Divorced Man EXPOSES The Family Court System
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
162.02725
Summary
In this episode, we talk about domestic abuse in the court system and how the system is designed to make sure the court only hears the most severe cases and not the most extreme ones. We also talk about Women s Aid and how they use a spectrum of DA to determine the severity of a domestic abuse relationship.
Transcript
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So effectively, all the information that gets put in the court is to try and hit a spectrum of DA.
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Part of domestic abuse, you've got financial abuse, you've got emotional abuse, you've got coercive behaviour, financial control.
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Financial control, you've got coercive control, you've got emotional abuse, you've got all sorts.
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And then you've got a point system where it all starts at one.
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So 10 being the highest number, obviously working it down the system, of severity.
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Now being a spectrum, like any other spectrums we know of, everybody's always on a spectrum, because otherwise it wouldn't be a spectrum.
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When they sold it to the government, they sold it to the government that only if you hit a certain number...
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And that's an abusive relationship within that pillar.
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When it was suddenly put into government, they then used the car salesman tactic of suddenly stacking it.
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So if I've got one here, one there, one here, one there, that equals 6.
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Every person's relationship is known as domestically abusive, because we're all somewhere...
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Yes, I managed to join the accounts to make sure food was on the table.
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But I was told I was financially abusive for doing that.
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And then, and so she could say maybe he yelled at me the one time, and so then they put a
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2 on this pillar, and then they put a 1 on, like maybe you told her you can't go to a
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And so it's like car, you know, like when you go and buy a car, you get your finance
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deals, your loans, and you start off with a basic package, and they go, oh, do you want
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this extra package, and that's an extra £12 a month, and that's an extra £6 a month.
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And before you know it, you've spent another £100 or $100 more than you wanted to spend.
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It's basically so you don't see what's going on.
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So they use that mentality, that technique of stacking it.
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So Women's Aid, and Women's Aid brings this to the court.
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So it means the court have to go off that spectrum.
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Okay, so Women's Aid pitched this to the government, and the government bought it.
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But when initially it was more about, they would only have to get a 5 at 1, but then the
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sneaky way they went around it was letting them stack.
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Okay, and then basically anyone could say they're in a domestically abusive relationship.
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If you look at it, if everybody, if you've had one argument, if you, one of you, because
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usually we take roles in a relationship, so I'm not the best to cook, so she might do
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I managed the accounts to make sure food was on the table.
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I had money in a savings account, my own personal savings account.
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That was financially abusive, because it should have been a joint account, but she could freely
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So you go to court, and she starts putting these against you.
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So to be fair to the judge, first thing off, he said, I've never done this before, but
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I'm going to go right down the middle on everything.
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I was trying to get a video call with him once a week as well, only on the week that
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So I wasn't fortunately successful in doing that.
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But I was also on target to get 50-50 responsibility.
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And unfortunately, I then lost it because of the ex-wife.
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It was in what's called an intermediary order, because usually there's two sets of, you get
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a directions hearing, and then you get the final hearing.
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And within that period of time, they give you an intermediary order.
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So it's an opportunity to show to the court that you're a good parent.
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So she made it, so she actually, this is where it gets more complex and toxic.
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So she used my mother to break the court order.
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So my mother would suddenly have an issue with picking him up, because he was, because I,
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when I was in court, let's go back to the days when I'm in court, I do apologize, I'm jumping
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And they're supposed to be the court advisory or responsibility, if you like, of the child
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and do what's the best interest for that child.
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Now they're supposed to meet with both parents, so if you imagine my first hearing, they spent
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45 minutes with my ex-wife and less than 10 minutes with me, of which I was told that
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because the police were in that time, I forgot to say, the police arranged for me to see them
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And when I went to give him back, her parents ripped Bernie out of my arms, and he was then
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And I was, she told me it was my fault, and I shouldn't have shown emotion.
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Oh, you were crying because they ripped your son from you?
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So she went down, her mother went down between my arms, grabbed him and ran away.
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And how, so I still, how did your mom, so your mom had an issue picking him up from?
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So in CAF, so at the court, I said to CAF, I am primary handover.
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If there's an issue, my mother's secondary handover.
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But when she went to court, when she went into the court hearing, she said that I agreed
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I said, oh sorry, you know, it was, oh yeah, yeah, he agreed for his mother to be primary
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And then said, oh, there's something else I forgot.
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We're going to put a communication book in place as well.
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So the only communication I had with his mother was via a book.
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So I'd write like messages, date and time, dates.
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And my mother would then pick him up at a supermarket car park, a Tesco supermarket car park, at a
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My mother almost broke the order within 24 hours.
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By saying to me, I need to change the date, time, this and that and the other.
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And I was going, no, you need to do what it says in the court order.
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I also found out that prior to that six-month period that I wasn't seeing my son, my mother
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was still seeing my son and my sister was seeing my son and I wasn't.
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Because I just can't imagine, like, that's the, like, why would they pick her over, her
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And they, in the end, at one point, they seemed to have loved her more than they loved me.