 So I'd write like messages, date and time, dates.
00:08:00.180 To your mother?
00:08:02.720 No, to my son's mother, yeah.
00:08:05.060 And my mother would then pick him up at a supermarket car park, a Tesco supermarket car park, at a
00:08:15.140 said time on each day.
00:08:19.940 My mother almost broke the order within 24 hours. 0.92
00:08:23.880 How?
00:08:24.540 By saying to me, I need to change the date, time, this and that and the other.
00:08:28.000 I have to get the court order.
00:08:28.960 And I was going, no, you need to do what it says in the court order.
00:08:32.800 Well, you can't do it without me, can you?
00:08:35.820 Well, you know I can't.
00:08:37.040 Oh, you'd best be nice to me then.
00:08:41.480 I also found out that prior to that six-month period that I wasn't seeing my son, my mother
00:08:48.080 was still seeing my son and my sister was seeing my son and I wasn't.
00:08:52.260 And they never told me.
00:08:53.380 Why would they do that?
00:08:55.760 You don't know.
00:08:56.100 Fortunately, that's where my mother is. 0.85
00:08:58.960 Because I just can't imagine, like, that's the, like, why would they pick her over, her
00:09:05.420 side over you?
00:09:06.280 So she was very good at being girly-girly.
00:09:11.120 Your ex-wife was?
00:09:12.740 Yeah.
00:09:12.960 And very good at being girly-girly.
00:09:19.200 Very good at just getting them on board.
00:09:26.240 And they, in the end, at one point, they seemed to have loved her more than they loved me.
00:09:29.520 That's part of the evidence.
00:09:36.920 That's part of the evidence.