JustPearlyThings - Divorced Man’s Advice For Young Men

00:00:00.000 rare so what are ways to mitigate risk were there any was there anything you could have done to

00:00:06.700 mitigate the risk if i had my time again and i believe this should actually in this day and age

00:00:14.120 i believe this should be mandatory for any marriage going forward

00:00:17.460 be even the birth of your or before the birth of your first child or at the point your first

00:00:23.480 marriage is you have to sign a prenuptial agreement and it has to be signed by a judge

00:00:27.100 so when you get married you have to get well in america you have to get a license

00:00:32.040 get a similar sort of marriage license in the uk okay at that point that's when a prenuptial

00:00:38.020 agreement needs to be put into place yeah um uh at the birth of the first or near the birth of the

00:00:46.100 first child at the point where you go with birth certificate to register their name that's when

00:00:51.420 it also should be done um and i believe there should be a template where everything is 50 50

00:00:55.500 where it's both agreed to the point where you're most happiest

00:00:58.680 um the point when really you're hoping no one's gonna argue against it you go oh yeah of course

00:01:08.320 we're gonna do fish why why wouldn't we do that because i had conversations with my ex-wife 1.00

00:01:11.800 seeing parents with their kids breaking them up and saw it you know seeing what they were doing

00:01:18.660 i'd never do that with my kid you know i was saying i would never do that with ernie and she was

00:01:23.420 oh i wouldn't do that either i'd make sure that wow so she told you i would never do that

00:01:27.760 i can't believe and so many friends have said that as well and i said but what happens if you do break

00:01:34.480 up okay oh i think we just get on with it and said that's what i thought you know i don't mean to be

00:01:41.720 a stick there and i've always said to so many people um most loveliest couples i go have you

00:01:47.700 got a prenuptial agreement in place and it's not so much just because to prevent someone being nasty

00:01:52.920 you just make the whole process easier there is no argument so i believe as part of a marriage

00:01:58.820 license there should be a prenuptial agreement a template one you know the government goes right

00:02:03.180 unless you actually know because not everybody is legal minded

00:02:06.400 so in the first instance it should be a basic template and and also determines uh parental

00:02:15.100 forget you know if it's first child and that will go here's the first child prenuptial agreement

00:02:20.920 any future children on top of that regardless of marriage or not um at the point of marriage

00:02:26.060 prenuptial agreement of all assets and children and you know kind of 50 50 you basically put in there

00:02:33.440 standard 50 50 so 50 50 split prenup is there anything else yeah financial assets so what a

00:02:40.520 prenuptial agreement will be financial assets anyway okay as well as children yeah um and 0.88

00:02:48.560 financial assets children any businesses i guess okay which will be part of financial but um

00:02:58.340 pensions is substantial she took 40 30 of my pensions 30 of your pensions even the pensions i

00:03:07.900 accumulated before we met wow um for seven years together she took 30 a year that's crazy got robbed 1.00

00:03:15.620 yeah um what about you guys as savings would she take those um wow originally here's the thing i had a

00:03:25.760 letter from a solicitor saying we're going to green we're a clean break we're not going to touch your

00:03:29.520 pensions not going to cut touch your savings but we'll do something for the house and then she 0.84

00:03:33.060 won't have gone home center of all profits in the house nothing fair down the line um when it got to

00:03:39.280 actually to court they totally denied we had that had that conversation and then went for pensions

00:03:44.880 also by that point i was bankrupt anyway i had no money and they didn't take you for much because

00:03:50.280 she really took everything um they actually even though i was already bankrupt they were saying

00:03:55.160 to the judge he's threatening to go bankrupt i'm already bankrupt i've already been declared

00:04:01.160 um yeah were you able to see your son when you you mentioned you were homeless for a period of time

00:04:11.760 um i had to see uh so yes so that was last year

00:04:17.680 because i was in a hostel obviously even if i could seem to take my son now i never would have done

00:04:24.680 you know um never in a million years would i ever done

00:04:28.480 um so i would take my son to hotels when it was cheap enough for me to do so

00:04:36.160 when it became summer obviously when things skyrocket for hotel prices i had camping equipment

00:04:44.520 um and i took him camping all summer because that was the only way i could see him so it wasn't just

00:04:50.680 about holidays it was the only way i could see him so i'd be going away from a friday to a sunday

00:04:56.400 or it was a bank holiday weekend friday to the monday just so i could see him um so going to proper

00:05:02.780 camping sites you know family-orientated camping sites um once we would camp as long as we camped

00:05:08.980 for was eight days and then there was a couple of six and seven there was a six and a seven and a few

00:05:14.180 like four or five day ones are you still in court now no no you're done and it's settled basically

00:05:22.340 you see him every two weeks every two weeks um uh and you think after all this time

00:05:29.060 everything should be moved on but every six to eight weeks she tries to get me involved in an 0.97

00:05:35.720 argument of some sort so she can claim argumentative behavior so every six to eight weeks how does she

00:05:44.620 do that she calls you so for example um i had my son's sports day and she said to me please don't sit 0.99

00:05:53.660 near me um uh please don't sit near me um because i'm scared of you and i said don't be so stupid 0.93

00:06:04.820 i'm not going to get involved in this my son was next to his mother you know his mother i am not 0.93

00:06:10.280 going to ignore my son for you um another one was i was going to a birthday party of one of my sons

00:06:19.240 and one of her friends um like an informant if you like was that was there and all of a sudden i

00:06:28.080 had this message from my ex going oh don't worry about bringing him back home um my friend is going

00:06:34.960 to bring him home i said i don't know your friend so i'm going to do it i'm his father no i want you

00:06:40.980 to bring her home her to bring him home i said no i'm not going to do it i'm going to take my son

00:06:46.240 home to you it was like 10 minute it was like 10 20 minute journey from it was closer to her house

00:06:51.980 than mine and that then caused an argument i was being argumentative um she was scared of me at the 1.00

00:06:59.440 front door didn't want me at her front door um when i went to this kid's party this friend of hers

00:07:06.500 had mixed everything up already that i was being argumentative that i didn't want her you know i

00:07:12.000 didn't trust her friend how dare i not trust her and does she try to take you to court again after 1.00

00:07:17.640 this or what i don't think she will ever take me to court i'd have to take her to court okay um so

00:07:23.520 there was a time when i said about um when i sold my car she said to me she gave me five days to agree

00:07:32.400 to her changes um if i don't agree to it i can't see her any and then over five days i had an email

00:07:41.260 every day two more days to go yeah three more days to go two more days to go if you don't agree to it

00:07:45.760 then we're just going to accept going to understand you need to agree to this there was no option to

00:07:50.740 reject if you don't agree to it then you know you're not going to see him um and she was

00:07:58.720 if i didn't agree to it i would she said you'll have to go back to court

00:08:03.900 if you don't want me to do make these changes

00:08:06.040 this is crazy i can't believe this is legal actually um

00:08:18.300 but yeah i'd like to say i love my son and i would do anything i've got to for him

00:08:24.860 um i've now got a flat now which is lucky through housing association because obviously

00:08:29.520 in a hostel i couldn't work and whatever right do you have a new job not at the moment no so i've

00:08:35.740 had to during that time my health went so far down i can imagine yeah um i realized at the beginning of

00:08:42.360 january i had to get my health back to scratch i was in the hostel so i couldn't go anywhere anyway

00:08:48.400 i wasn't allowed to work believe it or not these systems are you weren't allowed to work

00:08:53.000 no so if you're in a hostel right believe it or not they say you need you know we're going to help

00:08:58.240 you get out of this situation but they won't let you work out of the situation oh wow so how would

00:09:05.440 you get out if you can't work i have to wait to get a house through housing association okay which

00:09:10.280 can take up to two and a half years wow i i was out in 11 months so they're almost like making you

00:09:16.900 they're making it almost impossible make it look easy yeah but it's impossible

00:09:22.220 yeah without their help

JustPearlyThings - June 02, 2023

Divorced Man’s Advice For Young Men

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