JustPearlyThings - June 16, 2023


Divorced Man Reveals The Harsh Reality Of Divorce


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

175.35408

Word Count

1,820

Sentence Count

66

Misogynist Sentences

3

Hate Speech Sentences

5


Summary

In this episode, we talk about what should you endure in a relationship. Do you believe in marriage and divorce? Do you stand by it? What should you do in a situation where you don't feel on the same page as your partner? How do you know when to walk away from a relationship? What are the reasons why you should leave a relationship and what you should do in situations where you feel like you're not growing anymore?


Transcript

00:00:00.040 Today's topic was inspired by MLD. You know he went on a podcast and when he
00:00:10.980 talked about you should endure in a relationship. So today we're gonna talk
00:00:15.840 about what should you endure in a relationship. So my first question is do
00:00:23.280 you believe in marriage and do you believe in divorce? I do believe in
00:00:28.920 marriage. Just haven't really had a chance to meet my person. So divorce I
00:00:36.060 believe in anything that makes two people happy. You know it's it's not
00:00:40.080 something you pre-plan just sign a contract agreement and that that's it.
00:00:43.800 So yeah well whatever happens as long as it works for the both. Okay so you do
00:00:49.540 believe in divorce? Well I would prefer not to have a divorce. That's probably why
00:00:54.420 I am still choosing but if it happens it happens. Okay so I'm just I just want to
00:01:00.280 know you do believe in divorce in some situations. Yes in some situations. Okay
00:01:04.320 fine. So yeah I believe in marriage. Divorce not so much. Okay. It's that's not a fun
00:01:11.500 thing. I'm going through divorce. Okay. So towards just finishing completing now. So
00:01:17.180 really I think with most guys we'll stick it out for the rough the troughs and the
00:01:23.560 highs and the lows. But maybe the experience in modern in the modern world is possibly
00:01:31.180 women are less patient. Okay. Stick it out. So it sounds like it wasn't really your
00:01:36.080 choice. No it wasn't. No it wasn't your choice. Okay. Oh actually it was a mutual. It was a
00:01:43.420 mutual choice. Yeah it was mutual. Okay. Now that I think about it yeah. Wait how is it
00:01:49.440 how is it mutual in the end? So she brought it up and then like you later? Like I don't
00:01:54.260 know how. I was just curious how is it one-sided then mutual? Well okay let's get raw with it.
00:02:02.140 So every time we pretty much had an argument she she was calling an end to the marriage
00:02:08.820 each time and then after 50 times of saying I'm I don't want to be in this anymore I was
00:02:14.660 like okay. Oh okay. Like like I've done. Okay. I've done with this. Okay. Yeah it's kind of
00:02:22.240 an extreme version. Okay. But I've learned so much from it. Okay. What about you? Do you
00:02:28.080 believe in marriage and do you believe in divorce? I grew up in a society that marriage
00:02:32.960 was a must in order to be with someone and I respect that and that's fine. My parents
00:02:38.200 have been together forever and that's good. They're happy and not sometimes but they're
00:02:42.320 still together. Do I believe in divorce? I believe in doing the right thing what feels
00:02:49.120 right for people because I was so into like no divorce. It shouldn't happen. But then over
00:02:55.260 the years and working with people that have come because can I just very quickly give
00:02:59.980 some background on I was you know I have a very sort of different way of looking at stories
00:03:06.360 because I was kidnapped and then abused and so on you know and eventually when I made it
00:03:14.200 through to the UK after my kidnap it was very difficult for me to to to form those relationships
00:03:21.260 whether it's friendship, trust or even getting married. So eventually I got married and I'm
00:03:27.020 happy and everything is fine but then I work with people and they haven't gone through war,
00:03:32.940 they haven't gone through kidnap but they they can relate to my story and I say why could you relate?
00:03:37.600 They said because I've got war going on in the house. So if there is war in the house it's completely
00:03:44.320 unfair for children to be exposed to something that is so toxic. So if you recognize it's toxic
00:03:51.100 you also have the the ability to say no to what's happening to you and therefore you should go for
00:03:58.100 what feels right. So you should not be selfish in terms of thinking by staying in that relationship
00:04:03.440 that you are doing a favor by keeping the kids in that relationship or even if the kids are not involved
00:04:09.700 do you want to be in a relationship that's toxic? So I believe in marriage and I believe in divorce
00:04:16.140 and I stand by it because only for the right reasons. I don't mean changing partners. I don't mean
00:04:21.800 you know just just just divorce because you feel like it because the grass looks greener but the grass is
00:04:28.140 not greener on the other side. Okay so you you do believe in divorce? I believe in divorce for those
00:04:33.500 reasons yes. Okay so what what reasons do you believe in? For example if there is violence if
00:04:39.600 you've drifted away and you're really genuinely unhappy. Okay so if you drifted apart you don't
00:04:45.760 feel like you did before? Well I mean we all don't feel the same as we do at the beginning but I mean
00:04:52.600 more like in a sense that one has grown and the other one has stayed stagnant. Okay so therefore if you
00:04:58.760 feel like you're not on the same page anymore so they're no longer you are friends because
00:05:03.300 relationships is friendship. How does one grow and one stay stagnant? Like what does that mean?
00:05:09.200 Well for example if one grows in terms of following their dreams or following that what they want to
00:05:15.320 do with their career and the other one just decides to be forever the same but they then go against the
00:05:22.940 other person hold the other person back or they get a bit funny about it. I mean
00:05:26.780 isn't that usually isn't that usually what happens like one person goes for their career one watches
00:05:31.300 the kids usually? I think she's what I think she means like when you're too because this happened
00:05:35.680 to me when you're in a relationship with someone and one person is a little bit more focused on
00:05:39.860 self-development and the other person is kind of content with their life when you start when you
00:05:45.220 start to ascend and level up as a person like you're it's up to you in my particular experience as a
00:05:51.340 man to pull your woman up with you and you guys level up together because eventually if you don't
00:05:56.780 level up there is going to be a gap between two of you and eventually you're going to grow apart over
00:06:01.960 the years. I think is that what you mean or am I wrong? Yeah no absolutely I was getting there but I'm
00:06:06.020 aware of time and everybody should have their say but having been in a marriage and having been
00:06:10.980 for me it took a lot to be in a marriage and trust a man and create life again because I was you know
00:06:18.420 really badly bruised in so many ways because I don't you know I don't want to get into it but you
00:06:26.000 can read the book about it but it takes courage to to give yourself fully in a relationship so I think
00:06:34.780 both parties should appreciate the fact that we are both vulnerable when you open up and you say
00:06:40.680 you love each other and love means a lot more not just like you know. Yeah I just don't yeah I just
00:06:48.160 don't if we're talking about like kids I just don't know if you should get divorced over self-development
00:06:54.820 like one person develops one doesn't. No so yeah I'm talking more as the two people
00:07:00.160 because I'm married and I have seen I had my husband live in Singapore for a while on his own
00:07:06.820 and I raised the boys and I've sacrificed my career so many times and I even moved to Singapore
00:07:13.160 and had to set up a business from scratch so you you do those things because you you love each other
00:07:20.460 and you support each other I'm not saying just because you're growing apart and and you should
00:07:25.380 get divorced but if you are miserable and the kids can feel it I mean it's it's a good idea to
00:07:31.880 to get divorced okay to to speak about it and decide what's best okay what do you think
00:07:37.220 yeah yeah I definitely believe in marriage I'm a Muslim and it's a big part of our religion to get
00:07:43.400 married getting married actually completes half our faith that's how the importance of marriage in
00:07:49.080 Islam so I definitely believe in it I also believe in divorce and like it is a last resort
00:07:54.800 divorce is the most hated thing by Allah that's that's legal so it should be a last resort but in
00:08:01.040 certain situations yeah divorce is needed in some situations if a man's beating his wife for
00:08:06.740 example she should not definitely stay stay in a marriage
00:08:09.220 but as a whole yeah I think you should you should try and work through things I think we live in a
00:08:23.460 generation now where we're just quitters whether it be it work something hard relationships just life
00:08:29.280 I think we're a nation of quitters at the moment and I think life's life's not easy marriage
00:08:35.080 definitely isn't easy and I think you should really really work through things and really try your
00:08:40.820 best to try and get through things before divorce but I think as a last resort yeah I think divorce is
00:08:45.360 sometimes needed but I think marriage is a beautiful thing okay what do you think I definitely believe
00:08:50.240 in marriage I want to get married without getting the state and my assets involved but when it comes to
00:08:57.280 divorce I'm half Indian and I like to refer back to my Indian people with the less than one percent
00:09:03.980 divorce rate I definitely just think that a lot of people right now they would rather point the finger
00:09:15.080 at somebody and pull the rug on a relationship and want to get a divorce quickly compared to working it out
00:09:24.060 sitting down taking accountability on both parties for the for their actions and no I'm not saying that
00:09:32.180 if a woman is getting beaten in a relationship she should stay or a man because that's what the detractors
00:09:38.540 like to say they like to take the most extreme example and act as if it's a blanket statement
00:09:45.220 to all people who are having troubles in relationship but I do believe the majority of people
00:09:51.620 who get divorces I believe that the majority of those people could work through their differences
00:09:59.140 however we live in this gigantically selfish narcissistic culture nowadays around the world
00:10:04.880 and I think everybody's talking about me me me me but the thing about focusing on me me me me
00:10:11.180 that's who you end up with you end up alone and you need to be more mature as a human as an
00:10:17.980 individual and you need to focus on we not me so you should fucking endure