JustPearlyThings - June 22, 2023


Divorced Man Is NOT Allowed To LOVE HIS SON

Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Kejia
Pearl Calls Out Delusional Instagram Model On Her BS OBESITY is PROMOTED in Society

Episode Stats


Length

7 minutes

Words per minute

151.0

Word count

1,085

Sentence count

140

Harmful content

Misogyny

5

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to a man who was sexually abused by his own son. He shares his story of how the abuse was handled by social workers, and how he fought back. We talk about how the system failed him, and the people who failed him.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Eventually, what we have is this one meeting between me and Kejia.
00:00:03.380 We'd have several previous, which were very successful.
00:00:07.120 But me and my son said that, well, me and my son had a very rough and tumble relationship, let's say.
00:00:22.480 Our play was hands-on, rough and tumble.
00:00:24.900 And this didn't go down so well with some of the older, more traditional social workers, let's say.
00:00:37.260 They saw physical contact as abuse.
00:00:40.240 No, but that's how boys play.
00:00:42.720 You know this, I know this.
00:00:44.340 Yeah.
00:00:44.880 We are talking about the parallel world.
00:00:46.900 Is it mostly women? 1.00
00:00:48.860 Yeah, it's all women. 1.00
00:00:49.960 Yeah.
00:00:50.220 These people who are supervising my contact with my son, okay?
00:00:55.800 So my son loved playing soldiers, and this is one particular game.
00:01:00.340 We played rugby and all sorts of wrestling, arm wrestling, even sparring with the boxing gloves.
00:01:10.900 But there's this one game he used to play.
00:01:12.760 He used to be the sergeant major.
00:01:15.020 He'd say, right, Dad, you stand to attention, right?
00:01:17.160 And he'd give me, I had to march around.
00:01:21.060 Stand up straight, he'd shout.
00:01:23.380 And I had to stand up straight, do whatever.
00:01:27.080 And he kind of punched me in the stomach.
00:01:30.040 Oh, pull that stomach in. 1.00
00:01:31.740 All right, chest out.
00:01:32.620 And they interjected and said, oh, you can't do that.
00:01:39.200 You know, and you can't allow your son to punch you.
00:01:44.720 You have to create boundaries.
00:01:49.180 And I said, look, he didn't punch me, did he?
00:01:50.940 This was, this criticism was going on right in front of my son.
00:01:54.940 So my son was sat there, this woman was starting to criticise my lack of ability to maintain discipline, okay?
00:02:06.740 And I said, right in front of my son.
00:02:09.400 So she's undermining me straight away.
00:02:11.200 And I said, look, I know very well the difference between play and aggression.
00:02:20.120 And this is innocent play.
00:02:22.140 No, no, no, I don't see that.
00:02:23.380 I don't see that.
00:02:24.000 I said, can we move away from the car so we're out of earshot?
00:02:28.080 And that took some time.
00:02:29.520 By that point, she'd already undermined all my authority.
00:02:32.820 She started criticising everything I started doing. 0.97
00:02:35.900 And I said, look, this is ridiculous. 0.75
00:02:37.240 You can't, we, my son had fun. 0.95
00:02:41.000 This, did you not see the smile on his face?
00:02:43.520 And that was during like one of the visitations that was supervised.
00:02:46.920 This was the last one we had.
00:02:48.240 The last one.
00:02:49.240 And this is before he was in foster care.
00:02:51.780 This is after, this is during he's in foster care.
00:02:53.920 This is during foster care.
00:02:55.300 And, and this is basically two and a half years ago.
00:02:58.720 And there's been one fleeting meeting since.
00:03:01.120 But this, I, I took exception to this and I made a complaint.
00:03:04.980 I said, look, me and my son have to have quality time together.
00:03:11.840 We have to play the games that he wants to play.
00:03:14.440 This was his idea to play this game.
00:03:17.980 They, they returned with a list of demands saying, well, you can't, you can't touch your son.
00:03:23.340 You can't play physical games.
00:03:24.820 You can't accept violence of any sort.
00:03:27.780 You can't, as I said before, you can't say you'd love him.
00:03:30.540 You can't say, where have you been?
00:03:32.360 You can't, and I'm supposed to tick this box.
00:03:34.920 So the government is basically telling you, you can't even ask about your son.
00:03:38.760 You can't play with your son.
00:03:40.020 You can't tell him you love him.
00:03:41.820 That's right.
00:03:42.780 And this is the, from the social worker.
00:03:45.280 Yes.
00:03:45.900 Social services are telling me that I can't do, I can't have a relationship with my son.
00:03:51.140 So I refuse that.
00:03:53.240 I refuse to sign it.
00:03:54.060 I'm trying to understand how these organizations like work together.
00:03:57.360 Because it's just, it's weird to me that like, they're all separate organizations, but they're doing the same thing.
00:04:05.300 Yes, that's right.
00:04:06.140 But, but it's made up of individuals.
00:04:07.960 So there aren't individuals that come forward and say, this is messed up.
00:04:11.580 Like, you know what I mean?
00:04:12.140 If you have 20 random people that join an organization, wouldn't you think that some would say this is crazy?
00:04:18.700 Yes.
00:04:19.380 Yes.
00:04:19.640 I have, I have the ideal example of this, that we had several social workers, female, not to cast aspersions, but these are self-selecting people.
00:04:31.100 They see themselves on crusades.
00:04:34.940 Oh.
00:04:36.060 Right.
00:04:36.460 So the people, the people that go into these careers, they see themselves as like saviors, basically.
00:04:41.860 Yes.
00:04:42.080 At the lower level, definitely.
00:04:44.420 And look, I have encountered a lot of incompetence.
00:04:50.460 And I think most of, it's tempting to see some sort of overarching conspiracy, right?
00:04:57.080 Because you think, how on earth has all this happened?
00:04:59.040 Right.
00:04:59.360 Who's the, who's the puppet master here? 1.00
00:05:02.860 I'm inclined to think it's just base stupidity, 99 times out of 100. 1.00
00:05:08.480 But these people are self-selecting. 1.00
00:05:10.500 They go into these professions with a mission to save poor, innocent females, right? 1.00
00:05:19.160 They're feminists themselves. 1.00
00:05:21.420 So you encounter the same arguments.
00:05:23.960 And we say, you know, social services, CAFCAS, are different.
00:05:29.400 Well, they're not different.
00:05:30.300 They, they, they select from the same pool of people.
00:05:33.360 Okay.
00:05:33.780 Because that was my question.
00:05:34.860 Because the organizations, there's social services and CAFCAS.
00:05:42.820 CAFCAS.
00:05:43.320 How are those two related or they're not related?
00:05:45.500 They're separate.
00:05:45.920 Well, strictly speaking, they are separate.
00:05:48.640 But they're both government organizations.
00:05:53.460 Yes, very much so.
00:05:54.840 Okay.
00:05:55.180 So the government pays social services and CAFCAS.
00:06:01.480 That's right.
00:06:02.060 Yes.
00:06:02.280 Okay.
00:06:03.040 And then social services, they're the ones that took your son away.
00:06:06.860 Yes.
00:06:07.180 Okay.
00:06:07.960 And they're the ones that employed the psychologist.
00:06:10.620 It was a social services psychologist.
00:06:12.280 Yes.
00:06:12.920 Okay.
00:06:13.160 That's right.
00:06:13.560 Yeah.
00:06:14.100 Okay.
00:06:14.600 Just want to make sure.
00:06:17.860 Okay.
00:06:18.580 And the, the court system is separate or are they, where, where do they come?
00:06:23.520 Uh, they are supposedly separate.
00:06:27.020 I mean, there are several different layers of government that you've missed out, but essentially
00:06:31.060 it's all the state, isn't it?
00:06:32.860 So you have local government and you have national government and CAFCAS.
00:06:38.220 So social services are employed by the local authority.
00:06:42.220 CAFCAS are.
00:06:42.900 Okay.
00:06:43.220 So they're the police.
00:06:45.480 Is that the local authorities?
00:06:47.080 Is that the police?
00:06:48.320 No, the locals, as in the county council that we'd have.
00:06:51.520 So Shropshire council.
00:06:53.580 It's, it's a strange thing that I've, so they're the people that basically do planning
00:06:59.400 permission for houses that fill in potholes, that empty the bins, that do, and then they,
00:07:06.200 they take your child from you as well.
00:07:07.800 I don't see how those, they don't really.